People Feel Discouraged In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Yelling At A Hotel Guest Over A Smelly Trash Bag?
“I’m a cleaning lady at a hotel. Today, one of the guests came up to me with a bag, which I recognized as one of the trash bags that we put in the room, and asked me where she could throw her garbage away.
Her bag smelled like urine to me so I screamed at her saying what is wrong with you? Why did you urinate in a bag? And kept screaming at her as she walked down the hall to throw it away. According to her, she didn’t urinate there and it was food but at the time I just felt disgusted.
After that, my coworker told me that was really unprofessional towards a guest and that I shouldn’t have yelled. Came here to get opinions. I think just because I’m a cleaning lady doesn’t mean I should have to touch people’s urine.”
Another User Comments:
“You screamed at a guest?
Perhaps a guest dealing with incontinence, who was attempting to subtly throw out her own diaper so that you wouldn’t have to deal with it. She didn’t ask you to touch it, she asked where she could throw it away. And you screamed at her?
I’d fire you. YTJ. You’re a massive jerk.” tinazero
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why did you feel the need to yell at a guest? At least she was willing to take care of the trash herself rather than let you take care of it. Honestly, it’s a thing around my area that heavy drinkers act like idiots in lots of inappropriate places in hotels… bathtubs, sinks, coffee pots… It’s absolutely disgusting.
Nonetheless, people (staff) have to clean it up. This guest was not only unjustly screamed at but also probably embarrassed by your accusations. Perhaps this isn’t the right line of work for you if you can’t have a professional conversation.” ljvk
Another User Comments:
“You are a massive jerk and I would have fired you for that. People have medical issues and you probably embarrassed her. She didn’t even ask you to throw it away; she asked where she could, so why did it bother you? It really isn’t any of your business.
As a housekeeper myself, you’re an embarrassment. You’re in the wrong profession if this is how you react to something like this. I’ve had to clean up vomit and pee and never would yell at the guest for it because it’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS.” Aggravating-Dirt-808
21. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Roommate's Freeloading Friend?
“I (21M) share a dorm room with my roommate, Martin (21M).
We’ve been living together since the start of the semester, and for the most part, things have been fine. We’re not best friends or anything, but we respect each other’s space and keep the room relatively clean. Which is something we have both agreed upon since the beginning.
Last week, Martin told me his high school friend, Liz, was coming to visit for the weekend. I didn’t have a problem with that—I figured Liz would stay for a night or two, and it would be fine. But here’s where things got messy.
Liz showed up on a Friday night, and by Sunday, she was still there. Not only that, but she made zero effort to leave. She was sleeping on our floor, eating our food without any contributions, and using our shower every day like she lived there but worst of all, she refused to help clean up anything since she says it’s on Martin’s side of the room and not mine.
She makes huge messes everywhere.
The room is separated by a curtain, but it really makes me uncomfortable that Martin has her over here. I’ve been trying for several times to tell Martin she has to go but he told me how Liz recently has been in a tough financial spot and her family pretty much doesn’t cater for her needs and she only needs some time to reset as he is the only person that can help her, and she will be out in no time.
I’ve mentioned the issue in front of both of them at least to make the place livable but Liz plays the emotional card on Martin, who is so hooked he doesn’t hesitate to be lenient with her just because she is struggling with her stuff.
I would say Liz is using Martin to live off of him but now it’s affecting me, this isn’t a college dorm room so I can’t call anyone on this situation. She has been here for almost a week and one of us has to crack, and I’m not planning on it being me.
I’m planning on forcefully moving her out by this Friday.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You absolutely CAN call someone about it. In theory, you signed a lease or rental agreement. That agreement will have language about guests and how long they can stay. For example, my older son’s college apartment agreement said that guests could not stay more than 2 consecutive days without property management’s written permission and could not stay more than 4 consecutive days for any reason.
There was even a limit on how many times a particular guest could go over the 2 day limit. Also spelled out in that agreement was contact information and how to get problems addressed. You CAN call someone. You just need to read your agreement to figure out who and what to tell them.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re sharing a dorm, you have to make every decision together, he’s taking away your rights to make decisions for your space since he decided not to ask you or even consult you about her LIVING in your dorm.
It sucks what she maybe be going through but you really need to level up on those communication skills with your roomie because this can’t be happening again any time.” YourCowGurl
Another User Comments:
“I imagine that your landlord or whatever only agreed to the two of you living there – if they knew there’s a 3rd person, they’d take issue with it.
Your lease likely states that guests can only stay for a certain amount of time. Perhaps pursue things that way. Do you and Martin pay for utilities and such? I’d start making her, or Martin, pay for her 3rd. The fact that she is struggling doesn’t mean that she and Martin get to dump her financial woes on you, thus making YOU struggle financially.
Not your job to take care of Liz. She doesn’t have to go home, but she can’t stay here! NTJ.” mumtaz2004
20. AITJ For Asking A Regular Customer To Use Headphones While Shopping In My Record Store?
“I work at a record store and this morning, someone came in to shop through the bargain records. As they were looking through the records, they were looking songs up on their phone and playing them from beginning to end at nearly full volume. We already have music playing over the store speakers, so the combined music made an unpleasant cacophony of noise.
They spent 30 minutes shopping and playing their music before I walked over and offered them a pair of headphones to listen to their music. Turns out they have an iPhone so there’s no headphone jack & I don’t have a lightning adapter.
Around 15 minutes later, he came up to the counter to ring up.
Once they paid, I asked them verbatim, “Next time you come to shop, could you bring earbuds or headphones?” My tone was understanding and I just wanted to eliminate the problem in the future since the guy is somewhat regular. He got upset and told me that it’s a record store and he should be able to listen to the songs he doesn’t know.
He was offended that I mentioned it. I said that if every customer was listening to music like he was then it would be complete chaos. I’m curious if anyone shares his point of view. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Music stores used to have listening stations with headphones for people to sample the music.
Plus, imagine if every customer had the same attitude as that self-entitled jerk? Nobody would be able to hear themselves think with the nonstop cacophony I get wanting to know what it sounds like before spending money but he needed to be respectful of other people.” elevenohnoes
Another User Comments:
“Playing whatever you like on your phone loudspeakers, in public, seems to be increasingly socially acceptable (it’s NOT, it’s RUDE – and unbearable if there are two or more different competing soundtracks going on at once). NTJ, given that you’re in a music store, the guy is being reasonable in saying that he might want to hear music that’s new to him – just not in playing it over his phone speakers!
As this will likely arise again, I would suggest asking the manager to get hold of an adaptor and putting up a sign about not playing tracks over loudspeaker and ask to borrow headphones if you don’t have your own…” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I know I can’t be so old that I’m the only one who remembers when music stores had consoles with headphones. You know, the way Circuit City had TVs connected to game consoles in locked boxes with the controllers ready for anybody to try them?
I remember going to music stores and scanning the CD I wanted to sample and hearing a short bit of each track. I miss those things. They were fun. Your customer was rude and inconsiderate. Yeah, it’s a record store, but not everyone wants to hear what YOU want to hear.
But I would recommend putting up a sign in the style of Luke from Gilmore Girls, so people know the expectation. “Kindly use headphones to listen to music, or don’t listen to music in the store.”” NotSoAverage_sister
19. AITJ For Kicking My MIL Out Of My Wife's Baby Shower?
“I (28M) and my wife (29F) are expecting our first baby in March and are very excited, but there have been some complications.
My wife has been struggling with constant nausea and pain, which has led her to be basically bedridden the past few months.
Her nausea has been a bit better lately, so my mom and sister decided to throw us a baby shower (I know that dad isn’t typically invited, but that’s just how my family does it).
Well, my MIL is not happy about any of it. She is upset that my family is throwing the shower (even though she never offered to help) and upset that men were invited. That, I could see from her point of view and put aside for the sake of reducing drama.
What I couldn’t forgive was her comments toward my wife the second she came through the door.
She claimed that my wife “wasn’t really that sick” and was “just doing it to get out of work” when, in reality, my wife was working online literally from the bathroom in between vomiting.
The kicker was when my sweet sister tried to lighten the mood, saying, “well, at least (wife) is feeling better now,” and MIL said, “I bet she’s just here to get our money and attention, then not show her face for another month.”
I was LIVID.
I told her she needed to shut up or leave because this day was about supporting my wife and our baby, so she needed to do that. That ticked her off so she screamed at my wife and me for being ungrateful until my wife cried, so I told her to “just get lost already.” She finally listened and left, and the rest of the party went somewhat smoothly.
However, some family members said I should have just ignored her, and my wife doesn’t want to talk about it.
So, was I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You defended your heavily pregnant and sick wife from her nasty, unsympathetic mother. If MIL wanted a baby shower done her way, she could have thrown one herself.
What was she accusing you of being “ungrateful“ for? She didn’t contribute to the shower, and it sounds like she hasn’t done much apart from criticizing and throwing screaming tantrums. I doubt this is the first time MIL has behaved like this, and she knows she can get away with it if people “just ignore her.” She needed to be called out.
I hope your wife feels better soon and congratulations on the baby.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The woman who birthed me and her other daughter who were living with me BARGED into my bedroom at like 6 am on my birthday to “be the first ones to wish me a happy birthday.” Which makes no sense because my husband and I slept in the same room, and he had just stepped out either to use the bathroom or make me some tea.
I was seven months pregnant and had had a ROUGH night. He came back in and was SHOCKED to find them in there after he had quietly snuck out so I could finally sleep. He kicked them out, and they were miffed, saying they just wanted to celebrate me.
He was like “it’s 6 am and she’s pregnant. This is not about her, you are making it about YOU”. So they sulked all day because he was “mean to them”. Your wife needs you to advocate for her, even if she herself won’t rock the boat with her mom (I couldn’t have kicked my mom out myself or even thought to.
I would have just gritted my teeth through it). You did exactly what she needed. Good for you.” throwaway_virtuoso71
Another User Comments:
“I agree with NTJ. You were supporting your wife when she couldn’t/didn’t want to do it herself. You advocated for her best interest when MIL thought she knew better.
Seems like MIL has a “me first” attitude (narcissistic tendencies?) and doesn’t think about what her daughter is going through. Also, MIL will probably invite herself to the baby’s birth, and that would just add extra stress. Please discuss with your wife what she would prefer.
I personally operate under “if you were not in the room when baby was made, you don’t need to be in the room when baby is born”. If your wife doesn’t want her there, LET YOUR NURSES KNOW. They’re going to be your new best friends and will have zero problems kicking her out or preventing her from even going inside.” Separate-Werewolf262
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Bed With My Mom In Our New House?
“I (F22) live with my family and we are moving houses. I share with a sibling who has disabilities and it is in her best interest to have her own space.
Therefore, it was agreed that my mum would either share with me or ideally I would get my own room.
My mum has now decided that her dream home that she is going to buy doesn’t meet that agreement. The master bedroom that we would share doesn’t have room for a double bed for her (which she insists on) and a single for me.
Therefore, she has decided that we must share a bed which I really don’t want. I feel like I’m too old and there is another property that my siblings and I prefer that would give me my own room but she insists that she prefers this one.
I can’t afford to move out for several years because I need to save for a mortgage but I don’t think this is a viable situation. Is this a reasonable request or should I just be grateful that I have a roof over my head?
She was upset by my refusal and feels that I am being selfish.
FYI: I have another sibling 30M and they also have their own room, it’s just me sharing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unpopular opinion, clearly – but sharing a room is NOT THE SAME as sharing a bed. Ask your mother flat out if she’d rather you didn’t move with them, because maybe that’s her goal. Then start looking for a room to rent.
What do you currently contribute to the household? Do you pay rent, help with your siblings, have assigned chores? If you genuinely can’t avoid this, and Mom insists she wants you but this house is her personal best option, consider other sleeping options. A trundle bed – usually twin size, they slide under another bed in the daytime, but pull out at night, so that floor space isn’t an issue during the day.
Another option is a foam flip-out chair that’s narrower than a trundle, which could go in the living room as a chair in daytime, and be a bed at night.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course, a 22-year-old isn’t going to share a bed with her mother.
Mom can get a single bed until you move out. She does want you to move out someday, right? She isn’t expecting you to be your sibling’s permanent, unpaid carer? You’re a new graduate spending time caring for a disabled sibling instead of being able to go work and build your own future.
That’s really crummy. And they think you don’t even rate having your own bed as a full-grown adult? Not even that much privacy and respect? It’s time for your 30-year-old brother, who doesn’t care for your sibling or even pay rent, to get out on his own.” PinkNGreenFluoride
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Weigh the pros and cons, and make a plan with your mom about when you WILL be leaving. Do you expect her to choose the house you like instead of what she likes if you’re leaving in 2-3 years anyway?
How long do you WANT to stay? Your mom is in a very tough spot but also fortunate to have her choice of residences. If she is asking you to sacrifice (somewhat) some period of your life by living with her and regularly caring for your sibling, she should not also be asking you to go without your own bed. I think you might feel guilty if you make a fuss about your own room and your mom chooses an ugly house with more rooms, and then you leave in 12 months anyways because you can’t accept the sacrifice any longer.
That’s why a long-term plan is useful here. If you’re leaving soon, just go with what she wants for a few months.” Citriina
17. AITJ For Making My Coworker Feel Unwelcome After Setting Personal Boundaries?
“I (22F) worked closely with a coworker (25M) who, a few months in after starting, began leaning on me for emotional support about his depression and loneliness. I initially offered validation and supportive advice, but it became emotionally draining.
When he went on FMLA leave for mental health, he texted me again about feeling isolated. I suggested actionable steps like joining clubs, but he dismissed my ideas. This led to a boundary-setting conversation:
Me: Thanks for being honest with me, especially given our short time working together.
That said, I want to be transparent—I care about your well-being as a coworker, but I believe your therapist is the best person to guide you through this. I hope you can understand
He apologized, saying: “I know this is a lot and I know you didn’t sign up for any of this.
I feel so bad about everything and hope we can still be friends once I start feeling better. I’m gonna give you some space from all of this.” After that, he texted me twice while on leave (once to ask how I was doing and once to let me know he was returning to work).
I left both texts on read.
When he returned, I decided to keep our interactions strictly work-related. Over the next few days, we didn’t talk except for one work-related question he sent via Slack, which I answered promptly.
He texted the following:
Boss and I talked the other day about how he really wants the lab to be a welcoming and supportive environment for me.
Several lab members have done such a great job creating a welcoming space for me as I return, and I would truly appreciate it if you could do the same. I’ve noticed that you’ve been quite avoidant toward me, which makes it harder for me to assimilate back into the lab and makes me feel unwelcome.
I understand this is a challenging situation to navigate, and by no means are you obligated to make me feel welcome, but it would mean a lot if you could try.
I also wanted to give you the opportunity to set boundaries to ensure that my mental health does not impact our ability to work together.
I think keeping conversations on slack and work-related could be a good starting point, but please let me know if there are any other boundaries you’d like to establish. The last thing I want is for tension between us to affect our work, so I really want to resolve this rather than avoid it.
I replied over Slack:
I saw your text. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better. I’m not sure if you tried to talk to me at lab and I missed it, but I’ve been really busy with lab work—it wasn’t my intention to avoid you.
I believe I’ve set personal boundaries for my well-being, and I hope you can understand the need for that. I agree that keeping our conversations work-related is the best approach, and I hope we can maintain a professional relationship moving forward.
He replied, “Thanks for your response and thank you for being mature about all of this.”
AITJ for making my coworker feel unwelcome after I set boundaries?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Boss and I talked the other day about how he really wants the lab to be a welcoming and supportive environment for me.” (This is him pressuring you right off the bat.) “Several lab members have done such a great job creating a welcoming space for me as I return, and I would truly appreciate it if you could do the same.” (This is him laying on the guilt trips.) “I’ve noticed that you’ve been quite avoidant toward me, which makes it harder for me to assimilate back into the lab and makes me feel unwelcome.” (This is more nonsense: accusations that you have misbehaved by not doing emotional labor for him, which ISN’T YOUR JOB.) This person is highly manipulative.
Watch out. Continue to be strictly professional and keep records of every text and conversation. Things will escalate.” OlympiaShannon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would document it all and think about giving your supervisor a heads-up. I talked to so and so…he said you wanted the job to be a welcoming place, which I totally understand and agree with.
We all want a pleasant working environment and to be congenial. However, he seems to think that means we need to be friends as well as colleagues and has been pressuring me to become personal. I prefer to keep my working relationships cordial but professional which I am sure you understand.
Could you please give me your thoughts on this subject so I know it’s coming from you? If boss asks go into the history and explain why you set boundaries and show the Slack convo. ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You are dealing with the situation perfectly!
I am dealing with a similar situation with a similarly needy, manipulative male in my social circle. I’m married to another woman, he is married to a woman. A few years ago, I had to find another gym because he followed me around with his Eeyore self, wanting all kinds of attention.
Then a couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. He offered me some books, all kinds of well-wishes and presto, within a week or two it was back all about his Eeyore self wanting to be petted with needy texts and “offers” – “can I come loan you some CDs” “look at xyz I made for my child” ….
DUDE, I HAVE LUNG CANCER! But this time, I have a ton of male friends from a hobby who are modeling normal male care and concern. My wife and I are convinced he does this because I am a woman and don’t have a husband who might confront him!
It’s so hard to stand your ground with the manipulative needy nonsense but I am taking strength from your firm and professional response.” 2moms3grls
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay $500 Monthly Rent To My Partner's Parents?
“My (F25) partner (M30) and I have been in a long-distance relationship for over a year. I’ve been visiting him often since I work remotely, staying with him and his parents for 1–2 months at a time. We’re planning to close the distance soon, get engaged by September, move in with him and his parents by October, and get married in December or January.
This living arrangement would be temporary, as he plans to get his own place in 2026.
I felt good about this plan until he recently told me I’d need to pay him $500 a month to help cover rent to his parents. I earn $1,600 a month, while he makes around $3,000–$3,500.
He currently pays them $700 monthly. This request blindsided me because it never came up in our many conversations about finances and our future. I’d happily pay $500 and more if we were renting our own place, but paying that much to live with him and his parents doesn’t sit right with me.
He thinks I’m being greedy for feeling uneasy about his request as he pays for most things in our relationship. I pay for my own expenses basically, plane tickets, personal products, and he pays for dates, activities, etc.
Living with his parents already feels like a big adjustment.
While they’re lovely and the house is beautiful, I don’t feel at home there. During my visits, I stay in his room all day working, only leaving to eat or use the bathroom, which is right next to his parents’ bedroom. I don’t have space for my things, so I live out of a suitcase, and I’m careful to clean up after myself every time.
He’s also said he expects me to cook dinner once or twice a week when I move permanently.
Back home, I pay my dad $200 monthly for rent, have my own bathroom, and feel completely comfortable around my family. Moving abroad is already a huge change, and leaving behind that comfort is hard enough.
Paying $500 on top of that feels overwhelming, especially when it’s not even my own space. I’m open to contributing less, but $500 feels like too much for what I’m currently making.
WIBTJ if I refuse to pay him that amount?”
Another User Comments:
“Honey, if I were you, I’d stay where I am.
Why is it always the woman who needs to relocate anyway? I understand your job is remote, but I wouldn’t put myself in a financial situation where I wasn’t able to save money to be independent. Especially when you are moving away from all of your support group of family and friends.
You would be isolated and at their mercy. There’s no need to rush. If you guys are meant to be together, then wait until you can afford a place of your own without living with his parents.” Gold_Challenge6437
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a red flag.
I would urge you to think about what you are doing. Sometimes relationships (especially long-distance) work well in one set of circumstances but when you go deeper, you find where the incompatibility can be. This sounds like you have an early warning. Do not move long distance to live with a man and his parents unless you are very, very sure about your comfort level and what the shared finances will look like with this person.
Otherwise, you might find yourself trapped in a bad situation in not just another city but a whole other country with no support system. You need to make clear to your partner that you are taking a big risk and making a leap of faith.
That will require him to reciprocate as well. I could see contributing to food and utilities but not pay almost as much rent as he does when you will not even have a private space but just be sharing his.” MasterK999
Another User Comments:
“Hard to say.
I’ll go with NTJ, but it might be no jerks here. IMO it would make more sense for you and your partner to be charged a lump sum by his parents for rent, and then it’s up to the two of you to split that amount accordingly.
It’s hard to tell from your post whether your discomfort is with paying rent at all, or the specific amount. No issues if it’s the latter. But your lack of comfort in a house that isn’t yours doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have to pay rent, right?
You seem to be connecting your discomfort with the rent pretty heavily and I don’t understand that. You not feeling comfortable to exist outside a single room of their house isn’t the fault or responsibility of your partner’s parents. “He’s also said he expects me to cook dinner once or twice a week when I move permanently.” Not sure how I feel about this either.
Is he also going to be cooking dinner once or twice a week?” NoSalamander7749
15. AITJ For Not Taking My Daughter Out Of School To See Snow?
“Our family lives in Florida, and our youngest (9) has only seen snow a couple of times in her life.
As it happens, my partner is staying at a retreat this week up near the panhandle, where the forecasts for this snow event were anywhere from 1-3 inches of snow.
Some said freezing rain and sleet, some said a couple of inches of accumulation.
My partner said that I should take our youngest out of school for the week to drive up the six hours so she could see and play in the snow. I work from home so, while not a trivial issue to manage Zoom meetings and phone calls in the one room with the background noise and potential interruptions, it didn’t pose a large enough issue for my work to be a deal breaker in and of itself.
There are a few other small complications that add up to make the situation less ideal, but in theory, they were mostly manageable if push came to shove.
I objected because I felt that taking our child out of school for a week just to go and be stuck in a cottage other than a couple of hours of playing in the snow would set a bad example when it came to taking school seriously.
Our eldest is having major issues with motivation for school due to a number of reasons, and while every child is different, he was just as focused and motivated for school at 9 as she is now. I get that a week’s worth of content in fourth grade is not a ton, but both my partner and I really value education as a whole.
When the forecast was less clear, but leaning towards an inch or so of snow that wouldn’t really be enough to play with, my partner was ok with the decision to stay home. Now that it ended up being three or so inches, which would have been enough for some fun snow frolicking, they are telling me that I am selfish for not having been willing to spend the time in the car to take our daughter up there.
I said that that wasn’t the reason, and that my primary concern was missing the time at school. And without it even being a certainty of it being any kind of actual snow event.
Possibly Relevant Note: We have the economic means to either plan a vacation to a location guaranteed to have snow as well as go to one of the (admittedly somewhat lackluster, but existent) manufactured snow locations near us.
So it is not as if this is the only chance EVER that she could get to play with snow.
AITJ for not taking our daughter out of school to go up and see snow for the first time in a couple of years?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does your partner really want to deal with the specter of driving in snow in FLORIDA? I know y’all don’t have snowplows down there. I lived in Atlanta for ages, here’s what’s gonna happen to the roads: it’s gonna snow a bit at night, and then it’ll melt a bit during the day, and then it’ll freeze solid the next night and driving will be a white-knuckle experience at best. No. Nope.
Take the kids to Colorado or Vermont or something next winter break since you have the means to do it. Do not get in a very stupid and preventable car wreck. I say this as someone who took their nephews out of school for a few days to go see the eclipse in 2018: the lousy 3 inches tops of snow you’re gonna get in the panhandle ain’t worth it.
Wait and go somewhere cooler.” sailor_moon_knight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not because of the potential for motivation on the part of the child, the loss of instructional time (which as an educator I value greatly) or any cost issues. Florida is NOT used to dealing with snow.
Even a light snow will likely be dangerous for travelers on the road. OP would be well advised not to drive INTO a snow event when they’ll be sharing the road with stupid people who don’t know how to drive in it in the first place, on roads that likely are not as well prepared as say roads in New York or Ohio.” ThealaSildorian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A day of school, I could see doing. But a week? That’s way too much school to miss for something like this. Especially since you can afford to take a vacation to snow country if you want to. What was your partner’s plan for entertaining your child for an entire week, based on what would most likely be an hour or two of snow play?
Was it going to be on you, even though you’d be trying to work, too? And what about getting the make-up work from the teacher, and then sit with the child to make sure they understand it and get it all done? Was it his plan that he would push for the 1 hour of fun, and leave the week of extra work on your shoulders?” Mrs_Weaver
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My College-Bound Brother To Live With Me?
“My little brother is turning 18 and will be starting college next year. I’m incredibly proud of him and excited to watch him embark on this journey into adulthood. However, there’s a complication that’s been causing me some concern.
Recently, my mom mentioned that we should consider moving him in with me in May.
This caught me off guard because, while I knew where he planned to attend school, the discussion about his living arrangements had been quite vague. Apparently, my mom is relocating to another state, and my brother wants to stay here.
When I asked my mom about the possibility of him living in a dorm, she explained that it would consume his scholarships and that living with me would be more cost-effective.
I love my brother dearly, but he’s been quite sheltered by my mom and lacks essential life skills. He can’t drive, which means that responsibility would likely fall on me, along with ensuring he stays on track with his college commitments.
Moreover, I have four cats, and he has one of his own.
My three older cats are still not fond of the kitten, even after six months, so I’m worried about how they’ll react to another feline addition.
Would I be wrong to tell my mom that I’m not comfortable with him moving in with me?
Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“If this were an emergency, you’d be the jerk if you didn’t let your brother live with you for a while. It’s not an emergency. In fact, it’s a problem of your mother’s own making, since she’s choosing to move.
NTJ for not letting your brother live with you for his college years. This has all the hallmarks of a fiasco in the making. Pets that don’t get along, crowded living conditions, lack of privacy, being turned into a chauffeur all make this whole thing extremely unattractive.
You’re on your own and self-sufficient. Don’t hesitate to avoid this problem, and don’t be guilted into a bad decision. And all this is assuming your lease will even allow you to have a long-term resident living with you.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Why is your brother not planning to live in the dorms on campus, or at least close enough to campus to take advantage of any buses that the college or the town runs? That would solve the “not driving” problem, though not as conveniently for him as having you drive him places.
If this is in the US, there are apartment complexes in college towns where you rent a bedroom and have access to common areas like a kitchen and living room. He may have to share a bathroom. It sounds like your mother might be trying to stick you with your brother’s support as well unless she has made a specific and generous offer, such as more than half of rent, utilities, car insurance and car payment for what she will pay to have him live with you.
Don’t let your mother outsource her parenting to you. If she’s THAT worried about her son, let her move to the town where he is and stay in a hotel, like General Douglas MacArthur’s mother did when he attended West Point. She moved into the Hotel Thayer on campus.
Lots of parents buy condos in college towns for their children, then rent them out after all of the children have graduated. Some even use them as retirement homes.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe suggest to your mom and brother that he should learn to be self sufficient.
Learn to drive, clean the house, etc. These are skills he would need for his life. Who knows, maybe he’ll be so good at looking after himself and the house that you would actually like having him around. My little brother was sheltered, too.
He is the baby of the family and the only boy. He is 15 years younger than me. But he learnt how to live independently and he is the best babysitter. He lived with me while he was working on his master’s program and it was great honestly.
He did all the things I didn’t like to do, like collecting and taking out all the trash. He also helped out with grocery shopping, cooking, etc. We never thought he could because he was babied by my mom a lot. But he proved us all wrong.” HowDoIDoThisDaily
13. AITJ For Trying To Help My Partner Prepare For A Call From A Recruiting Agency?
“My partner was returning a call from a recruiting agency. He was lying down, so I asked if he wanted to sit up to be more prepared – in the past he’s just handed over the phone to me when he didn’t know what to say and I helped with that application so I knew about the agency, and explained a bit about them since it didn’t seem like he was going to sit up and what if the call got serious.
He suddenly exploded, saying I made him feel unprepared, and hung up. I apologized, and even a second time as well but he stayed upset and didn’t move on.
Later, I asked if he wanted oatmeal and added “or not,” which he claimed was petty and weird.
That led to a back and forth about how he thought I didn’t know who the caller was so why did I ask him that even though the answering machine stated the company name. I could have let it go but I didn’t force him to do anything so I don’t get why he exploded at me.
He later stormed out with our keys to the grocery shop. I was planning to go to the gym and realized I was locked out, so I chased him down to ask for the keys, but he ignored me and left.
When he got back, he smoked alone in the kitchen.
We ignored each other. Later, he tried making small talk, but I kept my responses short because I was still hurt.
PS: I like to talk through issues, even if we don’t agree, but he prefers “actions” over words—like me sitting close or holding him instead of talking.
I don’t think that’s fair here when I didn’t feel I was in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“You weren’t wrong about your partner sitting up to take the call, but he is an adult who can make his own decisions. You do come across as if you were his mum rather than his partner.
If he was already on the phone, there is also the possibility that they heard you and that would make your partner look bad. I would also have found it off-putting having someone try to talk to me whilst I am on the phone. This said, he totally overreacted and keeping you locked out is very petty.
It is up to him to regulate his emotions and communicate with you why he is so upset, not “explode on you” and react how you describe. I am going with NTJ but if I were you I would take a step back with the support over the job hunting.” hobalotit
Another User Comments:
“Are you also going to go to work for him, too? He’s a grown man – let him do his own applications and handle the interviews himself. If he can’t do it, he can’t do it. Of course he wants you to act like you forgive him instead of talking about what happened between you.
If you talked, he’d have to explain how he was projecting his own issues onto you and blaming you for him not being prepared and for him being petty. It’s so much easier for the instigator if the person they’re taking everything out on just gets over it and goes back to being affectionate.
Which isn’t at all fair to you. Additionally, is this really how you want to live? I’m exhausted just reading your post. You must be exhausted. NTJ for trying to help, but this is what your help gets you.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“Gently YTJ. It’s simply not your business, he’s an adult. When it’s not a video call, there aren’t expectations of appearances. You can sit, or walk, or lay down, you can be in business attire or loungewear. The most important thing in this case is what makes you feel more relaxed, concentrated, ready.
Some people claim that taking a business-like pose and wearing business-like attire helps to focus but it’s not a universal rule, I’d never do it. I typically take my calls pacing the room. If lying down with eyes closed does it for your partner and helps him to stay relaxed and concentrated – that’s what he should do.
One should feel comfortable during an important conversation. Leave the guy alone, let him fight his own battles for his and your benefit. He might be doing wrong things on the interviews, but taking a call lying down isn’t one of them.” quick_justice
12. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Uninterested Future Sister-In-Law Out Of My Wedding Party?
“I (28F) am getting married to my (29M) fiancé in spring 2025. His sister (32F) initially requested to be in the wedding as she wanted to be a bridesmaid.
Since the wedding festivities have begun, she has seemed extremely uninterested in being involved in any capacity. She joined in the bachelorette trip but didn’t help in planning, setting up, or cleaning up. She didn’t want to get the bridesmaid dress – after my matron and maid of honor followed up with her numerous times, I finally got involved and she purchased the dress ~10 weeks after everyone else.
She didn’t attend the (online and brief) bridal shower planning meeting, nor has she asked any of my bridesmaids what she can do to help. She has also been uncommunicative with all of the bridesmaids and won’t respond to texts for days/weeks and when she does finally respond, there is an excuse of why she can’t do something or couldn’t respond.
Now, she has informed everyone in the bridal party and my fiancé, but me, that she isn’t attending the bridal shower because she’s going on another bachelorette trip. Everyone has known the bridal shower date for months, and seeing as this is my future sister-in-law, it’s a slap in the face.
It also might be important to note that her husband (32M) is a groomsman and has gone above and beyond with helping/planning outings for my fiancé and his groomsmen. Her 2 daughters (2 under 2) are supposed to be the flower girls as well. I just feel like her presence/attitude thus far has really put a damper and strain on our wedding, which is supposed to be a happy experience.
I also don’t want to ruin our relationship, but I’m at my wit’s end. So, WIBTJ if I kicked my future sister-in-law out of my wedding party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ … but maybe it’s more pleasant not having her around in the planning process?
I think since her husband and daughters are involved, it’s better to keep her as a bridesmaid. Family members will probably get in a fluster, she’ll get offended (even though she’s not being supportive or helpful) and on the day there’ll be more drama than if she stayed in the bridal party.
If I were you, I’d continue to invite and include her in all the plans but only expect her to show up for the wedding – nothing more. If she gets difficult about hair and make-up appointments, tell the rest of the bridal party to deal with it because you just concentrate on the other arrangements.
It’s probably the least stressful option, and just remember what the day is for: Your new life with your husband. Let the other stuff go.” Money_System1026
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I think you’re expecting too much. Everyone doesn’t have to drop everything for your multiple events.
Her skipping the shower is not a slap in the face. She has her whole own life. And she’s going to another Bach party presumably for a friend. Do you want her to snub her friend for your shower? That’s not fair. Also each event doesn’t need a committee to plan.
So what if she’s not involved?? Let her just show up. At least she finally got the dress. Really, she probably just wanted to be in the party since her whole family is. Let it go. It’ll be fine. She doesn’t need to prove her worth by doing hard labor for you.
It doesn’t sound like she’s making life hard except for dragging her feet on the dress.” Traditional-Load8228
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ unless you laid out expectations before she agreed and she’s not holding up her end of the deal. If that’s not the case, I think you’re expecting too much.
It’s easy to get caught up in wedding energy but you need to remember this is your & your fiancé’s wedding and while it’s important to you both, it’s not going to be at the same level of importance to everyone else.
Most bridal party coordinating falls on the maid/matron of honor and if she (or they?) needs help, she should be delegating to the other bridesmaids who are willing to help. Not every bridesmaid is interested in being super involved and that’s ok. I’m not even sure why she is bringing this issue to you.
It’s part of her job to field those things. All it will do is stress out the bride needlessly.
SIL has 2 girls 2 and under? She’s probably busy and stressed out with not much free time or energy to devote to your bridal activities.
Babies and toddlers are hard under the best of circumstances and if her husband is going above & being with groomsmen things, she’s probably holding down the fort a lot at home. The delay on ordering the dress is sucky but maybe she was busy or tight on money.
Did you ask her? If she got it 10 weeks after everyone else and there STILL hasn’t been a bridal shower, it doesn’t sound like she was super pressed for time as far as deadlines go. As others mentioned, I think kicking her out would also open up a big can of worms with her husband and girls being involved in the wedding.
That could get ugly. I wouldn’t chance it. I think you just need to accept that she wants minimal involvement and probably just feels an obligation to be in the wedding and is trying to fulfill it the best she can. Expecting more will just lead to disappointment.
You cannot control other people’s actions but you can control how you react to them.” acciomalbec
11. AITJ For Uninviting My Mom From My Wedding Because She Won't Attend If My Cousin Does?
“My cousin (27f) and I (26f) are very close. She was one of my only friends growing up and also one of the only constants in my life. There is serious tension between my mother and aunt that is deeply rooted in my aunt’s show-off personality and my mom’s jealousy for her sister.
My mother is extremely manipulative, vindictive, and incapable of taking the blame for anything. My aunt is pretty much the same way.
I am getting married to my fiancé in March and my cousin was the first person I told. I asked her to be my maid of honor months before I asked any of my other friends to be bridesmaids.
She very happily said yes, and I was excited. My fiancé and I told our parents, then went on to figure out some of the more important details. When we finished the guest list, I went to my parents’ house and showed my mom. She was reading through it, and when she got to my cousin and aunt, (whom I invited solely because my cousin is the MOH), she had a fit and was throwing around insults like there’s no tomorrow.
She said I absolutely cannot invite my aunt because of XYZ issue. She then said that I can’t invite my cousin either because she is “just like her trashy jerk of a mother”.
I told her I could compromise on my aunt but there was no room for discussion on my cousin, and that she WILL be coming.
She started huffing and puffing and then told me that if my cousin attends, she won’t be. I said fine, and then left.
The next day, I called her and formally told her she’s uninvited since she has a problem with my cousin going.
She hung up without saying anything and hasn’t spoken to me directly since. She must’ve been complaining to my other family members because I’ve been getting nonstop messages about it. They all think I should just uninvite my cousin for the sake of my mom because they all took my mom’s side of this like 7 year argument.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them all, “My mom is welcome to attend if she accepts that cousin will also be there. She is the one who gave the ultimatum of if cousin will be there then she won’t. She made the choice, not me.
I would like them both there which was the way I had the guest list set originally. Apparently, her hatred for her sister is stronger than her love for her child. If you feel the same way, let me know and I will also remove you from the guest list. For those who actually care about me and want to still come and be a part of my day.
My love goes out to you.”” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve dealt with such situations a couple of times, where family members of mine refuse to be in the same room with some other family member. In my case, I’ve liked both of the people involved. So my attitude now is I’ll invite everyone I want as guests and it’s up to them to sort out their issues.
If Anne won’t come to my bday party because my mom will be there, that’s on Anne. I want both of them there so I’ll invite them both. It’s not my job to manage their grudges and social dysfunctions. In other words, invite your mom and just grey rock any demands and ultimatums from her.
“You’re welcome to attend my wedding, Mom. The guest list will be as I’ve shown you and isn’t really your concern anyway. See you there!” That way, the onus is on her to choose if she wants to come or not. You’ve invited her, you don’t have to jump through hoops to get her to come (or be tricked into playing her games by uninviting her).
Just do your part and leave it at that. You can’t control what she does, only what you do.” Snowlantern
10. AITJ For Canceling My Teen's Birthday Dinner Due To Them Missing School?
“My teenager turned 16 today. They are also autistic. This morning, they came out complaining about a rash from shaving, stating that it hurt too much to have air blow on it or cloth against it & therefore, they weren’t going to school.
I gave them a few hours & tried again. They still wouldn’t go. Gave it a few more hours, same result.
Now it’s too late to go to school. So I told them to text their friends & tell them that the dinner party at a midprice restaurant is off.
Now they & their sibling (21) are calling me a jerk. I feel like if I let them have the dinner out tonight after they called out of school, it is rewarding a negative behavior. If they were diabetic & had to go to the ER because of low blood sugar, then were released, I still wouldn’t let them go out to a dinner.
Not that they’d feel up to it then, I imagine. So is this just me being a good parent or me being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“A soft YTJ – the consequence for the decision makes sense, but it came up way too late.
As others have said, you should have told them, “If it’s too uncomfortable for school, it sounds like it’s too uncomfortable to have a birthday party.” I think it’s hard for most people to relate to your kid’s exact feeling. But I think we can all empathize with the feeling of being too sick for work, but not too sick for video games.
Or an outfit being too uncomfortable for school, but worth wearing to a party. It’s easier to power through discomfort when it’s softened by the comfort of friends or fun. It’s harder to power through discomfort when it’s amplified by the hardships of school. And sensory stuff can earnestly be very overwhelming.
That, of course, doesn’t make their decision reasonable or rational and it is behaviour they need to work through to navigate the adult world. They shouldn’t be coddled, and it is your responsibility as a parent to call them on things like that. It’s just a matter of letting them know the consequences of their decisions, instead of surprising them with those consequences.” Sudden_File4569
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Does this happen often? Or is it an extremely rare occurrence for them to skip school? Because if it is rare: YTJ – I get it – you want them to learn consequences because, well, life. But considering the fact that you told us your child is Autistic, I can easily see where the sensory issue can make things hard.
Beyond that, rashes can easily get better throughout the day – and it being better by dinner is not unlikely. This is your child’s 16th birthday – and all they will remember from it is you canceling the dinner they likely had been looking forward to.
They will remember having to explain to their friends why it was canceled. They won’t remember the lesson you are trying to teach them. In the grand scheme of things, what is more important: teaching them a lesson you could teach them some other time or way, or celebrating their 16th birthday?” Oopiku
9. AITJ For Not Letting A Family Friend Stay In My House Due To My Dogs And Lack Of Guest Rooms?
“I 35f live with my two indoor dogs in a 3 bedroom house, and my brother stays in one of the spare bedrooms every now and then. An old friend of the family and his wife with 3 kids will be coming to town in the next couple of weeks.
They will stay for 3 days and asked me to accommodate them because “I have the space”. I declined, stating that I do not have guest bedrooms and that they are used for both office space and my brother’s personal space ( he has all his stuff in the one room).
They were insistent on staying at my house regardless saying they can sleep in my living room stating their kids can sleep on my sectional and they can bring an inflatable mattress, I declined again stating that my dogs’ crates are in the adjacent dining room area and that they wouldn’t sleep well with strangers in their immediate space and I get up at 6 am every morning to take them out and feed them etc. They got mad, saying that I have always been welcome at their home (I’ve never gone to stay with them) and that this really hurt their feelings.
Now I’ve gotten a couple of comments from other friends in common saying that I could have let them stay and that I was being selfish for not moving my dogs’ crates to another room and that changing the routine for 3 days would have not killed me.”
Another User Comments:
“Nope. NTJ. One, is your place kid-proof with locks on the office and bedroom doors? If no, even if yes, tell them your place isn’t kid-proof and you would worry for their safety. Also, dogs thrive on routine. I am childless. I like kids ok, but not in my space.
Any pets I have would come first. Anyone who is saying how terrible you are for not hosting them, tell them if it matters so much to them, they can host the family. You are not obligated to, it’s your space, you get to decide who enters it.” VehicleCreepy806
Another User Comments:
“This has to be nonsense. Never have I encountered anyone with such undaunted shameless gall and audacity to not only invite themselves to my house but then argue and debate me when I say no AND then attempt to turn my friends against me.
The icing on the cake is that these same friends then take the side of the rude entitled visitors. OP what kind of company do you keep that either treats you like a doormat or perhaps this sort of behavior in your social circle is expected and common?
This is such reprobate behavior, it has to be a nonsense post.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“I never understood how people can be so audaciously confident as to actually pushback against someone saying, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t put you, your wife and kids up in my place.” She said no dude!
What is there to argue about? Do you honestly think guilt tripping and bashing the point till she gives in to your demands is going to make for a delightful 2-day home stay for you and your tribe? That she’ll suddenly be all smiles and say, “You make a great point!
Of course you can stay!” and serve you all pancakes for breakfast? NTJ x 10 and an addendum: it doesn’t matter if you have space or dogs or not. Your home. You said NO. Enough said.” JadedPinkly
8. AITJ For Refusing To Crochet A Sweater For My Mom?
“I (16f) have been crocheting for around 3 years now, and every year I make my mom (52f) a crochet gift for her birthday. The first year, I gave her a hat, and she gave it to a family member as it wasn’t what she wanted, and last year, I ended up giving her a blanket, which was supposed to be a cardigan but I had to change it as I decided a cardigan was above my skill levels.
I ended up giving that to her on Christmas instead, as I was quite busy that year and was going through some mental health issues (which she knows about). Every time she gets her gift, she complains about something like: “Oh I wanted something else” or “This is not the colour I wanted.”
So this year, she asked me, “Can you make me a sweater?” I told her no, as a sweater is a time-consuming project. I struggle with making stuff in other people’s measurements, and she had complained each time I made her something. I offered her that I could make her something else instead, but she refused, saying: “I want you to make me something I can wear.” She was also saying that it would be less time-consuming if I made the sweater in a looser knit, which is not the case.
I was telling her that I would be happy making her anything else, but a sweater was just too complicated for me, or if she only wanted the sweater, I would not make her anything at all.
I understand her wanting something she could wear, but I simply do not believe I would be able to make one for her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am sorry you are dealing with an ungrateful gift receiver. Stop making her things and ask for a detailed gift list with whatever dollar limit you want to spend, then buy from that. If she complains, show her the list she provided and realize you will never make her happy gift-wise.
I used to make handmade, time-consuming gifts for friends and family and learned really quickly who appreciated them and who didn’t, so the next year they got a nice store-bought gift and complained they wanted something personal. I explained that I saw my last gift in a donation box in their garage and that I understand that handmade crafts are not for everyone.
No hurt feelings, just not going to waste my precious time making gifts they don’t want. They were embarrassed, but not my issue. You asked, and I explained, plain and simple.” RestaurantMuch7517
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds very particular so in some ways, I’m not surprised this is her reaction.
I’ve found that if you want someone to use what you make them, it’s got to be based on them and what they like. If you make your mom something, take her to the store with you and choose the yarn together. Then make her a scarf.
Only if she wears the scarf and doesn’t complain would I think of making something more involved. Next thing can be a shawl. I’ve made a few different things over the years for people. Some people don’t care they appreciate anything hand made.
Others it needs to fit into certain parameters. Obviously, some people get more than others. ” Sunnyok85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you learn a craft, you also need to learn which people will appreciate the effort that goes into your work, and which will not.
It’s bad enough that your mother didn’t like any of your previous gifts; it is worse that she actually thinks a sweater is easy to make (even though you’ve told her directly that it’s above your skill level) and that a “looser knit” (???) makes crochet easier to do!
She clearly knows nothing about either knitting or crochet! And I sympathize with you and your reluctance to make clothing for other people because of sizing problems. I once knit (not crocheted) a sweater for someone, but the sleeves somehow came out too long, although I could have sworn I took and followed the measurements.
At least he was polite enough to say he liked it!” SavingsRhubarb8746
7. AITJ For Secretly Signing My Wife Up For Health Insurance?
“My wife feels like health insurance is a waste of money, but I know how financially exposed we are with her uninsured. She didn’t see the value, I did, so I signed her up for it last year and didn’t tell her.
I didn’t tell her because we generally keep our finances separate, and I knew she’d be too proud to let me pay for it, but she wouldn’t pay for it herself, so I signed her up and didn’t tell her.
I’ve been paying for it ever since.
My worries were confirmed today when she opened an invoice, and I told her what I’ve been up to. She’s angry.
AITJ for secretly signing my wife up for health insurance she didn’t want?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
My parents did EVERYTHING right and were on track to retire early. My mom got cancer. While they had insurance, my mom was “released” from her job. Even with a hefty severance package, by the time my mom passed away, my father was over $100k in debt, because guess what?
When you are married, it is your debt too. On top of losing his wife, my father had to work another 5 years past normal retirement age, and was LUCKY to be able to pay it off and retire at all. The few years when she was still able to work/had insurance were the only things that kept my father from working until the day he died. You are not just protecting her, you are protecting yourself as well.
If she is too stubborn or unreasonable to see that, then sometimes you have to do what you have to do… while you’re at it, get a life insurance policy on her too.” Ok-Horror-1049
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, because you’re a husband who loves his wife and cares about her well-being.
Secondly, because you are aware of how bad the financial hit will be if your wife gets sick or is in an accident. I work in medical billing for a huge health-care system, and the bills for even minor things are big, and could make a serious dent in your savings.
For something major, like surgery, cancer treatment, an inpatient hospital stay, etc., it could send you into serious medical debt or even bankruptcy. 60% of bankruptcies are due to medical debt. Your wife needs to realize that though she may feel like she’s in good health now, that is no guarantee that she won’t get sick in the future, or that she won’t be in an accident.
She can’t be allowed to jeopardize both of your financial futures because she’s too cheap to pay for insurance.” sweeney_todd555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but stealth mode might not be the best mode here, my dude. Sure, protecting your SO is top-tier partner material, but communication is like, the boss level of marriage.
Maybe she’s mad more about the secret agent vibes than the actual insurance? It’s kinda like buying someone a gym membership out of the blue—it’s practical but can feel a bit off if it comes out of nowhere. You definitely scored points for being proactive about health (big brain move!), but next time maybe bring her in on the strategy session.
It’s all about that co-op gameplay in marriage. Good luck smoothing things over!” WinnieWave
6. AITJ For Not Telling The Nurse I Couldn't Understand Her Directions During A Mammogram?
“I just went for the most awkward mammogram I’ve ever experienced. The nurse seemed to be getting frustrated with me for not understanding which way she wanted me to move. Part of the problem was that she did not use words like “left”, “right”, “forward”, “backward,” etc. – just a lot of “move this way” which I struggled to interpret.
She also had a very strong South African accent (i.e. a different accent to mine).
Her increasing frustration and insistence that I relax (I came in reasonably relaxed but that was long gone by this stage) of course had the opposite effect. I nearly ended up in tears when she gave up on communicating because I misheard her.
I then tried to deescalate the tense situation and apologised that I was a little hard of hearing and had misheard her. She immediately became angry and said in quite a shouty voice that I should have told her this and she would have spoken in a slower and louder voice.
I replied that it is not an easy thing to tell people, which seemed to anger her more. I should have said that her way of conveying instructions was also perhaps not as clear as she thought it was, but did not have the guts to say this and by now was actually quite upset.
All this while I am still standing at an awkward angle.
I have never been diagnosed as hard of hearing; in fact I had a hearing test during the past year that said my hearing is good. However, my children tell me I do have a hearing problem and I tend to think they might be right (even though they are horrible mumblers, ha ha!).
Anyway, I was shaking by the time I sat in my car, questioning how that all went so wrong and how I could have handled it better. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m sorry you had such a difficult time. The clinicians are supposed to understand that people have all sorts of issues and situations they may be dealing with.
I feel for you, as I do have a hearing problem, severe anxiety, and a directional (left right) dyslexia. I find it helpful to tell them of my problems right up front. That way, they know I need their tolerance and understanding. It IS confusing to know what they want us to do (step right, left, right arm up, turn feet, turn hips, do a handstand, look up, cross eyes, and HOLD YOUR BREATH!!).
I try to relax and tell them to just gently move me where they need me to be. Thank God it’s only once a year. Next time, I’d ask to speak to a supervisor or head person on duty if you run into these problems. It is their responsibility to provide patient care and they often drop the ball.
Just know that you are far from alone. Many of us have had difficult experiences, but many just don’t talk about them. Hope the results were great.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience. Mammograms are uncomfortable and so intimate.
It seems as though her accented English was hard to understand, but she also was rough in addressing you and handling you. No one should have a discussion like that while you are still partly in the machine. She does not seem sensitive. These things can undo us sometimes.
Take the time you need to restore your equilibrium, and then contact the office. This woman needs more technical training and interpersonal training. You may need more hearing testing. Explain what your children report to an audiologist. Take care.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s on the person performing the medical test to make themselves understood and confirm you understand what they’ve said. Clear instructions seem like the basic minimum requirement. Left, right, up and down are universal, and I usually accompany it with a hand gesture so there’s no confusion.
As someone who does have hearing loss, I always start by telling people I don’t hear well, just because I have run up against this before. Complain about her attitude as I’m sure you are not alone in getting her harassed attitude that stresses an already stressful and uncomfortable experience.” o2low
5. AITJ For Asking My Sister-In-Law To Pay For Using My Car?
“My husband lent my sister-in-law my car without asking me, and she’s had it for months. She has a job as a delivery driver, so uses my car for work. I’ll admit I’m a pushover, always trying to keep the peace, so I’ve let her use it in hopes that it wouldn’t be long before I got it back.
Her car was being fixed for months.
Well, she finally got it fixed last week but crashed her car yesterday after a night of drinking! Now she needs to use my car again. Well, I said if she wants to use it, she has to now pay.
She’s putting a lot of miles on my car, and leaving it with an odd smell, and I’m getting nothing for it. AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your car will be worth zip with all the miles and wear and tear. I can’t believe you would even consider letting her continue using your car.
Does she even have her own car insurance? I bet she got dropped by her insurance. You will be liable for any and all of her accidents if she doesn’t have her own. You want her to use your car as a weapon? That’s what she’s doing driving under the influence.
I can’t believe you would consider this. How old are you, 16?” Any_Dragonfruit4130
Another User Comments:
“She had an accident under the influence, and you are still considering letting her drive your car?!? And your car smells of an odd smell? No, no, no, no, NO!!!
Not only is she a leech, but she drives under the influence, and she drives while impaired. Grow a spine and start standing up for yourself ASAP! Take back your car, make sure ALL the keys are in your possession, and don’t even give Hubby access.
If you aren’t 100% sure you have all the keys, look into having it rekeyed. I have no idea what it would cost, but it could be worth it. Tell her and hubby that if she ever takes your car again, you are calling the police and reporting the theft.” JewelCatLady
Another User Comments:
“Nooooo, you are NTJ! Loaning someone a car for a day or even a week is one thing, so they can drive to and from work, school, or to pick up kids. Using someone else’s car to conduct delivery driver routes for an entire month is absolutely unacceptable!
And how dare your husband loan out YOUR car to HIS sister! If he wants to loan out a car to his sister, he’d better loan out his own car. SIL needs to be paying the going rate for a rental car to you to cover the wear and tear, gas, tires, etc etc etc on your car.
That’s the least she can do! NTJ.” mumtaz2004
4. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Father He's Been A Terrible Dad?
“I (27F) knew my husband Rowan (29M) for a while before we even went out; we grew up in the same town and we were good friends through school, so I met a lot of his family, etc when I was a kid. We lost contact for uni but then kind of talked again after and have evidently partnered and got married. When I was a kid, I always kind of thought that Rowan’s dad was weird – I obviously didn’t have much context for it then – but I always thought it.
His mum passed away when Rowan was young & he has one older brother (40M), but obviously the age gap meant that they weren’t very close for much of his childhood.
I know that when Rowan was a teen, he acted out, drank a lot with his friends, got into fights, and didn’t have good grades.
I don’t doubt that he was a difficult kid to raise, but I always thought that he was a good person (and still do). When we started partnering he told me about the reasons behind him acting out – that his father was always drinking or out, that he constantly told Rowan that he wasn’t good enough, that he was a terrible son etc etc, accused him of sneaking out/doing illegal substances, constantly tore apart his room looking for incriminating things.
Rowan’s changed a lot now and is a genuinely down-to-earth guy who would help anyone that asked.
He and his father don’t really speak anymore. This was mainly due to a huge argument they had when Rowan was about 18 and his dad said that his mum would be really disappointed in him if she was still alive, that he was never going to amount to anything.
Rowan told me after that he packed his bags, stayed with a friend for a while and hasn’t particularly spoken to his dad ever again.
Rowan and I went back to my hometown this weekend to see my parents, and my mum and I went out to a bar for a catch-up.
I immediately recognised his dad because he has a bunch of tattoos of random things on his neck and whatnot that I remember looking at as a kid and he was standing next to me at the bar. We made eye contact and he looked surprised, and said something to the effect of, ‘I heard you and Rowan got married. I’m surprised, he’s always been a skirt-chaser.
Thank god he doesn’t speak to me anymore.’
I repeated the sentiment that I was glad they didn’t speak anymore but added that it was because he’d been a terrible father. He got very defensive, saying that Rowan had been difficult to raise and whatnot, and I just turned around and left to go and sit back down with my mum.
I kind of pity him, but I wish I’d just not even spoken to him and left it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He is a terrible father. That wasn’t an insult, just a statement of facts. TBH, in that moment when time and possible reflection could have softened his personality, he chose to do a double whammy by insulting you and his son.
That whole encounter just underscored why Rowan’s walking away and going no contact with his abusive father was one of the best moves of his life. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’re navigating a really tricky situation with a lot of history and emotions involved, and you’re definitely not the jerk here.
In fact, it seems like you stood up for your husband in a way that was honest while also being emotionally charged due to the past mistreatment he endured. You didn’t lash out at his father without cause. You didn’t make a big scene—you just responded honestly.
His father had made a comment about Rowan being a “skirt-chaser,” which, considering the history between them, is a fairly insulting thing to say. It sounds like you didn’t get hostile, just blunt, and sometimes that’s the best response when someone tries to belittle your partner.
It’s easy to second-guess yourself, especially after interactions like this, but you were simply reacting to someone who has been emotionally damaging to your partner. Given the context of Rowan’s past, his father’s comment was likely triggering, and you acted in a way that felt protective of your husband.
In the grand scheme of things, you didn’t go out of your way to escalate things—you just responded to a provocation. If anything, I think you were pretty restrained, especially considering the amount of unresolved hurt Rowan likely still feels. So no, you’re definitely not the jerk.
It’s perfectly understandable to feel the way you did and express it, especially when you’ve seen how much damage his dad caused.” Appropriate-Rise-759
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Making those comments to you was rude and horrible. If you doubted any part of what your hubby told you, this proved his point.
In no world is this acceptable. I think you would have been more upset if you had said nothing. I am glad you spoke up for yourself and let him know he could not intimidate you and that you have no remorse about him not being in your lives.
Let him stew on that. Good for you!” MrsNobodyspecial67
3. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Sister Another Heated Blanket After She Returned The First One?
“This Christmas, we all went to my (mid-thirties F) parents’ house. My sister (a couple of years younger) came with her husband. They have two kids who I love and spoil rotten.
My mother asked for a heated blanket this Christmas, and because it’s always very complicated to buy shared gifts, I told my sister and father I was buying one for her.
When we started opening presents, I realized that my sister and her husband had opened the blanket. They looked at the label and sure enough.
They finally gave the blanket to my mom and we opened the rest of the presents. Afterwards, my sister kept saying how she was sad that the heated blanket wasn’t for her and looking to see my reaction.
The thing is, two years ago, she kept complaining she was freezing and wanted a heated blanket for Christmas. So I bought her a heated blanket for Christmas. A few weeks later, she said she wasn’t cold anymore and wanted me to give her a specific shirt instead.
I tried to keep the peace and returned the blanket (that was quite the hassle) and gave her the shirt for her birthday.
Back to this Christmas, my mom let my sister use her new blanket and every time she would see me, she would go on and on about how she loved it and wished she had one.
Then my mother said she should ask me for one for her birthday. I kept my mouth shut the first few times, then said you are not getting another blanket from me.
At that point, they said she had just made a mistake not keeping the gift. Saying come on give it to her.
That she opened it by mistake and she was all excited. I was more than a little annoyed and said you had your chance, I gave you a heated blanket like you wanted and then you didn’t want it anymore, so if you want one, buy it yourself or ask someone else, I learned my lesson.
I thought it was over, but a few days ago, my mother told me she was looking for a heated blanket for my sister since I apparently wasn’t buying her one. I said that’s right and to stop talking about it.
I may be the jerk because I am keeping a grudge and my sister wants the gift she opened by mistake.
On the other hand, what’s really keeping me from giving it to her is that I don’t think she is grateful and it is very possible that she would once again change her mind if I give in.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister’s actions are highly suspicious.
She knew what gift you were giving your mom. You told her beforehand. She ‘conveniently’ didn’t read the gift tag, opened the present and miraculously discovered the blanket. Lovely. She finally gave the blanket to your mom. (So she was reluctant to give the gift to its intended recipient.) Shameful.
She tried to make you feel sorry for her, because the blanket wasn’t for her. Of course it wasn’t. She’s quite happy taking your mom’s new blanket when she visits. She’s doubling down on the guilt, trying to get you to buy her one.
(What a cheek). But you already got her one previously (at her request). Then she wanted something else, so it was exchanged. Why should you be expected to buy another one? Anyone who believes that opening someone else’s gift ‘coughs, by mistake’ should get to keep it is delusional. Wouldn’t that set the precedent for a ‘first come, first served’ basis for who gets what.
Yup. Delusional. Your sister sounds fickle and extremely entitled.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“So she opens someone else’s gift, uses it and expects to just keep it? Doesn’t get her way and now her only option is for you to buy her yet another blanket?
Is she incapable of buying her own bedding? Why do you have to buy her something just because she wants it? Y’all seem way too old to still be giving each other birthday gifts anyway. At some point, you have to learn to be an adult.
She’s not 5 based on your post if not her behavior but I’d have a very hard time taking her seriously. If your mom wants to enable this ridiculous behavior, that’s her choice but you don’t owe your sister a new blankie.
I mean, come on. NTJ.” forgetregret1day
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The gift was for your mother. She can decide if she wants to re-gift it to your sister. Your sister sounds very immature and demanding. If she wanted to return the original blanket, she could have just asked you for the gift receipt and hoped for the best. The rest of it would be up to her, IMO.
I don’t understand all the nagging, and as for your mom calling you asking you to get one for your sister…again, she can give her own blanket to your sister. I would find this dynamic extremely frustrating. All this drama over an electric blanket?” No_Goose_7390
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Sister And Nephew Involved In Our Wedding?
“My fiancé and I have been engaged for a year and are getting married in 6 months. When we got engaged, his sister (32 y/o) cried on the phone asking why me, and why not his ex-partner (shorter term, broke up 3 years ago…) When this happened, I knew we didn’t have her support.
Then, his ex-partner and sister began engaging with each other’s social media. I am big on loyalty and know my brother or sister would never do that to us.
In the meantime, we’ve asked my brother’s daughter to be our flower girl, as we are very close.
However, we’ve discussed my fiancé’s sister not being a bridesmaid (we don’t talk unless I initiate it) and her son (5 y/o) not being the ring bearer. The son did nothing, but we aren’t close to them at all and don’t see them except 2-3x a year.
We don’t want the drama that comes with her involved heavily in OUR wedding day.
His mom is a bit shocked. My family understands, though, and they are the ones footing the bill. My brother will handle the rings instead and walk down with his daughter… AM I THE JERK for not wanting her involved in our wedding???”
Another User Comments:
“Wait a minute – your fiance’s sister cried about how he was engaged to you, and not an ex? And now she wants to be a bridesmaid and have her kid be the ring bearer? After she basically said he shouldn’t marry you?!
I am floored. The nerve. NTJ. Even leaving aside that ATROCIOUS behavior, you and her aren‘t friends. This wedding is not the time to force that relationship. Surround yourself with those who express love and support for you and your fiancé. And congrats!” JennyM8675309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think you’re being smart by not having her involved. I think she would be a problem if she were a bridesmaid or her son involved and, at the very least, be pouty & make snarky remarks. Why would you want someone in your wedding anyway who isn’t excited for you to join their family & be their new sister-in-law?
To be happy that you’re both taking the next step in your relationship to start your new life together? When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. Also, your fiancé and you have to be a united front in this to mother-in-law & sister-in-law so they can’t try to use this to come between you or start an argument.” dwassell73
Another User Comments:
“Info: so when she insulted you and your engagement in a dramatic way, what did your fiancé say/do, and how is he addressing this issue with his family so that you are never treated poorly again? When she showed her brother she didn’t respect him or love him and would rather hang out with his ex, did he speak to her about it?
And finally, why is someone so rude who clearly doesn’t love either of you invited to your wedding at all? “His mum is a bit shocked.” She is either a good person and is embarrassed of her daughter’s behaviour, or her feelings do not matter.
Neither are your problem.” ParticularTrain8235
1. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Handle Our Lying Stepdaughter?
“My stepdaughter is about to be 13. She has primarily lived with us since she was 5 1/2. Over the years, I have loved her and treated her like she was my daughter.
Even after having kids of my own, I never treated her differently. And I’d like to note that she is starting therapy next week.
Over the last year, she has started becoming a habitual liar. She lies about stupid stuff and big stuff. Examples of things she’s lied about: feeding the dog, who she’s talking to, where she’s met people at, if she did her chores, crushes at school.
She’s even made up situations like being kissed, asked out, and getting in fights. All things we have caught her lying about, and she will continue to lie to us until the proof is in her face.
The biggest thing is earlier in December, she took my little one downstairs and offered to watch him and my two younger ones while I slept a little in the morning (I work nights and my husband was at work).
She asked what time I was getting up and I told her 9 am which was in like 30 minutes.
I wake up and she was GONE. She and the dog were gone. My 6-month-old was in his bouncer crying, and my daughter (6 years) got my dish soap and smeared it all over the bathroom and then locked herself in there when she heard me coming.
My son (4 years old) said she took the dog for a walk. She has no cell phone. I got the situation at home taken care of and she still wasn’t home. I realized it’s been an hour, and I go out and start looking for her.
We live in a small town. I searched for 3 hours. My husband finally leaves work in a panic and we search and called the police. A search and rescue dog finally found her. It took us 6 hours to finally find her. She, to this day, won’t tell us where she was at.
Fast forward to today. She said her stomach had been hurting for 2 days. She’s thrown up once and had diarrhea. None of which happened while my husband and I were around. I just got over a cold, sinus infection, stomach bug and kidney infection. So I feel bad and take her to the pediatric quick care.
On the way there, I tell her if she is faking just to tell me so I don’t waste time and gas to drive her. It’s my last day before I have to go back to work and I need to get some things done.
She tells me no she really is in pain. Tells the doctor the same. But while waiting she is laughing and talking normally. That doc sends us to go to the ER because of how much pain she is in. Now in the ER and ruled out appendicitis and again laughing and talking just fine and come to find out she has been exaggerating how much pain she’s in and I’m stuck waiting for results.
My husband can’t switch with me cause he has no gas and he we had to drive 30 minutes into town to come to this doctor. I’m so mad.
I told my husband he can deal with everything with her from now on. All discipline, appointments, parent-teacher conferences and everything.
He thinks I’m overwhelmed and going too far. I married him and she was part of the package.
So AITJ for telling him this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’ve loved her as your own daughter for more than half her life. Now she’s had 1 single year of acting out, and you’re ready to write her off?
Where is that love? It definitely doesn’t sound like it was ever unconditional, which is how we’re supposed to love our kids, right? She only started behaving like this a year ago, and you’re angry with her instead of trying to understand why.
What has changed in her life? Is it your kids being born? Maybe you don’t treat them as evenly as you believe. Or something else traumatic could have happened to her that you don’t know about. I think you’re being very unkind and uncurious about her wellbeing.” rememberimapersontoo
Another User Comments:
“Wait to make any decisions until you see what the therapist says. Being gone for six hours is very worrying. How much access does she have to social media? Could she be communicating with people you don’t know about? Kids are wildly smart with technology these days.
If she has a smartphone, consider getting her a really basic one instead and making it clear that until she tells you where she was for those six hours and shows she can be trusted and truthful with you, she won’t have access to any social media.” NapTimeIsBest
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say YTJ. You and your husband are too focused on the lying and not the cause of it. I’m not going to sit and armchair diagnose the kid, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s doing this due to a lack of attention or because there’s something inappropriate going on elsewhere in her life.
You mention having 3 little kids and that her dad isn’t really emotionally present. These types of things can make kids act out if they aren’t being given enough attention. They learn that they can get attention by doing bad things like running away, and so they start repeating those behaviors because it’s the only way they get substantial attention.
But her refusing to say where she was for 6 hours is also concerning. I know you aren’t her bio mom, but for all intents and purposes, you’re her only real emotionally present parental figure, and you need to start examining what’s going on in her life outside of the home to see if something sinister may be happening.” smol9749been
