People Play Games In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My Mum To Stop Over-Spending On Christmas Gifts?
“My mum definitely has some form of shopping addiction—we have never been a wealthy family and my mum has had herself in thousands of debt over the years due to her shopping. As kids, we used to have Christmases where you wouldn’t be able to see the floor for presents—and when me and my sister were little, this was obviously the most exciting thing ever as we had no idea the general costs of life and how much money would have been spent, etc; even as a broke uni student I was grateful for a big old pile of gifts that usually had a few things I could use amongst it.
The problem here is I’m now 31, and and my sister (29) plus her partner (30) have requested our mum multiple times over the past few years to please stop spending so much on us. I tried to explain today that for my sister’s partner, it can be uncomfortable as for him and his family presents have never been a huge part of Christmas, and that as we’re all adults with our own income, none of us have anything that we either want or need. I said that she should respect that request and her response was that we know what she is like by now and that she isn’t going to change.
I understand the joy that gift giving can bring, I enjoy giving a gift to my closest friends, etc, at Christmas time myself, but when it’s so excessive and numerous despite our requests it just becomes frustrating and more like she just enjoys shopping and doesn’t really put much thought into the gifts themselves.
On top of that, when I have tried to be practical and said, “Okay, well, I am saving up for something so a really good gift for me would be some money towards that,” she won’t accept that and doesn’t want to give money because that’s a “crap” gift. Alternatively, I have said, “Okay, well, I have racked my brain for something I wouldn’t normally treat myself to and I would like a bottle of perfume then,” and she won’t accept that that is all I want.
A £70–£100 bottle of perfume is not the only thing I’m allowed for Christmas and I just don’t understand why.
It makes me feel really ungrateful and I very much dislike that because I am not, and I appreciate every gift, but it feels more like they come from a sense of an excuse to spend money rather than because she actually wants to gift us something thoughtful or useful.
I have said to her that I’d much rather she use the money she was going to spend on me to pay towards her next holiday, or on my youngest sister who is disabled and needs more expensive things regularly, or even to get ahead on some of the debts she still has, but she won’t have it—she genuinely seemed baffled today when she said, “So if there weren’t any presents on Christmas Day you’d be alright with that?” and I answered, “Yes!
I just want to have a nice, calm Christmas with good food and my family and no drama for once.” Apparently, that’s too much to ask, but £1000+ on gifts isn’t it?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mom is not okay. But your request is okay.
If she won’t stop, she’s an adult and that is her business. You’ve expressed your boundary kindly but it’s not your job to fix her and not your obligation to participate in her charade. Maybe let her know that you will be donating the gifts to a shelter instead of keeping them because you don’t want more ‘stuff’.” Sue_in_Victoria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if she can’t control herself, I was going to suggest the things you already stated, & I’m also now annoyed af for you. New solution, take all her gifts & SELL THEM to pay off those medical bills. If she asks what you thought of the gifts tell her she’s right she won’t ever change, so you will convert her gifts into a gift you actually want.
Deadass sell them within the same week or take pictures for eBay right in front of her Christmas morning for maximum emotional damage.” Domonero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but have you considered directing her to a charity like Toys for Tots? I don’t know what the UK equivalent is, but if it’s the shopping and giving part that she truly enjoys, perhaps you and your siblings could even contribute to a family fund.
She could tell you about the children she’s helping and show the family what she got for them and it could be a way to both help her budget and allow her to enjoy giving in holidays?” JollyJeanGiant83
19. AITJ For Laughing When Candy Turned The Tables On My Wife
“I married my wife 9 years ago.
As a long-time browser on this sub, I know a lot of you may ask if I actually like my wife or why I married her. There are a lot of reasons. I won’t put you guys to sleep though. The simple answer is I do love my wife, we share a son together and I could not imagine a life without her.
My only wish is she wasn’t so insecure but she is also human.
With that said, let’s get started. My wife is 39 and struggles a lot with insecurity. To remedy this she has surrounded herself with friends who, truthfully, she thinks less of. A lot of her friends have been out of shape, poor, mentally unstable, and such, and my wife has admitted she feels like the stable and sensible one with all of them.
When she’s not talking about them like they’re charity cases, she’s usually insulting them. (Before it’s asked, my wife is in therapy and says she likes the therapist but doesn’t think she’s truly the issue.)
Now her youngest friend (31) Candy was one of the many friends my wife used for her own security.
Candy was sort of a mess as a teenager, barely passed high school, couldn’t hold down a job, and was in and out of hospitals due to unmedicated mental health problems. I think my wife was probably the cruelest to her out of all her friends because Candy never really stood up for herself.
At some point, we didn’t really understand how or what came over her, but Candy really did a 180, got medicated, got her degree and now is living in a nice country house, with a well-paying job, her husband and 3 kids.
Watching Candy change over the years has messed with my wife a lot.
She’s been crueler to her and constantly insults her house, her job, and even how she raises her kids and loves to mention all the mistakes Candy made when she was young. Candy never said anything until yesterday. We were at her house around a fire and my wife asked how Candy could even be a fit mom after all her mental health problems Candy, who was tippy, looked at my wife and said (paraphrasing, of course): You know, when I was young, I took your words to heart, until I learned you were just as messed up as me.
And I realized to fully get back at all the ways you hurt me, there wasn’t a point in telling you or asking for an apology, it was simply by being better than you. And now I am.
Now I laughed, not so much out of humor but more shock.
I got a death glare followed by my wife abruptly walking to the car and a threatening text she’d leave me behind if I didn’t follow. We drove home in silence. When we got back my wife was crying in the bedroom. When I tried to comfort her she chucked all my stuff in my direction and screamed to leave.
I now write this to my parents who don’t think I’m wrong but at the same time, they don’t like my wife. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Has it crossed your mind why your wife selected you, considering how she selected her friends? I suspect there’s a lot more going on here than you’re letting on because I have a hard time believing she hasn’t pulled similar crap on you ever.
Good luck dude. YTJ if you don’t save your son from her.” thatdogJuni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your wife seems really narcissistic, it’s a word that gets thrown around a lot but it really seems like it is the way she deems herself more worthy than others.
Especially the way she got upset when someone told her “the truth” so to speak. If you tell her that you laughed out of shock and not at her she will probably not believe you because narcissist “wants people to hurt them” so others around them can feel sorry for them give them attention and make them seem more worthy than the accuser and the other person in said situation.
Edit: Forgot to mention that she seems narcissistic too because she can’t see that she is in the wrong for putting others down.” ThatSwedishGal
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for enabling her cruel behavior for so long. She is a narcissist, and she probably does the same thing to you when you’re not around.
Why do you not want people to ask why you’re with her? Is it because you’re the same type of person that she is and you don’t want to face it? Is it because your standards are low and she knows that you’ll never leave no matter what she does?
Someone like her will never marry a person she considers an equal. You’re in the same basket as the rest of her friends. The only difference is you’re aware of what kind of person she is. You’ll continue to stand idle and watch her laugh and ridicule her “friends” because as long as it’s not you it’s not a problem.” 3x1st3nt1al
18. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Sister For Skipping A Back-To-School Family Event?
“I (42F) and my kids recently moved back to my hometown.
SO excited to be closer to my family. I’m the oldest of four kids (36M, 31F & 28M) and proud aunt of many adorable nieces and nephews. I got a big house so we could have a hub for all of us for various family events and general hangouts.
We keep in constant communication through group chat. Two weeks ago I announced I’d host a Sunday dinner/photoshoot for our kids’ back-to-school. I got confirmation from everyone but my sister, “Connie,” who has always kept to herself since childhood. This changed since I moved back, but I think she only shows up for the kids.
She is a wonderful person, and I love her SO much, but she has self-esteem issues. She calls herself the “boring one,” or the “ugly duckling.” It’s honestly hard talking to her. She rejects compliments but easily laughs at her own insecurities, calling it “being realistic.” She makes herself the butt of a lot of jokes, and while it is sometimes funny, I don’t like it all that much.
I told her it made me uncomfortable to hear her talk about herself that way around me; she respectfully understood and stopped. When Connie didn’t respond in the group chat about coming over on Sunday, I messaged her directly. Still no answer. I’ll admit, I was very disappointed that she decided not to turn up, as the kids all love her and were sad she wasn’t there.
One of my kids actually cried because they are best friends with her son. We continued without her, having fun and taking group photos of everyone who DID show up.
The next morning, we all took pics of our kids dressed and at the bus stop to celebrate their back to school.
Guess who STILL hadn’t responded? Connie. In fact, I didn’t hear from her until the next day. She apologized, saying her weekend was “kind of insane,” but that she would be over this Sunday, and proceeded to forward a “back-to-school” pic of her son she took (but didn’t send).
Annoyed, I asked what was so “insane” that she missed such an important event for our kids. Connie said that she recently took some personality tests that said she was an “advocate.” She said it helped her understand herself better and started reading/listening to podcasts about it.
Then I found out that her son was actually WITH HER IN-LAWS ALL WEEKEND while she chose to stay at home to craft and dress herself up to “treat herself to a nice date.”
This set me off. I told her I was hurt she’d go out by herself instead of inviting me and our SIL (my best friend) to have fun together.
That it was selfish to keep my nephew away from us who love him. That if she was going to be MIA, then just say she didn’t want to spend time with her family instead of pretending she cared about us with her excuses. She apologized again, but didn’t respond to any more of my texts or calls after that.
Our other siblings haven’t heard from her either (no surprise). I’m not even sure if she’ll still be coming this Sunday. Did I take it too far with my frustration with her?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s not keeping your nephew from the family, it was ONE WEEKEND.
She has every right not to spend every waking second with you. It wasn’t an “important family event”, it was back to school day. It happens every year. You’re suffocating and controlling.” UpbeatAd8917
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t get to dictate what other people do with their time.
You may want people to attend your events and you may believe that said events are monumentally important but that might be only to you and not to everyone. Stop trying to control and demand that people live as you wish they would. Accept that not everyone will attend the events as you wish they would.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not everyone is an extrovert. She didn’t go to your party, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about her family. It sounds like it wasn’t her scene. It also sounds like you know how different she is from yourself, as she has always kept to herself since childhood, but you don’t appreciate or respect the differences that make her who she is.
Meanwhile, it sounds like she’s tried to put herself out there for you and the kids as much as she feels comfortable with. My guess is you won’t be satisfied until she’s just like you, which is impossible. You sound like hard work.” MelbaTotes
17. AITJ For Tipping Extra To Stand Up For A Waitress And Upsetting My Friends?
“So yesterday I (22F) went out to dinner with my partner, “Jake” (25M), his close friend from high school “Dylan” (25M), and Dylan’s partner, “Jessica” (24F) as a friendly get-together and to just catch up.
We are in the US, where tipping is, love it or hate it, prevalent and expected. We’re all young adults with fairly new careers, so we decided to split the bill evenly, but I know Dylan and Jessica are struggling financially, so I offered to cover the tip.
We made these decisions beforehand, and no one had any issue.
However, throughout the meal, I started to notice the couple at the table next to us being incredibly rude to our waitress. The restaurant was definitely running behind, but this couple was yelling at her loud enough for us to hear, and it seemed unfair.
I heard them complain about a few minor mistakes with their meal and the wait time. She was visibly upset by this but was clearly trying to remain professional. When she got to our table, she was profusely apologizing, and everyone in my party told her not to worry.
Then I noticed the couple next to us pull out a large stack of single dollar bills. As someone who used to wait tables, I knew exactly what was coming and my blood started to boil. The couple next to us explained to the waitress that for every mistake she made and every minute they waited for service, a dollar would be removed from her tip.
The waitress handled this better than I could’ve; she just kept apologizing and working to get their food out fast and fix any mistakes. Obviously I didn’t want to confront anyone in public and make a scene because it is their choice to tip however they want to.
However, I felt terrible.
To make things right, knowing that the waitress probably wouldn’t get a tip from that table, I ended up tipping nearly 100%. Our bill came to a little over $100, and I left a $100 tip. I’m aware that might’ve been excessive, but in the moment I just felt like it was what I should do.
I did try to leave without making a big scene, but when the waitress noticed the receipt, she came to thank me. I told her she didn’t have to thank me; she deserved it for having to deal with the Karens, and that was that.
After dinner, though, Jessica expressed to Jake that I was a jerk for “showing off” and “throwing money around” when I knew that they’re struggling. I’m a graduate student and a teacher. I am good at budgeting and fairly financially stable, but not rich by any means.
I also suppose I’m fairly generous by nature, but this instance in particular really came from a place of working in the service industry for so long, and being mentally transported back to those days while watching our waitress on the verge of tears.
My intention was not at all to make our friends feel bad; I didn’t think the amount I tipped would affect them at all. Jake doesn’t think I did anything wrong, but Dylan and Jessica are still pretty upset, even after I apologized and gave my reasoning.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Dylan and Jessica already agreed to let you cover the tip for them. Once that happened, the only words out of their ungrateful mouths should have been ‘thank you.’ Giving a bigger tip impacted them not at all. And to stay angry after you explained your reasoning is doubly stupid of them.” poeadam
Another User Comments:
“Wait I’m confused. Dylan and Jessica were fine with splitting the actual meal bill and letting you cover the tip. They agreed to this before the meal even happened. But now you’re the jerk for… covering the tip? Do I have that right?
NTJ, this is such a weird thing to be upset about. Either decline the offer to cover the tip in the first place (which I get – it’s a pride thing of ‘I can cover my end’) or else you don’t get a say in how it’s covered or with what amount.
Waitstaff do not care one bit how the green gets to the table so long as they can pay their own bills at the end of the month. Do your friends think now there is some staff group chat somewhere where the 20 people working at this restaurant are taking turns making fun of the couple that paid their half of the bill that had a $100 tip next to it?
Just bizarre but sounds like their pride is getting in the way of their common sense.” MizZo2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You empathized with a waitress who was trying her best to manage her work while being harassed and bullied by two awful jerks at the next table.
It was very thoughtful and generous of you to reach out and show your waitress some much needed kindness. Your friends are ridiculous for trying to make this all about themselves when it has nothing to do with them at all.” prairiemountainzen
16. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister’s Wedding Because My Abusive Dad Is Coming?
“My sister (26F) and I (27F) have had a fairly typical relationship growing up.
We fought regularly and loudly but in that stupid sisterly way. I’d consider her to be the second most important person in my life, after our mother.
We had rough childhoods. Our parents had a messy divorce when I was 3, and our father basically dipped out of our lives after.
He’d phoned us once on my 5th birthday and told me that my mom threw him out of the window, which was why he wasn’t there for us. I had no grasp of idioms at five; our window was pretty high up, and I had no reason to believe my dad wasn’t an amazing person (Mom never spoke ill of him).
All this led to me being angry at my mom and begging her to let us visit. It was an absolute nightmare with my begging and pleading that she finally relented and flew both my sister (5) and me (7) out as unaccompanied minors. It really didn’t take me long to get to know him, unfortunately.
He was awful towards me. I went back to Canada a different kid, and I never asked for him again. My mom told me that he hurt me because I looked like her. He sent me two emails announcing the birth of two sons; I sent him some strongly worded replies, and we never spoke to each other again.
Since our return to Canada, my mom began this intense religious mistreatment that was mostly targeted toward me. I grew into an atheist, and my sister became uber-religious. When I came out as non-religious, she’d outed me to my mom and became distressed at the thought of my future.
She’s convinced the end times are nigh and staged a religious intervention/debate situation to save me.
To top it off, my sister is getting married and I was recently told that she had invited my dad to attend. He took her up on the offer and is flying down with his two sons.
Sis gave him my number, and he sent me this long-winded WhatsApp message about how excited he is to see us again, how he’s in poor health, and how he wants to travel the world with his four children in tow, etc. He sent pics of himself, at which point I’d realized that I completely forgot what he looked like.
I still don’t recall what his voice sounds like.
I confronted my sister and said I wouldn’t go to her wedding if he was coming. I also said that we would no longer be in each other’s lives once she married her fiance. She cried, saying that I’m her only sibling, that I couldn’t judge her for wanting to reconcile, and that she was already stressed about how to tell her fiance that I was not religious (my apostasy could be a deal-breaker).
I told her that I didn’t love her more than I loved myself and would never choose her first. Neither of us has a relationship with our extended family, so my absence would be glaringly obvious and distressing. I’m also aware that my sister isn’t being malicious, so I’m left feeling like a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not the same religion as your Mom & sister. This is a (I assume) rational decision you made as an adult. Your sister has not been honest with her intentions about your beliefs, deeming them a possible deal breaker?
I suspect your father has been invited for appearances’ sake. I know they’re your family, but this is toxic behavior. Your non-attendance will result in being ostracized from the family. You’re in a bad position. Only you can decide if you want to smile and pretend that everything is fine.
Hugs and good luck.” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to choose your mental health over everyone else. Ignore the idiots who are telling you to suck it up for your sister. You shouldn’t have to suffer through the whole wedding just so she can be with her dad.
For one, your presence might hurt her relationship if the man is too religious.” moonprincess623
15. AITJ For Insulting A Client's Baby Name At Dinner?
“My wife worked for a company where she entertains clients. This night was a nice dinner in hopes of gaining their business.
So on this night, she was entertaining this couple, Gilbert and his pregnant wife. We sit down and order some fine booze beverages; Gilbert’s wife, who had water.
Now I must say before I go any further into this, 1) I’m a lightweight when drinking, 2) I don’t have much of a filter ever, even when sober, 3) What I say isn’t meant to be degrading or to hurt the people. But when I’m talking it just comes out because I’m thinking it.
Who doesn’t want to say what they are thinking, that’s where most people’s filter kicks in, but NOT ME! So by the time we get our appetizer, I’m 2 frozen drinks in, and Gilbert and I are having a good time as men do while the women are chatting it up.
Well, by the time the main course gets here, I’m feeling pretty good and my filter is GONE! So now that dinner has arrived we are all in the same conversation. Gilbert and his wife are talking about being new parents and the due date is almost here.
So Gilbert’s wife tells us they are having a baby boy! So we are congratulating them and toasting the new parents and baby boy. At this point, I’m 3 drinks in with Gilbert, because we are not driving home!
I should’ve said earlier, that I don’t remember anybody’s name once they are introduced to me; my brain just doesn’t hold onto that information for whatever reason.
So as Gilbert’s wife told us that the baby boy’s name is going to be Gilbert, I yelled out, “GILBERT!” I started laughing hysterically and couldn’t stop; my wife was kicking me under the table nonstop while I was laughing.
So I finally was able to get out, “Why would you name your kid GILBERT?
He will get made fun of his whole life!” Gilbert and his wife looked devastated. My wife grabs me and says somewhat quietly, “His name is Gilbert!” Without hesitation, I looked at Gilbert and said, “SEE YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT THEN!” I just couldn’t stop laughing for a few minutes.
So with my leg throbbing from my wife kicking me under the table, the mood completely went south from there; we finished the dinner mainly in silence. My wife was upset with me when we left that night, but she knows I don’t have much of a filter.
After that she stopped inviting me to dinners because I was costing her clients, and bonuses and fully paid for tropical trips for 2. I also got the benefit of those.
Now a few months later I ran into Gilbert totally by chance. When I saw him I yelled loudly and said, “Hey man, what’s up!” He was kind enough and come over and talk to me.
I asked if the baby was born yet; he rattled off the stats of 8lb 4oz and the full name of the baby, IT WASN’T GILBERT!
I’m not proud of what happened, but I still think I saved the kid from being picked on by kids at school.
We will really never know but that’s my story, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Independently for the story, and for the fact that you are the kind of person who justifies themselves by saying they just don’t have a filter. Lol, screw that.
It’s just an excuse to be a jerk. Much like ‘I’m brutally honest.’ This isn’t some condition you’re born with. It’s who you choose to be.” He_Who_Is_Person
Another User Comments:
“She now leaves you at home when she has a client dinner.
You’re lucky she didn’t leave you altogether with the colossally discourteous way you treated her guests. I don’t care if they wanted to name the kid Adelbert or Magilla Gorilla, you never diss the name prospective parents choose for their child, especially when you barely know them, or are in a business setting.
YTJ. Edit to add that the situation I commented on earlier involving a deadbeat partner was a family situation and the MOB was asking her sibling why the family had a muted response to the baby’s name.” Some_Range_9037
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You insulted a guy and his choice of baby name, and you’re proud of it?
He’s not a close friend, he’s not a stranger, he’s your wife’s client! It’s also clearly not the first time this has happened, since you mentioned that you lost her multiple clients, bonuses, and trips. Having no filter isn’t a good thing or something to be proud of.
It’s assholish to insult others, and even more so to ‘justify’ it by blaming the booze or your lack of filter. If you can’t handle the booze, don’t drink it. You’re a full-grown adult. Act like it.” annoyinghamster51
14. AITJ For Requesting My Husband Miss Work To Secure Our Paycheck And Care For Our Kids?
“I (27f) am just one week away from ending my 12-week maternity leave.
My husband (27m) and I own a semi-truck that we have leased to his brother’s transportation company, and he works at that same brother’s repair shop for a salary.
I’ve been attempting to gear up for my return to the office. I work for a small business, and it’s been very busy for them in the time that I’ve been gone.
I’ve been trying to clock in late at night, after I get our two children off to sleep, to get a little bit of work done in an attempt to get my things in order so that I can adequately help my team upon my return and have a smooth transition.
I love being a mom, and I love my job. I take both of these roles very seriously.
For the past 6 weeks, my husband’s brother (my BIL) has been unable to pay my husband’s salary and has not paid us for the work our semi truck is doing.
This has obviously put a financial strain on us, and I’ve been doing my best to come up with creative ways to still put dinner on the table, but at this point, we’re running out of options.
I asked him earlier this week if he would take a half day to watch the kids so I could attend two important meetings at my office.
He agreed, but then 10 minutes before I needed to leave the house I called to make sure he was still coming, and he told me he couldn’t do it anymore. I was pretty frustrated, but I managed to join the meetings on Zoom(with both kids in the background).
Yesterday, after his brother once again told him that he “Isn’t sure when [he] will be able to pay [us]”, I asked if he could stay home for the day and watch the kids so I could work for a full day in order to receive some type of income next week.
I understand that one day of pay isn’t much, but one day is better than absolutely nothing at this point. He agreed to stay home today. However, this morning I woke up and he was gone. Sure enough, he went to work anyway.
When I make the point that he should just stay home and help with the kids so that I can get some work done and make a bit of money, he tells me that he makes more money at his job, but doesn’t seem to grasp the fact that he’s not actually getting compensated for his work at this point in time.
We have two children, and he needs to be putting their best interest ahead of his desire to be “at the shop”, and I’m getting frustrated with his lack of respect for me and the work that I do both in the home and at my job.
As far as additional help from family goes, we’re pretty much on our own as they have minimal contact with our children by their own volition.
AITJ for asking him to miss work, when he isn’t being paid reliably, to help watch our children so that I can work and be guaranteed a paycheck?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actual money coming in is better than hypothetical money. I am not one to mix business and family for the very reason you are experiencing; boundaries get blurry and often one party gets taken advantage of. Can you refuse to allow your truck to be used until your husband gets paid?
Or can your husband get an employment arrangement put in writing? It’s awkward to have to ask that, but you guys have kids to feed.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But your husband values his brother and his brother’s broke ass company above feeding your children.
For me, this would be an ultimatum moment. I could not be with someone who doesn’t even willfully refuse, but straight up lies says he will and then leaves.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband absolutely should stop working for his brother until he can pay him for the work he’s already done, and so that he can watch the kids so you can go to work and bring money in.
I don’t know why his brother hasn’t paid him — if the money isn’t coming in enough to cover payroll or something shadier — but it’s not an excuse to not compensate him for his work, and keep food from his children’s mouths. If there is really is a legitimate fair reason he hasn’t paid him, perhaps he can get brother to contribute to groceries or something.” fallingintopolkadots
13. AITJ For Ranting And Causing A Coworker To Get Fired?
“The participants:
Me, F, 35-45, about 12y of experience.
Lovely, F, 35-45, SIL to the boss.
Boss, M, 45-55, boss, a nice guy, keen on harmony among his employees.
Lazy, M, 55-65, about 15y of experience.
Lazy started in the company a little before me. If there ever was the “old white man”, it’s him. There’s a meeting that would require taking notes?
Let’s make one of the women come to the meeting too and make her take the notes. There’s a very lenient teleworking philosophy in the company. Let’s mistreat it to a point where it’s being discussed to make everyone come to the office every day.
The project requires plenty of technical texts to be produced and that is part of why the client has hired us. Let’s make the client write their own texts and then graciously offer some editing.
The last part especially rubs me the wrong way. Being a technical writer means to me that I’m basically a champion for the misunderstood nerds of the earth, making others see their brilliance by putting it in the right words; not by doing some editing.
In short, Lazy makes me furious.
For a long time, we kept peace by simply avoiding working on the same projects. That strategy did not work out. I often ended up getting passed on half- or badly done projects by him to “fix” them, which often meant re-doing them entirely.
Eventually, even a client refused to keep on working with Lazy, and yet another project was passed on to me.
I was so done with always fixing his stuff. I needed to vent. So I had a little chat with Lovely. That moment was picked by Boss to drop by and ask how we were doing.
I, still in full rant mode, answered, “Trust me, You don’t wanna know.” Fully aware of him not being fond of arguments among his employees, he was all “Oh really?” and that would have been it if it wasn’t for Lovely, because she added, “But I think you should know…” in a very serious tone that is very unusual for Lovely’s lovely nature.
He took a seat and I (remember, still in fully angry rant mode) went to it. I listed every single project that he had (almost) messed up in the recent months and that I had to fix, the recurring mistakes, the bad relationship with the customers, the casual using of professionals as his personal note-takers… EVERYTHING… A speech given in full anger, you can imagine.
Lovely occasionally nodded agreeingly. After my rant was done, Boss got up, thanked me for my honesty, and left, and I felt really good after having let go of that much steam. Well… Now I’ve heard that Lazy will not just be reprimanded but will be fired. And this is where you (kudos for having read that far) come in.
I’m really torn. On one hand, I’m so incredibly relieved because I will no longer have to clean up after Lazy. On the other hand, he’ll have a really hard time finding a new job at his age, and I had a huge part in him losing his current job.
So… Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a single cock-up by the Lazy. It is a consistent pattern of poor performance. You gave honest feedback on Lazy’s performance. Another coworker (Lovely) corroborated your feedback. And probably, once she was alone with Boss, also mentioned the Old White Man issues.
People in general are reluctant to be the first ones to complain. They have a lot easier time joining in when someone else started. Lazy was a problem for many coworkers, but they all kept quiet. Until you, their hero finally talked. And when you talked, they all felt encouraged to talk.
And it was feedback from the overall workforce, not just you, that made Boss realize Lazy needs to go.” Pesec1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you relayed this info to your boss, it’s up to them to consider the severity of it and act accordingly.
This man was hired full-time to do his job, but only did part-time, poorly, and clients didn’t want to work with him either. HE, not you, got himself into this situation. Good on you for speaking up.” biddleberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He got himself fired. I doubt they would just outright fire him only based on what you said.
It sounds like there were already serious doubts about him if the SIL was encouraging you to tell your boss what was up. Your input was probably the last straw but ultimately the responsibility is his.” jennnjennjen
12. AITJ For Blocking My Parents After Years Of Neglect?
“I 16 F have never had a good relationship with my parents.
It’s been like this for as long as I can remember. They have always acted like I was never good enough for them since my early childhood. My dad has always been kind of abusive. He has bipolar and OCD and would sometimes take out his anger on me physically or smash some of my stuff.
However, I’ve been struggling with depression for a few years now. Ever since growing up, my older sister and I would always be doing everything at home, from cleaning the house every week, washing, dinner, etc., basically most of the housework while my parents practically do nothing.
Generally, I feel just really unloved by them. I can’t go by a week without my parents complaining about me. Last week, my mother refused to drop me off at work 10 minutes before my shift because she was angry at me the night before for being on call with my friend, and I ended up missing work and staying at a friend’s house.
My sister (19) has recently moved out, so I’ve felt more alone. I recently started going to the gym for my mental health too, and it’s been helping a lot, but even when I’m doing things for myself like this, they would lecture me about it.
Most of the time, they are very unreasonable, and they can never admit that they overreact or are ever wrong. They always paint it as if everything is my fault, no matter what. A couple days ago, I went out with my partner and my mother started texting me, lecturing me to get home.
But with everything that’s been going on, I had enough and wanted to enjoy myself, because when I’m at home, I’m rotting. She starts going on about how “I think I’m so mature and independent when I’m not,” even though I never relied on them for anything.
I get myself around without bothering them. I tried negotiating with her calmly, but she went absolutely ballistic on me, and there was no reasoning with her at all.
But I was at my limit with her. I just want to be happy, and I can’t with the way they treat me.
I ended up blocking her number and staying the night at my partner’s, and it felt so nice to be with people who cared about me, to just pretend my parents didn’t exist for a day, and to forget about everything with them. I went back home yesterday, and my mother just completely ignored me.
I told my sister about everything that happened, and she has my full support and thinks my parents were being unreasonable too, but when I got home, my room was a mess and all my devices were missing. I was expecting this, but not for my parents to go through my room.
But I can’t help but wonder if I overstepped and should’ve acted some other way. I feel like I haven’t explained everything well, but my mother keeps telling me I’m trying to be someone I’m not. Should I have just listened and gone home the first day?”
Another User Comments:
“If what you say about your parents is true, then you’re going to have to carefully manage your parents for the next two years, then jump into college or work immediately and get the heck out. Do not use latch on to your partner as a primary support and try not to jump into the first scummy person who starts fulfilling your need for love that you’re not getting from your parents.
Those will eventually lead to disaster.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ get out ASAP. You have to be comfortable and safe for a residence to be considered a home. Every human deserves a home.” ReflectionBroad4009
11. AITJ For Not Caring About My Family Anymore?
“I (18M) have recently started detaching from my immediate family (basically my parents and my brother), especially now that they’re caring about me more.
Some context: Growing up, I basically had absent parents since they were always away at work. We grew up fairly poor, so I learnt to gradually stop wanting things at a very young age; not saying that they never bought me anything either, but when I wanted something—which would be far and few between—I wouldn’t be able to get it (not because of the price, either, because again, I was already money-conscious at a young age).
At the same time, my brother was quite abusive. People can easily just throw in the word that that’s just how older brothers work, but I don’t think the trauma I have to deal with now can be covered up with that lie anymore. I remember crying to my parents about how he would treat me because it would be above and beyond normal fights, but they always gave me an excuse or told me to forgive him, saying that I shouldn’t make him angry and just listen to him because he’s older, etc., etc., which led me to stop going to them for help and to deal with it alone.
Most of my childhood, and up until recently too, was spent taking care of my older brother—not because he was sick or mentally ill or anything, but just because he established that whole dynamic during his abusive days. Even to this day, my parents still make excuses for him, even when he treats them horribly.
It’s all so messed up, but I guess I always saw them as a trio, with me being a bystander. Occasionally, I would think I was adopted, or maybe I hoped I was, but they really are my parents and he really is my brother.
I used to live alone last year; my brother was in another city for uni, and my parents were back home working. I’d say my independence shined through then because I had to take care of myself AND my brother my entire life. It was hard, I won’t lie, but being able to finally have the freedom for myself without having to worry about another person, plus no nagging parents to constantly remind me to take care of my brother with their favoritism, was pure bliss.
I was finally alone with myself and the inner child of mine who longed for this day.
But at the start of this year, I’ve had to move in with my brother because of uni and due to a recent manic attack he went through.
Suddenly, my family started caring about what I do and who I am, after I already developed my independence away from them. Why only start being parents to me now? Why only start being an older brother to me now?
I get that people can change, and I should allow them to, but now it feels like I’m being harassed because I no longer care about them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a rough situation. Do what feels right and I am leaning on the side of getting away from your brother; find someone else to room with. Are your parents paying? They may not help if you move, so again, rough situation if you are rooming with him.” lmmontes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who was mistreated by a sibling and whose parents side with that sibling, you don’t owe them anything. Get out as quickly as you can and cut off contact. They suddenly care, but what happens if your brother has another episode and decides to go back to aggression?
Would they stand up for you? Put yourself first and if you ever need help, feel free to reach out as I was in a similar situation.” lowempathyhighenergy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Move your brother out or move out and find your independence again, and go LC or NC with your parents.
Good parents are not your friends. Parents who try to be your friends are the worst parents. Parents who constantly manipulate you will only continue to, and when you stand up to them, they will try and knock you back down.” Beneficial-Mine7741
10. AITJ For Refusing To Reconcile With My Dad After Years Of Betrayal?
“I (21M) am in my senior in college. Growing up, I had a closer relationship with my mother because my dad worked abroad for numerous airlines growing up. There was never an issue early on with that, as I tried constantly to model myself after the image of the man he portrayed in front of me.
He was stability and protection for a young me, and I idolized that.
But I just can’t stand being near him anymore. As I grew older, my passions in arts and history were wildly different from his, as he wanted me to be a lawyer or have a greater proficiency in sports like swimming or basketball; I somewhat enjoy both sports, but I enjoy reading and writing much more than that.
This put a strain on our relationship when I was 13-15, but it got worse for the whole family when I was 16 and onwards.
When I was 16, I discovered that my dad had been having an affair with someone my mother and he knew quite well, and this put a lot of conflict on their marriage.
It was at this point when I looked back at it, I couldn’t see the man I idolized growing up. He taught me the rights and wrongs in life, and this for me was spitting on everything he taught me. Even though my parents reconciled every year, they would fight again, as another new affair would pop up, and I distanced myself from him as I sided with my mother who has been broken through all of this.
But what made me truly resent him was at a recent party in June of 2023, with his colleagues and their own families. It was a bbq party, and as I was nearing the grill to get a second serving for myself, I heard the conversations the dads were having, and it made my blood boil and my soul react in disgust. They were bragging about their side relationships and making jokes about almost being caught, with my dad being one of the main focuses of it and making most of the jokes.
Internally, I had decided I would no longer be near him if I could, and it has worked so far till now, as I had busied myself with school work and my friends.
But recently, after coming back from a class, he approached me and said he feels sad that we’re not as close as we used to be and doesn’t know how to change that and what to do.
Internally, I recoiled as I had wanted nothing to do with him since I was 18 and recently vowed not to go near him; but I put a stoic face on and told him I understood before walking off a bit hurriedly. I told my mother about the conversation, and she told me I was a jerk for acting like that to my father, despite her pains and their troubles.
I told her I loved her, but I could never stand to be near a man like that for long, and I’m writing this now conflicted if I am a jerk or not. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may be slightly worth explaining to your father that you don’t respect him and don’t want a relationship with him due to the way he has behaved. It’s not for your mother to say what your relationship with your dad should be.
He has made his bed, and if she still wants to lie there, fine, but you don’t have to accept it.” frandiam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never the jerk for having character and integrity. At the next opportunity, I would tell your Dad that being closer is not possible for you and recite the list of reasons why that you just put in the post that showed you exactly the kind of person he is to you.” _iamstardust_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your fault that your father’s ongoing reprehensible behavior has consequences – you’ve seen too much of it and don’t feel the closeness you once did, which sounds pretty reasonable. He may genuinely regret not being as close to you at this point… But if he’s going to continuously betray his family (and laugh about it..?) then what does he expect?” MaybeNextToNormal
9. AITJ For Screaming At My Mom For Cleaning My Room?
“I (22F) live with my family. I’ve completed my bachelor’s and my master’s and just started my job. It’s completely common in my culture to stay with your family till you get married, and sometimes even looked down upon or questioned if you decide to move out and get a new house in the same city.
I love my parents and am grateful for everything they do for me, but ever since I moved back home from college, my mom still treats me and my room like I was in school. Now, I have some procrastinative habits that I’m working on solving, but it’s a journey that’s slow and steady.
When it comes to keeping things “in the place they belong” in my room, I’m someone who either does it immediately or the next day. My mom, on the other hand, is a stickler for cleanliness. She wants everything to be spick and span and “in its correct place.” Sometimes, we disagree on where the correct place is, and she keeps picking up my stuff and putting it in the place she sees fit.
I am very possessive about my things and I don’t like other people touching them. However, my mother has the compulsive habit of cleaning and arranging my room as soon as she steps foot in it. When I ask her to leave the things be, as I will get to put them away later, she says, “I know you’re too lazy to do it,” so she does it and says she’s just trying to help me.
I have repeatedly expressed this boundary of mine, but she just does not agree to listen. Once, I went out to my friend’s for the weekend, and had left my room in a bit of disarray while packing, and told everyone not to enter my room as I’d come back and clean it on my own.
When I returned after the weekend, I found out that not only had my mother kept my stuff away, but she also completely reorganized my closet and all my shelves. I knew if I expressed my displeasure by getting angry, she wouldn’t understand, so I tried to ease her into it.
She proudly showed me everything she rearranged, so I told her, “I appreciate the effort, but I’m very upset at you for the fact that you rearranged my entire room behind my back when I had specifically asked you not to step in my room while I’m away.” She got really mad at me and started calling me thankless for not seeing the effort and time she put into rearranging my room.
Multiple such instances have happened since then of her compulsively putting things back in my room both while I’m there and when I’m not. One such incident happened today again, and after telling her politely to drop my things and please leave my room, she started being unreasonable, so I lost my cool and screamed very loudly at her.
She refused to leave my room, so I locked myself in the bathroom so she would leave (she left in a couple of minutes). Can you please tell me AITJ and how can I make my mother understand my boundaries better?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It may be her roof, but that is your private space in the house and she shouldn’t feel like she can do as she pleases with it. Plus, you put a boundary on your private space and asked her not to come inside. I live in a similar situation as you (also with parents) and both of them are very respectful of my space even when I tend to be disorganized. It’s my responsibility to keep my space clean.
It sounds like you need to have a conversation with your mom about boundaries. However, if she doesn’t agree, it may be time to move.” Meet_me_at_1251
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, it’s not ok to scream at anyone, but you’ve tried so many times to enforce your boundary in a healthy way, and it’s being ignored. You’re 22, so you’re at a pivotal point in life where you’re really learning to be an adult and come into your own.
How can you do that if Mom won’t stop interfering? I get she wants a clean house, but your room isn’t part of what is under her control. You won’t get the opportunity to grow if every time things get a little messy, Mom takes over.
Do you keep your door closed? If so, it shouldn’t matter what it looks like inside. Her overstepping your private space to make it how she wants it will only delay your ability to do it yourself and cause you shame instead of the pride you would feel if you got to mature your way.” ThingTheory7
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s always inconvenient and annoying to live with your parents once you reach adulthood (I lived at home after college for a year). It’s her house and she’s trying to keep her house how she likes it, and clearly is trying to help you.
Yes, she’s overstepping, but that doesn’t make her a jerk and you’re not jerk for being frustrated (though perhaps a bit for yelling). If following her rules really is unbearable, then I think moving out is your best option. Then you can have your own house rules.” Girlzenberry
8. AITJ For Giving My Mother-In-Law The Silent Treatment Because She Invalidated My Preferences?
“My wife [36F] and I [36M] have been best friends for about 25 years now (11 of which we’ve been married), and as such I know my in-laws [65F and 68M] quite well and get along with them very well too. They’ve just moved to the city my wife and I live in, and since my mother-in-law found a job before they found a house they could afford in an area they’d like, my wife and I are letting them stay with us for the next month or two while they find a place.
Thursday, I was feeling ill, so I was working from home. My in-laws were also both home yesterday, and I was working in my and my wife’s bedroom. Now, this might be a bit too much information, but I enjoy my wife’s smell, and because I was working alone in my room and without interruptions, I indulged myself in smelling something of hers while I was writing a paper.
My mother-in-law came into the room without knocking or announcing herself (yes, that is normal behavior for her and my father-in-law; typically, my wife locks our bedroom door, but I wasn’t quite so vigilant here) to ask me if I wanted anything from the store.
She obviously saw what I was doing, but she was quite good-natured about it and promised to knock in the future (I doubt she will, but still).
She told my father-in-law about it and my wife when she came home, which I didn’t mind because it was a bit funny.
She and my father-in-law then made some jokes about buying used clothes, as apparently, they saw a movie or documentary or something in which some men buy those kinds of things from stars or something. It didn’t bother me or anything, but they were quite fond of this joke, so at one point, I told them that I actually don’t feel attraction to anyone but my wife, so I won’t be paying for anyone else’s clothes.
I (and my wife, actually) do not feel romantic attraction until I have a very close emotional relationship with someone and I don’t feel attraction until I have a strong romantic relationship with an attraction to someone. My father-in-law acknowledged that, but my mother-in-law immediately said that she didn’t think that was “real” and that I must just be repressing myself.
She then said it was okay to feel attracted to lots of people. I said that’s all well and good and I wasn’t arguing with that, but that is not the way I am wired, and I was firm about my personal experiences. We argued about this for a bit, but she kept denying that I actually felt that way.
I told her that she was not me, and therefore she did not know how I felt, and then promptly stopped talking to her.
She has not apologized, and as such I have not spoken to her at all. This morning, she told me I was being an ass for giving her the silent treatment, but I think she was being an ass for invalidating my feelings because it is not hers.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are, of course, NTJ. I’m not sure your MIL is a jerk, but definitely needs to be more understanding. It can be challenging to see someone else’s perspective on certain things. For example, I’m bi and I simply cannot imagine how someone can only be attracted to one gender.
But it doesn’t mean I think heterosexuality isn’t real. Lol, she’s got some growing to do at her ripe old age.” BrandansFirstLove
Another User Comments:
“These people need to leave. Immediately. Their behavior is rude and invasive, and none of this is any of their business.
In the future, any interactions in which they bring this up should be ended on the spot. They need to earn back the trust of you and your wife, OP if you are even willing to let them try. It’s time for you to work on a growing spine.
NTJ.” Swedishpunsch
Another User Comments:
“It’s not that deep, tbh. Her not understanding how you feel romantically isn’t really a big deal. You said you had a good relationship with her. Why would you ruin that for something this insignificant? You had an argument and none of you were convinced of the other’s opinion.
Just move on with it. Tell her we have different perspectives and that’s it.” SumerianVaultHunter
7. AITJ For Complaining About Disruptive Moviegoers And Getting Called Out?
“Yesterday, my partner (22M) and I (24F) went to a movie with his brother (late twenties) and fiance (30F). We were doing Barbenheimer, so early Barbie at 12pm, lunch, and then Oppenheimer at 6 pm.
Barbie was amazing and lunch was great. However, once we got to Oppenheimer, we ran into some issues. There was a group of guys behind us. I swear they had to be teens, and it is an R-rated film, so they’d have to be at least 17 unless they snuck in.
Regardless, one of the group in particular was literally yelling and shouting during the movie as soon as it started. Like, cupping his hands around his mouth, yelling “yeah, woo” and some other Gen Z-ish phrases like “yer.” The other boys were not particularly quiet either.
After several times, my partner’s brother, quietly but loud enough to be heard, said, “Shut the f up.” They were in the row directly behind us. This definitely isn’t what I would’ve said, and I can see how it’s not the best reaction. Apparently, the man next to us (middle-aged) glared at my partner’s brother and motioned for him to be quiet.
After this, they both decided to leave the movie, and my partner and I watched the rest alone.
About twenty minutes after they left, an employee came in to talk to the boys. At this point, the same man, whom I found out later, got up, talked to the employee, and then the employee left, and the boys also stayed. Not sure what he said, but he clearly vouched for them.
After this, they behaved for maybe about an hour. It’s a three-hour movie, so we were barely, or about halfway in when they started yelling again. The other boys also pretty consistently talked loudly, and I think we’re on their phones as well. I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye.
The movie finally ended, and I was definitely distracted the whole time. It wasn’t a movie I would have gone to see on my own, so I was annoyed that we made plans to go with people, and then that got disrupted. This is where I think I could be a jerk.
After the movie, I was walking to the bathroom behind the blue-shirt man, and I loudly thanked him for vouching for the “lovely young men” so they could disrupt the entire three-hour movie. His reply shocked me, ngl. He told me, “Go home and say a prayer that I was never in their situation.” After a moment, I just asked if that was justification for taking it out on others.
It didn’t seem like the two groups were together, and my partner didn’t think so either. They didn’t walk in or out together, and at no point did they speak before, during, or after the movie. Perhaps he knew them outside of the film? However, I still thought circumstances did explain, but did not excuse the actions.
Especially after the group had, in my opinion, several chances to correct their behavior and were aware it was disruptive.
Afterward, I talked to the employees and got a refund. That’s it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If someone is talking in a theater, I give them my old man stare first, then I walk out and get a manager if it continues.
I’m nearly 100% batting average getting people kicked out on the first complaint. It must be my resting annoyed face. Anyway, I paid to hear the actors talk, not some chuckleheads. I also got some teenagers kicked out of March of the Penguins for doing the horizontal tango on the floor in the front row one time.
That was pretty cool.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t tolerate this crap. I’ll get up and complain to the employees as soon as it’s an issue. I once had a lady with a crying baby kicked out. I don’t pay $15 for a ticket and 27 million dollars for a small popcorn and soda for jerks to ruin it.” Karate-Chop-Bill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only times I can (barely) tolerate talking in the cinema is during kid’s films and horror films. Kids, okay, they probably don’t have the necessary self-control. And in horror films, some people seem to get a bit hysterical right from the start.
I saw Talk To Me yesterday and while the groups on both sides of me were talking throughout the film, the film was so intense, it didn’t ruin the experience, was just somewhat annoying. Otherwise, I’ll either go complaint or complain afterward and try to get a comped food voucher or something (I have a loyalty card so there’s no ticket cost to be refunded).” Ich_bin_keine_Banane
6. AITJ For Refusing To Get Gunged At The Charity Fair?
“I work as a waiter at a small restaurant. When it’s quiet, it’s my job to put on this silly carrot outfit to go out and give out flyers to drum up more custom.
I get recognized locally as the “carrot guy.” I’ve been in the job 8 months, and overall I get on with my boss and coworkers. Every year there’s a fair in the town to raise money for a local charity. All the local businesses have stands, and it’s a big thing in the town.
Last year, at the stall the restaurant had, they had the guy who had my job back then, dressed as the carrot. People could pay to throw paint at him and stuff, and the money went to charity. It raised the most money out of all the stands at the fair, and my boss was very proud of the money it made and the publicity it got the restaurant.
I had said I’d help out at the fair this year, but no one had talked to me about what I would be doing, and I assumed I’d be helping out behind a stall selling cupcakes or something. The other day, my boss was talking to me and my coworkers about his plans for the fair.
He was getting the charity to hire out a gunge tank and other equipment to make it even bigger than last year. I asked who was getting gunged this time. My boss laughed like I was making a silly joke, and said I was, of course.
I was taken aback. No one had ever said anything to me about being the one to get bullied. I said that I never agreed to that, and he got really angry. He said that the charity had spent a lot of money hiring the tank, and it was too late for me to back out now.
He said I’m like the mascot for the business, so it can’t be anyone else. I tried to talk to my coworkers, but they took my boss’s side. They said I should have known it was going to be me getting gunged. They called me selfish for not wanting to do it when it was for charity, and when I pointed out that no one had actually asked me about it, they said I was just being a jerk.
It’s in two days’ time. I know it’s just paint, and it’s kinda childish not to want to get dirty when it will wash off. I know it’s for a good cause, but I don’t want to do it. It’s not the kind of thing I’d agree to, even if I had been asked in advance, and especially not now.
I feel I’m being pressured into it. I feel bad that the charity would lose out on having already paid for equipment, but a part of me feels that’s my boss’s doing, not mine. At this point, though, I think I’m just going to have to do it either way because whatever you guys say, my colleagues clearly will think I’m a jerk if I don’t, and I want to keep having a good relationship with everyone at work.
I’m really just asking here for my own peace of mind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your colleagues are pressuring you because they don’t want to do it; nobody does. Otherwise, your boss would put his money where his mouth is and step up. If you end up going through with it, make sure you get PAID.
Just submit your hours after. If he cries or gets angry or drags his feet, report it to whatever labor agency your country/state has. Then email your boss stating this is not part of your responsibilities, and you will not be part of it again.
Create a paper trail. Best of luck!” ur_mom_cant_get_enuf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the boss is so adamant about it happening, he can wear the suit. Same with your coworkers. He cannot force you to do something that you don’t want to.
Might cost you your job, but if he’s going to force this issue, then you are better off looking for employment elsewhere.” Shuruga36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’re pretty much stuck at this point. You should emphasize to the boss that being volunteered for something like this, as opposed to ‘selling cupcakes’, is really unfair to a valued employee.
Perhaps he could be persuaded to offer you a small token in compensation, such as a monetary bonus or a paid day off.” ArtShapiro
5. AITJ For Helping My Friend With A Recommendation When He’s Jealous Of My Success?
“My best friend “Bill” (42m) and I (42M) have known each other since my freshmen year of high school. We had the same group of friends all through our early twenties until our group changed after I got into a new sport and found a whole new community.
Bill stuck around and we found another couple of good friends together and became a really solid group of four friends.
About 10 years ago I started an apprenticeship that consisted of working full-time and going to school two nights a week for 5 years. It was a lot of hard work and late nights.
Soon after starting the apprenticeship, I was trying to get Bill to apply and do the same as he was also in a dead-end job. He never had the initiative and consequently never applied for the apprenticeship.
Right before I finished the apprenticeship I got divorced from my wife of 8 years and became a single father with a 5-year-old son.
Bill had different partners all during my marriage and was kind of my party friend while I was married. When I got divorced he got into a serious relationship and is with the same partner today. We kind of changed places and I became the party friend.
Over the next few years of my being single one of the four of us got involved with an awesome successful lady and I fell in love with her awesome successful sister.
Fast forward to today, I’m a foreman running a crew for a large company and doing very well professionally and financially.
I’m married to our mutual friend’s wife’s sister and happier than I’ve ever been. Bill is still in the same dead-end job with a new baby. He inquired about applying for the apprenticeship in my union and I wrote a letter of recommendation and helped him apply.
He doesn’t have any mechanical experience (I had experience when I applied) and hasn’t been offered a spot as of yet.
I did make the mistake of mentioning my salary when it was being discussed at a gathering which could partially make me the jerk.
The main problem is that whenever anything concerning finances is brought up, even in the smallest form, Bill feels slighted as if I’m bragging. He has a huge problem with my brother-in-law and me being successful. He talks to me about him and him about me, lol.
So basically, Bill is talking behind my back to everyone he can, telling them I’ve “changed” and I’ve been terrible to him. Mutual friends have shown me social media posts of him spewing a bunch of nonsense about how I’ve wronged him (I’m not on social media).
In what little communication we’ve had over the last year since I got married he’s told me that my brother-in-law and I “covet” money and even went so far as to tell my dad so at my own wedding. I believe he’s jealous of how great my life is going and is just super caught up in the drama and wants to push me as the bad guy to everyone to make him feel better about not being in a better position in his own life.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You were right when you said Bill might be jealous. I can guarantee you if he made the same $ as you, he would not be thinking about how he ‘covets’ the dollar. You put in a great deal of hard work, and time to get to where you are now.
You have changed. You have a new family. You are older. You have matured. I am sure you are planning for your future. NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249
4. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Grandmother For Forcing My Brother To Come To A Concert?
“I (F, 17) have always had to take care of my older brother (M, 21) ever since we were little. My brother has autism and as such I often had to assume the role of his caretaker when my parents weren’t around as he is very reluctant to talk.
Oftentimes, I struggled with this role of taking care of my older brother, but I have never once resented or been embarrassed of my brother. I love him and that is why I take care of him.
Unfortunately, the adults in my life, most notably my grandmother, see it differently.
She makes it seem like it’s my job to always look after him, and goes out of her way to make it so he has to rely on others. At the moment, we have had to move back in with my grandparents for an unrelated issue.
But she often has me cooking for him, washing his dishes, cleaning the bath for him, etc. And when I bring up that he is old enough to do it himself, she always answers he doesn’t know how to do it, which I can’t understand as a valid reason when there was a time I also didn’t know how to do things.
I learned to wash dishes when I was six because she said I had to. She outright refused to teach him.
But back to the point. I was invited to a concert by one of my past teachers and all of my friends are going to be there.
I haven’t seen them all summer and I am excited to catch up. My mom is coming with me and staying since the concert is a while away from home, and I don’t want her to go through the trouble of driving back and forth.
However, my grandma insisted that my brother come, and I told her I didn’t want him to come.
Almost every time I hang out with my friends, my brother comes. And sometimes I just want space. I am in no way embarrassed of my brother, and my friends have never once said anything about him because I would not stand for it.
My grandmother said he should go because he should get to see new things, but why does he have to do so through my events?
After I made it clear I didn’t want him to go, she said he had to because she was leaving and he couldn’t stay at home alone.
I called my grandpa and asked if he could stay with him, to which he answered yes. When I told her, she said he couldn’t go because there would be no “kids” for him to talk to. I reminded her that he was not a kid and that he’d be fine.
There have been times I went places because there was no one to watch me, without kids, and I was fine.
She then goes on to say if my little cousins asked to come, I would have let them, which I promptly tell her I would not have.
She told me I was bitter, but I don’t think I’d done anything wrong. Especially since no one even asked him if he wanted to go.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t be his caregiver 24/7, you need time for yourself or you’ll burn out.
It’s commonly agreed upon by healthcare providers. Doesn’t matter how much you love him, you need your own time too. 2nd, she’s really doing him a massive disservice by not even attempting to help him gain as much independence as he’s able to handle. He’s an adult, he needs to feel like an adult, and just because he can’t express that (I’m assuming because of what you said), that doesn’t mean he isn’t aware & frustrated by the forced limitations.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family (or grandma specifically) needs to learn you aren’t going to be there 24/7, yes he’s your brother and you love him, but you’re 17 and only getting started. There will be many more times/events where you will go without your brother.
Also, why isn’t mom stepping in here? If grandma wants brother to go so much, can’t mom take him for the night and have a mom/son night?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She told on herself for infantilizing your brother. “Other kids.” You’re 17 and he’s 21.
One of the worst things one can do is treat disabled people as younger than they are for having differing support needs, especially if the majority are minors. The company he needs is someone closer to his age, but at the end of it all, even a grandfather is far more appropriate than a gaggle of teen minors.
I have no clue what your brother is actually capable of because I have never met him and I don’t know where his threshold is for learning and retaining skills or what his motor skills allow for him to do. But when it comes to doing his own dishes, that’s up to your parents and their treatment plan through whatever services they might have for him.
Not everyone has access to that though, so that’s an unfortunate tough situation.” User
3. AITJ For Asking My Friend's Partner To Pay For Damaged Glasses?
“There was a bench, a wide 2x2m bench, maybe bigger. I sat down, the same for my friend and his partner and I put my small backpack can only hold a water bottle in the corner of the bench, right next to me. My friend was sitting on the corner to my right and his partner was somewhere behind us.
I got up and started walking around, texting. Later, I had to head back home, then say they’ll stay in the park for longer. I wished them fun as I was only grabbing my backpack and completely forgetting about my glasses, me being completely at fault for this.
As I was getting ready, she told me to wait, handing me my glasses, nothing more. I thanked her and put them on, seeing they wouldn’t fit anymore, and asked if someone sat on them, and she admitted to it. She offered to pay for them, stopping as soon as she heard the 160 euro price mark.
We all tried bending them back. I messaged them, saying that I can’t get them fixed by myself because I am afraid they’ll break. She started getting offensive again. She started being offensive in the park, raising her tone and saying that I should use a protective case and that damage is normal if I don’t.
I explained to her calmly that yes, not using a protective case will cause wear, but someone sitting on them is anything but normal wear.
So, going back at it, after messaging my friend—to which her partner replied, not him—she started saying that I’m full of crap, I gotta take responsibility, I’m over-exaggerating it, and insisting too much on complete crap.
I should be the one to assume this. She also started making claims like I placed them BEHIND HER, she being the one actually behind us from the start, and started talking about how I should be thankful to her for pointing out that I almost went home without noticing that I did not have my glasses on me.
After my reply, she said that there was no way to prove that she sat on them as long as I didn’t wear a protective case for them and that I might be the one who broke them. She did admit sitting on them in the first second, though.
At most, they’ll pay 10 euros or so for a new, basic frame, whilst I have a Puma. I need my glasses for the upcoming driving exam(s) and have no money for new glasses. Life’s hard rn, family problems, I’m a teen and already had to deal with other household expenses family-wise and for my driving license—which is really expensive for my family.
For those saying that a cheap frame is better than nothing, I understand, but they damaged an expensive one; I don’t feel like accepting a cheap one as a replacement. And if I were to do that, I need new lenses that would fit, which is again expensive.
I don’t know what to do. I am scared because I am most likely not going to receive any money from her, despite knowing her partner since kindergarten and especially about my upcoming exam(s).”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It’s unfortunate that your glasses got damaged, but it’s your fault for not taking care of them properly.
Glasses are very delicate and easy to break. If you aren’t wearing them, they need to be in a hard protective case. I’m very protective of mine even when they are in the protective case and would not leave them somewhere they could get smashed because my glasses cost $600 (I need special lenses.) I think you should take them back to the optometrist’s shop and see if they can be bent back into position.
And keep them in a case from now on.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your belongings are an important one. Idk in your country is it covered by medical insurance? Usually, motivation from your HCP and the medical aids consider something after 3 submitted quotes, etc. If not, regardless.
It’s your possession. It wasn’t broken maliciously. I feel you’re trying to turn us against her because she’s “acting out” but I would be offended too. I’m assuming your tone towards them is accusatory. Again: don’t know your country but governmental route for free?
Edit: I just read some of your wishy-washy replies. Just suck it up as a stupid mistake you made. This stuff happens. Move on and stop justifying it round the round” MicIsOn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you left your valuables on the table or in your backpack, I assume, on the seats?
Sure, I think it’s a jerk move to sit on a backpack, but if they move it to the ground, it’s 100% fair. Heck, my 5$ sunglasses are more protected than your 160$ glasses, man. I do think this is soft NTJ, but why the heck would you leave them there and why don’t they have a protective case if you just leave them around on the floor seemingly?” Easy_Floss
2. AITJ For Not Going To Yosemite With My Immature Roommate?
“I’m (F40-ish) and she’s a (F50) work acquaintance. I mentioned that I was going to get a roommate and she asked if she could move in for 3-4 months until she goes traveling in Europe. She was staying with her partner and they had been arguing.
I didn’t really want her to move in because I don’t like living and working with the same people (too much togetherness). I was worried about that because I like to chill after work at night–watch a little TV, read a little, etc. But I felt I couldn’t say NO without hurting her feelings and making work awkward so I said OK.
From the get-go it was rough. She kept changing the move-in date so I kept buying groceries and by the time she moved in the fridge was full. So I told her that until we ate enough of it to make room for her stuff, she could eat anything in the fridge.
But 3 months after moving in, and 2 months after I cleared half the shelves in the fridge for her, she is still eating my food. I wouldn’t mind if she replaced it but she only buys tea and Egg Bites. She drank all my Peet’s dark roast coffee and replaced that with some caramel-flavored crap that is just nasty.
Last week she laughed at something I said that wasn’t all that funny and peed on my couch. Like, a dinner-plate-sized pee spot. This past Saturday she ripped the curtain rod off the wall in her room trying to move the curtains (they have grommets, so very easy to move–no need to yank them).
Last night she spilled a pint glass full of wine on the couch because she never sets her drinks on the coffee table–she puts them on the cushions. I have told her to please not do that because it was eventually going to spill but she just does as she pleases.
I got VERY annoyed with that spill after I had asked her to stop so I just got up and said I was going to bed and told her to clean it up. I noticed that she had not locked the door when she came home earlier so I went to lock it and something told me to check to see if she had left her keys in the lock and sure enough, her keys were in the lock on the outside of the door.
I told her that wasn’t cool–it’s not safe, since anyone walking by could see them and just come on in. This building is relatively safe, but I think we need to do our part to be safe in our own homes. By the way–twice in the past few weeks she has left the house when I wasn’t home and when I got home the patio door was open, so this is not an isolated incident.
I live with a 50-year-old who acts like a kid.
We were supposed to go to Yosemite for a few days but now I just don’t want to go. It feels very awkward and I need some time away from her anyway. She says she is still going whether I go or not, so AITJ if I don’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Her behavior is absolutely disgusting. Idk what 50yos are supposed to be like, maybe she peed because she’s lost control of her pelvic floor or something, but overall still unacceptable. The food part, unfortunately, I feel like it is unavoidable as most roommates do this (from what I’ve seen), though seeing the behavior continuing in someone who is well past their adulthood and is soon entering seniorhood is upsetting.
You could start labelling the food but I doubt it’d make much of a difference. I wouldn’t want to go on a trip with someone like that, she will definitely bring her habits with her and make the whole trip unenjoyable.” whatamidoing5665
1. AITJ For Declining A Concert And Not Taking Responsibility For My Best Friend's Emotions
“So I (24F) was asked by my friend, we’ll call her Laura (21F), to go to a concert.
I straight up told her no because 1. I’m not comfortable with things like that and 2. it fell on the last weekend of the semester, so I have to wrap up my final projects. She said, “No problem, she was going to ask my best friend, we’ll call her Audrey (28F).”
So Laura asks Audrey to go, and Audrey agrees, but then Audrey texts me saying she doesn’t want to go. I told her, “Then don’t go; she will understand,” and she said, “No, I don’t want to be the second person to turn her down,” and I said, “Okay, well, guess you’re going, lol.”
Fast forward to this week. I got a call while I was at work on Wednesday (7/19) from Audrey saying, “I need you to go to the concert with Laura. I have so much to do with the new house and I have to paint all by myself.” I replied, “Dude, I’m sorry, I can’t.
I told y’all from the beginning I wasn’t comfortable, plus I have to finish my assignments. Just don’t go; she will understand. You have a LOT going on,” and she said, “Okay, thanks,” and hung up on me.
I texted her and said exactly what I said on the phone: that I was confused about how she was mad at me when I said from the beginning I did not want to go.
I told her I understood she had a lot going on, so I said I would give her space and that I was sorry she had so much to deal with, that I hoped it would get better soon, and I told her I loved her.
Then she replied, “K,” which really upset me, but I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, and I left it at that.
Then she texts me, “All I’m going to say is that the only reason these plans fell on me is because you said no, and I felt pressured and even told you that day I didn’t want to do it.
I’m tired of always keeping my word when it seems like you don’t. I’m done with it, and I wash my hands of it. Either we move on, or we can just not talk for a while; either way, I’m done.”
In response, I replied, “But do you not see how that’s not fair? She asked me to do something, and I declined. I did not have an obligation to go. Just because she asked you next doesn’t mean you had an obligation to go.
I did not force you to agree to them. YOU said you would feel bad. I didn’t want to go, and when you said you didn’t want to go, I said, ‘Don’t go; she will understand.’ What have I not kept my word on?
I never put my word on this situation because I said from the BEGINNING I didn’t want to go. I don’t understand why you’re mad at me for being upfront about not wanting to go do something.”
Then she said, “I’m done with it.
I’m done with the conversation.” I replied, “Alright.” And we haven’t talked since. I called my husband and explained everything to him while crying because, again, she’s my best friend (for 4 years). I sent him the screenshots, and he doesn’t think I’m in the wrong, but he’s my husband.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way! I’m guessing your friend is a people pleaser, except when it comes to you it seems, lol! I’d stay away from her for a while—maybe she’s irrational from stress and will apologize when she’s in a better headspace (best-case scenario).
Under no circumstances are you responsible for other adults who can’t say no.” superrm81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your best friend is crazy controlling. Just because you don’t want to do something doesn’t mean she is obligated to do it either. This is a very weird thing to be mad about, and I would consider finding new friends.
Don’t grovel to Audrey either. Why do you both feel such an obligation to Laura?” mtns77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Audrey is feeling guilty about canceling (or just not declining in the first place so Laura would have time to find someone else). Audrey wants all the nice girl points (‘I didn’t want to be the second person to turn her down’) without actually doing the nice girl thing.
I won’t talk with Audrey this weekend; sounds like you both have some stressors this weekend and will probably be missing out on some sleep, so just table this as best you can for a few days. Friends fight. Monday you can meet for a coffee and put this behind you.” FeistyMuttMom
