People Forget Their Manners In These 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Mom Money For Her Second House After She Neglected Me Financially As A Child?
“When I was a kid, my mom would never spend money on me. I can’t even remember having pocket money until I started to work as a teenager and even then I couldn’t make any savings because of having to pay rent for my mom as a 14 years old and buying all the clothes/food/school supplies/birthday presents for myself by myself and I would often run out of money in the middle of the year and then I wouldn’t have any cash till the summer when I could get the summer job again.
At the same time my mom never had issues with money. She could buy herself expensive stuff and go to the lavish holidays with her partner while I’d get hand me downs from her or her friends and stay home alone for months. Believe me or not but I haven’t been to the cinema until my 20s.
When I was graduating from the high school my mom had an authority to compare me with another kids having savings and getting cars(most of them were bought by their parents). Even comparing me to my stepbrother whose education in France was paid for by my mom/stepdad and my cousins who would get everything on a silver plate.
After that, I moved out and worked awful job at night while studying during the day to make ends meet.
Now I(26f) have the stable job with good income, amazing relationships and some savings. I go on the lavish holidays, buy nice clothes and food that I like.
Overall, I invest my money in myself and my partner. Of course, we are saving money for the future(now I wanna get a car).
Back to my mom-I cut off completely all contacts with her and she’s blocked everywhere since she considers me ungrateful and refuses to believe the things she has done to me during the years.
Recently I went to Vietnam and her friend saw pictures at my Instagram account. Next thing I do is getting call from my mom(fake number) and getting yelled at for spending money on the travel instead of giving it to her as a down payment for her second house.
We have talked about it couple of years ago but I told her straight away my money are my money and I am not going to give her 30K Euro for the investment property for her retirement (so basically I won’t be able to live there because she plans to rent it out).
Now she/her family are guilt tripping me into giving her money since I should be grateful for her raising me financially responsible person. I am sorry but making your kid to choose between getting bus ticket or winter shoes is not raising it as a financially responsible person.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom chose to have children, you did not chose to be born. She did nothing that deserves gratitude beyond breeding which even a cockroach can do. Use your money in whatever ways makes you happy. Block her and when her family members contact you tell them they can help her, then block them.” secoura
Another User Comments:
“Second house down payment? Is your mother out of her head? NTJ. Block her calls and stop stressing over her. If she can afford a second home she better get used to not using you like a piggy bank anymore. I am grateful to and have been well blessed in my relationship with my mom.
But, I ain’t trying to buy her a second home so she can get some rental income. Good grief.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like she didn’t raise you at all. The reason you’re so financially responsible is because you’ve had to be to survive.
You probably don’t even realise it but maybe you’re very frugal too? happens a lot to people who grew up poor. Personally because of my upbringing I’ve been overly frugal to the point that it has affected my relationships, as if I was punishing myself for something, or I was scared to spend money in case I ran out.
That’s just me though. Maybe you’re a lot more adjusted than I am! But anyways, she sounds very entitled, but being your parent doesn’t entitle them to the results of your hard work. why should you spend a dime on her when she never valued you in the first place?” imworkingitout
21. AITJ For Kicking My Son And His New Partner Out Of My House After An Argument?
“I 55f have two children George 31m and Gabrielle 29f. Gabrielle recently got engaged and I am helping her plan the wedding in my spare time. Which the entire family is very excited for.
Except for George.
George recently divorced his wife of 7 years, Susanna 28f after he said the “spark had gone out”. They have a set of twins together, Amy and Alice 6f. And are trying to set up a healthy co parenting relationship. Susanna is a great mother to my grandkids and I was disappointed in George for giving up so fast on their relationship without even trying couples counselling.
But it wasn’t my business or place to say anything.
The drama started when George brought his new partner to dinner at my house. He met his partner Bethany 25f through a work colleague and they have been seeing each other for 4 months. At dinner Gabrielle and I were discussing flower arrangements and Bethany felt the need to ask George if he’d ever marry again.
George coughed before replying that he’d have to think about it, which Bethany seemed to deflate at.
Well this caused Alice to cry about how she wants “mommy and daddy to love each other again”. George and Bethany just sat there while my granddaughter screamed. After I comforted Alice, I pulled George aside and asked if he was sure about Bethany.
Which he told me was none of my business. I told him it was my business who he invited into my home and my grandchildren’s lives, since I’ve been caring for them in my spare time while he works. (He and Susanna have 50/50 custody).
George got angry and said it was Gabrielle’s fault for mentioning weddings in the first place.
I told him to stop acting like a child and to be happy for his sister. Then Bethany felt the need to insert herself and tell me that she and George were together no matter how much I liked his ex wife.
After that I was done with the conversation and asked them both to leave.
George and Bethany stormed off, flipped me the bird and left my grandchildren at my house at 7pm. I had to call Susanna to collect the children since they had school in the morning and I was attending a cake tasting with Gabrielle the next day.
I feel like I shouldn’t have to tell my 31 year old son to be happy for his sister or argue with a random woman whom I have never met before, in my own home. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your son sure is.
I’m glad Bethany at least got to see his intentions; but sad neither of them comforted your granddaughter. She sounds really classy./s Perhaps George needs to pay for daycare for a while. It seems he needs to learn to grow up. Perhaps if his income takes a hit his 25 yo partner won’t see him as such a catch.
Be careful or before you know it she’ll be pregnant and you’ll have them moving in so he can save up aka you take care of baby.” ckptry
Another User Comments:
“You have a bigger issue at hand because Alice will hate every new partner because in her head she believes they kept mommy and daddy from loving each other.
Your main focus should be to explain to Alice that grown ups fall out of love and it has nothing to do with the love they have for her. It won’t be a healthy co-parenting when Alice already hates every woman who tries to replace her mom.
She needs more attention and maybe counselling. She had a strong reaction” TRACYOLIVIA14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds like he is feeling bitter and taking it out on everyone else. His sister is getting married, so he needs to grow up and get over it.
People don’t need to stop all conversations about weddings just because he’s there. Don’t like it? Leave. Bethany needs to stay in her lane, especially when she’s a guest in your own darn house. Red flags all around from that girl. Storming out and leaving his own kids with no way to get home is absolutely crazy to me.” Keenzur
20. AITJ For Buying My Autistic Sister a Doll Against My Grandma's Wishes?
“I (19F) have a sister (16F) with autism. She has the mental age of a 7 year old. She loves toys – Barbies, baby dolls, horse figures, etc. Recently, the brand American Girl released the Girl of the Year for 2024, and my sister fell in love.
The doll in question is a horse girl like she is. There’s even a picture that replicates a picture my sister has with her horse. I plan on buying this doll for my sister as a surprise. I told my mother about it, and she was fully supportive.
When I told my grandma, however, she had other views…
For context, on my mom’s side, I have two other cousins that are autistic (M23 and M12) who also have the mental age of a child. My older cousin, is at a higher functioning level then my other cousin and my sister.
They also love toys, and my grandma buys them toys for birthdays and Christmas because it’s what they like. When I told my grandma about how I was going to buy this doll for my sister, she got a disapproving look on her face and said something along the lines of “do you really want to spend your money on that?
It seems kind of pointless…”
I got extremely disheartened when she said this. Stuff like this has happened in the past, too. Back when I was around 10, I found a doll I wanted in the store, so I asked my mom if I could buy it (I had my own money, I had saved up).
My mom said I could carry it around and she would think about it (she carried an envelope with my money in it in her bag). My grandma looked to my mom and said “No, do not let her buy that. It’s childish and she isn’t a child.” My mom made me put it back, but she took me back to the store to buy it once my grandma was gone.
I don’t understand how me buying a doll for my sister is childish, even though she really wants it, but getting toys for my other cousins is okay. I don’t know if it’s because of the levels of autism with my other cousins or if it’s something else…
I still plan to buy this doll for my sister, then buy one of the 18 inch doll horses to customize to look like my sister’s horse because it will make her happy, but I’m going to have to tell her not to talk about it around my grandma so she doesn’t get disappointed in me and my sister…
AITJ for going against what my grandma thinks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for multiple reasons. One, you’re an adult. You’re not demanding (or even asking) your grandmother to pay for any part of this gift, at least according to what you’ve written. If you want to spend your money on a gift for your sister, you’re free to do so.
Two, who cares why your sister likes what she likes? My husband, a fully functional adult, is a gamer and a guitar player. I’m a theater nut. Your sister likes dolls. I’ve never understood why people can’t just like the things they like. Your sister being autistic doesn’t matter; she has her own interests and likes.
I’m sure your grandmother has a hobby of some sort. Do you pass judgment on her hobbies or interests? Get your sister the doll and the horse. It sounds like it’ll make her happy and that seems to be your motivation. You’re a good sister and your grandmother can go suck eggs if she has a problem with it.” BoundPrincess84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Grandma is sexist. Buy the doll for your sister and DON’T hide it from grandma. Grandma can shove it. Feel free to call her out on her hypocrisy of purchasing toys for the OLDER BOYS but felt it was appropriate to deny you when you were TEN and your sister now.
See what she says. My guess is she will splutter and not have a valid answer as to why 23 and 12 for guys is fine to get toys but a 10 year old girl is too old. If she tosses out the autism diagnosis – reiterate that your cousins are 23 and 12 while your sister is 16.
Keep asking for clarification (play as dumb as you want) when she gives nonsense answers. She won’t admit that she is being sexist and thinks girls should be taking care of others apparently by the age of 10, so she will struggle with being called out.
Stand your ground. Grandma is not your boss.” Ohcrumbcakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sound like a wonderful older sister. Your grandmother is an interfering old bag who brightens a room every time she leaves it. I’m speaking from experience; my grandmother was like this, too.
Years ago, my mother and I were staying with her at her holiday house. I was in my teens. I mentioned to my mother that I might to to the cinema and see a movie (I had previously seen it, but wanted to see it again).
My mother asked had I not seen it already, and my GM swooped in like the shrieking old harpy she was and shouted, ‘If she wants to waste her money, let her!’ All I could think was what on earth crawled up my GM’s butt to make her so miserable and why did she care if I wanted to see a movie that I’d be using my OWN pocket money to pay for?
Buy that doll and treasure the look of joy on your sister’s face.” Independent_Read_855
19. AITJ For Asking My Co-Worker To Bring Quicker-To-Heat Lunches?
“At the beginning of this quarter, my office (medical clinic) made a few changes to everyday operations.
One of those changes was that everyone (full time) would take lunch from 12:30 to 1:30 so that we could have a more cohesive schedule. I don’t like this change, but I’m not the practice director.
We’re not a huge clinic but we have a few doctors plus their support teams, so there are still quite a few people in office.
Since we’re in an office building with restaurants near by, some people will leave for lunch, however I rarely do, so I often use the microwave in the break room.
I have a coworker (Jessica) who also often brings her lunch and uses the microwave.
However, Jessica will often bring frozen meals, which is fine, but they take quite a while to heat up. Most take 5+ minutes without having to take it out and stir it and letting it sit. Since she is closer to the break room, she often gets there before I do leaving myself a few others to wait 5+ minutes while she finishes which cuts into our lunch time, especially if there are 4 or 5 people waiting.
Yesterday, she brought a meal that took 10 minutes plus constant stirring. She usually eats in the break room (I don’t) so I decided to stick around and ask her if she could bring things quicker to heat or let others go first since I didn’t want to add a passive aggressive note to the microwave.
The only other people in the break room besides us two were a coworker/friend of hers (Amanda) and another employee so it’s not like I singled her out in a group to embarrass her.
She did not like that I asked her to bring something different and said that if I had a problem with it, I should bring something else or leave for lunch, since it wasn’t her problem.
I told her that it’s inconsiderate to others when we’re all on a tight schedule and just want to enjoy the break we have and eat. Amanda jumped in to say that she didn’t mind and she knew other people who didn’t either, so I was just being a jerk.
I let it go, but this morning I woke up to an email from my boss (and HR) regarding the issue urging me to apologize for my “inconsiderate” (HR speak for jerk) requests and comments to a coworker.
I didn’t feel that I was the jerk in this situation but now that HR and my boss have brought it up, I’m wondering if I really am a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Although the biggest jerk is your boss. If they expect everyone to take lunch at the same time they need to buy another microwave. And as someone who hates to cook and eats a lot of TV dinners, WTF is she making?
Most single serving frozen dinners I eat take 3-4 minutes. Was she cooking a Rice a Roni for 10 minutes or what?” Bloodrayna
Another User Comments:
“YTJ mostly because why are you asking her to change when you could easily do the same thing. I get it.
You want the convenience of a microwave but it is a jerk move to expect someone else to make changes to accommodate you when you could easily bring something that doesn’t require heating and go complain about the new scheduling and lack of resources.” Scared-March7443
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sucks that they’re making you all take lunch at once, but that’s no reason to think your coworker should eat around your preferences. I’m sure her taking up 1/15th of your break just kills you, but you have the option to bring a salad, or go out, just as easily as she does.
You want a hot meal, she wants a hot meal, but only one of you is butting in on the others choice of food.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Dropping English Class Instead of Asking Stepmom for Help?
“I (f18) go to college and live with my mom (30) and siblings (4, 2, 1). Technically she’s my stepmom but my bio mom left when I was 7 and I haven’t heard from her since and I’ve been living with my stepmom since she and my dad divorced.
My mom has it pretty rough right now. She has full custody of my siblings and my dad is doing everything he can to avoid paying child support. He convinced her to quit her job a couple months before she found out he was unfaithful and she doesn’t have any family in the area.
Right now we’re in a 2 bedroom house and she sleeps on the couch. I’m doing everything I can to help. I work and I pay $400 a month in rent and I give her my gas cards and grocery gift cards from school ($50 and $100 a month).
She splits my car insurance with me but I’m trying to get her to let me pay all of it. I honestly feel responsible for us being in this situation. I knew my dad was unfaithful but he bought me a really nice car, new phone, iPad, headphones, and whatever else I wanted and he tripled my allowance and he promised to pay for my college as long as I didn’t tell her.
I let it go on for over a year and didn’t start to drop hints until I found out she quit her job. She says she’s not mad at me but I’ve been trying to give her space.
I was taking 19 credits this semester, the most my school allowed. I was taking English, communications, an early childhood education class, anatomy, and chemistry.
I know it was dumb but my job needs me to take the ece class and everything else is required for my major. The problem is I kept falling really behind in English. It got to a point where I had to drop it. The thing is my mom was an AP English lit/lang teacher.
She really is qualified to help me with my work. I never asked though.
When I told her I dropped English because I fell behind, she looked really disappointed and asked why I never asked for help. I told her she’s really busy with my siblings and working and I’m trying to give her space because of everything that happened. Now she’s checking in with me a lot more and asking to check my homework and see if I need any help and I know she won’t admit it but I’m pretty sure she’s mad at me for dropping the class instead of asking her for help.
AITJ for dropping English instead of asking her for help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I don’t think she’s mad at you for dropping the class. I think she’s disappointed she feels like she couldn’t support you enough for you not to, and that you didn’t feel you could speak to her about it.
You did a good thing for being so considerate, and she wants to do a good thing by supporting you and helping you achieve as much as you can. Sounds like you have built a great relationship together and could talk this one out.” CyberHeaux
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here for dropping the class, You have a lot going on and not being able to keep up with all your classes is pretty understandable. Sure, you could have asked your mom for help but she also has a lot going on so you’re trying to lighten her burdens too.
Your mom is probably less angry that you dropped the class, than upset that she feels like she’s failed to help you enough. You dropped the class for now but I’m sure you can take it up again in the future, hopefully when things are more stable and if you still need help with the work then ask her then when there’s a bit less pressure.” Capital-Effort2597
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. 19 credits is absolutely insane, first off. Seems like you learned that lesson. You didn’t want to make her work harder, and she wants you to succeed. This isn’t a jerk situation. You can let her give you some help when you retake the class.
I think she’d rather take on this work than watch you fail. But you likely failed because you tried to take 19 credits at once. Again, that’s absolutely insane.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
17. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Husband's Family Home With Our Son?
“My husband lost his job and we had to move in with his family while we build up enough finances to move back into our place.
G=Grandma. I(20/f) husband(22/M)
So my husband’s G has always had something to say about everything. From the way I dressed down to my parenting style. My son was a Nicu baby. He was a very healthy baby but he was super tiny when he came out, only 3 pounds.
So he had to stay until he was a proper weight. When he got home, I constantly heard about how he was catching a cold (he wasn’t), how he’s super stuffy, how I need to take care of him in general. I appreciate any help and tips but then there is G.
She always has a comment about something…but won’t say them to me.
Me and my husband were having a conversation about how G didn’t like my friends and would talk negatively about them. I was laughing about it and playfully asked if she ever talks about me.
He got super quiet. I asked it again but more serious. He then tells me about how she says that all I do is sleep and avoid my son. For more context, I’m up all night with my son because I’m super paranoid of everything then when around moon comes I crash and my husband watches him for about 3 hours until I wake up.
This extremely upset me. For all the mess I put up with, I’m a bad mother for sleeping. I asked my husband if he thought I was a bad mother and he comforted me and told me I was doing all I could for our son.
So I started avoiding her. Then yesterday was the end of me playing nice.
Yesterday I had to take my mother to doctors. I was hesitant about leaving him with my husband’s G but he said it was fine. I take my mom then come back, I notice in his baby bottle…..apple juice.
Earlier in the day she was trying to say my son was constipated (he wasn’t) and to give him apple or prune juice. We told her no and left. I was beyond upset and took my son to my SIL house. Comes to find out, the juice was rotten.
I told my husband I can’t live in a place I’m disrespected and packed our bags.
AITJ for wanting to leave with our son. I feel like I may be the jerk for taking our son away from his father because he won’t leave with me.
I don’t want to punish my husband.”
Another User Comments:
“How did you “come to find out” the juice was rotten? How do they know if he is or isn’t constipated if you are the one changing his diaper? Why is it again that you stay up all night and sleep all day?
Because you’re super paranoid about everything all night, not during the day? Are you sure you aren’t having some mental health issues? Paranoia, staying up all night, taking off with your baby because someone gave him a little juice? It doesn’t seem rational.” Murky_Indication_442
16. AITJ For Considering Not Being a Bridesmaid Because of a Former Friend?
“As a disclaimer I (25 f) haven’t made a decision yet or told my friend what I’m considering.
Basically here’s the gist. I met Clara (25 f) in our sophomore year of college and we’ve been close friends ever since. I met Dezzie (24 f) in my junior year of college and we became BEST friends and were roommates my senior year.
I introduced the two and they became close friends, but they never became as close to each other as I was to each of them and them two only hung out when I was there and we were a trio.
So years later (we all graduated in 2020) Dezzie and I had a falling out in June and I ended up blocking her.
I still have some resentment toward her but am working on staying positive and empathetic. I will say it was a long time coming of the friendship ending, but the reason I ended it – the icing on the cake so to speak – was because Clara told me that Dezzie was talking bad about me and my partner to her other friends that I don’t even know.
At that moment I realized Dezzie had been talking bad about all of her other close friends to me so why did I expect it wasn’t the other way around? I realized she was just two faced/was really negative and a bit narcissistic in my opinion.
She’s had many falling outs with people during our friendship and always blames the other person.
So now Clara is getting married and I’m soooo happy for her. She wants me to be a bridesmaid and I would love to BUT she told me Dezzie would also be in the wedding as a bridesmaid.
Honestly I don’t want to be around Dezzie, she’s like an energy vampire for me and when we were friends I typically ended up not enjoying myself or even not liking my own energy when she’s around. I’m considering my options, because I don’t want to be closed off or a party pooper during the wedding festivities but I feel I won’t be able to be myself while Dezzie is around.
And I want to have a good time. I want to put Clara first since it’s her wedding, but I also made a promise to myself not to stand for Dezzies nonsense from the moment I blocked her.
Best case scenario is Clara not having Dezzie as a bridesmaid.
Can I even ask her to do that though? I’ve explained to her how I felt about Dezzie and she said that she was sure we could just be cordial with one another. Any advice? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are being very short-sighted. Instead of concentrating on being there for Clara, you’re focusing on someone else and considering backing out because of one bad apple.
That’s very immature. It doesn’t take much effort to just be polite and civil for one day. You need to remember that it’s Clara’s wedding day, not Dezzie’s. So grow up and handle it like a mature adult who’s there to witness and celebrate the wedding of CLARA and her new husband.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for not feeling comfortable around someone you don’t get along with but kind of YTJ for thinking you can control who someone else hangs around with. You can’t tell her who she can have at the wedding. This other girl might also want the same about you, but if you were to be told you were no longer invited because of her, you wouldn’t enjoy the feeling.
You’re allowed to not want to spend time with her, but the options you have should only involve your actions. You can’t control other people or guilt them into removing someone to make you happy. You can not go, go as a normal guest, or be a bridesmaid and try your best not to fall out with this other girl at the wedding.” Darquesse1996
Another User Comments:
“You can’t tell her not to have Dezzie as a bridesmaid. If Dezzie is so toxic, you need to decide if you want to be close friends with someone who still wants to be close friends with her. You would be a jerk if you asked her not to be a bridesmaid.
You would not be a jerk for not going, although it will definitely impact your friendship. Have you already agreed to be a bridesmaid, and, if so, how long ago? Have you been part of planning?” Usrname52
15. AITJ For Regifting My Wife's Present to My Dad?
“So, I (40M) had my parents come up to stay with my wife (34F) and me for a couple of weeks. We live a long distance from my family. I would do anything for my dad. He’s an awesome guy who raised me right, and I have nothing bad to say about him.
He has been having a lot of pain from arthritis and other ailments, and he has been asking Mom to massage some areas around his back and legs he couldn’t reach.
I noticed this, and I asked him if he wanted to use my Theragun massager.
His eyes lit up, and he asked me what it was, so I brought it downstairs and let him try. Boy, you would have thought I brought up a pile of gold. He was using that thing the entire time he was here.
Since I noticed he was really loving it, I asked him towards the end of the trip if he wanted to keep it.
He kind of hesitated and mentioned to me that it was too nice to just give it to him. However, I reassured him and said it’s yours, and he really seemed genuinely happy. He asked me again right before he left, and I said it’s 100% fine, and enjoy it.
This made me really happy, but this is where I might have messed up.
This Theragun was a present from my wife a few years ago. I appreciated the gift, but I never got much use out of it. I didn’t really like the way it felt, and I don’t have many soreness issues.
My wife asked me after they left why I gave him her present. I told her I didn’t know it would bother her, and I was sorry. She thinks that I should have known that it would hurt her feelings, and it was insensitive.
In no way was I trying to hurt her; I only wanted to make my dad happy by giving him something he could use. I know he would use it, and that’s good enough for me.
My wife is still hurt about this, and I don’t know what else to do or say.
I asked her what I could do to make it better, and she said it’s done and over with now, but I know she’s still unhappy. She googled it and found an article that says I have bad etiquette and I should never re-gift something.
If I am not using it and it’s been sitting in a closet for two years, why is this such a big deal?
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously you were right to take the Theragun out of retirement and give it to your dad.
It should be where it’s getting used. It’s so obvious that I think your wife is really upset about something else. You might want to dig into this issue a little deeper. Does she feel unappreciated in general?” GAB104
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but it might have helped to mention it to your wife before she found out from your dad.
You certainly didn’t need her permission, but it probably would have made her feel good if you’d let her know what a great gift it turned out to be because it brought you such happiness to see it work for your dad. Just a thought.” anti_hero_123
Another User Comments:
“Dude. I would never waste time getting you a present any more. I’d get you a little throw away gift and that would be it. I mean sure, it was your thing and you can do whatever you want with it, but this is AITJ not Am I Allowed To Do This.
And yeah, sure you’re allowed to but that doesn’t remove the consequences of how it makes her feel or what she decides to do with gifts from here on out. Even if it wasn’t a gift I’d expect my husband to talk to me before he just gave away a multi hundred dollar item from our house – and he’d expect the same of me.” LimitlessMegan
14. AITJ For Discarding Jacks In My In-Laws' Generational Card Game?
“I have been playing a generational card game that has been running in three generations with my in-laws.
Last easter I spent in a cabin with my in laws, and of course we played quite a bit of their card game.
It is a game with several rounds, where you gather different combinations of cards to be able to exit the game. Whenever someone exits, points are counted from the cards you got on the hand, cards under 10 are 5 points, over 10 are 10 points, aces 25 and jacks 50 points.
When it’s your turn:
1. Draw from the draw stack, or draw from the face up discard pile.
2. Optionally, place any of the combinations for this round (sets of three or ranges of 4) on the table. Or build on other combinations already on the table
3. Discard any card, if this is the last card you win the round and everybody else has to count points from their hand.
These are the simple rules but it has also been stated that “there is no rule against discarding jacks, but nobody does that”. So as it was destiny, I came in the situation where my optimal play was of course, to forfeit my very slim chances of making the exit that round, go into damage control mode and discard the 50 points and then guarantee that my sister in-law was able to exit and that my father in law, SIL’s partner and my partner had to pick up points instead of their potential exit.
I did this because I thought it was the best play, and for the humor in that situation. But it was taken as no joke.
Everybody was furious, except SIL’s partner who had my side, but after an argument with my SIL also had to agree not to play this way.
And now they don’t want to play their game anymore if I don’t agree to not discard any jacks. And I was fine by this, but annoyed that they did not want to make it a rule. So this was the last time we played this game.
My thinking is that we have rules exactly to be able to play a game together. We have rules to agree on which game we are even playing. And if playing by the rules, there is no reason to be upset with me. I know I broke some age old convention in this game, and I am sure there has been fights in this family of the same issue numerous times.
So why not make the unofficial rule official? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, man. You say it wasn’t a rule, but it clearly was. Don’t rely on “there is no rule against discarding jacks.” The important part is “but nobody does that”, and I’m pretty sure you knew that.
It sounds like you dug your heels in on this. Bad move. These old family games are nothing to mess around with.” Drinking_Frog
Another User Comments:
“YTJ That’s poor sportsmanship, not a clever idea. You went against the spirit of the game and an unwritten rule.
And you ruined a fun family activity that’s been played for generations. It’s like giving another player a ridiculously good trade in monopoly that let’s that other player easily win. Sure, it’s allowed, but I’d never play monopoly with you again and the game would be ruined.” AppropriateScience71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. At the end of the day, informal homebrew conventions are still rules, and they should be followed as part of game play. Perhaps they should be clearer and to make it a more formal rule going forward, but it showed a lack of respect for their tradition.” TheTightEnd
13. AITJ For Refusing To Convince My Sister To Include Our Stepdad In Her Wedding Ceremony?
“My younger sister (25f) is getting married. She asked our dad to walk her down the aisle and dance with her at the wedding.
My mom and stepdad were hoping she would have both dad and stepdad do these things because stepdad has been in her life since she was 4 and I was 6. Apparently mom asked her and my sister said it felt like a better idea to just have dad do it.
Mom asked her why and she said because he’s her dad.
Mom tried to convince my dad to tell my sister she should have “both fathers” do it and that he would be honored to share the role with the man who stepped up for us during mom’s parenting time (50/50 timeshare when we were kids).
She apparently told dad all the stuff stepdad had done over the years and how he loves us like we’re his kids but has always been second to him (dad). Dad told her he was not going to encourage my sister to do that and she made her decision.
When mom couldn’t get dad on board she asked me to talk to my sister and convince her. I heard all about how much stepdad has done for us but especially my sister who doesn’t remember a life without him in it and yet she has always acted like she only has one dad and not two.
She said it would a beautiful gift for my stepdad for me to try and she knows that deep down my sister just doesn’t want to upset our dad, and she would probably have asked both if that wasn’t a concern. She said as the big brother she felt like I was the next best person to have this talk with her.
I told my mom this was not my place and I was not interfering. She told me I should want my sister to have the perfect wedding and this would make the wedding extra special, having both dads by her side as she walks to her future husband.
She said it was my place and pointed out how as a brother it’s “100% my place”. I told her who my sister walks down the aisle with or dances with is absolutely none of my business because my sister is a grown woman and I will not interfere in this.
Mom got so mad at me and she said I could have done this for them (aka her and my stepdad). She also said I was making excuses because I could get involved if I wanted to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Of course you could choose to get involved. Busybodies stick their noses in other people’s business all the time.
You are choosing to stay out of this and that is a wise choice. Your mum doesn’t want the day to be ‘extra special’ for your sister by involving your stepdad. Mum and stepdad want to be involved to make it special for her and stepdad not your sister.
Well done big brother for keeping out of it. Stay the course.” RMaua
Another User Comments:
“Your mom seems manipulative and narcissistic. How is she doing to trample all over your sister’s decision on her wedding day? How is she trying to recruit others to help try and change the bride’s mind.
Make sure your mother knows her behavior is going to affect how her family interacts with her from now on if she doesn’t respect the bride’s wishes and backs off. NTJ and please update on that situation because this seems far from over and I’m here for the tea.” Infamous-Audience284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom needs to respect your sisters choice the same way you do. And perhaps your sister doesn’t share your mothers impression of a happy childhood… And – I’ll bet that if you really dig into your dad, he’ll reveal that having to walk his daughter down the aisle with his ex’ new husband, would bother him more than he lets on now.
Maybe your sister knows this and that’s why she’s maintaining that you dad is the only one?? Regardless – if I were you, I would interfere and tell sister you back her choice 100%” clearheaded01
12. AITJ For Calling Out My Nephew For Taking My Special Needs Niece's School Snacks?
“This is such a petty argument but I’m catching it from all sides so I need to know if I was really the jerk in this situation as my mom, sister, and nephew all think that I am.
Relevant information: My mom and I share custody of my niece who’s 7.
She is special needs and attends a private school on a scholarship because of it. At this school breakfast, snack time, and lunch all have to be provided by the parents.
Onto the issue. My mom and I buy my niece snacks for school in bulk to last the month with food stamps.
My nephew is significantly more well-off than we are and is EXTREMELY frugal.
Because of my mom’s open door policy regarding family members and food he will come to our house MULTIPLE times a day for food and drinks. He’ll invite himself over for meals and eat more than his share as well as take home plates for leftovers leaving us with no leftovers ourselves.
But I draw the line at my niece’s snacks because they serve a purpose and we need them to last. But every. damn. DAY. He is over taking her snacks, so much so that sometimes he’ll even eat all of a particular snack before she’s even had a chance to have any.
We’ve asked him multiple times to stop, she herself has even asked him to stop and in response, he’ll call her greedy and spoiled. That she’s not eating them so why can’t he have some. Like duh she’s not eating them right now they’re for school!
Everything finally boiled over for me a few weeks ago when I learned that he literally took food off of her plate and called her greedy and said she needed to share because she asked for a donut that happened to be the last donut in a box and “she knew he wanted it that’s why she asked for it”
So today he took the last of her Halloween brownies my mom bought as a special treat for her and that caused her to cry. Mom didn’t say anything about it so she came to me and I called him out for taking the last brownie.
He got mad and said she’s spoiled, greedy, not the only grandkid, and he can eat here if he wants to. Then threw the brownie in the trash and stormed off.
So was I the jerk?
There is a lot more to the situation but due to the character limit I can go into more detail about everything that happened before this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re on food stamps. Your niece needs her food to be able to eat at school. You’re protecting her food. He needed to be called out. And he needs to be called out more for calling her names and emotionally abusing her.
It’s not greedy and spoiled to want food that was bought specifically for you. Put her snacks in a place that is not accessible by him. Hide it in your or your niece’s room. He’s not going to stop taking the food out of her mouth unless you prevent it.” JamboreeJunket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… so he would be jealous if the 7 yo niece got free snacks and he didn’t? He needs to be called out at every move. He should not be allowed to take anything beyond what is offered. The leftovers part is not cool.
You need to have a clear discussion with your mom about his consumption of your family resources. If she doesn’t react, I would just lock the snacks, and stop cooking so many portions so that he can’t take leftovers anymore.” sparkling_onion
11. AITJ For Sharing My Opinion On My Co-Workers' Throuple Breakup?
“For starters, Cora (23f) and Michael (20ftm) were engaged to each other for over a year, but decided to become throuple with Erica (29f) several months ago.
I (20f) work with all these people and have for about 2.5 years.
Yesterday, Erica told me that Cora and Michael broke up last week.
When I saw Cora a few minutes later, I went to ask how she was and if she was okay. She then told me that Michael made her choose between him and Erica, and she chose Erica. I didn’t really know what to say to that, so all I said was that I personally would’ve chosen Michael because I’d be engaged to him.
I might’ve shrugged, I don’t remember.
I never even told her what she should’ve done; I was just trying to make conversation as I didn’t really know what to say. (I’m not too good with social skills because I’m autistic.) Right after I said that, Cora said that Michael was taking his anger issues out on her so I said something to the effect of “oh, well then I of course understand why you chose Erica.'” I didn’t think anything of it…I obviously don’t care what these people do with their lives as long as they’re happy, because up until yesterday, I considered them all to be my work friends.
Anyway, like two hours later, Erica interrupts what I’m doing at work and very sternly tells me not to meddle in other people’s business and that I have no say in Cora’s decisions. I was very taken aback and honestly didn’t know what she was even talking about at first. I tried to tell her that I never told Cora to do anything, but she didn’t believe me.
I got off work about twenty minutes later and shot Cora a text basically just clarifying that I obviously don’t care what she does with her life as long as she’s happy, and that I didn’t mean to make her think I was telling her what to do.
I also said I was confused as to why it was so dramatic.
She responded in a very hostile manner so I just apologized, but she kept digging at me until I told her I was confused. She then ended the conversation with a “stay confused,” and that was it.
Literally what did I do? My own fiancé thinks Cora overreacted – as do a couple other people I’ve asked about it – but I’m just worried about going back to work tomorrow if Cora and Erica think I’m out to get them for some reason.
This also isn’t the first time they’ve created (what I consider) meaningless drama.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These are three people (instead of usually just two) who are going through a breakup, and, from what is being hinted at, bad things didn’t start with the breakup (“Michael was taking his anger issues out on her”).
So everyone is upset and it’s better to stay away. It would have been better to stay away from the start, but well, you didn’t know before that unfolded. From now on, if you don’t know what to say to these people or any other, about someone’s private life, a simple show of neutral empathy (“I understand”/”I get that”/”that makes sense” in response of whatever they told you) should suffice :)” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, “I broke up with my partner because he gave me an ultimatum I didn’t like” “Yeah I wouldn’t have done that/shrug” Like, come on, no one is going to want who you would stay with in a break up. When someone tells you that at no point should you go “Well I’d still be with him”, no one wants to hear, on the heels of a new break up you think they’re wrong about it, especially if it’s anger issues on his part that started the break up.” sharp-Yarn
Another User Comments:
“Yikes so you are in the middle of the unpleasant situation. Erica sounds like a nightmare. I mean it kinda sounds like she broke up a relationship and is now hovering around Cora making sure she doesn’t rethink things. She’s the problem here.
NTJ” LightspeedBalloon
10. AITJ For Telling My Hypochondriac Husband I Don't Care About His Symptoms Until He Seeks Medical Help?
“My husband (35) has been complaining about the muscles in one of his arms twitching for a week and he’s convinced he has ALS.
He came home from work today and said his mouth was salivating more than normal and informed me that’s a symptom of ALS.
When he first told me he was concerned, my immediate reaction was, obviously, fear and concern so I asked him if he would please call a doctor the next day.
He jumped down my throat for not having any sympathy so I shut up and walked away.
He has a history of complaining about his health and not doing anything about it. He complained about groin pain for the first ten years of our relationship and I got sick of hearing about it so every time he complained I would ask if he had called a doctor yet.
The answer was always no. We were on a hiking trip three years ago and when we got back to the cabin he was laying on the sofa and said he felt a bulge in his groin. I immediately knew it was a hernia and told him to make an appointment ASAP.
It took withholding intimacy before he would finally go to a doctor where he was diagnosed with “massive” bi-lateral hernias.
So yeah, my sympathy for his health complaints is gone. I feel like he should seek the advice and guidance of a professional if he thinks something is very wrong because I’m as far from being in the medical field as one can get.
I’ve tried making his appointments for him in the past but he either just wouldn’t go or would cancel them.
Back to the ALS concern: Tonight when he got home and informed me about his watery mouth, I asked him if he had called our healthcare provider today.
He said no.
I calmly asked him why not and then said I was concerned that he thought he had a serious degenerative disease but wouldn’t do anything about it. An argument ensued and he called me a mean person for not having any sympathy for his ailments.
I told him I really didn’t care if he THOUGHT he had a serious disease, what I do care about is IF he has a serious disease, knowing that we will tackle it once there’s a diagnosis. I’m not remotely interested in coddling his hypochondria.
So… am I the jerk for telling my husband I don’t care he might have a degenerative disease because he won’t seek medical help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people have a mental thing where they assume that the ritual of getting other people’s sympathy is all they need. They can’t imagine enjoying actually getting better, by going to a doctor and finding out what is wrong and following the doctor’s instructions in order to solve the problem.
It sounds uncomfy. They also can’t figure out that if they go on applying sympathy to a steadily worsening medical issue, that medical issue may well kill them, and then they won’t be able to follow their ritual anymore. Source: Parent who died after refusing to do the work to get better, because immediately feeling better was just so important to her.
You have my permission to show this to him if you think it’ll help.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Without a proper diagnostic, it is impossible to determine what is wrong. Is he an attention seeker? Why is HE waiting for YOU to book HIS doctor’s appointment for HIM?
Does he know that fatigue, anxiety and stress can give you these symptoms as well? Wouldn’t be easier to just go to the doctor, who is the best, most qualified person to diagnose and treat him if there is a real degenerative disease or to put his mind at ease if it is something else and start a treatment plan?” -eri-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t force him to stay alive for your family. You’ve made doctor’s appointments and begged only to be called names. What he’s doing is selfish and cruel and no, you don’t own him any sympathy anymore. He is putting your family in a really vulnerable spot and holding you hostage to his complaining about an ailment with the power to end his life, with absolutely no intention of doing anything about it.
At some point, it’s just a big rude gesture to you and your family for him to be so abusive to you about his own cowardice. Stop arguing with him. Just say, “okay,” when he complains about his health, change the subject or excuse yourself from the room.
But make sure the insurance premiums are paid up and that there is life insurance. Women live much longer than their husbands because of nonsense like this. If he’s determined to die prematurely, make sure his death only breaks your heart, not your ability to survive financially without him.” External-Hamster-991
9. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Ignored My Specific Gift Request?
“My partner(24m) got me a gift for my birthday…….few days prior he had asked me what I wanted and I told him anything was fine.
He kept saying that he wanted to get me something I’d actually use etc and so I ended up telling him I wanted AirPods (he’s not an Apple fan). He said they’re not good and offered to buy me Bluetooth earphone of another brand. I very boldly refused and told him that I really don’t want any other brand I am fine with no gifts over getting something that I didn’t want and wasn’t going to use anyway.
Just a backstory….I’ve used other Bluetooth earphones before and just not liked them as much…..I can’t afford AirPods so I’ve been using wired earphone because I don’t like buying things I don’t fully like. Fast forward today….the gift arrived and it was indeed earphones of the brand I didn’t like and want.
I pretended like I was really happy and I loved them, but the reality is that I’m really upset to the point I cried. I don’t see what was the point of getting me something I so very clearly didn’t want. I don’t plan on telling him that this upset me but I feel like a real jerk for being mad at him.
I would’ve been fine with no gift but now I’m forced to use something I don’t want to.
It just feels like he went out of his way to make me unhappy and he’s teasing me saying they’re not AirPods so you probably don’t like them and I just laugh them off .
I thought of telling him that I wanted to return them because it just feels like a waste of money, my sister told me that would be a bad move and that I should just keep them and be grateful.
He’s going to expect me to use them which I’m not going to want to.
He’s going to keep asking me about it and I’m not very good at hiding my dislike towards things. I just feel kinda mad at him and also at myself because I feel like a bad ungrateful brat”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here- I was with you all the way until you backed off your original very understandable position- you’ve actually tested this stuff out and it doesn’t work for you.
Your partner is a jerk for insisting on getting you the thing you very explicitly told him not to. Your response should have been to question why he got you exactly what you told him not to, or a gentle “thanks, but I can’t use these” and hand it back to him.
Instead you lied and play-acted like it was great, being a total jerk to yourself, and making him feel like ignoring your wishes was a great idea. Stop being a doormat and tell him the truth.” InterabangSmoose
Another User Comments:
“No jerk here. If you hadn’t told him that you only wanted Apple, I’d chalk it up to a misunderstanding.
But he didn’t get you a present. He got himself the present of showing you that he knows better. I don’t particularly like Apple and I don’t think they make great headphones but you’re allowed to like whatever you want. I have bought tech for a really specific reason and it would annoy the heck out of me to have someone tell me to get something else.
Give the headphones back. He likes them and you don’t.” myfirstnamesdanger
Another User Comments:
“No jerk here, although you shouldn’t have acted like you enjoyed them. He doesn’t like apple products and that’s fair for him. But speaking from experience as both a heavy user of Apple and Android, I’ve never had a problem with my Apple devices all working together.
The same can’t be said for my Android devices. It’s all about preference, and in this case, he’s not respecting yours.” No-Chef-1002
8. AITJ For Reporting My Sister's Neglectful Living Conditions To Child Services?
“My sister has been problematic since she was young. As the youngest in the family, she was spoiled by my mother, and as such, my father wasn’t allowed to discipline her. She always got away with things, because, for these reasons, they would just ignore it.
Myself, and two other sisters, have been successful as parents, and we are all professionals in our field. She has three failed marriages, dropped out of college just shy of completion twice, and never kept a job for more than a couple of years. No, wealth doesn’t equal success, and we are all just comfortable middle class types.
She’s been a financial drain on my parents her whole life; cars, tickets, utilities, taking care of her 2 kids. The list goes on.
My widowed mother moved into a retirement home a few years ago, and after the last divorce, sister has lived in her home for about 2 years.
I don’t go there just because we don’t see eye to eye, but I do look after all of mom’s affairs, including her properties. I finally looked through the door, and the conditions are horrible. Just pure trash! I mean, rotten food on the table and floor.
Garbage can empty, but take out containers on the floor.
I later summoned up the courage to go in. Cat feces on the carpet, unusable restrooms, clothes piled up so high, you’d think they just get more, rather than do laundry. Any episode of Hoarders would be comparable.
Roaches INSIDE the fridge! And she has been staying with her partner in another town, leaving the kids, barely 18, and 12, both still in school, in this house. This has been conditions she left her previous homes before, so not an isolated incident.
I asked the right people some questions, and called code enforcement.
He saw, then called an investigator to witness it. He said it was a fire hazard, and a biohazard.
All steps along this path have been with the knowledge of my other sisters, and our mother.
Sister says I should have called her first and straightened this all out.
I told her that, with her history, there was nothing I could say that would make a difference, and this was too big for me to handle. Code enforcement is required to report if neglect is suspected, so now child services is involved, which I expected from the beginning.
The children are my primary concern, anyway.
Am I the jerk for not calling her first, even though I knew it would do no good?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ professional organizer and cleaner here. I’ve dealt with several hoarders, I’m working with one now for going on 5 months, and I expect the whole process to continue into next spring.
Hoarders are going to hoard. The only way to help this is lots of therapy, or having a mean housekeeper (which I am) to come in twice weekly and go thru the house like a tornado with a garbage bag and THEN take the trash away from the house because they will go bring it right back in.” DiosaMio
Another User Comments:
“Heck NO, YNTJ. You’re a hero! Hoarding is as hard on a kid as being verbally & emotionally berated day in and day out. I have a friend that opened up about this kind of childhood; she has lifelong struggles against shame, it really, really messed her up.
She gets anxiety, etc. She’s very smart, paid her own way thru college, always, always worked, like 4 jobs to make it work, never was given a penny, never asked for one. She’s organized, successful, etc. But her childhood filthy, hoard life is always there deep inside and you wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
You did the right thing if you can get those kids OUT OF THERE.” dawgmama62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing by those kids. She deserves every single punishment headed her way for abandoning and neglecting those kids. Shame on her and huge praise to you for being courageous enough to make a move and call it in.
I hope the kids are getting help since this will be something that is now imprinted in their mental wiring.” PsychoFillyHT
7. AITJ For Eavesdropping On My Partner's Therapy Session And Confronting Her About Her Feelings Towards My Late Mom?
“My partner and I have been together for just over 2 years.
We are getting pretty serious and I was planning on proposing on a vacation we are having around Christmas time. My partner is in therapy for anxiety and burnout due to her previous job. Her company has good enough insurance she doesn’t have to pay out of pocket.
Recently her therapist moved to another area in the city and she doesn’t want to switch but doesn’t want to drive. So sometimes she has private zoom sessions. I was doing chores and happen to hear her talk to her therapist about my mom’s death.
My mom died 8 months ago from a car accident. I know I shouldn’t have listened in but I did and my partner said she was “relieved” my mom died because my mom was causing issues with our relationship. My mom and dad divorced after 30+ years of marriage and it was very traumatizing for my mom.
My partner and I had signed for an apartment and were about to move in and my mom wanted to stay with me temporarily. My partner didn’t like it but let her stay a month in the apartment with me(because her landlord let her stay an extra month).
But she ended up staying 3 and I had to ask her to leave which caused a lot of issues with my mom between her and my partner because my mom felt like I was picking my partner over her. My partner was angry because she felt like I was choosing my mom over her and she had signed for the place.
I was in the middle and my mom always tried to get me to move to be with her or get a bigger place so she could come live with my partner and I. But my partner always prevented that and it caused a lot of resentment from my mom.
As she talked more about it, I knew this is exactly the reason she had for feeling “relieved”. Honestly, I don’t care what my mom did she shouldn’t feel relieved my mom died especially with how hard it was on me and my sister.
I was crying for weeks and she comforted me. To know she comforted me but was secretly relieved is disgusting.
I confronted her later about it and she yelled at me for spying on her therapy session. I told her it didn’t matter because she didn’t care my mom died and she told me if I had been firm with my mom about boundaries she wouldn’t have been relieved. We had a massive fight and I don’t know if I should propose now.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Everybody, everybody, has bad thoughts sometimes. Things they think for a moment but would never say to someone or act on, or conflicting feelings. She can be both simultaneously sad for you and your loss and also relieved that it means a large thorn in the relationship that caused you both pain would be over.
You should have set boundaries with your mom and stood up to her, but you didn’t. When your mom died, did she say, “good, glad she won’t interfere anymore”? No, of course not. She comforted you, she was there for you, SHE did the right thing.
You’re judging her for one facet of her feelings about a complex situation instead of her actions, which were to stand by you 100% and support you. You didn’t stand by her when your mother was trying to sabotage your relationship. And then you invaded her privacy in the worst way possible, quite likely jeopardizing the efficacy of her therapy.
You’re 10000% the jerk. I hope you realise it and try to repair the damage you’ve done, or this relationship is unsalvageable.” Nerdy-Babygirl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100%. Regardless of if you were hurt by your partner’s words, they weren’t for you to hear. She didn’t tell you specifically so she wouldn’t hurt you.
That is her safe space to talk about whatever she wants to, without worrying about hurting your feelings. You ruined it by invading her space. YTJ, and I cannot fathom how you could ever think she’s in the wrong. Jesus, dude.” beerbatteredbabe
Another User Comments:
“I feel like there’s more to the story than just letting your mother live with you resulting in your partner seemingly disliking her, unless your partner is a psychopath who just dislikes people for no reason, which could be possible but like I said, I’m guessing perhaps your mom did more to anger her than you’re letting on.
As for listening in on the therapy session, that’s an invasion of privacy no matter what was said or how much it hurt your feelings. If she disliked your mom that greatly and felt as though you would be sympathetic to her feelings then you would probably have heard everything she told her therapist. As far as her offering you false sympathy goes for your loss, she can still feel bad for your loss while not liking the person you lost, especially if that person wronged her.
I feel like YTJ for listening in on the therapy session.” PreparationPrimary69
6. AITJ For Choosing to Work on Thanksgiving Instead of Spending It With My Homophobic Family?
“I (21F) hate Thanksgiving and I have always hated it. Whenever it was Thanksgiving as a kid and I had to be near family I tried to avoid them and usually found a side room to hang out in and just talked to certain cousins or drew or read.
I’m an adult now, I’ve moved out, and I work full time. The past few years I have always asked to work on Thanksgiving. (My work is staffed 24/7 365) I’ve always gotten the shift because lots of coworkers ask for the day off to be with family, especially the evening shift that goes over dinner time.
I like it because Thanksgiving is a slow day, I get holiday pay, and most of all I don’t have to go see family.
This year I guess my mom decided enough was enough. I let her know I wasn’t going to be asking for Thanksgiving off of work because I needed to save my days off, and she got upset and started asking why I never go to this.
I explained I just don’t like the holiday. She KNOWS that. Most of all she knows I also hate it because of how my family is.
I’m gay. Much of my extended family is homophobic. I’m a college dropout. Most of my family constantly asks when I’m going to go back to school.
I have an eating disorder. This part is self explanatory, Thanksgiving is difficult with an eating disorder. I also have multiple other mental illness issues that just make the holiday hard for me.
She said I was just being insensitive especially because a lot of my family is starting to get old and “it could be their last Thanksgiving they can travel for!” I barely even know much of my extended family!
I’m not sociable during these things!!
Either way I’m refusing to ask for the day off work and now she’s saying that maybe I shouldn’t bother to show up for ANY family holidays (I’m usually there for Easter, Christmas, and the occasional birthday or reunion.)
AITJ for refusing to go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Attending Thanksgiving with your family sounds like it would harm your mental health, don’t compromise for people who won’t do the same to you. It’s weird how your mother would prefer you in a room filled with homophobic people than for you to be at peace on your own.
How she doesn’t see that making a demand that you come is insensitive is beyond me.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But your mom getting all dramatic about barring you from the other holidays.. tell her okay, you won’t come. You have your reasons for not liking Thanksgiving, yet your mother is dismissing you and them, for what?
So you can spend a couple of minutes with relatives your mother thinks are on death’s door? Great, nothing like a morbid guilt trip for the holidays.” SilentCounter6750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like not attending Thanksgiving is a choice you’ve made to protect your mental health.
No doubt your mom misses you, but she needs to respect your choice to prioritize your own needs. I suggest simply restating that you won’t be there for Thanksgiving, but look forward to spending Christmas with her. How she responds is up to her and not your problem.” BitInteresting3011
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Cost Of My Dad's Estate Planning?
“You can stop me right away if this is common practice but if not here are the details: My (29 F) mother recently passed away and to be short left us with quite a financial mess to deal with (hidden debt, no will, etc). I am an only child and my husband and I did a lot of heavy lifting to help him through everything while she was in the hospital, funeral planning and helping him sort through all her financial paperwork.
In the end my mom did list my father and I as 50/50 beneficiaries for her 401k, which wasn’t a lot but it’s enough to go on a nice vacation or do nice upgrade to something in our house.
My dad will receive 100% of the life insurance along with the money from selling her car and the other half of the 401k, in total more than enough to cover all the costs of the funeral, medical bills and miscellaneous debt she had, he also still works and makes a decent living and will be fine affording the mortgage and all the bills on his own regardless of the extra payouts.
The problem starts when yesterday at dinner he mentioned that he wants to hire a lawyer to plan his estate to make sure that when he passes away I don’t have to go through the same trouble we did to get his assets and I said that was a great idea but then added saying he would be willing to split the cost of the lawyers fee with me ($500 each) from the money we’re getting from the 401k and I was shocked, he said it more as a statement and not a question so the conversation kind of just went on without me agreeing or disagreeing.
My mom and dad’s parenting style had always been more about what is “fair for both parties” and not necessarily what is just “best for their child” and I know the way he’s thinking of it is that it’s still a good “deal” for me since I will be his only beneficiary.
After being with my husband for 6 years and seeing his relationship with his parents, I know this is not something they would ever ask of us to help out with. Hopefully it’s clear that the issue here isn’t about being able to afford the $500 split and is if what I’m being asked of by my dad is appropriate.
So am I a spoiled jerk if I tell my dad I don’t think it’s fair if him to ask me to pay for his estate planning?”
Another User Comments:
“I would pay the $500 & here’s why, your dad is a sitting duck, in a every large pool of women & most, are just looking for a companion, but there are the ones looking for a pay day.
I would put conditions on you helping, such as the will can’t be amended without your consent etc. I would do this & I would do this quickly. On this platform, we’ve seen this scenario way too many times. No matter how much your dad was so in love with your mum, it only takes 1 woman to pay him attention.” SessionOk919
Another User Comments:
“Listen, I think you misunderstand how money should be divvied up after someone dies. I have been an executor before (although I have never had to deal with a 401k, so forgive me if you experience varies). But it’s my understanding that before doling out cash to beneficiaries, the estate first has to settle any debt.
You seem to think that “Mom left my dad an insurance policy. She also left a 401K to the two of us. So I took my half of the 401k. My dad is responsible for all the medical bills out of his end.” No. I don’t think this is how it works.
I think the estate is responsible for the medical expenses and other debts, THEN the remaining funds get divided among beneficiaries. NTJ, but consider this. Do you want to go through this hassle again after your dad dies?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
He asked, you can decline. To me it seems a small enough thing to pay if your dad is not quibbling about having to pay so much of her debt and and end of life expenses out of his share of her estate that possibly should have been covered by her estate *before* you got your share.
Or maybe the 401k is exempt.” NanaLeonie
4. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Sister Harass Our Estranged Father's Family?
“This is on my mind so I figured asking would be a good idea. I (23f) have a sister (21f) and a brother (18m). We never knew our dad’s family. My sister was always curious about them but dad never said much. Last year my sister decided she was going to try and find out more on them.
She did ancestry and 23 and Me but found no relatives from dad’s family. She then decided to do her own research and found out his parents names and from there, she contacted a PI on some website and he found out their personal details.
She reached out and was ignored. So she reached out again, and again, and she continued getting no reply for months.
Then she decided to show up at the home of one of dad’s brothers and she learned that dad had an affair with his brother’s wife and his brother’s son was dad’s bio kid. My sister was like ooh, we have another brother and she wanted to talk to the brother.
She did get to speak to dad’s bio kid once and he told her to go away and that she delivered the worst news, that dad was still alive, because he always hoped he’d died in the hole he dug for himself.
Basically none of the family want to know us.
My sister is so bothered by that and she keeps trying and has shamed each of them. Especially the brother who was betrayed. She said we’re all family and dad should be forgiven and we shouldn’t have the blame placed on us.
My sister wanted me to join her in trying to get into the family.
She told me she needed me, that as her big sister, and after being rejected so many times, I have a duty to be there for her. I told her I was not going to help her harass people who want nothing to do with us.
I told her she should accept that they don’t want to know and that they have that right. She was like I should be supporting her, I should love her enough to do this for HER and then she said I was being “mean” because I said she was harassing people.
She said she’s trying to reconcile a family. I told her that might be her intention but refusing to accept their no’s and go away’s, she’s harassing them.
She got so upset and told me I was meant to be on her side. I do feel bad that she feels so alone in this but I also think she’s wrong to act like this toward them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, like what everybody said, your sister could end up in the police station if she keeps harassing a family member that doesn’t want anything to do with you. Of course that’s very sad that she is trying to find out more about the father’s side of the family but if they put up a wall, then sadly she needs to accept that and move on.
At least the good thing is her research you can now trace your family’s history. Maybe down the line someone will reach out and reconnect the family. But what she is doing is obviously illegal and potentially dangerous too.” Raspberryandlaugh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re exactly right.
Your sister is having trouble understanding that just because she wants something, doesn’t mean she’s entitled to it. A good way for her to learn? Let her keep going until she’s arrested/restraining order/etc. Some people gotta learn the hard way” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your dad should have told you all that the reason he has no family is because they disowned him for being a cheater and betraying his brother. However, she is harassing them and being ridiculous so supporting her in her quest is only going to make things worse.” Amazing_Emu54
3. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend After She Insulted My Messy Apartment and Dogs?
“I (20F) have a best friend we’re going to call her Amy (20F). Amy and I have been friends since kindergarten. Now we’re both in university but study different majors and attend different schools but we’re in the same city.
Anyway, this past week she came over to my apartment to chat and catch up a little which I appreciated because I don’t really get out much.
However, my apartment has been a little messy as I am studying for exams. I do tidy up here and there but I’ve spent most evenings studying, going to bed around 2 am, and then waking up at 5 am for school.
When I get back home I usually go straight to sleep because I’m exhausted. Anyway, she gets to my apartment, and as soon as I open the door she kind of cringes her face.
I asked what was wrong but she said nothing was wrong.
So we began to catch up I gave Amy some wine and I cracked open a beer. The conversation went smoothly until I saw her eyeing a piece of bread that was resting on my table.
I asked once again what’s wrong? And she looks me dead in the eye and responds to me… “You should really clean up your apartment, it looks disgusting and makes you look like a slob.”
I chuckled a little thinking she was messing with me because she’d made joking remarks before but to my surprise, she wasn’t laughing.
I asked her if she was serious and she said yes, she also said that I should stop being lazy and get my act together otherwise I wouldn’t get married…
At this time my two dogs ran out from my bedroom and she scoffed, following it up with a “While you’re at it why don’t you get rid of those dirty dogs.”
I was taken aback! She was never like this, she loved my dogs or so I thought! But that was what pushed me over the edge you can make horrible remarks about me, I don’t care, but don’t bring up my dogs.
Anyway, I got up from my couch opened the door, and threw her shoes out into the hall, I then told her to leave.
She refused, so I yanked her by the arm and threw her out and I told her that if she didn’t leave I would call the cops.
It’s been a week since then and I still have a few more exams to study for as my career is a heavy one but I don’t know, she made me feel horrible obviously but it’s not like I didn’t want to clean up, I just don’t have the time, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not your best friend. This is not your friend. Friends don’t get judgy and rude and mean. Let’s say Amy is a clean freak. If she were your friend, she’d offer to help clean or start cleaning. Still judgy, but helpful.
Amy did not help. Amy did not want to help. Amy wanted to treat you like dirt. Kudos on standing up for yourself. Bad behavior OP. Stand tall.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend was extremely rude. She was a guest in your home – she should have been more polite.
Also – her attitude belongs to the previous century. There is more to a woman’s life than to attract a man and get married. Finally – don’t mess with someone’s pets. Pets are family. There is a reason that her telling you to get rid of your pets was the last straw.
Someone who was truly your friend would not have pulled what she pulled while she was a guest in your home. She may claim she was being honest and trying to help you, but I’ve found that people who are into being “brutally honest” are more into being brutal than honest.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I’ll probably be the only person to be honest with you – you’re approaching the age (I get university is a transition period but you’re almost done it sounds) where having a messy place is not cool and “I don’t have the time to clean up” is not an acceptable answer.
Inviting someone over without cleaning up is definitely not acceptable. Imagine your parents having friends over with stale food out. Could your friend have handled it better? Sounds like she could have but she’s telling you to grow up/catch up and honestly this is a good thing for you.
Don’t be one of those people who have disgusting places (or cars) because people will judge you as an adult for not having your act together. Disagree all you want but it’s low class to be messy.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Choosing To Stay With My MIL Over My Own Family While Pregnant?
“I (F31) and my husband (M32) are expecting.
I’m trying to be vague in case my family runs across this. I’m in my first trimester and it’s very early on. I’m so sick all the time. I’ve been diagnosed with HG and I’ve been hospitalized once already. We don’t live close to either of our families (we live abroad and both families live in different countries, so there are three countries at play here).
A couple of weeks ago, my mother-in-law called to check in on me and said that if I felt up to the travel, she’d be delighted to host me at their home until I felt better. No strings attached. They have a large estate and a private chef who had already agreed to work with whatever my doctors suggested or I craved. I could rest as much as I wanted and would hardly need to lift a finger.
It was her hope that I would consider it and come for a visit that would let me rest.
My own mother also offered to let me come visit her for as long as I need to. (Sidenote: my husband and I have a very nice place and it’s safe and comfortable but my husband also travels a LOT for work so staying elsewhere would be really nice while he’s traveling.) My parents also have a large and nice estate but it’s closer to a tourist type location.
While I could spend my morning in the gardens at my in-laws, I’d be quite a bit warmer and feeling “on display” by my family if I were to stay with them. I just know that they’d be wanting to go out all the time and I’d be expected to go with them.
I can barely turn my head or sip water without getting sick on my worst days, though.
In the end, I chose to go to my mother-in-law’s home and it has so far been so restorative. Very calm and easy and quiet. My mother-in-law checks in on me and I feel so cared for here that it’s been very relaxing.
I’m very grateful for the opportunity. Baby and I are doing so much better since we got here. My mother and sisters, though, are angry and saying that I spit in their faces by declining their offer to host me in my home country. They say that a pregnant woman should always choose her family to cling to during pregnancy because only they know how it’s like “for the women in our family” and can offer specialized advice and care.
AITJ for preferring the peace and quiet of my in-law’s more rural estate?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to cultivate serenity and your family does not allow serenity. They prefer to harass you and raise your blood pressure which is not good for you or your baby .
Their behavior right now is proof that you made the right decision.” Sonsangnim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And honestly, your family’s reaction is proving that you made the right choice. You need rest and relaxation. You are getting that. Shame on them for not putting you and your health first. As a serious piece of advice – you should mute your phone to minimise the disturbance from your mother and sisters – it is necessary to really relax and remain stress free.
Congratulations and hope you take full advantage of this kind offer from your mother-in-law. Live up the pampering , and enjoy the calm.” TA_totellornottotell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been very sick and did what was best for you and your baby. It sounds like your family would have added unnecessary stress.
I had your condition and the vomiting and nausea lasted over six months. It’s relentless and there’s absolutely no reason for you to be made to feel bad about taking care of yourself. Maybe you can tell them their lifestyle is just too busy for you to get the rest and peace you needed medically.
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Move Closer Due To My Partner's Dependence On Them?
“Me (M27) and my partner (M30) bought a house last year and moved 9 km from the city center. Now my in-laws are considering buying a house 1 km from us compared to the current 5 km distance between us.
For some context. When I met my partner five years ago he was the biggest mamma’s boy I had ever met.
He had moved out but had every dinner at their house 7 days a week and lunch on the weekends. This meant that every free night back then was spent with his parents. Shortly after seeing each other, I found out he was texting his parents good morning and good night (every single night).
Furthermore, he was updating them throughout the day which meant if we ever did an activity he would text before we left the apartment, when we arrived at our destination, when we left our destination, and when we arrived back home. If they didn’t hear from him within 2-3 hours they would be called several times (pretty extreme compared to my relationship with my parents).
So his relationship with his parents has been a huge struggle in our relationship. Last month he even went on a business trip to Asia and when he was so exhausted one night he didn’t text them goodnight. Which meant my MIL texted me and asked if I had heard from him.
Again, he is 30 years old, on a business trip on his 6th day (of a 12-day trip) and when she didn’t hear from him a single night she texted me to ask if I had heard from him.
Fast forward 5 years and he has finally and truly left the nest and I can live with the remaining dependency on him his mother and can tolerate his mother’s dependency on him.
Yes, ”tolerate” which I know will make me sound like a jerk to you.
Anyway. Back to the issue. With this as background information I’m afraid that them moving so close to us will make him relapse into the mamma’s boy I met five years ago and potentially ruin our relationship because I told him so many years ago that his behavior/relationship with his parents was a huge turn-off and I needed him to be a MAN (I know this may sound like I’m the jerk again but his former relationship to his parents IS too extreme for me.
The only thing I could see was a five-year-old little boy going out into the world for the first time).
WIBTJ if I said to his parents that them moving so close to us is not the best idea?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YWBTJ. Who do you think you are?
You can’t refuse to let them move near you, you’re not the boss of them. The most you can do is discuss it with your partner and ask him to suggest they don’t. It’s up to him whether he does or not, and even if he does, they could certainly still make the move.
Where you wouldn’t be the jerk is after they move near you and you set boundaries about them visiting you.” HoshiJones
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ- you can’t tell people where they can and can’t live. You can and should have a conversation with your partner about if they move closer to you, and what boundaries you guys should set.
No drop-ins, no key to the house, they don’t get invited over every night, partner isn’t the repair person who drops everything to help them out. Being closer doesn’t mean that you see them more. But you and your partner need to have a conversation and he needs to communicate limits to parents.” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion NTJ… as long as you express this to your husband, not his parents. You can’t tell them where to live but you absolutely should be talking about this with your husband. He needs to know what you’re worried about and come up with a plan together with you for if they do move so close to stop him from backsliding.
My husband has an extremely dependent mother and he had to go to NC because no boundaries were being respected. Your husband doesn’t sound even remotely close to that, which is fine, but you need to know before they move into your area what he IS comfortable with as far as boundaries go.
Dinners with the parents once a week? Or are they going to want more? Are they going to be visiting more often or expecting him to stop by more? You two need to know where some of your lines are beforehand.” Ok_Potato_718
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