People Share Their Extra Petty Revenge Stories

Some of us couldn’t care less when it comes to getting revenge. Just let people do what they want, no matter how cruel or unusual, and trust that the universe has a justified plan for them. Meanwhile, others feel the need to take matters into their own hands. They don’t want to leave it to chance, or karma or the universe! Plus, it’s these people who thrive on petty revenge! They just have the mind for it. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t even dream up half of these small but mighty paybacks! They want to get back at the person who did them wrong, no matter how tiny or untraceable.

These stories are so petty (plus a few that are actually pretty full-throttle) you’re going to giggle yourself silly. From parking spot theft to ordering all the donuts; doing exactly as the manager said to farting on passengers and everything in between, you’re in for a hilarious ride that proves there’s a good chunk of the public who loves to hold a grudge! They can’t help it! It’s embedded into their DNA because I don’t think just anyone can pull some of these ideas out of the ether! Read on for small tales of extra petty revenger sure to thrill and entertain!

35. Look Through My Wife’s Phone? Suffer The Kinky Consequences

“So I’m married to a wonderful woman.

She’s smart, funny and very kind.

Her mother is generally very nice and tends to have a great attitude and be very enjoyable, a bit of a prude but generally enjoyable, however, it can be a bit of a major snoop. If my wife leaves her phone sitting around she will just pick it up and start going through it. My wife has kind of laughed this off as a remnant of her mom being controlling when she was a kid.

I’m not a fan of this because my wife and I will sometimes text about things that simply don’t involve her mother and I don’t feel are her business at all.

So over Christmas my I saw my wife set her phone down on the kitchen counter and I had a brilliant idea. Her mom was still in the kitchen and I sent my wife the most ******** depraved text about all the things I was going to do to her when everyone left.

(Honestly, most of them are things we haven’t even done, but I had to make it extra scarring …)

I sent this text from the bathroom. And maybe it was my imagination but I could swear I could hear an audible gasp shortly after her phone went off.

When I went out, her mother absolutely would not look me in the eye. Then not-so-discreetly asked her daughter to come to talk to her in the other room.

When my wife came back into the living room I thought she had been crying, however, upon closer inspection, she was laughing.

Her mother had questioned her about me ******** abusing her and if I always talk down to her like that.

My wife had told her kindly that what we do is between us and us only. Probably the best gift this Christmas.” can_ducks_give_stds

34. Treat Me Like Anything Less Than A Customer?

“About 15 years ago I used to go into a Starbucks around the corner from my then boyfriend’s house. I went in grudgingly because it was very busy and touristy AND there was one particular “barista” that ******* enraged me.

He was the most self-righteous, put-out, indignant, huffy little **** to ever stand behind a coffee machine. Boston is lousy with philosophy spewing undergrads and he was their self-appointed king.

So one morning I walk in this Starbucks in a particularly bad mood. As I’m waiting for my tea, the little ****** launches into some overwrought drama with a coworker and I said, “Listen, dude, can I have my drink before this goes any further?” He loses it on me: yelling, blaming, using big words… the whole victim shebang.

In the end, he 86s me and tells me that I’m never to step foot inside his castle of coffee again.

Fast forward a few weeks, in a different Starbucks, and I notice that they’ve begun to use stamp cards (10 stamps and the next coffee is free). So as I’m leaving, I swipe the official Starbucks stamp from the counter… and proceed to stamp HUNDREDS of cards that summer. I was the summer intern for a company and made sure that not one person in that office ever paid for coffee.

I stamped so much that I had to purchase a green stamp pad expressly for the Starbucks stamp.

Treat me badly and I’ll steal your ******* stamp. It’s really the little victories in this life.” ilikebigcups

33. Disrespect Your Wife In Public In My Section? You Sir, Get The Crappy Potato

“I work as a server at a very large restaurant chain that serves unlimited soup and salad as an entree. I was seated with an older married couple during a lunch shift.

The wife was very sweet, but the husband was very clearly on a power trip. He didn’t allow his wife to change her order, picked her drink for her, and interrupted her special salad request by stopping her mid-sentence and having her present her face to him so he could pick off an imaginary piece of lint. She was embarrassed but was keeping the peace.

Because we are a high volume restaurant, our production line is a well-oiled machine that requires all food to be run through the computer and turns tickets for us in less than 10 minutes.

However, servers build salads and portion out soups on their own to accommodate the demand of bottomless refills. The soup the husband ordered for both of them sometimes comes with large slices of potato and can be one of our prettiest meals if plated properly. The first round of soup I served to them had all of the ingredients but was missing the large pieces of the pretty potato because it was closer to the end of the soup.

After serving them their first round, he began to make sideways comments about the composition of the soups. Asking if we had a new cook, insisting that the recipe had changed, telling his wife to take a look at her bowl because she had potatoes “this time” on their second round. I approached their table to see if they wanted a third round, and before I could speak he turned and barked “YES.” and rolled his eyes.

Cue petty revenge. All of my questions for the table were direct to her, and I prompted her with extra options, toppings from the salad bar, different drinks. A new cistern of this soup was brought out by the time I was pulling their third round. His wife received the largest slices of potato, plated high and beautiful, and he received the chopped bits every time. The husband was disgruntled, but she was happy to engage.

He ended up stealing my favorite blue pen, but she left a nice tip under her last soup bowl. I can only hope that she felt seen during my short period of time waiting on her.” sphb17

32. Ask Your Ex For A Favour? That Is Ballsy, Indeed!

“My friend, Dave, had a February vacation planned to someplace warm and with a sandy beach – a lovely midwinter escape from gray NYC. Dave also had two high-maintenance cats and had previously had his apartment burglarized so he wanted someone to pop-in a couple of times and make sure everything was okay.

Dave also had a recent ex-girlfriend; recent as in he dumped her two weeks before going on this vacation. But they decided to be friends, and you can ask a friend to check in on your apartment and cats while you are off in the tropics, right? Right, Dave?

So Dave asked Sarah (not her real name,) and she kindly said yes. Dave went off on his vacation, had some fun and returned rested and with a tan.

The morning after returning home, Dave went to get dressed but found he had no clean underwear. “Odd,” thought Dave, “I did laundry before the trip and didn’t pack all my boxers.” He turned his apartment upside down, searching. While hunting for his underwear, he discovered his large mixing bowl was also missing.

He finally called Sarah.

“Sarah, did you, um, did you steal my boxers?”

“No, Dave. I would never do something like that. What kind of pervert do you think I am?”

Ultimately Sarah suggests Dave check his freezer.

There in the freezer was Dave’s large mixing bowl, filled with a block of ice and underwear.

I learned of this story a good five years after it happened. One time at Dave’s house, I decided to play a CD, only the CD in the case was not the right one. Apparently Sarah had also mixed up his CDs to illustrate how mixed up she felt when he asked her for a favor after dumping her. And the frozen boxers? That was to put his balls on ice.

andreas-nyc

Another User Comments:
“In a similar vein, (heard third hand, so maybe apocryphal) some fine gent went away for a week, and told his then live-in girlfriend it was over, and to find someplace else before he returned.

He got home, no there wasn’t anything out of place, but the phone was off the hook (back in the days of landlines). He picked it up and heard a voice saying something he didn’t understand. He hung up and thought nothing of it, until the bill arrived.

Turns out the voice was from an automated time and temperature number. In Tokyo.” rjnerd

Another User Comments:
“Fourth-hand story, but…

Friend of a friend of my cousin was looking to buy a sports car but didn’t have a lot of money. Responded to an ad for a Corvette “Priced to sell!” I went to the address, and the woman was offering to sell an almost-new Corvette for $200. He test drove it, could find nothing wrong with it, decided at the very worst it was worth ten times that for parts and bought it.

Found out later that her husband had taken off with his mistress for another state; he asked her to sell his car and send him the money.” FoolishStone

31. Steal My Parking Spot? I’ll Take Everything You Want

“So in my city, there is a pub that’s attached to a doughnut shop that serves the best doughnuts in the city (which always causes a long line). Because it’s attached to a pub, it doesn’t close shop until 9 PM as there is a solid flow of business rolling in.

Anyway, my girlfriend and I get a serious hankering for some snacks so we decide to head to the doughnut shop and arrive out around 8:30 P:M by car. Now, there are only three parallel parking spots a little up the street from the place, and they are all 15-minute spots which are usually full. We see up the street that, count our lucky stars, a spot is free! My girlfriend pulls a little ahead of the car in front of the spot, turns on her indicator, and begins backing into a parking spot when this little white Vespa driving behind us whips into the spot.

I roll down our window and call out to the driver “Scuse me, we were just backing in.” The driver seems to be a pretty univ student who shrugs her shoulders and calls out to me “sorry, first come first serve!” while she and her friend share a good laugh.

My girlfriend suggests we just get doughnuts another time, and I tell her she can drop me off here, I’ll buy the doughnuts since I know what she likes, and she can loop around.

She agrees, and I pop out of the car, pass the little white Vespa where the girls are still gathering their things, and head to the shop. As always, the line is super long for doughnuts and since this is the last batch, the doughnuts are slim pickings. The girls are behind me looking at the 5 or so different flavors that are left, talking about which ones are best and which they haven’t had yet.

I hear one of them jokingly mention “thank god we got a parking spot” and they burst out laughing. I get to the front of the line, and when asked for my order, request two dozen doughnuts, which is every last one remaining. The girls behind me didn’t listen to what I ordered, but eyebrows of confusion started to form on their faces and they slowly saw each doughnut loaded into the boxes and their options dwindle.

One of them (the driver) in desperation asked the baker who was loading them in “What, you’re not even gonna save a few for us though?” to which I turned around and said, “Sorry, first come first serve.” She honestly looked like she just simultaneously solved a movie mystery and **** her pants, it’s difficult to put into words but truly an expression I can never forget.

Best doughnuts I ever tasted (and enjoyed by the rest of my office the next morning).” SloppyMoses

30. Want To Drive Like A Jerk? Prepare To Get Soaked!

“So earlier today I was driving home on surface streets and was pulling up to a light, in the right lane when I saw a lady about the exit a parking lot right before the light also on the right side of the street.

Knowing that I had plenty of space left to pull forward and leave her enough room to get our behind me I kept rolling past her and stopped at the red light in front of me, waiting to turn right. She apparently didn’t like that I didn’t let her out before me because she proceeded to honk and flip me off. (She was driving the Tesla SUV) I ignore it and turn right and go on my merry way, not thinking much of it.

She turns right as well and gets into the lane next to me. Let me add a few details in before we go further, I live in Arizona, the ground is mostly clay meaning it doesn’t hold water well so it was all over the roads. She also has her windows rolled down.

She catches up to me and proceeds to pace me and flip me off again and yell obscenities at me with her front seat passenger doing the same.

I look ahead and see an absolutely massive puddle coming up and so I back off the gas for just enough time to get slightly behind her and then floor it. I sprayed the interior and exterior of her car with so much water that when we stopped at the next stoplight ahead and the passenger opened the door water flowed out of the car as they had just driven under a waterfall. It was truly my proudest moment.” somepilott

29. Talk To Me Like I’m Beneath You? Ok, You Asked For It

“I am the location manager at a small ski/snowmobiling resort in Montana.

My job is to make sure that all the different departments in the resort are running well. The time between February-April is our “off-season” meaning that we are only about 40% full. We lose a lot of our employees during this time because they make less money, so they go back to their hometowns. To make up for this, I work in a lot of departments, helping out to cover scheduling gaps. I’m hanging a welcome banner for a popular ski team, in our lobby near the front desk.

A man approaches the front desk and says to me, “My name is Darren Jacobs.”

“Good Morning! How can I help you?”

He gives me a look and says, “Obviously I’m checking in. Why else would I be standing here?” He mumbles “idiot” under his breath.

Just then the front desk clerk comes around the corner to help the man. I nod to him and say, “It’s ok. I have this one.” He goes back to finishing breakfast. “I’m sorry, sir.

Check-in isn’t until 3PM. It is currently 7 am. Your room won’t be ready until then.”
His face turns red, and he starts saying that I should do it out of good will, and that he’s a paying customer. I smile a big smile, when he says, “Good will.” I can check him in, as we are less than half full, but I won’t check him in because he’s an entitled *******. “I’m sure you’ll think of something!” I say with a big smile.

He goes into a long tirade. We are on a mountain, and the only business open this time of year. You need a hotel room key to get into any building, including restaurants. “How the **** am I supposed to know when its 3 pm?! I’m on vacation! I pause, point to a clock in the lobby, and say, “It’s when the little hand is on the 3.”

I saw him several times that week. Walking past the front desk, or coming down to get towels.

Every time I saw him, I put on my best smile and said, “Checking in?”

Bonus story: We lock the laundry room at night. It reopens at 9 am because it’s next to a row of guest rooms. He told a housekeeper that he forgot his phone in there, and when she opened the door to help him, he started loading clothes into the washer, laughed at her, and left. She went home for the night. He came down to the front desk demanding that we let him in so his clothes don’t mildew.

“Housekeepers have the keys, sir. We don’t have keys to their areas.” I need my ******* clothes, or I’m going to sue you!” I said in a deadpan voice, “Yes sir. I’ll send someone up to kick the door down, IMMEDIATELY.” Envoy2008

28. Change My Schedule Without Telling Me? Ok, I’ll Do As You Say

“When I was hired for the job which I currently work, I was hired to work on Tuesday through Saturday from 2 PM to 10 PM.

This had been my schedule for months, never changing (as I was verbally told that this was my set schedule, I even clarified this because I had to arrange childcare). For example, one week I was accidentally left off the schedule entirely and was told to just work my normal schedule.

Around Thanksgiving time, we closed down for a week. The company policy is that you have to work your last scheduled shift before the break and your first scheduled shift after in order to get your holiday pay.

On the Monday following Thanksgiving (remember I’m normally off on Mondays), I got a call saying I was scheduled to work and that because I didn’t come in I wouldn’t get my holiday pay. This kind of p*ssed me off because I had been told I would work Tuesday-Saturday and thus had only arranged childcare those days, so I couldn’t come in that day if I wanted to. The exact phrase I was told over the phone was “It is your responsibility to check the schedule every week because we don’t have set schedules.”

Fast forward to this week.

While checking the schedule, I noticed that my schedule is the same as normal with the exception that I am off the schedule on Saturday. So, I decided to not look a gift horse in the mouth and just take the 3 day weekend and don’t mention to my boss that she left me off. So Saturday (which I normally would work), I don’t go in since I’m not scheduled. I got a call from work and didn’t answer (no voicemail left).

Then I receive a text from my boss saying that my schedule “never changes” and it will be a no call/no show on my attendance record for not coming in to work. I reply that I am not on the schedule and so I’m not required to come in, as it is my responsibility to check the schedule every week because we don’t have set schedules.

I received no further reply and am looking forward to seeing how work goes on Tuesday.

Forgot to mention this, but I took a picture of the schedule to make sure that I can prove I was off on the schedule in case my boss tries to write me up. And in case you don’t feel like looking through all the comments, I do have a new job lined up and am just waiting for my start date before I quit this one.” the803project

The Follow-up:
“Before work today, I had a follow-up interview yesterday for the new job I mentioned.

I was offered the position I wanted and was told I can start as soon as I want. I came into work today intending to work the shift today before leaving as it’s the last day of the pay period.

When I got to work today, I clocked in and didn’t see any managers or anything, so I started working. After 15 minutes or so, my boss came out and asked, “the803project, you really couldn’t come in on Saturday?” Obviously they knew the answer and I said no.

They then asked me what I was doing that I couldn’t work my usual shift; I replied that it wasn’t their concern what I do on a day I’m not at work. They simply nodded quietly and walked away.

About an hour later, the boss came over and asked to see me for a minute. I go to their office and there is a manager (they are above me and lower than the boss) sitting in there as well.

A condensed version of the discussion: Boss has a write-up and gives me a spiel about the attendance policy and said I have to get written up for a no call/no show. I refused to sign the write-up, as I wasn’t scheduled, so I couldn’t NC/NS a shift is not scheduled for. Manager seemed a little confused (I don’t think they were told that boss didn’t put me on the schedule and that’s why I didn’t show up), so I pull the picture up of the schedule on my phone and show it to manager, who then agrees with me that it isn’t an NC/NS.

Boss said I know what my normal schedule is as a full-time employee and so I should have clarified that it wasn’t a mistake. I said it wasn’t my responsibility to double-check the schedule they put out and reminded them that I was told my responsibility was to check the schedule every week because we don’t have set schedules. Boss said something about “for future reference…” about working my normal schedule and I said okay and asked if I could go now.

I debated whether or not to stay the rest of the shift before deciding to go ahead and leave, so I wrote and signed (and documented) a note saying I was quitting effective immediately and I left it on the boss’ desk and told a manager on my way to the time clock.

This is the first and only time I’ve quit without giving two weeks notice.”  the803project

Another User Comments:

“Good employees quit sh*tty bosses.” Legendary_Hobbit

27. You Say You Sent The Book? I’ll Bill You For Wasted Time

“This is a situation that happened with my uncle.

About 30 years ago, my uncle ordered a book from a company that sold and shipped books through the mail. Not long after ordering a book he had his eye on he started getting invoices in the mail from the company, which he thought was weird because he had never received the book. After the 5th or 6th invoice he called the company to complain and told them that he had not received the book. He told them that they either needed to mail him the book and he would pay for it or they stop sending him invoices.

Seems reasonable. The company told him they had sent him the book and that they would not be sending out another, and that he had to pay the bill or they were going to charge him a penalty. They got into a big argument where my uncle told the guy on the phone that he wasn’t going to pay for something he never received. The argument devolved into yelling and cursing and eventually, the rep hung up.

A week later, my uncle got another bill (with a late payment penalty applied), and got super p*ssed and decided to do something about it. My uncle can be pretty conniving.

On to the petty revenge. His solution to this problem was to create his own invoice and bill the book company for the trouble they had caused him. He added up all the time that he wasted dealing with the book and the company and sent a certified letter to the company with his own bill inside.

It was something like $50. It worked! While the company didn’t pay his bill, my uncle never received another invoice for the book. About six months later, my uncle found the book in a drawer. My aunt had gotten the mail and put it in the kitchen junk drawer and had forgotten about it. Oops. dajur1

Another User Comments:

“Your aunt knew exactly where the book was the entire time. Wonder what your uncle did to p*ss her off….

It’s a petty revenge story inside a petty revenge story!” dedidum

26. Get Drunk When We Have To Fly Early In The Morning? I’ll Let You Experience How That Truly Feels

“So this isn’t my story of petty revenge, but how my mom decided to get some on me in my teen years.

I was 16 and it was Canada day. Everyone would go to this ferry landing by the water for Canada day where there were fireworks and bands. Now, this was a popular place for minors to drink.

My mom didn’t want me out late because we were going to fly to visit friends in Florida the next morning so she asked that I be home by like 8. I had already gotten a bottle filled with liquor all mixed into one huge water bottle that I was going to share with a friend.

It was whiskey, gin, vodka all combined into this water bottle. Well, I begged her to sleep at a friend’s and she kept saying no. Being a stupid teenager I thought the earlier I got drunk the better and that I would be sober enough to go home.

My friend and I started drinking at her house and then we went to the landing and we’re in some bushes drinking the rest. She kept going slow because it was nasty but I was in a rush so I would grab it and chug more than her.

Needless to say, I blacked out very fast. Apparently, within 30 mins, I started vomiting and being unresponsive and this lady had to put me on my side and call paramedics.

I wake up in the hospital, but my eyes weren’t open and they are asking my mom if I should get another iv bag dripped so I don’t feel as bad. My mom goes “no she deserves it”. She takes me home I get 1 hour of sleep and then off to the airport we go and she is livid.

She gets me a bagel, but the rest of the family get these greasy egg sandwiches and the grease makes me so nauseated I end up rushing to the bathroom. My mom admitted to me years after that she got those greasy sandwiches on purpose so that I would feel sick to my stomach.” GabbyChaps9

25. Act Entitled? Feel My Wrath

“I’m a flight attendant for a premier us air carrier, and this past Weds I was working a flight from New Orleans to NYC.

We were stationed in New Orleans overnight on Tuesday, as in Fat Tuesday, so I had two of my girlfriends come to meet me from Denver (where I’m based out of) and we had A LOT of fun.

Come the next morning, I’m not feeling so great. And the hangover continues well into the afternoon, to the point that I’m almost running late for my pre-board because I can’t get off the pot. P.S. for any boys out there that think that your girlfriends don’t puke or sh*t-sorry to burst your bubble, but we get hit with Montezuma’s revenge just as bad as frat guys do.

Anyways, we get to boarding, and this passenger keeps complaining that she was supposed to get a first-class upgrade but there wasn’t one available so she wanted us to move her to a different flight that had one, which is not something we can do. She’s being overall unpleasant about the whole thing, and in general reeks of your typical stuck up Long Island girl. You know the type. (Or maybe you’re lucky enough not to).

Her unpleasantness continues through boarding, at which point I see her being extremely rude to the people in her row. She basically bullies them into giving her the aisle seat, even though she had paid for an economy ticket, which with my airline, almost guarantees you a middle seat.

Then, the final straw. We’re preparing for takeoff, and she’s not in her seat. She’s in the ******* bathroom, doing god knows what, and making the whole ******* plane wait because we can’t take off too everyone’s seated.

So I decided to give her the stinkiest smelliest flight of her life…

Yes. I continuously crop dusted this ***** for the next 3 hours. I farted on her almost every single time I made my rounds through the cabin. I must’ve g***ed her 7 or 8 times before we landed. I caught her wincing, complaining, pinching her nose and wafting the air around her. It was a complete success each time.

Some highlights;

– These were some of the absolutely worst farts I’ve ever had in my entire life.

Like room clearing, vomit-inducing stinkers.

– The 3rd time I ripped on her, I was bent over “***isting” the p***enger across the aisle, and could practically feel the side of this ****’*s head on my ***, so I guaran-******-te*e she could feel my fart on her face.

– While most of these were of the SBD variety, the 2nd to the last one was actually a bit of a rumbler at the end, and I know she heard it and had to have known she had just been farted on.

Which means the last time I did it, she had to know not just she was getting farted on, but that it was being done intentionally.

So yea, if you’re a stuck up brat flying coach, you better be kind to the staff and fellow p***engers, otherwise, you may end up on the wrong end of some smelly justice.” [deleted]

24. You Want To Be Condescending To The Housekeeper? Ok, I’ll Come Back As Your Boss

“So I graduated from college a little late at 24.

Struggled with anxiety and depression that became difficult, but I made it. My part-time job the past couple of years was housekeeping for this large office.

There are 4 receptionists in this office that basically got paid the same amount as I did, but they figured since they sit behind a desk all day and I took out their trash, that that makes them above me, and everyone else who does jobs like that. I’d catch them whispering and looking at me while laughing (no clue why I’m a very normal average girl), gossiping about me, and they did things to deliberately make my job ****.

I don’t know them and never did anything to them.

They don’t throw their trash in their cans under the desks, they throw it everywhere, all over the floor. They’ll make a toddler worthy mess in the lounge, one time even had big whole pieces of chocolate cake smashed in the floor (I know it was them, I saw them walking out) and we’ve exchanged really b*tchy p***ive-aggressive notes (they’ve left me notes with highlighted words), and even exchanged sarcastic words, to say the least.

These are the type of people to treat people in “lower” positions than them horribly, just because they think they’re better than them based on the job they do.

I finally graduated in December and planned on moving back to my hometown to take a job there. However, a couple of weeks after, a management position in the office opened up. How funny would it be, I laughed to myself, if I rolled in as their new boss.

Decided to be even more immature as **** and go for it. Landed the job. The looks on their faces when I was “introduced” to everyone filled my petty *** with more glee than I’ll ever admit.

Don’t treat people that do “lower” jobs than you like ****. You never know if that person is going to college and will become your boss and make double your salary, or if that person is working hard to support their family and didn’t go to college, or whatever it may be.

The world is sh*tty enough without entitled ******** making things worse for someone just to make themselves feel better.” quilteddignity

Another User Comments:
“Reminds me of a story my dad told me.

A guy he started working with was in school to be a petroleum engineer. They both worked at an oil storage and transport facility doing menial stuff like cleaning, mowing the lawn and gopher type stuff. One day the boss did something to the college student that he thought was completely unfair.

The student told the boss, one day you are going to regret this. Boss laughed it off.

Many years later my dad is a controller at the same facility. Not a gopher but definitely not high up in the company. College student is now the big boss. He walks into the facility and fires his old boss. He was dumbfounded.

Straight up Count of Monte Cristo levels of patience.”loogie97

23. Want To Be Mean To My Little Cousin? Let Me Make A Call

“I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my young cousin who was autistic.

She has a hard time going in public, but I was trying to be nice and take her to eat and go see Dolphin Tale (she loves dolphins, like seriously). There was a table next to us that was on their 2nd or 3rd pitcher for margaritas, and they were being very loud and crude.

It was making my little cousin very noticeably uncomfortable, so I walked over to the table and very politely tried to explain the situation.

Before I could even finish, one of them dumped his water all over my feet and went back to talking like I had never been there. I got all p*ssed, but didn’t fight back.

Before I walked back to my table, I noticed that there wasn’t a sober driver in the group. I left my cousin with my sister, stepped outside, and called my friend in town who is a cop. I explained the situation to him, told him what they were wearing, and got his help.

They left the same time we did, and all piled up in a white SUV with the water dumping ********* as the driver (perfect). As soon as the car moved in reverse, my friend flew around the corner, put his lights on, and asked the driver to step out. DUI and license suspension for the driver, drunk in public for the rest. Maybe not so petty, but super satisfying.” jmperson

22. Lie About Eating My Food? I’ll Catch You Red-Handed With My Clever Approach

“I was the assistant manager at an escort service and many of the girls were pretty sh*tty, but some would come in and sit around the office, refusing every call, and just being ******* cows.

They would go into our employee fridge and eat all of our food, and then go watch tv, and the owners would allow it. I put a sign on the fridge about not touching our food, and most of the girls respected it most of the time. But we got this one new girl who was such a stuck up little *****. She had been working with us for two days, came in the office each day, took over our tv and watched **** like Jersey Shore, and slept on one couch while putting her purse/jacket/etc on the other so that we couldn’t go relax anywhere in there.

I got annoyed with her on her first day because of her behavior in our office, and also because she refused every single call we tried to send her on.

The final straw came when my mom (who also worked there) brought me a container of huge, fresh strawberries, and left them in the fridge so I would have something to eat for my shift when I came in. She called me about two hours into my shift and asked me how they were, and I had no idea what she was talking about, so she explained that she had left them for me.

I double-checked the fridge and nothing. So I asked my supervisor who told me that she saw that cow eating them when she came in, and she assumed it was something that girl had brought. That dancer wasn’t in the office at the time, as she had left to get food, and I was livid. So I plotted my revenge.

When the girl came back I unlocked the door to let her in and, after closing the door, I asked her if she had eaten them, giving her a chance to apologize or whatever.

She replied that she hadn’t, so I started panicking and said that I had to find who ate them, as it was an emergency. She looked at my quizzically and asked why, so I told her that we had laced them with rat poison and were going to put them out that night to control our pest problem (it was an old building that was pretty run-down; while we didn’t have a rat problem, someone new could easily believe we did).

She FROZE. I could see the panic flashing through her eyes and face, and she quickly told me again that she didn’t eat them. I said okay, and I feigned concern for anyone who may have eaten them before returning to my office. She walked into the back room very quickly and I watched on camera as she sat rigidly on the couch, grabbed her phone, and called her boyfriend.

I left my door cracked open and listened to her hushed panicking before she jumped up, knocked on my door and said she had to pick up a friend, and RUSHED from the office.

I watched on camera and, as soon as she got out front, she sprinted toward her car, shaking with panic. I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.

She didn’t come to hang out at the office anymore after that.” angulique

21. Give Me A Hard Time On The Job? Ok, I’m Out

“I once found myself in a situation where I was forced to take a job at Blockbuster video. I had previously come from working in an independent store with lots of freedom, working with my closest friends, that eventually went out of business (go figure).

Anywho, my need for money outstripped my pride so I succumbed to the corporate machine that was Blockbuster video. Every day I put on that uniform it stripped away from a new layer of my soul. Regardless, I’m an amicable fella that tends to get along with everybody so the new folks I worked with became fast friends – save for management. The managers there were the stereotypical management archetypes we all love to hate from every film we’ve ever seen.

So, while being amicable, I just couldn’t really get along with these two people – the Assistant Manager in particular. That being said, I always did my job and did it well – I just didn’t let those two push me around. In hindsight, I was likely out of line sometimes but there’s no fixing that today.

It’s probably worth noting at this point that before taking the job at Blockbuster I had also sent out my resume to an agency in the video game industry that I was woefully under-qualified for.

I somehow got an interview there but nothing ever came of it.

Fast forward a few months. I’m working the mid-day shift at work on a Tuesday afternoon. This was at the height of the time where, if a new release wasn’t in, you could get a rain cheque to get it for free the next time around. A couple had come in to rent a film that I thought was completely rented out when in actuality it wasn’t out yet (it was the “coming soon” boxes that were out on the shelves).

I apologized to the couple and scanned the appropriate barcode to credit them for the film on their next visit. The whole while the Assistant Manager is watching this unfold.

When the couple leaves she explains the error that I had made and tells me that she is going to have to write me up for theft against the company. I’ve obviously a bit upset by this as I’ve never stolen anything in my life. I explained that I didn’t see it as theft but she won’t hear any of it and proceeds to write me up on a pink slip.

Once she’s done she says I’ll have to sign the slip as an admission that I was aware that what I had done was wrong.

Needless to say, I refused to do it. There was no way I was going to label myself as a thief when I had made a simple mistake in which my manager could have intervened and stopped.

As we’re arguing over the slip the phone in the store rings. The Assistant Manager picks up the phone and tells me it’s for me.

The voice on the other end is unfamiliar to me but rings some bells in the back of my mind. It turns out it’s the man I had interviewed with months before for the job I was woefully underqualified for.

He explains that he had called my house (I was still living at home at the time) and my parents told him I was working. When he heard I was working at Blockbuster he decided I shouldn’t have to endure that for one more second (he was the best boss ever) so he asked for the local number there (he lived in Philly – I was in Canada) and called the store immediately to tell me I had the job if I wanted it.

Obviously, I said yes. I hang up the phone with a grin on my face. The Assistant Manager says that if I don’t sign the slip right away she’ll be forced to send me home without pay pending likely being fired. I say that I have a better idea and take my stupid Blockbuster shirt off there on the spot and tell her that she can kindly go **** herself, leaving her there to work the rest of the shift by herself with her stupid pink slip dangling in her hand.

I went in a couple of years later to rent a movie. She was serving me at the counter. The only thing I said to her was, “So, still working at Blockbuster eh?” XombieNinja

20. Tell Us To Clean Better? Oh, We’ll Clean Up REALLY GOOD

“I used to work at Best Buy in Geek Squad and usually, the people working the closing shifts had to clean up their departments and such. We had just gotten a new manager who was an outside hire from Circuit City.

He was trying to be a hardass and flex his management powers by being a meticulous **** about cleaning during closing duties asking **** like “Did you clean UNDER the registers and Windex and dust etc” about every little ******* thing.

A buddy of mine I was working with and I started our closing duties a little early since the store was pretty dead that night in order to be able to leave at a reasonable hour.

We pretty much wrapped up 15 minutes after the store closed so we got the manager to do a walkthrough so we could leave. He’s looking around and everything seems to be in order until he looks behind some signage on a shelf and runs his finger through picking up some dust. He has this sh*t-eating grin on his face and lets out a little weasely laugh and says “Looks like you guys still have some work to do.” My buddy and I looked at each other and we both just knew what had to be done.

We cleaned the entire department top to bottom, inside and out. Every drawer was emptied, dusted, wiped down, brochures organized. Every computer in the back was moved and the shelves were dusted and wiped, floors were vacuumed twice, the top stock was neatly arranged, every inch of the department was gone over with a fine-tooth comb, twice in some spots just to take longer.

10 pm turned into midnight, everyone else was long gone except for us 3.

He was looking weary and tired. Midnight turned into 2 am and we were still going at it when he finally came out of the office red-eyed and exhausted and said: “Guys, let’s go.” “But we still haven’t dusted under the counters and…” “It’s fine, let’s go.” Buddy and I took our sweet time gathering our things and clocking out. We both were also off the next day and *** manager had to be in early for a conference call so it made it all that much better.

Every time he was the closing manager after that night he never gave us trouble again, simply asking us if we were ready to go when the store closed. Justice prevails.” RoflCopter726

19. Want Us To Make Sure EVERY Piece Is Included? Ok, We’ll Add a Few Extra Too

“A few years ago when moving houses, we had to sell our Ikea PAX wardrobe as it wouldn’t fit in our new place. This thing was massive and took hours to originally build.

My wife diligently took photos of it open/closed at different angles and advertised it as for sale online. Soon after we had a winning bidder, and for a pretty decent price too! We arranged a pick up date and all seemed to be going smoothly.

A few days before the arranged pickup date the buyer dropped by unannounced and demanded to see the wardrobe right away or he wouldn’t buy it. My wife was a bit flustered but let him anyways in and showed it to him.

He did some measurements and after appearing to be satisfied with those, rudely told my wife that we’d better not damage it during disassembly, all screws, and dowels, etc be properly accounted for, that we tape all the long pieces together with cardboard in between them so they don’t get scratched, and also that all the manuals are in decent condition and present so he can properly re-assemble everything. His behavior made my wife feel nervous and attacked.

He left without any thank for your time or anything, just a threat that if all wasn’t as he expected he’d not buy it.

So, of course, we took care of dissembling the wardrobe and ensured pieces were separated by cardboard as to not get damaged. I also made sure all the manuals were present and accounted for. Lastly, I took great care to ensure that all screws and dowels were accounted for and in a sturdy plastic bag that wouldn’t rip.

However because he was an ******* to my wife, I took a screw from another Ikea furniture set we had dissembled during the move and added it to the bag of screws and dowels for the wardrobe. Ensuring that no matter how well he put it all back together, there’d be at least one remaining.” ImJustAWannabe

18. Think I Look Too Young To Sit On The Bus? Here’s A Great View Of My Condition

“I am a school kid, I attend a public high school and really enjoy it there.

But unfortunately last year I managed to get something called a “Pilonidal Sinus” which got infected and almost made me lose my ability to walk forever. I also catch the public bus to get to school and back so I don’t have to walk when I am still recovering from a long time of not being able to walk.

Now here is the story, I waited for the bus as usual and hopped on when I needed it.

I was not able to walk that well today as the area had flared up (it does that sometimes) and since it has only been a month or 2 since I was finally allowed to walk again without crutches, I needed to sit down in the disabled seats.

This was all fine for 2 stops until this woman came on. She was around 40 years old. Anyways, the bus was filled with school kids and I was the only kid sitting at the disabled seats as the others had been given to adults as that was the rule for our school (always give adults your seat on the bus).

The woman walked up and asked for a seat and I told her about my situation and how I needed to sit otherwise I could probably fall. Instead of understanding she went full-on crazy and started yelling at me to get of the seat and “respect your elders” and that I looked okay so I must be fine. We argued for a while as the stop for school was 20 stops from where I get on until I finally get up and let her sit after she had decided to kick my legs and slap me as the people around me watched in horror and any that tried to interfere would get a glare from that woman.

Which led to her looking at me triumphantly as she sat down.

Now I wasn’t going to possibly lose my ability to walk again and seeing as there was still another 10-13 stops left I decided to stand right in front of her, butt facing her, and then pulled down my pants, mooning her and showed her my Pilonidal region and the enormous, still healing mark left from the surgery.

In the end, she wasn’t quite happy but I ended up getting the seat and she decided to get off the next stop presumably to go pester another kid for a seat on a bus.

But needless to say, I am still not fully healed but always get a seat on the bus from now on.” 929yiyi

17. Eat My Food? Try My Special Habanero-Chocolate Cake

“My old college roommate didn’t know how to cook or do dishes and didn’t go food shopping much. This led to him eating my food, especially my leftovers as those were prepared meals. I would use my leftovers to meal prep for the week and told him to stop as it was expensive as well as inconvenient.

The behavior did not stop and he actually seemed to be eating more of my food out of spite. To punish him, I baked a chocolate cake with habanero peppers and mixed the frosting with wasabi. I labeled it with my name and a bold “Do Not Eat” and waited. This guy has a very low tolerance for spicy foods so I thought he would take one bite quickly realize the error of his ways. About two days later, he and a couple of his friends got really drunk while I was at work and decided to dig into my food.

Somehow, they ate about a third of it before realizing, and when they inevitably went to throw up from over drinking and eating spicy foods, got hit by the cake a 2nd time. Don’t know for sure but it couldn’t have felt good coming out the backend. When he asked me why I made this monstrosity I told him I found a chocolate habanero recipe online that I wanted to try. He stopped eating my cooking after that.” asdf_qwerty27

Another User Comments:
“I had this roommate who kept using my stuff in secret.

I didn’t notice this in the first few weeks but soon realized, that he has been not only using my toothpaste, but also fragrance, deodorant spray, shampoo and all kinds of stuff from the fridge (ketchup, sauces, etc.). It just didn’t make any sense how quickly these different products emptied. He used them more than I did. For example, I only used the fragrance when I went out at the weekend, but after 2 weeks almost a quarter was gone.

Since I always had to leave early in the morning, he had the freedom to use whatever he wanted.

One evening I asked him about this. He denied everything with big surprised eyes and swore that he only uses his stuff.

So I had to set a trap for him. I chose the toothpaste tube because it was almost empty, I took a straw and poured a bit of salt inside. Since the toothpaste had already some kind of crystals inside, it was perfect for the salt crystals to blend in the mix.

I placed the tube back where it was and waited for him to go brushing his teeth.

There he went a bit before midnight. Started brushing and a few seconds later I heard gagging noises. And after a few more seconds I heard him vomiting on the toilet. I guess he didn’t like the mix of sweet toothpaste and salt. When he finally dared to come out of the bathroom, he was fake smiling as if nothing happened.

And he stopped using my stuff after that, or at least didn’t use as much.” Soul_Impact

16. Can’t Call Me By My Name? I’ll Make One Up For You

“I have a 3 syllable girl’s name that isn’t that common but nearly everyone has heard of it before. There is a common shortened one-syllable nickname for my name but I personally hate it. I always introduce myself by my full name, and I always sign off emails using it.

As a mutual courtesy, I always call people by the names the introduce themselves to me with or sign off their emails with.

Recently I have been getting really frustrated of people I work with shortening my name, so for petty revenge, I’ve started shortening their names back and seeing them look uncomfortable.

Oh, Andrew, you don’t want to call me by my full name, you’re now Andy. Same goes for you William, you’re now Bill. Lachlan? Sorry you’re now Lachy.

I’ve even taken to shortening people’s names where a short version doesn’t exist. Claire is now Clar, Jake is now Jay, and Julie is now Ju.

It’s petty af but it’s yielding results. For the first time ever today, Andy called me by my real name.” badgirlbeebee

15. Always Gotta Be That One Upper? Not Anymore, Bro

“So… I have two older brothers that I will be talking about in this story. For simplicity sakes, let’s call them Brother 1 and Brother 2.

Brother 1 is the one-upper. He has a CLASSIC case of green mushroom syndrome. No matter what the situation is, the context, WHATEVER, he has to be the one on top. It makes having a normal conversation with him virtually impossible. I’ll give you a few examples of the types of responses he gives to normal everyday situations/conversations:

Me: Wow this burrito from Chipotle is incredible. I need to eat here more often.

Brother 1: UGH eww holy *** dude those suck, there is this burrito place like a mile from here that is ABSOLUTELY the best.

Nothing is better than it, hands down.

or

Me: I’ve been listening to this podcast recently, it’s called the H3 Podcast and it’s so funny. You should check it out man, I think you’d like it!

Brother 1: Oh god no, *** that. I hate H3H3, totally not my humor and not something I want to listen to. I’d rather listen to Rhett and Link’s Ear Biscuits, SO much better.

You get the point. This is something that’s been an issue as long as I can remember.

He CRAVES this sort of interaction so he can somehow feel like he “wins” the conversation or something. Well… That’s where Brother 2 comes in…

Brother 2 is incredibly intelligent. He’s quick-witted and can give a 200 IQ response at the right moment. He’s typically a quiet observer and generally doesn’t interact with Brother 1 often because of how these interactions usually play out. Brother 2 and I tend to talk about the “one-up” mentality of Brother 1 relatively often, since its something that’s such a defining quality of his personality.

Brother 2 and I have nearly lost our minds having to deal with these sorts of interactions…

So the petty revenge story starts here.

Brother 1 is sitting at the kitchen table, eating some fast food and drinking a blue Monster energy drink.

Brother 2 walks in, sees the energy drink, and seizes the moment.

Brother 2: Hey man, what do you think about Rockstar energy drink? That stuff is so good.

Brother 1: UGH *makes gag noises* (this gag noise is legit the most forced, fake gag ever and he does it a lot) that *** is NASTY.

No way, nope. That stuff sucks. You know what’s better? Venom energy drink. ABSOLUTELY the best.

Brother 2: Oh really? Okay yeah, I’ll have to try it. What about Red Bull? That stuff is to die for! I always used to drink it back in college.

Brother 1: OH NOO NOO, that tastes like p*ss! No way I could drink that crap. Venom is my energy drink choice, NOTHING is better than it.

Brother 2: Yeah yeah, I’ll try it eventually.

It must be really good if you speak so highly of it…

(A brief silent moment passes)

Brother 2: But honestly, my FAVORITE is blue Monster, there is NOTHING better than that.

Brother 1, completely oblivious to the fact that he’s been guzzling this blue Monster down, instinctively responds: EWW *gag noise* no no no, that *** is nasty. *gag noise* Dude stop bugging me about energy drinks man, Venom is number 1, end of story.

At this point, Brother 2 soaked the moment in.

He waited until Brother 1 OBVIOUSLY noticed that he was drinking that exact energy drink, then said…

Brother 2: Oh dude, then why are you drinking a blue Monster right now? I thought you said that *** is nasty?

The look on Brother 1’s face was priceless. He had no words, choked down his food silently, and fled the kitchen.

The revenge was so petty, and that moment has lived on between Brother 2 and me ever since.” Topsy_Turve

14. Prove I Returned The Car Before 5? Ok, Catch!

“Years ago I drove a tow truck and we delivered a lot of cars to dealers.

One little dealership was notorious for having jerks working there. It was like all the high school bullies got back together and open a car lot.

Got a call on a Friday after lunch, from a client asking me to deliver a car to the dealership, and they had to have it before 5:00 pm, or they didn’t have to pay for it, and by pay for it, I mean the car and the tow bill. This would be no problem, the car was a couple of blocks from me and the dealer was about a mile away.

I went and hooked the car and headed to the dealer. It was 3:30 pm when I left my office.

I get to the dealership and go in to find someone to sign for it. No one would sign, they told me to just park it around back. Knowing what jerks these guys were, no way was I going to leave it there without being able to prove they got it before 5. I talked to the new car manager, used car manager, service manager, and finance manager.

No one would sign for it, and they were taunting me almost looking for a fight. OK.

I dropped the car and drove it up to their front doors, got out and locked it, backed up and looked at the crew inside laughing. I backed up another couple of steps and threw the keys onto their roof. They lost their ***! I waved and left.

I was back in my office in less than 5 minutes. By this time, it’s about 4:45 pm.

I walk in and my boss was on the phone and laughing, he called me right into his office and put the call on speaker. Our client was on the phone as was the GM from the dealer. The GM was a lunatic about his showroom being blocked by the car and me tossing the keys on the roof.

My client and boss knew these guys were jerks and wanted to know what happened. I told them no one would sign for the car and it had to be there before 5:00.

GM said right! I said, so it’s before 5 and you’re calling to complain the car is blocking your showroom.

GM- YES!

At this point, my boss, the client (Mike) and I were all laughing hysterically. The GM got madder until I could catch my breath and call his crew out for not signing for it. They were going to say the car got there after 5 so they didn’t have to pay if I didn’t have proof of delivery.

That’s kind of hard to do now because the GM was on the phone at 4:45 complaining about the car on his lot.

That dealer treated their customers the same way they tried to treat me. Less than 2 years later, the building was a mattress store!

Folks. This was in 1981-1982. Pre-cell phones.” SumoNinja17

13. Try To Be A Parking Spot Theif? Don’t Even Go There

“I was reading through this thread and it jogged my memory.

One afternoon around 5 pm around 105 degrees (relevant later) in the US my wife, my inlaws, my 2 kids, and I are in a packed parking lot outside of a little market, there also happened to be a fair going on at the same time.

There were so many of us we had to take two vehicles. That being said my MIL is handicapped and has the parking that comes along with it. However, there were no open handicap parking spots available. So I found two parking spots, one being closer than the other.

I took the parking spot furthest away so they could park as close as possible, so she wouldn’t have to walk far (she has a bad back). As I parked a woman got out of the passenger seat of a parked car further down and walked up to the open parking spot and took her stance.

My in-laws tried pulling into the parking spot and the woman would not move. So I did the only reasonable thing you can do in that situation. I stood behind my in-law’s car and in front of the other woman’s car, whom the lady standing was waiting for.

She yelled at me to move, so I calmly said no, you can’t hold that parking spot she needs to move. She yelled some more and refused to budge.

So I did the best thing I could, I told them I have all day and I sat in the middle of the parking lot in front of that car in the blistering heat.

After about 2 minutes of me sitting there the woman trying to hold the parking spot finally moved so my in-laws could park there. Man, was my a*s on fire, but it was 100% worth it as she walked away p*issed off. And to make matters better she lost her other parking spot and I’m pretty sure they had to park a lot further than they were.”  Mr_Kerfuffle

12. Embarrass Me In High School? I’ll Pretend Like I Don’t Know You

“There was a guy I used to like in school.

He was in the year below and one day I gave him a letter saying I liked him and wanted to get to know him better.

This guy then spread that letter around the whole school so for a good year or so he and his friends made fun of me. He wasn’t someone that people generally crushed on, but he used the letter as a way to get some attention on himself. Even long after people lost interest he would try bringing it up and reignite the teasing.

I’m 23 now, and that was a distant memory. But that didn’t stop my heart rate elevating and palms sweating when I suddenly saw him in a cafe.

I ordered my drink and then waited, hoping he wouldn’t recognize me. Worst nightmare. He walks over and says hello.

“It’s me, [name], That guy from school”. I turn and stare at him before saying “sorry, I don’t think I know you.” To which he replied, “yeah, you wrote me a letter saying you liked me.”

I put on a face of thinking long and hard before saying, “wait…from 10 years ago? I remember a letter…but to be honest I don’t remember you at all.

I guess you didn’t have that much of an impact on me…”

My drink was ready so I grab it. And he says “but you wrote me the letter. You gave it to me”.

I stop and say with a thoughtful expression, “I remember Dave, Blake. Matt and Tim…but I’m sorry, I just don’t remember you…”

He suddenly looks embarrassed and then mumbled something as I said goodbye and walked out.

It felt good not letting me knock me down this one last time.” Lemonslothcake

11. Talk Smack About Millennials? Go Look In The Mirror

“I’m going to try to keep this a short story here and to the point.

About a year and a half ago I was working at a company with multiple divisions. We met up for a company-paid supper one evening at a bar.

This guy went off on a rant about how millennials are always expecting handouts and do not earn their way in life. And that I was a typical millennial and fit that bill perfectly. I should add this guy is only about 3 years older than me. Although he insists that he’s not like others his age.

For me to be at this point in my life I saved up every cent I could (about $1500). Took the clothes I had, the tools I had to my name, loaded up a Honda Civic and traveled over 4000 km across the country to find a job as an apprentice. I was 21 and left all my friends and family to start a new life in a different city. I started out washing industrial equipment and worked my way up to a heavy-duty mechanic at my previous company.

So needless to say I was not very happy with being told that I expected handouts in life and didn’t earn what I had. I still miss my family and friends every day of my life I live here. While he grew up here.

So fast forward a couple of months. He shows up to work hammered drunk. Drove the company truck in, and once he got there started to insult co-workers. Obviously this got him in big trouble and he was fired on the spot.

About a year later, my previous company I worked for called me in for work. I sat down to lunch with the boss and found out that they just recently hired this guy. And he was starting next week.

So, of course, I let them know about his incident that he lied to about them saying he worked for a different branch of the company. Obviously in an attempt to stop them from contacting his real place of employment.

So when he walks into his first day at work there going to turn him right around and send him back out the door.

*** you for thinking you know me or what I’ve done to be where I am in life. Enjoy losing your first job opportunity in a year, maybe if you didn’t “expect handouts.” RappinRonnieReagan

10. Want To Complain About The Neighborhood? Hope You Like My Front Law Artwork

“Neighbor is a retired 70-something former preacher or pastor or whatever.

He’s also a judgmental pr*ck who, despite not living in a neighborhood with an HOA, makes weekly rounds through the neighborhood looking for any minor code violations (things like flowers that are overhanging onto the sidewalk by an inch or two, etc) he can report to the city to get the owners fined. He mows his lawn twice per day during the summer and has a bed of green that would make Hank Hill cream himself.

I take pride in my yard, but it’s 70% native plants and wildflowers with a small patch of grass in the front. I don’t water the grass because pouring water on the ground seems stupid to me, but it (along with a healthy mix of other stuff) comes in pretty full and there aren’t any bare spots anyway. I mow every five days, less if we’re in a dry spell and it grows slower.

Anyway, when I get out there, I cut all the grass, but with a focus toward leaving a path that is as baffling as possible.

Sometimes I will attempt a checkerboard and then veer off into spirals, other times I will approach with an even more abstract eye. The grass doesn’t seem to mind and I enjoy the challenge of thinking of new ways to traverse the lawn.

Today I saw my neighbor standing out front with his f*ckup grandson that got sent to live with him for some reason. He was complaining to him about something, throwing his hands up in the air, clearly very exasperated…

Then he gestured toward my lawn and then made a little spiral gesture while contorting his face in disgust.

I don’t know exactly what he said, but I imagine he was lecturing him about how if he didn’t get his life together he’d end up like me, the neighbor with the weird lawn.

Small victories, you know?” uninterestingdream

9. Give My Daughter A Hard Time For Damaging Her Own Property? Not On My Watch

“Today I got a call from the school my 9-year-old attends asking to please come up to the school because my daughter was in trouble for vandalizing another child’s property.

This surprised me because my daughter is a bit of a goody-two-shoes and never gets in trouble so I dropped what I was doing and swung by the school to find my daughter sitting in the Principal’s office grinning ear to ear. I was ushered in to take a seat.

The Principal immediately launched into a tirade about how my daughter had deliberately broken another girl’s necklace and how unacceptable it was. Once he was finished, I turned to my daughter to hear her side of the story.

Last year my daughter saved up her pocket money to buy best friend necklaces for her and this girl. I ordered them from Wish.com for her. This year the friendship went belly up when I discovered this girl was trying to extort her friends including my daughter into buying her expensive items on a kids game with threats, backstabbing my daughter and threatening anyone who dared play with her at lunch so she was completely isolated.

My daughter cut off contact and has been rebuilding her friendship circle and all was going well until this little girl started repeatedly demanding that my daughter give her the other half of the friendship necklace so she could give it to someone else. The fact we were the ones that bought the necklaces, to begin with, was apparently a minor irrelevant detail.

My 18-year-old niece and nephew are very protective of their young cousins and were quite upset for her so they decided to offer her the opportunity for therapeutic destruction.

Last weekend they got out their tools and helped my daughter shatter the charm into 7 or 8 pieces with a hammer, some pliers and had a great time. My daughter put the pieces of the charm in her jewelry box as a reminder of what fake friends can do to you.

Anyway, apparently this girl kept demanding the necklace every day hassling her so my daughter hatched a plan. She gathered up the pieces into a little bag, took them to school today to empty the bag in front of the girl and told her she was welcome to the necklace as long she likes jigsaw puzzles but she will probably need some glue.

Apparently the girl went red and stormed off to the teacher to say that my daughter had destroyed her necklace and my daughter was sent to the office.

I couldn’t keep a straight face and burst out laughing. You could see the vein in the Principal’s forehead pop out as he looked at me laughing. I pulled out my phone, showed him my purchase history to confirm that we bought the necklaces and my daughter is perfectly within her rights to destroy her own property if she so wishes.

He finally dismissed us and my daughter skipped back to class laughing hysterically. My niece and nephew are quite proud and planning to take my daughter out for ice cream this weekend to celebrate her standing up for herself.” touchthef*ckingfrog

8. Be A Jerk After I Try To Return Your Lost Phone? Enjoy Your Road Trip

“About 5 years ago, I saw someone lose their smartphone in real-time. I was driving behind her and saw it fly off the top of her car on a busy 1-lane highway.

It was a little dangerous, but I pulled over, waited for a break in traffic, and darted out to grab the phone. It was miraculously unharmed. Her background pic showed a 20-ish redhead and a boyfriend who looked like a sh*ttier version of Faze Banks.

I kept driving around doing my errands until her phone rang, about 30 minutes later. I told her where the phone had flown off the roof, how I retrieved it and mentioned she must have put it up there while getting gas or something.

Her response?

“Ok. Could you bring it here to me in [Her Town, 40 min away] please? I work at [Pizza Joint]

“Uhhhh…That’s nowhere near me. I’m in [My Town]. You can pick it up here. I’ll meet you at the Dunkin Donuts.”

“(Annoyed) I can’t drive all the way to [Your Town], I don’t know [your Town]. Let’s meet halfway at [Popular Restaurant].

“That’s not even remotely halfway. [Popular Restaurant] is still in your town. Want to just pick it up later?”

“I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!!” (Puts boyfriend on phone)

BF- “Dude, what’s your #@$% problem.

Give her back her phone, already.”

This went on for a few minutes, BF getting ‘tougher and tougher’. I have zero tolerance for sh*tty behavior, so I hung up on them and shut off the phone.

I was going to visit my grandfather the next day, so I kept the phone on me until then. When I got to granddad’s town (2 hours away), I turned the phone on, called the girl’s father, and told him everything. He was very apologetic, and I’m guessing it wasn’t his first rodeo.

I told him due to her rudeness (and boyfriends thinly veiled threats), the phone could now be picked up at the local police station in my grandad’s’ hometown.

Dad’s response? “Looks like she’ll have a 3-hour drive both ways this weekend. Sorry again.” 5_Frog_Margin

7. Bully Me For Swimming In My Own Pool? Check Out My Thighs

“So this is more of an annual revenge thing. About five years ago a greedy councilman put up 3 two-story apartments next door to our house.

One of these has a direct view of our pool area and a grouchy woman and her husband moved into it.

Anyhoot, as we have done in the fifteen summers before they got there, we all went for an afternoon swim. The woman was on her balcony and made a huge dramatic fuss about going back inside and closing her curtains. She then screeched at her husband when he tried to go outside. It’s not like we were indecent or anything, just in our swimsuits.

We laughed about it and continued having a nice afternoon at the pool while she roasted inside.

A few days went by and I decided it was too hot to be inside and went for a dip. I was in the middle of uni and this was the only time I’d leave the house between assignments and tests. Now, I do not have a body that stops traffic. I am a regular, plump human whose Dorito loving habits have begun to show around the lower body area.

I take off my sarong and jump into the pool. After a few minutes, I sense someone watching me, look up and find a man on the balcony smoking and staring right at me. I make a bit of an aggressive “What?” gesture and he scurries back inside, only to return with the woman in tow. The conversation went something along the lines of:

Her: Excuse me? Could you not swim when my son is out here smoking? He just lost his job and this is the time he’d normally smoke, and you’re out here naked and distracting him.

Me: Ew. He’s the age of my dad. He can smoke on your front balcony. And I’ve lived here for (at the time) 15 years so you can’t blame me for being here “naked”. Which I’m not, I’m swimming.

Her: I’m just asking you to be considerate okay?

At this point, the grown-a*s man-baby was looking smug.

Me: If you don’t like it then move.

And I continued swimming. They stood there for another five minutes before once again going inside and closing the sliding patio doors and curtains.

Also, I was not “naked” or indecent. I wear full swimsuits because I’m a little insecure about my belly (see paragraph about the Doritos). I told my parents and the next day my mom joined me in the pool to show them, and I quote, “What real traumatizing thighs look like.”

But that got me thinking though. I could make their summers a living **** if closing all their curtains was how they’d go about seeing us in the pool.

So now every summer, weather permitting, I go out and flash my thighs for a few hours in the afternoon and have them roast up in their apartment. It’s been five years of this and I will continue doing this until the day I leave home.

Edit: I want to thank everyone who is giving me ideas to be even pettier. My mom and I are getting a good chuckle out of it, and I am now on Amazon looking for the hairy dude swimsuit.

Also, you guys have been so wholesome about this. My Dorito thighs give thanks for the acceptance.” Zo3eth

6. Give The Sound Guy Trouble? Here’s Why You Should Never Give The Sound Guy Trouble

“I supply and operate sound and lighting for bands. The singer shows up fully dressed in black leather with ****** spurs on his boots(!) Shoves a cheap, sh*tty wireless microphone at me without a word. I check it out and it has rechargeable batteries in it.

(This was a no-no back then as the batteries would discharge suddenly and cause the mic to fail in a performance) I tried to point this out to singer dude but he just death-stared me and told me to “***en sort it”.

Half-way through the show, of course, the mic starts losing gain catastrophically. I try to increase the input gain but it’s hopeless. Mic gives out entirely and singer=dude gets on one of the wired mics and tells the audience, “We have to take a break to sort out this ***wit sound-guy”.

Oh, really?

I go backstage and before I can even open my mouth this guy starts screaming at me, “You’re a ***en ***wit mate. Why don’t ya just *** off?!” Right in front of all the band and hangers-on.

Ok. I can deal. I went on stage and started rolling up cables and turning everything off. Venue manager asks me what’s going on and I told him. “No worries Dave, they’re a *** band anyway, see ya next week”

After a while singer-dude comes out, all pally, “Hey Dave………ahhh, whatcha doin?” I told him, “I’m ****** off mate, isn’t that what you wanted?”

Packed up, loaded out and got home early.

See how your ***y mic goes without a sound-system mate.” [deleted]

5. Take My Spot And Table? I’ll Just Join In, Thanks

“This happened about 5 years ago when I was a freshman in college. I had 45 min between classes so I stopped by the dining hall for a quick lunch. I had nothing with me except my student ID and phone and was “plugged in” listening to an audiobook for class. The hall wasn’t overly crowded but not empty either.

Probably 75% of the tables were taken. I loaded a tray with food and, as all the 2 person tables were taken, sat my tray down at an empty 4 seater. Then I went to go get a drink.

When I came back, not 30 seconds later, there were people sitting at my table. They had taken all 4 chairs and my tray of food had kind of been pushed to one edge. I did not know these people and the whole thing was a bit bizarre.

There was another empty 4 person table just like it two tables over so I saw no reason that they would feel the need to take this one that already had a tray of food on it. Not to mention I had never heard of anything like this happening before, the school was relatively small and most students were open friendly people.

So, I could have picked my tray of food up and found another table or confronted them and asked what the ****, but I had had a hectic day, I was starving, and only had 10min to eat my food before I needed to walk back to my studio (long story short I was in no mood for this) so I simply pulled up and extra chair at the end and started to eat my lunch.

They all sort of gave me odd looks and I just smiled and continued to listen to my book and eat. I finished in about 5-8min all the while them sitting in awk silence. Then I got up to put my tray away and went on my merry way. I never saw those people again.” stayinschool-tty

4. Be A Bully In High School? Here’s A Special Delivery, Just For You!

“I used to go to a public high school where the majority of students were low to middle-class Italian origin kids of immigrants (90% +).

Tough going, to say the least. When I was in high school I used to get bullied by a guy called Renaldo. We had a few scraps, either verbally or fisticuffs over the years. I was always the type of guy who wouldn’t take other people’s *** and while others balked at giving me a hard time particularly when I went through puberty and became one of the tallest, largest guys in school he somehow always managed to give me a hard time.

It was a tough time but in a way, I paid my dues early and learned from a stern father that if people punched you, you punch back and you punch harder and you’ll know if they are men or not.

As luck would have me, Renaldo ended up in the same college I went to and he always managed to somehow, someway be a little *** to me. What made things worse is that we fell for the same girl, Andrea who eventually became my girlfriend of over 4 years.

Everyone knew he had feelings for her and that it killed him she was with me and not him. He always tried to “seduce” her with random calls and emails, being the son of a wealthy father who owned his own construction company, that he had nice cars, lots of money, a bunch of *** that I didn’t have and over the years worked hard to earn coming from a low-income family that was having problems making ends meet.

He was a constant issue the first year of my relationship and we had several conflicts,

Years later, after college and shortly after I broke up with Andrea, I received an e-mail from him out of the blue. I never corresponded with him (Facebook didn’t exist back then) and he went out and told me in an epic letter which went far too long, swore at me in excess and used terrible English (no wonder he never finished college and dropped out to work with daddy).

Basically it was a “No one liked me in college and to F off.”

I haven’t seen him in well over 2 years, nor did we have any real friends in common. As a way of keeping my cool, nor did I want him to have the satisfaction to get me mad, I never responded to his emails (he sent several).

However, I couldn’t let his taunting go without consequences.

So I went online and Googled his name. After searching around a bit I easily found a complete profile of him regarding his career, where he worked and what type of work it was.

His father passed away recently and he now owned his father’s business and had a team of employees working for him. I spied a bit more and hung onto the address of his place of employment for several weeks while I plotted.

One day, I proceeded to go into a local *** shop and I purchased the largest, fattest, floppiest adult toy that I could find along with some KY and I went home, wrote a special note for him and put it along with the big fat black adult toy and KY and boxed it in a standard box that couldn’t be traced back to me and sent it priority mail that required for him specifically to sign.

The note read, “Since you have so much time to search out people that never gave a *** about you to begin with, I figured you’d have enough time to go *** yourself with this!”

One of our mutual acquaintances dropped me an email a few days later. This acquaintance worked for Renaldo during his “internship” and apparently the package arrived while they were preparing to head out for a team lunch on a Friday and he was very excited to get the box opened since Renaldo thought it was something he ordered online that he was expecting and would “make it a good weekend” and he opened it in front of a number of co-workers and instead of whatever he ordered he pulls out….a giant black floppy adult toy.

Priceless…” chabaz

3. Want To Be Difficult About My Vacation? Well, I Got An Ace Up My Sleeve

“I had a work colleague who was brought in by management on a large scale project and was effectively given the green light to do whatever she wanted. This chick got drunk off the small bit of authority she had and made people’s lives a misery.

She absolutely hated my boss and was trying every trick in the book to make his life a misery.

My job would take too long to explain but I was effectively a go-to guy for quite a few aspects in the office so I knew I was safe. but she was trying to get him to quit or get me to leave his team.

What she didn’t know was my partner had moved home to Oz and I had kept it a secret that I was going to follow after a few months. Life was ticking by but this ****** she-beast pig dog was driving me up the wall.

My hours were being increased the workload was phenomenal.

I asked her to get someone else in for me to train as I needed time off from time to time and always refused in the most passively aggressive way imaginable. Anyway, the date had been set and projects were coming to a head which would have seen my workload increase to new levels (I was pulling 14 hour days already). I went up to my head boss and informed him of my decision and the reasons.

He offered to get me a visa for my partner and her old job back if I stayed (helped my ego as I was wondering was I *** at what I did as I was getting so much *** from this woman). I refused, saying I’d need to leave in a month and needed two weeks off. He wished me well and understood my reasons. All my references were sorted everything wrapped up.

The beauty of this was my other managers who were involved in the project hated this **** as well so I told them of my plan.

They were all happy to play along and play dumb.

A big meeting was taking place later that day and off she goes delegating like a champ to everyone bossing them all pushing people’s buttons. Then it came to my turn, I made a point of asking her was there any scope to get someone in to help as I’m slammed as it is. Usual dull tone response of go *** yourself basically. ok, no problem.

She starts to outline everything that’s going and all the *** I’ll have to do.

The expectations were crazy and her last sentence was. “so you’ll have to all that”.

No, I don’t think I will. Her face twisted and she snarled at me. What do you mean you won’t do it? Like I said. I don’t want to do it so I won’t. In fact, I quit. I’m moving to Australia in four weeks and I’m taking two weeks’ holiday before I go. So *** you.

Her face dropped, she was lost for words.

She was scrambling saying I’d have to train someone. I took out a copy of my contract and said my responsibilities were clearly defined and I would honor those ones. As she hadn’t updated my contract and responsibilities I wasn’t obliged to help her. I also showed her a copy of the email I had just sent to HR showing her responses to my objections of the hours I was working and her refusal to train anyone else.

My bosses at the table were losing their *** trying not to laugh in her face. Walked out with one manager getting up to pat my back. Possibly told her to get f*cked once or twice more and this is what she had come to her. All of her projects got f*cked over so other managers were able to crucify her. She also got hauled up for the overworking and refusing help. And the best part is when the head honcho heard he came down to actually say well played on telling her to get f*cked (he had no idea what had been going on) and she walked by and heard him saying it to me.

The whole office knew what I did and everyone was delighted someone f*cked her over. I went back to visit at Christmas and people still came up and said how happy they were I did it.” ManElegant

2. Rush Me? Lady, You Can Wait – Even If It’s Just An Extra Few Minutes

“I work in retail because I need the health insurance, but a LOT of customers seem to believe I work where I do because I’m an idiot.

And the second something like that comes out of their mouths (“could you actually learn how to do your job CORRECTLY!? Some of us have places to be, y’know, jobs that actually matter.”) I become the stupidest cashier you will EVER have. My idiocy knows no bounds; even the mentally handicapped greeters at a Wal*Mart could do better than me.

What’s that? You’re the ***head that brought in an expired coupon, and when I scan it and tell you it’s not valid, I’m the stupid one? Huh.

Okay then. I guess I need to call over a manager to okay every single one of your coupons, you snotty ****. Good thing you weren’t in a rus- oh wait, you’re gonna be late for your doctor’s appointment? That’s too bad because I accidentally just deleted everything I rung up! Gotta start over!

Note: I only do this to customers that insult me first, it’s never unprovoked stupidity, and I don’t do it if there’s a line behind them, it wouldn’t be right to *** with innocent shoppers.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:
I was working in the customer service booth at my local grocery store.

It was my second day on the job alone, and I had JUST opened the booth. One guy comes up and I start helping him put his Western Union order through, it usually takes 5 minutes. About 45 seconds after I start helping this guy, a woman comes up and IMMEDIATELY starts tapping her foot in impatience. Arms crossed, huffing, sighing, the whole deal. I just glance at her and keep doing my thing. I’m not going to mess up my order just because she’s being an impatient ****.

But then she starts being vocal about it. She glances at her watch and says to no one in particular “I’m REALLY in a hurry. Ugh.” Then addresses me, “Is there SERIOUSLY NO ONE ELSE TO HELP YOU?” I explained that no, it was just me. Mind you it’s still just those two in line.

She asks the customer in front of her that I’m already helping if she can just get her business taken care of so she can leave.

He just kinda says “Ok, whatever” so she pushes her way in front of him and thrusts her bill in my face. I take it, set it down, and tell her she can wait until I finish helping the customer who was in front of her. Then again she rambles to no one in particular “I have to be in Parowan by 10! It takes at LEAST an hour! I’m going to be late! Ugh!” I finish with my customer (taking my sweet time) and start her transaction.

Turns out she wanted to pay a bill by check and I had never done it before, so I had to call someone over to help me. She continued to huff and puff while I took as much time as possible. I could have finished her transaction in less than 5 minutes, took at least 8 or 9. I hope she was late.” Oddment_Tweak

1. Take Advantage Of Me In A Vulnerable Position? Oh I’ll Show You How It Really Works

“When I was 18, I went out with a guy who was 10 years older.

He was still living with his parents, feeding off their estate, but ah well, I fell in love with his eyes; unfortunately got stuck with the whole package. He was unbelievably controlling, over-the-top jealous, and he kept invading my every moment (i.e. found out where I was having dinner with some friends, “showed up by coincidence” to check if there were guys in our company, stayed without being invited).

At some point, I found out by his friends how he bragged that, “Hey, an 18yo is hooking up with me.”  I let it slide because, well, we were hooking up a lot, but my interest levels were getting lower and lower by the day.

One night, while in the act, as he was going faster and harder, and he penetrated another part of me without my consent. Full throttle. It was the scream heard around the world. But after asking if I’m OK (I said no) and waiting 30 seconds, he kept going. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I spent the next weekend at his place, his parents would come back around Sunday afternoon. Sunday morning, after breakfast and some relaxing time, I put on my most suggestive smile and asked: “So, do you want to see how it feels to really be f*cked by an 18-year-old?” He was instantly turned on so I lead him to his parent’s bedroom and pushed him on the bed.

I gave him my naughtiest look as I tied his legs to the bed. Handcuffing him on the railing was even easier. And right as things were about to take off,  I stopped, got out of bed, and reached in my overnight bag. I got my eyebrow tweezers out and got to work.

He wasn’t particularly hairy, but there was quite a lot at the base of his junk, as well as his sack. For every hair I pulled, I gave him the reason why.

It took him a while to realize that the more he swore and cursed at me, the slower I was pulling the hair out. At the final few he was quietly suffering, so I knew he got the point. I got dressed, looked at him lovingly, told him “THAT’S how it feels to be f*cked by an 18yo” and left him there for his parents to find.” Zavarakatrenemi

And so ladies and gentlemen, that’s how it’s done! These people have managed to get petty over some silly things, while others went full-on revenge mode for some more serious stuff.

Either way, these are some folks you don’t want to cross. Be kind, everyone! You don’t know what someone is going through behind the scenes and what they’re capable of doing! Got a similar story to share? Tell us everything!