People Ask How We Feel About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ From Banning My Partner From Getting A Pet Fish?
“So my significant other (25M) went on a deep dive on youtube of fish and tanks and setups and is somewhat obsessed now and wants to get a huge setup for the living room of all these tropical fish.
I (26F) have outright banned him from doing this for the simple fact I’ve seen this obsession before from him, it’s what led to our pet mini rabbit Tootsie, and he doesn’t clean out her hutch or litter tray at all and barely plays with her, she was his pet but has honestly ended up becoming mine as I couldn’t stand to see her neglected. I know he’ll end up doing the same with a fish tank and they’ll not be cleaned out properly and that is just downright cruel and I am not open to the idea of being the one to do this as I’ve had fish before and I hate cleaning tanks/filters.
He insists that I’m being unfair and that this is different and of course, he’d clean them and has ignored me comparing it to Tootsie, I don’t want to be unfair to him but I honestly do not see him as a responsible pet owner, should I just see if he’ll take care of them and if not give them up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Stick to your ‘No’ and do NOT let him get fish. If you live in an apartment I’d imagine that might violate the lease or require a large deposit since fish tanks can cause a lot of damage even when properly maintained.
Fish are not even remotely an ‘easy’ pet and he has no actual idea of the level of care needed. Water tested daily, Tank cleaned, and partially or completely refilled preferably weekly – at the minimum every two weeks.
Pumps have to run 24/7, ditto water heater and filters so prepare for your water and electric bill to get larger, a big tank can be an extra 600 gallons of water a month.
Set up for a 100-gallon tank (tank cost $900-$1500) can be $1000 for the equipment before you get to the cost of the fish.
Nor can you just ‘give them up’ if he does not care for them unless you want to flush them down the toilet.
It is a major project to move tanks and fish without harming them all (this is why you see soo many sale homes with fish tanks ‘included’. Even a tank as small as 20-40 gallons is a big project to move without killing the fish, a larger tank is an issue to move without killing the fish or tweaking the tank itself so it leaks and has to be replaced.
Give him a clue. Fill the bathtub with water and make him get it all out and the tub dry ‘without’ pouring the water down the sinks or toilet.” StockComprehensive96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ honestly though if he is new to fish keeping then a large set up is not a good idea, my husband was miss-sold a pleco as a cold water tank cleaning fish that was fine with goldfish, it’s not and when I research it (I’m an experienced fish owner but had never had a pleco) I realized that it was in dreadful conditions in a too-small tank.
It had grown to as big as it could in that tank and got rid of the other fish to get more room, too cold, didn’t have a dark hiding place, not good for a nocturnal fish.
We set my much larger tank with hiding cave tropical environment and set it up to be like its natural environment we also put in small fast fish from its native environment that is too fast for it to catch so it had something interesting happening.
The pleco hid for almost 3 months and tripled in size in that time. He is much healthier and happier, it wants a river environment as do the other fish so it shouldn’t be over-cleaned. All the small fish have lived 3 times longer than my husband has ever seen but it’s a delicate balance and takes knowledge and understanding.
You cannot just dump a load of nice-looking fish in together and expect they have the same needs. You do need to check size and territory needs and personality type.
Goldfish can be a good starter pet but they also grow very large if cared for properly. My mum has some that are nearly a foot long in her outdoor pond they started as small tank-based fish and many are over 10 years old.
Our pleco could live 25 years. These are not short-term pets if kept well. You are completely right to be careful. If you decide to relent, get him to start with a smaller setup, like a tank hoover with a good filter system, and heating rods.
Get small fish with a shorter life expectancy like tetra, ask him to find out what types of fish personality go together, for example, Danos and tetra can end up fighting, some types of tetra are more aggressive than others having 2 aggressive types in a tank can cause issues.
Find out the temperature range they need so you can set a temperature they are all happy with. Where to source the food and what types they need will they be able to use the same type (we have to use 2 types of food for ours).
See if he has the will to research more than how to set up a tank and what fish he likes. Before he even thinks of trying for a large diverse setup.
Doing that without practice and understanding is a big mistake as is going into a fish shop and trusting the staff to know what they are selling as my husband has learned.
We are needing to set up a 600L indoor heated tank to properly care for 1 missold fish (many don’t bother and have to find homes for their plecos or they die early because they are not given the right environment) as ours is getting too big for our tank again.
Also if he wants a common pleco they are normally sold when they are about 2 inches long just say no thanks lol.” HexStarlight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he can’t even care for the pet he obsessed over before, this will be the same situation, but worse.
Not only does he want a large setup, from the way you’ve described it, but it also sounds like he wants a large SALTWATER setup, which has added requirements for care that make it insanely difficult and time-consuming to maintain properly.
I absolutely love beautiful saltwater fish, but the work involved is too much for me. I had a betta, for a while and I did my best, but it wasn’t enough, and I know caring for fish is a huge responsibility and takes patience and consistency.
And bettas are freshwater fish. You don’t get to do the first tank cleaning, pat yourself on the back and call it a day, it is ongoing, neverending maintenance, if you want the fish to live and be healthy.
Stand your ground, if he tries to take you to the store to procure any equipment or actual fish, tell the associates at the pet store about how he treats the rabbit.” emccrackenz
20. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother And His Partner To Move In?
“I (22M) have a brother (23M) who is going to have a baby with his significant other (20F). Just for context, my brother doesn’t have stable employment (he’s also a heavy drinker), his significant other has no employment, and they’re living with her grandmother and a few of her family members but there’s apparently substance use and other things going on that is not ideal to have a child in.
I don’t think they should be having any children and the kicker is that they tried to have kids on purpose. In addition to that, they rely on my grandparents to support them 90% of the time.
They moved out of my grandparents’ house because of ‘rules’. And I live in my own place and work full time and go to school full time. My mother drifted the idea of them living in my spare bedroom which I use as an office in front of them and I quickly shot the idea down because 1) they’ve never had to pay bills anywhere including where they are now 2) I don’t want to live with a baby or either one of them.
My mother thinks I’m being a jerk by not allowing them to live with me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Why don’t they move in with your mom?
At the end of the day, it doesn’t make sense to take in a roommate that is not employed and has no desire to be. Watch that Netflix show on terrible roommates— being nice and letting someone stay with you can be a nightmare if they refuse to leave.
Even when they don’t pay you rent they can claim tenant rights.
Babies are a mooch’s dream. They get to wield the baby to extract from the family who wants the baby to live well.
They don’t need (insert anything from housing to TVs) it’s for the baby. Prepare yourself for the front seat view of your brother using the baby to pry open the wallets of family members.” Jazzlike-Squirrel116
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’ve successfully gained your independence as an adult. Your mom should be proud of you for what you’ve accomplished, not trying to drag you back down by adding your brother’s burdens to your plate.
It’s hard enough to get started in this world. If your mom wants your brother to be supported so much, she should take him in herself.
Tell your mom that just because you have two bedrooms does not mean you have available space.
Your second bedroom is where you earn your income and it’s unreasonable for her to ask you to give up your workspace like this.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if your mom wants someone to take them in she should be the one to do it.
Your mom does not get to pass judgment on you because you are not taking on the responsibility of supporting 3 whole people.
Not sure where you are located but as someone who has signed many leases over the years as a tenant and even as a landlord, most US leases have something written in them about guests staying longer than a certain period of time having to be on the lease.
If you are in the US this may be an easy out for you to use by saying ‘the landlord will not allow tenants that are unemployed and can’t afford the rent on their own’.
If you are buying the home or somewhere other than the US you may have to just say no and be the bad guy.” Nib2319
19. AITJ For Saying I'd Pick Up My Cat Over My Partner?
“I (18F) have a cat. I’m not a social person, I’m fairly introverted and prefer to limit how much time I spend around others because it can get very overwhelming.
My significant other (21M) is more of a socialite than me. We don’t live together and I got my cat before we got back together after we took a break.
This ties in I swear!
So here’s where I’m not sure if I am or not. We were at a party, he was intoxicated and asked if I loved him (I answered yes), and then he asked if I loved him more than my cat (I said no).
He asked who’d I’d pick between the two of them if I had to. I answered honestly, I said I’d pick her and that she’s like my child I don’t see her as a pet she’s my kid.
He asked why, at this point, he was hurt and I could tell I tried to soften my words a bit while I explained. My cat is as much as she’s my kid she’s also the only other living thing besides my plants I can stand 24/7 without feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and just the general feeling I get when around other people for periods of time.
I didn’t want to lie, I understand why he was upset. I don’t think I did anything wrong though, it wasn’t the answer he wanted and if I even wanted to sugar coat it and tell him I’d pick him over my cat we were at a party and I didn’t have the energy to essentially lie.
I’m only asking because he’s still upset with me.
So, AITJ?
Edit/update: We’ve had this talk before like a month ago or so when he n I were both stone-cold sober and I rank third under his mom and dogs (his dogs he’s had for years!) I am in no way butt hurt or upset by that, that’s a really fair response that makes sense to me!
I’m also not trying to invalidate his feelings in any way, I understand why that would be upsetting to my partner!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion. But maybe that’s because I have a cat and I understand your answer how you meant it vs how he probably interpreted it.
I understand why he could be hurt by your bluntness, but to me, it’s honestly the same thing as ‘would you love me more than your kids?’ The answer to me should be an obvious no. If my SO said that they didn’t love me more than an animal they’ve committed a forever home to I wouldn’t even bat an eye.
In fact, if they could give up an animal for me I would not be with them at all.
But not everyone views pets like family. I’m guessing he doesn’t or he’s the kind of partner that doesn’t like the idea of coming second to anyone, even a cat.
Or maybe he’s just worried it means you don’t love him enough and his insecurities are creeping in. In the end, I guess I’d say, you’re not the jerk. You were just honest. But he’s also valid in his feelings toward your comment.
He was obviously hurt by it, and there’s nothing you can do about that aside from apologizing for hurting him. Because whether it was intended or not it happened. But imo all you did was tell the truth.” marriedtoinsomnia
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you love both your cat and your partner. I don’t know any scenario where you have to choose but granted if you did you most likely have a stronger attachment to your cat (from assumptions that you’ve known your cat a lot longer)
Your partner is hurt because it’s obvious he loves you a lot, enough that he wants to be your number one choice. Which is valid.
But why lose our minds over hypothetical scenarios, in reality, you can have your cake and eat it too.” KZCrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I too would pick my pet over anyone who randomly asked me to choose between them and my pet, because asking that is a crappy thing to do.
It’s basically implying that you should sacrifice something you love for no reason but to prove you love him, and that’s not cool.
He played stupid games and he got the prize.
If I asked someone that very silly question even jokingly, I would want them to say the pet, because personally, I’d want to date someone who loves their pets as much I love mine.
In short, there’s not an inherently wrong answer to that question.
He chose a very immature and/or selfish way to seek reassurance and flattery. He might be a little hurt but he should honestly get over it and see it as a way to understand you better because you gave an honest and thoughtful explanation that is entirely valid.
It shouldn’t be something to be offended at.” Left-Car6520
18. AITJ For Insisting My Parents Not To Pay For My Vacation With My Wife?
“I (28m) and my wife (27) regularly take vacations with my parents and siblings (16f, and 18m) and always have. Ever since my wife and I started going out 6 years ago (married for 3) whenever we would gon on joint vacations with them, my parents would pay for me along with my siblings: at restaurants, tickets, the share of the room, etc. but my wife (then-significant other) would have to pay for herself.
My wife didn’t have a problem with this while we were still together, but after we got married, she started expressing to me more and more how uncomfortable she was about it and it came to a head during our most recent holiday vacation a week ago.
She says it makes her feel awkward when she’s the only one being handed the checks at restaurants or has to stand off by herself to buy her things. She instead wants me to just pay for myself with her.
Financially this isn’t a problem, and we can afford it, but I feel awkward telling my parents not to pay for me. Plus, it lets us save moolah on trips so we can have more to spend on having fun.
Personally, I think my wife is just feeling slighted by my parents (but I doubt she would actually admit this) but I also think she’s being a bit immature. I feel bad because I can somewhat understand where she is coming from.
She isn’t wanting my parents to also pay for her but wants us to be a unit on vacation, but I still think it’s silly when we could be saving coins.
My siblings are still quite young, and my parents think it’s fair to pay my way when they are still paying for them.
Edit: My wife and I have a joint bank account, so when she ‘pays’ for herself, it is coming out of our shared account.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The way your parents are operating (and you’re going along with them) is rude. And it’s clearly offending/upsetting your wife if she’s felt the need to talk to you about it.
Paying for everyone at the table apart from one member is insanely bad manners. If your parents can’t afford to include your wife or are simply unwilling to, then they shouldn’t be paying for you too.
You guys could take it in turns paying for cheques when you’re out, or they could pay, and you as a couple could give them a contribution towards the bill.
What they’re doing is making a clear statement ‘We don’t value your wife the same as everybody else’. She’s supposed to be a member of the family. And what happens if grandkids are on the scene?
Will they pay for the children and still not your wife?” annia929
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I was going to go with ‘no jerks here’ but your comment on her being immature and how you can only somewhat understand where she is coming from cemented the YTJ for me.
Your parents sound like jerks. I regularly go on vacations with family that I will pay for when it comes to meals, tickets, etc. I’m not saying they should or need to pay for every single thing, but adding one more person to the dinner bill when you’re already paying for 5 people is nothing.
Even the hotel room usually doesn’t make a difference between 1-4 people. Your parents are rude to have her be the only one getting a check at the restaurant.
You acknowledge she isn’t asking for your parents to pay for her, that she’s feeling slighted by your parents, and just wants you to be a unit on vacation because she’s tired of being the only one getting a check and off by herself to buy her things.
Sounds like you just want to save a buck at the expense of your wife’s feelings. Your wife sounds like a saint.” YosoySpartacus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I don’t expect anyone else to pay for me, but every time you are together for the last 6 years she has to pay separately- that is awkward and isolating.
She also is fine with them not paying for her, but she is clearly communicating she feels left out because she is, and doesn’t mind if you both pay your own way.
You say you can save coins and have more ‘fun’ but you aren’t acknowledging that your wife isn’t having fun on these trips because your parents are signaling to her at every activity that she isn’t family and that you aren’t her partner.
And you aren’t making her feel like a part of the family nor are you being her partner. When she is handed the check, why aren’t you grabbing it and being like ‘oh that’s silly, I’ll get this’ and when she has to pay separately, why aren’t you standing with her in line?
You are contributing to her being separate, and even now that she is vocalizing her feelings, you don’t want to do the simplest of things to make her feel included or like you two are a partnership.
You’ve also known for a long time that this makes her uncomfortable and have done ZERO to make her feel included or address it in the ways I described above.
You just had a vacation where you could have handled this so easily by paying for a few things as a couple, by taking the check she was given so she isn’t the one dealing with it, etc. You failed at sticking up for her, and Reddit isn’t gonna tell you that it’s cool because you save some moolah.” mfruitfly
17. AITJ For Being Sick?
“I (22f) watch my nieces and nephew for my sister and brother in law (both in the 30s).
S (sister) works overnights while B (brother in law) works day, and I work basically whenever they need me to. They’ve screwed me over a LOT in the past with payment (I literally have to buy all the food/formula, diapers, wipes, gas, they live 45 minutes away) and I have quit on them several times, but the new arrangement has been me watching the kids at my home.
I’m also in college but because of working for them, I also can’t get a job as it’s ‘as needed’ and they can’t afford an actual babysitter. They pay me $200 a month.
Currently, I am INCREDIBLY sick, with a horrible horrible sinus infection and it’s been incredibly hard to sleep and breathe.
Yesterday, nobody had told me I was supposed to watch the kids until I woke up to like 5 missed calls from B and my dad, and they were incredibly ‘disappointed’ that I wasn’t awake and ready to watch the kids.
And my dad was angry because he ‘needed’ to watch the kids.
Today I was also expected to watch them, but I feel like my infection just got worst so I had to cancel again.
My dad and my mom essentially called me a loser and a total jerk for canceling and told me to grow up and stick through it.
These kids are both under 3 years old, I haven’t slept well since Tuesday by any means.
Plus I AM SICK.
My partner says the pay and disrespect aren’t worth it by any means and I should cancel the job altogether and work somewhere else.
But S and B will ‘revoke’ my nieces and nephews away from me.
I just wanna rest and make sure they don’t get sick as well.
So AITJ for canceling?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not the parent here. While it’s clear you love and care for your nieces and nephew, you are not responsible for them.
What your family is doing is in essence blackmailing you into babysitting in order to have a relationship. This is not ok.
Beyond that, $200 a month is not enough, especially if you’re paying to feed them and their other needs.
You are in essence paying them for the privilege of babysitting them.
And how are you rewarded? By being called a loser and a failure for being too sick to babysit.
I guarantee you that if you had babysat and gotten the kids sick from that, you would have gotten taken advantage of for that too.
In essence, your partner is right.
You need to learn how to stand up for yourself and stop being a doormat for your family. You do need to quit. If the parents try to say something along the lines of ‘well I guess you don’t care to see your nieces and nephew.’ Try responding with something like: ‘I’m sorry you feel the need to blackmail me into compliance.
I am unable to help you further.’ (That will escalate it tho.) When your parents lay into you, tell them that they’re welcome to babysit instead of you. Then go out and get a job that you can use on a resume.” Ethnafia_125
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ.
Everyone else in this story is though. You are sick, and convalescent, so it’s not like you’re just blowing your ‘job’ off (and I put that in quotes because based on the pay and the way you’re treated, it can barely be considered as such)
Your sister and brother-in-law are both jerks for taking advantage of you as a family member, and not paying you anywhere near enough for your services. They seem incredibly selfish and inflexible.
You are doing them a MASSIVE favor and it is not your job to raise your nieces and nephews. Also, using their children as pawns to keep you in line is absolutely disgusting behavior (if I’m reading that ‘revoke’ part correctly, which I think I am but OP can feel free to correct me).
Your mom and dad are jerks because they’re minimizing your illness. It may not be as horrible as a terminal illness but just seems so needlessly cruel of them to do.” SayItAintSo9655
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You clearly do quite a bit for them. $200 per month is insulting, especially if you are buying diapers and formula. At this point, YOU are paying THEM.
While their threat to withhold the kids is disgusting, let them. They will find out soon enough how expensive childcare is. You will also discover that you have more coins in your wallet and free time.
does not trump people by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m guessing you’ve spent hundreds if not thousands while “working” for them. I bet if you tallied up your costs you’d see you’re effectually paying them for the privilege of watching their kids.
P.S.: Tell your parents to watch the kids and to also kindly keep their opinions to themselves.” Beck2010
16. AITJ For Telling My Brother "How To Parent" His Daughter?
“I’m 21F, brother is 28M. I woke at a daycare-I know it’s not the same as having your own kid lol, but every few months we need to do training on basic safety for infants/toddlers.
My brother has a 9-month-old girl. The other day I was going to visit my parents and my brother was leaving (he lives there) to drop his daughter off at her other grandparents’ house.
He’s always in a bad mood when he goes to drop-offs because he’s not technically supposed to see his daughter’s mother (long story, it’s the other grandparents’ rule) and is just supposed to keep all interaction strictly about his daughter and then go.
So he’s always always in a bad mood when he goes because her other grandparents are not nice to him. But this time I guess he had gotten into a fight with our dad too so he was in a really bad mood.
So as I was walking up the driveway I see him open the passenger side door, and put his daughter who was in her car seat just behind the passenger side door.
Not clicked into her car seat base, just wedged between the front and back seats.
He gets into the driver’s side and I knock on his window and I’m like you’re not leaving her like that right?
That’s so wildly unsafe. And he immediately tells me to eff off, he’s not asking for advice on how to take care of his kid, mind my own business, don’t tell him how to parent.
I open the back door and click her into the base (it takes four seconds) and my brother loses it on me, calling me a jerk for butting in where I shouldn’t.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obvs, but if you have to be a jerk to keep a kid-safe, then be a jerk. If he got hit by another car on the highway and the baby’s unsecured car seat went flying and she got hurt or worse, he’d never forgive himself.
You would forever regret not fixing her seat when you had the chance. His feeling offended that his 21-year-old sister scolded him over an easily fixable mistake is small potatoes compared to the worst that could happen.
Maybe later when he calms down he’ll realize he’s lucky to have family members willing to look out for his daughter’s safety. It takes a village and all that.” AccessibleBeige
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You will never be the jerk for speaking up to a parent about car seat safety. Being properly buckled in saves so many young children’s lives.
This isn’t a debatable issue like screen time or discipline is. Your brother was already frustrated, so don’t take it to heart that he was a jerk. Your niece could have ended up injured in even a minor accident.
When I had to do similar things for my brother, I would disguise it as concern for him so the ex’s family didn’t have one more thing to give him grief over.
Of course, safety is my primary concern.” Phoenix92885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your job role means if you saw him driving off like that it would be your responsibility to report him to CPS if he had an accident and it came out you had seen him traveling like that and had not stepped in as a trained professional that could be your career gone and you being looked at as an accessory to child endangerment.
You had to step in for the child’s safety as what he was doing could be lethal. It’s not about how to parent it’s about basic safety.” HexStarlight
15. ATIJ Because Of An Inheritance Talk During Christmas Family Dinner?
“Key players are me (M25) great aunt & uncle (early 70’s), mother & aunt (40s).
Also here were my two siblings (12 and 9), cousin (7), stepfather, and uncle.
We all got together for an immediate family-only Christmas/birthday dinner on Boxing Day. I had driven down to my great aunt/uncle’s place and spent the day with them helping prepare, hanging out, etc. When the rest of the family shows up we all begin having a lovely dinner, however, my mother mentions that one day she’ll be hosting these dinners as the matriarch of the family and how she’s so excited to inherit all the recipes, dining sets, expensive cutlery and all that.
Honestly, this comment very much rubbed me the wrong way.
Anyways as dinner progresses my mother and aunt continue making such comments, and my great aunt has become visibly upset (to myself and my great uncle, all others were having a great time).
Brief aside: I grew up in my great aunt’s house unlike my mother/aunt or any of their other children. We are extremely close and have a very good relationship as we have very similar views and senses of humor.
She loves us all equally, but it is clear that she and I just get along well. After about 20 minutes of this nonstop inheritance talk, my great aunt puts her foot down like only she can, with very few total words and the sternest tone I’ve heard she says ‘(Me) is both the executor and the only beneficiary of both our wills, he will inherit everything with no exception and will treat his siblings and cousin as he sees fit.’ She clarified this is because she trusts me more than others present and because her other great-nephews are still too young.
Cue loud protest from everyone at the table, at which time I’m now fed up and say something like no wonder the wills name me exclusively, you’ve both been trying to put your family in the grave and rob their tomb while they are sitting beside you, in perfect health, not even retired, finely ready to enjoy life to the fullest. I did use some names I shouldn’t have, dancing around calling them selfish and the like.
Dinner wraps up quickly, my parents and aunt leave while my great uncle and I watch Star Wars (our tradition, usually shared with my aunt who skipped for the first time in 15ish years).
I proceed to get multiple calls and texts over the next week exploring each way I was the jerk. For speaking to my mother that way, swearing in front of my younger siblings, allowing unfair treatment, being a disrespectful little child (25, degree + MBA + ft job, engaged).
I am now being ignored by the family for not apologizing, saving my greats, and even having the gift I sent my little cousin sent back to my condo.
So, AITJ?
I believe I was for what I said specifically, but not for reacting harshly or for supporting my greats choices.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Having a frank discussion about financial planning with family is good.
That is NOT what your mom and aunt were doing. What they were doing was crass and disrespectful. You did nothing wrong.
I suggest that you sit down with your great Aunt and Uncle and have a discussion about their future plans.
Everyone over the age of 18 should have a healthcare proxy and living will (with a backup). That way they can make it clear what their wishes are and who they want to make decisions for them if they are incapacitated in some way.
They can list each other as their primary and you as the secondary. This is particularly important since there is clearly some tension and greed among your other adult relatives.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You all behaved pretty shamefully. Crowing over being the sole beneficiary in front of your family makes you look no better than them.” WebbieVanderquack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If the talk was the first time something like this has happened then I wonder if with the health crisis, they wondered if a will had been made.
I would encourage your great aunt to write letters explaining her actions regarding the will. I also wonder if she thinks the was left to minor children the parents would blow it, which makes me think your Aunt expected this behavior.
Wouldn’t worry about your reaction at the time it was perfectly reasonable. Siblings and cousins are all old enough to know families disagree at times, 12 year old knows exactly what was happening.” Agreeable_Reaction29
14. AITJ If I Don't Care If Someone Gets In Trouble With The IRS?
“My husband shares custody of his daughter, pays support religiously and then some – no issues on his part over 13 years.
He is by court order allowed to claim the child tax credit odd years for the last 13 years. This is not new. His ex got all stimulus payments to date, he’s received nothing.
I filed taxes only to find that she already had filed hers and claimed daughter so our return was rejected. Seems she took the early payments last year instead of opting out and therefore would have had to pay it back.
First, she said it was an accident her husband made and she would pay us the $2k child tax credit amount directly. It’s nonsense but we agreed as it was the easiest option.
After a week went by, then it was her tax accountant who screwed up and she would refile her taxes so we could file ours. Not thrilled but Ok… One week later and now she says too late to do anything so we can just claim the credit for the next two years.
I am livid and done dealing with her lies/nonsense. She scammed the system plain and simple. I want to file taxes with court documents by mail (which is what the IRS suggests) and let them sort it out.
My husband says it’s a hassle because we won’t get our return for who knows how long (thankfully we don’t NEED it right now) and it would be mean to do to his ex.
What if she does it again next year I asked. Husband says we’ll deal with it then… AITJ because I don’t agree she should just get to slide and on her word (which means nothing) hope it works out for us for the next two years?
AITJ because I don’t care if she gets in trouble with the IRS?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She will continue to do it if you let her. It’s not “mean” she went against the court order and tried to scam you.
She knew what she was doing. Do what you are supposed to and who cares if she gets screwed in the process.” jnnmommy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I doubt this was accidental and her response has been shady.
Honestly, if you don’t file a tax return claiming her along with the Court order with the IRS then I would recommend consulting an attorney to file for a modification of the decree with the Court allowing y’all to claim her for the next two years.
It is possible she could be charged with contempt of court for what she has done. So you might want to explore that possibility as well.” SmallTownAttorney
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She will do it next year and when you challenge she will point out that legally it is her year. If you agree – get it in writing and notarized. Is that lodged her, too bad?” RedditDK2
13. AITJ For Refusing To Talk To My Overseas Friend Before His Tooth Surgery?
“So I just finished moving into a new home. It took me two days. I’ve been tired, stressed, and even anxious that the landlord is maybe dodgy. So far so good, but I still feel uneasy.
Cue my overseas friend. He’s about to have his wisdom teeth removed and we scheduled a video chat earlier in the day for a time in the evening. He mentioned his surgery coming up and I figured he’s taking it like a champ.
However, halfway through packing, I realise how tired I’d become and that I need to rest for at least a couple of days before taking on anything extra. So I messaged him telling him how I felt and that I was sorry I couldn’t video chat with him.
Then he starts guilt-tripping me with this message; ‘Oh so you’re not going to video chat with me before the day of my surgery? Very supportive of you’.
I felt very guilty and just told him I basically need to take care of myself before helping anyone else.
Not to mention, it can be a little draining talking to him sometimes with his changing moods, so I have to be in a specific mood to talk to him.
Anyway, who do you think is wrong here? I tend to have a hard time telling if I’m asserting myself or just being selfish, so I’d like some clarity, please.
I’m willing to accept it maybe 50/50.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ like you said, you have to take care of yourself first. If you’re drained would you really be much support anyhow?
I’m not sure where people get the idea that your friend is gonna drop everything for you at any time. Bad things happen, you apologize that you can’t be there and move on and they will find someone that can.
Guilt-tripping is insanely petty and works against them if they ever want support again” KZCrow
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here–everyone gets overstressed and needs to back out of things sometimes, but it also sucks to be on the receiving end of that, and it’s understandable your friend would be hurt.
I don’t particularly support the guilt-tripping, but if the friendship is important to you, see if there’s another commitment you can make to show you still care.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact he tried to guilt-trip you instead of being understanding you have a life too, is just a huge red flag. He wants attention on himself and people to cater to him.
He’s entirely in the wrong. You have every right to cancel plans due to tiredness/busyness.” YuukiiTomari
12. AITJ For Refusing My Aunt's Gift?
“Yesterday, we were celebrating a late new year with my mom’s side of the family.
My aunt (40 F) saw some earphones on a table and asked if they were mine. I (14TM) said yes and went on with my day. After a while, she handed me a box of Apple Air phones and told me it was a late Christmas gift since she didn’t buy me anything.
I declined, saying that while it was a wonderful gift, I have always lost air pods and would hate to see her gift go to waste. She said “okay” in a hurt tone of voice.
Even though she said it was fine, I could tell she was offended. AITJ? She already had the air pods, but just spontaneously decided to give them to me.
Edit: I’ve decided to apologize.
Unfortunately, she lives far away, so I can’t apologize for face to face. I’m not sure what to say in my apology that wouldn’t make it feel like I’m rubbing salt in the wound.
Is there anything I should focus on? I can’t exactly take the gift back either, since I refused it.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were honest and so were your aunt’s intentions.
If you feel bad, you could always tell her that you didn’t mean to hurt her and that though you’re thankful she would give you something so nice that it would be better utilized by someone else.
I think people on this sub forget that simply upsetting someone doesn’t make you a jerk and that you can need to apologize without being a jerk too.” bootlegoose
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It doesn’t sound to me like it was spontaneous because she was asking about your earphones. That’s what I do when I’m checking if my gift is gonna land or not.
If you don’t like the gift, no one says you have to use the gift. Take this from someone who spent most of her childhood getting gifts from a literal dumpster (repurposed treasures in my extended family’s eyes).
I smiled at every gift I got because that’s the polite thing you do.” artorianscribe
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – she tried to do something nice but missed the target a bit, can happen to anyone.
You were honest with your response and were also thinking about not wasting her money, which might not be the response people expect but aren’t wrong either. Maybe tell her again that you noticed you hurt her feelings and that you really appreciated the gesture.” nicolasbaege
Another User Comments:
“Agreeing with others, soft YTJ.
She tried to do something nice, I doubt she’d care too much if you lost them.
Also, there’s a bunch of techs available now to prevent stuff from being lost (Apple even makes their own I’m pretty sure) and it’s extremely easy to just put AirPods back in their case once you’re done with them.
Just take better care of your possessions, lol” User
11. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Mother-In-Law?
“My MIL has no boundaries. Never has, and it’s been aggravating. My husband and I have been together for 2 years now and I reached my breaking point. I have severe anxiety and depression with sensory issues.
They have regularly called me and texted about things I’m not comfortable with. They know these things… My husband had an issue at work, he works for his mom and hasn’t gone in the last 2 days.
Which, as his boss, she should be taking it up with him. When she has issues with him, they call both of us. When she couldn’t reach us today, she called both of us again.
I work nights and sleep most of the day so I obviously didn’t answer. So she proceeds to call my mom and grandma. To the point that they were concerned that something happened to me.
I had a panic attack, crying screaming panic attack. Which I can’t afford to do because I have a 3-month-old who needs me.
This woman threatened to have a wellness check done, called my family, and called me on social media, all because he didn’t answer her.
So I told her as nicely as possible that this was unacceptable, a breach of my boundaries and comfort level. That she was never to contact my family over something so silly when it’s an issue between her and son, not my family.
Because of my DIAGNOSED mental illness, I don’t do phone calls or text messages with people other than my mom and husband because of my severe anxiety. So now apparently I’m a terrible person and I’m wondering if I was actually wrong for setting the boundaries and telling her that if she wanted a good relationship with us she had to back off my family.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ at all. Your husband is maybe even more of a jerk than your MIL at this point, however. He’s not taking nearly his fair share of responsibility for setting and enforcing boundaries with his mother, and it sounds like he’s also acting pretty unprofessional in his work relationship with her (which is a whole other ball of worms), in a way that he should have been able to anticipate was going to result in distressing interactions for you with her.
I totally empathize with you on this, too. I do not do phone calls (unless scheduled, with particular people, for a specific reason) and I’m intensely stressed out by messaging from certain people.
Especially my in-laws, shockingly, but I’m fortunate that they do ultimately respect my boundaries, and I’m really sorry your MIL doesn’t and I hope your husband steps up.” NefariousnessTrue777
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your husband didn’t show up at his job for 2 days and wouldn’t answer the phone. Yea of course there’s going to be a concern and a wellness issue.
Your husband needs to either quit or learn to be a better employee
And you should definitely get some help. Your reaction to some phone calls seems incredibly extreme and will make life difficult and it’s obvious Your MIL doesn’t understand.” princessofperky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need help if you can’t do phone calls or texts with anyone other than your husband or mother. How are you going to handle raising a child and having to deal with school, doctors, dentists, the child’s friends for play dates, etc.?
You risk isolating your child which is not fair to the child. The real problem here is your husband. He should have spelled it out long ago that she is only to contact him, not anyone else.
He should also make it clear that threats will not be tolerated.
If his employer calls him when he is supposed to be working, he must return their call. If he has not set a boundary about when and when he will not respond to work calls that are again on him.
If he is hiding from his employer (mom) and not answering her calls, that is all on him, especially after he had an issue at work and did not go in for two days.
You have a husband problem and so does his employer/mom.” holisarcasm
10. AITJ For Asking My Sister How She Lost Weight?
“So my (19F) sister (23F) is getting married in a few months after a long engagement. She didn’t want to have the wedding until she lost weight.
Her fiance (24M) has been supportive to her through the entire process which isn’t hard given he is the definition of a gym bro but she was just fat and didn’t care while they were going out I guess?
Well, anyways, my entire family is overweight and my sister lives out of state. So at Christmas, everyone was asking her just how she did it. She went from 300 to approximately 130 (she wouldn’t tell me exactly what she weighed).
Well, then she got all snappy and didn’t want to talk about it and was all crabby. She didn’t even want to eat in the same room as us.
People were just curious. I want to lose weight and she just wanted to gatekeeper everything. AITJ for asking my sister how she lost weight?”
Another User Comments:
“If someone doesn’t want to talk about their body they don’t have to.
After losing a lot of weight myself, I was surprised by how many people felt it was perfectly fine to ask me if I was starving myself. As if that was the only way they could accept I was having success.
It was uncomfortable eating in front of them because they would just stare and clearly judge everything I did and didn’t put in my mouth.
They didn’t actually want to know what I did.
It was like they just wanted to confirm I had somehow lied. And then, unsolicited, say things like ‘well I’m not gonna starve myself like you, or run and ruin my knees, that’s not healthy.’ Or the least healthy persons present spontaneously become dieticians ‘yeah, you should eat this to lose weight, that’s what I do’.
It’s a very uncomfortable situation for pretty much everyone.
Also, you said your entire family is overweight. Maybe she didn’t wanna embarrass anyone.
YTJ. Someone not wanting to talk about their body is not gatekeeping.
It is their choice and that should be respected. You can easily research how to lose weight for yourself, she doesn’t owe you anything. Also, have you heard people talk about their diets?
It’s one of the most annoying things a person can talk about in a mixed company. Eta, if you asked once and dropped it when she indicated she didn’t want to discuss it, then NTJ.
It’s the continued pushing in front of everyone that would make YTJ.” –the-nino
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Weight is a sensitive subject. Weight loss is too. Not everyone can be open about how they did it.
It could be sickness or disease, or she just changed her diet and worked out or she had weight loss surgery. It’s none of your business.
Instead of asking once she was bombarded by everyone demanding answers and wanting to be nosy.
Naturally, she got annoyed because everyone was deadset on getting answers instead of backing off and just catching up with her.
Also, the comments you made about her are sickening “her husband is a gym rat and she was just fat and didn’t care” clearly that wasn’t the case if she refused to get married unless she was in shape.
That tells me it was weighing on her. Same with the fact her family is overweight which means it’s a cycle. I’ve lived in that cycle so I get it why she was avoiding eating with y’all.
When one’s life is centered on food it becomes a vicious cycle hence why she chose to eat alone so she didn’t feel the pressure to keep on eating. And so no one would make comments about her weight or how much she was eating.
And if you want to lose weight then research your options. You know how to work the internet instead of calling your sister names and making Reddit posts look into what YOU need to do.
Finding a nutritionist or a dietitian is a step you should take. Find an app to track calories etc. Stop putting the pressure on your sister to tell you what she did.
Everyone’s weight goals are different same with the journey. What worked for her may not be best for you.
Also all y’all need to apologize to her because of the pressure and just the obsession over her weight and appearance.
It’s much nicer to go ‘hey sis you look great. How have you been? How’s life?’ Instead of ‘how did you lose so much weight? What do you weigh now?
Tell me what you did!’
Notice the difference? Also, you know well it’s not nice to ask what a person weighs. You’d be annoyed if you were pressured into saying your weight out loud.
Time to be a good person and apologize. And back off. All of you. Shame on y’all.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ – for that much weight in that little time.
There’s a chance she may have developed some sort of eating disorder, but also excluding that. How do you think she lost weight? It wasn’t a magic trick or a genie wish.
She would’ve put in work. Exercise. Portion control. Change of diet. Sacrificing things like booze and big nights out. I don’t know what you’re sister enjoys but they’re the main things.
all of which are methods known for decades to lose weight. It’s not gatekeeping if it’s a known method. Maybe she got distressed because after all that work she’s not being treated like a person anymore.
But as a martyr who’s gonna teach you all to lose weight, because it sounds like none of you have seen her in at least months and the first thing you all ask isn’t about her.
Her husband. What she’s been up to, but immediately to her body which is frankly no one’s business” User
9. AITJ If I Didn't Make My Husband's Croissant For His Birthday?
“Since he’d been so busy with work and taking care of me during my pregnancy last year, he completely lost touch with all of his friends and family.
He is always busy doing all the household chores, taking care of our newborn, or doing everything he can to help me out with taking care of our baby. Our baby was born 6 months back.
So my husband’s birthday was a month ago. I completely forgot about his birthday and felt even more guilty about it when he said that none of his friends wished him this year.
His parents said they couldn’t make it because they were going to meet his brother for the new year and are still there. They just wished him over call.
I asked him how I could make it up to him.
He said that he really wanted to eat the almond croissants that I make. I told him that I was feeling too tired from taking care of the baby then and would make it for him later when I was feeling better.
He agreed and we didn’t talk about it again until he brought it up again a week back. He said that he was feeling mentally low and asked me if I could make him the almond croissants for him.
I had just fought with my mom and took out my frustration on him accidentally. I told him to stop acting like a baby and said that he wasn’t that special. I also asked told him to grow up because I was not his mother to baby him.
He was clearly upset at my words and stormed out of the house without a word. He came home like 20 mins later. He said that his life has become so pathetic that he doesn’t even have someone to hang out with apart from me.
He then proceeded to sleep in our baby’s room. He’s been talking to me only when necessary.
He’s just doing chores, looking after our baby, cooking, and doing his office work.
He barely eats. There are bags under his eyes. I even made dinner for us yesterday but he said he’s not hungry when he’s not eaten a morsel for the past 2 days except for a cup of yogurt.
I’m worried about him and am feeling sorry about yelling at him. I feel like I’m responsible for his condition.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Fully responsible for his condition? I don’t believe so.
Were you the jerk? Absolutely. Your husband was cool enough to not make you feel bad at all for forgetting his birthday, and you tell him that you will make it up to him.
What does this man ask for? Delicious pastries homecooked by his wife. If you didn’t promise them, you wouldn’t have had to feel obligated to make them. And I get it, you can’t always just stop to make desserts randomly.
But even after denying his one birthday request twice (isn’t what makes you the jerk), you then proceed to tell him he isn’t special (that’s what makes you the jerk).
I’d feel kinda trashy too if someone made me a promise for my belated birthday, and then said I wasn’t special when I asked for it to be fulfilled. There was a much nicer way to do that.
Your husband seems like he’s suffering a little bit right now in general. You said it yourself he said he was mentally low, and you took it upon yourself to make him feel lower.
Please help him get through whatever it is he’s going through and don’t be another obstacle for him right now. You two are partners after all. YTJ.” the-fish-prince
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and full of excuses. Your husband has asked for a very small thing and you just don’t want to make any effort at all. What I don’t understand is why would you even ask him how you could make his day better when you had no intention of doing anything about it.
I have been the mother of a six-month-old and I know how exhausting having a baby is but sorry that is not an excuse to be completely neglectful of your SO’s needs and emotions.
You mention how wonderful he has been in supporting you during your pregnancy and this is how you treat him. You need to get your head out of Babyland and remember that you are a wife as well as a mother.” DDNorth20
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you forgot your husband’s birthday. Then you told him you would make the croissants when you had no intention of doing so. He has been alienated from all of his friends because he is doing all of the household chores, working, and taking care of the baby, and when he told you he was feeling low you took out all of YOUR frustrations on him.
You called him a baby and not only told him but showed him that he is not special to you. You sound like an entitled child and do not deserve to have a husband who treats you so well.
You will be lucky if your relationship survives this one. The things you said were mean and uncalled for.” sarahlampi
8. AITJ For Wanting To Keep Someone Else's Dog?
“Around 14 months ago I was asked to take care of this 9-month-old German shepherd for a week while this family packed to move into their new house. I said that was fine and I was promised to be paid for taking care of her.
Time goes on and a few months pass and they ask to keep the dog with me longer and will continue to pay me (they paid me once so far) I said sure that was fine they picked up the dog just for the day and paid me $20 when they brought her back.
I wouldn’t hear from them for another 4 months after that (dog with me 7 months so far) until they asked to pick her up just for the weekend I said that was fine and when she was brought back they gave me $40.
Fast forward a bit it’s been 14 months now the dog and I are attached I have paid for the dog’s food toys treats and everything else the dog needs. They now sent me a text saying they will be picking up the dog for good in a couple of days.
So AITJ for not wanting to return the dog or should I give her back without protesting?”
Another User Comments:
“So, normally I’d say to give the dog back. However, I think this is a case of NTJ.
First, that is a TINY amount for over a year’s worth of dogsitting. My dog’s food alone would be triple that in 6 months. They were clearly taking advantage of you for that, and that’s not even considering treats, time, or toys.
Now, and I think this is important, what about vet visits? My dog goes twice a year for checkups/vax/etc. Did YOU pay for that? Did YOU schedule that?
Did YOU do these things for the dog or did they?
I’ve seen in the past, in various posts here on Reddit, where similar situations happened. A family leaves a dog with a friend for a ‘short’ time and leaves for a ‘long’ time, then expects to come back.
As far as I remember, the general advice was to contact a lawyer and ask about the legality of keeping the dog. You might have a good case for ‘the dog is mine’ if you were the one calling the vet, scheduling health check-ups, and, importantly, paying for them.
(I think my yearly heartworm pills are like $200 a year alone).
I’d say you aren’t in the wrong here. Generally speaking, I’d say that dog was abandoned. $60 for 14 months is… That’s not even two days of dog boarding near me.
I’d go ahead and calculate how many days, past the second $40 payment, and offer them 7 months’ worth of your local dog boarding rate in exchange for their dog. For me, that’d be 7 months at $40/day… so they’d have their dog back for about $8,520.00… and my local area charges a late fee of about $20 for picking up late so… 7 months of that is another $4,260… So they can have fido for a discounted $12,000… plus let them repay you for any vet services…” Rude_Concentrate_194
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You have been (apparently) fine with the arrangement and have known in advance the dog is not yours. They have never allowed you to keep the dog as yours, only as a sitter.
But since you have grown attached to the dog, you want to change that arrangement and keep the dog.
I’m my opinion what you’ve done for the dog means nothing as you knew it wasn’t yours and it was all voluntary” BranChan_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to return the dog, however, if the dog was microchipped under their name you legally cannot keep the dog. If you’re unsure, have a vet check the dog out and if it’s not microchipped, have the dog microchipped under your name.
These people clearly don’t care about “their” dog, I hope you end up keeping it.” Repulsive-Light-8580
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry to say, but everyone sucks here. I totally understand that you want to keep the doggo, and the family was neglectful.
But it’s their dog and they trusted you. You should give them back. Of course, you can ask them (nicely) if they would be willing to sell you their dog, explaining that you two grew close.
But in the end, it will be their decision.” MoniHaavi
7. AITJ For Using My Mother's Funds?
“My (19F) mother (60F) has always been a bit controlling. She is your typical Asian Tiger Mom who watches your every move.
What’s worse, she also controls all of my finances and paperwork.
So lo and behold, at the age of 19 I still don’t have a bank account and I still live with her (very common in our country).
With the university classes being done online, I also haven’t got any allowance and am fully dependent financially on her.
This is where things start to get interesting. I receive around 100 $ every 2 months from the local government scholarships.
Aside from tuition scholarships, they give students with high grades extra coins as an incentive. Moreover, my Godmother recently gave me 200$ for budget.
My mother proceeded to collect both and refuse to let me spend them on my own.
I asked her in advance to let me buy an item from a game I play— but nope, she refused.
This always happens. Every time a relative gives me moolah for my birthday, she pockets it.
She buys me clothes and takes me out for spa days when all I really want are video games or in-game items.
So one day, I sneakily used her Filipino version of Paypal (Gcash) to buy myself in-game items worth 50$.
I admitted it to her soon immediately after I made my purchase. I told her to just deduct it from my scholarship fund since it should be more than enough to compensate.
My mom went livid and my sister agrees with her saying that I stole money. I don’t understand, the 100 $ I received should be more than enough to repay the stuff I got?
AITJ?
EDIT: I know people are going to say: You’re 19 now! Move out, get a job, you’re an adult and she does not get to control you! Call the cops and tell her she’s holding your paperwork hostages in the cupboard!
Hahaha no.
First, she refuses to let me move out and get a job. Not that I can get any, it’s very difficult to get a job in our country.
Even university graduates struggle to get jobs.
No, moving out is not an option. It’s a cultural and country thing. It is very difficult to the point of being impossible unless I want to go homeless.
Next, police and laws here work very differently in the west. If I complained about my paperwork, authorities would just laugh at me. Besides that, my mother is influential and is highly connected to the local authorities and lawyers.
She’s cousins with the chief of police and my aunt is the head of the DSWD in our town.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re in an abusive situation.
You might have to outsmart her by playing it lowkey and trying to get a foreign scholarship in the west (where it’s easier to gain independence for you). Or!
Play it low til you can get a job, move out and then go NC. Good luck. Don’t let cultural expectations ruin the one life you get.” StarlingElixir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can you open a secret bank account that she doesn’t know about? If so, get the kind with no paper statement. Next time you get any funds, try to keep putting a little away and don’t spend it.
If you get moolah from uni, you can have it put in there, etc (just try not to let her know you got it). If you get $40 for a gift, just tell her you got $20 and sock the rest away.
If she gives you coins to go to the store or for clothes try to skim even a tiny bit if you can. Maybe you can sell some of the clothes she buys you that you don’t wear anymore if that is a thing in your country.
Any chance you get to make a few dollars without her knowledge will add to your savings. Don’t waste your income on games, for now, just keep trying to sock as much away as possible.
The more coins you get together, the more independence you will have. Good Luck!” macol1111
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your mother is stealing your coins. Stealing from her is not making the situation better.
In fact, you’ve just complicated an already difficult situation to buy ‘in-game items.’
It’s never okay to use someone else’s Paypal, even if they owe you money. It is the equivalent of breaking into their home and taking their stuff.” WebbieVanderquack
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My College Friend To My Wedding?
“I’m (F) currently planning for my wedding that’s about to happen sometime this year.
I’m contemplating my guests’ list since I want those who attended to be the ones who matter the most to me and my fiancé.
My college friend (let’s call her A) used to be close to me at the beginning of college until another friend (let’s call her B), got close to us but at the same time she was badmouthing me so our friendship got a bit complicated. A bit after our graduation, we had a friendship break up because our other friend who became my close friend (let’s call her C) confronted them about how they always badmouthing me, and then I didn’t talk to them until last year.
Last year we got the news that A was getting married and long story short, me and C along with our partners met up with her and the fiancé (at that time).
So she told us that she decided her bridesmaids were gonna be B, her high school friends, and two of her cousins. But one of the cousins apparently couldn’t be the bridesmaid because she had some college stuff going on and would be impossible to attend the wedding.
So after some time, A reached me and asked me to be her bridesmaid. So I said yes, considering we were close at the beginning of college and we knew each other from there.
Then I became one of the bridesmaids and I thought we were starting to sorta mend the friendship (not getting back to best friend phase but still close, I guess?).
Now why I’m considering just inviting her for the online wedding (we are planning to have Livestream due to travel restrictions) is because 1. My fiancé proposed to me a day after her wedding because it was our anniversary date and then when everyone congratulated me (even B), she said, ‘LOL your man is so random’ (?) Idk how proposing is random stuff to do.
2. She showed no intention of being close anymore. 3. I have a bad feeling that she was gonna ask us to pay for her and her husband’s accommodations during our wedding (our wedding is out of town) because we planned to only accommodate our family members and not friends.
I initially wanted to include her and her husband on the guests’ list because they invited us to their wedding last month. But seeing the circumstances right now, I think I might need to think again.
So am I gonna be the jerk if I’m gonna be excluding her from my guests’ list?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think if you invite someone only to a zoom of your wedding you need to specify no gifts.
Zoom invitations are fine for people who physically can’t be there like a grandma in a nursing home, but rude to not give someone a choice, but expect a wedding gift.” pudge-thefish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Invite who you want. Maybe, for now, set it aside and decide down the line as it seems you are overthinking it.
I guess I’m a bit confused that you were literally JUST in her wedding and you didn’t say anything went wrong – except that one comment about your proposal is sitting wrong with you.
Sure, random to her, the day after her wedding – did she even know it was your anniversary, or maybe forget since she is just coming off all her planning and bid day?
As I type this, feeling more like you didn’t like the comment and are looking for a ‘justified’ excuse. “Want us to pay for hotel” – um, the answer is no – even if she just paid for yours for her wedding and you’d feel guilt, but budgets are different for everyone so shouldn’t be expected.” Babsgarcia
I get paid over 190$ per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. I never thought I'd be able to do it but my best friend earns over 10k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless. Heres what I've been doing..
🙂 AND GOOD LUCK.:)
HERE====)> https://www.worksful.com
5. AITJ For Telling My Husband Off?
“I (37F) was a single mother of 3 for 15 years when my husband (38M) and I got engaged. I was extremely independent and used to doing things on my own.
About a year ago, my husband’s truck started giving him a lot of issues. Mechanically, it was great. But it was falling apart around the motor and he was frustrated. Being that I handle the finances, I worked a few things out and surprised him with his first brand new truck.
We work across the street from each other so when my daughter (19) started driving, I gave her my car, and that was paid off.
We’re coming up on our 3rd anniversary this month and things have been very hectic.
I’ve been extremely depressed and very stressed. I had a major breakdown Christmas weekend and finally told my husband that my issue wasn’t with him but that I feel I’ve lost my independence being that I no longer have my own vehicle and I constantly feel like I have to depend on him and I’m not used to that.
He understood and was very compassionate about the situation.
Fast forward to tonight, we’re on our way home from a pool match and I tell my husband about my friend’s daughter’s birthday party on 1/23 about an hour and a half away.
He also has a pool tournament that weekend. He asked how I would get to my friend’s house. I replied, ‘IDK, maybe my mom or I can drop you off at the pool hall and pick you up on my way home.’ He immediately gets this disgusted look on his face and starts grilling me about ‘what if we finish early?
What if, what if, and so on…’ he basically made me feel as if I had to ask permission to use the truck. I got defensive and told him he was wrong for saying what he said.
Explaining to him how it made me feel.
Side note: he wears his emotions on his face and doesn’t seem to recognize it.
When we got inside, it is fairly late, I came to the living room to watch tv and he got offended that I wasn’t coming to bed. After sitting for a few minutes and thinking about what he said and what happened, I walked into the room and said ‘when you drop me off at work tomorrow, I want you to think about the position it leaves me in.
Anytime I need to go somewhere during the day, I either have to borrow someone else’s car or walk across a busy highway to get the truck. If I finish at work before 5:00, I either have to wait for you or walk across a busy highway and sit at your work until you clock out.’ I walked out and slammed the door and he yelled at me for assuming things.
Was I wrong for telling him off like that? I don’t feel like I should have to ask permission for something like this.
ETA: I realized I said I gave my daughter my car but after a long discussion between my husband and me, WE decided to give her the car being that we work so close together and we were basically carpooling already to save on gas.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It sounds like you wanted to do something nice for your husband and daughter, but you did not take into account that it was at your own expense in multiple ways.
It seems like he… planned on using his own vehicle for his own plans? I don’t think that’s such a bad thing, nor would it be bad for you two to communicate and come to a compromise.
It doesn’t sound like you two got far enough to reach one before arguing. Another vehicle would solve the bugger problem though.” Atraeh
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look, you can try and justify your decision to give your car to your daughter all you want: it was still your decision, and any regrets you’re feeling about no longer having your own transportation, as a result, are yours to deal with.
Quit taking them out on your husband if you want him to remain compassionate about the situation, because all I’m getting from your outburst is that you think his social plans should revolve around you and where you need to be at any given time – and if you don’t like being in that position, why would you want to impose it on him?” mm172
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Everyone is focusing on how you put yourself in this situation with your old car but completely ignoring the big issue–that you and your husband are struggling to compromise.
It sounds like there are some serious communication issues here.
Did you ever discuss with your husband whether the car was 100% his or if you were sharing it? Given that you paid for the truck your husband should understand and be prepared if you need it, but ONLY if you made that clear from the get-go that it would be a shared thing.
His getting argumentative and you getting petty (ignoring him/throwing a fit) when you try to resolve a transportation issue is not helpful. You’re both adults and supposedly care for each other, you can have a civil conversation about who gets to use the car and when.” 82812
4. AITJ For Giving My Father A Choice About Taking Care Of My Daughters?
“So my father has recently shared with myself and my sister what he is updating his will to.
The will is going to state that obviously my sister and I are each going to get half which is fine. Some background on this is I have a 3-year-old daughter, my sister has been trying to have a kid but has had difficulty.
Back to the will now, in the event my sister passes all the estate goes to me, if I pass my share goes to my daughter. The issue comes with the executor of the estate, I have told my dad it should be my wife whom have I been married to for 15 years.
My dad says it should be my sister since she is b***d. I told my dad it’s his decision ultimately but I wouldn’t want to have my wife asking for permission on making financial decisions for my daughter so I told my father if my wife isn’t in charge of her estate to just leave it all to my sister.
My thought is that I have been married for 15 years and it is very insulting that you don’t trust my wife whom you have known for over 15 years to manage an estate you leave my daughter.
On the other hand, it’s also their decision, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s your dad’s will & his estate, not yours. He can pick his own executor. When you write your will, you can pick your own executor.
I guess it’s good that you’re not your dad’s executor since you don’t seem to have any understanding of what that person does. It’s not an ongoing role. They settle the estate and pass out the moolah as per the will.
If you are dead and your daughter inherits, the executor will give your daughter’s share to her in a manner that complies with local law. The executor is not your daughter’s guardian & doesn’t have control over her finances after the estate is disbursed.” YMMV-But
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you’re doing your wife no favors by trying to make her the executor. That’s a lot of hard work to carry out the terms of the will.
No matter what the executor is required to carry out the terms of the will so in the end, the distribution doesn’t change.
I agree with the other comments that you don’t seem clear on what the role means.
Your sister legally can’t do anything to damage your daughter’s inheritance.
I’m the executor of my dad’s estate right now. It’s not huge but it’s been taking up far more time than you can imagine.” ShyMagpie
Another User Comments:
“I think you are confused. Your father wants his daughter to be the executor of His estate (which makes sense) and I think the TRUSTEE of any amount he leaves your daughter.
You want your wife to be the TRUSTEE of anything left to your daughter. Surely you can’t mean you want your wife to be the executor of his estate! That would be ridiculous.
The moolah should be put in trust until your daughter is of a certain age and your sister should be in charge of it. That way it will be there for your daughter when she comes of age.
It is totally up to him. And besides, it is none of your business.
Edited to say YTJ.” Msmediator
3. AITJ For Having A Dry Wedding And Reception?
“I (22F) and my fiancé (24M) are getting married in October. We are not overly religious but I was raised in the church we teach Sunday school each week together and help or host different events at the church.
We are getting married at the church I have attended since I was 3 and that we attend together.
We do not drink very often at all and when we do, it is one or two seltzers or wine coolers, most of the time without even finishing half of the second one.
The majority of my family does not drink or does not drink in public. My fiancé’s family cannot go three minutes without opening another beer or taking several shots.
It has led to a lot of conflicts at the beginning of our relationship but not so much now.
He is completely fine having it be a dry event but has told me to expect them to sneak drinks in and bring coolers full of different drinks for the reception.
I expect nothing less from them anyway. It really irks me because we are getting married in a church, and we have told them from the beginning that booze wouldn’t be permitted.
His mom got really upset and his dad made several comments about it being boring what’s the point of throwing a party without allowing drinks?
Should I try to be more openly accepting of liquor?
If we were not having the reception in the church building it wouldn’t be a big deal to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your wedding and as long as your fiance has agreed that this is something he wants or is at least okay with then that is all that matters.
I’m not sure what country you’re in (I’m assuming the USA as that seems to be the majority on here) but I’m from Australia and we have a pretty big drinking culture here.
If a party is being thrown it is expected to have booze. So I do get why your in-laws would want that as well. You said that if it wasn’t in a church you wouldn’t have as much of a problem with them drinking?
If you wanted to you could always throw another party later for your partner’s family where they can drink, if that’s something you felt like looking into. (I’m engaged myself and we want something very small for an actual ceremony but we plan to throw a big party – backyard style – for our friends and family to get as crazy as they like to celebrate with us later on.
Throwing another party later is not uncommon.)
But regardless of that, it is your wedding and if you and your fiance say no liquor then your in-laws just have to deal with that.
NTJ at all.” literallyjustturnips
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Invite the in-laws to see the venue (church) before the event. Have your minister (whatever they’re called in your denomination) run into you during the tour.
Your minister should remind everyone that liquor is not permitted on the grounds and bringing it will result in the offending party being not only escorted out but banned. That means your in-laws won’t be able to attend any baptisms if you and SO have kids.” Flat_Contribution707
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against the grain and saying no jerks here or Y-T-J depending on whether you are OK with them leaving early. Do you have to have the reception in the church, or can you have the wedding in the church and the reception somewhere else?
You stated you do drink occasionally so therefore you aren’t against liquor in general (or in recovery). I probably would not stay long at a drink-free reception, as meeting and mingling with people you don’t know are awkward, and a couple of drinks help.
Also, it is expected that a wedding has a few drinks, even if just with dinner. I think you are OK to have a drink-free wedding, but don’t expect people to stay long at the reception as they will likely be awkward and bored.” two_silver_lockets
2. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend For Always Changing Her Name?
“My friend (25F) has always hated her name. She was named after her mother who ended up abandoning her when she was 10. Around 2 years ago, she started experimenting with new names.
Since name changes are expensive, she hasn’t done it legally, and thank goodness given how often she changes them. Originally, she was keeping the same first name and then giving herself new middle names, even last names.
Soon, she was changing her name about every other week. It’d be exhausting to adjust to calling her ‘Star’ and she’d suddenly (politely) correct you and say now her name was ‘Veronica.’
In October, she changed her name again to what she originally picked when this started, Harper. She told our group that this was it, she was serious this time and she wasn’t going to change her mind again.
Her birthday was in early December and one of the things she has always wanted is an LL Bean bag, monogrammed with her name. It’s something she wanted as a kid but her dad could never afford it.
I decided to get her the tote, as this was the longest she had kept her name in a while and it was one she often went back to. Plus, she told us that she was going to start the process to legally change her name.
She was so excited when she opened it.
Just 3 weeks later, a group of us gathered on NYE. The friend comes in and we’re chatting. I said something referring to her as Harper and she says ‘Actually… I’ve changed my mind.
I think I want to go by Naomi.’ I was silent, though inside I was annoyed. This whole thing honestly began to seem like a bit for attention. But I stayed calm and tried to enjoy my night.
After midnight, some people left, but the name chameleon, and two others were spending the night since they had wasted a little. I had also been drinking and I kept hearing the other two refer to her as Naomi.
I finally asked her why she had changed her mind and she shrugged and said this seemed prettier. I told her that this was ridiculous. I get a name is a big deal, but I cannot go through this over and over again.
From now on, I just won’t refer to her as anything, at least not until she legally changes her name. She got upset and said I’m overreacting. Our other friends took her side and I ended up going to my room and falling asleep.
The next morning, all three were gone.
I’ve become persona non grata to my friend group. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your ‘friend’ sounds ridiculously childish. I read this twice (coz I’ve been caught out before by not reading a thread properly) and I was shocked to see she was 25 and not 15.
One name change is natural. Two possibly, if the person is a little uncertain. But this scenario – she’s doing this for attention and as a power flex over you.
Your other friends have simply caved in – they may be thinking they’re ‘kind’ but they’re simply indulging the narcissist who enjoys having that control to correct people at their whim.
This is not about getting an appropriate name for themselves at this point. Seriously, as you’re still in your 20s expand your friendship circle and find some adult independent people that whom you share interests, and ditch the narc and their wilfully blind flying monkeys.
Life is too short for that crap.” cynical_old_mare
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You aren’t a jerk because it seems very exhausting to deal with the constant name changing, feeling like you won’t call her the right thing the very next time you talk to her, the constant corrections, and having to remember a new name every time you see her.
She’s not a jerk because she’s exploring herself and trying to find what feels the best for her, but it’s starting to verge on the mentally ill territory. When I was untreated for my mental illnesses, I did this exact thing and it brought my friends to the point where you are at.
Maybe the alternative is asking her if you can just call her a nickname while she explores the name thing, or maybe ask her to write down a list of names that she likes the best, and ones she’s already tried, and your friends can get together and you can make it a fun thing!
It might sound dumb, but in my head, it sounds like it could be a fun time.” Working-Substance713
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has gone on long enough and has crossed well into mental illness territory.
It also feels like a mockery of people who carefully adopt new names and retire a dead name. Imagine if others run into this… though might have a hard time taking seriously people who seriously adopt a name change for also very powerful and painful reasons.
I believe it is attention-seeking behavior and the more I would see this, the less interested I’d be in the relationship which is pretty understandable. It comes off flaky and capricious and just bizarre.
Lots of people have horrible things to overcome from childhood, but your friend needs a therapist… not a baby name book.
You are not required nor expected to enable this.
I’d expand your friend group. If your other friends prefer to enable rather than stage an intervention, they’re just doing what is easiest and most comfortable for them… being non-confrontational.” Issyswe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re not an officer arresting her or a trauma nurse looking for her medical history. This ‘legal’ talk is nonsense. Why do you care what her name is legal if she says ‘I’d like to go by Naomi?’ You are overreacting to having an indecisive friend.
You’re allowed to be annoyed by her choices and not hang out with her. You’re not allowed to call her out in front of everyone because you think it’s dumb unless you’re trying to be a jerk.
Lol about you feeling entitled to tell her what her name should be just because you got it stitched on a backpack.” User
1. AITJ For Taking My Notes Back?
“I’m a twin (F and M) and we’re both in our last year of school. A lot of exams are coming up so I’ve been spending a lot of time in the library to make sure that I have all the necessary resources to revise.
One of the subjects I share with my twin so in the past I’ve previously given him some of my notes for him to revise – for a price.
Not a lot of mondy, but what I felt was fair for my hard work. My twin however spends the most time playing video games so often doesn’t have the notes he needs to revise.
A few days ago, we agreed that he would buy some notes from me for a set price – which he had negotiated down from. After I had printed them off he started looking at them to see if ‘they were worth it’ but then 30 mins went by and he began criticizing them and saying he wouldn’t buy them if there wasn’t important info on them.
Eventually, he took them to his room to fact-check them. After around 20 mins he hadn’t sent me the funds or given them back so I texted him to do one or the other.
He randomly replied by calling me a selfish person who only helps others when it benefits me…? (and a whole slew of other names). I thought I was doing a nice thing by letting him use my notes in the first place, all I wanted was some compensation for the hours I spent making them.
I didn’t think that was too much to ask for (it also wasn’t a considerable amount for the weight of work). He then went on a rant about how real families don’t make each other pay for things and that I mustn’t love my family; also that I want to see my family fail (which I don’t, I just don’t think he’s deserving of having my notes).
Eventually, I got my dad involved because he wasn’t giving them back but he came back empty-handed and sent me the himself, even though I don’t want or need it (dad said he would take it off him when he gets budget or something).
He kept onto the notes and after talks with my dad, I decided to move on, but then I talked to my mum about it. She said I didn’t deserve to be treated this way, which I don’t.
He‘s always been a negative person but I never thought he’d treat me like this – I suppose I don’t usually fight back so he’d thought he’d get away with it (unfortunately for him my new year’s resolution is to not let others take advantage of me).
After speaking with her I decided to take them at the next opportunity – when he left the house I snuck into his room and took them (I know this will cause more arguments but at this point, I don’t care).
My mum was on board with it, my dad not so much. Whilst I wanted to take the high road and forget about it, it annoyed me that he could get a good grade from my work when he’s treated me like complete trash.
AITJ for taking them back? It’s going to cause more drama if I keep them so is it worth it?
edit: The agreement was that once my twin paid he could have the notes.
Instead, he took the notes to his room and refused to give them back so my dad tried to get them back for me (since he still hadn’t paid and was refusing to do so).
When he wouldn’t give them back (at which point I didn’t care if he paid, I just wanted them to be destroyed and I said so), my dad paid me so that I wouldn’t be upset about the loss of money.
The only reason I got paid by my dad and my brother kept the notes was because he refused to give them back (despite 30 mins of pleading). I hope that makes sense.
edit 2: When my brother took the notes upstairs I expected him to bring them back so he could pay me and he did not. After we had been texting back and forth I asked him to just return or get rid of the notes (I said that he didn’t have to pay me anymore if he got rid of them) because I was becoming frustrated and didn’t want him to have them anymore.
He didn’t get rid of them so my dad went to get them and when he didn’t he just transferred the funds, without telling me about it, and when I offered to return it he told me to keep it (I’m going to send it back anyways it was only £12).
I didn’t want anyone to pay at that point and I made it very clear but my dad did regardless because he didn’t want there to be an argument but it’s obviously escalated.”
Another User Comments:
“I am guessing this will be unpopular, but NTJ.
I see that this isn’t about the money for you, it’s the principle. You had an agreement with your twin, who obviously agreed only to trick you so he could get what he wanted and then refused to fulfill his part of the bargain.
It’s nice (kinda) that your dad tried to just pay you so you will be happy, but that isn’t the point, is it? The point is that your twin disrespected you, tricked you, and used you and you are trying to set a boundary, not reward him for being a jerk.
The fact that he’s now got people around him bending over backward to try to fix it for him doesn’t make it ok, it only reinforces this dynamic in your relationship and will become incredibly toxic over time if allowed to continue.
Frankly, I think setting a boundary now may improve your relationship with your twin long-term.
So, destroy the printed copy of the notes. Give your dad back what he gave you.
The agreement was not with your dad and the deal off the second your brother refused to do his part of it. If your dad won’t take back the funds, give it to your mom and tell her that you don’t it and why, and perhaps your mom will be able to give it back to your dad.
And then NEVER share notes with your twin again. He is not entitled to your notes and he has shown he is not trustworthy to do business with. That’s life.” Then-Parking5635
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, y’all are both being petty and ridiculous. Don’t get mad if someone criticizes something they’re paying for and maybe let him stand on his own two feet and stop mooching off of you?
Return some type of copy of the notes you stole and end it immediately. Continuing this will cause nothing but more problems.” nikkimcs
