People Face The Heat In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Refusing To Pay The Bill After My Partner Was Hurt By His Partner's Jokes?
“My (26m) best friend (26m) gave me a phone call in which he said he was in town and would like to go out to have fun tonight. I accepted in a second because my friend moved to another city 4 years ago and we get to see each other 2-3 times a year.
My friend asked if it would be okay to bring our partners because it’s the first time he brought his partner (25f) with him to visit and I’ve never met her anyway. I agreed with his proposal because my partner (23m) is an introvert with severe anxiety, has no friends, and I thought this was her chance to make a friend.
I asked my partner if she wanted to go out with me and my friend. I told my partner that my friend’s partner would also come, and at that moment she started to become reluctant but eventually accepted. Now it’s 8pm and the 4 of us met at a bar.
After about an hour of telling each other stories, my partner went to the bathroom. After 15 minutes, she did not come back, so I went to check if something had happened to her. I entered the bathroom and found her crying, and when I asked what happened, she said that my friend’s partner made many jokes about the fact that she has anxiety and kept saying that anxiety is invented by lazy people as an excuse to not interact with other people.
At that moment, I left with her without paying for the drinks. The next day, my friend called me and said that I owed him money because I left last night without paying. I said that I would not pay anything because my partner did not have fun because of his partner.
Then I explained how she upset my partner the whole night with stupid jokes about her anxiety and her constant teasing about her mental health, and my friend said she shouldn’t apologize for teasing her a little. I hung up the phone and have ignored my friend for 3 days now.
So, am I the jerk for refusing to pay because my partner did not have fun and then ghosting my friend?
I want to make a few things clear:
1. The check was $270.
2. In my country, $200 is enough to pay 1 month rent for a mid size apartment.
3. I make quite a lot of money by my country’s standards while my friend doesn’t.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. While I like that you defend your partner and expose the problem to your friend, it didn’t have to be related to any payments at all.
I get that it’s a way for you to clearly show you’re not happy with this but talking/refusing for you and your partner to see his partner again works too. I think making him worry about the end of the month for actions he didn’t even do is a bit too much.
But he is definitely a jerk for saying that kind of stuff about his partner. I guess they match well.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH except for your partner. His partner is TA for downplaying mental health issues and taking it to a point where your partner leaves the table crying.
Your friend is the jerk for pretending that isn’t a bad thing to do. You’re TA for not settling the bill. Enjoyable or not, expensive or not, if you had drinks that night you need to pay for them.” StrangeArcticles
23. AITJ For Paying My Roommate To Feed My Dog Without Telling My Partner?
“We feed our dog every morning before we leave for work, and his dinner time is normally 5:00.
Normally, my partner and I work together to take care of our animals, but this week my partner is out of town and my work schedule is in flux.
On Saturday, without asking my partner if this would be okay, I asked my roommate if he would be okay with feeding the dog dinner, since he is normally home at this time and I expect that I won’t be home until after my dog’s dinner time.
I told my roommate that I’d take him out to dinner and drinks as a thank-you if he did this. (Relevant: My partner and I each have separate “fun funds” accounts, which is a checking account with money we give ourselves every month that we can spend on whatever we choose.
This month I decided to spend some of my money on my roommate as a thank-you.)
At this point, half of the week has passed, and I mentioned this to my partner. She was immediately upset that I did not tell her. She said that she would have wanted to know if “someone was taking care of half of my (her) dog’s meals,” and she said that she’s upset how, instead of taking care of our dog myself, I “threw money at the problem.” She said that our dog could have waited until I got home, or that I could have left work early with the excuse that I need to take care of my dog.
She said this showed that I care more about my work than how much I care about our dog.
I understand how she could have arrived at these thoughts and emotions, but I do not agree with the assessment. I care more about our dog not being hungry, and work has prevented me from getting home by dinner time this week.
Could I get some honest feedback here? I believe I was wrong for not considering it important enough to mention sooner. Going forward, I have already asked my roommate to stop feeding my dog, and I’ll be leaving work to get home early so my dog doesn’t have to wait for dinner.
However, I still think that paying my roommate to give my dog dinner at the correct time is acceptable. Please be honest: Was I being a bad dog father for pinning my responsibilities onto someone else?”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is overreacting unless your dog has special dietary needs that are tricky to manage or your roommate is irresponsible.
Doesn’t seem like that is the case. This feels like her unnecessarily testing you and I do not like the vibes. NTJ” Cute_Grapefruit1393
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is being weird. You are ensuring your dog gets fed at the appropriate time by someone you trust while ensuring that you are fulfilling work responsibilities – no job, no food for you or the dog.
I don’t understand why she’s happy for you to leave the dog home alone (I assume?) all day but not for your housemate to feed it dinner.” PutTheKettleOn20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So why does she expect your employer to let you out early just to feed your dog?
I cannot really imagine a lot of employers would allow that, especially if it was a frequent thing. I don’t think asking your roommate was unreasonable. It was a good solution, and I think your partner is overreacting. If she’s that upset about it, then she can leave her job early or go in late herself to take care of the dog.” Romance-BookWorm-55
22. AITJ For Choosing My Concert Night To Escape A Controlling Husband?
“Early this morning I (30f) mentioned to my husband (31) that I wanted to go see a show (it’s in about two weeks). We have young children (5, 7) for whom I had no intention of even asking him to watch. I know he will call me nonstop the whole time complaining if I do.
So that’s not an issue.
I booked two tickets even though I know he wouldn’t enjoy the music since he listens to stuff in another language. I figured if he didn’t want to, then I’ll take a random person. Before I even finished talking, he interrupts and says “NO.” I was a little shook since it’s an innocent activity, not like I’m going to a strip club, bar, or party, etc. It’s a deathcore band.
I went into defense mode trying to explain what a concert is since he didn’t know what it was, so he was understanding what he was saying no to.
He wasn’t having it, plugged his ears like a child, took the car keys, and left. He then berated me over text, saying I’m not trustworthy because I didn’t “ask” for his permission and that I’m going there to meet someone “behind his back,” despite the fact I’ve been nothing but loyal to this man for almost 12 years!
He shouldn’t even be questioning me at all.
When I argue that, he’ll switch it to “the music is evil” or “I don’t want anyone to see my wife in a place like that” and can’t seem to make up what his argument is. He says “he doesn’t even know me anymore” because I like this type of music.
I obviously can’t control that. I’ve been listening to it since I was a kid.
I just feel like I’ve been married to a man who hasn’t even taken the time to know who I am as a person this entire time. I haven’t had a night out in near a decade.
I deal with the kids 97% of the time, all the cooking, all the cleaning, pretty much everything home related. Let me also add that every time I have ever gone out, he blew up my phone the entire time.
He then gave me the ultimatum: either I go to the concert or our marriage is over.
I’ve been feeling like a shell of a person for a very long time and felt this was just what I needed to let out some steam. I chose the concert because a person who loves you wouldn’t even give that option. Am I the one being unreasonable here?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry. He sounds emotionally abusive, if not worse. Do you have your own money or a place to go with your kids to get away from him? You need to make escape plans or divorce plans before you pull the plug on your marriage.
He doesn’t sound like he would be okay with you leaving, so you may have to figure stuff out before you do it. I wish you the best.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’m worried for you. I can’t imagine hardly ever getting to go out, and then when I do, having my husband blow up my phone the whole time.
He doesn’t sound like a husband; he sounds like a captor. And complaining about watching his own kids? Insane. You know, we all only get one life, and it doesn’t sound like he’s helping you live yours to the fullest. You don’t deserve to be treated like a child, berated, and controlled. I hope you can find the strength to change things.
You and your kids deserve happiness.” Jolly_Cartoonist_258
Another User Comments:
“If I were your friend, I would sit you down and repeat what you’ve just said, so you can hear how worrying that sounds – this is not even about tickets; it’s about a controlling man who has you trained to accept his mistreatment.
You are too young to waste time on this poor excuse of a man. There are men in the world who will adore you, feel lucky to have you, and you deserve one of those. Word of warning – controlling men become dangerous when they feel their control slipping.
Do not give any clue that you have an escape plan, and speak immediately to women’s refuges, helplines, or whatever you have in your area; they will help you. Big hug to you – you are strong enough to make a change, and you are definitely NTJ.” MoxieOHara
21. AITJ For Wanting My Long-Term Guest To Do His Fair Share Of Housework?
“Late last year I (36m) went on a date with this guy whom I quickly realized I was not compatible with, but I was open to friendship. He was going through a rough patch because he was an immigrant from Turkey (we live in the United States) and had injured his knee at work.
He was stressing out because he was worried he’d have to go back to Turkey (his whole family was there and he didn’t have anyone here to help him) and could be separated from his dog whom he really loves. I felt bad for him because I could imagine how I’d feel in that situation.
I’m also a huge animal lover, so I understand the fear of having to give up a pet and not knowing if they’re going to a home that will give them the love they’re accustomed to for the rest of their days. He was also stressing because he had whittled down his savings account while the United States dragged its feet on renewing his work visa.
I figured I had a spare room in my home, and since it would only be for a few months while he recovered from knee surgery, I’d be a good person and pay forward all the great things I have in my life.
When we first moved in, he was on crutches.
He wasn’t making up the story about his knee. I saw the x-rays and took him to surgery. I haven’t told him this, but the several weeks post-op were pretty difficult for me. I took him to his appointment and brought him back. It was an hour drive each way, and I had to take the day off work.
His knee was in this device that locked it in place while it healed, and he had to wear it for an uncomfortable amount of time. I have an 85-inch TV in my living room, so we rotated my couch so he could lie on it and watch TV, play video games, etc., while he recovered. I hated it because usually I like my house to be in order, and during this period it was in complete disarray, but I kept telling myself, “It’ll only be for a few months and then he’ll be on his way.
Just a few months.” Also, because he had to avoid putting weight on his knee, he couldn’t shower, so the smell started to get intense and hasn’t fully dissipated all these months later. I understood at that time that he couldn’t help contribute to the chores because of his recovery, and I knew he couldn’t afford to help with the bills… but it was supposed to only be for a few months.
Eventually, he healed enough to begin going back to the gym and taking his dog for a walk. So finally I figured, “Oh good, since he’s not helping with the bills, maybe he can start helping with the chores.” But boy, was I wrong. He would wash his own dishes, but if I had left a plate in the sink, he would just move it out of the way.
His dog’s hair also started fully coating the bath mats, and I would ask him to clean them and he would… only when I asked. I started just throwing them to the side because I hated getting out of the shower and having dog hair stuck to the bottom of my foot (I’m a cat person).
He would cook and not wipe down the counters or stovetop. I’d find droplets on the floor in the kitchen, and my Roomba would wedge itself under the couch (he still spends a lot of time in the living room) and be there for days.
I’d be leaving for work, starting to feel claustrophobic because the house was getting so dirty, and he’d be in the living room watching TV. I’d get home and nothing would be done. Granted, some of this was my mess too, but since he was living rent free in my home and it would only take maybe 30 minutes out of his day, I had hoped he’d be gracious enough to help me out.
Finally, earlier this week, he sent me a picture of a note from his doctor saying he might need a revision on the surgery because there is still a tear, and I lost it (politely). I explained that the electricity bill was $800 the previous month (I live in California and the state just lets PG&E charge whatever they want), his dog screeches and howls when I’m trying to sleep, and I work two jobs so I can’t keep up with the housework.
He started guilting me by saying that he only has a little bit of money that he needs, but he can try to scrape some together. Then I told him that it wasn’t about the money. It was about the fact that he’s home all day and doesn’t do enough to keep the house clean.
He then got indignant and claimed he does clean my dishes (he’s done it a handful of times; I’ve cleaned his more often), that he’s the only one who cleans the bathroom (I literally just scrubbed the ring off the toilet and sink with a pumice stone and bleach the other day, and I regularly sweep the floor and bleach the toilet bowl), and then he acted as though me never wanting to hang out anymore was a talking point.
This was over text message, and after that I just stopped responding. I was at work anyway.
He moved in in December of 2023, and it is almost October of 2024. He did pay for a cleaning service to come twice, but that was it. He sent $100 to me in February for gas and lunch while he was in surgery.
He cleans his own dishes, and when I’ve asked him to clean, he has, but never of his own accord. I’m not a neat freak, but I do like a base level of cleanliness.
HIS DOG: His dog is pretty well natured and not super destructive that I have seen.
I haven’t seen the inside of his room since he first moved in, but his dog spends a lot of time in there. It has zero obedience training or impulse control. Every time he sees me, he wants to tackle me and lick me. He doesn’t like being alone, even for a minute, so when he is left alone in the room, he howls and screams. It sounds like the dog is being tortured (he isn’t; he is just spoiled).
And yes, I’m aware my people-pleasing and conflict-avoiding ways are partially to blame here. But I worry that if I tell him to leave, he’ll end up having to surrender his dog and go back to Turkey. I don’t want that for him. I actually wish the best for him, but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of at this point and just want my home back.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ staying for free in California is quite a privilege. The fact that he didn’t try and really do lots of housework after you mentioned it seems to be the kicker. Don’t feel guilty. You’ve given him 10 months that he wouldn’t have otherwise.
Let him start working on his next steps.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I see you’ve argued with him about bills and chores, and I don’t see where you’ve actually made a plan about sharing these things. YTJ because, as best as I can tell, you put up with these things even though they cause you distress.
Now I do want to say, I believe he’s taking advantage of you, as a few months has turned into 9 months, though I’m not surprised since it seems he’s been living rent free. He either needs to find another place for a possible second surgery (even if it’s Turkey) or, if you’re willing to let him stay with you, pay rent immediately.” Aware_Welcome_8866
20. AITJ For Requesting The Couple To Cover Extra Hotel Costs Due To Their Last-Minute Wedding Date Change?
“My partner (M22) and I are attending our friend’s wedding (M/F 21). Their wedding is a destination wedding about ten hours away. My partner and I decided we wanted to fly there and rent a car to make travel easy since we had done that drive before and hated it.
Anyway, their wedding was set for early September 2024. We have asked countless times if these dates would change, and we were assured they wouldn’t. So, we paid $150 for our portion of the Airbnb to them ($50 a night per person) and bought our tickets and rental car two weeks ago.
We are very prepared people, and we were very happy to get it all finished early. I informed the bride and groom of our booking, and they said it was okay.
Fast forward to two nights ago, and I received a text saying they had moved the wedding up three weeks because they had a “scheduling mishap” and that their wedding dates had changed. I was so upset.
My partner and I have paid nearly $1,000 to go to someone else’s wedding, and we weren’t sure if we could change anything. Luckily, the airline understood and changed our flights. However, they didn’t have any flights available on the day everyone else is flying, meaning we would have to get another hotel for the night we can arrive.
We would also have to leave a night early to make it back home. (We had to use this airline because they did not offer us a cash refund, only flight credits).
It is safe to say that I’m upset. We have paid our lodging and now have to miss one night of the Airbnb and get a hotel on our own.
I told my partner we should ask them for one night’s amount of money back because: 1. We won’t stay there for three nights; 2. We had to go through the hassle of changing flights, rental car companies, and our PTO for work, etc., to make it work; and 3.
We need to get a hotel for the extra night due to the date changes.
He doesn’t want the conflict and thinks it is a jerk move to ask that of the bride and groom. He thinks because it’s their wedding, we should absorb the cost quietly and not cause them any more stress, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable and it doesn’t necessarily make me a jerk.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Do you really think they’d pay for your lodging? Just don’t go if you’re going to act like that because I guarantee they’d not take it kindly. The bride and groom take some of the blame because of a destination wedding and being cavalier about the date change.
Mostly because of a destination wedding – who has that time?! Three out of the three destination weddings I was invited to ended in divorce anyway, and you can always trust anecdotal evidence and a small sample size for accuracy.” TronnertheAwesome
Another User Comments:
“The only potential way YWNTBJ is if you asked them for reimbursement for the last day you could no longer stay at the Airbnb and then used that money toward the hotel room.
And if the cost of your portion of the Airbnb for that one night was less than the hotel room, you would then have to pay the difference. But honestly, if you can afford it, I would just hold your tongue. Plus, you could always adjust how much you spend on their gift if absolutely needed.” Agile_Caterpillar816
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The reality is, if you ask them for money, it is going to ruin your relationship with the couple. Is the $100 worth it? If they had canceled the wedding, would you expect them to refund you? Things happen. It sounds like they were disorganized in their planning.
ESH” Apprehensive-Owl4635
19. AITJ For Glitter Bombing My Hair Towel To Teach Roommates A Lesson?
“Ever since one of my roommates had his partner move in (without talking to anyone either), they immediately started to use everyone’s things. Both of them didn’t have jobs when she first moved in, although they didn’t start to make an effort to get any jobs (the guy for about 6 months and her for about a month or so) until they had been settled for a few weeks.
When they cooked food, they would use a bunch of everyone else’s dishes and pans. They would leave them in the sink instead of washing them when they were done and would also fill up the dishwasher without starting it. They used all the towels and then got mad that other people weren’t washing them.
I had certain things, like a jar of raw organic honey (not cheap) that I had only used 1/4 of, completely finished by them. They were also using things like my electric water boiler and weren’t returning it the way I like to leave it despite being asked. At one point, they decided to reorganize the fridge where everyone keeps their food, and they completely combined everyone’s things today, saying things like “everyone needs to learn how to share” and “sharing is caring.”
My last straw recently was that I found the partner had been using my hair towel, which I think is absolutely disgusting for so many reasons. She also randomly put her conditioner all over my shampoo and conditioner, as well as other bottles that I had in the bathroom and my loofah.
When I discovered that she had been using my hair towel, I decided that I was going to put glitter in it, because if you’re going to use my crap then so be it, but you’ll get freaking glitter on you.
The other day, I heard them trying to talk crap about me and how I’ve made their week terrible, despite me just minding my own business, cleaning up after myself, and keeping to myself.
I don’t understand what their problem is, but they’re both in their early 20s, and I just can’t believe that grown adults are actually acting like children. They also are the type who will just randomly start engaging in physical affection with one another when you are in the room with them, and they are generally extremely disrespectful and entitled for taking everyone else’s things.
The entire time I’ve lived there, our other roommate has also had to put “Do Not Use” on their things, and they have still used my things despite being asked not to and having the label on them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve had roommates like that.
They typically grow up completely spoiled, having their parents coddle them and can’t seem to fathom that strangers won’t be as kind. Do everyone a favor and find a way to kick them out. They’ll never change unless they get a rude awakening. In the long run, everyone will be happier.” ImportantLog2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you all on the lease? If she is not and she is not named as a tenant, ask the landlord to evict her. He will follow. Tell the landlord about her theft of your food. Limit the things you tell him/her about to actual crimes rather than annoyances.
You can’t be expected to live with a thief.” feminist1946
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Props for the glitter creativity, but it’s like putting a band-aid on a burst pipe. Your situation screams a lack of boundaries and respect, and that’s on them, not you.
Clearly, your roommates have mistaken common courtesy for an open bar at their convenience. Time for a come-to-Jesus meeting, or consider glitter-bombing the whole apartment; that’ll make for a sparkly eviction. Just kidding, sort of. Keep your head high and your pantry locked. Tough times call for tough glitter, I guess.” SlimButtercup
18. AITJ For Not Taking The Blame For My Husband's Speeding Fine After Avoiding A Driver?
“I (47f) have always been a pretty responsible driver and have never received a speeding fine. I drive because I have to, not necessarily because I enjoy it. My husband (54m), on the other hand, is definitely a car/motorbike enthusiast. He loves his car and bike, and gets immense pleasure from driving/riding.
We live in a remote area of Australia, and driving is a necessity as there is no public transport and the closest shops are 20 minutes/30km away. I work from home, so I only use my car 2-3 times a week. My husband drives at least 200km every day, and unfortunately over the last couple of years he has received two speeding fines.
The fines were for driving just over the limit, and even I will admit that it can be easy to do, especially when driving long distances in a car without cruise control. Regardless, he was in the wrong; he paid the fines, and he does try to do the right thing.
Last week we were driving home late at night. We were in my car, and my husband was driving as I was tired. There was another car ahead of us, and by the way, the person was driving (speeding up, slowing down, swerving, drifting, etc.) It was pretty obvious that they were intoxicated or otherwise impaired, and it felt like a dangerous situation.
We were travelling on a single lane highway, and as soon as an overtaking lane became available, my husband attempted to go around the other car. The other driver decided to speed up, so my husband put his foot down, just so we could get around.
And yep, that’s where the speed camera was.
Today I received a fine in the mail for $385 and 3 demerit points. My husband asked if I could accept responsibility and the demerit points and he would pay the fine. I initially said no, as it wasn’t my fault.
I don’t want this on my driving record, and apart from that, I’m pretty sure it would be illegal. He obviously now thinks I’m a jerk. I don’t know how I feel about this. On the one hand, my husband drives A LOT and needs his license for work.
I understand the circumstances in which he and I received the fine; it’s not like he was out hooning around for fun. And we have been married for over 20 years, we are a team, and maybe I should help him out here. But on the other hand, I don’t know if I would have done the same thing in that situation, and to be honest, I am weirdly proud of my clean driving record.
So, AITJ for not wanting to accept responsibility and demerit points?”
Another User Comments:
“Pretty sure in class we were told that we aren’t supposed to speed in order to pass another car. Also, I feel like speeding to get in front of an intoxicated driver is like, the worst possible plan here.
My region is full of intoxicated drivers on Fridays and the rest of the weekend, and when I see them I slow down or take a different road. NTJ” Burning-Bunghole
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he was driving and yeah you both were in the car, but you didn’t encourage him at any point to speed or pass this person.
If you feel like you HAVE to help him out, I would say let him put this on his record and maybe help him pay it off, but I believe this falls on him. If this is his third ticket already for speeding, then he should take the hint and stop.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, getting ahead of the intoxicated driver is a dangerous way to play that scenario out, and your husband should take the demerit points and fine and be grateful you both made it out okay. As much as hubby might not want to hear it, he’d probably benefit from a refresher course on the safety of road rules.
Yikes on bikes.” melodicatrident
17. AITJ For Letting My Partner Sabotage Her Sister's Wedding As Revenge?
“My partner is low contact with her parents and older sister.
She has a difficult relationship with them. She felt bullied by her sister “Cora” (31F) growing up. Her mother was frequently ill and depressed, and her father traveled for work for months at a time. They were kind of poor, so Cora did multiple jobs since her teens and was controlling and domineering with her siblings about chores and school work.
My partner has a lot of resentment about her unpleasant childhood and has pushed back by sabotaging things for Cora in silly and petty ways.
Cora got married to her partner of 3 years about 6 months ago. My partner flew over to attend but acted bratty to mess with Cora.
It was mostly minor stuff, like not confirming travel plans until the last minute so that Cora was forced to pay more for plane tickets, and frequently changing her mind about her dress, which forced Cora to buy and return outfits multiple times. There were a few other things too, like messing with some organized plans and refusing to do things she had committed to.
I don’t really like it or understand it, but she feels it’s important for such payback to bring a balance to her relationship with her sister.
Where I feel she went too far is that the night before the wedding, she had a long talk with the groom about how difficult and short-tempered Cora can be.
He has a kid (6M) from his previous marriage, and she knew they were planning on having more kids right after they got married. She told him that Cora hates little children and will bully them. The newlyweds ended up having a lot of fights over their honeymoon because the groom wanted to postpone having kids and change how much involvement Cora would have with her stepkid.
Cora found out recently that the conflicts are because her sister had this talk with her husband, and she’s been blowing up at my partner. She feels upset at my partner’s interference because she wanted to have kids soon, and my partner feels justified because she’s convinced Cora would be an awful mother.
I told her that it wasn’t right for her to meddle in her sister’s marriage just to mess with her, but she feels that nothing she said is untrue, so she was morally right to do so. We have been having arguments about this, and my partner is now mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on this and your partner being mad, you better run. In your post you say your partner is mad because, growing up, their mother was ill and depressed and the father was not around due to work, leaving them in a poor condition requiring Cora as a teen to have to work multiple jobs helping with the home and getting on your partner about chores and school work.
So by being forced to parent her siblings as a teen, and being tough about homework and chores, your partner feels justified in sabotaging her sister. It sounds more ungrateful than anything. Your partner needs serious anger management and general therapy. None of this is healthy or acceptable.
She says she just spoke the truth to her new BIL, but when you go in with an agenda there is a lot left out. Your partner will not change unless she gets therapy, and she does not seem to think she has a problem, so it’s likely she won’t seek the help, and you need to think about yourself with this woman.
Good luck.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner needs to grow up and be thankful for Cora. If bullying is being used to enforce chores, then your partner needs to do some research. Also, behaving like a child at that big age is a big red flag…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your partner wasn’t engaging in harmless pranks (saran wrap on the toilet or whatever) that would be momentarily annoying; she was trying to sabotage her sister’s wedding. That isn’t petty; it’s vengeful and vindictive, and very clearly shows how she handles any conflict—not by talking about it or addressing it directly, but by using hurt feelings to justify hurting others.
That’s not healthy in any relationship.” Saurus_M
16. AITJ For Expecting To Be Invited On A Family Holiday?
“I (F, 23) am upset for not being invited on the family holiday.
This is my first post, so sorry if I’m not writing it well, but I am really upset and need some advice. My dad, step mum, half-brother (11), and my step mum’s mum are all going on a summer holiday without me and didn’t invite me.
My step mum has been in my life since I was 7, and I have lived with my dad and step mum since I was 12. My mum lives in another country that is a four-hour flight away, so I don’t see her often and consider my step mum and dad my parents.
I currently live at home with them since I have graduated from university and come back home, as I can’t afford to move out yet.
I found out they had booked a holiday when it was mentioned a few months ago while we were at a summer event.
My step mum was talking to her friend, and I was next to her when the holiday was brought up. Her friend said she had “the holiday to look forward to,” and my step mum turned to me and said, “We are going on holiday in August, and you’re not invited,” and then turned back to her friend and continued talking without giving me a chance to respond.
I then spoke to my dad a few days later and simply asked why I wasn’t invited on the holiday. He said he didn’t know, because my step mum had arranged it, and he didn’t even think about me when they were organising it.
I started crying, and my dad said it wasn’t malicious and he would ask my step mum about it.
I was upset about not being considered, especially since we get on well as a family; we eat dinner together every night, etc. I am also upset that my dad didn’t even think of me or suggest that I should be invited. It was never brought up again.
I didn’t want to bring it up because it makes me upset, as I feel excluded from the family, and this is something I have had to deal with for a while. I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk about it without getting angry or crying.
I had also already spoken about my feelings, and my dad knows it upset me. I don’t feel like it’s up to me to bring it up again. They leave tomorrow, and I am really upset about the whole ordeal.
So AITJ for expecting to be invited on the family holiday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You feel excluded because you were. That said, you need to bring this up with them and talk about it with step mum and dad both present. (When they come back, not the day before they go.) I know you’re hurt and don’t want to bring it up, but for your own sake, you need to understand the motivations here to either move on or reassess.
I’m so sorry, OP.” superrm81
15. AITJ For Wanting My Mother To Transition To Palliative Care?
In March of this year, my 77-year-old mother, after years of undergoing abdominal surgeries, finally had a major blockage that resulted in the doctors having to remove all but 4 feet of her small intestines. She has a permanent ostomy and now requires IV therapy every three days to get the nutrients she needs to stay alive because her body can’t absorb nutrients.
Due to the amount of care she needs, she is now permanently in long-term care at 15k a month. My parents have enough in savings that if my dad lives like a pauper, she can stay there for 1 to 2 years before they are broke.
My siblings either flat-out refuse or make it seem like it’s a huge ask to do even the smallest thing for her, so the overwhelming majority of care falls to me.
When I meet with her doctors, they mention but don’t explicitly recommend palliative care. When I bring it up to my mother, her response every time is “The doctor said I had 3 to 5 years left, so I want to wait until then.” That is not the story I get from her doctors, but then again, you cannot really know the future.
In addition, my father is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and the long-term care facility is 30 minutes away in a new city, and he has trouble getting to her, so I have to pull double duty to take care of him and tend to my mother’s needs.
She is perfectly content with slowly dying, defecating into a bag, and having the whole family potentially go into debt propping her up as she slowly withers away. PT has already said she’s reached her strength threshold, and she continues to slowly decline, losing weight and muscle mass.
She can’t walk without assistance, constantly complains about the care, and turns every conversation to how stressful her condition is.
Anyway, the amount of care, time, and financial burden she has placed upon me and my family over the last year or so has been immensely stressful, and I’m at the point where I want her to accept that she’s dying and transition into palliative or hospice care, which would give her a good six months to a year.
I’m wracked with guilt over wanting my mom to accept her fate, but at the same time I can’t do this for 3 to 5 years. So, AITJ for wanting my mother just to give up and adjust her care?
Another User Comments:
“Anyone who judges you negatively needs to hush now.
Most people who have actually been in your situation understand exactly where you’re coming from. It’s a 24/7 job all on its own — but with no annual vacation, no long lunch with colleagues, no paycheck. Caring for someone you love with a terminal illness is physically and emotionally exhausting.
There are no winners — there is no upside. Good days are few and far between. Please find a counselor, therapist, or even a trusted friend who will allow you to speak the quiet parts out loud. In your need to care for everyone else, please don’t forget about yourself.
NTJ.” delila-blue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are under a ton of pressure, and the situation is terrible. The only thing you have control over in this situation is your own actions. Set some boundaries that will keep you safe and sane, and enforce them like your family does.
My heart goes out to you.” piccolo181
14. AITJ For Taking A Camping And Fishing Trip With My Sons While My Step-Dad Missed Out On His Break?
“There is a lot of background information here, but I will try to be as brief as possible. I (M45) have 2 sons, 16 and 18. We enjoy camping and fishing, and as a family tradition every other year we take a long trip to camp/fish and do some tourist stuff along the way.
My mother had a massive stroke back in 2020. She is now nearly non-verbal and restricted to a bed or a wheelchair. After she was released from the care facility, my step-dad took up her care. I disagreed with this, and for over 18 months I begged and pleaded with him to set up professional and appropriate care for my mother.
This resulted in most of my family demanding that I support him and his decision. Things were said, and I stopped talking to my sisters at that time, but I backed off and let my step-dad do his thing.
Now, here is the thing: my step-dad is disabled himself.
He has lots of heart problems and many surgeries. I am disabled as well, with blood cancer. I have been telling my step-dad for 3 years that his caring for my mother on his own like this was going to lead to him being burnt out and that when it happened, I could not help him.
I even predicted with scary accuracy exactly when he would burn out too.
This all came to a head a couple of weeks ago when my vacation was coming up. There was lots of talk about how my step-dad needed to get out and go fishing, that he was burnt out and really needed a break.
I agreed and told him to hire someone.
I left on vacation, and my sons were a great help to me. They helped drive, and they set up and tore camp down every day. They are great kids and helped me in every way they could.
I was really proud of how they are maturing and posted some pics of the trip and shared some directly with my step-dad, as he has been their grandad all their life.
He doesn’t text me anything, but his daughter texted me a nasty message and left comments on my social media that I’m a selfish jerk because he can’t go fishing.
I told them it was a normal thing for a father to take his sons fishing and to share that with family. I have now cut contact with them and blocked them all, but I wonder, was I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You and your sons can take a vacation even if it involves something your step-dad would enjoy. You’ve invited him before and he isn’t willing to figure out how. While I understand the financial concerns, he is entitled to figure out a way to step away so he’s not just “care giver” only.
If his daughter is so upset that you didn’t accommodate him, she should step up and help too. Your sons shouldn’t be negatively impacted.” fromthenorth97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your fault he can’t go fishing. I understand his commitment to your mother, but if he doesn’t want to institutionalize her, he could hire someone to care for her for a few hours or a day so he could go fishing, get a break, etc. I agree he most likely does need a break, but he’s a grown-up: it’s up to him to decide when and make it happen.” AssignmentFit461
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your step dad is putting your mother and himself in danger if he can’t admit that he isn’t able to care for her and your sisters are complicit. Your mother can’t advocate for herself; it must be a really scary position to be in.
I’m glad she has you in her corner. I don’t think your sisters realize the gravity of your mother’s situation. A non-verbal, bedridden woman with a disabled elderly man as her carer, if he falls, she could be left to dehydrate/starve in her own urine, not knowing when he would come back.
Not to mention the risk to him. Sorry, that was crude; it makes me really angry as a disabled person that your sisters think that this is acceptable. Your boys sound like wonderful young men, and you are right to be proud of them.” waltzingtothezoo
13. AITJ For Selling My Apartment Instead Of Letting Grandma Buy It?
“So, little context here. I’m 28 years old, and I live with my grandma. She really wants me out of the house. The reason I didn’t leave earlier was that I was stupid and didn’t think much about my future when I got a job.
Anyway, that changed last year when I started saving and bought an apartment, which is due to be finished by 2025.
The thing is, as time went by, taxes overwhelmed me, and I started to think about quitting. I first found out that I couldn’t, so I decided to sell it.
Note: The apartment plus taxes were consuming 50% of my pay, not to mention my other bills. I’ve been robbed, and my credit card limit is almost maxed out. The taxes were escalating significantly, but I did my best to avoid any late payments. The apartment is in a nice location, with good routes, and is near the beach.
But my father said something that really struck me: it was too far away from my job. It was about 18 km, if I had to guess.
Two months ago, my grandma told me that she was willing to buy the apartment from me and, in return, purchase one closer to my job.
I accepted, and I didn’t even ask her to pay the same amount I had put in (which was a lot). I just wanted her to get me a place to live, even if it was cheaper. She said she would finish selling her house as soon as she could pay me.
Last month, she told me that it was a deal, but she did not yet have the money; she said she would take responsibility for the monthly payments and would buy me another place when she had the money. This month, she tells me she cannot meet the payment, which I was not expecting at all, and she says she still wants it while asking if she can pay a lower amount.
I said that I needed to charge her a little more because I was still investing money in it, and she said that I was being unreasonable, but she still said she would do it.
Last week, I found someone willing to pay not only more but also wanting to close the deal immediately.
I accepted. She gave me far more than I had already paid. I did not tell my grandma, but I think she is not going to be happy with this. However, I would not be financially stable if it stayed that way, since every month the taxes increase further.
AITJ for not waiting for her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she wanted to make a profit off of you. You needed to sell the place, and she really should be buying it at market value. The fact that you stayed with her a while is a separate issue.
If she’s holding that over you, she can’t attach strings after she agreed you could stay with her.” dwotw
12. AITJ For Checking My Partner's Phone Location After She Stayed Out Overnight?
“Last Friday, my (33M) partner (33F) went to an art exhibition in the late afternoon/evening. My partner would let me know if she was eating there, which she did. The rest of the evening, she also stayed there.
At around midnight, she sent me a text that she was going out with the people there. I sent her a text back saying that it was okay and wished her a good time. I woke up at 06:00 and noticed she hadn’t come home at all that night.
I immediately started to worry because it is unlike her not to be home that late. The latest closing time was around 04:00. Between 06:00 and 08:00, I sent her several texts and also called her, asking if she could let me know that she was okay, but she didn’t reply.
Thoughts went through my mind that something bad might have happened, either an accident or something like having been given a substance without her consent or kidnapping. Finally, I couldn’t help myself anymore; I just wanted to know she was okay, so I checked the “find my phone” function on her laptop.
The location was still at the exhibition, which really confused me because I’d never heard of an art exhibition being open until early in the morning. Around 08:15, she finally sent me a text back saying that she was okay and that I shouldn’t worry. When she got home, we talked a bit.
It turned out that the art exhibition was hosting an open bar event; it was super busy and people got really intoxicated. The event was still ongoing at the moment we talked. She hadn’t expected me to be awake so early, so she didn’t think about sending me a text.
She did notice that the “find my phone” notification was on and told me she didn’t like that I did this because she felt it invaded her privacy. She talked about this with a few friends, and they thought I was being a jerk for checking up on her, and yesterday, she confronted me again saying that she really didn’t like it.
I felt weird checking up on her and also felt that I had invaded her privacy, but I could never live with myself if something bad happened to her and I didn’t do anything about it.
Was I just being paranoid? Shouldn’t I have checked her location?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Leaning NTJ. It was a potential emergency situation. Considering you spent two hours calling/texting her beforehand, I’m leaning towards NTJ. Bad crap happens in the world; you realize that. Otherwise, she would have texted or called you back. If she had been only 15 minutes late or something and you immediately went to check her location, yeah, you’d be paranoid.
But considering it was the entire night plus a couple of hours in the AM, yeah, NTJ.” Scurb-Lord
Another User Comments:
“When you saw the location at the exhibition, did it tell you the last time that location information was updated? I had an ex with whom I shared Google location; we could both see each other’s.
When she was being unfaithful to me, she used to turn off location so it wouldn’t update and then make up crap about her phone acting up. You are 100% NTJ, it’s a valid concern and she is being defensive. I suspect she was unfaithful to you.
Don’t ignore the signs; it doesn’t make you controlling or insecure to want to get to the bottom of this.” test_test_1_2_3
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Staying out overnight with no form of communication can be concerning. I understand you checking to make sure she wasn’t in danger.
I also completely understand her not wanting to be tracked at all times. Neither of you are jerks, and now you know how to approach the situation in the future.” InsomniacLive
11. AITJ For Demanding Clear Reasoning From My Asian Mom?
“I (24F) come from an Asian family where elders are deeply respected. Yesterday though, I had a thought-provoking chat with my mom (50sF) while discussing some family issues. I brought up my uncle, who often lectures about how my siblings and I should live our lives or run our businesses.
But when I probe further or ask for nuance, he dismisses it as something we should just “figure out.”
In contrast, my aunt provides guidance stemming from experience. She can explain the how and why behind her advice. I appreciate that she has truly contemplated her position and always helps guide me from a place of true knowledge.
However, here’s where the conflict started. I then used this example with my uncle to illustrate that sometimes my mom offers advice without concrete reasoning to back it up. Her advice often stems from seeing what others are doing, or on the news, and that I should do it because it’s “for my own good.” Because of this, she could rarely respond to my hows and whys?
I told my mom that I mean no disrespect, but I would take her counsel to heart even more if she provided clarity on the reasoning and purpose behind her guidance, rather than just saying I should follow it blindly. Unfortunately, this offended her. She said she’ll take what I said to heart and that from now on she doesn’t think she can advise me on anything anymore and would have to think “miles ahead” before talking to me at all; otherwise, she’ll lose credibility.
I believe that words spoken should have value, and if we kept speaking randomly, there’s no accountability whatsoever, and it won’t be valued. She then left in frustration.
While I tried to approach this respectfully by setting some boundaries around meaningful advice, clearly my mother felt disrespected. She thinks I overstepped my role.
I understand this perspective, given our cultural background. But I struggle with simply nodding along to advice that seems flawed or unsupported to me now as an adult, and then being blamed for what I could’ve done based on their advice from years ago. I prefer growth through thoughtful counsel, even if that means some hard conversations.
So, what do you think? Was I actually being ignorant despite my intentions? Or can one thoughtfully press for meaningful guidance, even from elders? Where is the line?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone outside your culture looking in, if the idea that elders are supposed to be wise is to be expected, expecting elders to have taken a hot minute to actually develop wisdom seems reasonable.
I’d wager the reason your mom is reacting as she is has more to do with her seeing that shortcoming and not wanting to face it rather than feeling disrespected. NTJ, but again, not from your culture.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Being from China, I can understand why your mom finds you disrespectful.
My grandma (70s) believes every single rumor, shaman, and old wives’ tale on TikTok and the like. She keeps giving me bogus advice, “all for my own good.” She means well, just like my grandma, but it can end up harming you if the “wisdom” she has is outdated or wrong.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but the conflict is understandable. In transactional psychology (an older school), you can split the human psyche into three categories: adult, parent, and child, and our interactions can be defined as the interaction of these categories. Your mom wants, demands, and expects a parent/child interaction and you want an adult/adult interaction.
As a parent, she feels disrespected and challenged when you act like an adult, and as an adult, you feel disrespected and belittled for being treated like a child. Culture plays a part, but I think every child, regardless of age, deals with this at some point, and every parent has their issues with admitting their kid is now an adult.
You’re just wrapped up in a very human conundrum here.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
10. AITJ For Choosing A Home With Bees Despite My Wife's Fears?
“I have been arguing on and off with my wife about whether or not we made the right decision moving to our (beautiful!) home since we moved in two years ago.
It is a beautiful building with sizable front and back yards, a garden which we both love, ample side yards, friendly neighbors, a good school district, a highly rated pre-K nearby, and an easy 40-minute commute for me (she is a stay-at-home mother). And it was for a good price!
The ONLY downside to the place is that the next-door neighbors are beekeepers. Now, we knew they were beekeepers when we saw the place (I suspect that’s part of why the price was so low). We talked a lot about it when we were shopping.
She was very worried about our kids (3 & 5 then) getting stung. I told her I didn’t think we’d be able to find another place like this we could afford (and we looked!). In the end, we decided together to move forward and buy the place.
At first, things were fine. We didn’t let the kids out when the neighbors were working with the bees, and things were (mostly) happy here once we got settled. Our kids started going to school (1st and 3rd grade!) and made friends with a couple of other kids in the neighborhood.
We get along really well with our neighbors (including the beekeepers!). Even now, most things are great.
But maybe five or six times in the past two months, I’ve come home to find my wife is distraught because one of our kids has been stung by a few bees.
The kids aren’t nearly as upset as she is; the older one laughs when he tells me about it. But we’ve been arguing again, and she keeps saying that I pressured her into moving here and claiming that I never thought about the kids, which I think is completely unfair of her.
I keep telling her to see the upsides: It’s a much better home than we’d ever have been able to afford anywhere else, it’s beautiful, and it’s in a good school district!
Tonight she cried and told me she didn’t want to live here anymore, and when I asked her, “Well, why did you sign on the house then?” she screamed and just walked out of the room.
I just don’t know what to do at this point. So what do you think, AITJ here? I really think this is a good place for us and for the kids, and I believe in her heart she does too; she’s just stressed right now.”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds really weird. Are you sure the kids are being stung by honey bees? Does your wife have to pull the embedded stingers out of their skin after they get stung? If not, maybe you have a yellow jacket nest somewhere in your yard.
In that case I would expect the kids to get multiple stings anytime they get near it; those things are jerks. Lots of people call anything that stings and is black and yellow a ‘bee’, but there are lots of wasps and hornets that are much more likely to sting than honey bees.” phthalocyanin_sky
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t clear cut who the ass is. But you two do have a problem. You should get some counseling to work through it. I’m betting the house isn’t even the real problem. In the meantime, you both need to teach your kids to behave around bees.
Bees will sting when they feel threatened. You need to teach your kids to be aware of them and to not swat at them. Don’t swat at them and you are unlikely to be stung. (Your neighbor might even be happy to help your kids get more comfortable around them.
Talk to your neighbor about it. They would be a good resource.)” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Escalating My Coworker's Chronic Farting Problem With My Boss?
“I work in a small office space 3 days a week with about 10 other people there most days. It’s a tight fit – we’ve got cubicles squeezed in almost all the way to the door. My coworkers are awesome, I enjoy my job most days, and the pay is decent.
Here is my issue: Every time I go into the office, it absolutely reeks. One of my coworkers passes gas all day long at her desk, sometimes loudly, sometimes not. I cannot describe how horrible it smells. It’s like something died, crap itself, and died again.
At least once a day, it gets so bad that I (and a couple other coworkers) have a “daily walk” we’ve started to do (under the guise of being healthy but really it’s just so we can momentarily breathe oxygen again).
I have literally gone home from work because I just couldn’t concentrate from the smell.
Last week, an IT guy came to fix a program on a coworker’s computer and he gagged so hard he had to run to the bathroom to throw up. My gassy coworker, D, ignores it. Somehow. She’ll let one rip and keep on typing, scrolling, or whatever without an “excuse me” or any attempt to be considerate to her office mates.
For what it’s worth, we have access to a bathroom right outside in the office lobby hallway. It would take D all of 10 seconds to pop in there and do her business.
My question is, WIBTJ for going to my boss about this? D’s worked here for a couple years more than me, and to my knowledge I’d be the first to make a complaint (I’ve also been told the gas has gotten progressively worse, maybe now’s the time to speak up?).
I spoke with my work friend who said I’d be the office hero, but another friend who doesn’t work there said I’d be an enormous jerk, and what solution could I possibly ask for? She brought up, what could my boss even do about it?
Would it even be legal for him to act on something that could be health-related?
At the same time, it’s becoming untenable to work in this space. I don’t have any other job prospects lined up, but I’m thinking I should maybe start. I REALLY don’t want to quit my job over farts???
(Life upheaval is not in the plans at the moment and I don’t know if my anxiety could handle it or my finances.) But this is a disgusting and unreasonable work environment to be in. So, WIBTJ for roping in my boss for him to deal with this problem?
I’m just at my wit’s end here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is no different than addressing any other sort of coworker hygiene issue. Acknowledge that it’s a sensitive topic, that your issue isn’t the act itself so much as it’s the fact that there are no attempts to walk to the bathroom to do so, and that frankly it just makes the work environment non-functional. Ask if there is an option to telework, work in another space, or can your boss have a conversation with the employee about going to the bathroom to deal with gas, anything.
But you shouldn’t have to just deal with it when this is an ongoing, constant issue.” breathemusic14
Another User Comments:
“YWNTBJ, but don’t go to your boss’s office to talk about this. It needs to be clear you’re not being oversensitive or trying to bully your colleague.
Do you know roughly what times of day these things are likeliest to happen? Make an appointment with your boss to talk about at least two issues, and ask him to come to your cubicle to talk. Try to have other colleagues join you for one or both.
Obviously talk about the other issue first — prepare carefully, and go over it in depth and in detail. Afterwards, take the meeting someplace else to talk about the sensitive issue.” ggcc789
8. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her TikTok Conspiracies Are Stupid?
“I (21M) had just arrived home after finishing my second year at university. I don’t talk to my family much while I’m studying, so I do not really keep up on “family drama” if that’s what you want to call it.
I arrive home and notice that my sister (24F) and mother had not been talking. This is nothing new at my household; it seems that they are always arguing about something really stupid. I typically try to stay uninvolved with these kinds of arguments, as I try to be passive at home, but I heard mentions that they had argued about the Titanic or something, and I couldn’t help but ask one of them about it.
To start, I asked my mom what they had argued about and why they weren’t talking, and my mom laughed it off and explained that they had argued about some conspiracy my sister believes. Basically, my sister believes everything that she reads on “TikTok” or on “Google.” My sister saw somewhere on TikTok that the Titanic was faked for money, where my mother called crap, so my sister went further to the “Helen Keller was fake conspiracy” and my mom just laughed at her.
I wish that I were joking. This is really why they argued…
So, fast forward to the next day, I decided to confront my sister about this because I think it’s a very, very stupid reason to not speak with a family member (your mother at that).
I started off the conversation with my sister by asking why they hadn’t been talking because I wanted to hear her side of this story. She proceeded to tell me the exact story that my mother had told me and that she is mad at my mother because she “thinks that she knows everything.” Now, this is where I said the Titanic theory was likely crap, as I saw the same video on TikTok a while back and it looked and sounded stupid to me, at least. Well, this is where it escalated because I told her that she can’t be believing everything she sees on the internet.
But anyways, after I stated, “I think this is a stupid reason not to talk to Mom,” to try and stop the conversation, she stormed out of my room, slammed my door, and has not talked to me since.
Am I the jerk for this?
I really just wanted to diffuse an argument between her and my mom and really just made it worse.”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. NTJ. It is dumb to not speak to your Mum about a stupid conspiracy theory, especially at 24! She can actually vote and get married and yet she stops speaking to people because they don’t believe stuff on the internet??
Does she live with your Mum still? If so, she’s also an entitled A expecting to live under someone else’s roof while not speaking to them. She needs to grow up” Wolf_mother1105
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is like many in this country who unwaveringly believes anything on the internet.
It is infuriating, and there is little that can be done with people that refuse to listen because they ‘know better.’ It would be nice if she was asked to check the authority/cites of the info, but you know that’s not going to happen.
She needs to get a grip on family. It’s one thing to hold some untenable beliefs, but when they keep you from functioning with friends and family, that’s a problem. Doesn’t seem that she is willing to move out, so maybe she needs to know she needs to at least be civil.” catskilkid
7. AITJ For Telling A Guy To Leave Me Alone While Grieving?
“So for context, I recently had a friend who passed away due to circumstances. I was having a bad day, so I went to a bar and got a beer to unwind and decompress before actually engaging with the bar scene.
I had picked a spot out of the way of everyone and was trying to finish my beer when a random guy (RG) started trying to talk to me.
RG: Hey, can I buy you a beer?
Me: No, thanks.
RG: Come on, let me buy you a drink.
I decided to ignore him at this point since I had already answered him and needed to clear my head of the incident with my friend.
RG decides that apparently I’m too stuck up and starts throwing out the standard “nice guy” nonsense.
RG: What is wrong with women these days?
A guy can’t just buy you a drink; every girl is too good, blah blah blah.
I kept sipping my beer when he started mentioning very, very specific events that happened with my friend. To avoid sharing those private details, let’s just say he described the process of everything that happened to her.
At this point, my heart dropped into my stomach and I thought that this guy somehow knew me and was trying to hurt me in the worst way he could, only for him to continue with
RG: Do you know someone who [blank]? Well, you don’t, my brother—
At this point, I cut him off as I realized he had no idea what was going on with me and was talking about a separate instance of loss involving a sibling. I went off on him.
Me: Yes. Yes, I actually do. You need to shut up and leave me alone.
You have no idea what I’ve been through and what’s going on, and that is exactly what I’m experiencing loss in.
At this point, he had still been trying to talk over me, and I finished responding by telling him to leave me alone and moving to go recuperate in the bathroom.
When I came out, I sat somewhere else, and he quickly disappeared. I know he was going through a hard time, and I feel really bad that he left because of me, but I also feel like it was unfair of him to drop that baggage on a random person; albeit, I’ll admit, how likely it probably was for two people mourning similar things to butt heads.
But still… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No NTJ. Brozo asked you a question. You answered the question. He didn’t like your answer (which makes that his problem, not yours). Then he went on a ‘nice guy’ pity party rant. Brozo couldn’t take the hint; see the signals.
Someone sitting alone, drinking alone, away from others… Sounds like great prey. Let me make my move. ‘Let me buy you a drink’ aka I’m so in. Nah, the guy was dumb.” toshido22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’d accepted the beer, he’d have an argument that the cost of the beer was payment for you to be his therapist. But you made it clear you wanted to be left alone.
His response was first to disparage women for wanting to be left alone, then laying a very heavy emotional burden on you. He’s going to go into wounded incel mode, failing to realize that it’s his behavior that gets him rejected. You aren’t responsible for that; he’s doing it all himself.” ThatguyIncognito
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, regardless of whatever circumstances he was going through, here is where it should have ended: ‘Me: No, thanks.’ The entitlement of thinking he deserves your attention as his problems can’t possibly be as bad as his. And yet another example of men not respecting women or their boundaries.
God, this is exhausting. So good for you for keeping up the good fight—don’t let people like him make you doubt yourself. Discomfort overrides politeness.” Original-Winter9334
6. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Brother For Eating My Meatballs?
“I’m 15 (f) years old and my older brother Vincent is 17. That’s not his real name, and I’m using a throwaway because he introduced me to Reddit so he knows my main account.
He’s on the football team, and they have started practicing already for next school year, and his coach told him he needs to bulk up a bit before the season. So, my brother has been eating a lot of protein lately.
I’m a fan of SpaghettiOs, but I like the kind with the meatballs and often have it as an afternoon snack.
One day, I went to the pantry to get a can of SpaghettiOs with meatballs, but they weren’t there. I asked my brother where they were, and he said to check the fridge. I went to the fridge and found my last seven cans open, but with the meatballs missing.
The only thing left was the SpaghettiOs themselves and the sauce.
I was really mad. I told my brother that he was a jerk for eating all of the meatballs. He just laughed and said that he needed the protein.
I told him that he could have just asked me to share the meatballs with him.
He said that he didn’t want to ask because he knew I would say no. When I asked why he didn’t just buy his own, he said he was too tired after practice and he wanted something convenient. He used the same excuse when I asked him to drive me to the store to get more, but he said no.
I was still mad, but I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t really force him to give me the meatballs back. I’m too young to drive myself, so I had to wait for my mom to get home and take me to the store to restock.
I will make sure to hide the cans before my brother has a chance to steal my meatballs.
I’m still not sure if I was in the wrong for getting mad at my brother, though. When I told my mom on the way to the store, she said to give my brother a break because they’re just meatballs and I still have the SpaghettiOs, but the meatballs are the best part!
On the one hand, he did eat my food without asking. On the other hand, he was just trying to do what his coach told him to do. He is treated sort of like a golden child by my parents, though, so I’m not sure.
What do you think? Was I in the wrong for getting mad at my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is a jerk and your mother is enabling him. She should have told him that was a gross thing to do and made him drive you to the store.” Individual_Umpire969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is a TPOS. He knew exactly what he was doing and wasted food. Never, ever let him know where you hide them in the future. When old enough, you may want to go full no contact with him too.
I had to with mine, and life is so much easier.” crymson7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s such a jerk. Each can has only a few meatballs, so it’s not likely to really help him bulk up. If he wants meatballs, he should get the frozen kind and dump them in the slow cooker with sauce before leaving for school.” Lazuli_Rose
5. AITJ For Refusing To Contribute Money Instead Of Giving A Gift At My Best Friend's Wedding?
“A little backstory: I (F23) have been best friends with a woman I will call Ashley (F24) since 10th grade. We have been super close throughout high school and even went to the same college and saw each other on campus most days. It was never an issue to help each other out or loan small amounts of money if the other needed (no more than $100).
About a month ago she announced that her partner of five years proposed and they would be getting married very soon. I was thrilled! I was extremely happy and she didn’t hesitate to ask me to be her maid of honor.
I also helped her plan the wedding.
Now, mind you, neither Ashley nor I are wealthy or have money to afford anything huge, but I had assumed that she had everything under control money-wise and I wouldn’t need to help her. After all, it was HER wedding and I didn’t feel responsible to have to pay for it.
In my mind, if she couldn’t afford it, then she shouldn’t have a wedding that big. Anyway, as we’re planning, she keeps bringing up how she wants a really big wedding and to invite practically everyone she knew, and she said that she planned to pay for it by asking guests to bring her money instead of buying presents.
She said that no one will think that she needs it to pay expenses for her wedding and will just think they prefer money over gifts.
I told her that I thought it shouldn’t be the guests’ responsibility to pay for the wedding because they are GUESTS.
She asked if this meant I wouldn’t be paying my part and I said yes. I told her I would be more than happy to buy her a gift and if she needed a little extra money to get by, I would be willing to help out, but not for the reason of paying for her wedding.
This made her extremely mad and she told me that I needed to leave her house and not be her maid of honor if I wasn’t going to be supportive. I left her house and haven’t talked to her since. The wedding date is in 2 weeks.
Do I reach out and see what terms we are on, and see if I need to help in any way? Does this make me rude for not wanting to pay for her wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s in poor taste to ask for funding help, but your friend is trying to muscle you.
What the heck is it with so many young women these days when the engagement ring goes on their finger, they catch a cold and start channelling dictatorial behavior? They act like domineering dictators and think they are the sole authors of reality. Maybe she’ll come to her senses.
If not, Adios, amiga, no mas.” Turbulent-Stand4499
Another User Comments:
“In my country, it’s customary to bring money (around $100) instead of gifts, and more often than not that money covers the wedding expenses. If it’s considered uncommon or in bad taste in your culture, obviously you’re NTJ for not wanting to go along with it.
Especially if the bride is acting so entitled about it, and values your money more than your friendship.” sapvka
4. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Mother's Overseas Holiday?
“A couple of months ago, my mom (58) arrived from the Holy Land (Mecca) for religious purposes. Before that, she asked us—myself (F29) and my brothers A (39) and B (36)—to chip in for her travel costs. The cost was quite high; it amounted to about three times my salary, and I paid for half of it, while my brothers contributed about 25% each.
In their defense, they were already married and had to prioritize their family, whereas I was still single and could afford it. Because it was for religious purposes and my mother is a stay-at-home widow, I obliged. I should add that I am Asian and live in an Asian country.
After she came back, she told me that she wanted to go next year as well and reminded us how children should take care of their parents, etc. I told her I needed to think it over first, but I did not have too much hope since I needed to save my money to buy a new apartment.
She looked disappointed and said yes.
However, today she wants to go on a holiday with her friends overseas and needs me and my brothers to pay for it. I will need to pay for about 75% of her expenses. I finally told her that it was too hard for me to afford it, while I was happy for her being happy, but I needed the money too.
I have never been on holiday myself, let alone somewhere overseas, but I continue to pay for my mother.
Her going to Mecca is not even mandatory in our religion; it is just a special month in which people who went there will receive better pahala (reward) for worshipping the god in that land during that specific month.
She could have done everything perfectly fine if she had done it at home at zero cost, but I agreed to it. She went on another holiday to other towns within the country with me, during which I paid the majority, if not all, of the cost. She is really a nice and loving mother, but she had always relied on my father financially as she was a stay-at-home wife; but now that he’s gone, she relies on us, her children.
I told her to find a job because I’m not rich yet and need to pay for my OWN living costs as well. But AITJ for refusing her and telling her all of that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your mother doesn’t understand money at all.
Don’t let her doom your financial future by spending your money on unnecessary trips. Write down what you’ve already given her, and let her know that going forward, you’ll try to give her a gift of $X a year, assuming you have your health and your job and no emergency expenses.” ggcc789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Going to Mecca at least once in a person’s life is a requirement for Moslems, but not more than once. I have discussed this with numerous Moslems. They have told me that it is not allowed to go on the Hajj if you owe anyone money.
If you cannot afford to give her the money, she should not go.” emeslyaakov
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t specific about whether it was Hajj or Umrah, but considering how close we were to the season, I’m assuming it was Hajj. It is only obligatory to do that once, and only if the person can afford it.
You’ve done more than your fair share.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Calling My Mother A Heartless Jerk Over Relationship Advice?
“Rather heavy title, but unfortunately my mother [74F] and I [57M] had a rather nasty argument. I am a widower, and my late wife is the love of my life; she is my soulmate and made everything about life so much brighter and better, and she gave me two spectacular children whom I now treasure more than ever.
Seven years ago, she died. It has taken everything in my power to stay here, and I’m slowly trying to find how to live without her.
I understand that grief works differently for everyone, but for me, I can never do anything that even slightly feels like replacing those I’ve lost. All of my loved ones know this; it’s the reason why I could never have a dog again when my dog died when I was 20, why I always vehemently opposed spending more time with one relative after the death of another, and so on.
This, coupled with my absolute lack of desire to be with anyone else at all, has resulted in my utter repulsion at even the thought of being with someone else in absolutely any capacity. My sons know this, my in-laws know this, my half-brothers and my cousins know this, and my mother should know this too.
She knows firsthand that loved ones are irreplaceable in any capacity to me, my wife most of all.
Yesterday, I was visiting her at her home (along with my half-brothers). At one point, the conversation topic became our romantic lives. I was content with this; one of my half-brothers is getting married soon, and I’m very happy for him.
My mother then asked me if I was seeing anyone, and I reacted with quite a bit of disgust and anger. I told her that that was obviously not the case, and it never would be.
She then said that I should consider romantic relationships again.
At this point, I lost it, and I told her that she was a heartless jerk for even considering that, and that I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. She obviously got very upset, but I was livid, insulted, and sad, and I left.
I stand by not ever even considering love, romantic relationships, romance, or physical intimacy with anyone else (and, frankly, I think I would be completely incapable of it anyway), but after having some space, I think I might have been too mean to my mother (even though she knew beforehand that I didn’t want to be with anyone else ever again).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She was just trying to show some interest in your life rather than assuming. That’s such an extreme over reaction, she must be very concerned about how you are coping.” Pleasant_Birthday_77
2. AITJ For Stepping In When My Daughter Yelled At My Granddaughter?
“I (59F) have three daughters. When my daughters are busy or if their family needs me, I will happily take care of my grandchildren, but I never say anything about how my daughters choose to raise their kids.
Last weekend my oldest daughter (40F) came over to my house with my granddaughter (11F) for lunch. The topic of the sudden death of a very remote family member came up. She left a very young son behind and her family was devastated. The atmosphere was very sad at the moment.
My daughter became visibly unsettled and said how tragic it is for the little boy, and even sobbed a little. My granddaughter saw how upset her mom was, and said, “Mommy, don’t be sad, I’m sure time will heal their broken heart,” in an attempt to comfort my daughter.
This was when my daughter flipped out on my granddaughter. She looked at her with wide eyes and yelled something along the lines of, “What do you mean? No children will recover from such grief and no amount of time will heal,” which escalated to, “Do you want me to die?
Does it make you happy that I die?” At this point my granddaughter was crying out loud and had no idea what she did wrong.
So I pulled my daughter into a room and told her that this was not what her daughter meant, and that her daughter loves her and was just worried. She then yelled at me for being nosy and stepping in while she was “educating” her own daughter, to which I replied that being hysterical was not the right way to educate a little kid.
She said an 11-year-old is not young anymore and my granddaughter should have known better about what to say on such an occasion.
My granddaughter has always been a bright and kind kid, top of her class (I live in a country where elementary school has homework and exams), works hard at school, always greets me with a big smile, and writes nice cards to all family members on meaningful occasions.
She makes handmade gifts for my birthdays, etc. I just don’t think she meant any harm or ill wishes for her mom.
I told my daughter that she needed to calm down, and she said she doesn’t have to take my “antiquated” educational advice, then stormed out of my house with my crying granddaughter.
I am worried about my grandkid, but when I called my daughter, she would not pick up the phone. Did I do anything wrong in stepping in like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My own mother used to pull this crap on me. For instance, once when I was around 9, for some reason she and Dad went out of town for the whole day and I was with a babysitter who let me watch TV all day.
When my parents came back, Mom asked me if I missed them and I jokingly said, ‘No, I loved it, I got to watch cartoons all day.’ She lost it and started screaming about how I’d learn my lesson if they both died, and then I’d probably be happy because I would get to watch cartoons all day.
It’s so awful and downright abusive.” Embarrassed-Panic-37
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter needs therapy. None of that is okay. The vast majority of us lose parents at some point and do manage to move on over time. It is harder when they are kids, but they do manage to live fairly happy lives.
What she said to her daughter was completely out of line and cruel. Is your daughter a single mother? I am hoping there may be a father in the situation that is more reasonable. I question the environment in which she is being raised if that is how her own mother talks to her.
Heartbreaking.” holisarcasm
1. AITJ For Removing A Group Member For Not Contributing?
“So, I’m (18 F) a first-year CS-Math major. I’ve got a coding project, and it’s also group work. We are divided into groups of four, so I got together with two of my friends and one other girl that we are not as close with, but she happened to be with us.
I will be calling her L.
The first part that is due in two days contains nine questions that are quite simple, as it is only the beginning of the project. I don’t like waiting until the last minute to start on stuff, so at first I started trying to plan a meetup for us to work on it as soon as possible.
L was very dismissive at first, saying she’s not particularly good in that specific coding language and telling my friends and me that we should work on it first. That rubbed me the wrong way, but I let it slide. Time passed without a meetup, and so I was starting to get anxious since the deadline was getting close.
My friends and I went ahead and worked on questions 1 to 7, leaving 8 and 9 to give L a last chance.
I then talked to L a second time, and she finally agreed to meet up this evening to work on the last two questions. I even checked up on her yesterday to make sure she was meeting up with us today, and she said yes.
I came to class this morning and reminded her of our meetup. Then she told all of us that something had come up (we have a test tomorrow, and she wants to study for it this evening with a particular teacher). I asked her why she hadn’t told us; she said she had taken the teacher appointment last night, even though she knew that we needed to work on the project.
I got kind of mad and said we were not canceling the meetup, as I do not want to do it at the last minute, and she could either come or not. If she does not come and does not contribute anything to the project, I plan not to write her name on the file, and that leaves her two days to do her own project by herself.
I don’t want her to take advantage of us like this and get a free project without lifting a finger, as it is not fair to the three of us. So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a similar problem last semester, but I stayed silent, believing in a group member’s promise to do better in the next part of the assignment.
He repeatedly left me scrambling on the day of the deadline doing his work. Because I waited too long to say something, the jerk let him pass (with a worse grade, but still). Believe me, it’s only gonna get worse with L. Shoot her a text and kick her off the team now.
Her grades are not your responsibility.” Constant-Try-1927
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When it happened to me last time, my partner and I made sure we already did everything without telling the other person and pretended that we were still waiting for her to give us the answer.
When she didn’t and gave so many excuses—even though we reminded her so many times and told her that we might remove her from the group if she didn’t contribute—we submitted the work we had with her name on it, but we informed our lecturer that she didn’t contribute anything to the project.
So she got 0 and had to repeat the course.” Only-Round52
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – Part of a group assignment is learning to coordinate with people and work productively. You would be failing to learn that lesson if you had an assigned group and just did the work yourself while leaving their name off.
Put their name on it and set expectations for the next phase of the project. You aren’t just learning to code; you are learning to code together.” Nothing-Busy
