People Want To Know Who's Guilty In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cat Sit For More Than One Day?
“I (31f) live in an apartment with 2 other housemates (31m and 31m). Housemate A has been trying to get a cat since we moved in, but I’m very hesitant bc I am allergic (hives/itchy eyes/sneezing with varying degrees of severity depending on the cat) and have had really bad experiences with other housemates’ cats in the past (one literally peed on me in my sleep, long story but it was stressed from being chased by a dog that day).
Last week Housemate A brought up wanting to cat sit for a month later this year, and out of fairness to the fact that I have dog sat at the apartment a few times, I agreed to have the cat over for one (1) day as a trial run to see if my allergies would be an issue.
A few days later housemate A texted the group chat asking if we could cat sit for 2-3 days as his friend was going to be traveling. I replied saying I wasn’t comfortable committing to more than the 1 day we had agreed on, but if the cat was here a day with no issues he could stay the rest of the time.
I was also a little annoyed bc I heard Roommate A basically already commit to taking the cat on the phone before asking us, and he acted like it was just a formality to even ask, so my response definitely was reflecting that.
When I mentioned this wasn’t our agreement, my housemate basically said he didn’t remember me saying a specific amount of time for the trial run and he could take the cat back and cat sit at its owner’s house if there is an issue, but was also stressing how it is a huge pain to just have the cat for a day and he is trying to ‘accommodate me.’
I feel like I’m the one being accommodating here considering that I am literally allergic to cats. AITJ for saying this wasn’t our agreement and refusing to commit to more than one day on the outset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe there are other options, like if the one-day trial doesn’t go well for you then the roommate can keep the cat confined to his room for the remaining 1-2 days.
Confirm all agreements by text (in writing) from here on out.” RealTalkFastWalk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him he can pay for the medical bills, and missed work, and cover your rent for the month the cat is there. I have a SEVERE allergy to cats.
I live with three… Two. One recently passed. I am on two different antihistamines and have a HEPA air filter that serves me very well. However, I am sequestered in my bedroom most of the time because of the allergens.” lestravenclaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re literally allergic to this cat and dog sitting does not equate to this if they had absolutely no issues with a dog being there. If your roommate said they could cat sit at the owner’s house then he should do that instead of making a big deal about doing it at your place when they know you’re allergic!” Lbx7070
24. AITJ For Snapping At A Roommate?
“I 23M live in a shared apartment with a good friend who I shall call Jesse. Jesse and I have been in the same apartment for just under three years. We got an apartment together because we both wanted to escape the suburbs and move downtown.
Since then it has always been just the two of us however one day he approached me with a request. He asked if I would allow the addition of another roommate who was a friend of his.
I didn’t mind because another roommate would reduce costs and give us all a little more financial freedom.
I shall call this roommate Ashley, they are gender-queer and attended a liberal arts college. Things were good for a couple of months, the extra funds were nice. Things began to get awkward around the fourth month. This was when Ashley began to have issues respecting people’s boundaries.
At first, they would get flirty and handsy with me, one day it went overboard. I got really upset and said that I was not gay and to stop. This led to them acting all offended and passive-aggressive for a while.
The real issue happened one school day when Jesse and I went grocery shopping. When we returned from the store I found that my closet was ransacked and that my suit was missing. I was livid because I never permitted them to enter my room nor to take anything.
To add on, the suit that was taken featured Masonic symbols. This is what really upset me because not only did they steal from me they were now making a mockery of symbols and meanings I hold very dearly. When they got back we got into a massive argument in which I called them degenerates with no respect for others.
This led to them packing their items and going to stay with their parents because of how upset they were. Since the argument and walk-out Jesse believes that I was way too cruel towards them and I am being a jerk over something ‘small’.
Am I the jerk for blowing up on Ashley?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like Ashley doesn’t respect any boundaries whatsoever. And then went into your room without permission and stole your suit. I would be annoyed too.” CicadaAffectionate20
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
They sound like bad roommates but it also sounds like you’re incredibly judgemental of them and disrespectful of their identity.” Lbx7070
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re being so disrespectful and you have a right to be angry!
They invaded your privacy!” leathercuffs
23. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Smoking?
“I (23F) have been with my husband (38M) for about 4 years, married for 2. I should start by saying that my husband has been smoking most of his life, and is hardly ever sober (mostly only when he first wakes up).
I’ve known since we met that he smoked, and I have never had a problem with it. We recently had our first child together, and both agreed that she would not be in any type of daycare, or watched/taken care of by anyone other than us, so I quit my job to be home with her.
My husband earns a good amount and works 11 hours a day, so I don’t get much help.
I had 2 options when we decided that I would quit my job. I could either be a stay-at-home mom, and full-time care for our child, or I could get a night job, with the understanding that if I were to work, these would be the expectations.
- I would have to work around my husband’s schedule
- My shifts would have to start after I had dinner ready, and my husband got home and could take a shower.
- Before I leave I would need to make sure the baby had a bath, got fed, and was either ready for bed or in bed.
- I would need to be off and at home before my husband got up for work and make him coffee.
- I would need the same days off as him.
- I would obviously have to be out of bed when the baby got up (usually around the time he leaves for work)
If I were to stay at home full time, I would have the same expectations, but with more sleep, so I obviously chose to stay home.
Now as to why I told him he needs to stop smoking… With me staying home full time, I obviously can not contribute financially.
I have a good amount in my own bank account, but he has told me not to touch any of the money in it because it is ‘our nest egg for emergencies’ and he pays all of the bills now.
He allows me to get groceries with his card, but outside of that, I can not buy anything for myself. I don’t generally spend anything on myself as it is, however every once in a while I like to treat myself with something small.
Could be a Starbucks drink or a new outfit, but I am unable to do that because he makes just enough for all of the bills, however, he spends at least $600 a month on his smoking.
I bought a new swimsuit for this summer, and he got upset about how much the swimsuit was, so I told him that if he was so concerned about how much I spent, then maybe he should consider not spending half a grand every month to feed his addiction when all of the money he spends could be used for our child to have a half-decent life.
He acted like it really hurt his feelings, and has been giving me the silent treatment.
Here is where I might be the jerk.
I always told him that I would never judge him or tell him that he has to stop, and it was just something that he did that I was okay with, even though when we first met he maybe spent $100/m on it.
Edit: I would like to add that we were both concerned about the age gap at first and worked through it. He also has always been supportive of me in whatever I wanted to do, changing jobs or whatever. I have always had a job, and this is new for both of us.
He has reasons for all of the things required for me to get a night job, that was simply to show why it is that I chose to stay home full time. I love my husband, and will not leave him over this.
This is more of an internal fight with myself as to whether or not I over-reacted due to anger and exhaustion.
Also, the swimsuit was $40… and the other ones I had did not fit right since my body changed after the baby.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he seems to be somewhat controlling. I smoke myself. I smoke daily but only at night and I have a dependence on it. When my depression was really bad I used to smoke 4+ times a day and I can say I was addicted. If your husband is spending $600 a month he is definitely addicted and could spend even half of that and still smoke every single day.
You guys could definitely use that money for something better and something that could be good for the whole family, even just going out more often. You could try to talk to him about it, even though he might get on the defensive.
I am 24 years old, single, and live by myself so I can spend whatever I want. But if I had a family and others to take care of and we were on a tight budget I would tone it down a lot, because it’s not something that’s a necessity and as I said, the money could be used for something better.
Hope you can sort this out!” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said upfront that you weren’t going to take issue with him smoking or ask him to stop, so for you to do a 180 on that in response to his reasonable concern with you buying something seemingly pricey without asking first, especially when you’re not currently contributing financially is definitely a bit of a jerk move.
You both put yourself in this position by being insistent upon refusing to utilize daycare or outside assistance with watching after your child.
Since he’s the one out working 11 hours a day and earning the money for all of the bills without any additional financial assistance from you, he can spend whatever disposable income he’s earned on whatever he wants.
I don’t think it’s useful for him to question or criticize you when you spend here and there (depending on how much it is, of course), but it’s definitely not appropriate for you to suggest that he not spend on smoking, doubly so when this issue was already settled when y’all got together.
And to be clear, none of this is being said based on antiquated gender norms or expectations in relationship dynamics. If you were the smoker making the money and he was a stay-at-home dad, the opinions would be exactly the same.
Edit: After going back and reading a little more carefully, I realized that those expectations were not things y’all both came up with, but things he insisted upon. In that case, you’re still the jerk for suggesting that he stop smoking, but he’s also a massive jerk for the insane amount of restrictions and expectations he has on you.
Gurl. These are HUGE red flags. Y’all need to get out of the 1950s or you need to leave before this controlling business takes a turn.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: This is financial abuse. The age difference is concerning because he is controlling you.
He doesn’t get to tell you that you can’t spend on things when he smokes and that is costly. He also doesn’t sound like he is a very engaged father. You being a SAHM doesn’t mean he has to do nothing besides work.
If I were you, I would get a job, and look into daycare. This is very unhealthy, the restrictions he has put on you. Parenting is supposed to be a shared responsibility. He sounds more like he views you as his maid.” bloodrose_80
When you promised you wouldn't judge him, he was spending $100. He is now a father and instead of thinking about his responsibility to support his family, he is spending vast amounts of money on smoking (and drinking, if as you say he is rarely sober).
Seems to me he is playing the "my money is mine but your money is ours game", and as others have said is financially abusing you. These conditions under which you are "allowed" to work aren't normal and aren't reasonable. It seems clear that you exist to serve him and any attempt to actually have any independent income or autonomy is being met with gaslighting and emotional manipulation. This isn't about an age difference, (except that he lives in the dark ages).
22. WIBTJ For Reporting My Biased Professor?
“I recently took a module on the Algerian War of Independence. The professor running the class was French (the war was fought against the French) and as the weeks wore on, I noticed that he was very favorable toward the French.
Understandable that he’d be patriotic, but it was very uncomfortable at times.
One class discussion involved him asking if we thought it could have been possible for the pieds-noirs (French settlers) to remain in Algeria and for modern-day Algeria to be a South Africa 2.0 with both French settlers & native Algerians living side by side.
Of course, our overwhelmingly North African class thought this was ridiculous and the discussion devolved into a debate between us and the teacher who insisted that Algerian independence wasn’t the best outcome. At one point he said, ‘look at Algeria now and try to tell me that independence was the right choice’.
I’m not gonna sit here and say that Algeria is perfect bc it’s not, but I think I speak for 99.9% of Algerians when I say we’d pick the current situation over French colonialism any day.
My chosen essay question was ‘To what extent was Algerian independence inevitable?’ I discussed persistent French colonial violence, the privileged position of many pieds-noirs in comparison to native Algerians, French Islamophobia (Algeria was de facto considered a French province, but for an Algerian to be entitled to French citizenship they had to renounce Islam), etc.
I got a low grade and didn’t think that much of it bc I thought maybe I’d structured it messy, or my argument wasn’t convincing, ya know – normal stuff that would get you a bad grade.
But then I read prof’s comments which were basically along the lines of: ‘this essay does not properly address both sides of the conflict, French violence is discussed/developed in full whilst Algerian violence is barely touched on despite its prevalence throughout the war.
It is taken for granted that Algerian independence was inevitable without the consideration that other outcomes were also possible, without needless violence against French settlers who could have remained in Algeria’. I wholeheartedly disagreed with his comments and didn’t think I deserved a bad grade just bc my opinions didn’t mirror his.
I went to see him during his office hours and told him that, and he said I had no qualifications to question his judgment. I told him I planned on reporting him to the university. When I told my friends (who aren’t in that class) they said I was overreacting and that it would make me a jerk to report, bc he’s studied the topic his whole life and definitely knows more than I do.
They said that it was my patriotism that was clouding my judgment, as opposed to his.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Defenders of imperialism, and colonialism, must be argued against. This is the duty of good humans and defenders of human rights, and believers in the right of a nation to keep its natural resources and determine its place in the global community.
That said, a sign of good scholarship is the ability to present opposing arguments specifically to take them down. Work on that.
I don’t think you’d be reporting an infraction so much as informing the department what your experience as a student was like in his classroom/office.
This isn’t being a tattle-tale. Student assessments of professors can be taken quite seriously.” Johoski
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, he’s clearly pushing his own agenda and it is affecting YOUR grade when you are paying to take these classes.
Obviously, the fact that you’re paying to attend doesn’t mean you should get a guaranteed pass but it sounds like you completed the assignment and he simply disagreed with you. Trying to tell you that you ‘don’t have the authority’ is likely his attempt to undermine you and scare you from reporting him when you are well within your rights to do so.
If the university deems his grade was appropriate so be it but you don’t need any level of authority to stand up for your opinion and attempt to have your grade fixed.” BingusTheBest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is showing obvious bias.
Although all people have biases historians are held to a higher standard. If I wrote a paper so heavily biased (I have a degree in history and minored in anthropology) as what your professor was teaching I would have been called out.
What little I do remember about Algerian independence: the French colonists and the French government were horrible to the Algerian people. The violence on the part of the Algerians was after many infractions on the part of the French. Since I doubt that you are the only student to have this problem with him you and others in your class should report this and hopefully the university will listen.” Fluffy-Ad-122
21. AITJ For Getting My Friend A Sandwich?
“My (26M) friend hadn’t been getting many hours from work so I (24M) decided to buy him a Subway sandwich and go back to my place.
Now, it’s important to the story that you know that I’m trans, so I don’t look male and I also live with my mother. When we got back, she found out that I bought my friend a subway sandwich and she lost it.
I’m currently on disability and don’t make a whole lot, but it was a sandwich, so it wasn’t that much. She didn’t see it like that.
She got on the phone and started calling the disability office while screaming at me, telling me I can’t handle finances at all.
I took the phone from her and hung it up, which resulted in her kicking me out.
A few hours later she called me and told me to come home, which I did, but she never apologized for blowing up at me over a sandwich.
I feel like I might be the jerk for not spending my money correctly and grabbing the phone from her hand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s just a sandwich. You did nothing wrong.
It sounds like an over-the-top reaction and usually, there’s something underlying that, so may be worth having a calm sit-down chat with her about it.” jjswin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is over the top for your mother. It is fine to buy a friend lunch once in a while. Friends do that. It isn’t like you are paying their way all the time right? Anyway, I hope your mother chills out.
You may want to set some boundaries around what you share with her as much as that is possible under her roof. She is not treating you very well.” Puzzle_Sky4182
Another User Comments:
“You did your friend a favor no big deal. Your mom is the jerk for blowing up at you for doing something nice.
I grew up in a crappy home and never had any money to do anything. I couldn’t even pay attention. Now that I’m older and on my own, I do buy lunch every once in a while for my friends.
As a matter of fact when I work in construction. If I had a helper who did a really good job I’d go pick up lunch and they would always give me money for it. I would give them their lunch when I got back and their money.
I would tell them it was buy one get one free.” harleyevo
20. AITJ For Telling My Parents About My Sister's Overreaction?
“I had my birthday today. My sister had her birthday 3 days ago and came home to celebrate it with us. My parents have the whole thing of posting cringe-worthy photos of us on our social media timelines and saying happy birthday every year.
This year, my father asked my sister if she still wanted a post, since we were having a party for her that day on her actual birthday.. the day before Easter. She said no. I even went out of the way to wait to open relatives’ gifts until my actual birthday to make it special for her.
(Context: my sister and I have different dads.)
Today, I asked my father to make a birthday post only because I wanted to do a fundraiser, as my dad has more connections with people willing to donate to charities. An hour later, I get a text from my sister calling my dad a jerk for not making a birthday post for her, and that my brother and I got one this year.
I fake agreed with her and ignored half of it until I got home, then brought it up with my parents. My dad said okay whatever but I think she’s overreacting and trying to gaslight me during my birthday.
My sister and I usually complain to each other about things and keep most of our messages private, so, am I the jerk for telling my mother and father about her overreaction?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She overreacted. Yes. She said she didn’t want a picture and that’s totally fine, but you sat there and let her rant about how she felt and agreed on the topic then turned around and told your parents about what happened. That is low.” New_Control9157
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Only a little jerk for sharing a vent between you & her to your parents, mostly cause it seems like she trusts you to keep it to yourself.
The rest of the judgment mostly goes for the two-face persona.
You agreed with her & enabled her attitude instead of holding her accountable for what she told your dad in the first place? Why? How is that helpful for either of you?
If you were honest with her & told your parents, that’s another thing – but you ‘acted’ as her comfort only to go behind her back.
That’s equally as toxic as her feeling entitled to the post after saying ‘no’.” a-wild-vulpixia
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She said no to him and still expected one when you got it. Also complained to you on your birthday.
You agreed with her insulting your dad and her reasoning on phone then played two-faced to go tell your parents. Maybe try being honest both of you.” No_Medium_7205
19. AITJ For Getting Ice Cream With My Boss?
“I work a stereotypical office job, boring, routine, but it pays the bills.
I am part of a small team, 4 reports, and the boss, but within a larger office. I (35F) love my boss (55F), most days I sit in her office and we chat about work, life, politics, anything, and everything, but she’s still my boss and there is a level of respect there.
My coworker had only been there for a few months at the time and she’s a go-getter, to put it nicely. She’s smart, has great ideas, but is easily offended when you don’t agree and can be difficult to work with.
I helped onboard her and we kinda bonded over similarities (kids’ ages) in our personal life. When it was nice out, we’d often take a walk at lunch.
Anyways, one day it was particularly warm and she suggested getting ice cream on our walk.
I said sure and that was that. I ended up in my boss’ office discussing a headache of a project and after digging into it for an hour or so, my boss suggested taking a break and getting ice cream.
I mentioned that coworker had asked if we do that, so the boss suggested she come along too. But the coworker wasn’t at her desk so we went without her.
Cue walking back into the office later with ice cream and the look my coworker gave me, you’d have thought I crashed her car.
She also huffed so loudly that others in the office turned around to see what was going on. And accused me (not our boss) of purposefully forgetting her because I’m the boss’s favorite and don’t care about others in the office.
She didn’t talk to me for days after. I thought all was forgotten until this week when someone mentioned ice cream and she sarcastically replied, ‘remember that time you ditched your friend to score brownie points with the boss?’
I’m annoyed because I don’t view her as a friend, she’s a coworker. She’s nice, but we’d never hang out outside of work. Also, her behavior is so childish. But I also did ditch her when we had plans.
I say I went because you don’t really say no to the boss, but I totally knew I was the boss’s favorite and I definitely used that to my advantage.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t personal. Coworkers are allowed to be nothing more than coworkers.
You’re allowed to like her but not want to be friends/hang out with her. If she cannot accept that, that’s her issue, not yours.” TheWineElf
Another User Comments:
“Eh, no jerks here, I guess. Yeah, you made plans, but if you wait around for a while and she doesn’t come back, you’re coworkers, you’re not really obligated to, like, figure out her schedule and if she’s still available.
You and the boss DO sound like friends, which isn’t something I’d really advocate for as that can get hairy easily, but your friend was free and ready. But, I can see why the coworker is upset because it seems like to her, you guys WERE friends.
She probably felt slighted and definitely more miffed because it’s probably obvious you and the boss are close and that can threaten all coworker’s relationships.
Maybe you should have brought her something back when you got ice cream? But also… it’s ice cream and it seems a bit childish she’s bringing it back up.
It seems like she’s doing it just to highlight your ‘brown-nosing’ which is just tiring on her part.” macdaddyelite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is the classic sitcom misunderstanding. If what you are saying is true about mentioning her invitation to the boss and then stopping by her desk to invite her, then there was no jerkish behavior.
If she wasn’t available, for whatever reason, you’re not under any obligation to go knock on all of them to find out if she was going to be done soon.
However, if you waited till she left to drop the kids off at the pool and then ‘stopped by’ knowing she was busy then you are the jerk.
Only you and your boss know the truth.” qluder
18. AITJ For Not Wanting An Awful Person In My Circle Of Friends?
“This person let’s call P used to bully me in middle school severely. I was a part of a very toxic friend group and I was the punching bag.
This year I met a really good group of friends and we’ve gotten along very well until recently.
We usually eat lunch in a classroom that’s available to all students for lunch, about a month ago my old bullies started having lunch in there. While I understand it’s available to everyone they always make a mess and are very loud.
One of my friends started talking to P and she developed a crush, and they started to join our group sometimes for lunch and now sit with us.
Our group members have never hung out together and nobody really knows each other.
It’s made me really uncomfortable to eat lunch with my friends but I don’t wanna be selfish or mean. They now added them to the group chat even though half the group doesn’t like him, I feel like I can’t text anymore in the group chat.
I asked why they added him and they said I was being selfish and couldn’t be happy for my friend. They said they added them cause they’re joining us to go to the fair. I don’t understand why they can’t just message them.
I know it’s selfish but I think it’s ok to have feelings and express them. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have an honest conversation explaining why this individual triggers you. Be as factual as you can about the bullying while trying to separate as much emotion as you can.
Give specific examples of the behaviors. If they choose to embrace this person you may have to find a new friend group, sorry. Staying quiet to avoid conflict just enables the bad guy. You deserve to feel safe, your friends should know the truth, but know that some may choose the bad guy anyway.” lalafia1
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s understandable that you don’t want to hang out with your old bully. However, you can’t really make decisions for the entire group. People change a lot from middle school. If you feel like you’re up to it, just see how things play out.
It’ll likely go one of the ways: 1: P behaves like they did in middle school and the friend group gives P the boot. 2: P returns to bad behavior and the friend group allows it or joins in (which means they aren’t really your friends and you need a new friend group).
3: P has grown and decides to start fresh (preferably with an apology to you, but I wouldn’t hold your breath).
If you decide your mental health isn’t up to waiting and observing, explain your past with P (as vague or detailed as you’re comfortable with) and tell them, ‘I like hanging out with you, but I’m not comfortable being around P’.
You can either leave the group or only hang out with them when P isn’t around (which might not be very often). Add healthy boundaries for yourself (without trying to control other people’s actions) and you’ll see quickly who respects you.” crazymamallama
Another User Comments:
“I would just let them know what happened if you’re comfortable, and if they still decide to be friends with them, ghost them all. If they truly appreciated you being there they’d find ways around it or not be friends with P at all.
It took me a while to realize that there are more people in the world who WILL want to be friends with you, so why hold on to trashy ones?
Or talk to P about everything, again if you’re comfy with it, and they could apologize or be a jerk again and then you know that you should prioritize your mental health.” Main_Literature_7723
17. AITJ For Taking All The Cancellation Fees?
“My friend and I have a teenage babysitting business. We both go to jobs together if we can but recently our business is growing and we have been going to jobs separately. It’s worth mentioning that I do all the admin work such as advertising and booking jobs etc. The other weekend we both had separate jobs at the same time and I got a cancellation for another job.
I had booked this accidentally crossing over with my other job that weekend.
It was the day before so I asked for 50% like usual and they paid it. So she still had her own job and I had mine + one that was canceled. She’s just raised that she’s mad at me for taking all of the cancellation fees.
She thinks it’s unfair that I took all of it because I wouldn’t have been able to go if it wasn’t canceled. I explained that they were both my jobs in the end and she still had her own so she didn’t lose anything from the situation.
There was about a 2-hour crossover between the two of my jobs so with her logic she would have made $10 from half of the cancellation for those hours. I told her that it’s unnecessary to bring up problems from the past over a potential $10.
She kept pushing it so I brought up all the times I bought her food that she never paid me back for that goes way over the original $10 and now she’s giving me the silent treatment. I’ve explained it to others who also agree with me and I’m trying not to be biased. I think it’s also worth mentioning that I’m neurodivergent and often miss things.
Am I the jerk for taking the funds?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – if the job was a conflict in the first place, you aren’t owed the cancellation fee at all. YOU made the mistake. You just got lucky the family didn’t actually need your services.
If you don’t want to admit that you double-booked, then fine, call it a ‘courtesy waive’ of the cancellation fee, but don’t take the funds.” chagle77
Another User Comments:
“You need to develop a business plan that includes how money is split, how jobs are allocated, and what happens with cancellations.
You may also want to include information in your plan about what happens when you want to take holidays eg other person gets all or would you still split it and cover each other for a set number of days a year.
You both sign it and get a copy, maybe give a copy to your parents as well.
This will ensure you both know and agree to the rules and will help keep things official. Well done to you both for being entrepreneurial.
Also, if only 1 person is doing the admin work, that should be paid separately as it is its own job.
Now for your question, soft YTJ, only because you are mixing two different situations –
1. the business and funds paid/cancellations and
2. food that is not part of it. (this could also be every other gift/item etc you have purchased for each other.)
Keep business as business.” bygeez
16. AITJ For Telling My Friend I'll Sue Him?
“I have a ‘friend’ in my circle who is notoriously known for being unreliable when it comes to finances. It can either be he won’t pay straight up, will promise to pay but never does, or pays you less than the agreed-upon amount.
Last December my friendship circle and I went to see Spider-Man: No Way Home and I booked tickets for everyone. They all paid me back except for this one ‘friend’. I told him he owes me £13 and he said he would eventually.
Anyway, a couple of months go by and I still haven’t been paid after constantly telling him he owes me but he keeps saying he will eventually.
My circle decides to go out for a night but we go out for a meal beforehand and of course, again this ‘friend’ comes along.
I buy my meal and this ‘friend’ asks if I could pay for him too and stupidly I oblige. Food is dead cheap so it was around £7 and I decided to add that to the amount he already owes me.
Of course, when I ask for the funds it’s always the same ‘I will eventually.’ At this point I have had enough.
So I start asking him to pay me over text. Knowing he won’t pay me I take screenshots of our texts with messages saying ‘I will pay you £20’.
We also went out for another meal and I start recording our conversations and I record him confirming to me saying that he owes me £20.
At this point, I have images and recordings of him saying he will pay me back.
I also have a recording of him straight-up refusing to at one point. At this point, I decided I have grounds to sue on small claims. I continually tell him I will sue and I have grounds to. He tells me I’d be stupid to because small claims would cost more than he owes me.
Here is where I might be the jerk. He asks me if I seriously would risk a friendship over £20 and I say I wouldn’t think twice as his friendship is worthless to me and there are other people in my life who I would rather spend time with than him and that I would rather sue him just to send a message to pay me on time next time and I hope it ruins him.
Some of my friends are saying that was a bit of an overreaction on my part and that I need to apologize and even my ‘friend’ is saying that I’m a jerk for attempting to sue him (which I am still planning on) and that I’m a jerk for what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you’re in the US, you can sue him for what he owes, plus court costs. So, it would be him paying for the cost of the lawsuit, not you. You could sue for monies owed plus court costs plus damages (pain and suffering) for the effect it has had on your relationship.
Lots of different ways to make him think twice before conning a ‘friend’ out of more funds. Cuz that’s what it is… a con.
NTJ.” MaxnJedisMom
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t lend petty cash to friends/acquaintances.
Also even if you could sue someone for such a small amount it would cost taxpayers way more than you are personally out.
Making you that much more of a jerk.” EccentricSoaper
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. He is for obvious reasons. You because you knew he wouldn’t pay you back but you spotted him anyway, twice. Drop this pettiness, call it a lesson learned, and don’t pay for him ever again.” RealTalkFastWalk
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know he never pays, but you bought the ticket. Then months after him not paying, you decide to loan him more? How does that make sense? Sometimes YOU need to take responsibility for the poor decisions YOU make.” musical_spork
15. AITJ For Wanting To Buy The Unit Above Mine?
“So I have a condo in a fairly exclusive high rise. Someone new moved in directly above me. For the last few months, all I have heard is constant stomping. These people have the heaviest footsteps I have ever heard and it has been bugging me.
About two weeks ago I was doing some work and the noise was just constant. I swear they were running a marathon up there or something. I decided to go upstairs and knock on their door and introduce myself. They answered the door and I told them I lived downstairs and maybe they didn’t realize how loud their stomping was.
The lady was very nice and apologized saying they didn’t have a clue.
All was good for a couple of days and then the elephants start stomping again. I was irritated but don’t really like confrontation so I went and bought an area rug and had it delivered to them as a not-so-subtle welcome to the neighborhood gift. The wife came down and said it was really nice of me to give them a gift like that but they could not accept it so asked me to send it back.
I insisted they keep it and place it in their living room which is right over my office.
She finally accepted the gift and I helped them unroll and place it. Well, this didn’t really do as much as I thought it would to lessen the noise.
I tried earplugs and other things, but I really don’t think I should be forced to wear those in my own home. I placed a call to the HOA who really said there was nothing to do.
A few weeks go by and the stomping continues.
I was really fed up at this point so I went upstairs and asked them how much they wanted for their condo. I said I was sick of the noise and the stomping and would like to buy it from them.
They got really offended and asked me if I was joking. I said I was absolutely serious and to name a price. At the same time, they called me out about the true reason I sent them the rug. The husband said it was his condo and he would stomp as loudly as he pleased.
At that point, I really didn’t know what to say so I left. I did some market research about the going prices in the building and drafted a formal offer which I mailed to them. I figured once they moved out I could rent it to someone quieter.
They tore it up and left a little pile of paper at my door and now things are even more awkward between us. I’m really not sure what to do now besides move but I was here first. AITJ for offering to buy their condo?”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, a mild YTJ. Noisy neighbors are annoying. But surely if you can afford to buy a rug for your neighbors — after seemingly only asking them to quiet down once — and then offering to buy their place on a whim, you can afford to soundproof your condo.
You buy a condo with upstairs neighbors, you sign up for some noise. The way you went about asking them to quiet down is kinda passive-aggressive and dramatic. Most people can’t afford to buy a condo on a whim… of course, they thought you were joking/being over dramatic.” UnsharpenedSwan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Soundproof or move. You came out hard with passive-aggressive demands. You’ve obviously got plenty of money, put it to good use, and stop expecting everyone else to bend over backward for you.” crazymamallama
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the way you went about it and the entitled attitude. You signed up for a condo with upstairs neighbors, reasonable (if annoying) noise comes with the territory. Soundproof your own space or move somewhere else if you have so much money in reserve.” Realistic-Lobster618
14. AITJ For Befriending My Friend's Ex?
“I (23f) and my best friend J (23f) went to high school together. She used to go out with C back in junior year briefly and then they had an on-and-off thing for years, even after we graduated. Their relationship was extremely complicated and to be honest, I never fully trusted either one of them about it and I mostly stayed out of discussing it with J, I’d just listen to her rant, cry, etc. Even though we all went to the same school, I only hung out with C when J was around and we would occasionally text about random stuff.
They called it quits in July 2021 officially and J asked me to unfollow him on all social media and I did, no questions asked (though I felt kinda awful cause I genuinely liked him as a person).
J and I had a fallout in October over something absolutely ridiculous and went full no contact until this February.
The problem is that in December C randomly reached out and asked me how I’m doing and over time we became pretty good friends, best friends even. Like I mentioned before, J and I fully made up in February and things are back to normal between us.
She has a new partner now and she’s pretty happy with him (I met him recently for the first time and he genuinely seems like a great guy), although she talks about C sometimes in a confusing manner.
I can’t put my finger on whether she still loves him or hates him and I actually can’t bring myself to tell her about our friendship.
I don’t want her to think that either one of us is in this as revenge against her, I don’t want her to think that her ex is going after her friends, I don’t want her to think that I reached out to him out of spite, because frankly even though I kinda missed him I would absolutely never do that (not even while we weren’t on speaking terms).
Neither one of us have feelings for each other, never had and never will, and we didn’t talk trash about her (once I cried and told him about our argument but that was literally it).
I told him she and I made up and he was fine with it, just told me to be careful and that he has nothing against her.
It’s her reaction I dread. I’m terrified of it. I don’t want her to feel betrayed or to become hysterical and make some sort of drama, to try to forbid me to talk to him or attack him for befriending me.
I’ve never dealt with this in my life, ever. Whether she still loves him or hates him doesn’t matter – he’s just a touchy subject for her. I never thought any of this would happen, me and J making up and me and C becoming best friends.
I feel bad for being friends with him behind her back but I can’t bring myself to come clean, I simply think it may be the best for her not to know. I don’t know how to approach this situation.
I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to hide this. There isn’t a single ill intention behind my and C’s friendship. I’m also scared of being judged by my other friends. I don’t want anyone to hate me but I feel like a bad person.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are far too deep here. You calling your friend’s ex ‘best friend,’ and saying that you miss him really feels like the whole ‘won’t have feelings for him,’ part of your post is already moot.
It seems like you like this guy, and don’t like J? Since you were clever enough to keep it a secret, it’s up to you which path. I gotta say though, the fact you hid it will tell people you def like like him.” emptythroughout69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, probably, depends on people’s reactions and motives, if you tell her and she blows up at you then it’s NTJ and she’s a jerk. Tbh I get the feeling the reason you’re feeling guilty is not cos you’re friends but cos you like C, you’re prepping for the reaction to her finding out you’re going out, not friends.
It’s still NTJ for you, frankly, you went no contact for 5 months over something dumb, sounds like you could drop her.” megasmileys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he’s your friend now, then that isn’t any of J’s business. She already has a significant other.
And if she gives you a hard time about this and she probably will, then just drop her. Also, if your other mutual friends give you a hard time then tell them to shut up. I’m going through a similar problem with a friend of mine.
But my problem with her is that she demanded that I unfollowed her ex for a few months and if I didn’t then she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. So, I unfollowed him, but I warned her that if she ever tries to micromanage my life again, I’d drop her first.
Remember, friends should bring us up. If they are just there to ruin our mood, then they might just be passing by.” Persona-Mercury
13. WIBTJ If I Ask My Parents To Be More Transparent With Their Terms?
“As of right now, I have a few plans for the future: I’m planning to go to a t20 college, go on a senior trip at the end of June, and go to my senior prom. My parents will and have agreed to pay for these things as they never wanted me to work as a kid and instead focus on my schoolwork.
All of these things require planning, and as of right now most of that planning is happening. The problem is, every time I get in trouble with my parents (and rightfully so, I have some bad habits I still need to break), they threaten to take away these things from me.
Although these obviously make me upset, I do understand that it is their right to do this as they are paying.
The problem is, every time this occurs I feel the urge to change everything in case they’re serious. Right now, I have to plan expenses, rooming, transportation, etc. for my senior trip.
If I’m not allowed to go, my friends need to know ASAP so they can plan all of this without me. Not only that, all my prom forms (my school requires us to fill in tables of 14, meaning I need to coordinate with friends on this) and my prom dress shopping will need to halt.
Most importantly, if I need to change colleges I will need to contact my chosen state school and let them know I will be attending their school instead ASAP as well, and let my dream school know that I will not be attending.
In my mind, these things can’t wait, especially because my friends and schools are counting on me to be there. It seems rude and selfish to let them know last minute if I can’t do these things.
I’m worried that one day if they are serious about taking these away (they never explicitly state I can’t do things, they mostly go ‘do you really think you deserve XYZ?’ ‘do you really think it’s worth for you to spend our money when you’ve done XYZ?’) it will be too late to change everything around.
Of course, since they are paying for it, it is also their choice to take away privileges such as this if I don’t do what they say, but I want a straight answer from them. I can’t deal with this maybe-maybe not situation anymore.
By ‘trouble’ I mean sometimes my grades slip or I procrastinate cleaning my room, etc. these things mostly occurred at the beginning of my senior year but they’re not completely fixed yet. I’m mostly asking them to make a final decision in terms of deciding what I can and can’t do in terms of what I am responsible enough for based on my past and present self so I can plan accordingly.”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like maybe you stop getting into trouble and your parents won’t need to threaten your future plans. YWBTJ. That or live with the bad choices you are continuing to make and the consequences that come with them and definitely don’t give your parents an ultimatum because then they definitely will take away everything.” gryffinRAWR
Another User Comments:
“If you were half as concerned with whatever behaviors as you are with planning every detail, you might see some change. Enjoy life and let some things be spontaneous. I know these events require planning, but you can still find time to get your work done and be a kid.
Stay cool. YWBTJ if your behavior does not change. You probably are the jerk if they are throwing it around arbitrarily and making you feel that your worth or their love is conditional or retractable at the slightest mistake.” dirtyfrank12292
Another User Comments:
“Without knowing what it is you’re doing it’s impossible to judge if their treatment of you is fair or not.
I agree that unclear boundaries and punishments aren’t good parenting but given you’re trying to crowdsource judgment by only telling part of the story I think there’s a strong chance you’re the problem.” Umbopus
12. AITJ For Being Too Tired To Take A Walk?
“I (F17) struggle with some behavioral issues, and this Easter break, I decided to seek some help for those by joining a lovely week-long workshop about values and moral standards.
It’s a long workshop that stretches from 8 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon, and after half a day of doing self-evaluations and such, I was tired. Usually, I take nature walks with my aunt and grandfather on Tuesdays, but today, I was mentally tired, so I decided to not walk today.
My aunt (F38) was the first one to get irritated when I said that I wouldn’t join her today. She didn’t say why, but I think it’s because I take pictures of her every time. Her reason why I should’ve gone on the walk is because it’d help boost my mental health.
Of course, I know this information, but knowing that I have a short fuse when I’m exhausted, I said that I’d rather not. This escalated into an argument where she’d say things like ‘for a person who is going to a course to learn about gratefulness, you don’t seem thankful at all that you get to go on these walks’, which cut pretty deep.
My grandma also started saying some things that really hurt me. I have a problem, and I’m working on it as best as I can, but things like this don’t help me progress at all.
Was I a jerk?
Edit: for some context, I’ve had diagnosed issues since I was little, so they know all about it.
Plus, this is an argument that happens on a regular basis
Forgot to add one thing my aunt said which honestly made me even madder. She said that ‘no guy has ever left her as upset as I did in that moment’ (even though no boys were involved at all?).
Her partner broke up with her 3 months ago, and she’s had pretty extreme emotional outbursts about it on a near-daily basis. She was just crying about him 2 nights ago. Just saying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So if I have this right.
You recognized that feeling of having a short fuse, so to avoid any issues between you and your family you tried to take a step back and separate for a while.
That’s literally the best thing you could have done and it sounds like you’re very self-aware and actually want to get better.
Congrats and keep working towards that at your own pace, even if your family is being incredibly rude about it, just know you are trying your best.” Asa-Sol
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were tired and didn’t want to go.
Believe me, I’ve been on several miserable trips/outings because I’ve felt obligated to go by a family member. Set those boundaries. Tell them you’ll go next time. But don’t give in to cheap emotional blackmail.” Vio_Van_Helsing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you didn’t feel like going… sometimes you have to take a break especially when the fuse is short and don’t want to be around other people… you saw that in yourself and tried to handle that but people being mean and pushy bc you won’t do what they want is them being the jerk not you.” nobodyspecial247365
11. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Treat My Son Better?
“When I met my husband I already had a child from a previous relationship and he had none.
In the beginning, he never really saw him much because my son stayed with my mother. Things were not going well in our relationship and just when we were about to break up I found out I was pregnant.
Fast forward to a few years later we ended up getting married to ensure I would be able to renew my visa and he did not want to be separated from his child.
Our relationship was strained at best but we were trying to make it work. My mother started traveling more for business and church and the sitter she got, an older teenage boy, started using the money left to take care of my son for his own needs like buying booze instead of buying food and so I insisted that my son come stay with us.
My partner was not happy when I asked him for my son to come to stay with us after a particular incident which had my son hospitalized for dehydration because his sitter did not give him food. I made a big deal about it and my son came to stay with us.
Now he has been with us for 4 years and my partner treats him really badly. Mind you he pays for his schooling and ensures his basic needs are met. He refuses to attend any school stuff for my son and only does so for ‘his kids’.
He emotionally talks down to him and calls him fat (my son plays football and so has gained weight to keep up with requirements). Any chance he gets to shout at him he does to a point where the younger kids know if they don’t want to get in trouble they put the blame on their brother even if it’s a lie.
My son’s passport is expiring soon but I needed my partner’s signature to ensure he gets a new visa. At the visa application center, a kind lady suggested that my partner could take up legal guardianship of my son so that we save on application fees.
Told my partner this and he adamantly refused to do so stating that he will assist financially but refused to take legal guardianship of him.
Seeing how everything has affected my son so far I told him that if he could not see my son as his own and treat him better I would be leaving him.
He laughed it off and stated that it was impossible since we have 3 other kids together. In a sense, he is right as my own family would not support such a move and I lost my job a few years ago and have been surviving on side hustles.
Since the ultimatum, I have been of 2 minds and feel like I would be the jerk if I leave and take all my kids with me when my future is uncertain so I would like to know AITJ for wanting him to treat my son better and leaving him if he doesn’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you will be if you stay with someone who treats your son poorly. Your husband is awful to your children, especially your oldest. You need to do whatever you can to keep them safe.” Arbor_Arabicae
Another User Comments:
“Jesus your poor son. YTJ to your son for allowing him to be taken advantage of by your husband. That’s just awful. No child deserves it. You’re his mother, you’re supposed to keep him safe from those that would hurt him.
You need to leave your husband because your son deserves better.” AllAbtThtBrunchLife
Another User Comments:
“Funny how when leaving a jerk partner, a surprise pregnancy happens. Anyways time to be the parent to your son that you should have been in the past.
NTJ.” PommeDeSang
10. AITJ For Not Paying For My Friend's Pricey Birthday Dinner?
“My (F25) friend (F25) just had a birthday last Thursday. I invited her out to dinner to celebrate and offered to pay, letting her choose the restaurant. While my friends and I do have a little bit of sophisticated taste when it comes to food, my friend picked an incredibly expensive restaurant that was way out of my price range.
I really wanted to pay for her birthday dinner, so I asked if she would feel comfortable choosing a less expensive place. She assured me that I should feel no obligation to pay for her dinner and that she was just really excited to take me to this new restaurant.
I felt bad having already offered, but I had gotten her some nice gifts so I didn’t guilt myself too much because it’s not like I didn’t do anything for her birthday. This dinner was just me and her, as the rest of our friend group had a large party for her during the weekend.
Anyways we had a great time at this dinner together and she never made a comment about me not paying for her dinner (which was well over 200 dollars with drinks). Cut to the party last weekend and my friend is pretty wasted and she’s complaining to our other friends that she had a ‘pretty boring birthday’ on the actual day and makes a comment about ‘having to pay for her own birthday dinner’.
I overheard and pulled her to the side, and she said she was just joking and really was ok with me not paying.
However the next morning a couple of our other friends text me and are like ‘hey did you really not pay for her dinner on her birthday?’ One even said I was ‘rude’ to invite her out and not pay.
After explaining myself and telling them that I didn’t think my friend was even mad, I eventually got a text from my friend admitting that she was a little hurt I didn’t pay for her dinner. I responded that I would have happily taken her to a place I could afford to pay for and she said ‘that’s just really where I wanted to go for my birthday’.
I feel really bad!? I’ve apologized multiple times and promised to pay for dinner another time, and she has told me she doesn’t want to worry about it but I feel like an awful friend, especially after the rest of the friend group agreed that I should have paid.
It’s been 3 days and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but next time suggest a clear price range before offering. Given you clearly said you couldn’t afford to treat her to a $200+ dinner, and she clearly said she’d pay, you’re not in the wrong.
Funny that none of your friends offered… how much did they spend on her? This whole experience would have left a sour taste in my mouth. My friends and I often don’t get anything for each other’s birthdays – the joy comes from having fun with each other.” nmerald
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is just rude. You don’t pick an expensive place when someone invites you out. Especially if they’ve made their limits known. You admitted to her what she chose was too expensive, she could’ve gone somewhere cheaper and gotten a free meal but she wanted the expensive place so that’s on her.” jnnmommy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is the jerk for saying she didn’t mind and then making you look bad to everyone else. Your option to take her somewhere in your price range was very reasonable and a kind birthday gesture.
You have nothing to feel bad about!” RealTalkFastWalk
9. AITJ For Not Accepting My Neighbors' Apology?
“About two years ago I came out as a lesbian to my mother. It went alright, she was confused at first and asked questions but everything went well. We live in a tiny town so the news spread fast, very fast.
I still suspect my mother told one of her friends who passed on the news, but I’m not going to blame that on her without any actual evidence. Everyone was supporting us aside from one couple which was unfortunately our neighbors.
They went out of their way to laugh at me whenever I went outside or hurry their kids inside when I went out because they didn’t want the ‘gay girl’ to influence their children. Their actions hurt. My mother knew what was going on and just told me to ‘ignore them and their childish actions.’
The other day my mom came in all happy and I asked what happened. She told me the neighbors had apologized to her and said they were sorry for their actions and had become more accepting of my lifestyle choices.
I was upset and told her that they aren’t sorry if they can’t even apologize to my face for all their ridiculous actions. She then went on a rant about how she could hear it in their voice and even invited us to an apology dinner that she took them up on.
She was not the one who was supposed to forgive them after all they did. I said that she can attend the dinner alone if she would like but I choose not to forgive them for their actions and you can’t force me to forgive them.
This made her angry, really angry. In the end, I got grounded. All my friends are telling me I should apologize to my mom and forgive my neighbors and it’s starting to weigh on me. Was I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people can apologize but it doesn’t mean their apologies must be accepted by those they hurt. Your mom is a bit of a jerk as the apology needs to go to you as the one they harmed. The apology to your mom could have been we are sorry we hurt your daughter and she has every right to accept if she wants.
But until they apologize to you they have not fully owned their actions. But you still don’t have to accept.” SMH2180
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother just doesn’t get how hard, and unnecessary, your experience with the neighbors was.
Have you explained to her how it made you feel? If, as I suspect, their actions have long-term emotional consequences for you, does your mom know that?
I have a suggestion that might help you get your mother to understand a bit better.
Ask your mom to imagine your neighbors taunting her every day, making comments about her appearance. Ask her how she would feel after two years of that crap. Ask how she’d feel if someone else accepted their apology without consulting her.
Sending you internet grandma hugs.” Literally_Taken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Other people cannot accept apologies (outside super minor ones where it doesn’t matter or is not possible like leaving a party early and you don’t have time to find the host to say goodbye) on others’ behalf.
It does not count then. They only apologized to the mom and likely only truly apologized for the hardship they caused her.
And even if it were a situation where they couldn’t say sorry to you directly it is ALWAYS up to you to accept it or not.
That can never be up to someone else. I suspect your mom really doesn’t care about the pain you went through and only her pain.” Suelswalker
8. AITJ For Being Upset With How My Friends Make Plans?
“So a while ago, I promised one of my close friends (let’s call them Charlie) that I would go for a big one-day trip with them during the next holiday period.
We figured out what we were doing, where we were going, and all but the date. Now I told them that I was free all day that next week except there had been a few things from my other friends about meeting up sometime during the next week.
I texted my friends (group chat) asking what day everyone was available 2-3 times to no response and I waited 4 days still to no response. By this time, I assumed that the meet-up was not going ahead so I got back to Charlie and organized to do our trip on Friday.
The next day, someone asks the exact same thing I did about the unavailability and I tell them that I am not available Friday for obvious reasons. A few hours go by and everyone decides that Friday is a good day to go out together.
From this, you can probably tell I was annoyed. I had waited for 5 days for a response trying to get the gathering up and running, only for everyone to schedule it on the day that I wasn’t available, only because they didn’t respond initially.
I feel like it could have all been fixed if they had just responded to my initial text.
So I went back to the group chat, with minor cursing, I basically went angry at everyone for not getting back to me in the first place, as now I couldn’t go as I would be double booked. With that being said, a few of my friends suffer from anxiety and depression, and me flipping out leads to them taking it personally more than the others.
(I didn’t really think of the consequences and how they would react, but I should still be able to express myself, assuming I wasn’t the jerk here.)
I can see from their perspective I can seem like a jerk as if they planned something on a day that I couldn’t go and now I’m really angry, but I wasn’t angry about the event itself being organized on a day I’m unavailable, that’s tough luck, but it was the fact that I tried to avoid this double mix-up by contacting everyone early, with no one responding, only to end up with the two crossing over anyways…
Now we are all pretty close friends, you can’t really just say that they are ‘crappy friends’, or a bad excuse like that, I think I just need to talk things over with them to sort it out. But I want to know if I crossed the line with my reaction.
I’m wondering whether it was justified.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Nothing wrong with telling people how and why you’re upset with them. You tried to plan ahead and then they ignored you and then it caused problems.” Familiar-Light-3886
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your friends were RUDE and INCONSIDERATE. But a kinda soft YTJ for how you reacted with swearing & anger. Unfortunately, your reaction changed the tone to focus on you, rather they being inconsiderate and irresponsible. It’s bogus for them to hide behind their ‘anxiety’ being triggered, rather than being accountable for their reconsideration.” Due-Explanation-1715
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know but it seems that they either didn’t care about including everyone and just went with what most people could do or just skimmed the message and saw you said Friday so all planned for Friday.
While it can be chalked up to them only being free Friday or being idiots I would still talk to them because this will probably happen again. Also, I hate when people don’t respond in a timely manner to plans.
I get everyone is busy but it’s just rude and inconsiderate.” lordofthebuns17
7. AITJ For Telling My Little Sister The Truth About Our Parents?
“My parents are crazy. They controlled what I ate and when, the clothes I was permitted to wear, and they would physically change my body langue when it wasn’t appropriate (for example: when I slouched, they’d physically straighten my back).
I had no control over myself. In addition, I was expected to get a Ph.D. in a STEM subject, marry someone tall and good-looking and wealthy, and have several children.
Then I went to college and met someone who actually valued my own choices.
They aren’t tall. Or blond. Or wealthy. They don’t need me to get a Ph.D. and they value my own choices.
At some point, I introduced them to my parents and it predictably went down. My parents were rude for several months, cut me off and ignored me for a few months, and then tried to convince me that Eugenics was actually the right thing to do.
Somehow, due to a miracle, they pulled themselves together and were at the wedding without any obvious problems (despite my father telling me earlier that he wouldn’t be bullied into attending).
A few months later, I was hosting my little sister (she’s a senior in high school, that is, she’s 16).
She’s also grown up in this messed-up household and hasn’t left so she can’t see that it’s messed up.
She looked me dead in the eye and said that she’s our parents’ favorite child now.
She said this in front of me, my spouse, and our other guests.
I snapped and said, bluntly: ‘no, you aren’t: their only favorites are themselves.’
Then I took back my words and tried to be nice, but we still had a fight later and she cried.
She has dreamed of being the favorite her whole life because she doesn’t get how little freedom it gives her – she only sees the attention.
And now she thinks I’m jealous and that I hate her.
I just… should have I let her have her moment? Was my snap-back a jerk thing to do, given she saw only my parents’ side of the wedding fiasco?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. In terms of you and your sister, especially since your sister doesn’t know any better and you only seemed to be reacting in the heat of the moment. I would say just talk it out with her and let her know you’re not actually jealous.
For the future, you should probably just let her have her moment because once she gets out of your parents’ house she’ll realize on her own how indoctrinated she was.” TotalRead2557
6. WIBTJ If I Don't Come To Spread My Grandpa's Ashes?
“My Grandmother (GM) had three kids with my bio-grandfather (Bud) and then remarried the man I call my grandfather (L). Both of them passed away in 2021 within 1 month of each other. I did not attend either funeral as it was during my finals for school.
For context, Bud was a piece of work and mistreated my dad and his siblings and I only met the man once. L was a jerk that treated GM like trash and forced her to move to TX away from her kids.
My aunt, for some reason, really wants to spread Bud’s ashes. My father, Bud’s sisters (who I haven’t seen in years), my little brother (17), and GM are going. My dad really wants me to go, but I have no interest in being there.
I barely knew the man and he was a piece of work. I’m also taking a 2-week x-country trip the month prior and don’t want to ask for yet another 5 days off work so soon after. It also falls the day after my birthday.
The plan is to have me fly down a day or two before and then fly back. Now, I just saw my aunt, I will be seeing both my great aunts and GM by the end of the year. I don’t feel like I have a responsibility to go and I really don’t want to, but I feel like I’m being selfish and bratty for not going.
WIBTJ if I don’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Personal story for context – when my mother passed away, her request was for her ashes to be spread on the coast that was important to her childhood, which was in a separate state.
I wasn’t able to attend for various similar reasons, and my family understood. I also wasn’t able to be there when she passed (it was a long illness), and my family understood that too. Families should rally around each other like that.
This is a grandfather you barely knew and had problems with, I don’t think the family should put that much pressure on you like that.” Kilmerval
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for your dad.
Your bio grandpa is gone, let him rot if you’d like.
But funerals are for the living, and I could see how a father wants his son, at his own father’s goodbye.” emptythroughout69
5. AITJ For Accidentally Hitting My Cousin With A Controller?
“My auntie and her kid visited for easter because we were doing a hunt in our backyard.
For info, the kid is 11. Also on my room door is a quarter lock if you don’t know what that is it has a divot so anyone can open the door with their fingernail, it’s pretty easy even the 4-year-old can do it
So straight to the story, we’re celebrating, we have a grill and we barbecue but what happens is I pull out my quest 2 to play some echo arena VR. The kid asks to play I decline because the last time I let a kid try he broke my controller ring then I ask him to leave my room and TO NOT COME IN.
10 mins later I’m having a blast on echo and then I hear a click. It’s pretty loud and the speaker was in my ear so I assumed it was the game. I swing my arm to catch the disc and guess what I hit this kid smack dab in the back of the head with a plastic controller in my hand.
He cries and goes to my aunt and I tell her exactly what happened. I even told her I told him to stay out and I locked the door. She wouldn’t hear it and said I shouldn’t have been playing in the first place.
She tells me to stop playing with my headset on in my room and I disagree. So we get into a heated argument.
My mom was getting some ribs. She comes home oblivious to what happened and gives me the look for the rest of the day.
Am I the jerk? I told the kid to stay out and I locked my door. Surely, he has common sense at that age. I mean it’s like there being a green light and trying to cross a highway, you should know not to.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, it wasn’t a good move to get a game out when you’ve got guests over that you’re not willing to share and especially not VR where you remove your awareness.
But the kid should have stayed out.” Urbanyeti0
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. You had guests over, including your cousin. It would have been polite to keep them company, but instead, you kick out your cousin so you can play video games?
Seriously? You couldn’t just wait until after they leave? Or play something that you and your cousin could enjoy together? That is some pretty antisocial behavior.” Windermyr
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your cousin shouldn’t have been in your room, especially after you locked it.
It’s not your fault your cousin got hurt. However, why were you playing a game you didn’t want to share while you had family over to celebrate a holiday? My mom would have given me the side-eye for being rude, not for hurting my cousin.” photosbeersandteach
4. AITJ For Not Allowing My Fiancée To Take My Daughters To Live In Mexico?
“So my partner and I have lived together for 6 years. She is born in the US and raised in Mexico, I’m an immigrant here in California and a Permanent resident. Her family is in Mexico, she came here to stay with her dad but he had some problems here and had to go back.
He can’t come back as he doesn’t have a visa.
My SO let’s call her V wants to take my daughters (4 and 2 US Born) to Mexico because she believes she is unhappy here and instead wants to live there.
We are not super well off here but we have nice things and go out regularly. Yet she believes she can have a decent life over there with my daughters even though her mom and sister live in poverty. She has no education in Mexico and is the only high school graduate here.
I told her that if that’s what she wants she can leave and try it for herself, that I’m 100 percent sure she only thinks she can make it because she has only lived there as a child whose dad sends funds every week and as an adult who’s gone on vacation twice (November last year and right now – a birthday gift from me to her.)
She doesn’t work here but instead watches over our babies and I know she is a huge help to me. But I cannot allow her to take my girls. When I asked her why can’t she leave on her own she said because the girls have got to be with their mom.
I told her that they can have a better life here with more opportunities but she doesn’t see it that way instead saying that they can do good there. Even though most of her cousins that live there are graduated as architects and teachers yet work cleaning dishes since there are no jobs for them and the jobs that open up you either need experience or someone on the inside.
So I asked her why I have to let go of my girls when I did not ask for this. I get the same ‘I’m their mother’ response. I will not allow her to take them so she either takes her flight back tomorrow or stays there.
That was my ultimatum but I can’t help but feel like I’m obligating her to come back and that is something I don’t want to do. I don’t want her to feel like I’m taking the kids hostage but I’m not willing to let my girls go live without their father in a place where the only family they have is her family which they don’t even know and have to say goodbye to my family and part of her family here that they do know.
I’m I in the wrong here?
I know that her leaving would mean we split up and I’m ready for that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t let anyone take my kids off. You better see an attorney before push comes to shove.
I don’t disagree that daughters need their mother but maybe she puts her plan off for 16 more years until both are adults. You have kids you make sacrifices.” TheVue221
Another User Comments:
“Don’t let her take those kids to Mexico you’ll never see them again.
I can’t tell you how many times a parent takes a child out of the country and the now non-custodial parent does not get to see their child ever again. Let her go to Mexico, like you said she was only there as a little child she’s going to find it a little difficult to live there.” harleyevo
3. AITJ For Going With Someone To Prom In Exchange For Votes?
“I’m a junior in high school. One of the extracurriculars I’m involved in at school is the student council.
I’d like to be student body president next year since I think being student body president of a school with almost 3k students would look nice on my college applications. On its own, it wouldn’t be big enough to make or break an application, but in addition to other stuff I have going on, it certainly wouldn’t hurt.
The senior who’s currently the student body president happens to have had a crush on me since I was a sophomore and she was a junior last year.
Prom was this last weekend and student body president elections were held the day before it.
I decided to run. I had one opponent that I felt was even enough with me that it could go either way. I hated that guy because he was a two-faced bully that was nice to me and other people that he felt were useful but then treated people he deemed as not having a use like trash.
Since he mostly was a jerk to people that didn’t have many friends, he still was pulling a lot of votes. I hate people that are jerks for no reason so I decided I had to win both for ambitious reasons (being president would look good) and also because I hate people like him.
I heard from mutual friends that the current study body president that had a crush on me was planning to ask me to prom, and I had an idea: I texted her I heard she was going to ask me and said if I was going to spend $200ish on tickets, a suit, etc when I wasn’t planning to go anyways, I’d want something in return, that being her support for my presidential bid.
The president being ‘biased’ was frowned upon but as president and somebody that’s well-liked, her support could push me over the edge. She agreed, and her support did in fact cause me to win. My opponent figured out that I had bribed the student body president in some way and had called me out for that, but nobody seemed to care because I won anyways.
He thinks I’m the jerk for being ‘dishonest’. I don’t think it’s ‘being dishonest’, to begin with, because there’s no official rule against being endorsed, and even if it was a jerk like him has zero room to complain.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and actually a pretty major one. If you hadn’t realized that you are on thin ice, there is something wrong with your moral compass. Before I start, I’m not US-based, so my first reaction was who cares?
Student body president is not a coveted position where I live anyways, and usually, people have to bribe into doing it anyhow, but for the sake of discussion, I will treat it as if it is a coveted position.
Exchanging professional favors for professional favors is already suspect in most cases.
It differs case-by-case though. For example, getting each other through the first round of a job application is usually fine. I get you into the door at my current job, and you get me into yours, but I gave you a multi-million contract while you give me one?
Yup, that is regarded as corruption in most companies.
Exchanging professional favors for personal favors is always wrong. It can be as simple as me giving you a contract when you give me ranger tickets. Again with most companies, this is just regarded as blatant corruption.
Exchanging professional favors for romantic/intimate favors is just always dead wrong. Were you the best person for this position? Probably not, because you ‘slept’ your way to student body president. Furthermore, that you didn’t even hesitate to propose it, tells me you see nothing wrong with exchanging professional and romantic favors.
This worries me, who isn’t to say that if the roles weren’t reversed (that is you have a crush on the next candidate) you hint that taking you to prom might help her win the election?
Did the end justify the means?
No, since your main motivation looks like it would do well for your college applications. That the guy apparently is a jerk himself is just post-hoc justification to justify your own actions.
As other people said, you are going far in politics, until a female intern starts complaining about your behavior, because ‘there’s no official rule against’ going out with your interns in return for career advancement.
Because there’s no official rule against being endorsed.
Btw: if your defense boils down to I did nothing wrong because it wasn’t technically outlawed, you’re the jerk by default.” tigerzzzaoe
Another User Comments:
“Dude. You literally said a couple of sentences into why you disliked your opponent, that it was because he was nice to people that he thought he could use to his advantage.
Soooo… because of that statement and that statement alone, YTJ. If you hadn’t made such a big deal out of it, I’d have said NTJ. I appreciate the ‘hustle’ and there is nothing wrong with the situation IMO. It was clearly discussed and agreed upon by both of you, you both knew what the score was from the get-go.
But unfortunately, you are making it seem like you’re a bit of a hypocrite and a bit of a jerk for it.” MechanicMel84
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You clearly understand what you did was not right – to the point that you had to resort to saying there wasn’t explicitly a rule against it.
You had a moral problem with your opponent being two-faced, but you literally did something that was on the same level, if not worse.
Now you have a glimpse of why people hate politicians – saying and doing anything to win and justifying all their bad behavior by saying, ‘at least the other guy didn’t win.'” HolyGonzo
2. WIBTJ For Keeping My Share Of The Knickknacks?
“My college roommate (24F) and I (23X, they/them) were good friends before and best friends after living together. She’s gone through some pretty serious mental health issues, and the sum of it is, that I went through them with her during our senior year at the expense of my own mental and physical health (and sometimes grades) as well.
When we stopped living together, we had a small collection of knickknacks that we both loved. I took half and she took half, and we were planning to move back in together once we had jobs and saved up, so it didn’t really matter because of course all the knickknacks would be reunited. They were not expensive, and we both paid for some or the other.
It is impossible to know who paid for what exactly, but I remember feeling like we split the cost 50/50 overall.
I moved in with my partner in January. This was not a surprise to her or something that interfered with plans we were already making; she’s been living with her parents since college due to the aforementioned mental health.
She took my partner and me moving in together extremely hard. Her mental health is spiraling right now, and she only recently told me that she feels pain every time she thinks about or talks to me though she wants to remain active friends.
She is also asking me to give her back my half of the knickknacks. In her opinion, I have a partner/roommate and a nice happy life, and she has nothing (she does have friends/family who love her, a good job, funds saved up, hobbies, etc).
I don’t actually want to give her my half of the knickknacks, because I love them and I’ve added a couple to my collection since we moved out of our college apartment 2 years ago. But I also feel like I can do her this small favor and give them up, even if I don’t want to.
But then I’m worried I’m not standing up for myself, either, and I don’t actually owe her anything by continuing to live my life/keep these knickknacks that are half mine in my own apartment.
WIBTJ if I try to keep my half of the knickknacks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You divided them in half since they were both of yours, and I don’t see any reason you should turn them over. Having a partner doesn’t mean you hand over your belongings to every friend who doesn’t have a partner.” rishcast
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You don’t have to give them up. Perhaps you want to consider which are most meaningful to you? I’m at a different point in life’s trajectory, where every sentimental item is accompanied by ‘Why do I need this?
I have the memory…’ and it is difficult to sort and let go.
Your decision. Your choice. Stuff is, in the long run, just stuff.” OkapiEli
Another User Comments:
“Technically NTJ, but she sounds like she’s raw with pain.
Be the bigger person and give her the knickknacks, except the ones you bought later. You don’t need to worry about whether you’re standing up for yourself; this is a one-time situation, not establishing a pattern of being a wimp.
If necessary, go NC after you give them back. It’s probably more important that she have the knickknacks than have your friendship. Not that you wouldn’t be a good friend, but going NC is an effective way of not setting a wimpy precedent with her.” billlevansatmariposa
1. AITJ For Letting My Brother Receive The Consequences Of His Actions?
“I’m a 19-year-old woman and my brother is 16 (Craig). Craig goes to high school, and on most days I pick him up after.
Craig has never been that good with communication. He has short bouts of anger as well, which concerns me a lot.
I’m afraid that he is growing up into a pretty bad dude and despite raising this issue to our parents many times, they are generally on his side.
Last week on Thursday after school, I went to the normal spot to pick Craig up.
I noticed a bunch of girls gathered in a mass. For the next few minutes I heard shouting but I didn’t know what was going on. Eventually, I got out of the car to find Craig at the center. I called over and asked what they were doing, ready to break it up, and the girl closest to him told me that he had called her a pretty awful slur to call a young woman.
I thought about my options for a second and knowing his problems at home, gave her a thumbs up to keep going. I went back to my car for a smoke and made sure it didn’t escalate past words.
Not a long time later Craig came back and sat down in the car on the verge of tears, immediately facing the other direction.
I tried to talk to him about it, but when I started he basically jumped out of the still-moving car and ran across someone’s yard where I couldn’t follow him. Not knowing what to do, I left. I got home and when our mother asked where he was, I told her what had happened. She immediately began shrieking at me.
She called into work and left to begin looking for him while I stayed home.
Craig came back at about 10 pm crying his eyes out. I called our mother to tell her, and she came home immediately after to comfort him.
The next day, our mother and father called me and told me that they wanted me to move out. I told them they weren’t hearing the full story about how he called the girl a terrible slur, and they said they didn’t care, and that I was a monster for not sticking up for my brother.
They’ve been adamant for the past week that I should leave and Craig hasn’t been to school since.
Everyone is against me in my family, but they have a history of enabling Craig. Did I really do anything wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your parents are. Sounds like he got what was coming to him and they are enabling bad behavior here. As soon as they heard he was using slurs on women they should have addressed that, spoken to him about the situation, and disciplined him for his behavior.
Keeping him out of school also sounds excessive on these facts.
If they kick you out it will just reinforce to him that his bad behavior is acceptable and he can carry on like this. It sounds like he needs therapy.” RecycledPopcorn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Here’s why: you have NO idea what happened with your brother. You never did, some teen girl told you something and you never questioned it, never asked your brother. You automatically assumed every teenage girl tells the truth.
Do you even remember high school?? The girls are the worst bullies. They make the boys look good. You automatically assumed your brother was guilty and literally threw him to the wolves. He hasn’t been back to school in a week!!
You still don’t know what happened.
You say your brother faced the consequences of his actions. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that as you walk out the door. Because there are consequences for your actions too. For not questioning anything and condemning someone without hearing their side.
Even the guilty get a trial and defense, evidently not with you or most people on the internet.” MaryAnne0601
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t matter how many problems he has. He learned slurs so he’s perfectly capable of learning how to be a decent respectful person who doesn’t throw profanities at people and control his temper.
He needs an authority figure in his life (ideally his/your parents), or he will continue to think he’s correct in his actions. Your parents probably just genuinely believe that they’re just taking care of their son the way they believe is best for him.
Though if they are only rewarding their son and not at all disciplining him or holding him accountable for his actions one day someone else will. You’re NTJ, but your parents should be the ones to discipline him, but I don’t blame you for holding him accountable.” DinnerGlass
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You’re a jerk. Unequivocally. You have no clue whether what those girls said was right, you abandoned your own family to fend for themselves and get humiliated in public, you have made zero effort to probe into why he struggles with communication or why he gets angry and have instead simply concluded he is a ‘bad dude’ with zero context.
You didn’t even try to find him when he ran off. If my own family literally tried to run away from my moving car and my first response was to keep driving away nonchalantly, I’d expect to be called a monster too.
Even if he did actually call her the slur, why are you allowing him to get railed in the court of public opinion instead of fending him from other people and telling him yourself, as his older sister, why what he said was wrong and why he should try to avoid using such language in the future.
Your parents overreacted, but honestly sounds like you might have a pattern of antagonizing Craig and not caring given you say they always side with him.” Meddittor
