People Get Nasty In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Difficult Grandma On My Solo Trip?
“I’m inquisitive if I’m the jerk. Quick backstory, my grandma is from Ukraine and I’ve lived with her for around 3 years, we have quite a good relationship, she has a strong character and is very outgoing.
She was very strict with my mother so they didn’t have a great relationship, as the war started she came to us in Germany, and from that point, everything started to go down. Everything needs to be exactly as she wants; if not,t she will yell and scream for “how we are treating” her.
She is bored here and doesn’t want to learn the language or get a driver’s license, so she just sits the whole day inside and complains about everything. I do have an understanding of her situation but on the other side, I find it difficult to be that ungrateful for everything.
About 3 years ago she told my mother a lot of stuff that was not true… Because she was bored and didn’t have to do anything else, at that time I had a really bad relationship with my mother, so she believed everything that my grandma said.
This ended up in me being in the psych ward. (I haven’t gotten an apology yet)
Grandma knows how to mess up people’s lives, right now is my mother her victim. My grandma doesn’t know that I know it, but she was unfaithful to my dead grandpa for about 20 years, she talked with this guy and said “It’s a friend of hers”, I was furious when my mother told me this.
But I kept quiet. She will never know that I know.
Last year my grandmother wanted to do a trip with me because she wanted to travel, I was very surprised and nervous because as you can see she’s a difficult person. I still agreed because this was probably her last time traveling.
The trip was better than I expected but still extremely stressful. I’ve been in Paris before and could navigate quite well, but everything I said or did didn’t suit her. One time we went through the Champs Elysee and she wanted to go back to the hotel, then I told her I knew how to get there, but she didn’t believe me and just ran away from me, I followed her for about 40 minutes through the whole city.
Then she started screaming at me that I was so dumb etc. I was really angry. But the current situation is, I that want to take a solo trip to probably Sweden, and she wants to come with me. On one side, she’s old and won’t see probably that much of the world anymore, but on the other side I cannot resist that stress.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like you need this break! Take your solo trip… solo! You and your mom are sharing your home with your grandma. If she wants to explore a new place, she always has the choice to get out of the house and explore where you live.
She’s surrounded by new opportunities that she’s refusing to take. I would minimize how much you talk about the trip at home. If she brings it up, every time try offering to help her see something local. There have to be other Ukrainian people around that she could get to know.
She sounds like she’d be so much happier if she found friends. ” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your grandma lied and YOU ended up in the psych ward? You should go no contact with grandma, never talk to her again, and stay as far from her as possible., You need to protect yourself, and refuse to be in the same room with her.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk here; it sounds like you’re really patient and compassionate despite how challenging your grandmother can be. Wanting a solo trip after all you’ve managed with her is totally understandable. While it’s kind to think about her wanting to see the world, you also deserve to enjoy your own experiences without constant stress.
Maybe you could plan a smaller outing with her nearby that would be easier to manage and then have your solo trip as well. Setting these kinds of boundaries doesn’t make you unkind or ungrateful; it just shows you’re taking care of yourself too.
Good luck, and I hope you get the peaceful trip you deserve!” User
22. AITJ For Hanging Out With My Friend's Ex-Partner Without Her Permission?
“I, F18 became friends with Eric, M19 in 2020. He was friends with Melody, F17 & introduced us. We instantly became friends. They used to “see each other”, but Eric always said it was a silly thing that happened when they were kids.
Melody & I hung out more & became closer.
A month or so later, I had a tiny crush on Eric. I told her, & she urged me to pursue it. He heard through the grapevine. Long story short, he rejected me. No hard feelings on either side.
Later, she told me she had a crush on Eric.
Didn’t have any negative feelings about it, just surprised but supportive. 2021, she saw Bruce M19. (long distance)
He visited & stayed with her for a week. I was surprised, as they had never met in person before. He was nice; though they did a bit of PDA, Bruce & I became friends because, at that point, they were together for a few months.
They had a MESSY breakup. During 2022 & 2023, Melody had a few partners. She never said the full story of why they’d broke up & I didn’t want to badger her.
2024, I hadn’t seen them in a while (I’m a first year in uni; she’s still in school).
I saw through an Insta story that Melody & Eric were seeing each other. It wasn’t a secret, but stories posted previously could still give a “friend” impression. DM’ed them each, asking in a jokey tone “Since when were you two together?”. He said “Wasn’t it obvious?” & she said “Since October.” I congratulated them & life went on.
On campus, I ran into Bruce. We still followed each other on Instagram & were civil. We spoke more & became friends. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal for Melody since she & Bruce broke up 3 years ago, & she’s seeing Eric.
Anyway, I had this event coming up, & asked Bruce to be my date. He said yes. We went together as friends & had a good time. On our way back from the event, Bruce was intoxicated & he had my phone, was messaging Melody and called her.
Only realizing after I dropped him off and went home, I sent her a message apologizing & texted her “Hey” the next day, which she didn’t respond to or read. Three weeks later, it’s her birthday. It was during the week, so I was busy, but I posted a birthday message with a picture of her, on my Instagram story.
I tried to tag her but couldn’t find her account. Didn’t think anything of it. I tagged her spam account, & again, went on with life.
A month later, Eric’s sister posted on Insta & I noticed I hadn’t seen Eric’s posts in a while.
Searched him and Melody on Instagram, & nothing. I call a friend and ask if he sees their accounts. He can. Shocked, I questioned why I was blocked. Bruce. I can’t believe she’s mad!
Am I in the wrong? I DID try to reach out to her after the situation happened, but she blocked me EVERYWHERE.
Even got her partner to block me. Didn’t know she was upset with me for more than a month, & even so, I only realised through MY digging. Since I’m blocked, there’s no way that I can resolve this, so I just want to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry mate but YTJ. You knew that Melody had a messy breakup with Bruce. If Melody is your friend, you either ask her if she’s cool with you asking her ex out, or at the VERY least you give her a heads up that you’re going on a date with him.
Instead, she had to find out about this because her ex was messaging her from your phone. You didn’t call her or make any effort to see how she felt/apologize so I’m not surprised she’s decided to walk away from the friendship sadly. Given Bruce was messaging her…sorry but it sounds like he was using you to get back at her.
He may be one to avoid.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like Bruce somehow got a hold of your phone and Melody blocked you without giving you a chance to explain yourself. Also, PLEASE secure your phone with an alphanumeric passcode. Don’t let people simply use your phone for whatever they want.” doritofinnick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You hadn’t seen them in a while – you weren’t even aware that she & Eric were in a relationship. Friendships are “for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.” You were under no obligation to ask her permission or let her know that you were going out with Bruce.
She didn’t extend that courtesy to you regarding Eric, knowing you once had feelings for him. However, I’m very confused as to why Bruce was calling Melody from your phone. I know you said he was intoxicated, but that screams immaturity to me.
Maybe he’s not over her, or wanted to cause drama?” Pristine_Main_1224
21. AITJ For Expecting My Unemployed Partner To Help With House Chores?
“I(20F) have an apartment with my(20M) partner. I work 16 hours a day between two jobs 6 days a week with half a day off from my second job.
My first job is 9 pm-7 am and my second is 12 am-6 pm. I have around 1 full hour to myself when it doesn’t include sleeping getting ready or the ride to work. I talked to my partner about how we can work on house duties and how I need him to step up a little more than usual. He is currently unemployed and spends most of his day playing video games.
Usually, I just ask him to take the dog out for at least 20 minutes around the apartment in the morning so I can get a little sleep before my next shift or I’ll ask him to take out the trash or wash the dishes while I’m gone.
He has always been resistant or a small argument is always a part of me asking him to do anything that isn’t a reward for him.
Usually, I’ll leave for work after asking him to pick up trash or clothes and he’ll agree just to come home and find things worse than before.
He won’t take the dog out and the dog will use the bathroom in the house and then it won’t be cleaned until I’m there to clean it up. I’ll put laundry in the dryer and he won’t get it out until I’m back the next day and someone has already put it onto a table in the laundry mat with a few of my clothes stolen or mixed up with someone else’s.
He constantly uses the excuse of being too tired or sick to do the task. He has started using the argument that it’s not ok for me to dictate to him by asking him to do things right when I ask. Today was my half a day off where we agreed we would fully clean the house.
I would clean the bedroom and he would do the living room. I started cleaning a little past 2 while he said he was gonna take a nap until 4. I let him sleep a little extra and didn’t bother him until 5. I told him I cleaned the living room and kitchen which was honestly disgusting.
I asked him to clean the room he was sleeping in. He woke up mad because I cleaned the “easy” room and expected him to clean the bedroom when that’s not what we agreed on. I told him the reason was because he was sleeping in there and didn’t wanna wake him by all the noise cleaning would cause.
He went back to sleep angry and I don’t think it’s likely for him to do anything else. I already cleaned 2 areas and I don’t see why it’s a problem for him to clean just one even if it’s not what we agreed on.
It feels like I would be better off by myself. I plan on having a long talk with him and maybe even writing out a schedule to work things out. Am I the jerk for nagging my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! He sounds like my worst nightmare honestly.
Also, it isn’t nagging if you are just asking him to do the most basic of cleaning tasks. I have a feeling based on the way he has been so upset just over you asking him to do the basics, that even a “long talk” won’t solve things.
You were right to say you would be better off on your own because you truly would be. You wouldn’t ever come home to a mess and the only issue you would have to overcome would be who would take the dogs out while you’re at work but it doesn’t seem like he is even ever doing that for you either.
Put yourself first and don’t let him be a leech. Tell him to step up or step out.” Huge_Effective4380
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need CONSEQUENCES, not just nagging! Clearly, he doesn’t care much about you or he would voluntarily help, and equally clearly telling him over and over to do things is not working.
He needs to be doing ALL the cleaning and errand running and all the dishwasher loading/unloading and his laundry and the dog, since you are busy earning all the money! Possible Consequences – tell him you are sick of the mess and these (suggestions ) are the new rules, as long as you are the main breadwinner.
1. Do you cook meals? When you come home to chores not done, cook your meal and do nothing for him. 2. Say no to intimacy for him, be interested only when YOU want it. 3. He gets NO spending money 4. And if that doesn’t work to get your place sparkling clean within a month, you will kick him out.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You do not have a partner. You have a leech with benefits. There is no reason for him to change because you are just going to clean anyway when you get sick of looking at the mess he is making. Is that really how you want to live?” JessieColt
20. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Housemate Over Shared Expenses And Fridge Space?
“I 23M live with my housemate 23F who I’ve been friends with for a long time. We have little to no boundaries. Generally, we’ve gotten along well, though we’ve had a few minor disagreements in the past. Recently, however, I’ve been getting more and more frustrated with her behavior, and I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable.
Here are the main issues that have been bothering me:
– Milk Sharing: We’ve been sharing milk to make things easier. I buy it, then she buys it, and so on. But recently, I’ve been the one buying it twice in a row, and when it was her turn, she asked if I could take some from my workplace (basically steal it) because she forgot to buy it.
It was early in the evening, and she easily could’ve gone to the store herself. This rubbed me the wrong way, especially since it feels like she just expects me to cover it, by stealing it from work.
– Bills: We recently had to pay a shared bill, and I ended up putting in a little extra because I didn’t have exact change at the time.
Instead of putting in her full share, she saw that I’d overpaid and thought it was fine to contribute less. It wasn’t about the small amount of money—it was about the assumption that I’d cover her without her asking me first.
– Fridge Space: We have two fridges—she takes up one, and the other one is left to me and the other housemate. Lately, she’s been using space in the shared fridge without asking, which means I often don’t have room for my groceries.
I ended up taking her stuff out and putting my own in, and I think she’s annoyed by that. I just don’t feel it’s fair that she’s taking up space in another fridge when she already fully occupies another.
All these little things have added up, and I decided I needed clearer boundaries to avoid getting resentful.
I told her this morning that I want to stop sharing groceries like milk and that I’d rather we each handle our part of the bills separately. I also brought up the fridge situation and asked her to stick to using her fridge.
I think this took her by complete shock, she thought my reasons for being upset/annoyed were extremely minor and pathetic.
She told me I was being nitpicky and overreacting to things that weren’t a big deal. She said that none of my concerns warranted the situation and that she wasn’t bothered to continue being friends. Essentially, she just didn’t understand my concerns, whether that was a lack of communication on my part or a lack of understanding on hers.
I tried to be as clear as possible.
Now I’m feeling conflicted. On one hand, I think I have a right to feel frustrated when these things build up over time. On the other hand, I’m wondering if I was being unreasonable or if I should’ve just let these things slide.
I think if anything, this is just a lesson for me for the future to set boundaries early on, so stupid petty things like this don’t create resentment over time.
AITJ for setting boundaries and ending our friendship over it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You weren’t being nitpicky, she is being a deadbeat hog.
So going to strict boundaries is appropriate here given her attitude and behavior. Ask her, what else were you supposed to do in response to her selfish actions? Continue to be her doormat? Naw, that ain’t happening in this lifetime or any other. Be a responsible roommate and quit jerking everyone around, lady.
You brought it all down on yourself.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s somewhat nuanced. When these “little things” happen, you are probably the only one even registering it, and as you have a good degree of introspection, these small things add up over time and then when you say it, it seems outta nowhere from her perspective.
So you’re NTJ for feeling the way you do, but it is mainly your fault for how things may have unfolded.” Frosty-Earth54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re being nitpicky and overreacting (really surprised she didn’t throw in “selfish”) because you’re telling her to get back on her side of the boundaries.
I don’t know how one person can use up more than one fridge, but she needs to find her crap in the sink or the hallway a few times. She’ll get it. Stand firm. From your other posts, she sounds immature, entitled, and a brat.
Don’t blame you for ending the friendship with someone sucking you dry of every feeling and emotion!” No-Broccoli-5932
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Serve Dumpster-Dived Food At Our Party?
“I (20F) live with a housemate (20) who is passionate about the environment. They’re vegan and are involved in community groups in our area that revolve around activism of all forms. I love this about them, just mentioning it because I think it’s good context.
We’re planning a party at our house for a fairly large group of people at the end of the week, and we’re planning to cook pizzas to feed everyone, which we’ve done a few times before and never had issues with. Mostly my friends and our other housemate’s friends are coming, as well as some friends of the housemate in question.
This housemate mentioned in the group chat for the party that they would be able to “scavenge” food for the event.
They have recently been going through the bins of local supermarkets to rescue food that has been thrown out “for no reason.” I understand that food waste is a massive problem and that the big supermarkets where I live do have a problem with discarding things like vegetables for aesthetic reasons when they are perfectly edible.
I think it’s somewhat extreme, however, to go through those bins and eat what has been thrown out. I work in a small supermarket and I know I wouldn’t eat anything that goes in those bins, because you just don’t know what else has been in there.
But if they’re happy to, more power to them.
My issue is with this party. I was messaging my housemates about it and asked them if they were planning to go bin diving for the party. They said yes “just for some ingredients” because things like capsicum are too expensive.
I said I would be happy to buy them and that they don’t have to pay. Even after repeating that multiple times, they pushed the issue, saying food waste is a massive problem and they will clean everything well and “if you want to inspect every vegetable in detail that’s fine.” I was out of town when we were having this discussion over text, so I told them we would talk about it when I got home because I didn’t to accidentally sound mean over text.
We’re going to chat about it tonight.
I’m posting this here to ask if I’m the jerk when I tell them not to cook bin vegetables for the pizza party. I just think it’s rude to serve people food that comes from the bin, to me it’s weird and makes me feel uncomfortable.
I don’t think that bin diving for food as a whole concept is bad and I don’t want my housemate to feel like I think they’re gross. But I don’t think that just washing food when it’s been in the bin is enough when you don’t know where it’s been.
I feel like I’m crazy for thinking that at this point lol. If they want to bin dive for food for the other 364 days of the year that’s cool, but I hope it’s not unreasonable to ask them not to when we’re feeding a big group of people.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand where your housemate is coming from and when cooking for people who know about this and agree with the sentiment it is quite okay. But for a party where a lot of people are going to be coming and not everyone will be aware or will have a chance to give consent – I don’t think this is appropriate (unless you explicitly warn it in the party invitation and tell people they are free to bring their food if they are uncomfortable with this).” stealing.
Another User Comments:
“I’m betting that if the guests know the food was “rescued from the dumpster,” they wouldn’t be interested in eating anything. You know it. I know it. Your roommate knows it. Food has a sell-by date for a reason. It’s called bacteria growth.
When food goes past that date, it becomes dangerous for humans to consume. I know much of it is probably still safe, but, I’m not willing to take the chance of an ER visit and food poisoning because I was too cheap to buy lettuce.
Your roommate is being a jerk by doing this. Not to mention it’s nasty.” Country-girl7053
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said it yourself, you wouldn’t eat food from the trash but if they want to eat it, that’s fine for them. People need to consent to something like that.
Either you don’t use food from the trash, or you make sure everyone knows so they can decide for themselves. I would use words like consent when talking to your roommate. It’s not about judging her lifestyle, it’s giving people the choice of their food and their bodies.
I saw suggestions about having some pizza with/without ingredients from the trash and labeling them. To be honest, I wouldn’t trust that and probably still wouldn’t come. What’s to stop your roommate from switching the labels, or including the ingredients in both just to later say, “See?!
You ate it and it was fine!” They just seem too stuck on making a point.” Okie_dokie_36
18. AITJ For Considering Calling CPS On My Dirty Family House?
“I (22f) want what is best for my godson (7m). He lives with his mom, my mom and dad, my brother, our two uncles, our cousin, and our aunt. Everyone (ages 24-63) in that house doesn’t clean up after themselves or the animals (7 dogs and two cats).
The whole house is disgusting. There are dog feces everywhere to the point where you have to look at every step you take. There are piles of toys and dirty clothes throughout the downstairs living room, kitchen, dining room, and hallway.
Before my aunt, uncle, and cousin came, things were messy but not to this extent.
It would be manageable and you can get the house freshly cleaned in a day or two. But for this, I think it’ll take maybe a week or more. Now with three new people, three new dogs, and two cats, the situation got worse.
The upstairs bathroom is the only full bathroom they have and my godson can’t go up to bathe every day like he should.
There were clothes and bugs everywhere and wash-clothes that were growing mushrooms in there. My aunt and her family have made it hard for people to use the bathroom upstairs. The way you have to get there is by going through my old room (I don’t live there anymore) and then through their room.
Their dogs and both their cats live in that room 24/7, they barely take the poor animals out. Because of this, they poop and pee on the bedroom carpet.
My mom has been trying to clean with only my brother trying to help. Everyone but my uncles (COPD and MS) can help clean but they just won’t.
Obviously, I’m planning on informing my mom and my gs’ (godson) mom before I call them. I was planning on giving them a month to clean and make the house liveable for him. I know his mom (my other cousin from another aunt) is gonna freak out and I’m prepared for that.
I’m also prepared to be disowned as long as it means my Gs will have a place to grow up and bring friends over. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t warn these people. I had a friend growing up whose parents were exactly like this. They’d make it presentable long enough to not get in trouble then go right back to it.
Everyone at school made fun of her, she smelled like waste and urine. Being a nice kid thought I was helping my friends in a hard situation by cleaning with them. Now I realize I was just feeding into the mistreatment. She’s an adult now and doesn’t think the way she grew up is wrong, psychologically she’s messed up.
She thinks wetting the bed for almost 30 nights is just fine. There’s no medical condition that causes this, it’s all mental. If you’re in a position to temporarily take the child once CPS is involved, do that. It’ll give your sister a chance to get out of that environment and get right and get her kid back.
If that’s what she chooses to do anyway.” BallFeisty9634
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For adults apps will do nothing in my experience. They wouldn’t even remove the dog who was suffering. This was with a 3x3x3 area of rabbit feces in the kitchen, rodent urine and dropping, and dog feces and urine, human urine.
The floors were caving in because they were soaked in urine that bad. CPS will and I hope someone in the boy’s family can take him in. They need a clean home, room, and bed to start. And also pass tests and background checks. Good luck to you and your family” corpse_in_waiting
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Special Needs Brother At My Wedding?
“I (29f) am getting married next month. I am the oldest daughter in a family of five. My youngest brother, Jimmy, (19) has Downs Syndrome and autism. Jimmy is not one of the high-functioning “success” stories you see on social media. He has limited language, was never toilet trained, and is essentially a 1-year-old in the body of a grown man.
As I am 10 years older than him, and the eldest daughter let’s be honest, a significant amount of my teenage years were spent caring for him–or for my younger siblings while my parents were busy with Jimmy. He was, without a doubt the center of their attention and our family the moment he was born.
While I understand in part why this was necessary, it still hurts that no one else was allowed a special moment after he was born.
When my older brother, Timmy, (and only older sibling) got married last year, he and his husband opted to elope to avoid the drama of “What to do with Jimmy?” Timmy knew that my parents would want Jimmy to be his best man etc (they have said as much) and so he just skipped the whole thing.
My sisters and I had been invited to Cancun for the elopement/wedding, but we had not told our parents we were there.
I am having a big-ish wedding, because it matters to my fiance’s family. He really wants my parents to attend so we invited them.
They immediately started discussing what Jimmy’s needs would be. I told them that the invitation was for them, not Jimmy. They would have to use respite care for Jimmy (they do use respite for him on a fairly regular basis. This isn’t new). They are now refusing to come unless Jimmy can come.
And I am hurt all over again.
I don’t want Jimmy at my wedding. He is disruptive and I want one day that isn’t focused on his needs. I know this is selfish, but I am done. I didn’t get a high school, college, or med school graduation, because of Jimmy.
I just want a wedding.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Considering the context, I don’t think you are the jerk for wanting just one day to be the center of attention without inevitable disruptions from Jimmy. It is YOUR day. But I guess you’ll have to make peace with your parents not coming either since I don’t see how that will be changing from the context of your post. I think your parents are being unreasonable.
This would be the one day they get to escape and enjoy their own daughter’s wedding without having to cater to Jimmy’s constant needs as well.” zzWoWzz
Another User Comments:
“Have you asked your parents why it’s so important to them that Jimmy be there?
Essentially, it will make no difference to Jimmy. He won’t know or care if he misses it. Ask your parents why they are willing to hurt you and potentially damage your relationship with them permanently, just to include someone who won’t even know the difference.
Ask them why your feelings don’t matter. Tell them that if they can’t prioritize you this once, on the most important day of your life, that you will have to evaluate having any relationship with them in the future. This is a big deal. Your feelings are completely valid.
Don’t be manipulated into thinking otherwise. NTJ.” PettyLabelleOtheBall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding, so the focus is meant to be on you. Wanting to avoid something you know will draw attention away from you is reasonable. Special needs children are tough, but you losing all of your celebrations over it is not okay.
I’m sorry your parents didn’t understand that all children deserve attention. If you have a special needs child you still need to give the other children attention too. What is especially baffling to me is that they do use respite care sometimes. Why did they never use it to celebrate you?” Library_Spidey
16. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust My Schedule For Trash Duty?
“I live with 2 roommates in a townhouse. We’re acquaintances rather than friends, but we keep things cordial. We all generally clean up after ourselves and rotate cleaning common areas.
I almost always spend the weekends with my partner, who lives about an hour away.
Around Christmas time, the “main” roommate (who has been in the house by far the longest) came to me saying how it’s nonsense that he’s the one putting out the garbage and recycle bins every week.
He said he had done it 4 out of the past 5 weeks (the 5th time was me) and he’s getting sick of it. I apologized and said I knew I usually wasn’t home when it needed to go out (Sunday nights) but asked about our other roommate, who is almost always there those nights.
He said we “can’t rely on him to do much” and reiterated that it was nonsense. I apologized again and told him I would make a point of coming home on Sunday nights every third week to do my part. He said that would mean he’s still doing it 2 out of 3 times and I told him to take that up with roommate 3.
For the past several months, this has been working fine. I come home Sunday night and take care of it, though there have been a few times when my roommate has off-handedly mentioned that I was home pretty late, or was about to start collecting the garbage himself when I walked in.
Finally, about a month ago, he spoke with me about his issues. He told me he likes to get everything collected and put by the curb by 6-7 pm and it would be respectful of me to make sure I’m home in time to do the same.
I told him that I get home as late as I do because I like having dinner with my partner and then hanging out with her a bit before coming home. Usually, the trucks pick the stuff up between 3 pm and 4 pm on Monday afternoons.
Many times, I come home from work and it hasn’t picked up yet. I told him I didn’t see a big issue between it sitting on the curb for 16 hours or 20, and asked him what his reason was for wanting it out at a certain time.
He said “That’s when I do it, so that’s when you should do it, too. Simple as that.” I told him again that I wasn’t going to cut time with my partner short for something that logically doesn’t matter one way or the other. He said I was being a “jerk” and “selfish.”
The next time it was my turn to put the garbage out, I got home about 9:30 and it was already out. The next afternoon, I asked my roommate and he said “You got home too late. I told you.” The following week (last week) it was the same thing, but more condescending and berating.
That’s when I told him I wasn’t going to be coming back on Sunday nights to do this anymore. We got into an argument, and I told him he was being unreasonable. He called me selfish again and asked “Would it kill you to want to spend a weekend around the house once in a while?” Which surprised me, because even when we are all home, we don’t interact a ton.
Anyway, I do feel guilty about not caring about his timeline for things and for kind of blowing up and telling him I wasn’t going to pull my weight. At the same time, I feel like I was making a reasonable effort and that didn’t count because it wasn’t exactly what he wanted. Thoughts?”
15. AITJ For Not Sympathizing With My Friend Who Frequently Cancels Plans?
“My friends and I (we are 4 people total, Tina (the friend in question) Tina’s partner, George (my other friend) and me) were going on a cabin trip together for a weekend.
George’s partner was coming to town from overseas so we were going to bring them along. It had been planned for months, everyone was aware of it and had cleared their schedules (supposedly. They were supposed to clear it MONTHS ago!). The cabin we were staying at was already booked, I’d done all the work to ensure we were all set.
About 2 weeks before Tina’s partner, not even bothering to tell me himself, apparently figured out he had to work that weekend. He’s a bit of a workaholic so it was expected and I mostly know him through Tina anyway. But the thing is; when that happens it’s almost always a 50/50 chance of Tina bailing as well.
And surprise, a week later, same excuse Tina drops out as well causing George to say “Let’s see about the weather” (“I’m not going now either”). This is the 3rd time these friends have pulled the same thing. So now since I booked the cabin through family (luckily, there’s no deposit); I have to go through the humiliating process of retracting my booking and explaining what wonderful friends I have.
Today; Tina came to us (George and I) complaining about how her partner had asked for them to go on a day trip and hang out, inconvenienced her by having Tina clear her schedule of other commitments, and then he told her the day before that he had to work.
She made him out to be a jerk and asked us if we thought she was in the wrong for being upset with him, asking for our sympathy and support in her situation. I didn’t, this is where I might be the jerk. I honestly didn’t feel bad for her.
I may have responded coolly and unfeeling towards her. I honestly think it’s a bit of comeuppance from the universe. That it’s maybe a bit deserved. I know I wasn’t a very good friend there, and they let me know it.
But am I really in the wrong for being this way about her situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tina was fine using her partner’s flakiness to justify her flakiness towards you and has no right to expect you to be sympathetic now that her partner’s flakiness is negatively affecting her. Tina knows her partner. She should not commit to plans with you if she knows her participation is contingent on her flaky partner.
Tina sounds like a very frustrating friend.” Lawd_Denning
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tina has no cause to feel put out when someone bails on her when she does the same thing to you. I would have just shook my head and walked away without a word to her.
She got exactly what she deserved. Maybe she will learn a lesson in this, probably not.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I think your reaction is completely understandable, and you’re not the jerk here. You’ve put time and effort into organizing trips only to be let down multiple times, so it makes sense you’d feel frustrated and unsympathetic.
It sounds like Tina expects empathy when her partner is unreliable, but doesn’t recognize how her own flakiness affects others—especially you, who took on all the planning. Maybe it’d help to have an honest conversation with her about how this repeated pattern affects you.
But no, I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling a bit of satisfaction at the irony here. She can’t expect loyalty and understanding without giving it in return.” User
14. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out After My Roommates Threatened To Leave Me With The Lease?
“I live with two other female roommates. My first roommate dropped a bomb that she was just up and leaving us with the lease. I’ve been through this before having roommates and both up and left me with the lease. I am also the main person on the lease and all utilities and wifi.
I also own 95% of everything in this apartment. Naturally, I got upset and questioned her. My second roommate didn’t seem to understand how serious that was. There was no communication, no anything, it was just, hey guys I’m moving out and I’m leaving at the end of the week.
She also expected us to cover her rent or find her replacement.
On my end, I was not about to get screwed over again. The second roommate, I guess, decided that this would be her opportunity to leave. After some stress and drama, neither of them decided to leave.
It’s been a few weeks since. During this time it feels like it’s them two against me. They don’t go out of their rooms if I’m in the apartment. They don’t talk to me.
There have just been petty little issues. I haven’t been talking to either of them because of their behavior towards me.
I always helped either of them when they needed someone, or rides, or offered money. I don’t trust either of them now. My friend confirmed they were talking behind my back. My last straw was today with a situation about my dog.
I’ve already got a few potential female roommates lined up to replace me.
All that is left to do is sign myself off of the lease. I never wanted to be a hypocrite though.
I’ve felt like these two have walked all over me after everything I did to get us this apartment. Now the treatment towards me is making the environment stressful.
However, I have been left with an apartment before and I know the feeling. There, are only 5 months of this lease left. However, I want them to realize how much work I do for them to keep this place together.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you line up a replacement to fill your spot and have the ability to swap them out on your lease.
It’s not a great living situation and your home should be as drama-free as possible, plus you’re still going to have the possibility of them leaving again hanging over your head. Independent of whether you’re the jerk or not, my advice would be to only move if that’s what you want to do, don’t just do it to prove a point, which is what your last paragraph kind of implies.
If you want to move because the situation sucks, by all means, do it, but don’t do it in hopes of them realizing how much they need you, because that’s not going to be as satisfying as you think.” JNF919
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But their best course of action is to ignore you, and NOT take over the lease from you.
5 months is too short to get them evicted, and the problems will be yours anyway since YOU hold the lease. So any damage or unpaid bills would be YOUR problem, not theirs. So: Probably not the best strategy.” Excellent-Count4009
13. AITJ For Feeling Underappreciated On My Birthdays By My Siblings?
“So I have a milestone birthday coming up. I come from a family of several siblings. I am the youngest of the siblings (we are all grown), and feel like most of my past birthdays were always downplayed compared to other siblings.
For instance, for many past birthdays, one of my siblings (let’s say Sara) always offered to host at her house. However, she always had an ulterior motive to invite her jerk husband’s family to make him happy (because he always accused her of favoring her family).
She would then use the excuse that she didn’t get me a gift because the meal she made me was expensive, so that was my gift (I buy her gifts every birthday, by the way. Also, she buys my other siblings gifts).
Oddly enough, she makes a big deal out of other peoples’ birthdays.
We get a private chat set to discuss a big joint gift, etc. Yet, she has no interest in finding out what I want. To be honest, I don’t think she’s ever truly given me the true gift that I’ve asked for.
She usually just donates towards a combined gift my siblings have gotten me, or just buys a cake and says “This is my contribution for your birthday. The cake was expensive”. I know it’s odd, but it feels like she has trouble acknowledging it’s my birthday and giving me special attention.
She never asks, leading up to any of my birthdays what I want to do, offers to help, what I want for my birthday, etc. most of the time, it’s radio silence.
She recently had her milestone birthday, and the whole family made a big deal about planning it, discussing gifts, etc. We ended up throwing her a big party, got her jewelry, and even made her a special presentation.
Yet, radio silence for my milestone birthday (my wife and I are bloody planning it, with no one offering to help! Not even so much as offer to cook a dish!).
I guess I just feel down because it’s a milestone birthday, and I feel like my birthdays don’t get acknowledged by people that I love (minus my wife, of course).
I’m not looking for a million-dollar gift or anything, really just acknowledgment would be nice. Some sort of “hype buildup”, versus the radio silence I’ve been getting.
So, I haven’t done anything outright to call her out. But I am wondering AITJ for feeling this way?
Am I wrong for thinking the way I’m thinking? Most of the time, one of my siblings tells me to ignore it, and get over it because the other siblings mainly stick out for each other, but being that I care to make their birthdays special (and I make no mistake of communicating this with them), the least I’d expect is acknowledging this milestone birthday.
So, AITJ for feeling the way I feel?”
Another User Comments:
“You can’t be a jerk for feeling your feelings, only for how you act on them. You’re not a jerk for throwing yourself a birthday party, though, NTJ. It sounds like what you need is a judgment call on whether she’s been unfair to you, and that’s going to require an objective observer, not strangers who have only heard your side.
Talk to your siblings – ask if they know any reason why she might treat you differently than them. Don’t approach it like they need to mediate a fight, just start with, “Am I missing something?” They probably see a lot and can offer real insight if approached gently.” MaybeMabelDoo
Another User Comments:
“No, you are not a jerk here. Your feelings are valid, and they don’t just come out of nothing. It does sound like they are not treating you the same as they treat the others. But it might not. You have your perspective and should be able to talk about it.
Now you and your wife are arranging your milestone birthday party. I would go through the party and see how they are participating. You should also tell your sister in advance that she doesn’t need to bring cake or food as you have it taken care of.
If you and your wife experience big differences between your birthday celebration and your siblings, you could calmly talk with your family and tell them how you feel and why you feel this way. It would be smart to try to be calm, collected, and factual.” DisastrousMachine568
12. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Sister Over My Dog?
“I’m a 27-year-old female who recently adopted a dog named Rocky a year ago.
He’s a sweet, well-behaved mutt, and I adore him. My sister, Lily (25F), has always been a huge dog lover, but she’s never had one of her own due to her small apartment and busy schedule. When I first got Rocky, Lily was ecstatic and would come over often to spend time with him.
I didn’t mind at first; it was nice to see her so happy.
However, over the past few months, Lily’s visits have increased significantly. She’s been coming over almost every day, sometimes unannounced, and spending hours with Rocky. She even started referring to him as “our dog” and once introduced him to a friend as “my dog.” It started to get uncomfortable when she began making decisions for Rocky, like buying him a different brand of food without asking me and scheduling vet appointments under her name.
I tried talking to her about it, suggesting that she might want to consider getting her dog, but she brushed it off, saying she couldn’t handle the responsibility. Last week, things reached a tipping point when I came home from work and found that Lily had taken Rocky to her place without asking.
She claimed it was because she “missed him” and thought he needed a change of scenery.
I was furious and told her that while I appreciated how much she loved Rocky, she needed to respect that he’s my dog and that I’m the one responsible for him.
I also told her she couldn’t take him without my permission and that her constant visits were starting to feel intrusive. Lily got upset and accused me of being selfish and ungrateful for all the “help” she’s been giving Rocky.
Now, she’s barely speaking to me, and my parents are saying I overreacted and should be grateful that Lily loves Rocky so much.
They think I should let her spend as much time with him as she wants, but I feel like my boundaries are being completely ignored.
So, AITJ for setting boundaries with my sister over my dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This seems like a single white female but over a dog.
Does she have a key to your apartment? If she does, maybe you should change your locks and let her know that she’s not allowed to come by without announcing first. This is your dog, not hers. She’s crossing boundaries and you have the right to put your foot down because it’s your dog and your place.” GemGlamourNGlitter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no it’s not your sister’s dog, no she can’t change your dog’s food brand, no she can’t take him to the vet unless you specifically asked her to do it. Your sister is weird, I wouldn’t let her near my animals until she understands that she is a guest and I am an owner.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your dog you get to decide. Make sure she can’t get in your house or yard when you are not there. Your sister sounds nuts or is a narcissist. Your parents are jerks. Tell them to get a dog and sis can be at their house every day to take care of it. Do not let them tell you what to do in your own home with your dog.
Be the adult. Stand up with a stiff spine and put an end to this. Or be a doormat and bad dog owner. Up to you totally. ” Own-Relationship-364
11. AITJ For Telling My Cousin To Let Go Of A Childhood Incident?
“I (17F) have a cousin, Adrianne (30F), who’s always been seen as the black sheep of our family. She’s neurodivergent and has a more alternative style. Think bright hair, tattoos, and piercings. We were never close because of the age gap, but our families wanted to be close-knit.
When Adrianne turned 20, her family decided to visit us and celebrate her birthday together. Here’s the problem: I was 7 at the time and, well, I threw a tantrum. I wanted to go to a different restaurant than the one Adrianne had picked, and I made such a fuss that everyone ended up staying home.
Later, when they got a cake for Adrianne, I insisted on blowing out the candles myself, and my parents let me do it because they didn’t want to deal with another meltdown and told Adrianne she was too old to be making a fuss over her birthday anyway.
I honestly don’t remember much from that day, but apparently, it hurt Adrianne. She wasn’t even allowed to celebrate with her friends like she wanted because she had to come on that family trip.
Fast forward to now, and I’m applying to colleges, specifically in the state where Adrianne lives.
Over the years, I’ve come to realize just how toxic some of our family dynamics are, and I reached out to Adrianne to apologize for what happened when I was a kid. I told her that I understood now, and I asked if she could help me navigate things as I apply to schools in her area.
Adrianne pretty much brushed me off and told me she was still upset about what happened on her 20th birthday. I tried to explain that I was just a kid at the time and that I was sorry, but she was holding onto this grudge like it happened yesterday.
I told her she needed to let it go, but she seemed stuck on it.
My parents think she’s being unreasonable, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m being insensitive to her feelings. So, AITJ for telling my cousin to stop holding onto a grudge over something I did when I was 7?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because it sounds like you didn’t apologize until you needed her help and when she told you she’s still upset you shrugged that off and you expect her to just get over it. You don’t know how deep that wound from back then runs for her.
It’s def not all your fault you just played a part in it, but she’s entitled to her feelings and you don’t get to belittle them.” accidentallywitchy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ apologizing purely for the sake of getting something out of the person who was wronged is not a genuine apology in the slightest. Telling her how she should or shouldn’t feel is super dismissive and quite frankly pretty toxic on your part.
Your choices and actions at 7 were not developmentally appropriate or acceptable. Maybe for a 2-year-old, sure but at 7 kids know better and that was some next-level entitlement. Your entitlement regarding expecting help from someone who isn’t close to you because of how you and your family treated them shows us you still haven’t grown up and rather have just grown into your parents.” abdbfnh
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. To be clear, you were a 7yo jerk and now you are a 17yo jerk. It had to be all about you then, same as now. You’re only apologizing now because you want her help. She would probably have forgiven you before now if you had offered an apology that wasn’t just a preface to asking for a favor.
Also, it makes no sense for you to be asking this “black sheep” for help with college, or “adulting” in general. Sounds like you don’t approve of her choices in life, so why would you want her advice?” 1962Michael
10. AITJ For Scolding My Brother About His Reaction To His Partner's Public Affection?
“My (19M) little brother Carson (15M) has been seeing this kid Ken (16M) that he met at a wrestling meet a few months now.
Ken has been pretty much out his whole life even to his wrestling teammates and is a bit fem. Carson only officially came out at school and to our parents when school started. It’s been a bit tougher on Carson because he’s more into sports and we live in rural Missouri.
He’s kinda been getting a bit of hassle at school, especially from football teammates. Plus our dad isn’t being the greatest about it as much as I try to help.
They were supposed to hang out Saturday after Carson got done with practice. I got this frantic text from Carson to come to get him and I was nearby so I got there pretty quick and I walked into the middle of an argument between Carson and Ken.
Carson just comes rushing to the car and gets in all huffy. On the way home I ask what that was about and he tells me they got into a fight about Ken bringing him flowers.
I was a bit confused. Normally he loves Ken bringing him flowers and seedlings because he has this whole love of gardening.
Carson explains that Ken embarrassed him in front of his teammates that no one was supposed to see him getting flowers. He says he’s already getting enough hassle from them because Ken picks him up on his motorcycle and usually buys whenever they’re out. Calling him Ken’s “old lady” or calling him “the girl”.
I was just like well Ken has his license and a job. He gets mad and says that’s not the point. I call him an idiot and tell him he’s lucky to be seeing a guy like Ken. I yelled at him that he doesn’t get to treat his partner like crap just because he cared too much what some jerks think.
He yells at me that I wouldn’t get it that I’m all artsy fartsy and never played sports. He tears up and just kinda shuts down and he’s been hiding in his room all week. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I would say ESH, a little.
I’m gay also, and it’s hard to balance showing your partner affection without drawing too much (often negative) attention to yourself. While your brother should grow up a little and realize what a blessing his bf is, at the same time he’s only a teenager and still figuring all this out.” loodish1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for yelling but the message needed to be said. I can’t imagine that being gay and recently coming out is easy by any means and is extremely hard to navigate at that age. I’m a straight female and relationships haven’t always been easy, so go easy on your delivery” CptKUSSCryAllTheTime.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ only because of the way you handled it. I would go sit down with him when he is calm and apologize and explain what you meant, and offer an ear on what people are saying to him, and if he liked the flowers, etc. I’m happy to offer comeback ideas for the things they say to him because he shouldn’t be treated that way.” Mysterious-Lie5870
9. AITJ For Telling A Father To Shut Up After Accidentally Texting His Daughter's Number?
“I (24M) was speaking to my friend Ryan (Fake Name 24M) about potentially having him come help move some heavy items. We initially spoke over Instagram. He asked me to text his phone number with the details of what was needed. I went to check if I still had his number and I still had it.
I texted him the details of what was needed thinking it was him. Boy, was I wrong?
It turns out he changed his number because a father texted back saying that it wasn’t Ryan and it was his 13-year-old daughter’s phone. I was caught off guard and profusely apologized by saying “Oh, I am very sorry!!
This used to be my friend’s number and I thought it still was. Sorry for any confusion” thinking it was the end of that conversation.
Well, it wasn’t. The dude proceeded to ask why I was texting his 13-year-old daughter’s phone at 9 pm on a Tuesday.
I, politely, explained that I was trying to text my friend some info and the number was his contact info in my phone. I, again, apologized.
Well, that wasn’t good enough for him, and he proceeded to tell me that this had been his daughter’s phone number for the last 2 years.
Having some annoyance, I replied that this was my friend’s number at least 4 years ago. I promised him that I would lose the number and leave it at that.
This is where I may be the jerk. This guy ends up CALLING me and states how I am such a creep for calling his 13-year-old daughter and that he has half a mind to call the cops.
Having enough of this, I recorded myself on my friend’s phone explaining the situation one last time and told him to stop and I won’t call back if he won’t. He tried to get my name and info but I hung up the phone and blocked the number.
When telling my mom this story, she says that I shouldn’t have intervened and just let the guy get his anger out. I honestly don’t know what to think: AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ holy crap dude wow. I mean, you may have benefited from just blocking the number and ignoring him instead of answering the phone, and swearing at the guy probably didn’t help, but this guy was being a real wackadoodle so your reaction makes sense.
Your mum is totally off base here, it’s not your job to be an emotional punching bag for some rando. If you were at all a jerk, it was justified.” AngryIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have just blocked the number as soon as he started giving you a hard time.
You made a mistake. You weren’t sending anything inappropriate. Dad has issues!! I feel bad for the daughter!!! Let him call the cops. They will laugh at him. You did nothing wrong, OP. You are good. I wish you and your friend the best of luck moving those items!” blueeyedwolff
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but this is just a little teeny bit comedic. Like if this happened to me I just know I would desperately want to prove to this kid’s father that I’m not some kind of creep that was texting their child.
Likewise, if I was the dad I’d assume you’re a weirdo and chew you out. I see no jerks just a comedy film-level trope of misinformation.” Successful_Jury_9952
8. AITJ For Calling My Brother Dumb For Pursuing A Girl Who Still Loves Her Ex?
“I, 17F have an older brother 26M. Since April my brother has been talking to his old coworker 25F. Everything was going great a month in, but then she ended up missing her stop on the train therefore getting lost and my brother tried to help her saying “Do you see anyone that can help you?” This made her so angry on top of already being stressed because she missed her stop at midnight.
She ended up talking to their mutual friend while also telling my brother that he did something wrong when he said that. She said that he “made her feel like a kid” and made her feel dumb. She ends up telling my brother they should stop whatever they’re doing as it’s “for the best” and ends up going back to her ex-partner saying she loves him still and is always on the phone with him.
It is also important to take note that when she and my brother originally became friends and she became flirty to him, they went out on many outings while she was still sort of “with” her now ex (my brother didn’t know this until later on btw!!!).
She even told my brother that she still loves her ex so she couldn’t get into a relationship with him until she was completely out of love with her ex. They stop talking for a month and somehow they’re texting and calling until 3 am every night.
My brother, at this point, is always telling me about her actions and sometimes even complaining that she can’t make up her mind and giving him “mixed signals” when she clearly stated that she:
1 still loves her ex
2 doesn’t want to be with anyone until a few years from now.
Yesterday I called my brother dumb because he’s planning to drive 5 hours to go on an outing with her in the following weeks. He got mad at me for that because he thinks I’m in the wrong, but I’ve heard about everything she has said to him.
I just think he’s a little dumb for staying with her and going on multiple outings when in the end, she still loves another man even if he calls my brother “special” to her and she does NOT want to be with anyone at the moment.
At this point, I just feel bad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ I’m guessing your brother is the one that pays on all their outings? Because it sounds like she is just using him at this point. Those “mixed signals” he is talking about are probably her body language when they’re together.
So, I think you were just trying to look out for him in that special brotherly way that comes out as insults most of the time. That said, he isn’t going to listen to you about this. If I were you, I would tell him, “I get that you have liked this girl for a long time, but I think she is just stringing you along.
Listening to you gush or stress about her is exhausting, so could you maybe just, not update me on her whole yes/no I still love my ex but you can come to spend money on my relationship status?” Just peace out of it. He will either be right and happy or wrong and learn a tough lesson.” Ok_Reach_6527
7. AITJ For Losing My Temper When My Dad And Stepmom Cancelled My 40th Birthday Visit?
“I (40F) have always had a complicated relationship with my dad. My sister (38F) and I are from his marriage to my mom. They divorced when I was 4 and were both remarried by the time I was 9. My dad and stepmom had my brother (26M) a while later.
Because it’s relevant, my stepdad came with my 2 older brothers (50M and 48M) and he and his mom had my other brother (32M) a few years after they got married.
My childhood was spent weekends with my dad, who was very involved and unquestionably had my and my sister’s best interests at heart.
On my mom and stepdad’s side, the blended family was of course not without hiccups but went great; I just got back from a family reunion with them. It’s uncommon for all 7 of us to be in the same place at the same time since we grew up and scattered across the US, so we planned one.
On my dad and stepmom’s side, it was a different story. I’ll spare you all the details but at one point when my sister was about 16, my stepmom explained to her in no uncertain terms that she and I were not part of their family unit.
And it showed. They would cancel plans with me to be with their friends, which I always thought was weird since I only came back to visit about every other year. In the fairly recent past, my dad said grace at Thanksgiving and named every family member (aunts, uncles, dead grandparents included) in his prayer but forgot my sister and I, who were awkwardly sitting at the very same table.
Things completely blew up when my dad and stepmom called and wanted to come visit me for my 40th birthday. I was touched; they don’t often afford me that kind of attention and I’m 1000 miles away from them. I’ve had a rough year, on my last birthday I was transferred from a hospital to a nursing home for rehab because of nerve damage in my legs which means I have had to relearn how to walk, have chronic pain, and have to switch careers because I can’t be on my feet for very long.
They canceled 2 weeks before and wanted to reschedule, vaguely citing my dad’s health (which granted, is fragile with a poorly understood autoimmune disorder and has landed him in the ICU more than once) and a packed weekend of birthday parties with their friends.
Ngl, I lost my cool.
I asked them if they were aware of the message they were sending by rescheduling my birthday to celebrate someone else’s, and pointed out that they do this frequently. They claim to have had no idea they were doing this, though my sister feels the same way and has brought it up with them before.
The only conclusion I can come to is that if they really didn’t know they were doing it, that means it came naturally, and therefore they were dead serious about not considering my family. I’m hurt, I’m angry, and I don’t see the point of trying to mend a relationship that is so fundamentally absent.
They just keep saying “I hope we can get past this someday” to which I say “Get past what? Reality?”
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmom deliberately chose to cut you and your sister out of her life entirely, and your dad followed with this.
Acknowledging others in the family at Thanksgiving expect his two daughters at the same table, and canceling plans with you define this issue. I don’t get how they try the “We forgot?” crap.” AzaliemanZe1st
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t care about you. You are death with for them, an obligation they have to fulfill sometimes.
Tell them, that you are done with them and they should not contact you again. It will hurt less, than hoping for them to come around and be disappointed every time. I also think, if it is like that, that you are not in the will of your dad, so you will be hurt by that too one day.
If you don’t just end the relationship on your terms.” Trevena_Ice
6. AITJ For Calling Out My Husband's Hypocrisy About Cleanliness?
“My younger brother isn’t doing too well, so he’s asked if he could stay with us for a few months. It has my husband on edge because my brother has a reputation for being a bit of a slob – particularly when it comes to cleaning up after he shaves.
A pretty easy fix, but there are some other underlying issues. For starters, I take care of our kids 95% of the time. I dress them, bathe them, play with them, do their hair, etc. This is particularly true for getting ready in the morning and evening routines.
He’s a smoker, so the 3 precious hours in the evening are almost all gone, he’s on the deck smoking. I’ve asked him for help multiple times – his mother had even started to remark that I need help because she’s starting to notice ( she doesn’t live here and I don’t talk to her other than when I happen to pass by and she’s in video call).
It’s not personal, it’s just that she and her son need to work on their relationship. So fast forward to today – he has slept almost the entire day. Naps are hard with two toddlers. So when he finally woke up, I asked him if he could help by putting one down.
He groaned. Our little one had to potty, so after she went to the potty, I wiped her and sent her on her way. My husband texted me to ask where I put the wipe – I folded it into quarters and threw it in the kitchen trash – like we always do.
He texted me back a snooty remark, saying we have fruit flies. I said – no problem, I’ll take the trash out. He said he was not comfortable with it ( he for some reason thinks it looks bad if a woman is seen throwing out the trash).
So I took it out, but texted him a photo back of a mug of juice he left out in response to him saying we have a fruit fly problem. Now he says he’s good on my brother coming – am I the jerk for posting that photo in response?”
Another User Comments:
“This was a confusing read. Are you saying your allegedly slobby brother should be able to stay without a complaint from your husband because he is, apparently, a slob himself? But the question is about you calling him out over a cup attracting fruit flies?!
What?! I don’t know what the point is but I guess it sounds like you’re NTJ here.” Kumbaynah
Another User Comments:
“Before you include your brother (and his challenges) you and your husband need to work on your marriage, balancing responsibilities, and communication.
As another said, this is not about fruit flies. NTJ, but not for the adolescent texting, but for the behavior of your husband. I’d say E S H because the important things aren’t being addressed, but pretty sure OP knows this.” Cappa_Cail
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this isn’t about your brother. Sit your hubby down to discuss the family workload and how well he’s pulling his weight. Get his mother or a counselor in on it if necessary. Yes, it does sound stupid to suggest that a 40-year-old needs his momma to tell him how to adult, but I figure it’s not stupid if it works.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate To Keep Our Apartment At 75-78 Degrees?
“My roommate (let’s call her K) and I are best friends and have been a long time. We’re usually excellent roommates, but lately, I’m getting genuinely really fed up. We live in a desert, where the summers consistently stay in the 100-degree margin. I’ve been here less than a year, while she’s a local.
Currently, she is trying to keep our thermostat at around 75 degrees in the apartment. She’s a small girl and suffers from an ED, so she prefers things as close to boiling as she can get them. Unfortunately, this has only gotten worse over the past week, and she’s keeping it anywhere from 75 to 78 degrees.
I am politely losing my patience over it. Heat stroke is no joke here, and I’m NOT used to this heat. I cannot sleep and have essentially begged her multiple times to PLEASE keep the thermostat at what I feel is a very sensible 72.
Every time I leave the apartment, or if I dare to fall asleep, she sneaks over and changes the thermostat to as high as she can get it, and it’s caused me to end up nauseous and dizzy multiple times. I work very early mornings, and it’s causing me to fall asleep at work because I’m struggling to get proper rest at home.
She argues that she is doing this for her health, because her ED makes her immune system weaker, and makes her get sick often. Normally, the second she mentions her ED as part of the issue, I try my best to accommodate her, and I have offered her my winter clothes, and all the vitamins I currently keep in stock, which she refuses.
But respectfully, she can wear sweaters and bundle up, I literally cannot remove my skin.
Am I the jerk for not accommodating her? I don’t want to be a person who is unsympathetic to her struggle with an eating disorder, or her feeling cold all the time, but also I’m starting to become a much meaner person because I’m unable to get more than a few hours of sleep without being interrupted by my roommate broiling me alive.”
Another User Comments:
“Y’all need to both calm down a little bit. You aren’t going to get heat stroke because it is 78 and she isn’t going to catch a cold because it is 72. You are both slightly uncomfortable and that’s it.
Who pays for electricity? If you just split it down the middle, offer to pay a little more to keep the temp at like 73. ” ShoesAreTheWorst
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re not used to the heat and you’re trying to dictate the temp. Your roommate is a local and she’s correct about the setting.
Air conditioners are designed to only cool roughly 20 degrees than the outside temperature. If you keep lowering the thermostat to 72 degrees you risk breaking the A/C. Go buy a window unit for your bedroom and leave the main A/C where your roommate sets it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely not the jerk here, and I think you’ve actually been really considerate. It’s tough when someone’s health needs are involved, but you’ve tried to find solutions, like offering warmer clothes or vitamins, which she’s turned down.
Living in a desert, it’s completely reasonable for you to want the thermostat lower, especially if the heat is making you sick and disrupting your sleep. Her ED is a real concern, but it doesn’t mean she gets to ignore your health and comfort. Maybe you could both agree to set it at 72 and invest in a space heater or heated blanket for her?
It’s a fair compromise so neither of you has to suffer.” User
4. AITJ For Calling My Mom When My Aunt Forced Me To Change My Plans?
“I (16M) moved to Germany with my step-mom (43F) and two sisters (13F and 5F) in April of 2022 to live with my aunt. My aunt (50F) never had kids and lived alone since she moved where I currently reside with her. In the fall of 2022, tomorrow will be exactly a year from now, we had a conflict about which I would be talking about right now.
My friend (16 F) invited me to a certain event on the weekend while we were talking on a break, and I said yes since I had no plans for that time. But after school, my step-mom asked if I wanted to come with her and my step-sister to a safari park somewhere out of town, and they would stay overnight there.
I declined since I already had my plans and wasn’t interested in going to the safari park anyway.
My aunt, hearing this, jumped in and said that I was going, basically deciding for me. I said no, but that fight continued the next morning when I stood firm and refused to go.
She yelled at me a lot and said, “I don’t care what you do, but you are NOT staying home tonight!”. I was flabbergasted, to say the least, and mind you, I was 15 at that time. I wanted to expose her and get an opinion on this from my mom, and while I was on call, my aunt was by the door of the room I was in yelling for me to find another place to stay the night (no, she didn’t kick me out, but I had to stay overnight someplace else).
My mom was shocked and furious with her, so she called my dad to tell him what was going on. My dad and grandma (she was just near him) called me saying that he would talk to her, but I was in the wrong for calling my mom and to next time not calling her because she was overreacting.
And that I should understand how hard it is for my aunt to live with a lot of people after living alone for a long time.
So, AITJ for calling my mom while my aunt was yelling at me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the heck?
Who does she think she is… You aren’t her child and she isn’t your guardian… It’s her place but she can’t force you to go where you don’t want to go. She needs to calm her butt down.” Empress-Delila
Another User Comments:
“NTJ pretty strange that she would force you to go with your step-mom when you had already made the plans with your friend, she didn’t have any right to step in as it wasn’t anything to do with her…unless she was planning to have someone over that night and you were ruining her plans…” Duckie_plantmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I am wondering why you called your mom instead of your dad when it was his sister yelling at you. There may be good reasons a family of 4 had to move in with your aunt but that was a lot for your dad and grandma to demand of her.” NanaLeonie
3. AITJ For Saying Being A Dog Mom Doesn't Count As Motherhood?
“I 27F am a mom to 3 kids, 1bio 2bonus. The conversation about motherhood came up at work the other day with my boss 22F and coworker 24F who neither are mothers.
I don’t remember the reason, but I did jokingly say “Because I’m a mom I am always right” at that coworker chimes in with “Hey!
I’m a mom too.” I replied “Sorry dog mom doesn’t count. I have plenty of animals at home, it’s not the same.”
Then she proceeds to try to justify why being DogMom counts and even starts saying it’s harder than being a Mother. Her reasons included, that dogs are a commitment for their whole lives but once a kid turns 18 you can kick them out.
Dogs can never feed themselves but my kids can.
I ended up just saying “What? Kids are a lifelong commitment. It’s still not the same but okay whatever” and walking away to return to work.
(Edited. Because I realized that I miscommunicated the order of events.
Everything from below here was not said. Just thoughts and feelings afterward)
I’m sorry but what? My 14yo does most of the care for our 3 dogs, he’s usually the one to fill their food bowls and change out their water. Does that mean he’s a dad?
My 10yo does the care for our cat feeding/watering is she a mom? My 3-year-old helps both of them.
As for her argument, kids are only an 18-year commitment but dogs are a lifetime, most dogs don’t even make it to 18… my kids will always be a part of me.
I will worry about them until the day I die.
Call yourself whatever you want but don’t try to act like it’s the same as being a parent. I get that you love your animals, I love mine too. But until you’ve had a baby wake you up to be fed every few hours, or had a child come in for comfort in the middle of the night because of a bad dream, or sat out in 100+ temps at a ball game, or worried about if your kid is getting enough calories, or had your legs used ramps for car, or sat in the hospital for 1.5 days while your baby got chest X-rays and tests done because his O2 levels weren’t good, etc… many other experiences make someone a parent.
However, putting out a bowl of food and water to fur babies isn’t one of them to me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t make comments about how you know best because you’re a mom and you won’t get in these predicaments. You never know who is listening and what their circumstances are.
You’ve acknowledged that your boss is unable to have children – that must be hard to listen to you making lighthearted comments about how you’re inherently superior because you’ve had kids. I can see from your comments that you seem to be a kind and intuitive person – all you can do is try and be more mindful in the future” SaltyLilSelkie.
Another User Comments:
“I am a hard believer in pet owners not being the same as parents and that claiming to be is an insult to parents. However, your initial comment that you are always right because you are a mom is just as insulting to people everywhere without kids.
You can say you said it in a lighthearted way but she initially said she was a mom too in the same joking manner and you are the one who began to take things too seriously. YTJ for putting a different set of rules on what you say vs what others say and being a hypocrite.” JJQuantum
Another User Comments:
“I believe that this argument is a bit silly and You are just disagreeing on definitions. For sure, raising an animal is not the same. However, I don’t see a problem in calling yourself a pet mom or pet dad or whatever.
It’s just a way of showing how much You love Your animal. That being said, I don’t believe that having a child makes one special, better than people who do not have children or are always right.” PenguinsArePeople999
2. AITJ For Going Out With A Guy My Roommate Liked, Even Though He Showed Interest In Me?
“I (f) was living with two other females in a small dorm room on our campus. One of my roommates was my best friend and the other was a random person we found to fill the third bed in our room. From the moment we met her, she had been a little inconsistent from what she described herself as but we didn’t think anything of it.
We became relatively close and enjoyed campus events together for a little bit until things went downhill. Me and I went to the dining hall alone one day for dinner and while in line we met this boy, John, and his roommate, Chris. I asked them to sit with us for dinner and they agreed and we all sat down.
We were all talking about random things when John asked me for my contact information. This sparked my roommate to pull out her phone and get his info too so it was just a group exchange. We had agreed to all hang out as a group again soon and we all left.
Later, John texted me and asked me to hang out separately from the group and I agreed. We went to a coffee shop in our college town and talked for a while and it was kinda cute, I was starting to like him. When I got home I was met with a pretty upset roommate.
She said that I had “gone behind her back” and hung out with a boy that I “knew she liked”. I figured since I had invited him to eat with me and he had asked me for my number then it was pretty clear to her that we were relatively interested in each other.
I told her that I was sorry but also wasn’t entitled to tell her where I was going at a given time. I didn’t think she was into him so it wasn’t like I was sneaking around. Also, it was kind of spur of the moment when he asked me to hang out so I wasn’t talking about it with anyone, it just happened.
Ultimately, I decided to keep seeing this boy. We had a lot of fun and we had the same music taste and interests, it was nice. But, my roommate saw us hanging out one day and lectured me when I got to the dorm about how I was a liar and that I should have never continued to hang out with him after she told me she liked him.
However, this boy clearly has no interest in her, as he has been texting me to hang out ever since.
I stopped seeing him because she made such a fuss about it and even texted him and his roommate about me saying weird things. Me and my roommate never made up.
We lived in the same room but we didn’t even talk. It wasn’t terrible despite her disrespectful manners regarding shared spaces. We just existed in the same room and never talked about it. A couple of months after the fight, she just moved out without saying anything.
I will admit that us never talking about it may seem silly but also I feel like there was nothing that could have been said. This boy we met was interested in me and I pursued my interest independently from this random girl I met a month prior.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate sounds immature. She doesn’t have a claim over someone just because she has a crush on them. You’re allowed to pursue things if there’s a mutual interest.” HeyThereFancypants-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hope you made it clear to John that you were backing away because you had a crazy roommate and not because of anything he had done.” Ok_Reach_6527
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Unpleasant Uncles To My Wedding?
“I’m a 26-year-old woman, and I’m getting married in November.
My fiancé and I are eloping in California with just a small group—my parents, sister and her partner, and five close friends. Growing up, I was very close to my dad’s side of the family. We spent every holiday and birthday together, and I regularly saw my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.
Sadly, two of my dad’s siblings, who I was especially close to, passed away due to addiction, and my grandparents have also passed. For this reason, we decided on a small elopement and will have a larger reception next summer with around 150 people, including about 10 family members for both my fiancé and me:
- My parents
- My sister
- My aunt
- Three of my cousins
- My fiancé’s dad, brother, and sister
I also have several “family friends” who became like family, and I’ve made close friends through school, college, and work across three different states. So, most of our guest list—about 95%—is friends.
Here’s where it gets complicated: My mom’s brothers have been terrible to me, my dad, and even more so to my mom her whole life. Despite being the kindest person, my mom never stands up to them, but I do (probably get that from my dad’s side).
Recently, one of my uncles came to “help” my mom clean my grandma’s house, which really needs attention. He spent two weeks mostly golfing and doing the bare minimum, while my mom, who can’t manage it all alone, was left with the work.
Meanwhile, there’s some drama about my grandma’s two houses—my uncle has different ideas about who should get one of them, which has always been intended for my sister and her partner. But I digress…
I told my mom my fiancé and I have a rule that we won’t meet anyone for the first time at our wedding.
My fiancé hasn’t met either of my uncles or their families, and considering that I don’t even like them, it feels wrong to invite them. My mom knows how I feel, but a few weeks ago, she texted me saying that one of my uncles offered to be our photographer.
My first thought was that he’s not even a photographer, and my second was, “Why did she tell him about the wedding when I said he wasn’t invited?” She responded, “He’s my brother, I’ll pay for him to be there.” But it’s not about money; it’s about principle!
So, am I the jerk for not inviting them? Honestly, I don’t care about them being there, but I don’t want to hurt my mom. However, I need to set boundaries. My uncles have said some awful things to me over the years, even comparing me to our relatives who struggled with addiction.
To top it off, a few months ago, I posted a TikTok mentioning that we had been putting off marriage because of a lack of family support. My cousin saw it, and my uncle texted my mom, saying, “We don’t want to be invited to her wedding anyway.”
So, am I being too dramatic or a jerk here? This decision is final, but I’d appreciate advice on how to handle it without hurting the one person I love more than anything: my mom.”
Another User Comments
“Honestly, you’re 100% in the right for setting boundaries here.
It sounds like your uncles have been hurtful for most of your life, and no one needs that negativity, especially on their wedding day. I get that your mom might feel torn because they’re her brothers, but that doesn’t give them a free pass to crash an intimate event or disregard your wishes.
You and your fiancé want to be surrounded by people who bring positive energy to your day, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your mom might be upset now, but hopefully, she’ll see this is about protecting your happiness on such an important day.” User
Another User Comments
“While I think you’re totally justified in not inviting people who have treated you poorly, maybe try to see it a little from your mom’s perspective. Family loyalty runs deep, especially for someone as kind-hearted as she sounds. To her, not inviting her brothers might feel like a rejection of her side of the family.
If you’re not willing to budge on the invite, maybe you could talk to her openly about why this is important to you and find other ways to show her love for all her support. Maybe she just needs a bit of time to understand, especially since she sounds like someone who tends to keep the peace.” User
Another User Comments
“Your uncles sound like a real piece of work, and I don’t blame you for not wanting them there. I wonder, though, if there’s a middle ground that could help with the tension. Since you’re planning a bigger reception next year, maybe you could let them attend that instead.
That way, you’re holding to your elopement rules and still giving your mom a way to save face with her family later on. At least for the elopement, it’ll be exactly as you want it—without the stress and drama. Might be worth thinking about if it eases things with your mom a bit.” User
