People Show Their Cruel Sides In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Bringing My Daughter-In-Law To My Other Daughter's Wedding Against My Son's Wishes?
“My daughter-in-law is a stay-at-home mom with 2 kids, my son is the breadwinner. From what I understand he puts child care and other responsibilities upon her using the “I’m the money maker” excuse. I noticed she hasn’t tagged along with him on any visit in a while.
My daughter’s wedding was days ago, I asked my son if his wife was coming with him but he said no. I got mad and told him to let her come but he said it was her decision and she said she was too busy but I called her and she said she wanted to come but he told her to stay home with the kids and no babysitter.
I had enough but I waited till the day of the wedding and brought a trusted babysitter to stay with the kids and took my daughter-in-law with me to the wedding. We got there in my car and when my son saw us he angrily asked what she was doing there.
I told him to back off she’s with me. He said I shouldn’t have brought her. I told him his behavior was unhinged towards his kids’ mom. He berated me saying I’m getting involved in his marriage but I’m not. He ended up leaving the wedding and going to a bar.
He called later saying I ruined his night by doing what I did and said I’m enabling his wife’s attitude and should be helping him enforce boundaries with her. He expects me to apologize and my husband is backing him up saying I overstepped.
AITJ?
Did I overstep?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is wrong with your son? This is straight-up abusive behavior he is exhibiting toward his spouse. Not allowing her to attend events with him, treating her at best like she’s his servant, but at worst like she’s a prisoner.
This is not a healthy marriage. I know you don’t want to get involved, but she needs out. She should be allowed to live a life, to attend a wedding for someone she loves with the man who is supposed to love her. I’m so sorry.
Your husband and your son are so incredibly wrong.” GoodnightSweetShoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Continue to support your DIL. She needs to leave the home on occasion, to be able to attend events with other adults and to be an equal in her household.
Partners don’t ‘ground’ each other… Or refuse to attend events with each other that they are both invited to, or lose their mind and then head to a bar when they see each other. Something is really wrong in their home. I suggest you make more frequent visits to your DIL and let her know you’re there if she needs you, or wants company, or needs to have adult time.
Your husband is also a jerk for pretending that husbands get to tell their wives not to leave the home or that they can’t have a childcare break to attend family events.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your son sure is. I don’t know what “boundaries” he’s trying to set but they aren’t healthy ones.
This reeks of an abusive situation between the financial control, the isolation tactics, and the way he publicly acts around his wife. Normally I would say you kinda overstepped but given his reaction and what appears to be blatant falsehoods to keep her at home in her good little wifey role…she needs some help!!
The fact that your husband agrees with your son is concerning given the apparent situation. There are multiple sides to every story, but this has enough red flags that there is serious trouble in this relationship.” SalaciousBookWyrm
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy My Unemployed Partner A Car?
“My partner (24f) has not had a job for nearly 2 years now. She also hasn’t had a car in almost 5 years. She is online shopping DAILY for clothes, jewelry, etc. when she can’t afford it and constantly asks me to buy her things.
I recently got a new better paying job and am moving into an apartment with a friend.
I work 40-45 hours a week and end up having to make dinner every night when I get off for us, even though she’s been home all day and taking care of her dog. She says her depression is what made her quit & I tried to be respectful and give her the time she needed but it’s been almost 2 years since she’s had a job and no money, which seems like a lot of time to me.
She wants me to give her 3-4 grand for a car since she started interviewing for jobs and said she would pay me back, but she hasn’t landed any job yet, and the way she spends I’m not sure I will ever see that money again.
She also landed a job last month and never showed up to start…
I also just spent 5 grand on a new mattress and furniture set and another 2 grand for move-in fees for the apartment/townhouse. Not including other expenses and misc. things I need to purchase.
She has also talked about breaking up numerous times over the past couple of years and it always comes down to money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unless you don’t leave. She is taking advantage of you. She literally is spending your money, doesn’t work, and is emotionally blackmailing you by bringing up breaking up if you don’t give her what she wants.
You can only complain so much before it becomes your fault you’re in this situation. If you don’t end things you will always be supporting her and you will never be truly happy.” Prudent_Border5060
Another User Comments:
“Why should you buy her a car?
It’s not your problem she doesn’t have a car… It’s not your problem she buys things she can’t afford. But stop giving her money for whatever! She’s using you. Only because you’re her partner, you don’t have to buy her stuff and give her money!
She says she’s breaking up with you if you don’t give her this or that? You should break up with her immediately. Why do you let her abuse, use, and manipulate you? Why are you with her? Just go. NTJ but leave! And don’t give her money for whatever!” Potential_Speech_703
Another User Comments:
“OP she says she has depression but it doesn’t sound like she’s ever tried to get better. Has she ever gone to therapy? It would make sense for her not to work if she was studying or doing something similar, but despite staying home and not doing much she doesn’t even cook?
Does she do any other household chores? What does she even contribute to this relationship? I would also say that her threatening to break up every time she doesn’t have money for expensive things is very toxic and manipulative. I also suffer from depression but I try to get better and make progress and not sit at home doing nothing.
A lot of people suffer from mental health issues but they don’t use it as an excuse to not do anything do they? She’s using you at this point. Leave her.” spaghettizi
20. AITJ For Telling My Partner Her Cooking Needs Improvement?
“My (30m) partner (27f) and I have been together for a little under a year.
She’s never been a great cook, veggies aren’t cut small enough, everything is always undercooked, she doesn’t have patience with cooking, she throws all the ingredients in from the start instead of adding things according to the time it takes to cook, and she doesn’t use the correct spices if she uses any at all.
I’m not the only one who notices, when I first met her roommate one of the first things she asked is “what do you think of her cooking?” And we have discussed her cooking in the past and that she needs to be more patient with things.
Aside from that, I notice my criticisms hurt her feelings so I often lie saying I enjoy her meals, and offer to help her so I can enjoy them too.
Well, last night it came to a head, as I’m driving home she texts me saying to let her know when I’m on the way so she can start dinner, I say to wait for me so I can help.
Well I get home and she didn’t wait, she has raw hashbrowns and cheese in the pan, no spices also, anyone who cooks knows potatoes take a while and cheese should be added at the end. I point this out and she is immediately hurt, saying I don’t appreciate the effort she put into cooking.
Then eventually I say I usually don’t enjoy her cooking which is why I offer to help, so she is upset that I lied to her saying I’ve enjoyed her cooking in the past.
Eventually, things cooled down. I apologized for lying and not expressing my appreciation, but I stood firm in saying I think she could improve her cooking with a few tips.
She’s not having this and says I can cook for myself from now on. I know this is a dumb thing to fight over, I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl, I would continue to tell her I enjoy it and just eat the stuff but if I’m going to be eating her meals all the time I think I should have some input.
Am I the jerk here? How do I go about addressing this? I feel like not having her cook because I don’t like it isn’t a good solution for our relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“27 and still can’t cook hashbrowns? Ok, look. Yeah it’s bad you lied from the start, but the fact that in a year, with you “helping” cook, she still hasn’t learned. I’m sure she has a smartphone, and can easily look up how to cook something.
Does she just not want to put effort into learning? It doesn’t really sound like it. Maybe it’s her style of cooking and she doesn’t want to stray from it. I wouldn’t eat her food from the sounds of it. NTJ (Side note: I started bringing hot sauce and salt to my friend’s house for dinner since she never used spices, and I would openly take the items out of my purse and put them on my food once we were all down at the table.
She asked me why and I straight up said “Because you don’t know what salt is.” Yeah it was harsh, but her cooking has improved since then).” guessmyageidareyou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sure you probably shouldn’t have lied but that’s not the question you’re asking.
Just as a general rule, when cooking, especially in a partner situation, feedback is key. Even if you’re an amazing cook, you need to know the preferences of your partner. The fact she’s not cooking things properly to the point she has a reputation with friends makes it worse.
She’s only a jerk for her response, nobody is a jerk for being a bad cook, they just need to learn and practice…. and most importantly… be open to criticism and adjust based on it.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“I’m voting no jerks here.
From your description I can see how your partner really tries her best at cooking, she just seems to be… not a good learner? And maybe lack some taste? There are just so many open questions to me here: I mean… have you asked her if she enjoys her own cooking compared to that of others?
Does she really not see or rather taste the difference? Maybe you should have been more honest from the beginning or could have found a more sensitive way of telling her but it’s a pretty sensitive topic so I don’t have a clear opinion on that.
Have you talked about why she thinks she even needs to cook? Does she really enjoy it that much that she doesn’t wait for you to help? Or does she think it’s something she needs to do cause she’s a girl? I had a roommate who was honestly bad at cooking as well but felt it would be unfeminine to fail at it.
My overall point is that you two need to talk about this topic instead of dancing around it. You only end up with hurt feelings on every side otherwise.” rusalkamaya
19. AITJ For Kicking Out My Husband's Family After They Upset My Traumatized Son?
“I (29) have a son (13) that I kind of knew about but not really until recently.
Because of his mother’s passing, he’s now living with my husband (30) and me. He’s still very skittish. He’s had a very long and frightening few months.
Every year, my husband has a family reunion. Ever since we got our house, it’s been held here. We offered to cancel or postpone or have it somewhere else, but my son insisted that he was okay with it as long as he could stay in his room and text me or my husband to bring him anything that he wanted. The family was made aware in advance that they were not to go upstairs for this reason.
My husband has a large family. Most notably, he has 8 siblings. Most of his family is incredible and understands that the kid is in a very raw spot and needs space. Some of the younger kids tried to bother him, but they’re little kids and were excited, so I don’t blame them, and it was handled quickly.
But, in that large of a group, it’s almost impossible to win with everyone. See, Sister (41), Brother (37), and Sister’s Husband (50)
His sister has always been a brat, honestly. Her kids were better behaved as toddlers than she is now. Her husband is an enabler and keeps his head as far up her rear as it takes.
His brother isn’t nearly as bad, but he and my husband have never gotten along, and he’s petty about it. They all have been incredibly snarky about my son. My husband and I were open about not wanting kids, and they’re taking it as me forcing him to deal with my “teenage accident.”
We mostly kept everyone outside to be safe, but there were like thirty people, and you can’t keep track of everyone. At some point, they had snuck away. Sister’s kids eventually realized and came to find us, and I was angry. My kid was horribly upset and crying when we got to him.
My husband got his family all back downstairs, and I tried to settle my son as best as possible.
I’m not usually one to yell, but goodness. I get that these people don’t like me all that much, but they don’t have any right to take that out on an innocent kid.
By that point, they were back around everyone else, and in the end, everyone decided it was probably best to end early. It was barely noon, usually this would last well into the evening.
Those three are obviously saying I’m a jerk, and the rest of his family has mostly stayed quiet, except for some apologies for their behavior.
My husband understands, but it’s obvious that he’s upset at how it went. My son has been in his room since, which isn’t unusual, but that’s the most upset I’ve seen him yet, and now he won’t talk at all.
I have no idea, I never planned to be a father, I just want my kid to be okay.
How much did I mess up here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked your son for consent before holding the gathering, informed everybody in attendance that they were not supposed to disturb your son, tried your very best to ensure that the rules were followed, and kicked everyone out when your son was disturbed by three jerks.
You have done everything in your power to cater to your kid’s needs and reinforce his boundaries. It must suck to see your child cry, especially under the current circumstances, and it’s very normal to feel guilty over what happened. You were right in kicking everyone out and good job in showing your kid that you have his back.
It may not feel like it now, but please continue listening to him and respecting his boundaries. You were NOT wrong in kicking your husband’s family out – the only people accusing you of being a jerk are three troublemakers. The rest of your husband’s family AND your husband understand why you did what you did and it doesn’t seem like they hold it against you.
Even if they did, you’re right. I feel for you and your son OP and I really do hope that both of you are talking to a professional to sort things out. You’re a good parent, this is just one of those situations beyond your control.
Wishing you luck with what lies ahead and I hope you and your son have a happy future.” elizabethlemonade96
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t. It’s a difficult situation where a child needs help and healing, not recriminations or admonitions from people he does not know.
You need to support, protect, and nurture, and sometimes parts of that will conflict between other people and even within themselves. It sounds as if your son has a lot going on, between the death of a parent, meeting new family, and a new home.
That’s all traumatic as heck, and difficult, especially at 13. I think, carefully and gently, you and he, should go to therapy. I don’t know if selling it as a team thing to help grieve or the transition would work best, or if he would want to go by himself, but it really sounds as if he is going to need help sorting through the multitude of emotions and struggles he has.
And honestly, given your long-term expectations and the rapid transition you and your husband must go through now, you both might need it as well. NTJ, he needs you to protect him first, even if it is from family. Parenting is hard, but this wasn’t a mistake.” Both_Round3679
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With eight siblings they must be familiar with family drama, and aware that sometimes they are too much. What they probably are not familiar with is you joining in and giving as good as you get. I think your final question is the really important part here.
You want your kid to be okay, and you worry about how much you messed up. That is the only important part, you care about him and you acted to protect him the best you could as soon as you knew what was going on.
What you should have done once you realized how difficult the reunion would be was to not listen to the kid and just have it all somewhere else. Your son had no way of knowing what could happen, and he probably tried to be as easygoing as possible, not wanting to cost you anything extra, either in effort or money.
As adults, you and your husband should just have made the decision, because you were the ones who knew how this could end – and all your worries were justified. Still, you want to believe the best of family, so you are not really to blame for that either.
What you did was a somewhat wishful compromise which the deliberate actions of a few jerks adults chose to ruin because they could.
Now you have an unhappy traumatized kid to care for, and the jerks have revealed how utterly unreliable they are when asked to be considerate.
That won’t help your kid though. The moral high ground still leaves you with an unhappy teen hiding in his room. I wish you and him all the best, and hope he saw your outburst as a way to protect him, and not as an example of the anger you may unleash if he oversteps.
Make sure he understands why you acted as you did because he probably heard or saw some of that and is terrified.” Missepus
18. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Room To My Spoiled Cousin And His Parents?
“My parents keep calling me selfish because I won’t give up my room to my auntie and uncle if they come to the UK. It’s not just the fact that I’m a 16-year-old female, I have things in there I don’t want them seeing let alone touching.
It’s also not just about my auntie and uncle; my cousin (10) is an absolute spoiled brat.
He was born with a hole in his throat and that affected the first 18 months of his life until it was fixed, but since then he has grown up being spoiled, pampered, and getting his own way.
I don’t trust him in my room. I collect things, my parents call me a hoarder at times, but I have a fantasy collection, Funko pop collection, manga collection, and DVD collection. All of it is worth a lot and I inherited the fantasy collection so it’s much older than I am.
The walls are covered in posters and drawings I have done over the past few years. It may seem silly that I’m so protective over my stuff but growing up my parents gave my brother whatever he wanted, even if it was mine. So over time, I became protective over my things.
The point is he is likely to break something or run in and out of my room as he pleases, he will be rude and he will try to take something of mine because he has been trying to steal my childhood teddy since he was a toddler.
There is no trust between us, no one in my family can stand him but he can’t stay home because my grandmother has dementia. I have so many stories of him being a brat or being spoiled but that won’t change my parents’ minds because they keep saying ‘he’s your cousin!
Just deal with it.’ I would rather die than give up my room for an entire two weeks whilst he runs rampant.
It’s not that we don’t have a spare room because we do! My parents just don’t want them to share a bathroom with my brother.
My brother (18) has Asperger’s and ADHD and he does not share. It was one of the reasons I’m in my room; the spare bedroom is my old room technically. Another thing is, the spare room is completely bare. If and when they come to the UK, it will be during June and I will have been in six form for 7 months.
Originally they were going to come to the UK during my GCSEs which means my parents were happy to kick me out of my room during some of the most important exams of my life.
Now my parents are threatening to kick me out and make me stay with my Nana whilst they’re here.
Again it’s me having to give up my stuff for someone else. Am I the jerk for not trusting them and for not wanting to give up my room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a spare bedroom already available, so the guests should stay there.
If your parents are that concerned about your brother’s inability to share his bathroom, then have the guests share your bathroom just when they need to shower. I’m assuming you have a separate 1/2 bathroom elsewhere in the house where they can take care of the rest of their business.” RedBeardMountainMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But check out your local “buy nothing” groups or Craigslist equivalents. If the spare room is totally empty, maybe find free furniture to toss in there. That would be a much more enticing location than a teenager’s room. Or, pack up everything and move it to your nan’s.
Your cousin can’t wreck your stuff if it isn’t there. Working on this in advance of the trip will help if your nan has your back. She can advocate for you before their visit rather than just reacting to what they do after the fact.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given your family’s dynamics, this may be one of those times when being pragmatic is wiser than being right. And by that, I mean you and a box of your most valuable/private stuff get packed up and spend those two weeks at Grandma’s.
Because it sounds like no one is going to help you enforce reasonable boundaries with this kid (or his parents, or with your own parents, even). So if he’s going to be in your room and messing with your stuff no matter what you do, then at least this way you and your most valuable stuff will be at grandma’s, and not there for him to bother.
Something to consider.” PARA9535307
17. AITJ For Telling My Soon-To-Be Ex-Husband's Partner About Our Legal Marriage And His Other Child?
“I share 4 children with my soon-to-be ex-husband, before we got together he had one child whom we were very involved with the whole 12 years we were together. My children love their big sister and see her often thanks to her mother and myself making play dates and keeping their relationships strong.
My ex hasn’t seen her in years and I believe he stopped being involved in her life when we split.
Fast forward my ex and I have been split up for 2 and a half years. We’re still legally married. He’s on partner number 4 or 5 I’m not exactly sure.
The new girl seems nice to my kids they seem to like her. However, they have been told by their dad not to tell her about their older sister or that we are legally still married. My kids see their older sister more than they see him and they’re torn on the situation.
They’ve asked why is their dad denying his kids?
AITJ for telling his new partner the truth about everything?
I understand I have no place in their relationship however I’m angry about the whole thing and feel like he made me involved when he started asking OUR children to lie and deny their sibling.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My parents divorced & my mom made me & my little brother lie to our dad about her live-in partner starting at age 7 for me. It lasted for over a decade and it truly messed us up, the pressure of keeping a huge secret about our lives from our own dad.
I ended up keeping many other secrets about my life, to my detriment, and over 30 years later, I’m still unraveling the effects.” possiblycrazy79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you absolutely have the ability to get a default judgment of divorce. Your lawyer should have explained this to you.
The fact that it’s been nearly 3 years makes me think that maybe you’re still subconsciously holding on. He doesn’t have to consent for you to file, he doesn’t even have to consent to finalize. If you both can’t agree on terms a judge will subpoena him to court and decide for you.
He doesn’t want to finalize because he knows he’ll have to pay out the nose, and right now there’s no one forcing him to. Get it over with.” SydlynsMagic
Another User Comments:
“You don’t tell your kids to lie about anything to your partner for no good reason other than being a jerk.
I mean this could have backfired on the kids if they’d have innocently slipped up and then had the ex go off on them for spilling the tea, or the partner could have asked him some uncomfortable questions like why are you not involved with her.
And from your responses, I’d question how much time he actually spends with your kids or is he expecting his latest partner to do the parenting. Especially with the rate he is going through them, it’s not fair or in my opinion right to have a parade of different partners around the kids until the relationship has been going at least 6 months (that’s just me though, not saying everyone has to do this).
NTJ. But document everything, cover your own back, and get that divorce through ASAP.” HunterDangerous1366
16. AITJ For Giving My Son My Last Name After My Ex Denied Paternity?
“I found out that I was pregnant back in September and shortly afterward had what was an apparent miscarriage to which my ex celebrated despite knowing how much pain it caused me.
Fast forward 4-5 weeks I had been having strange dreams that made me want to take a pregnancy test. The test line showed up before it even made it to the control line. I panicked thinking that I had another incomplete miscarriage so I made an emergency appointment to find that I had a live 9 week fetus and I was so happy.
The Dr concluded that I had miscarried but the pregnancy was a twin pregnancy and the little dude was a fighter.
My ex started denying he was the father immediately upon being informed that I was still pregnant.
May rolls around and my ex refuses to be at the birth and now has the audacity to be mad that my son has my last name after all of this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. WAIT! WHAT???!!! He celebrates that you had a miscarriage. When you find out that you are still pregnant with a twin, he denies he is the father and refuses to be there when the baby is born but is upset THAT THE BABY DOES NOT HAVE HIS LAST NAME???!!!
He has a screw loose. This makes absolutely NO sense! Block him and go no contact.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and take it from me with personal experience, get him for child support and don’t agree to any stipulation that you change your child’s name because I met my now fiancée whose ex basically bullied her into signing a form that made her change it and it is basically him trying to make it seem like he was there the whole time when he absolutely wasn’t and wanted no part of her life.
Don’t let that happen to you. Just take his monthly check he’s required to send you and move on.” Broken-Nero
Another User Comments:
“He celebrated your miscarriage, denies he’s the father when you find out you’re still pregnant with a twin, doesn’t want to witness the birth, and then has the audacity to get mad that you gave the baby your last name?
You’re not the jerk, he is. Tell him to his face all these things and then say “if it’s not your kid why should he/she get your last name then?” Challenge him about it. Congratulations on the baby btw, and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that jerk while dealing with a miscarriage.” DaisyMaeMalfoy666
15. AITJ For Inviting My Mom Instead Of My Stepmom And Dad To My School Award Ceremony?
“I, a 16-year-old female, have been receiving a bunch of backlash because of this and need some advice. As the school year comes to an end, my school decided to make an award ceremony for students who showed improvement throughout the school year.
I was one of the students chosen and was given invitations to hand out. I was having trouble at home with my stepmom, aged 37, to the point where she and I were not talking. Because of this, I saw no point in inviting her or my dad since he was going to bring my stepmom even if I told him not to, and I just didn’t feel comfortable with her there.
So I made the decision to invite my mom since I knew she would make me feel comfortable and I could have a reason to walk on that stage.
The day approached and my mom came. I had fun and gave the award to my mom.
When I got home, she seemed to be giving me a death glare. A couple of hours later, I get called down to the living room where it’s revealed that they found out I invited my mom instead of them. I was completely honest and told them how I felt and said that I didn’t enjoy being ignored and it made me feel uncomfortable having someone who wasn’t even going to talk to me there.
I apologized and excused myself to my room.
As I left, I could hear my dad and stepmom arguing and crying. My dad came later and told me he was disappointed in me and that I was very disrespectful for not inviting them. I started to feel bad and have been ignored by most of my family.
So I really need advice on what to do and if I was in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There comes a time in life when you realize that having people who care about you and who want to share things with around is more important than how it may look from the outside having the “right” people around you for important moments.
Optics to other people doesn’t hold a candle to how you feel having the people of your choosing surrounding you. Don’t worry about those drama llamas trying to save face because they think they look bad. Congrats on the achievements and all your hard work paying off!
Glad you enjoyed the moment with your mom!” havealaugh16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A person who wants respect as an adult in a parenting or step-parenting role needs to act like one. Adults don’t give the silent treatment to a child in their care. No matter how angry they are, they need to keep the communication lines open.
It’s fair that your dad is disappointed in not being invited. His feelings are valid. He is your father and he is the one you live with. His feelings of disappointment that his wife wasn’t invited are irrelevant. That’s on the stepmom. His feelings of disappointment for you inviting your mom cross all lines.
That is not acceptable under any circumstances. She is your mom.” bigfatchair
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the end of the day, your SM is the adult in the relationship, not you. No matter what the issue is, she shouldn’t just be ignoring you. You don’t have to invite people who don’t treat you well to share in your accomplishments.
Your SM is also a jerk for trying to alienate your mom. She doesn’t have to like her but she has no right to make her feel excluded from your life. Your dad is a jerk for allowing this treatment. Co-parenting is about doing what’s best for the children, regardless of the parents’ personal feelings about each other.” Legally_Blonde_258
14. AITJ For Refusing To Take In My Younger Half-Brother After My Absentee Mother Asked?
“I was placed into my grandmother’s care when I was around 3 years old due to mistreatment from my mother’s partner.
My mother basically skipped out on my life and gave me up to get married to this creepy individual who had no will to work and was an ex-con with a rap sheet as long as my arm.
They have 5 kids together and live in extreme poverty in a caravan somewhere.
I’m in my mid-twenties now and I don’t have a relationship with my mom at all since she never really was there for me as a kid and only used me to squeeze money out of my grandma.
A while back my mom showed up with all her kids out of the blue (how she found out where I live is a mystery) acting all caring and fake telling me that she was having problems and needed a place to stay. I felt pity for the kids so I let them crash with me for a couple of days.
She asked me to take in her son who is in his early teens because she was having trouble with him acting out and child services had threatened to send him away to a juvenile facility if he didn’t improve his behavior.
When I refused she labelled me a snob, saying that I thought I was better than them just because I had a job and was doing better in life.
Mind you, I’m renting an apartment in some old lady’s yard and I work a security job.
So am I the jerk here for refusing to help the woman who pretends I don’t exist?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was nice of you to help out temporarily, but you have no obligation beyond that.
Unfortunately the adage “Give an inch, and they’ll take a mile” applies. Your mother’s behavior is a classic example of a narcissistic personality. She is the victim, and anyone who does not give her what she wants is the victimizer. Even if you agreed to this, there would be more and more asks until you were asked something to which you had to say no. At that point, you become the bad guy in her eyes, the one responsible for all her problems. For you, there is nothing you can do that will not end badly.
Cut and run. And again, NTJ.” JoshOfArc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not really in a position to take on a teenager and you have no idea what kind of trouble that can bring into your life. Your “mom” just showing up out of the blue and throwing her responsibilities at you is total nonsense.
You need to just stay out of it. Keep away from her. You can feel back for the kids but taking them on is taking her on as well and that is not a package deal you would want.” SatelliteBeach123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kick her out before she is able to establish residency at your address(depending on the laws of your jurisdiction) Once they stay with you long enough she will never leave and drain you financially like a leech.
Why is your mother not looking for a job or alternative accommodation? Also, get her to tell you where she found your address after ignoring you for the majority of your years. She has already messed up her life and those of her kids. If you let her stay she will slowly do the same to you.
Where is the father of the kids? Why isn’t your mother working? Why isn’t she looking for accommodation?” Babaychumaylalji
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Sign The Father's Day Card I Made?
“Every family holiday like Mother’s or Father’s Day, my mom requires us to make a card. Usually, I make a card by myself and my brother puts in no work or effort except for signing the card and acting like he helped. Last Mother’s Day, I told him specifically that he needed to make his own card instead of stealing credit for what I made.
He is old enough to make his own cards. (I know this seems like such a small problem, but I spend hours and hours finding card ideas, making the cards, etc. I want to take credit for my own work.) In my house, the person who signs the card made the card.
I (18f) made a Father’s Day card for my dad (42m) by myself once again. I started at 7 pm and finished at 11:45 pm. I also reminded my brother (10m) to make a card at 7 pm.
My brother comes to me THIS MORNING and asks to sign my card.
I told him no. I have told him many times to make his own card + I even reminded him last night. He chose to play Fortnite.
He says I should let him sign because he “can’t make a card by himself” even though I started making cards when I was 7.
I told him he’s been putting in no effort for too long and hasn’t even bought my dad a gift. (Normally I would cut him slack since he can’t get a job but he has access to Amazon and over 1000 dollars because his grandparents spoil him every holiday.)
My brother got super mad and tried to take the card from my hands. I told him to stop fighting me and make a card. He still had 30 minutes to whip up something. He said “NO! LET ME SIGN YOUR CARD NOW!”
My brother’s temper tantrum lured my mom upstairs and she asked what was going on.
I explained that Alex didn’t make a card despite frequent reminders and he is trying to do the one thing I told him he can’t sign my flipping card.
My mom tells me to just let him sign it. I said no, he’s been doing this for too long and he would never learn that I dislike him stealing credit for my work.
My mom said he was “just a kid” and he will learn soon. I told her that I started making cards YEARS younger than him and had no problem.
I pushed past my brother, went downstairs, and gave my dad the card. He said he loved it!
(It had a drawing of me when I was an infant and it said “Happy 18 years of being a father” in calligraphy.)
My mom and brother are super mad at me, AITJ for trying to make my brother do something for once?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s 10, he could have spent 10 minutes scribbling on some paper with crayon and your dad probably would have loved it. I can’t believe your mother took his side. Also, why are you in charge of reminding or helping your brother to do something for Father’s Day?
Is this not something your mom is willing to help him with? I would be just as annoyed at your mom as your brother, maybe even more so.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My 9yo and 4yo both made their own cards for my husband for Father’s Day.
While the 4-year-old’s “card” was a piece of paper with just scribbles on it didn’t matter at all. I mean really all he had to do was fold the card in half write Happy Father’s Day on the front, sign his name, and draw something.
He probably could have made one on less time than he spent arguing with you.” sleepingrozy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made that card so you decide what you wanna do with it. But from my perspective, it seems like your brother and mother don’t know how much value and passion you have for the card.
It really shows that it means a lot to you to make a card and I think for them it’s just a card where you can put their name in and done. Maybe it’s a good idea to tell them that making cards for family members is important to you and you put hard work into it and can’t dismiss it easily to your brother because he didn’t do anything.
Plus you reminded him several times.” Prizzy07
12. AITJ For Quitting My Job To Attend A Long-Awaited Family Event?
“I have a family event coming up this Friday and my boss declined my day off request.
I’ve been working at this job for a year and I’ve never called out or asked for a day off. I’ve taken people’s shifts, come in early, let people leave early, and so on.
I’m getting so tired of this. This happens all the time.
I put in my time off a week ago and my boss declined it because no one can cover my shift because we have 2 people out. I haven’t seen my family in 8 years and this will be the only time I can go.
Would I be the jerk for quitting to go to my family gathering?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, especially since it seems like this is a low-paying job rather than a career. I did this once to see family for Thanksgiving. We knew my uncle would probably pass away before I could see him again if I didn’t go, and sure enough, he did pass a few months after Thanksgiving.
I’m so glad I didn’t let my minimum wage job keep me from seeing him. 8 years is a long time to not see your family. Send out your resume before you leave and you’ll probably have some interview offers when you come back.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You haven’t seen your family in 8 years and this is the only chance you’re going to get for a while? And your boss refused to let you take that time off? I would not normally say this, but yes, go ahead and quit. Spend the time with your family, catch up, and enjoy your time with them.
And remind your boss how you’ve never called out, taken extra time off, how you’ve covered other people’s shifts, early departures, etc., as you tell him you’re resigning. And let him know you will expect your full paycheck.” MorriganNiConn
Another User Comments:
“Quit. I took a holiday last minute to help my parents look after my grandfather when he gave himself booze poisoning and when my manager was like I’m not sure, I looked him dead in the face I am going for at least a week.
I don’t mind you refusing the second but I’m going. He knew. He knew I would walk. I got the week and I will never regret it because it was the last time I saw him alive. He died that Christmas just four months later.” _lost_and_confused
11. AITJ For Kicking My Friend Out Of The Car For Smoking Against My Rules?
“I drive a bit, and I have specific rules for people who want to ride as a passenger:
- If you want me to come and pick you up or take you anywhere give me $5 for my effort
- If I was going there anyway, you can just hop in my car and come with me for free
- You cannot smoke in my car. It stinks the car up and reduces the value.
- I choose the music
So, I was going on a little road trip out to a small town called Keith and my friend happened to be going to his uncle’s farm in another small town near Coonalpyn which is literally on the highway I use, so sure he can get in my car for free even though it’s a 200 km trip because it’s better for the environment.
He walks to my house, we get in the car, start driving. All goes well until he pulls out a smoke. I tell him he can’t light them, he should wait until the next rest stop which was only 25 km away where I was going to get out and walk around to stretch my legs.
I made it very clear if you light that up you are going to have to get out of the car as he was complaining “but I need it because it makes me happy and I’m depressed” stuff. I had those expectations set with him that he wouldn’t be smoking in MY car.
So he ends up lighting the smoke and the second I smell the smoke I pull over on the side of the highway, tell him to get out, shut the doors and lock them, then wind my window down. I tell him to get rid of them now if he still wants a lift. He starts complaining “it’s not that bad you’re being a jerk” so I have none of it and just keep driving.
When I reach my destination I park at the motel and pull out my phone. I get paragraphs on how it was going to cost him $200 for an Uber to get to his uncle’s farm and it was the only way out because he was far out of any town and how I left him without food and water and all that… it’s not the outback… it’s Australian grassland there’s green grass all around and it’s winter it was like 15 degrees Celsius and he had a jacket on and the clouds were overcast. He wasn’t going to die.
Now he thinks I’m a jerk for leaving him out there and making him get an Uber. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hahahahahaha!! You gave the guy so many chances. He was literally standing on the roadside with a smoke in his hand when you gave him his last chance and he… told you that you were acting like a jerk instead of putting it out and getting back in the car.
What did he expect at that point? He’d basically set you up so that you had to kick him out into the side of the road or buckle. He was going to smoke in your car as a passenger, against your specific rules, even if you said to stop it.
Sounds like the poor dude has never had a no stick before — this is a heck of a way to learn about consequences. NTJ.” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“Eh. In my opinion, NTJ. I don’t let people smoke in my car either. My sister and I took a road trip last summer, 2,000 miles total. I didn’t let her smoke in the car, even though she attempted a few times.
I would pull over when she wanted to smoke, and then we would go on our way after. She respected this, even though she got irritable when she started to have cravings. There’s no issue with you having a no-smoking rule and being very insistent on enforcing it.
Your friend is definitely a jerk for not respecting that boundary that you set. However, I definitely think it was kind of extreme for you to just leave him on the side of the road, and very unsafe. I think the better option would have been to just let him smoke there on the side of the road, and then further enforce that you won’t allow any smoking in the car.
If he still pressed you about it then, I think your actions would be justified.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knew the rules, and could very well have had a free ride without a hassle. His disrespect for you and your car, not his habit, is what caused him to be stuck on the side of the road and have to call an Uber.
I agree, you should save yourself any future drama by going NC with this “friend”. He has no respect for you and had the audacity to call you a jerk when his actions had consequences. Good for you for not putting up with his nonsense, and for leaving him since his smokes were so much more important than your friendship and boundaries.
I wish I had done this with my “friends” in the past when they disrespected me, all while getting a free ride. I would definitely do the same thing now, and other people should too.” SnooMacarons5460
10. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Can't Attend My Favorite Band's Concert?
“About 8 months ago my (42f) favorite band added a tour date like 40 minutes away from where I live.
I have loved them since I was 14 and have never been able (financially or distance-wise) to see them. I was so excited because I could afford to see them and they were so close to me! My husband (47m) was supportive of me buying the tickets because he “knew how long you’ve been waiting to see them and how important they are to you.” So I bought them.
Slowly counting down the days.
The concert is less than 2 weeks away. For the last month, I’ve been reminding him every few days to make his job aware of the day of the concert and that he would need to be off. He’s continuously brushed me off saying “I can’t request off until 2 weeks before.
That’s the policy.” I kept reiterating that I understand he can’t formally request off but he can make his supervisors aware so they know his intention to be off that date. He would agree but not do anything. I told my boss right after I bought the tickets and several times since then just so there would be no surprises.
She got sick of me telling her. LOL.
He called me this morning to say that he requested the day of the concert off and it was denied. Apparently, they already approved 4 other people to take that day off. When he explained to his boss the whole situation, the first thing he said was “you should have told me sooner, and even if you couldn’t formally request it off until now, I would have put it on my calendar to make sure you had the day.” Exactly what I was saying.
I’m so upset. I asked him to just call off on the day. He’s refusing. He said that they will already be short-staffed with the other 4 people being off. And rationally I understand, but honestly, I don’t care. I planned and waited for so long and his nonchalance has potentially ruined this for me.
He called off 2 weeks ago because he had a mild sunburn. But when it’s for me, he just won’t put out any effort. I really don’t want to go alone. I will, but it would be more fun with him. Am I wrong to be mad and demanding he call off?”
Another User Comments:
“Honey, your husband doesn’t want to go. Yes, this band is important to you but not to him. They mean a lot to you but absolutely nothing to him. I think he should have been upfront in telling you he doesn’t want to go but I get the feeling that he waited until the last minute to have an excuse so that you couldn’t be mad at him for not going.
I think YTJ, not for being upset, but for asking him to lie and say he’s sick when his supervisor already knows it would be for the concert. Is the concert really more important than your husband’s job? How do you think him lying to them when they already know the truth will reflect on him??
Take a friend with you and let that be the end of it.” tekwayyuhself
Another User Comments:
“Are the comments here just insane or what is happening?? Absolutely NTJ. This isn’t at all about whether or not he likes the band. It’s about the fact he agreed to go then dragged his feet until the last minute to where now he can’t go.
It’s completely understandable OP is upset at this behavior. If it was for anything else like a wedding, would people still be having the same reaction? The core issue is that he couldn’t act like a functional adult knowing full well he agreed to something and now, last minute, is backing out and leaving OP to sell the extra ticket or invite someone else.
If he truly didn’t want to go and he dragged his feet on purpose in order to avoid going, he’s even more of a jerk.” Ok_Cryptographer3142
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Being mad at him that he did not ask for the day is totally understandable.
Asking him to skip work when he didn’t get the day off is being a jerk. And going silent with him is also a jerk move. Crap happens and plans might change, find someone else to share the event with. Friend? Relative?” Gullible_Classic3609
9. AITJ For Getting My Postal Carrier Fired After She Refused To Deliver Packages To My House?
“I live along a rural highway, it’s a 2 lane Rd with a sweeping right-hand curve.
My drive is on the left at the beginning of the curve. There is over 1000ft of visibility ahead in the curve. My house is 400ft from the mailbox.
My carrier has refused to bring packages to the house repeatedly. She leaves “we missed you” notices in the box.
And I have to drive the 10 miles to town to get whatever package it is.
Her excuses have been “afraid of dogs”. Dogs are never free – always in a chain link fence on the other side of the house.
Then “Afraid of chickens.” I have free-range bantam cochins – 3 lbs max.
Then Afraid of Turkey – he’s long gone…like months.
Two days ago I had a package due with refrigerated medicine. The delivery update said “no secure place”. I went to the PO and got it.. she told me “She’s afraid of the left into the driveway”.
UPS does it, Fed Ex does it, The Propane truck does it…the school bus that turns around in my drive does it. So I video recorded the road, the turn. The area past the turn and showed her boss.
She’s been fired and is now blaming me for not putting a trash can by my mailbox so she didn’t have to come up my drive.
I didn’t particularly want her fired. I just wanted her to do her job. Others on this road complained as well.”
Another User Comments:
“As a postal worker…. She possibly had a laundry list of offenses. Management has to build a case. Usually, rural carriers do not have to bring parcels to the door if the mailbox is over 1/4 mile from the house.
You are NTJ. It was her own fault she got herself fired. And dang it is hard to get fired from the Usps.” diepostofficedie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I used to work at a USPS encoding center. It’s a union job that’s impossible to be fired from if you’re doing your job unless the supervisor has it out for you and creates a problem but that’s a different story.
She had to mess up 5 times with 2 of those times resulting in not being scheduled to work as a punishment. There is no way you got her fired, period. Either her sup hated her and your complaint was the last straw needed to hang her or she did something against her job description enough times the union couldn’t protect her job anymore.
She knows you didn’t get her fired, it’s just sour grapes and complaining on her part since the collective bargaining agreement the union enforces very clearly spells out what are violations and the steps taken to correct them.” zmach21
Another User Comments:
“No, OP is NTJ.
Years ago, my daughter and I signed up for informed delivery so we get daily emails to inform us of what mail to expect on a daily basis. About two months ago, we were expecting some checks to arrive in the mail that day. The mail carrier ran extremely late on this day – it was a Saturday.
So we happened to see when the mail carrier was on our street. We waited for our mail to hit the mailbox. We went back to look outside and the mail carrier was gone. But our mailbox was empty. There were FIVE checks to be delivered but we didn’t see nary a one.
Mail carrier delivered them to the HOUSE NEXT DOOR. I was extremely upset.
I immediately emailed our local postmaster whom we do know DID address our mail carrier because the next day that mail was to be delivered, he knocked on the door and asked if we had an issue with how he did his job.
We told him we most certainly do because this was not the first time this had happened and luckily enough we had decent neighbors who gave us our mail in prior incidents. He then gave a half-hearted apology and we reported his confronting us as well.
We ended up getting another mail carrier. If you don’t speak up when there is an issue like this, they will continue to do their job half-heartedly. And our mail carrier liked to chat it up very loudly on his wireless earpiece and we deduced he wasn’t really paying attention to what he was being paid to do.” bustakita
8. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws Watch My Newborn In Their Filthy House?
“I recently gave birth to a baby boy (8 weeks ago) and my parents have been nothing but supportive and loving towards him and pretty much have visited with him every week while my husband’s parents (my in-laws) have not even asked about how he is doing.
My parents have already had him over at their house to watch him while my in-laws have not.
A lot of this has to do with the fact that my in-laws’ house is disgusting, like roaches running around, dried dog poop on the floor, unwashed dishes piled in the sink, etc. They are supposed to be watching him on Mondays when I go back to work but I will absolutely not let him in that house unless it is clean.
My husband agrees and we have warned them about this. They have known from the very beginning of my pregnancy so they have had plenty of time to prepare.
Well, several weeks ago we went to visit and the house was even worse than normal, so bad that we had to have a sit-down talk with them about how bad it was and basically told them that if they don’t get the house clean by the time I return to work on August 1st they don’t get to watch our baby.
I feel horrible to deny them their grandkid but my husband and I both agree on this. They are acting very resentful and saying we are favoring my parents by allowing them to watch our baby, but my parents’ house is actually clean. These are two grown adults and have basically had the past year to get their stuff together but don’t seem to want to even for their first grandchild, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and quite honestly do not let them even if they do. With that amount of trash and feces, the bacteria will in no way be dead enough to be safe for a newborn. Their house needs professional cleaning from a hoarder cleanup style company.
I worked for one for a year, and I can guarantee you that house has some very dangerous bacterial strains floating around, not to mention the risk of parasites from insects or fleas (both requiring an exterminator), and the possibility of unseen mold, pet dander buildup, and who knows what else.
Do not let your newborn anywhere near that house.” TinyRascalSaurus
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. It is your duty as a parent to protect your child from unsafe conditions. And that is exactly what you’re doing by not letting your baby boy stay in a filthy house.
You (and your husband) have made your expectations very clear from the beginning, and they have chosen to ignore them knowing the consequences. They are disrespecting your wishes as a parent. If they weren’t your in-laws you wouldn’t think twice about it, don’t let the fact that they’re family skew your (correct) judgment.” Roxyxx-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They need help though. Our living space is a good reflection of whatever is going on inside and this sounds like it could be a hoarding problem (a problem on its own but it’s often linked to OCD) or a depression issue, or executive dysfunction.
I’d put money on it that they don’t actually want to live like that. So I mean, obviously NTJ for not wanting your child over there, I don’t blame you at all. But YTJ for saying things like “they had a year to get their stuff together.” I’ve never seen a house that bad where the occupant wasn’t dealing with a mental health issue whether or not they would admit it to themselves.
And I’ve cleaned A LOT of houses. Every single one of them with a house on this level was either severely depressed, anxious, or didn’t want to let go of obvious trash because they were compulsively hoarding.” iAmThem123
7. AITJ For Unintentionally Exposing My Partner's Lies About My Past?
“Yesterday, my partner (F25) and I (M25) went to a party with her friends. One of my best friends “Marie” was there; we were talking about someone she saw recently and asked her if I still lived in my old apartment.
“Rose”, one of my partner’s friends heard our conversation and joined us. Marie shared a few stories and Rose got confused and started asking questions about my past, something they haven’t done in the time I’ve known them (a year and a half).
After answering some, she said that my partner told them that I had a difficult childhood with distant parents and that I have lived alone since I was 15 with no help. Or at least that’s what she implied. That’s why they never asked more about me as they thought it was a sensitive topic.
I told her that I didn’t know about it but it wasn’t true, except that I actually lived by myself but my parents knew and supported me.
Rose got mad and confronted my partner, more people got involved and it became a mess. Some questioned her and others turned to me and asked why I never said anything, I said because I knew nothing about this.
That if they wanted to know about me, they could have asked.
My partner is mad at me for exposing her like that and turning her friends against her.
I know she doesn’t like how my parents raised me, but to go and say they were distant and I had no help is a bit too much.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong and the only thing I feel bad about is her friend who organized the party. My friend says I am, so it got me wondering.”
Another User Comments:
“Uhh, you literally didn’t expose her, her lies caught up to her.
You just happened to be there to confirm. You didn’t even know that she had lied, how were you supposed to know you were obliged to cover for her? Mind reading powers!? Maybe just not lie, since, y’know, lying isn’t good. NTJ but your partner … Is kinda weird.
Like, I get not liking someone’s parents, but telling elaborate stories about how you lived by yourself is an odd way of wish fulfillment.” NatashOverWorld
Another User Comments:
“If I decide to grab a plate of food, I can probably carry it just fine. But I probably can’t grab too many more plates, because I will likely end up dropping them and have a mess on the floor.
It is no one else’s responsibility to help me clean up if I do, and it would be absurd of me to ask them to do so. My job is now to sit there and scrub the floors until they are clean again. It will probably take a while, and it will be frustrating, but I chose to carry all those plates.
NTJ.” intripletime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds to me like your partner was flat-out inventing a backstory about you and telling her friends about it as though it were true. Even if you had known prior to the party that she had lied to her friends about your history, you’d have been under no obligation to perpetuate her story.
She brought this on herself. Also, BIG RED FLAG. Seems like something a trustworthy person wouldn’t do.” cheekmo_52
6. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Friend's Unpaid Translator Anymore?
“I speak 6 languages, 4 fluently. I’m used to people asking what things mean in another language even if it’s not a language I speak.
I have this friend who is seeing a guy from Portugal (a language I speak).
They’ve been together for 3 years now and despite them living together and being serious, he refuses to learn Italian (we’re from Italy) or vice versa.
In the entire 3 years, I’ve been invited to dinners, “romantic evenings”, day outs, picnics, and many others, as the role of translator.
Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if maybe I’d get a free dinner out of it or some kind of payment, even just a thank you would be nice. But I’m expected to just drop everything out of my life to join their dates and then pay for myself when I didn’t even want to be there.
I have really flexible hours in my work and often have my days free and I feel like she takes advantage of that saying I have nothing else to do even when I’d just want alone time.
After so long of getting nothing in return, not even a thanks, I’m not happy with being used like this.
Especially when she refuses to learn his language and her partner doesn’t even want to learn our language in 3 years. I’ve recently told them I refuse to be their translator anymore and they should either hire someone or learn to communicate with each other. She told me I’m a horrible friend and since I speak both languages I should want to help them out.
Does what I did make me the jerk or am I justified?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless you’re part of a throuple, there’s no need to attend their dates.”She told me I’m a horrible friend and since I speak both languages I should want to help them out.” A friend helps once or twice.
You’ve been doing this for years. She’s a horrible friend for forcing you to translate all these years. It’s got to be incredibly awkward for you to translate romantic stuff. Tell her that! Give it back to her as much as she’s giving it to you.
A horrible friend wouldn’t have translated this long. Ask her what you get from it and how does it benefit you? It doesn’t, so it’s a favor. When you’re doing favors and getting nothing back in return, you’re being used. It’s give and take, not all give and no take.” Liss78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I was friends with a Brazilian exchange student in high school. She came to Iowa, of all places, with no English past “hello” and “goodbye.” I was in my fourth year of Spanish and somehow managed to help her through our housing and interior design class with some Spanish on my side, all Portuguese on her side, and a Portuguese-English dictionary.
She got an A. Spanish, Portuguese, and Italian are all fairly similar languages with cognates all over the place. Your friend and her partner can manage without you.” BresciaE
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Exactly what is their long-term plan? Have you officiate their wedding so you can translate their vows?
Bring you on their honeymoon to translate their romantic talk? Are you supposed to help them with their family planning? Are you going to need to accompany them to all their obstetric appointments? At this point, they either need to******* up and learn the others’ language, or break up.
The fact they’ve gone three years without bothering to do so is just incredibly insane.” Adaku
5. AITJ For Leaving After My Partner Was Late For Our Date?
“I (31M) had a date with my partner (29F) at 6.30 pm yesterday. I waited until 8.00 pm before messaging her that I was leaving.
She was late because her boss asked her to work overtime but yesterday was her last day at her job. I messaged her a few times to leave on the dot.
After I left, she messaged me that I made her day even worse but I don’t see the point of waiting for her.
1. This was not the first time she was late. Previously I waited without complaining because she was still working there. Yesterday was her last day.
2. She didn’t part with her employer on good terms. I didn’t see the point of working overtime on her last day if she wasn’t going to be appreciated.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she could have rescheduled and communicated with you if she needed the overtime on her last day.
Yes, you shouldn’t push others on how they “should” live their life and how they “should” work, but it’s her responsibility to communicate and reschedule accordingly when things go off the rails during a planned date. It’s one thing to have a high work ethic/ need for overtime money, and another to disregard your time and patience.” UnlovableNDeletable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As others have mentioned she should have told you she was running late. On the assumption she did not and you were just waiting around, then I think she is being unfair to expect you to stay. After all, how would you know that she wasn’t going to take a few more hours?
That said I had a friend who was leaving my work and she got dumped with scanning from her line manager and ended up being almost 2 hours late for her own leaving drinks. When she told me I said she should have just put the documents by the shredding machine.
My point is that sometimes people can get bullied into things and whilst it’s easy to say just walk off, if you are in that situation it may not be. One last thing, I think the 30-minute waiting time is ridiculous. If I am going to be late I will tell my partner.
Invariable I will know long before the actual meeting time. It doesn’t take a minute to send a text, and it allows the other person to better use their time. I think it is the height of selfishness to think others’ time is not valuable or that you are that important.” TheVoiceofOlaf
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is the jerk for expecting you to wait for that long. If my partner left me hanging that long, she’d be apologizing for wasting my time, and I’d do the same if the roles were reversed. Not only did she fail to apologize for not being considerate enough to let you know she couldn’t make your date, but she then proceeded to get angry with you for going home after 1.5 hours.
In this story, you kinda seem like a doormat op. You shouldn’t let your partner walk all over you like that.” madmonster444
4. AITJ For Telling My Dad I'm Not Religious Anymore?
“I’m not sure when, but over the past year I’ve really fallen out with religion. My dad raised me a Christian, his way of trying to fulfill his desire to have a “nuclear family.” You know the drill, happy Christian family sorta thing.
It all sorta goes back to his childhood. Long story short, my dad had an awful childhood, absent parents, that type of thing.
Anyway, whenever I eat with my dad, we always sit at the table and pray before eating. It’s the same prayer every day, and having it ingrained into my skull is partially why I’m not religious.
We had sat down to eat like normal, and he closed his eyes and started the prayer. I didn’t want to pray. I kinda sat there with my eyes open, not wanting to participate. He noticed and interrupted his own prayer by saying “Oh.
Sorry, God, it looks like OP is distracted.” I just kinda replied with “Well, I’m not really religious anymore.” And then he stopped praying and said “Never mind I guess. Just never tell your grandpa that. It’ll break his heart worse than it broke mine.” “Why did it break your heart?” I asked. “You’ll understand when you’re a dad.” “I think religion is a personal choice,” I answered.
At this point, he sighed and said “Everything is nowadays.” I tried talking to him several times after that, but he gave me the silent treatment. I know that he’s just trying to manipulate me into feeling bad, but I don’t think I did anything wrong.
Still, I feel sorta guilty because he does so much for me. He’s very helpful and provides me with anything I need.
Part of me thinks that I should just pretend to be religious so that it’ll keep him happy, but I’m not sure.
We haven’t really spoken since, and whenever I see him, he is crying by himself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve always thought it was funny that people “notice” you not praying when their eyes are supposed to be closed. In my family, we hold hands & someone prays before a meal. I hold hands & make exaggerated faces at my siblings who are also not praying.
It took my mom a few years to get over me not coming to church & I know she still prays I’ll come “back to the fold” or whatever, but she doesn’t bug me anymore. I’m 30. Stopped my religious stuff like 6 years ago.
Give him time.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Hey. I was in a similar situation years ago when I was younger. Same thing, parents were super religious, raised me to be so, then I left their religion. They were pretty upset about it, and for a while kept trying to get me to come back.
They would always bring it up anytime I visited, and we’d get into some pretty heated debates about it. Eventually I realized that indulging them was only causing me stress, so I had to set some boundaries. I told them that I’m not interested in talking about religion, and if they want me to keep coming around then they’ll leave it be.
You are absolutely right about religion being a personal choice; anyone who tells you differently is being controlling and trying to take away your agency. I hope you and your dad are able to get past this and have a post-religion relationship. NTJ.” sysadrift
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have to fake religious belief for anyone. YOU didn’t make your dad cry; the expectations of what your opinions would be as you grew up made him cry. Parents shouldn’t look at their newborn baby and imagine that they’ll grow up with a certain personality, with a particular set of likes and dislikes, etc.–but they do.
Thus, you get clashes between the mom who always imagined her daughter would cheerlead and the daughter who prefers playing bass guitar. The parents who imagined their child having children one day are crushed when their son decides to be child-free. Your dad is crying because his idea of what you ‘should’ do and believe isn’t working out the way he wanted. But you’re allowed to be YOU, and shouldn’t feel bad about being true to yourself.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Leaving My Roommate's Service Dog Behind?
“I’ve been dog-sitting my roommate’s service dog for three days now because he is visiting his friends who have dogs and cannot have his service dog around.
This is not the first time I’ve done this, and I have been taught how to work her as I am considering getting my own service dog someday. The service dog is a sweetheart as well and has alerted for me before for psychiatric assistance.
The problem lies in the fact that, a few days before my roommate left, I told them that I would be busy this weekend, as I had volunteered to help my partner this Saturday and would be in my hometown Friday through Sunday, possibly not even returning until Monday morning.
My roommate was made aware of this on Sunday the weekend before. He did not make plans to leave until Tuesday night, which is the same time he left to see his friends because of a bad day around his difficult parent. Since I had taken care of her before, and we had plans to both be at an event on Thursday, I offered to watch her until he got back on Thursday before the event.
Thursday came around, and I messaged my roommate a couple of times throughout the day, asking when he would be there until eventually, I had to take the service dog with me to the event. This made things difficult because I had no plans to do this, and I was limited in what I could do that night.
I have also had to bring her with me to work Wednesday and Friday (Today), which luckily I work on campus and my supervisor was very understanding.
I’ve only heard from my roommate once since he left, and he never mentioned when he was coming back.
Currently, he is also under a lot of stress due to his parents as well as future housing issues. As of right now, I’m waiting for my S/O to come pick me up, and I cannot bring the service dog with me to my S/O’s house.
I’ve messaged him multiple times today and have gotten no response.
Currently, I plan on leaving her here and asking my RA to check in on her every couple of hours or so and make sure she is fed and goes outside. I also plan on telling my roommate about this, and since RA is a trusted friend of both of ours, she would be the best option.
However, I am worried that my roommate may be upset because I was not with her like I said I would be.
So would I be the jerk if I left the service dog here alone?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: Unknown amount of time as in a few hours or day?
So far I’m thinking NTJ. Service animals are trained very well and she should be able to manage just fine for a bit without human interaction. It sounds like you’ve also done everything you can to get a hold of your RM and they were aware of the timeline you had going on.
If your RA is trustworthy and doesn’t mind checking in on the dog I see no problem, so long as it’s not for several days or something. Definitely strange your RM left their service animal though, is it an emotional support animal or actually a verified service animal?” Carolitorus
Another User Comments:
“Most likely YWNBTJ as long as the dog has food and water, all that great stuff. Going off of the comments, since RM is coming back tonight it should be okay given these circumstances. Service dogs can manage a few hours on their own and RM knew you made plans ahead of time.
You had an agreement that RM would be back by the time you needed to cater to your own plans. I understand that they wouldn’t want their dog getting hurt by other dogs, but if this isn’t just an emotional support dog then what’s the purpose?
I’m not trying to pry, but the fact that the service dog is constantly left to you instead of going with RM is particularly confusing because I can’t think of another reason why they’d need a service dog if the dog is getting left to you for days on end.
You should, however, reconsider dogsitting given that RM has left you to be stuck with the SD multiple times.” No_Toch_Meh_Im_Angy
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you care for the puppers more than your roommate. You are going above and beyond by alerting the roommate, amending your own plans, and getting backup assistance.
If RM gets upset, show them all of these responses and how they fell short in caring for their SD. I can appreciate someone going through a stressful time, which happens all the time, however, I would also let them know that this type of behavior will no longer be tolerated. Especially not responding, that is a jerk move on RM’s part.
The pupper comes first before anything and anyone as they rely on us to take care of them. If RM is not capable, take the pupper!” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
2. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Adult Sister While Our Parents Are On Holiday?
“I have moved out and am living with other housemates.
My younger sister (27) is still living with our parents. She was pretty spoiled when she was younger and is still now. Still has not got her driver’s license. Rarely if ever cleans up after herself so my family is forever washing up dishes after her, and cleaning the house after her.
Rarely helps with cleaning bathroom, toilet, etc.
The parents are going on holiday for a few weeks and have asked if I can look after her while they are away. They want me to move back to their place for a few weeks so I’m available there to cook for the both of us and can drive her to and from school and work.
I said I can help out from time to time but not every day. Then they asked why doesn’t she move in with me as the place I am living in now is just less than 10 minutes by bus to her school. And it’s 15 minutes drive to her workplace.
The parents’ house is about a 90-minute bus ride to the school and a 20-minute bus ride to her work. She starts school early at 8 or 9 am and sometimes does not finish work till 8 pm or later.
Now I feel this is crossing the line.
Not only am I giving up my time and effort but also my comfort and having to share a bed. Like I mentioned before she is a bit of a slob and doesn’t clean up after herself.
And not only that she is not very grateful i.e. one time my dad asked her for petrol money for all the trips he was making to take her to work.
He said you are spending so much on Uber Eats. You may as well give me some petrol money. She got really angry about it.
So I mentioned these details to my parents and they were not happy about it saying I’m not a good older sibling.
Look at X’s daughters who are going on holiday together for a few days. Well, I said look she is not grateful about it. So why bother? They said look if you help her then she will help you.
Look mom had an accident and was unable to drive for a few months.
She only visited once and that was it until mom was useful again for getting lifts.
And that time you asked me to follow her to the city to look after her when she was hanging out with friends and she literally ditched me.
After so many of these types of scenarios with her, it has left a really bad taste in my mouth.
I don’t want to be cleaning up her mess in the sharehouse. Better for her to stay alone at the parents’ house and she can clean up after herself. Or leave the garbage to rot.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is an adult and should be able to fend for herself at least in the basic areas.
It’s up to your parents if they want to spoil her or do everything for her, but they are basically telling you to take their place, which is not only weird but inconsiderate and unfair. If she had a disability or we were talking about a kid, would be perfectly understandable.
She needs to figure things out even by herself. I don’t understand why she should be babysat.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“Info: Does your sister have some sort of disability that makes her unable to care for herself? If she is really 27 and that’s not a typo for 17, she ought to be able to do everything for herself by now, and would probably benefit from being alone for the two weeks to work out her own issues about why she’s not growing up.
NTJ, in any case. You are not a sacrificial sibling to take care of their child.” Competitive_Cod_3843
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s incredibly unreasonable to expect someone to upend their life to accommodate an adult who should be more than capable of managing on their own.
Boundaries are healthy and necessary, and it’s not your job to parent your sister. Your responsibility is to yourself and maintaining your own household, which does not include being an emergency fallback for your parents’ adult child. Your sister needs to learn independence, and your parents should not be shirking that responsibility onto you.
Stick to your guns on this one.” StellaGray68
1. AITJ For Not Buying My Son A BMW To Impress His Friends?
“I (51M) live a comfortable life with my family, I am able to provide everything in the house and have the privilege to spend on my car collecting hobby.
Recently my son (18M) came to me and asked me for a brand new BMW, when I asked him why, he said that he is tired of driving a Civic (a fairly new one) because all his other friends in college drive cars like BMW, Mercedes Benz etc and that he needed a BMW to look good in front of his friends.
I told him I would not be buying him any sort of car like that and his response was “It’s not fair you that you get to drive Ferraris and Lamborghinis while I am stuck with a Civic, all I am asking for is a BMW and we definitely have the money for that and if you won’t buy me one I’ll never forgive you.”
I told him that it is me who has the money, not us, and if he wants one he can find a way to make money and buy one for himself. The reason I won’t buy him one is because I want him to understand how difficult it is to make money and to make sure I won’t just be a walking ATM in the future.
My wife is on his side and her reason is because I can afford one, I told her I’m doing him a favor by teaching him a lesson so he does not grow up with unrealistic expectations.
As of right now, he is not talking to me and he is really making me think if I’m the jerk, should I just buy him the car?
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. This is this typical situation. “But Mom/Dad… all other cool kids in my class have a Gameboy! All my friends are allowed to dye their hair! The parents of my friends allow them to drink beer when they are 16!
All other kids in my class get $100 per week!” You are not the parent of “all other kids/students” in his school/college. He wants to get a new BMW as a present? Does he know how much a new BMW costs? I don’t think so.
Well, if this was my (adult) child, I would sit him down, and show him a list of all regular costs when someone owns and uses a BMW. Then I would tell him “Alright there are 2 conditions: 1. You have to drive safe – without accidents, not even a little bump into something – for 2 years.
With every accident/ bump/knocked-off outside mirror, the timer will set back. 2. You have to pay the regular costs (tax, maintenance, repairs, gas, oil, checkups …) all by yourself – no exceptions. Sounds not fair? Of course it sounds not fair – but this is the real life of someone who owns and drives a car.” rockingcrochet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I’ll never forgive you” is such a stupid threat lol. At this point, YTJ if you give in and buy him a BMW. Your son just sounds massively entitled, and it doesn’t help that your wife is trying to enable him.
Also, I saw in another comment that you were thinking of getting him one as a college graduation gift. Only do this if you think he’s significantly matured or become less entitled by the end of his college career. Otherwise, he’ll probably just find some other expensive thing to demand you buy for him.
Or, if he’s still set on a BMW by then, you could also consider just funding part of the purchase. It would then put the onus on him to make up the difference. Lastly — this is purely speculation, but I’m wondering if there’s a chance that he’ll try to wreck the Civic so you have no choice but to buy him a new BMW.
He already totaled one car, what’s stopping him from totaling another?” an0nstudent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground on this one because you are right. My parents bought a new car a couple of years back and instead of trading in their old one, they gifted it to me for my birthday.
I nearly cried, my previous car was so bad and cost me a lot. It wasn’t an expensive car but it was such a grand gesture. The difference here is that I didn’t demand one. They aren’t rich. And it was a birthday gift. Your son has a good newish car, he should learn to be thankful for that.
And you are right, it’s your money not his, you worked for it, not him. Stand your ground sir!! He may learn his lesson, or he may resent you for it, but it’s better than having a spoilt adult who can’t earn his own way in life.
I bet he got a great upbringing because you were well off and he probably doesn’t understand why that doesn’t translate into adult life.” Uniquebutnotspecial
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