People Try To Embrace These "Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Backing Out Of Moving In With My Father-In-Law And Stepmother?
“To start, my wife and I had long conversations about this. My wife’s stepmother and father agreed to have us rent 2 bedrooms and pay 1,000 in rent, including all utilities.
We agreed to this and I have been looking to transfer my job over to the city they live in. I even scheduled a potential moving date of mid-October. Stepmom said we should pay 300 dollars more which we simply can’t afford as my wife is full-time in college and we have two young kids.
Her stepmom told us many times that she is not comfortable watching my children alone, my wife is unable to work if we move in. Her stepmom has since deleted each message where she says she wants us to pay 1,300 from both her and my wife’s phones.
She started asking for 1,100 instead. We told her we couldn’t do this as we simply could not afford to pay this much on my paycheck alone. The stepmom then brought up how it wouldn’t be fair to my father-in-law to pay electricity, internet, and every other bill that comes with owning a home.
We told her we agreed he shouldn’t have to pay for us. Stepmom texted us that we have to rehome our dog if we move in with them. She said that she hates dogs and only likes cats, specifically her cat. This was another topic she previously agreed on.
We have a husky and she’s very energetic but good with the kids. We tried to rehome our dog in the past but that caused serious emotional issues in our son. Our son is developmentally delayed, when realized our dog no longer lived with us he stopped using the toilet altogether and wet his pants.
These accidents stopped after the family who took our dog brought her back the following week. From this experience with our son, we decided it would be in his best interest to keep the dog and make training her our primary goal. We told her father this, and he agreed we could take our dog.
Meanwhile, his wife is sending twenty messages at a time to the chat my wife had already muted. The house my father-in-law is looking into buying is 5 bedrooms and has a fully fenced yard. My wife loves her dad and she has always wanted to take care of her father as he is getting older and approaching retirement age.
She told me that growing up she would wash and iron her father’s clothes and ensure dinner was on the table when he got home from work. Things her stepmother doesn’t do for her father.
Stepmom said that the kitchen and all other living spaces would be hers and we would only have the two bedrooms. She even went as far as to tell my wife “It’s my house, you would just be living in it.” We told her we were thinking of backing out completely.
The drama is just not worth it and we are scared of what would happen if we move in with her. My wife’s stepmother told us her father had already put an offer into the house which he wouldn’t be able to afford without us paying rent.
So are we the jerks for backing out?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Talk to your FIL and tell him all of the things his wife said to you, including the different requests for money, and the exclusion from “other living spaces” that are not your bedrooms, and explain that this made you feel extremely unwelcome to move in.
I simply cannot see how you could live with this person.” Sad-Currency-3235
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The stepmother is making it impossible, and I doubt Daddy is going to want her to leave. That’s not on you. Dad has been a fair dealer and should be recognized as such when you announce that it no longer works for your little family.
Do not skimp on details. Do not whine, just state that you respect that his wife is half of their nuclear unit and you just have other needs than she is willing to accommodate (which is her right, but she has to deal with the fallout from your Dad).” SubjectBuilder3793
18. AITJ For Insisting On Keeping The Wardrobe My Older Sister Promised Me?
“I’m about to go to university and I’ll be living with my sister in an apartment. I have two older sisters and one of them (I’ll call Sam) moved out (Sam was the one who originally found the apartment and was living there with two other roommates).
So my other sister (let’s call her Ally) moved in with her a few years ago and they shared a room with two wardrobes. Ally had a smaller wardrobe which she broke so she bought another one which is pretty cheap in quality and is more of a storage unit than a unit for clothes, so that thing is falling apart.
Sam and her partner had even said to her that it wasn’t good and that she should buy one to replace the one that came with the place, but Ally didn’t care. Sam owned the bigger wardrobe which is good quality and came with the apartment.
Me and Sam had an agreement before she moved out that I would take her wardrobe and space. So the only readjustment would be for me when moving. But now that Sam has moved out Ally has decided that she wants to move all her stuff into Sam’s old closet without my knowledge, so in turn I would take her crappy storage unit.
Unfortunately, I had to find out this information through Sam who found out when visiting Ally that she threw all of Sam’s clothes into a black bag and put her clothes in Sam’s closet (which is now supposed to be mine). Of course, Sam was not pleased with this, but this selfish behavior isn’t new for Ally, so Sam didn’t start an argument and relayed the message to me.
My mom was supposed to go and visit Ally to help make space for me when I moved up this week but Ally refused (we had called her). Ally had said that she’d already arranged the room and the wardrobe so my mom asked which closet and she said ‘Sam’s closet’.
So I was like aw no and said ‘That’s my closet, Sam gave it to me’ and of course, she said ‘Sam’s not living here anymore’ but I said ‘We established this before she moved or even had a place and I’m not dealing with your BS closet’ and since she’s older and in my culture respecting your elders is highly regarded so she said ‘I’M OLDER RESPECT YOUR ELDERS’ like what about respecting me!
She then says I need to be working on my end of school exams which will determine what college I go to. These exams took place two months ago.
This girl was being so dismissive saying ‘Mother can we talk later I’m tired’ (because my mom had originally wanted to discuss visiting her and she used my phone to call).
How is she going to preach about respect when she can’t even respect the person she’s going to be sharing a room with? Me and Sam had an agreement and now she’s trying to get in between it this girl says she studying law and she can’t even respect an agreement that doesn’t involve her.
I wasn’t having that so I simply said she either give me the closet or buy me a new one as simple as ‘a’ ‘b’ ‘c’
Or I’ll just throw clothes into a black bag just like she did to Sam….”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Are you sure you want to live with her? This sounds like just the start of a whole lot of roommate disagreements. Will she sneak your food, borrow your clothes without asking, leave the cleaning to you, etc, with the excuse that you are her little sister so it’s fine?” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But come on. This isn’t going to work. Ally is a nightmare to live with. You can tell because Sam gave YOU the wardrobe. Ally lived with Sam, and Sam knew Ally’s wardrobe situation. Usually, Sam would’ve given the wardrobe to Ally as Ally was the established resident of the apartment… but she didn’t–she gave it to you.
That’s a sign that living together deteriorated their relationship. Get. A. Different. Roommate.” Grump_Curmudgeon
Another User Comments:
“My husband comes from a culture which very much respects elders. But – a few years difference does not make someone an ‘elder’. You need to be another generation, or close to it, for it to count.
You might want to point that out if it is relevant to your culture.” regus0307
17. AITJ For Not Allowing My Husband To Go Climbing Instead Of Renovating Our Bathroom?
“I plan to show my husband the responses so please be as honest as possible.
My (36F) husband (38M) and I decided to renovate the bathroom because there was water damage from a toilet that had been leaking. It was mostly my idea to renovate but not just for aesthetics, mold was growing at the bottom of the vanity, sheetrock, etc.
He agreed to renovate but had very little interest in the process. He has untreated ADHD and does not enjoy home maintenance (not speculation, he tells me this).
With that being said it became my job to apply for loans, search for contractors, schedule the contractors to come, etc. It’s a lot of mental work.
I did it alone.
He did agree to save money and offered to demo the bathroom himself. I was hesitant at first because he is not usually motivated to do things in the house and also due to his ADHD his timeline and processing speed are very slow and often time things don’t get down.
He promised me many times he wanted to do it. I sent screenshots of the calendar and told him the days he would start. The whole week leading up to demo day I mentally prepared him. We’ve been together for 21 years. I know how he is.
He’ll say he forgot or it’ll seem like brand new information to him so every day he gets a reminder.
Fast forward to last night, the night before the demo is to start he sends me a message asking if he can go climbing with his friends.
I said I’d prefer if he would just demo like we agreed. He only has 2 days off. So I said no, sorry, you can’t go.
It turned into almost an hour of argument back and forth about how the weather won’t be good the rest of the days and he could just do it then.
But I know him. He waits until the last minute and something may go wrong. We may need to call for extra help or something. I always have a sense of urgency and he has none and it makes my life very difficult.
To add, he has a job where he can often do his hobbies.
He climbs with his work friends, goes hiking, skiing, etc. When he has days off he goes for bike rides for hours. He is not deprived of leisure time but I am. I have been home all summer (I’m a teacher) being responsible for my kids 90% of the time.
Being up with them in the morning, taking them out for activities all day, and putting them to sleep. On top of that, I have cleaned up after the kids and his messes every single day. I haven’t had a day of fun the entire summer.
So I feel anger and resentment constantly.
Our fight ended with him telling me it makes no sense to tell him he has to start on this day, he’ll just do it the next day. I’m the one being unreasonable and everyone else will agree with him and not me.
Also, to add today is Thursday. Our tile guy comes in on Monday and the entire bathroom needs to be completely gutted by the morning.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband committed. Now, he needs to honor his word. This may sound a little harsh, but he can not throw around his ADHD as an excuse to get out of things he doesn’t want to do.
Part of being an adult is doing stuff you do not want to do. I do not want to clean my house do laundry or pick up groceries. I still do it. I am not downplaying ADHD, but it is his responsibility to learn how to live with and overcome his disability.
You are trying to support him, but he also needs to take initiative in finding various ways to cope.” DanausEhnon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And since you said he’s going to look at the responses: Dude, you’re a grown man with children. Your ADHD is not an excuse.
Step up and start being a partner/husband/father. Responsibility comes first, even if it doesn’t give you serotonin. Do the demo. Also, get your ADHD treated before your wife’s resentments lead her to decide that she no longer wants to be your mother, let alone your wife and she divorces you” B3Gay_DoCr1mes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him that he has a choice: either he does the demo work, or you will hire someone to do it in his place. You’ve been with him for 21 years. You know his pattern. Please reread what Albert Einstein is supposed to have said about insanity: “*The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results*.” So moving forward, refuse to engage in this last-minute back-and-forth.
Plan on him being completely unavailable and hire trained professionals for everything. Oh yeah, after this is all done, treat yourself to a spa day for your mental health.” Individual_Ad_9213
16. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Date To Accommodate My Stepsister?
“My fiancée (26f) and I (29m) are planning our wedding and we set the date not too long ago.
My mom reached out after learning the date and all panicked and told me that my stepsister (27f) couldn’t make it and I should call her up and check different dates to find out when would work better. I told her that wasn’t happening and our date was the date we’d chosen, if my stepsister couldn’t make it then the world wouldn’t end.
My mom was taken aback by my response. She asked me how I could say that. She told me a sibling or any immediate family member missing a wedding is a big deal.
For background info: My dad died when I was 6 and my brother was 5.
When I was 8 our mom told us she had a partner and when I was 10 she remarried. Her husband had my stepsister with his ex-wife and they shared custody. Our plans once mom remarried revolved around my stepsister. Christmas every other year was celebrated at a different time because she was with her mom and not us.
Family parties were missed if she wasn’t around because mom was mad at anyone in the extended family who didn’t make sure my stepsister could be there. She would tell my brother and me we should wait to do something for our stepsister to be there OR she insisted on it and refused to let us go without her.
We resented it. And we did speak up but Mom said the immediate family needed to be there for Christmas, for example. I told her she wasn’t my immediate family so I didn’t need to wait. Mom also resented the fact we weren’t with her every other Christmas Eve because we’d be with our paternal family (the court-ordered time our grandparents won).
She never made everything stop for us though. She’d just tell us we could choose to be with the family vs going with “other people” (meaning our family). Over time it got worse with her saying “Why did you see x movie without stepsister, why go to the arcade event weekend one and not wait for weekend too so she can join”.
It was insanity. It did a lot of harm to our relationship with mom. Neither of us wanted or needed our stepsister included to enjoy it. Neither of us wanted to be forced to plan stuff around her. We had no choice.
That’s not how things are anymore.
My mom was shocked I was putting my foot down so strongly about it. She mentioned the immediate family/sibling thing and I told her I have never once considered my stepsister my sibling or my immediate family and I will no longer plan things around her because her attendance is not essential to me.
My mom started freaking out on the phone and saying it would hurt her stepdaughter and husband’s feelings to hear this and how she wanted us all to be together for something as big as a wedding. She told me she’d pay the difference for a different day and I said no. I told her my days of catering to my stepsister’s schedule were over.
Mom went nuts on the phone. I ended the call and I’m dodging her calls and texts now because she’s mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve made your position clear. You don’t consider your stepsister as part of your immediate family. Her attendance is not essential to you.
Ergo, you shouldn’t change the date of your wedding to accommodate her. Your mother will just have to respect that. Otherwise, she’ll just be admitting that her stepdaughter’s feelings are more important than yours about, you know, your own wedding.” charmer143
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Any decision made about a wedding should be up to the people planning that wedding and about those people. You know that if your stepsister was planning a wedding and you couldn’t attend your mom would insist you put that other event aside. I’m so sorry this is how your mom continually treated you and your brother.
You are important OP. You matter!” swoopingturtle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The only people whose schedule should be considered for a wedding are the bride and groom. That being said, no matter how much consideration is given, some people will not be able to attend.
Ce la vie Your mother is still clinging to some ideal blended family, and she has never seen how her behavior only accomplished the opposite. Plan ur wedding your way on your schedule and have a wonderful wedding and happy life thereafter. Slot ur mother into your life on your schedule and convenience.” AssociateMany102
15. AITJ For Confronting My Stepmom About My Half-Brother's Unhealthy Eating Habits?
“I (F22) have a stepmom (F40) and she has an 11-year-old kid with my father. Let’s call him Cal. My half-brother Cal is obese – 79 Kg.
Cal is an extremely picky eater.
There are only 4-5 dishes that he eats. One of these is French fries. He eats fries as a meal, not as a side to anything, and the quantity is equivalent to about 2.5 packs of McDonald’s large fries. In an average week, he ends up eating fries 6-8 times, with other meals being rice with some sort of gravy or curry, topped with lots of potato chips for the crunch (sounds weird, tastes great).
There are NO vegetables or fruits in his diet, apart from an occasional apple. He does not eat chicken, eggs, meat, fish, or any other type of protein, except for the big tall glass of chocolate milk he has every day, which is packed with sugar.
My stepmom, who is also obese, has allowed this to go on for 11 years, without ever trying to change his eating habits. I get that she has a lot on her plate (no shade intended), but she has never put an effort to get him to try new and healthy foods.
She asks once or twice, but when he begins to throw tantrums, as children do, she budges. I have told her multiple times that she should just let him stay hungry for a few meals if he is so reluctant to try foods that are good for him.
She responds by calling me heartless for wanting my brother to “starve”. Eventually, over the years, I began giving her suggestions like air frying his fries instead of deep frying them, but she said that he can always tell when they are air-fried and that he rejects them.
Now here’s what happened today: My mom left for work as she usually does after lunch at around 1.30 and instructed me to provide Cal with cookies and milk for snacks at around 4 pm. Cal eats 6 chocolate chip cookies dipped in chocolate milk every day for his evening snack.
But today, he didn’t ask for it. So I did not offer. When stepmom came home at 6, she was very angry that I “starved” him. Cal told her that he did not want them today, to which she said “Oh so your sister got inside your head?”.
I said, “I am not going to offer an obese child unhealthy processed food unprompted. Cal can’t even go play outside because he is physically unable to, and all he does is play video games all day. You are ruining his life like you ruined mine and yours.” She told me I had no right to decide how she raised her child because I didn’t understand how difficult motherhood was, and started crying loudly.
My father, who usually sides with me on matters related to Cal’s diet and weight, called me an ungrateful person for making her cry after all she does for us.
I think maybe I crossed a line today.
To be clear, as a former fat kid, I am deeply concerned for his lifestyle and well-being and don’t want him to go through all the things that I did.
My stepmom’s behavior is enabling him. AITJ for not participating?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmom is a real piece of work. Does she want him to have a heart attack in his 20s? What does your dad say about all this? Just had to Google what 79kg is (American here).
That’s over 179 lbs for an 11-year-old. Your stepmom is a huge jerk for letting him get to this point.” sickofdriving007
Another User Comments:
“There is an eating disorder called ARFID – Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. You and your family should look it up because it sounds like Cal may have it.
It is often co-occurring with Autism, ADHD, and other types of neurodiversity and is based on the sensory processing aspects of food rather than body dysmorphia. As for how you handled this situation, yeah YTJ. Not your kid, not your house rules to break, then you went and got downright rude about it.” Scouthawkk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand your concern, as a fat person myself, but there could be something else that’s part of the problem. Food aversions, especially to the point of a meltdown, or safe foods (Foods that people eat over and over again) are usually due to autism.
I’m by far no expert on the subject, nor am I qualified to diagnose anyone, but I would suggest maybe talking to them about getting an evaluation for the kid. As an autistic person myself, I have similar behaviors that took me a long time to recognize since I had no support and didn’t even know I was autistic until I was in my late 30s.
It’s easier to be able to make changes once an issue has been recognized. She’s enabling, but I wonder if she might be on the spectrum as well. There is a strong genetic component to autism. That wouldn’t make her enabling okay, obviously, but it could provide a better understanding and a path to change through therapy if she’s willing to listen.” VividChaos
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Dad Edit My Late Brother's Letter For My Half Siblings?
“My older brother Jamie passed away 7 months ago. He was 20. Before he passed, he wrote a letter for me and another for our dad. His letter to me was him apologizing for leaving, saying he loved me, he wanted me to have a good life and things like that.
Dad’s letter was different. Jamie told Dad we always knew he was unfaithful to our mom, that he was disgusted to be his son, that he didn’t tell him he was sick because he didn’t want dad to fake grieve him like he did our mom, he didn’t want dad’s tears or anguish, that he felt like dad not getting the chance to say goodbye was justice for his unfaithfulness, his child from his affair and for the pain, he put the two of us through when we were so young and losing our mom.
I only know the content of Dad’s letter because he told me about it and wanted to know if I felt similar in any way and I told him I did.
My dad had other kids with his wife, the woman he was unfaithful with (or one of them?).
My half sisters are 11 and 10 and my half brother is 8. I’m 17M because I know I didn’t mention that. And the timeline was mom was sick for like a year. She passed when I was 5 and my brother was 8. Dad was a dad again only 6 months after she passed and his wife was living with us before that point.
Dad never explained it to us. He relied on us being young, and boys, and not knowing enough about pregnancy to realize.
My brother always kept his distance from our half-siblings and he wanted no part of being their brother. I feel similar but I’ll try to be nice because we live in the same house.
But now that Jamie’s gone I feel like I lost my only sibling and I don’t love or care about my half-siblings or think of them as real siblings.
That might be why I’m resisting here but anyway. Dad knows I have a letter from Jamie.
But Jamie didn’t write anything to our half-siblings. So Dad wants to make a copy of the letter and make it look like it’s to all of us (so edit it). He said ever since the girls found out I got one, they’ve been upset and they grieve for Jamie too and they don’t deserve the weight of being unloved by their brother and knowing they’ll never get to have a kind message from Jamie.
He said Jamie never said I love you to them or hugged them or gave them any of his heart. And it’s not their fault. But some of the pain can be eased if they think he thought of them. He said we’ll just say I was being possessive of the letter and it was never just mine.
I didn’t agree to share the letter and I told Dad I don’t want him to edit it.
He got really mad at me and asked me how I could have such a small age gap between me and my half-sister, how I could live with them for 11 years and not want to save them from this.
He asked me if I had become such a monster.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would say he’s the jerk and instead of doing right by his children, he continues his pattern of trying to patch the broken areas with more dishonesty. Your half-siblings may be young now like you were when your dad began messing up your lives – but as they get older they will see right through his lies, just as you and Jamie did, and he will just have more broken relationships piling up.
Keep that letter somewhere safe where he cannot get it because he’s the exact type of person to go behind your back to make his desired plan happen regardless of what you want. So sorry for your loss.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your half-siblings will suffer feeling unloved solely because of your dad and his failures.
Any anguish your half-siblings feel is because of broken promises from your sad excuse of a father and he needs to live with the reality of what his home-wrecking and life choices have created – a broken family that will never have love because the father inspires hatred. I’m sorry for your half-siblings but you don’t owe them a dang thing.
Make multiple electronic copies of the letter so you always have one available and gray rock until you are 18. Take student loans and leave for college and never go back to your dad’s disaster of a science experiment. And be sure to remind anyone who asks that your coldness is a direct product of the choices your father made that failed you and all of the other kids in his care” Z_is_green13.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for refusing the allow your dad to edit your brother’s letter. Suggest to your dad that everyone can sit down with BOTH letters and read and talk through them with the half-siblings. They can know that the disconnection that Jamie had with them wasn’t personal but was due to Dad’s betrayal of your dying mom, and because of that the bond you have with Jamie strengthened as you only had each other to rely on.
Their existence – especially the 11-year-old, was a constant reminder of the lying, unfaithfulness, and betrayal by your dad of a dying woman and her children.” squiggly
13. AITJ For Not Shaking My Dad's Partner's Hand At My Mom's Birthday Dinner?
“I (21F), my brother (25M) & my mom (53F) were out at a restaurant to celebrate her birthday.
We sat outside the restaurant in the porch area. The place is located in a busy area, (it’s a strip of stores & restaurants). We were able to see tons of people walking by the restaurant.
As we were sitting, I saw a man & a woman walking in our direction.
The 1st thing I noticed was 1.) The woman is wearing a short, tight black dress, & 2.) The guy looks like my dad. I don’t have the best eyesight but I did have my glasses on, & I was 90% sure that it was my dad.
My brother immediately noticed him. My dad made eye contact with us & that is when my mom noticed him as well.
For context, my parents have been divorced for a year now. The divorce was messy & was one of the worst parts of my life that I’ve had to go through.
Now, however, my parents are cordial with each other, but they do it for the sake of my brother & me.
I just want to preface that my dad is honestly not a good person (lol) & did a lot of terrible stuff to my mom that I won’t get into.
So, my dad & the woman come over & I’m experiencing emotions that I’ve NEVER felt before. My entire body was actually trembling. She proceeded to introduce herself, but it went over my head. She then shook my mom’s hand, & shook my brother’s hand, & when she turned to me, I just stared at her & didn’t shake her hand.
She proceeded to say “Oh okay, I see” in the most unpleasant tone ever, I’m not even exaggerating.
The entire time my dad was talking to my mom, who was being extremely nice & friendly, this lady had her hands ALL OVER him. I couldn’t even look at them, & my brother wasn’t uttering a single word.
My dad then ended the conversation by waving dramatically & saying “Alright my Smiths!” (For privacy reasons I used a fake last name). For more context, my mom kept my dad’s last name because she is a teacher & felt like it would be easier for her students & coworkers if she kept the same name.
Take it how you want, but we found that statement to be rather condescending & weird.
Also, I had spoken to my dad on the phone earlier that day & I told him about our plans to go eat at that place. So he knew that we were going to be there, & he knew that he could potentially run into us.
I haven’t spoken to my dad yet. However, minutes after they left, he sent my brother a text containing the emoji with 1 eye peeking through his hands.
I feel like if she had a bit more decorum & didn’t act the way she did, then I would have been a bit nicer to her.
My dad, at the very least, could have just continued walking on. That’s what all 3 of us wished he would’ve done in that situation.
I obviously have no control over my parent’s lives. I just don’t particularly want to have any involvement with who they see (unless it gets very serious).
I’ve even made this very clear to both of my parents, & they are both aware of how serious I am about this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you behaved the best you could while you were going through that experience. I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it.
Your dad showed up on purpose with some point to prove. I hope you don’t have to see him very often. Just because he’s your dad doesn’t mean you still have to talk to him, especially if he’s a bad person.
Sometimes I regret keeping my dad in my life because it was just a cycle of apologies from him and forgiveness that I would have to give him for the things he did. With zero change on his part” Ok_Passage_6242
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He knew what he was doing and she did too. Any decent woman would have stopped that before it even started. Don’t mind her nor him. Best just to let things like this brush off the shoulder. But learn a lesson and know how to be a better human because of it.” Good-Blueberry4530
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was no doubt an overwhelming and completely unexpected experience. Anyone who says you’re the Jerk probably hasn’t been in that particular situation. My MIL passed away last year and my FIL, as we found out after she had passed, was already seeing another woman while his wife was dying in an aged care.
They had nowhere to place a terminal heavy drinker, hence why she was there. Believe me when I say how shocked I was that he had moved on so fast! But I can say that the first meeting with his new partner made me sick to the stomach.
I acted very standoffish and I don’t feel bad about it either. To top the cake my FIL proposed to his new partner 2 months after my MIL’s passing at my husband’s 30th birthday celebration! So I have a newfound feeling of disgust for them both.
But it is what it is. Don’t beat yourself up for how you reacted. I understand the feeling of shock, trembling and not being able to control what your actions were.” Adorable-Light-8130
12. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Neighbors For Bad Fence Repair Without An Invoice?
“Since we moved into our house, the fence between us and the neighbors (let’s call them Sharon & Will) has been leaning towards their side.
Despite no changes since then, Sharon recently demanded it be fixed because they think it’ll “fall over any day now.”
Sharon had a landscaper who was already doing a job for them, and she said that he could fix the fence as well. He couldn’t speak English so Sharon translated but I didn’t really understand what they were going to do.
All I got was that they were going to use concrete on the posts. I told them I also knew a builder and I’ll get him to have a look.
My guy came and thought that it was better to rebuild. He estimated the cost of materials would be about $1k, then we can negotiate labor costs a bit.
I told Sharon the next day, and she waved it off, saying her guy could do it for “like $500.” He was coming back after the weekend, and so I waited for a proper quote.
Over a week later, Sharon texted to say that the work was done, the price was $600 and asked me to send her $300.
She never gave me a proper quote. I told her I was happy to split the costs, but asked for an invoice and a description of the work done. She said that it was a cash job, and “I thought you were my neighbor so you can give the money whenever you’re free.” I reiterated that because this concerns my property, I need a record of work done and payments, but she again said that because it was a cash-only job, that there wouldn’t be an official invoice.
I also asked about the warranty, and she said it would be 12 months.
Later, I had a look at what was done. I just saw two temporary wooden posts supporting the fence. The guy probably dug around the problem fence post and poured some concrete around it to fix the fence post in place.
It did not look like a $600 job.
I ignored her for a week while seeking advice from my local community center, which said that the costs of repairing a fence on a boundary are shared by the properties concerned and that I am within my rights to ask for proof of work done.
I told Sharon that I was very unhappy with how she had gone about things. If dealing with a neighbor, there is a responsibility to make things proper and keep official records. I told her that I could not make any payment comfortably until I got that invoice.
My main concern is that Sharon might be getting us to pay more. Sharon and Will look to be in their late 40s/50s, and we’re in our late 20s, so they might think we’re easy targets. The landscaper was already working on another project for them, so we may just be helping cover their costs.
I’m also unhappy with the warranty being only 12 months. Seems way too short for a fence. Lastly, I’m concerned that if Sharon and Will move anytime soon and the fence falls again, then I would have no way of contacting/communicating with the landscaper, or proof that they had done the job in the first place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right to ask for an invoice and proof of the work done. It’s your property too, and when it comes to sharing costs for repairs, you deserve transparency—especially since you weren’t involved in selecting the contractor or approving the price.
The whole “cash job, no invoice” thing is a red flag and that sketchy warranty? Yeah, not cool. Sharon’s trying to guilt you into paying without giving you any assurance that the work was worth it. Stand your ground—you’re not being unreasonable, you’re being smart.” StarlightMio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I suggest getting a survey to confirm if the fence lies on the proper line or within a specific property boundary. If it’s on the neighbor’s lot then you aren’t responsible and if it is I’d insist the guy prepare an actual invoice with specifics of work done and a warranty in writing, if he refuses I wouldn’t pay either.
It’s not as if he can’t create an invoice on a computer or buy the from at an office store” mortgage_gurl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are right not to pay: You never saw a quote, you never agreed – and there is no invoice.
STOP discussing it. — “Who said that costs of repairing a fence on a boundary are shared by the properties concerned and that I am within my rights to ask for proof of work done.” — **Tell her you require documentation of work done, and you won’t pay for anything you did not authorize.
AND make clear you will only pay after getting an itemized invoice.** Their shoddy work will need another repair soon, and it likely made things worse – because you will have to get the mess they made removed, too.” Excellent-Count4009
11. AITJ For Reacting To My Mum's Criticism During A Family Shopping Trip?
“As of today, my mum (39f), my dad (39m), my two brothers (7m, 12m), and I (17f) had gone out shopping.
I never really go out with my family, as every time we do I end up in a bad mood, tired, or an altercation with someone. Which I do start sometimes. I only leave the house to hang out with friends, go to work, or go to school.
Everything else like shopping, or needing to grab something, I get someone else to do for me.
I don’t leave my room often, I feel like a familial outcast. I have no idea if it’s just me being a teenager, or if it’s the fact my mum consistently claims to be a ‘boy mum’, as I have four brothers, it makes me severely uncomfortable.
Anyway, today I decided to go with them when shopping because where they were going was a length away from where we lived.
Throughout the duration of shopping, my mum was making snarky comments, about my work, about the fact I was going with them, just everything.
She was putting me in a bad mood since I am a very sensitive person and I hate being criticized for small things.
When we got into the shop, I was walking down the aisle with my mum, and I got excited when I saw something I was looking for but hadn’t found until then.
I started smiling and jumping on the balls of my feet, and she turned around and said ‘For God’s sake, why can’t you ever act your age?’ It was completely unprovoked. This made me shut down and go so quiet.
After that she got into a petty argument with me, telling me I was being a ‘sour puss’, that’s when I called out her attitude.
She claimed ‘I’m your mum. I’m allowed to do that.’ And in response, I turned around and said, ‘As a decent human, you wouldn’t.’
She got really mad at this and yelled at me, in front of everyone. She said I was being a jerk and that if I kept going she would leave me there.
That’s when I started to cry, which made her even more frustrated.
A while later, we moved to a food grocers, where she asked what I wanted for dinner. I told her what I wanted but the only option in that brand was something spicy.
I settled for that and mentioned something about sour cream. When I went looking for it, I was looking in the wrong place and went back saying I couldn’t find it. My mum got even more upset, saying I couldn’t do anything alone.
I told her not to worry, already tired from the argument earlier. My dad, who was there the whole time told me ‘Lose the attitude, stop arguing.’
That shocked me because all I was doing was very little. They were mad at me for having an attitude, while my brothers were screwing around, wrestling each other, running into people, and more.
So now, leaving the shops and heading home, I’m in an even worse mood than before.
I could maybe understand where I may be the jerk for being in a bad mood over nothing, and I could have acted my age. It was just the way she didn’t like me, at all.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ God Reading this made my inner child weep. Minus the obnoxious boy-mom thing, it sounds a lot like how I felt when I stayed with my dad and step-mom. I’m turning 36 soon and I am still trying to unravel all the hurt their criticism caused me.
Now I might be projecting, But a couple of things you said made me wonder whether you are neurodivergent. I am mostly mentioning it because rejection sensitivity can do a number on you, especially if you are not aware of having it.” Other-Ad7495
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the type of stuff my family still does to me as an adult. Tiny microaggressions about the smallest “change” in my attitude, never mind that I’m perfectly content and that’s just my face. Constantly accusing me of being grumpy or miserable because I’m not smiling or talking much. You just have to ignore them and not let them sour your mood.
Practice a neutral, soft “I’m fine” and if they say anything else just keep repeating that line.” Dazzling-Item4254
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here because while your parents do have some weird parenting attitudes, your attitude doesn’t seem to be helping either. From the start you mentioned how you feel like a familial outcast, your mom saying things to put you in a bad mood, etc. To me, it seems like you are triggered easily and maybe are latching on to every word that anyone else says and are trying to find how it’s bad for you and how it will ruin your mood.
I’m not condoning your parents’ behavior but you also seem to be needing to “loosen up” or rather grow up. When I say grow up, it means you monitor and control your own emotions and don’t give others the ability to control you by reacting to everything.
When someone feels that everyone is ganging up to put them in a bad mood, often the problem is with that someone and how they perceive everything happening around them.” Fine_Carpenter9774
10. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Dress Shopping Date To Accommodate My Sister's Husband's Birthday Plans?
“I 20f am getting married to my fiancé 23m in October 2025. And my sister 29f and mom 61f are refusing to go wedding dress shopping with me.
I recently moved to Georgia and will be having the wedding in Georgia, however, the rest of my family lives in Florida. So I chose to go wedding dress shopping in Florida so my family could come with me. I picked a date to go, November 9th, and cleared it with my mom and future mother-in-law.
However, my sister’s husband’s birthday is November 10th. So she said it should be okay but she’s not 100% sure yet. I took that as she could most likely come since it’s not his actual birthday and I only need a few hours.
This specific weekend is good for me and my fiancé to fly down because he has this specific weekend off for training and no other weekend around this time( we work opposite schedules).
I wanted him to come to Florida with me not to go to the appointment but so I could have him by my side otherwise and share the excitement. I also wanted us to fly down together so we could visit each other’s families. However, when I called today and told my sister and mom the plan they started yelling at me, they said my sister’s husband has his birthday weekend that weekend.
I said it should be fine because it was the day before his actual birthday. They told me they might want to take a trip for his birthday weekend and that I needed to change my date. I asked them why couldn’t they go the weekend before or after or maybe just leave later in the day for the trip.
They told me to change it and I said no because I cleared it with both of them and there didn’t seem to be a problem, and my fiancé couldn’t come down with me any other time. They both screamed and cried telling me I was making my sister choose between her husband and me and telling me I was being selfish, my mother then said she was not going dress shopping with me that day and I could just go by myself.
She then hung up on me and texted me this…
“This weekend should be all about the girls. You should pick a weekend you know everyone can go. Not say this is the day and forget you if you can’t go. You can choose any other weekend.
You’re not considering other people’s feelings. Your sister wants to go. And it could be that her husband doesn’t even want to go. But when you’re doing something that involves several people, you have to consider them as well. Or just do the whole darn thing by yourself”.
My sister has since texted me and told me she can go on the 9th now but I’m hurt by it and don’t even know if I want them to go anymore. This isn’t the first time they have done this, they also complained because I’m having my wedding on Halloween and that it’s inconsiderate to my niece who might want to go trick or treating that day(she is 4).
I told my sister she didn’t have to go and she is an adult who can make her own decisions. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Holy moly, NTJ. Your mom and sister have lost their minds. Do not respond to your mom.
Your sister has already said she can make the 9th. Great! Respond to her, “Awesome news! See you then”. Your mother owes you an apology. If she decides to honor you with her presence, she should be doing so with a full and sincere apology.
If not, enjoy the day with your future MIL and sister.” theoracle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ uninvite them dress shopping and go with your mother-in-law and any bridesmaids. Also, consider not having your pick-me sister in the wedding party she is going to make it about her.
Let your mom know you took her generous advice and decided they should NOT come to the dress shopping because r their schedule is more important. Send your brother-in-law a text wishing him the happiest birthday ever that morning ” New_Day684.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’ve made reasonable efforts to accommodate your family by traveling to Florida for dress shopping and choosing a date that fits your and your fiancé’s busy schedules. Your sister initially said she could probably make it, and the appointment isn’t even on her husband’s actual birthday.
Understandably, you want your fiancé to be there for the trip, and you’re not asking for much time from your sister. Their reaction—yelling and refusing to go—seems unfair and overblown. You’re not forcing your sister to choose between her husband and you, as there are ways to balance both.
It’s your wedding, and it’s important to stick to plans that work for you, especially when you’ve tried to include everyone. You’re not being selfish; you’re simply prioritizing what works best for your life and relationship.” EmiOA
9. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit Other Kids On A Family Vacation?
“I (F21) recently went on vacation with my brother(M34), his family, friends, and a few of their siblings.
A lot of us grew up together so vacations like this weren’t uncommon but this is the first one where everyone’s kids were also coming along. My brother offered to pay for my whole vacation rather than the half he usually paid if I was willing to help with the kids(M7 & F4) for a day or 2 so he and his wife, Rose, could get some alone time.
I agreed since they’re good kids and I help out anytime I’m in the vicinity anyway as it’s not uncommon for our culture.
On the first night’s dinner, one of my brother’s friend’s partners, Ally, made an offhand comment about my brother having a vacation nanny while she was fussing with her kid while I was talking to Rose about their plans tomorrow when she mentioned the kids just staying the night in my room so that they didn’t have to wake us up early to leave for their appointment.
I agreed since I was watching them tonight anyway.
I assume the problem started there since Ally showed up at my door after dinner trying to drop her kid off. I was fine with it until she told him she would be seeing him tomorrow and the conversation after went like this:
Me: I don’t mind him being here for a few hours but he can’t spend the night.
Her: But they’re spending the night?
Me: Yes.
Her: So why can’t he?
Me: Well there’s no room for him and they’re my brother’s kids and are used to spending the night with me.
We went back and forth a few times, and eventually, I just refused overall and apologized to the kid. I’ve been told a few stories and Ally is the type to just leave her kid anyway, regardless of the conversation and I didn’t feel like tracking her down later.
While we were at the pool a few days later, I took the kids to the resort cafe for ice cream and offered to take the other kids, a few of the parents said no and some of them gave me a weird look so I asked my friend about it.
Apparently at the breakfast the second day, Ally complained about what I did, and a few of them took her side.
Later that night at dinner, the wife of my brother’s friend asked if I could watch her kid tonight so they could go somewhere and I said no, explaining that my niece and nephew were with their parents tonight so the younger siblings were all going out.
She mentioned that since I was willing to take them earlier for ice cream and since they said no, I “owe” them, “It’s not that big of a deal” and I “can go tomorrow instead”, I just said “Sorry, I can’t.” and left it there.
There were similar situations and eventually, my brother stepped in to say that he paid for my vacation which is why I took a few days to help him and that they could chip in if they wanted my help but I talked to my mom, and a few of my friends and they pointed out that my brother actually got to enjoy his vacation unlike the others and I could’ve taken or offering to take the other kids when I was watching my Niece and Nephew.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your brother invited you to go on vacation with his family. He agreed to pay half in exchange for some child care for his children. Your brother and sister-in-law’s friends tried to take advantage of you by asking you to watch their children too.
Watching other children was not part of the deal you made with your brother. At least your brother stepped in and put an end to it. The audacity of people never fails to astound me.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They went on holiday with no expectation of child care and no conversations between the parents about trading off or hiring a local sitter for a few hours every day.
It wasn’t your responsibility and they didn’t offer to pay you only tried to add their kids to your brother’s arrangement. You did nothing wrong.” Firm-Molasses-4913
8. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Needs Help Because Her Bitterness Is Affecting Our Relationship?
“My parents are divorced. I (15f) don’t remember them being together. I was like 2 when their divorce was finalized. But there’s a lot of heavy history.
My parents were widowed when they met. I had two half-brothers. Mom had a son “Shane” and Dad had a son “Riley”. They were 8 when my parents met and 10ish when my parents married. My half-brothers did not like each other. It was bad. They were toxic to each other and did not want to be related through marriage or anything.
The house was like a war zone and they’d wish each other dead, call each other names, and try to break my parent’s marriage up multiple times. I’ve heard stories about this time and nobody thought my parents handled it well. But it was clear they wanted to be together more than anything at that point.
The boys were 14 when I was born and when I was 7 months old Shane died. He’d been in a car crash. My parents were devastated. Riley wasn’t. He did his best to support my dad (neither of my brothers liked their stepparent or bonded with them so Riley wouldn’t offer my mom much support).
But Dad let him spend time at friends’ houses because he knew it bothered Mom that Riley was so unaffected by Shane’s death. The day of the funeral my mom got so mad at Riley for not showing any grief or sadness and they started fighting.
She said it was like he didn’t care and even though he didn’t say it, he didn’t care. He hadn’t loved Shane or cared about him. By the end of the night, Mom had started pressing Riley to grieve again. She said he’d lost his brother and Riley replied that he hadn’t lost anyone.
It was the end of my parent’s marriage. My mom hated Riley for still feeling that way, for not caring for real. Dad wasn’t going to give up Riley though. So my parents divorced and it was very messy and emotional.
My mom still hasn’t found any healthy coping with all of it.
She’s bitter. She hates Riley. She hates that Riley and I have a decent relationship. She hates that I know Riley but not Shane. She guilt trips me for talking to Riley when he’s so okay with Shane being dead or for accepting gifts from him.
Or when I don’t make/buy something for Shane on his birthday. Any time she sees Riley she glares at him. I’ve even heard her growl when he’s around. She’s angry with Dad as well. The way she puts so much on me sucks and I don’t have a great relationship with her because of it.
Sometimes I feel like she punishes me because I was too young to remember Shane with her.
A couple of nights ago I told my mom I think she needs help because she’s let the bitterness and grief she feels get in the way of her life and in the way of being a good mom to me.
I told her I deserved a better mom. She got this weird look on her face and she slammed a door that night. And she was like that until I went to Dad’s last night. Before I left she called me cruel.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You poor kid and your poor parents. What a terrible situation. Your mom does need therapy. I can see why she’d be hurt by the way you said it, even if it’s true. I don’t think you did anything wrong and this is 100% not on you, just so we’re clear.
Your mom has a pain point, the loss of your brother, and on top of that she heard that she’s not a good mom. I’d try approaching this from a different angle: “It’s so clear you’re still hurting badly and it’s hard for me to help.
Can we find a family counselor that specializes in grief to talk to?” Perfect-Tangerine267
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Honestly? At its core, it sounds like your mom is just selfish. She made her firstborn’s life a nightmare after Shane’s dad died because she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone.
She chose to be a wife over being a good mother to Shane. Or Riley. She also wronged by ignoring his ongoing hatred of Shane (which was mutual). At no point did she consider the well-being of the children depending on her. (Same goes for your dad, glad he learned to value Riley but it sucks it took another child dying for him to realize he’d been driving his kid away). Then she’s spent practically your entire life hating your living half-brother.
She actively hated another child so viscerally it’s still ongoing today. Yes, she has every right to grieve, but the way she’s grieving is destructive and cruel. You’re right. You deserve better. You weren’t cruel, it only feels that way because it hurts for your mom to face just what her selfishness has cost you both.
Another User Comments:
“Your mother needs grief counseling. It’s horrible that she had a child that died but she is stuck there. She needs help to move forward with her grief. You are not wrong in your observation that her grief has negatively affected her ability to parent.
It’s not ok that she tries to make you her emotional mirror. Deflecting all her anger at Riley is wrong. Riley doesn’t need to have loved and grieved Shane to the level she wanted, that is unreasonable. Hopefully, your blunt words will prompt her to get the help she needs, and hopefully, you can learn to set the boundaries you need. A counselor for you to deal with all this upheaval would be a good idea as well” Cymru
7. AITJ For Confronting My Hoarder Roommate About Her Unfair Use Of Shared Space?
“I (23 F) live in an apartment with three of my friends (all 23 F). One of my roommates is a self-proclaimed “boho maximalist” and enjoys interior design, art, knick-knacks, etc. On the one hand, it’s great because she has a lot of the things we need for our new place.
On the other, she has so much stuff that it’s becoming almost unbearable. She refuses to throw things away (always using the excuse that we may need it one day) and anything she’s not using goes into our shared storage spaces. This would be fine if we had an abundance of space, but we have one large closet to share between the four of us.
The closet is almost full of all of her stuff (mainly clothes, seasonal decor, random throw pillows, etc.) and she still has more she has yet to unpack/put away. Additionally, her mother keeps sending her things that we do not have room for and my roommate will not either 1.
send it back to her mom 2. donate it or throw it away.
The other issue at hand is that she refuses to hear anyone else out on ideas for decorating. I, myself, have some decor and art that I’d like to put up but every time I try to do so or pitch an idea to her, I’m immediately shot down if it doesn’t align with what she wants.
When I try to decorate myself, I come home from work to find that they’ve been replaced or put away with the excuse “I just thought it looked better like that!”
This all culminated in her returning from a two-week trip abroad (where she left all of her things not in storage in our living room as we are waiting on the arrival of a couch that has yet to come) to complain about the fact that in order to make room for said couch my roommates and I put her SOME of things in her room and how it was annoying that we did that.
I’m not a confrontational person, but I went off.
I said that there was no reason for her to have as much stuff as she does and that it’s unfair of her to expect us to only make room for her things and to disregard anything or idea that the rest of us have in order to fit whatever vision she has.
I said that it felt like I was living with a hoarder and now neither I nor my other two roommates have anywhere to put our things in storage or elsewhere in the apartments that are not our rooms.
I feel bad confronting her in this way, as we’ve never fought before, but was so fed up with this situation.
Looking at our shared living spaces is stressing me out so badly that it’s starting to affect me physically (I get stress hives and migraines and they’ve been present in some way since this began). I was told by my other non-confrontational roommates that I was a little harsh during this interaction and probably could have been gentler about it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sometimes you gotta pop your lid before you can have a discussion. And sometimes you have to do that for the other person to realize this isn’t a game. My advice: divvy up the shared storage spaces.
You get a shelf for your stuff, she gets a shelf for hers. If she needs more space she can stick it in her room or go get a storage unit. Because you’re right, she’s a hoarder. As far as her aesthetics vs yours, you’re going to have to compromise.
Maybe you have a piece you want up and let her decide where it goes. Just make sure she’s not always sticking your stuff in the back corner. But you’re going to have to sit her down and just say “It’s TOO MUCH” and point out that this is not “HER” space but “OUR” space and that she has to recognize that.
She can decorate her private space however she wants but the shared space needs to be SHARED.” Demented-Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tell this roommate hoarder that cluttering up the shared areas is a hazard to normal living and while she can clutter up her bedroom all she wants if wants to keep anything extra for ‘just in case we need it’, then she will have to rent a storage unit for that purpose on her dime.
Maybe if she had to spend her own money she would become less attached to the stuff and decide she doesn’t need it and get rid of it.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but yeah holding in resentment until you explode is extremely unhealthy and you need to work on conflict resolution very badly.
If you know you are right, it’s easier to let it be known. A loving intervention between her and your other roommates would have been great, healthy, and im sure fruitful. Instead, you blew up and im sure were a complete jerk.” LaneySOAnon
6. AITJ For Canceling On A Music Festival With My Friend After Our Friendship Deteriorated?
“My friend Kimmy (24f) and I (26f) have been best friends for about a year and a half.
I mean “platonic soulmates” type of best friends. During this time neither of us had been in a relationship until a few months ago when I started talking to my now partner. The day after I told her that he had asked for my number she became completely cold towards me.
No more laughing & joking around, and all of a sudden her texting became formal – almost as if I was texting a coworker. I want to make it clear to readers that my habits and actions towards her did not change at all once I started talking to my partner and I barely talked about him to her, it’s not like I started talking to him and started ignoring her.
When it came time for my first outing with my partner, I received no text or anything from Kimmy which kind of upset me as I thought she’d be happy/excited for me. From then on whenever Kimmy and I hung out she seemed pretty disinterested in anything I had to say including anything about my partner so I stopped bringing him up around her.
Eventually, she said “I never tell her about him” and I told her it’s because she doesn’t seem to care. I continually tried asking her what was going on and why she started acting so cold/weird to me and she said she was not acting any type of way and that “people change” or “friends grow apart” which confused me because I didn’t think anything changed except for how she was acting.
For about 3 months I would cry to her weekly asking her what I did and how we can get back to how we were before. This would result in her feeling bad, acting “normal” for a few days, then ultimately returning to her apathetic state.
I was begging her to be my friend and all I got in return was apathy as well as frequent verbal jabs like “I don’t want to meet your partner” and when I’d ask to hang out she’d reply “Why don’t you go do that with your partner instead”.
Finally, I came to terms with the fact that our friendship can’t be repaired to where it was before and I’m at peace with it because I believe I did everything I could.
Now fast forward to this week, we are supposed to be going to a music festival together next month but with how our friendship is going I honestly didn’t feel comfortable with it anymore and felt it would just end with us fighting for 4 days straight.
I texted her over the weekend and told her I don’t think we are in a place in our friendship where it’s a good idea for me to go and I’ll be selling my ticket. She ignored my text and I have not heard from her since.
She ended our 600-day Snapchat streak and I’ve seen her around and she gave me a tight-lipped smile and cordial wave.
I endured her behavior for 3 months and never gave up on our friendship but I decided to do what was best for myself and not go to the festival and she decided the friendship was over due to a rift that she caused. It doesn’t seem fair to me but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Seems like she is either really self-centered or possibly has some romantic feelings toward you that she has never brought up. Normally a friend is happy when their friend finds a new partner that makes them happy and would at least want to meet them.
What does she expect, for you to break up with him and never date anyone to maintain your friendship? It sounds like you’ve tried to talk to her multiple times and she is just stonewalling you so apparently she’s right “Friends grow apart” and she doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, so life goes on.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She doesn’t seem to feel too bad about ending the friendship, so you shouldn’t either. I’m just confused about how you seem surprised that she ignored your text and your streak. It seems like it’s been quite a while since you guys have been actual friends.” BaconEggAndCheeseSPK
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’ve been “platonic soul mates” which was possibly the best relationship she has ever been in. In the last 18 months, she must have shared stories of past relationships, if any. She may be asexual or maybe lesbian but in denial, or who knows?
The point is she wanted your relationship to continue as it was. It’s not your fault that you met someone and are in a new relationship. She is certainly acting like a person who doesn’t want to be “just friends.” And that’s her choice.” 1962Michael
5. AITJ For Questioning My Friend's Partner Moving In With Her Ex?
“So about 2 months ago a good friend of mine (21M) we’ll call him Grayson, started seeing this girl (23F) let’s call her Tay.
Grayson has had a rough go of it over the last 5 years. He struggles a lot with anxiety and depression, self-care, keeping jobs, etc. As a result of some of that, he hasn’t received a lot of female attention yet in life.
This spring he started talking to Tay and they became close, and recently became official. He was overjoyed and made it clear to all of his friends that this relationship is what makes life worth living for him right now. He’s also said he’ll do anything to not lose her.
A lot of his friends have noticed he’s living and breathing only this girl. We were all a bit concerned and mentioned that infatuation can cause you to overlook red flags, etc.
The first red flag came just after they started seeing each other. I noticed that on her social media, she still had all of the photos of her and her ex up.
Her main banner photo is a picture of them together. Grayson had photos up celebrating his new partner Tay, and she still months later hasn’t posted anything about Grayson. He’s also mentioned to me that Tay’s ex was abusive.
Weird but ok. Then it got weirder.
Yesterday, my buddy Grayson told me that Tay is moving back in with her ex. She spent the summer in the city Grayson lives in, and now she’s going back to uni in her city for this fall, where she has an apartment on campus (the lease is in her name)
She told Grayson her ex is moving out in a few weeks, but in the meantime, she has nowhere else to stay. I asked if she knew anyone or had any family that could give her a place to stay so she didn’t have to MOVE IN WITH HER ABUSIVE EX BECAUSE ARE you serious BRO?
He said she doesn’t. One of my buddies told Grayson she could stay with his partner who lives in this city. He said she probably wouldn’t go for it because “she doesn’t know your partner well”.
I tore into him a little and explained how I couldn’t believe he was OK with this for multiple reasons, and that there had to be a better option.
He tells me, “he’s not happy about it, but he trusts her and doesn’t see any real problem.” I tried telling him that it seems like he’s getting the wool pulled over his eyes here, and I’m worried he’s going to get burned in the end.
He didn’t seem to be concerned at all. He felt I was being rude for suggesting that and accused me of not trusting women.
After talking to him I spoke with my friends, and they all think Tay’s behavior is super sus and unacceptable for someone in a committed relationship.
And I completely agree! I just don’t feel right about any of this, it feels like my friend is getting played, and he just seems oblivious to it all. First, she leaves all her photos of her and her ex up online, and doesn’t post anything about Grayson after they go official?
And now this? Red flags all over IMO.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There’s ALWAYS another option, especially if this is just for two weeks. Rent another apartment or hotel, stay with a friend, commute, or kick the abusive ex out of YOUR home. Something! I wouldn’t support anyone in a relationship moving in with their ex, it’s just flirting with temptation and creating a foundation for distrust in the current relationship.
& on top of that the ex-bf is labeled abusive.. nobody should be comfortable allowing the two of them back in the same living space. Something is super fishy here in” Ok_Form_9574
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a difficult situation, and it seems like the relationship is headed for trouble.
I understand your concern about Grayson’s emotional fragility and his dependence on this girl. It might be helpful to have a conversation with Grayson about your concerns. Perhaps you could suggest that he consider seeking therapy. Therapy could provide him with tools to manage his emotions, build his self-esteem, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. He might become defensive or resistant to the idea, but at least you try and present that he can not be living for anyone else but himself.
Remember, you can’t force him to seek help, but you can offer your support and encouragement.” Minimum_District5038
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Grayson is so blinded by love that he can’t see that she doesn’t love him. Unfortunately, he is going to learn the hard way.
If the ex was abusive then she wouldn’t be eager to live with him. I would be willing to bet the ex doesn’t move out at all. I would also be willing to bet he’s not an ex and that’s why she didn’t post any pictures on social media.
Grayson is in for a hard reality check and the only thing you can do is be there for him when it happens. ” Away-Understanding34
4. AITJ For Declining A Sleepover Offer From A Friend?
“I (24f) hang out regularly with my best friend Matt (26 M) and my partner Victor (30 M). We spend at least an hour together every day after we all get off from work just to chat/watch movies/ play video games. We all live close by so we can do this every day.
Now we also meet a few other friends for drinks every weekend at a local bar. These friends include Sam (30 M) Nick (25 M) and Megan (25 F).
Now the problems started a few weeks ago when I started a chapter of a well-known NGO in our area.
All of my friends joined it so for the last couple of weekends we first did some activity regarding the NGO and then after we were done with that we went to our favorite bar and had a couple of beers before going home.
Last Saturday Megan asked Matt, Victor, and me if we would like to have drinks and a sleepover at her place on Sunday since she has the place to herself.
We weren’t sure why everyone else wasn’t invited but we didn’t press on that point too much thinking her house was her wish. But we informed her that we might not be able to make it since Matt and Victor had work early the next morning and I had 3 pets at the house who would need to be fed, and watered at night and the next morning.
After that, everything seemed to go well on Sunday at the NGO activity. Everyone was chatting and mingling with everyone and the event was a success so to celebrate that we went for beers.
In the bar we were around 8-10 people having drinks (other members of our chapter joined us too) when Megan started texting Matt, Vic, me, and her group chat demanding to know when we would leave the bar for her place.
We didn’t realise we were getting these texts as our phones were in our pocket on silent and we were all having a blast at the table. After finishing her drink Megan abruptly got up and announced that she would be leaving now. It wasn’t late at all so all of us tried to convince her to stay for another drink or just stay for a while and enjoy with us without drinking if she didn’t want to drink more.
She mumbled something under her breath and left. We were all confused but didn’t think much of it at the time.
Now we have another activity planned for today (it’s Sunday morning where I live) and I was texting all the members of the chapter to ask if they will be coming or not.
When I checked my messages today to confirm a final headcount for tonight I noticed that Megan had seen my messages but hadn’t replied. I checked with Matt and Victor to see if she had said anything to them about today but she has also left their messages on seen.
I am sure she read the texts because we use WhatsApp and it shows you little blue ticks when a message is read.
So now I am genuinely confused if we hurt Megan by not accepting her sleepover offer. So AITJ for declining the sleepover offer from Megan?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re allowed to decline offers of sleepovers or to do anything else for that matter. The person who invited you, in this case, is allowed to have their feelings hurt. Rather than posting here, you might call your friend and talk with her.” Individual_Ad_9213
3. AITJ For Not Inviting An Old Friend To My Wedding Due To Past Drama?
“Me (28y.o. Male) and my fiance (28y.o. AKA Lara) are planning on doing a small-medium intimate wedding next year with our family and a few select friends. I have been contemplating lately as to whether I should invite an old friend (AKA Jen) to our wedding.
Normally, I wouldn’t care whether she would get offended or not, and my fiancé isn’t also very fond of her. However, I am thinking of inviting Jen’s younger brother (AKA Rico) and his partner (AKA Deb) to my wedding. But I can sense that that might cause an issue/drama.
I have been friends with Jen, Rico, and Deb for 12+ years since high school. There was some time during those years when I considered them to be my top 5 friends. Unfortunately, my connection with them started to diminish about 4 years ago due to internal conflicts within our group of friends.
However, I was able to maintain my friendship with Rico because we occasionally play online games together, and even though I haven’t talked to Deb as much as I used to, there has never been any bad blood between us.
It wasn’t until 3 years ago when I started seeing my partner Lara (soon-to-be wife) that my friendship with Jen started to deteriorate.
In 2020, Lara started to become a part of our group of friends, FYI Lara was seeing someone else at that time. When Lara became single (approx. the end of 2020) I immediately started to court her; however, Lara immediately rejected me as she felt that she still needed time to recover, which I respected. So, I decided to see other people and so did Lara.
When Jen learned that I liked Lara; Jen started telling me about Lara’s previous relationship (Jen was friends with Lara’s ex) even though I never really asked her to tell me about it (inferring that Lara was unfaithful to their relationship as they were on LDR).
Even though Lara rejected me initially, I still tried to maintain a base of friendship with her since were in the same circle of friends. Which is why I know that she has never been unfaithful to her past relationship. I know this because she was new to the country at the time and her cousin is my best friend and I frequently hang out at their place (they live in the same house).
Before Lara broke up with her ex. She is either working (to send money to her parents) or studying. While I’m seeing someone else. The reason why I am telling you this, is because, in 2023, Jen made a remark on social media implying that I stole Lara from her ex and that I was the cause of the breakup.
I got disappointed with Jen, and because of this, I stopped talking to her. I valued our friendship. The worst part is she never apologized to me or my fiancé, and she is acting like nothing happened.
So…. WIBTJ for excluding her in our wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Solidly NTJ. You forgave her, but you still don’t have an active friendship with her (probably because she NEVER APOLOGIZED). It is fully ok to exclude someone from a wedding when the reason for the tension is the very relationship being cemented there.
But also it sounds like you need to be prepared to clearly explain to her (and others) why she was excluded so that you don’t look like the “bad guy”.” No_Glove_1575
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like Jen’s lies and manipulation at your fiancé’s expense, is not something to downplay and overlook.
She dislikes Lara and has made her feelings clear. Why would you, in all honesty, invite Jen to your wedding, knowing what she’s said and done? Weddings are supposed to celebrate the happy couple, surrounded by those who love and support them. Jen is not one of those people.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jen does not respect you, Lara, or your relationship with Lara. It’s entirely reasonable to only want people at your wedding who will be happy for you and Lara and who will respect your relationship and your marriage. You’ll probably want to mention this to Rico in advance so that it’s not a surprise to him on the wedding day – if he’s going to react negatively, better that it happens before and not at the wedding.
But stand your ground. Jen shouldn’t get an invite. ” cascadia1979
2. AITJ For Not Realizing My Wife Felt Excluded At A Board Game Night?
“My wife and I have recently joined a new company together (I joined in Feb and she joined 6 weeks ago) when I joined I struggled to find people to be friends with (I’m quite introverted) until I discovered a work social group who play boardgames together once a month in the evening and I have become friends with them, even though I don’t work directly with them.
Fast forward to this week and I invited my wife (extrovert) to boardgames night for the first time which she wasn’t 100% sure about but she decided to join as I invited her and she does actually enjoy playing games.
We went last night and there were 2 groups (1 and 2) playing different games.
We played a few different games with group 1 for about 3 hours which we both really enjoyed but then our group decided to split and play 2 4-player games (groups 1A and 1B), my wife and I went with 2 others who wanted to play a specific game all night so we agreed to join in however when setting it up my wife decided it was a bit too complex for her so said she’d sit out and watch and learn how to play.
I asked if she was sure and she said yes it’s fine, I suggested she check with group 2 to see if she can join in but she said she was fine waiting this one out. I checked how long the game was and it said approx 1 hour and she still said she was okay watching.
So the other 2 started playing and about 30 minutes into the game my wife walked out of the room, I didn’t realize it as I was quite focused on learning the game but I texted her soon after when I realized and asked if she was okay and she said yes she’s watching Netflix on her phone and she’s okay.
I continue playing for another 30 mins but the game doesn’t look like it’s finishing so say to the other 2 that it’s getting late so I’m going to dip out and find my wife.
I go and find her and this is where it kicks off, she’s upset that she felt excluded because she didn’t want to play that game and I didn’t suggest to group 1A that we play something else instead.
She feels the decision was out of her hands on what to play because group 1B was already a 4-person game and group 2 was mid-game. She didn’t feel comfortable saying anything herself as she was new to these people (which surprised me as she is extroverted and that’s something even I’d do as an introvert if my only other choice was to sit out, so I didn’t pick up on her feeling uncomfortable).
We had an argument about this with me saying she needs to be more clear and not just do the typical ‘I’m fine, it’s fine’ Even if she just told me and not announced that she wanted to play something else I would have done more about it.
And her being annoyed that I should’ve picked up on her hints and stepped in as ‘she would never let someone sit out and watch’.
So I might be the jerk because I didn’t get her hints and I shouldn’t be annoyed with how she felt of being excluded?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re her husband, not a mind reader. If she wanted you to know she didn’t want to play, she should have said something. You did feel that something was off, and you asked her several times. Worst case, she could’ve pulled you aside, or just suggested another game to the whole group, suggested she play a different game with you, or even texted you about how she was feeling.
Her actions lead to her feeling excluded, not yours.” moonlightetsunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it wasn’t that you didn’t “let someone sit out and watch” – she repeatedly reassured you she was fine with watching and that was a lie. You are not the jerk for trusting your partner knows their mind and feelings and can communicate them to you.
She wasn’t being “excluded” – she removed herself from the game because it was too complex for her and then didn’t find anything simpler to play. It is her preference that excluded her, instead of learning along and playing with you.” stealing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she was being a little selfish. You finally found some folks that you feel comfortable around and you invite her to join you. Part of board game groups is to be flexible. You had agreed to play with the other two and they had patiently waited for 3 hours to play this other game.
It would have been rude to agree to play and then walk away. Your wife should have been able to watch for an hour and learn the game, join the others, or just entertain herself. The other key point was – she was NOT excluded. She could have played, she could have joined the others.
She excluded herself and then got annoyed at you. Maybe keep her home next time.” hikergirl26
1. AITJ For Feeling Jealous And Neglected After My Mom's New Family Moved In?
“It was just me (15f) and my mom (40f) for the longest time. I never knew my dad or cared that I didn’t know him. I was close to my mom and didn’t want or need anything else.
Our relationship was good but I always sorta felt like she saw spending time with me as an obligation and that she didn’t want to do it as much as me.
When I was 12 she told me she had a partner and that she wanted him to move in with us alongside his daughter.
Then she went on to talk about all the video calls she’d had with her and that she’d spent some time with her, how she was a great kid, the best, how she could be my little sister, and how my mom already saw her as another daughter.
When I met my mom’s husband he asked a ton of questions about me because mom told him very little (which he said directly). Yet my mom had listed off a bunch of stuff about his daughter Cam (now 13). My mom spent all of in day being all about Cam and left me with her husband.
He didn’t say much. He just asked me for help once and then I went to my room. Mom took Cam out for a special dinner while her husband and I got other stuff. I got a frozen pizza and he made sandwiches.
After they moved in Mom spent a lot of time with Cam.
She still spent time with me. But she seemed so excited to spend time with Cam and I never saw her show that same excitement for me. I asked my mom why she was so much more excited about being with Cam and she told me that was the green-eyed monster talking and she wasn’t more excited to spend time with Cam.
I brought it up a few more times but mom always said it was just my jealousy talking. And I was/am jealous but I don’t think I’m seeing stuff. She spoils Cam and goes out of her way to get Cam gifts. She boasts about all the stuff she does too and I never hear her mention me, which mom said was because I’m older and that she has mentioned me some of the time.
My mom was supposed to take me to this place in November to celebrate my birthday. It’s a limited-time thing happening so we can’t do it another time. Yesterday Mom sat me down after school and asked me to reschedule our plans so she can take Cam to a concert on that day because Cam will be with her grandparents the other days her thing is on.
I freaked out and asked Mom how she could make me give up something for Cam because she knew she couldn’t reschedule our plans. I told her I knew she liked Cam more and I never should have tried talking to her before because this stuff was just all the proof.
My mom told me to calm down and she said she was ashamed of my reaction. She told me I was too old to be acting like that and getting so jealous of sharing her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t freak out anymore. Just be cold AF.
Tell your mom exactly how you feel. “Mom, I feel like you act as if spending time with me is an obligation, whereas spending time with Cam is a joy for you.” “You’re the mother. I understand conflicts happen but it’s your job to make it up to me.” “Cam has her Dad, her Mom, and her Grandparents.
I have you, that’s it.” “I need you to pay for therapy.”” Nickfarr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d calmly but firmly tell your mother to have a real think about what she has been doing and not shrug it off. She wanted to cancel your birthday plans because she didn’t want to miss out on doing something with her stepdaughter instead.
Something she thought of after making birthday celebration plans with you. Ones you can’t reschedule. This isn’t a small thing. It’s incredibly rude and hurtful, and it’s dismissive of you. Worse than that, it’s part of a pattern. This time she’s crossed a line and if she doesn’t pull her head out and think about what she’s doing she’ll cause real damage to your relationship.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my experience if you keep asking she will only yell more or lay on a massive guilt trip. Why can’t Cam’s dad take her? My mom was like this with a friend of mine who had moved in with us (her home situation wasn’t good) and she prioritized her I remember going to the mall with them and I was walking by my mom well I was squeezed out of that position so I walked with my grandma.
So your best bet remember what your mom does cause she’ll come to you for help and you can tell her to ask her very best friend Cam instead.” Pepsilover12
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