People Have Feuds In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Apologizing After A Rude Comment About My Curly Hair?
“I (16f) have curly hair, which I often wear down. To preface this, I’ve struggled with feeling insecure about my hair for a long time.
On this day, for once I felt good about it. I’m English, but my family and I are currently visiting our family in India. Because of this, my dad invited some of his old college friends and their wives over.
About halfway through the day, one of my dad’s friend’s wives said that my curly hair looked awful and I really should tie it up.
I’ve never met her before, so I was taken aback. I’m not sure why, but her comment really struck a nerve, and I used all of my might not to cry in that moment. I smiled awkwardly at her and left for my room.
My mum saw me crying in my room after that and asked what happened. I told her what I’ve just told you, and she said I should apologize for how I left. She said I was being rude and that she cares about me.
My mum also said that that is the way the culture is here and I can’t get mad at people for it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I can’t attest to Indian culture, because I am not Indian, but I’ve visited India and I grew up with many second-generation Indians in England and I’ve never come across this kind of behavior.
Not in any of my memory has an Indian person ever come uninvited to tell me I look awful. I think you are NTJ but a verdict from a person more versed in Indian culture is possibly required? As an aside, curly hair is extremely beautiful; please don’t feel bad about having it.” onceuponafigtree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An interesting idea for you to ponder is: Does this random lady bring you happiness or joy? No, right? Because she is a literal stranger, so you don’t expect that of her. If she can’t bring you happiness and joy, then why let her bring you misery and sorrow?
Maybe she’s old school and traditional; maybe she’s never experienced being in the same room with someone with awesome hair like yours, and sheer jealousy makes her want you to hide it. How about that for a reason? Don’t let a stranger make you doubt your worth, OP.
Celebrate you. That old aunty can enjoy her own hair; you enjoy yours!” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a big thing in desi culture to call curly hair unkempt or messy. It’s a pain, and your feelings about being insulted are absolutely valid.
It SUCKS having to sit and listen to people say crap about you. All you did was walk away, which shouldn’t be a big deal, but even that is considered rude by people. I can understand where your mum is coming from, asking you to apologize.
It’s very likely she wants you to save face so that these people will not call you rude, ill-mannered, or question your parents’ parenting skills. But you are well within your rights to tell your mum that you won’t. A grown woman was rude to you: a minor.
She was hurtful, and instead of answering back, all you did was walk away because she made you cry. Your mum needs to back you up on this, but unfortunately, it is hard rebelling against years of social conditioning that tells people (more so, women) that a lot of acts that are forms of boundary maintenance are rude.
I know it took my mum literal years to overcome it and actually start giving polite shut-up calls instead of keeping silent. So NTJ, not at all. But contrary to popular opinion, have some sympathy for your mum too.” pixierambling
21. AITJ For Refusing To Return My Dead Partner's Promise Ring?
“I (22F) was in a serious relationship with my partner for 4 years. We got together when I was 16; she was 17. Sadly, 2 years ago, she passed away in a car accident when she was hit by an intoxicated driver.
When she turned 18, she got me a promise ring; it was very expensive and had mine and her initials carved into it. She bought it, and ever since she passed, I’ve worn it. I also got her one; it had a small diamond, her birthstone, and it was also expensive.
Her family never made a fuss about me giving it back.
Her younger brother recently got into a relationship and wanted to give a promise ring to his partner. Her parents told me that he loved the design and wanted to save money, so they wanted it back—quote, “remove my initial and put his partner’s.” I said no immediately and said it was one of the last things she gave me before her death, and I refused to give it up since then.
They’ve tried to say that they bought it and will go as far as taking me to court to get it back. I got fed up and asked for the ring I gave her back (knowing they took it off before the funeral). They said until I return my ring, they won’t give me back mine.
I’ve been called ridiculous and overreacting by her brother and parents, saying it’s just a ring and I need to let go of the past. We both promised, no matter what happened, to always have the rings near or on to remind us of one another.
AITJ for refusing to give it back; should I just give it to them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and do not give it back. A ring, be it an engagement or promise, is an object returned should an engagement fall through due to a breakup.
The ring is rightfully yours. I am so sorry for your loss and for the petty behavior of that family towards you. Also, I don’t think they have a legal case against you, but you may want to ask about that.” Unusual_Variant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and screw them. I had a similar situation happen to me when my husband died young and his parents tried to get me to give them his high school ring he gave me as a promise ring. People can be absolutely awful. Screw them.
You’ll probably never get your ring back, but they aren’t entitled to yours at all. If anything, you might be able to sue them to get your ring back, but the law is a little weird when it comes to death without a will, especially when they are younger.
I cut off ties with my in-laws because they were so bad. Not saying you should too, but it might be necessary for your own healing.” Valkyrieraevyn
20. AITJ For Excluding My Sister's Partner From My Birthday Camping Trip?
“I (17 turning 18) am having a camping trip with my family for my birthday. The other day, my sister (21) and I were talking about it and she brought up that her partner (20) was coming. A little background: he and I do not get along. We aren’t friends in any way, and we used to get into yelling matches for a while until I matured and stopped bickering with him, but we still don’t get along.
Now it’s more of a case of small talk but nothing further than that. He has done petty crap, like make fun of the music I listen to.
Nevertheless, he makes my sister happy, so I don’t care as long as she’s happy. However, she likes to include him in everything—like every family event, any movies we go see, decorating for the holidays, etc. She’s just inviting him without asking others if they’re okay with it.
Now I told my sister that I don’t want him coming because of the above-mentioned reasons and that I don’t want to have to “walk on eggshells” for three days at my birthday event. On top of this, I will be coming out to my family (she knows about this), and it’s really stressful for me because they’re homophobic.
She told me I’m being selfish and that he’s a part of the family and I’m being a jerk for excluding him. I told her it’s my camping trip and I have final say on who comes. She then threatened to bring him anyway and said that I can’t stop it from happening.
I said that I would leave the trip if she did that. She then said if he’s not allowed, she’s not coming. I told her not to come then. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister is for not seeing the middle ground that would be her telling her partner to back off of you.
Like, leave her alone. If it means just not talking to her, then don’t, but stop aggravating her because it creates this difficult family dynamic where she’s going to insist that you aren’t allowed to come to things or she won’t participate. I would just point out to your sister that she is free not to come, but to be very clear that is her making the choice to choose a jerk partner over her family and no one else’s.
I would also offer to teach him some manners so that he isn’t such a jerk at our family events, and maybe in the future this won’t be a problem. To be sure, she won’t take that well, but at least it gets said…..” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s your birthday, so you should get the final say on the guest list. It honestly sounds like your sister can’t handle being without her partner for any amount of time if this is how she’s acting. Stand your ground, and don’t let her walk all over you.” munchkin1977
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally I’d say it’s an arguable, but somewhat expected courtesy to keep the peace for family events, but this is YOUR event and a major one too. Besides, he may be family to her, but obviously not to you at least for now.
You’re fully within your rights to do this.” PermaThrwAway
19. AITJ For Cutting Off Family For Only Showing Up When Life Falls Apart?
“A few months ago my husband’s cousin had a 30th birthday party. Her mom supposedly invited everyone she is “closest with.” The cousin claimed she had no idea. Now the person said cousin usually runs to when her life is falling apart is my husband and me.
We did not get an invite, but a person who lives 3,000 miles away and never does anything for anyone got an invite.
My husband and I decided we would stop talking to all parties involved because this is not the first time this has happened. We are tired of being the people who all run to when their lives are falling apart and they need help, but if we ask for help, it is always some lame excuse of why they can’t help.
We are being treated as if we should just let it go, and that we are causing drama by expressing our feelings about what happened. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A lot going on here. If you weren’t invited to a party, and your feelings were hurt, you’re allowed to say so.
If you feel like you give and give, and can’t count on people in return, it’s reasonable to take a step back. It’s not drama to say how you feel or to call people out on their nonsense.” Laura71421
Another User Comments:
“INFO – So the cousin says she had no idea and her mother organized the party invite list. Do you just not believe her?
Look, I understand how tiring it is to have people always run to you with their problems. I think you are totally right to cut off people who use you to complain to but never want to share the better parts of their lives with you.
It is exhausting. For that alone, I would totally cut them out. It is toxic.” Inallea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Relatives or friends who only call you when they need something are jerks. Given the way they’ve treated you, you do not owe them anything.
I use the same rule book for friendships as I do for family. If they don’t add to my life or it doesn’t feel reciprocal in that there is an even amount of given take, then they don’t need to be in my life. You don’t have to allow yourself to be used.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up A Surprise Passenger?
“I’m driving Friend 1 to somewhere they need to go because I agreed to drive them there. They tell me when we stop at their house we’ll need to get their sibling and take them there with us.
We’ll label them Friend 2.
I have no problem driving Friend 1 and Friend 2 to their destination.
Neither Friend 1 nor 2 has a car.
Friend 2 tells Friend 1 to tell me that we need to stop and collect an additional, surprise Friend 3.
Turns out, Friend 2 promised Friend 3 a ride.
I refused to suddenly deviate and not only collect another passenger, but waste gas having to get to him and wait around for him to be ready.
I refuse simply on the principle that it’s wrong to make a commitment for someone else to follow through on.
If I had been asked about this prior, not last minute, I would have had no problem with it and would have asked for gas money in exchange.
So what do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like you’d have to go out of your pre-determined way to pick up someone that you did not offer a ride to.
Gas is expensive, you’ve got a life to live. Not sure why they think it’s fine to make plans for you without including you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s super rude of Friend 2. Only way it’s explainable is if you’re also good friends with Friend 3 and Friend 3’s house is directly on the way or super close to Friend 2.
If both of those are true then maybe No jerks here. But otherwise, you’re totally in the right.” justforaita007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your so-called friends are inconsiderate and have a lot of nerve to promise Friend 3 a ride when they’re getting a ride from you.
You should lose all of those ‘friends.'” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Go On Vacation Due To My High-Risk Pregnancy?
“My partner of 4 years and I are expecting our first child together, due at the end of June. Unbeknownst to me, he made plans to go on a vacation to visit friends across the country for Memorial Day Weekend.
He travels within our state a lot for work and is gone most weekdays, so he doesn’t understand why I have a problem with him taking a flight to go back home to visit friends before the baby is due.
I explained to him that there’s a big difference between being 2 hours away by car and being a 2-hour flight away, mainly that if there was an emergency he would be at the mercy of the airlines and flight times to get home.
Not to mention my pregnancy is considered high-risk, and I am very concerned about pre-term labor, especially being a first-time mom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Others are making great points that you need to have a chat with him. I would take it a little further, and make it clear that him being willing to risk being out of town for the birth of your child or anything other matter that might come up, means he’s ok not being in the delivery room, so you’ll then be making a birth plan change and have someone else there to support you during birth, even if it happens when he’s in town.
Because it’s likely that when you explain why he should need to be in town at this point in pregnancy, he’ll say his mom or your mom or whoever can help if something happens. So let him say that and then let him know you’ll just make that adjustment to the plan now, just in case.” Legitimate-Chart-289
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OMG, you poor thing, here you are, high-risk pregnancy, and he wants to go hang out with the boys?! Huge sigh. You may need more and more assistance the closer you get to your due date with just everyday tasks. Shouldn’t your husband be saving his vacation time for when the baby comes, pediatrician visits, helping you as needed, pre-natal appointments, emergencies?
You should not be left alone this close to your due date. What if your labor comes suddenly and is very fast? Having traveled those “2-hour flights,” the total trip time can easily add up to a good 8 hours, and that is WITH a reservation.
If this visit is so important to your husband to see his friends, can’t they come visit your city/town and get a hotel or something? He made these plans WITHOUT CONSULTING WITH YOU!!! Things may be difficult enough after you bring home baby with your husband working hours away during his normal work shifts; you don’t need this stress right now.
Stress is not good for Baby (or you). Sorry for this being so lengthy, but I am quite concerned for you. Take care. If he insists on going, please have someone nearby who can check in on you and assist you as needed. You are carrying Precious Cargo.” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does he understand what high-risk means and that the due date is really just an estimate? If he understands, then he must be comfortable with the probability of you giving birth without him there. Even if you don’t go into labor now, you know where you and the baby stand in his line of priorities and you have some decisions you will have to make for your life.
You didn’t say how adamant he is about going. If he is saying he’s going no matter what, then you need to tell him: 1. If he goes and you go into labor and have to go through it alone because he chose to go despite knowing the potential for this to happen, that it will impact your relationship dramatically, up to and including divorce.
2. You will not be able to forgive him for placing his trip over being there to help you through the birthing process and to welcome your child. You may someday be able to forgive him someday but it could be years. 3. You no longer will trust that he values you, the relationship, or the child.
If he goes despite you telling him and understanding the consequence, then he has shown you who he is and you should believe him.” Gladtobealive2020
16. AITJ For Keeping My Daughter's Dog Despite My Nephew's Allergies?
“I (41M) and my daughter (14F) have recently adopted a chocolate Labrador named Reese.
My daughter has a lot of mental health issues including depression and anxiety. Not to mention the amount of stress created by school and other unclassified family issues.
Our recent adoption has caused drama in our family. My nephew has recently developed an allergy to my dog.
My nephew gets puffy eyes and gets really itchy. The dog has benefited my daughter’s mood but my family insists we get rid of the dog. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as the nephew does not live with you, there are steps that can be taken.
Keeping them separate, allergy medication and, possibly, allergy shots/therapy. It is also necessary to clarify what it is he is specifically allergic to: pet dander, saliva, fur. There are so many options. The onus is on your family to take what steps are necessary to mitigate the reactions.
Until they know for sure what the trigger is and learn how to successfully mitigate symptoms, events may need to be at someone else’s house or the dog may need to be kept in a separate room. Reasonable accommodations on both sides but that does not include getting rid of the dog.” redfoxrockinsox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was allergic to all furry animals growing up. Asthma, hives, puffy and itchy eyes, etc. Almost all of my relatives had dogs. What did that mean? Nothing; we’d visit the relatives all the time anyway. At some point, I’d inevitably play with the dog because I love animals, break out in hives, get a swollen face, start wheezing, and my parents would give me allergy medication + my inhaler and make me wash my face.
I seem to have survived the ordeal well enough to grow up and have multiple pets of my own, despite the allergies. My parents would never have DREAMED of telling the relatives they couldn’t get a dog because of MY allergies, that would have been absurd.” MikaRRR
Another User Comments:
“Does your nephew live with you? Are you financially responsible for your nephew? Are you in constant contact with this nephew? How about we just rid the world of all dogs who affect the nephew? You see where I am going with this.
Need more info. I am not understanding how this person has such an effect on your household. This is not immediate family, this is extended family. Your daughter, she is your immediate family. Answer those questions and just to give you a heads up, I am still going to pounce on your extended family.
This isn’t going to end well for them….” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Coworker’s Inconsistent Exotic Pet Claims?
“There’s a guy I work with who gave me the ick the minute I met him. On his first day working with me, he called me “Baby boo” before even knowing my name. So he didn’t start on a good foot with me. Over time I’ve come up with the name “Phony Fred” for him in my head.
I call him Phony Fred because everything he says sounds like nonsense to me. And it’s come to my attention that I’m not the only one who thinks he’s full of it. There’s actually a lot of us on the unit who think he’s sus.
A few examples why: He talked about how his wife is the love of his life and love at first sight. Then he said “She was 18 and I was in my 30s. Oops!” He said it worked out because they’ve been together for 12 years. He also says he got her pregnant on the first date.
But at another time he said he met her 7 years ago.
Another time, two coworkers and I were talking about divorces, and I guess he thought nobody heard him, but he said “And in November I won’t be married anymore.”
But it’s passed November, and he’s still going on about the wife he’s been with for 12 years but met 7 years ago.
He talks about investments earning him tens of thousands, his properties in the Bahamas, etc. We all think he sounds like a finance bro.
Anyway, the other week Phony Fred was going on about the exotic pets he has. He said he had two snakes and a skink.
Another coworker had not heard of a skink. So he said “Oh, it’s a BIG lizard!”
Now, I love reptiles. I am very familiar with their care and I am knowledgeable about various species. I have been most of my life. I participate in my area’s herpetological society.
I’m the reptile nerd of my social circle. Anyone who knows me knows this.
Apparently he doesn’t. I turned and said “Skinks usually aren’t big. What kind do you have?” He stared at me for a second and said “… I don’t know.”
I asked him what color is the mouth.
“Blue.” I said, “That’s a blue-tongued skink; they get to about 24 inches max.”
He said “Well… I’m not used to big snakes, not lizards, but lizards are basically snakes.”
I said, “No, they’re not basically snakes; they are different species and require different care.”
He said, “Well, they’re both amphibians!”
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I said “They’re reptiles. You don’t know crap about what you’re saying and you don’t even know what you own.”
He sat down and muttered to himself.
I think he either doesn’t actually own these animals, or I should be concerned for their wellbeing because he clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing with them.
But maybe that was harsh. I already tend to think he’s full of it, so maybe I should just ignore him?”
Another User Comments:
“They need an option for ‘you’re pathetic’. How about you stop personally fact-checking this guy – who gives a crap either way what he says or thinks?
– and be a normal person? And I would absolutely describe a 24-inch lizard as a BIG lizard. It’s a subjective judgment, you don’t own the definition of ‘big lizard’. You just sound awful.” Tallywhacker73
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like a compulsive liar I used to know – tales were inconsistent, and she told radically different stories to different people.
The only thing you can really do is do the smile and nod method and move on to other subjects. The only thing that makes me hesitate is that a skink isn’t the usual lizard that someone uses as an example – iguanas would probably be the more common one people know and also tick the ‘big lizard’ box.
I suspect that he’s probably borrowing from someone else’s life as though it’s his own, especially with the amphibian comment NTJ for querying further on animals though. I’m an animal nut and if anyone mentions they have pets then that’s going to be the conversation for the next ten minutes at least, and enthusiasts normally love talking about their animals.” Background_Fox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While reading the post, I was also starting to genuinely get concerned for these animals. Now, I tend to agree with you that it’s somewhat likely he doesn’t actually own these animals; he strikes me as this certain type of attention seeking personalities who make things up to fit the conversation topic, or to start a conversation with them at the center, the type where even the existence of the wife in the first place might not be a set in stone thing… I also agree that if he was telling the truth about owning these reptiles, there should be concern about if he is treating them right.
I would definitely keep one ear open if he ever brings them up again, and if he does, maybe try to sprinkle some of your knowledge into the convo, ’cause he will definitely not ask for advice.” I-Rave-In-Your-Walls
14. AITJ For Inviting Both Parents To My Graduation Despite My Dad's Ultimatum?
“My parents got divorced a little over a year ago. My college graduation was coming up and my dad made it clear that he would not be attending if my mother was invited. This made it difficult for me as I felt that I had to make a choice on which parent to have.
Finally, I just decided to invite them both and let THEM decide if they were going or not, not me.
My mom ended up going, and because of this, my dad didn’t go.
On one hand, I feel guilty that I invited my mom knowing my dad wouldn’t go, but I wanted BOTH parents there.
On the other hand, I’m upset that my dad let his emotions take precedence over celebrating my achievement. He’s even upset that I didn’t talk to him about it before inviting her. This was my COLLEGE graduation. Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s not your job to manage their emotions related to their divorce.
Dad seems high maintenance. He didn’t create options for you to consider that would make him feel comfortable (which is not your job). Most graduations are HUGE venues where Dad could have easily sat lengthy distances away from her. He could have proposed you spend time with each parent separately that day (e.g., one takes you to lunch, the other dinner).
This was your day to celebrate you. Time may ease his pain and shift his perspective, but if it doesn’t, you are not required to fix this.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“Why did they separate? Generally, I’d say NTJ but having been a family lawyer for 20 years I have unfortunately seen some splits which were so horrendous the former couple could no longer be in the same area even for their children.
Those splits included severe mental, emotional, or physical abuse, infidelity that resulted in disease, false allegations to law enforcement, stalking, unlawful imprisonment, etc. The list is quite extensive. Congratulations on your graduation from college. Unfortunately, college graduation usually means you are well into adulthood and the kind of discomfort your parents are required to suffer for your benefit is significantly lower than if you were still a minor in their care.
I think you need to take a step back, assess the separation and its impact on each party, and then ask yourself objectively, ‘Was it reasonable to ask your father to put his feelings aside?'” throwAWweddingwoe
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk here.
It’s totally understandable that you wanted both your parents to be there for your graduation that’s a huge accomplishment! You’re right, it is your graduation, and it kinda sucks that your dad put you in that position. It’s also a little weird that he expected you to manage their feelings about the divorce.
Like, they’re the adults, they should be able to handle being in the same place for a couple of hours for their kid, right? You did try to give them both the option to be there, and ultimately, it was his choice to skip out.
It’s okay to be disappointed that he missed it, but don’t let it take away from your achievement. You did great!” Blossom_Breeze0
13. AITJ For Choosing My Brother Over My Dad To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“My (29F) dad and mum divorced when I was 14, due to him being unfaithful to my mum with multiple women – the last of which he’s now married to and has been for 10 years. We had a very rocky relationship for the first few years post my parents’ divorce, which improved when I worked with him between the ages of 19-25.
Since then, he has moved to the other side of the country (5-6hr drive) and we see each other once or twice a year when I make the effort to drive to him (and spend money to rent an Airbnb as he won’t allow me and my fiancé to bring our dog to stay at their house).
I receive the classic “Hi, how are you?” text once every 3 weeks, etc, etc.
I’m getting married in 2025 and have decided that I would prefer my younger brother to walk me down the aisle for a number of reasons:
1. My brother and I are very close and he’s been far more consistent in my life than my dad.
2. My dad hasn’t once asked me anything about my wedding, how the planning is going, or if I need any help, advice, or financial support.
3. He is generally a very selfish person who doesn’t seem to consider his children in anything he does or says – I could list 101 examples of this.
I know I’m entitled to do what I would like on my wedding day; however, there is still part of me that, for some reason, doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, as I’m his only daughter and I feel like I’d be taking his only opportunity to walk his daughter down the aisle away from him.
Firstly – AITJ for not giving him the opportunity?
Secondly – I haven’t yet told him that I would like my brother to walk me down the aisle instead of him, as I truly don’t know how to do this without hurting his feelings. Any tips or advice on how to break the news?”
Another User Comments:
“Your wedding is none of his business. Why would you ask a person to participate in such an important event if they aren’t a part of your life and make no effort to see you? You don’t need to notify him or explain it to him.
You don’t owe him anything. You don’t even have to invite him. This is your wedding, and you can do it all your way.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a dad myself, it would break my heart for my daughter to not want me to walk her down the aisle, but it’s obvious he hasn’t really tried to mend the break in the relationship.
It doesn’t matter how you tell him; there will be hurt feelings. There’s no getting around it. The best thing you can do is make it as quick as possible. Rip the bandaid off fast. I’d suggest having him meet you in a neutral location.
Give him a very succinct explanation of your decision and then leave. No more than 5 minutes.” Basilsainttsadface
Another User Comments:
“It’s absolutely your right to have someone who has consistently supported you walk you down the aisle. You should feel no guilt towards someone who so blatantly couldn’t give a darn about the impact of his own actions and decisions.
He will never change, and I think you’re reaching the point where, for your own mental health and general well-being, you need to take a step back and focus on your life going forward. You should tell your father as soon as you can because there will be some fallout.
Don’t beat around the bush; it needs to come straight from the hip. It’s entirely feasible that he will give you an ultimatum of either he does the walk or he doesn’t go, period. You need to think on that one and know what your choice will be before you have the discussion so you are not left floundering.
And then you have the new wife – do you actually want her there, considering all that she represents? Congratulations, by the way, and enjoy your day. NTJ.” East_Parking8340
12. AITJ For Telling My Mother Not To Use Alternative Medicine On My Sick Son?
“My mother (60s) recently babysat my son (1) overnight while my husband and I went out with friends.
My son has been sick with a cold for just over a week. Initially, I said I would stay home with him and that we wouldn’t need a babysitter, but my mother insisted I go out. I warned her that he hasn’t been sleeping through the night since he’s been sick so it could be rough, and told her that if he woke with a fever to give him some medicine to lower his temperature and offer him water, but that he would settle back once the medicine kicked in.
The original plan was for my mother to come to our house to babysit, but she asked to babysit him in hers, so we dropped him off (3hr round trip) and she dropped him back to ours the following day.
The next day when I asked how the night went, she said that it was awful.
He didn’t sleep much; he was feverish and coughing. I asked if she gave him medicine and she said that she did; but when it didn’t appear to work, she cut up an onion and put it in his socks and said that he hasn’t coughed since.
She sounded proud when she said it, and a little defiant.
Now, my issue isn’t the remedy she used; it’s where she heard it from. She got the idea from a woman she follows on social media whose Wikipedia page says that she has no medicinal qualifications and promotes “dangerous and unsubstantiated alternative medicine claims.” This isn’t the first time she suggested doing this when he had a cough, but it is the first time she could test it herself.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I asked her where she heard that remedy from; she said “From Dr Barbra O’Neill,” and I waited until it was just us in the room. Then I said, “No more Barbra O’Neill.” And my mother reacted with anger and defiance.
She said that I “didn’t know what it was like,” “she was worried” and that she “thought he was going to vomit from coughing so hard.” I said that I did know what it was like because he’s been like that all week. There was some back and forth before she seemed to resign and agree to no more alternative remedies; however, it didn’t feel sincere, which worries me that next time she just won’t tell me about it.
My husband thinks I was a jerk because of the timing; she just did us a huge favor by babysitting and making a 3-hour round trip to bring him back to our house the next day, which I did appreciate and thanked her for. He does agree with my sentiment but thought it could wait for another time.
I just wanted to nip it in the bud then and there before my mother thinks she can experiment with alternative medicine remedies on my son, but now I feel guilty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Onion in the sock is a rather benign remedy, so there was likely no harm done.
This time. But there are some downright dangerous ideas online and a lot of old wives’ tales that can do a lot of harm. This time it was an onion in a sock. Next time it could be drinking raw eggs or essential oils. While it was nice of her to babysit, I think that you need to be careful going forward with unsupervised visits.
It only takes one bad “remedy” to give lasting damage. In saying that, there are some alternative treatments that do help. For example, my grandmother would wrap my joints in wool if I complained about joint pain. It worked. I have no idea why, but it did.
But the danger of badly informed alternative medicine far outweighs any potentially good ones. I would say that if you can trust her to do it, you should institute a “call me first” rule, with a blanket “no” if she can’t get ahold of you.
Even something as seemingly innocuous as a few drops of essential oils mixed in bathwater can be dangerous, depending on the oil. Especially for such a young child. If she complains, ask her how she felt when her mother/mil interfered with her parenting. Other people taking care of your kids should definitely be “my way or the highway.” At the very least, if you do end up trusting her with your son again, let her know that this is her last chance and if you find out that she’s using alternative medicine without talking to you first, there’ll be no more unsupervised visits.” Bivagial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing will ever make me more angry than someone doing something with a kid against their parents’ wishes. Her beliefs could literally hurt your child. I wouldn’t take that lightly either. My MIL seems to think if she watches our kid and does us a favor then she can do whatever she wants (cosleeping… which I won’t allow).
On a side note, my mom will call me and confirm before giving my child any type of medication… and she’s a perinatal/public health nurse. She knows more than me, and we both know it, but she would never dose my child with anything without my consent.
That is the way it should be.” 0WattLightbulb
11. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Grow Up When She Mocked My Speech?
“I’m 16F, and I have Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Earlier today, my mom, 40F, was mocking me for the way I spoke. I tend to have a hard time expressing how I feel when I talk, so everything comes out monotone. I’ve learned to deal with it a bit better now, but I’m not always perfect when it comes to expressing things, even when I try my hardest.
My mom has recently decided that since I got diagnosed with ASD, this must mean that she’s autistic as well, so she doesn’t take any of my boundaries or needs seriously and thinks I’m making up everything I talk about.
Today, I kinda snapped when she started repeating what I said in a robotic tone, mocking how I spoke.
She does that a lot, and I’m not exactly sure why it affected me so much in that moment, but I just said something along the lines of,
“You are forty years old. Forty. Grow up.”
I hate the phrase “growing up” because I’m told to grow up when I say I don’t want to be hugged at social gatherings, among other things I’m uncomfortable with.
But in this situation, I think she deserved it. I believe that it was really childish for her to mock me again and again.
She was really upset, and I could hear her ranting on the phone about me. Although I couldn’t hear exactly what she said, I heard my voice being mentioned.
I feel guilty for hurting her feelings, but at the same time, I kinda feel like she needed to hear that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right lol she’s acting like a middle school bully. I’m not diagnosed with ASD but I have suspected I might have it as well as my brother, and when we were growing up, there was a lot of tension between ourselves and our caregivers (we were in foster care) from issues like this.
This happens when the child is more emotionally aware and mature than the adult. Just to give some validation, even at almost thirty now, I still find no shortage of adults who act like middle schoolers. She doesn’t sound mature or like she should be allowed to be a parent, much less one of a special needs child, but I digress.
NTJ. Mom is most definitely the jerk here.” pomkombucha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother DOES need to grow up! Tell her that she is supposed to be the adult in the relationship. Tell her it hurts your feelings and makes you feel terrible when she “mocks” what you can’t help.
Parents are supposed to be leaders and role models to our children and help them to be their personal best. Your mother, behaving as she is, is doing the exact opposite of that for you. Can you talk to your dad or another person in the family you are close to?
It almost sounds to me like your mom is jealous of the attention your diagnosis has gotten, and she’s trying to outshine you. That is ludicrous, and she needs some therapy to learn how to best support YOU while coping with her own life. This isn’t about her.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“You have done nothing wrong. Whenever you are in doubt, put a new post up detailing what’s gone on and I’m sure you will get the same resounding NTJ. People with autism often struggle when it comes to social situations, especially when it comes to working out if they are in the wrong.
Use this platform to validate your feelings and help you see it is not you. Unfortunately, it sounds like you cannot rely on the person who is supposed to help you navigate this world. A crappy situation to find yourself in, but so long as you do not let her get to you, you will be stronger for it.
Your mum is a bully. Save as much as you can and make sure she can’t access your savings. Move out as soon as you are able.” Exact_Cut_8831
10. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend A Refund After A Hair Color Correction Session?
“I (26f) am a hairstylist who specializes in color correction.
My friend (28f) booked an appointment with me that took place yesterday. A week before the appointment, we met and did a consultation. During the consultation, she told me what she wanted and I informed her that doing a color correction this complex would need multiple sessions.
After the consultation was over, I sent her a follow-up text of everything we discussed. She texted back basically disregarding everything and proceeded to send me a TikTok of what she wanted me to do to her hair. I told her that in that video, the client and she have completely different hair.
I explained to her that I am going to do what she wants, but I am going to do it in the best interest of her hair health. She agreed, so I sent an email of the agreement for her to sign.
The day of the appointment, everything went smoothly until it was time to show her the end result of session one.
She looked slightly disappointed and stated back to the TikTok, and I had to explain that in the video, those are clicks of multiple sessions put together. She paid and left.
When I got home, I got a call from another friend telling me that my friend was sobbing on the phone about how I ruined her hair.
Soon after the phone call, I got a text from her asking for a refund and a free appointment to correct her hair. I redirected her to the email she signed and informed her that she still requires sessions to get her desired look. She hung up.
Fast forward to this morning, my boss called me to let me know that my friend called to file a complaint against me and had tagged me in a social media post of her bad-mouthing me and my place of work. I am now receiving text messages from our mutuals telling me to just give her a refund because she is threatening to sue for pain and suffering, due to this causing her to have low self-esteem and anxiety.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let her sue you. You have the paperwork she signed, you have the texts where you told her that the new style will take multiple sessions. If she wasn’t being so messy, I’d suggest trying to find a style that works for her in the interim.
But I’m going to be honest—it doesn’t seem like she fully understood the step-by-step process (did you also document that in the text? Did you tell her what color she would see on the first step?) But let this be a lesson not to do just do what a client wants when you know it won’t be like they want it—you can tell people no and let them go elsewhere.” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did your due diligence in providing information and having her sign the agreement. She has no grounds to sue you if the service you provided was according to the agreement. (Plus—pain and suffering? Please.) If your salon has social media, someone (doesn’t have to be you) could do what many businesses do: address the poor review with their own statement about what happened. If she wants someone to perform the service to her liking (and at the risk of her hair’s health), she will no doubt be able to find someone willing and then the fallout will be their problem.” Fresh_Process6822
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You informed her that it would take multiple sessions in order to get to the look she wants. You are doing it in steps because you do not want to compromise the health and condition of her hair in the process.
That is the professional and right thing to do. You did the first step. She paid for it and left. If she wants to go to someone else to have her style finished, she can do that. But you are not refunding for what she’s paid for, as it clearly states the procedure in the contract.
Just make sure to keep the contract she signed, receipts, and save any text messages or emails in case she decides to try and sue. You did not cause her distress or suffering, because she did not allow you to finish the sessions.” Aggressive_Cattle320
9. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend Who Criticized My Drinking Habits?
“My (49f) family is going camping this weekend with a group they belong to. It will just be me and the dog all weekend.
Something most women love because the house will be quiet and I don’t have to cook or clean for anyone else. I also have the opportunity to relax and have some drinks because I have no responsibilities.
I mentioned this to my friend (44f), and she asked me if I was spiraling and said drinking to relieve stress is a sign of needing help.
This same friend also drinks, and often brags about it. She always has to go out the night before Thanksgiving because “it’s the biggest drinking night of the year.” (We’re in America obviously.) She has season tickets for a college football team and tailgates all day.
She brags about how she drank for 12 hours straight and didn’t get sick. And many other examples.
So anyway, I snapped at her and mentioned all her drinking escapades and she says it’s different because she drinks for fun and I drink to escape and relieve stress.
I’m honestly not sure what the difference is. But now she’s mad at me for calling her out on her drinking, and apparently being in denial about my own drinking.”
Another User Comments:
“There is this view that any drinking that is not for “fun” and “social events” is harmful and destructive.
Sure, it can be. Any drinking could become destructive if done too often or too much. But I turn against this idea that drinking alone by default is problematic. I myself usually get one week to myself each year when the wife and the kids go to their grandparents.
That week I usually drink some wine and play video games, just unwinding and relaxing. I despise the idea that that is problematic. Basically every other week of the year is work, clean, look after kids, driving to and from kids activities and no drinking.” Massive-Amphibian-57
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What do you mean by “I drink to escape and relieve stress”? Do you find drinking to be a stress-management tool that you use frequently? Is it about having a single glass of wine in combo with some fluffy socks and dumb TV shows and a cozy blanket, or is the intoxicating effect of the booze the primary factor in the de-stressing effect?
Or in other words, if you removed booze from the equation, would you find your alone time equally or almost as relaxing? Or would you find it more difficult to relax with no booze involved? What does “escape” mean to you? Depending on your answers to the above questions, you might want to investigate your drinking habits more closely, perhaps with the aid of a therapist who specializes in the subject.
Because while your and your friend’s motivations for drinking are not the same, you may well BOTH have problems with drinking, just different ones.
Drinking to escape is not a sign of a healthy relationship with booze any more than binge drinking socially is. Talking about a quiet house that “most women love,” and your friend immediately jumping to questioning your intentions regarding booze during that time, makes me wonder if you have perhaps fallen victim to “wine mom” rhetoric (which is not always aimed at moms, but can be more generally feminine than the name implies) — those harmful stereotypes about how it’s okay for women to glorify specifically drinking to escape, due to the stresses of everyday life.
Wine mommery is a trap that uses the aesthetic trappings of feminine empowerment and girl-bossing to *disempower* women by excusing and encouraging substance dependence and abuse. Excessive wine-mom-style drinking is unfortunately commonly socially accepted (much like your friend’s excessive social drinking is for people in a different stage of life), which makes it extra-dangerous and worth being extremely vigilant for.” AccountMitosis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a former heavy drinker, we can in fact be an addict while drinking just for fun. TONS of people only drink in social situations for the simple fact that we need to cope with our anxiety. A normal night for me was going to the bar for 5 double shots of tequila in under 2 hours.
But because it’s with friends it’s not heavy drinking? Nonsense. I’ve seen countless people (like me) drink “for fun” when it’s really “drink until I get sick because it’s better than feeling real emotions.”” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Screaming At My Sister’s Foster Mom For Not Letting Me Hold My Sibling?
“I raised most of my 6 siblings, and we all got put into foster care in Oct. Back at the very start of Nov, my youngest 2 siblings were placed with them. The visits were every other week at the start, and at the first one, I showed up having not seen them in two weeks.
When they arrived the youngest of the 2 (9 months now) was asleep in her car seat. She insisted that I shouldn’t wake her, despite only having an hour. I woke her up to interact and the three of us just read books together on the chair, just general interaction; no fussing or anything happening, but she was glaring at me the whole time.
A few days later, on an unmandated visit, the 9mo shows up asleep again. I wake her up, all 7 of us hang out, and then I give her back.
Two hours after returning home she messages the foster family I was with at the time and makes them talk to me about not waking up the baby.
I told them she could go. That night I texted her about how she would never be my sisters’ mother. I deleted it and apologized the morning after, but it was pretty nasty and 6 paragraphs.
Fast forward a little bit and my mother ends up passing away.
Because of this, we were granted weekly visits instead. Days after, we had a visit and this woman was ecstatic. My siblings and I were there, the older few of us just dumbfounded by all that’s happened, and there she was smiling. This time she came with the baby in a carrier, so I couldn’t really just take her out.
After 10 minutes I went up and asked to hold her. She replied that I couldn’t right now, despite the fact that the baby was awake. I asked her 4 times before the visit ended.
I managed to not lose it, but on the next visit, she shows up gushing to all the other foster parents about how she and her husband are so lucky to get orphans on only her third placement.
I didn’t say anything, but that ticked me off. I had just switched my own placements and my foster moms didn’t know about the previous incident. During yesterday’s visit, she kept talking the same way, saying things like “It’s sad she died and all, but you know, I’ve always wanted to have kids” and “It’s so nice to adopt babies, you know?
That way they’re not all messed up and disobedient later on. Especially when you won’t have to deal with their bio parents.” I don’t know if it’s just me, but that in combination with everything leading up to it just set it off.
At the end of the visit, when it was just my 9-year-old brother, me, my foster moms, my brother’s foster mom, and her (her husband took the kids to the car while she was hanging back to talk a minute longer with the other moms), I did not hold back, screaming at her for a good four or five minutes about: “She isn’t a saint, to never mention my parents like that, she will never be a real mom to my siblings, and just generally, screw you.” She looked genuinely upset and today my therapist suggested that I might have blown it out of proportion because of pent-up anger from other things.”
Another User Comments:
“You need to talk to your worker about how inappropriate this woman is starting from not wanting you to wake your sibling, wouldn’t let you hold your sibling, rejoiced that she’s caring for orphans, snapped about disobedient children. Everything. She’s not an appropriate placement as she’s made it clear she wants your siblings and won’t want to allow you to see them.
I’m so sorry about this.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are a child in mourning and this woman is a predatory ghoul. I can’t imagine saying things like that out loud at all, let alone in front of you… That’s actually evil and crazy.
I would talk to whoever oversees you and your sibling’s foster placements… A social worker? CPS agent? I’m sorry I’m not very familiar with the process. I think it’s very likely that this person will alienate your little siblings from their remaining blood family, including you, if she’s permitted to adopt them.
The goal of foster parenting should always be family reunification, and it’s pretty obvious that this harpy was just playing baby roulette until she could score ones available to adopt for herself… Pretty sick stuff. I’m very sorry for your loss, OP.” every1remaincalm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As a former foster parent in an extremely messed up case, the top thing on my mind was being sensitive to the trauma that the kids had been through, and indeed were still going through by being separated from each other and their utterly rotten parents.
Because even as bad as their parents were, they were still all they knew and now they had to live with strangers while their dad was locked up for a very, very long time and their mom was convicted to lesser charges as a knowing accomplice who did nothing to protect her kids.
That woman is abhorrent. That’s your sister. That’s your family. She thinks this is just a fun way to get to adopt a baby, as if she can just try them on for size and then put them back on the conveyor belt until she finds the right one.
How utterly loathsome. Hopefully your fosters/worker can help you with this, and I suggest you try. Stay strong and don’t stop fighting for your family.” SchrodingersRedditor
7. AITJ For Excluding A Problematic Acquaintance From My DND Group?
“I am a DM for a group of 30-something gay guys that meets regularly.
One of the people in the group is my bestie; He and I have known each other for a while and so our friend group overlaps a lot. Lately, he’s been asking me to invite one of his friends to our DND group. The thing is that this friend and I don’t really vibe together and we have different public energy.
I have met this friend before and I don’t really like the way he acts toward other people. The first time he was invited to KBBQ where apparently he hated the idea of cooking for himself and berated the server in front of the whole restaurant saying “my own mother would never make me cook for myself”.
I tipped the server 100% and apologized. Another time we were out in a gay bar where he tried to subtly berate the other patron’s look, to their face, like he’s from Mean Girls or something. Needless to say, I don’t really want to spend much time with this guy unless I have to.
Recently though, my bestie said this acquaintance has been extremely lonely, after breaking up with his long-term partner and subsequently 2 more partners within a year. Bestie said he’s worried about his mental health because he hasn’t gone out with people in a while. So I checked out his socials; while I’m no therapist, I would say yeah his life is spiraling out of control and I think he may even started a harmful habit.
So bestie wants to bring him to our DND group.
So here’s the conflict: while I do want this guy to find care for his current state, I don’t really want him in the DND group – given how he has acted in the past. Also, I don’t know if he’d actually enjoy DND anyway.
But it feels kinda jerkish to exclude someone who is suffering a mental breakdown, potentially making him feel even worse. Will I be the jerk if I say no he’s not invited to the group?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. Your DnD group is your friends, your social time, your escape from reality to have fun.
You are allowed to protect your own safe spaces from those who may be too disruptive and could break that safety. Like you said he may not even like playing either. Certainly, you guys could just meet as a group to do other social activities and invite him along to give him company, but if as a group/individuals, it becomes stressful then you can decide not to do so again.
If it turns out he gets on well with you all and is a massive DnD nerd then cool, re-evaluate your decision and put it to the group vote.” Fearless_Spring5611
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. He’s lonely from his own behavior.
I also don’t think it would be fair to your party to essentially be like “you guys have to be this jerk’s crutch”. As a player who respects and admires their DM, I would be a little on edge to someone random joining.
I’m assuming he’d be joining your current campaign, too, which might throw off the story for yourself and the players who are already invested. Don’t do it. He can go join his own DND group, I doubt he’d be a good player (not like combat and stuff, that’s the easiest bit.
But how would his jerk-ness reflect in game?) It’s a lot of risk and a lot of stress. DMs handle enough antics, without throwing in someone they know won’t fit in” CapOk7564
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk because you’re gonna ruin the D&D group for everyone else if you let this guy in.
From everything you’ve said here, this guy just screams “problem player.” He’s going to question your rulings, get extremely upset when things don’t go his way, and I’m willing to bet you’ll be hearing a LOT of “but it’s what my character would do” while his character behaves like a jerk to the other PCs.
And if you’re having this much trouble just saying no to him joining, just imagine how difficult he’ll be to get rid of. Agreeing to your friend’s request would make you a major jerk to everyone else in your group, and it’ll kill your table.
Don’t do it.” FeuerroteZora
6. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Lending Money To His Ex?
“I (F28) have been with my partner (M28) for almost 6 years now. He’s really great – sweet, patient, thoughtful – we rarely fight, and when we do have misunderstandings, we’re quick to sort them out.
We also live together and share the expenses, but still have our own separate money.
Now, his ex-partner before me, they were together for about a year right after he started university. They had a pretty toxic relationship, and he had already ended up in trouble academically trying to manage her mental health struggles.
He ended things after she was unfaithful to him the second time. He blocked her at first and did not entertain any attempts to get back together (we were already talking at this point).
He unblocked her after a year (he doesn’t like holding grudges).
Since then, she’d hit him up on his birthday, Christmas, New Year’s, etc. to send greetings. She’s gotten bolder, even commenting on how happy we (me and my partner) look in our pictures on social. He’d then say thanks or greet back. My partner is very transparent about these things, and I’m generally unbothered. I did ask him if replying to her, even if dryly, might be doing more harm than good (she might think it’s okay to keep talking to him, which would then be something I WILL be bothered by).
He said I was right and promised not to respond at all anymore.
Now, a week ago while we were out, he mentioned how his ex-partner hit him up the day before asking for money. He asked what for, and she said she got kicked out, disowned, and recently landed in the hospital again for mental health troubles and so needed money to pay bills.
I thought, well, tough. I had an ex be unfaithful to me too, and I’m not lending him a dime even if he fell on hard times. My partner doesn’t share the sentiment. He said he lent her money ($500) and isn’t expecting it back. He didn’t open her message explaining what had happened, though, nor does he plan to reply.
He just sent her money and that was it.
I genuinely didn’t think much of it at the time, but a week later, it was still nagging at me. I think it all boils down to this: It annoys me that he would help someone who once screwed him over and continues to try to be friends with him despite being very clearly in a relationship.
I feel this also breaks his promise of not entertaining anything from her at all, even if he has good intentions.
I finally decided to confront my partner about this after he got off work. He said he understands where I’m coming from, but that respectfully he can decide what to do with his money.
I told him pretty much everything here, but we ended up at an impasse with neither one backing down. I feel by talking about this, I’ve created some weird tension that neither of us knows how to resolve fully. There’s just such a huge fundamental difference in how we’d tackle this situation that I also wonder if I’m maybe projecting in some way (?).
AITJ? Should I just drop this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s weird that 6 years down the track she’s still as involved in his life as ever, and giving her money is disrespectful to you given he didn’t ask you how you felt about that and just did it.
Yes, he may have been transparent to you, but it still doesn’t sit right with me. If she’s as bad as you say, she should have been out of his life a long time ago, and it sounds like she continues to manipulate him.
This would be make-or-break for me. If he doesn’t understand what he did was highly inappropriate, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate things.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong in sharing your feelings with him about this toxic ex and his communication with her.
He told you he promised not to respond to her anymore, but then he not only responds to her, he gives her $500. While it is his money to do with as he wishes, he also made a commitment to you that he broke. It is your call on how you want to handle this.
But handling it by telling him how it made you feel was a healthy response. Now you have to decide what to do going forward. You could stay with him and forgive him. You could stay with him and attach conditions. Or you could leave him.
Any of those would be justified.” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I’m the same as this partner. I would lend the money as a one-time thing. You said that you keep money separate. He doesn’t have to follow your wishes all the time if he thinks it might do good.
You find it disrespectful? In the end, it’s his money, which he has the right to spend. He’s doing what he thinks is right; you are advising him, but he doesn’t have to follow your advice. He is independent of you in his decision-making anyway.
This shouldn’t affect your relationship with him, as long as he doesn’t go back to her. It is not your problem. Still, as long as you “confronted him” respectfully, there should be no problem. He’s right, it is his money.” Nice-Pianist-9944
5. AITJ For Telling My Sister And Her Six Kids To Find Another Place To Live?
“My sister just this last year broke up a 15-year relationship with her baby daddy.
They have 6 kids together. They have been staying with us for most of the last year. She and all six kids. The issues are her kids don’t go to regular school and stay up almost all night, and when she gets time without the kids, she has been going to the bar.
She has not even tried to get a job and has just been using us.
The last straw was earlier this week when her kids refused to go to sleep after being asked to go to bed. My kids were so upset on Thursday morning.
I decided she just could not stay anymore. She really has no place else she can stay, but I no longer want her here. I don’t know what to do; I tried to help her apply to places, but she doesn’t finish the app.
It’s like she is stuck not wanting to do anything. I just don’t think I can help her anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has been totally dependent on you for everything for herself and her 6 kids. That has disrupted your household, and you can’t allow her to continue just living there and doing nothing to help improve her situation while turning everyone else’s life upside down.
I would give her a date by which you expect her and her kids to arrange to find another place to stay. Tell her you’d love to help her, but she’s doing nothing to help herself and you have enough stress just taking care of your own family.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Sis is using you. She is not going to do anything to help herself as long as you do. Time for a family meeting with Sis and the kids. As long as they are in your home, these are the rules.
‘Kids, I don’t care what you are used to. These are the rules. They will be followed. Sis, these are what you must do to stay here. If you all don’t want to go by my rules in my home, that makes it cohesive for my family; there is the door.’ Decide on your rules: 1.
Sis does not get to go to any bar without having a babysitter, and that is not you and not in your home; 2. There will be a regular bedtime. And whatever else you come up with. Be firm and stick to everything you state.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“There are very few rentals that will favor a single mom with six kids. Is it discrimination, yes, but it’s the truth when there is such a demand for stable housing and landlords can indirectly choose their tenants. Plus, she can’t afford anything that would fit seven people comfortably.
Getting her to leave will be a nightmare. Give her a timeline ultimatum and change the locks. Don’t feel guilty; this is her problem to solve.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Threatening To Sleep Alone Because My Husband's Farts Ruin Our Sleep?
“My husband and I share a bed/bedroom like many people do, and I love him very much and hate sleeping without him. However, he farts in his sleep so much and so loudly that it regularly wakes me up from my slumber and then keeps me awake because it smells so bad.
Like I’m not exaggerating when I say his farts are so loud that I get awoken from a dead sleep, and I’m not a light sleeper. The smell is beyond foul and lingers in our bed and I get a new whiff every time he turns over in bed and moves the covers.
The noise/smell wakes me up and then keeps me from falling back asleep, and I suffer from severe insomnia so I take sleep very seriously and don’t think it’s unreasonable to want my sleep to go undisturbed.
I’ve talked to him about it and asked him to please see a doctor because I am worried something is wrong with him due to how much flatulence he has and how bad it smells.
He always responds that I just don’t understand how stinky men are (I grew up with 4 sisters) and that all men fart loudly in their sleep all the time. Is that true? We’ve been married less than 5 years but lived together for many years before marriage and it’s only become a major problem in the last year or so.
He certainly has always been gassy as long as I have known him but I don’t recall being awoken from sleep during our earlier years living together.
I’m currently laying away at 5 am because he farted at 2 am so loudly it woke me up and I have not been able to fall back asleep because he just keeps tooting over and over.
I am considering threatening to move into the guest room until he agrees to see a physician, but I really don’t actually want to do that. My preference would of course be to continue sharing a bed, but I travel for work a lot and really need quality sleep to be my best self so I feel kinda stuck between a rock and a stinky place.
If I move into the guest room, am I the jerk??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it does need to be addressed. There’s a gut health problem here that is probably easily fixed. Try some probiotics (they come in gummies, powder, drinks, etc.) and Gas X in the short term but I would highly recommend an appointment with an allergist to see what’s causing the issue.
My husband snores and sometimes we sleep apart for a night to catch up on our rest so we can show up for each other during the following day. Your rest is important and a high percentage of accidents, mistakes at work, arguments, forgetfulness, etc. happen when we’re tired!!
Good luck, babe.” FamousPudding5220
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s so gross. Move into the other room. My partner snores loudly and sprawls out leaving me with little room on the bed. Every night we’ll go to bed together but the second he falls asleep (which is fast) then I will move into the guest room and usually have the beer sleeps of my life.
You won’t regret it. Do it. Sleep is very important and if he gets mad at you for it then he doesn’t give a crap how rested you feel.” sky_lites
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I snore. My wife doesn’t get sleep when I snore.
I now sleep in another bed in another room and you know what? We are still married, happy, and healthier because we both get good sleep, and we don’t have fights over turning off devices or lights anymore. We still do the horizontal mambo every chance we get (harder with kids but still doable).
We go on dates still (if you stop seeing your SO, you are setting yourself up for divorce.) We are happy and sleeping in a different room doesn’t change anything negatively, only in the positive.” KaijuNo-8
3. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Ex's Stepfamily's Expenses?
“I have two children (11f and 8m) with my ex, and we share physical and legal custody of them. I pay child support because I’m a higher earner than my ex, and the child support is minimal ($150 monthly), but is supposed to help balance things between both homes.
My ex is married again, and her family has grown. In the house with her are her husband, his three children (under 10), and their two shared children (under 5).
My ex and her husband struggle financially and have attempted to increase child support five times in the last four years.
The courts turned down their request for more child support each time. Twice in front of a judge, and the other times we did not make it before a judge before it was denied. My ex was reminded that child support is meant to provide for our kids, not for her family as a whole.
My ex argued that the financial burden impacts them, but this was not deemed worthy of a child support increase. They were looking for an increase to make it $800 a month.
My ex has independently asked me to give her $50 here and there or to buy stuff for the other children in her home.
This happens even when our children are in my home. I always say no. I have told my ex that I am not responsible for supporting her other children and will never provide for them financially.
Recently this became a more intense issue on their side because our daughter’s birthday and her youngest stepchild’s birthday are a week apart, and our daughter had a great time and got gifts at both my house and her mom’s, and she had a big birthday party that I hosted. While my ex’s stepchild didn’t get much and had no party (they could not afford one), I had been asked twice to send some gifts for the other child.
My ex also wanted the other kids invited; my daughter didn’t, so they weren’t invited. It made my ex angry. But then her stepkids’ lunch accounts went into the negative days after the birthdays were both over, and since I topped up our kids, she wanted me to do it for her stepkids, and I said no again.
She called me a monster and asked how I could live with myself, knowing my children’s other family were struggling and were literally drowning in financial difficulty, and I could help out but chose not to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Is it possible to have the kids live with you?
What she is doing sounds very manipulative… I truly hope this doesn’t turn into a situation where it is making your children feel bad or even make the stepchildren resent your children over time. As much as I am for helping any child, you are in the right to not feel obligated to take care of someone else’s child.
Not only that, she is sure acting entitled about the situation. I would save these messages and see what can be done to make things not just easier on you but the children. If you can, it sounds like they just need to live with you instead.” Sapphire71519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right to not give her a penny extra — the moment you start giving her more, she could potentially use that in court as a precedent/status quo to get the child support officially raised. You have to be really careful about strictly holding that line.
It was her decision to marry someone with 3 kids, and then her decision again to have 2 more. She chose to have kids she couldn’t financially support. I would suggest though that you don’t worsen any rifts between your kids and their step/half siblings.
The financial disparity is already huge, and it may be next to impossible to salvage the relationship, but you should encourage your kids to be considerate, grateful, and generous with their siblings. It’s not their siblings’ fault that their parents are financially struggling or that they’re putting the responsibility in the wrong place.
There are ways you and your kids can still be kind and considerate to the other kids without giving your ex money.” anbaric26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They made the decision to have more children together, after getting into a relationship where they each brought children.
They already had kids, so they should have a sense of how much it costs to raise children, and given they aren’t young and a little naive, they also had all the resources, independence, and critical thinking skills to decide to take charge of their own family planning (aka, I have sympathy for an 18-year-old struggling with a child, I have none for grown adults who are independent of their parents and fully able to make their own choices).
So, what happens in that house isn’t your problem, and you aren’t a jerk for not helping them.
I would suggest two things though: 1. Go through a parenting app for all communication going forward. Not only is it very good for court, as it documents communication to be used in court (no fake messages), but it also creates an environment where you each have to really think about what you are going to say.
Your ex may back off some of the asks/nasty messages in a parenting app, and it also creates a control — no, I will not answer my phone to speak to you; no, we cannot speak at pickup; whatever you want to say, put it in the app.
2. My guess is your kids aren’t having a great time at their mother’s, so it may be time for you to take some steps to either change custody or get your kids some professional help to manage that household. You need to talk to your kids about what goes on over there — not saying you haven’t — and figure out what to do to protect your kids from what is likely a toxic environment.” mfruitfly
2. AITJ For Not Taking My Partner's Side After Her Fiery Retort To A Friend's Snide Comment About Her Parents?
“My partner (19F) Fiona and I (21M) have been together for around a month now, and yesterday I brought her to a Christmas party with all of my friends to introduce her to them.
Fiona got along with all of them well, though she was understandably a little shy. It also makes it difficult for her that most of my friends and I are international students, whereas she was born and raised in North America.
For context, Fiona doesn’t like to cause conflict and often is okay with letting things slide to keep the peace.
However, if she’s angered, she’s also the type to say something and can be a bit of a hothead. That being said, she’s extremely sweet and understanding, which makes this situation all the more bizarre for me.
Fiona was quiet most of the party, occasionally piping in the conversation and letting it take its course around her.
She was holding a bag which I found out today is pretty expensive, around $2.7k. My friend Celia pointed out her purse and asked where she got it, to which Fiona explained that it was a gift from her parents. At this, Celia asked what Fiona’s parents did.
Fiona told her that her mom was a stay-at-home mom and her dad worked in the oil field, and Celia made a face and said, “You know, digging oil is horrible for the environment.”
At this, Fiona asked Celia if the clothes she was wearing were made of polyester and nylon, if she participated in fast fashion, if she took planes, or used solar-powered energies primarily.
And then she asked Celia if she drew the line at being environmentally conscious at someone working hard to support their family. Fiona’s tone was light, but I could tell she was angry. The rest of my friends laughed and told Celia that Fiona had a point and moved on.
But Celia went quiet afterward and left soon after.
This morning, I got a text message from her that Fiona was extremely rude to her and that she didn’t feel comfortable attending parties where Fiona was present anymore, and that while she didn’t want to tell me what to do, she thought I deserved someone better and less snobby.
When I told Fiona, she went quiet and told me that the reason she snapped at Celia was because Celia was purposely acting as if Fiona didn’t exist and being snide towards her. I tried to argue that Celia never said anything off-putting save for the “oil field” comment and that Fiona should just apologize to keep the peace, but Fiona refuses and says I didn’t pick up on it because I’m a guy and girls have subtext.
Now Fiona and Celia are both upset with me and I feel bad for putting them both in this situation. AITJ for not picking Fiona’s side?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honestly, great comeback your partner had to the oil rig comment and even your friends thought your partner had a point.
Also, Celia made such a back-handed comment to your partner, and your partner just gave the heat back. You should’ve taken your partner’s side and, honestly, Celia is trying to just manipulate you into picking her or your partner (not sure if she likes you or not, but definitely sus imo).
Just weigh who you value more and realize you’re jeopardizing your relationship with your partner by not taking her side because she’s valid in this scenario.” Fantastic_Aide1004
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Does nobody know what social graces are anymore? Your “friend” picked a fight the moment she inquired about your partner’s purse.
To me, she was obviously jealous. When she found out how much your partner’s purse cost and was told it was a gift, she asked what your partner’s parents do for a living. This might not seem rude at first, but it’s the equivalent of asking someone what they make at their job.
It might not seem rude to some people, but generally, it’s not something others should be asking because one person’s wage is nobody else’s business. Your “friend” was digging for information about your partner’s family, and immediately decided to be rude by insinuating that your partner’s bag was bought with money that came from ruining the environment.
This was, again, probably fueled by jealousy. She was jealous that your partner’s family was able to gift her such an expensive, luxurious gift and decided to shame her for it instead of being nice and simply leaving a compliment. Your “friend” could have said anything.
“Well, it’s beautiful, and they have good taste.” “I’m happy that your father could get that for you on a single income. It must have been hard. He sounds like a hard worker.” Instead, she decided to be rude; and yet, you’re mad at your partner for defending herself and her family?
I think you should reflect on the relationship you have with your “friend,” and your partner should reflect on what relationship she has with you. Especially since your partner is shy, and you shame her for standing up for herself when someone is rude to her?
You and your “friend” are so ignorant, it’s laughable. You should apologize immediately. It’s the least you could do.” zekkeshiro
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Purely based on what you have written (and it’s entirely possible that there is more to this as your partner has said, because I agree that a lot of men do not pick up on the subtleties of women-on-women aggression), your friend took the first shot.
She in no way, shape, or form had to make a comment about your partner’s father’s job. Regardless of anyone’s opinions on the oil industry, the comment literally has no value other than to be rude—your partner didn’t pick her father’s job, the oil industry is not going to suddenly change if she tells her father to quit, and making her feel bad about what her father does helps no one and nothing.
The fact that you are quicker to defend your friend and are not supporting your partner? Yeaaaah, can’t imagine she will be your partner much longer.” imamage_fightme
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Quit Piano?
“Over the summer, my daughter Annie (14) asked for piano lessons. My wife and I were surprised since Annie had never shown any interest in music.
But Annie assured us that she was serious. Since she’s a straight-A student, we didn’t doubt her.
It’s also important to note that my wife and I have a rule that our kids can participate in any (reasonable) extracurricular activity, but they have to stick with it for a year/season before they can quit (no questions asked if they do quit after the year/season, though).
Just to make it crystal clear, we’ve never forced Annie and her older siblings into particular extracurriculars. We’ve always given them the freedom to choose which extracurriculars to participate in.
Annie started lessons right as the school year started. She practices for at least an hour every day, and her teacher has spoken positively to us about her dedication and rapid progress.
Earlier this month, my wife and I went to the end-of-semester recital that Annie’s teacher requires his students to perform in. We thought that she played beautifully, but during the car ride home Annie told us that she wanted to quit piano. I asked why, and she said that she was embarrassed because: a) she played the same piece as a 6-year-old, and b) Emily played a well-known Chopin piece.
Emily is Annie’s former best friend. Since both girls are very competitive and were always at the top of the class, they went from friends to frenemies. But, they still hang out in larger group settings but not one-on-one.
I reminded Annie of the “no quitting before a year” rule and suggested switching piano teachers if she wanted to avoid playing during the same recital as Emily.
But Annie said that it didn’t matter if she switched teachers because Emily already knew how “bad” she was at piano.
Thankfully, my wife is 100% on my side here, but several family members who are with us for Christmas have said that I should let Annie quit piano.”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, you’ve got a highly competitive daughter on your hands. She’s self-enforcing perfection in things she does, grades, piano, just from this story. You’ve got a bigger situation than just the year rule you’ve imposed here. She needs to learn that not being the best at everything is ok.
Expected, actually. Don’t make her regret trying things by enforcing arbitrary rules. No easy answers here.” heepwah
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but your daughter is old enough that the arbitrary rule needs to go and the actual explanation behind it needs to come out.
Rules like, “You have to keep to it for a year/season” are fine for younger kids but become pointless barriers as they get older and ask why. It makes sense to keep kids to things to build resilience. However, she doesn’t want to be a concert pianist, she just wanted to learn to play the piano. She’s hitting a personal roadblock, and the answer is not, “Keep with it because of this rule we enforced” it’s “Keep with this because you like it and are letting someone else ruin something you love.” You definitely need to deal with the Emily situation, she sounds like a bully.
Remember, girls bully differently than boys. She doesn’t need to pull her hair to be a bully. She doesn’t even have to directly tease her. If she’s just overly competitive, this is a good lesson to learn. But it shouldn’t be done by forcing her.” EndlessDreamers
Another User Comments:
“Try applying that same rule to yourself. “I think I might enjoy golfing.” So you sign up for lessons. You discover that you actually hate golfing. Too bad, you have to do it for the next year of your life anyway. “I think I might like woodworking,” turns out you don’t like woodworking.
But you now have to do it for an entire year. “I think I want to try playing in an adult soccer league,” so you sign up. You discover you’re pretty bad at it, and don’t like it. You stick it out until the end of that season because they have to have a specific number of players and you’d be screwing the entire team over if you quit.
You’re relieved when it’s over. But, then you remember that you’re going to have to sign up for the fall season because you have to do this for an entire year. A year, for a child, feels far longer than it does for us. From Kindergarten through their senior year of high school, they get 12 years.
That gives her the opportunity to try 12 things, knowing that if she doesn’t like them she will have to do them anyway. It’s one thing to encourage them to give something a little more time before deciding they hate it (you don’t walk away from golf because the first few lessons are frustrating and miserable, but it doesn’t take 10 weekly lessons to know you don’t like it and don’t want to continue.
Yeah, YTJ for forcing her to continue. She gave it a good go. She made it to the recital. She doesn’t want to keep going. Why would you pay to force her to continue something she doesn’t like? That’s also really not fair to the teacher who will have to deal with that.” Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
