People Feel Cowardly In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Changing Our Holiday Dates For My Concert And Ruining My BFF's Plans?
“My BFF (17f) and I (17f) have been friends for almost ten years, and we have always spent holidays together in the same place for about three years now.
Last year was the best holiday of our lives.
We spent a month at the seaside without any of our parents, we made a lot of friends and everything, and she found a place in Scilla (the town where we are staying) where to take refuge and be happy, far from her family problems.
Therefore, she is now very attached to the place and her dream is to spend as much time as possible there during the three months of holidays. We have always talked about being able to stay there for two months and not our usual month.
This year my family is a bit messed up with money, and so I told her that if we wanted to stay in Scilla longer, we couldn’t have flown down but taken the bus, which cost me much less and therefore saved me money to be able to buy me the maintenance of two months of holidays.
She wasn’t happy about this, saying that I was forcing her to go on a very long trip (my parents told me that without her, they wouldn’t have let me go on the bus alone).
All this was then discussed and clarified by December last year.
Then in February, I discovered that my favorite group, who had never come to my country, would be doing a concert in my country. Not only that, it would be the first date since their debut in my country and the only date on the continent throughout 2024, so no small occasion.
Having heard the news, I immediately told her that I would try to buy tickets.
Usually, we always had the holiday last from June 20th to July 20th, but the concert would be held on July 12th, and I couldn’t afford an extra return trip to leave and return from the holiday home, so I told her that the dates of the holiday should have been moved from June 10th to July 10th.
She got mad and told me that I was selfish and only thinking about myself and that I had ruined her vacation and blah blah. At this point, I told her she was being immature. In the end, I went to my concert and had a blast, and she arranged another way with her partner (the problem with the new dates and that she wouldn’t be able to live without him for three months), and we haven’t spoken to each other for months now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your friend is bullying you to follow her idea of the “ideal” holiday. But no two years are the same – other things might come up, finances might be tight,… Also, why do you ‘have’ to go to the exact same place?
My wife and I make it a rule to never go to the same location twice – we see a lot more of the world because of that! I understand you had an amazing holiday last year. And you could potentially have an even better one this year!
But it doesn’t have to be a carbon copy of last year’s…!” Adventurous_Byte
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You get that you selfishly changed y’all’s already-decided plans, right? Like, I get this is your family’s house, but you wouldn’t have even been able to go without her.
Also, you acting like you should get credit for not charging her to stay in your family’s home is weird.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister Who Won't Respect My Baby Name Decision?
“I (24f) am one of four kids. My siblings are Dylan (32m), Evie (29f), and Hannah (27f). This post is about Hannah.
I’m the first of us to have children, and Hannah, while not a mom, is obsessed with names. She has joined forums to give advice on naming kids. Anyone asks her opinion on a name, and she goes into overdrive, and depending on the name will insult the name, the person who wears the name or likes the name and imply that the name should be criminal, or she will tell the person how amazing it is and will set the child up for success and be praised by everyone they ever meet.
I’m not sure she has a middle ground.
Once Hannah learned I was pregnant, she asked my husband and me about names we liked and whether we wanted her help. I said a very firm no and told her no name would be shared until the baby was born and the name is official. Hannah suggested very strongly that this would be a terrible idea.
I told her we did not want people interjecting or interfering in the name choice.
The name my husband and I chose for our daughter is a name Hannah insulted heavily on more than one occasion. The name is Lyra. Dylan’s partner mentioned how sweet she thought the name was and how it reminded her of the character Lyra from His Dark Materials.
My sister told Dylan’s partner that she should learn the proper naming procedure and had to be shut down by Dylan because she was going overboard. Dylan’s partner isn’t even pregnant, and there has been zero talk of kids so far, so it was Hannah being way too over the top.
Hannah pressured to find more info on the name. She pestered me non-stop and accused me of picking a name that would set my child up for a lifetime of shame. I told her she was too extreme, and she responded that I could very well tell her the name and let her decide for herself.
I told her to drop it, and if she keeps pushing or if she tries to find out the name in other ways, she can forget about being invited to my baby shower, and she can forget about being invited to meet the baby without a very sincere apology, and I will need proof of her understanding.
My husband and I decided to set up a fake name for her to find if she did go snooping, and sure enough, she did. She went ballistic over the name choice, and I told her she had done what I told her not to do and that she was warned. My sister said not inviting her would be a jerk move.
My parents also think I should still invite her and that I’m blowing this out of proportion. They say a fight over names is not a good reason to exclude a family member.
WIBTJ if I follow through and don’t invite her?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. She sounds obnoxious, opinionated, and obviously not true to her word. Don’t invite her and go NC or LC. Say to your parents and sister the same as was suggested in another comment, it is causing you stress, not good for the baby. If they still object, say you will be going nc or lc with them too if your sister’s invitation is more important to them than your well-being and that of the baby.
Threaten NC, I bet the prospective grandparents will shut up with their objections at the thought of no contact with the first grandbaby.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister is a gigantic jerk. I can’t believe no one has ever told her off well enough to put her in her (silent) place.
She has no business ranting at strangers. I mean sure, sometimes it’s a r/tragedeigh and the parent has picked something beyond awful (like the mother who named her daughters Chlamydia and Gonorrhea because the names looked pretty). But even then, at most, you give a concerned sentence and then move on.
You warned your sister. She did it anyway. Screw around and find out. She’s just unhappy she’s in the find-out phase. And I wouldn’t let her near Lyra without an apology and an absolute solemn promise to never start going off about the name. And if she still says something about the name?
Visits over. Congratulations on your pregnancy!” User
19. AITJ For Calling My Wife A Spoiled Brat For Relying On Her Dad's Decisions?
“My wife (35F) and I (35M) have been together for 10 years, married 5. We grew up completely different.
She’s the only child of a surgeon father. Her mother died when she was 2 and it was her and her father for most of her life. He remarried when she was 17. He’s wealthy, sent her to private school, paid for her college, and when we met a decade ago he was still paying her rent, even though she had a solid job.
I come from a poor family. But we both have pretty good jobs and make around the same amount of money now.
She is such a daddy’s girl and it’s been affecting our relationship. Anytime she wants or needs something, she goes to her dad first. And sometimes it’s about things I could help with.
I work in tech and back when we started seeing each other, she was starting grad school and she asked her dad “What laptop should I get?” I told her I actually work in the field (which she already knew) and could easily answer that and get her what she needed and she just kind of shrugged. Okay fine.
These little things have happened throughout the last decade. But, there have been bigger issues recently.
Last year, she decided she needed a new car. I disagreed. Her car is fine and she works from home and barely drives. She was adamant, though. About a month later, she tells me she’s getting a new car.
I told her we need to make these decisions together and we share finances and this is a major purchase. She says, “Oh, my dad is buying it. He said we can just sell mine and get some extra money.” I told her it’s kind of ridiculous to ask her dad to buy her a brand new car when she has a perfectly good one and we don’t need it anyway.
She got upset and said it was not that big of a deal her dad didn’t mind and that the car “wasn’t that expensive anyway.” She said I was overreacting and that it was okay for her dad to do nice things for her. She got a brand new 2022 car completely paid for by her dad.
And we sold her old one.
Now, we are buying a new house. We’ve finally narrowed it down to two options. We were discussing it last week and my wife says “Oh, I don’t think House A is good; my dad said he thinks we could do a lot better in our budget.” Before she talked to her dad, she LOVED House A.
So, I got a bit frustrated and said it didn’t matter what her dad thought because this is our family’s home and he wouldn’t be living there. She got angry. We started arguing. We both said mean things. I called her a spoiled brat and said she needed to grow up and she got upset and slept in the guest room and has it been a few days and we have barely spoken.
She said I was “so mean” to her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You just sound super insecure about her Father. Take a moment to reflect, you’re on the internet complaining she asked her Dad for advice on a laptop. You’re jealous. That’s all there is to it and it’s pathetic.
Instead of worrying about her relationship with her Father and calling her names why aren’t you using rich FIL to your advantage? Like you actually started a fight over her getting a new car neither of you had to pay for. Just insane.” Burning-Bunghole
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like you want her to take your advice on everything and not her dad’s. It might be that she grew up not wanting anything and seemingly still doesn’t, but you have been with her for a long time so it’s not as though you haven’t been aware of it.
If he is willing to fund stuff then just enjoy it as most people would be quite happy with someone buying them a new car.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I cannot fathom all the YTJ’s. She’s married to you; things should be discussed between you two.
She doesn’t get the answer so she runs to Daddy to get what she wants. Just start doing the same with respect to opinions about things, ‘Ah, well, I spoke to my parents and they think this, so we’re not going to do that anymore.’ Or ‘I spoke to my parents and they think I should spend my money on this, so that’s what I’m going to do.’ Sometimes people need a mirror reflected on them.
She clearly does not respect you, your opinion, or your marriage. I would suggest marriage counseling to work through both your issues.” Tasty_Doughnut_9226
18. AITJ For Lowering My Uber Rating And Blocking My Driver Over A Miscommunication?
“So to start, I’m disabled and have chronic pain. I also cannot drive due to another disability (working on learning w accommodations tho), so I have to walk to work when I can tolerate it, which is only 15 minutes.
Some days tho, I can’t tolerate it at all. So I order an uber. It said I was going to be early when I placed it. Perfect!
It was still a couple of minutes away when my Uber driver called me. I didn’t know it was them, but when I picked it up and said hello, they said, “It’s your Uber driver, I’m here.” So I said, “Okay, and that I’d be right out.” But when I checked the app, they were still at the front gate.
Keep in mind, the gate is always open and there is no code or anything needed.
I thought they couldn’t find my building, so I called again and asked them if that was the case. They seemed annoyed and said, “No…? I’m at the front gate.
You need to walk here,” and hung up. So I walked over there, which took me almost five minutes, which they could’ve left by.
I thought I was too late when I was approaching because they started driving away into the apartment complex right next to mine, which is the opposite of the map.
So then I called again and let them know that I was at the front gate and was wondering where they were. Eventually, they came back after another few minutes of waiting.
By the time I got in the Uber, literally fifteen minutes had passed, so I could’ve already been to work if I had to walk and stand in the heat anyway.
Thankfully, they didn’t try to talk the entire ride, and I was just very frustrated and already in pain before work. But I’m not one to be rude, so I never let it show. I know people have their days. I do think I might be the jerk just because they couldn’t know I was disabled, but a lot of disabled people rely on Uber rides, and can’t/shouldn’t be walking/waiting up to ten minutes in 110 degrees.
Also, I didn’t even rate them 1 star at first; I rated 3 because I know it’s how they make money, and it might be their only income. But when I tried getting a ride home after work, the same person accepted it! So I canceled and looked up how to block him.
If you rate 1 star, they can’t see your ride requests anymore. So I lowered the rating and rebooked. I also feel like I should’ve called again to request they drive all the way to my building. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ literally could’ve just asked the dude to drive up to where you wanted him to be and there would’ve been no issues” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you rated him poorly when he didn’t deserve it, just to make things easier on you. Being disabled doesn’t give you the right to not give him a chance to go to your building, or to rate him 1 star for something he clearly did not know.
When he was driving around to find you, we were trying to help locate you, and in no way being the jerk. Fix the rating and stop ruining his job.” val_kaye
17. AITJ For Refusing To Front $2000 For My BFF's Wedding Bar Tab?
“I (f28) am a bridesmaid for my BFF’s (f29) wedding which is in two days. We have known each other since college and we have had a pretty good relationship thus far (I am the only bridesmaid that isn’t family).
I heard from BFF several weeks ago that she was having money problems with paying the deposit for the wedding venue, but she managed to resolve it. I had mentioned that if she had told me earlier, I would have been willing to front $1000 on my card to help secure the venue and to keep the wedding from being canceled. But she said it was fine and that she had it figured out.
Well, literally a week before the wedding, she asks me to do a bunch of small last-minute tasks to help out with the wedding. I was fine helping and told her several months ago I’d like to help, and was happy to offer my expertise.
I was asking for her approval each step of the way and basically got the sense that she was putting a lot of stuff together last minute and didn’t have much time to weigh in on the work I put together. Understandable as I know how events work, and there’s always a rush closer to the event.
Well, I put in a lot of hours the week before the wedding with all the requests she had (editing/printing images/photos). It was definitely work that, had she hired someone, would have cost a lot, but I did it for free as a courtesy.
Well, I am working late in the night doing some wedding graphics for her, 2 days before the wedding. Basically, I got a text around midnight that she wanted me to front $2000 on my card for the booze bill for their wedding, and that they would pay me back the following week.
To be frank, I was feeling disappointed and extremely hesitant. Already feeling a bit rushed helping her out with all this other wedding stuff, I just didn’t expect a super casual text about this much money. Not even a phone call, or just asking me at a time when I don’t feel the pressure of the wedding coming.
I think I felt bad for mentioning several weeks ago that I was willing to help pay for the venue to keep the wedding from getting canceled, but I was not expecting to help out with the booze just two days before the wedding. I’m feeling a bit blindsided, and also the booze isn’t going to prevent the wedding from happening, it just might not make the event as fun.
My partner thinks even if they say they will pay me back, he said I should consider that money gone if I give it to them. I’m just stressed out, I’m planning to tell her that I can’t help out due to the last-minute circumstances, but knowing how desperate she is, I feel like the jerk for putting her out like this.
WIBTJ for not paying for the booze bill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d probably say something like, “Hey, sorry, after all the last-minute things I’ve picked up I’m a little tapped out right now. I know I originally said $1,000 could be contributed but when you declined I budgeted that towards something else and I just don’t have the funds right now?” Hefty-Arm-4594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your partner is a smart man; absolutely kiss that money goodbye if you agree to “front” it to her. Your friend is taking advantage of a very, very kind offer to prevent the wedding from being canceled. And I absolutely agree with your distinction here that you offering her money to secure the venue and allow the wedding to still happen is completely different than her asking for double the money for a non-essential wedding element, 2 DAYS before the wedding happens.
Maybe she panicked realizing at the last minute that she didn’t have the money, and I hope this is not normal behavior for her. That said, I definitely think it’s a totally inappropriate ask, and it seems like she was hoping to guilt/rush you into saying yes since it’s so close to the wedding and you don’t really have much time to think it over.” neoncactusfields
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a wedding gift, I might do $250 towards the bar. That’s it. That’s all you need to do, you have already been helping her. You are not responsible for her wedding costs. If she’s concerned about a lack of money, make it a cash bar.
Otherwise, she can pound sand.” jippyzippylippy
16. AITJ For Ending A Friendship Over An Inappropriate Comment?
“Me (24F) and my husband “Jay” (23M) met a few years ago through a mutual friend “Tom” (26M).
Jay and Tom are from the same small town, so they would meet up basically every week for a couple of drinks and a catch-up. But in the past few months, Jay and I moved about an hour away from there. However, we have both stayed in contact with friends and try to see them as often as we can.
We’ve invited Tom over to our new place a few times, but he’s always rejected the offer because it’s “too far away” and he “can’t be bothered.”
Yesterday, me and Jay were back in his hometown visiting family and decided to go to the local pub to see some friends, including Tom.
The three of us, plus a couple of others, were all having a laugh and a catch-up. Then Tom, out of nowhere, said to me very loudly, “Put your chest away, I literally cannot stop staring at them.” I was wearing a slightly low-cut top, but it wasn’t too revealing at all; not that that should matter anyway.
I was a bit taken aback. Usually, when he makes a “joke,” it’s at least relevant to the conversation and he’ll laugh afterward, but this was just a statement and completely out of the blue. It made me and a few others uncomfortable.
I was creeped out by it, and Jay was furious that his best mate would make a comment like that, especially in front of other people. We didn’t want to cause a scene, so me and Jay just left the pub to enjoy the rest of our night.
This morning, Tom asked us if we were free to hang out, so Jay decided we should tell him how we felt about his comment before we see him again. We told Tom, in a polite way, that we felt a bit uncomfortable/disrespected by his comment and would appreciate it if he didn’t make comments like that towards me again.
Usually, if Tom gets called out for making a joke/comment that isn’t appreciated, he’ll apologize immediately. However, this time, he went ballistic. He said we’re “a pair of soft jerks who can’t take a joke.” He said that he’s “not going to change” who he is (even though we didn’t ask him to; we just politely asked him not to make comments about my body).
He refused to apologize and went as far as saying that WE’RE the jerks for not spending enough time with him anymore and that we’re the problem since we can’t take a joke, and that we overreacted.
We’re now refusing to talk to Tom until he apologizes for either his initial comment or for how he reacted to us asking him not to make comments like that.
We asked another friend for their opinion, who basically said we didn’t handle it well (by not addressing it then and there at the pub and waiting until the next morning to mention it) and that it’s not worth losing Tom as a friend over.
So AITJ for potentially ending my friendship with Tom over a comment he made?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a gross comment to make about someone, especially a friend. Your other friend who claimed you should’ve addressed it in a crowd right after it happened is wild; Tom literally harassed you, that’s what comments like that are, and you could’ve waited a week to address it and you still wouldn’t have been in the wrong.
Tom was in the wrong by doing that to you. If it’s not worth losing your friendship over, then Tom should apologise and promise never to make comments like that again. He should also give you space and respect any boundaries you want to put in place afterwards.
You should also be aware that the way he reacted, calling you and your husband names and trying to guilt trip you was completely inappropriate and only makes him more of a jerk. Period.” Zarathecommunist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was super inappropriate and he’s lucky you gave him the option to apologize at all.
You are better off not being around that kind of misogyny. That being said, since you say this was super out of character, could there be something going on like substance addiction or something traumatic he’s not dealing with well? Reminds me of the personality changes I’ve seen when people develop stimulant addictions in particular.
Not that that’s your responsibility even if so, but whenever someone completely changes their personality like that, I always second guess whether something could be going on that you don’t know about. Either way though, you’re well within your rights to take a step back if he can’t even do as little as give you an apology.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If making gross comments about other people’s bodies is “who he is,” then he’s a bad person. It sounds like you and your husband make all the effort to try to still hang out with him, and it’s not reciprocated, too.
You both deserve an apology from him.” dalpaengee
15. AITJ For Insisting On Separate Checks Despite Friends Trying To Switch The Bill?
“On Saturday I 25 F went out with some friends I have had since high school and some new friends of mine. My high school friends Sam and Tina, both 25 F, and I usually get separate checks.
We all make a lot in our respective fields. I will not go into details but we live comfortably. Anyway, we get seated and Jasmine, Kimmy, and Britney 21 F. Sam’s cousins are going on about how they just got an apartment together. When the waiter comes around, I, Sam, and Tina get our separate checks.
The waiter asks if we all want our own checks, but Jasmine, Kimmy, and Britney say no.
Fast forward, we all get our food and Britney is going on about how her partner is rich and how she is so lucky. They are celebrating their new place.
Kimmy gets up halfway through and goes to the waiter. The waiter, who has been serving us for the last 2 years and has our order down, knows that I, Sam, and Tina usually get a bottle of wine and split it and get apps to split.
And he tells her to put us all under the same check. The waiter, being a saint, nods and walks away. When Kimmy gets back, she makes up a story about how she was getting his number. By the time we get the check, they have racked up over 2,000 dollars in drinks and food.
They each got steaks and lobsters, while we got pasta and salads.
When the checks come, we still have our separate checks. We pay ours and wait for them to pay theirs. The girls are looking at each other and getting sweaty. They ask Sam what is going on and how they are supposed to pay this much.
Sam, being a mom, asks why they racked up so much. They looked shocked. Jasmine and Britney turn on Kimmy and ask why she didn’t tell the waiter to put them on our checks. She then informs the whole table she did. Jasmine and Kimmy ask for a separate tab.
Britney is really agitated and asks why they did that. When it comes, Britney owes 1047. And each of the other girls owes north of 450. Once they pay and everything is settled, we leave.
Now 4 days later they have taken to Social Media about how we invited them and didn’t even help.
They said we invited them to celebrate their getting an apartment. They @ed us and everything. People were coming for us. Until Sam posted ss of them inviting themselves and told her that they have enough to pay for themselves. I just wanna know if I was in the wrong.
My Fiancé says that I am because they are younger; we should have just paid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like Kimmy tried to throw the rest of you under the financial bus and it didn’t work. The agreement was separate checks, which she tried to change without anyone knowing, which in this case is almost tantamount to theft. Waiter deserves a big ass tip for sure.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“Lol. NTJ. If they ate it, they would need to pay for it. Why do you need to subsidize their extravagant lifestyle when it was not your choice or your invitation? Ffs, they slandered you guys on social media. Make sure everyone knows that no one held a gun to their heads to ask them to order $1000 worth of food and drinks.
How much did they order to get that far anyway.” Crazy_Past6259
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m in my 40s and I’ve been going out with friends since middle school and we only split it evenly if it’s a buffet since evenly is the same price that we would pay separately, or it’s mentioned ahead of time that we’re splitting evenly.
They literally did this on purpose and I wouldn’t waste an ounce of my mental space even reflecting on that night. They intentionally did that, hoping to split it evenly so they would get the three of you to help lower their bill. It’s the same as when someone orders an appetizer and just has water and someone else orders a bottle of wine and has an appetizer, entree and dessert, and coffee and then is shocked you don’t want to go halfsies.
I’d stop being friends with these people because they’re moochers. My belief is that if you’re going out, you better be ready to pay for the whole meal that you ordered. No one should have to subsidize you.” archetyping101
14. AITJ For Not Inviting Fair-Weather Friends To Our Wedding?
“A few years ago my fiancé and I moved to his hometown.
We wanted to save money, and this town is a lot cheaper, and we still have family close by if needed. We moved into an apartment complex and we didn’t really expect to make any friends as we’re both fairly introverted, but a neighbor talked to us immediately as we were moving our stuff into the apartment.
Eventually, we kept hanging out with the neighbor, and he knew a lot of other people across the complex who my fiancé and I became friends with. We had a whole group to hang out with almost every weekend at the first guy’s apartment (ground floor).
We spent our entire lease just hanging out and drinking with them, and always hung out there. We came into the group later than most people, and we knew we weren’t the closest to everyone because of that. We first noticed this when they would make plans and not include us—which never really bothered us before, since we were the new people to the group.
Fast forward a little: my fiancé and I had a baby. We moved to a new apartment but still keep in touch with most of the people from the group. Our wedding is later this year, and we wanted to include some of this friend group as part of the wedding party and just invite them in general, because we thought they were so cool and they’re our first friends in the town.
We had a meetup recently and a couple announced their pregnancy to the group, and everyone was excited. As we all were hanging out, the other people in the group started planning a birthday dinner for someone in the group, and they all were “counting heads” to see who was all going.
They didn’t include me or my fiancé, and basically just avoided talking to us about going and never invited us at all. Normally, I would think they were all just closer or something, but iI’ve known them for almost two years and this isn’t the first time they’ve done something major and not invited the two of us.
I assumed maybe it was because we had a baby, but the least they could do is ask, right? Even if we can’t go.
Especially with the wedding coming up, we feel like the people we thought were our friends aren’t really, and they just basically humored us since we lived close.
We both soured on the group after that interaction and just felt like we didn’t even have real friends, to begin with. We don’t want to ruin our wedding, let alone pay for people who apparently don’t think of us as friends.
They’ve never shown any disdain towards us or called us out for bad behavior or anything, so I really don’t know what we did to not be included in whole group gatherings.
So, WIBTJ if we just didn’t invite them anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your wedding isn’t a plus-one event for fair-weather friends. If they can’t RSVP to your friendship, maybe they don’t need an invite to the main event!” Umiel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! At your wedding, you will be paying for dinner and drinks for each guest. Choose accordingly.
But, you could just ask them point blank what the problem is.” Free_Thinker4ever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think anyone in the group has grounds for feeling snubbed, given that you and your fiance aren’t on their guest lists for events.
Invite the people you want, and I hope you and your fiance have a lovely wedding.” Tattedtail
13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Abusive And Neglectful Mom To My Graduation?
“I am a class of 23. I am the second oldest of 6 boys. We always had a roof over our heads but we barely had food and basic supplies. Around the age of 8, I started to starve myself so that my younger brothers would be able to have full stomachs.
My mom found a man that she loved and they got married. For a little while, it was good and everyone was happy. I felt I could trust him. But sadly, I was mistaken; he turned out to be abusive not only towards my mother but me and my siblings for 10 years.
It got so bad that Child Services was called multiple times. I finally got the courage to speak up; he was arrested and was sentenced to 25 years and a life sentence for all the crap he did to me. My mom filed for divorce and I thought it would be the end of that.
A week later, my mom started seeing someone again. She would go out late nights drinking and partying. She’d left me with the responsibility of watching 5 children; not only was I 15 at this time, but I also had years of trauma. One time, she told me she was leaving for a day to go to New York with her partner.
One-day trip turned to 3 and she didn’t text me or make sure we were okay. She left us without food or toilet paper. I had to cut up shirts to wipe ourselves and take showers after we used the bathroom. My mom told me not to call anyone and not to let anyone in the house, including family, but I was left with no choice.
By the third night, I called a family friend and they got us pizza and toilet paper. I told my mom what I did. She was angry with me and got groceries and more toilet paper, and when someone came to visit, she showed off how much food she had and said she didn’t know why I lied. After that, I finally decided to move out and live with a family friend.
Fast forward to preparing for my graduation. I am the first generation. So it was very big. I knew I wanted the people who helped me through my journey to be there, including the family friend, her 3 sons, my pastor, and my brother, who is two years younger.
He’s the only person that understands me and the trauma we went through brought us closer. But when I told my mother this, she was hurt. So I changed and said if I had an extra ticket, I would give it to her. It was important that my little brother came.
She waited until later that day to tell me that neither she nor my little brother would come. I asked why and she said because she is the mother and she could do whatever. I argued for an hour about this with her, but she tried to make up excuses for why he couldn’t come, and every time I came up with solutions.
On the day of my graduation, I had gotten 9 tickets. I texted her the address and told her if she wanted to come I would save her a spot and to please bring my little brother. She didn’t respond to my texts. She never came.
My brother never showed up. I was told by family and friends to apologize and forgive her because it’s “the right thing to do.” We haven’t spoken since.”
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ. Your mum is an enabler and stood by and let her ex-husband treat you the way she did.
Whilst I sympathize with her for being mistreated also, she didn’t have to put you through what she did after splitting up with him. As for leaving you with no food or toilet paper with your younger siblings is atrocious and I simply have no words for you other than I’m sorry you and your family went through such an ordeal. Kudos to you for getting out and I’m glad you had your family friend to help you out.
Congratulations on graduating you should be proud of yourself despite everything be proud of yourself.” Lone_cookie21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I admire your courage & strength of character to survive these years. Congratulations on graduating. Invest in yourself and in building the life you deserve.
You can forgive your mother if you choose, but your brothers will be adults themselves before long. You’re not obligated to entertain toxic people when it hurts you — even your closest family. Prioritize your health and your future. Be well, OP.” aemondstareye
12. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom After A Day Of Insults And Invalidations?
“I (22 f) recently dropped out of uni due to mental health reasons (I tried to unalive myself) and came back home to live with my mother (48 f).
Before I came home, I was speaking to a mental health nurse and she suggested I get on the waiting list for an autism and adhd test because I fit a lot of the symptoms. However, when I told my mother this (who, bear in mind is a qualified nurse and has worked with disabled people for at least 25 years) she said that because I don’t act like her autistic patients or Sheldon Cooper, I couldn’t be autistic.
(Her patients were all men who were in their 60s and nonverbal).
This is also the woman who told me that I shouldn’t be on medication because “I don’t need it.” And that because they help with my sleep, I “sleep too much, I couldn’t possibly have insomnia.” I let it go because living with my mother is either a toxic as all environment or it’s rainbows and butterflies.
She seems to not understand that her child could be neurospicy, and her shouting at me and touching me when I’m overstimulated could result in me snapping.
Fast forward to me being back in my mother’s house, we had just come back from a day of shopping with my grandparents (Grandad is a whole other story) and they were asking me about what jobs I had applied for.
Idk about the rest of the planet, but the UK is crap for jobs rn, especially with the way the economy is. I said I’ve applied for at least 15, but I haven’t heard back. Cue Grandad going up to the counter in the cafe we were having coffee in and asking very loudly, “Are there any jobs going in here?
My granddaughter is being lazy.” Trying my very hardest not to cry at that.
We ended up going to a charity shop and I found a DVD I wanted (walking with Monsters for any fellow prehistoric nerds who wanna know) and Mum called me childish.
That genuinely upset me because it felt like she didn’t care about my special interest and found it stupid. We ended up back at home, and I just wanted to lie down and decompress, but I had to get the laundry in, which is fine.
I did that, but I did it wrong. So, I tried to do it right again.
Mum then told me to make sure I took my stuff upstairs, and I said I did. She didn’t hear me, so I sort of snapped and said it louder.
She then proceeded to ask, “Who do you think you’re talking to?” and “I don’t understand why you think I’m the enemy, you’re not contributing anything, living here for free. You’re lazy, useless.” So I bolted upstairs and just cried.
I know that I shouldn’t have snapped, but my Mum was really wearing me down, and I was upset and frustrated and the whole ordeal made me feel like I was gonna be sick, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry your Mum is being so mean to you. Your ‘snapping’ was saying something normal in a mean voice. If you said this for no reason, you’d be rude, but not a jerk. But you did have a reason because your family had been insulting you the entire day.
They are 100x more the jerk than you. Sending you lots of love, and I hope you’ll find a way to move out there soon” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Soft ESH. Snapping at people and being annoying is a feature of human relationships. The closer you are to someone, the more likely you’ll both share a bad day and just not have the patience for each other.
Both of you could have handled it better. Neither of you is going to look back and love your own behavior if y’all have any self-awareness. Soft ESH cuz you both acted out. Nothing to be overly ashamed of, just let the lesson be learned.” mykingsburner18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Talking in a “too loud” voice aka “snapping” when parents don’t hear you is a common occurrence in my experience, and I’m sorry to say but you’re 100% at fault. Not saying you’re a jerk, just that you’re at fault. On the same train of thought, living rent free with your parents at 22, there will be more than one case where your parents might be jerks (because they don’t quite treat you as an adult), but they will not really be at fault.
Their home, their rules, and so on… You are an adult now, “get your life together” and do what you need to do for your health. You don’t need your parents’ permission or acknowledgment to get those tests done. Get the professional help you need.” ProDavid_
11. AITJ For Telling My Mother That I Am No Longer Her Property?
“I (18f) live with my mom (60f) and my aunt (56f).
My dad passed away when I was 16, and ever since then, my mom has been an abusive heavy drinker. My aunt moved in with us a few months after my dad passed in hopes of easing the pressure off of me. My mom and I fight constantly, and her biggest argument with me is that “she lost more” when my dad died. I have two older sisters (26 & 36).
She brings this argument up with them as well, but since they’re older and don’t live with her, they don’t have to put up with it.
I am moving into my dorm for college in 6 days. Tonight we got into a fight because I had gone to my friend’s house and forgot to take the trash out.
This led to her texting me all night and eventually saying she was putting all of my stuff outside and I was cut off. I am not concerned about it because, in the last two years, I’ve been kicked out over five times. What typically happens is she will pick a fight over something minimal, and whenever I try to leave the scene, she will get rough and wait for me to react so she can call the cops and kick me out.
In the past, I’d stay with my partner, who I’ve been with for two years. She would always text me the following day and force me to come home.
With me now being 18, I understand that I no longer have to come home.
It’s also important to mention that our home went into my name when my dad passed. I have never once threatened legal action against my mother, although I definitely could have. At this point, I could completely walk away from my mom. Part of me feels bad for doing so because technically I am all she has.
I have been in therapy for the last two years and have been about 75% financially independent. I have learned that I am bipolar and have been vigorously working on myself to get better. That’s one of the reasons I’m moving away from school so that I can get better and be separated from her.
I have tried helping my mom get a therapist, but she refuses to go and instead relies on booze as her coping mechanism. I told her tonight that I am completely done with her consistent torment and mistreatment of me.
She believes that just because I’m her child, she can treat me however she wants.
Am I the jerk for sticking up to my mom and saying she has no legal ground over me? She doesn’t pay my bills. I bought my own car; the house is in my name and I have never threatened her with kicking her out.
The only thing she pays is my phone bill and my tuition. (My tuition is being paid by my dad’s 401k which was supposed to go into my name once I turned 18, but she has yet to sign the papers.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You could remind her that if she causes a scene and calls the police, you’re the homeowner and can have her removed from your property. I’m just saying that to remind you that you actually have power here (and are an adult), so you should stop taking her mistreatment.
You could insist that she pay you rent.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, losing a loved one is horrible and I can’t imagine what losing a partner feels like at all, but I know full well how it feels to be mistreated and emotionally mistreated by a parent, and there is zero excuse.
Husband passed away? Not an excuse. Struggling with addiction? Not an excuse. I get she’s struggling and has issues to work through, but it’s still not an excuse whatsoever. She needs serious help, and if she carries on the way she does, she’ll inevitably burn bridges with you and your sisters and have no one to blame but herself.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Frequent_Dust6425
Another User Comments:
“There’s a lot of advice to take steps to remove your mother, but I get the sense you’re not at this point. Worth considering is going to college (which is soon!), straightening yourself out without toxic mistreatment in your face every day, and then seeing where you are re: the house.
Tbf, your mother is insanely abusive and I also would like to see you kick her out on her abusive ass.” Hermitia
10. AITJ For Missng My Nephews First Birthday Due To Work Obligations?
“I (24F) am a journalist, I enjoy my job, but it can be hectic.
I work for a famous news corporation; I won’t say the name for privacy reasons. I’m contracted to work 40 hours a week full-time, but sometimes I will work 60 hours a week. The hours are mainly 9 to 5, but sometimes you’ll have to work the odd weekend or do some night work.
The 60 hours can include traveling to and from places all over the country and getting all the necessary jobs done as you can’t take it home with you (I will explain why in a bit).
At work, there was an unexpected meeting. If there’s an incredible meeting, something significant is happening, and it will be a busy time.
As I was in the panel, we were informed of the work that was about to happen and that the result would last x amount of days, and the first draft must be in by y date. As it was an important project, the boss said that anyone who has any upcoming annual leave needs to push it back a bit.
We were informed of the deadline, and that’s where my sister and nephew came in.
My nephew’s first birthday is on the 19th of August when the deadline is. Because it was on a Saturday, my sister, we’ll call “Katrina” (31F) and her husband “Daniel” (31M), decided to throw a first birthday party on the day of his 1st birthday as it was the weekend.
I had some annual leave from the 19th to the 20th, but it had to be pushed back to meet the deadline. Once I got home from work, I called my sister to explain the situation. I told her that an important project had come up at work, and we’d been asked to postpone any annual leave before or on the deadline.
I informed her the deadline is my nephew’s first birthday, and I can no longer make it as I shall be working at the office.
My sister asked me if I could work from home by bringing the laptop to her place and position while attending my nephew’s first birthday.
Firstly, that’s not a good idea. Secondly, I explained to my sister that the work laptop and phone of the news corporation have to stay inside the building unless we’re staying overnight somewhere for work and that our phone must stay on so they can track us for our safety (most news corporations do this).
We’re not allowed to take them home.
Afterward, my sister called me names, jerking and moaning at me. She then went on social media and wrote a long post about how I was not coming to my nephew’s 1st birthday party. Her best friends, “partners”, as she called them, were saying I’m nothing but a complete jerk, and her reply was to agree with them.
I don’t see what the issue is as it is his first birthday and there are loads of birthdays to come, plus he won’t remember his first birthday. I think I may be the jerk here because she’s upset that I’m not going, but then I wonder if she’s overreacting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay, enough of this! With all due respect, OP, unless that sister of yours gets into her brain that you have BILLS and TAXES to pay or learns how to pay for your things, she has no right to slander you and conduct poor judgment on the sacrifices you make to earn money.
Also, OP, the next time she texts or makes crude posts involving you, BLOCK HER OFF NOW!” MintyGreenAqua
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t stand it when people act like someone’s job is just some cute little hobby they do for fun and can blow off at any time with zero consequences.
It’s not (for most people). It’s literally your living. I would be tempted to ask your sister if she’d be willing to financially support you if you became unemployed. Maybe that will keep her quiet.” Longjumping_Hat_2672
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but she’s the jerk here, not you.
She acts as though your inability to make it were a mortal sin. It isn’t. It’s work, it’s your living, and, as you point out, the infant won’t know what’s going on, anyway. On the contrary, she thinks this is HER birthday do, and you’re flouting her demands that you be there or else.
She is entitled and narcissistic, and if I had a sister who did that to me, I would go NC on her till she repented of her selfish attitude. This demented lashing out at even close relatives who can’t be at someone’s beck and call is just outrageous.
NTJ.” RealbadtheBandit
9. AITJ For Not Noticing My Partner Wanted A Second Bite Of My Burger?
“I went to McDonald’s with my partner after a concert. We got to the McDonald’s at about 11:30 pm. Bear in mind, I last ate at lunchtime around 1–2 pm, and then immediately after work, I went straight to a concert that my partner wanted to see.
It was Sonata Arctica, a metal band which I, quite frankly, had no interest in going to, nor am I a big fan of that music, but I like going places with her and didn’t want her to be alone. Despite this not being to my taste, I’m no way was I going to ruin this concert for her by asking her to leave early.
Anyway, after the concert, we arrived at the McDonald’s, which I was starving for, as again, I hadn’t eaten since 2 pm. I asked my partner if she wanted anything, offering to pay while we were in the queue. She says, “No, just get me some fries and I’ll have a bite of your burger.” The McDonald’s takes particularly long to make for some reason, so after 10 minutes of waiting, I received my order.
We then sit down, and we are with another couple. So, there are four of us in total at the table at McDonald’s.
I immediately offer her the first bite, to which she says, “Not right now, give it to me in a moment.” I then proceeded to have my meal, where we were having a conversation with the other couple, and I forgot to offer her a bite of my burger for the second time.
Now, immediately after my burger was eaten, she mentioned how I didn’t let her take a bite of my burger, and she admitted to watching me eat this burger with the thought, “Is he going to offer me another bite?”
She was not watching me in an obvious way, as if she was non-verbally telling me to give her a bite, but she was paying attention to my progress with my burger.
So, my partner was annoyed at me because she didn’t get a bite of my burger, I did offer, to get another one as I could have eaten a bit more anyway, but she refused. However, I am annoyed because she knows that if she or anyone really ever asked me for some of my food, I would always say yes with no problem at all.
I also originally did offer her the first bite of my burger, which she denied, and wanted a bite of my burger somewhere later on in my meal. I’m also even more annoyed because she was watching me eat my burger despite all of this, and still refused to ask me for that bite once I had already started that meal. My point is that this could have been prevented if she just asked me for that bite, rather than watching me finish it so she could be mad at me.
Like, I get this is kinda something partners should not do, but logically it has me questioning it, so yeah, I would like everyone’s opinions and/or questions.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
NTJ. You offered, she declined. She watched you eat the burger without saying anything, then got mad at you.
If she wants something, she needs to learn to be a big girl and say something. It would have been very easy for her to say “Don’t forget my bite” or “Can I have that bite now.” Aethermist88
Another User Comments:
NTJ. Partners, partners, or any partner should not turn down an offered bite and then make their partner responsible for remembering to offer it again during consumption.
They want a bite; then they can ask before it’s gone, and it’s their responsibility to keep track of that. I’m a Joey on the topic of food sharing in most cases, and this kind of nonsense is one of the reasons why.
Another User Comments:
NTJ. She is doing some tests with you. You offered, and instead of using her words like an adult, she watched you eat it and said nothing. Logically, you offered. Logically, she has the ability to ask for what she wants.
I’m willing to wager she has a habit of testing you in other ways, not saying anything, then bringing it up later, then trying to make it out to be your fault. cuervoguy2002
8. AITJ For Sharing Evidence Of A Creepy Stalker With The Girl He Obsessed Over
“I’m going to this out right away so you know exactly what kind of post this will be. I had a friend who was friends with a coworker in 2020. She was 18 and he was 25. He was in love with her and she had a partner.
In early 2021, he went up to her and said something along the lines of “I see you as more than a friend and can’t talk to you anymore if you’re still seeing that guy,” and she said “OK,” and stopped talking to him.
A year later, she broke up with that guy, and he went to ask her out and she said, “No. I never wanted to see you,” and he said, “Have a crap tier life,” and that was the last conversation they’ve had.
Since then, he’s convinced himself that she’s actually still in love with him and that she’s just confused. He thinks she’s gonna show up at his house someday and confess her undying love for him.
At some point, he went from delusional to downright creepy.
He’s convinced the blue-gray Subaru that he sometimes sees driving past his house is hers, so he set up a camera in his yard to take pictures of license plates that drive past to confirm it’s her.
He left his page on her profile so we could use the “less than 1 mile away” feature to drive around that location to find her. I have proof of all this.
For a while, I thought it was a phase that he’d eventually get over, but after two and a half years since they stopped talking and his desperation got more insane, I eventually called him out.
Once he realized I wasn’t on his side and had all this evidence against him, he threatened me, saying that if I ever tell her, I’d live to regret it. We haven’t talked since.
He’s been posting weird stuff on SocialBook that is clearly directed at her, like “My door is always open, all you have to do is knock,” and “People from your past always come back.
Always.” Most of it is stupid fluff, but the one from last week set me off. “If there’s something you want more than anything and people keep telling you not to want it, that thing is more important than those people are.” I responded, “This ‘thing’ you want is a human being.
Get over yourself and stop pining for a girl who rejected you years ago. You are an actual joke of a person.” He deleted the entire post after this.
I was telling my cousins about the situation, and one of them said I should warn this girl about the things this guy has been saying.
I told her about the threats he made, and she said that if it were her, she would definitely want to know, and also that he’s threatening people not to tell her the truth. She basically said I’d be the jerk if I didn’t tell her.
Is it worth digging up old drama based on a guess that the meaning of a vague SocialBook post is about this girl he likes?
Will I be the jerk if I send her some of the screenshots?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – seriously send them – she needs to know she has a creepy stalker – there is no telling when his behavior might escalate – she needs to be aware of this.
She might not be able to do much about it now, but if she needs to establish a pattern of behavior, this evidence might be very useful to her.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t send them and something bad happens, you’ll feel guilty.
If you do send them, you’re putting that girl on notice and giving her ammo to (hopefully) protect herself. The only downside is you’re probably gonna have to be wary of this nutjob focusing his energy on you… It’s a crap situation. Good luck, though.” PatrickBateman1738
7. AITJ For Booking A Party Holiday Without Our Flaky Friend?
“Me and my friends are facing a dilemma.
We have a friendship group of 7 (all F20). We have been trying to plan a holiday for a while and we have never been on holiday together before. 6 of us all like similar things and want to drink while we are away and go clubbing etc while our friend, let’s call her G, doesn’t drink and prefers staying in/tourism activities.
Some background on G: She does struggle with mental illness and an eating disorder and we are mindful of that. We are worried she may be triggered while we are there and be uncomfortable during the stay. She’s also a gluten-free vegan with many stomach sensitivities which makes her limited to activities like eating out at restaurants.
She also has stopped drinking/smoking and does not enjoy it anymore.
Also, when trying to plan this holiday, she is being super unresponsive, but she usually is. She has the group chat we’ve been planning the holiday in on mute. She is even being unresponsive to the girl in the group whom she is closest to, and that girl has tried to ft and text her and she’s ignored it or takes weeks to respond.
We asked if she was ok with us clubbing without her and she initially said she didn’t mind, but then said she would get mad if we came home wasted and woke her up, so she wrote us a paragraph on the GC pretty much deciding to not come on the holiday.
A few days later, she changed her mind and decided to come on holiday and asked that one of us stay at the hotel with her while the others go clubbing so she feels safer. The problem here is that, obviously, all of us want to go clubbing apart from her and we don’t want her to feel left out, but we’ve made it clear our intention is a party holiday vibe + swimming/beach.
We told her that all of us want to go clubbing most days so she most likely won’t have someone with her at the hotel.
None of us have seen her in months because she agrees to come to plans and then just ignores texts and doesn’t show up.
We’re all at uni in different cities, so it’s quite hard to coordinate meetings. We planned to go out one day to talk about the holiday and she didn’t turn up or tell us why she decided not to come. We still don’t know why she didn’t turn up.
The problem is, if we booked it without her, I think she would be upset and feel left out perhaps. But it is hard to get in contact with her. But at the same time, she knows we are planning a holiday and ignored our GC despite her posting on Instagram and saying previously she does want to come.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just book without her. I planned a large girls’ trip a while back, and there is always one person who insists on the trip catering to them versus being willing to reasonably compromise. It only gets worse on the actual trip, and while I get wanting to be kind and this person being a friend — it doesn’t seem like they’re much of a friend to any of you.” Agreeable-Tale9729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve all made good efforts to include her. She isn’t at all involved in the planning process and is being flaky about her decision. If you do continue to try to include her, and she attends, there’s a high probability that she would be extremely uncomfortable (not interested in the same activities, not able to eat) and/or the rest of you would be annoyed (if she guilts you to change your plans to suit her needs/wants).
I could definitely foresee a situation where all of you are hungry and standing outside a restaurant while she insists you need to keep looking for a different one because she can’t eat anything at the one you’re at. It’s unfortunate but this trip isn’t a good fit for her.
Instead, continue to invite her to activities that might be a better fit.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t sound like she and the rest of the group would enjoy traveling together for this trip since you don’t enjoy the same activities. Perhaps let her know in writing that this trip will consist of activities X, Y, and Z.
You will all be enjoying these activities and nobody will be left behind just because she does not wish to participate in the planned and expected activity. If she decides to join you, you would need her deposit by (set a date). I would expect her not to even respond, and the deadline will pass.
However, if she later does claim you all left her out, you can remind her that she didn’t give you the money and you couldn’t therefore use it to save her space. If she suddenly becomes more responsive than normal and actually pays for space and shows up, she can’t deny knowing in advance what you all had planned. You all just have to decide would you rather leave her out now, or leave her out of the activities she doesn’t want to do once you are there and pick the decision that is least disagreeable to you.” latents
6. AITJ For Getting Upset With My SIL Over Overstaying And Damaging My Robe?
“My partner (25m) and I (23f) threw a small party last weekend for his birthday. There were maybe 15 guests: both our families came for food and just to hang out in our pool.
Obviously, there was booze as well as food and snacks for everyone. SIL got a bit too intoxicated and we offered for her to crash at our place as long as she could get out by noon because we had plans the next day. She agreed and thanked us for allowing her to stay instead of having to drive 3 hrs to get home.
She had no issues that night; she was very thankful to us.
She woke up around 11 the next morning. I gave her a cup of coffee and a towel for her to get in the shower. She took about an hour and a half shower (she got out around 12:30-1 pm) and walked out in my nice pink bathrobe.
I was a little upset and said, “Hey I gave you a towel because that’s my robe and it’s dirty, also it is past noon and you should really be heading home, my partner and I have plans that we need to get going on.” She said she didn’t care, and we could go out while she finished up before leaving.
She finished her coffee, proceeding to spill half of it down my robe. A bit more upset, I grabbed some paper towels and handed them to her so she could dab off the coffee. She didn’t, so she said, “Chill, it’s just a robe; it can be cleaned.” (There are stains down my robe and now I have to get a new one…)
With us arguing about the robe and how it was well past the time for her to leave, my partner finally came into the living room and asked, “What’s going on?” While we were still arguing, he asked his sister to leave, explaining that we did have plans and it was almost 2 hours after noon, even though she had agreed to leave; she finally did.
He then proceeded to basically yell at me, saying we are a host to her and need to make her comfortable as much as possible. He called me rude for getting mad at her for no reason and said that I needed to apologize. Over the week, she told everyone in our family that I kicked her out for no reason and that I was being rude to her the whole time she was at our house.
Family members have been calling me to yell and scream about how I was so kind to let her sleep there but not kind enough to let her stay as long as she needed. Am I the jerk for getting upset that she overstayed her visit and used my bathrobe?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When someone graciously allows you to stay over so you don’t have a long night drive home, it would be appropriate to leave on time as originally asked/informed of as they are leaving at a set time the next day.
Also, I would never just go ahead and grab another person’s robe to wear, especially if they were given a towel & shower options already. Wearing someone’s personal robe is icky. Sorry, maybe that’s just me. Op, ya may want to have a calm, deep conversation with your partner about what is partner’s expectations going forward in situations like this.
And then, from there, decide if you are willing to live with that for the long haul.” Beneficial-Text157
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- in my opinion, if you agree to leave someone’s house at a certain time then you should leave at that time. Also, I was raised to not touch anyone’s things if I wasn’t handed it.
Don’t know where the robe was, but if I was given a towel I’d use the towel. SIL needs to learn guest etiquette, but you could have maybe not said anything about the robe. I mean, it is just a robe.” lilwolfie420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ really. I would have letmy partner handle his sister though. Weird how he switched up from telling her it’s time for her to go, as agreed, and then yelling at you for doing the same. I get a little ticked off over the robe period, but the coffee should come out in the washer with stain remover and detergent.
I’d definitely be telling everyone my side of the story here and what was agreed upon.” jacksonlove3
5. AITJ For Confronting A Manager Over A $2 Tip And Causing My Best Friend To Be Overcharged?
“I (f30) went out with my friend Ka (f30) to the movies. We have busy work schedules and this was to celebrate her birthday. The movie ends at 5:35 but we want to catch up. Laredos Grill nearby opens at 5 pm.
We enter with another family. There’s only us besides 4-5 servers we see standing by the entrance. I order a plate of fries and Ka gets a chicken fajita/rice, 2 drinks each. 20 minutes, the family that came in with us leave so it’s just us 2 and the workers.
Throughout this time, servers keep asking us for anything else. 6:10-15 rolls around, and there’s no relenting; so we realize they want us to leave. My fries and drink were $10.13 and K’s was $13.23.
Like an adult, I bought the Barbie tin and only had $13 in cash after that.
Another server comes back and hands me my $2 and change, but I don’t have anything else on me; so I just say they can keep it. Cue, “Really, just $2 in change?” Ka realizes faster than me during this, but when she gets her card back she also gets an electronic ping from her bank that they didn’t just charge her $14.
It was now $23. Then Ka hears them saying, “Look here comes the two Ms. $2.”
Ka knows I won’t stand for either I or my friends being harassed, so she hurries me out. She tells me this later when at our homes they were bad mouthing us and why she rushed me outside before I could process it.
Ka’s upset about being charged more, but accepted the loss so long as I didn’t get hurt right there confronting all of them for both of us. She didn’t want to tell me, but she didn’t want me going back anymore.
I hesitated, but finally called to ask why they did this, and (skin-crawlingly) asked for their boss. When he gets on, I only manage to get out, “Hey, I didn’t appreciate your servers being rude to my friend and me. If they have some issues, they shouldn’t take it out on customers.
I tried my best—”
I am then cut off to: “Oh, you’re the one of them that left a $2 ‘tip’. We expect customers to pay them 15 percent. So let’s just say you’re a POS and you should be told you’re a POS because there’s nothing wrong with the workers and you should learn how to give correct tips.
I don’t want to hear anything else from someone like you and glad your friend had money to charge unlike you—” More screaming I can’t hear because I’m like, “Wow, you really tell people they’re a POS for $2 and it’s okay for you to harass people?” He hangs up.
I cried. I felt worse because I didn’t have more money; I caused my friend on her birthday to be charged double. I’m still a wreck over it.
AITJ – for $2 tip? For calling about the harassment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not deserve to be harassed, mocked, or yelled at for leaving a $2 tip.
The restaurant staff and manager were jerks for being unprofessional, disrespectful, and dishonest. They should not insult or scam their customers; they should provide good service and food.” DannSteeler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tipping is optional. I for one refused to tip what a person earns between them and their boss.
In my state, a server is guaranteed at least minimum wage, which is $15 an hour.” buildersent
4. AITJ For Wanting My Family To Fix My Broken Bike Before I Visit?
“About 5 years ago, my (26F) brother (37M) started to work as a delivery guy for Uber Eats or another service like that. But he didn’t have his own bike and couldn’t afford one. Our parents first decided to borrow my mother’s bike, which was stolen under his watch.
As he still needed to work, our parents decided to borrow him my bike. They didn’t ask for my agreement, or even just tell me about it.
At that time, I had moved out of my parents’ house for like 6 months and was living 6 driving hours away from them.
I had phone calls with my mother about every other week, and I took the train to visit them each time I had a week off from uni.
My relationship with my parents was slowly starting to deteriorate because of a lot of stuff that happened before I moved. One day, during a regular call with my mother, she told me that my brother broke my bike.
I was surprised. She explained to me the whole situation, and she said that she and my father would pay for my bike’s repairs and then would get my brother to pay them back because he broke it.
We never talked about it again, first because I had no way to get my bike back at the time, and then because 2 years later, I ended up going NC with my parents and LC with almost everyone else in the family.
The rupture was sudden, so I haven’t been able to get back all the stuff that I had left at my parents’ house, including my bike. Last year, my parents offered to let me come to their house while they were away on vacation but warned me too late, so I couldn’t make it.
This year, I planned ahead in order to finally get my stuff back.
As it’s been so long, I asked my brother about the bike, and he told me it wasn’t fixed as far as he knows, but would ask our parents. He didn’t get back to me, so I messaged my mother about it.
She confirmed that the bike wasn’t repaired and that the repairs would cost about 80 euros.
I cannot afford it, and considering that the bike was borrowed to my brother without my consent, I consider that it’s my brother and/or parents’ responsibility to get it repaired before I go to their house so I can grab it.
Especially as they told me they would do it 5 years ago, 2 years before I cut contact with them. My parents do not agree. They said that the repairs are expensive and that as I decided to go NC with them, they don’t owe me anything now.
My brother, on his side, cannot seem to be bothered about it, even though he has a stable, well-paying job now (he brags about it quite often).
So… AITJ for wanting my bike back, and that either my brother or my parents pay for it to be fixed before I come to their place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting your bike fixed but I’m not sure after 5 years it would be the thing to prevent a reconciliation. However, the fact your parents and brother are prepared to die on that hill goes some way to explaining the NC and LC….which might soon be reinstated. Good luck.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bike was taken and damaged without your permission or knowledge. Your parents promised to fix it and then reneged on their word. Your brother should have been more responsible and respectful of your property. You have every right to want your bike back in good condition.” DannSteeler
Another User Comments:
“You’re not going to get them to fix your bike no matter what. Family doesn’t pay is the motto of many a deadbeat relative. Just write it off and stay NC with them. Incidentally, three times you said “borrow” when you meant “lend.” Your parents didn’t lend your brother your bike.
They lent it to him.” RealbadtheBandit
3. AITJ For Texting The Babysitting Family That I Won't Babysit Anymore?
“I (17F) work as a babysitter 2 nights a week for a family of 3 young ones, 3, 2, and 6mo. My shift with this family typically is from 6 pm – 2 am.
I accepted this job with the knowledge that they would be out this late, and have been working for them for about 3 months. I also work full-time at a daycare center from about (shift varies slightly) 6:45 am-4:45 pm M-F as an infant teacher. For both jobs, I am paid an hourly wage of $15 per hour.
To those who are in childcare, I have my CDA for Infant Toddlers, and I earned this in April 2023 at 17. I’ve been working for it since I was 16, and am very proud of it.
I accepted this babysitting job while I was in school during my junior year.
Initially, it was only for 2 weeks and then no more, but they had such a good time they decided to make it a weekly thing. So then, it was one night a week, 6 pm-2 am. I worked every day after school 2 – 6 pm (same daycare center), so on the days that I watched the kiddos, I would go to school from 7-2, work 2:10-6, then sit 6:15 – 2 am.
Then go to school the next day. It was tough, but it was good money for the hours and only 1x per week so I could handle it.
Unfortunately, the family continued to have a good time and decided to bump up to 2x per week.
So it became 2 nights per week, 6 pm-2 am. It was doable for about 1 week. When I was in school, it was hard enough, as I had schoolwork. But now, after a 9-hour shift hauling babies everywhere in 90-degree heat, I’m exhausted by the time I get to their house and I’m just done dealing with children.
It doesn’t help that the kids are fussy and high-maintenance. They’re beautiful children, and cute and sweet when they aren’t upset, but when they are upset I find myself constantly having to take a step back and just let them cry it out because I am so overwhelmed. I work the amount I do for a specific reason – not because I need the money, but because I love children with my whole heart.
But I don’t love these children, and I don’t love this family. I just want to cancel them every week, but I don’t want to let them down or inconvenience them, so I grin and bear it. I feel so guilty about it.
Another motivator for wanting to leave is my social life.
My friends always text me and ask to hang out, and I have to say no because I’m working. My parents ask me where I am all the time, and I say I’m working.
WIBTJ if I just texted the family and told them that I won’t be babysitting for them anymore?
I want to get out of this job so much, but I feel terrible about leaving them without a sitter for their nights out. They always tell me how amazing I am and how much they appreciate me, which makes me feel even worse.”
Another User Comments:
“You need to do what is best for you. The parents will get over it. Just be honest, tell them that you need time for yourself and something has to give. Unfortunately, babysitting for their family is what you need to discontinue in order to have the time you need to accomplish everything else you plan to do.
If you want to end it upbeat you can tell them to call you when they have a specific event they need you to babysit for (maybe a party or work dinner out), but you can’t keep them on an indefinite schedule. Edit: NTJ” DreamCrusher914
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a life outside of the babysitting and it’s not ok for them to expect you to give that up because they have a good time. Quit if it’s such a big deal; they can find someone else to babysit.
Just tell them a few days beforehand so they have some time to find someone else, and if they make an issue over it, block them and cut contact. You have a life. Go and enjoy it.” FlashySong6098
2. AITJ For Cancelling My Holiday Because My Friend Always Picks Others Over Me?
“I’ve known M for 12 years. We’ve always been good friends, although she is notoriously flaky. M lives abroad and I have to take at least a week of A/L to see her. The first time I tried to visit 2 summers ago, we planned everything, I was going to stay with her, and I got the time off.
Two weeks before I texted her to confirm the flights before I booked (they were cheaper last minute) and she told me some of her other friends had just told her they’d booked to come out at the exact time as me. And that they hadn’t given her any warning and had booked their flights… And she couldn’t possibly cancel on them.
It was easier if I didn’t go as fewer people would have to cancel…
I didn’t end up going as I’m not really friendly with those people and the whole point was to see M. The cherry on the cake was that these girls didn’t even end up visiting in the end.
I did go out last year, bringing a friend with me, and we did end up seeing M for a few days, which was nice. I’d told her over text and call that I’d be coming back to visit this summer over the August Bank Holiday.
She said cool, she’s around and she’d love for me to come. I was also going to bring a friend or two; we would get our own accommodation.
So I go to confirm flights with her this week and it’s deja vu – she tells me the same people as last time have coincidentally booked to come out at the EXACT same time as me.
So despite my confirming with her MONTHS ago when I was coming, she has once again chosen these people over me. She suggested I take another leave (lol) and come out another time. FYI, she has a summer job, but as she lives on a Greek island with her family she doesn’t pay normal bills or have to take leave like someone in a full-time job.
I think she believes this is easy to do and doesn’t appreciate that A/L is very precious, but whatever.
I’ve sent her a text explaining how disappointed I am and that I won’t be coming back out again as clearly I’m the only one putting in any effort.
She starts saying she’s “sorry how it looks like she’s picked them over me, but that’s not what happened” and that “they mentioned they were coming out, but I didn’t say you would be visiting on those dates as I didn’t think they’d come at the same time.” There are no words.
I’ve just said I’m not going to be visiting her again. Why should I bother? She came to stay with me last year and I gave up my room, planned all these things so she could meet my friends, took her to the theatre, etc., and clearly I’m investing time in a person who’s not interested in reciprocating.
I’ve just ignored her texts for now as I can’t be bothered to reply.
So AITJ for canceling any future holidays with her and potentially ending our friendship over this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your friends have tickets, so go on the trip and don’t even bother trying to coordinate with her, or cancel so long as you get your money back and do something else with these friends.
Don’t let her ruin the trip, unless still going is dependent on her in some way. And then yes, do exactly as you said. Don’t plan to go visit her again, and if she is coming to visit your area, just let her know to let you know when she lands and is free and maybe you can grab coffee.
Give her the same energy she is giving you – none. You can ghost her and cut her off completely, or just leave it at ‘I’m very disappointed in you, I won’t be coming to visit in the future’ and then stick with that. Sometimes it is easier to not fully break up, just to separate yourself from the situation and let it play out.
So my advice is to let it alone, replan your trip based on her not being available (whatever that looks like), and do not fall into this trap again. Do not plan to visit her, don’t let her stay with you or take up your time/space if she comes to your area, and see what happens.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, these are the types of friends you sometimes have to just let go of. She doesn’t value your time or doesn’t care to. You weren’t rude with her and were being honest. If she valued your friendship she’d have told these extra people ‘Sorry my other friend is coming during that time, maybe another time’.
Obviously she cares more about them than you to have done it twice.” ZealousidealNotice90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a fair-weather friend, and it honestly sounds like high time you stopped putting in the effort with her when you get sweet FA in return.” JaneDoe_83
1. AITJ For Urging My Best Friend To Dump Her Untrustworthy Partner?
“I’m only 16, so I don’t have much experience with the relationship stuff, so please feel free to express any personal insight or advice. My best friend’s partner is funny and kind, sometimes. We got on quite well, and still do; I just don’t trust him.
He basically said he loved my best friend at the start and told me how much he liked her, but would then start to act like she wasn’t a part of his life. He has a track record of ignoring his partners, wanting to be physical with his partners after they’ve said that they aren’t comfortable, flirting with other women when with them, etc.
His ex-partner (let’s call her Becky) has told me that when they’d break up, he’d send her a video of him next to train tracks with a bottle of booze the same day so she’d have to get back with him. It was for her, and she can’t stand him.
She said that almost every day she cried because of him, and basically entered a 9-month depression. Don’t get me wrong, Becky didn’t handle the situation well either, but it was nowhere near to the extent that he was. Becky doesn’t get on with my best friend because of the fact that she’s his partner’s ex (mouthful, I know) but I think she should hear her out.
My Bsf’s partner was ignoring her for hours and left her on delivered for 12 hours on her birthday whilst screenshotting other messages and putting them on his story, and it made her VERY worried. She was crying loads; it was awful. Until at the party, despite him obviously flirting with another one of our friends (let’s call her Rebecca), she said they were “okay” because he kissed her and they spoke.
The next day, her partner told me he had plans to end the relationship because “he wasn’t ready.”
I made the mistake of telling her this, and she told him to meet up and talk. He’d realized I’d told her, but she was in full-on panic mode because she thought she’d done something wrong.
But she was glad I’d told her because she could “sort it out.” I heavily suggested the idea that she breaks up with him, but she replied, “No, I like him too much.” After they met up, I was informed that they were still together.
She was still worried because he told her, “I was going to break up with you but I’m not going to now.” I told her this was strange and that she should leave him because that’s weird, right?
Anyway, she’s mad at me for “believing Becky” and not him because I’ve known him for longer.
I don’t want to be naive and believe her, but I don’t think I am. I don’t think he’s a bad person; I just don’t think he’s ready for a relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, it’s not your business, and it’s not affecting you so quit giving it so much time.” Fluffy_Tomatillo_359
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s your best friend. Well, she was anyway. What you think are unforgivable acts, are quite minor in the scheme of things. Are you upset that he is disrupting your friendship?” [deleted]
