People Want Us To Draw Conclusions From Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Returning The Gift My Brother Got My Son?
“My brother is pretty generous and bought my four-year-old son an electric ATV, something like $200. Problem is, I hate the gift, to me, it’s rich kid flaunt your money stuff, even though it isn’t THAT expensive.
But no other kid in the neighborhood is going to have something like that. I don’t think it’s going to help him learn or use his imagination or anything. Another issue is that it takes up a fair bit of space (1 car garage, townhouse) and our neighborhood is in the city (although there are plenty of grass parks around.) So I returned it over his objections.
Am I the jerk?
EDIT: Adding that my son is unaware of the ATV, it went right into the garage. The money has been returned to my brother, I’m not keeping it.”
Another User Comments:
“I think you are a bit of a jerk, not because you want to return a present, but your attitude towards it.
Saying it’s a ‘rid kid flaunt your money stuff’. Everybody can’t have all the same stuff all the time, and I don’t think it is wrong to sometimes spend a little extra on some stuff that is fun or just make you happy.
To me, it just seems like a nice present from an uncle who loves his nephew. From your post what shines most through seems to be your own resentment against ‘rich kids’ and not wanting your son to be one.” ritsikas
Another User Comments:
“This is a total jerk move. A. The gift ISN’T for you, your opinion of it doesn’t matter. B. Returning gifts alone is rude unless you have some good reason, and saying ‘it’s rich kid stuff’ isn’t a good one.
Finally, 200 bucks isn’t anything extravagant, and, what do YOU care how the other kids in the block might feel? ‘rich kid flaunt your money stuff’ what does that even mean? So your son can’t have anything nice because if he does he’s flaunting it?
You’re a jerk.” SStrooper123
Another User Comments:
“It wasn’t yours to return.
The whole ‘rich kid’ thing is a cop-out, most kids have at some point owned an electric ride.
Personally, I think you are just annoyed because you got showed up when you should have been grateful.
The no room is a cop-out too… you could have hung it on the wall in the garage when it wasn’t being used.
I also think it’s absolutely disgusting that you would deny your kid nice things because you missed out when you were a kid.” Angrysausagedog
23. AITJ For Cutting Things Off?
“So I’ve had the feels for my best lady friend for like 5 years, I told her like 2 months ago?
Basically, I couldn’t deal with my feelings anymore and just sat her down and told her.
Another big thing is, that I’ve been going to church (her father is the pastor) most of my life… like 10+ years.
I’ve stopped going to that church and attending another church. It isn’t solely because of her, but she is part of it. Basically, when I go to that church, my focus should be on God, my mind should be on God, but it’s not.
Also to put another loop in it, it is a Korean church. Sermons are in Korean, everything mostly is in Korean. I am half Korean, I understand it, read it, and write it at maybe a middle school level.
I know enough to survive in Korea, but when it comes to sermons and spiritual growth, Korean is at a whole new level. And a whole other plate of relationship-type issues with other ladies hahaha. So there are many reasons, the most important being… my spiritual growth, and the next would be my relationship with my lady friend.
3 weeks ago I announced to the ‘leaders’ of a small group, of which she is one that I am no longer coming to church because I will be going to an American Church.
She, of course, was shocked and wanted to know why and wanted to meet up.
I laid it out to her, my feelings, my focus, my spirituality. Let’s just say after the talk, I did make her tear up, I’ve never felt so firm and mean haha. I’ve been stuck on this girl for a long time… and I’m ready to move on, I’ve been stuck in this church, spiritually, and ready to move on.
I thought to myself, this seems selfish, but it’s about time to watch out for myself and grow.
Honestly, I feel great right now. Just because the feels aren’t being pulled. Sometimes I felt like she was taking advantage, I was being used, and maybe I had a chance with her (partially why I kept my feelings for her)… but then again I don’t know.
We’ve been really good friends for a long time, and I felt like my staying at the church and seeing her would just make things worse.
Oh, I must say, she’s recently obtained a partner. Which, she has brought to church events.
Thank the Lord, that I wasn’t there when she did. I just feel like I wouldn’t be able to handle it and make things awkward for her, and myself… and in the end make things worse for our friendship relationship.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for doing what you feel you need to do to grow as a human being. Too many people end up tied down to situations, people, and places that, while not necessarily toxic, cause a person to stagnate.
I hope this new perspective and freedom help you out. I also hope, however, that once you’ve come to terms with your romantic feelings for her and have had some time and space to yourself, you two can reconnect as true friends at some point in the future.
It sounds like you might have had a special connection.
Good luck.” missshrimptoast
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk here. Nobody is. If you have unrequited feelings for someone and you aren’t able to get past them, it’s usually best to just move on.
It sucks for her to lose you as a friend, but at the end of the day you have to do what’s best for yourself.” bilscuits
22. AITJ For Cutting Off The Girl Who Lied About Sleeping With Someone?
“I met a girl and we started to get serious fairly quickly. Early on, I told her that if she had been with anyone that was involved in the same sports institution as us (which is someone we both know and other mutual friends of ours would know) that would be a problem.
However, I would like to know beforehand so that we could either deal with it appropriately or choose to not proceed. She promised and swore and down that she hadn’t. To the point that on multiple occasions she made me feel like a jerk for ever asking.
Well fast forward three years, and it turns out she has… and with the same someone she said she hadn’t. I told her that she knowingly deceived me and lied and covered it up and that we would no longer be together.
She claims it was a mistake and that she lied because she wanted to be with me and she knew telling me early on would make that impossible. Since then she has been very loyal. This lie however is significant and makes me wonder if it being a one-time thing is even true.
As well as calls into question if other things she has said are lies as well. Am I the jerk for telling her this is irreparable?
Edit: I wanted to know the character of the person I was going to be with.
And if it was a person who was into one-night stands or bounced from person to person. Well, then it wasn’t for me. I did not want to be just another guy who just happened to come along.
If she was just going down the list, well then I wasn’t something special. I was just someone who worked out.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks. She’s a jerk for lying to you, but if after three years of intimately knowing a person you can’t make a judgment of her character and instead get hung up on the fact she lied when you first met her then you should write ‘Alignment: Lawful Jerk’ on your character sheet.
Come on, man, you know her! Going by black and white morality ‘she broke rule X, relationship over’ is easy and lazy; really introspecting to tell whether she’s a good person or not might be hard, but it’s how we learn to appreciate the people important in our lives.
If you decide you have broken up, that’s OK, but don’t do it just because she broke a rule, do it because of what breaking the rule means.” Ostrololo
Another User Comments:
“Well if one thing like that can break it after 3 years you weren’t very invested in the first place.
I would say work on it together, relationships are about compromise and working things out together not one part saying this is irreparable because if you do that you’re not in a two-sided relationship.
If you care about her then yes you are the jerk if you don’t then I’d say why didn’t you break it off sooner…” User
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk, maybe you were a little abrupt at the time you asked her and this is why she lied to you about it, but you decide how important anything is to you.
If you feel it is irreparable, then at least you have the conviction to move on instead of trying to go on carrying this all the time in your mind.” crucial_pursuit
21. AITJ For Losing My Temper?
“There is this girl I’ve known since November last year, and we were introduced to each other by a mutual acquaintance who thought we would actually be a good thing. The mutual friend even told me secretly that she (the girl) likes me, so I saw that as a plus, but didn’t make a move because I had just broken up with my then-ex.
Time passes, and by January, we had already reached second base without being in a serious relationship. Here is when I began considering escalating the relationship to something more serious, but I didn’t go through with it.
Comes February, and 2 days before Valentine’s day (which was the day I intended to escalate it), she comes out angry at me because she thinks I was head over heels for another girl. She forced an answer out of me which didn’t make sense even to me.
Do note that I once was indeed in love with that other girl, but by the time this happened, my feelings for the other girl were long gone. Then comes Valentine’s day, when I propose to escalate the relationship.
But when I told her about taking it seriously, she just walked away furiously. That’s when things started to go downhill for me. All of her friends started spamming me because apparently she STILL thought that I was going for both her and that other girl.
Luckily, I managed to explain it to the mutual acquaintance, and she helped clear it out between us for a while. It worked.
After the storm calmed down, I was still affected by the fact that she was angry at me, even though we still got along as if nothing happened. When we once stayed over at my place, she said that I seemed more depressed than usual. I told her in a civilized way the reasons, and she suddenly reveals that she was already in a serious relationship with a Russian guy she met on Chatroulette since New Year’s.
I know that long-distance relationships rarely work out, but either way still genuinely wished the best for her. I myself had broken up already from an LDR, and I knew how it felt having the only person that cares about you thousands of miles away.
However, I got angry at the fact that she didn’t tell me before that she was in a relationship. A week passes, and everything is back to normality again.
Fast forward to April. I met another one of her friends while I was out with my friends.
I try to greet her quite some times, but she doesn’t seem to pay any attention. I get frustrated a bit, and say under my breath something among the lines of ‘oh for Pete’s sake can’t you at least return a greeting?
(followed by something pretty nasty)’. She somehow didn’t hear my greetings, but she did hear the last part. She went off and told me that I was talking trash about her to our mutual friend, and the second protagonist of this anecdote.
Arguments break out against me, 2 of her friends removed and blocked me, a mutual friend told me to stay away from them and her and blocked me as well, and the girl I had feelings for dropped a very angry voice note, blocking me as well for a week, then unblocking me.
Since then, I have tried apologizing to the girl personally, but to no avail. Whenever we see each other face-to-face, she pretends that I don’t exist, and from her behavior, I have developed a similar response; but I still feel horrible whenever I am near her, and just thinking about what happened makes me want to vomit.
So… was I the genuine jerk, or was I being played around with?”
Another User Comments:
“If the version of the story is true, you don’t seem to be the jerk of this one. Rather the girl who flipped out and was herself in a relationship all the while.” gurgaue
Another User Comments:
“Wait wait wait, she got mad at you because she thought you were interested in a different girl while she simultaneously was in a long-distance relationship with somebody she met on Chatroulette?
Forget about being a jerk or not, you need some real advice OP.” Cuddles_theBear
Another User Comments:
“This chick got mad at you for potentially having a thing with another girl, whilst she was in a ‘relationship’, with a Russian guy, she met on Chatroulette.
Not the jerk.” megaman1410
20. AITJ For Being Irritating To A Girl?
“I’ve been talking to this girl who works with my sister, not constantly, but from time to time, and recently I’ve gotten a liking to her.
We met up a few times and after a while, I realized she didn’t like me so I didn’t flirt with her.
Today, she told a friend of mine that I practically tell her everything that goes on in my life and that I’m annoying.
I know I can go into the ‘too much information’ zone sometimes. I never realized I tell her everything that goes on in my life and that it annoys her, I don’t think she ever intended to tell me either.”
Another User Comments:
“You liking her has nothing to do with her saying that you tell her everything… so it sounds like you could be one of those people that only ever talks about themselves… that makes you a jerk, an oblivious jerk, but one nonetheless.” shinnen
Another User Comments:
“Next time you catch yourself getting in TMI territory, just tell her!
‘Hey (friend’s name)! You can tell me if I blabber on too much, I know it happens. You’re super interesting, I shouldn’t hog the conversation like that.’
Also: Some people find it very comforting when there are moments of silence between friends. Don’t fret about it if she’s not answering immediately. It doesn’t necessarily mean you should go on.” pyrotato
Another User Comments:
“Do you ever talk to her about the things that she likes or is interested in? Are you responding to her cues when she wants to wrap up the conversation? Do you talk without taking a break or allowing her to respond?
I don’t think that you’re a jerk, not based on what you’ve said at least though it’s not a lot to go on, it seems like you might benefit from doing some more listening and trying to be more aware of other people around you.
Or she could just be a mean-spirited jerk as well.” Buffalo__Buffalo
19. AITJ For Telling A Friend She's Not Going To Graduate?
“I’ve been friends with this person for 4 years now.
I’ve helped her through tough times, and she’s helped me. We are going into our final year of school and her grades are not the best. She passed only 2 classes out of 12. She did ok the first 2 years, so there is a chance she can still graduate if she takes extra classes and works really hard (I confirmed this with the administration).
Yesterday I sat her down and told her I was concerned about her academic progress. She’s the kind of person who knows how to do the work but is too lazy to do anything. I know how that feels since I was that way for a while, but she doesn’t do anything.
I basically told her she needs to get herself together or she will not graduate. I explained how she needs to take some summer classes and extra ones during the next school year, but it is possible.
Maybe I didn’t say this in the most elegant way, but I’ve told her in the past and she just shrugs it off. Now she’s really annoyed at me for getting involved with her academic life.
Was I the jerk or was this the push she needed to get her act together?”
Another User Comments:
“Well if it was random unsolicited advice you’re sort of a jerk. Don’t give someone advice on something they’re struggling with if you don’t have the full story, she may know very well that she’s failing but could have some other side to this that you don’t fully understand.
Even if she didn’t have something else contributing to it besides saying that you’re concerned and explaining that her success matters to you, I feel it’s not your business to be talking to her about that.
You’re taking the place of a guidance counselor.” User
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say you’re a jerk. Maybe you could have expressed your concerns a little bit more eloquently, but your concerns come from love.
You’re more of a jerk than her I guess.
I would say focus on being supportive above all else, that no matter how badly they mess up or messed up or may mess up in the future that you want to encourage them to take steps that they strongly feel will better themselves.
And be attentive to them and prove that you care about them by being their friend. Because ultimately that’s what you are, first and foremost, and you haven’t any authority over them. If you must I’d say invite her to study with you or do homework with you.
You could even ease into it by inviting her to hang out at first but when she gets there say ‘Hey, I just wanna finish up this homework, and then we can do stuff, wanna just hang out in my room while I do this?’ And chit-chat while you do so.
Later say ‘Hey, it was cool having you hang out while I do homework, wanna do homework together?’ Just be mindful that it’s sensitive, and remember that graduating (High school?) isn’t super-duper important to do ASAP, it won’t be the end of the world if she doesn’t and it won’t do her any good if you even think that it’s a bad thing, I know that sounds silly, but she knows it’s not a good thing and having her friend not so stressed about it helps.” Gigadrax
Another User Comments:
“I think you are a jerk. She is doing bad and you going up to her and pointing out all her mistakes, is not helping her. She knows she is doing badly because she knows what her grades are.
If she doesn’t care about the outcome then let her be, if she has deeper issues, you should be supportive in other ways. You knowing about how badly she is doing and pointing it out to her is only going to make her feel worse.
It is bad enough that she needs to know about it and think about it, but having other people point it out to her too can make her really feel bad about herself, cause now it’s not only her who is making her feel bad.
Suggestions on how to talk to her would be: ‘Hey how is it going?’, ‘You know if you ever want to talk I’m here for you’ (Only say this if you actually mean it though).
Never lecture her though.
Ever had a situation where you were going to do some sort of chore at home and then your mom tells you to do it as if you were being a lazy jerk who never does anything?
And then your motivation to do it is at 0%. You might be doing this to her right now. She is aware of the situation and might be already planning or making changes to make sure she doesn’t completely fail, but when you come and tell her what she needs to do because she is obviously not capable of coming up with it herself, you are most likely reducing her will to do anything about it.” ritsikas
Another User Comments:
“Your friend sounds kind of like me when I first started going to college. I looked lazy/flaky, but I had undiagnosed depression (and was just recently informed by a doctor that I need to get checked for an anxiety disorder, too).
I knew I was screwing up my education, but it was a lot easier to ‘choose’ to fail than to try and prove that I wasn’t ‘good enough,’ so most days it was a struggle just to drag myself out of bed to go to class.
I ended up hiding in the library during class time when the anxiety got too much.
This might not be your friend’s problem, it might be real laziness, but either way, I don’t know if telling someone ‘get yourself together’ is the best way to handle the problem.
They probably already know there’s a problem, and from personal experience, people yelling at me to do better didn’t fix the problem–it just made me give up entirely because I assumed I wasn’t a good enough student.
It’d probably be better to offer actual help, like offer to be her study buddy or something.” brightblueinky
18. AITJ For Being Okay With My Mom Being Homeless?
“So I, (20F) and my partner (20M) are planning to move states after I finish school next year. And my mom to say the least is not pleased. A little background, when I was 17, I moved back in with my mom (62F) and since my 18th birthday, I pay the entire rent.
I consider myself to be financially stable (we split groceries). I work double the hours she works while also going full-time to school. I do all the housework, cooking, and anything household-related that needs to be done.
My mom and I have a rocky relationship, I have an older autistic sister (30F) who my mom had put before me multiple times in my childhood. Including being bullied by my sister but my mom acted like I couldn’t blame her.
It was very hard to go thru as a child and has definitely made me independent at a very young age.
Well due to the fact that the rent in my area is getting very high, it would be very difficult to raise a family here.
My partner and I had made the decision to move out of state. But this means, my mom will be homeless. She is aware of this but blames me forever for putting her in this situation.
There is senior housing she could possibly get in but refused to try. But I can’t help the feeling of wanting to be independent of my mother. I have been with her my entire adulthood, and our relationship is not really like mother-daughter.
She constantly gets jealous of my partner which makes it even more frustrating. I just want some independence, but there is a part of me that feels guilt.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and there is nothing to feel guilty for. You didn’t put your mom in this world or make the choices that led her to this point in her life. SHE Did. It’s called personal responsibility and the consequences of one’s own actions.
Move away, enjoy your independence, and frankly since she made it clear throughout your life that she only saw one child, leave her to try and figure out how to live her life with one child.
After all, she treated you worse than most people would treat a stranger (generally speaking if someone harms a stranger in their house they’ll do something about it) at the very least they’ll apologize for it happening, even if they do try and excuse the behavior.” StrykerC13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – AT ALL. Your mother is an adult who should know how to take care of herself, and does so – she might’ve given birth to you but that does NOT mean you owe her your life.
If she’s perfectly comfortable with taking advantage of you and your money NOW, while you’re a vulnerable young adult, she won’t have any issues taking advantage of you when you’re older and have other responsibilities (i.e. your family you wanna build) that you’ll need to focus on.” SigynTyrsdottir
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but your mother sounds like a leech and it sounds more like she’s the child and you’re the parent. This needs to be put to a stop now before it gets worse and your life is put on hold to take care of her.
You’ve offered her alternatives and she’s refusing to look into them, expecting you to just continue to take care of her. Ironically, it doesn’t sound like she was ever really there for you like she should have been.
You owe her nothing. NTJ.” JanellaDubois
17. AITJ For Stealing Some "Expensive" Champagne?
“So I was at a party and I got absolutely wasted, along with everybody else, it was a fun party. The next morning the girl who hosted started a social media group titled who stole my champagne.
So she writes in the description ‘Hey guys last night was fun but someone stole my bottle of champagne and it was really expensive and I want to know which jerkhead it was so they can pay me for being inconsiderate.’ So I’m like ok I suppose this is reasonable, thinking it was like an £80 (~120USD) bottle or something.
So the entire group jumps on the bandwagon – including myself – trying to figure it out, we all looked at pictures of the night and questioned people and stuff.
She starts getting really trashy about the whole situation and starts saying really quite nasty things about whoever it was that took the champagne, naturally, people are starting to give up and she starts abusing them.
So people ask her how much the champagne was and it turned out to be just a £10 bottle from a corner shop. This girl has a history of being an attention seeker and she’s always kind of annoyed me, so yes this was a bit of me getting sick of her, but she really is your stereotypical über annoying privileged-private-school-girl.
I messaged her saying that the fact that she’s started this whole group and lied to people about the price and crucified whoever took the champagne was way out of order and that she should have just let it go.
She unsurprisingly says whatever and presumedly said nasty things about me to her friends.
Here comes the plot twist:
It was me. I was the thief. In my defense, I had absolutely no idea it was me.
I had zero recollection of the night’s events the next morning and nothing had come back to me. There was a single photo of me holding the £10 bottle in question (proof?) and she leaped at the opportunity to blame me.
She reopened the group, for the sole purpose of telling the group of people who’d attended that it was me. She posted pictures of the messages I’d sent her about how she’d blown the whole thing out of proportion, and deliberately omitted the messages I’d sent her apologizing for what I’d done, and that I genuinely had no idea that I was the culprit.
I felt pretty persecuted and got a lot of messages from people telling me I was a jerk. I obviously said I would pay for the £10 bottle of expensive champagne. I posted on the group explaining myself and she deleted it, and a subsequent screenshot of the post my friend had put up later.
I know that the act of stealing the champagne was wrong, and I’d be happy to just have peace of mind. I understand if I’m the jerk. I just want unbiased opinions on the matter.
EDIT: I found out I was the culprit at the very end of the witch hunt.
One of my mates found the picture and posted it half-jokingly, not really expecting anybody to care anymore, seeing as it was £10.
I didn’t have the bottle to myself, I was pictured pouring the bottle into like 8 different cups with outstretched hands.
I drank the bottle with anybody who wanted some. I didn’t literally steal. I didn’t take it home.
I’ve paid her back already. Gave her 15 pounds.”
Another User Comments:
“Two things to consider:
She ‘lied to people about the price’: No, she didn’t.
She may have a comically misguided opinion on what constitutes an ‘expensive bottle of champagne’, but that’s merely a somewhat subjective qualitative assessment; she didn’t specify a price, and she’s (clearly) not an expert in champagne, so she can’t really be held to any objective standards of properly using the term ‘expensive’ regarding it.
So you were wrong in accusing her of lying about the price.
You ‘stole’ the champagne: I’m not entirely clear if that is actually true. Stealing it implies intent (at least morally) and your prior knowledge that the champagne wasn’t yours to take.
I take it that there was plenty of liquor consumed at that party, at least some of which were probably provided by the host, so it doesn’t seem like an unreasonable assumption on your part that this bottle of champagne was fair game even if you hadn’t brought it to the party yourself — unless she had previously stated that the bottle was off-limits, or getting to it required you to trespass or break into somewhere, or something similar.
So: Unless there are some relevant details surrounding your acquisition of that bottle of champagne that we don’t know yet about, I’d say it was an honest misunderstanding on your part caused by a lack of proper communication on her part, and her behavior after the party was completely out of line.” Mych
Another User Comments:
“On one hand, if you did actually steal the bottle, you’re kind of a jerk (not necessarily the jerk), because of theft.
On the other hand, it sounds like very few people had much recollection of anything that happened that night.
If nobody can find the bottle, it’s possible that someone else took it after you finished pouring. Also, it’s £10, clearly, something that can easily be replaced without much hassle, and certainly nothing to start a witch-hunt over.
Additionally, if she’s deleting your defenses, it’s very likely she’s realized she’s slightly in the wrong and doesn’t want others to know. I’d say she’s the biggest jerk of the group.
The rest of the group are kind of jerks for tearing someone to shreds over something that petty that might not even be true without hearing your defense, as well, but the leader outclasses them all in jerkery.” IAMA_dragon-AMA
Another User Comments:
“Is it stealing if you drink it then and there? Stealing implies you took an intact bottle home with you. It was a mistake that you paid her back for.
She’s a jerk for getting so worked up about a really really mild party expense.
Some people have parties that cost them their heirloom jewelry and stuff, but she’s freaking out over a few quid of champagne?” Trevski
Another User Comments:
“Screw her and that bottle, you are a jerk for taking it, but it was a party and it’s comical she was so offended. I’m glad I’m not friends with these people because I would have returned the bottle full of pee and a big screw you written on the 10€.” MrDub72off
16. AITJ For Snapping At A Stranger Who Kept Jabbing Me Painfully For Snoring?
“I’m staying at a budget backpackers and I was left with the top bunk. The backpackers is next door to a very loud bar and my dorm is next to a very noisy dorm of talkers.
I’ve always known that I snore but I’ve heard recordings and have had a lot of people tell me that it’s not actually very loud and would only bother a very light sleeper. I always carry spare earplugs and apologize in advance to people and offer them the plugs.
I didn’t do it to this girl because she came back very late from the bar and woke us all up and I forgot.
I woke up two hours ago (3 am) to the girl underneath me jabbing me painfully hard around my spine.
She’d been doing it for a while and didn’t stop even when I was awake and obviously silent. I spent the next hour trying to sleep but the bar and the dorm next door were being really loud and my back was really painful.
I think she was taking them out on me and kept making loud insufferable sighs. I snapped angrily ‘next time shake me awake instead of trying to mess up my back’ and walked out of the dorm, making sure to shake the bunk a lot on my way down.
I returned later and I’ve been tossing and turning since (which has kept her awake even more) because my back is seriously sore. I’m not the kind to whine about pain either.
AITJ for snapping at her and keeping her awake?
Bear in mind the bar and dorm next door were much noisier, she expected silence at a budget backpacker and she didn’t stop jabbing me even after I was awake.”
Another User Comments:
“No, because I know that feeling, to her, you’re snoring, to you you’re asleep.
You did overreact probably a little but I haven’t met a single person on earth that is in a good mood when somebody jabs them awake. Especially if I’m paying for the bed. There are easier less intrusive ways to keep you quiet.
I usually make a quick loud noise like a loud cough. That wakes the person up slightly and usually gives me a couple of minutes of peace so I can fall asleep before the rumbling starts back up.
Honestly, there’s not much you can do other than lay on your side in hopes that fixes it. When you sleep around people or strangers you get what you get. I will say it was a slightly justified jerk-ish move.
It’s a push. I would invest in snoring strips for next time.” MrDub72off
Another User Comments:
“When you say she’s jabbing you around the spine… are you sleeping on a mattress, and she’s punching it through a rack from below, or are you on your side and she got up to poke you in the back?
If it’s through a mattress, it’s just bad luck that she hit your spine. If you were on your side, she’s a jerk, and you should have been RUDER!” flignir
Another User Comments:
“You annoyed her, so she hurt you.
She is a jerk. Throw pennies at her kneecaps from a moderate distance.” User
15. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Someone Out Of My Band?
“In my band, I’m the bassist and for a while, we’ve been wanting to kick out our vocalist. We all have our own reasons; my brother (lead guitar) is p*******l or something (I’m not sure what it is at this point in time) and doesn’t appreciate the homophobic jokes our vocalist makes.
He has been asked to stop twice, but rather than apologize, he tries to justify it by saying he learned those jokes from a gay guy and the guy makes those jokes all the time. Our drummer wants him gone because he just constantly does stuff to annoy him, i.e. moving stuff on the drumset, changing the tone on the set.
He hasn’t been asked to stop this but he does understand that drummers hate when people mess with their kit, so it’s one of those things that doesn’t need to be said, in my opinion. I want him out because he’s dumb.
Plain dumb. If you asked me to tell you what is going on inside his head when he is spoken to, this would be my answer. Let me count the ways:
We all are not rich, just enough for equipment maintenance, gas, and food.
The guitarist, drummer, and I came up with a plan to put together a band fund so that when we need lights, smoke machines, etc., or someone needed to replace a piece of equipment quickly, we don’t have to combine funds from our pockets and instead use the funds we’ve saved up.
He refused to throw in, not because it would’ve put a crimp in his finances, but because he didn’t comprehend the point.
2 months after bragging about having enough funds to replace any piece of equipment we, as a band, owned, he has now had to pick up a 2nd job after falling behind on rent.
At that time, he decided to buy A SAILBOAT.
One of the two-vehicle owners in the band has a truck that could be useful to get to performances, but it needs a windshield replacement, an alignment, new tires, and fluids replaced. Spends a lot on a boat and his street bike instead.
On the day of a performance, he chooses to ride to a town that is an hour away from our rehearsal space an hour before we agreed to meet. He then gets stuck in traffic, causing him to be 2.5 hours late.
So tell me… am I the jerk for wanting to get rid of him simply because he’s stupid?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk here. First of all, almost every great band has had lineup changes/people who have been kicked out of the band for various mess-ups.
Pink Floyd kicked out Syd Barrett, Dave Mustaine was kicked out of Metallica… you get it, the list goes on. So wanting someone out of the band doesn’t make you a jerk, and not liking someone doesn’t really make you a jerk because you can’t really help who you like or dislike.
On top of all that, it sounds like he’s been doing some crazy stuff.
Kick him out and don’t feel like a jerk for it.” laspero
Another User Comments:
“I’m a drummer and honestly if any of the vocalists in any of my bands did that I’d never play with them again.
Tuning can be such a pain in the butt. Seriously, screw that vocalist. Especially for the comments towards your brother. A band is a brotherhood/sisterhood, not an open roast. Tell that vocalist to get lost.” drumsarelife
Another User Comments:
“I am the brother/guitarist. Since this post was created he has added more dumb stuff to the list of things that he thinks are okay to do.
He decides that sailing is more important than practicing with another temporary stand-in vocalist (we have two in the band, one is currently sick) when we have a show this Saturday.
It has nothing to do with a stand-in stealing his spot, he brought the replacement in himself. But back to the point. He says that showing up a little late is okay when we’re running on a very tight schedule, and he’s been informed that if he is not there on time, we’re canceling our upcoming show because we wouldn’t be ready.
He even stated to himself when I said ‘use your head.’ that it was a hard thing for him to do. Amongst previous pleas for him to shut up because he was annoying everyone.
Third, he insists on showing up to practice in either just boxers or shorts, meanwhile, his back looks like Freddy Krueger’s face (burnt and scarred (bacne only) and thinks it is totally okay to do so).
I acknowledge that I’m the jerk for thinking of that comparison, but it’s the only comparison I have.
Also, he is insistent on his solutions, even if he has been shown 8 different ways it can go wrong and most likely will go wrong.
And last but not least, he acts like the band leader while having no idea how to even run his own finances and life, but also was not an original member, thinks he knows everything about heavy music and instruments and acts like he is the better guitar player because he can play a lot of Slipknot songs.
In summation, he acts like a jerk, treats others like he’s above them, and worst of all is too stupid to comprehend how dumb he’s actually acting.” KhthuluTheDestroyer
14. AITJ From Keeping My Child From Her Biological Father?
“Five and 1/2 years ago, I had a baby with a man that I married. He was 19, I was 21. He came from a family with very detached parents, I came from a loving, close-knit family. We were very much the products of our upbringing.
We stayed together until she was ten months old. During that ten months, he was rarely around. He would stay out until he knew I had her put to bed for the night. He couldn’t stand the sound of her crying, he would never allow himself to be left alone with her.
Looking back as an adult, it is very clear he was young, inexperienced, and terrified. At the time, I was also young and inexperienced and didn’t understand why he couldn’t just love and spend time with our daughter.
He left when she was ten months old, letting me know that I could contact him for child support but he wasn’t interested in raising this child. Once he moved out, I didn’t let him move back in, but when he came around feeling sorry for his actions, I wanted him to see our daughter so I allowed visits.
After the first couple of visits, he started coming later and later and eventually began showing up after she was in bed. When I realized he was visiting ME instead of HER, I put a stop to it.
He became angry and again told me that he didn’t want to have anything to do with the child.
This time, I decided there were no take-backs. From my point of view, I didn’t want my daughter to deal with a father that was in and out of her life.
By this time, she was only a year old, but eventually, she would grow up and I never wanted her to hear her own father say out loud that he wanted nothing to do with her.
We went through the court for our divorce that year. Having never actually been left alone with our daughter, he was given supervised visitation once/a week through a facility in our county. He attended the first few times and then just stopped showing up.
He didn’t even show up to the last two divorce/custody hearings and they ended up finalizing it without him present.
Now my daughter is 5 and 1/2. I’ve always been honest with her about the situation to an age-appropriate level.
(You used to have another daddy, but he knew he wasn’t very good at being a daddy so he went away so that your life could be filled with love and joy. Then it was just you and me for a while until we met (my husband) and now he takes good care of you.) She loves her step-dad and knows he isn’t her biological father but she wants to call him Dad anyway.
She is happy and healthy and thriving.
My ex recently contacted me to ask if we could get together outside of court so he could get to know her. I didn’t even text him back. As I said before, my child is happy and healthy and I don’t want a sudden new daddy to mess that up for her.
My theory is that since he chose when to leave, I’ll let HER choose when they meet up. I plan to give her the choice when she is older and I feel she is mature enough.
We come from a small town, he still talks to friends of friends of friends of mine. Word has come back to me that people now think I am this horrible witch, withholding this poor man from seeing his daughter even when he is repenting for his actions.
I honestly don’t even see him as ‘the jerk’ except for the spreading of his pity party. I see him as a troubled teen who got scared and couldn’t handle the task of raising a child.
Up until now, I had actually been thankful to him that he made the choice to leave instead of making her early years harder.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are a jerk, but there are some things to keep in mind.
Outside of a court order the father has a legal right to see his child and can use evidence of you ‘keeping’ your child from him as potential evidence against you in any future custody or visitation reviews.
He can try and claim he tried to maintain contact with his child, and you refused him access. Some courts look poorly on this.
If you continue to refuse visitation (if he even bothers to seek it), he can always move for the court to allow it (which will likely be granted with caveats), or even try and force a change of custody, which depending on your circumstances may either be a good or bad thing.
Access to a child is a parent’s right, and it cannot be unilaterally denied (outside of a court order) even on the basis they choose not to exercise it.
That’s the way it generally is, fair or not.” DeletedLastAccount
Another User Comments:
“I don’t believe you’re the jerk in this situation at all. The guy had maturity issues and even when you gave him a second chance he blew it. He made it clear he didn’t want to see his child, so why should you believe him this time around.” megaman1410
Another User Comments:
“Speaking as a child of divorced parents, I don’t think you are being a jerk here. However, maybe the person that you should be asking about this is your daughter, she’s young but maybe she would want to know her dad growing up.
I’d hate to not know who my dad is because my mom thought it wasn’t the best idea, by the time you think she is old enough it might be unfairly hard on her to develop a relationship with her dad.” IslandGreetings
13. AITJ For Wanting/Needing Affection After Intimacy?
“I’m seeing a guy. For all intents and purposes, we act like we’re in a relationship.
I like him a lot and have opened up quite a bit about some awful things in my past. So he knows that I view intimacy a little differently and is super understanding.
A few weeks ago, we slept together, and then immediately after he grabbed his iPad and started looking at sports news and updates.
It wasn’t like there was a game on – he was watching clips and reading articles about injured players and that type of stuff. Then he rolled over and fell asleep. I called him a jerk half-jokingly, but was super annoyed, and almost caught a cab home.
I got over it though and never revisited the subject.
Fast forward to last night. I called him when he got off work (I had been drinking a bit) and we had a great time a few times over the course of an hour.
Then he just sort of got up, put his pants on, and left. He almost didn’t kiss me goodbye (we are both pretty affectionate, me more so than him). I was pretty annoyed again. He had made it clear he couldn’t stay the night, but I seriously want/need at least five minutes of cuddling or something after.
I can get pretty irrationally emotional sometimes, and I don’t want to make this a huge deal. Am I in the wrong/weird for wanting cuddles, or is this a normal thing to ask for?
If I am blowing this out of proportion, then I want to work on it and improve myself.”
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk but yes about needy, let me elaborate.
You guys are not together. That’s a very hard line, even though it can feel otherwise sometimes. This means things about how the dynamics of the relationship will play out.
When stories of you are told by him, it isn’t ‘my significant other.’ It is ‘my hookup/my FWB.’ That’s the reality of the situation, if you guys aren’t going to make a claim and commit, then rather literally, you’re not committed.
You’re well within your rights to want the cuddling, especially considering your experiences. There isn’t anything wrong with that. But understand how it might make you feel if your noncommittal friend is in need of some wound-licking cuddling.
It’d feel a little committed, scary. You’d feel relied upon. Which isn’t what you want from your casual fling. Guys know very well when the weight of an emotional reliance is on them, and it makes many of them squirrely.
He probably does completely understand how you feel, and I’d even wager to guess that he knows that his behavior is upsetting you. In my experience, guys are willing to feign ignorance because they know they can, but I bet he knows.
It might be that he is completely supportive of your history and your needs… as your friend. As your friend that you sleep with. But not as your lover. If he feels like he’s crossing over town, he might start taking measures to maintain a certain level of distance.
Every time I’ve started to treat a girl like this, it was a very knowing and deliberate reaction to a feeling of wanting to be unbound. It’s not the right thing to do, just a thing that guys do regardless.
My 2¢ is that this reflects his perspective on the relationship and the direction that he wants to take it in. My advice is to let him know that, as a friend, you’d really like that cuddling b/c it hits you on a subconscious level.
Let him know that you need it as a bro as much as you want it like a lover. It might help him sort out his beliefs about commitment and where it plays into the situation.” Bellagrand
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for wanting closeness (a perfectly reasonable thing to want), but IMO you kind of are the jerk for expecting him to be a mind-reader and then getting angry at him for not being one.” User
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for wanting affection. However, if he doesn’t explicitly know that you want that, then don’t feel angry at him. Some people do not want affection/cuddling after intimacy. For instance, my husband loves to cuddle after the deed, whereas I don’t at all.
But, of course, once I found out that he wanted that affection then I changed my ways so that we spend some time together after we finish. Just explain how you’re feeling to your partner and I’m sure he’ll understand.
Especially since he has been so understanding otherwise.” awkwardmumbles
12. AITJ For Asking Someone To Move Out Of Three Parking Spots?
“I was going to a doctor’s appointment yesterday and wanted to park in the front of the building.
A lady was parked in three spots talking on her cell phone. I rolled down my window and politely asked her to move. She got angry and told me there are other spots, she was just making a phone call and writing out a check.
I tell her I am trying to park in front of the building and she is taking up three spots. She rolls up her window. I wait for her to move. She rolls down her window, and asks what I want, I repeat what I said before, she calls me a jerk and says I must be racist (I’m white, she’s an older lady with a Spanish accent), and waits another minute, then drives off.
It was a relatively empty parking lot, she could have chosen another spot but so could I. She got angry when I asked her to move, played the race card, and acted like I’m the jerk.
I tried my best to be polite but I could have backed down and prevented this woman from getting angry. What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. Anyone who is ever parked in multiple spots (unless they have like a giant truck that takes up 1.5 spots, or is towing something) is 100% the jerk in every situation.
This woman even more so for being a witch after you asked her nicely.” TheEdgeOfTheInternet
Another User Comments:
“She is going to do that if the parking lot is empty/half full/last 3 available spots in the lot.
Sometimes people do not realize they’re being jerks unless you tell them.
She was the jerk.” np0000000
Another User Comments:
“I don’t see how you could possibly be the jerk here. It doesn’t seem like she had a great reason to take up all three parking spots (is there ever a good reason to do this?) It also sounds like you asked her nicely, so I think she’s the jerk.” laspero
Another User Comments:
“She’s more of a jerk than you, but you kind of made conflict where there was no need for it. If parking in a different spot wasn’t an inconvenience for you, then there really wasn’t a need to call her out on it.” end_O_the_world_box
11. AITJ For Disrespecting My Dad?
“I’m pretty much of a ‘rebellious’ nature. Whenever someone directly orders me to do something, I get offended by them for not asking nicely, so I get very tempted to do the opposite of whatever they tell me to do or just call them out on it.
I’ll try to cut it as simple as I can: I made a new friend this year that is pretty nice and all but is incredibly straightforward with everyone. He has told me on multiple accounts as a response to plans that I’ve proposed: ‘No, that’s incredibly stupid’.
I’m scared I may have adopted his trait of being straight-forward with people, which is terrible because:
A. No one’s going to change.
B. I’ve, if anything, separated myself further away from having more friends.
Along with that, I’ve made the stupid decision of telling my dad ‘jokingly’ that I ‘never have plans because I don’t have friends’, and he took me up on it 100%.
So now, whenever I’m a bit more ‘straightforward’ with my dad and he doesn’t like my opinion, he’ll bring up the point of ‘maybe you shouldn’t say that so you would have more friends instead of slouching in your room every single day’ (which is true; 90% of the time, I’m in my bedroom).
A bit of backstory on my dad: basically, he’s dedicated himself to always ‘live happily’, and by doing so, makes a fool out of himself by calling me cutesy names (even though I’m 16, and obviously annoyed at them), attempting to spark conversations with dogs by repeating the phrase ‘What’s going on with you?
What’s going on with you?’ 27 times at a barking dog that would be on the other side of the room while people are directly looking at him, and doing the opposite of what you tell him to do (he always serves my mom an excessive amount of food, even though she always says that she does not want anymore).
Either way, we’ve gotten into more and more arguments, and I don’t know if he’s being the jerk, or if I am.”
Another User Comments:
“You can be ‘straightforward’ without being tactless. Telling someone that something is ‘incredibly stupid’ detracts from the honesty of the statement and beelines right into inflammatory and rude.
Your dad, on the other hand, is being straightforward and a bit more tactful. He could be kinder about it but the way you talk about him (call him a fool, making up a laundry list of some of his arbitrary and harmless habits that irk you), I could also see how he might be getting worn down and exasperated by your behavior.
Ultimately, it seems like you’re the jerk. It sounds like you’re scrounging for reasons to get upset with him (affectionate nicknames? A pleasant and healthy life philosophy? Talking to the family pet? Not a super big deal) and he sounds like a lovable doof who might have some misguided but minor boundary issues.” RPPUTC
Another User Comments:
“Wow. You’ve barely explained his reasoning for possibly considering you the jerk. Having an opinion that your dad disagrees with doesn’t make you the jerk. Getting annoyed at your dad over little stuff and talking crap about him here is what makes you the jerk.
As for your dad, it certainly isn’t nice to rub in your lack of friends. But I mean, big deal if he cooks some extra food. A silly name? Let a man have some fun.” AirBlaze
10. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Brother?
“My brother was hospitalized for a few days last year for what doctors think was schizophrenia (I don’t know the exact details as my parents won’t tell me). He has also had other mental health problems like anorexia and bulimia in the past. And since then, he’s been very rude and generally quite unpleasant.
For example, he’ll shout at my parents to ‘get lost!’ and ‘shut up’ when they ask him what he wants to eat for dinner. He’ll also ask my mum when she’s going to die so he can get all of her money at the dinner table and many other things like that.
These things just get me so angry and annoyed because I love my mum and dad and I can tell that my brother’s behavior is putting a lot of stress and making them very unhappy.
So, am I the jerk even though my brother has a mental disorder?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a tough one. I can most definitely relate to your situation. I have two cousins with schizophrenia and they can be downright NASTY. My grandfather, the most kindhearted and nonviolent man I’ve ever known, almost punched my cousin in the face during one of his episodes.
It’s really tough to tell where the jerk part of them ends and the mental illness begins.
From being in your shoes somewhat, I’ve got to say there’s not a clear answer. Are you a jerk for being annoyed?
In my opinion, no. As long as you understand that the illness is the reason for most, if not all, of his trashy behavior.
And do all you can to prevent your brother from drinking. Both my cousins had/have problems with drinking and when you combine that with their schizophrenia it is not pretty.
One of the cousins is currently in jail because he decided to drink one night.” HongManChoi
Another User Comments:
“You certainly aren’t a jerk, but neither is he. You can’t stop yourself from being offended, and he can’t stop himself from offending you.
There are no jerks.” MagicMan350
Another User Comments:
“You can’t control your feelings, so you’re not a jerk for having them. You’re only a jerk if you act on those feelings.” Cuddles_theBear
9. AITJ For Going On Vacation With A Female Coworker?
“I am married with one kid.
Due to work, we currently live in different countries, even continents. I planned on visiting her but I hadn’t gotten a visa yet.
There was a long weekend coming up, and this coworker asked me if I wanted to join her on a vacation.
She said that there will be three of us if I join. I told my wife that I was going to join.
Nearing the long weekend, the third person said that he’ll not be joining. I didn’t tell my wife about it, thinking that it makes no difference.
I still took the vacation. We stayed at a hotel, in different rooms and all. Nothing happened other than enjoying the vacation, visiting the tourist sites, etc.
On our way back, my wife asked me if I went on vacation just with that female coworker.
I answered truthfully and she got mad, saying that I was inconsiderate of her feelings.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s sketchy to go on vacation by yourself with another woman, even if there were other circumstances prior.
This was definitely something you should have communicated (common sense, man). I’m sure she’s all the more insecure because you’re on different continents and can’t maintain a physical relationship.
You might be the jerk.” RPPUTC
Another User Comments:
“She feels betrayed because you changed the rules. You were informing her of the events and suddenly something changed and you stopped informing her.
I completely know why you did it: unnecessary conflict and nagging for a situation that is completely harmless in the end.
But yeah, in her eyes you are the jerk.
I would do the same, knowing that I would end up as the jerk.” Pastelitomaracucho
Another User Comments:
“I feel you probably could have avoided becoming the jerk if you had kept communication open, but that the same time, doing something like that even with the additional person is a risky relationship endeavor.
The fact you then didn’t tell her that the plans changed probably told her two things – first is that you don’t trust that she’d react in a civil manner so you hid things from her without giving her the chance and secondly, what you hid from her was going on a vacation with another woman.
You never told us how long you’ve known this coworker, or how close you are to them, but in this situation, it doesn’t matter that nothing happened because you hid it as if something would/did.
If I were in your wife’s shoes, I would feel pretty betrayed – not because you went with just the woman, but because you didn’t communicate that fact because you assumed I would react badly. It’s not like you got there and found out the third person wasn’t there, either – you knew and didn’t communicate that on purpose.
So here’s my declaration, based on the information you have provided here – you are the jerk.” cleverpseudoname
Another User Comments:
“You should talk it through with your wife so that you can both have physical relationships with other people while you’re so far apart.
The current situation really can’t be healthy for either of you unless this won’t be going on for too long.
I frankly don’t believe that anything physical happened between your coworker and you on this trip.
I could be wrong about that but this is not at all an unreasonable suspicion.
You give absolutely no backstory on you and your coworker’s relationship or how long you have known her. It is not often that a person will go on a vacation with a coworker, to begin with.
For a single man and woman to go together like this tells a pretty much impossible-to-believe story.
You’re trying to play this off a little too cool if you know what I mean. ‘Like yeah bros, me and this coworker randomly decided to go on this totally casual vacation together and there was this other convenient variable to get me off the moral hook which I actually disregard as being important anyway.’
Why did your wife randomly decide to ask if the third person came along after all? There is more to this story than you’re telling us and to me, it seems like you’re just trying to rationalize this by telling the most one-sided story you can come up with to strangers on the internet.” User
8. AITJ For Hooking Up With A Different Girl?
“I and this girl both admitted to liking each other after a whole bunch of flirting over the course of several months. However, after this, I kept asking her if she would go out/hang out/etc. and she always said ‘I don’t know’ or ‘not in the mood’.
Literally the only time I would see her was in school. After about 2 weeks of this, I just straight asked her what we were, to which she replied ‘nothing’. I said that I didn’t understand – why would she refuse to go out if she admitted to liking me?
She responded that she has anxiety & depression and doesn’t think she can. I have had depression, so I was determined to help her out of it. Endless talks and chats on social media/text later, I was still wondering about our relationship status.
I tried to talk to her about it multiple times but she always refused, so I accepted that it just wasn’t meant to be, that I would just help her with her issues and be her friend.
I got over it.
After about two weeks of this, though, I was invited to go out with some people from my track team, where I got wasted and made out with a different girl. She saw and got extremely mad at me, says I betrayed her, etc…
I don’t get it. She rejected me (even though it was due to mental health problems), and I stayed as her friend to help her. We have never gone out, hooked up, kissed, hugged, or even held hands.
Did I betray her? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Nah you are good man, honestly if I were you I would’ve been hooking up w/ other ppl like the day after she said you guys were nothing and just been honest about it.
There is a limit to how many things you have to put up from another person if they are not even trying to share a commitment with you. Sounds to me like she just wanted to keep you on the back burner while still getting the companionship of a partner w/o any of the commitment or obligations that entails and there is flat out no reason why you should have to put up with that.” EVILGR33NRNGR
Another User Comments:
“No, you didn’t betray her or be cruel in my opinion. You didn’t do anything wrong. She feels this way because, despite recognizing intellectually that she has no claim to you, her emotions are telling her otherwise.
Having had anxiety and depression issues myself, I can understand her point of view.
My advice would be to gently apologize for doing this in a place where she would have to stumble into it, but nothing more.
If she attempts to make you apologize for betraying her etc. then calmly explain that you will not be made to feel this way. You understand that she can’t be in a relationship, you’ve been respectful of that, and you don’t hold it against her, BUT you have to live your own life and if she wants to remain friends then she must respect that.
Good luck.” missshrimptoast
Another User Comments:
“Making out with another girl doesn’t make you a jerk. But doing it in front of her kinda does, because you know she has feelings for you and is going through depression.
You don’t have to hide a relationship from her, but you sure could have broken it to her more gently.
You’re just a little bit of a jerk.” AirBlaze
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk.
She’s clearly very jealous but probably because she’s mad at herself for not opening up to you before this happened. Her loss.” User
7. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend?
“I was having a bad day. All of my friends know that when I am having a bad day, I will be incredibly irritable.
Today was awful. I was sick, under a LOT of stress, and I was just really down in the dumps. Yeah, one of those days.
Anyways, there is this one girl, you know, the one everybody tries to like, but most of the time secretly dislikes?
Yeah, her. Well, she always annoys me. Normally it doesn’t bother me but today it was like having someone play the recorder in your ear while popping water balloons filled with vinegar on your head. I told her, politely, to please leave me alone, that I wasn’t having a good day, but she laughed in my face and continued to annoy me further.
And then I exploded. I got in her face and used the full extent of my colorful language at her until I finally just threw my hands up and walked away, leaving her there, shocked. When I came back to my senses later, I felt incredibly guilty.
I texted her an apology and explanation (bad day, too much stress, and whatnot) but she still hasn’t responded. I tried calling and it went right to voicemail. So to settle my conscience, tell me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, I think you’re a jerk for pretending to like this girl when you really don’t.
But beyond that, she definitely should have respected you when you told her about your bad day, stress, etc. You definitely shouldn’t have blown up in her face.
Was there another thing you could have done? Maybe walk away or go to the bathroom? Maybe told her, ‘Hey, I’m sorry, but I would really like to be alone right now. It’s nothing to do with you, I’ve just had a bad day.’?” jonny_wags
Another User Comments:
“You’re a jerk because you are pretending to like someone you dislike. She’s a jerk because she chose to ignore the boundaries you had set down. Now the question is, do you want her to forgive you because you value her friendship, or because you don’t want to look bad?” User
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk and neither is she.
You were under duress and made a poor choice.
She wasn’t aware of your actual feelings towards her, more than likely she legitimately thought her actions would cheer you up.” SeeDeez
6. AITJ For Reinviting Someone To A Social Media Group Chat?
“I have two friends C (girl) and J (boy). Out of the two of them, I would say I’m closer to J, but we’ve lived together at uni since September. We’re all part of a larger group of friends and we have a social media group chat that we use to just all talk.
C and J seem to have a love/hate friendship and often get into arguments of sorts, but always seem to make up in the end.
A few hours ago, we were all just having a conversation on there which I was only loosely following and not really participating in.
C then joins in and informs us that she’s wasted. We then realize J isn’t in the chat for some reason (we later find out someone jokingly kicked him a few weeks before and he never got reinvited), and C then begins to badmouth the band J is in, in this chat which J is supposed to be in.
Also, J and his girl recently broke up, so she also commented how he’s just been feeling sorry for himself lately and it’s annoying her.
During all this, another friend (D) tells C to delete the messages because he’s going to invite J back into the chat.
She does so but doesn’t realize it only deletes it for you looking at it. D invites J back in, he says, ‘Shut up, C’ and leaves. I come in at this point saying ‘you know he could see those right?’ and she’s like ‘that’s why I deleted them’ and I said, ‘it only deletes for you…’.
No one else said anything then so I was just like ‘meh whatever’.
A few minutes later, J asks me if I can reinvite him. I, knowing what he’s like, ask him why and he says ‘to see what C put’.
This then puts me in an awkward position: if I don’t invite J, he’ll be mad at me. If I do, C will be mad at me. I tell him ‘I’ll only invite you if you don’t start an argument in the chat’, and invite him back.
Lo and behold, he starts arguing. I tell him in the group chat to drop it and talk to C privately. Again, it all goes silent and I’m like ‘thank god that’s over’.
NOPE. Another few minutes later, C messages me saying ‘thanks for that’.
I quite bluntly tell her he asked me to reinvite him, and not to say stuff online if she doesn’t want to risk people seeing it. She then tells me to ‘stop being so righteous and up myself as it annoys people’, implying this isn’t something only she feels, and it’s not sudden.
Was then just talking to my closest friend in the group (K) about it all and she says C made a chat with her and D when I reinvited J and basically complained about me in it, calling me a ‘**********’ (Idk if that’s used in America, but ‘brown-nosing’ is an equivalent term I think?) She then proceeds to change the group chat title to an obvious dig at me for ‘people who obviously never complain about others ever and are so fabulous;’ and kick me and J from it.
I tend to not get involved in their arguments, and whenever I do, I try not to pick sides and be as impartial as I can. Basically, should I have invited J back to the chat?
He’d obviously already seen what C had said, but I wasn’t sure if he still could after being kicked. Either way, one of them was going to be mad at me, and like I said, I’m closer to J.”
Another User Comments:
“C is the jerk in this story. You’re not the one that complained about J, you’re not the one who misunderstood how social media messages work, and you’re not the one who allowed him to see what she said.
The fact that he argued with her after you reinvited him is irrelevant – he already knew she was slagging him off, and he presumably had other ways to tell her what he thought even if you refused to re-add him.” jayguazu
Another User Comments:
“Well, it sucks that you’re in this position because it sounds like your friends have problems with each other. Not you.
You’re definitely not the jerk here. C was the one that put the rest of the group in an awkward position by badmouthing J.
Especially since she knew that everyone was friends with J, and he was going through a tough breakup. You’re actually being a really good friend, and the only thing you did was try to include J into your group again.” jonny_wags
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re fine, there was no good decision you could have made there. Neither decision would have been more or less morally right. It’s just a gross mess.” tesselode
5. AITJ For Not Waiting On A Teammate Who Was Taking So Long?
“I play an MMORPG (online role-playing game) on which cross-server Arena battles are a thing. The X-server Arena is only open 4 hours a day, in 2 different 2-hr timeslots, only one of which I am ever home for.
My server has been less populated recently as a lot of players have quit and getting a decent team for Arena can be a pain.
Current situation: I put out a call in the server-wide ‘world chat’ for people to join me in the arena.
A guildie PM’d me asking me to wait a few minutes for them. The room had been empty for a minute since I’d put out the general invite, so I said yeah I could wait. But he didn’t show up and after a couple of minutes a guy from another guild joined, which was cool cause there were still 2 spots open, but my guildie STILL didn’t show up, and another few minutes after that two other guys from the other guild joined. We started and in the middle of our first battle, my guildie PM’d me asking me to invite them.
Now, I could have asked one of the other guys to leave or just straight-up kicked one from the room to invite my guildie since I was the team leader, but we had already started.
AITJ for saying I would wait but going without him when he took too long?”
Another User Comments:
“Depends how much time passed between when you said you’d wait ‘a few minutes’ and when you started the game. Under 10? Yeah, you should have waited. More than 15? I’d say go ahead and start, but it would be polite to send him a PM or something letting him know.
Between? Grey area.
Either way, when the room started filling up, it would have been nice to at least PM the guy and ask how much longer he would be.” flippy77
Another User Comments:
“Nope, not a tall jerk but you need to have specific time limits on the wait time when the window is so narrow.
But on the other hand, now they will not wait for you in return so as long as you’re ok with that then no you’re not the jerk…” User
4. AITJ For Posting A Snapchat Story To Annoy The Girl I Like?
“For about 6 months I’ve liked this girl who I have known for about 6 years.
She and I would either text or snap at each other daily for the last 6 months. A lot of the conversation was flirty, so I decided to make a move finally about two or three weeks ago.
I texted her and asked if she wanted to go out the next day. She said that she wasn’t sure if she could, but would let me know. 6:30 pm rolls around the next day, and I haven’t heard from her.
I texted her asking if she still wanted to go out that night. She said that she was tired after being on her feet and being involved in an activity (dancing) all day.
No big deal, right?
I asked if she wanted to go out next weekend, and she said maybe. Fine, not the result I had hoped for, but let’s just move on from it. I called my friends up to express my anger about the situation, and how I felt so upset that it seemed as though she wasn’t going to let me know that she didn’t want to go out that night.
Here is where the drama begins. 2 hours later she posts a story on Snapchat that said she was on her way to a town nearby where we live. She was going there to go drinking like she frequently does.
I was kind of annoyed that she blew me off and gave me a lie in order to go drinking.
I sub ‘respond’ by putting up a Snap story with my friends with a caption that said ‘Plan B.’ My friend also tweeted ‘left my man hanging today, smh’ and I retweeted it.
She shares a class with my friends and the next day told them that she thought it was immature that I put up that snap and retweeted my friend’s tweet. She hasn’t told me this and doesn’t know that I know that she is annoyed at me.
I have been to 3 parties since then and she won’t reply to my snaps and wouldn’t speak more than four words or so at the parties to me. I would text her and try to diffuse the situation, but I don’t think that I’m in the wrong.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“She’s right. That’s some passive-aggressive high school stuff. If you had simply been more patient then I’m sure she would’ve made more time for you. She probably already had plans and didn’t know how to say it without seeming rude or something (people are sometimes weird about this).
She lied by omission, sure, but you also responded in a childish way. You’re not exactly gaping here, but you are the jerk. Just apologize.” User
Another User Comments:
“I totally get that you’re hurt. But she’s just not into you that way probably but also didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
Could she have gone about it differently? Yes. Could you have not responded in such a passive-aggressive way? Bigger yes!
If anything, that move you pulled turned her so off of you, if you had a little hope, it’s all gone now.
Had a guy done that to me, I’d automatically think he’s immature and petty and not worth my time.” Floonet
Another User Comments:
“I can understand how this situation hurt you. However, I think you should have just taken the hint and been the better person about all this.
I don’t think you’re a jerk, but if you want some closure about all this, you need to talk to her. And be prepared for rejection when you say you like her.” jonny_wags
3. AITJ For Wearing A Star Wars Shirt Even If I'm Not A Fan?
“My uncle and I went shopping last week.
My uncle is a huge Star Wars (SW) fan and when he saw a T-shirt with Mandalorian written on it he went nuts! He tried it on but it wasn’t available in his size so he asked me to wear it and offered to buy it for me if it fits.
I wasn’t turning down free clothes as a broke guy so I took him up as the tee was real comfy. I have not watched Star Wars nor do I intend to as it doesn’t interest me.
So I went to a McDonald’s recently and while I was coming out a guy pointed at me and said something. It was very obviously a reference to SW since he was pointing at my shirt.
So I politely told him I don’t watch Star Wars, know nothing about it, and was going to walk away when he started yelling. He scolded saying I shouldn’t wear fandom things if I am not in them and it’s disrespectful?
He also said he had social anxiety (which is nonsense as no one with anxiety yells at someone in public. LOL.) and had worked up a great deal of courage to talk to me. He literally pointed and said something to me, not even a greeting, nothing.
I just said sorry and walked away. I did hear him say ‘whatever moron’.
When I told my friends this, half of them told me it was stupid and I was right but the others including my brother told me I shouldn’t wear fandom things if I am not into them.
But I think if it’s comfortable and decent enough for the public eye, why worry about fandoms?
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Fans’ who act like this are major major jerks with no excuse for their behavior.
Guess what, I was a super socially anxious nerdy girl who was obsessed with Star Trek! Do you know what I didn’t assume, even when I was a poorly socialized kid? That someone wearing Star Trek merch owed me anything.
And what if you had social anxiety? What if some stranger coming up to you and basically demanding you ‘prove’ your fan status made you uncomfortable or anxious? What if you were houseless or your parents had financial difficulties and this happened to be the least worn shirt you had that day?
There are dozens of reasons you could have been wearing the shirt. This guy didn’t care, and he wasn’t trying to make friends. He was just being a gatekeeping jerk. Real fans share their passion, they don’t demand others prove their right to like something.
The appropriate way to approach someone wearing a fandom thing is to just say ‘hey, I like your (fandom thing!)’ that’s it. That gives the wearer the chance to demonstrate whether they want to chat about the fandom or not on their terms.” welshcobsRthebest
Another User Comments:
“Big star wars fan here and no, you are so NTJ at all. That guy definitely is and I’m ashamed he thinks he’s a fan. Mark Hamill (the guy who played luke skywalker) would not like this at all.
I’d just look at the person and be like ‘yeah, may the force be with you’… And walk away lol… I can’t argue points with people who are obsessed with it. I’m so bad with names I wouldn’t even recognize the Mandalorian as being star wars without the picture hahaha I forget most of the characters’ names and the planets.
I can remember the major main ones from the early movies… Watched them a lot as a child haha… But that’s about it. Was so confused for so long when the next 3 came out. I get it now I’m older but man they’re just taking it too far with all these extra ones.
I really wouldn’t worry about those so stuck up about a movie they think it’s OK to go naanaa at someone over a freaking t-shirt. A normal thing is to say I love ur shirt! Then you can reply with thanks, it was a present from my uncle who’s a fan.
Which is a very valid reason for having and liking a shirt!” Netty1420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to wear whatever you want. Just do be aware that there are many gatekeepers in all fandoms and they will feel entitled to shun you for wearing the garments without being in the fandom.
Ignore them and carry on.” NightShade947
2. AITJ For Not Spending Mother's Day With My Father?
“Last summer my father came out as transgender and went through the process of becoming a woman. (I just want to say that I love her whether she’s my Mom or Dad.) This is her first Mother’s Day and she was extremely excited about it.
The thing is, it didn’t feel right not to spend Mother’s Day with the mother that gave birth to me. My birth Mom had an emergency c-section to have me, she breastfed me, and gave up her career to be a stay-at-home mom for me.
She gave up so many things for me… And truthfully, I don’t know how many more mother’s days I have with her as she’s been VERY sick the past few months. It just felt wrong not to spend the day with her.
When I explain this to my Mother she said ‘But I’m your Mom too.’
Which… okay, fair enough. So I tried to compromise with her. I told her we can celebrate it the weekend before or the weekend after.
Still not good enough. Long story short, I didn’t spend Mother’s Day with her and now she keeps giving me the cold shoulder.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mom has been facing health issues, and you have a deep concern for her.
I hope that she will pull through.
You offered a compromise for your now-mother to spend time with her on another day. She didn’t want that. She said it had to be Mother’s Day.
While she is excited that she can spend that day as herself for the first time, she should also understand how dire your mom’s health is.” SupergirlKrypton
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I honestly think you could have done more maybe brunch with one and dinner with the other.
Or maybe one thing that both your moms go to.
I still say ‘no jerks here’ because I understand why you wanted to spend it with the mom you did but I also understand why your other mom is hurt and would feel ‘less than’ when you tell her reasons why your other mom is more of a mom.” WontYouBeMyNeighbors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As your family grows or changes, whether that’s transitions, new in-laws, babies, etc., everyone involved has to make adjustments and practice empathy and understanding. You are only one person and your reasons for spending some special time with your birth mother are completely valid.
I understand your mom was excited for her first mother’s day but it sounds like you’ve been nothing but supportive to her, and that you made sure you acknowledged her on the day, so she owes you the same consideration considering your birth mom’s current situation.
Families and family members have to compromise celebrating holidays regularly as they grow and evolve, and your offer to celebrate on a different day was completely fair.” Boop_daboop
1. AITJ For Taking Away Everything My Son "Didn't Ask For"?
“My wife and I have 3 kids (27F, 23M, & 20M).
Our two oldest have graduated college and are living on their own. Our 20-year-old, Kyle, is living at home with us. He graduated high school last year but didn’t want to attend college. He said he didn’t want student loans to burden him for the rest of his life.
Even though we made him the same deal we made our other 2 kids, which was we pay for your first 2-years of post-high school education.
Whether that be trade school, coding classes, traditional college, community college, etc. Didn’t matter what your choice was, we pay for the first 2-years.
Our 2 oldest jumped at this opportunity and both are considering acquiring advanced degrees. Kyle, however, seems to be stuck in neutral. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication and has been in therapy for the past 18-months for anxiety as well.
He was working in a restaurant but got laid off. He’s worked a few jobs since then, but none of them lasted for more than 2-3 months. We’ve tried to be very encouraging and supportive, but nothing seems to get through to him.
He just sits in his room all the time. He sleeps all day and stays up late playing video games.
We’ve had many conversations with him about what his plans are, but he tells us he doesn’t have a plan because it’s all pointless anyway.
He says he will never be able to buy a home of his own and if he wants to own a house he’s gonna have to wait until my wife and I die. Anytime we try to have a conversation about his life plan with him, he will say stuff like ‘I didn’t ask to be born’ and ‘Life would be easier if western society collapsed.’
This past weekend we had a particularly bad fight because he hasn’t even looked for a job in 5 months. He again said that he didn’t ask to be born. I kind of snapped and told him in that case, I’ll just take away all the other things we’ve given you that you didn’t ask for.
He asked what that meant and I told him that his cellphone, internet access, his car, all of it can be taken away in a heartbeat. He rolled his eyes at me and said ‘Yeah, ok, whatever you say.’
So, that night I removed his phone from our family cell plan and changed the password for the WiFi. Kyle must have noticed because he came at me screaming the next day. He called me a bunch of names and asked me what I was thinking.
I told him that unless he changes his attitude and gets off his butt, his car is next. He asked me how he was supposed to look for a job with no internet and I told him he wasn’t looking for a job when he DID have internet, but that I’m sure he could drive to the library.
Kyle hasn’t spoken to me since and my wife thinks I am being way too hard on him. But we’ve given him every opportunity and held his hand every step of the way, only to be met with complete nihilism from him.
I don’t want to kick him out, but I honestly don’t know how else to get through to him.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but Kyle sounds severely depressed, and ‘punishing’ him is not going to help.
A lot of what you’ve written about him sounds exactly like me age 16-27. No one realized I was depressed because I wasn’t ‘sad’ enough – I just didn’t care about anything. Couldn’t care about anything.
Everything was just empty and gray and pointless. I thought it was normal and everyone thought that western civilization was doomed, the world is on fire, staying alive was pointless, everything was a rigged rat race, etc. Very much wished that I could cease to exist without dying and wishing my parents had never created me.
I think you are trying to be a good parent and incentivize him to do better, but right now he can’t. It’s not about wanting to or being motivated–but making healthy changes that require effort and don’t pay off immediately feels like a waste of energy, because ‘maybe, just maybe, I’ll get lucky and die in my sleep and not wake up tomorrow,’ and getting a job today doesn’t change that.
Punishments and rewards are not going to work. A bad enough punishment (something that makes him feel like a failure, being rejected, or being cut off socially) may push him over the edge. Definitely do not kick him out.
Be supportive and try and get him some better mental health treatment. Ask him if it’s ok to talk to his therapist and psychiatrist. If so, let them know you’ve noticed some alarming behaviors (saying he wishes he’d never been born is normal for 14-16 years olds but going into his 20s feeling this way is not; lethargy and anhedonia).
I don’t think getting a job should be the goal here–at least, not yet. See if you can encourage him to talk to his doctors, get on a more regular sleep schedule, and help out around the house.
Try and get him to engage with a hobby–something that is outside and physical would be especially helpful, and so would an outlet for creativity.
Hope this helps.” Ehcpzazu4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son is struggling with his mental health.
It’s super obvious that he’s depressed and instead of being sympathetic to that and attempting to actually help him, you’re trying to lay down the law.
His current therapy regime clearly isn’t working. Have him talk to his therapist about switching up his meds or get a second opinion from someone else.
But his mental health struggles are not going to be solved by tough love and your approach will fail.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds clinically depressed and needs to be treated. You need to have a conversation about his mental health and make sure to not stigmatize him for being depressed or not having motivation like your other kids.
But the fact his therapist has not even tried to treat his depression is concerning… obviously from your post it doesn’t sound like it. I would potentially get him into a new therapist and psychiatrist to help his mental health conditions.” Sea_Leg_3967
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