People Get Scolded In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister For Not Contributing Her Fair Share At Family Dinners?
“I (34F) come from a large family: three older brothers (45, 40, 36), myself, and our younger sister (27F). We have a family tradition that started when my oldest brother was a baby: we do family dinners every fortnight.
Back in the day, it would be our family, grandparents, and whatever aunts, uncles, and cousins whoever could make it. As time went on, it became more about our immediate family as it got bigger with wives’ kids, etc. My mum adores these dinners; she plans out the menu and cooks (we offer to help, and we sometimes get the nod to help depending on the dish).
To her, these dinners are what she holds dearest to her heart, along with her family.
A few years back, my dad passed away, so money has been tight for her. And when Mum is feeding 27 people every fortnight, it’s costly. We have tried to give money to help; we have tried actually going and buying the ingredients (heard about that one for months).
So we started hiding money around the house, putting it in her coat pockets or under the seat in her car, hiding it in the bottom of her handbag—you name it, we have done it. Each dinner, a different sibling hides the money. Mum has never mentioned it, but we are all sure she has worked it out, though no one says anything.
The issue is, our youngest sister has never put money forward, never offered to pay her way. For a long time, we just let it slide because it’s only her. About six months ago, she started bringing her partner and his daughter to the dinners.
One evening, two of my sisters-in-law, my sister, and I were in the kitchen doing the dishes. One of my sisters-in-law asked when she was going to start helping now that it’s not just her coming to dinner. She looked surprised but said she’d do it the following fortnight.
She asked how much it was; I said we all agreed on $60 as that’s an easier amount to hide around the house.
The next dinner, my sister and I were doing the dishes and I asked my sister where she put the money (it had become a game to see if someone could find a new place).
She told me she wasn’t going to be paying the money because it doesn’t seem fair as it’s only three of them compared to the rest of us who have multiple kids, and that she would only pay $20. This annoyed me because for years we have covered for her, but it’s more about helping Mum than anything else.
So I called my brothers into the kitchen and told them what she said. They agreed with me that we have covered for her for years, and now that she is bringing extra people to dinner, she needs to help out. It got a bit heated with my sister and my oldest brother yelling at each other.
My oldest brother’s wife came in and told us she could hear us all yelling, and that we were being mean to our sister and should just let it go. My sister is now refusing to come to the dinners until we all say sorry and that she only has to pay the $20.
Now, I feel I took it too far by getting my brothers involved.”
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, I don’t think you were rude at all, I have a sister-in-law who barely ever contributed. We can have a potluck with seven people and she would literally bring some small dish or nothing at all.
At one point, she even brought wine that was halfway empty. It just felt extremely rude of her to do so, especially since I majorly cooked all the food. If you don’t speak up, she will continue her behavior and expect everyone to do everything for her, which is not okay.
She is 27 years old; there is no reason not to contribute, and if she has money issues, she should express that to you guys. It’s baffling to me that someone who doesn’t even contribute can bring in her partner and his child.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ at all. But your mum is doing this for family harmony and that includes your youngest sister. I don’t think you need to apologize, but accept her lousy $20 or tell her to keep it. It’s not worth $60 every few weeks.
Your sister is definitely the jerk, don’t get me wrong, but if you’re doing this for your mom, don’t wreck it by causing fights over money. If she knows about this, she’s already considering calling family nights off.” EntertainerFlat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This seems like it should be your mum deciding if she wants to charge her, not you.
If you want to pay whatever, that’s your prerogative, but it’s not fair to volunteer others. On top of that, if she’s cooking for 27 people including herself when you remove her, your sister, her partner, and their daughter, that does mean on average you and each of your siblings are bringing around twice as many people, so it’s not unreasonable for her to pay less.” Sk111W
20. AITJ For Refusing To Give A Demanding New Flatmate Some Baked Goods?
“I (22f) bake a lot as a hobby.
Because of that, I have a lot of excess baked goods that I give to my flatmates for free. They’re all really nice and pay me back in their own ways, which is great. But recently, someone new moved into the building. Joe (27m) moved in a few weeks ago.
He’s loud, obnoxious, and just plain rude.
Recently, he found out from another flatmate that I frequently give out baked goods. He banged on my door and demanded some. I said, “No,” and he started yelling at me, saying that I should give him some because I give everyone else some.
I told him that I give my friends free baked goods, and even then, they all pay me back in some way. He stormed off and has gotten his friends to trash me online and harass me, saying that I called him a disgusting slob for no reason and slammed the door in his face.
Everyone in the flat says I’m not, but more and more people keep calling me a terrible person online, and I’m starting to think I may be in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Hahaha, he “demanded.” Why are you even asking, NTJ. Hope you can get the online harassment under control / cut off with the available privacy settings or resources about that kind of thing.” TheExaltedNoob
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was very rude and demanded baked goods from you rather than you offering any to him. He just moved in and you owe him nothing. It’s a very nice thing you’re doing for your friends, and I’m glad to hear they repay you in their own ways.
His friends probably just heard some crap from him because he’s upset you didn’t give him baked goods. Block and ignore them.” Mellbxo
Another User Comments:
“You are a nice person doing a nice thing for your friends. Entitled people you don’t know making demands from you and belittling you to your face or on social media need to be ignored; they are not worth your time, your energy, or your emotions.
As a fellow home baker, entitled individuals are like flour on the floor. Please do not let this person stop you or impede you or lessen your good and giving heart. Keep giving to those who appreciate you. I’m glad you’re able to voice and get that frustration out.
Wishing you peace, yeast, and the smell of fresh baked goods in your kitchen.” boiledpenny
19. AITJ For Choosing My Future Over A Toxic Family Environment?
“I (16M) have been in a toxic environment my entire life. My father neglects and belittles me, while my mother has abandoned me on multiple occasions. They both have left my siblings with me for women or booze and we’ve lived with multiple different people.
I’ve taken care of my siblings my entire life and it’s been hard. My mother is gone and Dad considers me just a maid and babysitter. All I’ve wanted to do is leave this place, even for a little bit.
My grandmother is moving to North Carolina and she knows what’s been happening but is unable to help.
She said I could come with her, but breaking the news to my dad was terrible. I was called selfish and a whole other slur of words. His only other response was that I better have the entire place cleaned. Nobody helps me and I can only rely on my partner.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get out while and when you can! It is rich that he is calling you selfish. But be warned, just because you are right or in the right doesn’t mean it is wise to speak such things.
Until you are an adult and not financially tied to your parents, tread carefully.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As harsh as it sounds, your siblings aren’t your responsibility; they’re your parents’, and they refused that responsibility. Self comes first. I hope your situation improves and that your siblings find a better situation too.
Good luck.” Coballz
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. You’ve been put into a terrible situation. I’m so sorry. I had my own horrific upbringing, so I truly empathize. Be thinking about how you can best set yourself up for success in the future. If you can get yourself sorted, you’ll have more ability to help your siblings in the future should it be necessary.
Get your identification documents if you can, such as your birth certificate and social security card. You may have options for scholarships if you have decent grades and your parents don’t make much money. It’s a lot to put on someone so young, but this is such an important time in your life to set yourself up for future success.
Go to your grandmother if it’s a safer, less chaotic place. Get your grades up and graduate school. I wish you the best, OP. And since no other adult seems to be telling you this, you rock and are an awesome person.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Toxic Future MIL To My Bridal Shower?
“My future MIL and I are not on talking terms at the moment. She’s accused me of a number of untrue things in an effort to get my fiancé to turn on me (he hasn’t). She blamed me for deleting a social media post, but I just hadn’t approved it to be on my timeline yet.
She still maintains to this day that I deleted it after my fiancé and I explained the situation.
She told the entire family I didn’t want to have children, and his family has called him asking him if “he’s sure he’s okay with that.” I never once said I didn’t want to have children; I just said I might not be able to have them due to previous invasive surgeries.
It seemed as though she used that as a way to question my ability to be a “good wife.”
She’s complained to everyone that I didn’t invite her to dress shopping, but the only person who came was my mother due to health protocols. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I can’t do anything right, and she finds a way to make me the enemy or bad person in every scenario.
I have panic attacks at the thought of seeing her. I really don’t want to exclude her, but I know I’ll be miserable on a very special day if I do. HELP.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You really need to change the narrative whenever MIL starts her jerk behavior.
You’ve allowed her to put you on the defensive too many times, and she’s playing circles around you. Stop her madness. First, take control and put the narrative out there prior to her shenanigans. For example, thank whoever is hosting your bridal shower (i.e., maid of honor or whoever) for taking care of the details for you.
That way, if MIL comments that she wasn’t invited, you could say you didn’t handle the invites. Second, get yourself a spokesperson so you don’t have to defend yourself. Your fiancé seems good for the job. Anytime MIL goes to say something untrue, let your fiancé correct it and make his mom acknowledge her error.
You both have to be in sync on this and address it every time she does something, but with an audience so that there is no switching of facts. Third, set boundaries before marriage regarding how you will handle MIL and what will be allowed or not with any interactions.
This is to ensure that you have a plan in place to handle situations, because your MIL sounds rather toxic and you don’t need that. Oh, one more thing… Spend time with your in-laws so they can see how you are, so that when MIL lies, they can see through it.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage… Nothing you say will ever be right with MIL… She has a problem with you, and I have no idea what it is, and really, it isn’t your problem; it’s his. Yes, your fiancé has a problem.
His mother is trying to drive you apart, and she will succeed unless he man up. You need to understand that a husband is supposed to protect his wife, and that includes protection from overbearing mothers who don’t know their place. The fact that she took personal information and twisted it to her benefit shows where this is leading.
He should have shut her down when that happened, immediately. I hope you know never to discuss anything of importance with her again, and should she ask, tell her so. You have a right to be happy and carefree; nobody should steal your joy, least of all her.
So have a good long talk with your future husband and go from there, because if you don’t, it will get worse, and he loves you, so he won’t want that.” HumbleBasis3603
Another User Comments:
“Okay, so I’m in the minority here, but my vote is YWBTJ.
However, she’s a jerk in general. She sounds like a nightmare, and I’m sorry that it takes a toll on your life—constantly. But it seems that you and your fiancé are on the same page, and he’s not buying her nonsense.
So, she’s acting like a jerk—that’s her crappy behavior. Do you really want to lower yourself to her level? Is a 3-hour party the hill you want to die on? Because if you don’t invite her, you become a jerk as well.
It’s a 3-hour party where you suck it up and do the “smile and nod,” because the alternative, if you don’t invite her, isn’t 3 hours of crap; it’s literally the rest of your life while she continues to breathe. If she won’t be quiet about a stupid social media post, how do you think she’ll behave about not being invited to your shower?
Honestly, it is not a hill worth dying on. I’m not saying “be the bigger person”; I’m saying remember what’s actually important for you and your life, and see that you’d be digging your own grave even deeper. You love your fiancé; you invite his mother to the shower because you love him.
Call her horrible names in your head the whole time, but don’t engage. The “smile and nod” act ensures that you’re doing the right thing and also that you’re not giving her any further ammunition. My grandmother always used to say “pick your battles” and “you can’t fight alone.” Two very good bits of advice to consider.
This is a time to think about the long term, not the current situation. This is your life. If she gets you to debase yourself to her level, all you’ll both do is continue to sink lower. Invite her. Smile and nod. Show her—and everyone else there—what real class, good manners, and good etiquette look like.” dresses_212_10028
17. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Baby Niece And Prioritizing My Health?
“My brother has an eight-month-old baby, and his partner is pregnant with their second. He comes over every weekend so my mom and I can care for the baby on Sunday and Monday nights.
They leave for work at 3:00 a.m. and leave the baby with me until my mom gets home at 8:00 a.m. Then my mom takes over until they get back from work at 2:00 p.m. My mom works 12-hour night shifts. I do this once or twice a week, depending on my mom’s schedule.
Mind you, I did not sign up for this. They pretty much said, “She’s not doing anything anyway, so she can take care of the baby while my mom gets home.” I’m currently not working, hence why I’m home and living off savings. I also have had health issues since November.
I will be having surgery soon. This is another issue.
I clearly told my mom that I did not want people coming in and out of our house because if I get sick, my surgery will be canceled. She does not care, and my brother and his partner were sick last week, coughing and sneezing all over the house.
Now, this weekend, the baby has started to get sick. I just texted them that one of them will have to call off work to take care of the baby because what if she gets worse? I know for a fact that they are still going to leave her and my brother is going to get irate and start with the name-calling.
“You’re a selfish jerk, she’s your niece. That’s the reason things happen to you because you’re a jerk and hypochondriac. You’re weak-minded.” When I wanted to go to the ER for my pelvic pain, nobody wanted to take me. I had to call my partner.
He had to get out of work and come get me. I feel like I’m always helping out my family one way or another, but when I need a favor, it’s crickets.”
Another User Comments:
“Not your baby, not your responsibility. You didn’t choose to be intimate and keep the resulting child.
Tell them to find a PAID sitter for those times that your mom isn’t home. Which is what most people have to do. Heck, I had to pay my FAMILY to babysit my children if it was on a regular basis. An occasional emergency or mix-up in scheduling is one thing, dropping off the baby every week at 3:00 a.m. for someone to babysit unpaid is another.
Also, the baby is eight months and they are pregnant again? How far along is she? That seems pretty irresponsible on their part.” Chelular07
Another User Comments:
“I mean this in the nicest possible way…. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You have commented that even after saying you won’t watch the child any more, they have just dropped her on your bed and buggered off….
Stop being nice. He told you to screw off… OK.. well screwing off means leaving the baby so send out a message to brother, partner and mother. “I have been told to screw off by “brother” and so that I can do that I need one of you to come and collect “child”.
If one of you hasn’t turned up in XX minutes, I will be calling the police for child abandonment. See you soon.” Yeah, I get that it’s frustrating but you’re being a doormat by just being there when they want something. They arrive with child… nope… out the door you go; doesn’t matter if you were doing something, wanted a quiet evening to yourself.
Clearly the only way to get through to these people is by physical action. NTJ but stop being a doormat!” eastonginger
Another User Comments:
“Kinda feeling like everyone sucks here, tbh (apart from the baby) because of so many assumptions and what sounds like a lack of adult conversations and boundary setting around working this out.
Let’s just go with the actual question: NTJ for not wanting to babysit. If it’s your mother’s house, then you don’t have any say about who she has over/staying. You say you are living off your savings; it’s not clear how much you are contributing to household costs if you are paying rent, or more than your fair share of food/bills, then you need to talk with your mother about your financial contribution being used to cover babysitting.” TeenySod
16. AITJ For Refusing To Co-Sign My Father's Mortgage And Risk My Family's Future?
“My parents got divorced and my mom moved out. I was still living at the house with my dad, and I was covering the utilities, which I had agreed to help with. I had been with my partner (now fiancee at the time of their divorce).
Well, I pretty much moved in with my partner and was staying at my partner’s house during the week and going home on the weekends. It eventually changed to never really going back home unless I needed to speak to my dad about something. He’s been a heavy drinker for most of my life, which he still is at this point.
My partner and I have a baby on the way, and we’ve been looking for a place to live, and we found one. The only bad thing about the whole situation is that my dad is looking as well, and he’s been bugging me about co-signing on a loan with him to get a house, but he keeps telling me that he’s going to pay it off with the money from the house when it sells.
However, he’s been saying that we could all move in together, and I just don’t think it would be a good idea with the baby, and I also don’t feel comfortable doing it, and I explained to him that, because of my and my partner’s situation, it wouldn’t work.
But anyway, yesterday, my partner and I went to my dad’s house (that’s currently being sold) to pack some stuff up, and he was leaving to go take a walk. He said to me that I killed him for not cosigning with him. I’m feeling really guilty about it, and it’s been tugging at my heart.
I just want to know… Am I the jerk and in the wrong for not helping him? Or should I have helped and jeopardized my and my partner’s future?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NEVER cosign. He could get a short-term apartment and look for a house, then pay cash (or make a big downpayment) for it after he gets the proceeds from the house.
That is by far the safest option for both you AND your father. Look up your house on the county or city assessor’s website. That will give you a rough idea of what the house is worth. I don’t know how much debt is on the house, but even if it’s paid off, I doubt that he could buy another house for cash unless it was a lot smaller because he will get only about half of the money from the sale of the house.
Cosigning would put you on the hook for your housing expenses AND his. If you are hoping to buy a house in the next couple of years, cosigning a mortgage would also be likely to disqualify YOU for a mortgage UNLESS he had paid off the loan by then.
By being a cosigner, you would also give your father power over you that you might not want to grant him. Even if he could pay off the house, he might drag his feet about doing it. If you already have an apartment or other home for which you qualify, you’d be unlikely to qualify for renting the second place for your father even as a cosigner.
Landlords want to see at least three times the rent in gross monthly income.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad does not sound like a very responsible adult. Please do not cosign for him! He is trying to emotionally manipulate you. Just the fact that he is doing this should tell you that your gut feeling is right.
Focus on your new family. Your dad is an adult and needs to get his own life sorted. Do not let him stay with you till he has found a place either. He will never leave. If he is getting money from the house, he can stay somewhere temporarily, even a hotel, and then get himself a place once the money is in the bank.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who beg for cosigners are planning to steal from you. They may be intoxicated individuals, addicts, gamblers, or prone to immature fits of revenge, but they have one thing in common: they don’t pay their debts. Cosigning a mortgage with him takes away your ability to buy a house for yourself for 30 years.
He doesn’t care. He wants to con you into getting what he wants right now, because that’s how people like that think. No thought of your wellbeing, your future, or his grandchild. I will say that some people have bad credit because of medical debt or criminally awful relationships.
The thing is, those people don’t beg people to cosign.” dontlikebeige
15. AITJ For Losing It On My Sister Over Her Manipulative Behavior Toward My Wife?
“I (f26) grew up in state care and met my sister (f29) at 12. We were close, and I’m the godmother to her kids (f9 & f8).
For years, I babysat often, sometimes for days or weekends, while I was homeless and struggling with mental health. This continued for years.
About three years ago, I met my now-wife (f29) and got a job I love. Initially, my sister was happy for me, but she soon began complaining that I wasn’t around as much.
I explained that while I loved her and the kids, I had to focus on my happiness. I still saw the kids a lot, just not as often.
After my wife and I married, things worsened. My sister started accusing me of being abused by my wife because I couldn’t do everything for her anymore.
She kept insisting that her kids and she should always come before my wife. She would demand things from us late at night, like chocolate or coffee, even when we were busy. When we didn’t drop everything, she’d get upset.
Things escalated when she started telling us her husband was abusing her, but then told us not to tell anyone.
She also shared inappropriate family gossip, which was triggering for me given my own childhood trauma.
Last July, I was hospitalized for a serious illness. During this time, my sister repeatedly accused my wife of being abusive and criticized us for not spending enough time with her kids, even though I was in the hospital. She even said my wife was selfish for not picking up my sister’s kids while I was sick.
In November, my sister told my wife she wasn’t welcome at family events and tried to plan a vacation without her. I tried to talk to her about it, but she mocked my concerns, laughed, and dismissed my feelings, saying I was just letting my wife abuse me.
I finally lost it, mentioning how unfair it was for my wife to be treated this way, especially when she behaved the way she did, including supporting her supposed abuser. My sister then texted that she wanted nothing to do with me and that I was no longer welcome around her kids.
This is where I might be the jerk. I phoned our eldest sister, distraught, and I told her EVERYTHING, which of course my sister denied.
Afterward, her husband messaged the family group, calling my wife and me “vile” and accusing us of making up lies about his wife.
They then removed us. They also took our holiday money (nearly $1000) and have been bad-mouthing us ever since.
So, AITJ for blowing up at her?”
Another User Comments:
“Do you have any text messages from your sister you can share in a group chat? Ones that will show her unhealthy reliance on you and even that her husband is abusing her?
You also need to show proof to everyone of the $1,000 you have for the vacation trip she canceled you from and that she refuses to return your money — that’s theft. She’s a thief. Even if you don’t have proof, you need to let everyone in your family know.
The way she is, that’s ingrained; she’s probably treating others like that too. Maybe not to the same extent, but with you out of her life, she’ll find someone else to fill your “role”. She’s saying your wife is abusing you because she blames your wife for stealing your time away from her, which you’d never do on your own.
You have your own family and commitments now. You can’t drop everything to be at her beck and call. You can let your family know that. Chances are her husband knows exactly who she is and doesn’t want to be viewed badly by allowing her to abuse you and benefit from that abuse.
It’s even possible that he’s irate they’ll need to pay a babysitter now and won’t drop everything like you’d been doing for them. Still, go to family events not held at your sister’s home. If your sister doesn’t like that, too bad; she can leave.
Let others see how she’s been treating you while you maintain a bond with your extended family. When alone with her, record all conversations because she will attack verbally. Your wife should do the same. It’s okay to host your own events and not invite your sister and her husband.
NTJ.” Outrageous-forest
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk. Of course, when we’re pushed and pushed, we can reach a breaking point and then everything can come out in a blur—sometimes this is good for us, and sometimes it is bad. But you had endured this for a long time; it sounds to me like she did not like that you were moving on with your life and weren’t around for her and her children as much.
As much as you want to care and be there for them, ultimately, she should not expect you to drop everything in your life to be there for her, especially when she targeted your wife to try and cause friction in your relationship. This is so not fair.
I’m not sure if you want to have a relationship with her, but maybe just explain fully how her treatment of you and your wife has made you feel, and if she still does not want to listen, then that is her prerogative.” Weary_Structure2444
14. AITJ For Avoiding My Mom After A Misplaced Voice Message?
“I have a 5-month-old baby and had just put her to bed when I got a long voice message from my mom.
I had already decided not to check her messages at night ever since a message from two days ago left me crying for hours. Tonight, she accidentally sent me a message meant for my aunt, talking badly about me and my fiancée.
She mentions how she lent us $100 and complained about my fiancé’s reaction when she visited. He greeted her teasingly after she acted all startled when he said hi, but she described it as intimidating, saying she wouldn’t visit alone again.
She also expressed frustration that I tell her that she misunderstands things and takes my words out of context—our biggest issue.
She then brought up something I said after a baby shower weeks ago. After being out for more than six hours, I was anxious to get back to my baby.
Seeing a long wait at the border (what I thought was at least three hours more), I told her, “I think I’ll just walk and have my fiancé pick me up.” She felt hurt, thinking I didn’t value our time together.
Two nights ago, I told her how grateful I was for my mother-in-law sending us gifts, just recently they bought a full-size crib for our daughter since we only have a mini currently and she is quickly outgrowing it.
I tried not to make her feel left out, which had been an issue before, and quickly pointed out how she and my dad had also been generous and how so many things we own are gifts from them. I used past tense, saying they were generous, and she fixated on that, later sending an audio saying she couldn’t believe I’d imply she no longer is.
I immediately apologized, explaining my poor wording, but it led to another argument in which, after I was crying for hours, I finally admitted feeling like my words are under constant scrutiny and that it often feels like she vents her frustrations on me.
This is just the latest. She was upset last year because I didn’t offer to pay for her purchases at a discount store, despite knowing we were struggling financially.
I had called her earlier that day and explained that if we did go shopping, I sadly would not be able to pay for her. When I was nine months pregnant, she had a meltdown because I didn’t immediately post pictures of her baby shower gifts on social media, ignoring my explanation that I was working on a separate post to thank her.
She cried all day, ignored my apologies, and dismissed the post once it was up. My fiancée was furious, saying I was far too pregnant for my mom to be upsetting me the way she was.
I’m exhausted. After tonight’s message, I don’t want to see her for a while.
No matter what I say or do, she always sees malicious intent and gets hurt feelings. Last night, I called my dad and said she was welcome to visit the baby, but I didn’t want to see her for a while. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is playing you. That text wasn’t for your aunt; it was for you. She is pulling all the strings she programmed in you. She has you putting her feelings over your own and your family’s (baby and hubby). You gotta stop chasing her approval because she will never give it.
Whenever you meet an expectation, then she will just move the goalposts again. Cause she doesn’t want you happy. She wants you miserable and chasing after her. You need to see that you have the power here. That’s your baby and you decide who is in her life.
Your mum has shown that she will abuse you so you know that the child is not emotionally safe with her. How old will your kid be before she guilt trips them for having a good weekend with their other grandparents? You need to start setting boundaries and sticking with them.
You have nothing to lose. You do what she wants and she still finds a reason to throw a tantrum, so not doing what she wants gets you the same results anyway. Start by getting her off your social media. She has proven that what you do or don’t post is too stressful to her, so it’s better to just get her off it completely.
Also, you need an info diet. Everything you tell her is just ammo to be shot at you, so now she doesn’t get the privilege of knowing anything.
Look up the grey rocking method to avoid giving her fuel to set you ablaze with.
Check out r/justNOMIL for their wiki. It’s full of book recommendations and the MILumination tactics. Your mum is using the same playbook that all controlling jerks do, and if you read the book, then you will see her attacks for what they really are—an attempt to control everything about you and your family.
So in closing, NTJ. She just earned a month’s time out, and if she can behave herself, then you will slowly resume lesser contact with her. Treat the momma bear like crap and you miss out on time with the kid. That’s just the consequence she will have to eat.
You have a baby, so it’s time to get good at stamping out tantrums even if they come from someone old enough to know better.” BigWeinerDemeanor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m betting that the only thing that will have her on her good behavior is you not putting up with her nonsense and going low/no contact for a while every time she tries her luck again with this manipulative nonsense.
This way you’ll have an arc of her making an effort for a while—to then relax and start to slip back into bad habits before you have to provide the next reminder that you won’t put up with it. You may not want her to have hurt feelings, but if you think of your relationship with her as a garden, there is no point in you ignoring the rampant growing weeds that crowd out the dwindling number of flowers; you need to regularly pull the weeds so the flowers have space to grow.
You providing consequences for when she acts badly is you doing the weeding. The rest is on her. If she insists on only planting and watering weeds, then there’s only so much you can do. Hopefully, she’ll start to appreciate the flowers more.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You absolutely have the right to remove toxic influences from your life. You cannot control others’ actions, but you can control how you respond. Please do a deep dive on the Grey Rock Method in dealing with narcissists & gaslighters. It helps to teach you to disengage your emotions from impacting your reactions and to give as little information as possible.
I would write out the things I want to say… then cut that list down to a minimum. Don’t explain; just calmly state what you’re doing and ignore her/their side arguments. If you don’t want to remove her from all your social network accounts, try to mute her.
Keep telling yourself, “She is this person. She will not change for me. I don’t have to put up with it.” Repeat it to yourself out loud (in private)—verbally repeating such a message to yourself can really help.” Sad-Librarian-5179
13. AITJ For Revoking My Car Gift When My 19-Year-Old Complained?
“My soon-to-be-19-year-old son has been driving a Silverado to work that is falling apart. It was a vehicle we had and just gave him when he got his license. He did put some money into it, but it is clearly not worth putting more into.
It recently had the heater go out, which is a big deal as we live in a cold area with lots of snow. I recently got a little money from work and had told him that I would help him with a vehicle. I didn’t have much, but I could do a couple thousand if he could pay it back, as it was set aside for a different bill.
After this, a friend offered to sell us a vehicle for well under Bluebook value and with low mileage. My son’s job really cut back at this time, making it difficult for him to make payments. My husband (his dad) and I talked it over and decided it was still important for him to get a vehicle, so we tried to figure it out.
We approached him with an offer that we would buy this vehicle the friend offered, and he could either take the new vehicle, paying that price just over time as he made money, or take our Ford Edge, paying nothing, and we would put new tires on the Edge for him so it was ready to go.
Both are in good shape with decent mileage. We figured that with his job situation, giving him the option to pay us back for a low-mileage vehicle or take a vehicle for free would be acceptable, but we were wrong.
He has complained nonstop about how he gets hand-me-downs.
He wanted a car he picked out, but it had over double the mileage and cost more. He complained as well when we told him that he would need to set up a day to bring in the Edge for new tires. He feels he is being forced to do a chore for us when we are literally paying to put new tires on a vehicle he is getting.
It has gotten to the point that both his dad and I want to just revoke our offer and tell him to figure it out on his own, giving the vehicle to his sister, who actually would appreciate it. Would I be the jerk for not giving my son a vehicle after I said I would because he has complained the whole time about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Discuss with him first: he seems to be making it clear he is not happy or grateful for the offer, and either he behaves that way from here on out or he’ll figure out a plan that doesn’t involve your money.
It’s okay to feel disappointed that he’s not getting the car he wants if he was actually paying for it, but he’s not entitled to feel disappointed with other people’s money/decisions. If he’s stuck with financial responsibility for a car he never wanted, that’s fair; let’s find out now.
He doesn’t have to buy a car he doesn’t want, or drive a free one at all. Start with a conversation and clear the air.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“What a tool. Got my first hand-me-down car from my parents at 17, around 1980. A 1972 Chevy Vega station wagon, red, 3-speed; had to teach ourselves stick shift. Fun times.
Last year, almost 45 years later, my dad gave my husband his low-mileage, always garaged 2008 Sebring convertible. We’re still and always grateful. I wouldn’t be surprised if it weren’t double-digit vehicles we’ve been gifted through the decades. Three of the five vehicles we currently own are family pass-arounds.
The newest that I own is my 2013 Hyundai that I bought 2 years ago from a dealer because it was exactly what I wanted. It has heated seats and a backup camera. We’ve driven new, used, and abused. Having reliable vehicles and keeping them tip-top, mechanically if not cosmetically, is just so satisfying.
I also highly recommend full coverage even on old, paid-off cars, so you have something if your ride gets totaled. We have full coverage on the 2005 Subaru Outback, which we bought in 2012, the Chrysler Sebring, and my Hyundai Sonata Turbo. The ’89 Dodge Ram trash truck still runs great for hauling wood, trash, etc.; it has no radio or AC.
It’s been hit so much, it’s now a salvage title. The ’98 Ford F-150 sucks gas but has cold, cold air and a tonneau cover to protect the bed. It’s a little wrinkly from multiple deer bounces over the years. Those are just liability only; they don’t need to look pretty.
Last year, my dad, who’s 85, bought a Toyota RAV4 hybrid; I guess he just wanted something modern. He still has his 1940 Packard 4-door convertible, which is very rare, but the stick shift is getting hard on his knees. His 1976 Lincoln Town Car is the plushest and my favorite.
My mom drives a Cadillac STX, which fits her pretty well. She can adjust the seats perfectly for her 4ft 11in self. Looking forward to seeing who might be getting what in a few years when they can no longer drive. I want the Lincoln or the RAV4, lol.
He needs to practice some gratitude. Most 19-year-olds aren’t spoiled for choice like that and are stuck trying to keep wratchet crap running, or paying way too much to some buy-here, pay-here roadside dealer for something that may crap out on them at any time.
Getting a family car or one from someone your family trusts? Golden!” monkeyratmom
Another User Comments:
“I think you have a kid who’s 19 years old and is acting like he’s 13. Somewhere along the way, your adulting lessons for him went wrong. They didn’t sink in.
First off, explain to him that your obligation to support him ended when he turned 18 years old and graduated high school. Anything after that is a choice, not an obligation. And then, when he turned 18, he could have gotten on a bus to Alaska and never called you again or let you know where he was.
And you’re glad that he didn’t choose to do that, but he’s going too far the other way, being dependent on you and acting like a spoiled little baby. I think you should provide zero support for him, figure out what market-level rentals are in your area, and tell him that the bills are starting.
Treat him like the adult you should have been treating him all along, and he wouldn’t have acted like this. You can give him the option of moving out or paying the rent. No more support, no more rides, no more food. He makes his own money, supports himself, and pays rent.
That’s what a real person would be doing at age 19. I was, I know other people doing it, and your job—your number one job as a parent—was to make sure your kids understood what it meant to grow up, how to pay the bills, and how to pull your weight.
Instead, you have accidentally created an entitled person who can’t support themselves and who acts like a spoiled little jerk.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
12. AITJ For Leaving A Yogurt Spill For The Store To Clean Up?
“I was in the self-checkout lineup with my cart when a full-sized container of yogurt fell out and smashed open on the floor.
There was maybe a bit under a foot of splatter from the container. The line is sandwiched between two shelves, and the spill was closer to the side than the middle.
I didn’t really know what to do, so I moved the yogurt container as far to the side as I could with my foot and then left my cart to go find an employee to tell them about it.
As soon as I started walking away, a guy that was behind me said something like “Wow, you’re not going to throw that away?” To which I just replied, “I’m going to ask someone to clean it up.” He just went in front of me in the line at this point, and I walked a few feet to a worker and told them about the spill.
I generally try to be as courteous in grocery stores as possible, so I’m wondering now if I should have picked up the container since I did know that there were garbage cans very close by in the self-checkout. I just didn’t want yogurt all over my hands.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the store needs to scan the yogurt to mark it out of inventory. If you tossed the container, they might have had to pull it back out. Your grabbing it might have made a bigger mess (yogurt on the self-checkout from your hands), and the employee was right there.
If you had just abandoned it without telling anyone, that would be an issue.” alternate_geography
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The store workers do not even want you to try to clean it up. As someone else pointed out, they need to scan the container for their inventory.
It’s a grocery store. Things spill and need to be cleaned up on a daily basis; it’s not a big deal. Like, yeah, it’s embarrassing for you and kind of annoying to the employees probably, but it’s just the reality of a grocery store.” NinjaLogic789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is literally what you are supposed to do when something like that happens. You don’t have access to a mop, paper towels, trash cans, or any other cleaning supplies you might need without going into employee-only areas. And it’s not like you just left it there and walked away because ‘they get paid to clean it up.’ You literally went to go get a member of staff.” Hairann
11. AITJ For Refusing To Risk My Student Visa On A Friend's Bitcoin Scam?
“I (19F) am an International student in the US. My high school classmate, let’s call him Jim (22M), is in a different country.
According to him, he works as a copywriter on Upwork.
A couple of months ago, he randomly added me on Snapchat. I am not in contact with a lot of my high school classmates, so I was surprised when he added me. For the last couple of months, he would hit me up and make small talk.
A while ago, he asked me if I could help him with his work. According to him, he was unable to take jobs in the US as his clients mostly used Cash App to send payments, and the country where he resides does not support Cash App.
He asked me if I would be able to receive the payments on his behalf, use the payment to buy Bitcoin, and then send it to him. I am not sure how this works, but I told him I did not feel comfortable doing this while on a student visa.
He kept pushing, insisting that it would not affect my visa status, and kept pushing. However, I know that student visas have a lot of restrictions, too many to remember, and I would rather not engage in anything that could affect me. I told him this, but he kept insisting that it will not affect me.
At this point, I’m beginning to wonder if I am being paranoid about the whole situation. So AITJ for refusing to help him?”
Another User Comments:
“Your friend’s account was hacked, or this is a fake account. Either way, you’re not talking to your friend.
It’s some scammer, sitting in a room of scammers, trying to get unsuspecting people to send them funds in the form of Bitcoin. They hack someone’s bank account, send you funds, you use those funds to buy Bitcoin to send to the scammer. Later, the owner of the account files a fraud case, and their bank claws the funds back from your account.
But, oh yeah, you spent those funds. The bank doesn’t care that you got scammed. They’re going to pull those funds right out of your account, from your personal funds. Now you’re out of funds. Block, ignore, carry on with your life.” Prestigious-Bluejay5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please, please, go immediately to r/Scams where you will see how a common scam like this plays out. Your student visa might not only be in peril if you did this… You might be prosecuted for laundering, no fooling. Especially because of the recent US regime change, they’re going to look for every possible excuse to cancel visas.
My sincere advice is to stay as squeaky clean as you can, including paying all bills on time and not jaywalking even. My naturalized friends have started carrying their green cards everywhere they go.” Theda___Bara
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, no, no. This is some kind of scam.
This guy could add other forms of payment: Venmo, Zelle, PayPal. One of them would work for his clients if they are legit. You may be laundering or get payments that end up as fraudulent, and lose the funds on your side.” zoegi104
10. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Shut Up When I Had No Sleep?
“My brother (m24) and I (m27) have had two different life experiences. He was the child who didn’t care about anything growing up, and I was the one who cared about school, sports, and just doing what was expected of me by our parents.
To be fair, they had the same expectations for him as well, but gave up when they saw that, no matter what they did, he would never care about the things that would benefit him in the long run.
They tried, they really did: they put him in therapy, got him tutors, and always tried to encourage him, but he just didn’t care about his future.
So recently I have had a tough couple of months. My wife and I just had our first child in November, and he’s the most beautiful and important thing in my life, but getting him to sleep for more than 2 hours a night is hard.
My wife and I take turns checking on him, but it’s still mentally exhausting.
Anyways, at every family gathering for the last couple of months my brother has been complaining on and on and on about how his life sucks and that I have had it easy.
I have bit my tongue every time, but the exhaustion and sleep deprivation made me kind of lose my temper at him.
I told him, in a not-so-nice tone and manner, that he should shut up and that I didn’t care about his problems; he had every opportunity to do something with his life, and he chose to screw it up instead.
He got up and left, and my parents said that I went too far and should have just ignored him. Now, for some reason that’s beyond me, my extended family has been calling me a jerk for going off on my brother, and I owe him an apology.
So, am I the jerk? I honestly feel like he had it coming, but maybe I went too far.”
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say you’re the jerk, no. At some point, some people just need to take accountability for their own actions, and maybe if they keep on with the “woe is me” kind of attitude, it’s time someone told it to them straight.
Could something like this have been communicated in a less emotionally charged manner? Absolutely. Do I blame you for not doing so? No. But because the words have been said, he is entitled to feel however he feels about it. What I don’t agree with is extended family getting involved. That’s none of their business, and they only enable your brother into not taking accountability.
As an extension, I say this also as a Type A older brother: It may be hard to empathize with the actions and decisions of others, because we’ve had a different experience and in our minds, if people just “did the right things” they wouldn’t be in the position they’re in.
However, that kind of message doesn’t undo the past nor help the future. It just makes people salty, guilty, and resentful. Maybe, moving forward, communicating that he has full control of his own life and the choices he makes is a better focus than pointing to the past and saying “you did this to yourself.” This obviously requires the other person to be receptive to you, and it may require some reaaally deep soul-searching for your brother.” CharlieFoxtrot432
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you could have handled it better, him saying that “you have it easy” when you have a newborn keeping you up at all hours was very much an attack. If this was anyone else, it would have been easier to ignore.
But people from our childhood tend to bring out our inner child even when we are emotionally stable. You weren’t emotionally stable. You attacked back. My parents said that I went too far and should have just ignored him. Tell your parents that if they want to continue to coddle him, it is still their responsibility to monitor his behavior.
That includes things like not telling sleep-deprived new parents how much easier they have it than their slacking self. If they don’t monitor his behavior, they risk the world correcting it for them.” wanderer866
Another User Comments:
“No. I have a similar sibling situation. My brother is several years older than me and has always gotten in trouble.
He didn’t care about school and didn’t try to make anything of himself. I’m the exact opposite of him. I honestly don’t even know how we were raised by the same people. When I bought my house several years ago by myself as a single mom, he had a fit.
He accused my parents of helping me and flat-out buying the house for me. Then when I bought my Cadillac SUV, it was the same story all over again because he just couldn’t believe that his little sister was successful enough to do this all on her own as a single mom.
He often calls me the favorite, and I say, ‘Well, maybe it’s because I don’t get in trouble and made a life for myself.’ We each make our own bed, lie in it.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Not Telling My Class I’m Gay?
“I’m a gay man. This happened when I was in college. I was a part of an LGBT club for a while and during one of my semesters, I took PE as a required class.
I had some options for PE credits and I landed on this semi-sport club where I could play stuff like volleyball with other members of the class.
I wouldn’t say I’m overly masculine, but I’m not extremely feminine either. The other students at the time were really cool with me, I assumed. We sometimes hung out after class, but I usually couldn’t be bothered to wear PE clothes and just played in jeans (Yeah, it’s as gross as it sounds, especially when you’re sweating; I don’t know how I did it).
One day, it was particularly hot, so I brought some shorts from home and changed in the men’s locker room, which I had never done before.
Another student in the class, I’ll call Andrew, was also changing in the room. I decided to change in a stall, purely because I’m a pretty private person with my body like that.
My sexuality had nothing to do with it.
A few weeks later, Andrew was in the bathroom at the same time I had to pee, so I used a urinal and left without talking to him, like people tend to do in bathrooms.
Somehow, this caused an issue where the rest of the class witnessed Andrew having an intense meltdown during class.
Apparently, he knew I was in the LGBT club, but when he noticed me change in the stall, he assumed I was transgender and presumed I was a trans guy (and, because of my appearance, had been considering me female—insulting in every possible direction towards both myself and trans men).
So when he saw me use the urinal, Andrew freaked out and realized I was actually a gay man. He had a problem with me using the bathroom at the same time as other guys in the class and thought they should’ve been aware I was into guys, and it was incredibly selfish and creepy that I never said anything because apparently I could’ve been ogling them.
I was floored and snapped at him, saying things I wish I had worded better. I admit to that—I was really upset and wasn’t thinking straight. But afterwards, the others in the class that saw the fight tried to comfort me.
A few days later, Andrew pretended nothing ever happened and wouldn’t talk about it, acting like there was never an issue and I was insane for acting uncomfortable around him.
I do feel a lot of guilt and I flip between “It’s not their business” and “They should’ve been told,” and it’s one of my most regrettable arguments. I’d like some insight on it.
Am I the jerk for not telling the guys in my class that I was gay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sexual orientation has nothing to do with anything in that situation. I also have a feeling they would have freaked out if you came in and said, “I’m Gay!” So he was fine with you until he figured out you were a gay man?
Ridiculous much? You weren’t grabbing anybody or trying to hook up with anyone (I assume).” AddressPowerful516
Another User Comments:
“No one is owed to know anything about you that you don’t want to tell them. Especially anything personal. And/or sexual. Leave them guessing. “Are you gay?” “I haven’t decided/Jury’s still out.” No one is owed your information—not about your gender, your sexual preference, or if you like Red Vines or Twizzlers.
You CAN tell whomever you choose, but that’s something that people seem to be really okay with letting people divulge on their own time, barring sexual preference. Which makes no sense to me. That’s so freaking nosy. Most people understand that you tell people things about yourself when you get close to them.
But “I share a class/school/subject with you” does not mean they get to know if you wear boxers or briefs or which side of the coin you toss. It’s factually none of their business. Funny how straight guys get in a twist over the possibility of being treated the way women are treated by other straight guys.
Predatorially. Says more about him that he expects that kind of treatment from a guy who likes guys. NTJ. P.S. I’m also kind of a jerk and would definitely be like “You don’t trust me in locker rooms not to be creepy? I don’t trust you around any women on the campus.
Especially when under the influence. Guess we’re even.”” Perimentalpause
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People are not required to announce their sexuality, and doing so would have come off much weirder than just treating it as a private matter. Can you imagine walking into a bathroom, standing at a urinal, and being like, “hey everyone, gay man here,” before doing your business?
Literally no one does that. There’s a reason dude acted as though his outburst never happened while you were supported—he was very clearly in the wrong.” SquirrellyGrrly
8. AITJ For Rewarding Only The Daughter Who Honored The No-Smoking Promise?
“When my daughters turned 15, I made each of them a promise that if they didn’t go around our backs and secretly smoke until they turned 21, I would buy them a car (within reason, obviously).
Our oldest Hailey (now 25), broke that promise when she was 16 when we caught her smoking.
Cynthia (now 23) broke that promise when she was 18, but later admitted that she had already tried it when she was 17.
Both of them, fortunately, don’t smoke anymore. When it happened, we were disappointed and somewhat mad, but we talked about it again, about the risks.
We realized we couldn’t really stop them if they wanted to. They didn’t seem that upset about the promise and probably thought I wasn’t serious.
But our youngest, Jennifer (now 21), never smoked. She was honest about this and her sisters also said Jennifer never smoked. After she turned 21, she came to me to talk about the promise.
While I was hesitant, I wasn’t going to break a promise I had made to her. So I bought her a car.
This did not go over well with Hailey and Cynthia, who argued it was really unfair. And they are now really mad at me.
Their mother (my now ex-wife) also said that I shouldn’t have bought Jennifer a car.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously. Usually these kinds of stories go awry when the condition for the gift is applied ex post as an ad hoc justification. You clearly articulated that not smoking is the price of the car.
The first two did not meet that condition, but the third did. There is no issue here. To deal with your wife, ask her if it is more fair to deny Jennifer a car, which would break your promise, or to anger your other daughters?
Someone is going to get mad either way. Might as well take the option that’s more fair.” PriceDiscrimination
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All three kids knew the promise; all three of them agree that only one of them met the terms of the promise. What was the purpose of the promise if you weren’t going to keep it?
You didn’t even need to hesitate—you told all three children a clear path to getting a car, one accomplished it, so why wouldn’t she get a car? If you had broken your promise, she’d never trust you again—rightfully. So now her sisters think you should break a promise simply because they—also knowing the promise—didn’t benefit from it?” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“I have second thoughts about huge all-or-nothing rewards like this. You’re talking about teenagers; their brains are still developing. They experiment and they have all the foresight of a firecracker. You have what you wanted: Three daughters who do not smoke. Two had to try it to learn by themselves but ended up at the same outcome.
The last one was meek and did as she was told. They followed the spirit of the law and you have the outcome you, and every parent, wanted: non-smokers. You are punishing them for the way they reached the desired outcome. So your promise was: Not only should you not take up smoking, you must learn that in one way and one way only.
You made no provisions for the possibility that different people learn in different ways.” LightPhotographer
7. AITJ For Buying My Grandma's Car Without Consulting My Cousin?
“My grandma was selling her car and I needed one, so I offered to buy it from her. We made a deal, everything was cool, and now it’s mine.
But then my cousin found out and they’re upset. Apparently, they thought they’d get the car for free because they visit my grandma a lot more than I do.
They’re all upset that I didn’t check with them first, and now they’re acting like I took something that should’ve been theirs.
Honestly, I didn’t think they even wanted the car; I just thought they borrowed it here and there. I feel like I didn’t do anything wrong since my grandma and I made a legit deal, and I actually needed the car.
But now it’s all awkward and they’re being weird about it.
So, AITJ for just buying the car without talking to my cousin first?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. Your grandma was selling, you bought. Which is totally ok. “Apparently, they thought they’d get the car for free since they visit my grandma a lot more than I do.” Your cousin doesn’t even sound mature enough to drive.
They should take this as a reality check that being an entitled jerk isn’t going to get them anywhere.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cousins are not the legal owners of the vehicle. Grandma would have given you a heads-up if there was already an interest in the vehicle from their part.
You can’t read people’s minds. Lack of communication is on them. They were mute about their interest, not even when they heard she had it for sale. Their feelings don’t mean that it’s their vehicle, or the POA.” Alfred-Register7379
Another User Comments:
“Heck no, NTJ, the cousin is entitled & has no say about something they could not buy.
If Grandma was going to give them the car, she would not have put it up for sale. Cousin wants something for visiting, so their visits are not out of love, but because they wanted something in return. Your grandmother knows it & that is why she didn’t give the car to them.
You are fine, don’t let the freeloader gaslight you into thinking anything else.” Tasty_Watercress_24
6. AITJ For Refusing To Swap A Wedding Ring With My Sister?
“My (29f) grandmother died when I was a teenager. Since my grandfather was already dead and my dad was an only child, everything went to him. Since most of the jewelry Grandma left behind was tacky or gaudy, my parents sold most of it, but they set aside two rings of equal value for my sister and me, for either when we got married or turned 30, whichever came first.
I got engaged when I was 22 and married at 24. My mom gave me the sapphire and diamond ring, which I wore for my wedding, and lent to two friends for their weddings as their something blue. Another of my friends will be wearing it for her wedding in July.
My sister (30f) got married last year and was divorced 8 months later. She skipped Christmas (wasn’t ready to face everyone) but visited for New Year’s. She also received a ring from Grandma, with diamonds and rubies.
Now, these rings are not heirlooms, exactly. Grandma never specified that she wanted us to have them, and when Mom gave us these rings, she said we could wear them or not, keep them or sell them, or even dump them in the ocean like the necklace in Titanic; she didn’t care.
Neither my sister nor I were ever close to Grandma, who did not want grandchildren (and hated children so even Dad has said he’s not sure why he was even born).
My sister saw me wearing the ring at New Year’s and asked if it was the ring from Grandma.
I told her it was. She asked me to switch rings with her because hers reminded her of her failed marriage. I like my ring better than hers, and it reminds me of my wedding day. It reminds two of my friends of their wedding days when they see me wear it.
I’ve promised to lend it to another friend, and a few more have mentioned wanting to borrow it when they eventually marry. I told her she could sell her ring if she didn’t want it, but I wasn’t going to switch rings with her.
Mom thinks I should give my sister my ring because she’s having a tough time with her divorce.
I feel bad that her marriage ended badly, but she can sell the ring if she doesn’t want it, and I don’t think I should have to give up a ring that holds so many memories for me and my friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s your ring. If your sister wants one like it, I’m sure that you would be willing to take a bunch of pictures of it from 10 or 12 different angles so that it could be recreated. The ring that you have has become part of your life.
Another possibility is to have your sister’s ring modified so that it no longer reminds her of her failed marriage. Blaming her marriage sounds like a weak excuse to get a ring that she likes more.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The ring belongs to you, you already have sentimental attachment to it through your own memories having it.
The nature in which the ring became yours does not obligate you to entertain trading it with your sister. It sucks that she doesn’t like the ring she got now, but she has other options. She can sell it, take it to a jeweler and have it made into something else, etc. Mom’s opinion here is not relevant.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both your parents have expressed that the rings are for y’all to do what YOU want with them. You are choosing to keep YOUR ring because it is your wedding ring, and ‘something blue’ for several friends. Your sister does not like what HER ring reminds her of.
She may, as your mother put it: wear it or not, keep or sell it, or dump it in the ocean Titanic style. Please DO NOT give in! Also… find a secure (and reliable) safe with a lock on it to prevent your sister or Mom from potentially stealing it.
Same, and especially if she will also be in attendance at your next friend’s wedding. Or you have a falling out with previous friends… or anyone ‘bribable.’ It may not have started off as one, but it is now YOUR heirloom. Suggest your sister sell Granny’s ring and have your parents pick out a new one with the money if she feels weird buying one for herself.” Reddit User
5. AITJ For Not Returning Home When My Parents Refused My Independence?
” I (19f) moved out of my parents’ house (55m) (50f) two months after I turned 18. To give some context, my parents have been pretty on and off my whole life. I didn’t even move in with my dad until I was 9, and shortly after I moved in, his current wife moved in, and they got married. (For this post my step-mom will be referred to as my mom.) There have been so many issues in the past (think heavy drinking, neglect, and a lot of emotional abuse and controlling behavior, with much of the emotional abuse and control coming from my step-mom, who highly favored her own kids).
It got to the point where I begged them to let me leave when I was 16, but they refused. I will admit that I was no star role model, but I believe my actions were the result of such a negative upbringing. I always warned them that I would leave once I turned 18.
So after I turned 18, I got the opportunity to visit another state, and I went with nothing more than a couple of suitcases. I had absolutely no intention of staying. However, once I got there, I realized how much I loved it and wanted to live there.
For once, there was no one yelling at me about how I was a pig or messy or commenting on my appearance. It felt peaceful. I didn’t know if I would have another opportunity to fly out again before I wanted to move, and I didn’t want to miss out on a great opportunity, so I asked my parents to extend my stay.
Some important information during this was that I bought my own plane ticket and had enough money in my savings account to live on for quite some time. I was financially independent from them at this time. The only thing I wasn’t paying was rent and utilities.
They immediately lashed out and told me that I wasn’t allowed to extend it, and that if I really wanted to move, then we could talk about it when I got home. I knew that meant I wouldn’t be allowed to fly out again.
So, I told them that if that was how they felt, then I just would not be coming home. (I was staying with a trusted family friend at this time, who really needed a roommate and was very on board with me staying, and I had a good job offer.) So, I told my parents that I was going to stay and I wasn’t coming home.
They were LIVID. They started yelling at me, name-calling, etc., and I finally told them that there wasn’t anything they could do, and they hung up. The only thing they said to me afterward was not to bother coming back for my things because they were throwing everything of mine away (which they did).
I’ve had minimal contact with them since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a good thing you got out. They are abusive towards you, and what you said makes it sound like they don’t really care about you (I’m sorry if that sounds harsh; it’s not my intention—I just don’t know how to word it).
Good for you for standing your ground and moving out; you did what was best for you, not for them.” Mamba_Grigio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t look back and stop letting them speak to you this way. If they can’t treat you nicely, you don’t have to engage with them at all.
You deserve a life without abuse. I had a similar story. I was the reason for everything bad in their lives. Since I left (40 years ago), I assume their lives are perfect. I know my life without them is awesome.” bontemp420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
At age 18, you are legally an adult and can make your own decisions. If they are so nasty to you, why do they want you in their home? Were you paying part of their expenses? If so, they didn’t seem to show much appreciation and got what they deserved.” SensitiveDrink5721
4. AITJ For Calling Out My Dad's Hypocrisy Over His Hurtful Insults?
“I (15f) had an interesting experience this morning. I was wearing my brother’s hoodie when my dad told me to go change. I don’t want to, as it’s sentimental to me (I don’t see my brother very often, but he’s nice-ish when I do see him), but I just thought, “whatever,” and changed. I went downstairs wearing my older sister’s baggy shirt.
It had the same sentimental value for the same reason. Dad looked at it and said, “Oh great, you’re wearing the jerk’s shirt.” For context, both my brother and sister are substance addicts, with my sister getting pregnant and leaving her daughter with us. However, my sister and brother are half-siblings, not Dad’s kids.
So I asked Dad, “Why are you calling her that? She’s doing better now.” (She did just celebrate two years clean, has a job, and is paying child support.) My dad says, “She’s still a jerk.” So I asked, “So, we’re calling people names based on what they’ve done?” Dad replied, “Absolutely.
If you did it, you deserve to be called it.”
So, I went upstairs to tell my mother and ask if I could call out Dad, mainly because I’m not an assertive person, so asking made me feel better, and we have a rule at home, “if you dish it, you better take it,” and I wanted to know if it applied to Dad.
(Dad doesn’t live with us, and he’s only visiting. In my opinion, he’s been here way too long.) Mom agreed with me, so I went downstairs and asked the same questions again, to which he gave the same answer. So I said, “Well, then you’re a 56-year-old man who hasn’t had a stable job in years, lied to your partner sixteen years ago that you couldn’t have kids but obviously did, and would rather get your truck taken and license revoked than get a job and pay the hundreds of thousands you owe in child support.” Dad got upset, but Mom backed me up because nothing I said was false.
Was I wrong, since I’m only a teenager and he’s my father?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m glad you asked your mother before you said anything. I’m sure your father reported back (i.e., told on you) to your mother. Instead of being shocked, she had your back.” HotReport9497
Another User Comments:
“HAHAHAHAHA! You. I like you. You’re going to go far, little sister. Respect is earned, not given. And in this case, you were just reflecting back the energy he was giving to you, sooooooo… NTJ!” VLDreyer
Another User Comments:
“Dad needs to be put in his place.
You calling him out would be a great way to do this. Mom has your back, so go for it. Maybe it’s time to LC Dad and let him know he has to call and make sure it is ok to come over. You’re NTJ, but your dad is a super jerk.” Odd-Trainer-3735
3. AITJ For Asking My Dog Walker To Help With My Dog's Emergency Vet Bills?
“I have a 5-year-old cardigan corgi.
He’s an absolute unit, and as my friends say, he’s high in strength/constitution and low in intelligence/wisdom. He often tries to eat things that aren’t safe for him.
I live alone and hired a dog walker I found on Rover to visit him once a day during the work week.
Instead of going through the app, I agreed to pay her in cash. She’s generally been great. But we’ve had a few mishaps like her not telling me when my dog ate and tore up a wooden hand fan. I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt because my dog loves her and enjoys his walks with her.
Last night, my dog vomited up five or so partially chewed, large, bright-orange seeds. They are from the coontie plant and are in the same family as sago palms, which can be fatally toxic to dogs even in small amounts. Unfortunately, they are part of the landscape in my “dog-friendly” apartment complex.
I decided not to wait it out and took my dog to the emergency vet. They admitted him to critical care because the risk of him deteriorating was so high, even though he was in good spirits when I left him.
I messaged my dog walker to let her know what happened, and she insists she never saw him eat the seeds and that she tries to prevent him from eating things on the ground.
I know he did not eat the seeds on my watch because I exclusively took him to the turf-only dog park yesterday, which isn’t near the toxic plants.
This emergency vet visit is costing thousands of dollars. I haven’t brought up the cost to her yet, but WIBTJ to request that she contributes to this huge expense?
I get it’s my dog, but also I have never let this happen on my watch. I understand it was likely an honest mistake, but I also feel as though it’s really irresponsible to let someone’s dog eat random things off the ground, especially if you aren’t paying close attention.”
Another User Comments:
“HAHA YTJ YTJ YTJ. You have ZERO proof that she was negligent here, and you describe the dog as persistently having this bad behavior. Yet you CHOOSE to live in a complex with substances around that can be fatal to your pet – you assumed that risk.
You even stopped booking via the official service that may be able to help pay for things in case of an accident. Typical irresponsible pet owner where EVERYTHING that happens with their ill-trained animal is someone else’s fault. Grow up and pay the bills yourself.” No_Glove_1575
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ and you will most likely lose this person from your contacts as a dog walker or otherwise. She told you she never saw him eat anything and she actively is preventing it. You asking her to pay part of the bills is saying she lied and this is her fault.
You say it yourself that the plants are all around your apartment complex and while you say you took him to the turf-only dog park – you had to go from out your complex to get there. You sound certain it would have never happened on your watch.
This means it has to be her fault. Did your vet confirm the seeds were the toxic and your dog’s life was actually in danger?” atealein
Another User Comments:
“As a dog walker, I can definitively say that the dog walker messed up by letting the dog eat something and not telling you.
That doesn’t mean they should be on the hook financially. This very well could have happened with you too. A good thing to keep in mind is that while your dog may be super responsive to your commands, the same might not apply to dog walkers.
I have encountered situations where the owners are confused as to how well and how responsive their dog is around me, while for others, the opposite is true. It takes time for dogs to build that trust relationship. Yes, absolutely, they should have told you, but also this is a risk you take owning a dog.
They eat crap they shouldn’t and do things they shouldn’t. You have a 1-4-year-old toddler depending on the time of day. They have a mind of their own. Since you already know the verdict, here’s my advice on picking a dog walker: Do a long doggo visit prior to hiring them.
Watch how they respond and interact. See how they give commands. I always recommend the owner set some traps for me; i.e., walk past a puddle the doggo really wants to go in. Leave some bacon on the ground for me to walk past with, and as I’m near the street, throw their favourite toy into the street.
All of these simulate real situations you may find the dog walker in. Knowing how they respond to it and how the dog acts around them says more than anything. I stopped using Rover because the site was filled with people with no experience on both sides.
I work on word-of-mouth recommendations and have more than enough work given my current ability level.” throw1away9932s
2. AITJ For Leaving A Party Because My Date Refused To Get Me Water?
“I had been seeing someone I met through mutual friends. We’d had good times one-on-one, and when he invited me to events with his friends, I’d contribute to the group dynamic by never showing up empty-handed and offering to grab drinks for others.
Fast forward to a holiday-themed party with his friends. My date and I planned to meet there and hang out afterward. I spent the day cleaning my condo and preparing mulled wine to bring. During the party, people were getting drinks for one another, including me when I served the wine.
At one point, I was sitting on the couch, blocked in by only my date on one side and many others on the other side. I was tired and didn’t feel like tightly squeezing past people I didn’t know, so I asked my date if he could grab me a glass of water.
He shook his head, and after I said “huh,” he said, “No. I was just up, and you could’ve asked before I sat down again.” I was taken aback because I view small gestures, like grabbing water, as basic acts of care for friends, but especially for someone you’re seeing.
That moment, combined with a long day of preparation, left me feeling drained. Since the party was winding down and I didn’t have the energy to engage further, I said my goodbyes and called a ride. My date offered to walk me out and said he felt hurt that I was leaving.
I explained I needed to recharge, but that he was welcome to come over after the party.
As we walked out, I jokingly mentioned how his not getting me water surprised me. He replied, “Wow, that really upset you, huh? I have to be guarded about these things, you know.”
Later, we texted, but he seemed more upset about me leaving than interested in listening to why I felt drained. When I tried to call, he didn’t answer. His texts were curt, and I eventually told him I’d let him decompress. Two days later, I called to discuss what happened. He said he’d call that evening but didn’t reach out until three days later, saying, “I’m not dodging you, I’ve just been busy.” At that point, I was over it, especially since he never acknowledged the misunderstanding or my attempts to resolve it.
A month later, we finally had a conversation. He explained that getting me water felt “subservient” and was something I had to earn through time and “being in the trenches with him.” He also said I didn’t understand how busy his life was (for context, I work multiple jobs).
I calmly explained that grabbing water for someone isn’t about being subservient but a small act of kindness.
After reflecting, I feel his responses and handling of the situation were disrespectful and indicative of bigger issues.
So, is there a jerk here? I appreciate the perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. This seems to be a bigger issue than just water. He could have asked if you needed something when he went earlier before he sat down. He could have said ‘I just sat down’ or ‘I’m talking to someone right now’ and ‘…but let me get up so you can go get some’ or something considerate.
It seems, instead, to have been an opening for him to start some crap with you. Who needs that? I think I’d just move on, and let him stand up for his rights or something with someone who cares.” Mysterious_Spark
Another User Comments:
“When I was a younger, dumber man, I was once hanging out with dear friends that were a young married couple.
We were all just sitting on couches/chairs watching TV. My male friend asked his wife if she would go grab him a Diet Soda from the fridge. When she got up and went to get it, I said something stupid like ‘Nice’ or ‘That’s how you do it, dude.’ Freaking dumb.
Well, she heard and when she returned and handed him his soda, she turned to me and said ‘OP, by the way, I went and got my husband a soda because he asked me to. He’s my friend, my husband and I love him. I didn’t do it because he’s in charge of me or because I’m a woman.
I did it because he asked me nicely if I would.’ I’ve never looked back. Sounds like your guy hasn’t learned that lesson yet. It’s not about subservience or some power situation. It’s just about being nice to someone you like.” wwJones
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I never say this, but there are so many red flags. Run. Him describing being asked to get water for you as being forced to be subservient, I’m assuming he actually means emasculated, and if that’s the case, can you imagine what he’ll be like when you actually get to know each other?
Run.” iheartwords
1. AITJ For Drinking The Last Of The Milk Without Telling My Dad?
“I (21) am currently living with my parents at home to save on room and board for college. I am a full-time student, work 20+ hours a week, and consistently contribute to household chores and tasks.
As a family, we drink a lot of milk and go through it pretty fast. My mom (53F) has always been the one to get the groceries, but since I got my license in high school, I have as well. It is rare for my dad to get family groceries.
My dad (50M) is very picky about food, and for as long as I can remember, he gets very upset if he doesn’t have the right drink with his food. If we have pizza, he needs Coca-Cola; if we have any dessert, he needs milk.
Growing up, when we ran out of one of these drinks, it would upset him. Sometimes, he would slam the front door as he left; sometimes he would leave without a word. My mom was always hurt by it, and it always confused me. Why couldn’t he just drink water?
Well, it snowed badly this week, but I was able to dig my car out of the snow and pick up some drink items. I got juice and some milk.
Fast-forward to yesterday. Mom got sick but works remotely. We ran out of milk as well as other items for making breakfast and coffee, so I updated our grocery app.
I got to my car, but it wouldn’t start. She was running a meeting, so I texted to let them know I needed to take her car, which was fine with her. It’s 9:00 a.m., and my dad is still asleep because he was off work.
It’s 11:30, and I’ve been enjoying a lovely day at work. My dad hadn’t responded to any of the family messages, but I received this text from him:
“Can you please let me know when you drink the last of the milk so I can plan accordingly for my meals?”
He hadn’t acknowledged my car troubles or that I was at work. He woke up 4 hours after the rest of us on his day off, which is fine. I responded:
“Hello, good morning to you too. I understand that you’re frustrated, but Mom and I are planning to go to the grocery store after work today.
I made it to work safely and am having a nice day. Hope you enjoy your day off.”
His response:
“I’m sorry if that sounded rude. I didn’t mean for it to. I would really like your help with that issue. I’m glad you made it safe to work; have a good day.”
Fair enough. I followed up by sharing the updates I made to our grocery app.
But this is what I wanted to say to him:
“Thank you. I’m not sure what the issue is. I was raised not to cry over spilled milk. I am not responsible for helping you plan your meals.
When we run out of my favorite drinks, I drink water and go on with my day because they are a luxury, not an essential to survive. That’s more than most people have in this world, and I’m grateful. Are you?”
I always want to give the benefit of the doubt and be open to the idea that I might be missing something.
But I feel like there’s something wrong with this behavior.
So, AITJ for drinking the last of the milk and not telling my Dad immediately, when he is fully capable of buying groceries himself, or drinking water when it’s needed?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your household needs to have an extra gallon at all times instead of just one.
When the extra is opened, buy another. Do the same for anything else—keep a 2L or a 12-pack of soda on hand; when it gets opened, buy another. I don’t know why this has been an issue for a lifetime when the answer seems so simple and obvious.
I am definitely blaming Dad for not figuring this out, but we don’t have access to him; thus, my advice is for the daughter to suggest the household change.” eroscripter
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t see a problem with his text; when you addressed it, he apologized for sounding rude.
However, it sounds like you just don’t like the fact that he does things a certain way and you don’t. He asked you, an adult, nicely to let him know if you drank the last of one of the drinks you know that he will be needing later.
I say, needing—he’s been this way your entire life—and now you want to make it a problem. It sounds like it annoys you, so you want him to be the problem. He didn’t even ask you to go pick it up; he just wanted to be informed if you drank the last of it.
If you’re so keen on drinking water, then don’t drink the drinks that are a must for him, and it will last him longer anyways. Sorry, but YTJ.” No_Description9313
Another User Comments:
“ESH. It is not unreasonable for adults in your household to give each other a heads-up when you finish a basic food item.
It is quite common for families and partners to set the expectation that you let the others know when you’ve run out of something. To me, adding milk to the grocery app would not be enough of an indication that you’ve already run out, since milk is something that is generally purchased each week anyway.
His text, asking to be told when someone finishes a grocery staple, certainly could have been worded differently and more politely, but your responses were completely over the top, passive-aggressive, holier-than-thou, and ridiculous.” BaconEggAndCheeseSPK
