People Are Forced To Deal With These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Quitting Driving My Friend Due To His Disrespect For My Time?
“My friend and I live in the same neighborhood, and because we work at the same place, I started giving him a ride every day. In the beginning, it was okay; he was always on time, and I didn’t have any problems. But as time went on, he started getting late and using the argument that he pays me, so it’s like he is doing me a favor after all (he pays me $10 a week).
Now, before I continue, there are some things that I have to clarify: I pick him up at his house, and because he’s got a problem with time, I always have to call him before I leave the house, and most of the time it is really difficult to talk to him.
The route I have to take to his house is not the route I normally take when I’m alone. In the morning, it takes me almost 20 minutes to cover one mile because of the traffic (I usually don’t encounter traffic because, like I said, I take a different route), and in the evening it’s even worse.
So, one day, while we were on vacation, something came up and he asked me for a ride. But he left me waiting for him for 1 hour. When he finally left his house, I was already pretty nervous and I said that what had happened was really disrespectful and that if that continued happening, I was going to leave him behind.
He started saying that he was late because of his family and other things… but he actually never apologized. I said that the bus would not wait for him, so why should I have to? He stopped talking to me and asked another friend to give him a ride (but it turned out that the other guy had the same problems that I had and stopped too).
Our friends said that I was the jerk because I was being selfish and that I know he has problems with his family and I have a car, so it’s my job to help him. But what I think is that this whole situation was making me sick, like I was his personal driver and he was doing me a favor by paying me and helping with the gas (even though the money he’d given me was just symbolic), so I just decided to put myself and my mental health first. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Here are your choices: 1. You tell him you are done driving him at all. OR 2. You tell him that you will drive him if he is outside his house ready to leave at X time and that you will not be calling him anymore.
If you drive up and he’s not outside, you leave. It’s that simple. NTJ.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“”Our friends said that I was the jerk, because I was being selfish and that I know he has problems with his family and I have a car, so it’s my job to help him.” NTJ.
If it’s a big deal, they can drive him, and call to make sure he’s ready, or pay for his Uber. Because it’s their job to make sure he gets to work because they care about him, right? And not just making you do it so he doesn’t pressure one of them?
There’s a saying about no good deed goes unpunished, and another about familiarity breeding contempt; put those together and you get your situation.” ScammerC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have already been very gracious and he has taken advantage of that. He wasn’t even apologetic when he was extremely disrespectful of your time.
Do not even put up with this any longer. It will not improve. And any friend who tries to emotionally blackmail you over this is free to pay for his Uber or go pick him up themselves if they’re so concerned. As you said, your MH comes first. You may want to reconsider these “friendships” with people who don’t care about your wellbeing.” NonaOrganic
19. AITJ For Calling My Wife's 90-Year-Old Grandma Rude For Spoon-Feeding My Son?
“My son is 5 years old and has been diagnosed as autistic. Although he’s 5, he really has the mindset of a 2 1/2-year-old. As parents, we do everything we can to help him progress to catch up to the mindset of a 5-year-old. Part of what we’ve been told by our clinician is to avoid enabling him with things he can already do, or else it can potentially cause him to regress.
An example of this could be spoon-feeding him when he is already capable of feeding himself. Well, in the past few months, he has learned how to feed himself, so we try to avoid any enabling with this to avoid any regression with his autism.
Well, my wife’s grandma is 90 years old, has recently dealt with some anxiety, and can be quite stubborn. She’s aware of his condition and the fact that we prefer him to eat on his own, but she likes to be motherly and feed him anyway.
As we were busy unpacking in our new house, we made lunch for our son and grandma wanted to supervise. I asked the grandma, “Please just do me a favor and don’t spoon-feed him because it contributes toward regression.” She agreed not to do so.
We went about our business unpacking things and came to find out that she had spoon-fed him basically the whole bowl.
I was very frustrated, for obvious reasons, and told her that she was very rude for doing that when I had asked her not to do so beforehand.
Now, my wife thinks I’m out of line for calling her 90-year-old grandma rude, saying that it’s just one time, so it won’t make much of a difference. Whereas I really don’t think I was out of line. So I want to know in your opinions, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you set a clear boundary with her and she broke it. Helping raise autistic kids is already tough as is; I’m autistic myself and even though I’m more high-functioning than some of my peers, it was still extremely difficult for my parents to raise me.
While I do hold some sympathy because she is older, it’s still a pretty jerk move for her to not respect your wishes as parents. If you can, I’d suggest further sitting down and having a conversation with her to reiterate these points, and if she still doesn’t follow the boundaries, avoid allowing her to engage in behaviors that will enable your son’s regression.
I wish all the best to your family!” CrescentMoon314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it would be rude to treat a hale 90-year-old woman like she were incapable of sticking to agreements. (If she’s in cognitive decline, that’s another thing.) If the issue is about respecting her, then what are you supposed to do?
Let her do whatever she wants even if it means you can’t rely on what she says and it ends up harming your son’s development? It’s one thing to let inconsequential things go, but this is about avoiding setbacks in your son’s development and fixing bad habits is much harder than establishing and maintaining good ones.
It’s kind of a no-win situation. I would stick to being upfront with her, but keep your word choice and tone calm and polite, even if the content of what you say is firm.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Calling her rude was well-deserved. It might have been different if you had yelled at her or treated her badly.
But she was being rude and it’s okay to point it out to her. I probably would have gone a step further and told her that I could no longer trust her to feed him unsupervised. My grandson is 4 and also autistic. It’s too hard for them to learn new things, to let someone do this.
She just doesn’t understand the struggles that come from parenting a child with autism.” MsKitty922
18. AITJ For Getting My Son Removed From A Good Foster Home?
“I currently live in a rehab center after being involved in a terrible accident. This place is awful, but I have to stay here until I can find accessible housing.
My social worker has been really unhelpful about everything, and I’ve had to do all the work sorting out my benefits myself.
My son was placed in emergency foster care after the accident, and since he can’t stay where I am, he’s still there. But his foster guardian is supposed to bring him to see me once a week.
She’s missed every single visit she’s supposed to bring him to, all for really silly reasons.
Each time this happened, I complained to my son’s social worker (who isn’t the same as mine). Eventually, she removed my son from that home and placed him with someone else.
I’m supposed to see him tomorrow. I met with my social worker today, and she knows about the whole situation. She said I’m selfish and a bad mom because I got my son removed from a nice home where his needs were being met, and now he could be with terrible people who might mistreat him.
She made me feel so guilty. She also said the person he was with wasn’t bringing him here because this isn’t an appropriate environment for a child.
I’m doubting myself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, this social worker is speaking way out of turn.
It is very important for your son to see and have contact with his mother after this family trauma. Secondly, what does the social worker know about the second household? Does she know directly that it’s not a good home? I’m sure your son’s home being changed up while you are healing is not ideal for him, but if the first foster parent won’t bother to show up to see his birth mom, then something is very wrong.” rough-landing
Another User Comments:
“I’m about to do something I loathe… NO YOU’RE NTJ ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY NOT (ok, no more caps, but I had to emphasize that). Your social worker sucks. What’s best for your son during this unsure time in his life is to know that his mother is a constant presence in his life, even if he cannot reside with you.
And no, it wasn’t a good foster family, because had they been doing a great job, they’d know that it is imperative they do all they can to facilitate visits between you and your child. This is appalling, and I urge you to reach out to your social worker’s supervisor.
She had no right to say that to you, first of all. But more importantly, whoever allowed these visits to consistently slip through the cracks needs to answer to that because it’s absolutely unacceptable. He’s not living away from you because you abused or neglected him; this is totally out of your control.
You and your son are being victimized here, and you need to make your voice heard. Immediately, please start with going to your social worker’s supervisor, and I suggest you go to your son’s social worker’s supervisor as well. I wish you all the best; this is such a horrible situation for you to be in, and I really hope things get better for you and your son soon.” JaaCrispyyy
Another User Comments:
“Not sure if you’re the jerk, but was your problem just that you couldn’t see him or could you also not communicate with him? I understand your frustration with the situation, but if you were aware that he enjoyed the placement and felt safe there, then maybe you shouldn’t have made such a fuss.
It’s upsetting that the foster guardian wasn’t forthcoming about her true reasons for missing the visit until after your son was removed, but I definitely see their point. Not sure how old your son is, but growing up, I had a family member who spent a lot of time in a similar facility, and I hated going but chose not to say anything because I didn’t want to upset anyone.
For kids, those places can be extremely scary and unwelcoming, not to mention it can be really difficult to see a loved one living in that type of place (even if it’s temporary). As an adult, I still don’t like to even think about having to go there again.
Additionally, maybe the foster guardian has dealt with kids whose parents are in a similar situation and has seen the effects of them seeing their parents in that environment and was genuinely trying to protect your son. I’m hesitant to call you the jerk because it’s obvious you’re going through a rough time and just miss your son.
However, I think you failed to realize all the good things that were being provided to him while not in your care, and that he may not be nurtured as well in his new placement. Either way, I think the communication between you and the guardian was lacking, and regardless of your decision, the social worker shouldn’t have guilted you into feeling bad, as their job is to support you and your son.
Good luck.” ldp1640
17. AITJ For Expecting A Family Day And Getting Left Alone On My Birthday?
“Recently, it was my birthday, and we always celebrate the weekend before or after (depending on where in the week the day is).
My husband asked me what I wanted to do, and I asked for a day out with all the family. We decided that on Sunday we would have a day out, and he postponed people coming round to see me because he told my family he was taking me out for the day.
On Sunday, I got up, made him a cup of tea, and asked what we were going to do. He told me to pick where I wanted to go. So I listed a few places but said that the place I really wanted to go to was the beach.
The weather was sunny but not too warm. Then he disappeared. My husband works long hours, so I presumed he had just gone off to nap, and I got myself ready. It became 1 p.m. and he was still in bed, so I decided I would go out on my own with the children and grab some food.
When I got back, he had put up some balloons and bunting but seemed annoyed that I wasn’t immediately forgiving that he hadn’t made the effort to spend time with me. He took the food I had gotten for him and disappeared again for an hour or two.
By this time it was 5:30 p.m., and when I voiced again that I was upset I had spent the day on my own as I always do, he got frustrated with me and said I was acting spoiled and selfish because it wasn’t even my actual birthday and I got gifts—so what was I complaining about?
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t my actual birthday, but all I wanted was some time spent as a family. AITJ and expecting too much?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Return the favour on his birthday. I could justify his lack of effort due to exhaustion from his work, but the doubling down part is the one that is bugging me.
He got HIMSELF a break for the entire day. A day that should have been about you. Is this a common occurrence? Him taking a break/nap while you were stuck with household chores and childcare all by yourself?” charminOne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked for very little and he gave even less than that.
He is the selfish one in this scenario. Frankly, you are letting him get away with too much. Why didn’t you go get him when he disappeared on you twice and left you with the kids those times? And he threw out that pathetic excuse that it wasn’t your actual birthday when it sounds like you have been doing it this way for years.
You asked for time, so the gifts are secondary. You wanted time, and he couldn’t even give you that. I’m sorry your bday wasn’t as you would have it (and that’s exactly what he should’ve said to you).” Ceralt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband seems to not value you or your time. It doesn’t matter that it was your actual birthday; it was a special day supposed to be about you, and he completely blindsided you and acted as if he could put in absolutely minimal effort.
He sounds awful. I’m sorry you have to deal with a man like that in your life.” P_P_F_G_Princess420
16. AITJ For Setting Conditions On My Dad's Divorce Of My Abusive Stepmom?
“My (f16) biological mom (f39) is a classic emotional and mental abuser, who I no longer live with due to this. She and my dad (m40) divorced when I was around 7, but I lived with her until I was 13. This affected me in unimaginable ways, but when my dad started seeing someone and eventually remarried my stepmom (f39), I considered her my mom and not my biological mom.
There was a time period where I still lived with my bio mom and my stepmom was in my life. My bio mom forced me to tell lies about my dad and stepmom, obviously causing a rift that has since been somewhat fixed, and I’ve apologized profusely for it.
Well, up until about 5 years ago (my stepmom has been in my life for six years), my stepmom would go on tangents about how my brother (m12) and I are basically good-for-nothing kids who have caused her life to be awful. She would go on these rants for two days and then act like nothing happened because no one wants to be around her.
I don’t want to go into detail about things from the past, but she and my bio mom have BPD (no harm to people who have BPD and actually try to get help), but both are narcissistic abusers. On her last two tangents, I have felt more hate towards her, and I simply don’t see her as my mom anymore.
She’s done very hurtful things that I still can’t get past. But every time this happened, my dad asked me if I wanted to leave, and up until now, I’ve always said no, but I finally said yes, and he gave her one more chance.
Eventually, I stated that if he isn’t divorced from her by the time I graduate high school or get married, etc., he won’t be invited because I refuse to have her in the special moments of my life. He did say that once he can financially leave her, he will, but I highly doubt this.
This is why I said it to begin with. I’m just tired of the way she treats everyone else in the house, and I’ve already been through this once. I feel like I was too harsh, but my friends think I said what he needed to hear.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP– this just hurts to read. Your father should not have made you responsible for the so-called ‘choice’ to leave his wife; he should have just done it. He is watching his children be harmed by his ex-wife and current wife, and making it your responsibility to figure out what happens next—in short, he is being negligent and abdicating his parental responsibility.
You had every right to lay down your future expectations, as your stepmother is unpredictable and he’s refusing to do his job in protecting you. I have dealt with similar situations—mom has BPD, stepmom I’m not sure of, but narcissism prevails there, and my father is an enabler—I have no contact with any of them at this point.
It is not wrong to decide to protect yourself even if no one else will, okay? You are worth standing up for, and I’m glad you are doing it far earlier in life. Also, tell your father that you expect him to find counseling for you because of the abuse and trauma that you’ve been subjected to all these years.
Hugs from a Mama Bear who knows this is hard, but good work. I’m proud of you for advocating for yourself!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your parents are. Your dad is just as bad as your mom and stepmom. I have two NPD parents.
Make a good plan to move out as soon as you graduate high school. Go low-contact after that. Don’t let them mess with your life a day longer than they need to. Just remember how you were treated and make sure you do better for your own kids someday if you choose to have them.
Also, get some therapy when you get out so that you don’t make the mistake of getting into a relationship with someone like your parents.” Rude-Tomatillo-22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I literally have BPD, and that’s one of the reasons I don’t plan on having any kids.
I’d end up hurting them because of my own issues. You deserve parents who love you and prioritize your needs. I hope you can get out of there soon.” Reddit User
15. AITJ For Refusing To Give Candy To A Kid On A Non-Halloween Day?
“I live with my partner in the upper floor of a house we rent from the owner.
Yesterday, my doorbell rang; there was a kid standing there in a Ninja Turtle costume, with his mom standing behind them. They said, “Trick or Treat!”
To be clear, yesterday was May 7! This didn’t happen on Halloween or anything else!
I said that I was sorry, but it wasn’t Halloween, and I didn’t have any candy for them.
At this, the mom got upset and started arguing with me about how I was being stingy, who doesn’t have candy for a kid, and so on. I ended up shutting the door in their face.
When I told this to my partner, she said I should have given them some of the candy I keep in my messenger bag (I keep some snacks there in case I’m hungry after lunch while I’m at work).
I’m thinking that it doesn’t make any sense to just… give any random people who come to the door candy when you might not have any, especially with Halloween 5 months away. And I still don’t get why they were there.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is so strange. We all agree as a society that one day a year kids can go to strangers and ask for candy. There is NOTHING in the social contract that says it should be more than that. If this person sent a flyer to everyone in the neighborhood and said “my kid is dying and wants one more Halloween before they pass, so we’ll come knocking Thursday at 6,” I would MAYBE share my candy stash.
But “cater to your every whim because you’re cute” is an unreasonable thing for a parent to encourage in their child, and an impulse only grandparents can be forgiven for caving into.” Apotheuncary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The kids are actually not safe anyway going door to door asking for candy at random times.
If you have them anything you would be teaching them that’s a good thing to do. Also, they would likely be back at your door over and over. I get that your SO wants to be kind but the kids need to learn boundaries.” spicey_tea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could have chosen to be nice and give the kid candy, but you are not mean for not doing it. It was inappropriate for that entitled mom to allow that scene to happen in the first place. God, it’s disgusting that she’s raising that boy to be an entitled brat in the future.” yauser22
14. AITJ For Not Allowing A Stranger To Stay Overnight In My Apartment?
“My (24F) mom has been living with me since she got divorced a decade ago and has been struggling to manage things on her own since then. She lost her job in the summer and originally was looking for jobs, but now she isn’t really doing that.
But she met someone working for my apartment recently, and they talked casually for a few months. Their talking was literally just brief encounters outside, chatting for a minute before going on their way.
Well, she had him over for the first time on Christmas Eve 2024.
We were fine with that but requested that he please not stay overnight since he’s a stranger to us. She refused to kick him out, and he stayed in our apartment the whole night. After that, I tried to discuss with her some boundaries which I thought were reasonable.
The only boundary I had was that he was not to stay overnight until my sister and I got to know him better. She was mad at us for that, frequently argued with us and tried to plead with us, but ultimately respected it.
But one night, it was weird because she went to bed at 10 p.m., then at 11 p.m., she came to get us, saying he texted her wanting to come over and asking if we would let him.
We gently stated our boundary again, and she said that she’d already told him he could stay overnight. That hurt me a little, but she ended up telling him to go back home. She was upset though, since he lives a few hours away and only comes to the apartment to work.
But he could come over a couple of nights a week, and they’d be intimate before he’d leave, all before it got too late.
And part of the reason my sister and I requested this boundary is because our dad was notorious for having random people over when we visited as teenagers, without warning us beforehand.
And it’s also weird because they have never gone on a traditional meeting. They never go out anywhere together, and my mom has no interest in it. It’s only intimacy in her room a couple of nights a week. And she’s also been drinking a lot more since meeting him, which concerns me because she’s already jobless.
The final part of the story is that she says he just broke up with her because my sister and I wouldn’t let him stay overnight. I tried to tell my mom that we didn’t mean it and just wanted to get to know him before a stranger stayed in our apartment.
I also think it’s weird that he would rather not be with her than wait a little bit to be intimate with her overnight. And keep in mind that they were seeing each other multiple times per week, just not overnight. My mom is upset with me and is begging me to let him stay overnight so she can get him back, giving me the whole spiel about how she has always taken care of us and this is how we repay her.
She said, “Don’t you care about my mental health?” and that he’s the only thing that makes her happy.
This has been weighing on me for weeks, so I really need to know— AITJ for upholding my boundary?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like this guy is the apartment complex’s handyman?
And he lives 3 hours away. He’s hooking up with your mom in your apartment, and he’d rather stay overnight and wake up at work to save himself a 6-hour roundtrip. Who knows if this guy is married or what. But he doesn’t have your mom’s interest at heart.
They aren’t going out. He’s used her for intimacy and probably was planning on staying overnight from the beginning. Since that was off the table, he’s probably sweet-talking one of your other neighbors. Regardless of how well you know this guy, you’re not obligated to let your mom use your apartment this way.
I assume since she’s unemployed and not on the lease, she isn’t paying 1/3 of the rent. If she’s paying rent and has her own room, then she’s a roommate and deserves to have visitors the same as you.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This apartment is paid for by you and your sister, so it is YOUR domain, not your mother’s.
It’s true that you are wise and right that you do not know this guy and so do not want him in your midst. If your mother wants a love nest, then she needs to get off her butt and figure out how to pay for her own living arrangements where she is free to make all the decisions as to who is allowed there.
In truth, it appears this was just a booty call for this guy. If he truly cared for your mom in a meaningful way, he’d still be around trying to win your favor. Instead, he’s out of there when he is no longer welcome to exercise privileges with your mom with little effort on his part.
Sorry your mom is willing to settle for this. Lastly, you and your sister are young women who should not have to be subjected to this behavior by your mom. She needs to clean up her act and not be so desperate.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but your mom sounds very mentally unwell or unhinged. To suggest that ‘this is how you repay her’ is madness because you’ve repaid her more than enough already. Not that she’s owed ‘payment’ for being your mother. You’ve done above and beyond by making sacrifices you don’t even seem to realize, to have her live with you and be dependent on you.
Very much the wrong way around. It’s entitled and audacious to guilt trip you over these reasonable boundaries. She is either making up the reason he dumped her to manipulate you or he is a first-class weirdo you don’t want around your mom or your house anyway.
She clearly needs help, and while she is unstable, it’s not surprising she’s gravitating towards bad relationships; it’s very common. She is at least 40, pouting and blaming the people who feed, home, and love her the most because she can’t have her new partner stay overnight yet.
If she hasn’t already gotten medical help, please seek it. You sound very mature, and I suspect you were parentified in childhood. Sticking to boundaries is the right move, but in all honestly, I think you need many more.” Keeloveranddie11
13. AITJ For Not Gifting My Daughter The Inherited Motorcycle?
“I was appointed the personal representative of my friend/ex-spouse’s estate, which includes a motorcycle. My 32-year-old daughter believes I should give it to her.
I have two main reasons for hesitating. First, anything I sell from the estate must go toward settling debts and financing the remodeling of the property, which she is fully aware of.
Second, she has a history of financial irresponsibility that I choose not to support. She hasn’t adjusted her lifestyle despite past financial struggles and frequently points out that I “have money” because I travel internationally. For context, I am a retired, single 54-year-old woman.
In the past, I made her an authorized user on my credit card to help her build credit, with strict instructions to use it only for emergencies and to be fully responsible for any charges. However, she once asked to charge a specific amount but exceeded it by $700.
She made a few small payments, and I ended up covering the rest—so when she charged $2,500 in July 2023, I insisted she repay it in full. She has only paid off about 50%, and for several months, she didn’t make payments, citing financial difficulties.
Her car was repossessed in August 2024, but she currently uses her partner’s vehicle to get around.
Before that, she relied on LA’s transit system. She recently told me she doesn’t want her live-in partner to work, which I found frustrating—especially since she still owes me money. In my opinion, if you’re struggling financially, both partners should be working.
But ultimately, that’s their choice.
I told her that owing me money while simultaneously choosing to be in a one-income household felt like a slap in the face. Now, she wants me to gift her a motorcycle, even though I need to sell estate assets to settle debts.
To top it off, she says she has surveyed her friends, and they all agree that I’m being mean, unfair, and uncaring.
Would I be the jerk for refusing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You, as executor, are obliged to pay your late friend’s debts out of the estate, and you cannot morally (and maybe legally, but I am not a lawyer) take a valuable item from the estate that is needed to settle debts and just give it away!
Surely you are not taking her polling of her friends as a serious argument in her favor? Moreover, she still owes you money. Why would you favor giving her (instead of those with a legal claim on the estate) something valuable while she has unpaid debts?
You can tell her as well that whether you have money or not is irrelevant – your money is not hers; she has no claim on it, and if you want, you can go on lavish trips with it and write a will leaving anything left over to the local cat shelter, or anywhere else you please.
If an inheritance exists before the owner dies, her inheritance from you has already been paid to her in the form of gifts, bail-outs and unpaid loans.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you are what we would call the Executor of the estate where I live.
Your job is, in essence, to execute the intentions of the deceased as per what is written in the will. What does the will say about the motorcycle? You really shouldn’t be making any decisions like who gets what. You need to follow the legalities of being an executor above all other concerns.
You need to settle the debt before any of the will is dispersed to the recipients. Once that is done, the rest can be paid out or split as per the will. There may be room in the will for allowing people to get specific things, as long as the value is still proportionally correct for the will.
And whether you think one of those recipients is financially irresponsible is literally none of your business.” Expensive_Plant_9530
Another User Comments:
“I’m afraid that you’ve done all you could for your daughter, and your daughter has gone down a path of broken promises, and you need to reconfigure your relationship.
She’s a user – I’m sure you didn’t raise her that way; people just sometimes go off into Never Never Land of idiocy, no matter how well you raised them. Well, they say that family comes first; usually, the people saying that are the ones that want to come first, and they’re generally coming to screw you over.
Gaslighting 101. Here’s the thing: Your job was to raise your daughter and teach her the best you could until she turned 18, at which point you could continue to support and teach her if she wanted to listen, but your legal obligations have ended. I suggest you go no contact for a year or two and hit the reset button on this relationship.
I know it would be hard to cut your own kid off, but whatever you got going on now is not working, and not contacting her and making her work for herself might be what it takes for her to wake up and smell the coffee.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
12. AITJ For Pressing My Mom To Stop Forcing My Brothers To Call My Stepdad Dad?
“I, 25M, am the first of the 3 kids from my parents’ marriage, but eventually they divorced. My mom got custody of my 2 brothers, who are still minors.
One is 6 and one is 8.
They go to my dad’s on the weekend and spend time with him. Most of the time when they go, I go so I can spend time with them too because they live with my mom and I don’t see them as much because I don’t live with her.
Well, my dad remarried and my stepmom is great with my two brothers; we get along with her, and she respects the kids and doesn’t try to be the kids’ mom. She doesn’t overstep boundaries and loves and treats them as her own kids and is laid back with them; she’s even okay with them calling her by her name.
Well, my mom remarried, with my step dad. At first, he didn’t live with them; he would just go over and stay there a few nights during the week. I liked him; my brothers liked him, but he moved in with them after a few months of being married. At first, my brother would tell me it was cool—he liked him and he treated them well.
That made me happy to hear because I was glad the kids were getting treated well. One time I went to pick them up on a Thursday because they had Friday and Monday off, so they were going to be with us for the weekend.
When they were ready to go, they went to say bye, and when I was walking with them towards my truck, she yelled, “Before y’all go spend the weekend with Mike, did y’all say bye to dad?” My dad’s name is Mike.
After I heard that, I kind of asked her about it, and she said she has the kids call the stepdad “dad” and our actual dad “Mike.” That made me a little mad, so I pressed her about it, saying, “He isn’t their real dad, so he doesn’t need to be called dad.
They should call him by his name or choose a different name, whatever. They should only call our actual dad ‘dad.’”
We got into it, but I didn’t want them to see us fight, so we just left, and I asked them if they liked that they had to call him “dad” and our actual dad by his name.
They didn’t like it, they said. They said it felt weird, and they’ve told her before that they don’t like it, but he didn’t care; he wanted to be called dad and she didn’t care.
I later went over and got into it with her about it, but I just left because it was like talking to a brick wall.
AITJ for getting mad at my mom and stepdad for forcing my two brothers to call my stepdad “dad” and our actual dad by his real name?”
Another User Comments:
“I really hate this one. Obviously your mom and stepdad are jerks. It sounds like you got shoved into a parent role for your siblings.
That was completely unfair to you. Now you want to defend them, which is admirable. The problem is that your siblings have a parent, despite her sucking at the job. If you irritate her enough, she will cut off contact between you and them. I know you don’t want that.
You’re going to have to play the long game. You play chess while Mommy Dearest plays checkers. Play nice with Mom, but also let your siblings know that you’re always there for them and that everyone knows who their real dad is. Your little brothers are blessed to have you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your brothers should call your father dad as you did before the stepdad showed up. Your brothers can certainly do this when with their bio dad. I’m glad the stepdad is good to your brothers, but they should not be required to call their stepdad dad too unless they so desire.
If it’s his idea to have the boys call your father by his given name and for him to be called dad, then your stepdad’s a jerk. At least your brothers are old enough to not be confused as to who is actually their father.
I do appreciate that it appears your stepdad is treating your brothers well, but he needs to not force this issue. As for your mom, she knows you do not approve of what they’re forcing on your brothers. That’s about all you can do there.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—your mom is a vindictive emotional manipulator using her own kids for her own gratification. Your stepdad has every right to choose whether he wants to be called Dad or go by his name or any name he feels comfortable with because he is part of the parental group and his ‘Dad.’ My partner was clear with my kids that they can call her what they want and was okay with a nickname—mum, mummy, or her first name.
My kids call her by her nickname or mummy, and it works well. It’s respectful to their biological mum as she is and always will be mum/mummy, and I don’t dictate what the kids call her or her partner (he likes his first name).
Your stepmom sounds like a lovely woman, secure in her own skin. If divorced parents could be more like her to the kids, mixed up in a sometimes crappy mess, then there would be less trauma for kids to grow up with juvenile parents like your mum.” Several-Doubt-6858
11. AITJ For Choosing Grandma's 100th Birthday Over My Wife's Best Friend's Wedding?
“I just got into a huge fight with my wife regarding attendance of conflicting events.
Her best friend is getting married later this year (East Coast) and has told us the dates for about two months now, and we were definitely planning on going (apart from the fact that my wife is the maid of honor).
This is a smaller wedding of around 60 people, so only the people her friend really wanted to attend received an invite. A few days ago, I was told by my family that we were going to have our grandma’s 100th birthday party on the same day on the West Coast.
I thought this was a no-brainer and I said that if it were any other birthday, I would skip it; however, since this is to celebrate her 100th, I would like to attend the big party and she can go to her friend’s wedding. Literally, the whole family would be there (except her—and my family understands she had a prior obligation), and many families are traveling from overseas to be in attendance.
My wife is very upset that I had RSVP’ed earlier and that now I’m backing out of attending the wedding. I can’t really see what the big point is, since we can each attend the event we find more important to our individual lives.
Her main points are
– There are so many people attending the party that they won’t even know you aren’t there.
– You committed to the wedding earlier than this event (tbh, I didn’t even know about the party until a few days ago).
– The fact that I was invited to the small wedding means so much to her friend and would make her sad if I didn’t go and were not part of the pictures (I was part of the “must attend” list).
– Parents told me to attend “if you can,” which gives me a pass for not going and not hurting anyone’s feelings.
– We are a “unit,” so we should be seen together at these big events. It’s going to be weird that I’m alone at my thing and she’s alone at her thing.
My main points are:
– I like her friend, but I’d prefer to celebrate the 100th birthday, which is a milestone not only for my grandma but also for my family.
– I don’t like that my wife is thinking only for her friend.
– I want to attend the family event (I feel like this trumps all her points).
I don’t know—I feel like it’s a no-brainer, but she absolutely lost her crap over this and I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, so I can’t even force myself to try to console her (maybe I’m the jerk for this). Anyways, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing is more important than Grandma’s 100th birthday. This will likely be the last gathering of extended family to ever happen. Once grandparents are gone extended family splinters into their own family units. Your wife’s friend’s wedding holds zero value compared to Grandma’s 100th birthday.
You will never forgive yourself if you miss her day. You will always resent your wife if she pressures you to miss out on your family celebration. There is no compelling reason for you to attend the wedding. Your wife can go to the wedding while you celebrate family.” tulipvonsquirrel
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry you have to make this decision. I don’t really think the decision is as easy as a lot of people are making out, and there’s probably no good answer. I had a similar situation when I was newly married. I was about to graduate from graduate school when my FIL died. His funeral was scheduled for the same day at the same time, so there was no chance I could do both.
The graduation was supposed to be a celebration for me put on by people that I had known and worked with for over a decade. Because my wife was pregnant, there was little chance that we would be able to celebrate my achievement because we had moved out of the city where I went to graduate school and we had to get ready for the baby.
I chose to go to the funeral to support my wife, to whom I am still married to. My MIL already didn’t like me. (She wanted my wife to stay single and take care of her when she was old.) So I faced an entire day of insults and degradation from her and her friends.
But I knew my wife would have been very upset if I didn’t go with her. Over a decade later, we have still never celebrated my achievement, and a number of the people I would have celebrated with have died. I feel like I was short-changed, but on the other hand it would have ruined my marriage if I didn’t make that decision.
For a lot of these cases there is just no good decision and somebody’s going to be hurt no matter what.” Boring_Skill7480
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for all the reasons others have given, but I have one more: Your wife saying you shouldn’t go to your grandma’s 100th birthday party because she has Alzheimer’s and “she won’t even remember” is not only an absolutely vile thing to say, it’s also not relevant.
My grandmother also had Alzheimer’s, and by the time her 100th rolled around, I was one of the only people she recognized, and that only because I was living with her as her caregiver and she saw me every day. She didn’t even recognize my uncle, her own son; in fact, we used to laugh that she once said to him, “You know, you remind me of my son!” And that’s a little bit of the point here.
She may not understand or remember everything, but she will absolutely be able to understand that this party, and all the people at it, are there for her. Like yours, we had cousins, aunts, and uncles fly in from overseas, from several different countries, to be there for her.
And what was interesting was that although she didn’t recognize most of them, she was so excited about the whole thing. She kept asking, “Is all this for me?! All of these people are here for me?” And every time we confirmed that everyone was there for her birthday, she absolutely glowed with happiness.
Your grandmother might not remember her party a week later, but she will be able to understand, with a little reminder here and there, that all those people are there to celebrate her, and it will likely be one of the highlights of her life.
My grandmother died just over a year after her big party, and I’m so glad we did that for her. Be there for your grandmother; you will never, ever regret it.” Sorry_I_Guess
10. AITJ For Refusing To Let A Random 14-Year-Old Sit On My Lap?
“I’m 17F and I stand at around 5’4-ish. My best friend, 17M, stands at 6’0-ish, and we normally ride the bus together after school on days when my older brother can’t pick us up. My bus is normally overcrowded, and people tend to bring their friends on my bus, which causes it to be more overcrowded than normal.
One of the girls who rides on my bus got on a bit late, and there weren’t any seats left on the bus. The guys in the back tried to tell her to sit on the floor, but the bus driver told her to sit with my friend and me.
I have crippling anxiety, and physical touch isn’t something that works well with my brain unless you’re my best friend. I’ve heard people suggest that this girl is autistic, but my friend and I don’t have room in our seat, especially when we have backpacks on too.
The assistant principal gets on and suggests that this girl sit on my lap? She’s a stranger and also 14. That’s weird, and I’m not comfortable with that, and neither is my friend. We both said no and ended up getting kicked off the bus, and we both got detention.
But… Did I really make the wrong decision by telling the assistant principal that I don’t want a random 14-year-old sitting on my lap? Why couldn’t they have asked somebody else to let her sit in their lap? I don’t think anyone would’ve said yes, and does that mean they’d give our entire bus detention?
I’m happy with the decision I made, but I’ve been made to feel like I made the wrong choice, and now I’m unsure. Should I have let her sit? Was I the jerk??”
Another User Comments:
“Contact the school board. Tell them the whole story.
What they did to you was very wrong, and they need to be disciplined for it. If the school board doesn’t agree with you, then tell them you’re going to contact an attorney and see what the law says about it. You do not make teenagers sit on each other’s laps.
That’s absolutely freaking insane.” CosmeticBrainSurgery
Another User Comments:
“Any adult associated with the school and telling you to do this is insane. They are responsible for your safety, and that could get someone killed. If I were your mother, the principal would be getting his own detention after apologizing to you in front of everyone.
If not, I would report it to the school board. You are definitely NTJ.” Closetbrainer
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Were you taking up more than two seats between the two of you? I’m confused about your remark regarding having your backpack on in the bus.
In my experience, keeping a backpack on in the bus forces you to sit diagonally, which makes you take up more room than you’re supposed to. It’s also quite uncomfortable. Why would you keep your backpacks on rather than taking them off and keeping the backpacks on your lap (which makes it impossible for a person to sit there)?
Or did you two put your backpacks in an empty seat, and were you stirring crap by refusing to take your backpacks on your lap?” OriginalTall5417
9. AITJ For Bringing My Partner On A Family Vacation And Retrieving My Clothes While He Was Showering?
“We live in Washington state, so almost every year we go to Leavenworth. Generally, it’s me (18f), my grandma, aunt, and cousin (19m), all from my stepmom’s side.
But this year, I decided to bring my partner (19m) along.
In past years, my cousin has brought his partners, but considering how long their relationships lasted, they were more flings than anything else. However, my partner and I have been together for a long time now, so I figured it was probably time he should come with me for this type of thing.
We stayed in a nice hotel. Everything was going well—even the sleeping arrangements were easy. My cousin slept on the couch, my aunt in one bed, my grandma in another, and my partner and I in the last bed. My cousin volunteered for the couch before we even got there, so we knew that wouldn’t be a problem.
It was all smooth until the second night (we stayed for three because, with the price for the room split, it was pretty cheap). My partner went to take a shower after we came back from the pool.
About halfway through his shower, I realized that nearly half of my clothes were in the bathroom, so I quickly went in and retrieved them.
The shower had glass doors, so I could obviously see him, and he could see me, but I didn’t really think that was a problem until I came back out and my grandmother and cousin looked at me, disgusted, saying that I was being extremely inappropriate during a family vacation and that I was being disgusting.
I have obviously seen my partner unclothed before, and it wasn’t as if I went in there to be intimate with him. I just wanted my hoodie.
For more context on this side of the family, my cousin and I were really close as kids.
If I’m being honest, probably a little too close, but I don’t remember much from my childhood. My aunt is pretty cool but also quite strict. But I freaking HATE my grandma on that side. I don’t know why; she just drives me literally insane.
The entire time after that, everybody was looking at us weirdly, and we just ended up going to eat dinner by ourselves at a different restaurant and ended up having a great night. But to upset my family even further, we came back to the hotel after they were supposedly asleep (not—they were on their phones; probably tired, but not asleep) and we “woke” them.
And to add the cherry on top, even though my partner and I kept a respectful distance while we slept just to maintain a neutral and calm atmosphere among everyone, we were still “too close.”
I’m seriously so disappointed that our trip was turned weird by them, but I’m kind of overthinking it, wondering if maybe I was being a little inappropriate or weird?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO – when you say that: “We stayed in a nice hotel. My cousin slept on the couch, my aunt in one bed, my grandma in another and me and my partner in the last bed.” Did you really book a single hotel room with three beds and a couch?
And then stuffed five people including a couple into it? And if so, whose idea was that? Because the normal way to avoid people being weirded out by couples being couply is to put people in separate rooms.” oop_norf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your partner are sleeping in the same bed, but your cousin and NAN get prudish when you walk in on him to retrieve your clothes while he’s taking a shower?
That sounds a bit inconsistent to me.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you could have waited five minutes to get that hoodie. Seriously, to Grandma and Aunt, you are still the little baby they got to coo over. That’s just how adults feel, that in their brain they’re still 18 years younger, so you are still a kid.
The cousin? Well, he should just get over it, or he was playing up to mom and grandma. It sounds like your best plan for your next trip is to just get your own room with your partner. Or split a room with your cousin and his fling-du-jour.” Nice-Yogurt-6741
8. AITJ For Defending Our Right To Play In A Public Park Against Overreacting Adults?
“I (17m) was at a park with my friend Austin (16m) and his sisters (14f). I’m the only one over 6ft and the only one weighing more than 160 pounds. They were not scary at all. The girls were about 4’11 each.
Basically, we were at a public park and decided to play hide and seek.
Austin’s two sisters were the seekers because two seekers made it fair. Austin climbed on top of a slide, and one of his sisters chased me. So, apparently, while I was gone, an adult was telling them off because he didn’t want any of us at the public park.
His kids didn’t even notice us at all, so this naturally confused them. When I was running back, I noticed that nobody was moving. Austin said that he quit when his sister and I got back over there. I had a hood on, so he possibly thought I was an adult or something (I could be super wrong on this, ngl).
Either way, he just started ignoring us because I told them not to leave. None of the kids around even noticed, and the only time they did (which was hours later, and were not his kids), we let them play. The parents didn’t even look over at us because we were in no way a threat.
I told the others not to say anything to that guy because it’s not worth it.
We ended up staying for hours longer. Not a single other parent stared or said a thing to any of us. I never even looked at any of the kids or parents in any kind of mean way because I remember being a little, scared kid, as all the older kids were bullies.
I was bullied a lot, so the thought of doing that to a kid would sicken me to my core. I’m also a high-functioning autistic, so that was the main reason I was bullied when I got older. I thought that we didn’t do anything wrong and wanted some other opinions on the matter to see if I should have done anything differently, or if we handled it correctly.
A lot of teenagers nowadays do substances, drink, and party (I’ve seen most of it, but I’ve never been to a party). They tell us to go outside and be kids, so that’s what we did. Adults seem to have a problem with everything.
Like, do you want us to go do substances instead? Also, something to note is that the city the park was in was nicer and had a lower crime rate than the city I live in. Anyways, I just wanted to share my story and see if we were right to stay or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Some of those bully kids you knew as a child grew up to be bully adults. They are still in the minority, though, so don’t let them make you feel victimised and don’t let them make you view a whole age group as one thing.
There will always be awful individuals. They don’t represent their whole race, gender, generation, or sexuality. You are doing great. Don’t let the jerks get you down.” HappySummerBreeze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you handled this pretty well. Saying that the concerned father was ‘telling you (those in your group) off’ can cover a lot, however.
If you always take the high ground and treat a concerned parent with respect (regardless of what they are saying or doing), then you will always have the upper hand. Yes, you have equally as much right to be at the park as this ‘Kevin’s’ kids did.
No, you weren’t bothering them, and the kids likely took no notice of you. Should an overly protective parent (or an individual with a stick up their rump for whatever reason) ever take it as far as calling police, your remaining calm and stating facts (your age, you’re playing in a public area) can only work in your favor.
This all said, this dad sounds like one of those aforementioned individuals with a stick problem.” MissyOzark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a public park and the adult male had no authority to give your friends a hard time for being there. You all should’ve called the police regarding minors being harassed by a lone male adult at the public park.
He would’ve gotten into a lot more trouble because of it. Playing Pokémon Go as an adult, sometimes I have encountered such entitled people, and I turn it around on them. One time, I had parked in a public carpark early in the evening to hop into a Poke gym.
It was behind the museum tram exhibition and the old guys who volunteered there liked to think it was their own carpark. Had the police called on me to drive me off. Instead, I told the police it was great they turned up as a lone female parked at a public carpark, I was being harassed by two older men.
Guess who got the formal warning, it wasn’t me as I was about my own business in a normal setting. Don’t put up with harassment from rogue adults, instead involve the police over minors being harassed in public.” Longjumping_Win4291
7. AITJ For Prioritizing My Friends' Feelings Over My Partner's Apologies?
“I (25m) have had to tell my partner (25F) that my friends are entitled to how they feel, especially when it is based on her actions.
About 1.5 years ago, she left me. I wept, went to therapy, did what I could to improve, and occasionally, she would come back into my life when she was sad or needed some compassion from her abusive ex, which she would then exit my life again to be miserable because “it’s what she deserved,” per her.
Well, last time she did, I got excited, we spoke about working things out, and I told my friends that she said she was not going anywhere. Well, it turns out she was trying to work things out with the abusive ex while we were talking back in June.
When I saw her at the bar with the guy, I approached her for answers, which she denied me. She then went up to my friends, who, at the time, welcomed her with open arms because she had made me happy prior to the incident that followed. Well, she attempted to be buddy-buddy with them after I left out of sadness and anger.
She tried to apologize for how I acted. My friend wasn’t having any of it and told her that what she was doing was messed up. He basically called her out on her crap and on how she should feel terrible about how she treated their friend (me).
Fast forward a couple of months later, she showed up at my door. She apologized and told me the answers to everything I had questions about. But when we hang out in big social settings, my friends (the few involved in the aforementioned incident) don’t really have an interest in talking to her right now.
The ones that stood up for me basically said, “She’s not taken accountability with them about how she acted and is just hoping that we will sweep it under the rug to move forward,” and that until she approaches them like an adult, they’re not going to be the ones to build the bridge like they did before; it’s up to her.
When we are all hanging in a big group (think 20+ people), they just don’t talk to her. That’s maybe 3 out of 20 people, but my partner says that she feels this approach of theirs is them “treating her like crap.” Which I feel is an exaggeration and is her trying to minimize her actions that got them feeling this way towards her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who’s been here, YTJ to yourself. Screw this girl dude. First, she left you for someone else and then was flip-flopping. Nah, your friends could see right through that. Protect and respect yourself. My guess is she wants someone to save her; it doesn’t matter who.
Don’t be that guy. She already swapped you out. This would have never happened if you were her number one. Find a woman who actually wants you, not just a second option.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Okay y’all really need to start growing spines. I’m so serious.
You let her treat you like crap over and over again, leave you over and over again, and you took her back? I’m sorry, but there ain’t a person alive who is worth that much stress and heartache. Get someone else to do it, stand up for yourself, and stop taking crap from notorious bad actors.
They’re playing with you and they don’t care who gets hurt. Stop playing their game.” neodymium86
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re honestly the biggest jerk to yourself and your friends. If you really wanna hang on to this broken relationship, at least be ready for your friends slowly starting to never contact you again.
If something like this happens, don’t act surprised, because I certainly couldn’t stay friends with a guy who keeps going back to the same awful partner. At one point, I just wouldn’t want to deal with telling the partner and seeing how you always go back to her (and at that, as soon as you all can, depending on when she comes back to you) anyway.
You don’t need us to tell you your “partner” is a giant egotistical jerk, after all, your friends should have already done that plenty. You not getting a hint is seriously alarming, and I would suggest getting some kind of therapy and never having any contact with a partner that treats you like this.” KainDing
6. AITJ For Choosing My Own Stability Over An Unfair Promise?
“I, 37F, am separated and filing for divorce from my 38M ex-husband. We have a 4-year-old, and when we separated 3 years ago, I agreed to move closer to his family so he could have a relationship with them.
I agreed. I moved and found a job.
I got a new apartment where my ex’s mother stays and helps while I work. I pay for all rent, utilities, and groceries.
This includes the fact that I allowed my ex to stay here while he was looking for a job. So I paid for everything, including a nanny, nursery school fees, and all medical expenses for my son.
I was solely the one financially providing for my son and two adults.
Recently, I lost my job, and money has been tight. I have been doing my best, but I haven’t found a new job yet.
I have noticed that since I can’t afford to pay for things I used to, they are becoming more passive-aggressive towards me and making it seem like I am failing in all aspects of my life.
Now I am thinking of looking for a job in the city I grew up in and moving to be closer to my friends and people who are in my corner.
Does it make me a jerk if I go back on this promise? Or do the circumstances of being jobless override it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve made significant sacrifices to honor your agreement, including providing financially for your son and supporting your ex and his family. Losing your job and facing hostility changes the situation. Moving closer to your support network is a reasonable decision to ensure your and your son’s well-being.
Circumstances have shifted, and it’s okay to prioritize stability and a positive environment for both of you.” Younggod9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are proving who they are. People who are around you when you have money but step back when you don’t are not your village, they are your mushrooms. And I suspect you know and you just dread facing them.
Do it all in secret. Find a job, break the lease/put the house on sale, etc., and warn your family and friends you suspect they might get abusive in front of the kid and that you need their presence when you drop the news and for the actual moving.
Don’t be alone with them if you feel uncomfortable.” Chocolatecandybar_
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know about how it is where you live. But here, a divorce requires a year of separation where you actually lived separately. The ex cannot and should not stay with you.
The mother-in-law also should not be living with you. It was overly generous to move closer to the ex’s family so they could have a relationship with the child. But that does not require them living with you. The child could just be going over to Grandma’s house to visit and help with child care.
That said, if you need to broaden your job search, you should absolutely be looking close to your family as well. Why should you give up being close to your family just to be close to his to make it convenient for him and his family?
You need a job so you can provide for yourself and your child. You should not be providing for the mother-in-law and the ex. If moving closer to your family requires a change in the custody agreement, then you should go now and start that process.
But if it does not require a change, then you are well within your rights to move. You do not have to sacrifice your own well-being to accommodate your ex. Time for him to start stepping up! And as for the promise… You did that for 3 years.
But situations change. I’m sure you did not promise to move close to his family and support him and his family for 18+ years until the child is independent.” SnakeCharmerChick
5. AITJ For Calling Out A Friend Who Always Cancels Plans?
“I have been friends with this person for more than 15 years.
We are both from the same hometown, and she recently moved to the city where I live. I helped her move twice, cleaned her place, assembled the furniture, and moved boxes. She had always been flaky when we were in our hometown; usually, she would cancel casual hangouts, which I am fine with.
However, it has gotten worse since she moved here.
Here are some instances in which she canceled at the last minute:
– We decided to visit our hometown together and rent an Airbnb. We went back and forth about the dates, and I rescheduled my other commitments just to accommodate her.
Moreover, I spent a lot of time looking up an Airbnb that fit our preferences, as well as car rentals and flights. We finally booked an Airbnb, thinking the plan was solid. I then informed my family and friends that I was returning, only for her to cancel at the last minute, saying that she couldn’t make it.
I had to scramble to find accommodations and flights, etc. Luckily, another friend of mine was able to host me. (I chose not to stay with my family because they can be overwhelming sometimes).
– I was grieving as my aunt had passed away and needed emotional support.
I reached out to her, and we agreed to meet up, only for her to cancel on me three hours before our meeting time, citing that she wanted to quickly meet up with a friend whose flight was delayed.
I finally snapped when she initiated a hangout with me on NYE two weeks prior.
We had made a plan to chill at my place. She cancelled on me at the last minute (the day before), saying that she had received an invitation to an event with other groups of friends. When she messaged me, I was already en route to a grocery store to buy food and drinks for us.
I was already irritated at this point. Needless to say, I spent NYE by myself.
What pushed me to the edge was that she, again, tried to cancel a plan that we had already rescheduled twice, saying that she had spent too much money during NYE.
I cancelled the plan and sent her a lengthy email telling her that she had been very disrespectful to me and my time. She was somewhat receptive but defensive, claiming that she had a lot on her plate. We haven’t spoken since.
AITJ for calling her out?
Am I overreacting or am I reasonable? I am planning to take a break from her and let her lead our future hangout.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you guys aren’t as close as you think you are. She seems to bail the second a better plan, or a more convenient one comes up.
It’s okay to remain friends if you want to, not everyone has to be your first choice but you just know now how much she values you.” NumberPow
Another User Comments:
“Clearly NTJ. Nah, the way I see it—and this is coming from a 19M—she practically keeps ducking the date to hang out with you, and when the plan seems ROCK SOLID, she pulls a ‘Screw you, I’m gonna go do this now.
Enjoy.’ What really urked me was the second instance, and I am sorry for your loss, by the way, where she was going to stay with you to help in your time of emotional need, but then was like ‘Oops, sorry, I got this friend that now has more time to hang with me.’ That was a major red flag for me.
She knew you were grieving, but ditched you in favor of another friend who wasn’t even in the same situation as you. Honestly, this is a friendship that cannot last if you make all of these plans for the two of you to spend time together, but she keeps dipping constantly.” Jonson1o
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t call her back and see how long it will be before you hear from her. She is just using you until she finds something better to do. Find someone who values your friendship and does not use you as a fallback friend when she cannot find something better to do!” Lower_Instruction371
4. AITJ For Withdrawing As Maid Of Honor Because I Was Left Out Of Wedding Planning?
“My (30F) half-sister, Terra (22F), and I have had a rocky relationship since she was a teen, but we were getting closer after she got pregnant over two years ago.
When she got engaged, she asked me to be her maid of honor, and I was so excited to get to plan everything with her.
My mother (51F) and I were trying to plan things with Terra through calls and texts, having Terra select a date, getting a venue picked out and booked, and filling out the save the dates (It’s in four months and they still haven’t gone out), but Terra kept procrastinating at every step.
Our mother initially said she would only pay for Terra’s dress, but, since Terra and her fiancé are a single income household, Mom was essentially guilted into paying for almost everything. Our mom and Terra’s fiancé’s mom are even going to try and cater the wedding themselves at this point.
Aside from that, I was planning the bachelorette party. I asked for Terra’s input, but was taking care of the planning myself, also including the bridesmaids to see what they thought. This was my first indication that they were making plans together without talking to me, but I included Haley’s ideas in my plan.
Since then, Terra’s been getting more distant from me, preferring to make plans with Haley, including an amusement park trip that the entire wedding party knew about that I learned of today.
After learning that Haley’s been involved in conversations with the groomsmen and Terra’s friend coming in from out of town that I can’t contact, I was finally getting fed up.
Today, I reached out to Terra and asked if she still wanted me to be her maid of honor, since Haley seems to be who she wants to plan everything with. Terra told me she did want me to be the maid of honor, but then also confirmed my fears of being replaced by saying that Haley has been heavily involved in planning recently.
I asked why I wasn’t included in the planning conversations, and Terra lashed out at me over semantics. After listening to her refuse to address what I was saying, I started to tell her how I didn’t want to be her maid of honor anymore, but she stopped me once I got that out, telling me that was all I needed to say before hanging up on me.
Afterward, I called our mother and let her know what happened, but she turned it around on me, telling me that I was in the wrong. I really don’t know where I stand now, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like MOH means money on the house to her.
Are you in a better financial situation than the other sister? I bet you are. You’re not wrong to back out. She’s incredibly disorganized and delinquent. Why is she planning amusement park trips and leaving you out when she hasn’t even sent out a save the date?
Sounds like they should have just gone to the courthouse. They can’t afford a wedding. Some parents pay for the wedding, but your mother feels forced to do this. That was never her plan.” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“This situation is a mess. Did anyone ever ask Terra about their timetable?
When she was dragging her heels about planning, why did that bother you and your mom to then force choices? Did no one think to ask her what was going on? What exactly was the rush? And now that the date, invites, and venue have been chosen, she is still dragging her feet?
At 4 months out, it is not time to send out save the dates. It is time to send out the actual invitations. But if Terra isn’t bothered, why is everyone else? Is there some ulterior motive (greencard/health insurance) or deadline that must be met?
It is unclear to me how you got from planning her shower/bachelorette to Terra planning everything with her other sister…what exactly was left to plan? While I completely understand feeling upset that you learned about a wedding party the day before, and that definitely warrants a discussion, why did you blow up about that?!
If I didn’t know better, I would think your ages were reversed because I can’t understand why a 30-year-old would be so invested in a 22-year-old’s life. Did it ever occur to you that what you thought was planning was completely overbearing and overwhelming?” Little_Loki918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like someone waded in and took over, which has its bonuses because it means you won’t have to take responsibility should anything go wrong or deal with the stress. To be pulled in and then pushed out without any explanation or warning is hurtful, with no regard for your feelings.
You’ve been stabbed in the back, and you’re well within your rights to relinquish your role as maid of honour, as someone stepped into that role without you knowing. You could suggest to your sister that you would like to attend as a guest and that you think the person to whom she gave MOH duties should really be the MOH.
You’ve effectively been demoted to bridesmaid, yet to keep up appearances, she still expects you to be MOH. Even if she felt her reasons for keeping you out of the planning might be hurtful or too honest, she still should have been adult enough to talk to you instead of taking the coward’s way out.
Why some brides think awful behaviour is acceptable and, absolutely, make my mind boggle is beyond me. Stand back and let them get on with it, and avoid being pulled into any rescue attempts if something goes wrong. Her wedding, her problem.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Not Fulfilling A Foster Child's Full Wishlist And Giving Only Jeans?
“I picked a Christmas wishlist from a foster child who had two items on it: a $60 pair of jeans and $200-ish sneakers.
I was unable (financially) to get the shoes (or both), so I settled on getting the child the pair of jeans they requested. It has gotten back to me that upon receiving their gift, they are very disappointed that it is not an entire outfit.
There is more to the story as to why I picked the one I did, but I’m trying to keep things anonymous. This list was not being picked by other volunteers; and I picked it so that the child would not go without a gift entirely.
AITJ for not fulfilling the list in full?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. That being said, adding something else is always a good idea. I mean, what kid wants a pair of jeans for Christmas and just a pair of jeans? Ultimately, this is on the agency for not ensuring the child made reasonable requests in terms of the shoes, as it was unlikely they would get the shoes.
But adding something cool to the jeans just makes the kid feel extra special. The kid is not the jerk for being disappointed. Of course, the kid was disappointed.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“INFO. What was the expectation here in terms of money? If you picked the tag that said ‘$250 gift’ and then spent $60, that would make you a jerk for ignoring the rules of the system.
If you took part expecting to be given $50 gift lists, then it would seem reasonable to skip the gifts that were way over budget. If there was no mention of budget, then you should have spoken to the people running the exchange for their opinion regarding the fact that the requested budget was far more than you could afford, and asked whether they would prefer you to pick a different recipient within budget, or provide what you were able to.” Nrysis
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Based on your comments, I feel like the only jerk here is the organization that didn’t do this properly. Only 2 expensive items on the list? No info on if you should go off it? No other info about the kid, so you could maybe add in a tee shirt with their favorite thing on it or in their favorite color?
With the plethora of general social media content involving toys for tots, the angel tree, and other various ways to help those who need it during the holidays, I have to say that someone needs to place restrictions on the lists. Like, a single item cannot exceed $50, total wishlist value cannot exceed $200 or something.
Not that kids whose parents can’t afford it don’t deserve to have nice things and iPads or tablets like other kids, but when you rely on the kindness of strangers, it’s better to get more needs met than none.” effinnxrighttt
2. AITJ For Sacrificing The Guest Room For My Baby's Nursery Instead Of Accommodating My Dad?
“My husband and I live in a 3-bedroom apartment. We sleep in the master bedroom, and until earlier this year, the other two were a guest room and an office space we both shared.
Our first child was born in October, and we decided to turn the guest room into his nursery.
We thought about sacrificing the office instead but decided we needed it more than the guest room. I work on-site, but I also do some freelancing from home, and my husband works hybrid. We don’t need to do our work from the office, but it’s more comfortable and less chaotic, especially now that we have a baby.
On the other hand, we rarely have guests over. If we do, the office is big enough to set a mattress (edit: a normal one, not an air mattress) on the floor.
My father lives in a different country. He’s traveling here for Christmas in about a week, and this will be his first time meeting my son in person.
The last time he came, I was pregnant, and we still had the guest room, so he stayed there during his visit.
A couple of weeks ago, my father called to ask whether he could stay at my apartment again this year. I said sure, but we don’t have the guest room anymore, so he’d have to sleep in the office.
He asked what I meant, and I told him we’d turned the guest room into the baby’s nursery.
He then asked why I hadn’t gotten rid of the office instead. I explained my husband’s and my reasoning. My father got annoyed and said, “Whatever, I’ll get a hotel,” before hanging up on me.
The next day, my father texted me. He said it was selfish and inconsiderate of me and my husband to keep an office we “don’t actually need” over a room to properly house potential guests. He added that he didn’t raise me to be such an awful hostess, and it’s insane of me to think people would be okay sleeping on a mattress on the floor.
My sister is siding with my father, and I’m starting to doubt myself here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A guest room is nice to have, but you have reason enough to use that space otherwise. In fact, to not do so could be a waste of space.
Surely your dad also taught you not to waste resources. As for sister dear, does she live nearby to you? Maybe she’s afraid that Dad will hit her up. Or, does she live far away, and was figuring on using your guest room for some free lodging of her own?” BlindUmpBob
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I sometimes think it’s so wasteful to keep a full room just on the premise that someone might come over to stay. I’m all for hybrid rooms. Office with a built-in Murphy bed on the wall. Project room with a pull-out couch, exercise home gym with an air mattress.
Like, why take your limited space and have it dedicated solely to something that might not be used for months on end. NTJ by any means.” Iokua_CDN
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is selfish and inconsiderate. His expectation that you would keep a vacant bedroom rather than a daily-use workspace is absolutely out of this world.
So many people don’t have any rooms to spare—my dad is delighted when we have the living room futon available because he knows the only other option is inside our bedroom. I doubt he would enjoy sleeping in the baby’s room on a bed, considering a baby is needy at all hours.
He truly sounds like he expects his guilt-tripping outburst to result in you sleeping in the baby’s room, your husband sleeping on the office floor, and himself in the master bed, since he knows full well you can’t just turn the nursery into a baby-free guest space just for him for the duration of his visit.
A hotel will be kind to everyone since he’ll get all the sleep he needs and you and your husband get time without him throwing his attitude around.” JustJudgin
1. AITJ For Not Walking My Daughter's Friend Home?
“My daughter, Rowan (11), recently hosted her very first sleepover.
She invited her best friend, Amanda (almost 11), who lives just across the street and two houses down from us.
They did all the classic sleepover activities: pizza, popcorn, a movie, face masks, and nail polish. Everything was going perfectly—until around 11 p.m. when Rowan came into our bedroom to let me know Amanda was homesick and wanted to go home.
I went to check on Amanda, and while she assured me she was having fun, she really wanted her mom. Fair enough. I texted her mom, Susan, to let her know what was happening, and she said it was fine for Amanda to come home.
So Amanda packed up her things, and I walked her to the porch. From there, I watched her walk the short distance to her house and go inside safely before heading back inside myself.
The next day, I ran into Susan while she was out walking in the neighborhood.
I asked how Amanda was doing, and… well, Susan was furious. Apparently, Amanda had been upset about leaving early, but what really got Susan’s blood boiling was that I didn’t walk her to the door. She berated me for letting her child “walk home alone, at night, in the cold, with the potential of God-knows-what happening to her.”
For context, we live in a quiet cul-de-sac in a safe neighborhood. I stood on the porch the entire time and watched Amanda walk into her house before going inside. Amanda didn’t seem scared or hesitant, and she never asked me to walk with her.
To be honest, it didn’t even occur to me that this would be an issue—when I was a kid, I would walk all over by myself. Sure, I know times have changed, but I genuinely thought this was fine.
Susan didn’t see it that way.
She’s still furious and has been telling neighbors I put Amanda in danger. Despite my apologies to both her and Amanda, she’s banned the girls from playing together. Now I’m left wondering—was I wrong not to walk Amanda to her front door?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Susan is having a hard time letting her daughter become independent, and that’s probably why Amanda “got homesick” and wanted to leave early in the first place. It’s a pattern of fear/retreat/rescue between mother and daughter, where the over-protective parent makes the kid clingy and scared. Susan’s overblown reaction to the walk home is just one more way of her telling herself and her daughter that the world is not safe for her daughter without her in it, aka making herself, the parent, feel like the indispensable savior.
This narrative needs a villain, and you have become that villain. The thing to do now is let it blow over, and hopefully she’ll relax or someone else will tell her she’s overreacting, and she’ll eventually be able to hear it. It sucks most for the girls’ friendship and for Amanda in life more generally.
She’s going to have to assert herself at some point in that relationship. As for the neighbors’ possible judgment towards you, just be firm that you did the right, responsible thing, and eventually, they will probably see this side of Susan for themselves, too.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Why didn’t the mother come pick her up? You were watching from the porch, so I think that’s enough. That’s what my best friend’s mom used to do when we were like 6. I see you said the child was upset she had to leave.
I almost wonder if the mom somehow convinced her it would be scary and it made the child want to leave? I also wonder if the mother is overreacting as a means to baby her child, because the mother isn’t ready for her to be growing up and becoming independent.
Cutting off the children’s friendship would effectively slow the child’s independence—at least in the mother’s skewed view. You did nothing wrong. If the mom was so concerned, she should have come and gotten her kid. NTJ.” Throwaway_anon-765
Another User Comments:
“I had a similar thing. Took my daughter and some of her friends ice skating for my daughter’s 10th birthday. It was a local place. One girl had never been ice skating before, and Mom told her “it was just like skiing” as she was an avid skier.
(Note: While I knew she had never been skating before, I did not know this until after the fact.) The girls got their skates on and I was helping one with knotted laces – so the others went on to the rink. I did caution to be careful and stick to the sides until everyone felt steady.
(And yes – I even did have skates on so I could be out there to “chaperone.”) The girl took one step on the ice and tried to full-on skate – filled with overconfidence based on her mom’s advice, and immediately fell, and ended up with a green stick fracture in her ankle that ended her Elite Travel Softball season.
Mom was livid with me. Why? And told other moms on the softball team it was my fault for not supervising her child appropriately. I found the moms who knew me and knew her level of intensity blew it off. The moms who were more in her friend group who agreed with her aren’t moms I like anyway.
Walk away from crazy. The not crazy will follow you and you’ll know who the other crazies are to avoid because they followed her.” Spirited_Ad_1396
