People Fester In Their Anger In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Prioritizing A Mobile Game Over My Partner's Needs?
“My partner (F22) of almost 3 years told me she’s been losing respect for me (M23) because of my irresponsibility.
This was prompted by my action of staying up later than I should’ve on a work night because I was going to make crackers & cheese before bed, but I got caught on a limited-time event in a mobile game I play. I was only on my phone for around 50 minutes.
In the middle of my playing, my partner asked me why I couldn’t play tomorrow, and told me “We need to go to bed soon can we please make our snacks now”. I felt rushed and hurt, and I didn’t want to explain to her that it was a limited-time event, so I just decided to finish the whole event in that 50 mins.
I finally got up to go make the snack, as it was only 30 minutes past when I was supposed to be asleep, and that’s when she told me, “This is why I feel like I’m losing respect for you, you’re not very responsible.”
I was really upset, and this might be where I’m the jerk, I told her she’s annoying and that she doesn’t get to dictate how I spend my time before work.
She replied that she also has to get up early and doesn’t like missing sleep because of her chronic health condition thing and that I never care about making her feel comfortable before work (she works so early in the morning that I usually just go back to sleep, there’s not any time to do anything so I don’t understand?) and complaining that I don’t do chores, or cook, even though I would if she just told me what she needed to be done.
To end it, I said whatever, you’re not gonna listen to me anyways, I’m done talking to you, goodnight. Then we just wordlessly went to sleep. It’s been a day and a half and she hasn’t spoken to me much but says she’s waiting for an apology and to talk about it.
I don’t think I went over the line, and I don’t think there’s that much to talk about. I’m still so hurt that she would say she doesn’t respect me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“For the crackers alone, NTJ. But you need to work out how you both sleep sufficiently and with as little disruption from one another as possible.
In regards to the chores, YTJ. You’re an adult, right? Look around and see what needs to be done without being told. Look if the dishes have been done, if there’s laundry if the garbage has been taken out. Or make it a rule to routinely do chores like, 2 times a week vacuuming, once a week clean the bathroom.
Plan a meal, get the groceries, and cook. Women are not born with an intuition to do this stuff so don’t expect it.” Money_System1026
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not doing chores etc… she shouldn’t have to tell or ask you. You’re not a child.
I find it embarrassing when adults need to be told how to keep a home clean. She is not your mom. NTJ for the late nights. I couldn’t be in a relationship that tells me what to do with my time if all the things that needed to be done have been done.
I’m a night owl so I love staying up till 2-3 am. It’s my quiet time. Your lack of ability to be a responsible adult could have triggered her irritation with you.” beans9102
Another User Comments:
“Wait, you’re a grown man who needs to be told what chores to be done?
You know she’s not your mommy, right? And learn to cook. What are you going to do when that poor girl leaves you for a responsible, chore-doing, dinner-cooking man?? Dude, man up. That’s what she needs. Grow up. Take responsibility. Don’t act like a “limited-time event” has any real importance, unless that’s the only thing that’s important to you and right now it sounds like it is.
You’re most definitely the jerk. You’re also immature. And irresponsible. Grow up. No better time than now.” OutrageousMistake515
20. AITJ For Wanting To Work More Hours To Grow My Business While My Wife Watches Our Kids?
“I own a small video production business, but right now I only work about 25 hours a week. We are breaking even financially, so I technically could keep living this way if I was comfortable with living paycheck to paycheck, but I want more for our lives than living paycheck to paycheck can provide.
We want to buy a house soon, but I have nothing left over to save for a down payment.
I’m constantly stressed that I’m not doing enough to grow my business. We have only one retainer client, and if that client ever stopped working with us, we would have no income coming in.
We also have very little savings in terms of an emergency fund.
I’d honestly love to work between 40 and 45 hours a week so that I can find more ways to grow my business, but the problem is that my wife thinks that a business owner shouldn’t have to work like a normal 40-hour a-week employee and that the idea of a 40 hour work week is arbitrary.
And while that may be true, in general, the fact is that our business is not growing and is vulnerable to failure unless I can spend more time working “on” the business, and not just “in” the business.
She gets worn out, watching our 2 kids (both under 5yo), and feels like I’m unsupportive whenever I express that I want to be spending more time working, as opposed to helping her out at home.
I feel guilty every time I spend a full workday working (8:30-4). I try to explain to her that if the business fails, I’ll have to get a normal job and I’ll be spending double the time away from her that I currently am, but that doesn’t work with her.
I do understand how hard it is to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. Being a stay-at-home, mom was always her dream, and I wasn’t always sure that I could provide that for her. I feel very fortunate that I can provide that for her now, but I don’t know how much longer I can do that if she won’t let me work.
And I’m not asking to work 70 hours a week as many business owners work, I’m asking to work 40 to 45 hours.
So bottom line, am I asking too much of my wife to expect her to be alone with our kids for 40 hours a week?
I’ve been dealing with this for three years, and want to know if I am the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yikes! “my wife thinks that a business owner shouldn’t have to work like a normal 40-hour-a-week employee”. She needs a reality check – a small business owner is likely to be working 80 hours a week.
Lay out your household budget, including what is needed to have a decent emergency fund and a future house fund; then let her participate in solving the income gap. Other than robbing banks, does she have any ideas outside you working more hours, or her working some hours?” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wife is dead wrong. Starting and growing a profitable business is a FULL-TIME job. If you guys want this business to succeed long term then you need to treat it like the job it is and not a hobby. Both of you are gambling with your future and treating it like a hobby.
I’ve been a SAHM for years – it is not all fun, games, sunshine, and roses. Yes. You get worn out. It’s a JOB. You don’t get paid for it but it’s a job. If she wants to be a SAHM then she needs to behave like you are gone for work during business hours.
My husband traveled for work so I was alone with the kids at least 50% of each month – it’s hard but when you are a SAHM you power through.
Look – she needs to grow up. She either gets a job and pulls some financial weight while the kids go to daycare or she puts on her big girl pants and behaves like a full-time SAHM and does her job as a SAHM while you do your job professionally.
The house does not need to be spotless but from 8:30-4:30, you are not to be bothered. You are unavailable. You are WORKING. If she can not respect that then she needs to get a job. As a SAHM some days are just crappy. Just like any other job.
But just like any other job, you don’t get to sabotage your spouse’s career for your comfort. Working from home and being a business owner does not change ANY of that. She is showing herself to be an outrageously selfish person if she can’t grasp that the world and your household bills do not revolve around her wanting your companionship and “help” during business hours.
You need to sit down with her and have a VERY real conversation.
Being a SAHM means SHE is the childcare. Your job is to work to bring in a paycheck to cover household expenses – hers is to provide full-time childcare during business hours so you can do so.
You each have your roles and responsibilities so the family can function. She has CHOSEN to be the childcare while you work. If she is not willing to be the childcare and take on all normal childcare responsibilities during business hours then she does not get to be a SAHM – she needs to get a job to pay for childcare so you can work and pay the bills.” ZombieHealthy2616
19. AITJ For Keeping My Bike In The Common Area After It Got Stolen From The Garage?
“I live in an apartment with 4 other people. For the longest time, I was parking my bike in our garage. However, my old bike was stolen from the garage. This likely occurred because one of my roommates was running a cord through the window to charge their car which was parked outside.
I expressed hesitancy with the opening, but they assured me that the curtain rod they put in place to minimize the opening would keep things shut. As a result of this, they agreed to pay ~35% of the cost of my new bike.
Because of this, I don’t feel comfortable having my bike outside even if we move their vehicle inside to remove the opening.
This is because the garage door has a lock that can be picked. So, I picked out a corner of our apartment that was not used for anything else and ensured the bike wasn’t blocking the walkway or anything like that. I then communicated to our group that I would be leaving the bike here for the time being and explained my reasons for why I didn’t feel my bike was safe under other suggestions (like leaving the bike on the balcony where people could see it).
I have considered many options but feel like either 1. having the bike inside or 2. putting it in the back of my car when my car’s in the garage would work. They have parked their car in the garage and refuse to move it because they don’t want another gap in the window.
Coming back to the bike inside, I said I would be willing to buy a mat to put under the bike to minimize dirt and debris and would clean up after myself (I didn’t specify in that message how often, but I clean every weekend so I would do it then).
My roommate then threatened to throw my bike outside and did so that night. Their logic is that it’s disrespectful to have items in the common space, especially ones that large. I agree with the principle but don’t understand how given everything I’ve described, this is a heinous offense.
I have talked to my roommates and 2 don’t want to have the bike inside and 3 don’t care. Additionally, I have reached out to my roommates and an ex-roommate to mediate conservation between myself and the one who threw the bike outside because they refused to talk to me.
They have said, in different texts, that “I don’t care about their point of view” and “I’m not spending any more time on a freaking bike” They claim that I’m being disrespectful because “we agreed on the house rules so he’s acting like he has more privileges”.
This is despite 2/5 opposing the bike, 2/5 not caring, and me wanting it there. Also, putting the bike in the bedroom leads to it (or something else) significantly blocking the doorway no matter how my room is arranged.”
Another User Comments:
“He threw the bike out the window??
How does one even DO that??!!! Get a secure lock so that it can be kept in the garage. Some types of locks are easier to pick than others. Or get the type where you punch in a code. They sell bikes that fold up, so you might want to consider getting one of those.
Even the pedals fold up. That can be kept in your bedroom closet. Got to compromise and think outside the box, sometimes.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“It’s reasonable that you want to put it somewhere safe, but it isn’t fair to your roommates to leave it in a shared living space without asking first. YTJ.
You need to have a conversation with them. There could still be ways to compromise on where/how the bike can be stored.” Individual_Number_35
18. AITJ For Going Ahead With My Wedding Despite My Mother's Disapproval?
“I (25F) have been engaged to my fiance (27M) for just over two years, and we were in a relationship for nearly three years before he proposed. We set a wedding date back when we got engaged, but postponed it because my family was going through a rough patch and it didn’t feel right at the time.
We are now aiming for April 2025- the venue is booked and everything.
However…my mom despises my fiance. She says that he has warning signs of emotional mistreatment, that he is selfish and wants to keep me to himself, and that he is going to turn me into a helpless housewife to just pop out babies for his Southern, racist family.
For clarification, I am a kindergarten teacher, currently pursuing my master’s degree, and have exactly zero plans to have kids in the next five years (which he agrees with!). He is an electrical engineer, also pursuing a master’s degree, and does not agree with his family’s conservative beliefs.
She lives across the country and recently came to visit for a month. It ended BADLY. I mean screaming fights, storming out of the house, and crying until 2 am, all of which culminated in me driving her to the airport two weeks early. She swears she will never step foot back in the state for any reason, and she refuses to be in a room with my fiance or his family ever.
Well, while she was here, I didn’t get a chance to tell her that we were planning to go through with the wedding, things were booked, etc. I fully intended to, but with all the fighting and turmoil, I didn’t have a chance. Now, my fiance and his family are asking questions about where we’re at in the wedding planning process, and I’m torn about how to answer.
On the one hand, we could reschedule the entire thing and I could work with my mom to get her to agree to come. On the other hand, we could go through with the wedding, but I would have exactly zero family members present. I desperately want my mom to be there, but I don’t know if she’ll ever come to terms with my fiance’s existence and importance in my life.
And I’m not sure I want to keep postponing the wedding because she’s not ready for me to get married yet. So, would I be the jerk if I do go through with it?
Extra: My mom does have a TBI, which affects her emotional regulation.
She has had the TBI since before I started being in a relationship with my fiance, so he never met her beforehand. Despite the brain injury, she swears that she is being perfectly reasonable and that as an older woman who has been in a relationship a lot more than I have (just the one) and has known abusive men, I should trust her implicitly and leave him.”
Another User Comments:
“You know there is no solution here. Your mom has made it very clear; that she does not and will never consider your fiance’s family. She will never be okay, never agree, never settle down. Maybe she’s right about why. Maybe she’s not.
We’re never going to be able to judge that for you. I hope you’ve given it due consideration, consulted without third parties who have no stake in the matter and made your judgment. After all, you’re still with him even for how long she’s been saying that.
What you do know is your mother is never going to treat him with the respect he deserves as your partner, and *she* is the one who is *choosing* to be removed from your life because of *who you love*. That is her decision. Not yours.
You cannot change her mind or make it anything more than it is. NTJ You can have a wedding, and your married life, for better or worse. But it’s going to be without your mom. I’m sorry that dreams don’t come true sometimes.” StripedBadger
Another User Comments:
“I hate this for you. NTJ If you need people to come to be on your side at the wedding there’s a social media group called Sisterhood of the Traveling wedding guest, bridesmaid, or surrogate mom where you can put your date and location and if anyone is nearby they will come be there for you however you need. I helped a couple of women do their dress shopping because their moms didn’t like that they were marrying each other.
Big hugs.” MissNikiL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother has a brain injury and I am very sorry to hear that. But, well, you still have to follow your dreams and build your life with your partner. The wedding is booked, you already postponed it once.
You cannot put your future on hold forever. I hate to break it to you OP, but if your mother’s mental state remains as it is (or, God forbid, if she deteriorates as she gets older) she will never be happy with this wedding. That is a possibility you honestly have to be prepared for, I am afraid.
If this man is the love of your life, you need to just go for it and not feel guilty about pleasing everybody all of the time.” crazyheather345
17. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom's Irresponsible Partner?
“Recently my mom’s partner moved in with us. At first, I (17F) didn’t have a problem with him, we walked the same way to the train station in the morning and sometimes we talked. My mom did make me cover up a lot more.
Overall we were fine at first but around August, he asked if the puppy could stay with us for a bit to give his mom who watching her a break. I was against it because my dog, Clara, doesn’t like other dogs, and puppies are so much work but my mom is the boss and she said yes.
The puppy was 5 months old and constantly made a mess everywhere. He never cleans up after it and it has chewed up my mom’s belongings and furniture. At some point, she even told me she wanted to get rid of my dog so the puppy could have more room.
I never complained though, I tolerated it, thinking eventually the puppy would have to go home. Well, it’s October and the puppy is still here making a mess everywhere.
To make things worse the partner has been nothing but a jerk to mom. He constantly leaves to go with other women and when my mom asks he just says “I don’t want to be bothered”.
He expects my mom to serve him like she’s a maid. He doesn’t fold his clothes and never walks his dog. He’s the only boy in a family full of girls so he’s spoiled rotten and doesn’t know how to take care of a house My mom explained to me that she ignores everything to avoid conflict and tension and she advised me to do the same.
I always do no matter how annoyed I get, avoiding him unless necessary. Today, I couldn’t take it, this morning I woke up late and had to walk both dogs so I was already irritated but my favorite jacket got wet. So I had to move all his clothes out of the dryer to dry my jacket real quick while I took the dogs out.
As I did he took the time to complain to my mom who just finished a long shift (she’s a nurse). He said, “Why didn’t you put these clothes up, all you do is lay around, you need to get up and do something”.
I was so mad, I tried to just leave so I could calm down but he stopped me and asked if I knew where the keys were.
I knew I shouldn’t have done it but I said “I never have the keys” and made an irritated face. He asked why I made that face, and I madly replied “What face?” without thinking. When I got back from walking the dogs, my mom was mad at me claiming I shouldn’t have spoken to him like that and that I’m stirring up trouble.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No, Mom, the trouble started when you brought this man into a peaceful and organized home and he has been a pain to deal with ever since. That is what you should tell your Mom. And if she doesn’t do something with him quickly, she will lose her family forever because no one will wish to stay around to have to deal with his mess.
Tell her that your 18th birthday can’t can’t come soon enough. Plan on moving.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“Huge, mega NTJ. She’s a bad roommate. Like, if mom wants to put up with and ignore his BS because she’s in a relationship with him, that’s on her.
You don’t owe this dude anything, and you sure as heck are allowed to be upset about his actions. Honestly, this doesn’t even really sound like “snapping” to me.” Aggravating-Item9162
16. AITJ For Not Including My Friend In A Paid Photo Op At Scarefest?
“I (33F), friend 1(32NB), and friend 2 (34F) went to Scarefest this weekend in Lexington, KY USA. It’s a three-hour drive from where I live.
I picked up friend 1 at their house and picked up friend 2 on the way. We were all excited to go! It was our first time there.
I paid for a photo op with Matthew Lillard which was $120. Friend one also paid for a photo op with him. Friend 2 did not. I also paid for friend 2’s ticket which was $40 and some change. I also paid for the hotel room which was $330 for one night.
Friend one gave me $75 which was originally the amount that was their portion for another hotel room that ended up being more expensive. I told them they could just pay me the $75 and not to worry about it. Friend 2 did not help pay for the hotel room, nor did they offer gas money like they said they would the week before.
Friend 1 and 2 were talking and friend 1 told friend 2 they also had their ticket for Matthew Lillard. I didn’t hear this convo. Our session was at 9:30(mine) and 9:45(friend 1) and friend 2 didn’t have a session so they would be left alone while we did our photo op.
This took an hour or so for us to get through the line and wait, they were running behind.
When we came out of the photo op, friend 2 was upset and not talking to us. She wouldn’t engage in conversation and was generally upset. I asked what was wrong and they snapped at me saying they had been left alone for an hour and they had anxiety.
I apologized and left her alone. The next morning she seemed fine at first, but she then told me she didn’t know I didn’t want her in the picture. I told her I was sorry and we got in the car. She didn’t eat breakfast and sat in the car while we had breakfast.
I dropped her off at her vehicle and she hasn’t messaged me since. Friend 2 has kids, friend 1 and I do not. I have a lot of extra money because I have a side gig that I work really hard on (no it’s not an MLM lol) so I was able to afford this trip.
Friend 2 makes $5 less than I do an hour. Friend 1 makes about the same as I do. Friend 2 knew the night I bought their ticket that I also bought the photo op so it wasn’t a secret or anything.
AITJ here? I don’t think so, but I’m not so sure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just wouldn’t invite friend 2 anymore if she can’t afford to chip in and then gets mad when you can do more things than her. Her behavior is childish. She chose to have children and you shouldn’t feel like you must pay for her.
She needs to grow up!” Any_Dragonfruit4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You paid for friend 2’s ticket, paid for the room, and drove. And friend 2’s contribution to all of this was a temper tantrum that you did not include her in your personal $140 photo opp?!?
I would like you to sit down and go over your definition of the word friend, and then think about someone that you care about. Now ask yourself how you would feel if that person you cared about came to you and told you that someone they considered a friend acted this way towards them…” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First off, how much everyone makes has NOTHING to do with it. If friend 2 can’t pay for something, like the photo op. she does without it. Alternatively, she could ask ahead of time if you would be willing to include her in the photo.
You are NOT obligated to pay her way on everything or to do without something just because she can’t afford it. It’s up to her to make peace with what she can and can’t afford. Finally, she’s a grown woman. She can find something to do while her friends are doing the photo op.
She doesn’t need you to hold her hand all the time.” Deep-Okra1461
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister And Her Fiancé For Trashing Our House?
“So, for context; my sister (23F) her fiancé (25M), and her 5-year-old daughter have been living in my home with my mother and me, since late 2023.
They were okay at the start, and I enjoyed being able to see my sister after 7 years but, they are horrible to live with after she’s changed. For context, my sister and her family lived with her fiancé’s mother, but she had finally told them to find a home, which led them to come to our house instead.
Ever since they came, they had trashed the house completely by leaving trash dirty dishes, etc all over the counters and floor and never cleaned up after themselves. My mother went out a few days ago, and I decided to have a woman-to-woman talk with my sister.
She told me that before they came to our house they would keep it spotless and that her fiancé would wash the dishes after dinner and pack them away, which he did not do in our home so, that led to our house being disgustingly messy and gross-smelling.
Now, I have tried multiple times to clean the house after they trashed it, but within 2 days at most, it’d be back to the way it was. We have told them multiple times that we want the house to stay clean, because it’s taking a toll on my mother and my mental health, as well as it’s just so simple to just clean up after yourself, of course, they didn’t do anything.
I’ve just decided that after dinner or anytime they leave dishes or trash anywhere, I’d just clean it myself.
Anyway, back to the point. My mother and I were talking about the mess in the kitchen, and my sister added that she couldn’t deal with a dirty kitchen and just the house in general, and that’s where I snapped. I asked her that if that’s the truth, then why did she not help to clean up or ever pick up the mess she left, and why they didn’t continue the basic cleaning practices they’d done at their last home.
She stayed silent, but stormed off to the room they were staying in. (I cannot stress enough how disgusting the house had gotten before I cleaned it, and the floor in the room they stayed in was completely covered in trash and clothes, and reeks of sweat.) After I had snapped at her, her fiancé yelled at me for being so insensitive and for yelling at her, and that’s when I went to my room.
My sister and her fiancé have been mad at me for the last two days, and they haven’t even been looking at houses, yet they insist on filling our house with junk they buy. I need tips on what to do because we can’t live like this any longer and we can’t kick them out either.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wonder why they were kicked out of the fiancé’s mom’s house. Sarcasm aside, OP this behavior is not going to change so your best bet is to kick them out. I feel sorry for the child but if your sister and her partner won’t respect you and your home then they should find their place to live and trash.” DJ_Too_Supreme_AITJ.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But, why can’t you kick them out? If you suffer in silence very much longer, you might not be the jerk, but you might be a doormat. If it’s your mom’s house, move out. If it’s your house, serve them with notice to leave.
Maybe take some time to secure valuables in your house though.” Happy_Thing2417
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Do you honestly believe they kept their last place spotless? They were booted for a reason. Why can’t you or mom make them leave? Start putting their mess in their room.
Do not clean it up. Use social media. Tell your sister that if she and her fiance do not pick up their mess and keep their space as clean as she said she has done, you will start posting pictures for all to see. What they do in their place is their prerogative, but this is not their place.” Worth-Season3645
14. AITJ For Attending My Cousin's Wedding Uninvited Due To A Misunderstanding?
“My (18f) cousin’s (22f) wedding was this weekend. I’ll call her Mary. Growing up, we were pretty close, as I and my siblings (20f and 23m) often went to Mary’s house. Lately, we haven’t seen each other much, because all of them moved away for college, but it’s still nice to see each other at family events.
A year and a half ago, she met her now husband. He was invited to Christmas, Easter, and every family event since then. When he was there, I noticed that Mary was a lot more distant than usual and barely talked to me but talked with my siblings all night.
I figured it was probably just because of our age difference.
A few weeks/months ago, we got an invitation to their wedding in the mail. Or at least my parents did. My name wasn’t mentioned on the invitation, which was addressed to “The *ourlastname*s”, but since I still live with my parents, and my brother and sister both got one, I assumed I was included, and so did my parents.
But Mary’s face dropped when she saw me. She pretended to smile but I could see something was bothering her.
The wedding went on, but during the cocktail, Mary came up to me and asked me why I had come since she hadn’t sent me an invitation.
I was taken aback a bit, but told her that we assumed I was included, and asked her why she didn’t invite me. She avoided the question, but after insisting a bit she told me that she wanted her husband’s family to have a good impression of her family, and didn’t want them to know that her cousin was a lesbian, because she wanted to have a “normal family”.
For context, our family is pretty open-minded, and all of them accept me, but her husband and his family are a lot more traditional and conservative. What I don’t understand is, that I don’t “look gay” (whatever that means), and they would’ve never known unless someone told them.
I was so shocked. I told her that she was sick of caring about impressing a bunch of bigots more than her cousin. She got mad at me and we both got a bit loud, which attracted attention. People came to find out what was happening.
When they found out, my parents said that she was being mean and shouldn’t have made a big deal about this. A bunch of other people said that it was wrong of me to come when I wasn’t invited. Mary started telling me to leave, so I stormed off.
Since then, I have been receiving texts from her and her parents saying that I was a jerk for coming, making a scene, and ruining her big day. I understand that it’s her wedding and she can invite whoever she wants, but her words were so hurtful… And I genuinely thought I was invited. But I know it’s wrong that I caused such a scene on her wedding day.
Maybe I should’ve just left and not said anything? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ if it was genuinely an innocent mistake about the invite. I mean, you live at home, your parents and siblings were invited, and you’ve never been previously excluded, there was no reason to think that you weren’t included even though not specifically mentioned, as you said your siblings don’t live at home so they got separate invites.
Out of interest would your parents and siblings etc still have gone to the wedding if they knew that you had been excluded for being a lesbian? Even about the scene: you did not cause a scene, she was the one that made a scene.
She could’ve just looked past your attendance since you weren’t harming anyone. But instead, she insulted you, and you defended yourself.” Equivalent-Moose2886
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your parents and siblings were all invited, it would be logical to believe you were invited too. Especially as nobody had discussed it with your family.
Did your grandparents know that you weren’t invited? At least your family can cut them all off knowing what awful people they are.” 3bag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think your cousin deliberately was wishy-washy in the letter, because she did not want your parents to know that you weren’t invited, but she also wanted to butter up her new bigoted family.
And when you came, she tried to blame it all on you and provoke you to make you look like you were in the wrong. I don’t know why she married into a bunch of bigots because one day she will get the short end of the stick if she hasn’t already.
She is a moron because there is no way in heck that that family will ever stand up for her. I would cut ties with her completely and not help her when she eventually pops up whining again a year from now because her bigoted husband refuses to treat her like a human being and her new parents-in-law mistreat her.
She has burned this bridge and embraced homophobia. She also humiliated you. She did not even have the balls to write out the wedding invitation normally — nobody writes “the last names” and nothing else.” Prof-Dr-Overdrive
13. AITJ For Not Realizing I Was In A Relationship With My Best Friend?
“I (23 male) and my friend (23 female) were raised in the same countryside, we both went to the same pre-school, primary school, middle school, high school, and college.
We were always hanging out, basically every day since we were just from the villages next to each other, around 3km by foot. We always played together and shared every possible moment since we can remember. She is basically like a sister to me. Physical contact was normal, teasing, playfulness, hugs, sleeping on the shoulder, etc, and holding hands.
I always thought it was more or less the norm.
When we grew up a bit we were never really looking for relationships, I never thought about getting a partner and she never had a partner, we decided we had priorities which were getting a good education, stable incomes, etc. Relationships were just a distraction from our goals, or at least I thought that.
We went on our “friend dates” often, a couple of times a week, I hung out at her parents’ house as often as she was at mine, at Cinema, food, game nights, village parties, and festivals but we never went from friendly closeness to romantic closeness, I think…
This week she stayed at my family house, we were both grinding an event in Elder Scrolls online and procrastinating. In the morning I made us breakfast, got a morning hug, and then it happened… My mother came for breakfast too, sat down, and commented on us together:
“When can I expect grandkids from you guys” she said, I thought jokingly, but no. She was dead serious.
I looked at her and told her that it was not my priority and that first I would need to have someone.
My friend looked at me with disbelief, my mother looked at me with shock like I just said something so confusing and wrong.
It got me worried so I asked what happened. Then my friend asked me what I was thinking that “we” were. “What do you think we had going on for the past years.”
I was beyond confused, I was speechless, I had no idea that in everyone’s eyes, we were a couple.
My mom burst out laughing, and my friend too, I quickly took my jacket and went for a walk… when I came back home there was this awkward silence and I said that I needed time to think things over. The friend got visibly mad at me… and she left..
it was a couple of hours ago and I have no idea what to do… I tried texting and calling her but she is not responding. Am I the jerk for being blind for so long? I’m not good at relationships and emotions so I had no idea.”
Another User Comments:
“Uh, what? I mean, if you’ve been in a “relationship” for something like 20 years and you haven’t realized it yet, it isn’t a relationship. This whole thing seems kind of strange to me. She thinks she’s your partner, but in 20 years neither of you have ever talked about a future together or made any kind of move beyond hugging each other?
I don’t know how she could consider herself your partner if you’ve never had those conversations or taken those steps of exclusivity. This sounds very platonic. I’m not sure how everyone else would think you’re in a relationship except you. NTJ.
You are both 23 years old, and this sounds like something that would happen to someone who is like 14. I think your “friend” needs to mature a bit if she thinks this is what being in a relationship is. Edit: Now that you know she likes you romantically, and it seems like from your comments, you would like to have this become a relationship, now is the time to have those conversations and be in a relationship if you choose to.
But until then, you aren’t in a relationship. Being in a relationship is a mutual thing, and cannot be a relationship if one of the two people doesn’t even realize it is a relationship lol.” puntacana24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t be blamed for not realizing something like this.
Especially in the absence of any explicitly romantic or intimate conversations or interactions. Also, sometimes other people just assume you can read their minds despite the fact they’ve never told you how they feel. I had a guy get angry at me once because he thought we’d been in a relationship, and I just thought we were friends.
I hadn’t had much relationship experience at that point (I was about your age, probably) and thought we’d just been hanging out as friends.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“I won’t call you a jerk but you are dumb You kissed, you cuddled, you held hands regularly, and you didn’t have a partner else In the eyes of literally everyone you were in a relationship.
If my partner was acting like this with another woman, I would have broken up with him for being unfaithful to me. I do feel bad for your now-partner though, it must have been devastating when you walked out like that.” stallion8426
12. AITJ For Wanting My Step Dad To Give Me Away At My Wedding Instead Of My Biological Dad?
“My (29f) dad (59M) & I don’t have a positive relationship. My parents split by the time I was & I don’t remember them ever together.
I have many full bio sisters and step-siblings (from my dad’s remarriage). I happen to be the youngest.
Now by the time I was about 10ish, my dad had stopped making trips to visit me & spend time with just me. I remember as a 6-8 year-old asking for time for myself, my sisters & my dad.
I even had a plan. Dad and I go to one movie, stepmom and her kids go to a different movie & then we all go to dinner together this was rejected because he couldn’t do that to his partner. Dad used to call all the time when I was small but close to bedtime & with no new info.
It was always “So what’s new?” This question would be asked 10 & then I’d go to bed. I told him to stop calling so late I was always staying up to talk to him. He stopped calling.
When I was 17 I advised him I was on meds for my mental health & he said “What do you have to be depressed about?” I said our relationship, ending up screaming at him over the phone.
My parents (mom and stepdad) could hear & were worried about me. When I was 18 or 19 we got into a bigger spat where I told him he wasn’t there for me and our relationship was bad. He decided to sic his sister on me. She told me I had no right to speak to my father like that, no right to feel how I felt.
I have gone to NC with most of that side of the family. I talk to my father once a year on my birthday, his wife writes a card & writes a cheque telling me to visit and they love me. I always respond & thank them.
I have strained relationships with all my sisters, and no relationship with step-siblings & stepmom. Well, now I’m getting married. I love my family and wish that they’d put aside arguments & show they care about me once in my life. I have invited all bio sisters minus 1 who didn’t respond when I told her of my upcoming marriage.
What my dad doesn’t know yet is that my stepdad is the man who will give me away. I’m willing to compromise & have my father walk me halfway, give me to my stepdad’s dad and my stepdad give me to my husband. That is as far as I’m willing to go.
This is also for my future husband’s sake as he has only met my father once but my stepdad monthly. My stepmother is invited as I know my father would not join if I didn’t invite her.
My stepdad has been in my life since I was 6.
He is amazing & has always been there for me. Every time I was upset or sick he was there, if I needed a ride home he was there. He has helped me in my career & I love him with all my heart. He is my dad.
I told my sister that Dad would not be giving me away. She was surprised & thought it would hurt her feelings. For over 10 years I’ve had little to no contact with my dad & I think it would be presumptuous of him to assume he gets that honor while never being there for me.
I admit I know he loves me but he picks his wife & stepchildren over everyone no matter what & I won’t stand for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you realize your compromise is probably not going to work, right? Bio dad is going to throw a fit because the spotlight won’t be on him for the entire walk up to your soon-to-be husband and he might have to admit another man was your actual dad your entire life, as opposed to just being your sire like he’s been.
Considering your father treated you like that and your stepmother hit(s) her kids, I’m not sure why you want either of them in range to ruin your wedding day. Yes, not inviting your father will probably ruin the last of your relationship with him, but him being there and you giving any attention in the ceremony to the man who succeeded when he failed will probably do the same thing.
You can either entirely acquiesce to bio dad’s expectations, let him walk you down the entire aisle, and let him pretend he was worth jack to you growing up, or you gotta accept you have to let him go. Condolences to your situation, but congratulations on the wedding.
I hope the life you have ahead of you is bright and filled with love.” Labyris
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Disapproving Grandmother To My Wedding?
“I (25F) got married to my husband (36M) (Mike). Context – I’m from a traditional, Catholic, Hispanic family. Besides my parents, they live far away so they met Mike a year after we started seeing each other. They instantly liked him, except my grandma (GM) (76F).
From the start, she disapproved of him because he’s not Hispanic or Catholic, he’s too old, and a whole bunch of other things not worth listing.
Mike’s always been respectful to GM. But it grew from dirty looks to passive-aggressive comments to outright insults in Spanish in front of him.
We see her 1x/2x a year, but it makes me livid. I’ve confronted her every time, even my mom (GM’s daughter) has told her to stop.
2ish years later at our engagement dinner, GM approached and insulted Mike, ending by saying she didn’t give us her blessing.
I’d had it. I pulled my parents and Mike aside. I told them I didn’t want GM at our wedding. GM had been nothing but horrible to him from the start. It was clear that no matter how many times/my mom told her to stop, she was going to keep spitting her venom at Mike.
He shouldn’t have to deal with that at his wedding/any other day for that matter. I tried to be respectful b/c of the whole “she’s family, she’s our matriarch” thing. But enough was enough. I also apologized to Mike profusely for all he’d gone through just to keep the peace.
My parents supported my decision.
Now, a month after the wedding (which my family kept on the down low) my phone blows up from calls from GM. She started yelling at me in tears, asking how could I have robbed her of my wedding (I was the first of her grandkids to get married).
How could I have done this to her? I told her she’d made it perfectly and she didn’t like Mike. If she couldn’t be nice when I asked her to, how could I trust that she wouldn’t be cruel to him at our wedding?
She tried defending herself, but somewhere in there said something like “That’s how much I love you, I would’ve gone to your wedding despite you going through with it against my wishes”. That set me off. I yelled at her for the 1st time and ended it w/ saying “Mike and I are a package deal. You disrespect him, you disrespect me.
I won’t tolerate it anymore. Consider me out of your life until you apologize to him”. I hung up.
Everyone has been saying that GM is a wreck. Crying nonstop and begging for me to talk to her. But she’s also wailing that Mike has somehow turned me against her it’s all his fault.
My family sides with me, they’ve all seen firsthand how awful GM was to him.
Now I’m getting bombarded with messages from family I’ve never even met (my GM’s siblings, nieces, and nephews) saying I’m the jerk for doing that to her.
I do feel guilty.
I love my GM, but part of me does wish she could’ve seen me get married. But I wasn’t going to stand for her maltreatment of Mike. I won’t talk to her until she apologizes to him. Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled but I stand by my decision to not invite her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. All your grandma has to do is apologize. I’m pretty sure humility is one of the cardinal virtues or something. Maybe you could have talked to her before the wedding about some kind of agreement about how she has to behave, but like darn.
Why is it on you to deal with all this nonsense, when your grandmother could, you know, just not act insane?” volumeoforgottenlore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is Grandma living with the consequences of her actions. Despite what she said, you had no reason to trust that she would not make a scene at your wedding, and her behavior currently is certainly supporting your decision.
As far as the family you’ve never met messaging you – this is how you know you’ve won. When people know they can’t win an argument on the merits of their case, they try to win via peer pressure. In other words, grandma realized that she lost the argument, so she outsourced bullying you and your husband to other family members.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mike is your life partner. When you got engaged, Grandma should have put up and shut up, but she didn’t. Her actions excluded her from the wedding. She knows what she has to do if she doesn’t want to be excluded from your life.
She doesn’t get to say whatever she likes because she’s old. With age is supposed to come wisdom. She’s too old to throw a tantrum because she didn’t get her way.” BackgroundGate3
10. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Partner Adopt Her Siblings?
“Eight years ago, when I was 18, I had lost my mom and two of my three siblings in a car accident. My oldest sibling (then 14M) was not in the car. For a while, my brother was in foster care (albeit in a good situation).
I moved heaven and earth to get him with me as soon as possible.
We received substantial life insurance proceeds and an even more substantial settlement (the accident was caused by a truck driver). We also sold my mom’s home. With my half of the money, I bought a large home for my brother and I.
The other half of the money is in a trust for my brother.
A couple of years later, I got a casual partner pregnant (“GF”). We ended up having identical twin boys. I was not interested in a romantic relationship, although excited to be a dad.
She convinced me to try and make the relationship work “for the boys.” I agreed to try. She was making little money and couldn’t afford rent. So, I let her, with my brother’s permission, move into the house. She decided she wanted to stop working and stay home with the boys.
I was against it. But, after reading up on the benefits for kids, I agreed.
Here is where I might be the jerk. Due to some bad circumstances, three years ago, two of my GF’s siblings ended up in foster care. The situation is quite bad from what I was told.
My GF understandably wants to adopt/foster them. But, given the living situation (she has no income, no ownership in the home, etc), she cannot do it on her own. So, either I would need to do it and/or we get married so we can do it together.
I refuse. Look, I am willing to let the kids live here if she somehow could get approved on her own, but I would not do what she is asking. This has been an ongoing fight and she has called me a jerk. She says I moved heaven and earth to get my brother out of a good foster family, and her siblings are going through a terrible situation and I won’t help.
I said I had a duty to my brother. While she has a duty to her siblings, I do not have a duty to them. Our mutual friends are pretty divided.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but you should probably get honest about your situation.
It sounds like she moved in because she didn’t have other options, and you’re keeping her around out of feelings of obligation. You didn’t want this life, and I doubt she’s happy with the situation either. You’re living together as partners, calling her your partner, but do you even have romantic feelings for each other?
Would you be seeing each other if you didn’t have a kid together? It’s a disservice to everyone – ESPECIALLY the kids – to keep playing house like this. Growing up in a home where parents are “together” but don’t have a romantic relationship is super confusing to kids, it gives them a lot of weird ideas of what love and relationships are supposed to be like.
You don’t want them to grow up thinking this is love. You can co-parent, even live together, without slipping into this weird relationship of convenience.” scorpionmittens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Nope, didn’t do that. Yes, you did it for YOUR brother, because he is YOUR brother.
You don’t love her, you already agreed to let her stop working even if you aren’t comfortable. Don’t make the stupid mistake of being even more trapped in this loveless relationship. Tell her if she wants her siblings she can get a job and move out.” Kooky-Today-3172
Another User Comments:
“This one is tough. You agreed to let her stay home together to take care of your child (due to the benefits you saw) so of course she’s not going to have a job because she’s raising your kid. But at the same time, you aren’t married and do not owe them anything or have any responsibility with the children she wants to adopt.
I’m going to say No jerks here. Everyone’s feelings are valid. No one has done anything wrong. But I think you two need to have a conversation and talk to a couples counselor. Being together just for a kid when you two don’t have any romantic feelings for each other may not be as healthy for your child as you think…” TheSciFiGuy80
9. AITJ For Taking My Family's Bunny To A Breeder After My Mom Tried To Use It As Leverage?
“I (26F) am from China and just finished my master’s degree in the US. My family financially supported me through both degrees. My parents are doing pretty well financially, and we have more assets than what they spent on me. In 2021, I went back to China for half a year, and we got the bunny then.
It was my idea, and my mom quickly agreed, often referring to the bunny as my brother since she was feeding both of us. She knew I would stay in the US for at least a few more years before we got the bunny.
Before I graduated, my mom talked about my plans, saying that if I couldn’t fully support myself 5 months after my degree, I’d have to return to China as she wouldn’t send me money after that.
I agreed, and a month before graduating, I got an internship and now a job, so I no longer need her financial support.
However, my mom has been pushing hard for me to return to China by downplaying everything in the US—food, travel, people, job—telling me China is better.
She’s a strong patriot, and we never had a good relationship growing up. I also don’t want to return to China. While my country is great, I don’t like the social and work environments. I don’t know anyone there, and after living in the US for almost a decade, I’d be facing a new environment without a job, friends, or resources.
Here, I have everything.
A few months ago, after I said I wasn’t planning to move back, my mom lied about my dad having brain damage symptoms and refused to take him to the hospital. I had to make an appointment for him out of worry, only to find out she was lying.
Recently, she told me she’d drop the bunny at a park’s bunny playground and let it live there. I strongly opposed it because the weather can reach 40C (104F) in summer and -20C (-4F) in winter. The bunny came from a breeder who raised them in sanitized conditions, and poor food or water could be deadly.
The breeder agreed that it was a bad idea. When I told my mom, she complained they’d been caring for the bunny for 3 years and thought I would take over. Since I’m not moving back, she planned to get rid of it. I offered to visit annually, but she said she’d only keep the bunny if I moved back and settled in China in November.
I contacted the breeder, and we agreed he would care for the bunny until I decided what to do. I’ll be paying him for this. When I told my mom, she was shocked, calling me a jerk for taking away their last connection to me and insisting she never wanted to give up the bunny.
I explained I was just removing the burden she mentioned, and that she could still visit the bunny, but she refused. Now I feel like an ungrateful jerk, but her using the bunny as leverage to make me move back really hurt me. I’ve been crying for days.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Bruh.. this is typical Asian parenting. As a fellow Asian who followed a similar path, stand your ground. This stuff is never going to stop and we are born into it. Stay strong and just keep reminding yourself that, no matter what you do, there is always something that makes you a jerk.
NTJ.” TastyLeekWhy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You can’t win. The bunny is a burden! (Removes burden). The bunny is our only connection to you! My daughter lives only 25 minutes away, but I was heartbroken when she moved out. I would have loved to guilt her into returning home.
But I didn’t. Because this is what we sign up for. We love our children fiercely so one day they can take on the world. It’s expected your mama will shed tears, but you darling, you dry your tears and live your one wild and precious life.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“Judging from reading this, NTJ. It is a really bad idea to return to China if you have everything in the US and do not have a job, friends, or resources in China. Those things are very important. Your mother lied to get you to move to a place where you would not have friends, a job, or resources other than her.
She probably lied about dropping the bunny at the park’s bunny playground.” crushing
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Half Of The School Daycare Cost After I Stopped Using It?
“My daughter is currently in kindergarten and goes to school in the school district her dad resides in. Her dad was insistent on putting her in school there and enrolled her in his district.
I had a family member who was going to take my daughter to and from school for me while I worked but that changed last minute, I tried to talk my daughter’s dad into enrolling her in the district I live in as he is the only person who lives in that district (approximately 20 minutes away from me) and all of his family who could help him get her to and from school live here as well but it became a huge argument and so because it was so last minute, I just took the fall and his parent said he will see this backfire on him and maybe we can choose the district I live in next school year.
We both had to utilize the before and after-school “daycare” services that the school offers due to our work schedules. Her school doesn’t have after-school programs until the kids hit 3rd grade so younger children have to use a daycare-like program which is not free and is billed weekly.
Since her father and I both used the services an equal amount (we share 50/50 custody), we split the cost in half. And pick her up and drop her off on our prospective days.
I am due to have another baby at the beginning of December, but due to complications, I was pulled from work early and went on early leave.
Now I am no longer in need of the before and after school program and can take my daughter to school at normal times, and offered to pick her up from school on his days at normal pick up, but I cannot wake up on his days with her to pick her up and take her to school so he will still need to utilize the before school program.
He said that was great and appreciated the help and since payments are due on Mondays which are my days with her, he will just send his half of the cost on the weekends so I can add my half to the envelope and turn it in when I bring her to school.
I asked him what he meant by my half and said I would not be contributing as I no longer needed the services, and I tried to enroll her in the district in my city to prevent us from having to pay for the “daycare” but he didn’t want me to.
He said she is just as much my child and I’m still responsible for the half even if I’m not using it on my days but I disagree. He called me difficult and a jerk and said I’m just trying to make his life harder.
His parents agreed with me and said that he should be responsible as he is the only one who needs the services now and this could’ve been prevented if he just agreed to enroll our daughter in the district that I live in as well as all of his family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you are not utilizing daycare during scheduled time with the child, you are not obligated to pay. If it billed weekly then it would seem to me that the school would only bill for weeks your daughter is using the service.
If you don’t use it during your week, they shouldn’t be billing for that time. You should be able to stop paying for that which you don’t use and your husband will be for the weeks he uses and should pay that himself. I would check with the school, but why else would they expect weekly payments unless each week was billed separately?
So, no NTJ and you don’t owe it.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“I went through this with my ex-husband, obviously check the laws/policies where you live but when I had to deal with this the court was very clear that each parent is responsible for whatever happens during their custody time If he has her in daycare during his custody time then he is responsible for paying, if he picks her up late and gets charged a late fee (like my ex) then he is solely responsible for paying it Also, if you end up in court over the issue of which school she attends the court will side with the school district that offers the most support and resources for the child, so generally speaking, if all the family support is in your district than they will agree she should be in your school district NTJ – easy to see why he is the ex!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1000% You are solely responsible for being there even if you work on your days and he is solely responsible for being there even if he works on his days. Since you can just pick her up on your days you don’t have to pay for any services so your bill is zero.
The services HE uses on HIS days are entirely within HIS control and responsibility. If he wants to save he can change his job or the school district to use his family so he (or his family) can be there; otherwise, it’s his sole financial responsibility to take care of NOT yours.” throwawayvh61
7. AITJ For Not Appreciating My Sister Cooking For Me?
“So I am pregnant, one month till my due date.
My older sister had this plan to do this thing for me where she would help me have some frozen homemade postpartum meals. All her ideas and something she wanted to do for me.
We spoke about it beforehand and went through what meals I wanted to have, I offhandedly said I would have to pay as it seemed like a lot but she said no, this is a gift from her to me.
I remember saying we could at least go 50/50.
So the day came, and we could not find time to go shopping together, so I went and shopped everything on my own. She sent the shopping list, I went and I paid. The day after we cooked. Together, I did as much as she did, but that’s no problem, of course, I would help out and not just sit around and watch.
It was six different dinners.
She still lives at home and had planned to cook dinner there as well so her time was limited and she said she would have to go three hours later, the pots were simmering and nothing was really put together, but the bulk was done.
And honestly, I’m just a little annoyed these days after because she just left me with so much to do. Putting all of the dishes together, like lasagnas, making and rolling out the dough for pizza rolls, etc (this one was actually really tiring). And then I had to go shopping for trays I could freeze everything in, package it, label it.
I am eight months pregnant and I never asked for this. It didn’t really feel like a favor because I spent a ton of money I could have used elsewhere, food is expensive so it wasn’t cheap. I spent a ton of energy finishing what she started, in the middle of my work week, which is also tiring me out.
I haven’t said anything because I feel like I can’t complain. But at the same time would I be the jerk if I said something? I feel like whatever I would say she would just call me ungrateful or something, but she’s not the one expecting a child, paying a ton of money and spending so much time and energy for something I never would have done if it wasn’t for her idea.
My mother-in-law would have cooked for me if I struggled with food after birth, it really would be no problem for me. I just feel so slighted. It felt like a thoughtless thing to do to just leave me with all of this and run off and not even consider the money aspect of everything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was all her idea, she said she wanted to do it for you and it was a GIFT from her and she was going to pay for it even after you offered to pay or even go 50/50 (which, if it was truly a gift isn’t something you should do either, even if it was expensive).
You couldn’t find time to shop *together* so instead somehow YOU ended up doing it?? You’re 8 months pregnant, this was all her idea, and it’s supposed to be her gift to you. If you couldn’t shop together, SHE should have gone on her own.
This was all her idea and her gift to you. Your helping isn’t a huge deal if it’s something you wanted to do, but her leaving the bulk of the work to you, after you went shopping for it all, paid for it all, and helped her cook is just messed up.
This was no gift in any way whatsoever. This was a BURDEN she put on you and had you take on the bulk of. She might have had good intentions with the idea, but it was a huge failure and she hasn’t said anything to you or apologized, which makes it even more messed up!
She should have already said something to you, but since she hasn’t then I would bring it up if it’s bothering you. You’re not wrong in how you’re feeling and wouldn’t be wrong in telling her. She needs to apologize and pay you back for all the money you put into HER gift to you.” OneWhisper5225
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think saying something would make you a jerk. She had this grandiose idea of what she was going to offer, then did not even bare minimum, leaving you with finishing the food, all of the packaging – and the worst offense in my book – the dishes.
She didn’t give you a gift, she helped make a mess for a project you weren’t on board with in the first place. I would phrase it gently – “While I appreciated the thought and idea of this, the execution left a lot to be desired. I ended up doing all the shopping, dishes, and division of food/most of the labor.
While I’m happy to have meals on hand, next time you want to do something, I’d like it if we planned it out better, so you had more time to complete the project that was started since that was the bulk of the offer.” NTJ – but be gentle in your phrasing with this.
I’m also confused as to why it happened at your house. I’ve done this for friends who have had children, and I do all of it at my house and present them with finished meals ready for eating or freezing.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Genuinely can’t tell what she did here that benefits you. Calling it a gift is a real stretch. It’s up to you if you want to bring it up or not, but you’re not in the wrong either way. I definitely would ask her to Venmo whatever you spent on the food though at least.” applebum8807
6. AITJ For Not Being A Better Trip Sitter For My Best Friend?
“Almost exactly a year ago today my best friend ended our friendship. We had gone out for his birthday to a park near my house.
We had decided to try some substances together, we had talked about it before and had already tried them a couple of times. When we bought them we got a strand we hadn’t tried before but was supposed to be stronger and better. When I saw him we agreed on a dose and took the same amount, although I did warn him that taking a larger dose could be a lot, and we could take the same dose that we had had with others before (that he had described as a perfect trip) but he wanted to go big for his birthday.
About an hour later they started to kick in, a bit different than normal. We talked, listened to music, and hung out. After another 30 minutes, he said his stomach hurt and he was feeling weird.
I told him that he should get it out of his system, although in my inebriated state, I may not have said it as nicely as I otherwise would have, and I couldn’t explain how it would help.
He was distressed and we walked up the hill towards the parking lot. At this point the visuals for me were crazy and I was hardly in a place to comfort someone else. He said he wanted to call someone to pick him up and I did too afterward because I didn’t want to be alone.
I stayed with him and waited, and I asked him if he was sure he wanted to leave. He said yes. I said I didn’t want to be alone, but he wasn’t doing well. I tried to hug him goodbye but he said he couldn’t handle that right now, so I sat beside him instead.
His ride got there shortly, he hopped in the car and left.
A while after my ride arrived and I left too. I was tripping hard (I thought cars weren’t real and I was god) and I started to feel a little sick too but I had been sick from a high before so knew how to deal with it.
I realized after I had never really talked my friend through any of the times I had been sick, because it was a little embarrassing, and I assumed he knew that it was a possibility and how to deal with it. Mostly because I had told him something similar about one time I got sick from substances.
I texted him a few times once I got home, to make sure he had gotten home alright, and some other high ramblings, but he never responded. I went to sleep that night knowing something was wrong and would’ve done anything to have done the day differently.
The next day he sent me a message that read “I no longer feel safe around you. Do not try to contact me or anyone around me. If you do I will involve the police.”
I would assume he felt sick and didn’t know what to do and blamed me.
Am I the jerk in this situation? For not supporting him more, or being a better trip sitter? Previously when we had gotten high I was never as bad as him (I have a higher tolerance) so I usually took care of him, but this time I couldn’t.
Do you think I did anything wrong? Or should he have researched better himself? I also think calling the police is a rather drastic measure that doesn’t fit what I did or what happened.”
Another User Comments:
“You both made poor choices. Taking a larger dose of a stronger strain was foolish.
But I don’t think you were specifically at fault here. He wanted you to trip with him rather than being a trip sitter – you can only do one or the other! No jerks here.” NapalmAxolotl
5. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Negligent Dog-Owner Neighbors?
“They already have a less than a year-old husky puppy. It stays in the backyard pretty much 24/7, with little to no interaction unless they are outside with it for a couple of hours a week here and there.
Not my idea of pet ownership. But at the same time not criminal.
My wife takes our dog out to potty this evening and tells me that there is a new puppy next door after seeing what our dog was sniffing at by the fence we share with them.
One of our boys is leaving for a school camping trip tomorrow. And I ran out after dinner to get batteries for the flashlight they wanted to bring with them. As I go to open my car door I get licked on the ankle by this softball-sized puppy.
I go to the neighbor’s door, activate their ring doorbell, and ask if it’s their dog. It is, they got it this morning, but they left it out in the backyard around noon to go watch football somewhere.
“The gate is unlocked, just put it back in the backyard.
It’ll be fine.”
So I put it back there, but I used some bag chairs I found and an empty trash can to try to cover the gap at the bottom of the wooden gate. Seems to work.
45 min later, I go out to wheel our trashcan down to the curb for pickup tomorrow.
Greeted by this little sweetheart again. Called my wife out and we grabbed some landscaping rocks and our empty lawn/garden trashcan to try to shore up the front of their gate. Seems to work.
Now it’s about 10 PM, and we hear banging and scratching at our front metal security door.
Hoped it was the neighbors coming to thank us and letting the puppy announce them.
No, it’s escaped for a third time. At this point, our dog is going nuts. So we closed the front door and I went out of the garage. In those 30 seconds, this dog squeezed between the 2-inch gap between our security door and front door and scaled the metal screen to six feet off the ground, sandwiched between the two doors.
So we grabbed an old towel and put it in the bed of the truck parked in their driveway with a small Tupperware container of water and a few little kibbles of our own dog’s food.
I activated their darn ring camera again to let them know where their brand-new puppy was and wanted to let them have it for being such horrible owners.
I still want to, but they are neighbors and my wife doesn’t want me to stir the pot. AITJ for really wanting to be a jerk and stir that darn pot.”
4. AITJ For Throwing Away My Kids' Fast Food And Threatening To Send My Mom To A Nursing Home?
“When I was a child my mother had no concept of what is healthy food.
If it said diet on the box it was ok. She would serve me cereal for breakfast. Dinners were often processed ready-to-eat junk or McDonalds. After school snacks were cookies and Little Debbie. My mom is obese and I was almost 300 lbs when I graduated high school.
It was only after I moved out that I realized how unhealthy I was and it took me years to lose that childhood weight and establish good eating habits.
My wife has always had them and was brought up by a family that didn’t trust processed foods.
My family and I now follow a whole-food diet for ourselves.
My mom had a heart attack and is almost 400 lbs. This is her 3rd heart attack and she wasn’t able to make rent so now she is living with me and recovering at my home.
She has been to a nutritionist multiple times for her weight and acts like she is too stupid to understand what they are saying or acts like no one eats like that or the doctors and nurses are bullying her because of her weight.
She has been ordering junk food and takeout on apps like Instant Cart and Uber Eats.
She has been feeding my kids the same junk food. Even after I have told her to stop.
I hear the ring camera go off and my youngest child gets my mom’s latest McDonald’s order. My mom got both of my kids a Happy Meal. This was the 3rd time she has done this week.
I took my kids’ Happy Meal tossed them in the trash and poured cleaner on top of them. I told my mom if she wants to eat herself to death that’s ok with me but do not kill my children like you almost killed me as a child with this trash.
Things got heated because my mom was crying saying she didn’t know any better and that one Happy Meal would not hurt my children. I told her this is the 3rd one this week and if she gives my children junk again she will find herself in a nursing home.
My mom cried and cried saying I was mean to her and all the doctors do is bully her. She just wants to live her life. I told her she’s not living her best life she’s eating herself to death. My mom called me a bully and told my children I was a bully and not to act like me in school.
I told my mom I’m fed up with her and I’m looking at nursing homes later that week and I’m not having her bring this lifestyle into my home around my children.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ – your house, your kids, your rules.
What was your kids’ reaction to all this? In an age-appropriate way I’d be honest with them and explain why that food isn’t healthy food and that yes maybe it can be a sometimes food, but if you eat sometimes food too much, you can get sick like grandma.
I feel bad for how intentionally ignorant your mom is being and risking her relationship with her grandkids for McDonald’s. It sounds like she has some mental disorder that’s causing her to blame everyone and everything else for her problems and never takes responsibility- I’d keep on track of getting her in a home because I wouldn’t want that attitude rubbing off on my kids.” FrancyCat92
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. If your mom cannot show basic respect for you as a parent by following your expectations and rules on the foods the kids are eating, she should be shown the door. It’s not like you reached this point the first time, you only got there after she repeatedly ignored your wishes.
Your mom has a mental health issue, I suspect, and as you note, what she does herself is one thing but plying your kids with fast food three times a week against their parent’s wishes and claiming to not know any better is just not ok – it’s manipulative and toxic.
You aren’t a bully for having rules or expecting them to be followed. It sounds like she is problematic in your home, a negative influence and a huge source of drama, and you should be looking at alternative options for her, as you are.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This ‘Things got heated because my mom was crying saying she doesn’t know any better and one Happy Meal will not hurt my children. ‘ No, one won’t hurt them but a thousand ones will. And this, ‘I told my mom I’m fed up with her and I’m looking at nursing homes later that week and I’m not having her bring this lifestyle into my home around my children.’ That is EXACTLY what you need to do.
Your mother has a compulsive eating disorder and is a carrier of it infecting your children. You need to protect the health of your children, and she hasn’t the will or sense to alter her behavior. And she is a danger to all around her.
So, putting her into a controlled environment (the last I heard they don’t have a MickyD’s on the premises) will not only help your kids but help her as well. Do it!” PumpkinPowerful3292
3. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Learn Cooking And Help With Meal Preparations?
“My wife (24) and I (26-year-old female) are struggling in our marriage as she believes she does not need to help cook or prepare food or even help clean up after, besides dishes.
She was raised in a family with no chores and they had a maid come clean the house. She has never learned to cook and cannot boil water despite me walking her through it, she just loses patience. I love my wife and have taken time out of our evenings to show her how to cook and measure spices, for example.
She lasts about 2 minutes before either walking away or throwing a tantrum that she doesn’t want to learn and I should be the only one in this house who has to know how to cook.
The other night, I got home from work and was exhausted since it had been a busy week in healthcare.
She complained she had not spent enough time with me these past few days, so I offered to have her cook with me so she could learn while also spending time together. I thought it would be cute to make a recipe together that we never ate before.
She threw a fit and said she just wanted to watch TV but eventually agreed to sit in the kitchen with me. About 10 minutes in, I asked her to wash a grill rack since she usually does the dishes when I cook. Surprise, she threw a tantrum.
Eventually, she did it because she was hungry and I was busy cooking 3 different parts of the dinner. A few minutes later I had to go outside to grill some chicken and I asked if she could start putting some spices away so I would have less cleanup.
I think you know what happened next…
She eventually stopped yelling and complaining and put some stuff away. I gave her her plate of food first to enjoy since I still had some cleaning up to do. I talked to some friends about it and they said if it was their significant other who never cooked they would eventually say they had to prepare their meals if they would not help.
I have mentioned in the past she should learn to cook on her own for numerous reasons but one being that she is a very picky eater so anything I do cook, I have to prepare differently and separately.
I am also the one who does the “handyman” duties as well as takes care of all the bills and yard work.
I do have to give credit where credit is due and mention that she does the dishes and puts the laundry away. Am I the jerk for wanting her to learn how to cook and/or at least help in preparing the kitchen?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can’t make your wife grow up and act like an adult but you can stop coddling her because she throws tantrums. Buy her a beginner cook, like Betty Crocker, and let her figure it out. She’s used to people wiping her backside and she needs to figure out some basic life skills.
What used to be cute and quirky in a relationship gets old, fast.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not even touching the cooking part, because that’s on a whole different planet than the real issue you are having. You are married to a grown adult who throws tantrums?
That is ridiculous. Get in counseling immediately. If she doesn’t stop with that verbal and emotional abuse in the immediate future so you guys can start working on life skill expectations, then you need to cut your losses and move on.” Girl_with_no_Swag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any adult individual, male or female, who is unable to feed themselves is simply pathetic in my book. What if something happened to you? How would she make pancakes? She wouldn’t even be able to heat them even if she got them premade!
Also, there is something deeply unattractive about adults throwing tantrums… but I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. It’s time to grow up and learn some survival skills.” BigAd8400
2. AITJ For Confronting My Fiancé About His Constant Interruptions?
“My fiancé has a REALLY bad habit of interrupting people, not just me but mostly me because it seems he’s the most comfortable with it, and he tries to be the “model husband” when guests are around. That’s not speculation, he’s said himself, that he’ll act differently because he “doesn’t want my family to see him in a negative light”.
My mom just visited and I can honestly say it was one of the VERY few times in our relationship that he didn’t interrupt me, because (in his paraphrased words) “Your mom is different than my mom, I have to be on my best behavior for your mom so she’s sure I treat you right.”
But I went on vacation yesterday to see my brother’s retirement ceremony (20+ years in the Army/whole family came) and I want to be VERY clear that I wanted him to come and tried my darnedest to do so. He couldn’t. He still tries to guilt me with the whole “You’re abandoning me!
How will I live for a week? You should’ve had the ceremony here.” He said these were jokes but he was the only one laughing. It would’ve been his first time meeting my whole family (it’s large) and our first actual vacation together. Needless to say, I wanted him to come and am disappointed he couldn’t but that’s adult life.
I called him today to talk and vent a little about the family issues. And my biggest problem is that he’ll ask me a question, and then interrupt when I’m halfway through answering. And it’s not always topic-related, sometimes (though not this time) he’ll bring up something random after asking me a question and it just feels like he doesn’t care about my answer.
But when I bring it up he gives me “Oh my god, I can’t even talk to you without you getting upset” when I feel like I’m just trying to speak uninterrupted, especially when he asks me a question. So when I said something on the phone today he got angry and was like “I’ve wasted an hour of my life talking about interrupting, I get it, you should go to bed” (he always says he gets it and then interrupts me again).
I was a little snippy when I said “I’m sorry that talking to your fiancée about something you continuously do that bothers her makes you feel like you wasted an hour of your life.” And he did his whole “omg I can’t” thing again and I’m left feeling like the bad guy when I can’t even talk to my fiancé about things that bother me without him telling me I’m overreacting or being dramatic.
But I also feel it’s a little bit reasonable that I’m so frustrated with being interrupted that I’m at the end of my rope. If you don’t care what I have to say, don’t ask the freaking question!! AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why are you considering marrying that jerk?
Seriously? Is it a self-esteem issue? You do not think you can find a man who likes and respects you and is interested in what you have to say? I would suggest you make an appointment with a therapist and work on your self-esteem issues before marrying that guy.” Mother_Search3350
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy has explicitly told you he intentionally changes his behavior around your mother to give her the false impression that he’s not a jerk. That is sociopathic. He doesn’t listen to you. He tries to guilt you into not attending an important trip.
He sounds controlling, melodramatic, and ridiculously narcissistic. Why would you marry this idiot? None of this behavior is going to get better.” Sorry-Analysis8628
Another User Comments:
“Of course you are NTJ but do you really wanna get married to a guy that doesn’t let you speak and gets upset when you try to stand up for yourself?
Just an idea: next time you are talking on the phone again, hang up when he interrupts you. Every single time. Don’t argue, just hang up. Maybe, MAYBE then he will see how often he does it.” dumpster_scuba
1. AITJ For Not Asking My Grandparents To Include My Step And Half Siblings In Our Time Together?
“I (15) have one set of grandparents in my life. My mom’s parents. She passed away when I was 3 but they were the ones to babysit me for Dad for the next 4 years.
After that, he met my stepmom and I started staying home with her and my stepsiblings (13 and 12). My grandparents would include the stepfamily in BBQs and dinner parties and stuff. But they asked my dad to let them still have grandkid time with just me because I was the only grandkid in the house.
He and my stepmom were not super cool with it but when dad asked me if I wanted to see my grandparents without my stepsiblings and I said yes, he agreed to the time. He told me if I ever wanted to change my mind I should speak up.
I have three half-siblings (6, 5, and 2) now and they also come along for BBQs but not for the grandparent time.
My stepmom’s mom was the only grandparent my step and half-siblings had. But she’s the biggest jerk and last year she and my stepmom stopped talking after her mom called the other kids names.
Since that happened my dad and stepmom have felt worse about my step and half siblings wanting to be included more in my mom’s side of the family. They grew attached to my grandparents. But my mom’s side doesn’t consider them grandkids or family. They get included because they’re part of my stepfamily.
My dad tried to talk my grandparents into having grandkid days with all of us but my grandparents said no.
Last month my dad begged me to ask my grandparents to invite us all to grandparent time. He said my step and half-siblings have no grandparents anymore and I have two.
He said I have two loving grandparents and they deserve it too. I told him I wanted to keep that time with them. They’re my connection to mom and I like being with that side without the rest of the stepfamily. He said at my age it’s not like I get as excited as I was.
I said it makes me feel better inside when I get time with just them. It makes me feel so loved and eases some of the sadness that I don’t remember my mom. He told me to ask anyway and we’d figure it out. But I didn’t ask.
I don’t think it would be what my dad or stepmom thinks because if my grandparents don’t love them it won’t be the same as what I get out of it. And I don’t want to waste the time I spend with them on my own.
My dad and stepmom are mad I didn’t ask. They said I should do what they asked me as my parents. And I should think of my step and half-siblings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The lack of a relationship with her Mom should not dictate the relationship you have with your grandparents.
You have the right to time with your family. Tell them that you “value the time with your grandparents as they are the living representative of your mother and you don’t want that disturbed.” It is not selfish to enjoy your time with your family.
It is selfish for them to want to take it from you.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“Why do parents become foolish when they remarry? Your maternal family has no relationship with your step and half-siblings. Tell your father that your step/half siblings still have their mother and you don’t.
You need solo grandparent time so that you still feel connected to your actual mother. Why does he care more about his other kids having grandparent time with people who are not even their grandparents than you having meaningful time with people who allow you to still feel connected to your mom?
He’ll say your stepmom is now your mom – no, she’s not. Also, you need to think of yourself before you think of siblings – they have a mom and dad who care about their needs. You don’t have parents who care about you. NTJ.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ However, I would tell your grandparents that your dad is pressuring you to ask but you don’t want it and only want solo time with them. So when he asks you if you asked, you can say you did but they still said no. They can back you up on that too.
I’m so sorry you lost your mom. Maybe you can move in with the grandparents when you turn 18 or go away to college?” Trick_Delivery4609
