People Wish For Us To Examine Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Having No Faith In My Husband?
“My husband recently announced that he wants to pursue stand-up comedy as a career. He plans to work his full-time job during the day and do open mic nights at different comedy clubs around the area until he ‘makes it big.’ OK, fine.
I don’t 100% think this is a good idea, but I will support him completely in his endeavors. 5 years ago when I quit my corporate job to start my own company, my husband provided his unwavering support despite all the naysayers who said I wasn’t being smart. Now I have a successful & profitable business that honest to god would never have happened had my husband not believed in me.
I want to do the same for him.
Here’s the problem: My husband isn’t funny. At all. He’s practiced a few skits in front of me, and I am having difficulty finding the humor. His material is about work-related issues, the legal system, and double standards between men and women.
He makes good points in his presentation but there is no humor to tie any of it together. He sounds like a chronic whiner who is angry and frustrated. He uses a lot of sarcasm but it sounds really mean. Instead of a performance, what the audience is getting is a speech.
It literally sounds like one coworker complaining to another.
Here’s an example straight from his notes:
‘Did you know there is a cop code that an officer shouldn’t cite an off-duty officer for breaking a traffic violation? That’s pretty shady. I got pulled over for driving 10 over the speed limit because my dog was vomiting and I was trying to get her to the emergency vet.
It didn’t matter to the cop who wrote me the ticket. He said the law is the law, but apparently that doesn’t apply to those who wear blue. It also doesn’t apply to judges either. Have you seen the viral video of the officer who let the judge go after finding out they were a judge?’
He just rambles on and on and on. I tried to provide some constructive criticism, but he took it the wrong way and said that comedy is subjective and not everyone will ‘get it.’ What I find funny or not funny can be the exact opposite for someone else.
Duh, I know this. But I seriously and sincerely believe that no one will enjoy my husband’s ‘comedy’ routine. It is that. Freaking. Awful. He wants me to support him at his first open mic night this Saturday and of course I will be there for him. But at the same time I know it’s going to be a disaster and no one is going to laugh.
I can already imagine how awkward and embarrassing it will be.
AITJ for being a ‘negative Nancy’ and already assuming that my husband is going to be a complete failure at his first open mic?”
Another User Comments:
“First, go. Be supportive even if you’re cringing in the back of the room, face in a strong cocktail.
Tell him how proud you are that he has the nerve to do this.
Does he attend a lot of stand-up? Who are his favorite comics? You’re right that isn’t funny and just comes off angry/whiny and without a point besides he feels like a victim.
Maybe you can suggest you want to be supportive and want to understand comedy more, so can you guys watch some stand-up (or even stand-up specials on Netflix or whatever at home, together).
Then talk about them, who, and what you both found funny (withOUT pointing out how he’s not funny in comparison, obviously).
NTJ and I’d kind of let nature take its course. He’ll probably think it’s not the right crowd, or people don’t get his sophisticated humor or whatever for a while, but will eventually figure it out.” Bobbob34
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Every man thinks he’s hilarious. You can emotionally support his efforts to moonlight as a stand-up comedian while believing he’s not funny and will fail. You’re not TJ for having these (likely accurate) feelings. He’s right that comedy is subjective, so he’s not TJ either.
It’s probably worth letting him fail on his own rather than protecting him from it. As long as he’s not quitting his day job, this seems relatively harmless.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“I’ve seen someone else say this but I thought it needed to be reiterated. YOU do not need to be the one to let him know.
Let OTHER people do that for you if he bombs. This being for two reasons. One: If it doesn’t bomb and you told him it sucked that’s just not a position you wanna put yourself in, just unnecessary drama. Two: You can be the one to support him after instead of being the one putting him down in the first place.
NTJ.” liamo6w
17. AITJ For Being Sarcastic To A Coworker?
“I work with one of those people who butt into other people’s conversations to make condescending comments because he thinks he knows everything.
Have an interest in vintage cars? His knowledge is better. You do yoga? His middle name is Bikram. You’re cooking with amchur powder? He’s the Gordon Ramsey of rare spices. I noticed a few times (when I happened to know a little bit about the topic at hand) that he’s pretty much full of it.
Though I wasn’t sure if he was trolling us or had the unquenchable thirst to be smarter than everyone.
It used to annoy me and I’d try to get out of there any time he started talking, but then I tried approaching it with sarcasm. I would feign surprise or enthusiasm at his alleged expertise in the topic, and start asking him questions, often obscure stuff that might throw him off or show he isn’t really that knowledgeable.
A few weeks ago, a coworker was talking about amchur powder. It’s green mango powder, brownish, sweet, and sour, used in South Asia. I accidentally know about it because my sister is a cook and she loves Indian food. So this coworker starts talking about how she bought and tried cooking with it because she saw it in a shop and it seemed interesting, however she wasn’t sure if it was off or something because it was very sour.
Gordon F. Ramsay chips in by saying something like ‘oh no no, hope you didn’t eat that, it’s not supposed to be sour!’ So I’m like ‘Is it not, Gordon? Wow, is that another thing you know about?! So cool, Gordon. What kind of spice is it?’ And Gordon is like ‘It’s this delicately spicy powder…’ ‘Where does it come from, Gordon?’ And he says Egypt.
I don’t know why, maybe amchur sounded Arabic to him, but I started laughing and said ‘Would that be in Bangalore, Egypt?’
He was super confused, and the other coworker (the one who bought it) said that it’s an Indian spice, it said so on the box.
Then Gordon started this whole one-man play ‘Oh, I thought you said something else,’ so I asked him what he thought she said, and he stammered and said he couldn’t remember the exact name but there is an Egyptian spice starting with A or something. I smiled and gave him that ‘sure, Jan’ look.
Since then, Gordon hasn’t tried butting into anyone’s conversations. He just awkwardly stands there or says hi and leaves, and I’m sure it’s because I called him out. The woman who started the whole conversation thinks I might have been a bit harsh. But who does that, pretends to know stuff to one-up everyone?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re an adult in the workplace, not a high school kid. It is never appropriate to mock your coworkers, especially in front of other coworkers. Congratulations, you just got yourself a reputation as a jerk, which will spread around the office and have consequences for your work life.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“ESH. He does sound annoying, but so do you. You not only called him ‘Gordon’ several times, which was super obnoxious, but you got your whole group laughing at him, which was just mean.
Some of what you call ‘butting into other people’s conversations’ is what everyone else calls ‘chatting casually in the workplace.'” WebbieVanderquack
Another User Comments:
“‘His middle name is Bikram.’
Super yikes. Bikram is a scam artist who aggregates other yoga techniques and incorporates them into a multi-level marketing scam, empowered by his cult leader-like personality.
Anyway, aside from the unrelated diatribe, NTJ. Some people just don’t respond well to polite boundaries.
Sometimes you have to make it clear that their interjections into conversations aren’t wanted. I personally think your responses to him are hilarious and aren’t overtly rude or aggressive.” godrestsinreason
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those kinds of people are really annoying and they never stop if they are not called out or if they don’t feel embarrassed. I know you sounded rash but that’s actually the only way to deal with those people.” Darth_Hufflepuff
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Roommate?
“I am a junior in college and live with three other roommates (all 20M) in an off-campus apartment. We will call these roommates M, T, and D in this post to preserve their anonymity.
This past Thursday, D borrowed my car because my car was blocking his in.
Fast-forward to Saturday night, my car has not been touched since Thursday night, D wants to take my car out to go to the gas station and get some snacks. He heads out the door and about two minutes later, he comes back into the apartment and says that my car won’t start because the battery is dead.
He then says something about how when he took it out on Thursday night the ‘lights were being weird.’ I said ‘Oh, did you leave a light on?’ and D said that he was pretty sure he didn’t (obvious lie here, trying to cover his butt).
Rather than trying to help and solve the problem, D was more concerned with directing the blame away from himself (not the first time this has happened, more on that later). When we eventually get the car jump-started, the cabin lights are toggled on. I point this out to D and he blames it on T (was with him in the car on Thursday).
This pretty much made me lose my mind so I went back inside before saying anything I would regret.
As I briefly mentioned earlier, this isn’t the first time that D has demonstrated this kind of behavior. For the sake of brevity, I’ll keep it short but basically, this kid has a really hard time accepting that he is at fault for anything (T and M both completely agree with me on this).
Sunday afternoon comes along and all four of us are sitting in the living room watching a football game. T asks D why he blamed him for leaving the light on and they bicker for a minute before I get them to stop. I said I didn’t care about what happened with the light and that D was responsible for what happened because he was the driver.
Eventually, I was able to get D to understand why I felt that way although it was not easy. I also told him that I felt disrespected by the fact that he would continue to lie to me rather than just admit his mistake. I continued by saying that his lack of self-accountability was becoming a serious problem.
He was not happy to hear this and told me to give more examples which I did. He shrugged all of them off and said that this stuff ‘isn’t a big deal’ and that I was being a jerk by calling him out so harshly and that I should just ‘get over it.’ I felt like calling him out was basically doing him a favor by giving him a wake-up call to his toxic behavior.
He seems unbothered by the whole ordeal and doesn’t seem to understand what he’s done to make me upset. After thinking about this whole thing for a while I’m wondering if he’s right and if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sounds like all your complaints were fair. It’s not surprising that he took this poorly but it’s also not a good justification for letting it slide. Dude should grow up.” INB4_Found_The_Vegan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you did a good thing by calling him out on his behavior.
The first step of being an adult is taking accountability for yourself.” KimmyKibbles
15. WIBTJ If I Told My Friend What I Found Out About Her Fiance?
“My (29f) friend Lacy (22f) recently got engaged to Jesse (36m). Hubby and I recently got a chance to get to know him, I asked him a few general questions, learned he has an ex-wife and 2 kids, he mentioned issues with custody, and lightweight described some court issues.
Something about the chats with Jesse bothered me. I work in the legal industry (manage a law firm) and was trying to glean some info to see if there was something I could do to help him, maybe find an attorney who is quality but willing to lower their rate, or would meet to give him some free advice, etc. So, in my few questions, I received some weird answers that didn’t add up.
I couldn’t let it go, so I pulled his (public) files at the courthouse and found he was charged with a DUI in early January for a .355 BAC on an early weekday afternoon. He’s on probation and has been charged with violating probation 2x, as he’s not supposed to drink for 2 years, and he was supposed to remand to serve 40 days in jail a month ago, but no-showed and now has a warrant for his arrest.
He lost his 50/50 custody of his kids because mom filed for sole custody because of the drinking, but played it off to us that mom was just ruthless and crazy. I’ve actually never seen a divorce/custody file so small in my career. He wasn’t putting up a fight at all for his kids, literally never filed a single document to fight for them.
The judge is extremely concerned about his addiction and he’s only allowed supervised visitation.
I also learned that his house is about to be in foreclosure for unpaid HOA dues, and if he doesn’t pay, it’s likely he will lose the house, and Lacy recently moved in with him.
When he was at our house, he left intoxicated, and never informed us that he shouldn’t be or didn’t want to drink booze (my husband isn’t drinking at the moment, so if anything it could have been a solid opportunity for him to decline to drink… especially since he’s literally got orders NOT to drink).
While I think that Lacy has some information about all this, I doubt she knows about him having a warrant for his arrest, that he’s not actually the invested dad he’s portraying he is, and he’s potentially going to lose their home. It sounds to me like he’s portraying a victim when he’s really not being treated unfairly.
I honestly don’t think she’d be considering marriage if she was aware. I want to have a candid conversation with her, but I don’t want to cross any lines. If she’s aware and wants to be there for him, I’m supportive of her, but if she doesn’t know I feel obligated to tell her what I found.
I care deeply for her, she has her whole life ahead of her, I don’t want to see her hurt because of this guy’s poor choices.
Would I be the jerk if I brought all of this up to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you would be though if you didn’t tell her.
Your 22-year-old friend is engaged to someone who clearly doesn’t have their crap together and overall sounds like a deadbeat intoxicated person. How close are you of friends? If you are even remotely close, then you owe it to her to show her the truth. That’s part of what being a friend is, telling them when they have a bad idea or are about to do something stupid, you know look out for them.
Tell her and show her all this information, emphasize that you care about her and just want to make sure she is happy, and then do your absolute best to support your friend regardless, but preferably in a way that will result in her not marrying this man.
22 is too young to marry anyway in my opinion, if you want to be engaged at 22, fine, but just have a loooong engagement.
At the very least see if you can convince her to put off marrying him and spend some time doing her own analysis of his behavior and their relationship before they get married. hopefully, that might help her look more critically and less through rose-colored glasses.
If you can open her eyes to this and she finally sees him for what he is, I suspect not too far down the road, your friend will thank you profusely for telling her these facts.” Capchacathcer2524
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems you started this with good intentions, but due to your knowledge of the legal system, the information he gave you just didn’t sit right.
Frankly, if I were you, I wouldn’t want to refer someone without knowing their full background anyways. While I think you should have brought this up to her before you started digging, what’s done is done. You do need to tell her, make it clear that you didn’t do this with the intention of ruining her relationship, and that you care about her.
She will probably be upset with you, but will hopefully understand eventually.” laskullazazz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you got a weird vibe after meeting him, you followed your intuition and saw that his version of what was going on was very different from reality. It’s not like you forced him to talk about his legal problems. Everything you found was public record, maybe you’re slightly better at searching public records than the average layperson, but that’s not bad or anything.
You absolutely should tell your friend about what you found, maybe phrase it in a non-confrontational caring way. Something like, ‘Hey so I was looking into blah-blah’s custody problem, and I found this DUI probation/arrest warrant and hoa issues, were you aware of this?’ I mean, she might still get mad or defensive, maybe he’s spun her a tale about all these issues, maybe she’s completely in the dark.
But if I was her I would want to know.” fullyadequite
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommate Take My Debit Card?
“I have been living with my current roommate for about 8 years.
Through those years I’ve helped him immensely, and he has helped as well. When I moved in he just quit his job and didn’t have a steady source of income, and he said he was doing photography to supplement his income. To say the least, it didn’t go anywhere and I was constantly asked to let him borrow money or pay my rent early and when I would let him borrow money he would take it out of next month’s rent.
Which wouldn’t help because we were behind again for the next month! Over the years, we have switched roommates constantly because they were fed up with his financial situation. I even offered to pay an extra $50 a month on top of the amount agreed on for renting a room.
We have grown close over the years to the point that we are like family.
Now, he drives Lyft and makes about $100-$200 a day and pays the rental fee. Keep in mind the rental fee is like $200 and he drives 7 days a week. I also recently started a full-time job where I work from home and only make $1 more than my last job.
It’s like every month he asks me to let him borrow funds or my debit card. Just two weeks ago he asked me for the last $20 I had, yes, he paid me back the same day but I had to use my credit card for that. One month ago he asked me to pay my rent early again literally ONE week after we just paid rent because he was behind on something.
One time he called me at work and asked me to let him borrow some funds, I was at work and I was broke!!
Last night I come home and he asks to borrow my debit card and he was going to pay me extra and I just snapped!
I told him my finances are not for me to take care of him. He said I was being selfish and a jerk.
I told him months ago to set up an extra bank account (not a prepaid bank account but a BBVA/Simple account) and he is too lazy to do it!!
So, am I the jerk for not letting my roommate borrow funds or my debit card like I normally do? Did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate is using you and taking advantage of you. Stop enabling him. He lives this way because you’re helping him do it.
Him saying that you were selfish is classic deflection because he was mad that you weren’t letting his own selfishness take priority.
Stay on a friend’s couch for a bit if you have to, but this person is not your friend. They’re manipulating and taking advantage, but it’s been going on so long that you can’t even see it anymore.
He’s dragging you down and you will not be able to grow and improve your life while he’s in it. It sounds harsh, but you’ll look back someday and be astonished that you let it get this far.
Never EVER ever let anyone else use your debit or credit card.
Ever. That’s just bonkers.” Spork_Facepunch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you have your life together and he doesn’t—I get that otherwise you’re close friends, but he’s the definition of a toxic friend. At this point, I believe you need to either move out and live on your own when your lease is up, or get another place with a new roommate.
If it will make you feel better you can help your friend look for a more affordable living situation as well, but you can’t keep living with a toxic friend. If you haven’t already, you will grow to resent him so much that your friendship will likely end.
I sense you don’t want that to happen so I say move out and stay friends, he’ll be forced to get his act together. You’re extremely codependent and it isn’t healthy for either of you.” mayavizcaino
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your bank account.
Your card. Your money. He’s being incredibly disrespectful and should save when he can, be more responsible, and get his own account.” xdragonteethstory
13. AITJ For Being Tired Of Our Friends Bringing Their Kid To Every Trip?
“Long time group of friends used to do all kinds of fun things and plan trips together – staying places, renting a house, the beach, etc. It was basically centered around partying, but we all did activities during the day like go explore and hike or play games outside or do whatever as a group.
Now, two of the main people in this group got married and had a kid together, and they downright refuse to leave the kid at home for anything and instead bring him along (one and a half) and he’s a nightmare. They just assume everyone is or has to be cool with it.
Now, everything is centered around this kid and the schedule he’s on. They take naps when he does, constantly must be attentive, and pretty much work around the kid’s schedule until he goes to sleep so they can drink and party, leaving all of us to do whatever scattered things during the day we put together on our own as a broken-up group.
He’s up all times of the night screaming and super early, allowing no one to get any sleep AT ALL. He’s constantly miserable and seems like keeping him from exploding is like trying to keep a beach ball from touching the ground. It sucks, and they put themselves in the pole position of planning trips and making the deposits and such, so they are in a position of power by default.
It’s aggravating that they act like everything is fine when it’s clearly not. In addition to that, they basically have zero interest in doing anything as a group that isn’t some photo op for their kid or centered around getting hammered. Being active and not a big drinker really, just builds up to frustration and resentment on my end.
Frankly, I’m real tired of it. Two multi-day vacations have been ruined by this terrible pain in the butt kid and having to adhere to their schedule. Feel like we are on ‘the Blank Family vacation w/ friends’. It sucks and I’m tired of wasting money and PTO on these trips, and my SO is in the same boat.
What’s supposed to be a relaxing and fun trip ends up being an elevated, aggravating, and annoying time that I come back from feeling more frazzled than ever and just explode when I get back about how stupid the situation was.
My SO and I don’t have and don’t want kids, and it’s a tricky situation because we feel like if we say anything then it’s going to be a thing and create some rift, which at this point I’m over it.
I have said something about him freaking out before and they got super defensive and crappy super-fast, I think it’s because they know he’s difficult. I think it’s very selfish and assumptive to think that anyone else should be and must be subjected to your kid and your obligations in every friend/group-based setting.
They won’t leave him at home either, despite having a supportive family that could watch him even overnight.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the kid isn’t a sim and life isn’t the Sims 4.
Your description makes it sound like you’ve never met a baby in your life.
Of course someone who’s one would act that way! What are you expecting them to do? Please don’t take it out on him because you’re mad at his parents that he acts like every one-year-old in existence
Finally, I don’t know why you are surprised to be honest, your group activities are things that would be something that takes a lot of time, they will need to take their kid eventually, you seem to think one of these things should happen:
-
The parents (and kid) stop coming (clearly, you don’t want that because you want to hang out with them.)
-
The kid stops coming (Yes, they have a supportive family, but their family has lives too, they can’t babysit every time you rent a house or book a flight, if they start doing that, there will be an AITJ post the exact same as this one, someone’s going to burn here.)
-
The kid starts behaving better (like I said, he’s one, not much you can really do there.)
Here’s my point, you’re in a crappy situation with crappy outcomes on both ends, you’re mad about the parents dropping everything for their kid, but somehow you still expect them to drop everything for you.
You talk about this kid as if he’s a stuffed animal, while yes the parents probably should’ve been more respectful that others might not like their kid’s presence, he’s a human being, it’s not like it’s some clothes which you think looks ugly and they can just donate.
Maybe you should have a calm conversation as a group (because the ones you’ve described sound very antagonizing in my opinion) and find a solution.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you went on vacation with friends with a 1-year-old. What did you honestly expect? Did anyone force you to say yes?
What do you think your friends should do, leave their 1-year-old at home while they go on vacation without them? Not many people can afford both types of vacation. If you don’t like it, don’t go. Offer to plan an adult-only trip among your friends and see what they say.
There are more options for you here than to just call your friends jerks for having a baby.” EatMoreMango
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, a lot of parents think the world suddenly revolves around them and that everyone must cater to them and their kid simply because they had one.
It sucks and clearly your friends fall into that category of ‘parents.’ Since even hinting that the kid is causing issues/things have been ruined due to said kid and the parents’ selfishness would most likely not go over well with them, no matter how kindly put, maybe just start planning trips with the rest of your friends.
That way you can continue to actually enjoy your vacations with your friends and not be dictated by a kid’s routine that’s not even yours.” Brijisook
Another User Comments:
“ESH – You so need to figure out this stuff before the trip, not after it. Bringing a very small child on a trip is far different than an adult-only trip.
Nothing wrong with either, but everyone needs to have respectful, blunt talks before the trip instead of getting angry that different families have different priorities.” thatonepersoniam
You're not going on a family trip. They refuse to see that your friend trio dynamic has changed.
Time to plan trips without them. You might lose them as friends but subjecting you to a small child on an adult trip is ridiculous when you're spending hard earned money to have a good time.
You can't talk about it with them so any conversation about it will be a waste of breath.
Start either planning your own trips or get with others and plan. Invite them along but make it clear that it's adults only and you're very sorry if they can't make it.
12. AITJ For Ending My Friend's Engagement?
“So here’s the situation. I have two best friends, we’ll say their names are Greg and Sara. They’ve been together for two weeks shy of two years and are engaged. We also all work together.
Driving home from work one day Sara and I are talking about relationships. She tells me that she’s feeling bored with Greg and isn’t sure if he’s truly the one. Pretty standard long-term relationship worries. Didn’t think anything of it.
Then about a month later, she gets really shady.
It starts on the night that I’m at the local bar with friends. Greg originally said he wasn’t going to come out because he and Sara were hanging out. But then Sara ends up leaving to go to a new friend’s house, we’ll call him Aaron.
But Aaron was the bartender that night, so I knew that was a lie. He joined us at the bar and saw for himself that Aaron was there.
Greg texted her and asked her where she was, and she was with Tony, Aaron’s roommate. Greg was concerned because a previous night Sara told Greg that she was going to take care of Aaron’s dog while Aaron was at work, but she showered and did her makeup beforehand.
So back to this night at the bar. She told Greg she’d be home in a few minutes, but didn’t get home until an hour and a half later. He asked me if she said anything to me that would lead me to believe she was unfaithful.
I told him the bored comment.
They had a discussion at home that night and she said she wanted to go on a break, wanted to call off the engagement, and didn’t want to acknowledge or celebrate their anniversary. But she wasn’t unfaithful. So she said anyway.
Now she’s mad at me and told me that I need to stop talking crap, need to keep her name out of my mouth, and need to stop running my mouth about her all because I told her fiancé the bored comment. And she’s acting like I’m the reason their engagement is over.
Added story, the next night we were all going to the movies and Greg wanted to come, but Sara had him stay home with her instead even after all of that happened. Halfway through the movie, she ditched him to go hang out with unspecific friends. She told him she’d be home around 10:30-11 and didn’t show up home until 1 am.
So she made him skip the movie only to ditch him most likely for Aaron, but I’m still the villain that made all of this happen to her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Going off previous comments about her apparently not being 100% unfaithful, as much as that may be true, she is definitely not helping the situation.
When you are in a committed relationship, offsetting doubt should be a number one priority. If you are engaged, have been together for two years, and out of nowhere get a new ‘friend’, that’s strike one. Strike two is when you see the new ‘friend’ separate from her when she said they would be together at that time.
Strike three is the guilty party calling for a break on a problem they started. She might be trying to excuse being with this other person during this period without guilt so she can come back to Greg or she might be already done with him. And she got mad at you for something that you said to Greg to help him understand a possible situation?
All some pretty red flags.
Transparency and communication are always key and failing to be that way either means you are hiding something or you aren’t good at it. Which then leads to if you don’t have those two things, why get engaged?” MidnightOreo12
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but not by a lot considering how shady she’s acting.
There are few situations where you’re morally allowed to share something told to you in confidence. Here, you betrayed Sara’s trust without ironclad cause. That makes you at least a little bit of a jerk.
Greg definitely deserves more of your sympathy, but the correct way would’ve been to ask questions and help him think through it on his own.
Or spelling out her actual behaviors. Or sharing your opinion.” bloobbles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve seen this play before, let me tell you how it ends.
She’s unfaithful.
She’ll trickle the truth out to Greg bit by bit. It’ll start with, ‘ya we were watching a movie together so we shared a blanket, nothing happened’ then it’ll be ‘we just held hands for a bit, nothing happened’ then as the fights escalate, she’ll make it out to be Greg’s fault for not supporting her.
Then it’ll be ‘it was just a kiss, it wasn’t serious’ and finally it’ll be ‘we just slept together, I told you I needed a break, that’s not being unfaithful.’
You’re not the jerk. She’s a massive one and her freaking out on you is her projecting her guilt.” such-a-mensch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s not like you immediately turned around and told Greg what she said. He asked you in a reasonable context and you answered honestly. Her behavior made him suspicious and even if you hadn’t told him about that comment, the same outcome could have happened with the conversation.
She sounds like the type of person who refuses to take responsibility for their own choices. It’s easier for her to blame you than to admit she did anything wrong.
Support Greg. He’s going to need it.” nyorifamiliarspirit
11. AITJ For Swearing In Public?
“I have a potty mouth. My parents were immigrants with limited English, so I never got in trouble for cussing at home, and I mostly learned English from other kids on the playground or on the internet. After school, I joined the Marine Corps where my colorful language was right at home and it was normal to drop a cuss word every other word.
I am friends with a married couple (Fred 28m) and (Lisa 27f). I met Fred in the Marine Corps, and Lisa works in the medical field with children. I love them both to death, but Lisa seems to be hyper-vigilant about children even hearing swear words. I’ll bring up a few examples.
We went on a trip together to visit some old Marine pals. At the airport, we were sitting by the gate chatting. Apparently, I dropped a swear word because Lisa told me to watch my mouth and said not to cuss around kids. There were 2 kids maybe 10 and 12 sitting in the row behind us, but they were looking at their tablets not paying attention to us at all.
We were at normal speaking volume and I was not loudly yelling obscenities or anything like that.
I accompanied them to Costco a few weeks back to shop for our Friendsgiving celebration, and as I pushed the cart and told Fred a story, Lisa slaps me on the arm and says ‘Language!
There’s kids around!’ and motions towards some kids who MAY have been in earshot, but I wasn’t talking to them nor were they listening.
A family friend of our’s son had his 14th birthday party and we all were invited. Even though it is technically a kid’s party, we are all Mexican-American and if you have ever been to a Mexican kid’s party there is plenty of beer and tequila flowing, and fun for the adults as well.
They had games for the kids inside. The grown-ups mostly congregated around the carne asada, drinking beer and having fun amongst ourselves. I was standing next to the table which had the tortillas, and one of the kids (15 years old) came out to eat. I didn’t notice him trying to get to the tortillas behind me until Fred motioned towards him, so I turned and said ‘my bad homie!
Next time speak up! Just say ‘Hey Get the (freak) Out of The Way!!” he laughs and grabs his tortilla. I turn back around and Lisa’s jaw is on the floor. She says ‘Dude! You can’t say that!’
I would never cuss out a child. I would never purposely teach a little kid a swear word.
I believe that if I am having a private conversation with another adult, I should be able to use whatever expletives I like. If someone else I’m not talking to is listening in and gets offended by my use of cuss words that’s their fault for not minding their business.
I also don’t think it’s the end of the world for a child to hear a stranger out in public say a swear word if it’s not directed at them. I also don’t think 14 or 15 is too young to learn when profanity is okay.
Lisa seems to be the only one concerned about it, no one has ever mentioned it the way she does.
AITJ in these stories?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Look I live in a country where calling your mate an offensive term is a friendly thing to do, We use swear words as nouns, verbs, and adjectives. We swear A LOT.
However, you can control it and most people try to curb it in certain situations.
Family party with kids? Do we swear? No. Directly to kids? No. In a public place like an airport and in general conversation? Yes. In a shop and in general conversation? Yes.
She’s a jerk for reprimanding your every time. You’re a jerk for using it in some situations.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I swear pretty often in my home or talking to my friends. But there is a time and a place and it is generally rude manners to be swearing in front of children and in public.
Also the instances you use as examples are pretty bad swears so I can see how people in a public space are offended by those.
It’s trashy to swear like that. Be an adult and just be mindful of your surroundings.
In your home, say whatever the heck you want. In public – maybe tone it down. Plus you know it bothers her and you continue to do it.” all02116
Another User Comments:
“It depends on the story. If you’re talking to another adult, it’s fine to cuss. It’s your private conversation and as long as you aren’t purposely being loud to expose others to the language it’s fine. However, you shouldn’t have cussed with an underage child. It’s not your decision how to raise him, and for all you know his parents don’t want him exposed to that at all.
You shouldn’t have cussed with another person’s child that you didn’t know. YTJ in that case.” AxS104
10. AITJ Or Is My Mother In Law Just Overreacting?
“My relationship with my MIL is weak, to say the least. My husband’s relationship with his mother is damaged, to say the least. There has been a lot of hurt throughout his life done to him by his mother. I need advice on who is in the wrong here.
His mother lives in the same state as us but is 4 hours away. My husband works in the service industry and I work in education so I am off every weekend and he only gets one weekend off a month. So this makes it so we can’t go visit his parents as much as we would like.
When we do go down there since we were not married yet we were not allowed to stay at his mother’s house so we had to stay at his friend’s house. I will admit this does contribute to us spending a lot of time with them since we sleep there.
But at least when I went down there I always made sure we tried to spend an equal amount of time with his friends (who we were staying with for free) and his family. I always make sure we go to dinner, lunch, or do some kind of fun activity with all of his family when we are down.
We recently got married in October and she decided to not attend our wedding because she is Jehovah’s witness and we were having a Catholic ceremony. This has caused great drama and heartache between us. She and I had a minor relationship and it has turned into almost nothing now.
My husband went down there this weekend (I didn’t go) and he stayed with his friend. He said on Saturday he spent time with his mother and took her to an early dinner and went back to his mother’s house and hung out before going to his friend’s house to watch football.
On Sunday his friend worked so he said he called his mother, she didn’t pick up so he went and hung out with his brother for about 4 hours. I guess his mother assumed he was spending all that time with his friend because his mother called him and called him out saying that he does not come down enough, he does not care about his family, and he only spends time with his friends.
He told his mother actually he had just spent the last 4 hours with his brother and hung up, then he left without saying goodbye to her.
So are we the jerk for splitting our time when we are down there, or is she overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please be careful about managing other people’s relationships.
Your husband needs to decide and manage his own family. Any time splits should be HIS decision. I noticed you ‘made sure’ about which time you spent where. So in this situation, you shouldn’t even be asking if you are the jerk, you were not there. Sounds like hubs stuck up for himself, he’s not incapable.
I am honestly not trying to be mean. I realize my message comes off as stern but I see this mistake being made in a lot of relationships, especially ones that end up with ‘why do my in-laws hate me and blame me for everything’ posts.” neuroctopus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are clearly making an effort to spend time with her. It’s not up to her to dictate how you spend your time. If you value your friends and brother too, you’ll also spend time with them! You aren’t letting her control your time and behavior so she’s causing problems. Let her throw a hissy fit but continue to live your life the way you want.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems as if he does not have as much spare time as he would like, but he is still making an effort to maintain some relationship with his mother. It does not seem like she is making much effort to hang out with him.
Has she ever asked to come to your home for a visit? Does she realize that the phone works both ways?” Bangbangsmashsmash
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Tell Our Grandma About Our Cats?
“Okay, so here’s some background information first. My grandmother grew up on a farm, so she’s not too familiar with having pet cats, aside from my mother’s cat (1985-2002).
Now, we have 7 cats, who are, as follows:
- Daisy – 15 years old – pretty much belongs to whoever she wants at the moment – adopted as a kitten
- Smokey – 11 years old – my mom’s cat – adopted as a kitten
- Midnight – 8 years old – my dad’s cat, adopted at about 3 years old, her actual age is harder since she was a fully grown adult
- Patches – 5 years old – my cat – adopted as a kitten
- Carpathia ‘Carrie’ – 2 years old – my cat – adopted as a kitten
- Althea ‘Allie’ – 2 years old – my sister’s cat – adopted at 1 year old
- Felix – 1-year-old – my sister’s cat – adopted as a kitten
My grandmother can be very critical… I got my second hole piercing in my ear, and she told me I looked cheap. Mind you, I was about 16 years old when she said this. She has also been… well, critical of my weight since before I was 13 years old (earliest memory), and I’m 22 now.
When we got Patches, bringing our total up to 4, she was not happy in the slightest. She started asking us when we were moving to a bigger house and started making cracks about us having too many pets (at the time, we also had a dog and a guinea pig, and a hamster if my memory serves me correctly).
However, it didn’t take her long to warm up to Patches… that cat has a way with people that is just impossible to ever understand. Once, I left the room, and my grandmother was even talking in baby talk to Patches. Carrie, unfortunately, wasn’t like her sister (Patches).
I brought Carrie to Thanksgiving at my grandmother’s house to meet her, and Carrie growled at her. That’s just how Carrie is, if you pick her up or pet her when she doesn’t want you to, she will growl. Ever since then, I don’t think that my grandmother likes her.
So, we agreed not to mention to my grandmother that we got any more cats if we did. Now, my sister wants to tell her. This brings me to today… as per tradition, my sister and I are going to help my grandmother out with her Christmas decorations.
My sister said, flat out, that she doesn’t care and that she wants our grandmother to know about Allie and Felix. I told her that I’d rather she not, as it’s really not something I’d rather get into with my grandmother, and I know that we won’t just hear about it today, we will hear about it for the foreseeable future.
Don’t get me wrong, I love all of our cats, but I know my grandmother, and I know her reaction won’t be kind, to say the least. I just don’t think that she will understand. We (my mom, sister, and I) had a big argument about this yesterday.
I get it, they’re not my cats… but that’s not what this is about.
And yes, we can take care of them financially. Although, not once has my grandmother asked us this. They are up to date on their shots, are indoors 24/7, and get veterinary care whenever they need it.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is kind of silly.
Who cares? I think it’s nuts to have 7 cats but if you can afford to give them appropriate care then NTJ. Who cares what your Grandma thinks?
I feel you’re giving this too much brain space.” CheyBridgeMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, with 7 cats, you could probably just not tell her that you got more cats and she wouldn’t notice that you’re now talking about 7 cats instead of 5. Odds are she won’t remember all 5 cats’ names.” looc64
8. AITJ For Ending A Friendship With A Guy Who Asked Me To Homecoming?
“One of the friends I made this school year was a guy I had a lot of mutual friends with. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but immediately assumed he was gay.
I knew he liked being around me a lot. It was very obvious to me, but since I thought he was gay, I never really thought about it. I treated him like any other friend I had, regardless of romantic preference or gender. I treat all my friends the same.
We only talked in the one class we had together, never outside of school. We didn’t text, we didn’t hang out, and I wasn’t even following his social media. We hung out at a party once, but that was in a large group of people.
Homecoming season rolls around. A really close friend of mine was moving about a week after homecoming, so she and I decided to go together. If anyone asked me what I was doing for homecoming, this was the plan that was set in stone.
One morning I go to meet a friend in a teacher’s room before class.
As soon as I walk in, the guy I’ve been talking about walks over to me with a flower and a stuffed toy and asks ‘Will you go to homecoming with me?’
I was completely floored! I said no, but tried to show appreciation for the gesture.
He left the room pretty quickly and I just stood there. I felt so terrible. The friend I was going to meet had set this up at his request, so she felt very awkward. She wasn’t looking at me. I simply said, ‘I thought he was gay.’ And she responded ‘Why would you think that?’ as if it was insane that I thought that.
It definitely wasn’t, for the record.
I left the room and immediately started crying. My first-period teacher let me cry in the bathroom during the class period, and for the rest of the day, I was just trying my best to hold myself together. The only reason I could really come up with for crying was that I felt bad, but I just couldn’t stop.
I spent a lot of time reflecting, and the more I did, the sicker I felt about it all.
It became apparent that we had never flirted, he had never asked me what my plans were for homecoming, and there was just no consideration of me at all.
If he had asked me about homecoming in any capacity, he would’ve known there was no way I would’ve said yes. I was completely blindsided by the question and then got to feel awful about it for the next few days. He knew how bad I felt and never tried to reach out about it.
Maybe to tell me it was okay to say no. I wish he had never even asked in the first place. It seemed like it was all about him, and he just wanted me to go along with it.
I don’t know if I’m being dramatic, but I literally can’t think about him or see his name without feeling physically ill.
It’s not something I can change, and the friendship is over, but is my reasoning flawed? I know this whole post is very biased towards me, but what could I change about the way I think? Am I the jerk for feeling this way?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You can feel bad, that’s OK. However, he suffers too.
He is the one who brought his courage to make the move and was rejected. And you’re telling me that he should’ve cared more about what you feel? You literally said ‘no’ to someone who confessed (and it seemed isolated enough, he didn’t do it in a hall).
And then you complain he won’t reach out to you? He, probably, has his heart broken, no he will not contact you! You know he suffers too!
Guess what, confessing is not always easy.
Being a man, I’ve learned how hard it can be to confess to someone.
There is not a magical plan to do it, each person is different and you just have to learn and try. For most people, it will end up well. But there are people who have bad or no experience and just don’t know how to do it. They have no one to help them with that and just have to find their way.
So yes, he did it awkwardly. But depending on his past experience, he could’ve just honestly thought it was the good way to do it. Turn out, it wasn’t.
Everyone feels things differently.
You said you never flirted, texted, and all. Yeah maybe. But you know, this doesn’t stop people from having feelings.
Maybe, he wanted to have his chance. Maybe the things you see as nothing were important for him.
All the way, in your post, you disregard any of his feelings. Despite him being the one who got rejected, who confessed and (apparently, has talked/set it up with your friend).
You can feel bad because you got to reject him because the situation was awkward. But you’ve no right to blame him for expressing his feelings the way he did.” Kaillens
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
And it may come as a shocker to you, but men can have female friends that they are not romantically involved with without being gay.
And they also don’t have to have a crush/be in love 100% of the time.
I don’t know why you assumed he was gay, but if that was the reason let me ask you this:
Just because you are friends with a man, does that make you a lesbian?
Also, he doesn’t have to reach out and say ‘it’s ok to say no.’ It’s a simple interaction that took place that’s actually very common. Guy asks a girl he’s attracted to out, girl says no, guy says ok and either just stays friends, or doesn’t talk to said girl again.
This is gonna happen a lot in your lifetime, and you can’t cry every time you say no and expect the recently rejected person to comfort you.
I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re going to need to learn how to deal with this stuff.” TheGermanMouse
Another User Comments:
“Jeez, usually I agree with the people in these threads but I have to say strong NTJ. He isn’t a jerk for asking you out, he liked you and took a shot, it didn’t work out and that’s ok. We all get rejected sometimes, and now he might want to try just being friends, nothing wrong with that.
You had an acquaintance you thought was gay, not that it matters here, and honestly didn’t even consider them a friend (didn’t have his number, didn’t hang out with him, didn’t follow him on social media) and he asked you out. You don’t have to say yes, and now things are awkward because you rejected him in front of the class.
You don’t have to stay friends with him, you weren’t even friends with him to begin with. And anyone who tries to make you feel bad is just plain dumb, you are not responsible for some kid’s mental problems because you don’t want to be friends with them, you don’t owe them anything.” Pil_Seung15
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t really understand all the drama in this. What exactly was so awful that made you cry? What did he do that made you get physically ill just by the thought of him? He asked you out and you said no. If that’s something that makes you sick there must be something else inside of you and that may be something you need counseling about, and I don’t mean it in a bad way but as advice.
You could have just told him ‘I’m sorry but I already made plans with a friend to go together.’ That’s it. It doesn’t have to ruin a friendship.” Darth_Hufflepuff
While it is never okay to assume someone's s*******y, it happened and you learned from this experience. He confessed and you said no, he has every right to be sad. And he's not the jerk for that or for not trying to contact you. You saying no doesn't make you the jerk either. You are not obligated to say yes to someone you are not interested in! And you obviously care about this person or you wouldn't be crying because you hurt them. You're friendship does not need to be ruined. It will just take time, if that's what you both want. It's very common in HS for your peers to make you feel guilty for not liking someone back and that's just not fair. Take care, OP.
7. AITJ For Wanting Half Of The Deposit?
“Okay, so I originally moved into a house with my friend Nick. We paid a deposit to begin renting the house, split fifty-fifty. Then my partner moved in. Then a friend of ours, Sean moved in. Since my partner and I wanted a place of our own, Sean would move in taking our old room, and Sean and Nick would pay all of the rent for a couple of months to give us help in moving out.
So my partner and I move to a new apartment. We agree that since Nick and I originally paid the deposit, and Sean was essentially ‘replacing’ me, it would be fair if Sean paid me half the deposit. Now Sean was a bit behind on money, so I didn’t press for my half of the deposit.
He agreed to pay me in installments.
I did leave a lot of stuff behind, because I knew the people staying behind and I didn’t have to rush.
He sent me the first two installments on time.
Nick later let me know that since my stuff was still there, Sean decided that I wasn’t going to be getting the rest of the deposit until my stuff was out.
A couple of months had passed since I moved out.
Now I have only a part-time job to cover my bills because I am also an artist/musician. I also collect vintage toys. I don’t have a car anymore for financial reasons (I’ve bought a few used cars over the years but they’ve kept breaking down), so it’s a bit difficult for me to come get my stuff.
So I told them that it’s on them to tell me when they’re available to transport me to move my stuff. Nick did bring me over once to move and organize some stuff, but I wasn’t able to get most of it. I was mostly focusing on some essentials for the apartment.
I wasn’t sure where the rest of the collectibles could be put in the new apartment. Then they didn’t reach out to me for a couple of weeks about this.
So later I owed my partner some funds, and I realized we needed the funds ASAP. So I reached out and Sean insisted I wasn’t going to get the deposit until the stuff was out of their house.
I said that my partner and I were out of money and that it wasn’t fair for the funds (still $300) he owed me to be used as leverage to get my stuff out of the house.
I need this money very badly, and they haven’t been reaching out to me to tell me when they’re available to come get me so I can get the stuff.
It’s not fair for these conditions to be attached to the funds they owe me. The stuff isn’t really even in their way, there’s still a little bit of it upstairs because I don’t want it to get damaged, but most of it is still downstairs in the basement corners.
I want to get this stuff out of there as much as they do, but they’re making this difficult.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You should have moved everything ASAP, not waited so long just because you know the people. It’s their home now, not your free storage space.
Also, it’s not on them to figure out when they can pick you up/move your stuff/etc. It’s your stuff so it is on you to figure out how/when you move your stuff. Sooner, rather than later.
They shouldn’t be holding the funds hostage but honestly, I can’t blame them at this point.
It’s basically just cheap payment for using their home as your free storage space.
Hire a moving company or get family or someone to help you. It’s YOUR stuff and YOUR job to do so.” thrwy738
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re basically using the place as a free storage unit.
If you want your deposit back, you need to fully vacate the premises. This includes removing all of your personal belongings. It is not their responsibility to arrange transportation for your toys, nor to reach out to you about this.
Since you don’t have any money, maybe you can offer some from the deposit to pay them for using one of their cars.” RonDeGrasseDawtchins
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… you think your friends owe you free storage… free rides… if I understood it correctly you lived there rent-free with your partner for a while… your entitlement is astounding.
It’s not fair for him to hold the deposit money over you to get your stuff out of their place?
Really? It’s obvious you have no intention of getting it out of there any time soon. I’d tell you the $300 was a storage fee and start charging you monthly for storage. If you didn’t get it out I’d start selling it off to pay for the storage.” AnonymousHusker
6. WIBTJ If I Gave My Dad A Dog?
“My dog died 3 years ago. We had her for 18 years (she was 22, and a bichon frise). I think having a dog would be good for my dad, who has been laid off again after years of unstable work. He recently had a series of heart attacks and has been trying to eat better but does not exercise.
The dog would help get him out and improve his mood in general.
Living situation: my parents have been divorced for ~15 years. However, after the economy crashed, they moved back in together. My parents and I have lived in a 2-bedroom apartment for 10 years. (My mom and I share a room, my dad has his own room).
My partner sleeps on the couch ~4 days a week because we carpool to college. So, in the apartment, it’s me (24M), my partner (22M), my mom (56F), and my dad (60M).
My mom doesn’t want another dog because she doesn’t want to get attached and then have to leave the dog when she moves out.
(She thinks she will move out when I do — but none of us can afford to live on our own, so realistically, I don’t see this happening for at least 4 years (when I get out of graduate school)).
My dad doesn’t want another dog because he can’t afford it.
This is generally true, however, I can pay for the adoption fee and initial needs like bedding and leashes and bowls, etc. The major concern is that if/when the dog gets sick, he would have to open a new line of credit and pay it off gradually.
(I am open to doing so as well, as is my partner. There are also lots of reduced-cost clinics in the area, the major concern is more about emergencies.) Every time we see a dog when we’re out, he says he wishes he could have another dog.
I’ve been mulling this over for years, but obviously haven’t done anything about it, because I understand and respect my parents’ concerns.
I’ve brought it up to my mom, and she has been less and less resistant over the years, but she also agrees that another financial burden would be difficult. However, after my dad’s heart attacks, it’s clear that he needs some motivation to get out of the apartment.
He has too much stress and there’s not a lot anyone can do about it. A dog would bring some much-needed happiness.
UPDATE: the financial situation hasn’t changed much from 3 years ago when my dog died. The only change is my father’s health. We did this with a dog for years and it was fine.
It was a little hard at the end when she was elderly and regularly needed expensive vet care (like dialysis, surgeries, etc.) but we cut costs in other parts of life where we could — put off car maintenance longer than we’d like but still well within safety, etc. I think if we all pitched in we could afford it reasonably — we did before.
In a worst-case scenario in which my parents would want to rehome the dog — the dog would stay with us until we could find it a suitable home. My partner and I would reach out to friends and their friends to see if anyone could take it.
It would NOT go back to the shelter and we would keep tabs on its wellbeing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I mean it sounds like it would be more of a family dog if you and your partner are agreeing to help with some of the costs. That being said, dog ownership is a big responsibility and whether your dad has to pay for everything or not, you are qualifying this as being his dog, which means he will have an obligation to take care of the dog.
He sounds like his health is not in the best condition and it would be a big present to gift to someone who wasn’t aware of it. That being said, if it’s a small dog and easy enough to take care of, I think it would be a really great present and would probably do a lot to cheer your dad up.
I think you just need to be very clear with everyone about who is paying for what so there isn’t any confusion when people move out.” TravellingTrex
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Getting someone a pet as a gift is just not a good idea. I get that you want your dad to exercise but there are many other ways to go about it that don’t entail the 15-20 year burden that is owning a pet that he has already told you he doesn’t want and can’t financially afford.
I kind of suspect that you would like a dog yourself and are trying to find a roundabout way of getting one. If that is the case, then you will have to wait until you are out on your own and get one then. In the meantime, many shelters will let you go down and walk the dogs there.
You might want to look into that both for yourself and your dad.” kellydofc
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are adults and if they wanted a dog, they’d go get one. If they can’t afford the adoption fee and bedding/leashes, they can’t afford the dog.
Your mom also lives in a small apartment with her ex-husband.
She doesn’t want a dog. 4 adults in a 2 bedroom is a tight squeeze. Add in an animal and it is even smaller.
Pets aren’t gifts. They’re living creatures.” cubbiegthrow
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you got a dog and no one is financially ready to care for it.
Reduced clinics aside, pets are expensive. And you admitted you and your mom will only be there for 4 years. Meaning you essentially got your dad a pet and will help for about 1/3 of their life.
If I were you and knew your dad wanted another dog, offer around town some free or reduced pet sitting.
It’d be a good new job for your dad to take up a dog walking business. You could go to care.com and make a free profile. Charge by the day or the week and he’ll have some nice extra cash. Plus you won’t have to worry about vet bills.” Reddit user
5. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Mom For Being Controlling?
“So some background: since I’m the oldest child in my family I was the first to go to college. My parents didn’t have experience with a kid going to college…though they did go themselves.
My mom was kind of paranoid about me being hours away. During orientation which lasted two days, they let the students stay in the dorms for the night as a way to familiarize ourselves. She insisted I stay with her at her dad’s (my grandfather) house even though it was about an hour away.
I didn’t really care but it was kind of overprotective.
When we were talking about packing up to move in I discussed how I’d pack up my TV and game console. My mom then proposed that I NOT bring my console and games ‘until I got to know my roommate more’.
She said I should make sure he’s not a thief or something and said she could bring it just when she was visiting the state and her family members in the area about three weeks later if it was OK. Of course, three weeks without my game system, even if it was in college and moving in was a big deal and I got angry about it.
I then asked what I was going to do in my free time and she gave a sort of infuriating answer: ‘Study’. This was extremely irritating because 1 – I was taking college freshman level classes, which even high school kids take, not med school or an intensive grad program or something, and 2 – there weren’t any classes in the first week anyway, it was just ‘welcome week’.
So I insisted that I wouldn’t even consider this, I was taking it and my games. Which I did.
It turned out to create no problems, I still did fine in all my classes even though I was intoxicated weekly (like I said if you can’t handle freshman classes you shouldn’t even be going to college) and while my roommate had issues with drinking and staying up all night and ended up failing all his classes and dropping out as a result there were no issues between us on that.
As a result, whenever my mom proposes something to me that I don’t want to do or disagree with I point out she didn’t want me to bring that but I did and it was fine. She seems to get kind of annoyed and at one point said she was just nervous and unfamiliar with moving kids to college and that was just a suggestion of hers, not something she insisted on or tried to push and even admitted in hindsight it was bad advice, but no one is perfect.
It still kind of upsets me because I was kind of bring treated like a child still, hence why more controlling ‘suggestions’ even if just that irks me. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mom was uncomfortable with you bringing up an expensive piece of hardware to college, with a presumed stranger as a roommate.
That’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. Where it would have passed into jerk territory is if she tried to enforce that. But, as you stated, she clearly didn’t.
At the end of the day, however, it is your console. So you’re entirely within your rights to take it with you, as you did, and there’s nothing wrong with that either.
Where it might verge into jerk territory on your part is if you keep bringing it up and shoving it in her face. I can’t say you’re a jerk right now, but if you do keep throwing this in her face you would be. Just get over it, it won’t matter anymore unless you keep bringing it up.” RecommendsMalazan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – my mum was controlling and nervous about me going to college. She was clutching at straws and controlling really specific aspects of my life that were the most tangible to try and remain involved in my life as I gained independence. It’s not really about the console so let it go and don’t bring it up.
Be magnanimous!
Don’t waste the opportunity to make friends and socialize. My roommate and I both brought different game consoles. I didn’t end up using mine enough to justify the weight of moving the second or subsequent years. He used his a little more, but he didn’t make as many friends.” catterso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ/ESH – Look, everyone sucks here because transition periods are hard on everyone in different ways. It also happens to EVERYBODY which is why also NTJ. Stuff happens.
For your mom, it’s scary to have your oldest child leave the nest for the first time and, of course, those protective instincts are going to go into overdrive.
Cut your mom some slack, she’s only human and it sounds like she loves you and just wants to be safe. It’s hard for people to understand what they don’t know, and it sounds like she has admitted as much.
For you, I get it. As the oldest child myself, you just wanna get the heck out of there and live your own life and it’s frustrating when you feel like your parents are trying to keep you tied down.
It’s your first time leaving home (I’m assuming) so just keep practicing setting your boundaries and that way reinforcing the idea that you’re an adult who can responsibly make your own decisions. Lording a mistake over someone’s head and bringing it up constantly is a sign of immaturity.
Let it go, move on.” ChrystalAdams65
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Your mom was a jerk for being overly controlling, some parents are just like that, it’s annoying but they’re not doing it to be a jerk, they’re trying to do what’s best.
You are right in telling your mum that it was fine, however, if you are continuously/regularly bringing it up to shove it in her face, then you’re also a jerk because it’s not necessary, kind of petty, and will just make more drama.” xdragonteethstory
4. AITJ For Wanting To Return My Niece's Gift?
“About a month before my niece’s 4th birthday I text my sister about a potential gift for her.
My sister enthusiastically agrees that it would be a good gift. I buy it. About a week later, on Thanksgiving, I inquire about when the birthday party is taking place and my sister does not have concrete details but will inform me when things are more figured out.
Fast forward about a week and I see photos from the party on social media.
Not trying to sound overly virtuous but I always try to be as clear and direct as possible with these kinds of things; I also avoid insults and do my best to not sound passive-aggressive.
So I text my sister later that day that I am disappointed that she didn’t let me know about the party especially after talking about it twice. She proceeds to send me a wall of text about how the mix of her work schedule, family drama, and the fact that she lives an hour away meant that she relied on the rest of my family to inform me of all the details.
The catch is, she never asked them to; so they didn’t. I reply by pointing that fact out. She then in about 12 sentences says that she has too much going on in her life to be ‘catching crap’ for this and doesn’t need me ‘coming at me and adding drama to my life.’ I simply state that none of that is a good enough reason for simply not sending a text.
This dispute ‘ended’ when a block became warranted because my texts were easily outnumbered 5 to 1 and she just wouldn’t stop. I didn’t even receive an apology until about 9 texts in and it was an ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ And fun fact, with the exception of the fight this same thing happened last year as well.
I would just save the gift for Christmas, but because my niece’s birthday is so close to Christmas, I bought gifts for both occasions at the same time. I can’t just double up on her Christmas gift because she would be getting twice as much as my other nieces and I don’t think that’s fair.
And since I received nothing but indignation from my sister, I don’t feel obligated to make the hour trip to make sure my niece receives her gift. So I figure I should just take it back to the store. That $30 will actually go a long way in easing the financial burden of the holidays for me.
Am I the jerk for wanting to return the gift?
Update: So it’s been a couple of days and as of this update I have read every single comment under the post. Thank you all for your input it helped me greatly; I returned the gift. To everyone who said I’m the jerk, I agreed with the most common sentiment.
It sucks that I changed my actions towards my niece based on the actions of her mother. It’s definitely not fair to my niece, and I don’t feel good about doing it but here’s my reasoning for why I did:
My niece is 4 years old. A child. My relationship with her is entirely dependent on my sister.
If I want to just go see her, or if my niece ever says ‘I want to see uncle,’ it won’t mean anything without my sister saying so. Between my sister and her ex (my niece’s father who I have only met two times total), my chances to have any kind of relationship with my niece in spite of her parents are zero.
If my sister denies me the opportunity to actually be an uncle, there’s nothing I can do. And I’m certainly not going to waste money on it because at this point gift giving can’t be an expression of my relationship with my niece, it’s an obligation. Since that is the case; no invite, no gift. I don’t offer that kind of courtesy to other people’s kids so why should I do the same for my sister and her kid if she’s keen on staying at arms’ length?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was on the fence on this one, but I don’t think you’re the jerk. If you wanted to return the gift to spite your sister that would make you the jerk since it’s not your niece’s fault that your sister forgot to invite you.
She’s 4. But your reasons for returning it are simply because the holidays are expensive and you could use the money.
I disagree that it’s ‘not fair’ for your other nieces that she would get more gifts (her birthday is close to Christmas; it doesn’t matter if she gets the two gifts on the same day or three weeks apart).
And you could always mail the gift if you were actually concerned about getting it to her. But your niece never knew what gift was coming to her, and she’s only 4 and likely won’t remember this birthday very clearly anyway.
As for the argument with your sister – this is a four-year-old’s birthday party.
Are you really that upset about not going? They’re boring. They’re only fun for the kids.” roseofjuly
Another User Comments:
“I’m just a little confused. When I was a kid my birthday parties were like sleepover parties with my same-aged friends. Other adults were not invited, because it was not an adult party, it was a kid party.
What were you expecting to do at a child’s birthday party? Play in the bouncy castle with a bunch of kids who don’t know you? Or did you expect that your sister should have to host and take care of all the kids, and entertain adult guests as well because you were the only adult that wanted to show up?
You further go on to add that you don’t have a relationship with your niece. So now I’m even more confused as to why you expected to be invited to her birthday party. Do you invite people you don’t know to your birthday parties?
I’m not surprised that you weren’t invited. There was no reason to invite you.
You were not who the party was targeted at, you were probably the only adult guest who was going to be there, and the day was supposed to be about the kids, and you don’t even know your niece.
I don’t see why you couldn’t just ship the present to their house on time for her birthday.
That’s what my extended family did. They didn’t crash my birthday parties.
You don’t have a relationship with your niece, and she won’t know you returned the present so you can do what you want with it. I just think it’s ridiculous you thought you, an adult, would be invited to a child’s birthday party when you don’t even know the child.
YTJ for that. The day is not about you. And buying a present doesn’t automatically make it about you.” PrincessofPatriarchy
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
You didn’t need to go to a 4-year-old’s party to go visit her or send a gift or card in the mail. Your argument and relationship with your sister are impacting an innocent party.
You don’t have to give a gift and your sister doesn’t have to invite you to her kid’s party. You are mostly both jerks for how you communicate with each other. You and your sister are treating an hour away like it is a journey to the ends of the Earth.
It isn’t that far to go. If you don’t care about a relationship with your niece that is fine but stop acting like it is all because you weren’t invited to birthday parties. There are 365 days a year you could reach out in some form if it was important.
I think the idea that you will only give the gift if you were invited to the kid’s party sucks. I have family who stopped acknowledging my daughter’s birthday if they weren’t invited to a party. We didn’t have parties after the age of 3 because my daughter did not enjoy them at all and we couldn’t afford them.
No card in the mail, no phone call, no e-mail. It is really petty.” Bluemonogi
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The gift is meant for your beloved niece, who is 4 years old and has done nothing wrong to you. Just because she doesn’t know of the gift, doesn’t mean it is right to return it – it’s the principle behind it.
Your sister could’ve dealt with the situation a lot better, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she did have a lot going on and just figured another family member would’ve told you (I have encountered many people who are just so easily forgetful in relaying details of events to others).
Definitely not excusing her behavior, especially since she is your sister and you were very thoughtful in the gift-giving process, but the result of this situation, as well as feelings of betrayal or hurt, shouldn’t be directed towards the child. I’d say give the gift as a ‘late’ birthday present in private so that the other nieces wouldn’t think of this as ‘doubling up’ on presents.” jennyb001
3. AITJ For Cutting All Contact With My Dad?
“I’m gonna start this by saying almost all of my friends support me on this but my reason for coming here is the need for an outsider’s perception.
My dad’s not been the best with women in the past, he’s charming enough to start a relationship but he’s got some commitment issues. He’s very much a lone wolf, doesn’t have a lot of friends, and spends all day at work on his own. He’s been in a relationship with my step-mum for roughly 10 years.
I love her, she’s my third parent and since day 1 has been the best co-parent you could ever ask for.
My dad has grown increasingly angry over the past few years. I only see him a few times a year due to how far away we live from each other so we mostly speak on the phone.
So admittedly I didn’t notice it until much later. His grumpiness, arrogance, and general negative attitude are pushing everyone away. He never used to be like this, he was a lot of fun when we were kids, and most of the reason why they were such a good match is because they were both so funny and independent.
Our relationship has been strained recently due to his negative attitude. He’d tell me about times people have ticked him off and even with only hearing his side I knew he was being irrational.
Earlier this year I found out my dad had been diagnosed with depression last year.
A lot of people knew and although I understand that inherently men have been taught to hide their emotions, I was a bit hurt that he didn’t tell me. This explained my dad’s decline in attitude. He explained that he’d been to his recommended therapy sessions and had tried antidepressants for a week but didn’t like them.
I said it might be a good idea to carry on with the sessions at least until they confirmed that he was doing well, but he assured me he knew he was better.
Last week my step-mum informed me that my dad had left the previous week. I was distraught and worried that they both were hurting so much.
I then found out that the way he left was by just leaving whilst she was at work and then calling that evening to berate her and tell her he’s left.
I think what he did was horrible, 10 years of a mostly wonderful relationship and he just abandons her.
I know his depression will have led him to that point and I want to support him and help him get better but I can’t get over how he left.
I’ve elected not to speak to him until after Christmas and have told him that he needs to accept that he still needs help and that I will be there for him but need some time to get over what he did.
I’m conflicted though, he doesn’t have a lot of people close to him and now he’s living on his own, I’m worried I’m abandoning him in his time of need and at Christmas. I understand he’s not himself right now but I’m just so angry that he could do that to someone he loved for so long.
So my question to you is am I the jerk for choosing not to speak to my father until after Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately, YTJ. I know you’re hurting but revenge on someone else’s behalf is never right. Your father cannot control his illness without proper medication any more than he could control advanced diabetes, high b***d pressure, etc. without proper treatment.
He has had long-term (and quite debilitating) depression for many, many years and the brain’s hormones will not simply just correct themselves. If he tried one medication that he did not like, it just wasn’t the right one for him – he needs to continue to try until he finds one that works.
Just like antibiotics with an infection – you may have side effects to one and it be ineffective, but another will do the trick.
‘Not talking to him until after Christmas’ is the NUMBER ONE worst thing you can do. He doesn’t just dislike everyone else, he hates himself.
There is the ‘real man/dad’ in there somewhere and that guy is seriously hurting, and holiday times are THE WORST.” PattyLeeTX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – People tend to think of family in too much of a binary fashion. The fact is, your father is another human being who is making himself into someone people don’t want to be around from the sounds of it.
A lot of people have depression and are not jerks about it and are able to treat other people properly. Just because he is your father does not mean you have a duty to tolerate that kind of negativity.
As for their marriage aspect, that is between them and who knows what all has transpired. As you said, you are far apart and are not that involved in their day-to-day lives, there could be a lot more to that story.
When it comes to your decision to cease contact for a while, that seems more than reasonable and probably smart. It will give him time to cool off and maybe reflect and it will give you guys time to process and maybe make a plan to reach out again.
Best of luck!” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“ESH, sorry to say this. It seems to be an unpopular opinion.
People need compassion and communication, something went wrong in their relationship, that’s their issue, as a child you should look to support both your parents.
It sucks, people are people and they make mistakes.
That’s life.
Not talking to your dad over this for a prolonged period of time while he’s going through depression will surely only help destroy your relationship. Seeing as you would be abandoning him, something you mentioned he already struggles with.
Have some compassion, don’t pick a side, and have mature conversations about these feelings with both your parents.
Possibly see how you can all help each other.
You don’t have to agree with someone’s actions to help them. Be the bigger person.” tcgoemans11
2. AITJ For Taking Away My Brother's Saxaphone?
“It was a Thursday night, I’d just finished my homework when I decided to clock in at 10 PM instead of 12 am because I was tired.
However, my little brother (10) started to play on his instrument, and for 5 minutes, I tried everything I could to ignore it, even trying out the earplugs I got on an international flight, but the sound bled through it.
We’re on the same floor, there are not too many walls to separate the living room from the bedroom, so it was loud, very loud.
I got up and talked in a calm mature tone, telling him to stop playing because I was trying to sleep. The thing was that he had the whole week to play, and barely has any activities so he was home close to all of the time of the week, and all he does is watch YouTube to pass the time instead of practicing, so it’s irritating to me that he tries to pick this exact time to play instead of all his other chances to play.
I go back to bed and am about to drift off when he starts playing again, not even notes, just one long sound. This time I speed walk out of my room to confront him and (in a raised voice) tell him to stop, his iPads were shut off, so it was a guarantee he wasn’t ‘trying’ to play from music sheets.
I tried to explain to him that I wanted to sleep, but he just sat there and wasted my time, I tried getting my mom on the phone to talk some sense into him, but she wasn’t picking up.
I went to sleep again this time, and some time passed, I thought he was finally going to stop, so I straightened out my pillow when a big sound came, louder than usual, and I actually jumped, I opened my door and he was outside, giving me the finger.
Usually, I’m in the mood for joking, but I wasn’t, and I could tell he was deliberately trying to mess with me, so without harming him or the sax, I pulled the saxophone away from him, and when I was in possession of it, I didn’t damage it.
A couple of minutes later, he started to cry, but I couldn’t feel regret because I already told him multiple times to stop and tried many options to ignore it, and he’s not clueless either, he could understand me, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You gave him multiple warnings.
However, I would suggest sitting down with your brother and your parents to discuss ‘quiet hours’ for the house, where loud noises (instruments, loud tv, music) should not be played.” you-know-poo
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Only for your phrasing of ‘telling him to stop’. What about asking nicely?
Your brother sucks for then deliberately annoying you after that.” avocadosontoastedbun
1. AITJ For Leaving The House To Help An Ex?
“I was seeing Erica from 2013-2014, and we were friends after but since I’ve been seeing Alice we sort of fell out of friendship mostly. I have been seeing Alice for the past two years.
I woke up to 3 missed calls from Erica in the middle of the night, I called her and she was crying on the phone saying that she had twisted her ankle and needed to get home but she couldn’t drive and that she was calling everyone she knew in the neighborhood and I was the first person to pick up.
I asked her why she didn’t call an uber and she said she only had 38 dollars in her account (very, very typical). I was gonna wake up my partner, but she had work at 8 am, and she had already gone to bed late, and at the time I just figured I would tell her in the morning.
I mean, she couldn’t get too mad right? If I tell her right away when she wakes up?
I was about to say that I would just call an uber for her, but she said she was only 4 blocks away, so I just decided it would be easier for me to drive her home.
I found her sitting on the curb crying, and I got her into my car and she basically just sort of dozed off in the car and barely even said a word to me. I was a tiny bit worried she was intoxicated, she used to have problems with booze, but when she woke up she seemed very, very sober and she didn’t smell like booze at all.
She thanked me and then asked if I could actually take her to the store a few blocks down to get some ice and ibuprofen, and I went and got it. I then dropped her off at her house, she tried to offer me 20 bucks for gas and stuff but I turned it down, then she was able to limp to her stoop pretty okay, and that was that.
The next morning I was texting my partner and told her what happened, and she was pretty mad and said we have to talk when she gets back. She got back, just totally stand-offish to me, and kept saying it wasn’t a big deal but I could tell she was mad.
Then she sort of freaked out at me, saying that this was an ex-partner and I had no obligation to help her and that it’s messed up I would even think it’s okay to help her. She said she doesn’t think I was unfaithful, but that I ‘couldn’t resist a pretty girl calling me for help’, like what?
It’s extremely weird she would say that considering I know she talks about how she doesn’t find fat people attractive, and Erica is easily 250+ lbs. She was also mad that I ‘not only dropped her off but also went to the store for her’. The store took all of like 2 minutes to do.
I mean, she isn’t a completely random stranger, she is still sort of a friend even if she is my ex-partner.
I talked to my friend about it and she said that yeah, it was a crappy move to do, even if my intentions were good. I really like Alice but this entire situation has been frustrating to me.
It’s not like I went out for drinks with Erica, she was injured. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Ehh. Kind of YTJ.
You left the house in the middle of the night, to pick up an ex because she called you crying. Stopped at the store for her, drove her home, and decided to text your partner about it the next day.
The partner you left sleeping at home through all of this. And nonchalantly mentioned it to the next day.
Of course she’s going to feel some kind of way about you just sneaking out to pick up an ex off the curb.
‘She said she doesn’t think I was unfaithful, but that I ‘couldn’t resist a pretty girl calling me for help’, like what?
It’s extremely weird she would say that considering I know she talks about how she doesn’t find fat people attractive, and Erica is easily 250+ lbs.’
It’s not a matter of if your partner thinks Erica is pretty. She’s saying that you can’t resist a girl you think is pretty calling you for help.
I’d imagine she’s pretty secure in thinking you find Erica attractive since you did go out with her.” lionheart059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is crazy to me that people think you suck. I think it’s fine that your partner is annoyed that your ex called you in the middle of the night to help her.
But getting angry at you seems ridiculous. If this were a pattern, sure. But it sounds like this was a single emergency in the two years of seeing Alice.
I find it hard to believe that any sane human being thinks it would be appropriate or decent for you to leave someone injured and stranded when you were only four blocks away.
I would have gotten Erica ice and ibuprofen at 3 in the morning and I don’t know her from Adam. Because she’s a fellow human being, she was hurt, and she needed help.
If you tried to wake me up at 3 in the morning when I have to get up early, the house had better be on fire.
Not waking her up was reasonable. Waiting to tell her in the morning does not constitute going behind someone’s back.
Friend, I am the most insecure, anxious person I know. It’s gotten in the way of a lot of relationships. But even I have never seen the point of being jealous of an ex just because they’re an ex.
Presumably, they’re an ex for a reason.” gatitamonster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your partner has issues and sounds jealous, especially with going on about how she thinks fat people are ugly?
Erica wasn’t intoxicated and, if you take her at her word, was calling everyone on her list with a busted ankle.
You drove basically 4 blocks to get her, helped her get some ice & ibuprofen, then dropped her home.
Every step of the way you were smart: asking why she couldn’t get an uber, evaluating that it would make more sense with her that close/crying to get her than paying for an uber, evaluating whether or not she was intoxicated/etc. Nothing about what you did was crappy.
Your partner is just mad because it’s an ex and she doesn’t trust you. Or that she just flat-out doesn’t trust you.
I mean dang, sometimes people are telling the truth. If Erica had been sitting on that curb, unhurt and flirting, you wouldn’t have stayed, so no, you’re fine.” stewbugx
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: I understand that your intentions were good and nothing happened, but I would be upset too if I was your partner. You left without waking her up or leaving any type of note, so if she had woken up for some reason she would have just assumed you left her in the middle of the night?
You didn’t have a current friendship with your ex but you were willing to call her back after seeing her missed calls at 2 am? I’m also confused why she could offer to give you money for helping but couldn’t call an Uber? It just all seems a little off which is probably why your partner is upset.” deadpananne
