People Crash Out In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Not Allowing My Partner’s Family To Use My Brother’s Rented Room?
“I (30M) live with my partner, Paul (32M), on a popular lake in our area.
We rent a 3-bedroom home from my parents and have been renting one of the rooms to my brother, Tom (32M), for the past 3 months. Tom normally resides in a city about an hour’s drive away but needed a place to stay until the end of summer, so he’s been paying rent for his room.
Here’s where the issue arises. We have two guest rooms—one with a king-sized bed (the one Tom is renting), and the other with two twin beds. We’ve previously discussed with Tom that guests wouldn’t stay in his room without his permission, even if he’s away for work.
This rule was emphasized in relation to our friends, not family.
On my partner’s birthday, we invited guests to stay for the weekend, starting with his mother, Beth (60), and sister, Meg (36) who would be staying Friday night, leaving Saturday afternoon before the other guests arrived. Around 8 PM, my partner informed me that his mother would be staying in my brother’s room.
I reminded him that we’d already discussed not using Tom’s room without his permission. My partner insisted it was no big deal and that his mother had slept on the twin beds before, which hurt her back. So, she’d be using Tom’s room regardless.
I saw that Meg started stripping the sheets off Tom’s bed without his consent, and this upset me.
My partner had texted Tom about it, but he was on a trip without cell service, so he couldn’t respond. My partner then offered to waive Tom’s rent for the upcoming month to make up for it. At this point, I was frustrated and a bit mad.
I’ve been going through financial difficulties recently, and my partner has covered half of the rent for the last six months. However, he makes over $10,000 a month, so this hasn’t financially strained him. It was understood that I’d repay him in full once I was financially stable.
During our argument, my partner accused me of being entitled and ungrateful that while he pays for the place, my family is allowed to stay comfortably while his family is given second-class treatment.
I left to cool down and, upon returning, Meg approached me, expressing disappointment and suggesting I should have been more understanding of her mother’s bad back.
She felt I was cruel for denying her a good bed she’d used before. I apologized for making anyone uncomfortable but reiterated that it wasn’t my room to assign.
The Outcome: His mother left the next morning, but his sister decided to stay another night.
Later, our remaining guests arrived, and as we were short a bed, Meg moved her things into Tom’s room and stayed there. So, AITJ for not allowing my partner’s family to use my brother’s rented room despite his mother’s back issues?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You and your partner SPECIFICALLY agreed with Tom that his room wasn’t to be used for guests. Doesn’t matter if they’re family (mind you, not even his family) or not. He has personal items in that room, it’s intrusive and I get why he’d be upset.
Your partner was completely inconsiderate and needs to resolve this with Tom. And FYI, you’re treating your family “better” because (a) he’s a paying tenant and as his landlord, you’re not allowed to just violate his privacy like that, and (b) because it’s your parents’ house!!!!” Witty-Stock-4913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The two of you are essentially subletting the room in question to your brother. In most jurisdictions this means he has some right to its use exclusively during his rental agreement period. You both should respect that right and request his approval to use that room when he is not there.
Your partner and his family are being pretty assholish about this. If mom has a bad back, she can stay at a hotel or her son or daughter could have found a better mattress or mattress topper to help.” Proud_Spell_1711
22. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Was An Annoying Brat Over Family Naming Disputes?
“My sister is 14f and I’m 16f. My sister has always been very loud and opinionated, but for the last few months, she has been really playing up on that crap. It started with her asking very loud questions, but then she focused in on the fact I’m named after our late grandma, mom’s mom, and she’s named a name that meant a lot to our dad and aunts, his sisters, which is connected to their family, but not a “family name.” My grandma died when my mom was only young, and my grandpa remarried. My mom hates Grandpa’s wife and has never had a good relationship with her.
I’m not close with her either, but my sister is, and lately, my sister has been bothering my mom with why I was named after Grandma and not Grandpa’s wife.
She has told my mom she should have been named after grandpa’s wife, or that she should have named me after our real grandma and not some dead lady.
My dad told her it was such a horrific thing to say because grandma was still mom’s mom and she loved her. My sister told us all that mom should give that same love to grandpa’s wife, and asked me why I wasn’t upset about it.
I said I’d rather be named after someone mom loved than someone she hated.
It became an argument, and my sister kept poking at mom. Mom spoke to her and told her that she knows she loves Grandpa’s wife, but she never has and never will, and to please stop being so cruel about her mom.
My sister said it wasn’t fair that Grandpa’s wife raised her from the age of 7 and she hates her, and that she got shunned when it came to being honored.
My sister was later punished for cursing at my mom and gloating about our grandma’s death, and how she’d have to suck up the fact my sister didn’t give a crap about grandma and would crap on her grave if she could, and would be adopted by grandpa’s wife in a heartbeat.
Dad was so furious, but mom was upset.
Once the punishment ended, she was trying to get me to agree with her, and I told her she was an annoying brat and being a little crap to mom. I told her that I would never side with her on this.
I also told her she made Mom cry, and she was acting so evil. My sister said I didn’t get it, so I told her she’ll regret it if something happened to mom and she kept talking to her like that if the last thing she ever does to mom was make her cry.
I also reiterated that she was an annoying brat. My sister stopped speaking to me now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a feeling your grandfather’s wife has put these thoughts into your sister’s head. Your sister needs therapy and her contact with grandfather’s wife severely limited, if not severed altogether” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her to cut it out before she causes Mom to have a heart attack or a stroke. Your sister is a little crap.” Icy_Eye1059
21. AITJ For Refusing To Clear My Sister's Debt And Letting Her Face The Consequences?
“My (26F) sister (30F) Caitlin is at her wit’s end, expecting to be served an eviction notice any day now.
We both live in London – her alone in a two-bedroom affordable housing apartment, and me with our parents. She’s made a string of ill-advised financial decisions over the years, the latest of which involved not paying her rent for several months, and neglecting to tell anybody there was an issue.
She was convinced that she’d be able to get a loan that would let her cover the difference, but she was denied due to poor credit.
The family only became aware of this week, during a long and tearful talk where it became clear that Caitlin was also very mentally compromised – depressed on top of the anxiety and borderline personality disorder she regularly struggles with.
She also quit her job within the past few weeks, as she felt that she couldn’t handle it in her current state.
I could fix the most pressing issue today. I’ve been saving money consistently while living at home, primarily to have a rainy-day fund for myself.
I haven’t told anybody this, but it’d be a safe assumption that I have some money stored away after all this time.
I can pay off the debt now, taking the immediate load off everybody’s shoulders. This does nothing to address the bad fiscal choices that led my sister to this point, nor get her the mental health support she clearly needs.
Without a job, she will almost certainly find herself without money within the next few weeks. I have already given my sister several thousand pounds in the past to bail her out of trouble, of which I have received very little back. I’m not naïve enough to think I would see any of this hypothetical payment back, but I would resent her for setting back my plans yet again.
Alternatively, I let the consequences play out. Having one extra bedroom and refusing to find a roommate meant she’d always been living beyond her means, on top of poor money management. She could move back in with the family, but both our parents and her have privately admitted this outcome would have a serious impact on their mental health.
It would mean being able to observe Caitlin’s mental state and provide support, but it sounds like she would rather become homeless than accept this. She’d also have to give up her cat, and likely a large chunk of her possessions, either to downsize or when bailiffs repossess them.
My parents are not in a position to readily pay off the debt without taking out a loan; at that point I may as well front them the money and cut out the middle bank/time delay. I don’t see any other practical option, so… WIBTJ if I didn’t step in to clear the debt?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time for your sister to handle her own self-made problems. She’s a grown woman and it’s not fair that you should be responsible for bailing her out. Maybe it would be different if this was a one-time occurrence, but even if you pay her debt now, how long will it be before she’s in a similar situation all over again?
Some people only learn the hard way. I feel sorry for your parents, but again it’s not fair to make that your responsibility. They need to show your sister some tough love and hold her accountable for her bad decisions. She’s not a kid.” Kaverrr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re correct that if you give your money now it will only delay the inevitable. It would just be a waste of your money. Your family is going to have to deal with your sister’s eviction sooner or later, so don’t spend your money to delay it.” teresajs
20. AITJ For Declining To Walk Down The Aisle With My Future Stepbrother?
“My (21F) parents got divorced when I was 17. A couple of months after the divorce, my mom (51F) introduced her partner (now fiancé) Dan (61M) to me and my 2 brothers. They are going to get married in a couple of months.
I am very close to my mom, but not close to Dan. I rarely see him (probably about once a month) because I live mostly with my dad in my childhood home, and they live about an hour away.
Dan has 1 daughter and a son named Ben (20M).
At their wedding, I am going to be the MOH, and Ben is going to be the best man. There are no bridesmaids or groomsmen since this is a family-only wedding. I am also not close with Ben. He is a nice person, but I only see him once every 2-4 months because he lives mostly with his mom.
We also never text/call each other.
Dan and my mom told me today that they want me and Ben to walk down the aisle together with us linking arms. I did not respond with a definite yes or no and changed the subject. I am kind of uncomfortable with this because at the beginning of their relationship, Dan and my mom (but mostly Dan) “shipped” me and Ben together.
In other words, they would sometimes make comments hinting that we would end up being a couple. This made me very uncomfortable. We absolutely have no romantic interest in each other. I personally see this as gross, even when they were not engaged at that time, and they disagreed. I thought it was even more weird because during that time, I was in college and he was still in high school.
I told my older brother about this a couple of months later. We both told my mom that she should stop, and she did. I have not heard any related comments since. Dan has a very authoritarian parenting style, so if Ben is also uncomfortable, I would not know, since he would be afraid of telling his dad.
I am also not sure if Dan made these types of comments to Ben.
I have never been to a wedding before, so I am not sure if it is common for the MOH and Best Man to walk down the aisle together. If it is, I would be more open to the idea.
So, WIBTJ if I tell my mom that I do not want to walk down the aisle with my future stepbrother? To reiterate, I have nothing against Ben, but I would be more comfortable walking with one of my family members or alone. I would also like to add that I would like to stay as the MOH.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in weddings where the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk down the aisle together, it is common for the maid of honor and best man to walk together. However, given the previous attempts at pairing you with a sibling, your hesitation is quite reasonable and understandable.” DreamingofRlyeh
Another User Comments:
“While I understand why it would make you feel awkward after the ‘shipping’, YWBTJ if you refused to walk with the best man but insisted on remaining as MOH. It’s up to the couple to determine how the wedding party walks in and out, and it’s super common (I would even go so far as to say expected) for the MOH and best man to walk out together (Usually the groomsmen are already in place when the bridal party walks in, but not always).
You are well within your rights to decline the invitation to be MOH, but it’s not okay to dictate who you walk with if you choose to accept that role. If it makes you terribly uncomfortable, then you should tell your mom you are uncomfortable with the role of MOH.
But do consider that it’s less than a minute with your arms linked formally in a way that is completely expected for an MOH and best man, and a way that no one would object to siblings or stepsiblings behaving. No rational human being would think that it meant the two of you had anything resembling a romantic connection.
I would suggest telling your mom to enjoy the day because it’s the only time she will see you walking down the aisle with a man you now consider to be your brother.” Bubbly_Chicken_9358
19. AITJ For Updating My Ex In-Laws On Our Safety During The Fire?
“So super specific situation. I am divorced and in a very great relationship with my ex-wife.
I have an ok relationship with my ex-parents-in-law as I love giving them updates on their grandchild. For some reason, my ex-wife told me I didn’t need to leave their family chat with all her siblings because then I could see what my son’s cousins were up to.
I don’t think she talked it through with her family though.
Anyway, two days ago, we lost all of our possessions and homes in a brushfire. My ex-wife and I live a few blocks away and we both lost everything except a few suitcases, and thankfully all of us are alive and well.
I was away on a business trip in LA when the fire happened, and I stayed in communication with my ex-wife about evacuation and safety. She went to sleep, and that night the fire destroyed everything.
It was 2 am in LA when I found out the brushfire destroyed everything, and I promptly messaged her parents about the fact that my ex-wife and our son had already evacuated. They posted about it in their family chat but with the wrong information.
So I messaged about my ex-wife and my son’s whereabouts and safety in their family chat. I never posted anything on it ever since the divorce. (I posted on the chat because my ex-wife was asleep and her family is on another part of the States with 6 hours time difference, and I didn’t want them to wonder or know incorrectly.) The next day my ex-mom-in-law kicked me out of the group and sent a chat to me.
“Good morning. Thank you for alerting us to the fires and updating us on the three of you. We really appreciate you thinking of us and reassuring us of your safety. Sadly I have to remove you from the family group chat. There are some who feel that since the divorce (which we believe is finalized) you are no longer a part of the family.
So they are not comfortable with you in our family group chat. I can’t speak for them, but I want you to know Dad and I love you and that won’t change. We hope we can stay in touch with you through the Grandparents group as well as through private chats and calls.”
I don’t know why, but I felt so hurt. Upon writing this I realize I probably am the jerk. Or no one is the jerk. It just might be the shock and sadness from losing everything. I’m definitely the jerk for caring about something as small as this when others alongside me are homeless and lost family in the fire.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Anyone who immediately said “You’re no longer in the family” cause of a divorce is weird and dumb. You contacted her side of the family to give a wellness check, they’re jerks and very weird ones at that. You just lost about everything, you’re not looking for a handout.
You’re letting your former family by law know that, hey, your grandkid and daughter are safe.” GhostPantherAssualt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you mentioned, everyone was involved in some sort of way in this emotional ordeal. You, your ex-wife, and your son directly. At a time like this, they shouldn’t have removed you; if anything, they should have kept you in the loop of that chat to make everything easier.
If they don’t feel you as part of the family because of a divorce and don’t want to contact you, then you don’t need to contact them. It seems kind of backhanded to say “You aren’t family anymore” and then say “But we still love you, talk to us here.” That would hurt.
I hope things improve for you and your family.” inmym1ndp4lace
18. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom For Guilt-Tripping My Brother Over College?
“Growing up, my family always told me how me (15f) and my oldest brother (21m) have a “special connection.” We don’t.
We’re like normal siblings; we will die for each other, but he will eat poop before he tells me he loves me. I’m just the only one in the family to care about him and respect his boundaries.
My other brother doesn’t really care about him.
My father is almost never home, and when he is, the only thing he cares about is how his basketball training is going, and my mom just doesn’t understand boundaries. So, you can understand from all of this that I always try to respect his boundaries (I’m kind of pushy, so it’s hard for me and I’m not always successful, but he knows I’m trying) and make a point of actually asking about his life, as I’m his favorite.
In our country, going to the military is mandatory for men for at least 3 years. My brother only did 1 year since he got stuck in a horrible job, and they saw what it did for his mental health. Since his job was not that important, they let him go.
Now my brother has gotten into a good college, and he’s supposed to start in two weeks. My father has already paid for it, but now my mom is in a panic because she’s afraid that this will be a repeat of the army.
I get that, but my brother says he’s ready for it, and I believe him.
Our mom, however, does not. She’s trying to make him stay by guilting him and telling him it will be bad for his mental health (everyone knows that one of his worst fears is his mental health going back to how it was in the military).
So far, he hasn’t caved, but yesterday she was trying to convince him not to go again, and I snapped. I yelled some really mean things about how she’s ruining his life because she feels guilty for not noticing him struggling until the military had to shove it in her face, and that just because she has problems doesn’t mean she has to ruin his life too.
I was very dramatic in all of this, as he also has a guaranteed spot in college 20 minutes away from our house because they’ve been trying to get him there for like a year, but he really wants to do this, and she’s pushing her issues on him, and it makes me really mad.
My entire family is on her side aside from my oldest brother, obviously. I do feel bad for yelling at her, but I don’t think I was in the wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s sad that your mother can’t understand the difference between the pressures associated with being in the military and the pressures of college.
Having done both, I can attest that college is a cakewalk compared to the military. I’m willing to bet that your family is only taking your mom’s side because they don’t want to be the next target of her rage.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Even if he does leave college after a year, like he did in the military, who cares? He is only 21; he can do something different next year if college turns out not to be his thing either. And if college somehow negatively affects his mental health, then your family will be there to see it and help him before it gets bad because he will be at home while in school, unlike the military where he was away.
I think it’s awesome you stuck up for your brother; it sounds like he might be a bit more passive or shy and needs a pushy little sister on his side!” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Leaving My Racist Mom Stranded During A Grocery Trip?
“I (18m) am only staying at home for the next year so I can finish high school. My mom is racist and homophobic and hates that I’m gay and have a Latino partner.
My parents are always fighting over it, since my dad is supportive, and is constantly talking about getting a divorce, but it never happens.
About four months ago, I got into a car accident and suffered some pretty bad injuries that have left me with nerve damage in my right arm, which can only be fixed by a super expensive surgery that I cannot afford, and my parents won’t help me pay for it, even though my mom was the one driving when the accident happened. The nerve damage made it so that I can’t lift, push, pull, etc., anything heavy, and I can’t use my right arm for long periods of time without muscle spasms and/or extreme pain.
She dragged me to the store, which was fine because I needed hair dye and was going anyway. I was fine pushing the buggy because that doesn’t really bother my arm too much, but then she put five boxes of beer in the cart, and I told her I wouldn’t push it.
She called me a bunch of names, so I called her a heavy drinker jerk who wastes all her money on booze instead of using the money to help her family.
We went back and forth for a while, during which she basically said that I was faking the injury, and I told her that if she would stop drinking, we wouldn’t be struggling financially as much as we are since she still asks her mom for money to pay the bills because she spends all of ours on booze.
She said we could put everything else back, and she said all she came here for was the booze, which I feel only proved my point. I said that if she bought the booze, then she wouldn’t ride home with me. She said she was going to buy it, and I was going to drive her home.
I told her to see how well that goes.
She went to a normal line since she hates waiting for an assistant to clear her for booze purchase, and I went through self-checkout to buy the hair dye. She wasn’t even close to the start of the line by the time I walked out.
I drove home, and my dad said it was a jerk move to do that, but he understood where I was coming from. She eventually called my brother to pick her up after she had wandered the parking lot for an hour because she forgot where I parked and didn’t actually think I would leave her there.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ freaking crap man, I’m a lesbian and homophobia is just awful; it makes me so livid and irrational. Your relationship with your mom sounds complicated as heck, but I would totally act like that in a similar situation” skipnicky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But wait a minute, does your mom have car insurance? If so, you should see if it will cover your surgery. If you can move out before the statute of limitations is up (it varies by state), you can also sue her directly.
I assume you don’t want to sue her while living with her, so I would Google the statute of limitations on personal injury cases in your state.” Bloodrayna
16. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Value My Feelings Over His Family’s Sympathy?
“My husband (28M) and I (25F) got married 6 months ago. My mom and he got into a fight in the beginning, in which my husband was upset at her husband for being rude, yelling, and hanging up on him about politics. My mom then was triggered by him complaining about her husband, and started randomly yelling at my husband for his attitude, and then also called his parents to tell them about his inappropriate behavior around “his elders”.
My mom picked the wrong way to handle this. But my husband has decided he hates my mom now and doesn’t want her at the house because she keeps trashing him. I keep trying to tell her to stop, and she won’t listen to me, and it’s been a continuous and stupid argument forever now.
My parents are divorced and my dad’s wife has hated me for no reason other than I look like my mom. She’s treated me with disdain since I was 13. She will always act sweet and nice to everyone in public. And everyone adores her because she’s pretty, has a foreign accent, and is a doctor.
This doesn’t bother me—but what does is that behind closed doors she calls me a brat for getting everything I want. I have always complimented her and been nice to her, and she doesn’t even acknowledge my presence in the room. After a nice public meeting where she was faking nice, I tried to friend my stepmom on social media.
Keep in mind she’s been my stepmom for over 13 years. She still refuses.
Now, after this whole ordeal with my mom, my husband has been talking about my stepmom and how nice she is to him a lot. He also apparently texts her. I find this insulting, granted knowing he knows all the stories I have told him about how she’s treated me my whole life.
But when I bring this up, he goes, “Oh, but your mom got in my face. It’s no worse than what your mom and stepdad did to me!”
Well, now my husband visits with his brother-in-law’s family and talks about how wonderful they are.
He talks about how wonderful his ex-partner’s family is when we run into them in public. I start getting cold and distant because I feel like my whole family is just crap in his eyes, and everyone else is wonderful. But when I try to share this, he just brings up over and over again how nasty my mom’s side was.
I’m not trying to disregard his feelings on how they acted, but after 6 months I’m getting tired of him invalidating my feelings and feeling like my emotions come last all because “boo hoo look what your mom did!” I feel he is drawing out the sympathy card at the expense of never caring about my emotions.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Sit down and talk to your husband. You need to be blunt: if his behavior continues, the marriage will not survive. When/If you are on the same page—lock your mom out of your house until she behaves around your husband.
If she does not, she cannot be part of your life if you want your marriage to survive” ItIsNotAManual1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You guys need to have a serious talk about how you supported him when your mom mistreated him, but he doesn’t support you when he knows your stepmom treats you like crap.
Your mom being an ass to him is not a permanent get-out-of-jail card where he gets to use it against you forever and crap all over your feelings. I suggest counseling. Or your marriage will not last.” KimmyKatAlways
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because you’ve already banned your mother from your house and called her out on her behaviour.
What more are you supposed to do? In saying that, I don’t think you should focus on him saying nice things about other families. He’s allowed to think other families are nice. I absolutely understand how that makes you feel, but those are your feelings to manage.
However, it sounds like your husband is weaponizing his conflict with your mother against you on a continuing basis, and that is not ok. You’ve already taken his side, and at this point, he’s just using it as a get-out-of-jail-free card in every conflict. That’s immature and unkind.
Here’s the thing. Acting cold and distant isn’t going to get you anywhere. It won’t resolve this, it won’t make him see your point of view. Honestly, you should go to couples counseling to see if you can work this out, because at the moment you’re just at a stalemate in how you resolve conflict (by not resolving it), and you either keep going in this cycle or you do something to get out of it.” ItsAllALot
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Stepdaughter The Same Financial Help As My Daughter?
“I recently had an overblown argument with my stepdaughter and husband about not giving as much financial support to my stepdaughter as I do my daughter.
My stepdaughter wanted me and her father to assist her in buying her first house. Initially, I was more than happy to help and chip in, but then I found out that she wanted way more than I had planned to chip in. If I were to give them what they asked for, it would wipe out my “renovations” savings and take a chunk out of my regular savings.
The majority would come out of my renovation savings I set aside to pay for major renovations at my daughter’s (new kitchen, boiler, HVAC system, and septic system).
Three years ago, my daughter got into a car accident and it led to her having brain damage, and throughout the years, she has been able to slowly get back on her feet.
But my daughter is still not 100% herself again. She’s forgetful, has terrible control of her general emotions, is easily anxious, and suffers from migraines. Things have improved and she leads a fairly normal life, but because of this, my daughter and her children now live three doors down (I bought the house years ago).
I fully provide for my daughter; I pay all her bills as she is still recovering.
My stepdaughter, at best, has a strenuous relationship with her own mother, and I can see that this has led to some jealousy over the fact that my daughter and I are very close.
I planned on initially giving her 100k, and her father was going to give her 300k, but she wants me to match her father’s amount as her mother has completely refused to help.
And I understand that she’s having a hard time as she just got divorced and is in a bit of a financial bind, but I feel like she’s just picking properties that are way out of her budget.
I’ve tried to be helpful and sent her many listings of more affordable homes, but my husband says that if I can buy a home for my daughter in our neighborhood, then I should be able to assist my stepdaughter in getting a place as well.
But the thing is, I bought my daughter’s place more than a decade ago when the neighborhood was still affordable, and the prices of the average home on our street have tripled at best. I feel like with 400k, she can buy a home that is pretty close by and be mortgage-free if she picks one of the houses I’ve been sending her, instead of the 700/800k houses in my neighborhood she’s been interested in.
Am I being a jerk for not offering more and for sending her listings for more affordable homes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband and your stepdaughter both feel very entitled to your money. It is astounding to me that anyone would respond in this way when someone offers to gift them $100,000!
She’s not asking you to assist her with buying a house. She’s asking you to buy her a house, which is just insane. It’s also super gross that both of them are trying to guilt trip you over the fact that you’re providing for your disabled daughter and grandchildren.
Want and need are not the same situation.” Which_Literature_438
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the heck? Your husband doesn’t provide for your daughter and then asks you to provide 300k to his daughter? And stepdaughter DOESN’T EVEN CALL YOU MOM??? Your stepdaughter and your husband are the jerk.” MahomesMccaffrey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s getting 400k. Most kids don’t get 4 pounds. She’s a grown woman, not a child. She should be able to understand that this is not an issue of favoritism but an issue of necessity. Your bio daughter has not been in a position to do these things for herself; hopefully, she will recover fully with time, so you picked up the slack.
I get she wants the same treatment, and in general, I always say that should be the case. If your bio daughter had not had an accident and you made financial decisions differently, I would say you were wrong, but it’s a complex situation.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Keeping My Tattoo Appointment The Day After My Partner's Surgery?
“My (24F) partner (39M) is getting surgery done on his throat next week. He partially paralyzed his throat about 2 years ago, which has caused his throat to become very raspy.
He’s gone through multiple rounds of non-invasive treatments, which have had temporary effects, but nothing long-lasting.
Before getting too into the story, my partner and I are long-distance as well. A non-stop flight would be about 4 hours, without giving away too much detail.
I had no part in the plans for this surgery.
He basically was on the phone with his doctor and scheduled it right then there without consulting me about if I’d be available to be there for him. And that’s where our problems start with it. He’s very desperate not to be dealing with this problem anymore.
Me and I are both gig-event workers and our calendars fill up typically a couple of months in advance. I am the only one out of the two of us who also holds a corporate desk job. The Tuesday he made his appointment, I made a commitment to my boss and his boss (for my corporate job) to cover paying a band at one of our venues.
Therefore, making me unable to be there. There are only a couple of check signers in our region, and I am one of them, so making those commitments in your calendar is important. The following Wednesday & Thursday, I also have similar work-related commitments. I’m flying out Friday and will be there with him until Tuesday.
(Side note: the surgeon only does surgeries every other Tuesday, and I would’ve been able to be there all week if he had made it for the next Tuesday after.)
The argument point here is over a tattoo appointment I made for myself 2 months ago (before the surgery was scheduled) that was for Wednesday morning before I went to work.
The day after his surgery. I chose to hold the appointment due to the fact that I would just be sitting at home anyway, and if he made these plans without me, what does it matter if I’m sitting at home or sitting at the tattoo shop?
He’s not upset about the work stuff at all and doesn’t even expect me to come, just about this tattoo appointment.
There’s been a lot of arguing about this. I’m being called “selfish and insensitive” and that it’s “insane and a bad look” to be getting tattooed the day after surgery.
I hit a breaking point and told him he’s being controlling by not involving me in any decision-making, but then expecting me to bail on multiple commitments. He keeps reiterating that the work stuff isn’t the issue, only the tattoo appointment is.
Am I missing something here?
I’m willing to accept if I’m the jerk here, but I really don’t think I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re missing the point. It’s not about the surgery. You were never involved in any part of that. It’s that he expects you to do what he says just because, and you’re not doing it so he’s upset.
Looking back, are there other instances like this in your relationship? It’s not great behavior from him either way.” TipsyBaker_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he expected you to put your life on hold for the surgery, then you should have had some say in the scheduling, or, at least, some warning that he was going to make the appointment.
That and you are long distance – it’s not like you sitting at home would do any good anyway, other than you being anxious about his recovery. I’d be more sympathetic for his side of the appointment were during his surgery, but it isn’t.
It’s the day after.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no way he could even remotely claim that your appointment time could be spent productively on him. It’s not ‘a bad look’ like he or one other commenter suggested. If you had made an appointment to meet with a friend or had a fun class (ex yoga or a painting lesson) scheduled, he would be just as angry because you are continuing your planned life and not putting it on hold when there is nothing you could do about his situation anyway.
He is being irrational and possibly taking out his stress regarding his situation on you instead of dealing with it himself. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean making your life revolve around someone, it means making a person a regular part of your life and making that person a priority when there is something that they need from you that you can do.
If this is a pattern of behavior (which wouldn’t surprise me – not all age gaps are bad, but they do require a bit more scrutiny of power imbalances by the younger party) it needs to be addressed, or the relationship needs to end before you get seriously hurt.
If it’s not a pattern, maybe you can talk it out when he’s done placing the onus for his stress/medical anxiety/long-term health issues on you.” batella13
13. AITJ For Calling My Friend A Toddler Over His Woke Manga Complaints?
“I (19M) am seeking some opinion on a recent situation with my friend (22M). I’m thinking I might be a jerk here. This post contains manga jjk spoilers.
The whole conversation happened in Hindi, so there might be a bit of mistranslation here and there.
We both know each other since 11th grade and we both share a common interest in anime and manga. Now, we both are in university.
My friend, let’s call him Sam, has been constantly complaining about American liberal ideologies infiltrating everything nowadays and turning things “woke.” Because of his always saying it in everything, people started to make fun of him behind his back and calling him childish.
Our friends also were tired of listening to him go on and on about it all the time, but no one ever told him straight to his face. One day, Sam asks me to suggest a manga to him, so I told him to read Jujutsu Kaisen.
Next day, he told me that he was enjoying the story and he had already finished 30 chapters of jjk.
During a hangout with our other friends some weeks later, Sam mentioned that he was reading “Jujutsu Kaisen” and enjoying the story. However, he later dropped it and started complaining about “woke” agendas ruining manga for him.
He specifically pointed out that he read on the internet that Kenjaku, the antagonist of manga, was Itadori’s (the MC’s) mom, and the manga was trying to show that men can get pregnant.
Now, this caught me off guard because in the story, Kenjaku is a brain that hops into different bodies and doesn’t care about gender.
He birthed Itadori when he was in a woman’s body. To me, it seemed pretty non woke cool as heck.
I admit I got fed up with his constant complaining about “wokeness,” and in the heat of the moment, I told him that the manga was written by a Japanese author and that I was tired of his complaints about wokeness.
I might have used harsh words, telling him to act his age and stop acting like a toddler. That’s why people make fun of him for bringing America into everything, which our friends also laughed at, and they also told him to chill a little bit and stop complaining like some little child.
Looking back, I realize that might have been too much.
Later, I found out that Sam is upset at me for humiliating him in front of our friend group. One of my friends said that I should have controlled myself and not humiliated him over a stupid manga.
I never intended to offend or upset him, but I feel like our friendship has taken a hit because of this misunderstanding. So, Reddit, AITJ for humiliating my friend over a stupid manga?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friendship has not taken a hit because of a misunderstanding.
Your friendship has taken a hit because your friend is becoming a one-note politically-obsessed socially-stunted boring killjoy and is too self-absorbed to realize that his own friends don’t like it and are tired of it. It can be hard, but people like Sam sometimes need to be told “No one really likes you anymore because you are like this.” Maybe you should talk to Sam one-on-one, in person, if you feel this friendship is worth keeping.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Telling it like it is—even using harsh words—is never a jerk move in my book. You did Sam a favor, even if he doesn’t know it yet. Mind you, even if it’s not a jerk move, it’s not always the most effective move.
You’ll have to wait and see. Sam might realize that you were looking out for his best interests and quit running from the Woke Bogeyman. Or, he might go so far down the rabbit hole that he’ll lose you and all his other friends.
There are a lot of possibilities. In any case, the outcome is ultimately on him.” alysevre
12. AITJ For Getting My Cousin Kicked Out For Harassing My Little Sister?
“My (17M) aunt, uncle, and (16F) cousin moved in with my family three weeks ago after falling on hard times.
I’ve probably only met these people four or five times before, but my aunt and uncle have been wonderful.
My cousin Ava, though, has not been easy to be around. She has screaming matches with her parents over them not giving her money for shopping.
She called my mother’s necklace, a family heirloom, ugly. She once yelled at me for laughing too loud. It’s been terrible, but we ignored it since she’s going through a tough time. This last incident, though, I couldn’t justify.
Yesterday my youngest sister, Mia (8F), said she was feeling terrible and had a mild fever.
I gave her some medicine, then set her up on the couch with a bowl of mac and cheese (her favorite) so we could have a chill day and watch a movie. I went upstairs to change into pjs and convince my other sister, Eve (13F), to join us, but after a couple minutes we heard Ava yelling and ran downstairs.
Apparently, Ava woke up and went to go get some brunch, but found no cooked food left in the kitchen, and (instead of deciding to eat cereal or, god forbid, cook her own food) decided that Mia’s mac and cheese was meant to be her breakfast. I don’t get it either.
I saw Ava standing over my crying baby sister and calling her a “freaking fatass” and I saw red. I left Eve to talk down Mia while I dragged Ava to the kitchen and yelled at her. I called her a loser for feeling so bad about herself that she had to make fun of someone half her age.
I told her she was just angry, as this house was more Mia’s home than it would ever be hers.
She stormed off back to her room and I calmed down and went back to my sisters… where I promptly got mad again when both of my sisters revealed all the crap Ava had been throwing at them.
Apparently, Ava has been commenting on Mia’s weight and her appearance constantly, and called Eve, a 13 YEAR OLD, a loose woman for being friends with boys. Neither wanted to tell me or our parents since they didn’t want to be the reason Ava got thrown out.
We had a long talk and a bit of a cry before watching a movie.
Later that night, all three of us sat down with our parents and told them what happened. Today, my aunt announced that Ava would be staying on the other side of town with our grandmother, a strict former schoolteacher who doesn’t believe in the internet.
My uncle does not seem very pleased with this, but it is what it is. AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! Sorry to say it, but your cousin is super spoiled, and obviously an only child… Of course, your uncle isn’t pleased, because in his mind she’s his baby girl, she can do no wrong… You, on the other hand, are doing an amazing job and your sisters should be so happy that they have such a wonderful older brother!!
Your cousin needs a wake up call… Your cousin would do so much better at the grandmother’s house, where it’s super strict and the Internet is not allowed… Seems like she’s watching nonsense online where she thinks she can treat other people like that… Going through a hard time or not, you can’t do that to people.” Senior_Ad_4254
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have done well. Why don’t these guests in your house act like guests instead of like monsters? And she’s not homeless, though that wouldn’t have stopped me from throwing her out. She’ll just love it with grandma and no internet.” RealbadtheBandit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you protected your sisters. Her leaving is probably better off for everyone, including her. She needs help, and you and your sisters deserve to be safe and comfortable in your own home. You did a really good thing even though it was a hard thing.” queerpunkbrat
11. AITJ For Not Defending My Wife Against My Parents' Unsolicited Criticism?
My parents visited our house a few weeks ago. I know my wife didn’t like my parents giving their opinion about things, so as I was picking them up from the airport, I told them, “Just play with the kids, say nothing else to my wife aside from pleasantries.”
Our house was under renovation at the same time. Dad noticed a few defects and couldn’t hold his mouth and went and pointed those out to the contractors. Understandably, my wife became extremely upset, so I again reiterated to my parents to please not say anything about the house.
They eventually kept their mouth shut, but my wife never got over the fact that my dad was disrespectful and could not just be a guest.
Now my wife and I freely access each other’s phone and messages. I told my wife she is free to look at my phone, but she should not get upset about what is said in my private conversations because people who said them expect those to remain private and know that I can tolerate those messages.
I meant things like “your house is a mess” or “you need to get your snow cleared.”
In one of these messages, my mom raised concerns about how my son eats lots of junk food (did not point fingers at anyone) and said this can cause serious health issues.
I then called my mom to discuss how, as my son, a special needs child, it is really difficult to find things that he will eat (in fact, he is underweight). None of this was typed in the messenger, so obviously my wife saw just the part about MIL giving her opinion and that I gave no response.
She became upset and said MIL crossed the line and she had no idea how difficult it is to raise a special needs child and the fact that I did not defend her.
I explain to her this is a private conversation and we had a rule about it.
Secondly, I had in fact defended our choice of food, but it’s not typed out—that’s why she can’t read too much into these private conversations. Lastly, Mom made this conversation with the presumption that only I will read them, so she shouldn’t get upset if it talks crap behind her back (which it didn’t specifically say “she” fed my son junk food, but I can see why she would take it personally).
When you also talk crap behind other people’s back, it is so hypocritical to demand people to be respectful in these conversations.
She thinks I am a jerk by turning this as her problem (she causes her own stress by reading this private conversation and not knowing the context).
Am I in the wrong here?
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your family comes in and criticizes the contractors at your home (message: “you can’t even manage your own household”). They think they can criticize the tidiness of your home — and I’m going to go out on a limb here and bet that “your house is a mess” is a slap at her housekeeping skills, not at yours.
And criticizing your son’s diet? That’s straight-up “your wife is a bad and neglectful mom.” You seem to think that it is OK for your family to put your wife down as long as she doesn’t know about it. But your job is not to placate your interfering parents and explain “no, really, all of our choices are not as terrible as you think they are, and my wife is not incompetent.” Your job is to stand up for her to your own family and say, “Hey, you need to stop criticizing my wife.”” Prodigal_Lemon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You should have defended your wife and her feelings instead of dismissing her concerns about your mother’s comments. Private conversations or not, your wife felt hurt and disrespected. Prioritize her feelings and communicate openly about such issues, rather than blaming her for causing her own misery.” Selena_Kardashian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your parents should learn to butt out. Unsolicited advice is just criticism. The years of gaslighting and criticism have conditioned your wife to respond negatively to your parents’ comments. It’s ironic that you’re blaming her for taking something out of context, when you’ve conveniently ignored the years of context that would justify her reaction.
You need to do a better job managing your parents’ behavior, as it’s obviously impacting your wife’s mental health. Try implementing some consequences.” No_Introduction1721
10. AITJ For Resenting My Dad's Constant Food Nagging And Kitchen Hovering?
My (23 F) dad (64 M) has been annoying me so much recently about food.
For some background, he is pretty overweight, and recently got diagnosed with full-blown diabetes after being pre-diabetic for years. I think this adds to why I’m so annoyed. He just started ozempic, but I’m still encountering issues with him surrounding food. Our TV den is directly attached to the kitchen, and my dad spends the majority of the time sitting on the couch watching TV (he’s retired and mildly agoraphobic and probably depressed).
Any time I go into the kitchen, he is ALWAYS there. If he hears me in the kitchen and he’s not there, he always comes walking in to see what I’m doing. He used to ask every time what I was making and say, “ooooh, that sounds good,” but he rarely outright asks me to make him some.
However, if I don’t make him any, he guilts me so bad about it. Even if he’s just ate a whole meal, he still wants some of my food. This has made me become very territorial around food and keeping food hidden in my room because he eats everything.
Any leftovers, entire family size bags of chips in one sitting, pints of ice cream—EVERYTHING he eats.
It’s very frustrating because I am recovering from/still dealing with an eating disorder, and that just adds another level to it. He makes comments about my weight loss and how I don’t eat much too.
I don’t know why, but it annoys me so much to have to make an extra portion for him. Sometimes there isn’t enough, so I’m giving up food I would have eaten; but sometimes there is enough to make him some, yet it still irks me so much.
To avoid dealing with his comments in the kitchen, I’ve doordashed meals (my own $) and eat in my room. He has GONE THROUGH THE OUTDOOR TRASH to see where I ordered from, and then made comments about how he wanted something from X restaurant that I ordered from!
It’s honestly sooooo out of line; I’m getting heated just thinking about it. It’s gotten to the point where I wait for HOURS for him to go to bed—sometimes waiting until past 2 am to go and have dinner without him interrupting me or staring at me while I make myself food.
I feel I may be slightly TA because he does make family dinners a couple times a week, and I do pester him about dinner sometimes. But I NEVER ask him for whatever snack he’s eating or ask/expect him to make me something he’s making throughout the day.
I more feel he’s TA because he eats so much throughout the day by himself, but whenever I want something, sometimes after not eating for over 24 hours, he expects me to share automatically without even asking nicely.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion.
Tbh I would be pretty annoyed too. It sounds like you both have a hard relationship with each other and also with food. As you said, you’re dealing with an eating disorder (first of all, best wishes for you and your recovery <3). Info: Have you ever told your dad about his annoying behavior?
Have you also told him that his behavior and comments may trigger your ed?” Lumantriaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but he obviously has got medical issues that influence this behaviour, so although it’s annoying, it’s very likely he can’t help it. Searching through the trash to find out what you ate is very uncalled for, and I would be annoyed. Maybe try to tell him how you feel about this.” LovingtheDramaa
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, Your dad might be annoying you, and going through your trash is super weird, but you should be up front and tell him, ‘no, I only have enough for one,’ or sit him down and talk about this whole situation frankly.
Since food is a hard thing for both of you, maybe the two of you can start cooking dinner together. Pick something out that’s compatible with his diabetes, and the two of you can spend time together making it. It’ll be better for him than chips and ice cream, and better for you than not eating for 24 hrs.” Call_Me_Anythin
9. AITJ For Not Replacing My Sister's Phone After My Foster Kid Cracked It?
“I (30sF) have two foster kids, both under 5.
This is about my older one, “Rainn” (4, gender not given to further protect privacy due to foster status).
For background: Rainn has been with me for 8 months now. Without going into specifics of the case, they did not have the opportunity to learn how to value their toys or to be gentle with people or things prior to coming to me.
They have made tremendous progress in OT & play therapy, but still have a few negative behaviors that we’re working on, especially when frustrated or overstimulated. They also have a neurological condition that affects impulse control. For these reasons, I have a rule that neither Rainn nor their sibling is allowed to hold or play with someone else’s phone or tablet.
This includes my own phone. Rainn does have a kids’ tablet that they are generally very good with, but it’s been a long road of work to get there.
The story: Over the past weekend, I took the kids to a family gathering. My family has been told my rule about kids handling devices, but I also remind them when it comes up because I don’t expect them to remember the rules of my house when they have their own kids with different rules.
So far, it’s always been fine.
This time, however, my youngest sister (early 20s, no kids) was watching videos on their phone with Rainn. I was standing nearby and had already reminded my sibling & Rainn of the “look but don’t hold” rule. Rainn’s sibling came inside and said they needed the bathroom.
While I was in the bathroom, I guess my sister got up to get something from the kitchen and handed Rainn their phone to keep watching. The video ended and Rainn couldn’t figure out how to get the next one to play. In their frustration, they threw the phone on the floor and the screen cracked.
Normally, I am all for parents taking responsibility for the things their kids break, and have in the past when Rainn has broken a toy or torn a book from being too rough. However, this time I refused to pay for the broken screen. I had just told my sister not to hand Rainn the phone, and not only did she give Rainn the phone, but she left them unattended with it.
To me, the fault lies with my sister for breaking my rule when she knows why it’s in place. Most of my siblings are on my side, as well as my mom and dad, but my sister and one other sibling are saying that I should at least pay half as I had “also left Rainn unattended” by taking their sibling to the bathroom.
So, AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You explained the rule to another adult. Everyone understood except one. Then when it happens, she doesn’t take personal responsibility for it and casts blame. I’m with you, usually I’d say, just send me the receipt and I’ll pay it.
In this case, it’s all on her. She knew better than to leave her phone with Rainn. She did it anyways. Her fault.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“These stories drive me crazy. Do you want to have a good relationship with your sister? Or do you not care about your relationship with your sister?
I’m guessing you don’t care about the relationship, otherwise you wouldn’t be here asking permission to not compensate her for damage your foster child did. The normal, healthy relationship thing to do would be to immediately apologize and show concern for the material loss experienced by your sister.
If you’re trying to model contractual relationships to your foster kids, by all means go ahead and ignore the damage that was done to your sister’s phone. I supposed that you could have told your sister “No cell phone use around my foster son at all…” but that would’ve been inconvenient for you.
YTJ” impostershop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Accidents happen, and we have to suffer consequences—even if accidental. And as parents, sometimes we have to financially pony up for our kids’ accidents. And this is a behavior you’re aware of—and while your sister should have remembered, it slipped her mind—either way, you owe your sister a new phone.
Unless you want ill will and resentment to fester, I’d suggest you do right by her and replace the phone. I’d also bank extra money for any future incidents like this that are bound to happen.” NotRightNotWrong15
8. AITJ For Enforcing Strict Child Seating Boundaries At My Wedding?
“My fiancé and I are getting married in September. When planning the list in April, we wanted to invite families given many close friends can only make it with their kids.
However, we had 6 kids between 2 and 5 invited, as well as 8 babies. We wanted to invite our friends and have china place settings. Our capacity was full and we had a backup list. We decided to rent an extra room at the reception and hire a babysitter (edit: hiring multiple per the kid count) for the kids 5 and under.
We decided this after I messaged a friend with kids, my cousin with kids, and called my sister. My sister was hesitant, but then said she would put her three year old with a babysitter for dinner. After the conversation with her, we pulled the trigger on the babysitter plan.
Fast forward to now. We sent invitations noting that kids were invited to the kid party for dinner where they’d get a kid friendly dinner and activities. We realize now, in retrospect, that we should have been more firm in saying “no kids 5 and under” at the dinner (babies are fine with a highchair if they bring it).
However, we messaged and called everyone with littles and all was looking fine. I did assume all was fine since the last phone call with my sister. Well, it’s not.
She wants her 3 year old at the dinner (in a highchair or in her lap which is super awkward), along with her one year old.
She’s coming out without her husband, so she’s handling two little kids alone. We are still full on our count and can’t invite all our friends. The parents of the other two three-year-olds and one four-year-old are cool (even excited) with the babysitter. We said one kid in a highchair (whichever one she wants) and no kid in a seat because we didn’t want littles with the china.
Two highchairs is too tight for the table (plus the three year old is way too big for a highchair). Plus it feels wrong to us to tell other parents they cannot have their kids at the table but this one can. Now my mom called me a bridezilla and told me I’m controlling.
My sister is super upset and won’t tell me which kid will go to the babysitter. I heard through the grapevine that my niece overheard that she might sit in a highchair and even she got upset and said she wants to go to the kid party, not sit with the adults.
I understand that we did not communicate the best. I might be the jerk in saying that my 3 year old niece cannot sit with the adults for dinner. I think she’s the jerk for misguiding us and then not respecting the boundaries we set.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did tell your sister the plan, maybe she misinterpreted it, but still. You could have just done child-free. You are providing childcare-most people would be grateful for how accommodating you are being. I remember being a kid at weddings, I was always bored. I would have loved a kids party.” Witwebiss
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think YTJ, but is it really worth the fight? I don’t think other guests will feel slighted that your niece is sitting at the table and their kids (assuming non blood relatives) will be with the babysitter. I would make it clear that your sister is responsible for any damages that might occur with the china and she needs to move them out of the dinner at the first sign of fussiness.
You might even task your mom to help with care if your sister really insists on keeping them at the table. I feel for you, but I’m sure you have many other things to stress about ahead of your big day. Congratulations!” jaismi88
7. AITJ For Hesitating To Trust My Child's Father After His Abusive Past?
To preface this, I became pregnant by K in March, and initially we were going to terminate the pregnancy. We weren’t in a relationship officially and were casual. I was a junior in college and he worked part-time.
I decided against terminating (just couldn’t do it) and, after a brief period where I debated adoption, I found myself realizing I would keep them. Later, support from my family finalized my decision.
By May, I nearly flunked out of college, was hospitalized twice, and was isolated throughout my pregnancy since he told me not to tell anyone or inform my friends of any updates.
I listened to him. During this time, K would call me every day, and I hoped he would change. I was called everything but a child of God—he wanted me to die, hoped I miscarried, miserable, unattractive, fat, and everything under the sun. I didn’t take them too much to heart, but it had me wondering what I ever saw in him.
My family found out in June, and that’s when he told me he was done and didn’t want to be contacted. I have never called him since; all contact has been him calling me. I told him he wasn’t needed after my family supported him.
He told me he didn’t want me to be the only parent, but he also didn’t want to be a parent.
By July, reality began to set in, and I told him his family should be informed. We were actually on okay grounds, but another argument started, and he told me that he hoped I died after meeting my mom, mind you, and I said he would not contact me anymore.
Instead, he called back a day later like everything was fine.
K recently told his family about the pregnancy, and they’ve offered him so much support that he now feels “happy” over the pregnancy and supported. I’m glad he didn’t have to go through everything alone like I did, but the image he’s painted for himself is relatively flawless.
I think of all the insults that have been hurled at me and the awful treatment I received during my early weeks of pregnancy that no one knows about other than me. I didn’t tell anyone about it since I didn’t want K painted in a bad light.
He now wants to be a “family” or whatever, and I am willing to give it a shot for the babies. I don’t trust him, and after all that’s been done, I feel perhaps a bit jaded that I’m stuck with a person who basically told me to die.
This change is apparently genuine.
AITJ for feeling weird that he wants to be fully involved and I can’t separate how he treated me from the “new” person who wants to be together to have a family?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DO NOT trust him or believe that he has changed. Anyone who would wish his partner and child dead once they learn of a pregnancy is abusive and dangerous.
You also need to tell your family and start documenting all this for future court proceedings—because it absolutely should come up during custody hearings.” extremelycrabby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – how someone treats you at your worst is much more important than how they try to treat you when on show.
You’ve seen his true colors. Press for child support and cut all contact. Keep logs/records of the stuff he did send and absolutely make it clear to your parents that this is how he acted, too. (Maybe his, maybe not, depends on how much they know and are already okay with.
If it seems like they don’t know, it’s worth considering.) This isn’t necessarily for revenge – it’s protection. He’s just trying to get close to you again, and you need him the heck away from you. Exposing what he did is one of the best ways to get support for that.
To put it another way – do you want someone who says and does crap like that around your child?” s-r-p-s
Another User Comments:
“Please, please do not further attach yourself to this man. Next step is establishing paternity and child support through the courts.
Keep all contact limited to text/email, or better yet, a lawyer. You’ll have a record of the abusive language, which will help.” insidiousumami
6. AITJ For Buying Her Dream Car Without Talking To Her?
Female coworker and I start talking and doing things every day.
We both realized we had pretty strong feelings for each other and we got along very well; conversation was seamless, same interests.
We decide to take it slow as we both recently got out of relationships. During one of our many conversations, she mentions her dream car and how she’s already saving for it, shows me it, I fall in love with it too.
I was already looking to buy a new car and she knew that. (Toyota Camry TRD for those curious.)
She goes on a family trip for a week, sends me some pics and texts me. I try not to text her a lot so she can enjoy her trip and have a good time.
During this time, I’m actively going to places to find a new car. She comes back to town and didn’t text me for 3 days.
I see her at work and told her I got butthurt that she didn’t text me or show me any pics of her trip because I was genuinely excited to see them.
She apologized and said she’s been too tired. After getting off work, we talk for about an hour about her trip and she shows me a bunch of pictures from it.
Me, thinking we’re getting a lil back to normal, goes home and sees she posted a story on Instagram.
I checked it. It’s a collage of her and her ex with hearts with a love song. So I unfollow her so I won’t be tempted to look at her stories anymore and get hurt.
If she texted me, I would dry text back. After this, she didn’t text me for a few days.
I received an email about a car I was interested in, which was the same as her dream car but a different model. I scheduled an appointment to check it out.
When I got there, I saw her dream car there too and absolutely loved how it looked in person.
So I test drove it, and I ended up buying it.
I posted a story on Instagram with me and the car. She sees it. She gives me a like. Ten minutes later, I try to go to her page. She blocked me. I check social media; she blocked me there too.
I go into work today and my manager informs me she quit and shows me the text. It was around the exact time she saw my story. My coworkers and I have tried to call/text; no response. Now I can only assume it’s because I bought the car.
I bought the car under rational thinking, no impulse, and no ulterior motives to try to “hurt” her. I fell in love with the car, so I bought it.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know much about cars but why is everyone making this car sound like it’s some limited edition thing she’ll never be able to find again because OOP bought one first??
What if she never even saves up enough to buy one? Does OOP have to wait until she buys her own? I don’t see how this is logical. It’s not even like OOP sniped the car out from under her with a better offer.” Lucallia
Another User Comments:
“Oh. My. God. You bought the only car in the world that your (ex) partner wanted, so now she can’t get one, too. Because Toyota only made the one. And you have it. You monster, how could you. (s) Seriously, dude.
Enjoy your new vehicle. Who cares what your ex thinks or likes or does. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You may have been, but you two were no longer really talking at this point. Sounds like she got back with her ex; why would you think to talk to her about it first?
It’s also not like she was going to buy the exact one you got and you bought it out from under her, she hadn’t saved up the money to buy hers yet. (And once she does, I’m sure she’ll find one)” Mammoth-Neat-5930
5. AITJ For Celebrating My Birthday Instead Of Attending My Mom's Wedding?
“To start off I am 18F and my mom is 40F, I was the result of an accidental pregnancy.
My mother and father cannot stand each other and therefore my mother has always hated me. She got married to my stepfather when I was 6 and then proceeded to have 3 children with him. I was then forced to cook and clean for all of them during the week and watch over the kids on weekends when my mother and her husband were partying.
I had no contact with my dad, which I later found out was due to her telling him I want no contact. By age 10, my mother had become abusive—mentally and physically. I was failing classes, and was eating my feelings away. This came to the point where my school intervened and called child protective services when I was 12.
I was placed in my father’s care and my mother refused to give my clothes, legal documents, and removed my admission from school. She then blocked me and moved homes. I eventually got new documents, clothes, and found a new school, but still had no contact with my mother or my siblings.
I blamed myself and had to go to therapy, where I was prescribed antidepressants. I was 15 when my mother came knocking on my father’s home door requesting to talk to me, and with the safety of my therapist we began monitored visits. She had had a life-altering surgery and her husband divorced her.
She said she had missed me and that she was blinded by her hatred for my father, not seeing me as a person but rather an extension of him. It’s been 3 years and we’ve become civil, to the point where I will visit or sleepover for 2 days.
Recently she announced she was getting married and I was happy for her. However, she announced she would be getting married on my birthday and that I would not be able to celebrate my birthday because it would steal the attention away from her wedding.
I told her I would not be able to attend as I have a college examination. She was mad but did not respond. I made plans with some of my friends to have a dinner for my birthday and my best friend had posted something about being excited for it.
My mother saw the post and called me, angrily shouting because she specifically said I should not celebrate my birthday, and I did not come to her wedding because I wanted everything to be about me when that was her day. I feel bad about celebrating my birthday now instead of going to her wedding after party, but I also wanted to celebrate me… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother hasn’t changed one bit. She doesn’t care about your feelings or your birthday. She is extremely self-centered and just wants what’s best for her. You should do the same and you should take charge of what kind of relationship you have or don’t have with her.
Live your life. If your mother wants to be a part of it, she’ll have to make concessions and put you first for once in her life. Stay strong!” Penguin_Doctor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s just trying to make you feel guilty. She can’t just throw a wedding date at you like that & demand that you not celebrate your bday.
Especially after all this time with NC. If this is how she is going to react every time something like this happens, then I would go NC again. She sounds toxic tbh. And very, very selfish. At her age, this behavior won’t change so you need to decide whether or not to continue having a relationship with her.
And if you don’t want to, that’s ok. No need to feel guilty for no reason.” Embarrassed-Math-699
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ. This woman had her child taken away due to neglect, didn’t speak to you for years and then wanted your emotional support once she no longer had a spouse.
How convenient for her. But at no point does she seem to have treated you with love and respect; she only interacts with you when she needs something. Now that she’s onto spouse #whatever, she doesn’t need you anymore and is trying to put you back in the corner.
Uh uh. She’s expecting you to still be the child she could control, but you’ve grown up and you know you’re worth more than that now. You deserve to be loved, and bio mom isn’t capable of that. How sad for her.” cloistered_around
4. AITJ For Covering A Window To Avoid A Creepy Lab Mate Because Of Past Stalking Trauma?
“I (27F) work in a lab for my MS/MA course. This might be TMI, but I think it is relevant to the story. I had a sociopathic stalker harassing me for months when I was 22, and I could never fully recover from it. He appeared anywhere, out of nowhere.
I even moved home, and no one knew my new address, when suddenly one day he appeared in front of my window (first floor with a view to the street), pacing back and forward. At school (we went to the same uni), I would not go out during class breaks so that I would not encounter him, but he always managed to find me alone in a classroom, blocking the only door out and demanding to talk to me.
It damaged my social relations, despite trying not to let it get to me. Now, most of the things that might be considered “not a big deal” socially, terrify me.
Fast-forward to the present, I moved to another country to finish my studies. We share a floor with other research labs, and we all formally get along.
There is this guy from another lab who occasionally comes to talk to us (to my lab mates, more specifically). My lab has a window next to the door that is not completely see-through, facing the hallway. What I mean is that you can see the shadow of people walking through the hallway, but you can’t actually see through.
My desk is directly in front of this window, to my left. Sometimes I would turn to it suddenly, like a jump scare, feeling someone was watching, but I would see a shadow passing by. I thought this was a sort of PTSD from my stalker times.
One day, the guy from the other lab I mentioned told us that he watches us sometimes through the window. He mentioned it as a happy anecdote. Turns out, the corners of the window have small patches of removed paint, so it is actually see-through.
The guy told us he uses this method to see who is inside the lab. Usually, it is I alone. I freaked out a little bit but said nothing. The next day, I covered the window with adhesives. I said nothing. I just did it.
I think the guy tried to use the window to see through it, and he realized what I’d done. My lab mates have insinuated I kind of shamed him indirectly, and that I was being a jerk for making a big deal of something very innocent.
I know this is my issue, and I should not punish people for things they are not responsible for (my PTSD), but I still find it a bit unsettling to have someone peeping through our window.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have every reason to be weirded out by this guy’s behavior, considering your history.
(I’m very sorry that happened to you, BTW, and I hope you find the healing you need.) On the other hand, THIS guy doesn’t seem to be doing it maliciously. He seems to have a friendly relationship with the other people in your lab and is just checking to see if they’re in.
Would you be more comfortable if your desk wasn’t near the door? Maybe you could switch with someone.” Catlady515
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The guy peeking in is kinda creepy, though could be innocent and clueless, BUT given your history and reactions, this move makes total sense.
Hopefully, the friends are being judgy because they don’t know the history. If they did and were still judgy, they’re jerks.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it makes you feel any better, you could have a conversation with the guy and explain that you’ve had a traumatic stalking experience, so your covering the window is because of your trauma rather than him.
If you don’t feel comfortable sharing, you could make something up, like you saw some random person peeping when you were alone and it made you uncomfortable.” Wolverine_2323
3. AITJ For Refusing To Stay With My Dad Because Of My Cats?
“I’m moving soon.
About 400 miles away. My dad lives about 100 miles away from where I currently live. I asked him if we (me and my partner) could have some help moving on the day. He agreed and said he’d help us and asked if we wanted to stay the night on Friday after packing the truck.
That way we sleep and wake up early on Saturday and get up to the place in the morning so we can unload and unpack refreshed.
The issue is I have 3 cats. They’re my babies and I love them dearly. One of them came from my dad.
My stepmom has a cognitive condition where she forgets things easily has emotional outbursts and hyper-fixates on small things until they take up her life. There isn’t a cure, and we try to deal with it as best as we can. So she’s hyper-fixated that the cat that they gave us doesn’t make it to the litterbox all the time.
He tries his best, but he’s old. So I suggested that the cats stay in the basement so they won’t have the opportunity to mess up the carpet (the other cats make it to the litterbox).
Her issue is my dad has a workshop in the basement that the cats would have access to due to a cat door my dad cut into the door (that’s where my cat used to eat and use the litterbox).
My dad, her, and I were on the phone, and my dad suggested moving something in front of the door so they didn’t have access to the shop. We all agreed. My stepmom called me 12 hours later and said that he never said that and that I needed to find another place to keep the cats for the night because she is “worried they’ll get into the workshop”.
I called my dad and asked what happened, and he said that it is just easier to have the cats stay elsewhere for the night. I told him, “No dice.” Either the cats stay with us or we don’t stay at his place because the cats will be anxious enough having to travel, and I know they’d be comforted more by mine and my partner’s presence than a stranger’s.
I told him we’d stay an extra night in our house (we have until Saturday to get out) and then go up early. He told me that he didn’t have to offer help and if I wasn’t going to stay with him, then I could just count him out on helping at all.
My brother told me that I’m stupid for shoving his expertise away (my dad was a truck driver for 30 years and is an expert at loading trucks), but my partner says that he agrees with everything I said. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having guests is an inconvenience, especially if said guest brings animals or kids. You’re literally being less of an inconvenience by not staying with them. Your dad is just being prideful. “It wasn’t my idea so it’s bad.” Ain’t cute. Good luck in your new place!” echoCashMeOusside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they kept backtracking and changing things for your poor cats. Like what did they want you to do? You would be 100 miles away from home; who could you possibly have given your cats to for the night? I’m sure his expertise would have been greatly appreciated and a lot of help.
But I have no doubt you two will manage this move by yourselves. You two got this.” BigNathaniel69
2. AITJ For Cutting Off My Dad On Father's Day?
“I (26F) have a strained relationship with my dad. For context, my parents are divorced and have been since I was about 6 years old. The divorce itself never really bothered me, though I told both my parents that I didn’t want stepparents. This has nothing to do with wanting my parents to get back together.
In fact, I couldn’t care less about that. This stems from negative stories that I have heard from friends growing up, as well as things I watched on TV that didn’t favor the stepparent too well (Disney kid). Now, my dad remarried when I was about 13, and at the time I wasn’t very happy about it.
I’ve since gotten over it, but never really developed a relationship with my stepmom. She has never really cared for me or my siblings and doesn’t make an effort to engage with us or be a part of our lives. My dad has always put her and her kids first (who were adults when they got married, while me and my siblings were still minors) and didn’t ever really do much for me or my siblings.
Occasionally, he’ll help out, but it’s like pulling teeth to get any from him, whether it’s financial or not.
As a result, my siblings and I have rarely asked him for anything, as he doesn’t really help and mostly just wants to know everything so he can run and tell someone else’s family or otherwise.
As such, my relationship with my dad has become increasingly strained throughout the years, to the point where I don’t care to have one with him at all. Now, Father’s Day had passed this year, and I didn’t tell my dad Happy Father’s Day.
He got upset with me, texting me about how nothing he does can change how I feel about him and how I keep acting like he’s not a part of my life. I told him that I didn’t know Father’s Day had passed (which is true; I’ve never known and had mentioned this to him before in previous years), and he responded by saying I was lying and that since I have social media, there’s no way I could’ve not known.
I snapped at him, sending him a very long text saying that I wasn’t lying and cussing him out a lil about some things that still bothered me, and at the end told him that if he spoke to me like that again, I would cut him off to the point that I wouldn’t even attend his funeral. He responded that he didn’t know who I thought I was talking to, but that would be the last time I curse at him.
I didn’t argue with him further, just blocked his number, and haven’t spoken to him since. My friend thinks I may have went a lil too far, so I decided to post here. AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fathers raise their kids in their childhood and stay actively involved in their lives into adulthood.
This dude is not a father to you, so why would you tell him Happy Father’s Day? I would stay no contact – it doesn’t have to be forever. And your friend must be one of those people that doesn’t have toxic family, nor do they know how to understand different perspectives than their own.
I would not talk to them about your dad. But from a person with a crappy dad to another, I suggest therapy. It’s helped me.” friendlily
1. AITJ For Demanding My GF Apologize To My Daughter For Her Hurtful Remarks?
“My daughter had e-coli poisoning at 4 years old.
It caused her massive kidney problems that she still suffers from today, albeit drastically reduced (she’s now 12), along with some mild brain damage. Nothing too drastic, but she’s a couple of years below her actual age mentally (she’s basically a 7-8-year-old in a 12-year-old’s body; this part is important to the story).
All in all, she was lucky to survive. She was placed in a 6-month induced coma to help her body fight off the e-coli sepsis. So, I’m with my new partner of just over a year, but I’ve known her for 10. We live together in her house with her son (3), and for the past and next week, we’ll be having my daughter with us.
This evening, while I was cooking dinner, my partner came to me ranting about my daughter, about how everyone has to ‘swaddle’ her in cotton wool even though she’s a teenager. She’s spoilt and no one says no to her. She’s been hinting at her displeasure about it for a few days now, and tonight she let rip, leaving my jaw dropped.
To which I snapped and basically said she’s a teen with a child’s brain; she’s not like every other teenager in the world. You HAVE to be a bit easier on her. Yeah, she’s grumpy and sometimes rude (which I do pull her up on, manners and what have you; if she does something silly and uncalled for, I will moan and complain) because she’s a teenager; her hormones are kicking in, but she’s mentally younger than what she should be.
So for her, it’s even more confusing. She then went on to say, “Well, you need to put your foot down. I’m not having that girl, who you think is special, be being waited on hand and foot in my house,” or along those lines.
I’m still in shock, to be honest.
Now, the worst part: We were in the kitchen when we had this argument, and she was sitting on the stairs recovering from a mild panic attack because I accidentally brought back an issue at her home—her mum and stepdad breaking up.
She heard the whole thing. I didn’t see her peering over the banister until we were done, and I went straight to her. She was in bits, crying profusely, saying, “I don’t love you; you’re scared of me.” Obviously, I reassured her and told her I’m so sorry you had to hear that, and I love you to bits, and that I’d never hurt you or leave you.
Now, my question is: Would I be the jerk if I forced my partner to apologize to my daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you don’t break up with that woman you might be. She’s within her rights not to want to deal with the challenges a disabled child brings (although not to say it so aggressively), but if that’s how she feels, you can’t continue to be in a relationship with her.” ifshehadwings
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you don’t cut this toxic woman completely out of your life. She obviously dislikes your daughter and is never going to cut her any slack, let alone apologize. Anyone who can be that nasty to a child with disabilities is not a person worth knowing.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“Ooh, this is a tough one. I kind of want to vote for a soft YTJ. Your partner has the right to express her feelings to you, and honestly it does sound like you are spoiling your daughter. As someone who used to work with disabled children, parents often enabled their bad behavior because they felt responsible for the child’s disabilities.
So let’s say your daughter is mentally 8. An 8-year-old should be chastised for eavesdropping. An eight-year-old should be chastised for having a smart mouth and behaving poorly. If you feel you are unable to do that emotionally, I understand, but that is not your partner’s fault.
She’s not wrong. Children should be taught good behavior, and spoiling her is not doing her any favors. That said, I am so sorry you are going through this, and I would encourage you to have an open conversation about your emotions with your partner so she can understand your motivations.” Radiant-Appearance69
