People Ask To Hear What We Have To Say About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Spoiling Myself For The First Time?
“I went to the most recent PAX East (massive gaming expo in Boston) and allotted myself $1,000 to spend, and $400 to a friend to split hotel costs as this was when I was going to finally meet some friends I met online 4-5 years ago.
After coming back home, I come to find out my partner of 2 years absolutely livid at me for spending $1,200-$1,300 on it and has been nonstop berating me about it. She wants a brand new 2020+, $30,000 vehicle simply because it has screen navigation and Apple Play… she refuses to compromise on a used vehicle I found that, albeit being used with 110k miles on and not having screen navigation, was only $5,000… her mother is also with her on this saying I’m in the wrong… The last time I actually splurged $500+ on myself was 7 years ago when I built my PC.
It was not used from a joint account, it was saved from 1/2 – 3/4 of my paycheck for 2 months which I’m also getting a pay raise from here in 1 month. ($14.50/hr to $20/hr)
So please, I beg you, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you two seriously need to sit down and discuss your financial situations before you go any further. She seems to be thinking of things very differently than you.
And just a tip on the ‘wanting a new car for navigation and Apple Play’: she doesn’t need a new car for that.
I do a fair amount of long-distance driving and really wanted both of those to make things easier for me. Well, guess what? You can buy a new audio unit for most cars, with all the new bells and whistles, and have it installed. I did not know you could do that easily.
I’ve done it now with 3 different makes of cars, and they all work beautifully. The price range for my upgraded units with installation was around $1000. (I’m in the U.S.). Much cheaper than a whole new car.” LadyLu-ontheLake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You used your own funds you saved that weren’t for joint use, it’s been SEVEN years since you’ve splurged on yourself, and she’s going to begrudge you this? She’s livid? Because she thinks she’s entitled to you buying her a new car?
Y’all aren’t even engaged?? Y’all aren’t married. I’d be ECSTATIC over a 5k used car. Just… Man. Sounds really entitled and selfish to me. If you wanna stay with that good luck.” ConferenceDecent4222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If she wants to get a new car, she can pay for it herself.
You’re her partner, not her husband/fiance. You have no obligation to assist her with the purchase of a vehicle. Right now, if you’re living together, the only obligation you have is to half the bills. A vehicle is not something that anyone but the owner of the vehicle should have to pay for.
One last thing, ‘mom’ needs to mind her own business.” SigSauerPower320
23. AITJ For Being Offended By My Husband's Comment About My Cooking?
“My (46F) husband (50M) literally stated ‘you just slop things together and don’t even care if they like it’ to describe how he feels I cook for our children at times. When I was offended by his words. he doubled down and repeated his statement several times.
This occurred during normal conversation and was not in reference to anything, in particular, I have cooked recently. His opinion is that I am a jerk for being offended by his statement instead of agreeing with him.
In over 20 years of cooking most meals, our 7 children ate I can think of very few (definitely under 10) meals they collectively did not like.
Obviously, I cannot make every kid happy every time. Sometimes (very rarely) I feel I deserve to prepare a meal I really enjoy that I know isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Sometimes I feel I’m entitled to try new recipes my family isn’t accustomed to or hasn’t tried before.
No child has ever been forced to eat anything they didn’t like or has ever gone to bed hungry.
I think he’s mostly referring to my ability to combine ingredients we have on hand to create meals that do not follow strict recipes, or my ability to use substitutions when I don’t have everything on hand a recipe calls for.
I don’t enjoy cooking but I do believe I do it very well.
Here is what I said that upset him. ‘I would like to know what type of a husband thinks these words about their wife, says them out loud, expects the person they are said about to not be offended, and defends saying these words.’ I am very hurt and angry.
He’s treating me like I am in the wrong and like I have horribly upset him for defending myself against what he said about me. He stormed out of the house, then returned to give me the silent treatment and no apology.
I am aware he is unusually sensitive to me causing him to feel that he has made any mistake at all no matter how big or small. He has been this way our entire marriage and I have stayed despite how harmful it has been to me and our marriage.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You are his wife, NOT A SHORT ORDER COOK! If a genius thinks he can do better, then, by all means, step aside and let him try his hand at cooking and I mean from start to finish.
Grocery shopping, prepping, cooking, cleaning up, and washing everything he and the rest of the family dirtied while having dinner. You deserve better. He doesn’t appreciate you at all. As a matter of fact, he’s being downright rude and abusive.
He’s the one with the problem.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Maybe he should try cooking for 7 children + 2 adults instead if he thinks you’re so bad at it? Maybe he can do better? He owes you an apology for hurting your feelings and when you brought up how it hurt, he continued to berate you.
It sounds like he’s insecure about something and he’s taking his anger out on you about his own issues that he refuses to communicate with you about. If he’s been this way the entire time, perhaps marriage counseling will help if you’re unable to resolve it by talking it out.
If marriage counseling does not help, consider leaving. You deserve someone who will love and support you. Not be mean to you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to be better to yourself. Why do you allow him to speak to you in such a manner?
I don’t get it. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life rather than ever be stuck with a man like your husband. Eww.
After you cooking for 20 years, sounds like he wants a turn. Let him cook if he has a problem with what you’re making for your family.
You’ve somehow managed to raise and feed seven, let me repeat, SEVEN, kids!!
As far as the silent treatment he’s giving you, be grateful. Enjoy not having to hear his complaining for a moment.” Thart85
22. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Lease?
“I’m an 18f who was just approved for my first apartment — all I have left to do is pay a fee I’m waiting to be sent the link by the leasing agent.
It’s a gorgeous place for a great price that I found on social media. I’m very excited and lined up two jobs in addition to school and possibly an internship that is all nearby. My biggest motivation for this place is to provide a safe space for my sisters — they live in a bad household and it’s always been our dream to finally leave.
Not to mention, I am very depressed at home and have been saving up for this place. I dropped my other options once approved.
Anyways, my roommate just sent me a text saying her friend has a medical emergency and needs to take my lease.
My first reaction was anger because I’m supposed to move in two weeks and she had almost 2 months to find a friend to be her roommate instead. She has no control over my room but I could be nice and cancel my plans.
She sent me a link to another place that is more expensive. I feel like this is all just nonsense to get me to feel guilty for her friend who ‘needs’ the lease.
Edit: my sisters won’t be moving in, they’ll just be allowed to come for sleepovers when things get hard.
Luckily they’re a bit older now and have friends who allow them to come over for extended sleepovers but my plan was to let them come over for 1-2 nights at a time just cause these friends to have parents who might not always understand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, keep your lease. She’ll be mad, yeah but her friend can stay on the couch if need be. You don’t have to give up your whole lease for someone you don’t know. Yes, the friend’s situation sucks but so does yours.
Besides who knows if the place will even approve the friend and then the roommate will be left without anyone to help pay for the place.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If the would-be roommate is just renting a room they do not have the authority to cancel your contract with the landlord.
To be safe, reach out to the landlord confirming your intent to lease the room.
Also, be prepared to have a hostile roommate since she would not be getting her way.” Stabmesomemore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Move into your place and be happy.
Don’t let others control or manipulate you. This friend isn’t a very supportive one so don’t give them much thought.
Congratulations on your first place. I know you will find the peace you have worked hard and sacrificed much to obtain.
You deserve it!
So excited for you and your sisters!” Th3Confessor
21. AITJ For Not Giving My Brother Pizza?
“I (19yo) bought and made one of those cheap homemade pizza kits and after I was done I realize that I didn’t have the pizza cutter, so I went downstairs and ask my brother (16yo) if he had it.
He said yeah and pointed to the counter where it sat dirty. It was disgusting especially since they’ve had a bug problem down there. I asked him to wash it off since I had made this pizza for him and my family.
He said ‘no and that he didn’t want any pizza to begin with and he already had heartburn’ so that was that and I washed it myself I wasn’t going to argue with him over a pizza cutter.
Now, here’s where I need your advice.
After our mother came home, he came up to our house and wanted a piece of pizza. I told him that he said he had heartburn and then I reminded him that he didn’t want any pizza when I asked him to wash something for me.
We argued for a bit, at first it was just playful banter then he started getting actually mad about it that’s when our mother said that she didn’t want to come home to fighting which we weren’t fighting we were just arguing but I still understand where she was coming from.
When she asked why I didn’t want him to eat any pizza, I told her that he wouldn’t wash the pizza cutter for me which they had used last she then pointed to our sink which had a few pans in it and said ‘if you want to talk about dishes why don’t you look over there.’ If those were actually my dishes, I wouldn’t have gotten mad but I have just come back from my Grandma’s today and all those dishes were clean when I left the house and the only other person who comes up here besides my mom is my brother.
When I said that when I went to my grandmother’s the dishes were clean, she got angry and said well this is the real world and you’re going to have to clean the dishes when you get a husband. She loves to bring up the fact that I need to get a partner even though I’ve told her multiple times that I like women.
She just annoys me and says I’m too young to know what I want. This also annoyed me so I just left and came to my room. The only reason she doesn’t make him do the dishes is cuz she’s very traditional and thinks women should be in the kitchen while their husband works.
So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not going to change your mom’s mind though. Your kids will someday be not as good and boys will be favored over girls. Nothing you can do about it. But your family has sucky attitudes.
And your brother will be a bad husband someday. Try to raise your kids better if you have them.” Xellos1542
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a lot to say here
First of all, you and your brother should split the dishes 50/50 to avoid more conflict.
Second of all you, should sit your mom down and tell her what’s happening.
Third of all and I’m just going to be honest having women do everything in the house is just wrong and you should try moving out as soon as possible.” That-Sundae-8785
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a lot to unpack here but the question is based on the pizza. You paid for the pizza and prepared it, and you are not someone in charge of a younger child (therefore obligated to feed them) so you get to control who the pizza is for.” bunnyhopskip
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Cousin Use My Car?
“I (34F) live in Texas. My cousin (23m) and his partner from my home state are coming to visit me for the first time. Not sure what to expect but anyone who comes to visit me can stay in my home, they eat for free and I pay for anything we do for fun.
I spent 2 years of my life working to buy myself a brand-new Tesla last year. It’s my pride and joy. I work in sales, so I use this car every day. It’s my only car. I am taking off the entire week he is staying from work.
He asked if he should rent a car when he comes and I replied – if you want to. Honestly, I pretty much just expect I’m a tour guide and figure I’ll be carting them around anyway. Well, his mother told him (my uncle’s wife) that it’s a waste of money to rent a car and he can just use mine.
Being 24, he drives a 1999 car (which is totally fine – as did I at 24 years old). He asked if I would be okay with him taking my car to take his partner on a date when he’s here. I joked and said Uber would suffice.
Then said no, he could not drive my car and I would be happy to drop him off wherever he wanted.
If anyone has driven one of these things, they are fast. Really fast. If I had this thing at 24 years old it would have been totaled in the first week.
AITJ for saying no? My family is telling me I am in fact, a jerk.
I also think to myself, I’ve traveled quite a bit and not once have I just expected someone to let me use their car.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are getting a free vacation EXCEPT for use of your car. A car that isn’t cheap, is your only transportation and is used for work. You even offered to drive and drop them off if they wanted to go out together alone.
So essentially you offered to be a free taxi service. You are going above and beyond to accommodate and ensure they enjoy staying with you. I even want to come to visit you. It’s not his mother’s decision as to who you let drive YOUR car.
So if they don’t want you driving them around then they need to rent a car which I’m not sure why this is a problem since everything else is free.” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your family is acting entitled to call you one, and therefore qualify themselves for the category.
It’s completely within reason that you would not want your sole transportation in the hands of someone who could not afford to reimburse or replace should anything happen.
It wasn’t rude to ask so he can anticipate and plan the trip accordingly.
Honestly what your aunt says is a waste of money may just be her perspective on family trips where nothing was done individually so it wouldn’t make sense to sink money into a vehicle when you’re carpooling anyway. But her assumption that you would just let your cousin take your car is not thought through and absolutely not her call to make.
In this case, he’s enjoying your hospitality, lodging, groceries, and shared transportation. He is welcome to invest in a rental if he and his partner anticipate side excursions. But they are not entitled to use your vehicle to do so.
Edited, from ‘no jerks here’ because initially, I was just reviewing it from your and your cousin’s perspective but when I reread it and saw your family continuing to push and accuse you of being an ah, I changed it.
Asking is fine but not accepting a reasonable no is selfish.” purpleit11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re already a more than generous host, and if you want, you can point out the insurance aspect/replacement. For a rental car, your cousin would have a rider likely and at that age, he and the mom who so kindly volunteered you would be on the hook for the money.
Offer to include a similar replacement cost so they can fully understand and ask Offering Auntie if you can put a hold on her credit until completion of the trip. No? Probably should rent a car then.” Crackinggood
19. AITJ For Wanting To Get My Bed Back?
“Recently I (20M) moved out of a house I shared with some friends (20 M&F) I made in my freshman year of University.
Things had been unpleasant between myself and the roommates for a while, and I decided that I couldn’t really take it anymore. The short history of why things got unpleasant was because I made some mistakes early on, like being too loud with friends on a Friday night.
As a group, they asked me to make changes, and I agreed, but asked them if I kept my word and if we could normalize our friendship again. As the year went on though, the relationship never really normalized, even though I was quiet and clean in the house 24/7.
I kept on hearing stories from friends about mean things they said about me. They also just didn’t respect my property.
For example, they took all of my food out of the freezer one night and sent me a passive-aggressive video about how I was taking up too much space, even though I wasn’t the one taking up the most space.
I also recently learned that they told one of my friends that they could have my room, long before I had ever told them I intended to move out. The list of complaints goes on, but that isn’t the main reason I’m posting.
Long story short I moved out, I think that they are jerks, and they feel the same about me.
The main problem is that when I first moved in, my family had a pretty new spare mattress/bed frame that we didn’t have a use for.
One of my housemates was flying in from out of town and didn’t have a bed ready to go, so we told her that she could use our spare. Both my and my mother’s recollection of her receiving it involves us asking her that when either I or she moved out, she returns the bed to us.
She thinks that we told her that she could keep the bed until she was done with it.
So now, about a month after I moved out, I asked my former housemate that once this current semester is over if she could return the bed. I alternatively offered her that she could buy the bed for $100 if she would rather just do that.
The mattress/bed frame cost us about $600 total, so I don’t feel that this is an unreasonable amount. Her response was that if I paid them to paint a wall that had some paint come off when I moved out and gave her a shelf we kept in the living room that my sister gave me months ago, she would pay me the $100.
I told her that the shelf was mine, and that she knew my sister gave it to me, and that I could come back and paint the wall myself. Her response was that my sister somehow gave her the shelf (my sister confirmed she gave it to me) and that they wouldn’t allow me back in the house to paint the wall.
At this point, she is claiming that her keeping the bed somehow pays her back for the wall (the paint would be supplied by the landlord for free, so I’d just hypothetically be paying them for their labor) and that the bed was effectively hers anyways.
She also said that she hates me, I’m a horrible person, etc. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: But unless you charge her with theft or take her to small claims court I don’t see you getting that bed back in one piece.
On another note get your landlord to go with you when/if you paint to document the house so they can’t claim you did damages before you moved out because it sounds like something they would do and at that point, it is your word against theirs.” Flinx98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this is sounding like something that’s not going to get resolved without a small claims court involvement. You moved out, so they have the right to keep you from entering. But I don’t see them volunteering to give you back your bed. And cops will probably just tell you it’s a civil matter and nothing they can do.” Thisisthatguy99
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend A Ride?
“A couple of days ago, my friend told me he needed a ride home from school the next day, and I told him I would see if I could.
The next day came and I knew I would just want to go to sleep after school so I just said I didn’t feel like it the next morning before school even started so he’d have time to figure out what to do.
To be honest, the real reason is that I felt like he didn’t deserve a ride bc I feel like I’m always the one doing him favors, and I wanted to push back a little and show I wouldn’t just keep giving.
Obviously, he would have a way home no matter what cause he could take the bus. He is also older than me but doesn’t have his license or want to get it.
Later in class, he was just ignoring me and being really passive-aggressive.
He would only talk about how annoying it will be to find a ride now and then go back to looking at his phone.
I really wouldn’t be going out of my way at all to give him a ride, and him being so upset kinda made me rethink if that was the best idea.
So AITJ? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your car and you gave him notice enough to take the bus.
If you’re feeling like this relationship is becoming one-sided, you should probably address that if you want to keep him as a friend.” CantalopeHoneydew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe anyone a ride. ‘No’ is a complete sentence. But if you feel he’s taking advantage of you, you really should have that conversation with him directly.” nimixx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Given this little info, your friend seems like he’s just using you for free rides. If he really hated taking the bus, he should go get his license instead of making his friends his personal chauffeur.” poohstone
17. WIBTJ If I Report My Daughter's Teacher?
“My spouse (41M) and I (41F) have a child that we’ll call Hannah (15f). Last week I picked Hannah up and she said that one of her teachers, we’ll call her Ms. K, took her phone for looking at it during class.
I told her she needed to keep her phone in her pocket during class, then Hannah tells that Ms. K still hasn’t returned it. I thought that was a little weird but whatever, get it tomorrow. Every day after Hannah tells me she asked for it back and Ms. K refuses.
On Thursday I sent her an email asking when we can expect the phone back and that I would like her to have it for when she works this weekend. No reply.
A whole week of this passes. Today, Hannah gets in my car and tells me she asked and Ms. K didn’t even answer.
She just ignored her. I lost my patience and went to school. I found Ms. K standing outside her classroom and told her it was time she give me the phone back. She tells me that Hannah needs to learn to stop using her phone in class and I tell her that I agree and that she can take her phone away every day in her class if she feels she needs to, but it’s not acceptable for her to just keep the phone for this long.
I made a scene, students and teachers alike were staring. She relented and said she would get the phone out of her office and came back with it about 3 minutes later.
I feel like an idiot for not checking the phone when she handed it to me.
I didn’t give Hannah back her phone from my purse until she was done with her assignments for today and a couple of minutes after she comes back to me in a panic. Two things were wrong. One, the screen was cracked and it wasn’t before.
Two, she had to re-log into her apple ID which we thought was odd. She then looked at her account settings and saw a second apple ID, with Ms. K’s full name and avatar.
We think she may have merged the data or something too because there are contacts we don’t recognize on the phone.
I lost it, told Hannah she can’t use the phone for now because I’m worried if Ms. K has access to anything on her end, and sent an email to her demanding an explanation. There has not been a reply.
I’m seriously considering reporting her to an administrator and having her pay for the screen repair, but my husband thinks that will cause her to retaliate against our daughter and that I might have overstepped by confronting her today. He also thinks it’s possible she may have made a mistake and accidentally thought she was on her own iPhone or something, and that his IT guy could help with separating the IDs.
He thinks we should let it go now that the phone is returned.
I agree that he might be right about Ms. K retaliating, and I might be overreacting, but I’m having a hard time accepting the state that she returned Hannah’s phone and just letting things go.
WIBTJ for reporting her?”
Another User Comments:
“Taking your child’s phone during class is one thing. To keep it till the end of the day is also another thing. Taking the phone and keeping it for days on end is like you said unacceptable.
Not only did she keep your child’s phone for days on end. It was cracked when she returned it. You may not be able to prove it was her since you didn’t look at the phone but state that fact anyway.
On top of a cracked phone, the teacher’s apple ID is on your daughter’s phone as well. That’s one too many red flags that something suspicious is happening.
This teacher practically kept stolen property (although it is your daughter’s phone do you not pay for it and did you not buy it) and then returned it cracked with her own information on it.
That is not normal. This is not okay. This is EXTREMELY out of line and inappropriate.
Do not let this go.
Take a pic of the 2 apple IDs with your phone and have a meeting with the principal and the teacher along with your husband.
Show them the picture and ask for an explanation. You don’t get one or the principal does nothing go to the administration. Even if the phone is returned and the teacher might make your daughter’s life miserable if you retaliate, the phone was damaged, and even if you ignore that, there is no viable explanation as to why this teacher’s Apple ID is on the phone without any kind of permission or consent.
Take legal action if necessary.
If you still have any doubts about whether or not you should report this. I just have one question to ask you.
If Mrs. K does THIS without your knowledge, what else is she doing to your daughter or potentially other students and or their possessions without your or other parent’s knowledge?
If it isn’t clear, YWNBTJ!” Late_Lock8617
Another User Comments:
‘NTJ. HARD NO. There is no excuse, the phone should have been put away in a LOCKED drawer and not taken out for any reason unless it was being returned to your daughter.
There’s no reason it should have been out where she could have accidentally thought it was hers. And if she did, she really couldn’t figure it out while trying to get on the phone. Those are flimsy excuses and I’d be on the phone with administration as soon as possible.
I also personally don’t believe teachers should be able to keep phones beyond school hours at all. If my child is having a problem with her phone in class, I’m fine with a teacher taking it for the class period along with letting me know why so I can address it at home.
I know how how much teachers deal with and I support them. But the number one reason my child has a phone is for safety and a teacher absolutely will not take that from her once she is out of their care.
It’s absolutely bonkers to me that anyone would really being ok with this. She damaged the phone! And was she trying to steal it, why was she logged in? It doesn’t make sense, don’t let anyone convince you it’s not a big deal. Good luck!
Edited to add that it is also a total invasion of privacy, who knows what her teacher went through! How creepy!” jadedxb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It is acceptable for the teacher to take the phone during class if your daughter is not following classroom rules with it, but it is not the teacher’s property.
It should have been returned at the end of the class period, or the end of the day at most. If she violated privacy by logging into the phone/syncing it and damaging it, you have every right to file a complaint!
Do not let this go, the teacher should be held responsible. I wonder if she fiddled with it and broke it and that’s why she didn’t want to give it back? Report it and get your daughter transferred to a new class if possible.” cucumbawumba
16. AITJ For Excluding My Dad From My Awards Night?
“I will be graduating from college within the next month. My school asked us to RSVP for people attending our awards night.
We only had 4 tickets guaranteed, which would have been my mom, dad, sister, and SO, but I chose not to RSVP for my dad due to him visiting with his other woman when the due date to RSVP came. I ended up RSVPing for my two sisters, mom, and SO.
It started late last year. My dad got back into contact with a high school classmate who he had a fling with. My dad was clearly emotionally two-timing on our mom, answering phone calls and texts in front of us, blaming my mom for him getting mad which led to him breaking their TV and disrespecting my mom with insults about her weight gain and wrinkles.
The classmate lived in another state and he visited her state for 2 weeks, but only told us he was ‘vacationing’ with no explanation despite us knowing from what our mom has been saying and his behaviors. We weren’t even sure he was coming back, so I did not RSVP for him.
Now that he’s back, my mom and my dad are acting as if nothing happened. My mom asked me if my dad could attend the awards night since he was really excited and already bought new clothes and shoes for my graduation.
I told her I had already RSVP, so he can’t come. Now she’s saying she, my sisters, and dad will only be there for the ceremony and not the meal that way he could come. I admit that I might have been petty and insensitive when I told her he was not invited, but I want to focus on my exam for now and talk about it after.
I understand he’s still my dad and he had a part in helping me succeed in getting a doctorate – that’s why I told her he can come to the general graduation. I don’t feel he deserved to just celebrate with all of us after what he’s done like nothing happened after all the pain and stress he’s put us through.
It is also annoying that he’s making it about him. He was even showing off his new shoes while I was talking to my mom about being stressed over graduation requirements and my exam. I admit I was petty when I told him he’s not the one graduating so why does it matter and I haven’t even bought shoes and clothes for it.
My sister couldn’t even enjoy her graduation because of their problems, so I didn’t want this to happen to me.
I could email my school and ask if they have room for 1 more person or ask my other sister to not go.
She said she didn’t mind if she doesn’t go to this one as she had school anyway. That way my dad could come, but I don’t feel that’s right. WIBTJ if I tell her they can just not come to my awards to avoid all the drama and only invite my sisters?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeesh, what a mess. NTJ, but moving forward, you might try to separate your relationship with your dad from your feelings about how he treats your mom. Yes, they’re your parents, but their relationship really isn’t your business.
Not saying you have to excuse his behavior if your mom does, but consider that it’s not your responsibility to protect and defend her.
You can have whatever relationship you want to have with him going forward, whatever his relationship with your mom is.
You think he’s a crappy person you no longer want in your life, fine. You think he’s a crappy person, but you’re willing to overlook that and pretend it’s all status quo, fine. You think he’s a great person, and you want to be just like him, fine.
It may make you a crappy person too, but still fine. Those are not the only three options, by the way, and you’re still fine.” thesmkchick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can invite or not invite whomever you want.
However, whatever this shady stuff your dads doing and this denial nonsense your mom is doing isn’t healthy. By making your graduation now a part of it, you’re now injecting yourself into the middle of whatever nonsense is going on between them.
If you want to be directly involved, then, by all means, stay the course. Otherwise, you’re graduating college and you don’t have to be dragged into this quagmire unless you choose to which is exactly what you’re doing by making your graduation attendance about this.
Just keep in mind that your mom has shown she’s living in some kind of denial and isn’t taking your side in this.” slide_into_my_BM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Invite the people you want. They can come if they want, or not.
Avoid the drama. For this one, and the one that will come at some point (your parents acting like nothing happened may not last too long).” Strong-Extension-976
15. AITJ For Wanting The Dog In A Muzzle?
“So my SO’s sister has a 3-year-old husky. The dog has shown aggression, and gotten into fights with almost every dog it’s been around. Whether it be over the food bowl or toys. Even grabbed ahold of her mother’s chihuahua by its head (the chihuahua had to be taken to the vet).
It’s gotten to the point none of the family wants her dog around.
Now onto the real issue. My 2-year-old grabbed onto her hind/butt area and the dog turned around and bit him in the face. Actually left a small hole in his cheek.
Inch higher could have been his eye. Happened so fast with us sitting right there.
Afterward, she agreed to keep the dog in a muzzle around my kids. About 6 months have passed, and the dog hasn’t received any kind of professional training since (she says she can’t afford it).
There have been other incidents with her dog and other dogs during that time. The sister feels that she recognizes the dog’s ‘triggers’ therefore she can prevent future incidents. This is unacceptable to me.
Most recently she brought the dog to an Easter egg hunt where there were obviously a lot of children running around.
As soon as I saw her I questioned the choice and told her she was being irresponsible and careless.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously. As soon as you have to discuss an animal’s ‘triggers’ with people, that is an announcement that the animal needs to be restrained in most settings.
The owner cannot actually prevent incidents, and in my experience will usually just blame whoever didn’t read their dog’s mind correctly for any aggressive behavior. Better hold your ground on this.” poddy_fries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has no business taking that dog out around children or people.
When it bites a stranger or a stranger’s dog and animal control gets involved (especially) since she knows there is an issue they can put her dog down. She is risking her dog’s life and is an irresponsible pet owner.
I wouldn’t allow her to have that dog around you or your kid. She better get great homeowners insurance with a large liability policy – with her lack of action, she’s going to need it!” VioletSkyeDreams
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s lucky you didn’t press charges and make her lose the dog. She says she can’t afford to get her dog help. Well, she better figure out how to pay for it because the next time this happens, she’s going to be charged and her dog will be put down.” SurrealityThrowaway
14. AITJ For Making My Annoying Brother Cry?
“I (15 male) have a brother (10 Mike).
While riding home, my mom asked what we wanted for dinner. We said spaghetti (of course).
At the store, my brother begged my mom to come in the store with me. By the way, my mom doesn’t like going to stores for some reason.
Please don’t judge her lol. Anyways I agreed to take him in. The thing about Mike: he wants everything he sees and he’s wild. He was talking loudly, etc. I have social anxiety so I didn’t like the attention he was bringing to us.
I told him that he needs to chill and to stop. Eventually, he did.
When we get to the car, he’s quiet, leaning his head on the window, which isn’t normal for him. I don’t think anything of it though.
At home, he sits on the stairs with his hoodie on. My other brother (11 CJ) and I ask him what was wrong. He says nothing. I tell my mom that he crying so she calls him to the room.
She eventually calls me and told me that I was the reason why he was crying.
My mom sent Mike away and asked why I told him that. I said, ‘because he was acting like a fool in the store.’ Then she said, ‘How do you think you acted in the store when you were his age?’ I was quiet after that.
She then told me that there was no one to treat me the way I treat him when I was younger. She said I was really wrong for treating him like that. I apologized and hugged him. I seriously don’t understand how I was being mean I just told him to chill.
So tell me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, he’s young and it can be difficult to deal with the over-excitement of anyone, but he was your responsibility in the store. Maybe there was a better way to encourage him to act in a socially appropriate way, but you’re young too and still figuring that out for yourself.
You took ownership that you could have done better, apologized, and made up, that’s what makes you NTJ.
Moving on maybe avoid being in the responsible role during public outings so you don’t have to bear the brunt of it again… And maybe that’s why you’re mum doesn’t like going in the store?…” Affectionate_Eye3535
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ because I feel like you’re not telling the whole truth. Did you tell him to chill or call him annoying? You guys are both kids and as the oldest kid, I understand the frustrations.
I and my sister would go at it and we were about 4 years apart. Little bro looks up to you. Take it for what it is and move on, he’ll calm down with time lol. The world is still kinda new and exciting for him.
He’ll get over it. Won’t be the end of the world.” Own-Study-2793
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It sounds like a reasonable thing to expect him to calm down and act like he’s got some sense in the store.
He’s only 10, but it sounds like he’s too sensitive and my guess is that he gets babied a lot.
Even for brothers, this sounds like a pretty mild interaction. My brother was 5 years older than me and we had some unnecessarily mean and violent interactions.
I was the younger one, so I got the bad end of the deal.” FL_Black
13. AITJ For Not Leaving A Tip?
“My wife (34f) forgets her ID and I (33m) order a drink at a restaurant we frequent often. Obviously, they wouldn’t serve my wife a drink because she couldn’t present an ID.
We could be considered regulars with how often we are there. Regularly spend $150-200 a night and tip 20-30%. The people working tonight are not the regular staff. My wife has maybe 3 discreet sips of my drink (not in front of the server) and I want to order another drink.
The server refuses to give me another drink because he says we are sharing drinks and watching our table like we are little kids. Mind you the whole time he sets up people in the restaurant to police us and watch our table when he can’t.
Barely gives any service. Except when we’re done with our food.
I have no problem with them not serving my wife because yes the law says no drinks if you don’t have ID, but you deny me a grown 33-year-old man with a wedding ring on a second drink.
Even if the liquor board is there they check to make sure people who are drinking are ID’ed. They’re not going to make a fuss if someone has a sip who is obviously over 21. What happens at our table is none of your business.
You’re not top-flight security. Left a $0 tip. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Big YTJ, jerk. I work in the service industry. Do you not realize there are massive fines for employees and establishments? Do you not realize there is possibly jail time for employees?
Do you not realize that if I were to serve booze to a ‘grown man’ (21+) who then shared it with his underage companion (literally anything under 21) I could go to jail? Do you not understand that if that person then went to drive under the influence of any substance I could go to jail?
Do you not understand that as a server, I DON’T KNOW YOU? And I am risking not only my job, but my financial security, my freedom, and my ability to get a job in the future, for serving someone with no ID?
Have you ever worked a service job in your life? Do you know that not having an ID on your person in most states in the US is actually a misdemeanor? Do you understand how easy it is to carry your ID on you at all times?
Do you just not care about anyone other than yourself?
Absolutely YTJ. You and your wife both. Jesus Christ, dude, get a grip. Follow the law or get out of a public eatery. You’re a jerk.” dmcent54
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Leaving a $0 tip to me isn’t acceptable here, the server was probably scared of the situation tbh and didn’t want to disturb you any further. The manager doesn’t get tips, and that’s who you were trying to hurt.
As a server, please at least learn how restaurants operate before you visit them. We literally depend on customers, but we don’t always have the energy to thoroughly kiss butt. Also, for all the server knew, you could’ve been undercover and pulled out a red card, immediately having them arrested and unemployed. On their record for life…
Also, restaurants have tip-outs. She had to pay the bar regardless, so she had to pay to serve you.” Curious_Hornet_4148
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You clearly don’t understand the gravity of the situation. Even if the staff knew you, everyone knew that you were well over 21… it doesn’t matter!
They are legally required to check your ID. If you don’t have one, you don’t get served… even if you’re 90!
They are just following the rules. If they didn’t, they’d get fired, the restaurant could lose its liquor license, the owner could get fined…
it’s a HUGE deal. Why do you think that your precious drink is worth someone’s livelihood?
They were just doing their job.
If my partner forgot his ID and couldn’t drink, I wouldn’t drink either. And I certainly wouldn’t throw a fit about it or blame the restaurant.
It’s not that important… it’s just a little booze. We can live without it for one night.
Why can’t you?” bettytomatoes
12. AITJ For Wanting My Fiancé To Attend A Wedding With Me?
“My fiancé has been invited to 2 weddings in 1 weekend this fall, my cousin’s and his friend from college.
I will obviously be going to my cousin’s wedding which is in the same city that we live in and I would like him to come with me.
He wants to go to a friend’s wedding which is far away and in a remote area and therefore expensive to get to.
I would like him to go to my cousin’s wedding with my family and I as he will be becoming a part of the family soon.
My cousin and I were very close growing up but drifted apart in our teens but now that we are adults we have reconnected and become friends again. I would love to bring him along and have him in the company.
He argues that he wants to go to the friend’s wedding because it’s the first of his friends to get married and he thinks it would be a ‘bad look’ to not go. This particular friend was a good friend of his but they weren’t particularly close but the majority of our close friends from college will be there.
He thinks I’m being unreasonable in wanting him to go to my cousin’s wedding instead of his friends. AITJ for wanting him to come to my cousin’s wedding instead of his friends and which wedding would be the correct one for him to attend?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Weddings/wedding receptions with strangers and family members of your SO are… blah. He spends time with your family already; he spends time with the people who reside in the town where you live (where your cousin’s wedding will be) already.
Your cousin isn’t someone he’s close to.
On the other hand, a wedding & reception with your close friends from college? Whom he hasn’t seen in a while? Being held somewhere new and different? THAT will probably actually be fun.
He wants to go to his college friend’s wedding; you want to go to your cousin’s wedding–both of you can get to have what you want, but you have let go of the idea that you get to be the arbiter of which wedding is ‘more important’.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, my friend, I’ve been married over 25 years, you may be able to berate him into going to your cousin’s wedding but you are not doing either of you any favors. He wants to attend his friend’s wedding and have a proper catch-up with everyone.
If you make him go to your cousin’s wedding he will be so sour thinking of what he’s missing. This is the adult phase of life where you need to look at your partner and recognize that this type of balance will pay off in spades in the long run.
Tell him to go and have fun and you’ll catch up after the weekend. You do to your cousin’s wedding and have fun with your family win/win.” whatsmypassword73
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
This smells like the beginning of you being needy and clingy.
It isn’t fair of you to expect him to give up something important for him to accommodate something important for you, just because you don’t want to go alone.
It’s okay to do things separately. Being married does not mean he is handcuffed to your family or your whims. He will resent you if you try to push this, and he would be right to do so.” CranberrySafe3271
11. AITJ For Removing Toxic People From My Life?
“Back in 2020, there were a lot of changes going on. My now husband and I had plans to get married at Scarborough Faire, but because of the health crisis, we had to reschedule.
I was devastated but determined to find an appropriate wedding venue. My then-best friend was the maid of honor for our wedding. We had been besties for 4 years and she was like the sister I never had (I only have brothers).
When it came to wedding planning, finding vendors, and such, she seemed to always be busy and would******* off. She did help me pick out my dress but let’s be real, that’s the easiest thing to do as a maid of honor.
OH. I SHOULD MENTION. She was going out with my ex. Now, this was an ex I dated back in college and I am the one who broke it off so it was like cool they’re together now, whatever. BUT.
Again when it came to all the important wedding stuff, she was either always with him, too wasted to go anywhere, or straight up ignored me.
So, I started giving her ultimatums. If you don’t help me do XYZ, I’m done.
Months go by and it’s the same thing every day. Then I get a message from her that says, ‘Hey, I have a question.’ And I’m like, ‘Yeah what’s up?’ THIS WITCH GOES: ‘So, umm, (insert guy’s name) is going to be at the wedding.’ Okay, for one, that was not a question, that was a demand.
And secondly, GOD NO. My husband and I agreed that there would be no exes at the wedding.
My husband also made it very clear that he didn’t like my ex in general anyways. No big deal considering this wasn’t just my day, it was his too.
Her response to both me and my husband saying no to her partner coming was, ‘WELL. I’m going to have exes at MY wedding.’ Cool story bro, but this isn’t YOUR wedding. So, as it gets closer and closer to the wedding, my maid of honor is flakier than ever.
She messages me one day and makes official plans to hang out and talk about things. Then, when I message her about it the next day she’s like, ‘Oh… I’m out drinking with my friends.’ OKAY, WHAT.
I calmly explained to her that we had definite plans and it was so rude of her to******* off.
The second time we try to meet up, she sends me to this Starbucks location…THAT WAS CLOSED. I tried calling and texting her but ignored. She finally got back to me and you guessed it! She was busy with her SO.
She said that she was explaining to him that my husband and I didn’t want him at the wedding and relayed to me that that made him feel ‘unwanted’ and ‘unappreciated.’
Basically, I had had enough of their nonsense and blocked both of them.
I said, ‘You know what… I’ve had enough. I’ve been patient and kind with both of you and I feel like you’re trying to take away my (and my fiance’s) day’. This is the one day, the ONE and ONLY day that we get.
All of this happened like 2 weeks before the wedding so I was out a maid of honor but thankfully still had bridesmaids and they were all simply wonderful. So, AITJ or did I do the right thing for removing toxic people from my life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
‘No big deal considering this wasn’t just my day, it was his too.’ more people who are getting married need to remember this, it’s not just their day, it’s a day for you both to celebrate your love for each other.
If someone starts ghosting you, making demands like that, and doing the sort of thing she did then they can’t be much of a friend. I probably would have already cut her off a while ago.
As for the ex feeling ‘unwanted’, HE WAS UNWANTED, FOR PETE’S SAKE!
It is NOT her wedding and clearly, she was trying to push something on you that neither you nor your partner wanted or felt comfortable with.
You keep cutting those toxic ties!! It’s just not worth the drama and stress.” Fa1thL3s5
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. In regards to the maid of honor, it doesn’t around like a wedding problem; it sounds like a friendship problem. Her constantly breaking plans and ignoring you was not ok. If you felt the friendship was toxic and had run its course then no extra harm in dropping her from the wedding too.
But you were wrong for having all sorts of wedding planning expectations from her. That’s what your fiancé was for.
No one is ever going to care as much about your wedding as you and your fiancé. You should have been appreciative of ANY wedding-related stuff maid of honor did for you and not expected anything.
The title maid of honor is meant to honor a great friend. It’s not coded for ‘your butt is mine now. Get to work!’
Also, I know her SO is your ex… but it’s her SO. It is very understandable that she’d want him there with her at this social event.
It’s also understandable that he’d be hurt since it sounds like you’re still friendly. The maid of honor is your most important guest. You should have wanted her to have fun and feel welcome and talked to your fiancé about making the exception so that your maid of honor might actually enjoy herself and be comfortable after what would likely be a long long day.” EvilSockLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A BFF should help you or at least be interested in the festivities of dress shopping and the basics. You’re not asking her to be your wedding planner but to just be there for you. Your ex is unwelcome and he isn’t appreciated. It’s inappropriate for her to even suggest bringing him let alone be going out with him.
You’re better off without her and moving on.” VioletSkyeDreams
10. AITJ For Not Welcoming My Bully Into My House?
“So this past Easter, my family wanted to invite a person (now called K) who bullied me very harshly (threw food at me, homophobic and transphobic slurs, posted videos of me online, etc.).
When I was told that they planned on inviting K, I said that if K came, I would leave. No other outcome would be accepted.
K never apologized for their cruel treatment of me and denies it to this day.
K also lied to my entire family and told them that I bullied them by sending them messages encouraging su1c1d3 (I showed the family that this was false). This all happened because I am bi, non-binary, and dress alternatively.
My aunt (C) defends K strongly and believes that I am depriving K of a good family with us because K’s is bad (substance abuse runs on both sides of our ‘Family’ and K is an affair baby, leading to more tension in their family).
C threw a fit and left the house, later making a social media post about how I need to be the bigger person and that I will never go to heaven for my lack of forgiveness.
C’s daughter (B) came into my room after her mother left and called her mother a liar, saying she made everything up and that I should never believe what she says (C told our family about what K was saying I did) — then told me the same as C said — I am depriving K of a good family and I’m a ‘selfish dramatic witch’.
I told her to leave my house after she said that I was never bullied and that I made it all up (it was so bad I was hospitalized).
A lot of my family felt it was overdramatic to not allow them inside on a holiday based on forgiveness (fam is Christian, I’m atheist), so I was wondering if my actions were irrational. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. K’s bad family life isn’t your concern nor your problem to fix. Forgiveness is wasted on those who aren’t actually sorry and despite what some people think it is possible to move on without forgiving someone.
Neither of which forgiveness/not forgiving her means that you have to share space with her. That’s the OTHER thing people forget.
You’ve told them where you stand so stick to it. If K shows up, walk right out the door and wish everyone a happy Easter.
Don’t be guilted into stay nor made to feel bad.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. K put you through something horrific, and they didn’t even apologize. Even if they did apologize, you are not obligated to forgive them and be around them.
You were setting a boundary where if K came, you wouldn’t be there. You weren’t stopping your family from inviting K.
Honestly, I would consider low or no contact with the family members that wanted to invite K, especially C & B.
It’s clear that they don’t care about your feelings since they were willing to disregard everything you’re saying.” dmartin_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been bullied not just by this person K, but by your family using Christianity as an excuse to discount your experience and deny you any affirmation.
I’m so sorry. This is not OK. Maintain your boundaries and have self-respect because cheap forgiveness as a result of being bullied is not the way forward.” AffectionateMine2220
9. WIBTJ If I Tell My Friend She's Too Obsessed With Her Partner?
“I (14F) have a friend who I’ll call Riley (15F). Riley and I have been friends for a few months now, but we clicked instantly. We hung out every weekend, talked on the phone constantly, etc. Riley had a few relationships that didn’t last long until December when she met her current partner (15M).
Now, I don’t have a problem with him at all. He’s super sweet and treats Riley right. It’s the fact that he is all she talks about that irks me. There were a few instances that made me think about telling Riley how I feel.
First, Riley and I have a friend who we’re gonna call Miley. Miley doesn’t have the best home life and is prone to panic attacks due to her home situation. Miley and Riley have been friends for ages so there are some situations I don’t know how to handle/Riley has had more context with it.
One night, Miley texts me and calls me in a panic, crying about something that had happened at home. I tried to calm her down, but Riley always knows what to do. I called her many times, and she declined my calls, saying she was with her SO.
I told her what was happening but I never got a response. Thankfully, I calmed Miley down enough over the phone that she fell asleep and she was okay. But still.
Second, I went on vacation with Riley. She, her dad, her stepmom, and her sibling (10, NB) invited me to go to Hawaii with them for the week over spring break.
I was super thankful and had a blast. But, she was ALWAYS saying how much she missed her SO. It was just a week, a week that they wouldn’t even see each other since her SO doesn’t go to our school.
I understood in the beginning, but then it just got irritating them to the point that she said it like 20x a day and spent THREE HOURS on the phone with him, leaving me alone with nothing to do since I came with her.
I’m happy she’s happy but I feel ignored and like she only cares about him. I hate this feeling because I think I am being selfish and greedy and I don’t want to ruin our friendship. So WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re feeling left behind, she’s excited about something new. She has zero obligation to drop what she’s doing with her partner because of someone else. She invited you to vacation and was missing her partner, pretty common at that age.
You can mention you’re feeling a bit left behind but don’t be too surprised if she brushes it off as it sounds like she’s trying to learn how to balance everyone in her life.” nidoqing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: yet but open your mouth and yeah you will be, this type of situation is normal for 15-year-olds, especially in the first few months, wait a few more months till the shiny news wears off and she will probably come back to normal.” Flinx98
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s the age and the duration of their relationship. It’ll pass. Just hope no one does anything stupid in the meantime (like getting pregnant, seen that more than once). Confronting her will just make you the bad guy to her.
You have a right to feel neglected, but you would be better off buying yourself.” CantalopeHoneydew
Another User Comments:
“I get where you’re coming from. Make new friends or become better ones with existing ones you are being held on standby.
Friends are easy to make, don’t get caught up on one who isn’t caught up on you for real.
You are not her priority and you will not be her priority as long as her partner is making her feel good (and when he stops she will come back but at that point do you really want to be friends with them?).
Prioritize yourself. You and how you feel is the only thing that should matter to you.
It can be touching seeing their whole life be somebody else when you care about them because they sort of lose all sense of self-identity and become this sort of group with their SO but that’s how it works and when it really is all they talk about do you really want to waste your time hearing the same stuff over and over.
NTJ.” commie-cyanide
8. AITJ For Not Agreeing With My Mom's Actions?
“I have a lot I can say about my mom. I do love her deeply, but she’s said and done a lot of things that were very damaging to me now as an adult. In the context of this situation, me, my mom and my dad had all sat down to talk.
It was supposed to be us trying to.. intervene with my dad, and get him to open up about how he was feeling instead of bottling it up constantly. He ended up turning it around onto her, and I kinda just moderated as they went back and forth, occasionally adding in my bit.
One part came up, where my mom said that when I and my little sister were toddlers, she’d have days where she didn’t eat anything but a piece of bread and the support from our bowls of canned spaghetti.
She explained that out of three cans, my sister and I would each get one. And if we were still hungry she would split the last can between us instead of eating it herself.
This is when I told her I didn’t understand why.
My sister and I were between the ages of 2-4/3-5. Why did we need an entire can and a half? I could’ve understood if she had had only one can but that wasn’t the case. I told her to me it felt like she was starving herself at the time because of the mental abuse her mom put her through.
On a side note, my grandmother was/is a narcissistic parent in every sense of the word. And my mom, for all her good… you can tell she is the child of one. She mirrors a lot of those same actions.
Always making herself the victim, manipulating to get what she wants, nothing is ever her fault. She twists things to make everyone else a terrible person. This situation, for example, is because of what I said. She now says I screamed at her that was a horrible mother and a terrible person for feeding my sister and me.
So, AITJ for telling my mom I didn’t understand or agree with why she didn’t eat when my sister and I were kids?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – the tone comes through even in the post. Little kids grow fast and need a LOT of calories, especially during growth spurts.
My 3-year-old once ate an entire watermelon and then wanted dinner. And as a mom, you don’t want your kids to suffer and be hungry – especially if she came from a background with a mom who would have done that to her as a child.
So she tried to do better by you and you basically rolled your eyes and told her to stop playing a victim. All she wanted was to be a good mom to you and maybe get some approval (which she never got from her family of origin) for having done a better job.
I feel so sorry for her and hope she builds a life outside of you and your dad so someone can maybe finally appreciate the things she has to give.” Xellos1542
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, just several humans traumatized by unregulated capitalism and the evils it brings.
You cannot continue to serve in this role for your parents. I’m gonna say it once more so I’m sure you get it.
You can not be your parents’ counselor. It’s not good for you, them, or the overall goal which I hope is healing the generational trauma.
Professionals do wonders.
For what it’s worth, I think you were spot on with your mom. She was scared she’d not have enough and no amount of hunger would quell the fear she may not have enough for you or your sister.
It’s definitely from grandma Narc. I know because I have similar issues and for me, self-denial is always about fear.” Wonderwitchwobbles
Another User Comments:
“You are not a trained therapist.
Even if you were a trained therapist, you should not be mediating a backyard therapy session between your parents, nor offering your theories about your mother’s mental health.
If your parents ask this of you, tell them it’s not your place, and that a neutral third party such as a trained therapist would be a much better choice.
If you suggested this yourself, it was a terrible idea and you should not do that again.
If you have concerns about either of your parents’ mental health or the state of their marriage, you should simply encourage therapy as a professional, neutral environment to be able to talk about difficult emotional topics in a healthy way.” ReasonableFig2111
7. AITJ For Not Joining My Friends' Plans On Prom Night?
“I am an 18y/o female and everyone involved is either in their senior year of HS or a recent graduate.
If you live in America you most likely know about or have experienced a prom or some form of dance.
In my main friend group, there are 6 people. All of us wanted to go to prom together but not all of us went to the same school so we had to go through the hassle of getting guest forms.
One friend named Sam (fake name) is the main organizer of the group but is notorious for procrastinating and misreading dates.
So she waited until the last second to give the guest forms out to those who need them and she invited another person to join our group who also needed a guest form. This would’ve all been fine but Sam and another friend Ash (also a fake name) refused to a limo so our friend Bre (assuming all names are fake) offered that her mom could drive everyone.
I personally felt a lot safer doing this since Sam wanted to drive but has been in 2 car accidents in her 1.5 years of driving and has made bad choices in the past. Ash said she wanted to drive and that it would be more fun than having a parent or limo drop us off.
I repeatedly stated I wasn’t okay with this because none of us have more than 2 years of driving experience and we would be driving 6 teen girls all of whom want to listen to loud music and talk the whole time.
I said let’s just let Bre’s mom drive so that we can be safe and don’t have to walk in the rain or cold. But Ash was opposed to this, there was lots of arguing before the part where I may be the jerk.
I said I am using my stubborn card and that unless a responsible adult was driving us, I would have my parents drive me separately or not go at all. Bre agrees with me but Ash is very angry because I said I didn’t trust her or Sam driving.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As the friend who no one would drive with because my driving was questionable as a young adult, I say good for you, trusting your gut feeling! At this point, I say you and Bre should take her mom up on her offer so at least you two can chat and hang out on the way and way back and let your other friends fend for themselves if they refuse.
You’ve already told them the reason you feel uncomfortable, and if they want to keep arguing over it, that means they don’t want to believe you. If they haven’t driven with that many people in the car before, they’re probably underestimating how distracted they’ll be while driving.” Deondebomon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Make it clear that it’s not just Ash or Sam that you don’t trust, but any of you. Putting safety first is always smart. Back when I was in high school, two students got in a car accident and ended up dying for reasons that could have been prevented had safety been a priority.” calicloak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The odds of being hurt or passing away in a car accident go up exponentially with a teen driver and even higher with the number of passengers. You are wise beyond your years by refusing to ride with one of them driving.
An experienced adult or a limo are both much safer options. I hope you go and have a great time. Arrive alive (both ways… stolen from some safety video thong).” kcoinga
6. AITJ For Sending A Screenshot?
“I (14 Gender fluid) got the number of a cute person I saw at my hs tour.
Turns out my friend (14f) had gotten their number, too. I got along great with the person. They said ‘we should go to the ren-fair together.’ I was excited and sent it to my friend. I understand that was a wrong move on my part.
She says that I ruined her day. I apologized 3 times, she said ‘omg you are such a pick me, boy, sometimes’ I apologized again (this is an issue I tend to have.) She responded with ‘are you really though cus most of the time you say sorry and you actually don’t mean it and it’s annoying.
It’s fine though I just kinda spur of the moment reacted’.
I didn’t respond I had a headache and didn’t have a need for it. Later, I text a group chat with all my friends to explain how my dog ate her bed (she’s okay) and my friend says, ‘Fun how you can text the GC but you can’t respond to me calling out your nonsense’.
I don’t believe I did much wrong except send the screenshot which I know is wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sending them the screenshot was a bad judgment call, but overall your friend is being dramatic and argumentative.
They don’t own the cute person. The cute person can ask whomever they want to go to an activity. You already apologized for sending the screenshot and realized it was a bad call, it seems like the other person just wanted to continue to argue but you didn’t engage, so they’re trying to bait you.” killyergawds
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because when two friends like the same person and that person gives them both their number, the friends need to work out among themselves what to do. Your friend is not responding well to hurt feelings, but you both need to level with each other and decide how to proceed before this metastasized.” zoonose99
5. AITJ For Being Glad That Someone's Trip Got Canceled?
“So, spring break happened a few weeks ago at my university, and my (19F) ex (20M) (who I was going out with prior to spring break) had planned a trip to Italy several months in advance with two of his guy friends.
However, about a week before spring break, one of his guy friends needed to drop off the trip for a family emergency. This left my ex and the other friend with an extra ticket for the trip.
My ex is really close friends with this girl, V (20F).
She and I used to be friends but I felt that she disrespected boundaries a lot and he would spend much more time with her than me. My ex constantly invited her to things over me and sometimes when I was with both of them, I felt like a third wheel and completely left out.
In the fall, she was the cause of our initial breakup, because he brought her along to a movie and completely left me out. We broke up because I cried in front of him that I constantly felt left out and cast aside, and he said I overreacted too much.
We eventually got back together in January but many of the same problems persisted.
Back to the trip at hand, as soon as the spot became available on the trip, my ex immediately invited V without even telling me. I only found out because he mentioned V was driving him and his friend to the airport for the trip, and I asked why, and he said that she has now been invited along on the trip.
I was shocked because I felt super left out that he didn’t even communicate that to me beforehand. He even admitted that the reason he didn’t tell me was that he knew I would get mad. Again, I get that he and V are only friends, but I feel like if I went on a week-long trip abroad with a guy I would at least want to check with the person that I was in a relationship with first. I felt slighted that he didn’t even consider my feelings, and right before spring break we got into a fight and broke up.
Then, about two days before the trip was supposed to happen, the flight to Italy got canceled and because it was such short notice, they had to cancel their trip. I was feeling really jealous and hurt at this time, and at a party, I told people that I was relieved that the trip got canceled because it was hurtful for the two of them to go behind my back like that and not at least understand where I was coming from.
Unfortunately, V caught wind that I said this in the heat of the moment when I was still processing the incident and the breakup and BLEW. UP. AT. ME. She sent me a bunch of nasty texts calling me a jealous witch for ‘rejoicing in her misery.’Just to clarify, I was not once condescending towards her about the trip getting canceled; I had simply told people that I felt relief because I was hurt.
She claimed that my ex was only doing a kind act by inviting her, but personally, I believe the act in question wasn’t very kind since it felt cruel to me and literally caused our breakup.
AITJ for saying I was glad the trip got canceled?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex and V are though. Your ex for absolutely disregarding that you felt uncomfortable that he kept spending more time with her than you (the girl). And V for not even coming to you and asking if it’d be alright if she joined (not just on the flight, but on every other date as well).
I gotta tell you, I think they’d get together someday even though they claim to be just ‘friends.’ If they do, they deserve each other.” h4tdogchizdog
Another User Comments:
“I am going to go with ‘everyone sucks here’, although mostly directed at you and your ex.
There is a bit to process here.
First off, you are absolutely correct, he should have consulted you first. It was supposed to be your vacation too, you should have had a say in who comes. The fact that he didn’t indicate serious communication issues, and that your relationship was in the process of falling apart.
Next, the way he treats you when she is alone is a serious red flag. Yes, it is perfectly OK to have opposite-gender friends but to effectively ghost you, your partner, when she is alone, is not cool, and jealousy is a terrible beast, but in this case, it sounds warranted, you deserve attention too.
I suspect that although she considers your ex a friend, he may be looking for more…
Finally, I get why you were happy about the cancellation, but the fact that your ex treated you like you were second fiddle does not make it OK to effectively gloat over their misfortune.
Be the better person, and move on. Emphasis on the move on, you deserve better.” Few-Purpose6067
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…
This isn’t karma because your ex didn’t do anything wrong. V didn’t do anything wrong. Your jealousy of V is your problem, and it’s what destroyed your relationship.
That’s your karma.
I’m not really sure, based on what you wrote, why you and your ex were together in the first place as he either (a) doesn’t like you or (b) everything you think is super skewed and irrational. (Going with ‘b’ then, but maybe ‘a’ now).
If you are constantly jealous of V, then it maybe makes sense he didn’t want to listen to you complain about them traveling together and just go and have fun.
Your jealousy is what caused your breakup. That’s it.” Away_Refuse8493
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Does your ex suck? Most likely. He knew it would bother you that she was going on the trip and he kept it from you, maybe he has a thing for her or something.
The friend V possibly sucks, but I don’t really see much evidence pointing to that. And you suck because you’re talking about them at a party instead of trying to move past your crappy ex and just trash-talking him in private with like, your BFF.” killyergawds
4. AITJ For Not Making Dinner On Time?
“I (18F) recently moved in with my partner (20M), his brother (20M), and their mom two months ago. The two boys are twins. Their mom has been on a trip for a week or so now and as the young adults of the house, we have been given tasks to do throughout the days that she is gone.
These tasks have switched between the three of us every so often due to availability being limited with my partner and me since we both work nights at our job. These tasks include feeding the dogs, giving one of the dogs their meds, checking the hot tub’s chemicals, watering the plants, making dinner, and doing regular cleaning.
Things with my partner’s brother have been tense. I am not the biggest fan of his due to his constant laziness and ungrateful attitude towards his mother. My partner and I pay rent, do household chores, have taken care of her when she finished her surgery a month ago, and so on.
I went as far as to stay awake for over 36 hours to take care of her after her surgery because my partner’s brother couldn’t be bothered to stay up during the day to help her so that I could go rest.
Again, my partner and I work nights so I would have been taking care of her at night and my brother’s partner would have been the one to take care of her during the day. My partner helped me as much as he could.
My partner’s brother does not pay rent and has been given a free phone and care by his mother. He also has no job. Now to the incident that happened an hour or so ago.
Today, I ended up sleeping in a bit later than normal because I felt ill the night before.
So I didn’t wake up at my normal 4:00 pm to make dinner. At 6:30 pm, my partner’s brother comes into the room I’m sleeping in and asks my partner (who is also in the room) if I’m going to be waking up to make dinner.
My partner says he doesn’t know. So my partner’s brother says ok and quietly shuts the door.
At 7:00 pm he comes in again and in an impatient tone asks my partner if he realizes that it’s 7:00 pm and if he’s hungry.
My partner says he’s not hungry. My partner’s brother then asks why I’m not up making dinner. My partner shrugs and says she’s asleep. My partner’s brother then sighs and proceeds to slam the door, waking me up and prompting me to ask WHAT, which my partner then explains to me what happened. So am I the jerk for not getting up and making dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I read in the comments that you’re making arrangements to leave by the end of the year and I seriously hope you do. It’s not your job to take care of your partner’s twin brother who is an adult fully capable of taking care of himself.
Why do you and your partner have to pay rent and do chores while the twin gets to live there for free and do nothing to help out? The twin brother is a spoiled brat and you shouldn’t be taking care of him at all.
Don’t let him treat you with such disrespect like that.
To be honest, if I were you I would be trying to make plans to move out as soon as possible. You could look into moving in with family, or friends, or searching for a roommate.
Is there a reason why you absolutely need to live with your partner, his mom, and the twin?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: If an adult can’t cook his own meals, then he needs help. No, it doesn’t matter if it was your turn to cook.
If you were feeling unwell and tired, then you have every right to sleep. Seriously, who in their right mind expects a sick person to cook? Also, it sounds like you are feeling run down. My advice gets a couple of days of rest.” Jlw_1978
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The twin doesn’t help around the house, doesn’t contribute to rent, and expects things with a click of their fingers. If you’re feeling sick, you need to rest.
They can grow up and get themselves something for dinner.
They’re not a toddler. It’s one night, one thing, surely they can manage some cereal or something easy this one time right…?” Red_hub_anon_365
3. WIBTJ If I Don't Pass On The Client To My Previous Employer?
“I am a former electrical apprentice of 7 years. I left my last job for a new trade after being lied to and messed around with my qualification.
My boss refused to sign off the works I had done which prevented me from completing my apprenticeship so he could continue to pay me a lower wage. I am a competent electrician and would be qualified if not for his refusal to do his part in the qualification process.
When I handed in my notice and sighted this as the reason, my former boss got really nasty and we left on bad terms. I received a text today from a client I had done work for asking if I was able to do a job for him.
He requested that it be me and my former employer as he was impressed with the work we had done for him. He only had my contact details as I ran the job.
WIBTJ if I didn’t pass on this work to my former employer and suggested to the client that he find a different company to do the work instead?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if your previous employer was great you’re not obligated to pass on a job. I would be honest to the client though and give him the contact of your previous employer but say you no longer work for him and then heavily emphasize other companies.
Depending on the client you can even mention why you wouldn’t recommend your previous employer.” calicloak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but be careful. As a newly minted Journeyman (regardless of your previous employer) it is imperative that you start off honestly.
Being a Journeyman in Electrical is an in-demand craft regardless of the industry (shipbuilding, offshore, architectural, commercial, etc). I am not sure if this is an accredited apprenticeship as most of them are subject to some form of labor laws that are usually based off course work and field work regardless of your boss.
You said you left for another trade, if that’s the case and you picked up work as a Joiner, Welder, Fitter, etc… then fine, but as far as this client is concerned you should be honest with them. You left that company and act as an independent contractor… up to you and the client if you want to involve a 3rd party.
Good luck Sparks!” x22sm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the old employer seems like a jerk. Just let the client know you no longer work for the company and if you want to divulge why that’s up to you. But I would refrain from saying anything outside of that.
If the former boss thinks you are at fault for losing business, he will drag you into court. You don’t need that headache.” DeepFudge9235
2. AITJ For Letting My Friend Live With Me?
“We’re both 18 and seniors in high school. This person, whom we’ll call Lana, has been one of my close friends for 7 years, and they’re always had a rough home life, as far as I can remember.
Throughout our friendship, I’ve helped them through many things, emotionally and practically. I helped them get a job, took them to and from the said job for months, got their bicycle fixed up so they could take themselves to work, etc. For me, it was just the right thing to do, help a friend out, you know.
Anyways, about a month ago, they contacted me letting me know they were at my house and weren’t going home. It was a little shocking but I figured they had a good reason so I just came home and talked to them about it.
Turns out they had gotten into a big fight with their mom and walked out. I ended up letting them stay for 3 nights, and then they decided to go home and try to make up with their mom. I told them if they got kicked out and needed a place to stay, my house was an option.
I feel like now is a good time to mention that we weren’t close friends at the time, we had distanced ourselves for about 7 months before this.
Flash forward about a week or two, and they called me asking to come over and I asked what was wrong.
Basically, they had gotten into an argument with their mom again and wanted to leave. I told them to take a breather and think it through for a second, but they ended up fighting and I had to come to pick them up.
The next day, Lana asked me if I could talk to their mom and see if they could come home and get their mom to understand them. I didn’t really see a point since I am an outsider but I called anyways, their mom said yes so I told them and they told me they didn’t want to go home because they didn’t want to have to deal with that.
I reminded them that I would allow them to move in with me IF they had no other place to live or stay the night if they needed a second to breathe. Since their mom said they could go home, I felt like it was their responsibility to own their actions and either try to neutralize the situation or start looking for a way out.
They ended up hanging up on me because I was ‘belittling their feelings’ and then the next day, texted me saying that since my dad said they could stay there, it was fine and I shouldn’t have a problem with it.
And I didn’t, I had a problem with them choosing to bring all of their things into my room when we had other space in the house, frame me as someone who didn’t care about them at all and just wanted them to leave and suffer, and most of all not once showing gratitude for everything I did for them.
I told them we were through and we haven’t talked since then, but I’m not sure if that was the right thing to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it isn’t your job to fix your friends’ lives for them, it is your job to keep them company while they navigate their own stuff.
(And I say this as a grateful foster kid who moved in with a friend’s family as a teenager: this is just not something most families have the time and knowledge or emotional or financial resources to responsibly offer: it really is a huge undertaking to add a teen, who is going to guaranteed have issues because of what they’ve been through, to their household).” Ana_Kinra
Another User Comments:
“As you get older it becomes more obvious that people will take advantage of your kindness. Everyone has their own hardships to deal with in life, it’s fine to help, but when others start becoming a burden and only take from you without any give, that’s when you need to stop giving, so in short NTJ, understandable that some people have it tough, but you will no doubt have your own hardships, it’s just like rescuing a drowning person you don’t risk it if they’re going to take you down with them.” rizy06
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I definitely feel like there’s a lot more going on, and I hope your friend’s home life was at least safe. But, I noticed that you have a lot for your friend. Though it’s nice, I just want to make sure you realize that’s not your responsibility.
I’m a little worried your friend could be using you (or will) and expecting you to do all this for them. What does your father (or whatever adults you live with) say about this?” Big_Bowler8424
1. AITJ For Making A Song About A Girl's Tragedy?
“In my hometown and surrounding towns, I’m a minor music artist. I could probably get ~1,000 at a show just to see me on a good day.
I usually make pretty socially conscious stuff but it’s still supposed to be chill and laid back and smooth. I usually talk about wider topics but I decided to make a song about something that hit a little closer to home.
There was this girl I used to go to high school with, she died to have a very good upbringing, I spoke with her a few times after graduation and she wasn’t doing good. No one was left to support her.
She was on the streets, all that. I was better friends with a few mutuals so I heard more through them. I won’t go into deep detail but something happened and she tragically passed away. I decided to loosely base a song on the situation and a few other things.
I finished it up and showed it to a few close friends before I released it.
The next day, before I even released the song, I get a call from one of her close friends who was in a similar situation.
She was telling me I had no right to tell her friends. And she was saying speaking from the same experience that I didn’t understand anything that was actually going on. I told her I was just trying to help by bringing awareness, but she told me that nothing I could do would help people in her or her friend’s situation.
After I was done talking to her, I decided to throw some things about what she said into the song. Finished it up again and released it finally. She called me again even angrier but I told her it was just art and that I was just saying what I felt.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because it clearly wasn’t very ‘loosely’ based if her friend could identify it was about her.
You can’t just take people’s lives and use them to give yourself art/internet/whatever clout.
At least ask permission from those who knew her first.
Saying you get to say whatever you want because ‘art’ is literally no different than toxic men saying whatever they want because they’re ‘just being honest’. What a trashy excuse to get your clout off of someone else’s tragedy.
And I’m willing to bet you charge for your shows? How ‘socially conscious’ of you?
You’re making money off a real-life tragedy you had nothing to do with. What a winner. YTJ.” jelllybears
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The girl’s friend was right – you have no right to be telling this person‘s story, you clearly have very little involvement in it, it is not yours to tell.
Instead of opting to not release the song after a close friend of the girl the song is about told you she didn’t feel comfortable with you releasing it as she’s experienced a similar situation herself, you chose to use what she said as song lyrics and released it anyway.
It’s obvious you’re not doing this to bring awareness as you clearly don’t understand these people’s past situations, nor do you care enough about what they’ve been through to respect their wishes.” user828394
Another User Comments:
“I’m afraid I’m thinking YTJ here. I understand getting moved by events in other people’s lives to the point of inspiring you to create art. I think it’s totally fine if you want to make art about it in private as it’s just for you.
As long as it’s done appropriately, it’s transformative, and the people it’s been inspired from have agreed to the project, I don’t disagree with the practice too much.
However, I was convinced more of you being the jerk when your friend called and explained why she was upset about the song, and instead of taking her perspective into account, you added her own words into the song she already was upset with.
She clearly wasn’t comfortable with this, and you’ve now dragged her into this situation further by adding her own thoughts and feelings. This song isn’t simply about your feelings anymore, but her’s as well. It comes across as very selfish on your part, and you’re the only one benefiting from the situation.
I’m sorry to say, but I would remove your song until this is all sorted out. This is a complicated situation, but you shouldn’t be putting this song out if you put the words’ and experiences of others into it yet didn’t ask for permission to tell this story.” DystopianOrange84
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Biggest red flag ever.
And she involved her mother?
I'd definitely tell the mom it's none of her business.