People Demand Commentary Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
26. WIBTJ If I Stand Up To My Little Brother's Bullies?
“I (22F) have a little brother (20M) who goes to a private college. My little brother is the nicest person you will ever meet, he’s super shy, and will do anything for anyone. He is terrified of confrontation. We are both in therapy for depression and anxiety issues. My little brother has faced bullying all his life, but this year it has gotten too out of hand.
My brother lives in a dorm apartment with 3 other roommates (all 20M). Despite how hard my brother has tried to make friends with them, they decided to all join together to make his life miserable.
Now, these kids don’t physically bully my brother, but they’ve done a lot of other things.
His roommates make plans without him in front of him and tell him to his face he’s not invited, make fun of him on a daily basis, and take and hide his belongings (including his glasses and laptop charger), and other things.
My brother’s school fines the students for leaving a mess over breaks and holidays because they clean the rooms in between semesters.
This winter break his roommates all decided to leave early, and completely trash the dorm, leaving all sorts of trash in front of his door and texting him telling him it was a ‘prank’. My family all drove to his school to help him clean this massive mess and it took hours.
My little brother has never once retaliated or even stood up for himself.
These next two weeks are finals weeks for my brother, and the pranks are getting worse. Today was the last straw. They knocked on my brother’s door and asked him to come to the living room. He left his room and found a group of people all standing there, filming him.
Suddenly, one of the roommates poured a bucket of water on him, drenching him, and all the others laughed. My brother said he just gave them a thumbs up and went back to his room.
He called me a short while later (usually telling me this stuff doesn’t bother him) and broke down.
He said he’s too scared to go get lunch or dinner because that means he has to leave his room, and he doesn’t want another prank to be pulled on him. He’s spiraling, and I’ve never seen him so sad before. He said he won’t go to the school because ‘he doesn’t want to get anyone in trouble.’
This is where I come in. I pick up my brother from college to move him out in two weeks (before his roommates). Now, I don’t want to get my brother in trouble, but I want to retaliate. Nothing awful, but I’d love to pour water all over their beds or throw glitter absolutely EVERYWHERE so they have a mess to clean.
I would take full responsibility for everything of course.
Part of me knows that this is my brother’s fight, and he has had talks with his roommates about how he feels, but they continue nonetheless. He’s stated he wants them to stop, but he doesn’t know how.
What should I do?
WIBTJ if I ‘prank’ his roommates?
EDIT: I would only do this if my brother gave me the thumbs up! I’d never do something behind his back.
He’s moving out permanently in 2 weeks, never to see his roommates again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you mean move him out of that room permanently, SUPER AWESOME.
In that event, I would NEVER advise you to put pork (not fish, pork, it smells literal like a human body decomposing) in the blinds covers (inside curtain rings), in the vents, under the carpeting/floorboards, in their computer terminals, or any other hidden spots. I would never advise that, EVER.
I would also never video a walkthrough of a perfectly clean room, before wrecking it, swearing no knowledge of what happened, dismissing it as another prank, and producing the past texts to use as proof this is their habit.
Definitely not, never do these things, because you would be the jerk.” AbbyFB6969
Another User Comments:
“This entire situation makes me sad. It’s a shame that your kind, gentle brother has to learn to be forceful. The world would be such a better place if he could just remain kind and gentle, but I get not wanting him to endure the torment any longer.
You are a good big sister.
You would absolutely not be the jerk. But I would like to make a recommendation. Record and document everything that is going on. And maybe, when you do eventually take responsibility for the revenge pranks, make sure to tell them it is because they offended YOU.
Don’t make it seem like your brother wanted them to get pranked but didn’t have the courage to do it himself; tell them something like ‘my brother didn’t want me to prank you for him; frankly, he’s so far above you he doesn’t even care.
Unfortunately for you, I’m not that advanced, and I think you deserve what you got and a lot worse. And if you prank someone I love again, you WILL get a lot worse.’
To be honest, if it were my little brother or sister (I have no younger siblings, but I have a niece and a nephew) I would straight up just threaten to beat the pranksters up, and have four of my largest friends with me when I said it.
I once told a kid ‘I have no problem going back to prison.’ The look on his face was priceless. (I’ve never even visited a prison, but the little jerk didn’t know that.)” CutawayChaser
25. AITJ For Buying The Last Stuffed Toy?
“I went shopping at Target yesterday after getting my tax refund. My bulldog died almost one year ago, and there was a bulldog Squishmallow (stuffed toy) named Bronk that I had been eyeballing at target for a couple of weeks. So I went there yesterday and it was still there, and I happily put it in my cart and go about my shopping for some other household items.
I then go to the self-checkout line, which is quite long because, obviously, it is the weekend. So I’m just standing there playing with my phone and minding my own business while I’m waiting to check out and I feel someone harshly tapping on my shoulder. I turn around, and it’s an angry-looking mother with a whining toddler (girl) in their cart.
She goes, ‘who are you buying that for?’ And points to my cart. I look confused, she walks up to my cart and aggressively pokes the Squishmallow. ‘This. Do you have kids?!?! Who are you buying it for???’ she asks. She sounded pretty mad. I go, ‘Ummm… I don’t have kids.
I’m buying it for myself.’ She then goes (angrily) ‘you’re a grown adult. You don’t need stuffed animals, any mature person wouldn’t even get this for themselves. That was the one my daughter wanted and you took the last one. What kind of adult collects toys?!
You had better let her have it. That’s just selfish of you. Keeping toys from kids. You should be ashamed.’
Her daughter is then whining and trying to get out of the cart to grab it. I just go, ‘I’m sorry I took the last one. You could try a different target.’ By then, it’s my turn to check out (thank God) and I turn around.
I then hear her go, ‘Grow up. And get a job!’ behind me. I then hear her complaining about me to the workers while I’m checking out.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would have proudly snuggled that Squishmallow for all it was worth on the way out of the Target too.
Make sure that entitled mother saw you the whole time. Your mistake was engaging her in the first place, the best way to deal with people like that is to pretend you do not understand them, smile, and turn around. It will drive them mad when you do not answer them.
If they continue to try and talk to you, turn around with a huge Jack Nicholson grin on your face and say nothing. I spent 15 minutes waiting in line to check out with the last Tickle Me Elmo in the store and it drove this lady absolutely crazy when I did not say a word.
It was so funny!” Scarletzoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I originally thought this was gonna be a different scenario. If this had been a 7-year-old who knew what she wanted and you snatched it off the shelf literally in front of her when she was going for it, then I’d say yeah you’d be the jerk.
But approaching you in the checkout line when you already had it is bonkers, and a toddler doesn’t know what they want for more than a few minutes at a time anyway.” LaScoundrelle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – despite what this entitled person says, adults are allowed to like stuffed animals/toys.
You are also not obligated to give up something unless you want to.
This would have been a great teaching tool for entitled mommy to explain to the kid that sometimes they can’t get what they want whenever they want.
Don’t feel guilty for treating yourself.” lonelyronin1
24. WIBTJ If I Gave Up On A Friendship That's Draining Me?
“I (30F) am the shoulder friends cry on. It sucks to not have anyone to turn to so I try my best to be there when friends need me.
One friend (25M) in particular has been draining. Let’s make up a name and call him Steve.
A few months back we went from talking every day to talking occasionally because Steve got a new girl, and was spending time with her. She was in our friend circle and they’re cute together, awesome.
No biggie. I also started seeing someone a month or so after, so I understand.
Steve starts complaining that I’m not spending time with him anymore. I try to be more proactive, but…
Every time I make plans with him, or him and his SO, they cancel. Sometimes they’re tired, or they forgot, or they overbook.
It happening every time is frustrating but sure, maybe I’m being overbearing. I back off.
We’re in the same gaming group, and I try to plan things, and… he’ll book something that overlaps after agreeing. He’ll suggest a makeup plan and claim he’s too tired. He gets annoyed if we plan things without him, using it during a breakdown as proof no one needs him.
Steve has a habit of doing too much, burning out, having a mini breakdown and self-sabotage, then needing people to talk him off the ledge. I’m the best one at it to the point other friends will reach out to give me a heads up.
Rinse and repeat every few months.
Honestly, it feels like he attached to me until he got the girl, and exhausts her, then she reaches out to vent. I am the emotional sponge for the group and I don’t usually mind it. I will clean my house in prep for him/both of them to drop by if needed.
I’ve suggested therapy for them both. I’ve tried pointing out when I notice he’s getting burnt out, and I still try to be there, but it hurts to basically be put to the side for plans with other people because ‘oh, you’re more understanding than they are.’ The jerk even tries to claim he’s there for me if I need him but the few times I tried?
See above. Happens to even the last-minute stuff.
I’m exhausted and a bit mad. I’m tempted to only reach out when they reach out and mute their messages when I’m sleeping so I’m not getting the eleventh-hour breakdowns. If they would say they only want emotional support, fine, but don’t whine you miss hanging out and then cancel every time.
Would I be the jerk if I just give up on the friendship, knowing he struggles?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it is time for you to set some boundaries.
You may be the shoulder that everyone leans on, but pretty soon you’re going to topple over from all that weight.
Your time and your energy are valuable and it doesn’t appear that either of these people (and possibly others in your friend group if they’re giving you the heads up when he is burning out) respect that.
Absolutely mute them when you are trying to sleep – that’s the minimum.
Quit trying to work around their schedules. If they want to hang out, then let them suggest some times and see if it works for you.
My daughter had an online friend (6 hr time diff) who sucked her dry emotionally before she was old enough to figure out her boundaries.
They would go radio silent for days only to reappear as if everything was fine.
If they can’t abide by your guidelines, then the friendship will die (but is it even a friendship if that happens?). Spend your time and energy with people that you like; that like you and that respect your boundaries.” Ikeepgettingweirder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has made it clear that you are not a priority to him in any way whatsoever. Accept that and act accordingly. Give him nothing but lip service. When he says let’s make plans, reply yes we totally should, and leave it at that. When he agrees to plans, say call me when you are leaving to go.
He won’t. Don’t plan on going. Tell him how much you miss him while making no effort for him in any way. Leave him on mute all the time. If you glance at your phone and notice that he called, reply at your leisure, nothing more. That is the relationship that he has decided on.
Do your part to keep it at that level.” BAT123456789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. You’re there for him when there’s a hard time (that’s great), you’re still present during good times (wonderful) and offer a hand to help him notice behavior that is toxic to him and respect him if he refuses (can’t get any better).
Now, if he just drains you when he’s down, guilt-trips you when he’s up, and doesn’t learn from those cycles that’s just not a friend, there’s no reciprocity. You’re not abandoning the friendship, because there was no friendship to start with…” Patient_House
23. AITJ For Being Concerned About Our Cat?
“I am 18 and living with my parents while I get through college. The house I live in housed five outdoor cats before our family (of 4) moved in.
One of these cats, Scout, is the friendliest and most social cat of ours. However, she’s been itching and cleaning both of her ears extensively (and painfully) for months. It’s to the point where her coat is dull and she is stressed out.
Our other cats do not have this issue and they are all very healthy.
My sister and I had been asking our mom to take her to the vet since both of us do not have the budget to do so. She has said no countless times, telling us ‘she’s an outside cat’ and not giving us a reasonable excuse as to why she won’t help her.
I have landed a job with good pay, and I’m hoping to save up to take her to the vet by myself, but my mom is starting to give me grief over it. She tells me ‘save your funds, don’t spend your money on something so trivial.’
It really irritates me that she claims to care for these cats but yet she refuses to investigate when something’s obviously wrong with them. (For the record, we are not on a tight budget. We have money for a pool, and we obviously have money for a vet visit.) I feel like a spoiled brat, but this cat means a lot to my sister and me.
Am I acting like a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Mum just doesn’t see animals as beings, she views them more as things. Take the cat to the vet. If it’s a payment issue, some vets offer payment plans, call and ask.” DragonsLoveBoxes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t discuss it with your mother any longer.
You guys don’t legally own the cats and they are ‘outside’ cats. Your mother isn’t concerned that one of the neighbors will call Animal Control over sickly, abandoned cats running around the neighborhood? Nobody wants sick animals roaming the neighborhood, possibly infecting their own pets. Your mother doesn’t want to be THAT trashy neighbor.” AbbyFB6969
Another User Comments:
“Sorry to say, but your mom is a jerk and those cats need to be taken away from her. Her response to the cats’ health being trivial is disgusting. NTJ and I hope you take the cat to the vet as soon as you can afford it.” Still_Storm7432
22. AITJ For Failing My Friend's Test?
“I (NB) am in high school and have been dealing with some things outside of school, which have also come into school life and made me off physically and academically. I haven’t had much time in class and as a result, have been failing. I have one class with all my friends (3rd hour) where one of these friends, whom we are going to call Max (male) would always talk about how I’m very ‘rude’ and ‘need to keep my emotions under control’ but recently, he took it too far in my opinion.
He told a group of my friends he would be putting me through a few tests. These tests make fun of me until I break.
Now, all my friends know that I am not in the best place mentally. He knows that, and shouldn’t have done this. The next week he did all these tests and I ‘failed’ every single one.
After he told me this I got REALLY upset. For some reason, all my friends sided with him but one. That was my friend Red (Agender) they knew that this was a bad idea from the start and he told him not to do that. Allen is Max’s partner and told him that it wasn’t a good idea to do this.
But Allen also after the whole thing then says ‘you know you’re kinda starting to act like a jerk’ that hurt me a lot. Let’s just say I walked away really mad.
I don’t know why they do that. I get it I might be rude sometimes, but putting me through tests, and making fun of me is NOT the way to fix me.
Not to mention he also made fun of things that I am very insecure about, like my reading and my grades. He said it was all for the test.
UPDATE; I talked with Allen, and turns out they had no idea about the test, Red didn’t either. Which I didn’t know.
But they also saw some sort of problem with the test thing. But any time we bring it up to him, he goes off about how his dad is a doctor, and how he’s my ‘life coach’ but also this man will say the rudest things, and when I say ‘what happens to not being rude’ he won’t say anything.
But we kind of don’t want to attack with all these things going on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Anyone who ‘tests’ people is a jerk, including the people that were in on it.
However, although treating people rudely does not warrant it, it is never acceptable no matter what excuse you attempt to muster up.
No friend would do this either. You are not the only person going through issues and should never assume you have a free pass to treat people badly because of it.” MersWhaawhaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you do have issues, it isn’t their place to ‘fix’ you. Sometimes tough love is necessary, but what they are doing is not that.” SomeGuyNamedJason
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I can’t stand people who ‘test’ their friends or SO it’s disrespectful and trashy and accomplishes absolutely nothing.” bad-luck-psyduck
21. AITJ For Yelling Out In Frustration In Front Of A Kid?
“Today was my grandfather’s funeral and a lot of friends and family came to show support. I arrived early at the funeral place like 10 am to help my family today.
My aunt’s best friend came and her entitled child came. After the funeral, we were having a get-together in my aunt’s big backyard. We ate food, had some laughs, and some tears, and I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Now here’s some info on me, I hate kids, like I just find them extremely annoying.
So I was super tired and decided to sleep on my aunt’s couch. The kid asked me ‘why are you sleeping?’ ‘I’m tired, just gonna rest for a bit.’ ‘Get up!’ ‘No, it’s nap time!’
I start to fall asleep when suddenly I feel someone kicking my legs.
I know who it is, I decided to ignore it cause it wasn’t that annoying. Then I feel someone flicking my nose. I continue to ignore it. The kid then stops for a minute when I feel something on my face. The kid is drawing on my face. I’m getting mad and I know if I open my mouth, I’m gonna explode, so I fall asleep.
I sleep for a bit and wake up with loud motorcycle noises next to my ear. I know who did this. I turn off the phone and put it on the floor. I hear the kid grab the phone and put it on again. He’s blasting the audio. I continued to ignore it, the kid moves the phone closer to my ear.
I continue to ignore it when suddenly, the kid throws a yoga ball at my face! I yell out ‘OH MY GOD!!!’ (I was ready to curse, but stopped myself to not curse in front of minors). The kid runs off and the adults in the other room asked me what’s up.
I said, ‘entitled kid was just throwing a yoga ball at my head’ after that I’m completely ignored. Later I tell my mom what happened and my mom called me a jerk for yelling at the kid. Like I didn’t even say anything to the kid. There were so many times I felt like throwing this kid’s phone and or yelling at this kid but I didn’t want to be mean.
And you are probably thinking how old was this kid? The kid is 11 years old. I learned when I was young not to disturb people while they are sleeping. So am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I can discern that you don’t have a lot of experience around kids.
They like to push until firmly told ‘no’. An 11-year-old is more than capable of understanding that they are being annoying and regulating their behavior. They are capable of reason and understanding.
A better way to handle it next time? First, at the first annoying behavior get close to the child, face level with his, make eye contact, maybe hands on shoulders, and speak slowly and clearly.
Say something like, ‘(name), I would appreciate it if you don’t (trashy behavior). Today was long and I am very tired. Could you do that for me? Great, thanks.’ Always remember to praise good behavior, kids would rather be praised than punished, but they would rather be punished than ignored. They also need to be physically stopped when doing something wrong, to break the chain of the behavior.
Gives them some thinking time and a chance to do something else.” Funny_Jellyfish5632
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At first, I thought YTJ but as the story went on I quickly changed my opinion. That kid is too old to be acting that way and where are their parents? You could’ve asked them to leave you alone or got their parent involved instead of yelling but if a kid drew on my face and kept kicking me then yeah I would’ve got mad too.” waezxo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s lucky, when I fall asleep, if I get woken up violently, even if it’s just noises, I fling my arms out before I’m aware of what’s going on. It’s just a gut reaction, an instant response, nothing deliberate on my part. My daughter used to lean in and stare at me when I slept when she was a toddler until I accidentally shoved her when I opened my eyes, and her eyeballs were up against mine.
She wasn’t hurt, she just lost her balance and windmilled back a few steps, lol. She never did that again, tho!” AbbyFB6969
20. AITJ For Giving Someone Else's Dog A Flea Bath?
“My MIL’s ex-husband ‘Don’ stayed close with the family, and left his dog with us for days or weeks at a time. He never bathed the dog and she got fleas regularly.
When she came over with fleas, I ground my teeth and said nothing beyond complaining to my husband. But the day it spread to my dog and I had to give him a flea bath, I just gave both dogs a flea bath.
As I said to my husband, if you leave your dog with us and it gives my dog fleas, I’m treating both dogs.
Don actually thanked me for bathing his dog, but my MIL screamed at me for days about how inappropriate it is to bathe someone else’s dog. I wouldn’t have done it if it were a stranger or if the dog weren’t living with us part-time, but was it inappropriate under these circumstances?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would tell your MIL she is acting with abusive behavior. I would’ve done it even if I was watching a stranger’s dog if it had fleas. Fleas are disgusting and need to be taken care of immediately. You did the right thing. Besides you even held your tongue and just vented to your husband.
Your MIL isn’t even in a relationship with him anymore. As long as Don is cool with it then you’re totally fine. I would just brush off my MIL if that were me, and not say anything to her except that she is behaving with abusive behavior and that you need to be treated with respect.” User
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ – not for the flea bath, but for letting an animal with a highly communicable disease live at your house part-time & not doing something about it sooner.
Of course it spread to your dog – you’re lucky the flea eggs didn’t get into your couch or linens, too.
Then it takes a couple of months to get rid of them instead of just one bath as you have to wait for each batch of eggs to hatch.
Hopefully, after this incident, you keep all your pets on flea and tick prevention now.” sliceofsal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The owner of the dog thanked you and didn’t have an issue with it.
MIL is doing too much. MIL probably just wanted a reason to fight with you. If you are watching that dog then they should 100% be treated for fleas to protect your animals and your home.” waezxo
19. AITJ For Standing Up For My Daughter And Yelling At My Husband?
“My daughter started having terrible period pain a year ago. We have been to a few gynos and they have run all the normal tests and it’s all come up clear.
I think it might be endometriosis because it runs in my family, it’s the same symptoms and it started around the same age for her as it did for my sister. It takes a long time to get diagnosed and some days she is ok and some days she is crying on the floor due to pain.
Her current doctor wrote a note informing her school of her pain saying she should be able to be exempt from PE if she isn’t feeling well. I can’t write a 504 because she isn’t diagnosed yet but I always go in to meet her teachers and explain the situation and they are usually good about it.
Her father though doesn’t believe she has anything wrong with her and thinks it’s just her being whiny and periods are supposed to hurt.
This year there was a PE teacher taking over for the current PE teacher so I hadn’t met him yet. He called me and my husband but I was busy so my husband picked up.
He told my husband that my daughter was refusing to run laps with the other students saying she wasn’t feeling well and had abdominal pain. My husband told the new PE teacher to ‘make her run. It’s good for her’. So she came home sobbing and when I got home she told me the teacher made her run and she threw up and curled on the floor unable to move because of her pain and the other students were all watching.
I went to the school furious with this new PE teacher until he explained that my husband told him to make her participate.
I confronted my husband and he thinks she is making it up because up until a year ago she was fine and I was the one putting ideas in her head that she was in pain.
I screamed at him because I couldn’t believe he thought she or I was making it up. We had a massive fight and he is mad at me and my daughter is mad at her father. I am annoyed at my husband but he’s a guy and doesn’t understand women’s pain at all.
Is he TJ for not being more understanding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were right to stand up for your daughter. You don’t need to allow your husband excuses for ‘not understanding’ women’s health issues. He’s not a helpless child. He’s seemingly not incapable of googling endometriosis and reading up on the effects.
He is being misogynistic and purposefully obtuse. And why is the gym teacher calling home before checking if there’s a doctor’s note on file? Your daughter was in pain and she was humiliated. Don’t let your husband’s temper tantrum make you doubt your reaction.” lightninghazard
Another User Comments:
“I almost feel tempted to give you a YTJ verdict for the sentence ‘He’s a guy and doesn’t understand women’s pain’ alone. Don’t give him excuses! Pain is pain. I have no balls either, but I can emphasize with a guy being kicked in the nuts, too. And that’s it.
Your husband does get pain, he just decides to not believe your daughter and thinks she is hysteric or making things up. There is so much stigma for women in exaggerating pain or making it up or being weak… even in the medical field. So please don’t fall into that trap and excuse your husband’s behavior or downplay it – even if it is only to yourself or subconsciously.
There are only two explanations for your husband’s behavior: Either, he does not care enough/does not pay enough attention to know that his daughter is in excruciating pain and thinks she is making it up or exaggerating. Or he knows and just doesn’t care or wants to toughen her up.
I don’t know what is worse.
So yeah, NTJ for blowing up at your husband. Honestly, he would deserve more than just being screamed at a bit.” Namerie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and honestly, as someone with endometriosis this would be a dealbreaker for me. Your husband is calling you and your daughter liars and encouraging someone to put your daughter through something that will cause her pain.
Be really aware of that: your husband doesn’t care that your daughter is in intense physical pain because he thinks she’s a liar.
Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he can’t understand the concept of being in pain. I’ve never had asthma, diabetes, or cancer, but I can sympathize with people who do and believe them when they say they’re having problems. Plenty of men understand the concept of endometriosis—your husband is just a jerk.” LBA2487
So verify where exactly her pain is located (very lower part of her abdomen) and then,
1. Have him stand facing you.
2. Tell him to slightly open his legs.
3. Tell him that the second you kick him he has to
run around the block( to simulate her running
laps around the gym.
4. When he refuses tell him if she a female child
can withstand the pain than he a Super Macho
He-man should have no trouble doing it!
18. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner's Friend?
“My partner is at her friend’s place helping remove trees. I was supposed to help, but I wound up hurting my ankle at practice and couldn’t make it. I ask her if she’s not too tired after working all day and if she would like to come over (I live about 30 min away).
I get a response from her friend (who I don’t know, and was only told that she’s really sassy), and this is what it said: No. She’s not coming to your house on my birthday. You get your butt out here and celebrate my birthday if you want to be a part of this family.
It’s important. Wrap your foot up and get your butt out here. Buck up. Time to party drummer boy.
I said: I had no clue tonight was meant to be a bday party, I’m not trying to steal her by any means. But I’m not driving with my ankle messed up, that’s unsafe.
She said: You have a whole other leg. You’re a drummer. You can use it to drive. We have a wheelchair for your candy butt. And a walker, witch. JUST UBER.
To which I didn’t respond, because I don’t know her and have no idea to respond that wouldn’t turn into a fight.
I have a talk with my partner about those texts the next day, and she was adamant that her friend said nothing wrong, citing that she told me ‘I told you she’s sassy’. Everyone else at this birthday party (all of which have been friends for years) also said they see nothing wrong because they know her.
I don’t think being ‘sassy’ is an excuse to speak to someone you don’t know like this, I would think especially a friend’s significant other. It wound up turning into a fairly large fight, one of which I don’t think will want to make me continue this relationship.
I showed these texts to a few friends and family, and they all said the same thing. Red flag. Am I wrong and/or being too thin-skinned?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I understand your reaction, but I think those texts are absolutely laugh-out-loud funny. The friend is saying she wants you there to celebrate, that’s a good thing.
You are absolutely right though, when you send messages like that to a stranger, you are playing with fire. I completely get why other commenters don’t see the humor there, and on a bad day, I would be offended too.
Is it too late to call that Uber? You should take your drumsticks, by the way.
Sounds like there’s some fun to be had there.” VlaxDrek
Another User Comments:
“This was a birthday party and your partner didn’t tell you. For me, that’s the big one. If she wanted you to still make it, she might have suggested driving you there herself, so you could keep your ankle elevated and maybe iced (also during the party, she might help you out with fresh ice packs, etc.).
It doesn’t sound like she cared whether you were there or not, which makes her friend’s ‘sass’ especially odd. But I also have to wonder why the friend didn’t pass on the phone to your partner – she’s the one you called. If your partner has no problem with all this and can’t see your perspective, I think you’re smart to rethink the relationship.
NTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know when verbal abuse from women got turned into they’re just sassy. But, it’s extremely common now for women to run around screaming awful things at people and claiming that they are sassy.
It’s leaked into movies, tv shows, books, society, marriages, relationships, friendships, work environments, and so many other places.
I can’t stand it. I have no idea why it’s ok for women to abuse people, but it is.
Sassy isn’t this.” Plutoplanetismine
17. AITJ For Not Saying Who My Favorite Niece Is?
“I (20f) have siblings significantly older than me, so I have a bunch of nieces and nephews not much younger than me, we will focus on 4 (15,13, 13, 12 y/o) (I’ll call the older 13y/o as 14 if it comes up).
Easter happened, and the 5 of us were hiding out in the shed since we aren’t close to my dad’s extended family. On the topic of who my favorite niece is coming up, I mentioned the 3 y/o, saying since she is still cute and listens to me so I like her the most, followed by a laugh.
They all agreed she’s the best cousin/sister.
Then one asks me to give a serious answer. They agree and nag on. The problem is, that the older two (15, and almost 14) were removed from their parent’s custody for a while and placed with my family for about 3 years. They weren’t my nieces, they were effectively my little sisters.
I do feel closer to them, I share more interests with them, and have more memories with them. But to me, over the circumstances, it feels like something that I shouldn’t say out loud. So I continue with my joking, not giving a specific, serious answer, (saying my cousin’s new baby, my brother’s future baby, I’ll let them know when I find a man with a niece, etc)
One of my ‘step nieces’ states that it is clearly one of the older ones. I didn’t know how to diplomatically answer, saying yes I did prefer the older ones would hurt them, saying no it wasn’t might hurt the older ones. So I stated that they were being immature and I walked away.
Before anyone asks if they were joking about who my favorite was, they didn’t really have a joking tone or indicate in any way that they were just teasing.
It has been a week and my sister has texted me many times that I hurt her daughters’ feelings, my SIL is on my side saying that my nieces asked a question that they couldn’t handle the answer to and I was doing my best.
AITJ for not really answering their question?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s hard to keep being diplomatic when persistently questioned, and it’s hard to have the perfect response as the questioning becomes more pointed. You may want to have a conversation with the one(s) who kept asking you – asking them why that question was so important to them.
You may also ask if they are feeling left out in any way. You can explain that you love each niece and have your own unique bond with each and that there is no competition for your love. You sound like a really wonderful aunt!” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“It ranks with asking your parent who their favorite child is.
Even IF your parents have a favorite child, there is obviously no good answer. Considering the nieces are young (I am willing to give them that) they asked a question that can’t be answered, you tried to be diplomatic. No jerks there.
NTJ (with the exception of your sister who is a complete jerk for making you feel worse – except for her, I’d vote ‘no jerks here.’)” Snickerdoodle2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you replied very diplomatically considering you actually had favorites (and no surprise that it’s not that step-niece). I would probably clap back ‘Who’s your favorite sibling/parent/grandparent?’ without giving an answer.” User
16. AITJ For Not Inviting Someone To Our Party?
“I’m in a friend group of about 15 people, and we throw a party maybe once or twice a month.
Generally, we’re all really close and have known one another for years. Our parties aren’t anything special—no illegal stuff or drinking or anything like that—just hanging out by the pool, playing warped versions of truth or dare, or sometimes just taking selfies while semi-playing Capture the Flag. This month, it was a friend of ours’ birthday.
We all decided to throw a surprise party for him, just because, on the day after his birthday.
Now comes the decision of who to invite. We invited the whole friend group except one girl who I’ll call Hannah. Firstly, you need to have some context. She’s been emotionally manipulating my best friend—who’s a bit of a pushover—for around 4 years now.
She talks behind everyone’s back, guilt trips and manipulates people to get what she wants, and makes herself out to be the victim every time someone calls her out. Hannah is also infamous for not being able to keep her mouth shut even if it benefits everyone. Not to mention, she’s only ever come to one party, and that was a study party for finals.
Not even a real party, just textbooks and some Sour Patch Kids.
She always has some stupid reason for not coming because no one ever invites whoever her new crush is at the time because he’s never a part of the friend group, who are the only people we ever invite.
Our parties are just times for us to hang out, have fun, and get away from the stress of school—we’re all in the gifted program, so we face academic stress probably more than most—they’re not a time for her to flirt and get a man.
So, when the person hosting the party didn’t invite her, no one argued with him.
We had a party, we had fun, and she didn’t come. Honestly, nothing was any different from normal. But then she found out about it and threw an absolute fit. She’s been yelling at us all and threatening to report us to the Dean of Students. I understand being upset about not being invited to a party, but she isn’t even really friends with the Special Guest. And if you never come, how can you be expected to keep being invited?
At some point, people will just give up.
I do feel a bit guilty, but at the same time, she’s so mean to everyone. How can she expect to keep being invited to places when all she ever does is talk bad about the people organizing the events?
I have no clue whether we were in the right or wrong, so help on that would be awesome.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your party, invite who you want. What is the dean going to do about it anyways? He can’t make you invite people you don’t like. If she really wants to go there then report her for her horrible behavior.” Awkward_Joke_5748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not required to invite people you don’t know well to parties and it does not seem like Hannah deserves any special favors.” OrcEight
15. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Take Care Of Our Sick Kid?
“Our 5-year-old ‘Kay’ came home from school on Friday with a cold/cough and has to isolate herself until Wednesday at least. Despite being sick, Kay is still really active (albeit irritable due to not feeling well) and requires a lot of attention/interaction.
She’s typically a handful, even when not sick.
I asked my hubby if he could work shorter days or take time off to stay at home and help, as we also have a 6-month-old ‘Anna’ who wakes up multiple times a night. For additional context, I’m currently on maternity leave and I’m the one who gets up with Anna to do the feeds and/or to settle her if she’s fussy.
Besides the sleep deprivation, I’m also recovering from severe perinatal anxiety/depression that started in my third trimester (I’m seeing a psychiatrist and p*************t). We usually have a helper come in for a couple of hours in the morning so I can catch up on some sleep as the lack of sleep negatively impacts my mental health.
However, due to public health guidelines, our helper can’t come until the isolation period is over. We also don’t have family nearby, not that I would expose them to our sick kid anyway.
My hubby works an on-site job; his work is pretty laid back, and quite understanding about work/life balance and family needs, so it would not be an issue for him to work shorter days or take the days off (he has lots of leave) until the end of the isolation period.
When I brought up the matter of him staying home, he was not enthused, to say the least. Can’t say that I’m surprised at his reaction, but still, it’s disappointing. Since I’m on maternity leave, he expects me to be able to handle both kids while he’s at work, and has told me to ‘look internally instead of externally for help.’ In his own words, it means that I should be thinking about ways in which I can handle a problem by myself, rather than asking him for help.
It’s true, I do ask him for help… we have 2 kids and a house to manage! When I’m not on mat leave, I have a full-time job, run the household (appointments, schedules, planning, to-do lists, etc), do some chores, and am an involved/engaged parent. Nevertheless, it’s just the stage of life that we’re in… our life is BUSY with 2 young kids.
In any case, AITJ for asking him to stay home even though I’m on maternity leave without other demands on my time and should be able to handle both kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maternity leave is not a vacation. Working from home is still work. Right now you’re recovering from a major medical procedure (childbirth), treating a major medical condition (depression and anxiety), and working (by taking care of an infant 24/7).
On top of all that, you don’t have the bandwidth to take care of your older daughter without assistance right now.” GFdesserts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve got your hands full with your mental health, running the house, and taking care of two young kids. One of those kids being sick makes that infinitely more difficult.
All you’re asking for is some extra help for a couple of days. That really isn’t a lot to ask for what with everything you’ve got going on. Your husband was very dismissive and honestly really patronizing. Looking after the kids is his job too, he’s their father.
And honestly?
I’d have a conversation about making the distribution of labor more even before you go back to work, especially the emotional labor of planning, schedules, appointments, etc.” miasabine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your hubby is such a jerk. He clearly does not value your mental health which can be equally disabling as a physical one.
If you had the flu or a broken leg, heaven forbid, then would he help? If the answer is still no, then I recommend marriage counseling. You are his partner, not his servant. And ANY request for assistance from either of you should be seen as an opportunity, NOT an inconvenience.” gumbygumgum
14. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother To Go To My Father's House?
“I’m a 27-year-old man who is his little brother’s (7M) legal guardian and for the last months, I’ve been refusing to send my bother to my father’s (52) house and the whole family, like EVERYONE is calling me a selfish jerk for not letting my dad spend time with his son (at his house).
Context (I became a legal guardian after this):
When I was 19 my mom told me she was pregnant again (I was an only child) she was 42 at the time, and I told her this was a terrible idea since she had had hypertension problems in the past. I suggested that she not go through with the pregnancy but she refused. Well, the pregnancy went well but my mom passed away six days after childbirth.
I strongly believe she was neglected but the doctor didn’t go to jail, only got his license suspended for ten years.
A severe depression hit my dad (it’s in family history) so he was unable to properly take care of my brother and the possible legal guardians were me and my mom’s sister who lives 5 hours away.
As he is the last legacy I have from my mom, I, of course, jumped at the chance to have him. My dad paid child support and a lot of family members helped. My dad went under meds for four years and after begged me to let him have my brother (I stayed as a legal guardian).
Everything went really well until my dad met his new wife, (my brother was 5, at this point he had lived with my dad 80% of the time for two years, and I had him on weekends.)
One weekend was alarming for me, he came crying about how my dad bought a bike for his stepson but not for him and I also noticed that his clothes didn’t smell well and he was ravenous as soon as he got here.
He was asking me all the time to let him grab something from the fridge to eat. I let him go back to my dad’s and the next weekend was the same so I decided it was enough and didn’t let him go to my dad’s the next Monday.
It’s been six months since then, and my brother hasn’t gone to my dad’s not a single time. My dad comes two days a week to visit him. Last March 13th (Brother’s birthday) my dad asked me to let my brother live with him again but I said no because my brother was neglected in that house, he compromised to change but I don’t believe him.
His wife has posted on how I’m jealous of their ‘happiness’ and intend to destroy it by keeping my brother away from their loving family. My father has been more depressed than usual and everyone says it’s my fault, my grandma calls me a jerk for destroying her son’s mental health.
My brother doesn’t want to go to his house not even on weekends because he doesn’t like his stepbrother or his stepmom.
AITJ for refusing to let my brother go to my dad’s?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Say it with me: SMALL CHILDREN ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MENTAL HEALTH OF NEGLECTFUL, PROBLEMATIC, ADULTS.
If you allowed him to return, knowing the horrible history of that house, YOU would be responsible for child neglect and could be held liable for his terrible behavior.
Do you know the other child is healthy, clean, and well cared for? If not, I’d suggest a call to CPS, because how can ONE child be in such an unhealthy state?
A nice, long, anonymous call with a caseworker might be necessary. Only because now that the target of mistreatment is gone, they’ll need a new target, not as a punitive measure.
You owe this man nothing. A child is not something that is OWED to another human being. If your father has mental problems, that is on HIM, how he was RAISED, and the choices he has made in life, as well as his environment, and NONE of that has anything to do with your brother.
Keep being a good sibling, and keep this child out of all of this.” AbbyFB6969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Imagine being so unwell your 19-year-old KID has to take over parenting for you, I assume putting a lot of their own life on hold in the process, and then you and your family having the audacity to say the 19 y/o ruined your life.
Like geezus. You are doing what’s best to protect him like you have since he got here, and it seems like, sorry to say, your dad and his new wife are really just looking for the brownie points regardless of the effects it has on your brother.
Do what you must to protect him from that sideshow and go NC with anyone who would shame you for it.” kdawg09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re being responsible and advocating for your little brother’s welfare, nothing jerkish about that, and if you bent to your father’s and his family’s emotions over this, YWBTJ. Your brother’s physical and mental health comes before anyone else’s, as he is an innocent child. You’ve got a lot on your plate for someone your age and even if your family isn’t, I’m proud of you for being that stability for him.
Don’t give in to their demands so they can play like they’re a perfect little family, sounds like stepmother is really concerned about appearances but not actually care and support.” dblfistedfuschia
13. AITJ For Yelling At My Brother?
“I (F18) have 2 step-siblings, this post is about D (M13) and my dog.
He was making his dinner and I was painting my nails at the dinner table. I see my dog watching him while he was making his dinner in hopes that he gives her something.
As I know that a dog begging sometimes is uncomfortable, I called her to come to me and at that moment he stops what he’s doing, turns around, looks at the dog, and goes ‘If I count to 5 and you’re still here I will kick you.’ Immediately I ask him what is wrong with him, that she didn’t do anything, and he proceeds to tell me to shut up and that it isn’t my problem.
I tell him (now raising my voice) that actually it is my problem because it’s about the dog, who in fact wasn’t doing anything to him. He then furiously starts to walk past me to the living room and because the dog was behind him, he ended up kicking her.
I start to scream at this point, what’s wrong with him and why did he kick her, he screams at me again to shut up and not get involved in his business.
I’m asking if I am the jerk because maybe I shouldn’t have started talking to him and just picked up the dog and gone to my room.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the dog wasn’t doing anything wrong, it was just sitting there doing normal dog things. It’s never okay to kick a pet unless it is being actively aggressive.” ian9921
Another User Comments:
“Yup YTJ
You stated definitively that the animal is your dog. Therefore you are responsible for its training and behavior.
What the dog was doing isn’t acceptable to many other people. Annoys the crap out of me and I love dogs.
At the time of the incident, you declined to properly control your dog and instead engaged your brother because you didn’t like his comment.
Not very smart of you.” Slipstream_Surfing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you could have picked the dog up and went to your room, but it sounds like your brother would have found a way to be a jerk regardless.” rocker49107
12. AITJ For Saying No To My Disrespectful In-Laws?
“My inlaws came over this weekend. This is the second time they’ve been to my house since I’ve been married to my wife.
Our backyard has some issues and when asked on the first visit if they can go to the backyard, I said no. I said I would prefer it if they didn’t.
The big reason was her dad walked in with a freaking camera video recording the house.
So this second time they asked again and I shot it down and said no. And they’re asking for a reason. Being that it’s my home I said I don’t need to provide a reason and ended the conversation.
About a half hour later I hear my mother-in-law say well I don’t care I want to see it and she went into the back and another one of these nosy inlaws went rushing to the back because they wanted to see it too.
I went back to tell them to come inside and I told them that apparently, they were ok being disrespectful to me and ignoring my wishes in my home.
I, later on, got into an argument about it with my wife because she said I was overreacting. My whole issue is how does one go into a home as a guest and blatantly be like I don’t care what the homeowner says I’m curious and going to go where I want?
AITJ?
Edit: the backyard is unruly and they did offer to help get it cleaned up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When you visit someone, your focus should be on spending time with them, not exploring their home. Unless they decide to give you a tour. That said, I do feel you should’ve explained the state the backyard was in when you bought it and that you don’t feel comfortable having people back there until you can get it fixed up.” Deaths8ball
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The way you said you ‘don’t need to provide a reason’ is super rude. I would’ve gone out too. You should’ve provided some sort of reason, even a simple one, or gently asked them not to. Rude gets met with rude.” g-calamia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my sister used to come over, she would knock, but then try to open the door before I could tell her to come in, or even answer it. She would then walk from room to room, looking around. She would also look inside my refrigerator without asking. I’m a very private person, and my family never respected my boundaries.
So I totally get why you would feel violated. I wouldn’t allow them back until they learn how to act. NTJ.” Noneya_Biddness
11. AITJ For Not Liking My Dad?
“I (30F) absolutely cannot stand my dad (63M).
I try to visit him once every few years but I usually end up leaving early and obviously ignore him during my visits. My father and mother (55F) have been married for my entire life. From the outside looking in, our family looks perfect. However, my father never parented me growing up and literally never showed up for anything during my childhood.
I know my parents have been married my whole life but I honestly cannot remember my father being present in any of my childhood memories. He says he was depressed and didn’t get it diagnosed/controlled until recently. I feel for him and try to empathize. However, every time I visit him he has so much criticism for me and just nitpicks and judges all of my life choices.
Not that it matters, I am pretty successful and there really isn’t much to judge. But he goes in on everything and it makes me so mad because he didn’t even really take part in raising me. Every visit ends in conflict and I cannot wait for him to be gone so I can visit my mom in peace.
I am totally aware of how messed up that is but I can’t get over my feelings. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s okay to love someone and not like them. And it’s also ok to dislike someone who is constantly critical and surrounded by conflict. That being said your mom is still married to him so it would probably be awkward to announce your true feelings.
Maybe keep interactions with your dad as brief as possible and just ‘keep up appearances’ for your mom’s sake?
Either way, I don’t think you’re a jerk for feeling that way about your dad. Your actions/behaviors are what would potentially make you a jerk.” monigheand0nn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re completely entitled to your feelings, and it sounds like they’re justified. In your explanation, you say that he has not tried to wrong you, but I disagree. If he is constantly criticizing you, he’s doing you wrong. He’s not a supportive father now despite his being diagnosed with depression and working to control it.
That makes me doubt that it would have mattered much if he had been diagnosed when you were a child.
I suffer from depression as well, and it is a cognitive choice to work on being mindful of others & not letting it always get the best of you. He has a choice and he is choosing to be a jerk to you.
I don’t blame you at all for how you feel. Family or not, it is sometimes best to remove people from our lives. It doesn’t make sense to me to allow someone to treat you like crap, and to hang out with them, simply because they’re family.
You deserve more than that.” mandyj0306
10. AITJ For Snooping Through My Friend's Phone?
“Last year I had this friend let’s call her Jackie, so basically Jackie and I were hanging out at this park and my data ran out so I asked if I could use her hotspot. She said yes and gave me her phone. I went to settings and gave my phone her data.
I was about to give it back when she got a text. It was from another one of our friends. Let’s call her Roxy. Roxy’s text said, ‘are you still with her? I feel sorry for u she’s so annoying’. Yadda yadda your classic mean girl stuff. At the time this really annoyed me, like A LOT.
So I texted back trying to act like Jackie and defending myself. Roxy got embarrassed for having made fun of me even though she had been for a while (because I read their past texts too) so I could see how much of a jerk they both were. I never confronted them because they would gang up on me, but what’s your opinion?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She handed you her phone willingly and the notification came up on the screen. You weren’t prying. That said, you crossed the line when you started opening apps to respond. The best bet may have been a direct conversation.” cuddlemonkey_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ/Everyone sucks here.
If you cared, you should have approached Jackie about what you accidentally saw. Instead, you violated her privacy and impersonated her.
Look, I wouldn’t want to be friends with these girls if they don’t like you, but I think once they realize you were messing with Jackie’s messages, they won’t want to be your friend either.” Away_Refuse8493
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your friend is really crappy for talking bad about you behind your back to another person. It wasn’t your fault that she texted when you had her phone. But you went over the line by invading her privacy by going through her messages.” SL4youx2
9. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Take Her Dog Back?
“My daughter (23) has a dog. Now, I have nothing against dogs, but I am not a dog person. Dogs are a lot of work (taking them for walks, feeding them, playing with them, etc) and I am not up for it. When she was a teenager she begged me for a dog.
We agreed that she had to take full responsibility or else the dog would be re-homed. We didn’t have any issues with this arrangement until now.
I’ve been helping her save up for a house of her own and a few months ago she started looking for a place. She bought one 2 weeks ago and has been moving her stuff into it.
She asked me to take care of her dog for 1-2 weeks because she knew she would be busy with moving her stuff on top of her usual responsibilities like working etc. I agreed to take care of the dog for 1-2 weeks and made it clear that after that I would not be taking care of the dog.
Now it’s been about two weeks and my daughter is asking me to take care of the dog for another few weeks because she has a work deadline that she has to meet and she knows she will have to work extra to meet it. I told her she will have to figure that out because taking care of a dog is a lot of work and I only agreed to do it for two weeks max.
I also told her that if she doesn’t take the dog by Tuesday (which is when the two weeks are up) I will re-home it. My daughter got upset and told me I wasn’t being considerate of her needs.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I see both sides… I see someone who’s just trying to get settled and now has some work chaos going on, but I also see your side that you only agreed to care for the dog for a specified time frame… you guys should probably sit down and talk it out to understand where you’re both coming from – but please don’t rehome the dog.” BuddyPsychological72
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s the jerk. The dog is an innocent bystander. Don’t rehome the dog. You’re basically saying… off to a shelter you go. That’s quite extreme and frankly jerk behavior. Keep the Tuesday deadline but the dog goes back to her not a shelter. The daughter has a few days to either find a kennel, sitter, or doggy daycare.
Also, who cares if you’re a dog person or not? It’s a living thing not a piece of furniture.” WeNeedAnApocalypse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She can get doggy daycare or a pet sitter that takes the dog for the day (I had one that would take the dogs to the park and then her house for the day or do overnight if people were on vacation).
She is an adult and she bought a house. She needs to deal with the dog like an adult.” Coco_Dirichlet
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – should’ve said no if it was a problem. You can’t control everything in life, but to be fair: If it was my dog I’d have been there after the first week.
Maybe she wants the dog but feels the same way about it that you do. All I know is: threatening people to get them to do what you want rarely works and is always manipulation.” The_Lunar_Lorkhan
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend That I Don't Like His Dog?
“I’m somewhat of a germaphobe. Like, I really like to stay clean and am not too fond of dirty things, and have a bad habit of always wanting to try to stay as clean as possible.
And because of that, I’m not really fond of pets (or children, but that’s another thing) because I personally find them pretty disgusting, and having them around 24/7 would bother me.
However, I have this (perhaps now former) friend of mine that absolutely adores his dog to a strangely possessive degree that he and his dog are basically inseparable except for times when my friend had to leave him behind like for work for example.
It’s a pit bull and he’s extremely well-trained if not very sloppy, which its sloppiness bothers me in a way. But since my friend absolutely adores his dog and always brings it with him whenever he can, I just had been holding my tongue back because I don’t think I should say anything about how disgusting I think his dog is if his dog makes him extremely happy.
And I like to think that I tolerated and treated his pet well enough (like greeting the dog happily, occasionally petting the dog, letting it lick me in more easily cleanable body parts like hands and arms – but never the face, and even walking the dog sometimes), which just ends with me just ‘disinfecting’ myself by the end of the day with bathing and washing out my clothes.
However, he eventually confronted me that a mutual friend of ours basically told him that they were surprised that I was able to be so nice to his pet because of how germaphobic I usually am and have told him that I’m not fond of pets at all.
I confirmed the truth that I didn’t really like pets because of my germaphobic tendencies but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
But it ended with him getting mad at me for lying to him about my persona and with him saying that he couldn’t be friends with an ‘animal-hating psychopath’ and that anyone who didn’t love animals was considered a horrible person in his eyes, and that he never wanted to see me again.
When I asked our mutual friend why she decided to tell him about my germaphobic tendencies and that I didn’t like pets at all, she basically told me that it was my fault for not being upfront with him and that I was at fault for basically hiding that secret from him.
So, I’m wondering if I was the jerk for hiding the fact that I didn’t like pets because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and if I really should have been honest with him from the start.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ!
You have been more than kind and accommodating to your strange friend with the dog.
There is nothing wrong with being polite and tolerating things that you don’t like for the sake of the greater good, in this case, your friendship. It says a lot about you that you can do this. What should you have done, told your friend ‘I like you but your dog?
Blech. Leave it at home’… All of us have friends who have one or two things that we aren’t crazy about but accept as part of the overall package.
I am with you, not a dog person at all. Just do not like them around, drooling and licking and peeing on everything.
Yech!” Funny_Jellyfish5632
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. People choose to be friends with others for a range of reasons, including their shared values, interests, and attributes. Hiding who you really are is just as bad a basis for a friendship as it is for a romantic relationship. You were maintaining a friendship under false pretenses and I’m not sure why you are surprised your ‘friend’ is offended.
I’m like your friend, I love my dog and take her everywhere. I don’t expect anyone to love my dog as much as I love her obviously, but I don’t choose to befriend people who don’t like pets because I want to be friends with people who I have shared values and interests with and I don’t like people who think animals are dirty and disgusting.
If I was friends with someone who pretended to like my dog and generally like animals and I later found out it was all an act and they actually thought my dog was ‘disgusting’ and I was ‘unhealthily obsessed’ with her, you can bet your butt I would be mad.
You’re not a jerk (I guess) for being a germaphobe or hating animals, but you are one for being a liar.” Roadlesstravelledon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, you tried very hard, for the sake of your friend, to get along with his beloved pet. You did not mistreat it and were very kind toward it.
Honestly, I have known people who could not stand to be in the same room with a dog – let alone pet one or let it lick them. The most interesting part of your story has to do with the lady friend who inserted herself into this whole affair. Why did she do this?
This part makes no sense and I would be suspicious of her. Putting myself in the place of your friend with the dog, I think I would have been honored that you went through all that you did in order to maintain the friendship. Even though dogs naturally made you uneasy, you worked hard to get along with your friend’s dog.
I think you are a good friend.” iadggm
Another User Comments:
“Difficult to judge this since I’m a pet lover myself. I wouldn’t be too happy about a friend lying to me about their preferences and pretending to like my pet when they don’t. At least, If I know you dislike them, I could then make the decision of including my pet in our hangouts or not.
But believing your friend likes you and your pet for so long and then finding out they were just pretending makes the friendship itself disingenuous. Who knows, too, he might have had a crush on you and wanted to take things further but now can’t because you find his pet disgusting.
His little outburst, either way, was uncalled for.
Everyone sucks here.” Star1014light
7. AITJ For Asking My Tenants To Quiet Down?
“I rent out my basement area. I have a couple living downstairs. I’ll admit they pay their rent on time but let me tell you, it is TOUGH work dealing with them.
For the latest example, when I was walking down the hall, I heard a weird noise. This was weeks ago and I would hear it every now and then some nights. I spent SO LONG trying to figure out the source of the noise. Then I realized it came from the register.
So almost every night, if I put my ear directly on the register, I can hear moaning and what is most likely them hooking up.
I’ve been doing this (putting my ear on the register) every night to see if I can hear them, and basically, I can like every other day!
I even brought my partner over to have her put her ear on it and she can hear it. It’s honestly so annoying and I am not sure if I’d like to have them anymore.
When I told them last night to tell them to stop, they said: ok. But they didn’t seem that happy.
Was I actually in the wrong?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You have to expend effort to actually tell they’re hooking up–and you’re riling yourself up by seeking it out now instead of just accidentally stumbling across it. Which is basically voyeurism and creepy. Mind your own business. I don’t blame them for seeming unhappy; I wouldn’t be happy if I found out someone had been intentionally going out of their way to listen to my vague, barely-identifiable naughty noises, either, and inviting other people over to listen to.
That’s seriously uncomfortable.
I’m sure the feeling about not wanting them there is mutual right now. Maybe they’ll move out to get away from you, and everyone will be happier in the end.” ColloidalSylver
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! You told this couple to stop hooking up? I’m sure your partner must be really happy with an uptight person like you because it took you how many weeks to figure out what kind of sounds those were.
Geez! You rent the apartment out. What happens inside those four walls that aren’t illegal, is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
The noises they make are not unreasonable, therefore, you have no legal leg to stand on. However, they can sue you, and possibly file charges for spying on them and just being creepy.
I hope they do.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If they pay the rent on time and you couldn’t even tell the noises were dirty at first, then they’re not too loud or explicit and you’re the jerk for telling them to stop. People should be able to hook up where they rent.
And quit being creepy and listening to the register, whatever that is…” friendly_cub
6. AITJ For Having A Conversation With My Wife's Boss?
“My wife and I have been married a year. She’s 25, I’m 24. Her company put on this event yesterday that was basically a celebration that they were back in the office. I don’t know how many employees are actually happy to be back, but that’s not the point.
So, we get dressed up and we go to this event. While she’s off talking to co-workers/friends, I’m just trying to find someone I can strike up a conversation with, I was going upstairs, and back down to the main level, back upstairs, and that’s when I see the director of the team she’s on.
I go over there, introduce myself, and he seemed pretty gregarious. We start talking about music and sports and movies, all the while drinking. I was sticking to beer since nothing good happens when I go much above that. He is flip-flopping between wine and scotch and just dying laughing at everything I’m saying and everything he’s saying.
My wife finally hunts me down and after making up a reason to pull me away, she starts ripping into me about how what I’m doing is dangerous and idiotic. I asked how that was, she said it’s dangerous because I’m drinking and if I say one wrong thing, things could go poorly for her.
I told her she had nothing to worry about and that I felt fine & all we were doing is discussing the NBA playoffs and hip hop albums from when he was growing up vs when I grew up. She rolled her eyes and started heading for the door. Trying to be responsible I told her boss that we were heading out’ and that it was good to meet him, he said it was great to meet me.
We get home and the debate has become whether or not I consider her feelings. To her, all I had to do was say ‘Yes dear, you’re right, I’m sorry’. She’s terrified that her boss will find some issue with something I did or said. My point to her was, that maybe what he’ll say is that he enjoyed meeting me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She left you alone at a work party, so you found someone to have a conversation with. You had absolutely no reason to assume that her boss was ‘off limits’.
I’m saying no jerks here because there might be a legitimate reason that your wife feels so strongly about this.
She’s likely familiar with her boss’ personality and might have more insight into his typical behavior, attitudes, and overall demeanor.
You should definitely talk to her to try and understand why she feels this way.” Madison_M_M
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you are going to bring a spouse to a work event, you have a responsibility to them.
She needed to introduce you to someone you could socialize with and check back in with you occasionally if she was going to take off to socialize with work friends.
If there is a reason to avoid someone because that person has a history of irrational behavior, she needed to discuss that with you beforehand.
Assuming you don’t have a history of inappropriate behavior at work events, she should understand that you certainly know better than to discuss topics such as politics with her boss and you would never speak of her in less than glowing terms at work.” Curious-Mousse-8714
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – she seems like she is dealing with some anxiety in regards to her boss, hard to say whether it’s justified or not without knowing more about their relationship.
If you don’t know of any work issues then it’s OK that you approached him for a convo and it’s great that it worked out, but I definitely think you need to talk to her about the real source of her anxiety. Coming from an apologetic stance might also be helpful, there’s no jerk but there’s obviously something you’re missing.” JillyanJigs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t wrong to have a casual conversation with another adult while you were left alone at her workplace’s party. Unless she asked you beforehand to not talk with her bosses and/or certain individuals, then there’s no problem, but you should also be more mindful in such situations for your wife.
You can also fall back on your conversations with your wife to see if she is worried about said boss, or if she is vying for a promotion, or whatnot, and might be on edge.
Whatever it is, you should always err on the side of caution in such an environment.
And, your wife shouldn’t have just left you alone because respect goes both ways. She should have at the very least introduced you to her fellow peers and or established ground rules prior to coming to the party.” Natural_Sweet_Tea
5. AITJ For Not Selling My Beer To Some Girls?
“This weekend my husband (25m) and I (21f) went to a food festival. My friends invited us to a giant festival, insanely crowded. Probably thousands of people. Well, there was only one beer tent for the whole festival. We sat in line for about 45 minutes, and since I didn’t want to have to wait in line again the next time I wanted a drink, I got five 12 oz draft beers.
My husband and each of my friends had one each since they all were driving. It was insanely hot and I wasn’t really feeling the festival so I wanted to drink.
There wasn’t much of anywhere to sit so we stood pretty close to the beer tent. The person behind us ended up getting the last of the beer, and I think he got two.
Everyone in line was annoyed because they waited for so long and the workers didn’t say they were running short.
Cue me sipping a beer with a plate full of them in my other hand. Three girls walked up and one of them asked if those all were for me.
I said yes, though I probably shouldn’t have in hindsight. She said that I’m small and I definitely don’t need that many, and asked if they could each have one. I said no, they’re mine and I paid for them. She got super mad at me and said she’d pay for them since I wanted to be like that.
At that point I was mad, and I told her I’d pour them all out before I’d give them to her, and told her to take her entitled attitude elsewhere. She and her friends tried to get in my face and my husband had them leave.
My husband and most of my friends said they were in the wrong, but one of my friends insisted I should have just given them my beer and not caused a scene.
AITJ for not handing over the beer?”
Another User Comments:
“Definite NTJ. Maybe you stumbled by not making it clear the beers were for the whole group, but that shouldn’t matter–you didn’t need to justify not giving your purchased beverages to someone who just walked up and asked. That was egregiously rude and entitled of them.
Also, on a more practical note: you had no way of knowing if those girls were legal to drink, and it probably would have gone uglier if you had asked to see some ID. If it turned out any of them were underage, you would have been responsible for selling beer to minors.
So in my opinion, you did the practical thing and protected yourself from liability on top of just the general social etiquette of not being obligated to give them something just because they want it.” ColloidalSylver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It doesn’t even matter if you had to wait in line or not, you never have to do something you don’t want to do.
I had a friend over at my place with a small get-together once, and he went through his booze pretty quickly. He asked me if he could pay me 5$ for one of my beers, but I said no since I only had a couple left and that was my plan for the night.
He just kept insisting that he was paying me MORE for the beer than I did so it’s a good deal, blah blah. Like, it doesn’t matter for profits or whatever when that’s all that’s available! The jerk ended up stealing one of them anyways from me and it just goes to show people that can’t take no for answer aren’t the type of people that I wanna be around.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – the festival running out of beer is embarrassing for them, and a great way to turn the crowd into jerks. It’s reasonable to not want to sell your drinks and they were definitely the jerk in the exchange for what they said.
But escalating the situation was unnecessary, Maybe you could’ve just let them be the jerk instead of engaging to the point of something (almost?) physical.” laurphx
4. AITJ For Changing Plans Last Minute?
“My roommate invited me to a party yesterday and I told her I’d go.
At this party were all the people she was friends with last year, she knows them well and was very close with them last year. I had gone to their parties before, but it’s usually kind of awkward because I don’t know them as she does and it’s difficult to socialize with them not knowing anyone or what to talk about, so I usually survive by being wasted enough to overcome my social anxiety.
However yesterday, after also going to a party with her and having dinner with her and our friend, I was tired and I really just did not want to go anymore. That was a level of socialization I just couldn’t do that night. However, it was only about 8 pm so I decided I just wanted to go to the bar right by our place to meet a friend, chill there and not drink, then go to bed early.
I told my roommate this and she got mad. (For context our other friend from dinner was in the room bc she was going with us to the party).
She said why did you wait until now to tell me? I told her it was because I was waiting during the day to see how I felt because that was the truth.
She asked why I can’t go to the party but can hang out with someone at the bar, and I tried to explain how the party is just way more mentally exhausting and I wasn’t looking to stay out very long or drink more (I also knew if I went she’d try to force me to stay super late and get mad at me if I tried to leave on my own because that happens every time).
She went completely silent towards me and our friend. I kept talking to our friend to try and diffuse the awkwardness and make her comfortable, but we both knew my roommate was mad and she ignored us both. When it was time for them to leave, I said sorry one last time, my roommate ignored me and our friend said once she was farther away ‘Aw don’t worry about it.’
Once they were out of the room I started crying and felt confused because I didn’t think what I did was that bad or that she’d get so mad. By the way, I would have still gone with her if she had no one else to go with but our friend was there to go with her still so I thought it would be fine.
It’s the next day and she still is ignoring me. I was in the library all day but I sent her a text further explaining why I changed my mind and apologized for telling her on late notice. I admitted the way I went about it wasn’t the best and I will be more clear in the future.
She never answered the text. Is still ignoring me. Is what I did really that bad? I just didn’t want to go to a party. I tried explaining that it’s not personal those parties can just be a lot for me sometimes but no response. I don’t understand why she needed me to go so badly, she usually ignores me at parties to talk to her friends anyway.
Also for context, we share a room, so her ignoring me is super awkward and I just want it to stop. Now I feel like I should’ve just gone with her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to change your mind any time you don’t have the wherewithal to deal with a party.
Or for no reason whatsoever. And giving the silent treatment just isn’t the adult way to communicate. Your roommate needs to use their words. Literally. That’s how to effectively communicate one’s feelings, expectations, and boundaries.” clh1nton
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You should have told her from the beginning that you were only tentatively going, and you should have told her you were out before you confirmed plans to meet someone else somewhere else.
Her reaction is overly intense, though. You handled it rudely but people can change their minds.” no_good_namez
3. AITJ For Not Eating My Friend's Mac And Cheese?
“Let’s call this girl Polly. At the time we had a pretty big friend group.
We all decided to have a hangout at this big field that was in the back of our old elementary school. We all brought food and presents because we hadn’t seen each other in forever, and Polly brought mac and cheese. It was the afternoon so some of us already had lunch.
Some people ate the mac and cheese but most of us didn’t eat any.
Polly is a drama queen but surprisingly didn’t say anything for a while. We ate tons of sweets and chips and whatever and by the end, the mac & cheese wasn’t finished. This made Polly go crazy, she started crying because we didn’t finish her food and she didn’t want it to go to waste.
I can’t blame her for not wanting to waste food though. Not one of us said anything and just let her cry. It was pretty petty.
Eventually, she stopped crying and we all headed home. As I was walking home with one of my friends we talked about how we were all having fun until she started bawling her eyes out and making us feel bad.
So the question is am I the jerk for not eating her food and for not comforting her while she was crying?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There’s a difference between not wanting food to go to waste and bursting into tears when there are leftovers. Her reaction was so disproportional to the situation.
You shouldn’t have to eat food you don’t want just because your friend may have a meltdown. Honestly better you guys said nothing while she cried then made it worse by telling her she was acting irrationally.
I’d check in with her maybe she has something else going on that is causing this weird emotional reaction, if it’s just her normal state then good luck dealing with that for the long term.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“The mac and cheese is not the problem.
I don’t know what the problem is. Might be her home life, might be depression, or hormonal. But there is more to this than you know.
NTJ.” Vox_Popsicle
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, she was being very dramatic I think.
It’s ok to not wanna waste food but that was over the top. Plus if there’s food and you don’t want then you DON’T have to eat it. If she really needed to she could put it up for leftovers.” shAxe1
2. AITJ For Calling In Sick?
“I (M25) just recently got a new job at a company about a couple of months ago, but I’ve had back soreness for almost a year now which has caused me to not spend a single minute at work.
I have however interacted and spent some time with my new colleagues, the last company I used to work for before they transferred me here refused to pay me because I wasn’t showing up at work, even though I clearly told them that I had back soreness and mental health issues and was unable to work.
I have been to the Doctor, and the new company I’m at now has been very understanding of my back pain and mental health issues, and have been working together on ‘ramping me up’ in order to get ready for my job, all while paying me my full salary.
I told them about a week ago that my back soreness was finally gone and I would be ready to come into work, Monday was the day I was supposed to come into work, but on Sunday morning I woke up and I suddenly had back pain issues again.
I called my manager and told him that I couldn’t come on Monday, but he must’ve told my colleagues because I started getting calls and messages from my colleagues who were angry at me because Monday was an extremely important day and they needed everybody on board, especially me because I was one of the best at my jobs at my last company.
They were also angry because I haven’t spent a single minute at work since I’ve been hired. I asked some of my friends and they also said I’m a jerk for that, I have back soreness though and I’m unable to work, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Back pain is unfortunate, and it’s great that your current employer has been understanding, but where do you draw the line? Your colleagues are seeing that you are getting paid for absolutely nothing, and that’s not exactly fair to them.
If your back pain is really that debilitating, then look into filing for disability rather than applying for job after job until they get fed up with your absence and lack of contribution.” therearenosigns
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if you can’t do your job and show up to work, then don’t get a job and get disability. It’s not fair for your employer and co-workers to carry your dead weight or pay you. You have never shown up for work, why are they paying you?
Everyone else has to show up to work to get paid.” PlentyHopeful263
Another User Comments:
“I understand illness… but you hang onto a job you can’t do and force your coworkers to cover for you. You say you are coming back then don’t…
There’s an unfortunate thing called ‘compassion fatigue’ and when you do your job and someone else’s for a year… you probably get that.
You say you are going to show then don’t. If I was the poor witch doing two jobs the last year… yes I would be mad. And I know this because… I almost had this exact thing this last year. She at least showed up sporadically.
And I got asked in my year review why I couldn’t keep up with my job… because I was doing two people’s jobs most of the time.
I got docked.
Show up or find a job that better accommodates you.” sakiminki
1. AITJ For Correcting My Mom?
“I (16M) am transgender (they/he pronouns) and I have ADHD with reason to believe I could be autistic.
My mother (46F) also has ADHD and is typically pretty accommodating, seeing as she experiences it herself, but struggles a bit with it sometimes.
So, a few weeks ago, my mom and I were looking for a suit for prom with a friend/previous client of hers (she’s a realtor).
I was very anxious because I didn’t expect all the middle-aged/old white men in the store to take the whole trans thing well and I also just felt out of place. While waiting to talk to an employee, my mom said something along the lines of ‘you’re gonna be a distinguished man—a distinguished they!’ I told her that just ‘man’ was okay and that using ‘they’ as a descriptor for someone like that is generally not respectful.
Later, when we were at home, she came into my room obviously stressed about something. She confronted me about it, saying that it was rude. I agreed with her at first, because I know I have trouble being a bit of a jerk when correcting her (but I am working on that).
But then she asked me to just not correct her in front of people because it was disrespectful. I didn’t (and still don’t) really understand how. I get that I’m a teenager and she’s an adult and me correcting her is a bit odd, but I don’t understand otherwise. I asked her if it was just when I was a jerk about it, but she just wanted me to not correct her at all, even if I was nice or subtle about it.
She suggested that I correct her afterward when we were alone, but I don’t really see a big difference.
I know that I have trouble with social cues/awareness, but most of the time I can understand the situation in hindsight or with some more thought put into it. But I really just cannot fully understand what the issue is here.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This I think is a matter of preference, social structure, and boundaries. It is generally viewed as disrespectful to criticize or correct another person in front of a group, especially when there is a power dynamic involved (parent/child, boss/employee, etc).
The fact that she offered to allow corrections in private is good.
She’s not reacting to the correction, just the context. I’d say apologize for making her uncomfortable and in the future be conscious of this boundary she’s setting.” nosypepper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But neither is she. Remember she is from a completely different time. I am 30, and gay, and live in a large city, and the idea of trans humans was something that I wasn’t exposed to until my late teens.
Sounds like she is doing her best to understand and be respectful. Based on your description of yourself I assume being inaccurately represented while you were already stressed paired with ADHD made you snappy to your correction. So maybe explain that. The general rule of thumb, the older generations don’t like being corrected, which is hard with ADHD.
Something I struggle with my boss and things I find harmless that hurt his feelings.” g-calamia
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – what you’re talking about correcting her on is an extremely confusing topic, especially in the presence of the people you mentioned. It is generally seen as respectful to correct people on a 1 on 1 basis regardless of the topic.
At least she’s trying to understand you and what you feel/want in life and is making the effort.
For her, I’d bet it was especially an issue because she’s around people that she counts on for a livelihood and doesn’t want to look foolish. If you feel impulsive (my son has terrible ADHD with possible autism and I have a similar case) it might be helpful if you ask if you could text it to her to release it at the moment.
I know for us it sometimes feels like a volcano is going to erupt if we don’t release an impulse and that has helped us in the past. Decorum can be a tricky thing with ADHD, but at least you have a supportive mother that isn’t asking for anything crazy from you.” rocker49107
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter who was there; she was wrong, you let her know, and life goes on. I’d be more likely to want to work with someone who can defer to someone more experienced in a matter without making a fuss. If it was related to her area it might’ve been embarrassing but in the matter at hand, you’re the expert.” PurbleDragon
