People Feel On Edge In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Dropping My Ex-Best Friend As My MoH?
“So my ex-bestie and I (both f) were really close during our teen years and were practically family once. She had a rough home life and spent a lot of time at my house and with my parents, we took her on vacation with us and she was always welcome to stay at ours after school, sleepover whenever she wanted. I also used to pay for her most of the times we went out because she also didn’t have a lot of money and I never minded that.
That sorta thing.
As we got older we became different. She got very party-focused and made a lot of choices I didn’t agree with (things like underage drinking, being unfaithful to her partners, unsafe intimacy, etc.), and whilst I definitely didn’t like it, I tried to support her and not let it affect our friendship.
We remained close through it all and I helped her turn things around somewhat. Everything was, I thought, pretty great between us until 6-7 years ago when I moved away from our town.
I had a lot of reasons behind me moving, which I won’t go into, but she supported my decision and promised to visit me soon.
Within a month, she had dropped all contact except for the odd message. Despite many promises of visiting me over the years, she never has. I visited my hometown several times over the years and whenever I was there we would meet up and she would act as if nothing had changed, then go almost no contact again after I went home.
This repeated for approximately 5 years, and by this time I accepted that our once close friendship was gone and, sad as it was, people grow apart and I accepted that. I did make an effort to stay in touch after I moved away, but I never got responses.
About 2 years ago I got engaged to the love of my life and after we announced it my former best friend reached out to congratulate me. Since we had been best friends since we were 11 years old (we were both in our mid-20s at this point), I decided to ask her to be my MoH.
She said yes and was really excited by it all, promised to come visit me very soon so we could start planning and she would help me plan the wedding. Surprising no one, she did not and still has not visited me in my new home.
She has had various excuses over the years, between not having enough money to travel (yet going on expensive holidays and buying a vehicle), feeling unwell (then posting about going out with people), etc. There’s always a letdown and tbh it adds to that feeling that the friendship we once had is over and I have accepted that.
I have been trying to plan my wedding since and I have realised that since she is barely involved in my life anymore that I no longer want her to be my MoH and want to ask another friend instead who is much closer to me and a better friend at that (and has actually visited me too).
WIBTJ if I didn’t tell her that she was no longer going to be my MoH/not invited to the wedding at all?
What do I do? I don’t want to be spiteful and I don’t dislike her by any means, I don’t want to bring it up if she’s forgotten (seems like she has) and I don’t want to fight.”
Another User Comments:
“Why did you ask her to be you MOH when her behavioural pattern of being unreliable was clear? I doubt she remembers she is your MOH or will be bothered. Pick another friend and move on with your life. Leave your former friend be in her life, it doesn’t seem like somewhere you have a place in anymore and you should do the same.” Ok-Inspection2216
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Talk to her honestly. Tell her that you have missed her since your move but that her absence has left a gap. While you had hoped her contact would reset things, it hasn’t. Tell her you’d love to have her at the wedding, maybe in another capacity that is not as taxing on her ability to commit.
It’s better to be honest than to get down to the wire and be so stressed and wonder if she’s even going to show. Surely she recognizes and feels the gap in the relationship as well. I think you both hoped the commitment would rekindle and re-activate the relationship, but it fell flat again.
People come into our lives for a purpose and then they fade. Honor the relationship, but don’t drag it out if it’s not meant to be.” irisinncpsychic
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your friend is going through what most kids from problematic families are going through—lack of focus, life organisation, priorities, impulsive decisions and more.
I’ll tell you one thing: don’t take it personal. The way she behaves can be from depression or ADHD to shame, or even substances. NTJ for choosing someone else as MoH, but please don’t disinvite her from your wedding. Maybe one day she could explain it all to you, honestly, although I doubt she sat down to rationalise her own behaviour yet.” Impossible-Most-366
19. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Grandma Over My Mom's Package?
“I (17M) live with my father and grandma (84F). I got home from school today to find a package from my mother. I don’t see or talk to her often (she lives across the country) and was unsure of what to expect – especially due to our strained relationship.
I told my grandma that I was going to go downstairs and open it. She said that then I would just be carrying it up and down the stairs, so I told her that I was going down there anyway to do my schoolwork (I am autistic so I don’t always understand implications or non-verbal cues).
She told me to “open it up here” because she wanted to see what was inside. I was a bit uncomfortable because I had wanted to do this in private, but agreed and sat down in the living room to open it up.
I opened it and found some treats.
I had already taken them out when my grandma came into the room. The next thing in the box was (I know it’s stupid) my favorite pair of socks. I took them out and put them in my backpack when my grandma asked what it was.
I replied that it was socks and she told me she wanted to see. I said that “it’s just socks” and gestured to where they were visible on top of my schoolwork. She got upset and started going on about how I wouldn’t share, was so secretive for no reason, etc. I didn’t respond because I figured she’d calm down.
She left the room grumbling about me under her breath while I finished unpacking the box.
She came back in and demanded (angry, raised voice) I get out because she didn’t want to see me. I got up to put the food away and she told me to get all my stuff because she didn’t want it in there.
I told her I’d be right back and left the room. She again started complaining about me and calling me names. I ignored her and grabbed the rest of my stuff from the room. She kept going on and as I was leaving, I finally turned around and asked “What did I even do?” She told me about how I was selfish, couldn’t even do something simple for her, screwed stuff up, and was impossible to live with.
I snapped a bit and yelled back that “I didn’t even do anything!” and “wasn’t trying to hide anything.”
She got angrier and started mocking my words, waving her arms, and fake crying. I lost my temper, yelled “screw you”. She yelled back something (Not repeating for my own sake) akin to “maybe [person] was right for [doing abusive thing]”.
Just last week, we were talking about my past and all the mistreatment I went through and I mentioned the previously referred to behavior. I don’t like talking about my childhood/past and have only recently started opening up about it, which is very hard for me.
A big reason I have never talked about it is because I’m terrified of someone knowing I’m weak and using that against me. That said, this hurt. I yelled things like “go screw yourself” and called her an unpleasant person before going downstairs.
I don’t think I was a jerk before this, but I really went off on her.
I’m stuck between feeling guilty and angry. I feel bad for yelling, but also feel purposefully provoked. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Is this typical behavior for her? Asking because it reminds me of an elderly relative’s behavior when they started showing signs of dementia.
That said, NTJ. Know this: having suffered mistreatment in the past does not mean that you are weak. You have trauma and you’re still trying to figure out a way forward. You should be able to depend on the adults in your life to help you and guide you through it, and it doesn’t appear as though you can.
Do you have a trusted adult at school, or parents of a friend that you can talk to?” ScotchyMcSing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Look, your reaction is not great. But also, you appear to have been treated like garbage and have NO real adults to model normal human interactions at 17.
Not just being an abusive jerk when mad. Frankly, it appears that you are well aware that you can’t trust the adults in your family and that is why you are so afraid of opening up. If you want to, you can tell your Grandmom that you regret calling her names, but you also feel like she got back what she was giving.
I really hope you have a plan to get out when you come of age. Look into a job that you think you could enjoy and earn a living at. Your best solution will be to be able to support yourself so that you don’t have to put up with the mistreatment.
Look into what it takes to get the training or education to get that job. Good luck.” Mysterious-Wish8398
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is very toxic. I think you should ignore her from now on. Refuse to speak to her until she apologizes on her own without being asked to and really means it, which could be forever.
I don’t know what your relationship is with your dad (is she his mother?) but you should tell him what happened if you believe he’s fair. I hope you’re getting therapy. If not, talk to the front office at your school. Depending on where you live, free counseling is often available at schools.
Also ask your dad if his insurance covers it for you or if he can find low-cost counseling.” LoveBeach8
18. AITJ For Relying On A Screenshot As Confirmation For A 7 Am Fishing Trip?
“I want to know if I’m in the wrong in this situation. My 13-year-old son has a best friend who lives just five minutes away, and they often visit each other.
They had plans to go fishing today at 7 am. I recently got a new phone and asked his friend if his mom had approved, and for the fourth time, if he could send me her number.
He sent me a screenshot of their conversation, where he asked if my son could come over, and she replied that it was totally fine.
Great. The next day, when I dropped my son off, I asked his friend if I could speak to his mom. He told me she’s at work and will call me later.
At 7 pm, she started sending me a flood of angry texts, saying she didn’t know my son was with hers and that I should have talked to her first.
To calm things down, I apologized for the trouble and shared the screenshot where she said it was okay. I admitted that I should have communicated better and shouldn’t have taken the screenshot as confirmation for today.
Then she responded, “I don’t know what kind of mother accepts a screenshot and just drops her child off without talking to a parent.”
I admit I lost my cool a bit. I said, “Perspective matters. From your perspective, you don’t understand how a mother could accept a screenshot as confirmation. But from my point of view, it’s 7 pm, and you just realized my son was out fishing with yours.
I don’t understand how a parent can go 12 hours without knowing where their child is or who they’re with. A little understanding goes a long way. Instead of being petty, you could have expressed your feelings and accepted my apology. We all have our flaws.”
She comes from a wealthy background, and I used to get these kinds of messages from her often, but I never responded beyond an apology.
During their first sleepover, I brought a bunch of snacks and games. She texted that I was rude for insinuating that she wouldn’t feed the boys or didn’t have enough food…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ between you and her. You just threw her own logic back at her after she repetitively repaid your kindness with rudeness. It’s slightly more complicated in the case of your son. Mother-of-the-year over there is going to retaliate. And your son’s relationship with his best friend could suffer for it.
But short of channeling your inner Carl or Fred Rogers, there wasn’t much chance of salvaging the situation. Definitely don’t be too hard on yourself. If this relationship continues, you’ll need to become an expert in negotiating with toxic types, though. You’ll need to control your reactions and offer consequences for bad behavior.” CuriousTiktaalik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She had YOUR number. She could and should have given you her new number. Your kids get together regularly. Her neglecting to update her contact info led to her son’s being deceptive about his mom’s approving their plans. She should be upset at her son for lying and going out when she didn’t know where and when.
That’s where the communication breakdown affected both of your abilities to coordinate as parents. Because she didn’t keep the line of communication open. Now you know her son can’t be fully trusted. Her reaction displaces the responsibility from her family onto you. That’s her mistake, her problem, and her emotional situation to resolve.” curiousity60
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but your story isn’t adding up. You say you don’t have her number in the beginning of the story, but then later say that you had received messages from her previously. Wouldn’t you therefore have her number to be able to have spoken to her about the fishing trip?” jackb6ii
17. AITJ For Leaving A Kind Boss For A Higher Paying Job After One Week?
“I recently moved to a new city and was job hunting. I ended up being offered a job at a small office that pays $55k. It’s owned and run by one person, and they’ve been through a rough patch trying to keep someone on board recently.
It seems like their previous employees weren’t the best fit, either leaving or getting fired because they did not do the job (the boss does not really keep track of what you are doing). However, my boss has been incredibly kind and has invested time in training me.
They clearly really needed someone, and I have spent the past week sorting through the backlog of mail, email, and messages and getting everything organized. Today, my boss even took me to lunch “just because,” which was very kind. I have been here one week.
However, before I started this job, I was also in the application process with a large company. They had contacted me for multiple interview rounds, but I hadn’t heard back for a while, so I assumed they weren’t interested. Yesterday, they reached out and offered me a job.
The pay is $70-80k with full benefits, and I would be working from home two days a week and in the office three days a week. It’s a corporate environment, but I have a friend who works there, so it seems like it could be a good fit culturally.
If I leave, my current boss will have to find and train someone new, which would be a big hassle for them, and I feel terrible about potentially leaving so soon. I’d also feel like I’m betraying them, considering how much time they’ve already put into me and the assumption that when I came to this job I would be staying for longer than two weeks.
Our contract only asks for two weeks’ notice, and this is an at-will state.
Here’s where I’m stuck: I feel really guilty about the idea of leaving so quickly. Everyone I talk to under 30 says to go for the better offer – that’s just the way things work in today’s world.
But my family (who are older) is telling me it would be a terrible thing to do, that I should stick with my current job.
So, AITJ for even considering leaving after just two weeks? Am I being disloyal, or is this just a normal part of career progression?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is a judgement call that could go either way. I don’t know if the answers to my questions, or the questions at all, help, but just for thought… Is one of the jobs more in-line with your intended career path?
That could be more important than pay or benefits. What are the opportunities like for advancement in either place? Odds are, small places have very little, while corporate places have some, but maybe there are opportunities at the smaller place to get further along more quickly.
Unfortunately, if the jobs are more or less equivalent, then the smaller business is 50% behind on remuneration and may lack other opportunities. There are arguments to be made that a smaller office and a slower pace can be a better fit for a human being, but that’s going to be a choice you make, not others make for you.
If you want to do the kind thing, even taking the other job, talk to the boss at the current job about continuing to stay on casually/part-time for a few extra weeks, working around your other job, to help manage until a new person is hired and trained. Unfortunately, you don’t owe anything to anyone in this situation, and you should look out for what’s best for yourself.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You should take the higher paying job with the great benefits! The older generation is from a time where they were rewarded and moved up the ranks for hard work and sacrifice. It’s not like that at most places now. Times have changed and you have to look out for #1!” AquariusEnki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As ‘mean’ as it sounds, you have to do what’s best for yourself. The alternate offer is probably reflective of your worth closer to your skill set. This is life, and they’ll live, albeit with some heartburn. I think the nicest thing you could do is explain the situation and how a substantial pay increase is your main motivation and express gratitude for their kindness.
You don’t need to beat yourself up for wanting a better life.” intrigue_lurk
16. AITJ For Not Having My Fiancé Ask My Mum's Permission?
“I (34F) have been with my SO for 7 years and we’re expecting our first child. He has been planning to propose for several years (I knew about it, but not when and how) and he was planning a big event to do it, but with the baby on the way he just decided he didn’t want to wait any longer and proposed almost spontaneously recently, and it was perfect.
We’re very happy.
My Mum is a single mother to me (I’m an only child) and has always said she expects my future husband to ask her permission first, as I don’t have a Dad in the picture. I’ve told her my views. I personally feel this is really outdated and insulting as a woman, and would not personally want my partner to ask my Mum’s permission.
If I had a Dad around, I wouldn’t want him to ask his permission either. It’s just how I feel—I don’t need anyone’s permission to marry who I want and I don’t need to be ‘given away’. It’s important to mention that I’ve told my Mum my views on this repeatedly, for years.
Every time we have discussed future engagement plans I’ve told her not to expect him to come to her first, but it’s like she always brushed me off and said “but it’s tradition”.
My now fiancé obviously knows my views and respects them, so he didn’t ask my Mum or tell her about the planned proposal beforehand.
She was the first person we told afterwards, and we told her when we saw her a week later in person (as I thought it would be nicer than over the phone).
When we told her over dinner, she thought we were joking. I said we weren’t joking, and she paused and looked at my fiancé and said “you didn’t ask me, though”.
That was her first reaction. I jumped in and said “He wouldn’t do that—he respects my views and knows I would not want that”. My Mum just looked really angry about it and repeated that she should have been asked, adding that it’s not like she would have said no—”it’s just that it’s tradition, everyone does it”.
I told her I don’t care about tradition. He respects me enough to not do that when he knew that would have upset me, and I reminded her that she knew he wouldn’t ask her because I had told her so, many, many times. I tried to lighten the mood even though she just sat there looking glum, and eventually she managed to say “Oh well, it’s done now… congrats”.
Not going to lie, it was a bit of a bummer—I wasn’t expecting her to leap about the room excitedly or anything, after all we’ve been together for so long and she has referred to him as her future son-in-law for years, so it’s not a huge surprise, but maybe if she cracked a smile that would have been nice.
She claims I’ve disrespected her as a parent, and even though I told her many times that he’s not going to do the tradition that she still hoped he would honor her in that way regardless because now she feels “completely left out”, she does say she’s pleased he finally popped the question.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 34 freakin’ years old. You’ve been with this guy for 7 years and you have a baby on the way. Your mom expecting to be asked for her permission for your fiancé to ask you to marry him is not only old-fashioned, it’s silly in this situation.
If the issue is that she wants to be more included in the wedding prep and in your lives, that’s a different thing. Maybe talk to her about that. Are there other ways that she can be included that don’t involve treating you like property or stepping on your autonomy as adults?” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“I get this won’t be popular and that it’s been a while since this was posted, but ESH. Your mom’s views are outdated and you specifically told her you didn’t want this. It’s messed up that she kept pushing it and acted out.
She’s a grown jerk woman and that’s ridiculous. That being said, you’re also a grown jerk woman and you knew this was important to her. You’re NTJ for not having your partner go through with this but for being shocked and bummed. Your mom all but wrote you a letter that she wouldn’t respond well to this and you did it anyway, so YTJ as well for not accepting the obvious consequences of your actions.” Reasonable-Ad-3605
Another User Comments:
“You are not wrong for feeling that just because she wanted your partner to ask her approval is not justification for having to do it her way. LOL NTJ. If she remains half-heartedly enthusiastic, remove her from any planning of the event and simply ask that she be at the wedding.
On the day, she might “get it” and actually put YOU and your partner’s happiness first, instead of her own feelings.” hadMcDofordinner
15. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Return A Gift From An Estate Sale?
“I (27 F) have been friends with this girl (we’ll call her Mary- 28 F) since high school.
Recently, I was back in our hometown, and she invited me to her birthday brunch to celebrate her 28th birthday. One day on my way home, I happened to stumble across an estate sale where I found a set of really nice, crystal champagne glasses that were in really good condition and cheaper than their worth.
Mary lives a high-quality fancy lifestyle, so I thought they would be perfect for her, especially because they were within my budget (at the time, I had been recovering from student loans and had just put down a deposit on my first apartment in the city).
Fast forward to the brunch. We had a really good time, and I got to catch up with Mary and other friends from high school. Mary was eager to open the presents, and when she got to mine, she seemed to enjoy them, asking me where I got them since there was no label.
I explained that I didn’t know the brand, but the person running the estate sale had assured me that they were authentic and had been a wedding gift to the previous owners. At the mention of the estate sale, Mary became visibly disgusted. Although she didn’t say anything to my face, she was very passive-aggressive towards me for the rest of the afternoon.
I overheard her whispering to some of the other guests about how I had the audacity to give her a used item and that she would be discarding them later.
After the event was over, I approached her privately, not wanting to make a scene, and asked that if she wasn’t going to use the glasses, she could give them back as I would put them to good use and appreciate their quality.
She flipped out and told me it was extremely rude to ask for them back and that it was not my business what she did with them.
My family is understanding and thinks that I did nothing wrong, but some mutual friends also at the event think otherwise.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I really don’t know where the idea came from that once a gift is given, the recipient has complete freedom to do whatever they want with it. In the real world, we have to consider the feelings of others, including those who give us gifts.
For example, it would be extremely rude to immediately throw a gift in the trash upon opening it while the giver looks on. If someone did that with one of my gifts, I’d be hurt, and I’d rather take it back than watch that happen.
This is pretty close to what Mary was about to do with the glasses, so I think the OP is NTJ.” Umiel
Another User Comments:
“ESH, it is not good etiquette to ask for a gift back once it’s been given. She’s also in the wrong for what she said, but it is hers now that she has opened it and seen it, so she can do with it as she may whether you like it or not.
Just really rethink your friendship with her and any others that seem very snobby.” LadyPurpleButterfly
14. AITJ For Telling A Colleague To Keep My Work Arrangement Private?
“I work as an executive assistant and have supported the same two managers for seven years. I have an agreement with them that basically permits me to work from home when possible.
For example, if both are working from home, then I can work from home too. They can work from home because I do a lot of work that they’re supposed to do, such as approving bills.
There are other EAs who work for other managers, and they all are to be in the office every day.
There is a work policy that people in my position work in the office every day, but ultimately your managers have final say. That wasn’t always the case. EAs were once able to work from home once a week until they messed up by being MIA and not getting work done.
Eight months ago all of us were told to be in the office every day. My managers said to keep doing what I’m doing because they don’t have an issue.
I guess some of the EAs found out that I work from home a couple of days a week.
My manager said the CEO was approached by a couple of EAs to reconsider the work-from-home policy. He said no, especially if their managers also said no. Then they asked why I got to work from home, and he said that’s between me and my managers.
I was upset that they would bring my name up to the CEO. You don’t do that. I barely know these EAs. We had an EA meeting, and I had to say something. At the end of the meeting, the admin supervisor (our direct boss, but again, the managers have final say so she goes with whatever the managers say) asked if anyone had anything to say.
I said yes. I said that it was brought to my attention that “Kelly” went to the CEO to ask about my work arrangement with my manager. It’s no one’s business what arrangements I have in place. I have arrangements in place because I actually do work and my managers like me.
Mind your own business, or I’ll call you out.
Kelly was embarrassed and denied it. I said the CEO told my manager, so you’re lying. Today the admin supervisor asked me if I would apologize for calling Kelly out. She went back to her cubicle in tears.
I said, “Nope. I’m not apologizing because she did something wrong. I would never do what she did, and now she won’t do it again.””
Another User Comments:
“She didn’t do anything wrong. This is work not personal. There is someone else doing the same job but for different terms, she’s well within her rights to discuss that.
You then, because you’re a bad person, decided to be a bully at work. YTJ and I hope you lose this job so these people don’t have to deal with you.” Spirited-Order-9271
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sounds like your managers have put a lot of trust and confidence in you, and that’s turned you into a bit of a monster.
The whole thing is giving the vibes that you’ve developed a bit of an ego. Good thing you’re not in the office much because it doesn’t sound like you’re making many friends there.” CMDRIkkyblergs
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re getting special treatment. It’s fair for other employees to inquire why they aren’t entitled to the same opinions/benefits/entitlements.
Not understanding why other people would want the same thing is a little silly. They at least went through the appropriate channels to inquire about the difference. You were unprofessional in how you handled the situation.” bgreen134
13. AITJ For Elopeing Without My Controlling Mother's Blessing?
“Hey all ‐ my mother (61f) and I (29f) have been barely maintaining a relationship since I was in middle school.
She’s not a bad person exactly, but I think a lot of her personal traumas and life experiences have made her someone who takes out her feelings on others. She always has to be the center of attention, and she gets very upset when she is not.
I try to encourage her to seek therapy, but she refuses.
We’ve had many periods of no contact due to her behavior over the years, but perhaps foolishly, I’m currently trying again to talk with her semi‐regularly.
Eventually, I am getting married to my long‐time partner.
We have a ring, but we’ve never set a date because the whole process is really stressing both of us out, as we are not particularly close to either of our families. He only has one parent, who is currently on low contact due to an addiction and history of mistreatment.
A couple months ago, I floated the idea of just inviting our two best friends out (as we do not live in the country anymore) so we can elope and then spend a few days celebrating with people who have loved and supported us for years.
The plan would be that we rent a nice hotel for the four of us, without making a big deal of any traditions. This way, we could later have dinner with both of our families separately (our families do not talk to each other) and nobody feels like they were singled out.
My mother hated the idea.
Today, she called (one of many times) and asked us again to fly back to her town for the event, but I said no. My partner and I had talked about it already, and neither of us thinks it would be fair to have a wedding that we don’t want and where only one half of the family can attend.
She blew up.
She screams at me about how I don’t love her or respect her. I explain to her again that I’m not trying to make his family feel like they were purposely left out, and she says “How will they know? We don’t talk.” But we all know they will eventually find out, obviously.
She then went on to say that it’s her right as my mother to be there and that it’s unnatural for someone not to want their mother at their wedding, and she claims that I clearly don’t really love my partner enough to give him a wedding (which he wants less than I do).
“You’re probably subconsciously unhappy and you’re marrying for the wrong reasons.” It was both bizarre and complete nonsense.
I told her we could plan a nice dinner after the elopement and do whatever she wanted then. We just want something different.
I really don’t want to create problems, and I thought it was the best choice… but now I’m worried I could be wrong.
My partner and I moved far away to try and give us space to be ourselves, build a life, and recover from a lot of things in our childhood. I want to try and repair things with my mother, but it always ends up in arguments and guilt trips.
We aren’t even engaged, and I feel like my blood pressure is through the roof every time I think about this silly wedding.
AITJ for wanting to elope without family in order to keep peace?”
Another User Comments:
“Knowing how your mother is, it probably would have been best to not tell her a thing until after the elopement.
In fact, I thought that was what an elopement was, the couple goes away secretly and gets married, hopefully eliminating stress. At this point all you can say is your plans are set, and you would love to have a dinner later. If she continues to throw a tantrum, smile sadly and leave her to her misery.
You aren’t going to please her, so if she can’t contain herself, leave her to her litany of complaints. NTJ.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The elopement is for you and your partner. Your mother sounds like a manipulative narcissist. You’ve done your best to keep the peace while maintaining a safe distance for your own sanity.
You owe her nothing. If she doesn’t use this to reflect on her mistakes and refuses to ask herself why you don’t want her there, it should reinforce that you’re making the right call. You can celebrate with her later. Definitely prepare for some guilting, but it sounds like she already does a lot of that anyway.” Source4trash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Just elope and don’t say anything. When asked if you are planning on getting married, just reply ‘In time.’ Ultimately, your mother sounds like a huge narcissist; why not, for shots and giggles, ask ‘If you want a big wedding, what are you contributing to it?
It’s traditional that the bride’s parents pay for the wedding.’ See how quickly the crickets appear.” TickityTickityBoom
12. AITJ For Wanting To Hide My Stuff From My Boundary-Crossing Roommate?
“I (23M) live in a two bedroom apartment with my roommate (22M) near a college campus.
For context, I moved to college from out of state and live in an apartment building that is slightly off campus and offers exclusively student housing for the area.
My roommate also moved into the apartment about a month after I did. The apartment has one central kitchen and living room area and two private bedrooms on each side.
When my roommate arrived at my apartment, he got set up and then asked to see my room. I figured the apartment was so small that having a good relationship with my roommate would be nice to make it feel more welcoming. I gave him a quick tour of my room after he saw a picture of my partner and me at the beach.
He then said “Ohhh woooow… I have got to make sure I don’t find a way to get in between THAT.” This was honestly my first red flag. We kind of talked a little bit more in the common area, where he informed me that he was gay as well.
The next day, my partner came over to play some video games and to get dinner (after I asked about his boundaries regarding partners being over). My roommate then got back while we were eating and I introduced him. After a little while, he started to ask invasive questions.
It began with small things like “I’m going to go into my room… Don’t break the table while I’m goooooone.” Then it got more extreme when he asked us “Which one of you in the couple is the more dominant one?” I said, “No, I don’t want to talk about that.” He then said, “I want each of you to respond in your most commanding voices so I can be the judge” in a very weirdly intimate voice.
I said no again, to which he replied, “Oh come on, you’re really going to make me beg for it then???” After that, I really wanted to return to my room with my partner, but he kept going with it. After a while, I told him that we needed to leave and locked my door when I got inside.
There have been many other things since that day. He makes me breakfast in the morning even when I ask him not to do it anymore, he flings his door open every time I get back and asks where I have been, and more. He also just stands behind me when I cook sometimes or from his doorway.
He sits on the couch and watches me play games and points out everything I’m doing wrong. He never cleans the apartment and leaves stains, crumbs, and oil all over my own appliances and kitchen supplies that I let him use. I know that he can sometimes struggle with money, so I feel bad not letting him use my stuff anymore, but I get so mad when I see him because I just think of all the creepy crap that he does.
I feel like I have done absolutely everything I could to set boundaries, and he just completely ignores them. It has been months now, and my lease ends in May. Can I just say screw it and start hiding my stuff from him and explode?
Or WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to learn boundaries. Have you tried actually sitting down one on one and telling him your thoughts? Maybe write down key points so you don’t miss anything, and sit down with him and let him know. If he tries to blow it off or cut you off, tell him firmly but respectfully to listen to your concerns and see if you guys can work out a cleaning schedule of some sort and respect your boundaries.
If he can’t do that, then he doesn’t deserve to be treated as a friend by using your things. If he can’t accept the responsibility of cleaning or taking care of things (especially those that aren’t his), then he doesn’t get the privilege of using them” Gaatic0s
Another User Comments:
“Hey, you definitely wouldn’t be the jerk. However, I wonder if there is an easier way than having to hide your literal appliances? It sounds like he’s very hostile and coercive, not just disrespectful. It’s kind of you to want to share your things, but you do not have to.
If it’s possible, explain to him very firmly and, with another person present, exactly what the issues are. I think that could potentially help. But it sounds like you’ve already done some of that and it hasn’t changed his behavior. Having the same sexuality doesn’t mean we all get along, and it also doesn’t mean we are not capable of being creepy or overstepping boundaries.
Regardless, I wish you the best in this endeavor!” itsmypityparty
Another User Comments:
“Gay or straight, bro needs to learn boundaries. I’d expect this behavior for three reasons. First, he’s never been in a relationship and is trying to be a third wheel. Second, he could be a virgin or just horny and craving intimacy.
Third, he’s just bad news. He likes drama and is selfish. He wants to get between you and your partner. That is both mentally and intimately. Best of luck with this troublesome roommate.” WR_WasJustVisiting
11. AITJ For Eliminating A Best Man Who Refused To Respect Our Wedding Boundaries?
“I (f26) and my partner (M28) are getting married this April. My maid of honor is the most awesome maid of honor I could get.
She is an angel and couldn’t be happier to have her. The (ex) best man, on the other hand, is not so much.
The wedding venue is somewhere up in the mountains, surrounded by a large chunk of forest. The ceremony is to take place in the forest, and afterwards we will move inside for dinner and an afterparty.
The wedding party is also sleeping over.
To the best/worst man: From the start, he was complaining about the venue, claiming that it’s too far (about an hour drive from where we live). Then he wanted to bring his dog (sorry, he JUST got the dog, and if we wanted a dog, we would bring ours — but no, no dogs at the wedding, sadly).
That was a heated discussion that turned into an argument because he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Okay, fine; we got over that. The next thing he wasn’t pleased with was the fact that his missus couldn’t chaperone us everywhere we wanted or had to go — dress shopping, ring shopping, anything really.
But we don’t know her, so we didn’t want her included in all of our intimate decisions. (Anyhow, he wasn’t there either because he couldn’t be bothered to come.) Okay, fine; that was an argument about her (or three, lol) that he had to have with us.
Now onto next. We proposed that our friend pick her up on the way to the venue because the bridal party (edit: the four of us: groom, bride, moh, bm) would leave at 6 AM; other people are supposed to arrive at noon. Yeah, no; that is not going to happen according to them, because how in the world are we expecting one?
For him to wake up that early, and secondly, nobody is allowed to see her in a dress before he does… Don’t ask because I don’t know.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, but you get the picture. My fiancée talked to him numerous times and told him that if he doesn’t get his act together, he will have to be replaced as best man because, honestly, he was giving us more headaches than anything.
He hasn’t helped with one thing since we started getting this thing ready. So, we decided that ultimately another friend would step into the role of best man, and we thought that was the end of it; they would come as guests and all would be fine.
Yeah, the ex-best man went around and talked crap about us to our closest people, claiming that we are the ones who are problematic. Honestly, I don’t think we had any big expectations of him; his one job would be keeping powerbanks charged. One thing: This was the last straw for us, and we simply sent him a text that, since he loves to talk crap about us, he can do that freely now because he isn’t welcome at the venue or the ceremony, and we left it at that.
Or he did; he “seen”ed the text, lol.
So chat, AITJ for kicking off the best man from our wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds like a nightmare. One question from a confused Brit. I know things are different across the pond, but why would you need a chaperone for dress shopping — is this an American thing?” Overall-Lynx917
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why would it matter if anyone saw his partner’s dress when you’re the bride? And if he can’t do the job without his partner’s supervision, he shouldn’t do the job.” IAmTAAlways
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The best man is supposed to be the main support for the groom.
It sounds like the only people he supported were himself and his wife. He doesn’t get to decide what happens at a wedding other than give advice when asked for it, not to make demands.” wlfwrtr
10. AITJ For Leaving My Overprotective Mother To Pursue My University Dreams?
“I (18M) live with my single mother (50F) and brother (19M) in the UK.
We have two labradors, and we have been trying to move house for quite a while. My mother has always said that she wants my brother and me to stay close. I am currently in Sixth Form, and I have submitted a UCAS application to go to university in September.
My mother has severe arthritis in her knees and ankles, making it difficult for her to walk for any extended period of time. My brother has autism, and whilst he is perfectly able physically, he has quite a few issues socially and, as such, doesn’t have the easiest time making friends.
My mother is very paranoid and doesn’t trust other people very easily due to past trauma. As such, I have always felt very restricted and controlled. I don’t really have any friends because she worries so much whenever I go out, and I’ve never had a partner since she would not allow me to.
I have dreams of being a software engineer, and as such, I have applied for computer science. I wanted to go and live at university because it would enable me to pursue what really interests me and would let me finally live my own life.
I did not tell my mother when I submitted the application since I knew she did not want me to leave and would have stopped me from submitting it if I had. I have now told her, and she feels very betrayed and hurt that I did not consult her first. She has said that it would be very difficult for her to manage without me, as she would have to look after my brother, who also really does not want me to leave because change is very difficult for those with autism, along with having her own issues and, as such, being unable to walk the dogs.
She was due to go in for knee surgery that would have given her a great deal of movement back, but she has since cancelled it as the recovery would be too long if I was not here. I have offered to defer for several years to look after her whilst she recovers, but she has simply said that if I am going, then I need to go now.
She has said that if I do want to go, then she will kick me out of the house and I will never hear from her again. I will have to go and live with my cousins and complete my A-levels at a different school.
On the other hand, if I do stay, then I can still go to university, but I will have to live at home. I know that if I do, she will not allow me to have a normal life and go out with friends frequently, and I am very worried as to whether I would have enough time to do well in my course.
I am very unsure what to do, as I don’t want to lose my family over this, especially when they need me. On the other hand, though, I don’t want to throw away my chance at any sort of life that I would want to have.
So what do you think, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you don’t get out of this house now you will regret it for the rest of your life. I was open-minded to the nuances of the situation until you revealed the extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive, and threatening tactics your mother is employing to force you to stay.
If you bend to her will now, it will be like this any time you ever try to do something for yourself. You offered to defer for a long time to help her get this surgery, and she cancelled it anyway, because she wants you to feel immensely guilty.
But she is the one who made that decision, not you. She will always have a full set of guilt-ridden reasons why you can’t leave quite yet. Please, go to school, and see if they provide any free counseling sessions through the school. I can promise she’s going to try to make you feel horrible, but it is not your responsibility to care for your mother and older brother, and it’s completely unfair for her to put that on you.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your time to spread your wings and fly. You are responsible for your own future; your mother should not saddle you with her health problems or your brother, as that is her responsibility. If you don’t leave now, it might be more difficult to get out later.
Your mother will figure it out. Get your education; you need to leave home to focus on yourself.” Superb_Rub_1573
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hopefully your leaving will inspire your brother to leave (after getting any help he needs to be able to live independently).
Don’t defer. That will turn into reasons why the surgery keeps being delayed. Your mom needs therapy for her trauma, not abusing you into doing what she wants as a band-aid solution. Get out and start your life. It’s what you’re supposed to do at 18.
Just a word of caution: She may try to sabotage the university’s response. If there’s a chance she can get it, contact the university and ask if there’s a way to ensure it’s only sent to you. I’m hoping you can opt for electronic delivery.
If not, ask when you should have a response and if you can call to check (their response, not if something was mailed) if you haven’t gotten anything.” ApprehensiveBook4214
9. AITJ For Canceling DND So I Could Rest While Pregnant?
“I [22F] have been with my [22M] husband, let’s call him Dave, for 5 years.
We have a little girl together, who I will refer to as Brianne. I am currently pregnant with our next child. I am 10 weeks along, so prime time for nausea and vomiting, and I have been experiencing a LOT of it. Every other Wednesday, my husband and I drop off our daughter at a grandparent’s house so we can play DND with our group.
Today, I have thrown up 3 times and do not feel any better. I work at a preschool, so I am lucky to be able to bring my daughter to work. I work Monday – Friday. My husband has Tuesdays and Wednesdays off and works weekends.
Even on the days Dave has off, I still take Brianne to work so he can really rest. On the weekends, I am still a mom and Dave cannot take Brianne, so breaks are hard to come by. I was sleeping during Brianne’s nap today when my husband shook me awake to say we needed to leave right now to go to DND.
I immediately had a headache from probably being dehydrated and felt sick, so I told him I think I need to rest and not go this time. Dave was obviously frustrated and he said, “I put my foot down, you are going.” He said we agreed to do this every other Wednesday, so we are doing it.
I told him he can still go without me. Dave continued on to say, “Well, I am just going to tell everyone, you didn’t want to come.”
I told him that’s not true, I did not want to miss out but I need to rest and not put my body through more activities right now.
So I texted the group chat to let them know I am not coming because I have been throwing up and need to rest.
The whole group was very kind and understanding, saying “We will protect Orok (my character)!” and “Get better!” which was nice and actually made me tear up a little because it made me feel cared about.
Soon after I sent that to the chat, Dave said he is leaving Brianne home.
I asked, “Why can you not take her still so that I can actually rest?”
He said it is a waste of time to take her to grandma’s when he can just leave her here with me.
He has been fully aware of how sick I have been these past couple of weeks as he has heard me throwing up in the bathroom. So, I told him that he is being selfish and is only thinking about himself. He got extremely flustered and started to get our daughter ready.
I told him his frustration towards me and lack of care is making me scared and he should leave our daughter at home.
Now, Dave was ignoring me. I started to plead with him to leave her here because, in my mind during this, I thought if he cannot treat his wife with love and respect, I cannot trust him to do the same with our daughter.
He talked sweetly to Brianne in spite of his attitude towards me, though. On his way out, he was short and harsh in tone when saying bye. He texted me literally 40 minutes ago with an apology, but I am debating on if I really have anything to apologize for too.
He really got me wondering, AITJ for cancelling plans?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you already knew that. My question is, why did you choose to post this specific scenario? Because I am unwilling to believe that Dave suddenly became a jerk this one and only time.
You’re only 22 years old and about to become saddled with two children with a guy that I can only imagine treats you poorly more often than you’d like to admit.” Human_Ad7946
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for having another baby with a man who already scares you when interacting with the child you already have, who literally has zero care for your physical health (would he actually help you if you had a medical emergency?), doesn’t help with anything, and who acts like he genuinely hates you.
It’s only going to get worse and now two children will have to grow up being traumatized by it. You clearly don’t value yourself, but I hope you will at least value your children enough to remove them from this.” nedflanderslefttit
8. AITJ For Losing My Cool When My Sister's Partner Ruined My Birthday Dinner?
“I (31F) just had my birthday dinner this past weekend, and it ended in drama involving my sister (25F) and her partner (27M). For context, my sister has been with this guy for about a year, and I cannot stand how he treats her.
His family treats her horribly, and he never stands up for her. But whenever there’s an issue with me, my husband (30M), or our parents, he expects her to go to bat for him.
My husband and I were recently diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
We’ve functioned our entire lives in neurotypical spaces, and now that we understand our brains are different, we still try our best to exist in these spaces, but it can be exhausting and difficult to navigate. Socializing takes a lot of effort, especially when conversations don’t interest us, but we are always polite.
We exchange pleasantries, ask how he’s doing, and are generally cordial. But apparently, that’s not enough. He claims we don’t like him because we don’t engage enough, while my dad and brother practically kiss the ground he walks on. His family babies him, and he thrives off of it.
Now, to the situation: My sister brought her partner to my birthday dinner (which I wasn’t expecting, but whatever). At some point, my mom comes up to me and says that my husband didn’t say hi to my sister—allegedly, they only heard him greet the partner.
My mom even acted as a witness to this supposed snub, insisting that she saw and heard the whole thing. My husband clarified that he absolutely did say hi to my sister and the partner, but somehow this was turned into a whole thing. He got frustrated, and we ended up avoiding each other for the rest of the night, which sucked because it was my birthday, and I wanted to be around him and my friends, not dealing with this petty drama.
Eventually, we talked, and my husband just lost it (rightfully so) because no matter what he does, it’s never enough. That’s when I snapped. I went off on my sister and her partner, telling them I don’t care if we don’t meet their impossible standards for conversation.
It feels like they constantly hold us to expectations we’ll never reach, especially as autistic people. I was tired of feeling like my husband and I were being made out to be the problem when the partner is the actual issue.
After I stormed off to cool down, I came back—and they were just gone.
Didn’t say bye, didn’t have cake, nothing. And they were planning to leave early anyway because they had other plans with his family. My sister constantly puts his family before ours, despite how badly they treat her.
Now I’m wondering if I overreacted. I know emotions were running high, and maybe I could have handled it differently.
But at the same time, I feel like this had been building up for so long that it was bound to happen eventually.
So, AITJ? Should I have approached this differently? And how would you handle a situation like this?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. All of you all sound exhausting tbh.
You say in the beginning you can’t stand how he treats her. You guys obviously do not like him. Fair enough. You mention his family doesn’t like her and you don’t like it, despite giving him the same treatment. She shouldn’t have invited him without your permission since there’s obviously tension there.
But you can’t host a party and then talk about your autism and your socialization skills. I have no idea if the sister and/or the partner are actually awful individuals or if both their families just crap. But let those people figure out their own relationship.” heyitsta12
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You went your whole life not having this diagnosis and now that you have it, somehow everything is exhausting and nobody is nice to autistic people? Please don’t be one of those who will use their ‘I have xyz’ card to not be accountable for anything anymore.
Your family caters to your sister and her partner. If they don’t see it, you cannot make it visible to them. For your own peace of mind, it might be easier to distance yourself from your sister and her partner.” 15021993
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You know what the solution to this was: saying hi to your sister even if he said it once already, just clear the air. Your mom even said he didn’t, so just clear the air. It’s nice to see you, sister; so glad you made it… Your reaction was way over the top, and obviously they would leave after you lost your crap.
I wouldn’t stay if I just got yelled at. Also, it’s ironic that you are upset about his family treating her poorly when you literally just yelled at her.” BuilderWide1961
7. AITJ For Shouting At A Family Friend For Bringing Her Toddler Into The Men's Changing Room?
“I (19m) am a member of this swim club in my town called BlueFins, so I swim regularly.
Now a very similar thing happened maybe two months ago, which is that, as I was entering the men’s changing room to get changed and ready for a training session, I saw there was a young mother in there with a toddler son, maybe age two or three.
They were leaving right when I got in there, so I didn’t think too much of it, figured it was like a one-off, I guess. But I remember thinking it was odd.
Now, I’ll just focus on the episode that happened three days ago, the reason for my post. I went to swim practice as usual, nothing out of the ordinary; the session wrapped up and I went to the changing room and showered off.
When I finished showering, I toweled off and walked over to my locker with my towel wrapped around my waist. When I got to my locker, I opened it up, and standing in front of it is when this “event” happened that still has me totally confused.
I was standing right at my locker. I removed my towel and reached for my clothes to put them on, and during that sequence, at some point, again, a woman walked right in with her toddler son like it was just the most casual thing ever.
ONLY THIS TIME, it was this lady who works with my dad, and I see her somewhat frequently. So, I spasmodically went to try and cover myself and instinctively yelled at her a bit, exclaiming, “What the heck, what the heck are you doing in here!!
This is the guys room!” It was just reactive; I didn’t really think about it at the time—it was just like a panicky shout…
And then she just stood there and had this kind of hurt, offended expression as if I had said something really mean.
Then she explained to me how she needed to help her son get changed and that he needed to be supervised. And, to be fair, I totally understand. But honestly, I would have definitely thought that the thing to do would be for her to just take her toddler son into the girls’ changing room with her?
(Apparently not everyone feels that way.) So she was just seemingly shocked that I would be so “rude” to her and told me the line that I feel like I’ve heard a billion times, but really never understood: “Don’t worry, I’ve seen it all before.” It’s like… Okay, so what?
And it’s probably worth mentioning that she definitely looked. I saw her looking.
Anyway, when I got home later, my mom had already heard about what happened from this lady. And her reaction kind of surprised me, but kind of didn’t too because my mom never agrees with me.
She gave me crap for being “rude” to this family friend and said the same thing the lady had said about “She’s got brothers, she’s got sons and blah blah blah, so she’s seen it all, and it’s no big deal”….
So now I’m wondering if I was being a jerk for reacting this way, shouting at her a bit.
I mean, the look on her face kind of made me wonder at the time if I was too mean, but I don’t know…
So, AITJ for reacting this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Imagine if the genders had been switched. Would it be reasonable for a grown man to enter the women’s locker room with his daughter?
Let alone expect an apology or be offended when the adults inside felt like their privacy had been violated? All this aside, even if it was completely necessary for her to go in there with her son, which I have seen happen before, the polite and reasonable thing to do is to shout to give people a heads-up or make sure it’s empty.
I think it’s insane that she’s not apologizing for violating your privacy.” YourCasualMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m the single mom of a boy and it’s perfectly fine to bring a male toddler into a women’s changing room or restroom. She had no business being in the men’s changing room.
It starts to get a little dicey when they are 7 or 8, and some women are less comfortable with them being in a changing room, but they are a little young to be going into a men’s room/changing room on their own. For pools, I just made sure we dried off enough to get in the car and go home in our bathing suits, but restrooms were problematic for a few years, until my son was old enough to be comfortable going into the men’s room by himself.” kaan3836
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Women shouldn’t be going into men’s locker rooms (nor men into women’s). It’s creepy at best, predatory at worst. And I’m with you—I never understood why people say things like ‘Oh, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before’… as if what is bothering you is their state of mind.
Obviously, what you’re worried about is her seeing you, not how many other guys she’s seen in her life. It’s gaslighting. She does something that she knows is wrong, and then tries to make you feel like there’s something wrong with you for getting upset about it.
You’re NTJ at all. She is. Big time.” Imno1whoRU
6. AITJ For Slamming The Door On An Aggressive Elderly Man?
“So… Everyone says I was in the right, but I feel kind of bad though, so I need your opinion.
Context: This is not the USA, I’m from a European country. I (19F) am a student living in a city 2 hours away from my hometown in a shared apartment with 3 other roommates (let’s call them Naomi (19F), Lisa (19F), and Emily (19F)).
We all get along well, and we are very close, so we live perfectly fine together and don’t cause any trouble. We live on the 5th floor.
The building’s elevator is one of those old ones where you have to manually open a door, get inside, close the door, and when you press the floor button you’re going to, the interior door closes and takes you to that floor.
As a safety measure, the elevator won’t move until the manual door is completely closed, but the problem is that it’s so old that sometimes it doesn’t fully close. So, when someone gets off on one floor, they sometimes leave it half-closed by accident, and the elevator gets stuck on that floor until someone fully shuts the door.
Now, the real issue. This happened 2 days ago. Naomi and I were having lunch in the kitchen before going to class. Lisa was in her room, probably gaming, and Emily left for uni early in the morning. Suddenly, someone knocks at the door. We both went to check and found an elderly man standing there.
He automatically started scolding us for leaving the elevator door open (yes, it was half-open), yelled that he had some type of heart problem or something, and that we were very inconsiderate. Mind you, we hadn’t seen this man in our entire lives, so we were kind of shocked and pretty uncomfortable.
We tried telling him that maybe it was the neighbours living in front of us who left it open, but he denied it, saying he knocked on their door but they didn’t answer, so they’re probably not home, and so it’s absolutely our fault.
(Clarification: I was the only one to leave the apartment that morning, but when I returned, the elevator was stuck on the 7th floor, so I had to take the stairs home, so it couldn’t have been us.)
The argument was already tense, but then Naomi accidentally let out a nervous giggle, and the man absolutely flipped out. He called her a little b-word, started screaming obscenities, hit the elevator door, called us every slur, and looked like he was about to lay hands on us.
At this point, Naomi was getting very scared, and I wasn’t just going to put up with his crap, so I just said, “You know what? No,” pulled Naomi inside, and slammed the door in his face, leaving him screaming for a couple of minutes until he finally left.
I was pretty angry for a while, but we then told Lisa about it, and she sided with us.
Now, looking back at it, I feel kind of bad, but everyone says I was right. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The man was out of line from the beginning, and certainly deserved no respect once he started yelling, pounding, and threatening.
He was out of line to even go knocking on doors to accuse people. It does make sense that the people who last used the elevator are currently on the floor where the elevator got stuck. But even if your neighbors were the only other ones on that floor, they may have just decided not to answer the door.
They might be in the bathroom or otherwise indisposed. Plenty of people just won’t open the door unless they are expecting someone.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That guy is rude as heck. And probably a misogynist. He saw young women and felt himself superior and with the right to argue with you.
You did what was best: ignore him. Unless someone talks to you with respect, you don’t need to listen to them. Next time he raises his voice at you, call the owner of the flat. Next time? The police for harassment (they won’t do anything, but nothing works better than show that you aren’t afraid to use ‘the big guns’).” Kyurengo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also have an elevator like that, and we went through a period of time when that problem was way too common, and I remember feeling pretty steamed any time I had to climb floor after floor to find the elevator so I could use it to bring my e-bike up to my apartment.
Regardless of my frustration, I would never have spoken to someone in my building like that, even if I watched them do it on purpose. That man has issues, and you did the right thing. You established a literal boundary against a potentially violent person.
I really admire and understand your guilt about it, though. You’re not used to having to be that person. But that person was not a jerk.” baguetteblowout
5. AITJ For Insisting On Paying My Nanny Instead Of Letting Mom Babysit?
“So, for a little backstory, my husband is deployed, my sister lives with us in our back house, and I work from home.
I have 2 kids F(4) and F(3) and am currently expecting the third.
I have a nanny (she doesn’t live with us), but she is here from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. I pay her $300 per day and $400 if she needs to come on weekends (if she can; if not, I have a backup).
So yesterday my mom came for lunch and I told Kate (my nanny) that if she wants, she can go relax and I will text her if needed—she has a room in our house.
After that, my mom went CRAZY: “How do I have a sitter when my sister is there and I was there too?” I tried to explain, but I got tired really fast and told her either to have lunch at my sister’s house or leave.
Today she sent me a text telling me that I love wasting my husband’s money and that she also needs help and blabla. I just put the phone on Do Not Disturb. My sister told me that she can babysit for free because she lives here for free, a reasoning that I tried my best to prevent.
So I say no—that she is my sister and my sitter is my sitter. I don’t care if she, as an aunt, wants to hang out with the kiddos as much as she likes, but as an aunt.
So: AITJ for telling my mum off and continuing to pay for my sitter?
Info:
*My sister is deaf, and I do provide for her because she is my sister and I love her.
*I pay the sitter in full from my salary; my husband’s money isn’t touched unless in an emergency or when he is black (I do have access to his accounts).
*My sitter has a room for times like naps or when I go into labor, for example.
*My MIL also comes to my house to be with the kids and often wants to give me money and take the financial hit for the sitter, but she is all for it.
*The price will go up when I have the third kid.
*She doesn’t clean (besides the kids’ things); she is not a housekeeper, she is a nanny.
*On vacations, she is fully included and paid extra.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do what works for you.
And you’ve done good not to take advantage of your sister for child care. After all, by making it a business arrangement, there is an obligation where you can expect the care to be there, as opposed to it being a favor that can be taken away at any time.
Finally, how you live your life or spend your money is none of your mother’s business, and if she is going to harass you about it, then you have every right to ask her to leave, block her number, or do whatever you need to live in peace.
And, if your mother was harassing you about it and didn’t stop when you asked her to, you were also completely entitled to tell her off.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I love the idea that you have a sitter! Your mom and your sister are backups.
They’re full-time granny and auntie. My sister went so fast from ‘I GET to watch my grandson’ to ‘I HAVE to watch my grandson.’ Kids are tiring! You’re providing your nanny with a job. It’s a win-win for everyone!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are working, which means you’re not available to watch the kids.
Having family be the 5-7 days a week babysitter can blur boundaries and make it difficult. Add in that she lives with you and that she’ll still be ‘on’ after her morning shift is over, which can cause problems too. It’s sometimes better to have a neutral third party be the sitter.
There are less emotions or complications.” Ok_Job_9417
4. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Sister $1500?
“So, recently I was approved for SSDI. I have been without work for a few years and have been dealing with a lot of mental issues that have prevented me from working full-time. I received my back pay for the three years of going through the whole ordeal. Well, as soon as my older sister got word of my settlement, she very quickly and without much hesitation asked me to loan her $1500 so she can buy a bigger car and whatnot.
I told her no. I didn’t give any reasons; I simply stated that at this time I couldn’t do it.
She then began guilt-tripping me with “I’ve always looked out for you when I came up on money. It’s not like I can’t pay you back in two weeks.” “If I had it, I’d do it for you.” It quite frankly annoyed me because she never once asked me how I was, what I was going through, or whether I would be okay once I had taken care of my own needs.
Darn, I live one and a half hours away and my sister hasn’t even been to my apartment in over two years. My family doesn’t even ask how I am or check up on me, yet I’m supposed to just jump in and save the day because I got my settlement?
I haven’t worked in years! I have bills that are barely avoiding collections due to help from churches and whatnot. I never asked them for money. Darn, I don’t even share what I’m going through with them, but it would be nice if they asked, especially since I’m so far away and by myself, yet they don’t.
I know she’s struggling herself and it’s hard. She’s trying to upgrade to a bigger car, and her car isn’t currently in the best mechanical condition, but it’s not my place. I have my own issues and bills to take care of.
My rent plus utilities is actually more than my benefits payments. She has baby daddies from whom she does not receive child support. I don’t know why, but it’s not my business, and that’s not my mistake to make up for, even though it would help her financial situation.
Am I the jerk for saying no? I know that even if I help, there’s nothing that will change the relationship I have with my sister, and I feel it’s too far gone to even salvage. It is unfortunate to say.
AITJ for not lending my sister $1500 for a bigger car.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That money is for you to support yourself – not for your sister to buy a car. You may be able to spare it now, but you need some money saved in case you have an emergency expense. If your sister had been there for you constantly it might be a different response, but I don’t see anything here that would make me say she needs your money more than you do.” Odd_Task8211
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t sound like you have a great relationship with your family and that’s sad. But don’t let the guilt eat at you. That settlement is meant to pay off the debt you’ve accrued over the years. Simple as that. ‘NO’ is a complete sentence and you don’t owe anyone an explanation but if they ask why that’s what you tell them.
I have debts from the last two years to pay.” GardenSafe8519
Another User Comments:
“Save your money. Since your bills & rent are more than the benefit payments, you’ll need to find a new place to live to stay within budget. That will cost $$.
Tell your sister that you need this money to survive. And never, ever tell her again if you come into any money. Because unfortunately some people will only come to you for money, instead of connecting. NTJ.” fisbus3
3. AITJ For Not Attending My Ex Best Friend's Wedding?
“I (26 M) and my three friends (25 F – call her A, 25 M – call him P, 27 M – call him K) were invited to the wedding of someone who was in our group back in college, and none of us want to attend.
We will call her X.
Context: X slowly cut herself off from the group, would flake on plans, or come up with excuses last minute as to why she couldn’t join, which usually included the significant other she is now marrying. When they got engaged, we had to find out via Snapchat and/or social media, and were only told once P had texted X.
This all came to a head after P was in and out of the hospital for almost a month, and X never once reached out to anyone to learn what was wrong. P was posting from the hospital, and we had each other’s locations at the time.
It has been over a year since any of us have talked with X.
Now for the story, the four of us and some others were hanging out when a new group chat was made (not even the one we used to use with a stupid name) and we get a message from X.
The message was asking who was going to attend her wedding because none of us have RSVP’d to the social media event invite her mom sent us less than a week before (it was less than three days since we received the social media invite).
None of us planned on going, hence why none of us RSVP’d, and two people are genuinely busy. K and I aren’t busy and want to simply say “No”, basically return the energy that X has given us for the past three years.
P wants to say, “I’m busy with work,” and leave it there.
A, who is busy but could work around her plans, wants to say she is busy so that she doesn’t have to tell her common friends of X about the fallout since college. K and I were ready to burn this bridge when we got to it.
It’s not like being honest is going to cause us any problem, except that X will find a way to make us the villains to everyone else. A and P don’t want to deal with the argument we all anticipate coming, and feel it would be easier to say they are busy to avoid as much drama as possible.
I would like it to be known that she is fully aware this is not the mature option, just the one that she finds the least stressful on herself.
Are any of us in the wrong here? We all kind of hoped that no response would be a response, but now we feel like we should respond in some way since X actually reached out to us.
Honestly, none of us want to respond yet (it has only been a few hours).”
Another User Comments:
“You were invited via social media by your former friend’s mother. An RSVP should have been done. Do it now. No. No is all you have to put.
No reason has to be given. Do not respond to her text; respond to the original invite from her mother. If you feel the need to respond to your friend’s text, then do so with “Sorry, we will go do that right now.” Then do it—RSVP the social media invite (super tacky—but I know nothing!)” Mom2rats47
Another User Comments:
“I might be old and extremely out of touch, but why the heck would you use social media to invite people to your wedding. If I got a wedding invite like that I’d assume I wasn’t really invited to the wedding and Mom just didn’t know about the friend fallout, or I was just an afterthought invitation to fill seats.
NTJ. Put in as much effort as she did with informing you about the engagement, with apathy and as little information as possible. I’d respond, ‘Oh, that was the real wedding invitation?’ RSVP no to the social media event and be done with her.
You didn’t need to justify why you can’t atten,d and if she pushes, tell the truth. I mean, really, what’s she going to do, stop talking to y’all again? The friendship has been over. I have to ask, though, why have you hidden from mutual friends that she’s iced your group out of her life?
It might be best to give them more details now about it, before the ex-friend plays the victim. I’d also be super curious to know if others got a ‘real’ invite outside of social media.” sleepingrozy
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sounds like y’all mutually separated, but maybe X is hoping to bring important people from parts of her life together for a wedding.
Even though you haven’t talked in years, maybe she still thinks of you as friends and she would like to have you be part of this big life event of hers. Sometimes adult friendships can be like that. You’re obviously not obligated to go and definitely don’t if you feel like it would cause you pain.
But maybe things are different now that she’s experiencing a big life event. Maybe she’s changed and is hoping to reconnect with old college friends. Maybe by going, you’ll get a new best friend. Probably not, but hey, you’ll still get some free food, booze, and a fun night of dancing.
Besides, what are the chances of drama actually occurring? You’re all adults. And if drama does happen, you can just disengage and leave.” cloudymcloudface
2. AITJ For Letting My Dog Bark At A Kid In The Elevator?
“I have a large dog. She’s very friendly, but every time she sees just one certain kid in our building, she barks. Not aggressively, but with her friendly, excited bark.
Nonetheless, it totally freaks out the kid and his parents.
This only happens in the elevators. If I’m in the elevator and the door opens to their floor and the kid is standing right there, my dog will bark. If I’m waiting outside of the elevator and the kid is inside when the door opens, my dog will bark.
She barks just one or two times, not continuously. If my dog sees them away from elevators, she doesn’t bark. She doesn’t particularly care about the kid in that situation. The kid still freaks out, though. This only happens with this one kid and literally no one else.
I don’t know why exactly, but I have my suspicions. I think it’s because every time this kid sees my dog, he screams, flails his arms, and runs around. It’s exciting for a dog.
I’ve tried to talk with the kid’s parents to explain my suspicions when I ran into them without my dog.
I suggested setting up a meeting between their kid and my dog away from the elevators because I think once my dog meets this kid properly, she’ll lose interest and stop barking (usually when she’s excited by something or someone, once she gets to have a good sniff she loses interest), or maybe the kid will be more okay with my dog.
They, understandably, don’t want their kid near my dog, which is fine. They yell at me that their kid’s reaction is natural and I need to stop trying to police their kid, leave them alone, and control my dog. The dad said he recommends “choking out my dog” to get her to stop barking.
Obviously, I refused.
So now I’m doing my best to avoid them, but I still sometimes run into them, and they get upset and yell at me more. I’m currently trying to work out a schedule with them. I’ve tried sending messages asking when they most often use the elevators so I can avoid those times, but they’re not responding.
I’ve offered to only take my dog down during certain time periods, and I’m not getting any responses. I considered that I might have the wrong contact information, so I’ve reached out to the building staff so they can contact them on my behalf, but they haven’t gotten a response either.
The current situation is: sometimes when I bring my dog down or up via the elevators, the kid is there and my dog barks one or two times at him. I have tried to resolve the issue as best I can, but now I’m just avoiding school pickup/dropoff times; otherwise, I’m doing my own thing and if I happen to run into them and my dog barks, she barks.
At this point, I don’t know what else I can do, so I’ve sort of given up.
AITJ for just letting my dog bark at this kid?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your dog was just barking constantly and you did nothing to correct her, sure.
But you’ve offered pretty good options and alternatives, trying to figure out times best to avoid them and their kid. It’s now on them. I’m a parent to an almost 4-year-old who LOVES animals and she is that kid; if allowed, she would approach any and all dogs/cats she could.
So I get why they may be a bit concerned over the introduction part… but at the same time, it’s commonly known for pet people that this kind of thing can be nipped in the bud. If they’re not willing to meet you halfway, then you’ve done what you can.
Edit: Y’all, I know the kid isn’t excited, lol. I was just saying mine would be. The kid is scared because of the barking, but the parents aren’t doing anything to help mitigate that.” intotheshadows05
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes your dog is going to bark.
In my opinion, you’re not letting your dog bark excessively. Your dog happens to bark at this kid, does it a few times, and then stops. What you’re trying to do here, I’ve experienced in a similar situation. The neighbor kids showing up every day would set my dog off if he happened to be in our fenced-in yard.
We were friendly with the parents. We asked if we could just introduce him, and they were fine with that. That’s what we did. Funny enough, he stopped barking at them.” stve688
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dogs bark sometimes, especially when excited. The parents didn’t see the connection between the kid’s behavior and the dog’s reaction.
When you pointed it out and offered a solution, they scoffed. You have tried multiple times to work with them to avoid any conflict. They are the problem. And me, personally, I’d be riding that elevator at all dropoff and pickup times. But then I’m very petty… Give your pup pats from a far-away person!” Wildcar_d
1. AITJ For Going To My Sister's Wedding Abroad Without My Wife And Baby?
“My sister is getting married in a foreign country later this year and I really want to go. She and my brother-in-law are already legally married (they got married at a courthouse) but wanted to wait to have their ceremony/reception in my brother-in-law’s home country after they got some of their ducks in a row.
Year after year it’s been “maybe next year,” but now that year is here! It will be a small wedding of just immediate family from both sides. Now this is where things get… fun…
My wife and I have been together for a long while, married coming up on 2 years, and just had a baby together.
When it comes time for the wedding, our baby will be a little 13-month-old. Originally, when we finally found out my sister was getting married in the foreign country, we were excited but also like, how are we going to make this work with a new kiddo?
She and I talked it through and I thought we were on the same page that we would try to make it work and all go for 1.5-2 weeks. Fast forward to now, she does not think they’ll have enough PTO to take the time off and doesn’t feel comfortable taking a 13-month-old on a 20-24hr trip to get to the country.
When I was told this, I said that I still wanted to go. In doing so, I have now been labeled as rude for still wanting to go even if my partner/baby cannot. My wife has even gone on to tell me that their parents, friends, etc. think that I would be inconsiderate and rude if I left for even a week to try to go to my sister’s wedding.
My partner doesn’t seem like they’re even giving it any thought to see how we can try to make it work for both of us or just me to go.
In my defense, all of my family lives in different states and we hardly get to see everyone together at one time.
Schedules are tough to get everyone together, even during the holidays. Whereas my partner’s family is in the same state and we see them regularly. I really want to go and feel bad if my partner / baby don’t come, but at the same time I do not want to miss my sister’s wedding and seeing my family.
So, AITJ for going to my sister’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a little suspicious that your wife suddenly couldn’t get PTO. And while traveling with a 13-month-old is hard, it’s still possible. But even if they stay back, your wife should at least entertain the possibility of allowing you to go and see your family for your own sister’s wedding.
A compromise could absolutely be made here and it sounds like wife doesn’t even want to try.” Sami_George
Another User Comments:
“The number of people who didn’t pay attention here and are judging based on assumed negative stereotypes of gender roles… So sorry for that my dude, on all levels.
Could you bring your wife and baby for a shorter length of time than the originally planned 1.5-2 weeks since she can’t get the PTO? It would need to be financially worthwhile of course. I think it might feel jerk-ish if you went for two whole weeks while your wife is at home with baby, but if you just go for a few days to be at the wedding, that seems reasonable.
In any case, wanting to be with your sister and family for her wedding? NTJ.” bcbdrums
Another User Comments:
“My take is NTJ, but I would still like some better understanding as to why your wife is so blatantly upset. Is it jealousy that she does not have the PTO, or is it something else?
I think talking about it with everyone else as a reactionary response is wrong and jerk behavior, but I also don’t want to make assumptions. I would say have a deeper conversation and stand your ground and go to the wedding. Would I be upset if it were me and my husband went somewhere fun without me?
Absofreakinloutely. Would I get over it? Yes.” ObligatoryAnxiety
