People Want Us To Make A Decision About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. AITJ For Expecting A Reply Text Message To An Invitation?
“I’m a student at university. I’ve been seeing this girl for the past couple of months, but recently we haven’t been able to see each other due to conflicting schedules. This past week I sent her a text message inviting her out to dinner and mini-golf during the weekend. She didn’t reply for a day, so I sent her another message saying that if she wanted to do something else I was open to ideas.
After waiting two more days for a response, I told her that she could have at least replied, to which she replies that she’s been swamped with work. We got into an argument about it, with her saying that people get busy and me saying that it would have taken her 10 seconds to send a reply.
Am I the jerk? I like this girl, and if I’m the jerk of course I’d like to apologize.
However, I’ve been known to be a pushover and I’m trying to change that. Don’t pull any punches, I want the truth.”
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk, just a bit of a prat. We’ve all been there. She either isn’t interested or is actually preoccupied and your hounding is only pushing her further away. It sounds like you have this all figured out already though.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for that but sending multiple messages without answers does make you bad at taking a hint.” ClintHammer
Another User Comments:
“As a woman, I think she’s trying to phase you out.
Go silent. If she wants to get together, she’ll contact you.” VexBoxx
25. AITJ For Only Helping My Sister On Her Work In My Web Design Class?
“Alright, so by some weird anomaly, my sister and I share a Web Page Design class in the same period at our school.
We sit right by each other (our choice since a lot of the kids in there are really annoying) and I often help my sister do her work if she needs help, though I don’t do it for her. When neither of us knows the answer, we ask the teacher, and it gets resolved. No big deal. I’d say the closest I ever came to doing something for her was doing a full overhaul of her data files for a website, and that’s it.
Now this one girl that sits next to her is, in as kind of words as I can say, a dumb and disrespectful witch. She comes in late every day, leaves early, and acts like miss priss every day. Like many people in our class, she simply begs the teacher every 5 seconds for him to help her, even though the instructions are very clearly printed in our textbook (quite literally spelled out step by step) and even though our teacher literally shows the entire class how to do the work in the front of the classroom.
When she doesn’t get help, she throws a temper tantrum about it and says ‘Well I guess I’ll just fail the class then, I don’t even care… Not my problem,’ to the teacher and everyone else.
Occasionally, she’ll beg me for help when she sees me helping my sister, to which I will look her dead in the eyes and say, ‘Do it yourself for once.’ This doesn’t happen a lot, but it has happened before.
I only really say this because in my mind, if someone is a disrespectful little idiot to the teacher and everyone around them, they don’t deserve to be waited on hand and foot like that.
It’s also fair to say that I do this to some other people sometimes when they try to copy off my work without asking. This isn’t nearly as much a problem, since they at least try and ask the teacher before creeping up on my and others’ screens.
Anyways, that’s my story. Am I a jerk for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk. I think that higher education is not just used as an instructive tool or a system to obtain credentials, but it also exists to give people a clearer grasp of living in the material of their choice and potentially changing their field of interest based on their experiences.
If she expects everyone to do the work for her while she sits and retains nothing, and isn’t even grateful, she’s in the wrong field. What would be the right field for that kind of person? I have no idea, but you’re not being a jerk, you’re just not catering to the continuation of a false notion that she will be successful going down this path.
Which she won’t. So ultimately you might be assisting in saving her some time (although from my personal experience, people will always find a way to blame anyone but themselves for their failures.)” Sharra_Blackfire
Another User Comments:
“You are a jerk – to the dumb and disrespectful witch. To everyone else, you’re a hero. The d&d witch is a classic narcissist.
Also, you’re actually helping the d&d witch by forcing her to do her own work.
Because what she REALLY wants is for you to do her work for her – she probably thinks you do your sister’s work too, because it’s convenient for her to conflate ‘help’ with ‘do everything for’. Her idea of assistance is for someone else to deal with what should be her own problems.
She may grow out of it someday, or not. But either way, it’s not your problem.
Keep helping your sister learn.” supershinythings
24. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Sing In The Car?
“I carpool to and from my school with my middle-school-age sister and a few neighbors. What’s happening is my sister sings a lot.
She takes lessons and stuff, and I’ll admit, it’s not necessarily bad. However, do not let her get near a car, because the second she hears Uptown Funk or Blank Space (among many other songs) on a station, she will belt out the entire song until it’s over, then sometimes change the station to look for another song to sing. It bothers me to no end (my neighbors don’t really care either way), and when I ask her to stop, she always scoffs and tells me I’m being rude.
Am I the jerk in this situation, and is there a way to solve this?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not a jerk for this. No one should sing in an enclosed space if even one of the other people there doesn’t want them to.
Your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins. Your right to belt out a song ends where my ears begin.
She has plenty of other places she can sing.
The fact that you express your feelings and get scoffing in return makes her in the wrong. The fact that she disguises her own rudeness (discounting your feelings) by calling you rude is a whole extra level of wrong. She’s being selfish.
The fact is there is a default human behavior of NOT making loud noises.
It’s not like you don’t want her to sing, but she wants to sing, and who is to say who is right? They aren’t equal. Not singing in the car is the default position. That makes her wrong.
You aren’t trying to compel her to some positive action, or anything.
But I don’t see a middle-schooler understanding the nuance here…” robobreasts
Another User Comments:
“Nope.
If she’s scoffing and giving you grief over it she might feel as if you’re insulting her ability by asking her to stop. I would explain that you support her talent and her dedication to it, but just don’t want to hear her sing constantly.” Jazzputin
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your sister doesn’t respect your preferences but let’s be serious here for a second she’s in middle school.
Children are extremely self-centered. That’s kind of what makes them children.
It might do you good to take her aside on a normal day and hash out your feelings. Saying ‘Hey, listen, it’s not that I don’t like your singing, it’s that you sing too loudly and you do it too much in the car and it hurts my ears,’ without it being a direct response to her doing it is much less rude and hopefully will open up a dialog where neither of you is irritated or feeling defensive.” CrabFlab
23. AITJ For Thinking That My Friend's Engagement Is A REALLY Bad Plan?
“My friend has known this guy (my ex) for 2 weeks at most (I could get the exact date but I’m too lazy). They went out for one day and broke up and she was heartbroken and sobbing and crying.
Then today he proposed to her.
Am I the jerk for thinking this is both idiotic and that maybe after a string of romantic failures he’s going for someone he knows will keep him?
I should mention she has VERY low self-esteem because of various things, and I’ve had to constantly reassure her she’s beautiful.
Idk, maybe I’m overthinking this.”
Another User Comments:
“No, and I think you really know already that you’re NTJ. But let’s get a bit more in-depth just for the sake of it.
In my opinion, you’re not a jerk. Because your objection comes from a place of logical discontentment.
‘I don’t think knowing someone for 2 weeks is good enough to base a marriage on,’ would be one objection, and ‘I don’t think you should take a proposal seriously if it follows a hasty breakup’ would also be an objection. Both are perfectly reasonable ones, I might add.
Now, what does it look like from her point of view? Well, who knows… I don’t actually know how to empathize with someone who could take this proposal seriously.
But we know at a base value that she’s hyper-insecure, probably somewhat illogical (ya know what with missing the red flags here), and likely, in some way, desperate. So that means that she may very well think that you’re a jerk, and she might defend that point to the utmost.
Someone with that perspective is really way out of your reach. She’s not one piece of advice away from a stable POV, she’s like a whole lifetime of therapy away from a stable POV.
So, you should speak your mind, and be serious about it. And you should let her do whatever it is that she has a mind to do. She sounds way too mixed up to be logical about this, and that’s on her. It being on her doesn’t make you a jerk. Adults need to have their wits about situations like this, but you can’t force someone to ‘get it.’ They just kind of have to.
Injecting my own perspective here, I think that she is the type of person who is mega-reliant on other people. If she was thinking for herself, she would have seen the insane galactic red flag hanging over the situation, but she didn’t. This is just one more person that she is relying on and she’s just gonna ride it for as long as she can.
Don’t want to sound cold, but there ain’t much to be done. The whole worldview involved with humoring this situation is askew, it’s beyond a single person’s help.” Onyxdeity
Another User Comments:
“You’re not currently the jerk, but you easily could be if you don’t mind your tongue. People don’t like being told what to do even under the best of circumstances and you being an ex makes it pretty much a felony if you try to interfere.
You are probably right, for what it’s worth. This isn’t your battle though and if you try to involve yourself you could very easily become the jerk.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“You are allowed to think whatever you like and will never be a jerk. It’s our actions that make us jerks. So depending what you do with your perspective will determine if you are in fact a jerk.
But yeah that’s totally a really bad idea. Marriage is a big commitment that could have lasting consequences. Getting to know the person before you marry them is typically viewed as a must.” User
22. AITJ For Lying About Not Wanting To Go Traveling With A Friend?
“A good friend of mine, Z, has wanted to go to travel in SE Asia for a while now but has been shot down each summer.
Partly because it’s expensive (we’re students), but also partly because Z is an intense person so spending 6 weeks in a foreign country with him might be a bit much.
Some of my friends and I decided it would be a fun thing to do after graduation, so we are going to SE Asia this summer. However, we found out that Z is also planning his own trip there alone at around the same time as it’s somewhere he’s always wanted to go.
I felt we should keep our trip quiet until we could frame it in a more positive light than ‘oh we like you but not enough to go traveling together’. We’ve kept up this charade of not knowing what we’re doing after graduation.
AITJ for not wanting to tell Z about our plans until his plans are set in stone? It’d avoid any awkwardness if Z wanted to join us, and making it appear like a last-minute plan would save face all around.
My friends would rather just tell him and let him deal with it. But then they don’t see Z as regularly as I do.”
Another User Comments:
“Possibly, yes. Instead of just avoiding him, you’re effectively avoiding him and lying about it, and that’s a jerk move.
‘It’d avoid any awkwardness if Z wanted to join us, and making it appear like a last-minute plan would save face all around.
My friends would rather just tell him and let him deal with it. But then they don’t see Z as regularly as I do.’
What are the odds that you are going to go on this trip and Z never finds out about it? Pretty slim, right? Look, you’re graduating. Z doesn’t need to be part of your life after this summer. If you guys feel like he’d ruin the trip, just tell him you aren’t going with him, and you’re going on your own trip.
You might hurt his feelings, but your friends are right – lying about it and trying to cover it up is even worse. That says ‘Not only do we not want to spend time with you, but we can’t trust you to handle that information like an adult, so we’re treating you like a child.’
If you absolutely need an excuse, just say that your travel itinerary is very different from his planned route and that you guys already locked in your plans.” User
Another User Comments:
“This is something that Z has been wanting to do for a long time and from how I understand it, specifically wanted to do together with you.
Now you’ve planned the travel with other friends and not even considered that bringing him in a group could mitigate a lot of his ‘intensity’, he might make a great guide since he’s obsessed over SE Asia for a while or whatever.
To me it sounds like you’re not a good friend to Z, you’re just a jerk.
Not telling Z now isn’t making anything better, it’s just easier for you not to deal with him before he’s ‘trapped’ himself in an itinerary that isn’t yours.” ZorglubDK
Another User Comments:
“You’re a jerk because the only reason to hide your plan is to avoid an awkward moment and make things easier for you.
Don’t pretend like you’re trying to save Z’s feelings.” DrProbably
21. AITJ For Telling My Friend That Her Ex Is A Creep?
“We are both around 30 and have been friends for a few years. She has the lowest self-esteem of any individual I know (almost crippling), and finally got her first relationship about 2 years ago. She’s basically at the starting game of going out with guys. This guy. He’s a creep. He’s a loser with 2 kids from 2 different women.
No education. My friend and I are both educated and made good life decisions for the most part.
Anyway, he insists on hugging and kissing my cheek every time he says hello or goodbye to me, and it has always made me uncomfortable (He is from Louisiana btw, it’s not a cultural thing). He always made comments about how my friend was too big and that I’m just the right size and just his type.
He’s tried to message me on social media and text me to talk, and I mostly ignored him unless it had to do with my friend. He’s just really creepy and I feel incredibly uncomfortable being around him.
Recently, he checked my profile and wrote me saying something like ‘Hi OP, what are you looking for on here?’ I didn’t respond, but he kept checking my profile.
I felt like it was time for me to talk to my friend about her man, especially since he was actively looking to meet and potentially hook up with other people.
We met for lunch, and she told me that they broke up, are still sleeping together, and that she won’t see other people anymore but she knows that he’s talking to other girls. This definitely made me feel better talking about things with her.
What a jerk guy. I left out parts that I felt would be hurtful towards her, but basically made her aware of things. I don’t know what was said after our lunch, but he took me off his friend’s list on social media and my friend has been really cold to me. He still checks my profile. Let me be clear… I have never nor will I ever have any attraction to this guy.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Like you said, she has really low self-esteem. She’s probably taking your comments about her partner personally and probably feels a lot of pain (from him doing that to you, AND from that being done to her), guilt (for bringing a creep into your lives), and depression (from having picked a creep after years of being single).
Unfortunately, most people are completely unaware of why they are experiencing bad feelings, and so they attribute the bad feelings to whatever is in front of them (‘you told me this and he’s been hitting on you so screw you!’) instead of what’s really causing them. If she has crippling self-esteem issues, she has a history of doing exactly this thing.
In conclusion, no, you are not the jerk… the guy is.
Try not to take your friend’s treatment of you personally, either. You remember first-relationship-syndrome… that plus self-esteem issue is drama waiting to happen. Sorry, friend.” Lytelife
Another User Comments:
“I’ll play devil’s advocate here and say YTJ. If she doesn’t want you meddling in her affairs then you should’ve just dropped it.” Stay100
Another User Comments:
“The reality of these situations really sucks. You’re certainly not the jerk here.
Clearly, he is!
Unfortunately, when we go to our friends with information like this, a lot of people on the bad end will attempt to lie their way out of it and the friend is more likely to believe them because it is what they want to believe.
I was in a situation a few years back where a friend of mine who seldom goes out with people was seeing a girl who I knew was unfaithful in quite a few past relationships.
When I found out for sure that she was lying I maintained my distance from him for a bit but told every single one of our mutual friends what I had witnessed and phrased it that I was really worried that he didn’t know she was seeing this other guy. I was afraid for quite a while that his anger about the situation could easily be directed at me instead of her and I didn’t want our friendship lost in the crossfire.
Luckily after we went a few weeks without talking he got ahold of me and acted as if everything was normal.
I guess my point is that a lot of people who are lied to want to believe their SO so much that friendships can be lost in the process of them finding out what type of person their SO really is. It’s not your fault by any means, but it’s also not an abnormal reaction.” Malakiun
20. AITJ For Not Explaining To My Work Partner How Inappropriate His Comments Are?
“I own and run a company together with three male partners. I’m the fourth partner, and female. A few weeks ago, I was trying to hand over an important project to one of my partners before I went on vacation.
While I was briefing him, he interrupted me a number of times and went off on lengthy tangents – so often, and so lengthy, that it was becoming difficult to give him all of the info he needed to complete the project without me. This bothered me, and I must have gotten snippy (I didn’t realize it at the time) because when I left the room for coffee, he turned to another partner and said: ‘Do you know what I would say to my wife if she spoke to me like that?’ And then proceeded to bark in that partner’s face like an angry dog.
I caught the tail end of this, and when he realized I had overheard, he repeated the whole thing, trying to play it off as a harmless joke. I was pretty taken aback and couldn’t immediately compute what he had just said and what the implications were. I told him that I hadn’t realized my tone was out of line, apologized, and that was that.
Now, weeks later, his comment still irks me. Hardcore. This is blatant misogyny, and it’s in my innermost work circle, I own a business with these people. The problem is, because of my vacation, weeks have passed since it happened – and I haven’t spoken to him about it. By now, I feel like the fact that I can’t let it go is more a reflection of my own limitations – my white-hot anger when it comes to misogyny and my inability to be chill about it – than of the crassness of the incident itself.
OK, so here’s the AITJ. The fact that he said this has made me lose respect for him. I genuinely like him less, and I think it’s starting to show in our daily interactions. I don’t really enjoy talking to him, so I only strike up a conversation if I have to. The tone is always professional and polite, but I wouldn’t say friendly, and the frequency of our conversations has dropped. And when he interrupts me now, I just keep on talking and bulldoze right over him.
This especially has made him notice that something is going on, but since the incident happened a few weeks ago, he has no idea what he did wrong.
I should add that I was brought on board explicitly to add structure/professionalism to the company. We work in a creative field and before I joined the team, it was kind of a crazy, non-productive free-for-all.
I’ve been fairly successful in implementing discipline, but it’s been a long and hard fight… Which has resulted in my being labeled as the company nag. This is the main reason why I haven’t brought the issue up. It is absolutely vital that I pick my battles.
I also believe that deep-seated misogyny isn’t something you can talk someone out of.
Am I the jerk for not explaining to my partner how inappropriate his comment was?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not being a jerk. He’s the one who created the problem, not you. It’s just a bummer that the burden of resolving it is on you now. I think there must be some better way to handle it, but since you’re not vindictively seeking a way to prolong the issue (and certainly didn’t ask to be condescended to) I cannot think of any reason to call you the jerk for this.
He’s the jerk.
Now comes the attempt at advice (although I’m no expert). Has the commentary continued? Has he done anything else that was out-of-line or abusive since then? If so, and another incident presents itself, I think you have to speak up and explain the problem when it occurs, either to him personally, or among the group of all four partners. If you just decide to call him out after weeks of stewing without a new mistake to point to, you run an increased risk that he and the other partners will silently start to think of you as the cause of the problem, and it will erode your value to them.
(I’m not saying they’d be right to have this attitude, or that it makes sense, but just that it’s something it would be wise to anticipate.)
So, if the offender does make another comment that the others should agree is abusive, you should immediately speak up, and this will probably demonstrate your value to them as the raiser of standards, and probably get at least two of the partners on your side immediately, making it much easier to convince him that he’s wrong, or control him if he doesn’t immediately come around.
If, however, NOTHING else has happened since the original indecent, you might consider that the embarrassment of being caught by you made him re-examine himself, and may have even changed his tune.” flignir
Another User Comments:
“If you’re going to be having trust/personal issues between partners then perhaps it is best to incorporate the business. You can structure the constitution of the corporation to protect your ability to participate in decision-making, etc. That way if the boys all gang up on you they still have to involve you in making decisions because the company constitution says that they have to.
In a partnership, you don’t have the same protections. Talk to a lawyer about it.
I think you both need to re-establish courteous, professional communication. Letting this escalate into an emotional war is not good considering that you rely on each other to run the business.” internetalterego
19. AITJ For Thinking That Telemarketers Don't Deserve Courtesy From Me?
“I answer the phone in a small office and I suffer through easily 20 calls a day by Robo-dialing pollsters, telemarketers in call centers, and individual salesmen cold-calling to offer something that is completely unwanted but a company like mine might use.
Personally, I think what telemarketers do is save funds and enrich themselves at the expense of the general public. Sure, each individual occurrence is too small to criminalize or prosecute, but a multitude of them can make it unreasonably expensive to pay a staff to answer your business line or make it insane for useful officers of a business to be reachable directly by phone.
Whether or not there is a Do Not Call list, it should be illegal in all forms.
I have never bought the argument that you shouldn’t be rude to them because the person on the phone just needs the funds and it’s really the boss who should suffer. Yes, the boss should suffer, but when I think something is wrong, I don’t take a job doing it.
I think it’s wrong to kick puppies, and if someone offered me $15/hr to kick puppies, I wouldn’t do it. Therefore the instant I know I’m talking to a robot-dialed salesman or pollster, I hang up without a word. If it’s one of those individual dialers who tries to fool me into thinking they know the eponymous company owner/CEO (because they read the company name somewhere), I usually get hung up on and called again several times before I can ask in a civil tone that they never call again and explain that the CEO never picks up a call from a party he doesn’t know.
Once an individual has redialed enough to have ignored at least one civil request to remove me from the dialing list and later become recognizable to me by voice, I am openly hostile and aggressive to them. I have eventually told several of them to go screw themselves with a rusty spike or something similar.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are the jerk, with caveats.
First off, promptly hanging up on them = not the jerk.
As for barraging them with insults, I get the frustration, but the person calling you is literally sitting in front of a screen. They hear the line connect and a script pops up in front of them that they have to read. If you say you’re not interested, there’s a script for that, too. Their boss is listening in on the call.
If they deviate from the script, they get reprimanded and possibly fired. They’re essentially expected to act like robots. In fact, the only reason those companies probably don’t use robots is because robots have a higher hangup rate.
Of course, in response to that, you claim this:
‘I have never bought the argument that you shouldn’t be rude to them because the person on the phone just needs the funds and it’s really the boss who should suffer.
Yes, the boss should suffer, but when I think something is wrong, I don’t take a job doing it. I think it’s wrong to kick puppies, and if someone offered me $15/hr to kick puppies, I wouldn’t do it.’
This is nonsense. I get that you wouldn’t kick puppies, but if you were broke, if your business went under, and the only job you could get was telemarketing, yes you absolutely would swallow your pride and take it.
There’s no way you can say with a straight face that if you had to choose between getting evicted/foreclosed on or taking a telemarketing job, you’d proudly proclaim ‘Looks like it’s the street for me!’ and march out the door with your bundle on a stick. Sure, you’d keep looking for something better so you could quit, you’d stare forlornly at your face in the mirror in the evening wondering what happened to your principles, and you’d struggle to come up with ways to justify the fact that you make your livelihood by spreading misery throughout the world one unsolicited call at a time, but you’d still do it if you were desperate enough.
I say that because that’s how I wound up there. I got laid off and took two part-time jobs so I could pay rent. One of them was at one of those political phone survey companies that worked for politicians and issues that I adamantly disagree with. But guess what? My landlord didn’t accept principles and moral fortitude as payment for rent, so I sucked it up for two months until my other job offered me a full-time gig, and then I broke the sound barrier sprinting out of that place.
I don’t know if it’s true everywhere, but the company I worked for had a huge turnover rate for that reason. Nobody wants to work there, and everybody quits the moment they find something better, so you’re basically talking to each of these people at the lowest point of their professional lives. They know what they’re doing is trashy. That was the worst part about being cursed out by people I called: I knew that their anger was completely justified. You’re right!
This is awful! It’s true, only a nasty son of a fluffer would interrupt someone during dinner to ask nonsense questions about the elections!
The scary thing, though, is that the only reason this industry exists is because it works. Not the majority of the time, of course, but enough of the time to justify people putting funds into it. If anything, you ought to be even more angered at the mouth-breathing, sloped-foreheaded morons who actually respond positively to this tactic for providing the monetary incentive to perpetuate it.” User
Another User Comments:
“Nope, not a jerk at all. It’s simply a logistical issue: If you didn’t request any contact from them, then they are taking up your time. I’m guessing your time is valuable, and by knowingly interrupting you, for something that, statistically, you won’t be interested in, they don’t deserve your respect. I’ve also never understood why ‘being their job’ means they deserve respect.
They’re getting paid to make those calls, you’re not getting paid to receive them. I think that in itself is quite disrespectful, and means you don’t, in turn, need to offer them any respect.
I will say, that it’s better to avoid having to be rude in the first place though: I don’t know your situation, so this may not work for you, but I personally don’t answer the phone if I don’t know the number dialing in.
It’s not worth my time, and if they really need to contact me, they can leave a message. If they are a marketer, then they get blocked. That way I never have to deal with them in the future.” CaptSpify_is_Awesome
Another User Comments:
“Well, you’re less of a jerk than I am to phone scammers.
That said, the rule I go with is that you should be as polite on the phone as you are in person.
If you wouldn’t handle someone who had come in asking to speak to you like that, you shouldn’t do it to someone who calls you. If you would, you should.” sidhe3141
18. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Restaurant After Waiting For 90 Minutes?
“So 4 friends and I decided to try an authentic Chinese/Korean restaurant. It wasn’t particularly crowded that night. I order the Bibimbap. About an hour and 38 minutes after we order, I don’t have my food and everyone else had just part of their food.
At this point, I’m perfectly fine; I’ve been described as freakishly patient. But my friends are quite irate and want to just straight up leave. Although I’m the only one without at least a morsel of food in front of me, I’m not perfectly okay with just walking out.
My friend Ernesto flags over our waiter and tells the guy how long we’ve been waiting and that we won’t eat it and asked for the check.
The guy just looks down and says ‘ok’ (I’m not sure he quite understood us). After he disappears for another 15 minutes, my friends finally convinced me to walk out with them despite the fact that I would have probably waited another hour if necessary. I don’t know, I had water and ate some of the complimentary starters that usually come with Korean food but some of us had eaten an appetizer or two.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really think so. I mean the whole thing is unfortunate, but you guys went the extra step of trying to let them know. Most people wouldn’t even do that, and if they didn’t heed it, that’s kinda just tough luck, then. My max wait limit is right around an hour or 75mins, you guys could only take it for so long.
If you wanted to be perfect model citizens you would have made a strong effort to let them know that you would be leaving and not paying, but that’s kind of above and beyond for such an outrageous wait. I’d rule it 90% perfectly ok and 10% jerk, but with the noted addendum that sometimes being 100% perfect means accepting other people’s jerkiness without complaint.” Onyxdeity
Another User Comments:
“They failed to do so much as ask for the money in a reasonable timeframe? Well, I guess they must not have wanted it. And that’s after failing to provide the service to any degree remotely approaching adequate? Well, I guess they don’t deserve it, either.
I’m not your lawyer and this is not legal advice, but I’d say you’re not the jerk.
That, or you’re a ghost. See your doctor and have that checked out.” SuperFLEB
Another User Comments:
“90 minutes? That’s a long time. And you asked for the check, and waited another 15 minutes? That was totally reasonable of you guys. You tried to pay, but they weren’t interested in taking your money.
I do NOT think it was wrong to walk out. You weren’t trying to scam them for free stuff. You had an implicit deal: they give you food and service, and you pay them.
They failed miserably in their part, which releases you from the obligation on your part.” robobreasts
17. AITJ For No Longer Making An Effort To Be Nice To My Partner's Friend?
“I’ve been going out with my partner John for a month. His flatmate, Jane, is a good friend of his who he works with. When John’s ex dumped him Jane offered her house to him. She insisted that he does not pay any rent and they agreed that he stay for roughly a month. That was in January.
When John first moved in Jane jumped him on the couch and tried to kiss him and initiate intimacy.
John politely turned her down because he doesn’t believe in sleeping with flatmates/coworkers. I’m honestly fine with this – I can understand being attracted to John. I didn’t even meet him until a month later. I do not do anything ‘couply’ with John in front of her. I have never kissed him or told him I liked him in front of her.
Jane and I were friendly at first but then she started becoming extremely passive-aggressive.
She suddenly refused to talk to either of us and would sometimes demand that we leave the house at 11 pm because she ‘wanted space’ and we couldn’t come back until the next day… And even then John had to come back alone. On our first night as a couple, she got wasted and started screaming on the phone at her friend about how much she hated John and wanted to live alone – she did this from like 8m away and knew we could hear her.
I’m very conservative and shy around strangers so on the rare occasion she talks to me she likes to push subjects to try and make me uncomfortable.
Now, I’m of the belief that whoever has the house makes the rules so we should just shut up and deal with it until John finds a new place. The thing is, I only visit once a week and Jane always holds that over John’s head.
He has tried to pay her rent several times and each time Jane refuses but then tries to control him by saying ‘no you can’t do this/have your girl visit because you don’t pay any rent’. He always pays utilities though. Jane has also told John multiple times that she doesn’t mind that he stays longer despite the initial agreement only being for a month.
Every time Jane does something bad she apologizes later and says she knows she’s being unreasonable but then she goes and does it again.
John has been applying for new houses every day but has been unsuccessful because our city has a huge housing crisis. Jane is still insisting that it’s fine that he stay with her until then and that it’s okay if I visit once a week (she always says it’s fine but complains later, saying that she hates my laugh or wants space).
After this, I never ask to visit John unless John and Jane ask me. I have never been anything but polite to Jane’s face (although I’ve told John I can’t understand why he wants to be friends with someone who controls him when he’s 27) and every time I come over I smile genuinely and greet her but now neither of us bother with conversation.
I’m NOT after a solution (obviously he needs to move out or I need to stop visiting when she says it’s okay), I just want to know if I’m a jerk for not bothering to try and make things up to Jane when it’s only been a measly month, considering he still wants to stay friends with her (everyone says she has a really nice side that I haven’t seen) and I think girls should always make an effort to be nice to people their partners care about.
John’s abusive ex refused to meet his friends and family. When she finally met his friends at a work function she left without telling him because she was bored. He was humiliated. A year later she finally met his mother and constantly complained about how she was forced to be there and even left early alone to catch a 2hr bus to the airport to get home – they were only visiting for two days.
I’m trying to help John get to a better place after the things his ex did and I’m worried that by giving up with Jane I am being like his ex. Yes, I know he has awful taste.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like this Jane person has some psychological problems. There’s pretty much not going to be any winning with her, and frankly, I’ll consider you to have the patience of a Saint for even being somewhat cordial with her.” Yohfay
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like she wants to keep him around and have him feel positively towards her. She can’t let him level the playing field for fear of losing her leverage. You’re right, it’s thoroughly creepy and you guys have got to get out of there. Just try and hang on until you can.” User
16. AITJ For Making Somebody Go To Work The Next Day With Wet Clothes So That I Could Sleep?
“I live in a rented 6 bedroom house with 5 other students. We all work Monday to Friday, 09:00 to 17:30. A housemate of mine decided at 22:45 that she wanted to use the tumble dryer, as I was climbing into bed. I got up and the conversation went something like this:
For further clarification, the house we live in is garbage. The tumble dryer is located on top of the washing machine, and no matter how hard we try, the thing will rattle and push itself up against the wall outside my door, and shake into the wall constantly until it is finished. I and one other person live on the bottom floor, and the other 4 people live upstairs.
Me: ‘Hey, please can you use the tumble dryer in the morning so that I can sleep now.’
Upstairs roommate: ‘I can’t, as I need dry garments for tomorrow morning at work.’
Me: ‘Well I need sleep. Can you put the garments you need to be dried out to air tonight, and then use the tumble dryer in the morning? It’ll be dry by the morning.’
Upstairs roommate: ‘No, it needs to be dried in this tumble dryer.’
So she proceeds to start it for 50 minutes and goes upstairs. I turn it off as soon as she leaves, and get back into bed. A minute or so later, I hear her come down and start it again. I go outside and so begins the argument where she says that I can keep turning it off, but she will continue to turn it on again.
Eventually, I decided to just let her win and I lay awake for the entire time the dryer is hitting against my wall.
Cut to 6.30 am, and I hear her come downstairs and run the machine AGAIN for another half an hour. Now I’m completely sure this was out of spite. I get up, go to turn off the dryer and suddenly a great idea comes to me.
I locate the fuse box in the house and flick the switch which controlled the power to the sockets. I went back to sleep peacefully, to the sounds of her trying to find out why her spin stopped. Please note, that the fuse-box switches did not affect the fridge and freezer or such, I checked before going back to bed.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You both are jerks in this situation. Yes, you gave your roommate an option to dry her stuff that would let you sleep, but you ignored the fact that air drying might not actually dry it in time for them to use. You then went and repeatedly turned off the dryer, even though it was only 50 minutes of loss of sleep you would be risking.
You even turned off the fuse box (huge jerk move). Your roommate is also the jerk in the sense that they passive-aggressively turned on the dryer in the morning, but then again you did tell them to do that when you were arguing the previous night.” fifthpilgrim
Another User Comments:
“Both of you are at least a little.
If she absolutely insisted the garments needed to be tumbled dried (maybe it had to do with the material?), then you could have compromised even more simply by asking her to do just her garments, which would take much less time than a full load, then do the rest in the morning.
If this was a one-time thing, I’d say she’s inconsiderate, but it’s only 50 minutes, and it’s not the end of the world. If this is a recurring issue, then I’d say she’s definitely in the wrong and not respecting your schedule.
If she really did turn it on just to spite you in the morning, it definitely pushes her over the edge into being fully a jerk in the situation.
On the other hand, sometimes mistakes happen and things get put off. The extra hour isn’t going to kill you, and if it really needs to be tumble-dried, for whatever reason, it’s not that big a deal to allow it once in a while if it’s just an accident. I’m sure there are things you’ve done, like leave dishes in the sink a little longer than is fair, that they’ve let slide in the past. As long as it doesn’t become a recurring issue, sometimes we need to just let things go.” Zephs
Another User Comments:
“Yes you are, she needs to dry clothes, she needs to use the dryer, and you just turn it off? That is pretty childish. It’s noisy? Shouldn’t have lived in the room near the dryer. I lived under the main hallway in a house, could I make people stop walking so that I could get more sleep? No, I pushed my bed into the back corner of the room and reminded myself of the reasons I chose that room.” bigexplosion
15. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Coworker?
“I work on the customer service desk with M, and the rule is that if you can’t do a shift, for whatever reason, you should attempt to sort it out yourself and get a shift swapped with someone else, which my line manager is usually pretty much fine with (saves them the hassle of changing rotas).
Now, something I should mention is that usually, three weeks’ worth of shift timetables are available. These are pinned up in the manager’s office, and the staff office, and there’s a copy behind the CSD. Anyone who wants to check their shifts (or needs to) can go and consult any of these copies at any time.
A few weeks ago, M asked me on a Friday afternoon if I could cover a Saturday shift, to which I said no. I found it totally unreasonable that I was being expected to cover a shift with less than 12 hours’ notice, and I wasn’t particularly happy that her ‘reason’ for wanting that day off was ‘because I promised my little girl we’d go shopping’.
To me, the shift timetable had been up for long enough that if it had been that important, she would have spoken to the line manager and asked not to be put in a shift that day (which is entirely possible, I’ve done it). I told her this in a polite fashion and advised her gently that if she had availability issues, she needed to go to a manager and actually tell them.
Skip forward to two days ago and she seems to be pulling the same thing again. I’m now covering her shift today for what appears to be similar reasons, and I’m not happy as this was supposed to be the start of 4 days of holiday for me.
Now fair enough, things like childcare are an issue, and I can understand if some genuine reason to do with the kids or whatever is an issue, but to me, the whole thing looks like she’s using this as a trump card, and I’m being expected to give in to every demand.
Magically, every other person with children in the store seems to cope just fine.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you’re fine. Awful people often use their kids as leverage. It’s very low and IMO ‘I have to take my kid to the doctor/ER’ is the only valid child excuse that should supersede work obligations.
You’re not the jerk but if you’re working for her today and didn’t want you, you’re kinda the chump.
If you haven’t already, make it clear that this is a favor and you expect her to be accommodating if you ever want to switch in the future. Hopefully, she’ll return the favor but if she’s as selfish as your short tale seems to imply, you should probably just stop doing her favors.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think it was a problem at all to say no to the shift. 12 hours’ notice is not enough for you, and that’s all there is to it.
What is kind of a problem is telling her off about her life decisions and mentioning that the shift timetable had been up. Even if all of this is true, she probably took it to be very condescending because of course she knew all of that and was just trying to get around it. Judging her decisions or talking down to her are not your responsibility.” brieg91
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you are not the jerk. I know a jerk at work like this. I told her flat out she knew she had kids when she accepted the schedule and no one should have to work double shifts since she has kids.” Dr_Mrs_TheM0narch
14. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Keep Me Updated When Plans Change?
“We live together and have a child together. Her sister babysits for us while we are working. My partner told me that she was just picking our daughter up after work and would not be hanging out… cut to later… no text or call letting me know that she had decided to stay and hang out so I am left wondering if she is ok or if something happened…
it puts me in an awkward position because now I have to contact her to see what’s going on… and I hate looking or sounding possessive. Now she’s mad at me because ‘I scolded her’ when in reality it’s just that I care about her and my daughter and don’t want anything to happen to them… and I certainly don’t want to be in a position of not knowing where to start looking if something were to happen… am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t seem like the jerk. Although I’m curious as to what exactly you said to her or if there’s an issue in your relationship that made her overreact.
That being said, motherhood sounds like a stressful ride. And it can cause a lot of stress on adult relationships.
Sometimes it falls on dad to take care of mom while mom takes care of the baby.” fingerpies
Another User Comments:
“No. What she did wasn’t right. You weren’t telling her not to hang out, you just needed to know when she was going to be home. You two should have a conversation about this and figure out why this has become such an issue. She sounds like she has some issues with control.” Viperbunny
13. AITJ For Commenting On A Thread That I Had No Business In?
“I graduated from this college last year. During my time there I started a club (let’s call it the ‘Cool Kids Club’). For a club to be recognized by the university it has to meet several steps, one of them is to have a constitution. I wrote the constitution myself and it was adopted into the club.
The Cool Kids Club did well in the beginning, but ultimately sputtered out and became unrecognized by the university.
This year a group of people who still attended the university approached me wanting to restart the Cool Kids Club and asked if they could use my constitution (as well as the social media group I made for the club.) I agreed, they adopted it, and the Cool Kids Club was back on.
Sweet!
Today there was a post in the social media group from the current club president (‘Anthony’) saying that there would be elections for executive board positions at the meeting tomorrow. The constitution clearly states that elections are to be held ‘at the second meeting of Fall quarter.’ This is to allow freshmen that want to be involved with the executive board a chance to do so.
The first reply is from ‘Kevin’ who argues in favor of Fall elections, citing the potential Freshman interest. I reply with the part of the club constitution that outlines when elections are to be held. A few people get upset with me commenting, stating things like ‘he doesn’t even go here’ and ‘why are you even posting right now?’
There was a significant response from Anthony stating his reasons for wanting the elections now instead of in the Fall but said he’d be willing to do what the general body wants to do.
He also questioned why I was responding to the thread.
My motives were simple… I just wanted them to follow the constitution. I don’t go to the university anymore, but I do know the rules they agreed to follow. Am I the jerk for pointing it out? Some of them seem to think so.”
Another User Comments:
“Your only misstep was making your reply public.
This invites everyone to throw out their knee-jerk uninformed response. It sounds like you’re fairly unknown to the newcomers so you probably just seem like some weird guy chiming in about constitutions.
You should have sent a message to Anthony or whoever, pointed out the line in the constitution, and outlined why you felt the rule was important.
You’re not the jerk.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“Definitely not. If you didn’t, maybe you should have mentioned you wrote the constitution but then the jerks would just call you out on something else.” User
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk! You’re the guy who created their constitution for Pete’s sake! If they don’t follow one rule then they can dissolve their whole club, I mean what’s the point then? Do they even know that you created the constitution?” GamerX44
12. AITJ For Dawdling On Railway Lines?
“My friends and I were crossing some railway lines next to the train station. It was one of those crossings with heavy, magnetic gates with lights and sirens and disco balls that automatically lock up and let you know of the impending doom about 4 minutes before the actual train comes.
Anyway, on the other side of the track is an official-looking white van, and sitting in the front seat is this guy in a fluorescent haz jacket. He’s sort of peering at us in a sort of doomed teenager sort of way.
I had my bike on me, so I let my friend pull the first gate open. I pushed my bike across the track and waited for my friend to open the second gate for me.
He had it open in a shake, and I guess one of my other mates said something funny because I turned and gave him a smirk. I turned back to push my bike off the crossing and…
‘Hey, GET OFF THE TRACKS!’
It was the guy in the van. He proper screamed it too, like he was nurturing some kind of righteous wrathful flame; like we had killed someone he loved. High-level rage.
I was kind of offended. I’m a young person, and my friends and I aren’t exactly the smartest-looking group (or should I say the most wealthy-looking… you get the image I’m building here). We get bad looks, we’ve had people threatening to call the police to kick us out of parks. It’s mostly undeserved, and I’ll admit I’ve had to apologize for being too boisterous or loud to a couple of upset parents.
But this guy was watching us through his little van window, probably stopwatch in hand, waiting for one of us to simply hesitate on these very empty, very safe railway tracks for two seconds, getting figuratively chubby at the thought of rightfully screaming at a bunch of low-down scum. I bet it made him feel very law-abiding and contributory to the wellbeing of society to poke his head out of his company van, have a go, and smugly roll his window back up.
So basically… I got a little mad, I threw some nasty insults around. Half of my mates are reacting typically – ‘woohoo you showed him… awesome’. The other half is making me feel kind of bad about it – ‘he’s just doing his job… maybe he saw someone get hit by a train and honestly cares about us’. I’m so mad at the latter group; I think the guy’s anger wasn’t necessary and was unprofessional. But anyway, that’s why I’m here.
What do you think?
EDIT: There was no train coming. The gates weren’t locked, and the lights weren’t going off. Then the gates are always closed, because of the spring mechanism that pushes them to shut at all times.”
Another User Comments:
“If you were on the right side of the law, the guy was totally wrong to be yelling at you. You were in the right and he was in the wrong, it’s as simple as that.
You’re not the jerk, people just suck at reading train signals.” User
Don't play on the tracks, don't dilly dally on them either. The psychological damage to the train conductors is awful, your families will be devastated and wrecked. A loss like that is not something any of us prepare for as parents. H**l I didn't prepare for my dad to die so young, that f****d me up big time. A horrific accident like that? I'd be a goner. Please be safe hun.
11. AITJ For Telling The Person On The Phone That My Dad Was Asleep?
“When this happened my dad had been in his room, lying in bed for over an hour. When the phone rang my mom couldn’t answer it, my brother was whining, general chaos around the house. My dad yelled from his room ‘someone gets the phone’ which I thought was weird since he always has the phone with him.
Anyway, I answered it and it was my uncle asking for my dad. I said I thought he was asleep and offered to check to which he replied that it was ok and he would call later.
Detail: the phone is a landline phone so I couldn’t leave my room while talking.
So, when I got out of the room my dad (still in his room with the lights off) asked me who was on the phone and when I told him he got really angry because apparently he was awake and I should have known that since he talked to me (referring to the yelling for someone to get the phone which he would have also done if he had been awakened by the phone).
So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, but you are kinda sorta wrong. It should have been obvious that he was awake seeing as he is the one who told you (albeit indirectly) to answer the phone. The correct thing to do would have been to say ‘I think he’s laying down, is it important?’ and then go check with your father and go from there.
If anyone is the jerk it’s your dad for getting upset with you over something so minor but I’m guessing that had to do with his exhaustion more than you. Unless you’re leaving out a gap in time or some other detail, you’re good.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely not the jerk. There’s no way you could have known. Sounds like your dad’s just stressed and you got the brunt of it.
Hugs.” User
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say you’re the jerk. I would have assumed the phone woke him up, he yelled for someone to get it because he was going back to sleep and didn’t want to talk on the phone, or else he would have gotten the phone himself. Just a misunderstanding is all.” MereGirl
10. AITJ For Taking Two Slices Of Pizza From A Guy Instead Of One?
“My flatmates are away and have let their friend sleep in their room for the next few weeks. As far as I’m aware, he’s living here for free.
I just met him a couple of hours ago and he told me ‘help yourself’ to a pizza that he’d just had delivered. I thanked him and took the two smallest slices and he looked at me shocked like I’d just hurt a puppy.
The two slices amounted to roughly 17% of the pizza. I took them because they had the least amount of topping (just one prawn in total).
He definitely said ‘help yourself’ buuuut judging from his appearance/accent he’s from South America so there may be a cultural difference there where it’s said to be polite but a line should be drawn? I have no idea, I’ve lived in NZ all my life.”
Another User Comments:
“In my understanding, this is a cross-cultural issue. I live in the US and there’s a huge variation in what people actually mean when they use phrases like that. As far as I understand it, most people actually use the phrase NOT to say, ‘Literally take what you desire because that is what I am offering,’ but actually, ‘I feel obligated to offer you something but don’t actually want you to take it.’ You can see this same attitude in other phrases that people throw around — ‘I’m here if you need anything’ (they’re not) or ‘I’d never do that!’ (they would and likely have.)
So nah you’re not a jerk, this is a way bigger problem than just this one situation, it’s the whole universal problem of people wanting to seem nice but not be inconvenienced by the things niceness requires.” Onyxdeity
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think that makes you the jerk. He probably didn’t think you would partake but he offered. You didn’t take half the pie, you didn’t lick all the pieces left in the box… he’s staying with you for free (or for 17% of the pizza pie he bought) and it seems like he probably had a disproportionate reaction.” L0BST3R
Another User Comments:
“I think the amount of detail you’ve put into your defense shows that you have a suspicion that you may have done something wrong. Maybe you should have taken one slice and then asked if you could have another.
All that considered, it’s a pizza, for Pete’s sake. You’re guilty of being a bit greedy, but not a jerk.” User
9. AITJ For Cutting Off A Woman In Line Who Was Using Her Phone?
“I’m walking to 4 self-checkout stations which are queued with one line (marked by an actual painted line on the floor).
One of the checkouts is free and has been for a good 20-30 seconds, which I noticed as I was approaching. There was a woman already standing in the line who was texting something on her phone, with two hands, and clearly focused on it.
I gave her another 20 seconds or so, and then:
I walked right around her without saying anything and proceeded to scan my items. About 30 seconds later, she notices and walks over to me to confront me.
She said as much as ‘excuse me, I…’ before I interrupted her and said, ‘you were playing with your phone so I took your spot.’
I don’t think I’d do this again because it was so negative and clearly not worth it, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If she was really playing on her phone holding things up for almost a minute she’s the jerk, not you.
I personally like your response. I might have said something sarcastic while in line behind her instead of cutting though.” CharlieLovesPie
Another User Comments:
“I’m neutral. I don’t think you’re a jerk for taking her spot because I hate people who make others wait for them while they don’t do anything at all but you definitely should have told her to go to the free checkout.” User
Another User Comments:
“Did it look like a mistake? If it was, your approach was kinda impolite and should have just let her know the machine is available. If she just looked like she didn’t care (I doubt most people would do this on purpose, however) then your approach was an okay one.” User
8. AITJ For Telling An Obsessive Guy To Get Lost?
“I am in high school and this is all just teenage nonsense but I am genuinely concerned. I made friends with a guy at the beginning of freshman year, we bonded over video games and such.
He started to become creepily obsessed. He would text me constantly even if I didn’t reply, and ask where I was if I didn’t already tell him. He told me he had some issues with people leaving him, so I promised I wouldn’t so long as he didn’t turn into a total jerk. He did.
I had a partner at first but we broke up and I finally came out that I was single.
About a week later I guess he was going to ask me out. (wouldn’t have said yes.) A guy that bullied him in middle school I guess beat him to it. I said yes to that guy. Well, this creepy obsessive guy (let’s call him J) got so annoyed that he threw his backpack at a school computer. He got upset at me for saying yes and tried to convince me that my new partner (let’s call him D) didn’t actually care and just wanted me for bragging rights.
J got so weird that I began to ignore him, he would walk around the school and stare at me, no matter where I was. His eyes followed me like one of those creepy paintings you see in museums. After I felt I got my space, I began to try and talk to him again because I felt obligated to, I promised I wouldn’t leave.
There was about a 6-month gap that I didn’t talk to J. He tried to spit on me once, but I ignored him. He started sending me emails telling me that I was the reason he has tendencies of harming himself, that I should just be gone, and that no one would miss me. I blocked him. Well, a few months ago he punched me.
I pressed charges and now he is in anger management.
Well, since then, D and I broke up (we were together for about a year and three months) and now J is asking all of my friends if I ever slept with D or if I have a partner and said he misses the old me. He said I used to be bubbly and apparently kinda flirty.
(TOTALLY DISAGREE). He started saying all these things like we were friends and that everything was okay now since I’m single. I told him to get lost.
I have enough drama at home and I don’t need it at school. Here’s the kicker – He has a prosthetic leg. I had a dream that I went mortal combat on his butt and beat him with it.
I told him that. He has annoyed me for so long and tells people that I hate him for no reason and plays the victim for all of it. There are people I don’t know that call me a jerk for being this way. I don’t know, I feel like I’ve dealt with it fairly well until threatening to go mortal combat on his butt.
But now he keeps telling people he still has a huge crush on me and acts like there’s nothing wrong. I have heard I have trouble seeing from anyone else’s point of view other than my own.
Please tell me – am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk here. In fact, J’s behavior is really troublesome. He seems more than just creepy.
He sounds like he has an obsession with you and is trying to bully and emotionally manipulate you. Not only would I cut off all contact with him, I think it may be time to get your parents and the school involved. If you have any messages where he says these things to you saved you should print them out and show them to the school guidance counselor.
If he is threatening to harm himself they may be able to do something. I can’t say 100% that he wouldn’t do it, but it sounds like he is trying to emotionally manipulate you to get his way. Maybe it won’t go any further than it is, but a lot of what you are describing sounds very disturbing and the kind of thing that a stalker does.
He also sounds unstable and aggressive, unstable people can be dangerous. It isn’t something I would just drop. Get help now. Document any and all contact, even if it is just keeping a journal. Avoid talking to him, but if he does talk to you make sure to write down when it happened and what was discussed (not in front of him, mind you). This way, if the behavior doesn’t stop you can go to the school and if they ignore it, the police.
I don’t want to overreact here, and it’s possible I am being paranoid, but there are so many red flags here that make me worry about this whole situation.” Viperbunny
Another User Comments:
“Alright sweetheart, hear me out because I’ve been in many very similar situations where when I was a teenager, guys had a crush on me and would then try to guilt-trip me into feeling sympathy for them.
Do NOT ever, ever ever ever ever ever ever show any signs of weakness regarding his ‘I’m going to get rid of myself because no one loves me including you’ stuff. The fact that you’re posting here already shows that his words have gotten through and you’re starting to question if you’re in the wrong. I’ve had a few guys claim this as well. One of them would bully me and call me a witch etc if I didn’t reply within ten minutes.
I once told him I needed to turn my phone off for four hours and I waited until I got an ‘okay’ text from him.
Four hours later when I turned my phone on I had 3 missed calls and 9 texts calling me a jerk and begging to know if I was okay. He said I deserved it because once his friend didn’t reply because they were in a car crash so he wanted to make sure I was okay and I was a witch for not seeing that he just cared. I was going out with someone else at the time.
I used to feel really guilty like I could stand to be annoyed for a month if it meant he wouldn’t hurt himself. I was a martyr. Then I read a book where a character said ‘if someone threatened to harm themselves over me I’d probably get rid of them myself for trying to control me like that.’
I’ve played this game before. Tell him straight up ‘you have been harassing me for over a year now.
Do not EVER contact me again or I am showing all of your texts to (police/his parents/teacher) and telling them about the time you harassed me. If you even reply to this text I will tell them. If you try to intimidate me by staring or telling people I will tell them. Stay away from me’. Do not add any ‘sorry’ or smiley faces.
There’s a good chance he will tell everyone and claim that you’re a psycho but that’s when you bust out the texts proving what a creep he is and more importantly, you follow through with your threat. If you don’t then he knows that he has control over you.” User
Another User Comments:
“If you really want to understand this situation, it’s important to understand why he is feeling and acting the way he does.
I was one of those guys in high school that constantly got denied. Always the same crap, ‘you’re gonna make some girl very happy one day!’ but the rejection was still the same. After having my affection be unrequited for so long I began to start becoming much more bitter and sarcastic (which made things even worse), especially to girls. Everywhere around me, all these jerk guys (bully for a partner sound familiar?) would flit from one pretty girl to the next, treat that one like they were expendable, and move on.
Yet here I was, one nice guy looking to have one person to truly appreciate, and couldn’t even get that. It hurt my ego, it confused me, it made me doubt myself and my chances at romance altogether (everything seems so permanent in high school, the best thing about adult life is that it’s not), and it really made things difficult for me.
So, I’m not saying that his actions were justified. They are not.
I felt a lot of anger and bitterness too, but I very rarely acted on it (the person had to be obviously trying to hurt me). They were just my inner thoughts, like the fantasies you have when you’re a kid of blowing that jerk 8th grader away with a Kamehameha wave. I responded so you could maybe see things from his perspective a little better, however, I fully urge you to break contact.
If other kids keep being mean to you, all you have to simply say is, ‘You have no idea what the real story is’, and leave it at that. The more you defend yourself the more you incriminate yourself. Say as little as possible and move on. Eventually, those smart enough to inquire will ask you for the real story; that is your salvation. Don’t waste your energy on the stupid ones either, they’ll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
What two people do in a relationship is completely between them and as you get older that kind of shaming goes away very quickly. It is petty, immature, and a last-ditch effort to try to control a situation. Do not feel bad or apologize for anything you and your ex did. If you’re worried about ‘the old you’, don’t worry. You as a person are going to keep changing, quite a bit, over the next 5-7 years without even trying.
Guys mature quite a bit in college when they realize that insulting a girl for her choices is not the way to a fun time.” Kungfumantis
7. AITJ For Being Jealous Of My Partner Going To Prom With Her Ex?
“I can’t physically go to prom with my girl and she’s too passive to say no to family and friends.
She’s going to prom no matter what. (I’m sure she’ll have lots of fun too.) She obviously doesn’t want to go alone, so people suggested she ask her ex to go with her. They’re just friends and there’s no chance of anything bad going on with them during prom, but I can’t stop being so jealous. I don’t like the thought of people possibly seeing them as going out or anything.”
Another User Comments:
“I understand prom is hard while flying solo (my brother did for my first prom) but it’s also just as hard going with someone you see as just a friend (slow dances, the way they see you, etc). You are not the jerk. If someone told me they were going to the prom with their ex I would be really annoyed. There’s a connotation to it (which I realized when I went with my friend) that would make anyone uncomfortable.
I’m sorry, this probably is making you feel worse and that is not my intention. It could be completely different. If he was a significant part of her life, then I understand the jealousy. If he was just some guy she went out with for a month, it sucks but let it go. You should tell her how you feel, honestly. Even if she thinks you’re being ridiculous, just tell her because you two are both parts of the relationship.
Again, you are NOT the jerk.” User
Another User Comments:
“My friend had something very similar happen to him. His partner was invited to one of her male friend’s formals. (Formal is basically the Australian version of prom.)
It definitely felt weird for my friend, and he was jealous, but he trusted his partner and knew nothing would go wrong.
Anyway, nothing did go wrong and now he’s pretty much forgotten it ever happened.” YM_Industries
Another User Comments:
“No, you aren’t. If my partner went to prom with another guy, especially a guy she has a history with, I would be jealous too. There’s no reason she couldn’t go alone and still have fun. People do it every year.” ProjectileSpider
6. AITJ For Not Working The Same Amount Of Time As My Brother?
“My brother and I have a ‘lawn mowing business’ (just high schoolers mowing lawns to earn money) and we have 4 lawns to mow around our house.
I’m also a very fast mower.
So I started mowing one person’s (let’s call this house Rose’s house) front yard and my brother started trimming (you know, with a grass whacker to get all the tight spaces and around trees/by fences and such). He said he’d get the backyard of Rose’s house after he’s done trimming, so I moved on to another yard. Two of the yards we have to do are connected, so I did those.
At this time my brother started mowing the backyard of Rose’s house. I then moved on to a backyard, and I finished it. I then did the other backyard, and my bro moved onto the last house’s front yard. I started to put my mower away because I still had to blow off the lawn clippings, but he said that I need to help him finish the front and backyard of the house he was at.
I said no, but I’ll help you finish this little part in the front yard, so I did that, then got the blower and blew off all the lawn clippings at each lawn. He was barely done with the front yard at this point, but I went inside anyway. He was mad. He said that since I didn’t work as long as him, I should get paid less.
For those not keeping score, by now I’ve mowed 3.5 front yards and 2 backyards and I blew off the lawns. He’s only trimmed (which he says is hard, I wouldn’t know, I haven’t done it ever) and mowed 2 backyards and part of a front yard so I’m thinking, well screw you I did more work than you. I didn’t say that of course. But I did more work than him, and just because I’m fast at mowing, he thinks I should get less money.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re making the mistake of assuming that your tasks are equal. You aren’t even assuming, you’re aware they’re different but you only are focusing on the difference where it benefits you. Yes, you were done faster but your work seems easier. Working with a grass trimmer is more detail-oriented than mowing and could easily take longer. You aren’t the jerk but you’re not as right as you think you are.
It sounds to me like you should either delegate work ahead of time or both just keep working until the work is done.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not a jerk for doing the work you were doing faster than he did.
However, you might want to consider his point about the trimming taking longer. Switch with him next time and see how long it takes you.
If he’s right, and it’s harder than you thought, then you should help him when you’re done. If you finish it much quicker than he does, then maybe you should discuss a ‘task-based’ payment structure where you get paid for each lawn you get done rather than how many hours you work.” Vinnie_Vegas
Another User Comments:
“God, no. You’re definitely not the jerk for being a better worker.
You’re probably also going to go far with that efficiency and your desire to see what others think.” User
5. AITJ For Deleting My Social Media Account Without Writing An Epitaph First?
“I had gotten fed up with social media for a number of reasons and decided it was time to jump ship. As far as a decision goes, I stand by this one completely. The positives of this decision are reinforced every day (and this is 6 months ago now).
The problem is, when I deleted my account, that’s all I did. I didn’t write ‘one last post’, or contact close friends to tell them, or anything. Basically, I got a few texts within the weeks following delete-day from people asking if I was ok, or if I was still friends with them IRL. Some people that I certainly consider to be friends didn’t have my number or email, and so they couldn’t reach me anymore, and I couldn’t reach them either.”
Another User Comments:
“Nope. IMO, I think that social media ‘final goodbyes’ are a bit silly. If you have friends to keep in touch with, they will probably have your number or skype or email or even see you in real life, to keep in touch. Then again, I see how people might have a problem if they actually use social media to talk to you as their only method and can’t obtain other ways of staying in touch, in which case you’ve kinda abandoned them.” User
Another User Comments:
“Would I call you a jerk? Nah. Would I consider you to have not planned appropriately? Yes. You’d be closer to being a jerk if you were trying to abandon certain people on purpose, but it kinda sounds like this was on a whim.
Also, is it actually deleted or just deactivated? You could temporarily reactivate it if possible to give people your contact information.” Yohfay
4. AITJ For Leaving Without Paying?
“I went to sonic today and was in a bit of a hurry. I ordered 2 cheeseburgers, and I had a buy one get one free coupon. When the lady came to give me my food, I asked her if she needed to see my coupon, and she said no, and just handed me my food. I tried following her and asking if I needed to pay, but she ran inside.
I didn’t have time to hit the button again and ask about it, so I just thought it was a misunderstanding about the coupon, and I left.
When I got home, I realized a nice person actually paid for my meal and the lady didn’t bother to tell me about it.
If someone didn’t pay for my meal though, would I have been the jerk for leaving without paying like that if the lady forgot to charge me?”
Another User Comments:
“You could have gone inside. I don’t have sonic near me so I’m not certain as to how they work exactly but maybe she was assuming you were going to eat right there and she was going to return for a payment in a minute? Again, I’m ignorant of sonic protocol but aren’t they like an old fashion skate-your-food-to-your-car place?
At any rate, I don’t think you’re a jerk unless you make a habit out of this.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“No, you aren’t the jerk.
Even though sonic has the whole rollerskate server thing I honestly have had pretty mediocre service from them in the past. The food seems like it always comes cold. It isn’t a restaurant, you shouldn’t have to wait for the bill. Also, remember that in situations like this the customer is always right.” Imnotveryfunatpartys
3. AITJ For Not Liking The Biggest Loser Competition At Work?
“The place I work at is having a biggest loser competition and the winner gets a gift card or money or something. What annoyed me about this is that I cannot participate because I don’t have unhealthy eating habits.
I think that they should have some other sort of competition that everyone has a chance to participate in. I guess I should be happy that I’m healthy but it’s nonsense. Paying people to not eat so much food irks me.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk for ‘thinking’ anything. If you were to make a fuss about it and demand it be more inclusive, then yeah probably… there are bigger things to get worked up about.
But just thinking it’s dumb doesn’t make you a jerk.
I think it sounds dumb as well, to be honest. I don’t see why people should be rewarded for doing the bare minimum for being functional human beings. Being healthy and fit and not dying by 50 is the reward you get for not being a lazy slob.” User
Another User Comments:
“This makes no sense… Why can’t you participate?
It’s about losing weight and eating healthy with peer support, is it not? We have this competition at my work and not everyone who participates is overweight… They are simply looking for motivation to eat healthily and do it with support. Is anyone going to police those who choose to participate by watching everything you put in your mouth, or do you just weigh in once a week?” spotonthesun
Another User Comments:
“They’re trying to help people improve themselves. This isn’t the place for you to show off how much better you are by already being in shape. It’s just a gift card man, get over it.” User
2. AITJ For Not Being Friendly?
“I usually consider myself a friendly person but I was at the gym today waiting for a treadmill to get free when suddenly this lady comes from behind me and asks someone else to give her the treadmill when she’s done.
Fine, whatever some people don’t have manners, but then someone else got done before the person she had asked and she quickly jumped and put her bag on the treadmill to ‘mark her territory’, and then went god knows where.
After about 5 minutes, another treadmill gets free so I get on to do my daily jog of 25 minutes at different speeds. I had a trainer and she had given me this workout. Anyway so after I was done this treadmill lady came up to me and asked me about my routine. I just replied that it varies and walked off. I wanted to tell her that I don’t deal with bullies who think they can take whatever they want, but I held back.
She came after me again and tried making small talk again but I just said yeah and walked off.
But now I feel bad like I should have been the bigger person and that I’m better than this level of pettiness. At the same time, I feel like there are a lot of jerks out there and that they need a taste of their own medicine, but does giving it make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You were a jerk for not speaking upright when you had a problem, and instead stretching out passive aggression towards someone who might not even have realized they did something wrong.
Not to bring up a separate controversial subject, but you remind me of certain exes who I had to constantly ask ‘are you mad?’ because they were being closed-off and snippy, only to finally get it out of them that I forgot to do dishes or something.
You didn’t have the courage or assertiveness to speak upright when you thought that person was wrong, and if you had it probably would have ended right then and there.
If you have trouble with it, practice nice ways of speaking up — ‘oh, I’m sorry, we usually wait here for treadmills to be free…’ Then if she says ‘I don’t care, and go get my shine box’ you know who the jerk is.
As it went, though, yeah, you were kind of the jerk.” LagrangePint
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know why you assumed that she had beef with you. It sounds like she was just trying to chat and you assumed she was just gearing up to yell at you. Either you left something out or you’re the jerk for assuming that someone is going to give you a hard time and acting before they even start.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t sound like you acted like much of a jerk, but the appropriate thing in the situation would have been to simply address her after she basically took your spot in line by saying something like, ‘Excuse me, there’s actually a line for those waiting for treadmills.’
What I think makes you a jerk is the fact that knowing basically nothing about this person, you decide that she’s a ‘bully’ who ‘thinks (she) can take whatever (she wants).’ Maybe she didn’t realize you were waiting.
Maybe she was in a hurry–not a legitimate reason but sometimes when we’re stressed we humans rationalize rude behavior and not being a jerk means cutting other people some slack for being human.” MrsJohnJacobAstor
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hear About This Girl's Problems?
“I’m in my late 20s and I’m reasonably settled in life.
I’m hard-working and honest, and I try to be a good person, I really do. But there is this one girl that is really just too much. I have reached my limits with her. She’s 21 and we attend the same community college.
I have never in all my life heard anyone talk of grief, pain, and suffering the way this chick can. I’m supposed to be a good person so the first time she sat down next to me in the cafeteria and told me she had ‘no one else to talk to about this’, I told her, of course, I’d listen.
Well, of course, she immediately starts blubbering. Cerebral palsy, autoimmune disease, abuse, pain, pain, pain.
The first time, I really did listen and felt sorry for her. But after at least 20 encounters like this – and I’ve only known her for 6 months! – I just couldn’t take it anymore. Yes, she had a traumatic surgery. And yes, she has an autoimmune disease which means she’s sick six days out of seven.
And yes, she’s pretty sure she’s gonna die before the year’s out. Well, it’s not my fault, now is it? Yes, it’s gotta be hard being that sick all the time, but it isn’t easy listening to it almost every day, either!!
I am so through with her. So you got sucked into an abusive relationship WHILE YOU WERE GOING OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE?? Eventually, you’ve gotta buck up and stop living in the past. I’ve heard her talk about being sent to a mental hospital so many times I can literally recite it word for word.
I heard you the first time. I didn’t need to hear the other 19.
Sure, life hasn’t been kind to her. But that’s just the way it is. Everything happens for some kind of purpose in the end. And no one is going to want to help you or care when all you do is sit on your bed and cry about it ALL. DAY. LONG!
Eventually, you’re gonna have to look on the bright side, or no one’s going to like you. I would be completely amazed if you had other friends besides me. Nobody wants to hear about how someone stayed up all night long having flashbacks and a 103-degree fever.
It’s always the same thing. NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THAT DEPRESSING STUFF OH GOD!! I hold her hand and tell her it’s gonna be okay and I even googled places she can seek help.
But no matter how many times I reassure her, she always comes back. It’s like talking to a brick wall.
This whole being someone’s source of support when they’re in need and vulnerable sounds all fuzzy-wuzzy, but trust me, it isn’t. Hello, Witch! You have some chronic disorders! Lots of people do! Get over it! And so a surgery scarred you. Surgeries aren’t fun, that’s life.
And so your exes were all abusive. I went out with a guy who slapped me around and you don’t hear me complaining about it.
I swear to god, the next time she approaches me, I’m gonna slap that witch.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re both jerks. Now, you’re not the jerk for not caring about her problems but you are a jerk for ranting on and calling her ‘witch’ like that’s her name and going on about how you’re going to assault someone.
You sound just as insufferable and melodramatic as her. Tell her you’re not equipped to deal with her problems and you’re sorry and leave it at that.
I’d like to add that you told her that you would be there for her and that she still comes back after you reassure her. Of course, she’s going to come back if you tell her that she can.
You’re seriously whining about a situation that you keep encouraging so that’s pretty much your fault. Just tell her you don’t want to hear it instead of complaining to us about how she’s doing exactly what you told her to do, for Pete’s sake.” User
