People Get Cranky In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Share Our Silly Dance Video With My Family?
“My partner [37] of 4 years and I [m36] were being goofy and having some fun last night. She really likes to dance. Very kinesthetic. I am not. I’m very reserved. Occasionally I’m in a goofy mood and she can get me to dance with her.
It’s cute and silly, and I’m really uncomfortable, but I do dance terribly for a few minutes, sometimes because I know she has fun and enjoys it. So yesterday we made a funny tiktok style video, but never posted it anywhere. I thought it was all in good fun and forgot about it.
A few hours later she wanted to send it to my family. I’m not sure why… I think she thought it was fun, a good video, and wanted to show my silly side off and show how fun our relationship is, even though I’m normally very reserved on the outside, even to my family.
I’m really not sure what her reasons are to be honest. She doesn’t ever really share things about our relationship. We are both very private people. I told her absolutely not. It was embarrassing to me and I don’t ever do things like that. I don’t even use social media and will barely even send my family a selfie, let alone a tiktok style video.
She got mad at me. Didn’t yell or argue or anything, but is giving me the silent treatment and chose to sleep on the couch. I attempted to make amends and eventually she came back to sleep in our bed but she’s still not talking to me.
I feel like she’s blowing this out of proportion and that I should be able to have boundaries and say what content she can share with other people and what are things just for us. I don’t share any photos or videos of her without her permission.
Maybe I’m being a poor sport when she just wants to share our “oddness” and some of my true personality with my brothers. It doesn’t really matter at the end of the day if they see the video I guess, because I have a good relationship with them, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable.
She’s never gotten mad at me for anything like this before, which makes me think maybe I’m the jerk and am being a stick in the mud over something so trivial. So, am I the jerk for telling my partner she can’t share a video of me dancing with my brothers?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re allowed to have boundaries. One of them….. Is not having videos of you sent out for the world to see. Deal is, if she sends it to the wrong person or via the wrong platform, that video could very easily end up on YouTube.
The fact that she decided to sleep on the couch because of this is quite comical. I mean…. Really???? THAT upset her enough to sleep elsewhere?!” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kind of odd that she randomly decided she wanted to share a video of you dancing to your family.
Do you think it was for her to sort of show off that she sees a version of you that they do not? Whatever her reason is, she tried to violate a boundary of yours. Her reaction to you getting upset makes it that much worse, she’s angry that you got upset because she tried to violate your privacy.
Big red flag.” callmesillysally
23. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Location And Date To Suit My Fiancé's Brother?
“My fiancé (42M) and I (32F) have started to plan our wedding. We’ve been together for just over 2 years and we got pregnant about 6 months into our relationship so things have moved very quickly for us. We have a beautiful son (almost 1 now) and we are incredibly happy.
We considered getting married while I was pregnant but my younger sister was planning her wedding to her longtime partner and we did not want to overshadow their special day so we reluctantly chose to wait. They had a beautiful wedding this June and we are thrilled for them.
My fiancé’s brother (40M) and sister-in-law (42F) have just announced that they are packing up their young children (7M and 2M) and moving to another country. They move in a month and did not tell anyone about their interest in moving, so it was quite a surprise.
They are not sharing any details of their new property or business venture with anyone in the family at this time and asked for privacy. We told them we are very excited for them and can’t wait to come visit. My fiancé mentioned to his brother today that we are starting to plan our destination wedding for February 2024 and immediately he and his wife were upset about this news.
They are upset that we did not pick their new country or property as our wedding location, and the time that we picked is “busy season” for their new business. My fiancé explained that the location we picked is very special to us – we got engaged there and returned the next year with our infant son.
I’ve also never been to the country they are relocating to so it would not be as meaningful and they will not share any details of their property aside from a “it has some little cabins and a funny shaped pool.”
My fiancé and I have vacationed in January/February the last few years because it is deep winter where we live and we like a break from the snow so the timing is not unusual for us.
We also explained that this was the soonest we felt we could start planning now that my sister had her wedding. They are asking us to change our location and/or the date, saying that they will not come as it is currently planned. My fiancé and I were truly excited about the decisions we had made so far, but now he’s heartbroken that his brother might not come.
AITJ for not wanting to compromise about my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ No one is entitled to have your wedding built around their schedule other than you and your fiancé. It’s your wedding. It is wildly entitled and self-centered to expect that when they’re the ones who sprung an international move on everyone in the final hour.
Besides, you’re having a destination wedding. There was going to be travel involved anyway. They can find a way to make it work or they can miss the wedding. That sucks for them, but this wedding isn’t about them, and they aren’t required.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Might I suggest you not give BIL any details from now on. Either that, or maybe you could make his invitation contingent on him sharing everything they have about the property, the business, and anything else they’ve been hiding. They basically kept their life secret and are now demanding you change things because you didn’t take their secret life (on their secret property, with their secret business) into account.
How does one even do that?” inFinEgan
22. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Family Gatherings Due To My Brother's Toxic Behavior?
“Basically all my life, me (24M) and my brother (16M) have been at each other’s throats.
Typical brother stuff, for the most part. As I got older and more mature (think late teens, early 20s) I got less abusive (for lack of a better term, No actual mistreatment happened) and I figured that was the end of our brotherly feud. I was wrong.
A little info about my brother. He’s…. weird. I’m fairly convinced he’s on the autism spectrum (which is fine) but the experts say he’s not. Some of the things he does are downright absurd/cruel. Some of the things include saying he’s going to harm himself at any minor inconvenience, telling my parents they’re awful parents for not doing tiny things like driving him to the store at a moment’s notice, etc.
Some of the things that pertain to me specifically are 1) interrupting me when I’m talking to someone else to tell me “no one cares” or 2) that he wishes I was never born. There usually seems to be no trigger to his nonsense. My parents have seemingly totally checked out in regards to his behavior, including the weirder stuff which I won’t post here because of both group rules and it’s kind of gross.
I could go on and on about his weirdness and how much he infuriates me, but that doesn’t belong here.
Now I’m not saying I’m perfect. I do get upset at him and tell him so, or tell him “that’s dumb” when he says something dumb (never “you’re dumb”).
I am taking a portion of the blame for our bad relationship (albeit a small portion), but that’s not the question here.
I’ve decided to remove my brother from my life as much as possible, mostly for my sake, but also for my parents (they hate when we fight).
Seeing as he still lives at home, this means no family gatherings, no Christmas together, etc. It will seriously cut down on the amount I see my family and grandparents, and I feel bad for that, but my mental health is worth more to me.
The straw that broke the camel’s back most recently was this: I was talking to my mom and mentioned how my partner would be visiting us shortly, and my brother responds with “EW”. Loudly. To the whole room. No reaction from my mom. That’s when I officially decided I no longer want him to be a part of my life.
So, WIBTJ for refusing to see my family because of my brother’s toxicity and my parents’ lack of reaction to it?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with everyone’s a jerk. Your brother for being a brat, your parents for checking out, and you because there should not be such a bad history with an eight year age gap.
Your maturity levels have always been at different places, and yes, from a young age you should’ve known better than to engage in fights with someone so much younger than you. Also, there’s no reason for you to blame your brother’s bad behavior on him being autistic, especially when he doesn’t have autism.
– An autistic person.” GlitterFairy_21225
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk because we all have to protect our peace, but I was a weird teenager (middle child) and while I grew up and evolved my siblings never got over it and it’s negatively impacted our lives as adults.
Your parents will be hurt if you stop showing up and it might screw up your relationship with everyone as you all get older. I’d keep showing up because he’ll probably grow up and appreciate that you didn’t ditch him. He might be jealous of your independence, but trust me when I say if you can get through this phase it’ll make the future a LOT more peaceful and fun.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Lying About My Mom Being In The Hospital To Make An Annoying Classmate Look Bad?
“I’m taking a couple classes over the summer, and there’s this one girl in some of them that’s incredibly annoying. She basically took it upon herself to be an unofficial, unpaid teacher’s assistant who always yells at people for not being ‘involved enough’ in class.
As in, if somebody’s on their phone, she complains about it, if they’re reading a book, she complains about it, if somebody didn’t do their homework, she complains about it. She insists everybody do their work and gets upset when people don’t.
I understand being passionate about a class and wanting to do well. I feel the same way about some of mine. But I don’t think it’s right for her to try to force other people to meet her standards— they’re not disrupting anything, just doing their own thing, so I don’t feel she has grounds for insisting they act the way she wants.
One of the classes I’m in her with is a mandatory pass fail course that has nothing to do with my major, and so I don’t pay much attention in the class. The prof doesn’t really care, he just passes everybody and is chill.
Today, I was just on my phone, because I had finished a big essay yesterday and really just felt out of it.
She writes me a passive aggressive note saying it’s super rude for me to be on my phone in class and I need to pay attention.
This irritates me, because again, who is she to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do? So I ignore it. After class, she confronts me about it, saying I need to stop being on my phone and instead pay attention.
Because I was irritated and other people were nearby, I decided to make her look like an even bigger complainer.
So, I told her that I was on my phone because my mom was in the hospital and was getting updates. She knew I was BSing because she saw reddit on my phone, but everybody else believed me and called her a jerk.
She said I was a huge jerk not only for being on my phone but also for lying to make her look bad.
Honestly, I think she had it coming— she goes out of her way to berate and criticize people who aren’t disrupting the class because they don’t meet her subjective standards. She claims to care about the class itself and about learning, but if that was the case she’d pay attention to the class instead of writing passive aggressive notes.
So I think she deserved it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Like I would personally think it’s funny but this isn’t the best way to go about this situation. I think you could’ve just said a hypothetical like what if I was doing (fill in serious hypothetical scenario) or why do you care what I do because you are paying too much attention to me when you should be paying attention to the class or whatnot.
I don’t think it’s a moral idea to guilt trip somebody over something that is not occurring.” Superbooper24
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Why are you even here? The titles a lie (you said they knew you were lying as they could see your phone so there’s no guilting).
You lied deliberately to make someone look bad. That’s textbook. I mean, great revenge, but post it there then. There you’re a champ for good revenge, here YTJ.” Wild-Possible-2655
20. AITJ For Demanding My Roommate Clean The Stove Immediately After Cooking?
“So I f(22) am roommates with three others.
Two of them are guys and one’s a girl, we’ll call the one this post is about Jake (22). We’ve all been friends since high school, and room together in an apartment since we all go to the same college. It’s been amazing but recently something has been really annoying me.
Jake really loves cooking- like REALLY loves it, and to his credit, he makes a lot of very delicious things. It is not an odd occurrence for him to cook us all dinner because he often makes big batches of food and mentions he won’t be able to eat it all before it goes bad.
I’m very thankful for this because it often is a huge relief to not cook after getting home from my internship.
A lot of the stuff he makes is kind of elaborate, so it produces a lot of dishes. He usually cleans them all right after he finishes cooking, but recently there’s one thing he hasn’t been cleaning- the stovetop.
I’ve talked to him MULTIPLE TIMES about cleaning it after cooking, and he always says he will but clearly he hasn’t been. He literally lies about doing it. We were all lounging around and eating dinner when I noticed that once again he had left the stove dirty after he sat down to eat.
At this point, I was upset because I had told him to do it multiple times before, so I demanded he get up and do it. He told me to let him eat first. I said no because then he wouldn’t do it.
He then said the stove barely even looks used, and that I’m overreacting.
I was frustrated by that point and told him loudly that he needs to do it now. He then shouted at me and said that I’m a jerk for sitting there eating his cooking while “yelling” at him, but I reminded him I never ASK for him to cook me food, he chose to GIVE me food because it would just go bad anyways.
He then asked why he has to clean the stove every time he cooks even though everybody else uses it too, but I reminded him he’s the one that uses it the most and therefore gets it the most dirty. He got up and stormed off to his room, telling me not to expect any “free” meals anymore, overall being a jerk.
I don’t understand why HE’S mad at ME because he’s the one that is a grown man and won’t fully clean up after himself. AITJ for telling my adult roommate to clean up the messes he makes?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Extremely rude to ask someone to clean up after cooking a meal before they’ve even eaten it.
And he normally feeds you! For free you ungrateful jerk! You should be offering to clean the stove and dishes for him since he most graciously fed you. *For free.* Christ.” NotQuiteInara
Another User Comments:
“MEGA YTJ It doesn’t matter that you don’t ask for his cooking, YOU’RE STILL EATING IT.
He is the one taking the time to make all of it and you’ve even stated it is nice to have it after your internship. He cleans all of the dishes afterwards, are y’all even offering to help? What are you guys putting in to clean the house?
He is feeding all of you and you’re not paying for the groceries he is using. You’re taking advantage of his kindness and throwing it in his face over a stovetop. If you don’t like it then clean it yourself. Stop being nitpicky over an issue that you’re the only one making a big deal. Apologize and expect to be the one cleaning the stove more as now you’ll have to cook your own meals and use that stove more.” Flying_Hamburgr
19. AITJ For Not Enjoying A Forced Birthday Trip That Worsened My Health?
“I’m 21F for the record. The last couple months coming up to my birthday I kept being asked what I wanted and kept responding with nothing, because I didn’t want to celebrate it. But to my parents, they were going to make me do something regardless of what I wished for.
Not even a week and a half after being discharged, I was told to prepare for a ‘surprise holiday’ abroad for a week. The only thing I was told is that it was going to be hot. I was told this just 1 and a half weeks after having emergency surgery for appendicitis also.
I also have chronic joint pain which makes daily life very difficult.
My parents were somehow surprised by me not feeling very excited over this… they just kept telling me to smile and enjoy myself and not hold myself back. I tried. It turns out I was going to Greece during a massive heatwave (42 degrees Celsius) with only me and my older sister.
This would’ve been maybe okay… but they booked a city break, and not a holiday where I can just sit and relax most days. Keep in mind, I was still healing from appendicitis and was advised by my doctors and physio to NOT overdo any exercise including walking due to my chronic conditions regardless.
I was being forced to walk every day with my cane, something I never use as a last resort. I was being forced to do 13k+ steps a day and was in absolute agony, often crying in public from how painful my legs and feet were.
I often came back to the hotel room relieved, and my sister just saw me as an absolute jerk for feeling this way. In fact one of the days when we were queuing for the Acropolis, I was given medical attention due to suffering from heat exhaustion, and to put it in the nurse’s word, “potential heat stroke”.
My body was weak, I was disorientated and dizzy, and I had a temperature. Despite the nurse telling my sister this, she didn’t believe a word and said that my sister and I were both overreacting.
Now I don’t have a job due to disabilities, but I spent a lot of my savings out there, about €100, because I was told to enjoy myself and also got gifts for my parents.
When I came back home, I was immediately in bed for the whole day because my body was so exhausted and painful, and my parents were not happy that I didn’t enjoy myself to their expectations. They started to belittle me, saying that they are now poor because ‘they spent all their money for a good holiday experience for me’.
Now they’re saying because I’m 21, I’m expected to start paying rent or GTFO (mind you there was no indication that was ever going to happen before this trip). I’m also being denied food and have to pay for it myself with what little money I have left due to being told to spend it abroad to treat myself.
If I can’t figure out a way to start paying rent by the end of this month, I’m out.
This is all from a birthday I never asked for and that has actually made my health worse, yet all my family are telling me how spoiled I am still.
I don’t know what to think anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would go to your doctor and explain what happened and what’s going on. Ask him for a check up since you were 1) out of country (a lot of places require employees to do this before returning to work where I live) and 2) pretty much physiologically forced to do extraneous physical work by your family even after being told not to by your doctors but also mention the nurse who had concerns of heat exhaustion.
If your doctor notes ANYTHING of concern, you can tell your parents you have documented proof of their medical malpractice if they continue to try and kick you out. Trip or not, you were put in a position where your health was compromised. I would also keep all receipts for food and anything you need, you pay for now, since they are refusing to feed you.
That way, when you try to apply for food stamps or anything like that on your disability, they can’t claim they already fed you. I would contact your representative for disability resources to help with finding a place to go as well as resources such as insurance, food stamps, etc. Parents/ family or not.
The moment someone puts your health in danger on more than 1 occasion, you need to block and cut them out fully. If your health doesn’t matter then you don’t matter to them.” ProcrastinatingInk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it seems bizarre for them to criticise your “ingratitude” over a gift that you expressly told them you did not want.
I get the impression that your parents do not understand the extent of your disability and illness, maybe even do not believe that it is real, despite you having apparently quite clearly expressed these things to them. Either that or they are simply unwilling to support you through these issues and this is their way of washing their hands and deflecting the blame away from themselves.
I wish you the best in whatever is to come next for you and I hope your family eventually come to realise that what you are going through is real – though I suspect that sadly this may not happen.” BanterPhobic
18. AITJ For Refusing To Hold Study Sessions For Ungrateful Classmates?
“I, 19M, study accounting and this semester the following situation developed: I got a reputation for doing well in my classes, so my classmates would always ask for pictures of my class notes, or brief explanations about the day’s lecture if they didn’t understand it.
I’d always help, but they never thanked me at any point.
I never really felt bothered by it since they were only small gestures, but it escalated recently. Before one of our exams, everybody went crazy because they didn’t understand the subject very well, but I understood it.
Privately, I was already planning to have a zoom meeting with my close friends, where we’d solve exercises together and I’d help them out. (My close friends always helped me out in other situations, and when they asked me for help, they at least always said thank you).
Then, in our class group chat, someone tagged me and asked me if I could hold a class to help them out, I thought about it and reluctantly agreed, since I didn’t necessarily wish for them to go poorly in the exams. I took time off of my own schedule to look for exercises online, prepare spreadsheets on Excel, and of course, to hold the meeting and explain the subject on Zoom.
At the end of the meeting, all my close friends either opened the mic to say thank you or typed it in chat. The rest of my classmates just left the meeting without saying even a thank you. I will not lie, I felt extremely bothered, since this wasn’t a small gesture, I had taken significant time to prepare everything.
From then on I decided I would only help my close friends and not my classmates in general. Finals rolled around and they again asked for a Zoom class. This time I said I was too busy and couldn’t do it, but I actually planned on doing it, but only for my close friends.
However, someone on campus overheard me and my close friends talking about this Zoom meeting and spread the word that I was lying. Now they’re calling me selfish for not holding the class for everyone.
I talked to my mom about it and she said I was being petty and that I should do good without expecting something in return, and she kinda got into my head and I’ve been thinking about it.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it is your choice if you wanted to help someone or not. While helping someone is a good thing, not being appreciated for it is also fine. However in this case, you weren’t just doing a deed by helping other students, but you were also sacrificing your own precious time, and the students didn’t even bother to thank you for it.
You were the only one that could have helped them and you did, by not showing you any respect, they are showing how much they care about you and your work. This is further proved by the fact that they blamed you for being selfish when you didn’t want to help them but rather your own close friends.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Anything you choose to provide is a kindness. They are not owed anything. I would be curious if they made any attempt to ask the professor for clarification, searched for additional examples online, hired a tutor, joined a study group, or formulated practice tests themselves.
I would tell them that you already told them that you don’t have time to prepare a presentation of all the material they should have been learning this whole time. This is a smaller, shorter session where you will be responding to specific questions raised by your friends who have been helping you with some of your other classes.
You can always offer to let them hire you to tutor them if you want to do that. However, expecting you to provide in-depth teaching is not something you ever agreed to provide for free on your own time, at the cost of your own studies.
You are a student, not a teacher.” latents
Another User Comments:
“No, you are not cause if they never thank you then that is a sign that they are just using you they were using you to get good grades if anyone is the jerk they are not you like I’m happy that at least your close friends said thank you but the others were just using you but I can tell your friends are good people” Background_Movie7415
17. AITJ For Calling Code Enforcement On People Who Brought Dogs To A No-Dog Park?
“Let’s start off with I love animals, and I love being around them when I’ve had time to prepare. Unfortunately, I have some pretty nasty allergies, nothing life threatening, but they last for days after I’ve been exposed, especially to animals.
So I try my best to take my kid to parks that do not allow animals. Luckily, there are quite a few in my area if you are willing to drive to them, the majority are special needs parks with fencing and gates, which is a big reason nonservice animals aren’t allowed. One of the nicer ones we go to has a splash pad that my kid adores.
So I pack us up and we go to spend the afternoon there.
About 30 minutes into us being at this park 3 people bring in 2 dogs, a husky and a lab, but no kid. It is almost 100°F/38°C outside and this parks flooring is almost all concrete and other wheelchair friendly turf, you can see the dogs dancing around on their burning paws and the husky is clearly getting sick from the heat.
At this time 2 of the families I see at this park, who also come to avoid dogs, leave to avoid confrontation, I just tried to keep a good distance from them.
They started passing by me and I got up and told them to stay away.
M (me) T (them)
M: I’m super allergic to dogs, you shouldn’t have your dog here in the first place, so please at least keep it away from me. I come here to not be around dogs at the park.
T: We’re just letting them play in the splash pad for a bit, it’s no big deal
M: I’m sitting right next to it, because that’s where my kid is at, can you please take your dogs somewhere else
T: It’s not that big a deal, they’re well behaved dogs.
M: It is a big deal, the rules are no dogs, you brought them anyways.
It’s not about your dog being well behaved, it’s about keeping the park clean and having a space for people who don’t want to be around dogs to go to. Your dog’s feet are burning, your husky is about to have a heatstroke, you’re being incredibly entitled and not taking care of your dog in the process
They called me a jerk and ignored me, so I called the cities code enforcement to see what could be done. They sent an officer out to escort them out, and they continued to yell at me as they were walked out. I’m worried I went too far by calling code enforcement, but I also didn’t want to have to leave the park and they weren’t listening.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m going to ignore all the reasons they’re bad pet owners because I’d go on for forever. End of the day they are the jerks because they went to a public park that does not allow animals with JUST their animals.
You tried to compromise and say it’s fine just keep them away from you & they escalated it. Ablest asf. & you shouldn’t have to even compromise.” DryContract8916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for all the reasons you gave. I have a service dog, and I would have kept my dog well away from you, had I been there and known.
Not that my dog would be approaching you anyway, I generally keep myself between him and others. But, my dog wouldn’t have been going in the splash zone, because it’s a service dog. It wouldn’t be there to play, but to work.
If a child who had a service dog needed it following the kid around, fine, but not for the dog to play. The dog should be focusing on the kid and staying next to it. The town is also allowed to not allow even service dogs in the water element.
In that case, the dog should be in a stay, on a leash, next to the area.” Neenknits
16. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Disrespectful Brother Live With Me?
“I (19M) have an older brother (21M) and we both live in our mom’s house. I’m in college, and I’m staying here until August, since I’m renting a house with 3 other friends.
We already paid for everything so we’re just waiting the month out. My brother is not in college, he lives here without paying for anything except the WiFi, under the condition that he does 3 things: go to school (to be fair he starts community college next month), keep the house clean, and don’t have people over.
My mom lives overseas and is letting us stay here until we get our footing in life.
That’s great, but the problem is my brother does not respect my mom’s place at all. He doesn’t clean, leaving dishes, grease marks, plates of food and pizza boxes on the ground everywhere.
He doesn’t take out the trash or clean his room even when it attracts pests. He doesn’t buy anything for the house we need, whether it’s water bottles, paper towels, food, or toilet paper. He only buys clothes for himself and some food that he doesn’t share and I’m left doing all of the actual cleaning and grocery shopping, spending hundreds of dollars to keep this place running/well-stocked, even though I work 10 hour shifts and he’s unemployed. Not to mention he has people over all of the time, which is against the agreement he made with mom.
After my mom came back to visit, the house was in complete disarray and she said she would be kicking him out soon. I’ve been asked to let him live with me. I said no because chances are, he will completely disrespect my space, leaving a lot of work for everyone else to deal with, which isn’t going to fly since we’re all full-time college students with part-time jobs and other obligations.
We can’t take care of a 14 year old in a 21 year old’s body.
My family totally understands but my brother thinks I’m being very selfish and breaking my promise of always being there for him. I will always be there for him, but I’m not going to bend over backwards to please him when he almost never does the same for me.
I told him he has to grow up, start thinking about others, and get his own place if he wants to do whatever he wants. But apparently that’s selfish of me.
Is that true? Am I being a jerk by not giving him a place to stay?
I really want to help him out but I’m tired and I just want someone who pulls their weight for once. It’s just so exhausting. I don’t want him to be homeless but I worked really hard for this place and I want to experience the reward of it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he cannot live like a normal person in your mother’s house, he will not do that in your house. You do not owe him a place to stay if he cannot behave himself and he has clearly proven he is unable to do that” Blokies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he disrespects his own mother’s house, he will disrespect yours as he sees you only as his brother, It’s call tough love, he need to grow up and be independent, you can be there for him that doesn’t mean you are going to let him use you and your roommates as a carpet, and beware because if he does your roommates won’t be kind to you, as you brought the trouble home.
If someone in your family tells you something, they can offer him a room.” Specific_nina
15. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom's Calls/Texts During Work Until I'm Free?
“To start, I’m 30s/F/Married/Pregnant/Employed. My mom lives hours away and is retired. She does nothing all day but sleep and watch the news while her husband still works.
This has always bothered our family but if she wants to spend retirement in her bed, that’s her call. It falls on deaf ears tell her to find a hobby/get out and exercise/find some joy.
I think because she has nothing else going on, she will constantly “check in” on my adult siblings and I during the day.
She’ll text me in the morning to make sure I made it to work, ask how my spouse is, ask how my pets are, etc. This happens almost every day. It was annoying but not a huge deal…until I got pregnant and it has gotten ridiculous.
It’s an all day thing now. Triple texting, calling, sending baiting texts like, “You need to call ASAP. Important!” and it’s just about some shooting in my city and wanting to make sure I’m not close to the area – BS reasons like that. She’ll even text/call my spouse if I don’t answer her within her allotted time frame.
And god forbid if I send one word replies. Then I’m “obviously not in the mood to talk so whatever.”
After telling her time after time that I’m at work and even if I wasn’t, I don’t owe anyone unlimited constant access to me, I’ve started just ignoring the calls/texts until the end of the day/evening when I have a free minute.
To be clear, there’s never a day we don’t text/call – it’s just on my terms now.
This has not gone over well and she has started guilt-tripping me. She says this is how all mothers are (not my husband’s parents, we have a wonderful relationship with them and talk to them once a week), she just wants to know I’m okay and how my pregnancy is going since she doesn’t see me often, I’ll understand once I have my baby that you just want to hear from your kids.
She claims all she’s asking for is open communication because if I don’t, she’ll get anxious and that will affect her health.
She tried to keep me under her thumb growing up, so I ended up rebelling and we bumped heads A LOT. I constantly had to lie about where I was but I wasn’t even doing anything illegal – I was a good kid, I just wanted to be with my friends and have some independence.
So there’s a part of me that thinks the teenage me wants to still rebel and not answer her immediately to get her back from smothering me back then.
AITJ for setting a “I’ll contact you when I’m free” boundary or should I be grateful my mom cares so much about my well-being?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh man, what is it about that generation of women. Why are they just so… Weird?! Why are boundaries and respect completely lost on them? Like, there are countless posts about middle-aged (45-65) mothers not respecting their adult children’s boundaries. Just like a toddler, you need to firmly explain that their behavior is not OK and demonstrate your boundary.
Stick to it and do not give in. Acknowledge when they make an effort to improve (positive reinforcement). As condescending as it sounds, this is literally the only way they learn because if they were understanding and willing, a calm discussion would have solved the problem in the first place.” nomnouveau
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your mom doesn’t respect boundaries and has poor judgment or perhaps is just really demanding and needy. None of these things should turn into you feeling responsible for her mental health or anxiety that she feels towards or about you.
Has she never heard of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? Anyway, I encourage you to maintain those boundaries. It’ll be even more important for you to do so once the baby arrives. If you responded the way she wants you to, it would be insanely disruptive to your life to the point it could impact your livelihood, other relationships, and frankly your sanity.
When what someone is asking of you is so extremely and unreasonable, you have no choice but to draw a line and hold it firmly.” owls_and_cardinals
14. AITJ For Recording A Conversation With My Mom About Her Taking Money From Me?
“Today, me (M17) and my sister (F15) and I found out that some money was missing from our wallets. We were shocked and we immediately understood that our mom (who wasn’t home when we found out) took them from us (our dad doesn’t live with us).
We immediately discussed about it and planned a conversation to have with her as soon as she would get home. I had to talk to her because my sister wouldn’t be home when she would return. I also asked whether we should record the conversation.
My sister was reluctant but eventually agreed.
Backstory: The disappearance of money (specifically mine) already happened 7 years ago, and she promised to return all the money (she didn’t, but I don’t care about that). So I waited until me and my mom had finished lunch and told her that me and my sister found out that some money was missing.
She admitted that she took them, but said that she would have returned them within some days. I pointed out multiple times that the main problem wasn’t that she took our money, but that she didn’t ask us about it (we would have been more than ready to give her some money if she just would have asked).
So long story short she apologized and returned the money to me (she will return them to my sister later, since she took more from her than to me), but still defended her actions because those money were necessary for the expensive travels we did this month, singling me out as cold just for some money.
So, conversation is over, and I go back to my room. Until she suddenly shows up and ask if I’ve told this conversation to anyone. I said I told to my sister what we talked about, and out of nowhere she wants to check what I said to her.
I panic and tell her that I just said what we talked about, but she demands to see our chat. So, out of options, I let her see, and she sees that I recorded the whole conversation. I told her that I could delete it if she wanted to, but she said I could keep it, to then go away, telling me she’s a bit hurt about what I’ve done.
Now I feel like recording was an unnecessary move and that I’m a jerk. But I still ask you, AITJ for recording a conversation I had with my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Taking money from both of you without asking was wrong of her, and since this was not the first time and she didn’t return it back then, it’s normal that you would want to record it and show it to your sister, who is also a victim here.
I can understand your mom being hurt, and that she may feel like you don’t trust her and thus you feel the need to record the conversation, but hopefully she will learn the lesson from now on.” Basic-Candidate4686
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She probably feels ashamed and it’s trying to switch the blame, my mom does this too.
You point out something “wrong” with the person, and instead of just letting it go, they need to find something wrong with you to compensate, so they don’t feel bad about what they have done.” HousingNervous4933
Another User Comments:
“NTJ keep the recording. If you can, back it up somewhere safe.
This wasn’t the first time she stole, I doubt it will be the last (plus she still owes you and you should care) It might be safe from here on in to only discuss stuff like this when you have a witness. I have a feeling she’s going to be more wary about fessing up in the future.
Can you talk to your dad about this? Grandparents? Sorry you have to deal with this.” Bananas4skail
13. AITJ For Not Giving My Mom A Monthly Stipend Because She's A Compulsive Shopper?
“To give some kind of context, last summer I started the last year of my computer engineering degree.
One random day in September, my mother came home and told me that she got fired from her job, this was important because we used to live paycheck to paycheck and her job was the only source of income that we had. She hinted to me that I need to start looking for a job because we needed the money.
Long story short, I got a software developer job 1 month later and started juggling my last year of Uni along with working full time. Take into mind that this happened last year’s September, now I´ve managed to graduate and I am still working for my company.
The thing is that my mother hasn’t managed to find another job in this time (I know she is trying because I help her with the applications as she is not that versed in using a computer or the internet) and I´ve been covering for everything in my home monetary-wise for the past year.
I do not mind doing this, but the next problem arises. My mother doesn’t have a source of income, ergo she doesn’t have money of her own, I´ve told her that if she needs anything she can ask me for money and I will give some to her.
She finds this infuriating and says that I am belittling her by making her beg to me for money. She wants me to give her a monthly stipend so she doesn’t need to ask me for money every time that she needs something.
Why I don’t want to do that, as selfish as it may sound is that I know that my mother is a compulsive shopper (we were living paycheck to paycheck for a reason, and that reason was not lack of money) and I know that if I give her 300$ and the start of the month she will have spent it by the first week and then will come asking for more, but if I don’t give her anything (I don’t reject almost any of her request, I just make her ask for it first) she will spend less because her pride doesn’t let her ask for money so many times a month.
There is also the fact that despite being working for almost a year I haven’t spent any money on myself, I go out to dine once month to treat myself but that’s it, because I know that we need the money for other more important things, and maybe that has made me a little bitter.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the person really needs money, he/she will go to any job that could spare him/her of death from hunger. Retail, fast food, or even cleaning/room service are almost always in need of workers. Yes, it’s not much payable, but as I know — “beggars are not choosers”.
After she gets a job, even a dirty and not prestigious one, she may begin to search for something better. I presume that you’re from the US, if so then it would not be too hard to find at least some job that pays money.
So I really think she doesn’t really try/want it. Your money is your money and your mother needs to take jobseeker’s allowance.” Electrical_Flight247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely not one bit. By not giving into her demands for a monthly stipend, you are not enabling her compulsive shopping habit.
What on earth is she going to do when you move out (which you inevitably will at some point)?” QHAM6T46
12. AITJ For Calling Out My Overbearing Brother?
“I am 17 and my brother is 20. My brother is constantly in my and my siblings’ business (10m, 13 f, 15 f). I can understand why he is in the younger one’s business, but I don’t get why he can’t leave me alone. If I go to a friend, he asks which friend and if our mom and dad know them, and he texts me once every hour when I go out, and if it’s past 9 o’clock.
He blows my phone up if he doesn’t see that I am at home and won’t even let me sleep over at my friend’s house because ‘anything can happen, etc. There is so much more controlling stuff he does. The thing is, my parents don’t ask him to do this stuff; in fact, when he was my age, he used to do this stuff.
My parents have never set a curfew for me or told me that I couldn’t sleep at my friend’s house, but because they are always on a business trip or at work, my brother acts like a dictator.
Today, my brother was forcing me and my sister to clean the house while he was doing nothing.
He took our electronics and ordered us around. Then he was asking me and my younger sister how we can live like this, because no one washed dishes, and said if he hadn’t asked, would we have done it? But the thing is, the plates were just made between the afternoon before, when me and my younger siblings were having a cooking competition, and the loser, aka my younger brother, was supposed to clean it, but my elder brother thinks he is too young to do anything (so he is old enough to make a mess and a bet but not old enough to clean?
So he was blaming me and my sister.
After his scolding, I got tired of being ordered around and told him nobody was asking him to do this and he was being overbearing and control freak; he said our mom practically begged him to stay here instead of the dorms (he’s in college).
I said that doesn’t give him the right to be a dictator, and he said, Okay, that he was staying here for our sake but if he not wanted then he will live, I said that he was twisting my words I don’t want him to leave to just not be soo controlling, we argued a bit more.
He ended up going to his room.
But my sister told me that I needed to apologize because she didn’t want our brother to move out. But I have refused to, because I don’t feel like am in the wrong plus ever since the accident my brother hasn’t told any me and my sister what to do just my brother.
But he has kind of has been ignoring my existence which has me made me a bit frustrated. Am I wrong or am I just being made to feel like I was in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your brother just likes to boss people around.
He also seems very overprotective of you. Maybe he has experienced something that he thinks you may get subjected to? Either way, he is being a control freak and you were right to tell him how you feel. As an older sister, I also boss my sis around sometimes(esp when I’m like in a very depressive mood + I feel like she doesn’t do her chores) although not to the extent of your brother.
But at the same time, I know it’s something I have to work on and try to talk to my sis about how I can be better. You and your brother need to communicate with each other and set boundaries (this might hurt him but it’s necessary to maintain a healthy relationship).
Good luck love! INFO, how do you know your parents don’t expect your brother to parent you guys?” Gaiagaang
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I don’t have a judgment because you guys have had to raise yourselves or be raised by a sibling, considering your parents are never home.
Maybe you can sit down with all your siblings and talk about what not having had your parents be actual parents to you all means for how you all view the sibling relationship between each other. Is your brother controlling, yes, but why? Feels like he’s the parent?
Is it sexism? Why doesn’t the 10-year-old do anything? Maybe he wants to help but your brother isn’t letting him? I don’t know, but a serious conversation between everyone (excluding the parents ) needs to happen now instead of in 10 years” DragonBornAzul
11. AITJ For Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Return The Insurance Money From Our Car Accident?
” I (31F) and my partner (30M), for the sake of this story I’ll call him Julio, have been together for 6 years.
Julio had a Ford Fusion before him, and I met him, and he was making payments on it, long story short, he fell behind on payments and the car ended up being towed, his mom was getting another car, so she sold us hers for $3000.
We had the car for 2 years and unfortunately, a truck ran a stop sign and I ended up not being able to stop in time. The truck damaged our car so badly that the car was totaled. He admitted 100% fault and I had to go through my insurance to get some compensation.
Sorry this is long but I am getting to the point, promise.
The insurance was in her name, but my partner and I were paying for the insurance. Well, I ended up getting compensated $9,000. Since the insurance was in her name, the check was addressed to her.
I was living with my mom at the time, so I did not get notified when the check came. Well, she took it upon herself to tell my partner that he would give us her car and she would use the money from the check to purchase an SUV, my partner at no point discussed this with me and told her yes.
The car in no way is worth $9,000. I feel betrayed as the car has a faulty tire and it is constantly leaking power steering fluid. I also feel betrayed because I was the one who was in the car accident, yet I got no money from it.
This happened 2 years ago which is why I feel like I WIBTJ but I have been talking to my family about it because they asked me what happened to the money and I lied at first and said I didn’t get much but once they found they got upset and told me that I was dumb for not saying something sooner and my MIL pretty much played me.
WIBTJ for demanding that money from MIL even though it has been 2 years?
Also I would like to mention the reason I didn’t mention this to her when I found out was because I am very introverted and don’t like drama. I tried to tell myself I was okay with it, but it has been 2 years and I am still sour about it.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you’ve left it too long tbh OP but she definitely ripped you off. This is also your partner’s fault for agreeing to this without telling you. Wasn’t his money, he had no right to make that decision and I hope you’ve made that clear to him going forward” Puzzled_Young3021
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself. When money is involved, never stay quiet. Insurance in the US is required to issue the check to the owner of the vehicle not the policyholder. Also, why was she involved at all with the discussions with the insurance company?
If she pretended to be you and took the money, you could have gone to the insurance company and told them about the fraud, and they would have gone after her and issued you a new payment. You need a new partner as well, there is no excuse to have allowed what happened. Get a therapist and figure out how to stand up for yourself.” Illustrious-File-125
10. AITJ For Introducing My Brother's Ex-Partner To My Friend?
“My (23m) brother, Kevin (27m) had been seeing his partner Layla (25f) ever since their first year in Uni. I’m not privy to everything in their relationship but they often had fights for whatever reason which resulted in them not talking to each other for a while but then they’d get back together later on.
Around two years ago the two of them had gotten into their worst fight yet which resulted in the definite end of their relationship. I don’t know what happened because my brother refused to tell me and Layla just looked like she’d cry if I asked her so I didn’t ask because I’m terrible at comforting people.
Two months after that fight, I was hanging out with my friend Steve (26m) at his place when Layla asked me if I could grab the stuff she left at our place. She even offered to give 40 bucks + some cookies she baked if I could do it on the same day.
I obviously accepted then told Steve what I’d be doing and he offered his help, he said he’d help me pack and even drive me over there, but he wanted the cookies too. I shoot Layla a text passing forward Steve’s offer, she accepted it, said she’d bake more so we could share and off we went.
Getting there I gave Layla her things, introduced the two of them, got my money, and ate the cookies she had left aside for me. We all chatted for some time before Steve and I left, but he gave her his phone number on the way out.
Ever since then the two of them got together, Layla seems happier than ever, Steve is grossly in love and my brother to this day resents me to the extreme for that relationship.
He said that me taking Steve there when I knew him and Layla would get back together eventually was a jerk move and even if I had to take the guy because I needed the ride I should have had him wait in the car instead of introducing the two of them, he even said I betrayed him for 40 bucks and some cookies.
It’s not like I got there to matchmake the two of them, but my brother won’t hear it, and even my mom thinks I should have left Steve on the car, the only one on my side is my dad, but I need outside opinions.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your brother and Layla sound like they had a destructive relationship, and it’s better that it’s over. She was entitled to pick up her stuff, and it was just by chance that in doing so she hit it off with your friend.
Maybe your brother needs to do some self-reflection in what went wrong so that he can do better in his next relationship.” Lanasoverit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All you did was bring along someone to help with delivering items, and they gave you a ride.
The fact that Steve and Layla hit it off doesn’t make you a jerk. The fact that your brother seems to think he had some “right of first refusal” and “was going to get back together with Layla” makes your brother the jerk. Your brother just seems annoyed that Steve is currently the one enjoying Layla’s “cookies”.
Steve might even be enjoying some milk with those cookies. Who knows, more power to Steve and Layla.” sh1tsawantsays
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Honestly, you did LAYLA a huge favor, because if she hadn’t met Steve, she probably WOULD have gone back to Kevin for two more years(plus) of Breaking up/getting back together and fighting some more.
Let her have her happiness(Steve too). Tell Kevin to invest in some therapy if he has NOT yet moved on after TWO YEARS.” MountainMidnight9400
9. AITJ For Not Cancelling My Airbnb To Split A Hotel With My Friend?
“I went to NYC this past week and got an AirBNB right outside the city in Jersey City Heights. It was perfect. The bus ride into the city took 20 minutes and after exploring the city all day, it felt peaceful to come back to Jersey where everything was a lot slower.
The house was like a big townhouse and the owner basically had multiple rooms rented out in a dorm-style set up. I stayed in NYC for 5 days, visited some friends there, and had fun.
I asked my best friend beforehand if they wanted to come up.
I figured if we put our money together we could’ve rented a much nicer Airbnb in Manhattan/Brooklyn. He didn’t want to do Airbnb. I know from prior experience not to trust him because he always wants to do the most expensive thing possible, even though we both don’t make a ton of money.
He wanted to go to a pricey hotel, which we could’ve possibly stretched for, but it would’ve shortened my stay from the 5 days to maybe 1-2 days. Also, he wasn’t really serious about wanting to go to NYC when we were still in Maryland. So after we couldn’t agree, I went ahead with the Airbnb option.
My friend decided to come up with me on the train the first day after all but he said he was going to go back home after we explored the city (back to the Baltimore area where we live) and then I would stay for the rest of the week.
Once he actually got into NYC, he wanted to stay and got real serious about wanting to get a hotel. Problem was he didn’t have enough money to get one and wanted me to go half on it. He wanted me to cancel my 5-day stay at the Airbnb in Jersey City, to get a hotel somewhere in NYC for a night or two, even though I told him beforehand, when we were in Baltimore, I wasn’t interested in that.
I wanted more days in the city. It made me mad because we could’ve gotten a nice place in the city if he agreed much earlier. As a consolation, I offered to share my Airbnb but he didn’t want to. I guess he’s creeped out by going to them and prefers hotels.
I was also angry that he expected me to cancel my Airbnb and seemed indifferent to if I could get my money back. Eventually he got on the train and went back home, and was clearly upset. Was I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave him a bunch of outs to compromise on something that would work for both of you and he didn’t take it. I also would rather stay in a hotel, but I wouldn’t expect my friend to drastically shorten their trip just because I changed my mind.
That’s ridiculous.” arosebyabbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like this was your trip to begin with, so he didn’t really have much right, especially in a last minute attempt to get you to cancel and change your own plans just for his selfish wants. He had the right to express his wants and see if you were okay with it, but if you were not, though he did not have the right to be upset with you.
You were not willing to cut your trip short and to possibly lose money because he wanted something last minute, and that’s pretty understandable for most people. Your friends sound a bit entitled, thinking more about themselves than others.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ always works within your budget.
Not someone else’s. You offered to share the Airbnb, they wanted the hotel. You did everything right as a friend. If it was such good fun etc it shouldn’t matter where you stayed, the friend needs to figure out lowering their standards to have fun isn’t such a bad thing” DirtySkidMark
8. AITJ For Leaving My Sick Aunt's House Early Because Of My Father's Behavior?
“I’m a 43-year-old F. I have an Aunt that I’ve always been very close with. My Dad’s sister. She has a terminal Illness that has progressed quite a bit over the last year.
I haven’t seen her in a while and my father and I decided to drive from another state together to see her, against my better judgment. It’s a 12 hour trip. My father and I do not always get along that well. He showed up 2 days before we were supposed to leave, he didn’t ask, he just did.
So it’s already off to a rocky start. Before we even left that morning, tension was high, he was annoyed I smoked to calm my nerves before we got in the car. Less than a mile from my home, we got into a heated argument that he started. I sat in silence for a minute, then asked him to pull over and let me out.
I could fly up and see her another time. He refused. He said things to me like “do you hear yourself” “you sound crazy”. So we sat in silence most of the way up. We got about 2 hours away and he got a phone call from a telemarketer.
He knew what it was and answered anyway, and was being rude and nasty to this person. I said to him, “Why do you have to be so nasty?”
They’re just doing they’re job, don’t answer the phone. I wasn’t loud, I wasn’t rude.
I wasn’t mean. I was almost pleading with him. And he said “I can’t wait to get away from you. I bet there’s a bunch of other people in your life that can’t wait to get away from you either” and some other mean things, knowing I’m having some issues in my life, that was a low blow.
The silence was deafening after that. We make it to my aunt’s and I give him the cold shoulder the whole time. He’s acting like nothing happened. For a day this goes on. My auntie decided to get involved and I’m told that I need to stop.
I’m told that he feels bad and he loves me…. By her. I’ve gotten no apologies. Now I’m being made to feel as though I’m the problem. This is after I’ve asked her to please stop talking about it. So I decided to leave.
I’m in a hotel waiting for my flight. They had other family members contact me, but I’m holding firm in my decision. There is more to this, but this is the condensed version. I’m not perfect, but I never personally attack and belittle.
Even in this situation, maybe I didn’t handle things great, but am I wrong for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re 43 years old and from the sound of it this is the first time you’ve decided to end a situation by leaving – by setting a boundary and sticking it.
Shiny spine time! Next time a trip is proposed, set it up for yourself to be comfortable instead of torture. My judgement wouldn’t be NTJ if you hadn’t just stood up, but supporting yourself is that absolute best thing in abusive situations. Good on you!” tosser9212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your responsibility to be everyone else’s whipping boy when they are having a bad day. It’s okay to remove yourself now and come back to visit your aunt again soon on your own. If during that time she brings up the topic and tries to chastise you again, just tell her you are not interested in discussing it and go take a walk or run an errand or otherwise take a break.
Your aunt may have helpful insight and advice so don’t discount everything she has to say, but don’t accept mistreatment or disrespect just to ‘keep the peace.’” KittHeartshoe
Another User Comments:
“When my mother was in hospital, on the palliative floor, dying, I came back to town for a last Christmas.
And the day after, I knew I had to get out. There was no telling how much longer she’d last, and I knew that if I spent another day in my dad’s company, we’d have a fist fight, and that would be a terrible show.
So I went back to Montreal on Boxing Day. She died the day after, and I wasn’t there. NTJ” south3y
7. AITJ For Not Asking My Brother To Open A Wedding Gift At The Reception?
“More than 20 years ago, when I was 16, my older brother got married. He and his partner lived overseas, but he felt strongly about getting married in our home country. Because of this, our parents organized the whole thing, and most of the guests were friends of my parents who my brother didn’t really know.
Also included was my best friend and her family.
During the reception, after dinner when I’m dancing with the flower girl, best friend comes up and tells me her parents want me to ask my brother and his wife to open their present. I tell her they’re not opening presents at the reception, we’re doing it after brunch the next day.
About 15 minutes later my friend comes back and says they’re leaving soon and they really want him to open their present. At this point my brother had already told me he and his wife were about to leave (they were staying in the same hotel as the reception so they just said goodbye and went upstairs).
I say I feel uncomfortable asking when they’re already on their way to bed, and best friends family left soon after.
I thought that was the end of it, but last week I was having dinner with my best friend’s parents (she lives overseas now but I’m close with her and her family still).
Somehow the topic of my brother’s wedding came up, and her dad said he was still upset that I wouldn’t ask my brother to open his present. He said it jokingly but was obviously still holding a grudge.
I asked if the present was something personal or that needed explanation, and they said no, it was just a vase.
I explained my side of things, and that I didn’t feel comfortable asking. I pointed out that it’s extremely unusual in our country for presents to be opened at the reception. Her dad said that I should have just done what I was told, and it was rude of me to disobey.
The conversation moved on, and we didn’t bring it up again but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it. No one was mean but it had obviously been on my friend’s dad’s mind all these years.
Privately, I think it was tacky for them to ask, although I would obviously never say that.
I know it’s done in other countries, but I’ve been to a lot of weddings since and I’ve never heard of it being done here.
WIBTJ for not asking? Maybe I should apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeesh daddy’s got some control issues. Separate your own perspective on the incident from his opinion, he’s using a seriously out-of-whack guide for morality there.
You were hardly a “disobedient child”, you were a young adult with a clearly far more nuanced understanding of a social situation than him. NTJ, brush him under the carpet.” dora_greenfield
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BF’s dad is the jerk. Her dad said, “I should have just done what I was told, and it was rude of me to disobey.” WTF?
Who does this man think he is? Lord and ruler of all? He who must be obeyed? News flash, you’re not his child, you don’t have to ‘obey’ him on any level. He’s probably upset your brother didn’t drop everything and ‘obey’ him as well.
Because he was obviously the most important person at the wedding. Rest easy my friend, you did nothing wrong.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother's Friends Over At Our Apartment Everyday?
“I (24F) am my brother’s (15M) legal guardian.
We live in a two bedroom apartment together. The reason why I’m his guardian isn’t related to the current issue I’m having, but TLDR my father has to have spinal surgery and decided to move in with his partner; my mom doesn’t want to take my brother, so I decided to step up and care for him from now on.
This was a decision both of us are very happy and excited about, so there are no hard feelings there. And I love caring for my brother, he’s very important to me. Anyways…
He has some buddies that want to come over almost every single day.
The main one, Joel, is a good kid, but I have a few issues. First, he eats all our food. He smokes and gets the munchies and goes through our kitchen whenever they have a sleepover.
They (Joel and my brother) have also gotten into trouble together.
A few months back, they were out all night long. They vandalized another kid’s house and the only reason they didn’t get arrested, was because the parents were willing to let it go. This happened before my brother was under my care; since then I’ve given him a curfew of midnight at the LATEST (which he isn’t happy about but oh well).
My brother wants friends over every single day, all day, and they want to sleep over every single night. It’s a bit tiring. I WFH so I need a quiet environment to work in but this is hard with lots of people in the house.
I was 15 once too though, and I don’t want to be a jerk and get in the way of him having fun and making memories with his friends. But it does get exhausting to constantly have people in our apartment. Especially when they eat so much and do things like wear my clothes if they need a shirt or something.
WIBTJ if I tell my brother he can’t have friends at our apartment anymore? I don’t mean he can never see his friends, I would just prefer if they went to someone else’s house once in a while. There is a problem with that though, he can’t go to Joel’s house because a few months ago he took his sisters Switch.
So the only option is for the buddies to come to our place. What do you think I should do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are acting as his guardian, then you need to set boundaries. While he’s 15, he’s still a kid and needs rules.
Also, just because he wants something doesn’t mean that what you want doesn’t matter. It is your home and he needs to accommodate this. To let his desires run roughshod over your own is going to raise him to be a selfish jerk. His friends aren’t “good kids”; they are delinquents.” AShatteredKing
5. AITJ For Wanting To Keep Our Finances Separate After My Fiancé Paid My Student Debt?
“My fiancé [37M, Edgar] and I [28F] have been together for 7 years, and we’re both veterinarians. I graduated from vet school very recently, and as such, still have some debt, although thankfully it’s not nearly as bad as it is for many of my peers for a number of reasons.
Edgar’s debt has long been paid off (and his schooling was much cheaper than mine in the first place), and he makes quite a bit of money. We’re quite lucky to live in a house Edgar inherited, so our living expenses are very cheap compared to most people’s in our area and we’re largely able to spend our money how we’d like.
Our finances are largely not separate at this point. We have a joint account both of our paychecks are deposited into and a joint savings, although we also both have small personal checking accounts that we mostly use for gifts and stuff like that (we’re pretty relaxed about each other’s personal spending, so most personal stuff we buy comes out of our joint account).
One way Eddie likes to show affection is through giving gifts – both those that require money to be spent and those that don’t, and both practical things and things that aren’t. One thing I’ve told him that I don’t want him to pay for though is my student loan debt.
I know that functionally, it would be paid off faster if I let him help, but I really don’t want to feel like I couldn’t do it without Eddie’s help.
Recently, I found out that Eddie made a BIG payment to my student debt. While this is obviously helpful to me practically, I really didn’t want him to pay it at all.
I brought this up to him, and he said that since I had been complaining about it recently (which is true), he thought he was doing me a favor by paying part of it. We had a bit of an argument – Eddie apologized for paying, but he was really insistent that I let him pay it off.
Essentially, it boiled down to me wanting to pay it myself even though it’s a massive pain in the backside, and him wanting to pay it off fast so that I wouldn’t have to think about it.
We were at an impasse, and admittedly it was stressing me out, so I said that until our wedding (in November) I wanted our finances to be completely separate – that is, moving our paychecks to our personal accounts and paying things separately until then.
That made Eddie really upset, and I’m concerned that I might have gone too far. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Have you ever considered your fiance does not want to hear you complain about a debt that could be paid but you refuse because you take pride in it for some reason?
Either stop complaining about the debt while laying in bed with him or let him pay it off. Who wants to hear somebody complain about a completely fixable problem of any sort? Nobody of course. If you want to take pride in paying it back yourself then don’t complain to him like it is a problem.
He sounds like a good man who’s instincts are to fix ongoing problems. If you start to interpret that as a personality flaw you will regret it. There is nothing more bothersome than somebody who keeps problems around simply to have something to complain about.” BigsleazyG
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Once you’re married your debt and every disadvantage your debt comes with will be transferred to your partner too. Eddie did you and both your future a solid by paying off. Imagine wanting to build a nice home and have children and you can’t take out a loan because YOU ARE in debt.
All of that for pride? Lmao. You want a life together with this man but fend for yourself? Doesn’t work. Edit: that edit is wilde lmao. We did it, we got our man Eddie a nice appreciation” IntolerantCheeseFart
4. AITJ For Skateboarding While Being Financially Supported By My Mother?
“33m, I have financially taken care of my mother since my father passed away in 2016. She had moved in with me immediately. From 2016 to 2021 I took care of all of the finances. In 2021 my brother had passed away and my mental and physical health took a hit.
I ended up leaving my job (store manager) and my mom started taking over the bills. She has been paying 100% of the bills since mid 2021, before that (for 5 years) I took care off 100% of the bills.
It took the last year and a half to figure out what was going on with my health and to go through treatment and heal. But I’m on the other side and I had done the work to prove it.
The past year has been a complete 180, because I thought I was dying. I became a vegetarian, I quit drinking, I quit smoking cigars, I started exercising and I started skateboarding.
Since I have gotten as healthy as I am now, this spring I went “all in” and have been attempting to operate my lawn care business full time.
It hasn’t been panning out too well so I just landed a part time (32 hours a week night job) so I can keep working at my business and make extra money to help out. Plus lawn care is seasonal where I live so coming October, I’m out of work.
My goal is to take over financially asap so my mom can move out.
The skateboarding is apparently a huge issue. Every time I step on the board I’m taking a huge gamble with whether or not I am going to get injured to the point of prolonging this uncomfortable situation.
And by that I mean, if I break and arm and can’t work she will most likely have to help me out. The last few days have been heated debates. She feels that I am being selfish by skateboarding. Full disclosure, in the past 2 years I have sprained my wrist (two years ago) and pulled a calf muscle (last week).
But since my injury 2 years ago I started wearing a whole kit of elbow wrist knee pads and a helmet. As far as risk, I’m not even close to doing xgames level stuff, I mean we’re talking ollies boardslides and kickflips….
So the question…AITJ for skateboarding as an adult and risking my health, while being supported by a family member.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why you were supporting your mom financially or why she was supporting you financially, you’re both adults? It was good of her to support you when you were in treatment but the whole scenario is peculiar tbh NTJ for skateboarding tho, you’re wearing protective gear and adults are allowed to play sports and have hobbies, better to keep active and risk an injury than be sedentary (which also can lead to health problems)” Fabulous-Mastodon546
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Family helps each other out sometimes. And sometimes that can be a long time. You helped your mom out for 5 years. Did you put any restrictions on what she could do? If not it’s not fair for her to do the same.
Skateboarding and other exercise is good for your mental health as well and she’s not thinking about that. I’m almost sure the benefits to your mental health from skateboarding out weigh any physical risks. Mental health, as you have seen, can cause you to stop working just as easily and as seriously as breaking an ankle.” peachy_lemon_soda
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ based on the fact that there is just as much risk with things like going to work or something. Like, think about the risks in your lawn care business. You could get severe heat stroke, you could hit something that breaks the mower blade off and into your leg or something.
To me these are just as likely as it is for you to break your ankle skating. This coming from an ex skater. I skated all day every day from like ages 13-24. I luckily never severely broke anything from skating and I was doing near x games type of stuff.
I mean kick flip down a set of ten stairs and grinding handrails. And of course this was all under the care of my dad as I was a teenager. Pretty much just saying that if she’s worried about the risk from that then she should be worried about the risks from everything else in life.” Few-Tour9826
3. AITJ For Wanting To Attend University Far From Home To Escape Parental Dependence?
“I’m (17M) in my last year of high school and am looking for unis. My parents want me to go to one within the state so I can at least come back during the weekend but I’m looking to go to one across the country to just be as far away from home as possible.
I know/think I sound like a brat but no, I love my parents a lot. They did the best they could raising a child with severe ADHD but I think the root of my wanting to move away is due to their dependency on me at the moment.
Ever since I was young, they would often come to me for literally any favors: be it sending emails, chores, or inquiring about financial stuff. I would help out because English isn’t their first language and they’re not really proficient but it has been bothering me since it feels quite overwhelming.
Anytime I think I have free time, I’m expected to help them out with any favors they ask and I’m not allowed to say no because I still live with them.
I have a younger brother (16M) who never asks for help because they claim he’s “slow-witted” and don’t trust with these things I’m just a sharper person overall but it kind of frustrates me because ultimately, I’m constantly the one who has to use my free time to help them.
This has led to countless arguments whenever I’m quite reluctant to assist them in whatever they’re asking for. So right now, I’m looking at uni options that are just further away, just to give myself a few months-long breaks away from my family and then I can come back and stay with them during summer breaks.
Recently at a family gathering, I shared with my cousins (who I thought I could trust) about where I planned to go and why I was looking to go so far away to another state. He apparently did not think it was right that I thought this way because he ended up telling my mother’s sister who in turn, told my parents about my plans.
So now, they’re mad and are telling me they won’t be paying their share for my accommodation unless I choose one that was closer and claimed I was being ungrateful.
I have a part-time job so accommodation is something I can afford but I was sort of relying on my parents to pay their share so I don’t have to take a heavy hit on my life savings… so now I’m not sure if I should just give in and choose a university that is closer.
But I really don’t think I’m in the wrong for wanting to get away from my family to study.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… They choose to come to this country and start a life and open more doors for you and your brother and it feels like they are closing those doors by not allowing you to spread your wings… Is better if you take time away from them, but is more important to let your parents know why you doing it and for them to understand you are not responsible for their limitations, they need to understand you have to open your own path and be responsible for your own future.
(They can’t control you and they shouldn’t force you to stay) And that doesn’t mean you will abandon the family that means you open more doors for them. I wish you the best.” Leangry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Assuming you’re in the USA, look for out of state colleges that give good merit aid so you don’t need to rely on your parents.
Some smaller liberal arts colleges give full rides if you have the grades. You’ll likely still need your parents to fill out the FAFSA so you can’t completely burn that bridge. If the only way you can attend is to go to the nearby college, just don’t come home on the weekends.
Once you’re 18, colleges can’t give out your personal info to them unless you sign a form giving special permission. So just live your life as if you were far away and say you’re busy studying. I don’t recommend taking out tons of student loans or using your life savings.” everestmonkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like they want you close so they can continue with the ‘favors.’ I would be worried they are setting you up to take care of them as soon as you get a decent job. Them and brother. They’re already attacking you for being ungrateful for wanting a normal life.
That will continue and escalate.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Shutting The Door On My Roommate During An Argument?
“So for some background, I (26F) live in an upstairs area of a home where there are three bedrooms and a kitchenette. I occupy one room, and two other female strangers in the others. One of them is my 64F roommate.
I haven’t had much conversation with her.
The few times we spoke, she has:
– Politely asked me to shut my doors quieter (reasonable, I obliged)
– Demanded I bring my partner over less because she doesn’t want him around (We only share the common spaces, like the bathroom and kitchenette, so I told her he wouldn’t use the kitchen and the bathroom only as needed.)
– Got an email from my landlord stating that she said my partner has been staying over pretty much every night.
This last one was rough. My partner (25M) is only over a couple of times a week and he has only spent the night a total of three times, during my almost one year lease here.
And I have texted her each time to communicate this, and have the texts. So I’m not sure where that accusation came from. The email stated he would be added to the lease, pay back rent, and pay an additional rent cost. I declined this obviously because he has not been staying over.
My landlord recommended we talk to each other so I knocked on her door and asked if I could talk to her. She said ‘no you may not’. As I started to respond and she said ‘LALALALLA’ really loudly through the door so she couldn’t hear me.
I dropped the topic. This was about 2.5 weeks ago.
Presently, she moved my hand towel off the rack above the toilet to place her own there. (Even though mine has been there 9 months now). I moved mine to a different place.
Today my partner came over and accidentally used her towel in the bathroom.
(Because it was in the spot mine has been months) She knocked on my door about five minutes later and said ‘why is my towel wet?’ I said ‘I don’t know’ and closed the door. (I didn’t at the time know he had used it) My partner thinks I shouldn’t have done that.
About 5 minutes later she comes to my door and yells through it ‘I’m glad you feel good about harassing an old lady with stage 3 breast cancer going through chemo, makes you look REALLY good.’ I didn’t respond. She’s never told me this. My partner thinks that shutting the door exacerbated the situation.
I’m not sure what I’ve done to her as we’ve only communicated a total of less than 4-5 times. And I don’t think I’m harassing her. AITJ for shutting the door on her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are paying for that space as well.
It seems like your roommate is going through a lot, which is understandable, but the actions are not excused. The fact that she is not willing to talk either is frustrating and unacceptable when you want to calm the situation. She seems lonely and miserable and is taking it out on you to make her feel better” awkwardsilencd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she seems like a miserable person to start and is just using the cancer to justify it, considering she’s just now bringing it up. I’d look into finding a new place as soon as the lease is up, or seeing if the landlord is ok with you subletting to someone and moving out.” Codas91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds crazy. Ignore the people saying your bf is there too much, you have a right to guests and you’re being perfectly considerate about his presence. Who tf cares if the hand towel in a shared bathroom is damp. You can’t reason with boomers like this, I think ignoring her until you can move out is the best bet” User
1. AITJ For Not Forcing My Son To Visit His Father?
“My ex(37m) and I (28f) have a 9 year old son. I left him when our son was 4. We get along most of the time now, but we have arguments every once in a while that can get out of hand. For the past couple of months, my son has not wanted to go to his visitations with his father.
He just says he doesn’t feel like leaving the house and is just not interested. Today was the 4th time he started telling me he did not want to go.
I called my ex and told him that he still doesn’t want to come and asked him what he wanted me to do.
He immediately lost it on me and started calling me names and threatening me. He accused my partner and me of turning his son against him, which is not true at all. I have never talked to my son negatively about his father ever and have always encouraged them to have a relationship, and they have a great relationship.
He threatened me with court, said awful things, so I asked him what I was supposed to do about it and told him I can’t just throw him in your car. I have been getting bombarded with really terrible texts since this has been going on.
He wanted to come and talk to our son and I told him that was fine as long as they talked on the porch because he isn’t allowed in our house. He took this as me not letting him see him. I told him he could see or talk to him anytime as long as he asked me before coming over, and doesn’t come in my house, and he can call him whenever he wants.
I have talked to my son several times and he is not interested. I convinced him to go to dinner with him once and it was fine. I thought that would be the end of it but no. There has never been any mistreatment towards my son and I don’t believe this is some bigger issue as some of you are probably wondering.
I have told my ex it is probably a phase and that it won’t last. My partner has to travel for work and I think my partner and my son being buds and my partner being back for a while, is a factor. My father thinks I should “force” him by threatening him with punishment and my partner thinks I should be more stern and tell him that he is going.
It just feels wrong, but I also don’t want my son’s relationship with his father to weaken.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Ex blowing up like this is not okay but you have a duty to maintain your custody arrangement until the kid is old enough to have a proper say about it in court.
There were times I didn’t want to go to my dad’s too as a kid out of exhaustion for the trip and general laziness and as an adult I’m grateful that my mom made me go anyway instead of letting me hurt my dad for something that had nothing to do with him as a parent.” raviary
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk- if you have a custody agreement, this could fall back on you. You need to force him to go. Also you need to find out why he isn’t interested or not wanting to go all of a sudden.
Because he said he doesn’t want to leave the house, why? Because he said he is not interested, major WHY? If you keep letting him not go, he is going to continue not going. At this age and into the teens, I didn’t want to leave the house either all the time.
when one of my parents wanted to go to the store or like go anywhere really, I always would say no I don’t want to go. Because I didn’t want to leave the house. Because I’d rather stay home and have all my stuff to do than go grocery shopping.
It’s normal. He needs to go unless there is an actual serious reason for him not to.” Lemonhead_Queen
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The key thing to do is understand why he doesn’t want to go. It could be for several things, or he could have undiagnosed depression as an indicator is withdrawal. Perhaps a talking therapy, or him talking to someone who is impartial may be the best step.” [deleted]
