People Get Heated In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Not Setting Up My Sister With A Doctor?
“I have a good friend and former college roommate Rob (M35) who is very kind and generous in general, but unfortunately an absolute jerk when it comes to women and relationships. For background, Rob is a blonde 6 ft 4 single guy, who pretty much lives at the gym, and is a young private practice orthopedic surgeon in a major East Coast city.
Since graduating med school 11 years ago, he has had women just absolutely throwing themselves at him, which I think really screwed him up when it comes to relationships. He is currently only going for skinny attractive college students under 24. He would go on 3-4 dates a week with different people, taking them to fancy restaurants or sometimes flying them out for a weekend trip to Miami, dangling exclusivity and long-term relationships, then ghosting them after he gets bored. So again, not someone you would want your sister partnering.
Anyway, my sister Tess (35F) came to town to visit for a friend’s giving party last week. She interacted with Rob for, I feel, less than 10 minutes at the party and is instantly smitten. After the party, she swears up and down that they hit it off, he is the one, and wants me to play matchmaker by connecting them, talking her up, and inviting her and Rob to more activities together so that she can maybe make something happen.
I cannot stress enough how much I don’t want this to happen. If I set them up, Rob may take her out to be nice to me, but when it inevitably blows up, it’s gonna somehow be my fault. I basically told her about Rob’s history, how he is not looking to settle down and have kids like she is, and even if he is ready to settle down, he is looking for someone younger than 25.
She is not his type, and I am just not gonna help her in any way.
Long story short, Tess can’t find him on social media (cuz he smartly decided not to have any) and they didn’t exchange numbers because he was being polite to me and didn’t want to overstep.
So she is stuck. She called me a jerk for being so paternalistic, for thinking she can’t take care of herself, and for thinking people can’t change when they meet the right person. And now I’m also getting calls from family asking why I’m not setting my sister up with a doctor… It’s such a great match because she is a lawyer her office has a location in my city, and she has a lot of trouble meeting quality guys where she currently lives and this is a great opportunity, etc. Somehow everyone thinks I am the bad guy.
So anyways, AITJ for not trying to play matchmaker here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your friend Rob didn’t ask for her number, not because he didn’t want to overstep, but because he wasn’t interested and she probably gave off desperation vibes. She’s already attempting to stalk him by looking him up online.
An interested man would have spent more than just 10 minutes talking to her. If she’s having trouble meeting quality guys, it’s because she’s looking in all the wrong places and just partnering with everyone and anything that’s giving her attention. She’s 35 years old. She can find her own men.
Next time you see your doctor friend, wait and see if he says something or you can ask him if he had a good time and just bring up your sister and say nothing more. If he doesn’t say anything, then that’s his answer….NOT interested!” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your sister that every other girl he’s played with has also thought they could be the one that made him change his mind. If she wants to talk to him so badly, she can find him on LinkedIn. I guess you could ask Rob what he thought of your sister if you want to be able to address any lingering worries you may have…but tbh you don’t have to since she started throwing a fit and involved the rest of the family.” silly_panda_105
21. AITJ For Eating My Host's Ice Cream Despite Her Criticism Of My Self-Control?
“I am genuinely confused and wondering if I missed something here. I’ve taken my problems to Reddit before, so here we go again.
I (22F) left for work this morning at 6 am, drove an hour to work as I’m currently staying at my partner’s (26) mother’s (60sF, calling her Pam for short) home for a couple of days, worked from 7 am to 6 pm, and then drove the hour back to Pam’s house.
For some context, she was fully aware, by the time of the ice cream conversation, that I had done the following: gotten up around 5:30 am, worked an 11-hour shift, and had not eaten since my lunch break (which I said ended at 11:30 am). It was 7:30 pm when I got to the house and around 8:15 pm by the time this whole thing was over.
I started my late dinner with some fresh fruit, about a cup and a half (and there were almost 10x that still left, and I asked if it was okay for me to eat that much before I started eating), then had maybe 1.5-2 cups of some vegetable soup I made in a huge batch for dinner for everyone the night before.
After this, I decided I would have a treat before heading up to bed, as I’d worked a long day and I’m planning to pull 11-12 hours again tomorrow.
Pam came over to also have a treat, some new ice cream she bought and asked if I liked the flavor she bought the other day, which she had let me try.
I told her I did like it, and she asked if I’d finish it. I told her I would, but only if she was sure she didn’t want the rest because it was hers. She insisted she didn’t want it, that she wasn’t fond of the flavor, and believed some of the ingredients were giving her stomach issues.
I said again that I’d be happy to take it off her hands, so long as she was certain she was done with it. She reassured me she wanted nothing to do with it, so after a few minutes I retrieved the container and a spoon and began to eat it.
There was just under half a pint left, and I decided that would be the perfect amount. It was also a flavor combo I’m quite fond of, so I happily dug in.
Pam came over a couple of minutes later, saw that I was eating right out of the pint, and said, “I’m not going to give you things like that if you can’t exercise some self-control,” which felt so out of left field to me.
I replied, very confused, that I was exercising control, and this was the amount I was choosing to consume. She scoffed and just walked away from me, and about 10 minutes later when I asked a question because I was confused about something she said, she was very short with me.
Am I missing something here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it seems she isn’t fond of eating something out of the container. I would imagine she was upset about how you were eating it, not how much you were eating. She is probably someone who has an issue with people drinking out of milk containers without using a cup, or eating straight from a container as you did instead of using a bowl” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Pam sounds judgmental. Normally I’d say you shouldn’t eat out of the container since you’re in her home, but she said she won’t eat it, so you were saving cleaning an extra dish by eating out of the container. How odd that she told you it’s OK to eat it but then you eat a few spoonfuls and she makes a comment about you eating it.
People should never comment on what someone else is eating! Unless it’s a child and they are that child’s parent. This struck me as a very odd thing to say to someone, and almost borderline mean, like she’s chastising you (as if you were a child!) for eating too much ice cream.
You’re NTJ.” HorseygirlWH
20. AITJ For Moving Out Over My Parents' Relationship Arrangement?
“My country has very traditional views, but my parents always had a more progressive and Western view. I don’t share all their beliefs, but I agree that it is not up to me to judge how a stranger lives his life if it doesn’t affect me.
My parents have always been close with another couple (Kolya and Vika). When Kolya and my father were doing their mandatory military service, my mother and I moved in with Vika. We still live very close to them and see them almost daily.
On Saturday I was at a friend’s birthday.
He lives closer to Vika and Kolya’s flat, and I usually just sleep there instead of walking all the way home (it’s also safer because our neighborhood can be a bit dangerous at night, especially if you’re intoxicated and tired). I had asked Vika if I could sleep there again, and she said she wouldn’t be there, but it would be no problem.
Their guest room is located behind their room, so I had to go through the bedroom to get there. When I went by the bed, I saw 2 people sleeping in there. One was Kolya and the other was my father. They weren’t wearing a shirt.
I didn’t think right at that moment and just went to the guest room.
The next day they were both in the kitchen and eating breakfast. I asked why my father was there, and he said he would explain when we go home. It was an uncomfortable atmosphere.
At home, my mother apologized because I wasn’t meant to find out that way, but they both forgot that I was sleeping there. She explained that they sometimes met with Vika and Kolya to have intimacy. It was a shock to hear because I always saw them as aunt and uncle.
I told them that I needed time to get my mind around it.
That was 3 days ago, and the longer I’m thinking about it, the more it makes me uncomfortable. When I think about interacting with them, it makes me uncomfortable. I asked my aunt and uncle if I could move in with them for some time.
They said it would be fine and I could move in with them this weekend. My cousin (who is very Westernized) asked me why I wanted to move in with them, and I told her what happened. She said I shouldn’t be so prejudiced and that it was none of my business what they were doing in the bedroom.
But I disagree because this affects me and it does make me uncomfortable, so I don’t want to stay with them at this time. What they are doing is unnatural, and I don’t want to be near that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Finding out that your parents are in an open relationship with another couple is a bit shocking, especially since you’ve known and loved the other couple your whole life.
This lifestyle is not for everyone and not everyone has to agree with it or feel comfortable with it. I don’t think wanting to take a step back from them for a little while is a bad thing but don’t completely shut them out because they are your family and they love you.
You have to do what’s best for your mental health, and sometimes we just have to love people from a distance..” wildflower7827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I cannot believe the amount of you lecturing a 15-year-old for being uncomfortable when they caught their parents swinging.
Being uncomfortable with your parents’ intimacy in general is normal, let alone trying to wrap your mind around swinging. To you, you view it as being unfaithful. That is your personal belief, and considering this is your parents, I find it totally normal that this would upset you.
At the end of the day, it isn’t your business to know about. But knowing information you shouldn’t doesn’t mean it gets automatically deleted from your brain, nor does it require you to accept it. Your job as a child is to respect your parents’ wishes, and you do that by not shaming them or asking them to stop.
That’s their decision. Choosing to live in another household because their intimacy makes you uncomfortable is your decision, and one I feel you are absolutely entitled to. Not sure why the world has decided to constantly pick if being uncomfortable is justified or not.
You can’t say anything to them because you’ll make them uncomfortable, but them making you uncomfortable is okay? Smh. It’s not about you, but it IS your parents, and to say that it has no effect on you is ignorant to psychology..” SimplyPassinThrough
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You’ve grown up in a culture that expects (and likely has legal structures for) marriage to be between two people. You’re uncomfortable about finding out that your parents and two other adults aren’t conforming to that social construct.
Fair. It’s new. It’s different from what you expected and thought. That’s hard to wrap your head around. All that being said, they weren’t parading it in front of you. They weren’t even planning on telling you yet. You found out by accident in a surprising way.
It hadn’t impacted your day-to-day life prior to you finding out, so was anyone being hurt here? Wanting to spend a little time away to wrap your head around a new piece of knowledge that has to do with your family and friends is fine.
Now that you know, there are all sorts of relationship shifts that might occur. I will believe you when you say that it’s not the same-sex relationships that are what you are calling unnatural, it’s the polyamory. The thing is, that’s not unnatural. It’s just a different type of relationship than you’re used to.
Take some time to feel your feelings and reset some expectations.” lyonmerriman
19. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Dad Change Our Family Phone Plan?
“To give some context, I used to be on a family plan with my family (dad, mom, and brother) when I lived back at home. During college, I used to have my individual cellphone plan, but I asked my dad if we could have a family plan since the 4 of us had cell phones and there was a discount for a plan of 4 phones.
While I lived at home and went to college, I paid $100 for rent and paid 1/3 of the internet, 1/3 of groceries, and 1/3 of PG&E/solar bills. So, probably around $500–600 in bills. I worked part-time and made about $800 monthly. I graduated in May, and then got married in June.
In June, my husband moved in with me and the family, and he started paying rent as well. The following year, we moved out in February. So, we ended up living together for those 7 months. My husband (I’ll refer to him as A) had his own cellphone service with a different carrier.
When my husband and I moved out, we actually moved to a different town. He had joined the military, so we were now able to qualify for a discount. I wanted to separate my cellphone account from my family’s because I married and finally got to start my real adult life.
However, my dad told me that I couldn’t because it would be unfair, and they (dad, mom, and brother) would have to pay more. So, he asked if we could add my husband to the account and change him to primary so that all of us could benefit from the military discount.
So, for years, my family has paid my husband their portion of the bill. This was fine until everyone started upgrading their phones and made the math a bit more difficult to split things up. We also had Netflix through this service because it was included, so the email and password were shared with them.
This lasted until Netflix began to crack down on account sharing, and we couldn’t share Netflix any longer because we lived in two different houses. My husband asked my dad to create their own account since Netflix is technically ours.
Now, my dad decided that he wants home internet service through the cellphone company because there’s a promotion for $40/month.
My husband and I decided to say no because we didn’t want to make any more changes to the plan. My dad feels that saying “no because we don’t want to” is disrespectful and not a valid reason. Are we the jerks here?
My dad sent me angry texts for a whole day, and I didn’t reply. My husband and my dad texted each other because my dad hung up on my husband when he said no. I’d like to keep my relationship with my dad, but he has no interest in talking to me or my husband until we apologize.
Note: I’ve been moved out for 5 years now. He also had access to all of our streaming services for the past few years, and we’ve never asked for money. Also, in the past 5 years, he’s changed the cable service 3 times and the internet 2 times.
I just have a feeling he’d do the same with this internet, but we’d have to make all the phone calls. What’s my dad supposed to do when my husband deploys and my husband can’t make the call?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, it’s time your dad quits taking advantage of your husband’s service and pays for his own things. It is very fair for him to do that. He didn’t sacrifice for his country to get that discount; he doesn’t get a say in what gets put on it.
If your dad wants to end his relationship with you over him not having control, then maybe some space would be good. You’re being more than fair in allowing them to be on the same plan to begin with.” ForeverStrangeMoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your dad can have a plan that is just the way he wants it with internet and Netflix and phone upgrades galore. All he has to do is set up his own plan. And I assure you, the carrier will be MORE than happy to set him up and assist him with that.
But if he doesn’t want to do that and wants to stay on YOUR plan, then it is what it is. You decide what goes on the plan, and “no” doesn’t even need a reason behind it. It’s a single-word complete answer. Personally, I find that if you give these types a reasons, they’ll try to attack it in order to argue.
That’s why I just stick with no and refuse to elaborate. It’s the answer, nothing to argue. Take it or leave the plan.” tan_sandoval
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Separate the plans. You and hubby get your own and your parents and brother can get their own.
They are adults and can figure out how to pay for it. They are not entitled to your discount because they want it. You’ve been overly gracious about helping them, but now it is time for them to help themselves. Don’t let Daddy manipulate and guilt you into sharing your plan and discount.” Ducky818
18. AITJ For Calling Out My Influencer Nephew's Lazy, Enabled Lifestyle?
“My nephew (23m) has had behavioral issues all his life, namely he’d rather be playing video games and talking to his friends on social media than anything else in the world.
Backing up, his father inherited some oil land in his 30s and really hasn’t worked since. That was right before he married into our family. Super nice guy, but his interests lay in skiing and racing cars. They have multimillion homes in Aspen and Dallas.
Their son has always been enabled. Mediocre high school student, but along the way figured out he could manipulate his parents by claiming teenage angst. I think he made it one semester in college and then found it “too stressful.” Now he claims to be an Instagram influencer/streamer/video game expert, and we get to hear about how so-and-so got a million-dollar sponsorship.
My sister for some reason seems to buy into this, her husband less so, but I guess it’s easier for him to go along with it. At some point he made the kid get a menial job, but that interfered with him “pursuing his passion” and his mother would call in and make excuses for him.
He was around 20 at the time. I think he had a job for a racing place his father buys cars for to improve their social media presence, but he just quit showing up because it was “hard.”
Anyways, now his life consists of posting pictures of his dog, with his AMG Mercedes his dad bought him prominently in the background, he in a sky club flying between one of their homes, or him using the Amex Platinum his father gave him with tags like #grinding, #neverstopreaching, #workhardplayhard, #youcandoittoo, and #work24hoursaday.
Sure, it appears glamorous, but we know what’s behind the curtain. I’m fine with working hard and playing hard, but this kid has worked a month his whole life.
Anyway, recently we were having a family event. None of them were present, and my mother brought up, with great pride, how her nephew got “invited” to some music festival in Europe.
Now, he was “invited” as much as I would be; he bought a ticket and lied about it on SM. Someone made the comment he’s been working so hard and being so busy, and I commented he’s so successful at his “influencing” that he’d be living under a bridge if his parents didn’t pay his rent, car insurance, and daily expenses.
Someone called it “harsh” and not something you say about someone you love, but no one disagreed that it was true. My mother later said I was a jerk because, while she agrees his parents definitely enable him some, he’s “driven and can accomplish anything he sets his mind to.” I could do anything too if I didn’t have an electric bill coming due next week to worry about.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry he’s 23 and just gets coddled and enabled. You even specified his dad knows but doesn’t care. You just said the truth and nobody disagreed. He needs to learn to do something with his life.
It’s not a healthy lifestyle and won’t be able to last forever. Even major influencers have jobs outside of their content creation. He was given a job basically paying him to be an influencer for cars. And quit. If his parents stopped helping him he would be living under a bridge.
Your cousin is the jerk, and his parents are also jerk for not caring and enabling” Killybacon
Another User Comments:
“I’m on the fence with this one. I agree with everything you said, however, it isn’t your place or your business and they can raise their kid how they please.
Not to mention that is your family. So unless they have actually done something to you or have said things about you, I think it’s kind of douchey to crap talk just because they have money and are able to give their kid more than most.” Currentlyamess
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you can’t even keep your story straight. He’s your cousin – no, he’s your nephew – no, he’s your mom’s nephew – no, he’s… And frankly, even if it’s just you trying to stay anonymous, you’re still the jerk because who calls their own mother out for something someone else is doing?
Why do you care? Just let it go and worry about your own life.” inFinEgan
17. AITJ For Wanting A Real Birthday Celebration From My Parents?
“I (M17) turn 18 tomorrow. Birthdays in my family have always been important, my mother, father, and sister have always gotten the usual. Gifts, choosing what cakes they get, and the choice of dinner or breakfast out for the night.
I haven’t had those choices since I was 10 years old.
My mother (F43) is taking me out to a carnival in my town today, and we are going out on a family trip next week to visit our extended family. My father usually works Saturday to Monday, but decided on Friday that he wanted to have Monday off so that he could relax until we leave on Wednesday, meaning he is working till 11 am tomorrow (Leaving at 7 am) and then going back to work at 7 pm (And coming back at 7 am).
This means not only do I get to go out for dinner, but I don’t get a cake and I don’t get any gifts as my mother and father have both informed me they had no idea what to get me and so I didn’t get anything.
(They said yet, but they did the same thing last year.)
It has been a similar case for the past 7 years of birthdays. Something always comes up. On my 11th birthday, my cousin threw a temper tantrum that ruined my mother’s mood, so we didn’t go out for dinner, and that also meant we didn’t get any cake.
On my 14th birthday, my mom was working out of town and my father left me at home to visit her for three days straight, I had to make my own dinner and cake that year, and I didn’t get any presents. On my 16th birthday, my father was too tired to do anything, so we didn’t go out to eat, nor did I get cake of any sort, and I didn’t get a gift that year (I also didn’t get a gift on my 15th birthday, and my 13th birthday).
And I know, I could be upset about literally so many other things other than my birthdays. But I’m just sad that for some reason my birthday isn’t as important to my family as it is to me, despite trying to make their birthdays important my whole life.
I’m going to the Carnival tomorrow, but I’m not allowed on any of the rides, and we will only be playing the games, as my mother doesn’t wanna pay more than 20 dollars at the place. My father wants me to wash all the dishes tomorrow (Fair, but I don’t understand why I can’t do it on Monday or Tuesday) before he gets home from work.
And I don’t have a choice in any of these things because it’s my parents asking me to do it. I just want to ask them to try caring about my birthday a little bit more.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Hey I am sorry to read about your situation.
Is there any option you can go to dinner with your friends? Tell your parents that you are disappointed with how much effort they are putting into your birthday and that you would wish for a cake or some dinner on your birthday. If they don’t do it, ask if you can have the money instead so you can do something with your friends tomorrow or a few days later.” NixKlappt-Reddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s called egoism, they want to feel that they matter, but ignore others. I know that kind of thing, I don’t even celebrate anymore as it seems only I try at all. I always gave much consideration to gifts, trips to drive a giant excavator, a handmade closet out of oak wood, antiques someone collects, concert tickets for a favorite band, tools, and games.
And I got socks, a happy birthday, and even that would most of the time be forgotten. I never asked to get something as “compensation” for my gifts, but basic, white, socks and forgetting me at all? Heck, even the times I tried to celebrate with family were seen as more of a free buffet (I do love cooking) by them, leaving after having eaten.
That really made my mood go downhill. Can’t do this over the net but lemme give you a bear hug and a happy birthday in advance.” Scrapmetal_Dragon
16. AITJ For Telling My Husband His Blackpink Obsession Is Cringe And Neglectful?
“I (26f) am married to my husband (27m) for 4 years, and we have been together for 9 years. My husband is on the spectrum and I am not. I know that he is a massive Star Wars and Halo fan.
It didn’t bother me at all. Even though I’m not a fan, I respected it; he talked about Star Wars every day and I watched everything Star Wars-related for him. But for a week or two, he has a new obsession. I was away for a couple of weeks with our son (2y.o) at my mom’s house so he could have some time for himself.
Since our son may also be on the spectrum and he doesn’t communicate, it’s been quite stressful for my husband. So I sometimes go to my mom’s with our son to avoid more stress and problems. I call my husband every day asking how he is and what he has done that day.
The last week of our stay, he told me he had been listening to Blackpink. I didn’t mind it and told him that’s okay. It’s not my kind of music, but if it’s his, so be it.
So, he comes to pick us up, and that evening he has been blasting Blackpink songs on his mini speaker while doing the dishes.
It has been this way for 2 weeks now. I thought he only listened to their songs, but after a few days, he started playing their mobile game. I did my best to support him and told him it was okay; I told him that I don’t mind him being a fan as long as he doesn’t reach out to them because that’s just too cringe for me… A day after playing the game, he joined a Discord for Blackpink fans and he is on it non-stop.
I also found out that he DID in fact reach out to one of the members.
I confronted him, telling him that I wanted to support him, but he was changing a lot in a short time for me. I want to keep thinking it’s okay for him to be a fan as long as he keeps putting his son number one…
This weekend, he was mostly glued to his phone, saying cringe lines like UwU and Korean words while his son was trying to get his attention. He also told me he wants a fan shirt of them (I have major social anxiety). I told him, “Please no, anything but a t-shirt.” I feel lost. Am I a bad wife for telling him that the t-shirt cringes on me?
I had an honest conversation with him, trying to tell him that his sudden obsession is making me feel a bit lost and alone since I don’t know who my husband is anymore. He tells me to stop talking about it because it makes him feel sad that I find it cringe…
AITJ for telling him my honest feelings?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. This new interest is taking away from his attention to your son. He needs to find a balance that lets him be a present dad. You’re also being pretty judgemental by calling his interests cringe.
It’s okay to dislike certain things, but not to make him feel bad for wanting a shirt or phrases that are part of the subculture.” aworte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he is hurting his son by treating him that way. It needs to get to a point where he needs to start being a husband and father or get the heck out of the house.
If he thinks having a child on the spectrum is hard, he is potentially creating a child on the spectrum with severe mental health and abandonment issues, and you’ll be left to raise him for the rest of your life.” Waste_Pop9285
Another User Comments:
“I’m autistic, and I have major obsessions or “special interests” too that I get deeply into. Currently, I’m fixated on something from Star Trek. I know what it’s like to dive in so heavily that it’s all you want to talk about and all you think about.
However, he really shouldn’t be ignoring his son. My mom got a puppy, and watching it has been exhausting (I watch the puppy from 6:00 AM to 5:00 PM every day except weekends because my mom works), but I still do it. I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but he can’t let this obsession take over to the point where he’s neglecting responsibilities.
(But, maybe don’t downright tell him it’s cringe. I’m terrified of being cringy to the point where I feel sick; just explain to him that his obsession is getting unhealthy.)” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Cutting Off My Sister For Criticizing My Pregnancy And Life Choices?
“As the title states, I have decided not to invite or communicate with my sister anymore.
For more context, I (26 F) am currently 21 weeks pregnant. I found out when I was 15 weeks old, which also happened to be the same week as my younger (21 F) sister’s birthday. It was a surprise to me, so to say, that anyone was expecting this would be a lie.
I ended up telling my sister the day before her birthday, which was the day I found out how far along I was, not knowing if I would keep the baby or not. That aside, once I saw her and heard the heartbeat, I knew that I was going to follow through with the pregnancy.
There wasn’t much to the announcement, as she was the first person in my family I told, and I hadn’t even known the gender yet because I was still waiting for all the blood tests to come back. Her response was “What am I going to do?” after explaining that I was planning to carry the pregnancy through and waiting for the initial prenatal tests to come through to make sure she and I were both healthy, her response was kind of a dry congrats and that’s where the convo left off.
Now last month my partner’s mom and sister had asked me if they could plan a baby shower for us, which I happily agreed to. While making my list of invites, I decided to ask my family if the date in question they had picked out would work for everyone.
This is when my sister flat out said she didn’t think this pregnancy was a good idea and that I should terminate it because she thinks I cannot take care of a child and should rethink having a child with someone who is an “unreliable piece of crap”, along with other things she stated, and that I should focus on myself and she will do the same, so she doesn’t want to be involved. Obviously, this hurt me, but as she is an adult, I respect her decision.
So I just replied, “Okay, I understand and I’m sorry she feels that way.” My partner and I have been together for 4 years, and I will admit it hasn’t always been rainbows and sunshine, but since going to therapy and really working on ourselves, he has been the best partner I could have asked for, and I know he will be a great dad.
Since she has stated she didn’t want to be involved, I have basically cut contact with her. She has recently expressed to our younger brother how she doesn’t support this and that I’m basically the jerk for not wanting to terminate the pregnancy and not working on bettering our relationship.
This has me thinking if I’m making the right choice. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Your sister doesn’t understand the concept that you are two separate people. And you do not owe it to her to follow her life advice and work on your relationship.
Regardless of what happens between you and your partner, or between you and your sister, you have a bigger commitment now to your child.” ChakraMama318
14. AITJ For Refusing To Shoulder Family Care Costs For My Mother And Brother?
“Unfortunately, our mother suffered from a TBI and requires around-the-clock care.
Prior to her TBI, she was caring for my younger brother. I have three other siblings, not counting my younger brother. They would like to pool together funds to provide care for our mother and my younger brother. I told them I would not be taking part.
When they asked why, I was honest. I make substantially more, and we all know I would be funding the lion’s share of the cost. If we split the cost evenly, they would barely have anything to live off of.
I suggested we sell the house, use the funds from the house to place our mom in a quality nursing home, and let our brother become a ward of the state and have him placed in a group home.
Each of them called me selfish. I know I could fund the care, but this is not a cost I wish to take on. This is not a couple of years; this could go on for many years. I have always been considered the golden child.
I was able to get a full scholarship, have a wonderful career, and make a comfortable living. I have also been the one who came in and saved the day when people needed me. I am going to be on the wrong side of 30 next year.
I am simply sick of being the problem solver.
I know our mom does not want to be placed in a nursing home, and she most definitely does not want our younger brother in a group home. I fully understand that, but practically speaking, I am the only one who can logically cover the cost required to keep them both at home.
I make more than my siblings combined. I get they mean well, but they are writing checks and making promises their incomes cannot keep. As I told them, if I agree with their plan, a year from now I will be flipping the cost or having to deal with finding placement for both of them.
I’d rather just skip to the finish line, so to speak.
My entire family is calling me a selfish jerk, and now I am second-guessing myself. I get what they are saying. We are family, and family should help the family. I just don’t want to make what would possibly be a lifelong commitment.
I know I am fortunate and lucky enough to cover these costs, but it would not be without sacrifice. I know I am selfish, but I like my current lifestyle. So, am I the jerk for putting myself first before my family, or should I accept the fact that since I am in a position to help, I should help?”
Another User Comments:
“OP you’re being very pragmatic about the situation and your family isn’t. You are not the one responsible for taking care of everyone but only yourself, which for some people is a tough pill to swallow sometimes. There’s no guarantee that you’ll see another 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. so where will they be then if you’re not around to “save the day?” It’s assumed that they had the same opportunities as you did to make a life for yourself that you wanted, and they chose the life for themselves.
Not everyone can make the hard decisions, and government assistance programs are put in place to help those who can’t help themselves.” NumbersGuy22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ When money, health, and family dynamics start crossing paths, stuff hits the fan. I initially was gonna say jerk because you started with you not wanting to foot the bulk of the bill and how you came right out and said that.
Although true, maybe leading with it was harsh. The rest of your explanation is very sound and practical. If you all lean into emotions, sentiment, and perceived obligation, you’d likely miss the mark on the bear care for your mom and brother. If you weren’t in the family and financially capable, they’d be singing a different tune.
Just because you could do something doesn’t mean you should.” wall2k4
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and are the only family member really thinking on a long-term basis. Selling the family home to fund your mom and your brother is the most practical option.
Your 3 siblings and you can contribute emotionally by regularly visiting your mom and your brother and providing support in that way, and that will be hard and soul-destroying as it is – I’ve been in a similar situation. It can go on for many years.
I’m just worried that even the house proceeds may run out, even though it gives you a good head start on this difficult situation. Your siblings and you could start saving as much as you can as well so that if you need to contribute to the comfort of your mom and brother in the future you are able to do so.
Your brother’s situation is particularly heart breaking as he is younger. One more point – if you set up a fund that your siblings commit to regularly contributing to now, you will be able to see exactly whether they can keep any promises about money.
A fund that no-one can touch without the others’ consent – it should be solely for your mom and brother’s care.” Silentint-75
13. AITJ For Giving My Husband Free App Prizes Instead Of The Gifts He Wanted?
“I love my husband, but in many ways, we are complete opposites. However, I like to think that despite that, we work well together and balance each other out. I’m content with the little things in life – a nice meal, quality time together, a cuddle on the sofa.
In fact, I’d prefer a candy necklace with a cute note attached to it over a meaningless diamond necklace without it, ANY day of the week.
Him, he never seems content with the big or little things. Cuddling seems to be a chore to him (but he will do it if I ask).
Wearing a watch is ‘pointless’ unless it’s designer. The only meal he’s happy to go for is to a 5-star restaurant. Why can’t we just go for pub lunch every now and then?! Any watch can tell you the time – IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE FLASHY.
Every year, I ask him what he wants for his birthday, for Christmas, for our anniversary, etc. Every year, choosing his gift gets more and more frustrating. He ONLY wants flash watches, designer clothes, or jewelry. I feel like I die a little bit inside every time I buy it.
I can’t help but feel like it’s a waste of money. I recently started testing a new app, where users can swipe online ads and win prizes for doing so. I’ve gotten pretty lucky so far. I decided to just give my hubby the prizes I won.
This was: a designer hoodie (won’t state the brand, but it is designer and I thought it was very nice!), a free pizza delivery order (he loves pizza), and a new pair of trainers (also designer but not a brand he asked for). So not the best presents in the world but not the worst either.
It was his birthday last week. He was in a mood with me the whole day as the gifts weren’t the exact designer brands he wanted. We got into a big argument about it and things haven’t been the same since. I don’t know where to go from here, to be honest. I know that technically I didn’t buy anything, but I was so tired of wasting money on huge grand presents.
I thought he’d be happy with what I gave him. He thinks AITJ because my gifts weren’t personal; I didn’t choose them or pay for them. I think he should just be happy with what I gave him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I am not into labels and I don’t expect much for my birthday, but I also would be annoyed if my partner’s birthday gift was just free stuff they got from work.
It doesn’t matter if it was free stuff they thought I might appreciate, it still doesn’t really count as doing something special for me for my birthday. If they don’t know what to get me or can’t afford it, I’d rather they made me dinner or carved out time for me to do something low-key but special, anything that showed they actually thought about doing something special for me rather than just repurposing free stuff from work.
OP also sounds super judgmental towards their husband. I sort of get it, because I also don’t have patience for people who care about labels, but I wouldn’t be married to someone like that. If that’s your husband, then you have to accept it and not be so crappy about it.
It’s their birthday, pay attention to what they want and make a reasonable effort to get them that. If there are financial issues, then that’s a separate discussion. Basically, to me, this doesn’t sound like the husband was throwing a tantrum because this one gift wasn’t absolutely perfect.
It sounds like the husband is tired of their wishes being disregarded by OP consistently. OP literally wrote they don’t want to take the time to get their partner what they actually want for their birthday. They knew the free stuff wasn’t what the husband wanted, but they didn’t care enough to make an effort.” sizzlesnarl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You were really lazy. I understand not wanting to get him designer stuff, but you put in zero effort and gave him just random stuff because you had it on hand. No thought at all about him. You could have sold the stuff you won and used it to get him something he wanted or a fancy meal out.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I would also be disappointed if my partner got me prizes they won at work for my birthday, especially if I provided them with a list of what I would want. It feels like you put zero effort into his gift. I get that you don’t like or value the same things (you stressed that you like simple things and that he only wants expensive things.
I like expensive things too and I can afford them, you sound judgmental af). But this conversation about values is for another day. Not a point to prove/score on his birthday.” Aggressive_Cup8452
12. AITJ For Rescuing A Malnourished Cat And Facing Catnapping Accusations?
“I (f/19) went for an evening walk (on Monday) with paa rtner (m/25) and encountered a malnourished cat covered in fleas, ticks, and injuries. She had no collar or tags. We sought help from clinics, shelters, and police, but we had limited options due to late hours and rural locations.
Found a clinic 1.5 hours away, and drove to it. We provided her food and reached the clinic by 11 p.m. The cat had worms, heart arrhythmia, and thyroid issues in addition to the above. Also, she had no microchip. We left her for treatment and returned home.
Tuesday morning, I checked on the cat’s progress at the clinic. If no owner surfaced, we intended to adopt her. She showed great improvement, ate again, and was nearly ready to come home. We were informed that the cat’s custodian would incur a €700 bill, a cost we were willing and prepared to cover if she ended up with us.
On Wednesday, my partner completed «found cat» forms in town, ensuring the owners could be contacted if they reported her missing. Later, we were informed the cat was ready for collection at the clinic. We made an appointment for the next day. Uncertain of her fate, we readied our home for her potential arrival by purchasing essentials and making the apartment cat-friendly.
On Thursday evening, we had the cat pickup appointment. I contacted the city to inquire about the cat’s destination or whether we could keep her. However, the owners had reported the cat missing. Subsequently, I received contact details and had to return the cat to them in the evening.
I contacted the owners, introducing myself. Mrs. X seemed unhappy and blamed me, insisting the cat was well on Saturday and should not have been taken. I clarified the cat’s condition, detailing her health issues. Mrs. X responded with «mhm,» inquiring about the cat’s return.
I estimated around 10 p.m. due to work commitments and the clinic’s distance. Mrs. X expressed impatience, requested an earlier return, and abruptly ended the call without thanks. We later collected the cat and met the owners around 9:30 p.m. Courteously, my partner discussed our role in returning the cat and recommended microchipping for future security.
Ms. X responded with a quick “Okay, thanks,” and then abruptly closed the door. Feeling frustrated, we headed back to the car. Just as we were about to leave, a man approached and signaled us to halt. Assuming he wanted to express gratitude, I stepped out.
Surprisingly, he accused us of catnapping. I refuted the claim, explaining our intentions. He insisted the cat was well cared for and groomed daily, implying financial motives on our part. I offered to take responsibility for the cat and costs, but he dismissed the offer.
He asserted the cat had visited the vet, challenging my doubts about her medical history. He noted our license plate, reiterating his intent to prove our alleged wrongdoing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the cat was that badly cared for and the vet confirmed all of her medical problems – you and your partner did an incredibly kind thing.
I honestly think you would’ve been a better caretaker for this cat compared to the original owners overall. The owners of the cat are ungrateful, rude, and obviously don’t take care of their pets properly. The cat had no collar nor a chip and was in such a terrible condition, so it was easy to assume she was a stray.
You even offered to cover the medical expenses! Your heart was in the right place.” TheWorstOfTheWest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – which I wasn’t expecting, tbh, because well-meaning catnapping is near-endemic over here (UK) so is easy to imagine elsewhere in Europe. But a cat in that state clearly isn’t a poorly but well-cared-for [elderly] cat whose sunbathing/stroll was rudely interrupted; that’s a cat who was in sore need of attention from a vet & you’d assume from such a state that it had no human minding it.” Refuse-Tiny
11. AITJ For Telling My Mom It’s Too Soon For Her Partner To Meet Our Kids?
“My mom is a widower (stepdad passed away 15 years ago).
She was in one longer relationship afterward for a few years with someone we all got along with, but over the past 2-3 years has had short, fling-type romantic relationships. One of the main issues is that she has a dependent personality and every guy she dates is “the one,” so it’s hard for us to tell how serious any of these relationships are.
She gets really excited and wants my brother and I to immediately meet the current guy she’s seeing — but we have small children, so we don’t want them to get attached and confused if/when it doesn’t work out.
The last partner was in an on/off relationship for over a year.
I live 2 hours away and came in one weekend when my son was 2. My mom casually mentioned “Oh I invited my partner over for dinner, I hope that’s okay” when we were already exhausted from driving and he was at the door. She admitted later she did this by design.
It was awkward for my husband and I; we weren’t prepared and he stayed until long after we went to bed, so we felt like we couldn’t relax and had to co-host with my mom.
Fast forward to 3 weeks ago when she meets the new partner.
They enjoy each other’s company and I’m genuinely happy for her, but the guy told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her just 9 days after they met. I asked her what she would tell me if someone said that to me, but she said she’s much older and doesn’t have much time left (she’s 65 and as far as I know, doesn’t have any terminal illness).
She kept dropping hints about how we need to visit and meet him (and how he’s so great, etc), then yesterday asked if she could bring him up to our house to meet. I told her that it hadn’t even been a month since they started seeing and I thought it was too soon, to which she replied “Well when is long enough?
When we move in together?” She said they practically live together now. My oldest is 6 and my youngest is 1.5. I know my toddler wouldn’t remember, but my oldest is very sensitive. He remembers things from years ago that I forgot about until he brings it up.
She told me I can introduce her partner as “a friend,” but I don’t feel comfortable lying to my son. I feel like she’s trying to force things to move too fast. When I expressed hesitation over how fast this was going, she got defensive and said I needed to be happy for her.
AITJ for telling her that I think it’s too much too soon. And that she needs to be in a relationship for at least 4-6 months without any breaks before this guy meets us and our small children?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems completely reasonable and understandable on your part.
You aren’t judging her, or them, simply stating what you feel is best and what you are comfortable with. I wouldn’t even put a 4-6 month period on it, I would just say that, until you are comfortable with it, you’d rather not introduce people you don’t know well enough into your kids’ lives.
Completely reasonable” JMcQ92
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. You can be happy for your mom from a distance and your reasons are valid. She’s trying to push you and your family into something that you’re not ready for, and it’s perfectly okay for you not to want to meet him quite yet, especially given her record.
Unfortunately, there’s likely no way she’s going to come around and you’ll just have to agree to disagree on this. If she can’t handle that, that’s her problem. She’s trying to manipulate you by saying you not allowing something she wants makes you the bad person by “not wanting her to be happy”.
That’s not the case, and she’s creating a narrative in her head about you and your intentions regardless of what you tell her. You meeting her partner has nothing to do with their relationship or her happiness. Think about how ridiculous this would be if you had a friend tell you this.
It’s manipulative and ridiculous. If you do end up visiting her, I would say to just keep your children at home and visit her solo given the fact that she would likely try to pull another planned meeting.” SadVictory6650
Another User Comments:
“Three weeks is too soon for anything.
And your mother’s position would be sympathetic if she didn’t try to guilt you into submission with the usual false charges. Sometimes it seems as though parents will say anything, no matter how wrong, to get power over their grown offspring. In any case, you don’t have to discuss or explain.
Tell her no, not yet, maybe later, goodbye.” RealbadtheBandit
10. AITJ For Refusing My Wealthy Partner's Offer To Pay My Bills?
“So me (23M) and my partner (30F) have been together for 2 years now. Let’s call her Faith. So me and Faith met at a mutual party one night and got to talking to each other over the span of a couple of months. Eventually, I built the courage to ask her out and she said yes and we’ve been together since.
When we met, Faith was already making much more money than me. Two years ago I was taking home around 50k per year living in a city. (We live in separate apartments.) Now I make very close to 60k. So honestly, I’ve been struggling a bit trying to afford rent while paying other loans, etc. Faith was taking home around 250k, give or take, two years ago.
Now she makes over 300k.
Faith has been paying for a lot of things for me like gifts, dinners, clothes, etc. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it. It does feel nice to receive a ton of stuff from my partner, and of course, I return the favor as well, but I can’t afford the really nice things she gets me.
She says I don’t have to get her anything, and I believe her when she says that. She’s a super genuine person and I respect her a lot.
Where the problem comes in is that she has really ramped up the talk of paying down some of my expenses to make things easier on me.
We’ve had dozens of conversations about me moving in with her to save on my rent. She even talked about completely paying off my student loans, which are currently sitting at around 40k, and paying off my credit cards, which add up to about 5k.
I wholeheartedly refused her and said it didn’t sit right with me for her to do all of that. Those are financial burdens I took on, and it just doesn’t feel right for me to take advantage of her kindness like that and let her take on all of that burden.
I’m also not 100 percent ready to move in with her and take that next step.
Honestly, it all got me pretty overwhelmed, and we ended up arguing about it. She got really upset and said she can spend her money on me if that’s what she chooses.
I agreed and reminded her that I could also just refuse the money from her just the same. This upset her more, and we ended up arguing about it for longer. She ended up telling me that I was being a little bit of a jerk about the whole thing.
Am I? Basically, it feels like a handout from her, and I don’t like that feeling. The wage difference and even age difference have me feeling this way. Am I overthinking this? Should I just let her help me out the way she wants?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Her love language is to pay for you, whereas you think you should sort out your problems yourself. I don’t think you are a jerk – actually, it’s quite admirable that you want to sort your problems on your own.
However, it’s a very sweet gesture from her, so maybe you can explain that you are very grateful for the offer anyway but on this occasion can’t accept.” Wildwildworld1
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Both of you are great people. Faith really likes to help those she cares about and she does seem genuine.
At the same time, you knew what you were getting into when you took on those loans and wanted to pay them back. That’s very noble of you. I’d recommend having a heart-to-heart with her and trying to work out your differences. I don’t see this as a worthy issue to break it off with her from what you’ve told me.
Faith does seem like a good person to be with. Hope things work out, man!” Random_ThrowUp
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As others pointed out, you communicate differently. She wants to pay for you because she cares for you and wants you to be burden free.
You don’t want this money because you want to be with her for who she is, not for her money. There was a heated conversation because both of you stood your ground. However, there is nothing but love here, congrats!” Schecter_Boy
9. AITJ For Not Apologizing For Rejecting Unwanted Nicknames At A Pet Shop?
“My wife (32F) and I (35M) happily own 10 cats and 2 dogs. We live in Europe, and the cost of keeping these pets nice and healthy is really expensive, but we manage it. We do all our shopping at one small pet store, and the owner is a great person.
She also likes animals and even gives us a 10% discount or lets us buy and pay later. We were never in her debt for longer than 2 weeks, while others kept it up for months, even until the end of the year. She has two more employees who are talkative, but we usually do business with the owner directly, so when we see the employees, it is mostly for a short time.
The issue started when one of the employees (two females) started calling me an unpleasant nickname, nothing vulgar, just referring to me with a weird name like talking to a baby while also giggling. My wife and I brushed it off at first, thinking it was just a one-time joke and that they would stop.
In the past week, we went there a few times, and one of the employees didn’t stop. It made me uncomfortable and annoyed since I hate being called by any nickname, especially by an employee that I don’t personally know. My wife suggested politely telling the employee to stop calling me nicknames since she had previous experience with unwanted nicknames (her name is unusual) and they always stopped. My wife isn’t the jealous type, and the employee is in her 40s.
I thought that it was just rude and unprofessional.
A few days ago, we went to the store to pick up some cat food, and I followed my wife’s suggestions and told her to stop calling me by a nickname in the future. I said, “If you don’t mind, please, in the future, do not call me by any nicknames.
Thank you.” She said okay, laughed it off, and we continued with our day.
Today I got a call from the owner’s husband. Explaining to me how she does that with everyone, including the owner, her 25-year-old son, her husband, and most other customers, is just the way she is, and I should not take it personally or think she was coming onto me (It never occurred to me that she could be flirting, it felt more like bullying).
After the owner’s husband explained the employee’s ways, he told me that I should go and apologize to the employee and tell her I did not think she was flirting. I wanted to tell him off, but we live in a small town, and my father is his good friend, so I just said okay and hung up the phone.
Am I the jerk for refusing to apologize and never going back there again, making them lose a salary’s worth of income per month?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the fact that the husband had to call you because he knows how often this occurs is very telling about them.
Him asking for you to apologize is probably not a good sign of what their relationship is like, and doesn’t seem like the first time it’s happened with someone else. I believe you’re in the right for not apologizing, and it was good to disengage with the husband by just saying yes and not escalating.” PM_ME_DANK_PEENS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have politely told the owner’s husband that you understand it may be normal to him, but that doesn’t make it normal to you, and therefore you have nothing to apologize for. I would also clarify that you never interpreted it as flirting.
I would then advise the owner’s husband that as long as she stops calling you by those nicknames, you would be happy to continue to give them your business and continue on as if nothing had ever happened. Any pushback would result in ultimately finding a new shop entirely.
You’re NTJ for not wanting to bother with all of that work for something that’s clearly not your fault, but I personally prefer the direct approach in these types of situations.” Beneficial_Cloud6490
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to request that someone not call you by some annoying [or offensive] nickname that isn’t even yours.
I highly doubt the store owner got the straight story from the employee who probably thought she was doing damage control in the way she described your simple request. IMHO, you were nigh being bullied by both the employees. Yep, take your business somewhere else.” NanaLeonie
8. AITJ For Removing My MIL From My Car Insurance Because She Disrespects My Car?
“I had a car for six years and my mother-in-law was my second driver on.
In agreement, she could use the car here & there in exchange for driving me long distances (I’m disabled and can only drive so far when I’m flaring up). She only had to drive me once or twice a year, which tailed off two years ago, and she hasn’t needed to drive me anywhere since as I’ve pushed myself to do the drives.
All good except she somehow came to the conclusion that my car was now her car.
She’d take it twice a day, leaving me a four-hour window to use my car. She’d have these almighty toddler strops when I’d be twenty minutes late home with my car.
She even went to throw her phone at my husband over it. When I’d say I would be going out in the afternoon (which would overlap when she needed the car), she’d demand I go out earlier in the day. She also scrapped up the side of my car, left dents & scratches, and put burns into the driver’s seat, which she never offered to pay for the damages.
Anyway, I got a new car last week and had to redo the insurance, which meant she came off it as she wasn’t with me when I ordered the car.
On the day of I got my car, she came around and went into a rant as she wanted to use it to go out and couldn’t, as the insurance wasn’t showing up to add more drivers. “I can’t smoke now!” (She’s not allowed to smoke where she goes and apparently smokes in my car instead.) I told her nobody was to smoke in my new car, and she gave me a dirty look.
“You’ve inconvenienced me! The one day I wanted to do something.” (She takes it every day twice a day!) demanded I give her a lift up there, which I did. She stormed out of the car and didn’t say a word, not even thank you, and this was just the gist of it.
Anyway, it was solely my car I pay £280 a month for (a fair bit of money!). It is not my husband’s either. AITJ for saying she’s not going on the car insurance because of the way she behaves? Basically, no respect for the car?
No respect for me? She hasn’t apologized for her behavior, and she never does when it regards my car. My husband thinks I should put her back on the insurance for a quiet life, but I just want my car for me!”
Another User Comments:
“What would happen if she had your car and an emergency comes up with your DC? Do not add her to your insurance. She makes bad decisions, and she can live with them. It’s not your responsibility to make everything perfect in her life.
She’s a grown woman, and she needs to handle her own business. I’d stop helping her with landlord phone calls and bill collectors, etc. Both you and your husband are enabling her bad behavior. Cut those apron strings and move on. Get your DH into therapy.
Both of you need it. Good luck OP.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“How is your life more quiet if MIL can drive the car? She complains when it’s not available for her to drive, is low on fuel, and loudly complains about adding fuel.
She complains she can’t smoke in your car. Giving in isn’t making life quieter; it’s just changing the type of complaints. Husband needs to understand I can drive the car complaints are same as I can’t drive the car complaints. Quieter life would involve moving away from MIL.” Slightlysanemomof5
7. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Over My Bible?
“My family and I (f23) moved to the US from India the summer before I started high school.
My family is a religious Muslim family, and I was Muslim growing up. When I moved away for college, I realized I was a lesbian, left Islam, and converted to Christianity after I started going to an LGBT-affirming church. My family originally cut me off because of this, but have recently reached out to me again, and it seems like they would like to rebuild our relationship somewhat, which I am okay with.
I invited my sister (f18) to come stay with me and my partner (f25). After a while, my family finally agreed, and she was gonna come stay with us for a week.
It was fine for the most part. The only time anything “controversial” happened the whole time was when my partner and I left for church on Sunday.
She made some comments about how it was a waste of time, which we ignored. It was fine until last night, the night before she was supposed to leave, which would’ve been today. Last night, I was looking for the Bible I got as a gift after my baptism, which was almost $100 and had my name engraved on it.
I asked my sister if she’d seen it, and she admitted that she threw it away because it was in the guest room she was sleeping in. I dug through the trash to try to salvage it, but it was wet and destroyed.
We got into an argument after this, and she claimed she threw it away because Bibles bring back trauma from being bullied (we were bullied in school for being Muslim by Christians in an American public school).
I told her I didn’t care and it was disrespectful, and demanded she leave. She made some comments about how I’m being with the same type of person who harassed us so badly in school (my partner is white and Christian). After this, I told her she had one hour to pack and get out.
It was around 10 at night, and our parents lived 2 hours away. She tried to tell me I was being insensitive to her trauma, but I did not listen and told her to get out of my apartment.
When she got home between midnight and 1 AM, our parents started blowing up my phone, saying that kicking out a young girl at night was wrong and I “disrespected Islam” by allowing a Bible to be in the room my sister was sleeping in.
I’ve been getting messages on and off all day from them basically saying the same thing. My partner agrees I had the right to kick her out, but I am starting to feel guilty for forcing my teenage sister out of my house at night when she was leaving the next day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you are expected to respect your sister’s religious beliefs, so should she. Probably not the best course of action to kick her out, but you absolutely had every right to. IMO, it’s not even about religion here – she disrespected a sentimental property of yours and ruined it on purpose.
That is mean-spirited – I am not too familiar with Islam, but I can’t imagine this being an OK value to have and support (disrespecting someone’s property, values, and beliefs)… NTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So she’s allowed to disrespect your home possessions and religion, and you’re not allowed to have a Bible from your religion in your home?
Your family sounds great (sarcasm). Did she have a Bible from her religion with her? You invited her to your home to build a relationship, and she disrespected you. Your sister/family should be apologizing to you. If they really want to build a relationship with you, they need to respect you and your religious beliefs.
6. AITJ For Banning My Friend After A Costly Flight Fiasco?
“Myself, Sky, and Eve (names changed), all 30F, have 20+ years of friendship.
A different friend invited me to stay in her condo across the country while she was away, to house-sit and bring 2 guests. Enter Sky and Eve! We just needed to leave the place as we found it. We booked the same round-trip flights. Overall, the vacation was epic.
Beach by day, bar/club hopping by night. The only drag was the shortage of Ubers. To travel a distance of 30 min or less, we’d end up waiting for 45-60 min, with multiple cancellations. This wasn’t the norm at home, so it was a common complaint between the 3 of us.
On the last night, Sky wanted to stay in, watch a movie, and Facetime with her husband. Eve and I wanted one more wild night. Sky assured us she was content. Eve and I went out, and got back at 2 am. To make our early flight home, we needed a confirmed Uber to the airport by at LEAST 5:45 am.
We all discussed “setting early alarms” to finish cleaning up the condo.
I wake up to my 5 am alarm, after apparently hitting snooze to my first 4:30 am alarm. Eve is passed out in the next room. I was surprised to find Sky awake, sitting on the couch, neatly zipping up her suitcase.
When she saw me sit up in a panic, she said, “I called the Uber. It’s 7 minutes away. Eve won’t wake up.” I frantically started throwing my clothes in my suitcase as I exclaimed, “WHAT!?” My half-awake brain could only focus on one goal, get us ready, get out, and lock the place up safely.
I shook Eve, yelling, “Get the HECK up, we’re gonna be late!”, while speed-cleaning. Sky says distantly, “Uber is here.” Eve is now rush-packing her things while I beg, “Sky, PLEASE have the driver wait five minutes.” Sky says, “Okay, but I doubt he will.” and goes outside.
Eve and I continue to panic-clean. Sky calls inside, “Driver won’t wait anymore, what am I supposed to do!?” I respond, distracted and stressed, “Whatever, just go!” Sky leaves in the Uber.
I call another Uber. Not one, but two Ubers, cancel on us. By the time we get a third, we hit terrible traffic.
We race up to the gate at 7:51 am. They tell us boarding was done at 7:50 am and “there’s nothing we can do.” Sky texts Eve, “They can’t do anything.” We stare at our plane home, sitting there for 30 MORE MINUTES before it takes off. Eve and I then need another flight THAT day, as we both can’t miss work.
The only flight home was $800 each (5x the price of our other flight) 6 hours from then. Does Sky know any of this? No, because she never asked. She texted Eve once when she landed at home, to ask if we ever got another flight. Never texted me.
She never brought up the incident again, and I plan on never inviting Sky to travel with me again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How on earth is it anyone’s fault but yours and Eve’s that you failed to prepare for an early morning flight after a late night out?
Had Sky not been there at all, how would the outcome have been better for you? It certainly appears that you and Eve would’ve had to do the McCallister Memorial Cannonball Run regardless. Seems like you’re mad at her for having her stuff together and, I suppose, not doing enough to drag her disorganized duo out of bed with criminal force.
I’m not exactly the God of Good Order myself, so I can sympathize with the panic and overall acid reflux about the whole affair–but it’s 100% on you.” Navvyarchos
Another User Comments:
“What exactly did Sky do wrong? Did she prevent you from doing a proper house clean before you headed off for your last night out?
Should she have waited for you and have had to pay another 800 herself to make you feel better? I’m a bit lost… But listen, it’s up to you whether you want to travel with her again. From how you’ve laid it out, she might be in complete agreement with your plan to not travel together.” Thrwwy747
Another User Comments:
“I can’t work out what Sky did wrong here. What did you want her to do, miss her flight on purpose so she could pay $800 for another one in solidarity? YTJ — going out drinking to excess the night before you needed to be up, packed, and out by 5:45 am.
That was very irresponsible. Sounds to me like you and Eve are the jerks here. Eve is the one that made you miss your Uber, after all.” booksandmints
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Cramped Home To Accommodate A Stranger Half Brother?
“I’m a 16-year-old girl seeking some unbiased opinions about a situation with my family. Here’s the backstory: My father (59M) has a 33-year-old son (33M) from his previous marriage. They currently live in our home country, while my father moved to Canada after remarrying. Me, my mother (F60), and my father live in a tiny two-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment.
I shared a room with my mom for 12 years until I became a high schooler and traded rooms with my dad. I didn’t realize me getting my own room meant my mother sleeping on a broken couch in the living room (the couch is dented and ripped, so she usually resorts to a mat instead).
My father says that it was her choice to sleep in the living room; however, I wouldn’t want to share a room with a man who smokes next to the window and clutters the shared space with tools either.
Recently, my father told me that his 33-year-old son is coming to Canada to learn home renovation skills through my father’s freelancing construction projects.
He explained that my half-brother has been working at a restaurant earning minimum wage for the past 7 years till now. The bombshell was that he planned for his son to live with us in our already cramped apartment. What infuriated me was that my father made this decision without consulting either me or my mother.
I expressed my concerns to my father about the situation, emphasizing that our apartment is already too small for the three of us and that my mother is sleeping on the floor. In response, he said he would make a bunk bed in his room for his son, reasoning that it would only be inconvenient for him since he’d be handling all the renovation work.
He seemed puzzled as to why I would even have an issue with his plan.
Feeling desperate, I suggested that my father should rent a room for his son instead. But he dismissed the idea, claiming it would be too expensive, especially since he might have less work during the winter when my half-brother comes.
He even offered to create a bedroom in our cramped living room for my mother, assuming my opposition was due to her discomfort. Not surprisingly, my mother is also against the idea, stating that it would further divide our limited living space, creating two even smaller rooms. Not to mention how uncomfortable it is living with a middle-aged stranger.
My father insists that we’re being inconsiderate and selfish for not wanting his son to move in. He believes we’re only thinking about our comfort and not his current circumstances.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel your father has no respect for you or your mum to make your mum live like a freeloader living on the couch, then telling you both that a strange man will be living with you soon with no discussion about it.
What really takes the cake is that he’ll clean up his room for his son but not his wife.” Future-Bread7179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sharing the bathroom among three people is probably challenging and your mom sleeping in the living room means there is no privacy or space to have on her own if there is another person.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but how uncomfortable it is living with a middle-aged stranger. A Zimmer frame just materialized in my hands after reading you call a 33-year-old middle-aged. I’m going to start applying for my free bus pass immediately.” Valuable-Wallaby-167
4. AITJ For Feeding My Newborn At A Funeral?
“I (23f) had to attend a funeral over the weekend for one of my friends who passed in an unfortunate accident. I’m a single mother who works part-time and is also in school. I didn’t have spare money for a babysitter, as I already had to dip into my emergency fund to fly to my friend’s state for the services.
I was the only one with a child at the services. My baby is 7 weeks old, and I asked my friend’s family if it was ok that I brought him before I booked my flight, they said yes, and they really wanted me to be there.
My baby was fine during most of the ceremony but got hungry during the eulogy. I intentionally sat in the very back row in case I needed to walk out so I wouldn’t disturb anyone. I excused myself to the sitting room that was attached to the room the service was in, so I could still hear/see what was going on.
I was the only one in there, so I put my baby in a sling (like an infinity scarf that’s meant to hold babies) and fed him. During feeding, a lady I didn’t recognize walked past me on the way out of the room because she was upset and needed some air.
I noticed she gave me a dirty look but didn’t think much of it, since I thought she was just emotional from what was going on.
I finished feeding, and since my baby fell back asleep, I went back to my original seat to finish the service.
At the repass, I noticed a lot of people glancing at me and whispering. Again, I assumed nothing was wrong and maybe they were just talking about me coming into town or something. My friend’s grandmother (the one who passed) approached me after a while chastised me for feeding in the sitting room and told me I should have gone to the bathroom.
The bathroom did have a separate powder room for sitting, but there were no speakers in there, and I didn’t want to miss any of the service. I tried expressing that, but she called me disgusting for “exposing myself” and being disrespectful during a funeral.
It seemed like a lot of those in attendance agreed with her. I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I apologized for my actions and left after saying goodbye to our mutual friends and the part of her family I personally knew. I was a tiny bit upset no one came to my defense, but at the same time, I wasn’t really expecting it either because there were way bigger things going on.
I do feel bad because I didn’t mean to cause a problem, but my baby was hungry, so I didn’t have many options. AITJ for not going into the bathroom to feed my baby?”
Another User Comments:
“Awww sweet girl. You’re doing so well.
Don’t listen to that crotchety old woman. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding your baby wherever you are, and there wouldn’t have been anything wrong if you had fed them right in your original seat in the middle of the service. You weren’t eXpOsInG yourself; you were feeding your baby.” alienuniverse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am sorry for your loss. And I would guess that your friend, being the same generation as you, was up there in the sky looking at the scene and feeling serene to see you taking care of your newborn and wanted to defend you when this old lady came and caused a scene.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The service is about your friend, not about you. Myself, I would rejoice to see new life being nurtured at a service commemorating the passing of a loved one’s life. I think these other people should try looking at it that way as well.” grckalck
3. AITJ For Refusing To Tolerate My Family's Toxic Treatment Of My Partner?
“I (20M) have a brother (27M) who has been condescending towards me a few times I have done bad. He has a low temperament & curses loudly at me. The first time was when I unbooked 2 workdays from the job my brother fixed for me.
It requires much physical labor. At the time I was fasting & prioritized it over the part-time job. By unbooking those 2 workdays, my brother perceived it as me shaming him when his friend told him it was a problem. He called & belittled me. He had no intentions of talking in a civil manner.
The second time was when our mom had to operate away one eye. I was the only one who walked her to the hospital. After the operation when she woke up, I was with my partner & reasoned but I’d still be here the same day when she returned home to see her.
After I asked my mom, I regretted my actions. My brother took it very hard that I was not present. By this, he argues that I do not care about the family. He & I have discussed sometimes politics & it would get heated. I would call him out on his lack of sources & education on the topics discussed, while he would try to discredit my statements for being younger than him & having fewer life experiences that are unrelated to the topic.
Later my sister would film me asking what I dislike about my brother. I viewed this as simply me criticizing him. I called him out on his logic about his opinions when he has no real knowledge on the subject, simply believing that he experienced more in life makes you smarter about stuff that is totally unrelated to the experiences.
He interpreted the video as me trash-talking him. He makes me, he has an extremely fragile ego, & as he has explained, “someone like you who is younger & hasn’t experienced as much as me in life cannot criticize me”.
He ranted about my shortcomings condescendingly & cursing me, calling me a loser, disgrace, etc. I never cursed at him.
He gets infuriated over time & tells me he takes a crap on my partner’s face even though he has never met her & knows nothing about her. He explains that when he said it, he meant to explain how I should prioritize him over her.
I brought this up at a family gathering & told him that he should show basic respect to her & me. My father had enough of our discussion & wants us to be friends. For that, I require basic respect. My brother disagrees with this since “he is my older brother”.
I do not want to act like we are friends. My dad snaps and says “You will be friends”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ these people are toxic and do not care about you or your feelings. Cut them out of your life. Just because you are “family” does not mean they get a free pass to treat you like trash.” cinderella3-drizella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to go no contact with that part of your family. They clearly are toxic and have to respect you and your partner, I would not take that level of toxicity.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Cutting My Husband's Speaker Cable Because His Game Noise Was Driving Me Crazy?
“My m36 husband “Tom” is WFH, and I f33 am a SAHM. While he’s working, he likes to listen to music on his speakers, which I don’t mind because we have similar tastes in music. Last month, he started playing a new game. At first, it wasn’t a big deal when I could hear him playing during work, then after work, before bed — you get the point.
The noises that this game makes are particularly annoying. Yet, for some reason, our kids, Chloe, 12, and Cris, 10, started to love it just as much as he does. He always lowers the volume when I ask, which, of course, makes me the bad guy in the room until Cris raises the volume slowly over time, and it’s back again.
Originally, this was a blessing. He plays with the kids while he works, giving me a lot of time to do my own things. Everyone has been having a good time with it. I overhear Chloe and Cris suggesting things that they should do, and Tom gets to teach them about his favorite things in the world, “optimization” and “efficiency.” I’ve brought up my problem with this game a few times.
Tom has suggested soundproofing the room, which I feel is a bit extreme just because of me and this one game. Tom can’t wear headphones; he breaks out in a ring where the headphones touch his head if he wears them for more than an hour or two.
We’ve tried several different brands and materials in the past. He also has really bad tinnitus, so he needs his sounds loud enough to drown it out.
After this last weekend of pops and beeps, I couldn’t take any more. I waited until they left for ice cream, of course talking about you know what all the way there; then I took his speakers, cut the cable, threw them in the trash, and ran myself a bath.
It felt so good at first, but then I found myself crying in the tub, so ashamed of what I just did. I don’t know why I broke like that. When they got back, Tom noticed the speakers were missing and told the kids that he needed to focus on some work before playing.
He came to check on me in the bath. We talked about it, and I cried and apologized for being such a jerk, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. He comforted me, and when he was sure I was OK, he warmed up the water again and let me relax.
When I got out, I saw him teaching the kids how to fix a broken wire. He told them that he accidentally frayed the cable by crushing it with his chair. I almost cried again.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know you are the jerk.
There is no justification for you destroying the speakers. You could have just hidden them instead of destroying them. That is alarming. However, it sounds like your husband is a good guy. He didn’t yell at you or throw you under the bus with the kids.
Maybe, that is why you are on the Internet looking for forgiveness. You wanted your husband to freak out? You wanted him to be the bad guy? So take him up on the soundproofing room and move on from this lack of judgment. Ps, you had a choice.
Don’t lie to yourself” Potential_Ad_1397
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He provided a solution with the soundproofing, and from your comment, it seems this is feasible. But instead, you decided to ruin your husband and kids’ fun just for yourself. Ngl Tom sounds like the perfect husband haha.
You cut the wire to his speakers to be selfish, and he doesn’t even get angry with you; he just makes sure you’re OK and then proceeds to use it as a learning activity for your kids. That’s brilliant!” Next_Craft5639
Another User Comments:
“Dude, that is so freaking. Your husband found a way to bond with the kids, and because you can’t just put on your own headphones, you tried to take that away? I have kids and a partner, and I couldn’t imagine doing that. THEN he covers for you after you go psycho.
YTJ.” mandatorypanda9317
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids Move In With Their Dad?
“I divorced my husband, Sam, two years ago. It was my fault, I suppose; I had a fling with a coworker, and when it came to light at work, my husband found out and immediately filed for divorce.
We had three kids, and the divorce was not pretty. We have joint custody. I got alimony and child support, and we split everything we had evenly. Except for the house. Since he inherited the house before marriage, he kept it. The way my lawyer explained it to me, he had a direct deposit going into a separate account which was used to pay for property taxes, insurance, and any expenses that came up.
We tried to get the house and even offered to go lower on the alimony. His words to me were, “I’m not giving you the house so you can see other dudes in it.”
Since then, he doesn’t talk to me unless it’s something about the kids.
He doesn’t contribute anything to the kids’ expenses. I had to get a different job, and the money I make and the alimony/child support all go to the kids. He refuses to buy them clothes, school supplies, or any activities. He convinced them that he would give their money to me, and anything they needed, they had to ask me.
Even worse, he buys them nice stuff, but only to keep it at his house. They still have their old rooms, and they all have nice clothes in the closet, an Xbox, and toys to play with. My daughter’s room is now her princess room, with dolls, dresses, and anything she wants in there.
They can’t bring any of this stuff home; it’s only for when they’re at Sam’s. That’s why he kept the house, to use it to turn the kids against me. They treat going to stay with Dad like a vacation.
He bought a boat and took them out on the lake whenever he could.
He made a snarky remark: “Now you’re not wasting my money; I can afford stuff for me.” He started with some FOB Mexican girl. She’s like 15 years younger than him, like completely taking advantage of this poor girl. But my kids love her. She started teaching them Spanish.
They started using Spanish words to refer to things around the house. To clarify, I don’t have a problem with her; I just feel like Sam is trying to replace me with her in the eyes of my kids.
Last month, they told me they wanted to live with Daddy all the time.
I cried all night after that. I was a mess for a week, and I couldn’t focus on anything. He gets to play this fun dad while he’s with them, spoils them, and makes me do the actual parenting. I said no, of course, and the kids have been mad at me.
Sam didn’t argue with me; he just said, “I knew you’d say no out of spite.” Then he just left and ignored my texts. He’s been so mean since the divorce; I don’t even recognize him anymore. AITJ for not letting my kids move in with their dad?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Owww, do consequences hurt. I know, take it out on the children! Seriously, get into therapy and try your best to rebuild the relationship with your kids that you destroyed. You didn’t just trick your husband, you tricked your kids.
I don’t doubt they don’t like you right now.” shiny_new_spine
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And don’t act like this isn’t your fault! You tricked him, of course, he kept HIS house because HE inherited it, and he paid you alimony even though YOU tricked and he paid child support to help support his kids!!
And why would he talk to you unless it has to do with the kids now?! Why would they not keep their rooms at his house? Why do you care who he’s with? Or that she’s younger than you? I doubt he’s taking advantage of “this poor girl” either.
And if the kids want to live with him badly enough, expect him to take you back to court to petition for more or full custody. You could be paying him child support now while he does all the parenting, not just being the “fun dad”!
You bought all this when you stepped out on him!!” jacksonlove3
