People Are Down In The Dumps About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Calling Out My Dad's Friend's Sister And Her Thieving Kids?
“My parents are split up, and for some reason, my dad’s best friend seems obsessed with fixing him up with somebody.
Women he’s worked with, his exes, and at one point, his sister.
My dad is somewhat invested in this friend. I live about 20 miles from where I work. When my car was booked into the garage, he said he’d take me to the bus stop, not straight to work.
A couple of weeks earlier, he had driven his friend 100 miles; his friend’s daughter was moving house or something.
My mother finds this a strange way for his friend to be acting and thinks that he might have an agenda. I’ll admit, I don’t like his friend much.
They also tried to push my dad to partner with his sister quite a bit, but my dad made it clear he had no interest in her; his sister is, well, she looks kind of like my dad’s friend, only a little bit more masculine… No, that’s being unfair—a lot more masculine.
I personally think the friend was trying to get his sister into my ancestral home.
Now, his sister has, I think, two grown-up children. And the family is not the best of people. The two kids used to steal video games from their cousins, the sons of my dad’s friend.
I know this because his friends told me that his nephews and nieces are thieves. At one point, he got his son a game for Christmas—they were up for Christmas and took the game. I think he had the three Spiro games for the PS1; they disappeared. He saw the three games at their house, and his sister said she bought them for her kids.
So, not the type of people I’d want living in my ancestral home. I said as much when he was talking about trying to get my dad to partner with her. That aside from my dad not being interested, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her and her kids being in and out of the house.
He was offended. For some reason, when he was gone, my dad actually defended her, saying they had probably thought it was okay because it was family—they might not have viewed it as actually stealing. Yup, I’m the bad guy; his friend can do no wrong.
I replied that I felt the opposite, that if she and her dodgy family would steal from their cousins, then who wouldn’t they steal from?
My dad told me to stop being stupid, but my mum thought I was right when I mentioned it to her.
Luckily, as mentioned, my dad isn’t interested in partnering with his friend’s sister, so I don’t need to worry. But AITJ for insulting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously, she let her kids steal and lied to cover for them. This isn’t a person you want hanging around your home.” dontblamemeivotedfor
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, ESH. You are to blame for not talking to your dad about this first and her for not disciplining her children properly.” Silver_Track_9945
23. AITJ For Confronting My Mom For Bringing A New Guy To My Dad's House?
“I 30m lost my dad to cancer 2 years ago. My mom, 50f went on a fancy cruise 9 months after he died using the money from his life insurance. After this, my mom never talked about my dad anymore. She would go out drinking with friends and started talking with people she hadn’t seen in years.
At the time, I thought my mom’s actions were inappropriate for a woman who had just lost her husband of 30 years, but I didn’t say anything. I talked to my sister “Anna” 28f about my mom, but she just told me that if our mom didn’t build herself a new life, she would fall into a depression.
Well, last week I couldn’t take it anymore. My mom started seeing this new guy, and apparently they have been seeing each other for 6 months. She invited my siblings and me over to meet the guy “Greg” 54m. During the dinner, my mom acted like nothing was wrong and was smiling the whole time.
It really hurt to see just how quickly she moved on from my dad, and I just felt disgusted with her. After Greg went home, my mom called me out for making him feel unwelcome and said I could have at least said hello to him.
I told her I was grossed out at the thought of her bringing random guys to my dad’s house and that, at her age, she shouldn’t be getting involved with new people.
My mom said, “Do you expect me to have no life after your dad passed away?” This really hurt me since it’s only been 2 years since he died. I yelled that I expected her to at least act like she cared. My mom started crying, and then my brother “Aaron” 27m kicked me out of the house.
(He still lives with my mom at my dad’s old house).
I felt bad because I lost my temper, but I don’t really regret what I said in the moment. My mom has tried to reach out to me to talk, but I’ve been avoiding her calls because I’m not ready to talk to her.
Anna has been trying to reach out too and has left a bunch of texts calling me a jerk and saying stuff like I don’t understand how hard it’s been for our mom.
I feel kind of like a jerk for losing my temper, but I’m not really sure.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ How many years do you think your mom should grieve here? In all honesty, taking a vacation and starting to adjust to being single after 9 months seems fairly appropriate to me and a generally acceptable time frame in which to grieve and start to move on.
A new relationship starting at 18 months seems fairly appropriate and normal as well. And ‘at her age?’ Your mom is 50, not 90.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“Your mom had gotten used to the idea of her husband dying. She probably mourned him while he was still alive but declining, many people do.
When she moved on, it wasn’t just two years for her. And so what if she went on a cruise with insurance money? So what? She didn’t curl up and die with your dad, is that what you want? It sure sounds like it.
And how dare you tell her she shouldn’t be getting involved with new people ‘at her age’. YTJ for that alone.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“Ya know what? We don’t force widows into convents anymore, or throw them onto the funeral pyre with their dead husband.
They get another chance at a life, if they have the will to seize it. And your mother has that will. Now be quiet and deal with it, you judgmental YTJ. How dare you make your mama cry, she has been through enough.” myglasswasbigger
22. AITJ For Using A Knock And Wait Door Sign To Demand Privacy?
“So for a bit of context, the whole time I (18M) have been in this house, nobody has ever once knocked on the door to announce their presence.
It doesn’t matter what’s going on. Even back when I had to do Zoom calls for school, I still had people barging into my room when we were covering something that might have been in our assessments.
The issue doesn’t just end with me, however.
My brother has complained about the same thing happening to him, and even if we have people over, they’ll still barge into our rooms unannounced. It’s an agreed-upon issue in the house, but nobody except for my brother and I knock and wait for a response.
The other day, I purchased one of those signs where you put letters into them and made up what I thought was a funny little way to say “Please knock and wait for a reply before entering” signs. I thought it looked pretty nice, didn’t clash too much with anything, and I thought it was a reasonable request.
The other day, I purchased one of those signs where you put letters into them and made up what I thought was a funny little way to say “Please knock and wait for a reply before entering” signs. I thought it looked pretty nice, didn’t clash too much with anything, and I thought it was a reasonable request.
When she saw the sign, she lost it. She went off about how “ugly” it looked and how it didn’t work with what she was going to put up on the adjacent wall. Eventually, this resulted in her coming to my room to ask me to take down the sign.
(And no, she didn’t knock and wait as the sign asked.)
When she explained her reasoning, I attempted to reassure her and explain that the sign wasn’t going to do anything bad; it was just asking for people to knock before entering, to little success.
Keep in mind, throughout all this, she’s speaking in an incredibly narky, harsh tone and pushing and shoving me around, to the point where I have to tell her to stop pushing me, only for her to act like she isn’t. The sign has since been replaced with a simple piece of paper with the same words, as requested by my father a few minutes after the conversation between my mum and me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 18 and don’t have a lock on your door? What if someone barges in while you’re changing clothes? Keep the sign approved by your father, and also buy yourself a cheap rubber door wedge (also called a door stop). Stick the door wedge under your door when you are in your room and don’t want people barging in.
You can also stick the wedge a few inches from your door so that if someone tries to open the door, they can only open it a few inches.” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have a right to your privacy, and not even your parents get to barge in.
The sign won’t be necessary at all if the rest of your family simply gets that through their heads. However, it sounds like this is a well-worn discussion that frankly isn’t going to go anywhere. If the sign doesn’t work or is a continued issue, I suggest buying a lock for your door instead.
It will undoubtedly cause another argument, but you can at least be assured that people won’t be invading your space.” GrandOpening2
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not a jerk. What kind of parent wants to barge in on a teenage boy’s room unannounced? I mean, they do your laundry; they know what you’re up to.
Why would they want to risk that? The paper is a good alternative, maybe even a door stop (on the inside of your room) to slow the door if they barge in and give you time to react. P.S. Buying a sign isn’t going out of your way; lots of kids and young adults have signs on their door—it’s like a poster in your room or a welcome mat.” Rylk69
21. AITJ For Demanding My Quince Money Back From My Greedy Parents?
“I, 15F, just had my quince. For people who don’t know what that is, it’s a big celebration for Latin girls to become women. Anyways, I had my quince and got 2000 dollars from gifts, which I was excited because I never had that much money before.
Well, a week later, I already spent $200 on things I wanted. My dad started to ask me for money; first it was $50, then it turned to $150. Then my mom started to do the same thing, so I would give them the money thinking they needed help with the bills or something.
No, they used the money to buy drinks and food for only themselves. When I found out, I told them they needed to give me back my money. They said they would, and I was okay. Then they asked for $100 (the last bit of my money).
I gave it to them because they said if I didn’t, I would be a bad daughter. Two weeks later, I asked if I could have my money back to buy some new clothes. They started to yell at me, saying I’m the worst freaking daughter in the world and that I’m a spoiled lazy brat (I rarely go out and I try my best to reuse my clothes and shoes; I haven’t had new shoes for 3 years now, and I play 3 different sports) and also said that they would give me my money back because I’m just a girl that doesn’t want their parents to be happy and that I was a big mistake.
Context: My mom had me during college when she was playing soccer for her college, so she had to drop out.
I was filled with different emotions, but mostly anger. We had a social media group with all my family members called “_____ quince,” so I decided to say thank you to everyone who gave me some money.
Sadly, I only got to use $200 out of the 2000 dollars I got because my parents decided that since I’m a spoiled lazy brat, they deserve all my money. For the rest of the day, my family ripped my parents to shreds. Many people have blocked them, reposted my paragraph, and done many other things.
My grandparents were so mad; they blocked my parents on everything. Here’s where I think I’m the jerk: My parents have been broken ever since and will now not talk to me. I heard my mom crying and my dad crying because of my grandparents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There is no instance in which a parent should ever take money from their minor (or even young adult) kid. None. I know tons of people disagree with me on this, but I consider it a hard line that when crossed is bordering on mistreatment.
Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. Thankfully, they now know that thanks to you. Finally, ask your grandparents for money for shoes.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re epic for making that social media post and I’m glad your grandparents have your back. People like your parents like to put on happy smiles for the outside world, and their worst nightmare is being exposed for the rotten human beings they are.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty confident that **babies don’t decide to be born.** If your parents didn’t want to raise a child, they should have given you to a family who actually wanted you. They were the only ones who made the mistake, and it’s their problem, not yours.” blanketstatement5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As someone who can relate to your situation, your parents are greedy jerks who are gaslighting you so you will feel bad and give them all your money. I know you’re only 15, but you should really consider leaving. Is there a family member you can go with?
Otherwise, my advice would be to save as much cash as you can for 3 years, whether it’s in a shoebox or bank account, etc. Just get money saved up so you can leave at 18. You did the right thing exposing them to the rest of the family.
Now they will have no choice, whether it’s to give you your money back or become better parents (doubtful, though).” Slow-Development-404
20. AITJ For Choosing To Celebrate Christmas With My Parents Over My In-Laws?
“I (27F) married my husband (M29) in 2020. We did long-distance for the majority of our relationship, and I moved to where my husband was living once we married. My in-laws are “retired.” My MIL picks up hours as a nurse when she wants, and my FIL came out of retirement and has a remote job for a company that is located in the city my husband and I now live in.
They moved 2 hours away to their vacation home in 2020, leaving my SIL alone. My SIL (31F) moved shortly after I moved to be closer to family, since my in-laws live in the middle of nowhere.
Back to the story, for the past three years, my in-laws have traveled to us to spend most holidays because my husband and SIL are near each other, so it was convenient for them to come to us.
This has prevented us from traveling together for any holiday to visit my family. Other factors have included my husband or me being unable to get off for the holiday. My family has also visited around the holidays, but they have not spent an actual holiday with us.
This has been due to vacation approval issues, as they haven’t had an actual holiday off to visit. My daughter was born this past February, and I recently asked my husband if we could travel back to my hometown for Christmas to visit my family, since we will both be off around that time.
My family does not get to see us as much, since both my parents are still working full-time. I already knew that asking to do this would upset my MIL, since she wouldn’t see my daughter on Christmas. She asked my husband what our plans were for Christmas, and he told her that we were trying to go to my hometown.
It was not a surprise that it upset her because she was expecting to be with us for Christmas.
I honestly don’t feel bad for wanting to spend Christmas with my family, even though it is my daughter’s first Christmas. My in-laws visit us every other month due to my FIL’s work and to see my daughter.
I am grateful for all the help they have given us, but they can be a lot sometimes. My MIL tends to overstep and obsess over my daughter to the point that she gets upset if I tell her no regarding anything. I have gotten to the point where I don’t care about hurting people’s feelings regarding my daughter and some of the boundaries we have set.
AITJ for wanting to spend Christmas with my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a lot of being married is honestly about splitting the holidays between families. I can understand your MIL being disappointed, but if you haven’t spent Christmas with your family in a while, then you are long overdue, regardless of having a new baby.” nackle09
Another User Comments:
“You are married with children. You each have families that you would like to see and spend time with your children. You need to rotate holidays. Someone gets Thanksgiving and the other side gets Christmas, and then switch them the next year.
Your MIL already gets to spend a great deal of time with your child as she lives closer. She needs to know that you have a family too and they are a large part of your child’s extended family. NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249
Another User Comments:
“As far as I can see, the salient point is: > the past three years my in-laws have traveled to us to spend most holidays […] This has prevented us from traveling together for any holiday to visit my family.
Fair’s fair. It’s not even like you’re saying the in-laws have had three years in a row and now you want three years in a row with your folks; you’re saying you want THIS year with your folks. Absolutely reasonable. I would suggest, for the future, an alternating schedule—your parents one year, your partner’s parents the next, back and forth like that.
NTJ. Anyone complaining about a more even division of time is one.” ieya404
19. AITJ For Confronting My Mom For Stealing My Creamer?
“I’m 15(F) and my mom is in her late 30s. I don’t know exactly how old she is; I have no relationship with her whatsoever.
I was raised by my grandma and dad (she’s a chain smoker and used to be an adult entertainer) up until I was about 11. She finally realized that if she was not in my life, she would have to pay to not be in it.
My dad was finally going to try to get child support if she refused to be in my life until I was 18. So she came back. By then, I already hated her. I don’t care if you say, “But she’s your mother!” No, she is not.
Biologically, not presently.
To the main issue: I go to a high school far from my house and I need bus money. I got a cashier job and I get probably 50 bucks a month. I had leftover money from last month, so I bought myself a creamer I liked because the other ones taste bad, in my opinion.
My mom has lived with us for about a year, and I hate it. She freeloads. I bought the creamer because I like to drink coffee in the morning to help me stay awake during school. I went away this weekend to stay with my friend.
Mind you, I have my name on this creamer, so I know my dad and grandma wouldn’t touch it, as they also have their own separate creamers. I came back today to find it all gone. She put it back in the fridge, empty.
I knew it was her, so when I asked, she lied (and when my dad outed her), she finally said that she did and it didn’t matter. I told her it very much did matter because, unlike her, I paid for it with my own money, that unlike her, I have a job, and unlike her, I am trying to graduate.
She said that it was in the fridge, and I said, “Well, it’s no wonder she clearly didn’t graduate then because she can’t read my name on it.” She yelled at me to stop being dramatic, so I told her to stop smoking and save her money if she wanted her own creamer.
She grabbed her wallet and stormed out. She’ll be back at around 2 AM, probably with more lung cancer. My dad said to apologize, but I don’t think I should because she’s literally a jerk excuse of a mother who steals from me, and she’s not genuinely in my life for me to feel bad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She drank your creamer (that you clearly wrote your name on and paid for) without asking first. The little tantrum she threw after you confronted her was extremely immature and uncalled for. She is a grown woman. Your mother sounds like she needs to grow a pair and learn to own up and apologize for her actions.
It’s sad that her 15-year-old daughter has more maturity than her.” momoapples
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You definitely weren’t being nice, but she sounds pretty awful. It sounds like you’d all be better off if she were gone, even if she didn’t pay child support.
So unless your dad is hopelessly in love/lust with her, it might be time to sit down and talk with him and your grandma. If she’s only there for your sake, she should go because your home is less of a safe space with her around.
She may even be taking money away from the household instead of bringing any in. Be prepared for this talk because your dad is just trying to do his best for you. You’ve got to convince him she has a negative impact on your life.
Starting with food insecurity since she’ll steal clearly labeled food…” Office_Desk906
18. AITJ For Naming My Child Jacqueline Even Though My Ex Used The Name First?
“Me and my ex-partner “James” and I were in a serious relationship when we were younger. Life happened, and we eventually broke up. The breakup was friendly; we decided not to stay in contact, and we don’t have each other on any social media platform.
During the relationship, I mentioned that if I ever had a kid I would name them Jackie (short for Jacques for a boy and Jacqueline for a girl). He joked, saying he didn’t really like them, so I better start looking for other alternatives.
I said I’ve never really told anyone this and that I’ve liked the names for a very long time, so it would take a while to find a name we would both agree on. Throughout the relationship, the topic always came up jokingly.
For example, we would suggest obvious names that we would never choose, like Bartholomew or Archibald (no hate to either Bartholomews or Archibalds, though).
Fast forward years later, after the breakup and staying single for a while, I met my amazing husband, married him last year, and we were expecting our first child.
Talking about baby names, I obviously suggested Jacques and Jacqueline, which we eventually agreed on. However, after catching up with an old mutual friend of James and me, I mentioned that I was pregnant and told her about the names. She gave me a “what?” look and told me that those are James’ kids’ names.
I didn’t know this, and she showed me his social media profile. Apparently, he has a 3y/o girl named Jacqueline and a 1y/o boy with the middle name Jacques.
At first, I was upset because he “stole” the names, and he definitely knew that those were my first picks.
But after talking with my husband about the whole thing, we still decided to name our little girl Jacqueline since it’s a common name anyway and we already fell in love with it. In my mind, the names could’ve simply grown on James over the years.
After I gave birth to our child, I received an angry message request from James’ partner, whom I have never spoken to. She accused me of still wanting James and copying their daughter’s name, etc. I explained to her that I’ve always liked the name; however, she wasn’t having any of it.
Old acquaintances closer to James started saying the same thing, that I copied the names. I tried connecting with James, but I have heard nothing so far. I don’t really think it’s a big deal anymore; however, from time to time, whenever someone brings it up, I do question if I should have just opted for a different but similar name since my priority was having “Jackie” as a nickname to begin with.
So AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The kids will likely never meet, and even if they do, it’s not hard for you to explain the situation to them. They’d probably find it funny. Ultimately, it is your baby, and who cares about what your ex does or does not name his kids really.
You and your husband both know that that’s not why you chose your names, and that it’s actually weird of him to have used them in the first place. Your knowing this is all that matters.” This-is-not-eric
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Can’t say the same for James.
He knows what he did and will never admit it. You also know what he did. Take it as a compliment. And if anyone says anything, I would hold my head high and say, “Actually, he copied me. He may not want to admit it, but I always wanted these names; he knew it.
If he wants to deny it, he can do so to my face.” He won’t. Go live your happily ever after knowing he never let go.” old-guy-50
17. AITJ For Telling The Doctor To Start Palliative Treatment On My Critically Ill Father?
“My (43f) father (76m) has been in critical condition for over two months due to general sepsis.
The doctors removed his infected hip about six weeks ago, and it seemed that he was getting better, but things changed, and he has been gradually getting worse or stagnating ever since. Even if he did get better, he would be crippled and brain-damaged for the rest of his life.
I’ve talked to his doctor, and she says that they don’t expect any improvement. They’ve recently put him on a new type of antibiotic, but it hasn’t worked so far, and it would be a wonder if it did.
Whenever I visit my father, he either sleeps or obviously suffers.
He wakes up totally irritated, starts screaming out of nowhere, and doesn’t recognize me at all. He does look me in the eyes, but there is no sign of recognition. He sometimes says something, but he mumbles a lot, and from what I understand, it’s basically nonsense and mild profanity.
He does press my hand if I hold him, but it seems to me that it might be just a reflex.
Euthanasia is not a thing in my country, but my neighbour has some experience in this area, apparently, and told me I should ask the doctor if there’s something they “can do about it.” I talked to the doctor yesterday, and she told me that they want to wait until about Wednesday or Thursday if things miraculously change, and if not, they won’t stop treating him and will start palliative treatment.
I don’t know how far I can influence this process, but it seems to me that I do have a word in it. Basically, if I say they should start palliative treatment, they will, and if I tell them to continue with the treatment, they will, until my father eventually dies anyway.
I’m going to speak with the doctor tomorrow.
The thing is that my mother disagrees. She says that there’s still some hope, and who am I to decide about life and death? She thinks there might be a miracle, and things will get better. I think she is delusional, and my father obviously suffers.
Don’t get me wrong, I think it is an incredibly sad situation. I’ve cried more in the past two months than in the last ten years. However, I just generally think it would be better for my father (and, I have to admit, for most of the family) to die already.
AITJ for telling the doctor they should start palliative treatment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sometimes it feels like watching a car crash in slow-mo, and you wish it would just be over with. My heart goes out to you. I hope his last days under palliative care are more peaceful than the ones before.” victoriaramonah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your wish is coming from a place of love, empathy, and compassion. Palliative care basically means making the person as comfortable as possible until they pass. You are not choosing death; you are choosing to lower the suffering of those who are about to die.
It’s important for your mom to know that the doctor is the one who will tell you what the chances are of your dad surviving. You’re only making a decision based on that. It’s also important to talk to your mom and to not make this decision alone.
It’s going to be hard on you either way, but try your best to bring her thinking closer to yours. Sorry to hear about your situation.” OrbAndSceptre
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. I’m so sorry for your situation and so empathize with your wish for your father to be free from suffering.
Skilled palliative care helps ease the pain so someone passes peacefully. I hope your father gets this. Your decision is coming from a place of love, empathy, and compassion. It is the right one. Doctors should support you, especially as treatment in this case could prolong suffering.” Apart-Ad-6518
16. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Knock Before Entering My Room?
“I (f15) live with my mom (f53) in an apartment with two bedrooms. I, of course, have the smaller bedroom.
It’s cozy. When I was younger, around ten or so, I used to sleep with my mom and spend barely any time in my room. At around age eleven, I finally started sleeping in my own room and wanting more privacy. She wouldn’t even allow me to shut my door until I was around twelve, I believe.
Ever since then, she feels that she can freely burst into my room just to tell me things. She doesn’t knock, she doesn’t even announce that she’s coming in. She just opens the door and starts talking. It was fine up until around last year, when it began to annoy me.
I told her last year that I’d like it if she’d knock, and she looked at me in a way that I presumed to be odd and said she’d try. She continued bursting into my room, and again, I told her it’d be nice if she’d knock and reminded her that I’d already asked her to knock.
She said she didn’t remember that, and I can’t exactly recall what she said after that. It again didn’t work, and she continued opening my door to her wishes.
Today, after her opening my door twice in a span of under five minutes, I again told her I’d like it if she’d knock.
I reminded her that I’d already asked her this. She said she’s the mother and can come into her child’s room whenever she’d like. I told her that if she asked me to knock before entering her room, I would, but she said something along the lines of, “Yeah, because you’re the daughter.
I’m the mother and need to protect you.” I proceeded to ask her what she needed to protect me from in my own room, and she avoided the question, saying that she’s allowed to peek in and see what I’m up to and tell me what she needs to before leaving.
I may add that it took some reminding for her to even remember to close the door behind her when she leaves. She does it now, but it took a while of reminding for her to actually do it. I could be the jerk due to being an only child, and her needing to be more protective of me.
She is my mother, after all, and is welcome to make sure I’m not doing any illegal activities or things that may harm me in the long run. But I would like some more privacy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at ALL. Like, at all.
The idea that you’re not entitled to privacy from your parents until you hit a certain age is abusive, full stop. I want to believe your mother is doing this accidentally or hasn’t thought through the implications, but either way: you are being perfectly reasonable.
I’d have lost it a LONG time ago, were I you. I have five kiddos (including three teenagers) and not only do I knock every time I want to chat with them in their bedrooms, but they all have a lock on their door, as well.
Unless there is some extreme breach of trust that’s happened between you two prior, there is simply no reason she should refuse to knock before entering your room. Unless it’s about control. Yeah, NTJ.” Sgt-Elias
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you have a lock on your door?
If so, use it. If not, most stores, including Walmart, Dollar General, and hardware stores, sell rubber door stop wedges for less than $10. An old shoe under the door (this will mess your shoe up, so use old ones) or a chair under the door also works.” oaksandpines1776
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What your mother is doing is insanely disrespectful and invasive. She doesn’t seem to take your requests seriously because, as a mother, ‘She knows better,’ but you’re fully in the right to ask her to knock and not enter the bathroom because it makes you uncomfortable.
If you have any extended family, you could talk to them about it, and your mother might be more willing to listen to an adult (or anyone else for that matter).” ForkliftFan1
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Cousin Who Is Taking Advantage Of Me?
“I (45F) and my cousin (28M) I became disabled in 2020. My uncle took me in because my immediate family members had passed away.
Unfortunately, in 2022, my uncle also passed away. Another aunt offered to help pay the living expenses, including rent, in order for me to keep the home I’ve been living in, with the understanding that I will pay her back once I receive the back pay for disability.
After about six months with no progress on my disability, it was decided that my 28-year-old cousin would move in to help with the bills and also help around the house.
Well, he doesn’t help around the house except for cutting the grass. I cook for him, serve him dinner in his bedroom, do his laundry, do the dishes, and take care of the rest of the house.
I receive food assistance, which is less than $300 a month, and 95% of it goes toward making sure that he has what he wants. For the past few months, I’ve been telling him that what’s on my card isn’t enough to cover the grocery bill. I always ask him either to give me money or to go grocery shopping with me if he feels like it, so that I can get what we need—especially milk, which he has run out of because that’s all he drinks.
I do not drink milk.
Yesterday, I absolutely snapped at him because I had no money once again. The day before, he had asked me to get milk, and I said I had no more money in my card. Then today, I left to get a prescription, and he texted me while I was out asking me to get him a gallon of milk.
(I got the milk and paid for it with quarters.) I told him when I saw him that he really needed to give me money or go to the store with me because I was losing my patience, but he told me to tone it down!
He said he could just go to the grocery store if he needed something by himself, but this is something he said in the past and has never done. He’s never lived on his own before and really has no concept of money or how to take care of himself.
He will tell me that he has $500 to $1,000 extra in the bank, yet he feels broke. If I had that, I would ultimately feel rich at this point!
AITJ for snapping and yelling at him? Or am I right to be fed up with the situation?
I have also started helping a friend out with painting/cleaning apartments to get ready for new tenants. I work only a couple of hours a day, a few times a week. Since then, his requests for things have gotten worse.
I am also considering having a conversation with his mom because I know she will set him straight, but I don’t want to come off as a tattletale.
Am I an ungrateful, spoiled jerk? Or is he taking advantage of someone that is in need?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… he sounds like an entitled brat. It sounds like you do a lot around the house, and you mentioned you pay your aunt back too.
You don’t owe him anything. And he was supposed to come help and is not doing anything. Talk to your aunt. If I were his mom, I would like to hear that my son was being such an entitled brat.” Arnell33
Another User Comments:
“Am I understanding this correctly: his mum pays all your bills so that all you have to pay for is your own food, and he lives with you, but he is supposed to help out and also pay for his own food?
If that is the agreement, then tell him he is to buy his own stuff. Do not buy him stuff anymore and have him do his share of the chores. Give him a list or planning if needed (you shouldn’t have to do that, but let’s face it, you’re kinda stuck).
If he fails to do so, call his mum straight away.” Afraid-Tea-5745
Another User Comments:
“You’re living in a house funded by your cousin and his mom, and you’re wondering if YOU are being taken advantage of? That’s rich. Set up a normal roommate relationship where you buy your food, and he buys his.
You cook for yourself, and he cooks for him. If you’re able to help out a friend painting a few times a week, you can keep a house. I don’t think that’s too much to ask in exchange for free rent.” suggie75
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Dad For Not Liking My Husband?
“My husband, Isaac [36M], and I [36F] have been best friends since we were 8, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. We have an incredibly close, loving relationship, and because of how long we’ve been prominent parts of each other’s life, we know each other’s parents and families very well too.
Two days ago, my parents [67M and 64F] moved to the city we live in. They can’t move into their new place until the 21st, and their old place had a move-out date of the 15th, so we told them they could stay with us for a week before moving into their new apartment.
I’ve been sick, so I stayed home from work today and spent the day mostly relaxing and chatting with my parents. My mom left for a little bit (she wanted to go out to get her hair done with my sister, who lives about an hour away) and so it was just me and my dad.
At one point, I said something along the lines of “Isaac is really happy you guys are here now too, he’s looking forward to seeing you more,” which is true. Isaac has always loved my parents and has told me for decades that he feels like they, my siblings, and grandparents are his second family.
My dad just sort of huffed when I said that, then I asked him what was wrong.
He then said that he wasn’t really hoping for more time with Isaac; he just wanted more time with me. I asked him what he meant by that, then he told me that he had never really liked Isaac, but only “put up with him because he loves you and is important to you.” I found this really upsetting, and I asked if he just meant that he liked me more, because if so, I could understand that — I’m his kid after all, and Isaac isn’t.
He then said no, he really just disliked Isaac. He mentioned a few specific traits of Isaac’s that he found annoying, and by that point I was angry, and I told him to get out. He protested, but I told him that I didn’t want him staying here if he didn’t love Isaac too, and I told him to find a place to stay for the night.
He took his bag and left, and a little bit later I started getting calls and texts from him and my mom.
I told my mom she could still stay if she wanted, but she said I was being unreasonable and a jerk to my dad, and I guess my dad has been trying to apologize.
My mom ended up leaving too, and they’re both staying with my sister for the time being. I haven’t told Isaac everything that was said yet, just that I got into a bad argument with my dad and asked him to leave. On one hand I feel really hurt (especially on Isaac’s behalf) over what my dad said, but I wonder if my response was unreasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your dad is entitled to his feelings, moreover, it seems your dad was never unkind or disrespectful to your husband, as his confession came as a surprise to you. You’re allowed to be upset but kicking your dad out??
A bit too much if you ask me. Major jerk” LillyDMckenzie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- People can’t help how they feel sometimes. If your father had mistreated Isaac in any way, or talked bad about him behind his back, or tried to sabotage your relationship, yeah, I’d be angry.
But neither you nor Isaac had ANY idea he felt this way. Should he not have told you? Yeah, but he’s not a jerk for not loving your husband. Get over yourself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is entitled to feel how he feels.
We just don’t like some people. But for Dad to tell you that with you when he is a guest in your AND Isaac’s home is way out of line. You did the right thing standing up for your husband. My FIL and I did not get along in the early years.
We knew how he felt about me–, but could mostly ignore it. Be civil to each other at family gatherings, etc. What I did have a hard time with was that periodically he felt the need to express his dislike for me and would call up my wife to harangue her about what a terrible choice she had made by being with me.
She finally told him that if he kept it up, she was going to look at the situation as him demanding she make a choice between him and me, and that he was not going to like the choice she would make. He was smart enough to back down and eventually we got to actually liking each other.
I am eternally grateful to my wife for doing what she did. If she hadn’t, I don’t know that our relationship would have lasted…..” VariousTry4624
13. AITJ For Trying To Reconnect With My Brother And Being Ignored Over A Business Dispute?
“Me (30F) and my brother (38M) had an argument in October 2022 which led to us not speaking. We had an online crystal business together with his wife (33F) at the time.
The argument started after I got annoyed that she was keeping a lot of the crystals instead of putting them up for sale. My main job in this business was sourcing them. To me, it was a kick in the teeth as I spent a lot of hours and late nights hunting and finding reliable suppliers.
My brother (we’ll call him John) had a go at me, saying it doesn’t matter if she keeps them as long as it makes her happy. At the time, she (call her Lucy) was in the first trimester of pregnancy and was still coping with coming off antidepressants.
As much as I can sympathise — I have 2 children myself and had to come off antidepressants twice — I told him that I don’t agree with it. I was coping with a new diagnosis of BPD (diagnosed in July 2022) but did not let that get in the way of business.
He ended up blowing up at me and told me I was done with business and that he didn’t want to speak to me.
I bit my tongue and left him to it. Fast forward to March 2023, I noticed that my son (10M) had text him 4 times since January 2023.
All texts were delivered. I told our mom, and she asked him about it, but he denied ever getting a single text. It was at this point that I knew I never wanted to speak to John again, as my son told me how upset he was that John ignored him.
At the end of July 2023, they had the baby. A few days later, Lucy snapped and ended up being put in a psychiatric hospital with the baby. My mom has told me every little detail along the way and has dropped hints to get in contact with John as he has no friends or family where he lives.
I had enough and eventually rang him to put the past behind us and see how he was coping, but John didn’t pick up. That was 2 weeks ago and still nothing. Since then, John has spoken to our mom every day without fail but never mentioned my call; when our mom tried to bring it up in conversation, he shut her down immediately.
With everything that’s happened currently and in the past, I have told our mom that I don’t want to hear about him or his family as I have my own family and my own problems to deal with. She got upset, cut the conversation short, and put the phone down.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I also have BPD. It’s hard not to fall into the trap your brain sets for you of thinking you’re in the wrong and you’re the problem. OP, you did the right thing, and your brother is acting selfish by holding a grudge.
It sounds like he’s pretty immature while you’re doing your best to overcome your own obstacles, but he won’t meet you halfway. Good on you for trying to reach out, man, keep being the best you.” Horror_Inevitable813
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1) You took the time to look for buyers for the business, you took the time to reach out to your brother and lay down the hatchet, but he still wants to isolate himself from you and your family?
He probably thinks that what you did caused the start of the downfall in their relationship, which is why he’s here now.” New-Skirt-3851
12. AITJ For Starting A Witch Hunt Over Office Nickname Jokes?
“I (25M) work at a small office where all the employees are relatively close or know each other to a certain degree. This situation involves me, a work colleague Ann (24F), and intern Bob (19M), and started a few weeks ago.
Ann and I are not particularly close and have clashed a few times in the past for other reasons, so we try not to interact with one another.
Bob is a new intern at our business who often spends his time by himself. Some close work colleagues and I decided to keep him company during breaks, and we have grown fairly close over the past year.
Bob’s hair is cut very short, so his whole forehead is visible.
Because of this, his nicknames reference his large forehead, but these types of jokes are normal in our group and are not said with the intent to hurt others. Normally, he is fine with our humor, but a few weeks ago he screamed at us for using those nicknames and moved to a different area.
My colleagues and I did not think much of it and continued with our conversation, but we did see Ann talking to Bob, which she had not done before. A few days later, I was called in by a few higher-ups, and it turned out that I had been reported for “harassing colleagues” and there were talks of possible suspension from work.
Obviously, I was furious and messaged Ann asking to talk, only to realize that I had been blocked. I attempted to reach out to her on multiple social media and messaging platforms and even in person, but I have been either blocked or ignored. She posted screenshots of the messages that I sent as is, claiming that I am harassing her and creating a hostile work environment where she does not feel safe.
In turn, I also posted a statement against her and have warned most of my friends about her manipulation. I admit that some of the language I used was inappropriate and unnecessary, but I feel that what I did was not unreasonable considering the situation I was in.
Currently, I am facing further disciplinary action for “harassment” and social repercussions due to the way I was portrayed in the screenshots that Ann posted. I do not believe I was majorly in the wrong—I take some blame in this situation—but I also feel that this situation would not have occurred if Ann had not falsely reported me.
My close friends and colleagues have told me that she is in the wrong, but I have received a lot of flak from female colleagues for starting a “witch hunt” against Ann.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and it doesn’t sound like your witch hunt has been very successful.
Leave Ann alone before you get into real trouble. And stop making jokes about other people’s physical appearance—that kind of behavior is unseemly in a workplace.” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your justification for insult-joking about someone’s appearance is that you didn’t “intend” to hurt them?
And you actually think you’re being victimized when your insult-jokes do hurt that person? Or is it that you’re victimized because the person you targeted stood up for themselves? And then you apparently turn that hose on another person, they stand up for themselves too, and now you think you’re doubly-victimized?
Jerk behavior from top to bottom. In a relationship context, it’d be emotional mistreatment. I’d have hoped bullying stopped after grade school, but apparently it never does.” He_Who_Is_Person
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, I think Bob was hurt by your jokes, but some people don’t show it or don’t know how to express their disagreement, but in all cases, making fun of someone’s physical features is in very bad taste.
Secondly, and I mean no offense, but you do sound hostile. Warning your friends about someone’s manipulations is typically the kind of thing that turns against the one who emits this judgment. Ann accused you; she might have been a jerk, I don’t know, but she did it in a smart and cold-headed way whereas you went against her in a noisy and hostile manner.
You should have managed all this in a less emotional and angry way.” rifain
11. AITJ For Not Allowing Family Business Funds To Cover My Mom's Partner's Medical Bills?
“A little background on my family: I have a twin brother and a younger brother. My family is wealthy since we have a family business founded by my maternal grandpa.
My mom and dad separated when I was young, and both now have a partner of their own. All my immediate family depends on the family business, and currently, it is managed by me, my siblings, and my SIL.
During my dad’s and grandpa’s reign, my mom, dad, and my grandpa all take a lot of “extra” money out of the company to spend on their personal use and their affair partners.
My mom does not work, but she spends money like water. My grandpa also has a lot of mistresses and illegitimate children he has to care for. The business started going under and accumulated a lot of debt.
Fast forward to when we started working for the company.
I was obviously angry at the adult figures in my life for how they acted. We worked really hard for five years, and we’re finally getting profits for the first time. I’m super thankful to my twin brother and my SIL for stepping up and led the company.
Now, when I say profit, I mean before paying mom and grandpa the extra money they get apart from their salary. Both of them have a salary of around $2,500 each month, but they also receive extra money that was embezzled from around $45,000 (mom gets about 75%, and grandpa the rest).
To show you how much money that is, my country has a minimum wage of $300 per month, and a normal meal costs about $2. After deducting all costs, the company is still in the red by about $10,000.
I usually fought with mom from time to time on how much money she was spending.
However, even when I’m not confronting her, she keeps dragging me through the mud, spreading words that I’m ungrateful, that I’m abusing her, etc., to my relatives/family-friends behind my back. My brothers and SIL are also getting the same treatment.
Recently, mom has been pushing more expenses onto the company.
She’s making the company pay her medical bills, and even her young partner’s. Her partner (32M) has a chronic illness that requires medication regularly. It is expensive – about $2,000 a month. Although I’m on friendly terms with her partner, I think that this is too much.
Even my brothers and I pay for our own medical bills using our monthly salary (which is less than what the partner gets from our mom each month). I voiced my opinion and now mom’s yelling at my brother about me, calling me hurtful things.
Mom’s partner also said that he was mad and hurt because I made him feel like he isn’t family. Although my SIL and younger brother agree with me, my twin brother said I could have just agreed as there’s already enough drama in the house.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I take it you don’t need to audit the business? The business doesn’t pay your medical bills, why should it pay your mother’s partner’s?? Is there no way you can cut out the graft and just give people salaries for their work/ pensions for past work?
No ‘extra money’ that anyone is entitled to take out because they think they are entitled?” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree with you on principle, but opinions don’t legally matter. You, your siblings, and SIL are the managers, but who is the actual owner of the company?
If it is not you, then you don’t actually get a say in how the money is spent. If it is you, your siblings, and SIL that also OWN the company, then absolutely cut your mother off. Partners are not family and although it sucks that he is sick, it’s not your obligation to pay his medical bills.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Not to be mean, but why did you work so hard to get your business legit when the older generation is still doing the same crap they did before? You are lucky that your business didn’t get caught yet, but when it gets caught, you are surely the ones thrown under the bus.” Constant_Cultural
10. AITJ For Declining To Be A Bridesmaid Because I Experience PTSD When Wearing Pink?
“I (24F) have a cousin named “Ella” (29F) who is getting married in the spring of next year. I am, in all honesty, very happy for her, despite the dilemma that I found myself in a couple of days ago. Ella is upset with me, so I’m posting on here to get an unbiased view.
Ella is in the process of planning the wedding. One of these processes is picking out her bridesmaids. A couple of days ago, Ella sent me a text asking if I wanted to be one of her bridesmaids. I told Ella that I would absolutely love to, but before I could agree, I wanted to know what color the bridesmaid dresses were going to be.
Ella said that the dresses we would have to wear would be blush pink.
The fact that the dress is pink was a huge issue for me, which is why I asked her in the first place before agreeing to anything. I know it sounds insane, but I have PTSD surrounding the color pink, or more specifically, wearing pink items of clothing.
When it comes to pink non-clothing items, I am generally okay (even though if I had the choice, I would still pick any other color). I haven’t worn pink in YEARS because of my trauma. Yes, I am in therapy and have been for years to work through this, as well as other issues, but right now, as of this moment, I can’t wear pink without having some sort of mental breakdown.
When I explained to Ella that I couldn’t be a bridesmaid in her wedding because of the pink dresses, she got really angry at me. Yes, Ella is aware of my trauma, and I reminded her why exactly I’m unable to wear a pink bridesmaid dress, but Ella told me that she didn’t care and that I could put away my trauma for one day to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
That’s the last text she sent me, and I haven’t responded to her because I don’t know what to say.
I know that Ella wants me to be in her bridal party, as I am her cousin, but I know that if I agree, I would have to wear a pink dress no matter how I feel, as it is her wedding.
However, I don’t want to have a mental breakdown during Ella’s wedding. My mom is saying that I don’t have to be a bridesmaid and Ella should understand that, but a part of me feels like I’m being selfish because she is practically begging me to be there.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trauma doesn’t work that way. I mean, if people could just will it away, then why wouldn’t you? Trauma is not a preference, which is what I’m guessing she’s taking it as—like you just really don’t like pink, but surely you can tough it out for a day.
The issues are clearly deeper than that to the point of a mental breakdown. You do not have to have a mental breakdown for her. She wants pink, she doesn’t get to have you as a bridesmaid. End of story.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Ella should know that if she tries to force you to be a bridesmaid with a pink dress, you will have a **mental** breakdown and her wedding party could be adversely affected. The fact that you refuse is to be good to her too.” Neit_1146
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your PTSD is a major factor here. Regardless of all the details, saying no is a viable option for many reasons. If you were simply to be excluded from the wedding party because of the color alone, then I would have said you were petty.
But you’re not denying being in the wedding party because of the color; it’s because of the PTSD. Yes, the two are connected, but the color is not what’s important—it’s the fact that it’s connected to your PTSD. I feel that avoiding things that may trigger it, especially on a day that’s so important to someone, is 100% acceptable.
She should understand, both because of the pain it could cause you and what might happen on her wedding day because of it.” Tsomeru
9. AITJ For Changing My Birthday Party Date Because My Partner Chose A Boys Trip Over Me?
“This happened a couple of years ago, and I decided to post it here now because my friend brought it up a couple of days ago, saying I was a jerk for doing it.
My (F25) birthday that year happened to be on a holiday, and because the holiday was on a Thursday, that meant we also had Friday off from work. I really wanted to have a party, but my partner (M28) at the time convinced me to throw the party on Saturday rather than on the same day as my birthday.
I agreed to do so and planned a dinner for the actual date of my birthday.
The day before (Wednesday), my partner told me that he was not going to be at the dinner because he had planned a boys’ trip with his friends, and that was the reason he made me change my mind and throw my party on Saturday.
He was going to leave Thursday morning and would be back Saturday afternoon, which was enough time to have a shower and then go to the place I had chosen. I was sad, but I didn’t say anything because I knew I wasn’t going to change his mind about the subject.
The day of my birthday came, and he just texted me in the morning saying: “Happy Birthday my love, we are leaving in a couple of minutes, I’m not going to have much signal, love you.”
I decided I was not going to be sad because it was his loss.
So, I texted all my friends and decided to have my party that Thursday, and I did. It actually was the best birthday I ever had—cake, music, friends, and more. But my partner wasn’t there. Saturday came around and he was home again. Around 8 p.m., I received a text from him saying he was ready and on his way to the place where my party was supposed to happen.
At that point, I was really mad and didn’t respond. Thirty minutes after that, he called me, and I answered while pretending I was asleep. He asked me where everybody was and why I was asleep. I just said: “Oh, sorry, I thought you knew.
My party was on Thursday; there is no party today,” and I hung up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that was manipulative of him to get you to do the party on Saturday without admitting why because he didn’t want you to know too far ahead of time that he chose his bros over you.
So why not go ahead and have the party when you originally wanted to before he played you.” SophiaIsabella4
Another User Comments:
“ESH with a soft YTJ. You didn’t try to talk to him about his plans and then changed the plans he thought worked for everyone.
He sucks for making the plans on your birthday without a doubt; that’s just a crappy thing to do. You agreed, though, and then vindictively changed the date and let him think nothing had changed and even had him go to the place before lying to him and revealing what you did.
Had you just told him you wouldn’t be a jerk, but sadly, you are in fact a jerk. Still, though, maybe if he’s prioritizing his boys’ night over your birthday, there are deeper issues at play here that need to be addressed.” HelpfulPen3653
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He tried to make plans that worked for everyone. You said you didn’t even try to talk him out of his plans. If you had told him you were doing your party with or without him, you could have given him the chance to make a decision.
Instead, you were a jerk by not saying anything, then you doubled down by standing him up, making you a much bigger jerk. You’re definitely the jerk here.” flightlessburd9
8. AITJ For Refusing To Bail Out My Wife's Financially Irresponsible Family?
“So I’m living in a foreign country, and my wife and I come from different countries. This means that we’ve never met each other’s families, and our cultures can be very different.
My wife’s family (at least from my perspective) is very irresponsible with money. Her brother was just scammed out of all of his savings (he’s fine now; he can support himself, but he no longer has any savings), and her parents, well…
Her parents spent a lot of money on her to help her leave the country and get to where she is now, for which I am infinitely grateful.
However, this forced them to sell their car and their home and downsize dramatically, living in an apartment temporarily until they can build a new, smaller home. My wife sends money home each month to help with this, and I’m okay with that. However, my father-in-law decided to buy his car back and quit his job (I cannot fathom why), and now the money we were sending for their new house is going toward their food and rent.
Also, my mother-in-law, despite having no income apart from our monthly contributions, is still intent on building a house and borrowed from a sketchy creditor. Things are getting out of control.
She’s brought this up with my wife before, but we’re not rich.
We can’t afford to just pay off her debt outright, nor can we really give them more each month. She then went to my brother-in-law, but as he had just lost all his savings, he couldn’t help either, so now she’s considering another shady creditor to pay off her first loan.
When my wife found out, she hastily forbade her mother from doing anything and promised to send the money to pay off the loan immediately.
Now I understand, we’re indebted to her parents for helping her realize her dreams and for just being parents, but isn’t this a little extreme?
The amount we’re talking about is way out of the budget for us, and we’re not exactly rolling in it either, but because we live in a “better country” they expect us to be able to pay for them. It’s also not like I want them to suffer or anything, but I feel like this is the result of their own financial negligence and I’m afraid that we’ll keep getting pulled into saving them from themselves and end up financially trapped as well.
I’m afraid to even suggest that we not pay and upset my wife and her whole family, but at the same time we really cannot afford this kind of expense. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh good lord. Listen. Oh wow. This is going to be really important for you to learn, because your wife needs to deal with this—not you.
You need to sit her down and let her know that you can help her pay off what her parents spent (maybe a bit extra if you are generous) to send her to where you both live now, but if SHE chooses to try to send more and not put up boundaries, it will not work.
Unless she turns her back on her culture and family or learns how to set very firm limits on how much she will send that you can afford, she will always find a way to send them money. This will either end up with both of you in severe debt, or divorced with a bit of debt.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, what if your wife were to take out a loan on better terms with a normal bank in your own country? (I have no idea how much money is involved here.) It is not a good solution really, but it is better than a loan shark pursuing her parents.
Also, if this stresses out your wife, it’s probably going to bleed into your marriage too. So this might be a way to relieve that stress and a source of unhappiness for her. One-time deal. Also, you wouldn’t want your name attached to that loan.
So, if being legally married to your wife makes you legally responsible for the loan payback, it may not be a good idea. Just an idea. Or just continue the status quo and make the payments you can afford and both agree to.” 3xlduck
7. AITJ For Giving An Ultimatum To An Artist Over A Seven Month Commission Delay?
“I am not sure where to post this. If anyone knows a better sub, please let me know. Also, I am on mobile so there may be typos and such.
There is an artist I follow on Instagram and I love their work. I have previously bought various prints, stuffies, mystery boxes, and one previous commission. Back on January 16th, I paid $350 for an art commission. They did not give me an ETA, but the previous piece was sent to me in about a month.
Near the end of February, I asked for an update (going by the previous timeline), as well as mentioning that I loved another item that I had purchased and received. They sent a heart reaction and told me that I would be sent tracking information when my commission shipped.
On May 7th, I again reached out for an update and was told that they would get the art from their studio and send it along, and that they had had a hectic couple of months with a family member being in the hospital. I waited until May 31st before reaching out again, and they said that they would get it from their studio the next day and send it.
Two weeks later, I contacted them again just to check in, and they apologized, saying that they had been in the hospital.
Then, a month later on July 3rd, I again checked in, and they said that they had a bunch of special needs kittens dropped on them, and that they had been busy and had forgotten.
(I did get kitty pictures, so the kittens in question do, in fact, exist.) They said they would send it out right away and that it would get to me by the 7th. Then the 7th came, and I hadn’t even received tracking info, so I checked in again, and they said that they were headed to the studio that night and would send it.
(And yes, I am sure you all think I’m an idiot by this point!)
I reached out last on July 14th, and they said that they were again in the hospital due to an illegal physical encounter inflicted by a stranger. I felt terrible, apologized, and swore I wouldn’t bug them any more.
Again, I have purchased a lot of things from this person, and I love their art. I don’t want to ruin the relationship; however, $350 is a lot of money, and it’s been 7 months. According to them, it’s complete; they just need to send it!
Would I be the jerk to give an ultimatum that if I don’t receive my commission piece in the next month, I want my money back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m worried it might be too late. If an artist refuses to give you a refund, the normal course of action is to contact the payment method you used, like venmo or PayPal. But 7 months is a long time to wait and you may not be able to file a claim.
Still try because that’s a lot of money, but still. Don’t wait another month; just ask for the money back. The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be to get your money back.” KlickWitch
Another User Comments:
“You have been a pushover. Tell them you want your money back by (date).
Close to the date, if the money has not transferred, remind them and tell them failure to refund will lead to small claims court and a scathing review on their Instagram. You have been more than patient. Do you know how many cute pictures there are of kittens on the ‘Net for copy and paste?
NTJ” Some_Range_9037
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being given the runaround. It’s not clear whether your commissioned piece has actually been made, but it’s clearly not ready. I’d recommend that you speak with the artist one more time… tell him you need either a committed ETA or a refund.” akaioi
6. AITJ For Refusing To Serve An Entitled American Guest Who Criticized My Appearance?
“20F Indian hospitality management student, pursuing her internship training in a homestay service organization.
Everything was going smoothly for the first 2 months.
In my third month of internship, we got an inquiry from an American guest, but her budget was very low (15,000 per month). Even though it was very low, our property owner provided her with the flat within her budget because it was not listed yet, and we wanted some organic marketing.
Her budget meant she was getting a fully furnished flat with a fully equipped kitchen, refrigerator, and other luxury amenities, with no electricity bill, for a mere 500 per day. We were fine with that initially, but it soon turned out that she was one of those ignorant foreigners who didn’t know a thing about India and only preached about organic lifestyles.
She started getting on the nerves of the entire staff by removing plastic bottles of dishwashing gel and other items, and by passing passive-aggressive comments on people’s choices to use “synthetic things” and non-organic products. Even our owner was fed up with her and told us not to take her seriously.
He handed me the responsibility of overseeing the building in which she was residing. I tried my best to coordinate with her and assist her with everything she needed, but she didn’t use a phone. So I connected with her on Instagram; however, I was not very active on Instagram, and I missed the notifications of her messages and calls for two days.
I felt terribly guilty once I realized it, so I apologized, turned on my Instagram notifications, and completed all her requests. In the third month, I became exhausted with the organization itself and emailed my resignation. However, my boss told me to complete the entire three-month training period, so I returned after taking a four-day break.
On that very first day, she messaged the official Instagram account complaining about the entire homestay team and mentioned me there, saying, “I am completely useless and I never follow through,” which is fine because not responding to her on Instagram was completely my fault—I agree.
However, she followed that statement with a comment like this: “It seems she feels that showing up wearing lots of makeup and perfume and saying ‘OK mam’ is enough to get the job done.” I felt terrible but no longer guilty because whenever she needed anything, I relayed all her requests to the respective staff and ensured all her tasks were completed on time.
It made me realize one thing: how some entitled foreigners like her take our Indian hospitality and kindness for granted and leech off us, yet still have the audacity to display a god complex and treat us as inferior. In this case, she must have taken every opportunity to point out my personal choices of wearing makeup and perfume, while she herself lives on organic things.
So, at last, I want to ask you all if I am a jerk or just stupid for feeling terribly offended by her comment, and for now refusing to attend to her due to her attitude.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- She was just lashing out and using whatever she could think of to hurt you.
She noticed you take care in your appearance and like to wear perfume, so she chose that because it makes you feel self-conscious or bad. Just ignore her, it wouldn’t have mattered who took care of her stay; she’d have been on her own tangent anyway because no one was organic enough for her.” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The tenant was wildly out of line to criticize your personal choice of scent and make-up. That was just plain rude. Your employer was trying to market this homestay as ‘organic’ so it’s not surprising a picky tenant would complain about non-organic items. You seem to react with a lot of unnecessary anger, resentment, and projections because you don’t like the career you are in training for and despise the clientele.” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t have anything to say except that you were useless; she should have mentioned that you didn’t follow up in a timely manner, but she didn’t because she knows Instagram isn’t intended for that type of conversation, and she should have used email.
She should never have complained about your perfume and makeup, as they were irrelevant to her complaint. She had nothing concrete to complain about.” Emotional_Bonus_934
5. AITJ For Crying Because My Mum Forced Me To Join A Family Trip And Clean Up After The Kids?
“So it was my step brother’s birthday, and he was turning 10. Originally, when the plans were made, my little brother and I wouldn’t be going with them; instead, we would be staying at a relative’s house.
At first, when I found out we weren’t going with them, I was upset, but I eventually got over it because I would get a break from doing everything for my mum’s partner and his kids. However, as the “holiday” came closer (two days before they were leaving), my mum told me that my little brother and I were going with them.
We were really excited because we didn’t want to be away from our mum and thought that it was going to be a fun little trip.
It was the day before they were leaving. My mum’s partner had already left, and she had to bring his three kids, who do not listen, with her.
My mum then texted me, asking if my little brother and I wanted to stay with our relatives instead of going with them, which I thought was suspicious; however, I agreed not to go because the vibe was off. It was, like, 11:00 at night, and my mum was on a phone call with her partner while doing his daughter’s hair.
They were talking about something. Then my mum came to me and asked if I wanted to go on the trip with them. I said no, but she didn’t care and kept on asking; then she said that I didn’t have a choice and that I had to go, so I cried.
Long story short, I went on the trip, as did my little brother, and it wasn’t really that fun. I had to do all the washing up and cleaning after everyone had finished eating at the Airbnb we rented. It doesn’t seem that difficult, but tidying up after four kids who are basically under the age of 10 is challenging, since they don’t listen.
My little brother I can handle, but the other three I can’t. As a 15-year-old, it was really difficult; however, my mum and her partner don’t really care and are never grateful, so I was in a bad mood for the entire trip—especially since they got into an argument over funfair chips because my mum was being selfish by buying them for my little brother and me and not for his kids, because they were too busy picking out sweets.
Anyway, I’ve barely spoken to my mum, and I want to know: Am I in the wrong??? AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d tell her next time to say no when they want you to do something for the kids. Tell him you didn’t decide to have them and that you aren’t responsible for them.
Tell him if he touches you or your brother, you’ll call the police; if he so much as leaves for work without taking all the kids, you’ll call CPS. His kids are his problem, and no, your mum won’t watch them; she’ll have you call CPS for mistreatment and abandoning them.
I’d also say, besides, do you really want me to tell the kids stories about you and to tell them to inform their teachers so that the police get involved anyway?” missys-mama
Another User Comments:
“My head’s spinning. It’s a shame your mother couldn’t either stick to one plan or be direct or sensitive when laying down the law.
NTJ. I see nothing in your post where you have harmed any innocent party. It would be a kind gesture for you to do something special for the other kids (certainly your stepbrother)—later” atmasabr
4. AITJ For Snapping At My Coworker Over A Straightforward Answer?
“I (35F) have been working with my coworker (52F) since 2018. She, let’s call her Rachel, and I have butted heads a few times in the past, but I thought we had moved past it.
She’s prone to talking to herself, asking questions of herself that she doesn’t expect an answer for; other times, she’ll be speaking to our coworkers in the same tone and volume and expect an answer without saying anyone’s name, and when no one answers, she says something passive-aggressive like “Oh okay everyone can ignore me, that’s fine.” Knowing this, I answer her questions if I happen to know the answer, whether I can tell if she’s speaking to herself or not.
However, the other day I was definitely aware she was asking me one question directly. Here’s where I can’t tell if I’m the jerk in this situation or not.
My door was open, and I can see the main door from where I sit. A client that I’ve had problems with in the past walked in, but at the time I didn’t notice.
Right after he came in, I happened to need the restroom. While I was in there, he and Rachel exchanged words. He said to her, “Did you see that? See how she ran away when she saw me?” Rachel later said she defended me, telling him why I might not have wanted to see him.
When I left the restroom, he had already left, so she came to me, asking where I was. I was high energy that day, so I said, “I wasn’t in the bathroom.” She asked if I was okay and I said, “I’m fine,” and went to get back to my desk, but she stopped me, saying that because he was here, I may have left because I was uncomfortable, then she stopped speaking and walked away.
A few minutes later, another coworker approached me, saying she’ll be in the bathroom if anyone is looking for her. Rachel then went looking for her. Then, while standing in the hallway where all our offices/cubicles were, she asked, “Does anyone know where (coworker’s name) went?” Before Rachel finished asking, I said quickly and loudly to ensure she heard me that (coworker’s name) went to the bathroom.
Rachel approached me, saying in a harsh tone, “That’s the second time you’ve snapped at me tonight, (my name).” I was very confused and said, “If that’s your interpretation.” My comment inspired her to report me to our office head.
Our office head texted me, asking what was going on.
I explained my side. He said that the three of us would need to have a private meeting the next day to discuss what happened. That’s when I heard her point of view and found out what she thought was the first time I “snapped” at her.
She reiterated how I should know that she has bad anxiety and that all she was doing in the first instance was defending me, and now she’s not going to defend me anymore if I keep snapping at her every time she does. I don’t think she understands the difference between answering calmly and quickly and “snapping,” because, in my opinion, saying something like “mind your business” is snapping, but I’m asking you, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have coworkers that do the whole “Rachel act,” and I make it a point to not answer them. I’ll ask them to put that in an email or use the company chat so I can type out an answer to them.
I’ll advise that I’m sorta deaf in my left ear.” Petefriend86
3. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Friend To Enable Her One-Sided Romance?
“I (20F) became friends with “Mia” (20F) in my freshman year of college. We became close friends very quickly. We’re now juniors in a tiny music program that keeps us in the same building 90% of our days.
Mia is also friends with another friend group in the music building. Recently, she had a class with a guy, “Nick,” who is in this friend group. They’re spending more 1:1 time together as they walk between classes, have lunch together, etc.
Mia never mentioned liking Nick before.
But Mia keeps updating me with stories of Nick doing weird things that confuse her as to whether he likes her or not. Examples:
* They went to a coffee shop on campus; he bought her donut holes and then popped one in her mouth.
* He sits next to her in class and gazes in her direction; Mia thinks he is catching glances at her.
* They have lunch together; he calls a girl “beautiful” on a poster on the wall who is of the same race as Mia; Mia thinks that’s a sign he is trying to show that he is open-minded and into her.
* He invites her to study 1:1 together; then he ghosts her and forgets they even scheduled it together.
Things like that. This has been going on for months. Yet, Mia is not sure she likes Nick either. She doesn’t find his jokes funny, kind of finds him cute, and thinks he might be bad in bed, etc.
It feels like Mia is forcing herself to like Nick just because he is giving her attention.
I also told Mia that I think Nick is just flirting because he is bored and doesn’t really like her. I think she can do better, especially with what happened recently: Mia is not in that friend group’s group chat, but she found out anyway that Nick was joking around in the chat, and another guy (Hispanic) in the chat called him bad words as a joking “insult.” Nick, who is white, never said anything or reprimanded him.
Yet, Mia is convinced she’s not showing enough signs to Nick that she’s interested, and that’s why he’s not asking her out or making the next move. So she’s hatched a new plan: to buy him something for his upcoming birthday to give him “encouragement.” Today, she asked me to drive her (she doesn’t have a car yet; she Uber’s to classes) to a comic book store to buy Nick some memorabilia from their favorite TV show, “The Flash.”
It’s a 5-minute drive from our school, but I have no interest in indulging her in this anymore. When I refused, it escalated into a huge fight and now I’m a “bad friend.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most college towns have good public transit systems. She can take that if she’s so eager to hop into this relationship.
You do need to stop trying to guess people’s feelings or read into their actions, though. Whether their feelings are real or deep or clumsily presented, that’s their business, not yours. You also don’t have to give a reason not to drive a friend somewhere.” Nemesis0408
2. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Leave My Engagement Party Over Criticism And Disrespect?
“I (F21) was just recently engaged to my fiancé (M25), so I decided to throw a small party in the backyard of our house to celebrate it with some of our relatives and friends.
The people that attended were only around 50–60 guests. The party was going well except for the fact that my mom, who was speaking with another guest, spoke quite loudly. I could somewhat hear her inside the house, and I could clearly hear her talking about the venue, saying it was too small and that I hadn’t even bothered to book those fancy venues where parties are held.
She was even talking about my fiancé being too old for me (she and my dad literally have a 9-year age gap, so I don’t get what she was saying here). Because of this, I recklessly stormed downstairs to the backyard so I could at least tell her to be quieter if she wanted to speak like that.
After all, she’s still my mom, so I wanted her to remain at my party. However, when she told me she could speak however she wanted and that I should leave her alone because she was speaking with her friends, I told her to leave if she wouldn’t respect my fiancé.
She then started shouting that I didn’t have any respect for the elders, and it was honestly drawing too much attention. I am really thankful to my sister, who convinced my mom to leave, and the party went well after that.
After the party finished, I wanted to apologize to my mother since I realized I was overreacting earlier.
I was about to call her when I saw that she had actually spammed me with messages, calling me ungrateful, an unpleasant person, and someone who liked her fiancé more than her mother. As someone who has always been sensitive and emotional, I started crying.
Thankfully, my fiancé was there to comfort me, and when he learned why I cried, he immediately called my mom and politely told her to stop, or she would be cut from our lives. After that, my mom and I rarely spoke again, though my sister and I still talked sometimes since we were all busy with our lives.
I still feel quite guilty about how I reacted that day, and I know for a fact that I overreacted, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t overreact. Your mom was badmouthing you to her friends at your own engagement party, refused to listen to reason, then was extremely rude to you afterwards, all while not acknowledging her bad behavior.
I have a feeling you may think you overreacted because your mom probably told you when you were growing up that you were overreacting when you responded to her behavior, as I can’t believe this was the first time she’s behaved like this.” RichSignal7022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was being disrespectful in your home during your party. You can and should hold healthy boundaries. You asked her to lower her voice, not even to stop. She called you an ungrateful, unpleasant person. You’re supposed to like your partner more than your mother.” amaltheakin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t even tell her to stop; you respected her enough to just ask her to lower her voice. Mum should learn that respect goes both ways, and she isn’t going to be in your life forever like your partner.
She doesn’t have to like him, but at the very least, she should respect him.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Forcing My SIL And Her Daughter To Eat Spicy Noodles?
“I (26f) have a SIL “Jane” (32f) who is heavily pregnant (6.5 months in). Jane also has a daughter “Kate” (7f). Currently, her husband and my FIL are doing some repairs to my SIL’s house, so Jane and Kate are staying with me and my husband (27m).
As I know how expensive repairs can be, we have only asked Jane to transfer some money for groceries (about 1/4 of the total for them). Jane is also free to do her own cooking and is happy to try some dishes I make; I just make sure they are not hot or too spicy, as she struggles with the heat.
It is also important that we have a small corner shop which is less than a 5-minute walk away from our house that sells everyday basic food items.
Now, I love spicy food and for the past few years have been enjoying those Korean noodles with the chicken on them (they also say hot and spicy on them).
I have a separate cupboard for the noodles and different hot sauces that Kate can’t reach, as I don’t want her to consume something too spicy for her. So far, it’s been over 2 weeks and we had no issues with this layout, except what happened yesterday.
Due to Jane’s pregnancy, one of her cravings is everything made with milk—so milk, yogurts, cheese, etc.—and she usually eats those at night. So yesterday, my husband and I went to the larger shop in the morning to get more groceries as Jane had finished the last bit of milk and cheese.
Unfortunately, we took longer than expected due to an emergency at work (my husband and I work at the same place), so instead of being back within an hour, the trip lasted about 3 hours. I have texted Jane about it.
Upon coming back home, Jane came to me and started shouting that I’m a jerk and have “forced” her and Kate to eat spicy food, which might cause issues with her pregnancy.
I was confused and asked for more details, and apparently, Jane and Kate were really hungry and had decided to eat my spicy noodles and use the entire sauce sachet without trying the sauce first. It ended up being way too hot for them to handle to the point of both crying from how hot it was and Kate burning herself.
Jane is still not talking to me or my husband and has been ordering takeaway instead of cooking.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pregnancy brain is real (currently pregnant myself), but I don’t remember stupidity being a symptom. Jane is grown up (presumably) and could have tasted things first, and I’m sure she was warned in advance.
What was she waiting for, the skies to part and mana to fall from heaven before seeing to her and her daughter’s needs? Side note: Now I want some Tex-Mex.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“OMG. Jane is horrible and she is modeling that behavior for her daughter.
You are doing a favor by putting a roof over their heads, not charging them the full price of their stay, and occasionally cooking for them, mindful of her limitations while cooking… and then she . . . when you are not there, without asking, eats your leftovers and yells, calling you names?
Really? Pregnant or not, raging hormones causing a complete lack of understanding on how cause/effect works does not give her the right to treat you so poorly. It would take one instance of this out-of-control, irrational display of misguided anger to have me explain that the favor you have been doing for her because of her ungrateful attitude, verbal mistreatment, and complete illogical determination of who is to blame will now be rescinded.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t force them at all and took measures to make sure Kate didn’t get to them. The packet even says spicy on them. Why doesn’t she buy her own food so she doesn’t have to risk ‘being forced’ to eat spicy food?
Also, who cooks/makes food with sauces and spices without tasting the sauce first!?” Hot_Win_6062
