People Want Us To Give A Verdict On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Walking Out Of The Airport When I Saw My Husband's Mom?
“I F30 don’t have the best relationship with my husband’s mom.
From day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I did and sometimes even copied me. Like that one time when she LITERALLY dyed her hair purple just like mine and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.
So, anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country – tourism in other words. The thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets). My husband’s mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, and even threatened to call the police and make some complaint to get us to stay if she can’t come.
My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatum. said he wouldn’t go if she can’t come and I told him I’d gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say ‘FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won’t take her.’
Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter. The day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2 pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him but he didn’t respond. He led me to the waiting area and the first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage.
I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging. That’s when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. He tried to stop me but I told him off in the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there ‘anyway’ and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us.
I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.
I went home and sobbed into my dog’s fur for several minutes. Turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. An hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute.
I told him he caused this to happen. He said that I was being so hard on his mom it was ridiculous. I refused to fight anymore but he kept on berating me and then called my family to tell them that the trip was canceled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn’t have ruined it for myself and should’ve sucked it up and done my best to enjoy it.
Did I really overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You ruined nothing. You merely opted not to go on the trip. Your husband and his mother could have still gone. They made up their own minds not to go.
So anyone in your family says you canceled the trip? Tell them no, your husband and his mother canceled their own trip and leave it at that.
Accept no blame.
Your family thinks you should have sucked it up? They’re free to have all the vacations they want with her. Tell them that. Even offer to share her contact information for their future trips if they are such experts in what is and isn’t tolerable. It wasn’t their call, so their opinions are worthless.
You have a husband problem. Time for a very honest conversation about where his priorities are.
You deserve better.” Decent_Ad6389
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Regardless of your relationship with your MIL, it should always be ok to sometimes want to go on vacation with just your spouse (especially if you’re the one who saved for it). It’s just a different kind of vacation if 3 people are going together, one often ends up as the third wheel, and by the way your husband and MIL behave, it will probably be you.
Even if you loved your MIL, you still have the right to not want her to tag along on a vacation.
But your husband’s behavior is concerning. He doesn’t respect your boundaries, he even helps his mom to cross your boundaries and when you repeat your no, and follow through with it, he calls your family and blames you for ruining everything.
I would get away and get away fast. Life is too short to waste with people who disrespect you.” CrazySeacreature
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s a mama’s boy who was outright gaslighting you. His sole intention was to make you feel bad for a failure of a husband that he is. Per your additional description of him, seems like he feels that he owes his mother a bunch of emotional compensation for being more favored among his siblings since childhood. No need to go to a marriage counselor, just get a divorce before things get more complex (such as having kids).
He must have distorted the story to your family as well, so don’t take your relatives’ critiques too harshly.” Clericot
18. AITJ For Ripping Up My Brother's Apology Letter?
“When I was 17 I was in a relationship with my twin brother’s best friend Jake.
It lasted 8 years till we were all finished college and my ex had gotten enough money off his extremely religious parents to get a head start in life. If you don’t know where this is going my brother and Jake were together the whole time and used me as a cover because my feelings didn’t matter. My brother had been out since his teens which is why they came up with the idea to use me so his parents wouldn’t get suspicious.
My parents were angry with my brother and even cut contact for a year but they all made up and have been pushing for us to speak since.
I refuse to speak to my brother due to how they dismissed me when everything came out. Jake literally said ‘you wouldn’t understand I had no other choice.’ I get where Jake was coming from because his parents are nuts but I didn’t deserve to be treated like that.
It’s been 5 years since everything came out. I’m currently pregnant with twins with my soon-to-be husband. My brother and Jake moved back to our hometown last year. They both have been trying via my family/friends, even coworkers to get me to talk.
My mother begged me to sit down like an adult and not let the past ruin my son’s chance at having a relationship with their uncle.
That the hate I have for my only sibling is ruining our family and my mental health.
A few hours ago I stopped by for lunch to show my parents my scan photos. Guess who was there? The happy couple. I was literally in shock for a few minutes, then when my brother tried to hug me I pushed him away. I got so worked up I physically couldn’t stop shaking.
My brother and Jake tried to apologize, talk about what happened, and begged for a relationship with me.
I was in tears and begged them to leave me alone. In the end, my brother handed me a letter and said ‘I really wish things could be different. You’re my sister, my twin. I do love you and it kills me we don’t have each other anymore.’
So basically I lost it and ripped up the letter screaming that we weren’t family and I just want him to leave me alone. I walked out after that and had to get a taxi home because I was too upset to drive. Since then my parents and family members have told me I’m cruel and bitter and that I need to stop living in the past and get over it.
I’d like to answer a few questions a lot of people keep asking before I go:
- ‘After 8 years why didn’t you see any signs?’ – Basically my brother and ex were always close and I obviously never thought that they’d do something like that to me. Like your brother is meant to protect you from the bad guys.
- ‘What kind of relationship did you and Jake have?’ – We lived together for two years and we did EVERYTHING a normal couple does so I hope that clears up a lot of curiosity about our bedroom life.
- ‘Why are you angrier at your brother than Jake?’ – I hate Jake and will never forgive him but I did and still do pity his situation with his parents. The reasons I’m angrier at my twin brother should be obvious.
- ‘What do you plan to do with your parents?’ – As of now I will go no contact till my babies are born and at least 3 months old so I can be in the right headspace.
- ‘Are you in therapy?’ – Yes it helped me love myself again and trust people. I’m in a way better place than I was a few years ago.
- ‘Did what happen to you give you a negative view of the lgbt+ community?’ – Of course not! My brother and Jake hurt me not the whole community and let’s not forget homophobic jerks are the reason this even happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not in a million years are you the jerk.
Your brother and Jake mistreated you for 8 years. That is a fact.
I imagine you were sleeping with Jake for much of this time? The betrayal is unimaginable. I think your family is cruel for asking you to simply ‘forgive and forget.’
The sad part is that they had options. They could have asked you to pretend to be Jake’s partner.
Instead, they chose to hurt you. That is not okay. You should take as much time as you need. You don’t even have to invite them back into your life—and you certainly don’t have to make that decision now. Your parents need to respect your boundaries. They are definitely being jerks in this situation.” overseas-mango
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk for what you did.
What they did was disgusting.
I can understand that your parents want their only children to have a relationship and for you to be a family again instead of the fractured family where they speak to the both of you while you two don’t. I can also get that your brother wants to mend your relationship, however, it can’t be on their terms. It has to be yours.
Both your parents and your brother and Jake need to understand they can’t ambush you like this to try to fix it. It’s not an intervention.
So I don’t think you’re a jerk, they all are. Even if you seem to have forgiven Jake because of his parents. I find that odd, because it’s no excuse to string along someone for 8 years(!) just so they could have a relationship.
The solution is to either cut off his parents or try to have the relationship 8 years later when he was ‘free’. Could even ‘let you in on it’ by saying you were with him so they could be together, but that’s a bit far-fetched and ‘movie-like’.
NTJ, everyone else is. It’s 5 years after something that lasted 8..” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a gay person myself, I’ve always felt that gay people who enter into long-term straight relationships in order to act as a cover for their own gender are horrible.
There is absolutely no justification for stringing somebody along for YEARS and wasting a huge chunk of their life, while you know the whole time that the relationship is a sham.
Not only did Jake keep you trapped in a fake relationship for almost a decade, but he did so while also lying to you the whole time with your TWIN BROTHER!! The two of them are monsters.
Full stop. They only want you to forgive them so they can stop feeling guilty about the objectively horrible thing that they did to you.
Let them be guilty about it for the rest of their lives. If you ever see them again, be explicit that you will never forgive them, and they should feel guilty about it every day. Every time they look at each other, they should be reminded about what they did to you.
As for your parents, I wouldn’t cut them off. But I’d be firm in that if they ever tried to pull off an ambush like that, then they can get cut off too and not have the opportunity to have their grandchildren in their life. Hopefully, you’re able to raise a set of twins who actually treat one another with respect, something that your parents have clearly failed to do (with your brother).” Rygumb
17. AITJ For Selling/Giving Away Toys Given To My Preschooler?
“With Christmas around the corner, I cleared out a significant amount of my 3-year-old’s toys. His birthday is 3 weeks later and we always end up with a ton of toys given to him between the two. I ended up giving some of the bigger toys away and selling some others because I don’t have a ton of room. I wasn’t thinking about it and mentioned it to a family member and an explosion ensued.
HOW DARE I GIVE AWAY HIS TOYS. I SHOULD HAVE ASKED THEM BEFORE GIVING AWAY TOYS. THE TOYS ARE FOR (SON), NOT MOM AND HE WOULDN’T GIVE THEM AWAY. THEY WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE THE TOYS BACK BECAUSE THEY WERE EXPENSIVE. etc
I asked if any gifts given were ‘loaners’ and ‘Of course not, they’re his!’ This family member also bragged about how much they spent on his gifts between the two holidays (more than my mortgage and way more than I spent on the two days).
AITJ for selling/giving away our toys that were gifts from previous holidays?
ETA: These toys are not just gifted toys, but also some we bought. They’ve also had some use, but not much at all, they’re not going to be thought of or missed. I put them in my closet for a while before getting rid of them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course.
That is not how gifts work – you don’t get them back later. Unless it’s an heirloom, it belongs to the recipient. Since the recipient is a toddler, his parents can make all decisions about possessions. If it comes up again, I would encourage you to let the gift-givers know that you cannot commit to keeping or returning gifts and so they should gift accordingly including spending less or opting not to gift if it’s important to them.” FlyingDutchLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once a gift is given, people can’t demand it back – even if the person they gave it to doesn’t actually want it. I’m sure your son won’t miss the toys. It’s not like you sold his favorite toys, you gave away/sold a bunch of toys that he probably didn’t play with that much, to begin with.” xxLostAngelxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you give someone a gift, it is no longer yours. You had every right to do what you did, and anybody complaining about it is a jerk. Plus donating them to kids in need is a great thing to teach your son, ESPECIALLY around Christmas time.” unnacompanied_minor
16. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Husband Ruined My Surprise For My Kids?
“Pre the world being sick, we would eat out for dinner most evenings.
Since then, we have been very careful with our kids and only eat outside or at home.
As of today, we are all ready to go out into the world again and sit inside. I’ve been planning on a ‘surprise day’ for the kids to pick them up early from school and take them out to eat inside a restaurant. This morning, my husband was unusually helpful by making me a coffee (I didn’t know he even knew how to do this), making the kids breakfast, and even starting the dishwasher.
It turns out, he spilled the surprise to one of the kids. When I told him that was the surprise – which he knew because we’d talked about it multiple times – he just didn’t talk to me for the day.
When it came time to leave to go eat, he almost ruined the surprise again for everyone. I pulled him aside to tell him to stop talking about it and I had it all handled. He yelled at me for being so ‘rude’ to him all day (I cleaned bathrooms, did some laundry, and showered) and that he wasn’t a ‘mind reader’ to know that was the surprise.
There’s no other part to this surprise, just eating inside a restaurant. He stomped off and refused to come out with us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He did the bare minimum ONE time because he felt guilty for spilling the surprise, which he definitely knew about, then got upset that you confronted him after his attempt to ‘make it up to you’ subliminally so he feigned ignorance.
He’s acting like a child.” MushroomLogical4271
Another User Comments:
“Surprises are supposed to be fun. If it’s causing a rift between you, then there is a bigger problem here. And just from reading how he acts, yeah. The fact that he did basic things for his kids and you called it unusual, the fact that he repeatedly withholds affection from you to punish you, invalidates your feelings, and the way he talks to you – all very disrespectful.
I would be upset too. It sounds like this surprise is 100% your emotional labor, but he wants to get the credit. NTJ.” Still_Association
15. AITJ For Refusing To Add My Ex-Husband's Name To My Inherited Bookshop?
“My ex-husband Kevin (M37) and I (F35) got separated 2 years ago, We share custody of our 2 kids, nine & five.
My father owned a small bookstore in our hometown that I inherited recently. To be honest, the shop doesn’t earn a lot and I already have a stable income.
Kevin found out and called for an urgent meeting.
He came over to my place and said he wanted to talk about the bookshop. I said what about it and he told me that now that the shop is officially mine then I should add his name on the title and split whatever profits I get 50/50. I was in shock. I told him he had to be joking but he reminded me of when his dad passed away and left him inheritance money, he ended up sharing it with me, therefore I ‘owe him’ half of my inheritance now.
I didn’t know what to say but I mentioned to him that yes, he did share his inheritance with me, but that was while we were married but now it’s a different dynamic, and we no longer share anything. He got upset and argued that I technically owe him regardless of whether we’re still together or not and urged me to consider because the funds will be going towards the children anyway.
We had a loud argument and I ended up saying that this will only happen in his dreams and told him to wake up then told him to leave.
He tried to lash back but I insisted that he leave. He had his mother call me saying that I lied, deceived, and stole from her son in the past and I owe him. Not just that but said that I should be rid of my pettiness and resentment towards Kevin and do the right thing for once.
We fought on the phone and yesterday I was shocked when my 9-year-old son called me a thief out of nowhere. This escalated the fight because Kevin got the kids involved.
I think that technically I do owe him because I can’t deny that he shared his inheritance with me but… I think that now circumstances are different. Like when we used to share our salaries but now I don’t expect him to do the same anymore obviously.
Still, I might be the delusional one so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It depends on the laws in your country/state. In some jurisdictions, only assets and liabilities up to the point of separation are considered in divorce (obviously income when considering maintenance levels is different).
From a moral/ethical point of view, your finances are separate now – ask him if he is also going to take on 50% of the credit card bills you have run up since you separated as his debt too?
Pretty sure he will say nope to that one (and it makes the point quite succinctly). If his mother calls again, I would also ask her if half of her money and assets are going to be yours then…?
However, apart from the legal, I guess you should also consider how much of his inheritance and how he shared it with you – did he give you half and say go spend it on yourself or save it… as your money?
Or did it go into the family pot for holidays and big purchases?
When I got divorced, I could have legally taken half of my ex’s pension pot but it didn’t feel right so I didn’t even though I had a much smaller pension pot at the time. But neither of us would have dreamed of claiming the other inheritance in this kind of situation either.” bluep3001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t say why you divorced him, but I guess it had something to do with his ‘winning personality’ and his mother. Legally, you would owe him zero, as you inherited after the divorce. He and his mother think you morally owe him because he shared an inheritance with you. You were still married then, evidently still loved each other then, and whatever was the final straw hadn’t happened yet.
Tell him the share of inheritance he gave you was in payment for you putting up with his crap…etc ( you know the details). It is nasty that he continues to try and alienate the kids against you. Check with an attorney to see what options you have regarding custody if he continues harassing you and lying to the kids.” Realistic-Animator-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You definitely need to consult a lawyer NOW.
I do not know why you are still attached to him when you could easily have gotten divorced a year ago; this would not even be an issue now had you done so.
Ethically, just because you got a cut of his inheritance, it does not mean he is entitled to yours. You are effectively, but not completely legally unmarried. You need to make it legal. Whether you owe him anything or not.
He is dragging your son into adult arguments, and that is not cool. You need to address this by documenting his statements and submitting them to the lawyer. Your son is not a TOOL to be used against you. It will look poorly for him, as it should.
As for naming the shop. I do not believe he will have any say over this divorced or not, but I am not a lawyer.
I might consider keeping it the same in order to keep its visibility and consistency high. But, again, you need to look at all legal options.
Don’t drag your feet on this. He thinks he has found a c***k in your armor and he is ready to badger you in any way possible.” Educational-Food9471
Lawyer, for sure, even if just defensive. He sounds like he is ready to attack.
14. AITJ For Not Outing Myself To Someone Hitting On Me?
“I (24F) was out on a girl’s night with some friends this past weekend. For reference, I am a trans woman and I pass pretty well to people who don’t know me. I always tell anyone I’m going out with that I’m trans in advance because why would I want to go out with someone who isn’t into me? I’ve gotten turned down before because of it but it’s never been that big a deal to me
This guy (in his 20s) basically crashes into our table and spilled my drink onto me. We were all super annoyed but he seemed genuinely apologetic and offered to buy me another one. He sat down and after a bit, it was clear he was into me and wanted to get me away from my friends. On some other night, I might’ve let it happen because I actually thought he was pretty cute but my friends had been planning this for a while and I figured if it was meant to be I’d run into him again (I’m at this place a lot).
Anyway, I casually say it’s just a girl’s night tonight but it was nice meeting him to try to non awkwardly get him back to his own table. He picked up on the hint and walked away to a group of like 5 or 6 guys, who all groan when he gets back. Literally, all of us agreed we wished more guys were like that.
But then like 15 mins later he storms back up and starts SCREAMING at me.
I guess one of his friends clocked me (realized I was trans) and told him and now he was saying I made him look gay in front of his friends and is furious I didn’t tell him I was trans right away. All my friends start laughing but I’m like immediately pretty upset because now he’s just announcing my identity to the whole bar which is super unsafe and scary.
I told him to stop shouting and he said, ‘Why? So you can trick more guys into sleeping with you?’ So I picked up the drink he bought me and threw it at him. He stormed back to his friend who all left either giving me dirty looks or laughing at our table. We ended up leaving soon after too because I felt like I ruined the whole night.
My friends think I didn’t do anything wrong but my brother and some guy friends have said I should’ve told him right away and that any time a guy flirts with me I have to be honest immediately which I think is so dumb because nothing kills the vibe more than a coming out! So AITJ for not coming out to someone who I literally was turning down?
Edit: A lot of you have been saying my brother is transphobic and he definitely is confused a lot of the time and can say rude things unintentionally but he’s the only family member who hasn’t cut contact with me and overall he’s a really great guy. But maybe I’ll send him this post so he can see all of your smart comments and maybe understand better the dangers of coming out, especially to strangers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No means no, regardless of the fact that he came over and hit on you. That’s on him.
Aside from that, you are a woman and it doesn’t matter that it took corrective surgery and hormones to correct a birth issue. Why would you have to announce to every stranger that hits on you that you went through surgery? That is asinine and my brain is screaming about HIPAA laws and protection of privacy right now, I swear.
You didn’t take his wasted butt home. You didn’t make a fool of him. You politely refused him and returned him to whence he came. He should be thanking you on numerous levels – he was too wasted to consent, too wasted to understand, and you did what was right. That dude endangered your life because he expects you to look like you did before medical correction???
He can get lost!” C_Alex_author
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother and his friends have no idea how unsafe it would be for you to tell every single man you ever interact with that you are trans. Trans women sadly have the highest rate of violence committed against them. Particularly in a bar where booze makes people behave more impulsively.
You didn’t even flirt with this guy.
You sent him away. You didn’t ‘trick’ him at all – he approached and you politely refused to focus on your friends. This is a prime example of the anger and violence some men feel towards trans women. I’m a little surprised that he didn’t attack you when you threw the drink – thankfully, he walked away and left rather than continue harassing you.
Tell your brother and his friends that their attitude is perpetuating the exact damaging attitude that gets a lot of trans women in trouble. They agree that you’re ‘tricking’ men, and that’s disgraceful of them. You did NOTHING wrong and frankly, they owe you an apology for even attempting to blame you for the bigotry that man, and they, have expressed.” Accomplished-Cheek59
13. AITJ For Cutting My Step-Son's Allowance And Canceling His Trip?
“I (35F) am married to Jane (37F) and she has a son from another marriage, Connor (14M).
They moved in with me and Connor spends weekends with his dad.
Jane decided to take a 1-year sabbatical after an exhausting year (she was a hospital nurse) and maybe start again at another job after that period. We agreed that I would shoulder the expenses as it wouldn’t be a financial burden on me, so I took over the things Jane paid for, like school, household expenses, and giving Connor an allowance.
Connor and I don’t have the best relationship, even though I’ve known him since he was 7. He still has the idea that I was the reason for his parents’ separation and not the fact that his mother had always been a lesbian (and we only met when the divorce was to be signed), but ok.
He put the coin that I wasn’t his mother and that’s why I didn’t have to educate him, but he started to respect me more after I became the only income in the house.
So…
I got home from work and Connor was sitting in the living room with his friends, playing games. When he saw me he came and said: ‘Give me 50 dollars to go out with my friends.’ Didn’t ask, just demanded.
When I started asking what this money was for, he started saying I wasn’t his mother, so I told him to at least be polite and ask.
He asked this time and I gave.
I hadn’t even gone that far when I heard him say to his friends ‘it’s a pain in the butt to depend on this (offensive slur) for that.’
I came back, demanded the money back, and said we would talk later.
I talked to Jane about what happened and she gave me the go-ahead to decide what I would do.
We both sat with him and I said that I would no longer pay him an allowance to go out with his friends (I would continue to give him lunch at school) and because of the disrespect he showed, I would not pay for the trip he would take with the class (that I hadn’t paid yet).
He even tried to play the fact that I’m not his mother, but Jane stayed by my side, after all, it wasn’t the first time he’d mistreated me.
And if he really wanted to go, ask his father.
He left angry, calling me various things, and ended up telling his father who started to annoy me about doing this with his son (he can’t afford the trip). Lots of other things not worth mentioning. Connor isn’t talking to me.
I’m not cutting back on what I promised my wife, I’m cutting back on the ‘treats’ she gave and I didn’t care to pay until I wasn’t respected.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is still a kid. While it doesn’t excuse his actions, which there should be consequences for, he needs to learn that there are consequences to actions.
Good for you for actually punishing him in a good way. Hope things work out!
I come from a divorced family. It took until I was 19 to realize that my mom (biological mom) cared about me.
I mean, I knew she cared, but my dad and stepmom painted my mom in a bad light. It was easier to accept that than accept that my mom had sacrificed a lot for me. Not saying it’s the same situation as your son is in, but I’m willing to bet that he’ll come around in time.
That said, he may need therapy to ‘deal’ with the situation he perceives… I don’t know if he’s homophobic, but I’m betting his use of those words is more misplaced anger than actual bigotry (I could easily be wrong though).” IKnowFewThings
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. However, in this situation, I think the mum rather than OP should have been given the punishment. Yes, it’s OP’s money but as the mum isn’t working it becomes a shared fund. By allowing OP to give the punishment and take away the extras it plays into the boy’s narrative that he has an evil lesbian stepmother. The slur he used was awful and it wasn’t just an insult to the OP but the mum too so mum should have sat him down and explained that word is hurtful to both of them, that OP was not responsible for the end of her marriage and that the mum has decided to cut his allowance for a number of months.
I would also have said if his behavior doesn’t improve it wouldn’t be reinstated and the trip would be canceled. Give him something to work towards. Teenagers can be idiots, he may be struggling to process his mum coming out and be influenced by his Dad, I would suggest some therapy.” Inevitable-Fall-7107
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you could’ve totally humiliated him in front of his friends, but you chose the responsible route.
If the ex-husband is allowing him to treat you this way then clearly he is helping with the whole ‘you ruined everything’ idea. Either all 3 of you need to sit down and discuss it with him or things need to change because the kid is only going to get worse and his demands will only become more frequent. His doing that in front of his friends was a flex to show off and pump up his chest. Next time shut that down and take away the games or end the hangout.
He doesn’t get to call you that in your home when you are paying the bills.” Witchgraft
12. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Room For My Parents' New Baby?
“My parents (F45) (M50) love the phrase ‘work to live, not live to work’. The phrase is pretty cool, but it’s not cool to be the son of parents like that. They work as freelancers most of their time and spend more than they should.
My (F19) brother Thomas (M14) and I live in several bad situations because of this.
We’ve been living on rent forever because my parents can’t pay a mortgage and don’t keep any money. Since last year I have contributed to all the household bills. All expenses are shared between my father, mother, and me equally. We currently live in a three-bedroom apartment. Naturally, my parents sleep together in one room.
My brother and I have our single rooms.
My mother got pregnant at 45 and no one is very excited about the news. My dad doesn’t want the crib in their room, so he suggested I move out of my room and sleep in the same room as Thomas. My room would be for the newborn. I disagreed because 1. I don’t feel comfortable sharing a room with a sibling of the opposite gender; 2.
I pay the bills like any other adult and 3. The baby is theirs.
My parents called me selfish. Here I may have been a jerk: I said I wouldn’t share a room with my brother so my parents could have some alone time away from the baby and that I just wouldn’t leave that house because I knew Thomas and the baby would go hungry.
Since then my mother has been sleeping at a friend’s house so she doesn’t see me and my father doesn’t talk to me. Thomas said I was such a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At their ages, if the geezers were either careless enough to accidentally conceive or foolish enough to intentionally conceive, they need to step up and be parents.
Maybe freelancing isn’t such a great idea, now that they have another whole human totally dependent on them.
And it hasn’t been a great idea for years if their 19-yo is paying a third of the household expenses. It’s unfair that you have to worry about Thomas and the baby starving if you leave. Their kids = their responsibility, and it’s wrong to make even their grown kids provide the basics of life that are part of parents’ obligations.
They need to consider getting actual jobs, the way people do when they grow up.
Even if they are 25 or 30 years too late, there is a chance they might still become adults. ‘Work to live, not live to work’ sounds grand, but it’s pretty hollow when it means making your teenager bring in a third of the family’s livelihood, then making a new baby that you don’t have the means to support.” Rural_Bedbug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They need a reality check.
They can’t afford to keep everyone fed by themselves. That means they cannot handle the financial burden a baby brings, especially if they continue being irresponsible with finances. Even if they didn’t have to pay for the delivery, the cost of diapers, baby food, clothes, etc alone is going to be a crushing burden. I wish you luck but your parents keeping this baby is a huge act of irresponsibility.
As much as it hurts that baby doesn’t deserve to be put in such an awful situation and I hope they decide to give it up for adoption or abort it. As much as it hurts to be done, bringing another life into the world is a serious matter. There’s no room for selfishness and yes I’m saying keeping it would be selfish as the child’s well-being is above their feelings or wants.
If they decide to keep this baby regardless I think the best option would be to move out with your little brother. Then they would at least have some kind of chance of having the resources to take care of the child. Otherwise, Idk what to tell you except look for government programs. CPS has resources to help in these situations. They do everything they can to keep kids at home first so don’t be afraid of them taking your brother or the baby.
Good luck OP.” KataLight
Another User Comments:
“I don’t get what it is in the US with nurseries. They are totally unnecessary. They are not common in Europe. Usually, the baby sleeps in a crib or a bassinet right next to the mother. Particularly, if she is breastfeeding. A baby needs to be fed constantly during the first year so it might as well sleep close by as you don’t have to walk around the house at night.
It’s much more convenient. The only thing to consider is where to put a changing table, so the person tending to the baby at night doesn’t wake up the rest of the household when a diaper change is necessary. Ideally, this could be in the bathroom (for example across the bathtub if there’s no room anywhere else).
With this in mind, you could save up to move out after about a year when the baby doesn’t need constant attendance at night.
It already reeks of chauvinism, when a father doesn’t want the baby in the room. Probably because he’s afraid of being interrupted in his precious sleep. In a healthy parenting situation, he’s equally responsible, and would simply have to live with the fact of not sleeping properly for several months after becoming a father. Your mother didn’t become pregnant by herself.
And as for intimacy, think of all the cultures that live in single-room accommodations. They all have children. So there is a way to sleep together even when sharing a bedroom with a baby/kids.
NTJ.” starvinci
11. AITJ For Not Tipping The Pizza Delivery Person?
“I am living in the UK where tipping isn’t customary. I’ve been painting my house and ordered pizza two days in a row. On day one, it was delivered without any issues. It was a young girl (seemed like a university student as there are plenty of them working in local takeaways), she was American (her accent made it quite obvious), she handed me the pizza and just stood there waiting while I said my goodbyes.
The second time I ordered, it was her again. This time, she made a face when I opened the door and instead of handing me the pizza, she put it on the ground (which would be perfectly fine, contactless delivery is still a thing) but she clearly purposefully placed it in the only puddle that was near my door. On her way out, she made a comment (I don’t think I was supposed to hear that) ‘that’s for not tipping.’
My pizza was completely ruined as the box got soaked from the bottom. I hated having to do that but I called the pizza place to get a replacement pizza. I explained the situation and the owner told me that it wasn’t the first time this happened and that he’d deal with it. My neighbor told me that apparently she got fired.
I was telling this story to my friend and she told me I was the jerk for complaining because the girl lost her job because of me.
AITJ for complaining about my pizza being completely ruined? I didn’t demand her firing, I didn’t demand reprimand, nothing, I just explained the situation because, ultimately, my pizza was not delivered (inedible).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they didn’t lose their job because of you, they lost their job because they refused to do it correctly because they wanted more for it. They caused the job loss, and you calling the pizza place to get what you ordered is what you should have done, after all, their employee intentionally destroyed the product before you got it.” FPFan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is incorrect. The delivery girl didn’t get fired because of you, she got fired for being a jerk. Tipping in other countries isn’t a thing and it’s generally for a job done well above and beyond the normal duties. The fact that she purposely ruined something you paid for, you have every right to call and complain. She doesn’t deserve a tip and she doesn’t deserve a job in customer service.” Sea-Standard-8882
10. AITJ For Installing Skylights That Face My Neighbors' House?
“My partner (42) and I (35) and our three small kids recently moved into an old house in a residential area of a European capital. We have been getting along well with our new neighbors (40 and 42) and their two small kids.
Our kids have played together.
Our house is two stories high, neighbors’ house is one story high.
We knew right away that we would have to install a new roof. And we told our neighbors our plans, and that we would be putting in 3 skylights on the facade/roof that faces their house. We are also putting in skylights on the other side FYI. They didn’t seem too happy about it, but also they didn’t unleash any anger (yet).
After a month of renovations, both the new roof and the skylights are in place. We are thrilled. And our neighbors are annoyed! They feel like we are violating their privacy and that we can now look directly into their living room and backyard if we wanted to. (They have huge panorama windows that face in our direction). We invited them inside a few days ago so they could see the view from the inside.
I am 170 cm (5 ft 6) and I have to stand up against the wall and on my toes if I wanted to peek into their living room (which I obviously have no desire to do).
I would say that about 75% of houses in our immediate neighborhood have skylights installed so I don’t understand why it’s so shocking to them that we are also getting them (especially since we are replacing the 100-year-old roof anyway).
Legally, nothing can stop us from installing these skylights by the way.
One of the neighbors was very upset and told us that she had had trouble sleeping and that their kids were miserable all the time because she was yelling at them because she is too sad and frustrated and felt like her ‘life is ruined’ – because of our windows. I of course said that I was very sorry to hear that.
She then said that they want to hire a company to transplant very tall trees into their garden in order to feel more private. They expect us to pay half, which would be about 4.500 USD. I told her that we would not pay for their trees.
Even though I understand her feelings of frustration, I also feel like we have done nothing wrong in putting in the skylights, and I think her expectations for us to pay that amount for their trees are unrealistic.
AITJ for installing skylights that face my neighbors’ house and then refusing to pay for their new trees?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t see how a skylight put in at that angle would allow a view into the neighbor’s house. If they’re that worried, they can put in privacy sheers for daytime so it doesn’t block light from getting in, and privacy curtains for night.
Curtains really don’t cost that much. They could even get those vertical blinds and it would allow for privacy and letting light in.” vorticia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like they should move to a place where they don’t live near other people, cuz if they are so torn up about you all having light enter your living space from their general direction they have some serious issues.
For real though it sounds like they’re trying to con you so that they can get some bushes that they want, which if that is the case, I wonder who paid for their fence.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is literally none of their business because your house is not their property. It affects them in no way, other than in their own heads.
You tried to be nice and transparent, and it only served to stir them up more. You did way more to placate them than I would ever have done, and this… this is why I have as little to do with neighbors as possible.” Angie-Shopper1983
9. AITJ For Keeping Our Supply Of Paper Towels In My Room?
“I live in a townhome with 2 other roommates and I am the one who always has to buy the household supplies (trash bags, paper towels, cleaning supplies, etc) because my roommates refuse to.
They never offer to help pay for this stuff and even after I asked one of them to help out he claims ‘he doesn’t use any of that stuff.’
So, after we ran out of paper towels yesterday, I went to the store to buy more; however, this time I left them in the kitchen so that they knew I bought more. After they knew it, I took the towels back up to my room because I paid for them and they supposedly ‘don’t use them.’
That afternoon I get asked where the paper towels are. I told him it was in my room because they were mine. I then get accused of being petty and blah blah blah.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think it’s at all petty to hoard things you paid for when others claim not to use them. If they want those items, let them start contributing.
It might sound small and petty, but this can add up to a lot of $.” Odd_Transition222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like you’re not the jerk, but are they financially able to buy their own supplies but choose not to out of laziness? Then again, they did say that they don’t use them, so that’s pretty stupid.” saturnrevolving
NTJ
8. AITJ For Doubling Down On Weird Dresses To Annoy My Neighbors?
“I am a cosplayer and prop maker, Bio male but ID as genderfluid. I recently became comfortable enough with who I was to begin presenting as Fem in public when I wish to. My fem style is a mix of some ‘normal’ clothes but mainly a lot of what could be called weird and quirky outfits.
I have a particular love for Ren Fair-style dresses. A few weeks ago a neighbor knocks on my door to tell me that my wearing dresses is confusing his Christian kids and I need to stop it. Got a whole lecture about how he’s not a bad guy because he thinks I should be able to do whatever I want in the privacy of my home, just not in the streets.
So in my typical anti-social, ‘I don’t care’ style. I told him to get lost. I’ll do what I want. I slammed the door in his face. Now more neighbors have come forward with concerns. My solution was to double down on the weird dresses. Now I will wear an apron dress outside when I’m painting props and pretty much anytime I am out of my house and have free time, I am in some dress and wig.
This naturally annoyed the concerned neighbors enough that they called the cops on me. While I was loading props in my car for a show today. The reason I am wondering if AITJ is unexpectedly the cops were on their side. They said I am only trying to provoke the neighbors now. Which I guess on some level is true. So hit me with it.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, get cameras that cover the entire outside of your house, put one of those little placards like alarm companies have that says the premises is being recorded. Then if the cops show up again, pull out your camera and start recording, calmly ask what laws are being broken by your dress. Ask them what their reasonable articulable suspicion a crime has been committed or is about to be committed for them to be detaining you.
If they say this is just a consensual conversation, make it clear to them, on camera, that you do not consent and want them to leave your property now. If they don’t immediately leave the property, take copies of the videos, from your phone and the building to the police station and file an official complaint of harassment by the officers.
Further, screw the neighbors, and if they keep harassing you, file for a restraining order.
If it keeps up, contact the ACLU and ask for help.
You are allowed, both legally and morally, to dress how you want, even if it is different from what every single individual in the town hates and wishes you would dress differently.” FPFan
Another User Comments:
“You’re allowed to wear whatever you want as long as you’re wearing something. There is no law against it.
Idiot cops need to figure that out. I’d call their superior and tell them that unless they can point to a law you’re breaking by wearing your style on your own property they better not come harassing you again. And while you’re at it, if the harassment from the neighbors doesn’t stop, press charges or seek a restraining order against them too.
You are doing this to annoy them on purpose, which is shallow and petty. But you weren’t at first. They should have just told their kids you’re the eccentric neighbor and ignore you if they’re bothered. They are the jerks for calling the cops when no crime was committed and no threats were made or implied.
But do be careful and consider filing your own report.
These people are unhinged.
NTJ.” EconomyVoice7358
Another User Comments:
“Your neighbor is a jerk, and way out of line. If your neighbor is still having trouble explaining your clothing to his kids: ‘OP is dressing like that because that’s what they want to wear’. At this point, you are Spite-dressing… which I’m 95% here for, but I’m another one who wants to make sure you’re safe.
I’m not sure what the police could charge you with. Think about it – if you were 9 you could wear a Spiderman outfit and dance in the front yard and no neighbor would bat an eye but because you’re an adult suddenly it’s scandalous to wear a pinafore and paint props.
Mainly you should wear what you want when you want, but if you’re going out of your way to annoy people that isn’t necessarily being ‘you’ but that’s Ultra-In-Your-Face you… which is honestly pretty cool but may not be necessary – put on what you want to wear – sometimes it might be extravagant, but other times it may be low-key.
It sucks that you have to worry about your safety, it depends on where you live and what the neighbors/cops are like but please be careful around jerks who think that Jesus is on their side. The only thing I’d add is don’t curse at your neighbors, especially when the kids are around..” CarrieCat62
7. AITJ For Spoiling "The Batman"?
“I am a cashier at a big-box retailer near a movie theater.
I was checking out a customer, we were doing the usual chitchat while ringing out, and he mentioned that he was going to go see ‘The Batman’ that night. I made a joke that went, essentially, ‘spoiler alert: Bruce Wayne’s parents die.’
Well, lucky me, I got the only person on Earth that didn’t know what I’d consider a core element of Batman’s story.
He got very upset, started yelling at me about spoiling the movie for him, and said he couldn’t even go see it now that I’ve ruined it for him. This dude was well into his thirties, btw!
Anyway, I apologized and finished the transaction; I haven’t heard of any complaint or anything from him.
So, AITJ for spoiling what I thought was a universally-known, decades-old fact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would absolutely agree that the fact that Bruce Wayne is an orphan is not a spoiler, but a bit of completely standard and well-known background information about the character.
In fact, The Batman is one of the few Batman movies that doesn’t show this moment or dwell on it much, to the point that knowing that he is an orphan, how his parents died, and his relationship with Alfred will actually improve your understanding of the movie – the movie is written with the expectation that you already know this and doesn’t bother repeating it yet again.
And if you are going to watch The Batman with so little knowledge of the character, and have never seen any of the previous movies, then I can only assume you don’t really care about the character or a minor spoiler, and truly have spent your life avoiding any Batman-related content.
Or alternatively, they were just screwing with you and you fell for it big time…” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“I played the Spiderman PS4 game on the recommendation of a friend. Excellent game! But I came into it knowing absolutely nothing about Spiderman. Zero, zip, nada. Notably, I didn’t know that Doc Ock is apparently one of the most famous Spiderman villains of all time.
I was devastated when I had the ‘big plot twist’ of Ock’s betrayal revealed to me because Doc Ock was featured as a clue in the NYT crossword while I was about halfway through my playthrough of the game.
My Spiderman-nerd friend who recommended the game to me kept laughing about it for weeks after I messaged her about it.
I will say here that even clueless ol’ me is aware that Batman is famously an orphan. But I understand the experience of being ‘spoiled’ about something that most people consider common knowledge and feeling disappointed about it. And honestly? I couldn’t even be mad because if it was common enough knowledge to make it into the NYT crossword, it clearly didn’t really count as a ‘spoiler.’
I will say ‘no jerks here’ because I understand how, given that you led into it with ‘spoiler alert,’ someone who genuinely didn’t know that plot point might assume it was a real spoiler and get upset that you were just casually dropping spoilers in the checkout line. But you’re not a jerk for making a joke that you reasonably believed would land with any person who was planning on going to see a Batman movie.” onsereverra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Was this guy born yesterday?
Bruce being an orphan is a core part of his character… and as far as I can tell, this is the first big movie series centered around our caped crusader that didn’t open with some re-telling of Wayne’s murder outside that theater.
Further… is it REALLY a spoiler, since that particular event happens BEFORE the events of this movie, and isn’t portrayed?
I’d say: NTJ, funny joke, this guy is butthurt over nothing.” User
6. AITJ For Calling My Friend An Idiot For Wanting A Maternity Test?
“My friend Dan recently found out he might be a father. I say might because the girl he’s been having an off/on relationship with, Kara, is pregnant, and he’s not sure if he’s the dad.
She offered to get a paternity test once the baby is born and doesn’t expect any kind of support until they find out if the baby is his. He’s on board with that and appreciates that she’s not pushing him into fatherhood if the baby isn’t his. The issue is that when he was talking to me about it, he also said he wants to get a ‘maternity’ test done to make sure the baby is hers.
Kara is visibly pregnant. We know she’s pregnant because she did a maternity photoshoot and posted it on social media, so it’s obvious she’s not faking being pregnant. We’ve both seen her in person, too and she’s most definitely pregnant. However, Dan believes that the baby might not be hers. I tried to explain to him that that’s not how biology works and unless she got an embryo implanted in her then she’s definitely the mother.
She’s a waitress and works for minimum wage + tips so I doubt she has the budget to afford embryo implantation. Plus it’s ridiculous to think that she’d do all that just to baby trap a guy who is unemployed and living with his parents at 32. Plus he’s never donated sperm. He’s genuinely convinced that the baby might not biologically be hers despite not only me, his mom, and our other friends explaining that that’s not how babies/pregnancy works.
He’s still insisting on a ‘maternity’ test and told me that I was being ridiculous and that I’m the one who doesn’t understand biology despite me studying to be an autopsy pathologist which has required quite literally years of biology classes. I got fed up and called him a senseless idiot and told him to call me when he got his head screwed back on straight.
Ever since then he’s been spamming my phone and has gotten a couple of our friends to spam me as well, telling me I’m being insensitive and he’s just stressed about possibly being a dad. So, AITJ for calling my friend an idiot?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean I’d simply tell him every time he texted me to go ask his own doctor. Or you know, go with her to an appointment if she’ll allow so that he can get told by her doctor he’s a moron.
This type of dude is likely to dismiss anything anyone says as a conspiracy against him though.
Two additional things: let’s say hypothetically speaking it was possible the baby isn’t hers bc she’s hoarded funds and had an embryo implanted. If he tests positive for the paternity of the baby, guess what regardless of who the mom is that still means he’s responsible to support the baby.
Second, if she’s willing she can find out right now if he’s the father bc they can do that with b***d tests from her prior to birth. It’s not an invasive procedure anymore, and I’m thinking she should bc this fool needs all the time he can get to wrap his brain around reality.
For her sake, and that baby’s, let’s hope it’s not his.” Puzzled_Juice_3406
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There is a lot to unpack here. Your friend has an amazing lack of understanding of reproduction. It’s astonishing. I’m curious as to where that rabbit hole goes though. What is he trying to prove by it not being hers? What would be the outcome if he was right? I mean I know the idea is preposterous, but let’s say it was true.
How does that impact the situation? What is he hoping for? Like the baby doesn’t belong to anyone or something? They’d both be in the clear? Or does he want to have the baby all to himself? Your friend is truly an interesting person. Interesting like Zoolander. Hopefully, this girl wises up and realizes you can’t get b***d from a turnip and finds a way to provide the baby the life they deserve.” TechnicalConclusion6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does he think embryos can literally shoot from one woman’s uterus to another? (Even if they could, people would notice!)
He sounds as if he got ‘his’ biology degree from Meme College (a notch below the University of YouTube). Yet of course now he is attacking you for calling him out on his ignorance — and getting his supposedly adult friends to do the same.
Maybe he’s angry because one of his brain cells is finally catching up, and he realizes he said something dumb, and he is now getting defensive. Until he wakes up, I hope you have better friends around you.
There are cases where a woman will fake a pregnancy. Maybe he’s worried about that? But in those cases, that’s revealed eventually when no baby comes out of their body.
There are also rare cases where babies are switched at birth — but again, the baby has to emerge from their body before that can be an issue.” Critteranne666
5. AITJ For Not Agreeing With My Brother's Perception Of His Career And Schooling?
“My brother Jerry (29m) will finish his doctor’s residency next month and then he is moving back here to start a job as a family doctor after that. He finished medical school 3 years ago. My brother Colin (26m) will graduate from naturopathic medical school next month and he will then start working as a naturopathic doctor. He’s going to start a job in Oregon after he graduates.
(I, 25f, didn’t do so well with school and I didn’t go to college. I’m a hairdresser). Colin says his job and education are the same as Jerry’s. He says being a naturopathic doctor is the same thing as a medical doctor and that naturopath medical school is just as hard as medical school.
He is really bothering Jerry when he says things like this.
Now I’ve never gone to college or anything like that but I don’t really believe Colin. He can’t do his job here because being a naturopath isn’t allowed. In Oregon where he is moving, it might be different but in SC it is illegal. I didn’t say anything because it is none of my business what he does. But Colin asked me to back him up in his arguments with Jerry and he got angry when I said it’s not the same.
He said I don’t know anything because I didn’t go to college but I’m still pretty sure medical school is actually harder than naturopathic medical school. I might not be a doctor but I know half the stuff Colin talks about like oils for example is just quack science. So was I the jerk for what I said when Colin wanted me to side with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Two Completely different professions with different skill sets but being a doctor has a lot more weight and responsibility than a naturopath on top of the actual knowledge requirement being far vaster than a naturopath. Oils and goods and things like that are okay but they are to supplement medically researched and proven medicine. It’s not an alternative to it and anyone who says it needs to be put in prison because saying stuff like that can prevent people from getting actual care.
The idea that Colin thinks that the two are comparable is crazy.” AdamOfIzalith
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look up the history of the pharma industry and just how ‘real’ medicine worked for hundreds of years before everything had a pill or a band-aid vs actually getting to the root of a problem. I’m not saying being an MD is easy but most MDs only have to take 1-2 classes in nutrition throughout their whole careers.
There’s a happy medium between natural remedies and pharmaceuticals. I speak from countless experiences where doctors foisted unnecessary procedures and pharmaceuticals on me before even getting to the root of a problem.
There’s a reason why it’s easier to just put you on a bunch of meds vs actually wanting people to be healthy. It’s called money. If an MD suggests diet or natural remedies, they don’t get their kickback from the pharma companies and you no longer need to see them as often, ie revenue lost for them.
Furthermore, you haven’t gone to college or med school, therefore you really don’t have the experience or education (either formal or self-taught) to be making the statement that you did. I’m not sure why your naturopathic doctor brother values your opinion anyway seeing as it’s coming from a place of ignorance.” Sea-Standard-8882
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, I’m sure it does take a lot of studying to learn so much outright quackery, and the mental gymnastics it must require to ignore and refute scientific evidence must be exhausting.
However, the 4 years of paying for a scam education is in no way comparable to 4 years for an undergraduate degree, 4 years for a medical degree, and then 3-7 years of residency, followed by a year or two of a fellowship for specialists.
I really have a grudge against naturopaths, chiropractors, and other snake oil merchants masquerading as legitimate healthcare professionals while they steer patients away from potentially life-saving treatments.” AutisticTumourGirl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said yourself that you don’t know what medical school entails so how can you rationalize either of them being harder or easier. Naturopathic medicine combines traditional Eastern or Native American medicine with common Western medicine. They focus on the body as a whole instead of a conglomeration of various systems and sometimes use ‘natural’ remedies, herbs, and such. They do use some Western practices but aren’t allowed to prescribe medicines.
There is no governing body for naturopathy so there’s no licensing available, as opposed to MDs, but they are not illegal. As to which is harder to learn, that would be a tough question. They’re just different approaches to the same goal. Is it easier or harder to become a Western Doctor or a Traditional Eastern doc, is basically the question.” KissiFur_FuzzyBallz
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Making My Mom Feel Uncomfortable?
“So I’ve been married to my wife for 4 years. We have a medium-sized apartment. For the last 2 months, my mother has been staying off and on in our guest room. My dad recently passed away and it’s hard for her to live in their house alone, so I’ve been letting her stay with us.
She and my wife have never particularly got along, but I expected her to understand why it’s important to me that she overlook this just for a little while. I mean she lost her husband of 40 years, she’s fragile and I really want to be able to do what I can to make her feel better.
My mom’s presence has changed our routine a little bit.
Mainly our nighttime routine. She’ll usually come to knock on our door to talk. My wife hates this. Partially because it interrupts our intimacy. Usually, when she’s over we just don’t make love.
So this past week I noticed my mom wasn’t coming in at night. So we had normal nighttime habits. Yesterday mom pulled me aside and told me that the sign I let my wife put on the door at night was disgusting and not something she ever needed to know.
She also said that she was very hurt that I don’t want to speak to her since I’m all she has left now.
I told her I had no idea what she was talking about. I talked to my wife about it when she got home. She admitted to it. She said that she made a sign to keep my mom out of our hair at night.
On the sign was written, ‘Please do not disturb unless you want to see me sleeping with your son’.
She thought it was funny and necessary but I was mad about it. I took the sign, crumpled it up, and tossed it in the garbage. I then went off on my wife about how inappropriate and embarrassing this was. She told me it was my fault that we needed this and it was just a joke.
I slept on the couch last night and she’s still upset with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have no personal boundaries with your mom and you are putting your mother before your wife. A visit that lasts a few weeks? Sure. Tip-toeing and catering to her emotional wounds for a few weeks? Sure, seems fine. But after a few weeks, your mother needs to go back to her old routine and find a path for herself.
Continuing to cater and put mom first will only stunt her grieving process. Also, this behavior is giving me major red flags. In these situations, it’s often the case that mom doesn’t want to leave and she slowly moves in. And before you say ‘gee that’s great, let mommy move in.’ No, you need to focus on your wife, your life, and your marriage.
Mom needs to grieve and find new hobbies.” Silent-Optimist
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The sign may have been too much, but so is you allowing your mom to ruin your private time and come to your bedroom at night to talk.
I feel for your mother, I do, but you have your own life and she needs to respect that. I’m not saying she’s trying to replace your dad with you, but she’s trying to fill those new and strange voids in her life with your company–even at inappropriate moments.
And when you don’t respond, she’s guilting you for it. That’s not healthy for anyone.
When you retire for the night, that should be a boundary she respects. You need to set up other times to talk or keep the conversations to other parts of the house, but once you go to bed, she needs to respect that and your marriage. The sign may have been over the line in its verbiage, but it’s nothing that isn’t true.
What a married couple does on their time, in their bed, is no one’s business.” swiggs313
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Do you want to not ever sleep with your wife again?
If your bedroom door is closed, there is absolutely no reason for your mother to be knocking on it and coming into your bedroom. Unless your house is on fire. In which case, I assume you would hear the smoke detectors, so again, no reason for your mother to be coming into your bedroom when the door is shut.
It’s nice that you’re allowing your mother to stay with you so that she doesn’t have to sleep in her house by herself. But she is not more important than your wife, and her desire to chat with you when you’re already in bed is not more important than what your wife wants to do with you when you’re in bed.
The sign was crassly worded, but it definitely drove home the point that your wife was trying to make. If you continue to side with your mother, you will never sleep with your wife again, and that will be your fault.” mlmarte
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here — You’ve been dismissive of your wife’s need for privacy and intimacy, and while she is absolutely wrong to put that sign on the door, you’re wrong to have made it so that passive aggression was the only means left to her to communicate how important this is to her.
You also aren’t maintaining a healthy boundary with your mother.
Dude, having your mom all up in your bedroom after lights out when you have a spouse is really weird, especially for her. If you want to have nighttime hangout conversation routines, that should be done in mom’s room, the living room, the dining room, the kitchen… y’know… pretty much anywhere that’s not where your wife has a reasonable expectation of intimacy and sleep.
This could have been avoided simply by inviting your mother to have chamomile tea with you somewhere else the first time she knocked on your door because she was having a hard time sleeping alone rather than setting a standard that your wife should have to sit there and feel super awkward.” untenable681
3. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister $8000?
“My mom passed away in 2010, my sister lived with mom for 20 years, there were 2 people ‘on a fixed income’ living in blue hair neighborhood.
Sister gets everything in will. I did not really care except only sentimental items.
I was living in AZ, and FL is a bit of a trip for the funeral. Sister says she cannot afford the house and expects me to pay the mortgage.
I decline, she demands that I do because ‘she is family’.
I tell my sister to sell the house, and I will rent her a bedroom for $450 a month in AZ with me.
Fast forward, sister sells the house, makes $29k, and spends $4k for movers to move to AZ.
Sister uses money like water and the $25k would be gone in 8 weeks. I suggested that she invest $15k.
She cannot because of disability, so I add her funds to my $4k in stocks, and we invest it in stocks.
Fast forward 6 years. I now am in Texas, have a big house, pool, and good job. Sister followed and I rent her 3 rooms for $450 a month.
Christmas dinner of 2017 I make an announcement that I am getting married to my partner and the wedding will be in 2018 and that my sister needs to find a new place to live.
This made my sister go 1000% ‘passive-aggressive’.
Note: I do pay for her car, insurance, and phone.
Fast forward.
She moves back to AZ; I paid for it. While she is leaving, she states that she wants the 15k and interest from the stocks and wants me to keep paying for her car, insurance, and phone. I told her, that the 15k and interest were indeed hers, with growth it turned out to be about $21k.
She demanded the $21k cash. I said she can get $14k cash seeing IRS takes a 1/3. She was not happy. I then see her car only has about $7k on the loan, so I take that from the $14k and pay off her car, transfer the title to her. This leaves just shy of $8k.
She has found a housing unit that will take 1/3 of her disability check for rent.
That means for less than $400 a month she has a 1-BR apartment in AZ. However, she needs to be ‘poor’ to qualify.
I transfer the $8k to her via online banking.
3 weeks pass, and she calls me freaking out, she wants to put the amount back into my account, and she is demanding I go to my bank and sign a statement with a notary that the 8k is mine and not hers, and state I let her ‘borrow’ the funds for the move.
I asked her if she REALLY wanted me to do that, and she said yes, and it had to be done THAT DAY or she would get thrown out.
So, I went to the bank and wrote up a statement that the money was indeed mine, and signed it, they notarized it and we emailed it to the housing people in AZ. Sister got to keep the apartment.
Now I got the $8k, she got an apartment, paid off her car, and she can live in AZ forever on what she makes.
She then calls me and says to ‘mail’ her $1000 in cash every week.
I told her NO, that I just signed a legal document saying the funds are MINE, and I paid off the credit cards she was using.
I have not spoken to her since.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First off – you and I both know the IRS does not take a third of the amount. That’s a flat-out lie. The most would be around 20% of the growth. So you’re trying to steal from your sister. You’ve proven to be a liar, and are taking advantage of people.
You’re trying to use the messed-up assistance system to control your sister.
We all know $25k one time is not enough to get you out of assistance for life. The $8k is enough to have an emergency fund and that’s it. This system is so messed up that honestly fooling someone for it this way isn’t really wrong because she’s still poor – she just has a safety net. That’s it.
You however used this to turn the knife on her.
You lied about the taxes and kept her funds. You didn’t even go to the funeral and you’re now using the system to take the funds from your sister.” Welpuhhi
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You agreed to be complicit in her plan to hide funds from the government so she could be ‘poor or on disability or qualify for subsidized housing or whatever.
(Maybe you should have talked to an attorney to see what the tax or other financial consequences of her getting this inheritance were.)
Why did you only say she could have $15K? That $21K should have been taxed at a capital gains rate, which is way less than 1/3. Did you talk to a tax professional about that? And if she ‘gifted’ you the funds, and then you ‘gifted’ it back to her, and it’s over $20K per year, there might be tax consequences there.
Then, when she had you do stuff to keep the scheme going, you revoked.
She sucks for engaging in this crap. You suck for being cavalier about whose the funds were, doing all sorts of crap to avoid taxes, probably stiffing your sister out of funds that she earned, and then backing out of your nonsense.
(You paying for all of her other expenses is irrelevant since you never said that you were going to take the amount against her investments.)
Maybe this is a ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ scenario because you probably had good intentions to try to keep her afloat and in affordable housing. You clearly have shouldered a significant financial burden, and maybe that comes out in the wash for the $8k that’s now ‘yours’. But I don’t think it’s cool to (a) encourage your sis to invest, using your accounts, (b) acknowledge that she’s entitled to the proceeds of the investment, and then (c) deny her what you clearly know is hers, because the scheme required you to claim it as yours.
(P.S. this ‘legal document,’ at most, is just a statement that the funds were yours at the time. There’s nothing that would prevent you from giving her the amount in small quantities if you so chose.)” Perdendosi
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The funds were hers and you know it.
Yes, you signed the legal document lying that the funds were yours (and indeed you would be culpable for that in the unlikely event that the government ever came after you).
Some will say that’s kind and some will say that’s criminal to help her get around the disability/poor housing rules. But your statement didn’t actually magically make the money yours (and I’m not sure that you’re any less liable for your lie by not returning the funds to her).
Get the funds back to her in some way that won’t cause trouble for her – pay off more of her credit cards, send her cash, buy something with liquid value and give it to her, whatever.” ParsimoniousSalad
2. AITJ For Being Disgusted At My Husband For Not Wiping After Going To The Bathroom?
“I (39 F) have a husband who we’ll call Adam (37 M) who is Indian-Saudi Arabian American and this will be relevant later on in the story. I am Swedish-American.
Adam and I got married 7 months ago and we only moved in together after we got married due to Adam’s religious reasons. 3 weeks into our marriage, everything is absolutely flawless. Until this one issue started to appear.
Adam doesn’t use paper after using the bathroom instead he uses water, I learned this after I questioned the fact that there was always some water left on the toilet seat after him.
This argument sounds stupid, but it’s genuinely bothering me.
He explained to me how washing is a lot better and more effective than wiping which I can somewhat understand but I told him it’s absolutely disgusting to not wipe because I don’t wanna sleep next to someone who is unhygienic.
Adam does all the grocery shopping so, after this, he completely stopped buying toilet paper. I told him that if he was mad at my comment he could have told me, but to stop forcing me into his habits.
He told me that washing is a norm in India and the Middle East then he shrugged and told me to buy toilet paper with my own money because why would I want his money if he is ‘So unhygienic’ anyways.
This is absolutely ridiculous since Adam is the breadwinner and provides for all necessities in the household while I have quit my job to take a break. He told his sister about the matter because just a few minutes ago she blasted me on social media. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If it was from simple cultural ignorance, I’d be willing to let it slide, but, Jesus, woman.
Did either of you bother to learn about each other’s cultural backgrounds before getting hitched? Wait, you said ‘Swedish-American’, is that in the same way a lot of Americans say they’re Irish or Italian because their great great great grand-ancestor originally immigrated from there? Or were you actually raised in Sweden long enough to have memories of living there?
On top of that, when he explained about his culture and how his system is better and more hygienic, you went on to horrifically insult him by calling him unhygienic.
I’ve never been to the Middle East or India, and even I know how insulting this type of comment is. It would be the same as him accusing you of never washing yourself and never using a pad/tampon/diva cup/whatever when you get your period, and you just ‘free flowed’ a heavy cycle every month.
Then you finally admit that he is the sole provider because you ‘have quit your job to take a break’.
Why do I have the sneaking suspicion you quit shortly after the marriage was official and you moved in together?
And, while I’m here, how is this a flaw? A flaw is something that is done incorrectly or imperfectly. As many commentators have already stated, his butt is likely way cleaner than your ‘rusty barking spider’, to quote another user.
Grow up, get over yourself, and educate yourself better.
If you did live in Sweden as a kid, clearly you left for America when you started school, as this reeks of a bare minimum global cultural knowledge, and all the entitlement of a proud ‘America is the best country in the world and our culture is the smartest! Everyone else is savages’.
Clean yourself up, apologize, and ask your husband to buy a bidet.” EveryFairyDies
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
His butt is 100% cleaner cause he uses water. He is more hygienic than you.
And he isn’t ‘forcing’ you into his habits. You can buy your own toilet paper.
The fact that you felt okay with calling him disgusting because he has another way of doing something is actually pretty funny.
It’s how people say that eating with your hands is uncivilized. It’s not uncivilized. It’s different and it works well for many dishes.
All that is happening here is that you were faced with something you find to be unusual, instead of asking questions and just learning about it, you insulted him. Of course, you shouldn’t expect people not to be offended when you literally insult them.” LunaLittleBlue
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I’m white British (if that’s relevant), and I spent some time living in the Middle East, and my partner was Sri Lankan.
When I first arrived in the country, I was both puzzled and upset by the lack of toilet paper anywhere, and the appearance of what appeared to be a miniature shower head mounted to the wall next to the toilet.
It soon became obvious that I was supposed to spray myself with water, instead of using toilet paper. At first, I thought that it seemed unhygienic; but after actually doing it myself I realized that it actually made me feel much cleaner than toilet paper.
I wish that I still had that setup at home now.
You decided to marry someone from a different culture, seemingly without asking enough questions to work out if there were any cultural differences that you needed to be aware of. Going into marriage blind is asking for trouble.
Your husband is right; you shouldn’t be passing judgment on him for washing instead of wiping, just because it’s not what you are used to; that’s ignorant.
If you want to tell him to wipe the water off the toilet seat, go ahead; but basically calling him disgusting for no good reason is wrong.
If you have also decided to allow your husband to be the breadwinner, you are at his mercy; and can’t just demand funds for whatever you want. You should know that in his culture, the woman (generally) stays at home while the man provides for the family.
However, the trade-off for this is that the man is in charge, and makes all the decisions. For most western women, it’s unacceptable to be under the husband’s control and to have to ask him for money.
This is another conversation that you should have had before marriage. If you want to have a say in the household or personal expenditure, you need to get a job and earn your own money.
If your husband is Muslim, which I assume given his background; he has an obligation under Sharia law to provide for his wife and children.
However, if you get a job and earn your own income; Sharia law dictates that the money is yours alone, and you can choose how to spend it.
You seem to have gone into this marriage very badly prepared to deal with any cultural differences.
You seem to be pretty culturally ignorant and insensitive, considering that you chose to marry outside of your own culture.
I don’t blame your husband for feeling offended by your rude comments. I think that you need to apologize, have some proper conversations about the differences in your cultures; and have an honest, open, and non-judgmental conversation about anything that either of you might have an issue with.” Beeesh1
1. AITJ For Giving My Son A Name That Sounds Similar To My Friend's Deceased Child?
“My childhood friend had a tragic stillbirth 2 years ago. It was a shock to all of us and we sincerely mourned with him. They gave him a name and had a funeral. After months of giving space to mourn, we started spending time together again and they seemed to have accepted their loss. Everything was fine concerning our friendship.
A couple of months ago my first son was born and we gave him a name that sounds similar to my friend’s dead son.
I’m not going to write here the real name but let’s just say it’s as similar as ‘Michael’ and ‘Mike’ – (Michael being the name of our son). Obviously, my wife and I have discussed the similarity, but we came to the conclusion that it is different enough and that our friends wouldn’t have any problems with it.
Clearly, we have misjudged. On our first call after the birth, there was the immediate question of how we came up with the name.
I understood the intention of the question, but I decided to ignore it, as I didn’t want to connect our happiness with their tragedy in the same sentence. They congratulated anyways but clearly had a shaky voice on the phone. Days went by, I messaged them, and invited them to visit our new family member – no response for days. I called him, but he didn’t pick up the phone and didn’t call back.
Weeks went by when suddenly I received a message explaining how disappointed they are with our choice of the name and that we didn’t take their feelings into account.
I explained that it was not our intention to hurt their feelings and that indeed I have discussed the topic with my wife. We came to a different conclusion and I’m sorry for having misjudged the situation.
This was months ago. I never got a response back and in fact, they haven’t talked to us ever since. They are not even in contact with our other common friends. It’s like they have isolated themselves from all their friends. I tried to reach out after a while, but no response still.
Am I the jerk for giving my son a name that sounds similar to my friend’s dead child?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you may have permanently put a wedge between yourselves and your friends with this move. What you did is hurtful, and showed that you really aren’t that close, as you clearly didn’t understand the effect of your choice. Really, their reaction is predictable, you should’ve asked if you cared to keep them in your lives.
You get to enjoy the love and bliss that comes with a new child, with almost the same name, while their child is underground.
And now they feel like they’ve lost all their friends, because they don’t want to rain on your parade, but are devastated and can’t be around friends who will be celebrating someone else’s child with that name. You found a new way to open up their trauma. Way to go, friends.
What you did is unfair to them. You caused this.” StraightJacketRacket
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but you do you, you’re entitled to do what you want but please realize it’s a bit self-centered and they are fully entitled to their feelings on this matter. You need to understand that your joy doesn’t leave a lot of room for the grief this likely brings up for them and they don’t owe it to you to get over it in any way, shape, or form.
They can’t ask you to change your choice of name, but you can’t ask them to swallow the pain it dredges up. You’re a jerk for not warning them, it seems like you were oblivious but then you chose to ignore their initial reaction for your own comfort which was callous. You could at least apologize for springing it on them like that and say that while you know it may be too close for their comfort, you thought it was different enough, and your intention was not to cause pain.
But they are still fully entitled to feel that pain even if you were not intentional in causing it!
They have no obligation to be happy about your choice, ignore their pain for your sake, or interact with you if it causes them to relive that pain. Frankly, if you wanted them to not be in that position, this should have been a consideration when you guys discussed it while picking the name.
The fact you still chose it shows that having this name for your child was more important to you than friendship and their feelings for their loss, and that’s fine for you but they are right to step back if that’s what they need.
You don’t want their grief to contaminate your happiness? But then you’re surprised at this reaction when they are clearly still feeling grief?
What exactly did you expect of them? YTJ for wanting them to put aside their grief and shock to pretend to be happy for you even after you realized how painful it would be for them.” Spare_Document3453
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you also don’t understand why they might not want to come and visit your living newborn baby named more or less the same thing as their dead baby, you’re supppperrrrrr clueless.
Do you understand how difficult it must be for them to see new parents celebrating their baby right after losing their own? They don’t get to do any of that. Invite people to visit the baby, care for the baby, and love the baby.
You really messed this one up. They’ve isolated themselves because they feel broken and no one understands the pain they’re dealing with.
You naming your child something very similar and showing no empathy for them when they didn’t react positively further drives home how alone they are in their grief. They likely would rather pull away from everyone in that group that has to face this head-on. I don’t blame them.
Yeesh. Hard to believe how selfish some people are.” Electronic-War-244
