People Tried To Hide These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Snapping At My In-Laws Over Their Coffee Criticism?
“I, F(34), am kind of a coffee nerd, so sorry for the details. For years, I’ve had the “hardware” and matching coffee beans to make coffee in at least 6 to 8 ways at home (starting from Bialetti stovetop coffee maker to coffee drippers, French press, Aeropress… You get the idea).
Lately, I started to use a La Pavoni portafilter machine with a hand lever, which takes time to get used to, and sometimes the espresso tastes bitter. When my parents-in-law visited us a few months ago, they asked for crema coffee. I tried to adjust the espresso like my BIL told me to (experience from his standard portafilter machine).
They took a sip and stopped drinking but didn’t say anything. After lots of questions, they finally admitted the coffee tastes bitter, so I made a new and much better one (I secretly tasted to be sure) and offered all the other possibilities for coffee we had (filter, Aeropress, stovetop…) but they refused all other options.
For context: My in-laws usually drink regular black crema coffee from a fully automatic coffee machine, which is ok, but imho there is room for improvement (e.g., adjusting the settings of their machine, etc.), but I never dared to mention anything or even complain as they wouldn’t take it well.
Most of the time I’m not even allowed to use it on my own.
For further context: When we were on holidays together and shared a house, they had no problem with using the filter machine there and made fun of me because I brought my small Bialetti stovetop and some nice espresso beans.
Since this visit, my MIL never fails to mention how awful this cup of coffee was, that I should get a better coffee machine, how well her (BIL) son knows how to handle his machine, and what a great cappuccino they make (they refused any milk when visiting us and usually never have milk in their coffee) — all comments I used to ignore with a smile.
But for their next visit, they told us that they plan to bring their capsule coffee maker to our place to “get some nice coffee in the morning.” At that point, I snapped, telling her that there is absolutely no need for this given the multiple possibilities for different types of coffee, naming all of them and saying that I feel this is pretty disrespectful, judging from one cup she didn’t like and not even tasting anything else.
Now, MIL is affronted because I spoke up and my husband is mad at me because I ruined the mood for their visit by “being rude and showing off” and “not taking criticism well.”
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ they do not like your coffee.
It’s great that you have a hobby. It’s also OK that they just want their morning coffee without all the fuss. Some people are like this.” JustGettingThruToday
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Taste is a subjective thing. Specially, coffee is an acquired taste. Just because you are a coffee nerd, and can make coffee in 100 different ways, it doesn’t mean everyone will like the coffee you made.
If they like a coffee that you think is inferior, let them have that. You are kinda show off.” Potential-Caramel896
Another User Comments:
“OMG, your insecurity is palpable. I’d bring my own coffee maker just so I can have my caffeine fix without being a captive audience to your performative bids for attention.
I have been a barista professionally. I am a HUGE coffee snob. I have moral arguments against capsule coffee (the plastic waste!). I would STILL NEVER be rude about a guest bringing their own capsule machine while visiting me. If my guest wants Folgers through a filter, that’s what I’ll give them.
For screws sake. YTJ” Fried-Fritters
22. AITJ For Demanding Accountability From My Coworker Over Skipped Workdays?
“So, I (25y) work in an office. Last year, we discovered my father had cancer, and he passed away 4 months later. I had to help my mother take care of him (I work 2h away from work), and after it happened, my mother had depression and I had to be very involved in her recovery.
I never skipped a day of work or let anyone else do anything in the office.
In January (8 months ago), I got a new coworker, 53 (after my mother was better, so my coworker doesn’t know about my life and I don’t want her to). She has 2 daughters (25 and 27), one of them with cancer, and she never skipped a day of work to help her.
However, my boss got sick and is on leave, so the Bigger Boss made me replace her. Right now, I have to do my job plus my boss’s job. My coworker started constantly asking to leave early to go to doctors’ appointments with her daughter, or not doing her work when she’s here because “She can’t understand the work” or “She’s not ok because of her daughter.” I understood in the beginning and tried to help her, but lately I feel like she really doesn’t care, especially because her daughter is getting really better, and she still goes out constantly and doesn’t care about her work.
Today, she had an appointment with her daughter (9 am), so I told her to come to work after lunch. She texted me now (11 am), telling me she can’t come to work at all today. My only answer was that we would talk tomorrow, and I’m really thinking about what I should tell her.
This cannot keep going like this.
I know her daughter’s problem is serious, but she is older than me; she can look after herself in that way.
I’m not saying my coworker can’t help her daughter or even take time off work for that; what I’m saying is that she cannot keep the “screw work” attitude and keep screwing me over.
Let’s face it, I’m not married and I don’t have kids yet, but I deserve to leave work on time and not to be overstressed all the time. I’m always dealing with complaints from other people in the company about her and I always defend her, but I’ve had enough.
She doesn’t respect me.
So, I’m asking for your honest advice here. Am I the jerk if I tell this coworker she needs to respect me and ask if she can take time off instead of just telling me? Am I the jerk if I mark this day in her record?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – for this whole attitude of thinking work is the end all be all of life. It’s a job. Your family should come first and not missing work even if your family is literally dying isn’t the badge of honor you think it is.” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your work is asking you to do the job of two people, and you are criticising your colleague who has a sick child that she is supporting through cancer? Why don’t you criticise your work for failing to either promote you and hire a replacement or hire a temp to replace your boss?
As for your colleague’s absence: there should be a work policy for managers to follow regarding carer’s leave. If there isn’t, then that is the failure of your work. If you aren’t being paid to manage your colleague, then stop doing it and ask a manager to fill the managerial gap.” is_it_wicked
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to have a meeting with your boss about her skipping work issues. It must be in writing as a warning. Communicate that you understand about her daughter, but she has a job to do and is getting paid to be there.
If she needs time off, she needs to request in writing before said day unless it’s an emergency. Discuss all issues with other staff about this worker and show your boss. Let him/her make the decision for you.” Jodey_Hope
21. AITJ For Criticizing My Husband's DnD Friends' Media Obsession?
“A while back my husband joined a Dungeon Dragon group.
When that game ended, he wanted to keep hanging out. A week ago he invited them over without telling me, so there were a ton of people hanging out at our house when I got back from work. I’d already made tentative plans to go spend time with my own friends, but he asked me to hang with them, which is fine.
I don’t mind that.
They were all very into the “geek” culture thing. It was all about the media they consume. Binge watched this or that, played this video game, etc. I tried to chime in and talk to some folks about books, but no one had read anything I’d read and vice versa.
I felt very “odd girl out” and so I ended up not talking much. One of the women tried to bring me into the conversation, which was super nice. She asked me something like “So what shows are you guys currently watching?”
I said not really anything, there’s not much on TV right now that interests me, and shows I did like have already ended. She asked me what shows and then made a disappointed face.
She said that she was shocked that my husband would be into those. I said he didn’t watch it. She said that she wanted to know what shows we watched together. I said that we don’t. She was like, “Come on, everyone has shows they’re watching together.
You come home, you get dinner, you watch tv until you go to bed.”
I laughed a little awkwardly and said “Oh, I can’t imagine coming home and just watching tv every night.” I legitimately thought she was joking. She got a really sour look on her face.
I felt awkward, so I asked the girl if she had any other hobbies. She said that she does costumes, and it came right back around to the tv show, the costumes are from. I asked her, does she have any hobbies or interests outside of consuming media and stuff around the media she likes, and she made a “Huh?” face.
I said “You know, like anything not revolving around media? Running, gardening, travel…”
She said she was comfortable with what she likes. I said fair enough, but ended up just staying quiet for the rest of the night. When they were all leaving, that woman pulled me aside and said that I’d come across as really judgmental. Later on, I guess she texted my husband that I made her feel crappy.
I really didn’t mean to. I was just trying to get into the conversation and talk about anything other than media. I felt bad that I couldn’t connect with them, but I get that not everyone can be friends.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, I mean, reading this, you do sound very judgemental. Also, books are media.
It comes off as you think you’re better than them because you go running and like to garden. I’m gonna go with YTJ for making your guests feel like they were lesser” HeirOfRavenclaw
Another User Comments:
“As others have said ,your post comes off as judgmental. “Consuming media” doesn’t necessarily mean just watching reality TV shows that rot your brain.
It can also be TV series and movies based on books. Ever heard of Harry Potter? Or Lord of the Rings? Also, many folks who play DnD are introverts and may not have as many active social interests. Soft YTJ” mdthomas
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It sounds like that just isn’t your crowd. That’s totally fine. My wife and I have friend groups that we share, and friend groups we don’t. At the end of the day though, this girl was trying hard to include you, in the best way she knew how, and you were rude and belittling to her.
Nerds know when people are being ostracized. She extended a hand toward you and you bit her. It would have been better for you to just kindly pass and go hang out with your friends instead.” sxl1092
20. AITJ For Confronting A Woman Who Cut In Line?
“I was waiting in line at the security desk to get a pass to see my partner who is currently in the hospital. I patiently waited just like everyone else in front of me.
Right before it was my turn, this woman goes and stands next to the man currently speaking to security, completely ignoring the obvious line. When he walked away, she was about to start talking to security, and I kindly said, “Excuse me, ma’am. I am next in line.” She started giving me attitude and raised her voice, saying, “Go ahead, I wasn’t trying to go in front of you,” with the nastiest look on her face.
I was like, “Yeah, you kind of were.” She was like, “Stop talking to me and talk to her (the lady at the security desk).” I was like, “That’s what I’m trying to do.” So as I turn and I’m about to start talking to the security lady, she starts talking before me, still trying to get her way and not wait in line.
So I started talking over her and she began cursing, so I told the security guard standing next to the desk that I’m here to see a patient and this woman is harassing me. She turned to the woman she was with and started talking crap about me.
I ignored her and continued talking to the security lady, thinking the interaction was over. As the security lady is writing me a pass, the girl called me a jerk under her breath. I responded with, “Don’t call me a jerk, jerk,” and she goes, “And you’re still talking.” I said, “I stopped talking until you decided to call me a jerk.” Then she starts telling the girl she’s with something along the lines of how she can’t stand white people.
I ignored her and said, “Thank you so much, have a great day,” to the security that gave me the pass and walked away.
I get that being in a hospital is high stress for most people, but that doesn’t give you the right to cut ahead of others because you don’t feel like waiting in line, then getting all upset because they’re not a pushover and called you out on your crap.
I’m certain she saw the line too; she just felt like the rules didn’t apply to her and that she didn’t have to wait like everyone else. I should have let it go and not said anything, but I always stand up for people when I see them getting screwed over, bullied, harassed, etc., and only recently realized I need to start standing up for myself, too.
It took me a long time to learn people will walk all over you if you let them (even if it’s something as small as cutting in line). So AITJ for confronting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was wrong. She kept escalating when she was called out.
She wanted to push the issue by getting racial. Screw her and her entitled jerk. You give back as good as you got. She can go pound sand and screw off and die. I’m not the confrontational type, but I also subscribe to the don’t want none, don’t start none creed.” StayStrong888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! People need to be confronted (hopefully they aren’t the shooting type if this is the US) about behaving like this! It’s infuriating! They know exactly what they’re doing, and are counting on you backing down when they start crap-talking you. Aside from possibly putting yourself in danger, you did the right thing by standing up for all of us who understand the concept of waiting our turn.
Same goes for people asking to get in front of you in line. No. That’s not what a line is. I was friends with an ER nurse, and I guess she’d taken enough crap for a lifetime, and boy, she was quick to tell people, “No. Go wait in line like all the rest of us had to.”” cloud_watcher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How polite are you supposed to be to someone who tries to jump to the front of a line right in front of you? Op actually started out very polite, but the entitled one denied trying for the front of the line and got abusive.
There were better ways to handle it, but I can’t call Op a jerk for giving back what the aggressive line jumper gave to her.” extinct_diplodocus
19. AITJ For Denying Rides To My Reckless, Unlicensed Sister And Taking Sweet Satisfaction When Karma Hit?
“My (F19) sister does not have a license. I (M18) do. My household has 3 cars (This is important to note). My mom has two, and I have one. Anyways, since the day I got my license, my sister insists I should be her Uber driver.
Now, sometimes I do drive to the places she wants to go, but I have a life also, so not every day I drive her. Anyway, one of my mom’s cars needs some work, so she and I dropped it off at the dealer. It’s been 2 months, but it will be picked up soon.
My car eventually breaks down (BMW problems, yeah, I know, lol), and I’m waiting on parts to fix it. This means my mom’s car is the only car available. I do Uber on the side.
So I make a deal with my mom that on the days I Uber, I drop/pick her up at work.
Because of the extra driving, I started saying no more to my sister in terms of giving rides. A few weeks of this led to her somehow convincing my mom to give her the keys. When I found out, I was disappointed in both of them, particularly my sister.
My mom is a peace-by-all-means type of person, and my sister is, truthfully, a ticking time bomb. Anyways, their arrangement continues.
My sister starts bragging about how she doesn’t need a license and makes fun of me for the fact that my car broke down and I take the bus.
I did not really care. I barked at her and told her, “Just because you can move the car forward DOES not mean you can drive.” She scoffed at me. I still did not care. Anyways, 2 weeks later, after the remark, I get a call from my mom.
I answer, “Hello?” To which she responds, “Your sister was in a wreck.” I ask, “Is she ok?” She says, “Yes, just shaken up a bit.” To which I respond, “Good, that will teach her!” My mom hung up immediately.
My sister crashed at her friend’s place because she was too afraid to drive home.
She eventually came to the house, and I didn’t speak a word of the incident. Another car was involved in the wreck, but the driver had only a learner’s permit. She now has a court date coming up, and I have shown no remorse. Meanwhile, my mom is patting her on the back.
I know I may be the jerk based on the fact that I didn’t show any remorse or concern for my sister in a tough time, but I do not see it that way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needed to get a driver’s license, but good luck with that now.
I think the courts are going to get her straightened out about driving without a license really quickly. They probably will be a lot of whining and feeling sorry for herself, but ultimately she made a bad decision and is going to pay a high price for it.” _gadget_girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ? She’s 19. Does she have some kind of medical issue that prevented her from getting a license? She & your mother are both idiots who should have known better than for her to be driving without a license. She wasn’t hurt. It doesn’t even sound like it was serious… more of a fender bender.
It doesn’t quite add up that your mother let her stay at her friend’s house because she was ‘too afraid to drive home’. If she was without a license & doesn’t actually have one at all, she likely would have been arrested… even if it wasn’t her fault.” spoiledrichwhitegirl
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Karma has bitten your sister in the jerk: She drove without a license and crashed, now she’s paying the price by going to court.” Busy-Magician-6309
18. AITJ For Not Leaving A Five Star Review Over Misleading Free Wi-Fi?
My husband and I stayed at an Airbnb for a couple of months over the summer so that I could attend a placement for school in a different state. It is important to note that we stayed in one half of her home, and she stayed in the other half, so utilities (including Wi-Fi) were shared.
We experienced our 1st issue about 5 days into our 60-night stay. The listing portrayed “free Wi-Fi,” which was important as I needed to do a lot of work at home for my placement, and we also wanted to use the Wi-Fi for TV, games, phones, etc. The host sent a very frantic message asking us to shut down anything utilizing Wi-Fi, as she had nearly “surpassed her Wi-Fi data usage for the month.” There was absolutely nothing in the listing regarding this.
There were 10 days left in the month, and she asked us to remain disconnected until the data reset on the 1st of the next month. We complied, as we did not want to risk losing our housing for the summer.
By the 1st of the next month, the data usage had surpassed what was allocated, and she informed us that she would be charging a $25 fee for the 1st month and another $25 fee for the next month so that she could upgrade to unlimited Wi-Fi and avoid surpassing her usage again.
I felt very uncomfortable about this, so I sent her a message voicing my concern, and she agreed to pay half of the unexpected fees (not ideal, but once again, we really needed a place to stay during this time, and I didn’t want to risk losing that over $25).
After this incident, she was worried that we would leave her a bad review and continually discouraged me from leaving a poor review. She did make an effort to rectify this initial incident throughout our stay, so I assured her that I would not leave a poor review.
There were other issues during our stay, but most of them were just nit-picky messages from her, and they never led to any serious conflict.
After our stay, I left a better review than she might have deserved. I gave her 4/5 stars and left her a kind public review.
Her review to me was… fine, not that it really mattered.
About 2 days later, I received a message from the host berating me for my less than 5 star review of our stay. I was completely taken aback, and she immediately blocked me, which made me feel absolutely terrible… I thought I left a pretty nice review… Am I the jerk for not giving her a 5 star review?
I thought 4/5 stars was a good review, but maybe I should have considered her position more.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There were some serious issues with your stay, as well as a number of more minor issues according to you. You have every right to leave a review that accurately reflects your experience without being harassed by the person or business who you are leaving a review about.
Her position is, if she doesn’t want less than perfect reviews, she should put more effort into making sure her guests’ stays are perfect. I’m not sure how Airbnb reviews work, but if you are able to make edits to a review or leave a second review in any manner, in your position I would throw a 1-star review your host’s way letting people know she was harassing you over your truthful review.
Or if you can report her to Airbnb for her behavior, do that.” HewwoingGM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you should have called it out in the review. AirBnB users depend on the reviews when making decisions. I do not expect a host to have a 5.0 rating.
As a former rideshare driver, I know there are some people who believe 5 stars means you provided red carpet service. I read the reviews when booking, and the fact that the host is saying ‘free wifi’ but then charging for WiFi is something that should be mentioned in the review as an inaccurate amenity.” Fireguy9641
17. AITJ For Helping My 14Yo Stepson Cut His Hair Without His Mother's Consent?
“My 14yo step son Max has really long hair.
For a lack of better words, people sometimes assume he’s a girl as he still hasn’t had his growth spurt. He hates it, but his mom has this thing where no one else cuts his hair except her. She doesn’t usually let it grow out this much, but she just gave birth and is quite busy, so it’s just been growing.
It’s been shoulder length for a while now, and Max has hinted that people at school sometimes made jokes about him looking like a girl. Well, he came home upset a couple days ago after hanging out with his “friends,” and it was just terrible.
These friends of his did something really mean (more than just verbal insults), and Max, frustratingly cut some of his hair the second he got home. He was inconsolable for ages.
Once he calmed down, I helped him fix his hair and trimmed it. It’s still long, but reaches just below his ear.
His dad supported what I did, and we both assumed his ex-wife would not care that I touched his hair, considering the circumstances, so we didn’t call to ask for her permission. Instead, we waited till she and her husband came to pick him up to tell her about the haircut.
We did send a text informing her of the bullying, though.
They immediately noticed the change, and his mother asked to talk while Max and his stepdad stayed in the car. We explained the situation to her, and she said something along the following: “I get it.
But you shouldn’t have touched his hair. It is not your responsibility. He could’ve lasted two nights, and I would’ve cut it myself later today anyway. What you did was disrespectful, and you ignored specific boundaries. I don’t care about the circumstances, he’s my son.”
My husband told her that I was just trying to help, and Max asked me to do it, but she wasn’t having it and said I’m not his mom; therefore, I am not allowed to touch his hair. She said that she doesn’t trust me anymore, and that we’re lucky she isn’t going to limit our time with him.
I don’t think she can do that, but I was shocked. I genuinely had no idea it would bother her this much. He’s 14 too. I’d get it if he was under 10, but 14? Heck, I’d even understand if I decided to cut his hair for fun—but he was desperate and had already cut a good chunk off himself.
She’s been reposting things about “disrespectful stepmoms” on her social media, which I know for a fact is directly aimed at me. AITJ really? Maybe we should’ve let her know in that initial text, but she’d have the same reaction regardless, so I’m lost.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Max is 14. He’s old enough to express his needs & yes, I believe this was something he needed. He likely doesn’t want to ask his mother because he sees she’s busy with his new sibling. The only thing I believe you should have done differently was to let her know of the incident when it happened. That aside, Max was under his father’s care & this happened. Under the circumstances, things do need to be taken care of.
He could hardly go back to school with a chunk of hair missing.” spoiledrichwhitegirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 14-year-old is old enough to grant permission for someone to cut his hair, and you say your husband, who is just as much of a parent as his mom is, was fine with it.
It sounds like his mom is jealous that he has another mother figure and is asserting as much control over this kid as she can while also totally neglecting him, which is a recipe for disaster.” SpicyTurtle38
Another User Comments:
“Hi OP, NTJ. First of all, Max was so distressed he cut some of his hair himself so the deed was done.
He needed your support that night, and helping him with his hair was part of the help he needed. Life’s timing doesn’t always work out. Hopefully his mom’s big reaction is just because this was the first time, when she wasn’t expecting it, and is still recovering from pregnancy and childbirth.
You did good!” justtakeanap
16. AITJ For Telling My Dad That His Past Privilege Doesn’t Reflect Today’s Reality?
“I (18f), got into a disagreement with my Dad earlier today. For context, we live in the UK and I don’t live with him.
My parents split when I was young; however, he is still in contact. In the UK, the cost of living has increased and it’s getting increasingly harder to live here. Very recently, interest rates have also increased and they probably won’t come down until around 2025.
My Dad does also not seem to like it when I have my own opinions for some reason – he always tries to bat them down.
Recently, I have been looking at universities to attend after I have finished school, and due to everything that has been happening, financially it will be difficult.
I was discussing with my Dad that I may leave the country and study abroad, where it may be easier to live comfortably and things are more affordable; I don’t know where. I mentioned this, and he said that it was easier to live comfortably in the North, but pretty much impossible further down South.
He said that it will “start to get better.” I’m not that pessimistic, but I politely disagreed and said that given how things are going, living by myself and comfortably will be impossible due to being thousands of pounds in debt and whatever state the economy is in by then.
He described that when he graduated, inflation was higher and so were interest rates. He said that it was challenging but it more or less worked out for him. Here’s the snag – when he was at uni, it was free; he lived at his parents’ house; and the job he got paid a lot more than mine will be when I start.
He is in real estate and I would like to go into journalism. He was able to move to London, and has been living there for over a decade now with his family.
He had pretty much no debt when he left, and has been earning lots of money since he started work.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I said that it feels like he’s being a bit “out of touch,” given that it feels like he is comparing two very different situations. People in this country are struggling massively, and in my opinion, he seems to not realise it wasn’t like his experience for everyone.
He has always lived very comfortably his entire life as his parents are wealthy, and so is he. My family and I has essentially had to build ourselves from nothing, so I know what it’s like to struggle financially.
I will totally accept if I was being rude and being a jerk, but I just wanted to get some opinions.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad IS out of touch and probably voted for Brexit to begin with. You’re basically arguing with a brick wall though, and unless you’re depending on his help financially I’d just give up talking to him about it altogether.” BriarKnave
15. AITJ For Refusing To Move My Stillborn's Ashes To The Closet?
“I (33F) and my partner (33M) cannot agree on my stillborn’s ashes. Context: When I was 16 years old, I got pregnant. This pregnancy was difficult. I was told my baby would be born with Down syndrome and other complications. At that point, a specialist recommended I have a termination.
I decided to continue the pregnancy (I will admit I was terrified; however, my mom was a huge support and let me know she would help). By the time I was about to be 20 weeks, I decided to seek a third opinion. The specialist and my OBGYN were giving me contradictory recommendations.
I can still remember this moment so vividly: I was lying on the bed, a sonogram tech kept scanning, and scanning, and scanning. She asked me, “When was the last time you felt the baby kick?” I responded, “Last night.” Minutes later a doctor came in and abruptly said, “There is no heartbeat, the baby probably passed 2 weeks ago, but don’t worry, you are young and can have babies later.” My heart dropped. I had felt her move hours ago!
The next day I had to endure going through labor to a stillborn. Anyone that has gone through this can attest to the ache of going through the contractions and going home empty-handed with a hole in your chest.
Present time: I did have children later.
A son with the same father of my first baby (this relationship did not work out). 7 years later I began to see my partner and have had 2 children with him (female and male). We have been together on and off for 8 years. But solid 2 years now.
We have moved into a new home where there is an area by the stairwell where the old owners left a cross. I thought itwas perfect to place my first baby’s ashes there. Well, this upset my partner. He said I needed to put the baby where memories belong, “in the back of a closet.” When I asked his reasoning, he replied, “It’s not mine.” I stood my ground and still placed the ashes.
Today, when I got home, he said as he pointed by the stairwell, “We talked about this, are you going to be stubborn? Because so can I.” I began to remind him how hurtful losing someone is: “Just imagine if your cousin’s husband told her the same?” Just then he screamed so loud at me (he had never done this before).
“Idgaf about them! I don’t give a crap what they think…” and more, but I was in shock; I tuned it out. What saddens me is that the kids witnessed this. He has also voiced that if I don’t move the ashes, he will.
Now, AITJ for not wanting to leave my baby’s ashes in the back of a closet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is disgusting and his reaction and reasoning about the placement of your baby’s ashes is unforgivable IMO. This would be the dealbreaker for me – I would give serious thought into staying with someone like him.
I’m sorry for your loss OP, your baby deserves to have a nice resting place amongst their family and not be thrown into the back of a closet like a discarded piece of clothing.” LittlePea0617
Another User Comments:
“Don’t know if I can vote either way, as I’m having a real hard time understanding his response to this.
But also because you didn’t say where you have been storing the ashes before you moved. Were you ok with storing them somewhere ‘hidden’ until now? Something seems to have triggered this reaction in him and the fact that the baby wasn’t his doesn’t really make sense.” FlimsyMedium
Another User Comments:
“Back the heck up. He doesn’t care because “it’s not mine”? Don’t you have a living child that is not his? Does he have the same attitude with your other child? You’re NTJ. Your baby that you lost is still your child and still important to you.
He may not like the constant reminder of your first child, but your emotions are just as valid as his and you want your baby where you can see them.” Natural_Garbage7674
14. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Wife's Extended Trips To See Her Ailing Mom?
“I’ll try to keep this as short and to the point as possible. My wife (35F) and I (38M) have been married for over 6 years, and while we have our disagreements, I feel like it’s great most of the time.
My wife is from another country, and I sponsored her for a green card and eventually she got naturalized and became a US citizen about 2 years ago. She is very close to her mom, who is 77 and has a litany of health issues. She suffers from COPD, Congestive Heart Failure, Atrial Fibrillation, Asthma, and has suffered several ischemic strokes, among other things.
I got insurance for her mom so that she receives great healthcare while she is here. The healthcare back home is 3rd world and not great.
Her mom is the sweetest lady ever. When we first got married, we got a 5-year tourist visa for her mom that allows her to come and visit us for up to 6 months out of the year every year.
She visited us for 6 months the first year, but then decided she didn’t really care too much for being in the States and also missed her other family back home. She has 2 other daughters and several grandkids, and my wife and I don’t have kids.
So after that first visit, it’s always been my wife going back home to stay with her for about 6-7 months out of the year on average. My wife works when she is here. She works a lot in personal home care—about 60 hours a week.
I also work a lot; I have two jobs. I pay all the bills, and I also pay for my wife’s and her mom’s plane tickets, and I usually send about $2k–$3k per month when she is gone. This makes it to where it’s impossible to save any money, and I told my wife recently after her last trip that I no longer want to foot the bill for her travel expenses.
She became very upset about this and said I wasn’t supporting her in her time of need and that she doesn’t have much time left with her mom, etc. I said I was thinking about our future and that spending roughly $40k–$50k per year on travel is not smart and will hold us back later on in life.
There have been some emergencies, mind you, like when her mom fell and broke her leg, etc. It is understandable that my wife had to go to her immediately during times like this. With my wife gone more than half the year, and me not ever asking her to pay any of the bills at home, Am I the jerk for wanting to save this money instead of paying for her travel costs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There has to be some balance between taking care of family and taking care of yourselves. 2–3k a month, while she’s gone? For what? Giving her some pocket money is one thing, but 2–3k a month is ridiculous if you aren’t making enough to put in savings and make that look like small potatoes.
You won’t be able to work like this forever and deserve to save some money so you can retire at some point.” Serene_FireFly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are at the point where you are putting your own future and finances in jeopardy when there are clearly other options to look after the mother-in-law.
You also have no life with your wife. It sounds like this is going to lead to an unhappy marriage very soon. I mean, you want a baby of your own and you can’t even do that.” Mean_Occasion_5335
Another User Comments:
“Since your wife needs to be by her ailing mother for 6 months at a time during the last years of her life, understandably affordability could be an issue.
NTJ for coming clean on that and drawing a line. Maybe your wife can find a job where location isn’t an issue, for example online jobs such as remote language translator, tuition, healthcare content writer etc (can work anywhere with a laptop) to support her travels and continue working while in another country.” ezone100
13. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom For Overstepping In My Baby Shower?
“My saint of a MIL and her sister have graciously offered to throw my baby shower after my friends offered, but I could tell didn’t really know how. MIL and Sister are both so excited and love planning family vacations/parties/etc, so I’m very lucky to have them planning this.
My mom and I have a strained relationship, due mainly to her jealousy and victim complex, but most of the time it’s fine. She’s not a planner and she never offered to throw a shower, which is also fine. If it’s not your thing and you’re not good at things like that, no biggie.
She’s more of a “tell me the plan and how much I owe.” Or at least that’s what I thought.
I’m due in a few months, and I requested an Autumn/Halloween themed baby shower since Halloween in my favorite holiday. Not like haunted house Halloween, but subtle nods – pink little pumpkins/ghost cookies, a cauldron for cider, lots of candles, etc. MIL and Sister loved the idea and have begun planning, but also getting my approval before they order or make anything.
I also told my mom all about it, since I’m so excited and she seemed supportive.
I thought everything was fine until my MIL pulled me aside this weekend. She told me that my mom had called her to “ask” more specifics about the shower.
She said that my mother had told her not to do a Halloween theme, “just a couple pumpkins outside.” She told her to have apps instead of a sit down lunch, and that “men will be allowed to participate” (My MIL never said they couldn’t – just that men could have an outside area to hang out in if the baby stuff was overwhelming).
I recognize her behavior well. This is straight up jealousy and asserting some weird dominance over my MIL.
I called my mom pretty angry (and hormonal) and told her she had absolutely no right to tell anyone who was planning HER DAUGHTER’S baby shower what to do when you wanted no part of planning in the first place – and especially trying to be sneaky about it and go behind my back.
She said she felt left out and wanted to help, but didn’t want to bother me with it. I told her dictating what could and could not be done wasn’t helping; it was entitled and rude.
MIL insisted it wasn’t a big deal and was going ahead with what I wanted to do, but I just couldn’t allow my mom’s behavior to continue unchecked and thinking that was an okay thing to do.
AITJ for calling her out? Should I have just let her voice her opinions/demands to MIL knowing none of them would be taken into consideration anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Methinks you’ve got the wrong target here. This isn’t a weird flex on MIL.
Mom’s targeting you. She’s trying to undermine your autonomy by taking over the baby shower planning. Keep your boundaries strong. She’s moved to going behind your back to avoid them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, I’d take it a bit further. Since this is a persistent problem, and baby is well on their way: “Mom, the next time you overstep and try to dictate or override me as a wife or mother will be the last time I see you for six weeks.
Do it again after that and it will be three months, then six. Either you will learn to stay in your lane or you will victimize and micromanage yourself right out of our lives, and have no one to blame but yourself.”” MelodyRaine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Nothing wrong with setting boundaries. It is your baby shower and you gave the go-ahead for who would be planning it. She has no right to try and step-in because she’s jealous of MIL. Also congratulations, Halloween baby shower sounds great. My wife and I are planning to conceive our second in late February specifically so we can have a Halloween baby shower lol!” OutAndProud99
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate With Anxiety And Depression To Move Abroad?
“So, I am a UK citizen living in Canada, my parents moved us here when I was 14, and I’m currently waiting for my Canadian citizenship to come through and then am planning on going to live in England for a while. Partially because I’ve never lived there as an adult, but also to see more of my family and old friends, and I have a friend who’s offered me a well-paying job whenever I want it.
I’ve managed to maintain a lot of friendships back home, so I already have a pretty solid support system.
The thing is, when I first bought this idea up, my current roommate, who I’ve known since high school,l mentioned she’d be able to get a job there in her current field pretty easily and seemed into the idea of coming with me.
At first I was into it as it’d be cheaper to live with someone and I already know her.
There are a few reasons I’m not really wanting that anymore. The biggest one is she made it pretty clear she eventually wants to live alone and basically said if it wasn’t for her getting fired (and the sky-rocketing rental prices here), she likely would have started looking for a place in the new year and essentially said that she doesn’t see us as close as we used to be (in her words, we’ve stopped being best friends and are basically just friends that live together now).
So I don’t really see her as a reliable long-term roommate anymore. I’m comfortable living with someone else and I enjoy it, but considering she never even mentioned her plan to potentially move by the end of the year until it wasn’t happening, I think it’s a valid concern.
The other thing is, she has pretty bad anxiety and depression. I would be her only support for the first while until she managed to meet people. Again, I already have a solid support system and have a lot of backup if something goes wrong there.
And I don’t know if I’m comfortable being that, considering how she doesn’t see us as close as I thought we were.
And with the anxiety and depression, I have to walk on eggshells if I want people to come visit, and at times she already just shuts it down when I want people to stay over unless I really push.
I want to be able to come and visit, stay with me, and hang out because I’m a very social person!
Anyway, overall I just don’t think it’s a smart choice for me for her to come with me. I tried to bring up my concerns and the conversation was shut down, and I was made to feel like a jerk.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to live your own life and make your own decisions. If she wants to live in the UK, she needs to do it on her own. In situations like these, it’s better not to commit to doing it with her because if it all falls apart, she changes her mind after you’ve put down a rent deposit, she can’t find work, and asks you for financial support, etc., etc., then it can all go badly pretty quickly.
You do you and have fun with your family and friends you haven’t seen in a while.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re entitled to starting your new life as you wish, you had plans for it and (yay!) you’re almost there.
Has she even looked at the requirements to live there as a Canadian citizen? Would she be able to work? Would she require a sponsor? Would she have to apply for an expensive visa?” ThatBFjax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would just make my plans and not really talk about them.
Put her on an info diet, and then if she asks about your plans, say you are staying with family or you have plans that don’t include her. You really don’t want to start a new adventure with a ball and chain that tells you that you aren’t really even a friend anymore.” MelodramaticMouse
11. AITJ For Lecturing A Five-Year-Old On Animal Cruelty?
“My 5-year-old caught a baby lizard in my mom’s garden. In the act of capturing it, they cut off its tail by accident and stuck it in a box.
When I came to pick her up, she excitedly told me that it was the best day of her life and proceeded to tell me the story of catching a lizard.
I calmly told her that what they did was wrong. How would she feel if someone took her from me, broke off one of her fingers, and put her in a box?
I told her that she needs to respect all living creatures. Lizards were made to be outside, eat bugs, bask in the sun, and live with other lizards. Now, this poor baby lizard is scared, has no family, no tail, and no idea what’s going on.
She started to tear up. I told her that I wanted her to be kind, gentle, and respectful of all living creatures, big and small. I personally don’t eat meat. It’s been nine years now. I’m far from being perfectly ethical, but I try.
Animal mistreatment is just one of those issues that keeps me up at night. I guess I just have a soft spot for it. I never force my views on her, or on family or friends, for that matter. She is allowed to eat whatever she wants, but she’s educated on where her food comes from.
I told her I’m so happy to see her curious and excited about animals. I told her there are so many better ways to learn about them, observe them, and interact with them. If you respect animals in nature, you won’t have to capture them; they will come to you.
It requires time and patience, and I would love to do that with her. Just as a garden needs sun and water, it also needs lizards and every other living creature in it. My mom helped her release it back to the garden.
I also spoke to my mom.
I don’t expect anything from her, but she’s so sweet. She said she didn’t mean anything malicious by it. From now on, adventures in the garden will be all about gentle curiosity and observation.
It’s hours later. My little one is still sulking and quietly crying.
She won’t talk to me. She doesn’t want me to touch her. My husband tried to do damage control, but she won’t even be in the same room as me. I’m doubting myself now. Should I have just let it go because she’s a kid?
Was I being too harsh for ruining what was supposedly the best day of her life? Maybe I could have waited a day or two before having this talk with her? AITJ for lecturing a five-year-old about animal cruelty?”
Another User Comments:
“Aww. NTJ. She’s just feeling her oats and maybe a little ashamed; kids do take stuff to heart, but in this case, it’s for a very good reason.
Age five is a really good time to have this frank conversation about empathy for animals, because children are still developing that. I’ve met several kids that I held my tongue when they chased down baby rabbits saying it was “abandoned” (baby bunnies are supposed to be alone) or treat bugs and reptiles like toys.
When she’s feeling better, try to turn the situation positive. Go herping out in the woods, or get a big bug net and a book of local insects, and go swishing in the grass. Turn it into a fun educational experience. Sounds like she likes animals too; she just needs to learn how to treat them the way she wants to be treated.” halfbakedcaterpillar
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. It’s a fair lesson, but it sounds like you went way overboard with the guilting and “if I cut off one of your fingers,” etc. That’s kind of traumatizing, tbh. Over-anthropomorphizing animals (“now it has no family,” what??) said to an impressionable child can really cause them to be overly sensitive and cause anxiety.
Like, you lie awake at night worrying about animal cruelty? So do I sometimes, and I wish I didn’t have to carry that emotional burden and deal with those unproductive, intrusive thoughts. There’s a fine line between an appropriate amount of empathy and a burdensome, paralyzing amount of empathy, and I think you’re on the wrong side and going to push her over the edge too.
She didn’t cut off the lizard’s tail; the lizard dropped it as a normal defensive response against predators. It will grow back. It’s not a trivial thing for the lizard, but not the end of its life either. Trying to catch a lizard is a normal childhood action.
This is not animal cruelty. A better response would have been “Oh wow, look how special it is! Ok, let’s let him go now; wild animals don’t like to be held, it’s a little scary for them, let’s say thank you for visiting and let him go about his life.”” Apple_Dalia
10. AITJ For Not Closing My Water Bottle And Being Treated Like A Child?
I, 34F, and my husband, 35M, got into an argument about me not closing my water bottle.
It’s something he frequently reminds me to do, but as we’re just at home I think it’s not a big deal. He’s stated his concern that a bug or something could get in, that leaving it open to the air could cause mold to grow, or that someone could put something in my drink.
Again, as we’re always in our home when it’s brought up, I’m not too concerned about bugs or someone putting something in there, and I guess I’m just not too worried about mold either. One time he put a lollipop in the opening of my bottle, another time he just covered it with something, basically to subtly make a point.
Tonight I took a sip of my water and it was really gross. I asked if he put something in it. I dumped it out and it was blue. He had put some blue raspberry drink flavoring in it (I happen to really hate blue flavored drinks).
I asked again and he said he did and showed me what he put in. I asked why, and he said that I’m always leaving my water bottle open and I need to make sure I close it.
He brought up bees flying into people’s water and then the person gets stung.
He mentioned how he had mold grow in his water bottle; he didn’t notice, took a sip, and almost threw up because it was so disgusting. He also mentioned someone being able to easily slip something into a drink. I said I’m not worried about bugs because we’re not outside.
I’m not that worried about mold growing or me drinking it. And we’re in our apartment, so no one is going to put something in my drink except him, and he can always take the top off anyway. He was upset I wasn’t taking his concerns seriously; I was upset he was treating me like a child and trying to teach me a lesson.
It also came out that he had previously put coffee beans in my bottle (when it happened, I thought it was super weird, but my husband said he didn’t do it, so I believed him). I was getting more upset because he’s playing mind games and he thought I was making it sound worse than it was.
After a lot of arguing back and forth, he was finally a little more earnest about his concerns and not just mad.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband’s concerns for you while you are in public do not give him the right to harass, gaslight, and lie to you.
He is using his concern to usurp your right to control your own body and what you ingest into it. As soon as he started messing with your drink(s), he became the bad guy in his own narrative. In my world, I would be uber clear that this stops NOW.
You’re a responsible adult, capable of recognizing the different risks in leaving a drink open at home vs at the club. Your spouse has managed to fixate on this at a very unhealthy level. He’s infantilizing you, putting his concerns above your right to make decisions for yourself, and again, lying and gaslighting you over it.
You left a water bottle open in the safety of your own home. There is no comparison. So, again, this stops tonight. Pick your consequence if he does it again. Stay with a friend, go to a hotel, have a very heated argument, go to temporarily live elsewhere, etc. That’s up to you.
But he needs to know the costs of doing this again and be prepared to face them. Putting things in her drink and lying to her, leaving OP to feel like she’s losing her mind, is the gaslighting.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband is a jerk.
He’s trying to prove his point by putting gross things in your bottle, which makes no sense to me. He wants you to agree with him, but you don’t, so he plays childish games to make his point. It’s your bottle and your problem if a bug gets in.
Unless you leave your bottle alone for weeks on end, no mold is going to be growing. God, what an imbecile!” Ghitit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your husband seems to have good intentions but really poor delivery. And teaching you a lesson? You’re not 8. That said, is it really worth all this headache to not close your water bottle?
It is obviously important to him; pick your battles.” AthenaHayes
9. AITJ For Emailing My Stepfather On His Birthday In His Time Zone While I Was Sick?
“I live in Japan, where my biological relatives on my father’s side live. My mother and her husband live in America. As a general rule, I phone for my mother’s birthday and email for her husband’s. When I phone my mother, I do so on what is the morning after her birthday for me, which means that she receives the call in the afternoon of her actual birthday in her time zone.
I am currently ill and experiencing serious fatigue right now, so I went to bed early on what was my stepfather’s birthday in my time zone without sending him an email. I emailed him a birthday greeting on what was the next morning in my time zone, but was around dinnertime on his actual birthday in his time zone.
My mother has texted to let me know that her husband’s feelings are hurt because my email was “late,” being the next day in my time zone. **It was still his birthday in his own time zone**, but apparently “he feels like an afterthought to you” and “it would be gracious of you to apologize.”
I have not replied to her text yet because I’d like to have a better idea of whether I actually have anything to apologize for before responding. Should I have made sure to send the email in the window of time when it was my stepfather’s birthday in both time zones (my afternoon would have been his early-morning hours so that the email would be waiting when he woke up)?
Possibly useful context: My aunt (mother’s sister) once got upset with me for texting her a happy birthday greeting on what was the morning of her birthday in my time zone, thus still the evening before in her time zone. (“Don’t you know my birthday is tomorrow?!”) This is why I do calls/texts/emails in what is their evening/my next-morning.
My stepdad and I have a contentious relationship because he has been married to my mother my whole life, but has not been emotionally present due to a demanding job. I am grateful that he bankrolled my childhood while my mother was a SAHM, but do not consider him a father figure as he did not engage emotionally in the role.
My family members residing in America always wait until it is my birthday in their time zone before sending me any messages, meaning that their well-wishes don’t reach me until the day after my birthday in my own time zone. I (mistakenly, I guess?) thought that this indicated that they were okay with belated birthday greetings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’ve done the whole time zone thing in multiple countries. IMO if I send you a happy regard for any type of special occasion,n then I did my part in letting you know I care about you on that day, whether it’s the same day or comes in a day or so late.
If anyone wants to get upset about when they receive it, then that’s on them. You have a life outside of them and sometimes things come up and you can’t always send things promptly. Stepdad needs to address his insecurities and move on; you sent a happy birthday when it was convenient for you while you were sick.
If he wants to be petty then next year you can choose not to send one or send it a few days early so his feelings don’t get hurt.” TypicalAd3575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sent the email on his birthday in his time zone, which is what matters.
You are not obligated to follow his time zone when you live in a different one. He is being petty and unreasonable by expecting you to apologize for something that is not your fault. You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to apologize for.” DestinyCruz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are definitely overthrowing all of this. Since you are sending an email, go ahead and type one up for next year when you have a free moment and set it up to send at whatever time you feel is appropriate.
That way, you 1) don’t have to think about it, and 2) can do whatever you want on the actual day, including (but not limited to) being sick in bed.” Helaine42
8. AITJ For Not Falling For My Family's Forced Hospital Visit And Car Ride Scheme?
“So my (26F) family told me recently that my grandmother (83F) was in the hospital. This has happened twice before, and my brother (25M) both times thought it was going to be her end of life and insisted I come back up from where I live now to see her.
Both previous times, she was released and was mostly fine. This time was no different. This time, he decided that he was going to rent a car and drive 550 miles to get me from where I live and drive me back to his state with my pets.
But then he stated that I would need to find my own way back when I asked if he was going to bring me back to my state after. Money is tight right now between my fiancee (35M) and I, and I told my brother that we would be able to come up next week.
My friends and fiancee thought it was fishy when they stated that I would need to bring my pets with me and that the trip was essentially going to be one way. Prior to them even leaving, my grandmother was released from the hospital, only 2 days after she was admitted. So there was no real reason for them to even show up.
When this was pointed out, the story changed to that I needed to be there for the sale of my grandmother’s house, due to my aunt (52F) stating that she has power of attorney and is selling it. As far as I know, my grandmother gave power of attorney to my uncle (49M), so my aunt should not even be legally able to make this decision.
My brother, his wife (25F), my mother (52F) and my niece (3F) all got in the rented car and drove here despite the fact that I told them not to, and then, when I wasn’t home, proceeded to call the cops on my fiancee’s family and blow up my phone, calling me essentially the jerk for making them drive all this way for nothing.
I never once even hinted that I would be going with them. Now my brother is giving me ultimatums that I have to report to him via video call by Friday. All three of them have been leaving me nasty messages, basically saying I’m awful for making them drive here when I asked for no such thing.
They all showed up yesterday while I was out, and now today my brother has called the cops again and the cops showed up wanting to talk to me. This has all quite literally caused me to have multiple full-blown panic attacks, and I just want to be left alone so I can calm down.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What in the actual heck is wrong with them?? Their whole story definitely seems off, like way off. Their story keeps changing. Then driving to your house was their decision, even after being told no. The fact that your brother said that you’d have to find your own way home, with your pets, is even more shady!!
And I’m so confused on why they thought the cops would help? What did the cops say was the reason for the call?? Your brother is not your dad and has no authority over you. So his “report to me by Friday” video call is ridiculous!
Tell him to kick rocks!” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know your family dynamic, but it sounds like kidnapping. Which is very strange to say about a family. Why do they want you to move back? Were you close with your grandmother? Does she have money?
Do you think you are in her will? Sorry for all of the questions, but something is not right here. What does your partner think?” KitKatBarnackle
7. AITJ For Being Upset That A GTA Heist Was More Important Than Greeting Me?
“I moved to Australia from another country to get married last year. I went back to my home country to visit family for a week and a half. My husband could not come with me. I arrived home yesterday after over 24 hours of flights and layovers, and came in through the front door excited to see him.
He was on the couch and said “Hi! Shoot, I’m in the middle of a heist right now. You look good.” I went over and bent down to give him a kiss, which he returned, but was also trying to pay attention to the TV screen.
I then struggled to hoist my heavy suitcases through the door.
I felt a bit disappointed that he didn’t stand up to embrace me and help with my belongings. After 10 days apart, I feel like I would get up to hug and kiss him no matter what I was doing if he’d been the one gone.
I pretty much went about the rest of the day like normal, unpacking and settling in.
This morning, I mentioned that his reaction to my arrival home hurt my feelings a little, and he said he did greet me, but it was not a moment he could really pause and had been trying for the time bonus.
He seemed to make light of it, and my 16-year-old son (who was around the corner with headphones on, so I didn’t know he could hear my quiet comment … I did not intend to involve him in any discussion like this) took his side. My husband said it seemed like I now was trying to make a thing of the situation.
I am a gamer myself and completely understand when you’re in the middle of a task that you don’t want to be distracted from. However, this was a Grand Theft Auto heist that we both have done at least dozens of times. He was playing it solo, so there were no other players to be concerned about leaving in the lurch.
I feel like he missed a moment of real life and a chance to make me feel appreciated and missed, which was much more important than a heist that he was doing by himself.
AITJ for feeling slighted and “making a thing” of this? I do tend to be on the sensitive side and was already feeling emotional at saying goodbye to my adult daughter, whose birthday I visited back home for, so maybe I am not looking at this correctly.
However, since we’ve only been married just over a year, I would have expected a bit more excitement at my return and help bringing things inside after my long journey.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As an Australian living overseas, I am very familiar with the 24+ hours of flights and layovers that this journey takes.
As well as the emotion of leaving behind family and friends every time. I presume he knew when your flight landed and that you called or texted to say you were on your way home. I highly doubt you arrived unannounced. But even if you did, he should be thrilled to see you.
I have been married to my wife for 9 years and we’ve been living together for over 12 years. It doesn’t matter which one of us is travelling, or for however long. When one of us arrives home the other is at the door to greet them, help with luggage and usually has their favourite snack or beverage prepared. This simple little sign of affection and appreciation shows how much you missed them and how happy you are they’ve returned. Next time your husband travels, see how he feels if you treat him the same way.” Consistent-Cut9230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told him how his actions made you feel, and he completely failed to acknowledge that, apologise, talk it through, or take the opportunity to reflect on whether gaming has started to take too much of his focus from the real world (I game too – mostly fantasy RPGs – and I know there are times when I need to take a step back and re-establish my own boundaries around screen time).” IntrovertedBookMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You had your feelings hurt, you brought it up to him in a mature way after giving him time to notice on his own, and he answered by defending himself instead of just apologising and giving you affection after not seeing you for a while.
Maybe you’re right that you’re being sensitive about it, but that still doesn’t mean he should not take your feelings seriously. I’d be upset and hurt too. Edit: I am also a gamer so I understand his POV, but it would’ve taken him maybe 30 seconds to give you a proper welcome home.
The heist could wait.” Dirt077
6. AITJ For Bringing My Dogs On A Friend's Road Trip Without Asking?
“My group of four friends goes camping with each other quite often.
We’ve gone probably 6 times in the last 12 months, and really enjoy it. We camp in tents and go to different campsites each time. The past six times I’ve brought both of my dogs with me. They love the outdoors and come on hikes with us, etc. One of my other friends also has a dog, and he brings the dog with him as well.
This morning we were preparing to go camping, and my friend (who we’ll call Matt) texted me asking if I want a lift to the campsite, which is 6 hours away by drive. I said sure, since he has a 7-seater SUV with a lot of trunk space to fit all our gear.
When he arrived, I loaded the car with our gear and then gestured to my dogs to get into the car. They hopped into the back seat, and I got in the front.
About 4 hours into the drive, one of the dogs began doing the whine he does when he needs out.
I told Matt if he could pull over soon, since the dog needs to pee. He was annoyed and told me I should have made them go beforehand (they did, but 4 hours is a decently long time).
A little later, one of the dogs let one rip (I couldn’t hear it, but it smelled like dog fart), and I jokingly said, “Aww, did one of you do a boom-boom?” Matt was not amused. He basically told me that I was a snake for just inviting the dogs into his car and bringing them along.
He told me that they were going to destroy his nice car and stink up the entire place.
It never once dawned on me that he wouldn’t have expected the dogs to be coming too. I always bring them camping, and he’s always tolerated them.
Yes, I’ve always driven them down myself, so maybe I should have communicated better. I explained this to Matt. He said I was completely inconsiderate.
My worry is, if Matt is this concerned about the dogs now, imagine how he’ll be during the camp if we drive anywhere.
The dogs are clean now, and the only ‘mess’ in the car is the odd bit of hair—nothing major. If we go down to the river, they may be wet, etc., which could frustrate him more. I also don’t have my own car to take them in.
AITJ for bringing them and not telling Matt? I thought it was assumed and I didn’t realise it’d be such a big deal. They barely made any difference to the journey, and I fail to see why he’s so worked up.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but your title is misleading.
It’s not about bringing them camping, it’s about you not reminding the person offering you a ride that you’re bringing your dogs. There is a big difference between tolerating dogs at a campsite and being stuck in a car with their overwhelming stench, hair, and owner giggling about the dog farting.” notmappedout
Another User Comments:
“I would lean towards YTJ. If you’re going to be taking your dogs somewhere in someone else’s car, you need to check with that individual first. I can’t imagine just expecting someone to be happy taking both myself and my dogs somewhere without any prior knowledge of that being the case.
Not everyone enjoys sharing a space with dogs for so long. There’s a difference between being in the car with them and knowing you then have to drive them back and being in a more open camping environment. “If we go down to the river, they may be wet, etc., which could frustrate him more.” I would avoid doing this.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Asking My Grandmother To Pay For A New Tent?
“My wife (35F) and I (34M) have been married for ten years. My grandparents, who are basically like my parents, have never really liked her, particularly my strong-willed and difficult old Irish-Catholic grandmother. The feeling isn’t really mutual, my wife doesn’t antagonize her, but their relationship has only deteriorated since we had our only child three years ago.
The tension mainly revolves around differing beliefs on child-rearing, which all flow through me since my wife and grandmother never confront each other directly.
Despite the ongoing discord, I’ve always supported my wife’s decisions, even when I might not entirely agree. For example, my wife wanted our child to learn to ride a balance bike, and after some initial hesitation cause I thought training wheels were better, I agreed. My grandmother strongly disapproved and even tried to give our daughter a “real” bike on Christmas in front of my wife, which I prevented. These conflicts arise during regular visits to my grandparents’ house, which I used to take my daughter to every Wednesday.
However, with my daughter now attending daycare five days a week, we visit less frequently.
Today, I discovered that our tent, left in my grandparents’ garage, had been accidentally thrown away. As we are going camping Friday, this left us in a bind. When I mentioned the situation to my grandmother, she didn’t offer any help or even offer up an “oh my god I’m sorry.” I called my wife to discuss getting a new tent, and she was understandably upset, given that this was a brand new $300 family tent we used once and I only left it there because I needed it out of the trunk to help them move something.
She expressed her frustration, and although I was also angry, I wanted to avoid another fight.
After the call, my grandmother commented on my demeanor, asking why I always seemed grumpy. In response, I calmly asked if they could contribute half the cost of a new tent.
This set off a tirade from my grandmother, accusing my wife of various things, including not caring about our family and providing poor Christmas presents to them every year. She brought up the bike thing again and even said she thinks my wife put our daughter in daycare 5 days so she’d see them less.
She said “everyone” has always felt this way. She eventually gave me a check for $300.
Now, I’m questioning if I was wrong to ask for money since it was an accident. I was really upset. I wonder if I should be more deferential to my grandmother and my side of the family, rather than always siding with my wife.
I’m worried that my actions might be causing or exacerbating the ongoing tensions between my wife and my grandparents.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They discarded your property that was only left at their house because of a favor you were doing for them? They owed you the full $300.
As for your grandmother, she is being massively disrespectful of your wife, but also of you. You two are the parents. She can offer suggestions, but if you two don’t take her suggestions, she needs to accept that. She is not the mother to your child.
She is in the wrong here and owes you AND your wife some serious apologies.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for now. BUT your grandma is super toxic. Super super super toxic. She dislikes your wife—for “reasons”? Uh. No. She doesn’t get a pass to be a jerk because she’s old.
My mother once said something negative about my husband and I told her that wasn’t her place to comment on that issue (can’t remember specifically what it was, probably something about chores or work ethic.) and if she was going to show negative feelings towards my husband, then we will happily all stay away.
She hasn’t said anything since. That was at least 10 years ago. If not more. She may still have those feelings, I dunno, but she definitely shut her mouth about it.” Lacroix24601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your marriage is a partnership. As long as your wife also compromises with you as much as you compromise with her, you are doing the right thing by supporting her.
It’s also reasonable to ask your grandmother to contribute to the cost of a new tent since she is the one who threw it away. Sometimes in-laws just cannot get along no matter how much you want them to and you can’t fix it.
You can only work around it. Continue to support your wife. She and your daughter are the ones that you’ll be spending the rest of your life with. Your immediate family is your team.” peggyonreddit
4. AITJ For Arguing With My Sister Over Baby Sleep While Practicing Guitar?
“I (23m) was the guitarist of a band. A few weeks ago, I got kicked out for excessive drinking.
Yeah, it sucks, especially because we just started recording our first album and were about to sign to a major label, and I sold almost everything I owned to move to NY with them. But I’m not gonna be like Dave Mustaine and jerk and moan about how they ruined my life for the next 40 years.
When they told me I was fired and gave me a bus ticket home back to L.A. (Could’ve at least given me a plane ticket.) I felt sorry for myself the whole 4-day bus ride, but when I got home, I started going to local shows to see if I could find anyone I liked to start another band with.
So far, I have a drummer and a bassist.
Last night, I was writing a riff in the basement (where she knows I practice), and my older sister (34f) was trying to put her baby to sleep also in the basement and kept telling me to stop playing because she couldn’t put her baby to sleep.
I told her no and asked her to put the baby to sleep upstairs (she wouldn’t hear the noise upstairs; my dad and I soundproofed the entire basement when I was 14). She said no and that she always puts her baby down in the basement.
Eventually, she just started making fun of me for being an intoxicated, and that I wasn’t good enough for them, that that’s why I got kicked out, and called me a loser who lives with his mom (she’s never moved out of our mom’s house).
I told her that I was 23, moving back in with my mom, and that this was temporary for me but permanent for her. She told me she could move out whenever she wants to (she doesn’t have a job and has no one else to move in with).
I asked her, “Leave and move in with one of your baby daddies?” (She has 3 and she doesn’t know any of them.) Then I told her, “You are a pathetic loser and you are just jealous because I’ve accomplished more in the last 5 years of my life than you ever will in your entire pathetic life.” (I’ve sold out the Whiskey a Go-Go, the Roxy, the Starwood, almost signed a deal with a major label, and my crowning achievement in life.) She broke down in tears and cried upstairs all night.
When I talked to my partner about it, she said I was out of pocket and needed to apologize. But she’s the one that started it, and if I should apologize, so should she. Is she right AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You cannot move back home and expect everyone to change their schedules to suit your requirements, especially when there’s a baby involved. That is not the flex you think it is.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were intoxicated. Again. Excessive drinking already cost you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you’re likely, rightfully, scared you won’t get another shot. Given the drinking, you’re an unreliable narrator—going from asking you to go upstairs so she could put the baby to sleep to making fun of you is such an odd transition.
My theory is, you were hypersensitive about the subject matter given what it cost you, and you escalated the conflict. And that your fear caused you to lash out. Also explains why you’ve turned this post into a resume. Get your crap together. And if that is your crowning achievement, I beg you to aim higher.” cpumaxhi
3. AITJ For Setting An Ultimatum To A Flaky Artist Over A Commission?
“I will preface this by saying that my friend M (27F) is a notorious flake. I feel I should have known I was setting myself up for disappointment, but here I am.
My friend M is multi-talented in the arts – singing, acting, painting. She had been doing the painting just as a hobby, but about three years ago she started selling her pieces and taking limited commissions.
Last summer, I saw one of her pieces that she did for a coworker on her social media, and I absolutely loved it. I asked M if I could commission a similar piece for my dining room. She’s been to my house dozens of times, so she knew the color scheme and style and was excited to get started.
She sent me a quote with the outline of payment info: 25% due up front (covers the cost of materials), with the remaining balance due upon delivery. She’s a good friend, so I paid her 50% upfront (about $400). This is her side gig, so we didn’t establish a timeline/due date.
About four months later, she had some financial issues due to a roommate moving out unexpectedly, so I fronted her another $200 and told her to just apply it to my payment toward the piece. She was grateful and said she was almost done, hoping to finish it for delivery in January.
Fast forward to last weekend. I have since moved, but I used a very similar wall color in the room where I planned to hang the painting, so no issues there. M was coming to visit for a couple of days, so I told her to bring the painting and I’d Venmo her the remaining balance.
She arrives; no painting. She somewhat dismissively says that after getting it finished, she absolutely hated it and wouldn’t feel right selling it to me because it’s not to her standards. I was gobsmacked. I haven’t even seen it to know if I like it!
I just let it go at the time and enjoyed her visit.
After she went home, I got pretty angry. Over a year later, $600 out, no painting, and no timeline to receive one. So I got on Venmo and sent her a payment request for $600 for the funds paid toward the undelivered painting.
She texted me all upset, saying she doesn’t have the $600 to refund me and that she has every intention of delivering a painting. I told her that I can’t trust her because of her unreliable behavior, and she has until October 1 to deliver either a refund or a painting.
She has since been pretty unresponsive, and I’m starting to feel bad for giving her an ultimatum. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Does she treat all of her clients like this? Or is this because you’re a friend? She’s had plenty of time to make this painting and she has your money.
I will say maybe you should have given her a call and asked about a time frame instead, and just said if you don’t get it within another X months, you’d like your money back since it’s already been so long. It was a little immature to request the money back off of Venmo” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I say this as an artist who struggles with anxiety and timelines. I totally understand her not wanting to give you something less than but I also agree she should have showed it to you to decide. There have been a few times I couldn’t complete a commission when my mental health was bad and in those cases I always returned the deposit with an apology.
It’s the right thing for her to do and she does owe you in this situation so your ultimatum is valid. Good luck!” Antique_Challenge182
2. AITJ For Speaking Up Against My Dad's Friend's Ageist Comments?
“I have three cousins, one year older and two one year younger. We are all in our early twenties. We all have entrance level jobs in our professional field, except the older cousin who works full time.
Also, I have moved out from home already. On a side note, we’re not geniuses, but had quite the results in our lives: younger cousin 1 got admitted to 6 colleges, younger cousin 2 was the nr 1 tennis player for his age group at some point, and older cousin graduated with honors and is now taking her master’s degree.
As for me, I won’t detail, but let’s say I’m also doing well. Again, not newfound geniuses, but I’d dare to say we’re high placed on the social scale.
Last weekend we had my dad’s birthday at our grandparents’ estate. He invited around 40-50 people, including me and my cousins.
We were the youngest people in there since everyone else was well in their 50s or 60s. Everyone treated us like little kids; we were even asked to sit separately, and everyone kept referring to us as “the kids table”. It would have been that bad if we still had the respect we deserved in conversations, but no. Most of them were lame joke attempts from people who barely finished college.
Cue 60-something-year-old fat man approaching the said “kids table”. He started mocking us about “back in his day” and that kids nowadays don’t know a thing. Younger cousin 1 asked him, “What is his professional specialization?” to which he stared blankly. I stepped in and said (loud enough), “She asks, what did you major in?” The man laughed and said, “Back in my day they had after high schools (essentially schools that teach you a job like baker, gardener, etc., that were taken in place of high school, Idk the literal English translation).” I laughed back and said we have these too, but nowadays are called professional schools.
I then briefly explained the difference between them and actual high school, and reiterated that my cousin meant college. He admitted he didn’t go to college, so I asked him to stop assuming stuff like what he said beforehand without further research, given the fact that he doesn’t even have a high-school diploma.
THE DUDE ACTUALLY RATTED ME OUT TO DAD, who got mad and told me I was very rude, and that the man was very respected in his field of work (train mechanic or something around that). I explained to Dad how he mocked us beforehand, but he had none of it.
I know, I SHOULD have been the bigger person, but I wasn’t. Was I wrong for defending my rights and work? Should I have apologized to a man that insulted me and my achieving cousins?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. This story sounds exhausting. Everyone mentioned here: (1) wants to be respected, (2) doesn’t want to respect others.
A lose-lose situation if there ever was one” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I wish I could say you are not the jerk for standing up to an old bully, but, unfortunately, ESH. You were not wrong to put him down in response for putting down your entire generation, but you come across as very arrogant and full of yourself.
Granted, you and your cousins have the credentials to show for it, but credentials just don’t make you sound like a good person, in this case. Do you owe the man an apology? I don’t believe you do. Not unless he’s also willing to apologize to all of you for just walking up to your table and gratuitously insulting all of you without even knowing you or anything about you.
But do give some thought to how you treat people in the future. Humility + credentials = awesomeness. Credentials + arrogance = jerkness.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Old people say stuff like that all the time, and they rarely mean much by it. You sound easily offended, and your response took it way too far.
Especially your ridiculous assumption that you must know more than him because of your degrees or whatever. You seem like an immature little kid who knows so little about the world that you think having degrees, getting into college, and being a good tennis player makes you better than other people.
Basically, that old guy was totally right about you, even if it was rude of him to say that.” sizzlesnarl
1. AITJ For Complaining About My Ex's Unilateral School And Pickup Change?
“My ex (30f) and I (34m) separated about 5 years ago and she’s been involved and living with someone else for about 2 years now.
We have 2 kids together (11f and 9m) who primarily live with her and stay at her parents’ house when necessary. I have a great relationship with my kids, and even with my in-laws, so there’s absolutely no friction with that side of things. We’ve been able to juggle school and extracurricular schedules (mostly) without a hitch.
She would drop them off at school on her way to work. This didn’t impede her work schedule whatsoever and would often get her to work 10-15 minutes early anyway. Every other day, I would pick them up from school (about a 20-minute drive East from me) and, depending on the day, take them home or take them to their extracurriculars (another 20-minute drive, further East, from the school).
The days that I didn’t pick them up, either she would or her partner, as he was usually unemployed or work-from-home. More often than not, after their extracurriculars, they would go to their grandparents, as their extracurriculars were down the street from them anyway.
My ex worked less than a 5-minute drive from her parents’ house, so she should swing by after work and pick them up before heading home. Worst case scenario, the kids would stay over at their grandparents and they would take them to school the next day (again, it was on the way) or they would take them home the same day, if needed. This was a pretty well-oiled machine that was mindful of everyone’s schedules.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago – I got a message from my ex explaining that she transferred the kids to a different school without my input, much closer to me (basically around the block from my place), and denotes that she did this so that I can pick them up everyday and take them to their extracurriculars and/or grandparents.
This has already caused some confusion on my end, and will inevitably cause issues with my work, as it’ll require me to leave sometimes 3 to 3.5 hours early every day to accommodate this instead of the usual every other day (I do work-from-home IT). I asked if her live-in partner would still be able to accommodate to an every-other-day pickup schedule like we historically had, and she just flat-out says that they aren’t his kids and not his responsibility.
This seemed kind of out of character for her. Despite our separation, we still try to cooperate and co-parent seamlessly, so I left it alone and came back to it yesterday. She still refuses to budge and instead just tells me to figure it out.
I don’t mind doing what I need to, but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the issue isn’t the partner. Ex is correct that the kids are not his responsibility. The issue is that your ex unilaterally moved the kids to a new school and decided to change how pickups would work without consulting you.” poeadam
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re asking the wrong question. I would be more concerned about why did your ex changed their school and the agreed schedule without consulting you? Did something happen at the school? Did she feel the current set up was unfair?
… On the question you do ask tho – yes, you WIBTJ. The kids are your and your wife’s responsibility. This guy does not have to do anything technically and you haven’t really presented any reason why he should if not to inconvenience you less… from spending time with your kids… not a good look for you” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like her lowlife layabout partner complained about the minute amount of child-related tasks he had to do, gave her an ultimatum and she made a decision that’s probably illegal and not in your, but obviously more importantly, your children’s best interest. I’ve made a lot of assumptions here but 100% NTJ” thewildlifer
