People Ask If We Can Come Up With A Judgment Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Throwing Food Away?
“I (29F) struggled with weight my entire life, I weighed over 200 pounds when I graduated high school, and it went up during college. I did not grow up in the best family life, my parents worked crazy hours, and the only food that they could feed my brother and me was junk and fast food.
After I graduated from college, I decided to join a gym and eat healthier. I lost most of the weight that I gained throughout the years and plan on keeping it off.
One of my friends suggested a diet plan that provides breakfast, lunch, and dinner meals that are portioned sized. There are also snacks and desserts that are provided. The meals come frozen, but once heated up, they are absolutely delicious.
The plan is not cheap, but I do feel that a structured diet is best for me. When we go out to eat, I do order a meal that I enjoy. My husband tried one of the dinner meals and found it to be disgusting.
He thinks that I am just wasting funds on the food and could save funds by purchasing meals from the store.
I came home one evening after work and saw all my meals opened in the garbage bin.
When my husband came home, I started yelling at him that he should not have thrown away good food. He looks at me and says I did a good thing for you and told me I can eat regular non-processed foods.
He thinks I should not have reacted the way I did, and he was only trying to help save me funds.
AITJ for yelling at my husband for throwing out all of my diet food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He threw away food that you spent a good amount on, and that was perfectly fine because he thought it was his place to decide what you get to eat.
The excuse of him only trying to help ‘save up’ is ridiculous, throwing away perfectly good food that one of you will eat is not saving up.
He can hate your preferred diet all he wants, but if it doesn’t affect what he eats, he can go pound dirt.
It is likely much cheaper to meal prep at home, but it sounds like you are paying for the structure as part of the overall value to you. If this is a concern about your combined finances and the cost of food, this is a conversation he could sit down and have with you like an adult.
If you’re spending an absurd amount of funds from shared finances, it is reasonable for him to have concerns about the situation. Regardless of what the situation is, he was absolutely the jerk for wasting food.” mnem0syne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he thought he was saving you coins by throwing away expensive food that had already been purchased? No. He didn’t like the food, and you are a child who must be guided by him to eating correctly (as defined by him).
NOT. Your hubs is a raging jerk. Has he always been this dismissive of you, or is this new? Often newly married couples gain weight together early on. It’s a weird way of saying you’re both off the market.
Is he gaining weight, and you aren’t? He may be concerned that you aren’t as committed to the marriage. Yes. I’m aware that this is insecure. It simply is the way many folks work.
Marriage counseling may be helpful for you to communicate concerns.” georgiajl38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously. While diet plans like this which require you to be dependent on their food are rarely sustainable or a good idea, in the long run, that’s irrelevant here.
Your husband is a massive jerk, and what he did is ludicrous and irrational. How on earth did he think that throwing ANY perfectly good food THAT WAS ALREADY PAID FOR in the garbage was going to ‘save up’?
All he did was waste good food, which was a shameful, disgusting, and privileged thing to do. As a person living in poverty, I’m genuinely horrified at the idea of him throwing all that good food out.
There are so many people who spend every single week worrying about putting food on the table, and he just threw meal after meal in the GARBAGE?! OF COURSE, HE’S THE JERK!
Even if he didn’t want you to continue on the diet, that was a conversation he should have had with you, and you STILL should have finished the meals you already purchased. Ugh.
This is so upsetting and infuriating.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
16. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Bring Me Food?
“I was admitted to the hospital yesterday as I had severe chest pain and was struggling to breathe. It resulted in finding out about a few heart and lung issues that I was never aware of and weren’t picked up until they caused problems. Anyways, I’m not allowed to go home for a while and the doctors are trying to figure out exactly what it is and how to treat them.
And as I’m sure plenty of people know, hospital food is horrible. I can’t stomach any of it and I’m a picky eater already. Even the vegan options I can’t eat because they’re absolutely disgusting.
My partner lives less than a 5-minute walk away from the hospital, so I asked him if he would be able to bring me some food when he had the chance to which he responded why can’t I just eat what I’m provided with?
I explained the reasons above and then he asked why can’t I order something from Uber Eats or just eat and I reminded him I have no funds, it was Tuesday.
He said no since he doesn’t want to ask his mom to cook anything and he wasn’t in the mood to pick me up a few snacky bits.
I asked if he would be able to tomorrow at some point because I need to eat and he flipped out saying I’m acting entitled and I need to stop asking him and find some friends or something.
He called me a jerk and he hasn’t spoken to me all evening since
I’m honestly not sure if I’m in the wrong or not here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Hospital food is sometimes horrible—I’ve had good meals in maternity departments but otherwise, ugh.
Just give me the Jello and take the rest away! When my dad was in for a couple of weeks, he languished until the doctors conceded there was no way he would eat the unpalatable meals the hospital provided and allowed us to bring him homemade food that he liked. My aunt flew in from out of state and took over the house making a traditional lamb dish, and brought a quilted plate cozy to take it to the hospital and wafted the scent into the room from the hallway before dad could see her.
He sat up when he smelt it and his eyes got bright, and he ate the whole thing. It was a beautiful moment. Having someone care about you enough to at least send you a few treats can make the whole hospital experience more bearable.
If your partner doesn’t care enough about you to find an opportunity to at least drop off a small purchased treat, why is he your partner? Post on your insta or wherever your friends look for you that you’re starving in the hospital, and I’ll bet a bunch of folks send you snacks.
And since you know you’re going to be in for a bit, make a plan with your family for some palatable but healthy meals.
ETA: In the current world, it makes more sense to have something delivered, or drop it off at the front desk if the hospital allows that, but just dismissing a plea for a comfort treat is not something a significant other should do.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and everyone in here acting like doctors is exhausting.
The question wasn’t about what you can eat, but about your request and your partner’s reaction.
You didn’t ask him to drop everything and make you 5-course meals every day, you asked him to bring you something, even snacks when he had a chance.
Didn’t want to ask his mom? I bet if he even mentioned to his mom you wanted some comfort food, she’d make you a whole bunch. God, my partner isn’t in the hospital, just an hour away, but all it took was one ‘I had a terrible day’ text from him and I ordered him doordash from his fav spot just so he’d have SOME sense of comfort.
I’m gonna go on a limb and say that this isn’t about food. I bet he doesn’t want to be tied down to someone in a hospital. Furthermore, Ubereats/JustEat drivers hate delivering to hospitals and since we have to leave it at the front desk you might not get the order for ages, so that suggestion was the worst.” Malibu921
Another User Comments:
“Hospital food does suck. But first of all, is your medical team allowing you to have outside food? I know they can’t really stop you, but often when you’re hospitalized, they put you on a specific diet for a reason.
Noncompliance can mess with your test results or treatment. How much any patient wants to comply is their choice and their risk, but I feel like, especially while testing, you should comply so that you get an entirely accurate picture of what’s going on.
For that reason, it may be better to stick with the hospital food if they’ve put you on any type of limited diet – it will be simpler than making sure any food brought in to you is compliant.
Ok, medical concerns aside now, I don’t like this interaction with your partner for you at all. You’re NTJ for asking, this is the kind of normal thing a person asks an SO when they’re hospitalized. Especially given that he’s so close.
And you didn’t keep asking him to do it now, you just asked if he could do it later or tomorrow. Again, this seems reasonable to me. It’s the kind of thing that most people would expect a romantic partner to do for them while they’re hospitalized if there wasn’t a pressing reason not to.
It’s not ‘entitled’ – or if it is, it’s the kind of entitlement that you should have. What is the point of a romantic partner if you can’t count on them to be there for you during a health crisis?
Most friends with benefits would do that much, let alone an actual partner.
Now, he can say no. I can understand him not wanting to ask his mom (though, I promise you, if either of my sons told me their partner was in the hospital and wanted food, I’d probably be cooking before they finished the sentence.
That’s me though.) I could also understand him not having funds to pick something up. But ‘not in the mood’ bothers me – isn’t he coming to see you anyway? How hard would it be to pick something up if it’s a 5-minute walk away?
And if he’s not already planning to go see his partner in the hospital, holy cow, why not? That should be a given.
And I don’t like the anger he responded with either.
It’s a simple request and you’re in a miserable place. Even if he can’t do it, he can be kind and understanding. That’s pretty much the bare minimum you should be able to expect from a partner under any circumstances.
NTJ. And if he doesn’t apologize and show you that you matter to him pretty fast, I would ditch him. Life is too short to partner up with people who won’t even help you when you’re sick.” Old-Elderberry-9946
15. AITJ For Not Giving The Teddy Bear Up?
“I (20f) lost a close friend of mine, James (20m), a week before Christmas.
He was driving home from university, and a truck didn’t slow down in time, and poof no more best friend. It was really hard for everyone. I ended up getting sick and had to miss his funeral and everything.
I spent my Christmas grieving in my room away from the rest of my family.
My brother decided to get a build-a-bear with a voice recording of James saying, ‘Happy birthday ugly, I love you’, ‘Ahh!
I’m so proud of you!’, and an off-key rendition of ‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’ by Fergie. He found the audio from old videos: my 18th birthday, the day I got accepted into my 1st choice college, and the day we did karaoke.
The bear was dressed in baseball gear as well (my friend played baseball).
I broke down sobbing when I received it. It’s my favorite gift. I couldn’t stop hugging it and listening to the audio.
James and I were friends since the second grade, so having the bear meant a lot to me. I showed everyone and posted it on social media.
James was going out with a nice girl named Kayla (20f) for the past four years.
I never got close to Kayla. We were always friendly, but we never talked outside of parties or group hangouts. We never had problems before. However, when Kayla saw my bear, she texted me asking for it.
She told me she didn’t have audios of James saying cute things like those, just videos of him being goofy.
I understood where she was coming from and told her I’m sorry for her loss and that James loved her a lot.
However, I wasn’t going to give her the bear. I offered to send her the videos but she said I would be in them and it’s not the same. She said since she was the one going out with him, she should get the bear.
She kept crying and shouting at me. I was sobbing and telling her I was sorry, but I wasn’t going to do it. I told her I know it’s hard to lose someone you love that much, and that I don’t know the pain she’s in, but he was my friend and this was my bear.
Eventually, she posted on social media how horrible I was for refusing to give it to her. Some people messaged me saying to just give it to her and get another bear. Some people said it was an impossible situation and gave their condolences.
My family told me Kayla was grieving and needed time, but she wouldn’t relent in harassing me so I had to block her and deactivate my social media account.
James’s family is staying out of it, and I’ve made it a point to leave them out of it.
They’re grieving and they don’t need drama on top of it. It’s been days and I feel awful. James really loved Kayla. He always said he was going to marry her.
I keep wondering what he would want. Am I wrong to keep the bear?
Edit 1: Kayla does have plenty of videos of James, but he had a habit of ruining videos when he realized he was being recorded. Cute videos of them were often recorded by others, and they weren’t taken close enough so you could hear his voice.
I know she does have videos of him saying cute things, but in strange voices (he liked doing Kermit impressions, as well as Joe from Family Guy). I think it’s just hard for her to find videos of him saying something cute without any goofiness.
I’m sure they exist somewhere, but I can’t imagine her being able to search through the memories without breaking them down. I don’t have any ill will towards her. She’s just a grieving girl who’s going about it the only way she knows how.
She really is a sweet girl, I think the ‘entitled’ behavior is just her trying to cling to his memories.
Edit 2: For those suggesting I make Kayla her own bear – The bear was expensive (for a broke college student).
It’s $8 per recording, $14 for the cheapest bear, and then the clothing on top is more than the bear (the jersey itself is $14). I haven’t been working due to being sick and back home for the holidays (I work at my university), and I spent all of my funds on Christmas presents for my family, friends, and partner.
Kayla and I were also never close, and I don’t think I’ll ever see her unless I directly ask her too, which I don’t see happening any time soon, given the circumstances.
Edit 3: Kayla’s friends have bombarded me nonstop, telling me it’s wrong to be selfish about James. They said Kayla was his significant other and that she was going through a harder time and that another bear could be made for me.
I sent them the videos and said they could do it themselves and to leave me alone. Then I blocked them. Apparently, they’re still talking about me on social media, but since my accounts are still deactivated, I’m only hearing things from my friends.
Edit 4: I’ve been up for the past 31 hours without sleep, going through my devices for videos and pictures of James. A lot of the time has been spent laughing, crying, and then organizing the memories into ‘family’, ‘friends’, and ‘Kayla’.
Sometime this morning, I got a call from James’s sister saying she talked to Kayla and calmed her down over the bear. She and her friends have deleted anything on social media about me.
She told me that some of our friends want to throw a ‘celebration of life’ party this weekend since I had missed the funeral. She told me Kayla would be there and that she really wants the two of us to meet and talk.
I told her I didn’t mind and that I had a few things I wanted to share with Kayla.
I’m so exhausted. My partner is upset that I haven’t slept.
I know some of you might expect a bigger reaction toward Kayla, but she really isn’t this person. We were never close due to differences in our personalities, not because of any ill will between each other.
I can tell she’s hurting a lot, and a part of me wants to be able to help her grieve for James’s sake. It would break his heart if he saw all of this.
I’m not getting her a bear or giving her mine. Also – my parents have talked to Kayla and her friends and told them that if any kind of harassment continues from now on, they’ll be pressing charges.
I already go to therapy for anxiety, depression, and PTSD. My parents have been prioritizing my mental health and my grief.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no one is entitled to any of your belongings, let alone something incredibly meaningful, just because they are hurting.
Despite the way we like to give weight to romantic relationships, platonic relationships are just as valid and can be just as strong.
Quite frankly, he was a whole lot more than just her partner.
I’m sure he would have been devastated to see her come after you that way. He was a friend, a son, a whole person with a whole life, not just her partner.
Her grief isn’t the only one that matters. Everyone is grieving. Taking the bear from you wouldn’t give her all the memories she wished she’d gotten to make with him.
All it would do is give her a sense of control and cause you even more pain.
It is not, nor will it ever be, your job to manage her grief. I’m so sorry for your loss.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there isn’t even really an issue here, although the girl and her friends seem to make one out of it. Two bears can easily be made using the same audio, so there is no need for OP to give a bear lovingly created for her by her brother.
It’s not like this is an item that cannot be duplicated.
OP, your brother created and paid for a bear for you.
Kayla can get her own made using the same audio.
It strikes me that had she been less of a jerk about it, family and friends, possibly including you, would have chipped in a dollar each to get her a bear too after she saw how meaningful yours was.
As it is, I’d give her and yourself some space. Grief does weird things to people, but unfortunately, you can’t process it for her, and please don’t let yourself be her metaphorical punching bag while she tries to come to terms with the loss.
She will have people around her to lean on.
You have your own loss to deal with and by the sounds of it, a supportive family to help you through this. Huddle and soothe and hug your bear.” ridiculous1900
Another User Comments:
“Uhhh NTJ and it’s also weird that she wants this bear that has recordings of stuff he said TO YOU. These are your moments and memories with him as a best friend, not her moments and memories as his partner?
Like it’s just very weird that she’d be comfy listening to it and knowing that none of what he said was said to her or for her… or about her. Like that’s really strange to me.
I don’t know if that’s just me, but it’s like she’s asking you to hand over your moments and experiences, and memories with him because she was his partner. I’m sorry, but that doesn’t entitle her to your moments and memories when you aren’t ready and don’t want to share them.
You were best friends with this person since THE SECOND GRADE. So you guys were what, 7? That’s THIRTEEN YEARS. I understand she loved him and was his partner for several years, but he was a huge part of your life for the majority of the time you’ve been on this planet.
It was nice of you to even send the videos to her friends so they could make her one of her own. Also, this was a gift from your brother, you aren’t entitled to give up a gift of any sort to anyone who asks for it because they feel they deserve it more, that’s whack.” LilBun_Baby
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Dog's Name?
“My family has a dog named Lilly (not their real name), she’s a bit over a year old. For the holidays my dad’s sister and her pregnant daughter came to visit.
Keep in mind my family is not close at all with this aunt and cousin.
Once they got to the house they were introduced to the dog and acted really surprised when we said her name and mentioned that’s what my cousin was going to name the baby.
No big deal, we laughed about it, said it was a cute name, and moved on.
Later on, my dad comes to me and says his sister and my cousin feel uneasy about the dog having the same name as the baby, and would like us to give her away and get a new one with a different name.
I said that they were crazy, why would I give away my dog that has been with us for a whole year because she wants to name her baby the same name as my dog?
My dad said I should at least compromise and change her name to something else. I also disagreed. If it really bothers them this much they can name the baby that isn’t even born yet something else.
My grandma is now involved and everybody seems to think that I am the jerk because I won’t rename or get rid of my dog. I really don’t see the big deal, they can both have the same name, plenty of people have dogs out there with their names and it’s nothing to be embarrassed by, it’s literally a name someone likes and chose to name an animal they like!
Am I really the jerk for wanting my dog to keep the name I chose for her and not letting my not-close-at-all cousin have the name for her baby?”
Another User Comments:
“What is with all these people who want a family member to rename their dogs just because they’re about to have a baby?
This is the second time in less than a week that I’ve seen something like this on the thread.
NTJ. How often are these people even seeing your dog? You’ve had her for a year, and they are just now realizing the dog has the same name as an unborn baby?
They don’t see her on your social media? They apparently don’t see you or the dog enough so it shouldn’t matter. They are being ridiculous. ‘Get rid of your dog.’ Frick that.
Sorry, this just really annoys me. Where do they think they can tell you to get rid of your pet or change her name.” dreamwolf321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What an absolutely ridiculous and cruel expectation to place on you.
I actually named my dog my great-grandma’s nickname, and it isn’t super common, but we do meet ppl with that name as well. It’s always a mix of reactions but most ppl are delighted to have the name in common.
The only thing that will be confusing is when baby Lilly is over and the dog thinks she is being called, but it seems like this will be a rare occasion anyway. They’re allowed to dislike it but they can’t control what you do and they certainly can’t act like animals are disposable.” moonspiderxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your family is absolutely bonkers. Why should the cousin get her way? Your dog preexists the baby by a solid year. Wait until the kid starts school and there are other kids with the same name.
Cousin can pick out a different name for frick’s sake. Can you imagine the kid being told years down the road about the origin of their name, being told their mother and grandmother expected you to change your dog’s name or rehome the dog just so they could have the name?
I bet your father, aunt and cousin didn’t think that far ahead.
Tell your dad the pup already knows its name and you’re not giving it up to appease an aunt and cousin you’re not close with (and not even if you were close with them).
The request (demand) is not remotely rational or reasonable. Ask why he’s caving to their demand for a name that doesn’t even have a patent. Your dad needs a backbone and not bend to ridiculous demands.
Next thing you know, the kid’s favorite color happens to be the same as yours, and you’ll be told to pick a new one.
This entitlement, and possessiveness, especially over freaking names, is inexplicably stupid.
Aunt and cousin need to be told where to get off.” SilentCounter6750
13. AITJ For Taking Away My Daughter's Car?
“My ex-wife and I have split custody of our 17-year-old daughter.
We’ve been divorced for almost 6-years. My daughter got her driver’s license a little over a year ago and I bought her a used car for her to drive. I made it very clear that the car is still in my name and that I am allowing her to drive it as a privilege.
I also gave her very clear rules for her to use the car. I also made it very clear to her that if she broke those rules, I have the right to take away the privilege of the car.
One of these rules was no texting and driving.
My daughter spends the week with my wife and her step-dad about 45-minutes away and I see her on 2-3 weekends a month. She also spends extended time with me during the holidays and was with me over Xmas this year.
While she was at my place, I got an email from my insurance company notifying me of a rate increase due to a texting ticket. The only people under my insurance plan are my daughter and me, and I knew it wasn’t me.
I confronted my daughter about it, and she started giving me excuses, tried to downplay it as not a big deal, and said her mom took care of it and paid for it.
I asked her why she didn’t tell me immediately and she tried to give more excuses. I told her that I was taking away her car privileges and that the car would be staying at my place when she returns to her mom’s.
It devolved into a huge fight about how big of a jerk I am and how unfair I am being and ended when she called my ex to come to pick her up.
A couple of days later, my ex calls me and tells me they want to come to pick up the car so that it’s available for our daughter when she’s done with her punishment.
I tell her that the car stays with me because it’s my car. She tells me how much of an inconvenience I am causing them because now they have to drive their daughter to school, work, and all her extracurricular activities.
I tell her that is not my problem. She asks how long I will be keeping the car and I tell her it will stay with me until I feel my daughter has earned it back.
She told me I can’t leave this open-ended because it affects them more than me, and I told her that I can’t stop her and her stepdad from buying her daughter her own car.
She calls me a jerk because they can’t afford that. I tell her that’s not my problem either. At this point, I’m getting mad and told her I don’t appreciate that she helped our daughter try to hide the ticket from me, knowing full well the rules that were in place about the car.
She started trying to give excuses and I eventually just hung up on her. Later that night, my daughter called and tried to apologize to me for getting a ticket and for lying about it.
She pretty much begged me to give her the car back. I told her I appreciate her apology, but that doesn’t change what she did, and I will be keeping the car until I feel she’s earned it back.
She yelled at me that I’m being unfair and told me she won’t come to see me until she gets her car back. Am I being a jerk about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. She’s 17, and not legally entitled to own a car so of course, you as the parent would have to take the risk of owning it in order for her to even have a car.
Because you’re taking on so much risk it’s only natural that you would be in charge of the car and the rules for allowing your daughter to have access to it. Furthermore, from the way it was put in the post, it sounds like your daughter hasn’t even contributed any funds whatsoever to the purchase of this car.
The fact is that your daughter screwed up by getting a ticket which caused your insurance to increase because of her recklessness. That’s the exact kind of risk you assumed by allowing your daughter to drive the car which you’re now having to pay the price.
So you’re the one who gets to decide if and when she gets that car back. Your daughter is acting like a spoiled, entitled brat by threatening to never see you again until she gets that car back.
Don’t give into your ex-wife or your daughter’s guilt-tripping demands because the fact is that neither of them is assuming any risk of owning that car like you are, and it’s clear that neither of them is ever going to be willing to take on any of the risks that come with your daughter driving that car OP.” desolation29
Another User Comments:
“Heck, in my state, they would have downgraded her license to a level 1 limited permit for 6 months (where she must be supervised while driving). In order to qualify for the higher levels of graduated licensing a 17-year-old has to have no moving violations or seat belt/mobile phone infractions in the previous 6 months.
NTJ for enforcing the same type of restrictions here, adding in that since you can’t trust her mom the be truthful about traffic violations, and her stated reason for wanting the car is not to have to be transported, you can’t trust the use of the car out of your own sight.
It would be a good idea to let her know what the terms are, though, things like letting her know the length of her time out, accepting her punishment like a near adult or the time out clock resets, maybe having to contribute her allowance to offset part of the insurance premium increase or something along that line.
Might be worth checking your own location to make sure mom and daughter aren’t hiding a change in licensing circumstances as well because that could affect you as the owner of the car.
Around here, they often don’t confiscate the physical license if it is revoked or downgraded; they just update the computer records.” NotMyName919
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Breaking the rules was wrong (especially since the rule she broke is actually a law that she broke as well), but covering it up and collaborating with your ex to keep it from you demonstrates really poor judgment.
She’s angry because she’s a teen who got caught doing something dangerous that she thought wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Now she’s learning it is a big deal and that the consequences are longer lasting than she anticipated. Your ex should be supporting you (this is just basic safety measures for your daughter and other people on the road) instead of trying to make you relent to accommodate her.
If you’d never purchased the car, they’d be transporting her anyway, so this is a return to the situation they had before you did them a favor by supplying an extra car for their household.
And I don’t believe her claim that she wants the car there for when your daughter’s punishment is over; there’s no reason they can’t just get the car from you once you feel your daughter has earned it back.
I suspect she intended to let your daughter drive it and just keep it from you the same way they tried to keep the ticket from you.
A set time frame or a specific set of actions would probably help her feel better, but leaving it open-ended places her in a position where she has to determine what will make you feel that she’s learned to do better.
And that will force her to at least think about the situation instead of just waiting it out. If she hadn’t hidden it, I’d say to be more lenient on how she could earn it back, but breaking a rule/law, hiding it, then getting angry when you finally did find out demonstrates that she isn’t mature enough just to have the keys handed back to her.” Interesting-Go_On
12. AITJ For Prohibiting My Employees From Bringing Their Kids To Work?
“I’ve been working for a franchised restaurant for nearly 2 decades and finally got into a position to buy the restaurant from the retiring owner. I pay my employees well and quite honestly, am not making a ton of funds since I bought the store with hefty loans My two main day workers are mothers.
With health issues surrounding babysitters, there have been times when they had babysitting gaps. During those times they would ask for an hour or two to bring them into the store. This is explicitly against the policy which I have little say in because we are a franchise, but I was willing to take the hit and either come into the store to sit with the kids and watch them a bit while I did owner paperwork or other things.
Insurance wouldn’t cover the kids in the back room and there is heavy kitchen equipment and blades so I told them the kids are not allowed in the back or the back room office.
I understand life happens and this also very rarely happened the first several months of ownership, maybe 4 times across 7 months. Starting in October one of my employees’ kids started acting out badly in daycare, hitting, screaming, biting, and the works.
This employee would repeatedly have to leave mid-shift to get him, which again is understandable, I’d have no problem coming in to work to help if she had to leave for the day.
The problem is she began doing this and hiding it so she could stay on the clock while she left and then bringing the kid back with her and letting him terrorize the dining area while she worked so she could get paid.
I’m sympathetic to her needing funds, but as I said, I’m not raking it in myself. This all reached a head last week when he got kicked out of daycare again on a day the store was very busy (it’s winter, our slow season so we could definitely use the business).
She asked her coworker to lie for her, didn’t tell me what was going on and that her child was picked up while she was on the clock and the other worker was left alone, causing long wait times and poor service for customers we really need. She then broke my other rule and put him in the back office while he screamed b****y murder which customers could hear.
I found out later that night and talked to her the next day. I told her that from now on I am going to have to enforce the no kids rule as the leeway I was giving had been taken advantage of, I apologized to the other mother who was totally understanding and on my side, but the mother I feel that was taking advantage of me said that I was singling her out and that this problem with her kid wasn’t her fault.
She said I was being unfair to her even though she’s had 3 months to address her kid’s issues. I’ve tried my best to help, but I have a business to worry about, which is what supports my family.
I understand it’s difficult for her but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s okay to be compassionate, but being compassionate doesn’t mean you should be taken advantage of. It’s a safety issue to have children running around a restaurant.
Not only are they in the way and could injure themselves, but more importantly, they could injure your employees, yourself, or a customer. You are running a restaurant, not a daycare, and your employee’s inability to find daycare is their issue, not yours.
I would, however, fire the employee for faking timesheets. She committed theft by fraudulently being compensated for the time that she did not work. That deserves more than a final warning. Being too lenient with her by allowing her to work there is actually unfair to your other employees.
They had to cover for the time she wasn’t there so they had to do extra work because she was negligent. Showing her leniency now is actually showing favoritism, so it’s best that she be terminated and replaced with an employee who is more responsible.” False-Guess
Another User Comments:
“Right now YTJ, but only for not having fired her. She has stolen from your business by faking timesheets. She has violated health and safety laws and corporate policies by having a child not covered by insurance and surely without a food handler’s card in the prep areas of your restaurant.
She has violated your other employees’ working conditions by leaving them in the lurch and making it so that you can’t cover their absences. This is just not acceptable and you have a responsibility to yourself and the rest of your employees to no longer have this irresponsible woman around anymore.” vanisaac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your employee’s child sounds like it is in crisis and she may need help from social services to get a diagnosis. Kids don’t just repeatedly ‘act out’ unless they are being very poorly parented, or have undiagnosed issues (ADHD, autism, developmental delays, fetal substance effects, some undiagnosed physical issue causing the child pain, etc).
Having the child at your restaurant does nothing to address the underlying crisis. Please try to help this Mom find whatever resources might be available. Give her a couple of days off to take the kid to appointments.
If you can, hold her job for her while she tries to sort this out. But also look into training a part-time staff member so you won’t be left shorthanded.” Allimack
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother-In-Law To Live With Us?
“My wife (33F) and I (36M) are recently married. Some context.
We’ve been living together for 3 years, together for 6 years. We have a baby on the way. All good things. My now wife came with sort of a packaged deal. After we decided to live together, my then-partner asked if her mother can come live with us.
Previously her mother was living with her sister In law. (It’s her ex-husband’s sister.)Their family is from South America. I know how deep family goes in this culture. Who am I to separate a mother from her only daughter?
I myself am a very private person, introverted, and prefer a more scheduled lifestyle (I know, boring.) I like to troubleshoot future problems/events and talk about them openly with as few surprises as possible.
I’ve compromised quite a bit on that being with a Hispanic woman. There are many relatives that ‘crash’ at our place with very little notice to me. Fine, it’s part of the culture.
I agreed with now MIL living with us and have not suffered one bit from this arrangement. In fact, I try every day not to take her for granted.
Now on to BIL.
He’s younger, 27M, and married to 29F. No kids. Their current living arrangement is with his aunt mentioned above. He lives in that house that MIL left to come to live with us, at a very low rent rate.
Practically nothing. This was intended to be a temporary arrangement (going on 3 years) as MIL begged to bring them both in because they were getting evicted from their one-bedroom apartment for not paying rent.
Both my BIL and his wife have not been able to hold a steady job for more than 2 months at a time. BIL has a real problem with authority and cannot take even the most benign form of criticism or direction.
Their substance usage heavily affects their ability to look for and keep jobs. To say they’re irresponsible would be an understatement.
Now the aunt who is housing my BIL and his wife is looking to sell her house in the next year and move into a 1 bedroom condo.
Nothing has been talked about as to the plans of BIL and his wife after this happens. Without communicating this with me, MIL is under the impression that my wife and I will take them in.
I absolutely refuse to have this happen for a number of reasons. I cannot fathom the amount of clashing that will happen in this environment of an adult male who, for lack of a better phrase, doesn’t have himself together while I’m trying to start my own family.
I remind my wife, ‘I married you, not your brother.’ My wife agrees with me and is on my side but we are having difficulty conveying this to MIL. MIL got very upset with me last night when I assertively said I won’t allow them to live with us.
I love my BIL to death but I cannot have him living with me as I bring a newborn home. I don’t want to support two nearly 30-year-old adults as I support my child.
I’d say we have severely incompatible lifestyles. AITJ and selfish for not budging on this issue?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kindness is important, but there’s a line to draw when it comes to your safety and mental well-being.
You said it yourself: You have a baby on the way (congratulations!). I have sympathy for their substance problems, but you don’t want the baby to be exposed to substance usage, let alone the substances themselves.
Plus BIL has proven to have a history of financial irresponsibility, which likely means that he and SIL are going to cause a financial burden for you and your wife. You’ve already been pretty accommodating by letting MIL live with you, and you should remind her that this is your house, not hers.” jayclaw97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Expecting your daughter’s husband to take in several adults, including yourself, and basically support them while they don’t work and do whatever they want is not a reasonable stance.
Your MIL should be appreciative that you took her in instead of expecting you to also take in her unemployed son and his wife, who have been mooching off several relatives for years now because they refuse to grow up.
As someone who’s Hispanic himself, I take issue with the idea that this is somehow normal and part of the culture. Sure, family is important and you try to have each other’s backs, but allowing an almost 30-year-old dude and his wife to coast through life slacking off and doing illegal stuff and getting wasted while you give them a place to live and put food on their table is not having your family’s back.
It’s enabling a couple of losers.” Tough_Stretch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a good decision to define your boundaries and not invite unnecessary burdens. The major issue here is not just the BIL, but rather the culture-influenced family dynamics.
You are an introvert and prefer quiet over crowds. Your MIL thinks like a matriarch than just a MIL and dictates her decisions, including their relatives crashing your home as ‘part of the culture’.
Your wife cannot help but obey her mom. And your wishes will never be valued as long as your MIL is in your home.
The best method is to use the same traditions to twist everything around and convince your MIL how your BIL staying is a bad idea (this is a short-term solution).
Other methods would be finding a new place for your MIL (which will hurt the relationships and invite unreasonable criticisms) or you to take the role of house head and strongly displace the authority of your MIL in your family (which will push you out of your comfort zone).
Either way good luck.” angryomlette
10. AITJ For Canceling On My Dad's Wedding Because Of A Joke?
“Growing up, it was pretty clear that my parents weren’t happy. They have nothing in common, and my dad always seemed miserable when he was home. He lived and breathed his job (neurosurgeon) He was an okay dad, but a pretty bad husband, and when I was a senior in high school he left my mom for his affair partner ‘Abby’, who was also a surgeon at the hospital.
My mom was humiliated, and it took her a long time to heal emotionally. My brother and I didn’t talk to my dad for about a year and slowly resumed contact. He proposed to Abby nine months ago, and while I saw it coming, it still felt like a blow, and I was upfront that I don’t know if I want to go to the wedding or not.
He’s been with Abby for almost three years and he acts like a totally different person. He is like a giddy teen, and it’s really weird to watch. Objectively I get that she is much better for him.
He had nothing in common with my mom, and he needed someone who was more ‘driven and passionate’. Also, my mom hated all of his hobbies (camping, hiking, beach) because she didn’t want to get dirty, and they just weren’t compatible.
Abby is a bit more of a tomboy and they do everything together. He’s really happy, and I guess I’m happy for him.
I recently visited them and agreed to go to the wedding.
My dad and I had a private talk, and I said I will never fully forgive him for infidelity, but I can see that he is really happy. He said he wishes the best for my mom, he didn’t understand how important compatibility was when he was young, and then he laughed and said that if they didn’t want him to have an affair, he wouldn’t have a bed at work.
This annoyed me because from other jokes I’ve heard (from a mutual friend, not him), the two of them were fooling around at work, hopefully not in the hospital, but it just reminded me of my mom being the last to know, and how he always couldn’t wait to go to work.
I snapped at him that he is such a jerk, can never resist the urge to make dumb jokes (he teased me way too much when I was a teen, and it affected our relationship), and said I wasn’t going to the wedding.
I stormed off and he just texted me sorry and nothing else. Abby sent me a long message about how it was a pretty tame joke and just his personality and I’m being too sensitive.
she asked me to reconsider. The wedding is at the end of January, so I don’t have much time to decide .”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. After dad teased OP so much when OP was a teenager that it hurt their relationship, dad chose to made a joke about the thing OP had just told him was unforgivable — said joke being how easy it was to lie to the mother of his children.
And even if OP had still been on the fence about going to the wedding, Abby telling OP not to be so sensitive and father not giving a sincere apology make it obvious that dad and Abby don’t know or care how their affair affected the family.
As an aside, the joke was also in bad taste because those beds at dad’s work are for doctors who have to sleep at the hospital because they’re on call and/or have a very long shift. So not only is father a jerk to his family, he’s a jerk to his colleagues.” Jellyfish1297
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad knows that his infidelity (which happened to start at work) is the reason that your parents broke up and devastated you and your sibling, as well as your mum.
Time has passed, and you’ve generously begun to accept his affair partner, who is now his fiancee.
However, that does not mean that you have to accept crude jokes where he laughs away his infidelity by blaming his workplace for having beds as if he can’t possibly restrain himself from sleeping with someone wherever there is a woman or bed present.
I can see why that would be hurtful – rather than owning that his infidelity hurt you and your brother, he’s still making crude jokes that minimize the damage it caused and lays blame elsewhere.
I’m also really glad that you can see the difference between his compatibility with the two women and his behavior. Yes, it sounds like Abby is more compatible with him, and it is good that he is happy with her now.
But infidelity is never right, and his current happiness and the fact he wasn’t well-matched with your mum don’t justify how he acted. He should have acted like a grownup and been honest about his needs, and separated from her when he realized he was no longer compatible with or in love with her.
I think, all things considered, that you have been incredibly forgiving. Many people might NEVER forgive their parent’s affair partner, no matter how nice they were personally or how well-matched/happy their parents now seemed to be.
It’s a shame that his comment has upset you to a degree that you no longer feel comfortable attending the wedding, but that is an entirely reasonable decision on your behalf. HE did this with his insensitive commentary.
If he or Abby ask why you can’t attend, I would simply tell them both that his comment wasn’t funny, and was incredibly hurtful. That their affair was a HUGE source of pain and distress for you growing up, and that you’ve been working hard to process it.
Tell them that his joke wasn’t just a harmless joke because it absolutely made light of the massive hurt that his infidelity caused your entire family. And that you can’t move forward with him and celebrate his wedding if he can’t acknowledge how hurtful his affair was, and stop treating that hurt like a joke.
He and Abby are being incredibly insensitive about it.” linerva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Jokes are about timing… in isolation, that’s a pretty tame and dumb joke. But you had just finished speaking with him about how much the affair situation impacted you and he decided to make a ‘joke’… it was a crass excuse for his behavior.
Your father is childish and insensitive, this doesn’t seem to be something that is new though.
Regarding going to the wedding, I don’t think you’re wrong with either path you choose. I do think that not attending the wedding will make rebuilding the relationship with your father and his future wife more challenging.
I would be inclined to base my decision on attending the wedding less on the comment and more on whether you want to have a relationship with the two of them going forward.” No-Policy-4095
9. AITJ For Telling My Daughter The Truth About Her Dad?
“I gave birth at 17. (I’m now 28) Was on/off with my daughter’s dad (let’s call him Trev) for about 3 years after her birth, with him regularly going AWOL for up to 6 months at a time.
He would disappear often using illegal substances, getting in debt with dangerous people, etc. No help financially. The stereotypical ‘deadbeat’.
Over the years Trev has spent, at most, 3 Christmases with my daughter, around 5 birthdays, and zero school plays, sports days, or parents’ evenings.
The usual. Poor excuses and more often than not, no contact from him at all. Oh, and next to no financial support. SHOCK.
Every time she let her. Down I would make excuses such as ‘daddy’s at work’ ‘dad’s poor’ etc. Until I had enough and around 7 years ago, I stopped telling her when he was coming and let it just be a bonus if/when he showed.
Fast forward. 3 years and he got himself kind of sorted. He met a woman and had another child. He was making more of an effort with my daughter. (Honestly was very proud of him) This happened consistently for about a year.
He bought her a phone for her birthday that year and as soon as things were going smoothly he splits up with his new partner and falls back into his old ways. When I have a look at my daughter’s WhatsApp (I don’t read her messages now, she was 8 at the time) I find he has repeatedly ignored her despite being online.
And on the rare occasions he did reply, he was full of false promises. Not even on one occasion did he ask if she was okay or if her school life was going okay!?
This was over the course of a year. I’m obviously angry and confront him privately eventually, and he gives a poor excuse once again. So I block his number tell him if he wants to contact her he is to go through me or close family members.
Skip to Christmas & we have arranged for her to spend Christmas Eve & day with him as she has only ever done this once before. This was sorted after he had again shown he was really trying (wanting to give him the benefits of the down all the time!)
Surprise surprise. NO SHOW! My daughter asks where he is and I’m honest. ‘I’m sorry, I really have no idea where he is’. We had a beautiful Christmas regardless and after no contact with Trev still, by boxing day, I ring his sister.
Only to find he had spent Christmas in London with his ex a 2yrold son. The day after this my daughter asks if I’ve heard from her dad and I cannot lie to her face anymore and tell her where he has been.
She took this information surprisingly Well and is more andy than sad.
Mid-January and he finally gets in touch and my daughter firmly says that she doesn’t want to see him anymore. He proceeded to say that if she did not see him she wouldn’t receive her gifts and so my daughter (who is much wiser than me) states she won’t have her gifts then.
2 years later she still refuses him and I get slated for ‘poisoning’ her mind.
AITJ?
EDIT. Just a bit more detail here.
At about the same time she stopped seeing her dad and we moved out of the area, she moved schools and then through mutual friends found out that he has another baby on the way with a woman who I was actually friends with before she attacked my mother unprovoked while under the influence.
I couldn’t keep it a secret as said woman has a son who it’s a couple of years older and daughter has cousins and a best friend in his class at school. Not to mention they live at the bottom of my grandparents’ street on a very small estate where we have lots of mutual friends.
So not like we could avoid them.
My daughter has recently been diagnosed with anxiety and is having therapy through our GP and school. I’m also pretty sure she is developing an eating disorder.
(We are trying meal planning this week)
I have been riddled with guilt thinking that if I’d have kept her out of the loop she’d still be a happy and confident little girl.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I know you’re going through in your head about what you could have done better, but I really don’t know what you could’ve done. You were not only open to a constructive co-parenting relationship but actively promoting one, yet your ex chose repeatedly over the course of the last decade to refuse to reciprocate.
That is going above and beyond what was necessary of you, so for what it’s worth thank you for that.
We cannot know if a slightly different course of action would have had a better or worse outcome for your daughter and her mental health.
If you’d kept making excuses for your ex then maybe your daughter would have been fine, but maybe her reaction and subsequent mental health would have been a lot worse than currently if she’d found out at a later date.
We can speculate, but at the end of the day, we’ll never know.
I know you want the absolute best for your daughter, both your actions and thoughts prove that. If you can I’d try to put the ‘what if’ questions out of your mind.
Hindsight is 20/20, and from what you’ve told me you are already a great mum to your daughter.” smity31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Had you continued to lie to her she wouldn’t be able to trust you and that would’ve been catastrophic for her.
One parent that she can’t count on and another that lies and betrays her by lying for the absent parent could’ve been too much to bear. I’d also look into peer sessions; other kids going through a similar situation can be reassuring.
Also, find a psychologist or counselor as the resources you’re using are good for the short term, but you’ll need a long-term solution as she may be in depression which more often than not comes with anxiety.” Memyself-I2526
Another User Comments:
“It’s awful that your ex seems to be playing games with your daughter’s emotions. He is creating all kinds of problems for her that she may need counseling on how to deal with the end result.
If he’s as bad as you describe, he will not take a Father of the Year award; but that’s not up to either of us.
Your child is growing up fast (that’s why I don’t think children should be having children or adults either when they can’t give them the financial and emotional support they have a right to expect from their parents) because of the decisions you and your ex both made before she was born.
You weren’t thinking, obviously: Oh what fun we can have!
She has a right to be angry. As her grown-up mother, you are going to get blamed, criticized, etc. regardless of what you do.
Consequently, what you should not be doing is bad-mouthing her father to her or him in her presence (try email instead). You don’t have to make him prince charming, but it’s in your best interests to tell her he is doing the best he can.
No one’s perfect, certainly not you or me, so we shouldn’t be throwing stones. It’s hard to keep our mouth shut–especially when we want our children to see us as super parents–but that’s the best and only thing we should be doing so that when they really see things with clear eyes with more understanding or knowledge than they have as a child, they won’t resent us as much because we also have done the best we can.” alcmtr37
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Inform My Adoptive Mom About My Pregnancy?
“I was adopted when I was a couple of weeks old. My adopted mom (AM) did not want me. She has a very traditional way of thinking, she gave my adopted dad two boys.
My adopted dad (AD) put his foot down, and they raised me. I’ve always known I was adopted and have a good relationship with my birth family, ie, visited them every year, and call my birth mom (BM) every week.
The reason why I was disowned? My AM believes that I chose my adopted brother’s ex-wife over them or at least that’s what she tells everyone. My brother and his now ex-wife, let’s call her Jen, finalized their divorce in 2019.
During the divorce, we remained neutral because not our divorce, not our business. I maintained a cordial relationship with Jen because we knew she would get the kids and if we wanted to see my nephews, we can’t be jerks toward her.
Divorce finalized, and she got the kids 90% of the time.
Reason for the divorce? My brother is lazy and worthless. For example, they started a business together but then one day he decided he didn’t want to do it anymore.
Told Jen to deal with it herself, who was 8 months pregnant with my youngest nephew while he did nothing.
When the divorce was finalized, Jen called and asked to bring the kids to visit us since we haven’t seen her and her oldest son since the divorce proceedings.
She has a son before my brother. My brother adopted him but never treated him as his child.
Of course, we said yes! My AM found out, got mad, and said, ‘everyone makes their own choices and you made yours.’ That was the last I spoke to her.
I still reached out to my adopted dad and tried to talk to him many times.
The last time I reached out was Father’s Day 2019. Nothing.
End of 2021, I’m pregnant. Told my birth mom, and the first thing she said to me was, ‘are you going to call your adopted mom?’ I said, ‘no, why would I?
After 2 years, she’s made it very clear that I’m dead to her.’
My BM says I’m being stubborn and a jerk. I asked her if she believes that I did anything wrong.
I asked her if it was wrong of me to choose my nephews and in turn, maintain my relationship with their mother.
My BM said no, that I did nothing wrong and it was my AM’s mistake but she’s the elder so I need to respect her.
I said, ‘just because she’s an elder doesn’t mean she gets to treat me like trash.’
She says I’m going to cause issues in their relationship when my relationship with my adoptive parents gets better.
I said, after 2.5 years, why would I want any kind of relationship with her?
I never said she couldn’t talk to my adopted mom. I know my AM will find out, and if she asked my BM, she can say yes, I am but respect my wishes to not call my adopted mom directly just to tell her that I’m prego.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s important to help your BM understand that this is a shift in generational values. Boomers and Gen Xers tend to value the family they’re stuck with, no matter how terrible they’ve been, because for the longest time there’s been no other choice but to rely on them as an emotional support network.
Older generations also tend to see people as more immutable (especially as they age), and that it is less the responsibility of a trashy family member to fix their own bad behavior, and more the duty of individuals to tolerate and endure bad behavior from trashy family members.
Millennials and Gen Zers however tend to think of familial relationships as being more voluntary. This is not only because mental health is more of a priority and self-care (including removing yourself from toxic situations) is no longer stigmatized – but also because there are a lot more opportunities now to network with others through more emotionally earnest channels of communication.
This means Millennials and Gen Zers are more prone to build their own, healthier family networks.
You’re not the jerk, your BM is not the jerk. Your adoptive mom however apparently is. If she’s truly older and wiser she should have the capacity to come to you and apologize.
It’s not fair to expect you to be the mature adult in the room when your adoptive mom has abandoned that role.” mrcatboy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am proud of you for keeping a relationship with Jen and the children.
They are faultless in all of this. It appears as though your BM is having a bit of personal turmoil with the breakdown of your relationship with your adoptive parents. You giving your BM a clear line on your boundaries in regard to this pregnancy was a good move, but it only delays the inevitable.
This is definitely the time to take a step back and think about your future. It must have been difficult to have your AM cut contact without cause, and in turn your AD.
This is not your fault, and BM needs to understand her expectation of you to take responsibility for this situation is unfair and hurtful. Clearly tell BM that you currently have no intention of rebuilding a relationship with your Adoptive Parents as you have to prioritize yourself.
If you are looking for emotional support from your BM, this would be the time to remind her.” DrewBot13
7. AITJ For Not Moving Back Home With My Family Because Of My Cats?
“Currently, I have a newborn and my wife and I are discussing whether or not we should move in with my family for financial reasons.
My parents and grandmother are on board with everything: that until I resume work, I can live in one of their rental properties and pay the rent later. The only condition: my grandfather is vehemently against any animals being brought onto any of his properties.
I am a big proponent of private property rights and therefore this condition is non-negotiable for me, and my grandfather knows this. He has been texting me about various shelters to abandon my cats in order to move.
I personally helped birth them all and have raised each of them and I am all that they know. They are by extension, family too.
Purely on this condition, I am refusing any offers from him to move back home, effectively cutting him and the rest of the family off from seeing me, my wife, and my newborn unless they travel the 500 miles to me to visit or vice versa.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. He doesn’t want pets on his property which is his right. It’s your right not to move into one of his places. I wouldn’t take my cats to the shelter either if I could help it.
If that means you’ll live further away for a while longer, that’s just life. It’s no one’s fault.” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your grandpa isn’t the jerk for not allowing animals on his rental property.
That is his prerogative as a landlord. You are within your rights to not move to be closer to your family. Seems like y’all are not compatible.” aznbabeeo
6. WIBTJ If I Turn On The Lights After My Roommate's Alarm Goes Off?
“I (19F) am living in a dorm with this girl (23F), and we don’t get along. She wakes up after noon and I try to go to sleep before midnight and wake up at 7-9.
Things are tense between us in general, and I feel like she could be more considerate. When she’s sleeping, and I have to get up, I walk slowly and close the doors slowly too, but when I’m trying to fall asleep around 11 pm, she walks like a tank and closes the drawers forcefully.
We live in the same room, her bed is next to mine, so it is quite… cramped.
The other problem is that she has trouble waking up in the morning, she has told me that if her mom wouldn’t pull the sheet off of her before school and wake her up, she would just miss her classes altogether.
She has also told me she has a deficiency, I think it’s a vitamin B or something. Because of this she can sleep for many hours and has a harder time waking up, but most of the time if she has classes at 9, like me, she sets her alarm around 7:30 and gets up instantly, which is about the time I set mine, which is fine, but the problem is with exam days.
On the days she has a bigger test or an exam, she sets the alarm at 5:40 am, then snoozes it many times until she finally gets up. The first time she snoozed until 8 am, then instantly got up, consumed a cup of coffee, and barely made it where ever she had to be that day.
But that doesn’t change the fact, that she woke me up at such an early time and the snoozes every few min kept me from falling asleep again.
Today she also woke me up at 5:40 and kept snoozing and sleeping in her bed. I was mad at this point, I count the days I still have to live with her.
At the time I texted my mom, she woke up early to work, so she told me to get up and turn on the lights since she wants to wake up so early (one time at 11 pm she turned on the bright ceiling lights on me with no warning too).
Around 6:20 I got up and turned on the ceiling light. She instantly shot up and went to the kitchen. For the rest of the day things seem tense, she isn’t talking to me and even left the ceiling light on for me, as if revenging me, since I don’t like using it and I rather use my table lamp, since the light is softer.
I have a feeling since this month is our exam month, she’ll set the alarms and keep snoozing again, my head still hurts from not sleeping enough today, so next time she wakes me up, I kinda want to get up instantly, and turn on the ceiling lights, as if to get ready for the day and not wait until 6:20 or so like today.
WIBTJ? This month is hopefully our last month living together, then she will have to go to this other town for work and will only come back here for consultations, or to present her work in the end.
I could write a whole novel of the things she has done to me, the nasty comments she said.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
However, you could and should speak to her first. Explain that you don’t want to get up at 5.40 and clearly, neither does she.
You can go back to sleep after one alarm but if she keeps snoozing her alarm that isn’t going to happen for you so you will be getting up and starting your day based on her alarms and especially her snoozes and that will include turning on the lights… that at that point your obligation to be considerate of her desire to sleep will be proportional to her consideration of your need to sleep.
She needs to set the alarm for when she is ready to get up.
You might want to invest in some white noise, noise-canceling headphones, and or ear plugs.
If it continues and you have no satisfaction I would be going to the housing officer about unreasonable behavior.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she doesn’t want the lights on that early, she shouldn’t wake you from your sleep that early.
Besides, it doesn’t seem as though she offers you any sort of quiet or respect at night when YOU’RE sleeping.
And again in the morning when her alarms are going off waking you up.
And I’m like her in that I set alarms and hit snooze, but I never had to share a room with a stranger who wasn’t an intimate partner, at least not since I was a young kid and shared a room with my sister.
I think we used to wake up before everyone else because we had such early bedtimes.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because she is ‘older’ doesn’t mean she can do whatever. Just use the room as you need. Clearly, she does.
Get earplugs and a mask to be ready for her to retaliate, but go to bed when you want and wake up when you want – and walk like normal don’t tiptoe around at noon.
Don’t bother discussing this either if she confronts you. If she says she needs you to tiptoe, be quiet, and leave lights off, your ONLY response is ‘sorry, that doesn’t work for me.’ If she keeps bugging you, tell her ‘there’s nothing to discuss’.” SuperLoris
5. AITJ For Being Mad About A Proposal Prank?
“My fiancé has 4 step-siblings through his mom’s marriage.
MIL married when he was 16 (and he lived with his dad) so while he is close with the two of them, I wouldn’t call it a sibling relationship. We got engaged recently after 5 years of being together.
MIL’s younger stepdaughter ‘Leah’ has been with her SO for 2 years, and she is one of those people who plans everything down to the exact minute and definitely wanted to get engaged. Leah seemed a bit annoyed when I got engaged, but everyone told her to relax, and she had to know hers was coming.
MIL isn’t too bad but can be snarky and judgmental. MIL is also super romantic, loves to celebrate things, and likes men to dote on her. MIL was very underwhelmed by my proposal. He proposed in our room after I came out of the bathroom wearing pajamas.
He just handed me the box. I admit it is something I am a little insecure about (but I would never tell him and I know the proposal doesn’t make the marriage) MIL is horrified and had to be nicely told to shut up about it.
Well, Leah got engaged recently. He did a nice proposal at a hot spring during a ski trip. We saw them recently, and she was really giddy about the proposal. Leah also said he was a jerk, and he jokingly proposed to her the day before they went on the trip.
They have the type of relationship where they troll each other, so I didn’t think much of it, but then he laughed and said he recreated my proposal just to see Leah’s reaction.
Everyone laughed, and MIL said she would have cried.
Leah said she panicked for about 30 seconds and then realized he would never do that to her as if it is something so awful that was done to me.
I finally lost my cool and was like I’m sitting right here. They tried to brush it off, but I yelled at Leah that she is a witch for bringing it up, and she didn’t even have to tell that story and that she is clearly as shallow as MIL, which is funny because she talks a lot of trash about MIL (MIL and SFIL are semi-aware of this)
Leah texted me that she was sorry for hurting my feelings but said I went too far. Everyone else thinks I acted crazy and it was just a funny story. Also, maybe relevant, SFIL blew up at his kids around Thanksgiving for how they treat MIL and Leah has been talking considerably less trash, so I might have gone a little too far there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They were all acting like jerks, and you specifically called out your fiance’s stepsister for reacting in the same shallow and rude way that her mother did so I see nothing inappropriate about what you said.
If they don’t want to be called out for being shallow jerks they should treat others with more grace and kindness.
And for what it’s worth, my husband proposed to me one morning when we were both in bed, in our PJs.
We’ve been married for eight years and have two kids so it’s going well thus far despite the proposal being one that would apparently make your in-laws clutch their pearls in horror. Congratulations on your engagement and best wishes for the future.” jocelina
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, they shouldn’t have been rude or disrespectful of your proposal period.
However, you are obviously still harboring negative feelings about how your fiance proposed, and that is something that you two should have talked about already.
There’s no reason that you couldn’t have talked with him about how hurt you were by his lack of effort or romance, and you could’ve given examples of some of the things that you would’ve liked to expect from such a big occasion.
Your problem isn’t actually with your MIL or SIL it’s with your fiance, but you have decided instead to lash out (unsurprisingly) probably because you agree with them.
I’m sorry but communication is THE most important thing in a relationship.
Talking about it should be the first step instead of bottling it up.” emmytay4504
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see where you’d be upset at them mocking your proposal but in reacting the way you did you underscored their opinion that yours was less than optimal. If you were truly fine with it you’d be bemused or puzzled and maybe irritated but by blowing up you let them know they hit a nerve.
You also let him know that his proposal was lacking and that’s the most concerning part.
Just my honest opinion, sometimes I think there’s too much focus on The Moment. Sure, it’s nice to have something special and significant to you both but you were right-it does not make the marriage.
There’s so much desire for a Disney Princess experience-the fireworks in the distance, the Northern Lights flicker, and all the woodland creatures dance and sing… I’m more practical-minded but he asked, and you accepted. That’s what matters.
But to each their own. I just get concerned about some focusing on the fluff, not the substance.
A friend’s husband proposed while she was dialing the phone to order a pizza and they are one of the most happily married couples I know.” ohsogreen
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you obviously have insecurities about your proposal that you’re now taking out on your family. You should have communicated to your fiance that the proposal wasn’t what you wanted instead of yelling.
You SiL shouldn’t have told that story and your MiL needs to stop acting scandalized.
Stop taking your insecurities out on other people. You blew up and acted crazy. Also ironic you call them shallow but are obviously shallow yourself for continuing to harp on how much you hate your proposal.” SpaceCrazyArtist
4. AITJ For Installing Cameras Without Informing My Housemates?
“I (F20) live in a shared house with 3 other girls. I will call them Sara, Kate, and Zoe. Kate is friends with Zoe, but the rest of us aren’t really friends. Whilst I’m on ok terms with Sara and Zoe, I’ve never really liked Kate.
We have a shared fridge, where we have a shelf for each of our stuff. I have noticed that my food and milk constantly go missing. I see multiple times a week that a large portion of my food and milk is gone.
It’s unbelievably frustrating, and also very time-consuming and expensive having to buy/cook new food.
I always believed it was Kate because she is awake late in the night (1-4 am). I am asleep then, and I tend to notice my stuff missing in the morning.
I have asked all of them about it. Sara and Zoe both deny taking my stuff, but Kate gets all defensive and says I shouldn’t accuse her when I have no proof.
I was complaining about it to my friend, and he said he was in a similar situation and he got a fridge camera.
I thought this was a great idea. I got one, placed it discreetly inside the fridge, and decided to wait a week.
Sure enough, it was Kate, raiding my food daily. I confronted her about it because now I had proof.
I showed her the footage, told her to never do it again, and that she should repay me for what she took.
She went crazy. She said how dare I put a camera in the shared kitchen without asking the others first, and how it’s so invasive to record others in their own home.
I explained the camera only recorded the inside of the fridge, not the whole kitchen, but she didn’t care.
She has since said she’ll never be able to feel safe in her own home again.
Zoe has sided with her and they’re both calling me a jerk and saying I should’ve asked everyone first, even though this would’ve defeated the whole purpose. I said none of this would’ve happened if Kate hadn’t been stealing my food and lying about it.
Sara has taken my side, so it’s pretty tense in the house atm.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Kate sucks for taking your food. You suck for placing cameras in a shared home to record people without their knowledge or consent.
I understand that you think Kate taking your food entitles you to do whatever you want to catch her, but it doesn’t. And hers was not the only privacy you invaded. The sad thing is that you could have just as easily solved the problem by putting the cameras up with their knowledge.
Either Kate would stop because she’d know you could see her or she’d keep doing it and you’d see. Either way, the only thing you got from doing it behind everyone’s back was a dramatic ‘gotcha’ moment, which doesn’t justify it.” SpectacularTurtle
Another User Comments:
“Kate is obviously a jerk for stealing your food, no questions there.
However, you didn’t install the cameras in your own room, but in the shared fridge. You did so without informing any of them.
Just the threat and knowledge of there being a camera would be enough, a camera doesn’t have to be hidden or done without others knowing to be effective.
I think the issue that makes you the jerk as well is that you caught the thief by violating your innocent roommates as well.
So I will have to go with ‘everyone sucks here’, but not the other two girls.
One could spy on everyone’s phone just to catch one criminal, but you’ve then violated the innocent ones and I don’t believe that is a solution to anything.” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. No, they’re right, the camera was creepy and a huge invasion of privacy. If you chose to use it, you should have found the evidence, and then woken yourself up to catch her in the act, but using it at all drops you down to her level.
At this point you’ve ruined your ability to live with these people–if you were willing to put in a fridge camera, how will they know you won’t put one in the bathroom if you decide someone might have been using some of your toothpaste?
You’ve now punished everyone else in the house for one person’s indiscretions and made clear that you have no respect for boundaries–treating you as ‘correct’ in this situation makes it more likely for you to feel justified breaking critical boundaries again in the future.
It’s time to move out. In fact, it was time to move out when everyone refused to care about all of your food being stolen. If you want to be ‘in the right’ on this, genuinely apologize for the use of the camera, and then ask Kate why she was stealing her food.
Leave it at a why, and why she thought that it was okay, as opposed to asking her to make amends. But, seriously, move out.” reddit_insane_inane
3. AITJ For Rejecting My Sister's Apology?
“So I (F28) have two siblings (F32/F30) and this involves my oldest sister primarily. Growing up, my sister has always had a ‘boomer’ mentality and thinks we shouldn’t get anything because she never got it or that we should suffer because she did.
She didn’t like to see us get any gifts or what she considered handouts for free as she has a very transactional mindset about these things so if we get a gift then now we owe the gifter in some way.
My oldest sister has always prided herself on being the independent type and one who doesn’t take handouts or sells herself based on principle, but she has done a total of 180 over the past 3 years as she went from fully independent on her own salary to jobless (in school for nursing) and fully dependent on her husband (newly married), my mom’s husband, and me and my other sister.
All her expenses are paid for by the rest of us (tuition, rent, phone payment, car insurance), she got a new (used) car for her 30th birthday from my mom and her husband, gets a credit card from our mom to use on whatever she needs for up to $200/month, and just had her entire wedding paid for (100+ guests probably amounting to ~$25-30k).
I kept quiet about how hypocritical she’s been for suddenly being okay with gifts and becoming fully dependent on others since people can change and maybe she’s reflected on her situation but I finally blew up at her after she got mad at me for making a joke about how different her 30th birthday present was from our middle sister’s 30th gift ($1k Paypal deposit from our mom).
I yelled about how poorly she’d treated us growing up for the occasional gift, and how suddenly it’s not a handout anymore now that she’s the one on the receiving end.
She made a half-hearted apology about how she treated us when we were younger and when I told her how she made me feel like a harlot for accepting funds from my mom’s husband to pay for wisdom teeth surgery when I was unemployed and had no insurance, she replied with ‘If it makes you feel better that I can acknowledge myself as a harlot then I can do that but does that make you feel better?’.
I haven’t accepted her apology and things have been tense. She’s been asking our other sister and my husband why I’m still mad at her when she hasn’t done anything wrong, even when I laid it out for her how trashy she’s been and how hypocritical she is now that she’s finally benefiting.
AITJ?
Edit: In case it helps with your judgment, this was her text apology: ‘I don’t want to fight. I wasn’t trying to attack you. But for me, the way I feel about him now is not the same as before.
I have grown as a person and I acknowledge that I acted irrationally then. I’m sorry I made you feel so awful and I know it’s not an excuse and I know you feel bad about it but I don’t want to keep making you feel bad about it.
I don’t know what you want from me’ followed by the hurtful comments above. And this literally was just an apology for the single example I gave her for why I was upset because I specifically mentioned how hurt I was after she gave me so much trouble for taking money from my mom’s partner at the time.
There’s never been an apology for her entire attitude regarding handouts growing up, only the one for the specific instance.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
From what you describe of the past, she had to have seen the hypocrisy of her actions once she started recovering and said, ‘handouts,’ and honestly, I’m more surprised you’ve agreed to help her in the first place.
The second part is, your sister didn’t give you a real apology. She got upset about a joke you made and then got the spotlight when you pointed it out.
Honestly, she’s being spoiled rotten.
New car, credit card w/ $200 limit (which personally I already see her going over), and why did someone pay for her wedding? She was jobless and had an expensive wedding. Red flags all over.
I definitely do not think you’re the jerk in this situation. But your sister? She’s being a jerk. Someone who has grown would have acknowledged their hypocrisy when it struck. She could have opened a dialogue and pointed it all out.
Please stop contributing to her nonsense. Not your job. Kind of you, but absolutely not your responsibility.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not allowing your sister to grow, mature, and evolve. Also for thinking, she has a mentality, when literally a lot of boomers have been social justice activists and have had to overcome poverty as well as obstacles you cannot fathom, paving the way for you.
I get that young people have it hard today in many ways financially, but generations before you had it rough in oppressive ways that have since improved for younger generations, especially if you are a racial minority, female, or LGBTQ.
If you don’t want older generations to judge you with a broad stroke, don’t do the same.” FakeRealityBites
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t understand why your family is helping pay her bills just because she’s in school, although that is very kind and generous of you.
She should be doing more. She could do seasonal work during school breaks to earn funds. And she definitely didn’t need a fancy wedding, nor does she need a credit card to buy whatever she wants every month.” ComprehensiveBand586
Another User Comments:
“YTJ-Your sister grew up since being younger and your response was to hold her past thoughts/actions against her. That sucks but she did her part in acknowledging you with an apology.
You were well in your right to accept or reject. You choose rejecting. My judgment isn’t because you didn’t accept the apology. My ‘YTJ’ is because you are holding the past against her (being grudgie) and that just seems sucky.” Sea-Tea-4130
On to the actual point, OP, you're NTJ. Your sister sounds like an entitled a*****e. Here's hoping she never runs for any kind of office.
2. AITJ For Pointing Out Someone's Insecurity?
“I (F17) have this friend, we will call her Andrea. Andrea has a habit of making fun of people’s looks, usually celebrities but sometimes people in real life. She will call them fat, ugly, low-class looking, etc. In fact the other day I did actually snap at her because she showed me this picture of this couple and she said ‘he must be in it for the money’ when referring to the guy.
Implying that the girl was ugly when she really wasn’t, and I told her only insecure people make comments like that and she went silent.
Anyways today she starts talking and says, oh I have to tell you something about Emma (some random family friend) and I said okay sure.
Then she was like, nevermind you will get mad at me if I say it. Here’s where I might be the jerk. Jokingly I said, ‘Are you gonna say she’s fat or something’.
Then Andrea was in shock and she was like ‘yeah how did you know?’ I didn’t but I replied with ‘Because that’s the type of person you are’.
She got super upset at me and demanded an apology.
I told her that maybe she should change the way she acts so I don’t get that impression out of her. She also called me a hypocrite because I said this child in some TV show was being annoying.
Edit: for those wondering, she is more of a family friend, and I don’t actively hang out with her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s just mad that her behavior has been so consistent and obvious that other people expect it of her and she realizes that she doesn’t want to be known as the mean girl who is obsessed with other people being fat.
There’s a difference between you saying once something about a kid on TV (and honestly, if it wasn’t a reality show, then it’s the character who’s designed to be annoying) and constantly remarking on the bodies of other women, especially when she moves from celebrities to people that are in your wider social circle.” Craftyallthetime
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Here’s why you’re a jerk. It’s fine to say, ‘that comment makes you sound insecure’. It’s not fine to say ‘only insecure people say that kind of thing’.
You can disparage the comment without disparaging the person. In your second interaction, you could have said, ‘I’ve come to expect that kind of comment from you’. It’s VERY different from telling her what kind of person she is.
It’s also guaranteed to be correct – because you’re saying what you THINK, not who she IS.” Peetrrabbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she found you saying ‘that’s the kind of person you are’ to be offensive or hurtful, then she knows the way she is behaving isn’t OK.
Because she thought what she was doing was OK, her feelings wouldn’t have been hurt and she wouldn’t of been insulted by you saying that. So she knows That saying those kinds of things are being mean, she does it anyway, and she just doesn’t care.” TeeKaye28
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here in my opinion. She’s a jerk for constantly criticizing people. But you’re 17, she may not have realized that it was annoying you/that she was doing it all the time.
But you’re a jerk for being hurtful, calling her insecure, and you could have pointed it out in a nicer way. She hasn’t ever said anything hurtful directed at you, so she probably doesn’t see the problem with it.
I advise you to apologize for what you said to her, and explain that you find her negativity/judgment towards others offensive rather than getting angry with her.” Plastic-Bid-1036
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Mother-In-Law To My Wedding?
“About two years ago my fiancé’s grandfather got caught having an affair with a woman about 20 years younger than him. It had been going on for a while, but he decided to leave GrandMIL for her.
GrandMIL is in shock. MIL works for her father and hired this woman as their company’s party planner, which obviously isn’t MIL’s fault, but MIL was just like meh things happen.
GrandMIL married her last year and mil was the only person who attended (he has 4 other kids) MIL is also the only of her siblings to spend holidays with him. Everyone else is appalled and MIL doesn’t really care and thinks life is messy.
MIL also admitted she slept with her current fiancé while married to FIL, though FIL was a womanizer. I wasn’t aware of that because she briefly dared someone else after the divorce.
MIL and I got engaged around the same time, and I’m planning an August wedding and she is doing September. We recently found out she went wedding dress shopping with GrandFIL’s affair partner, and I was grossed out.
Infidelity tore my family apart as a child and I am very sensitive to it.
I talked to my fiancé and he is alright with not inviting her. It might sound extreme but it is going to be a small wedding and I only want people who support and believe in marriage.
I told mil and she just rolled her eyes and said of course she’s always in the wrong with us. GrandFIL (who isn’t invited) is furious and says I can’t not invite the mother of the groom.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She didn’t lie to you. She didn’t do anything to you. She’s right, life is messy. You’re intending to uninvite the mother of the groom – who didn’t actually do anything TO you – simply because she refuses to, I guess, banish her own father from her life and never speak to him again is insanely entitled. You’re dictating to a grown woman how she needs to conduct her relationship with her own father to ‘earn’ an invitation to her own son’s wedding?
I mean, no one likes infidelity, but this is insane.” Exciting-Head-6644
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yeah, MIL sounds terrible, but ultimately this should be your fiance’s decision, not yours, as it’s a drama within his family, nothing directed at you personally.
It sounds weird to say as you are marrying into the family, but who your fiance’s grandfather and mother are sleeping with is none of your business, and I think you need to kind of just butt out of it.
You don’t have to hang out with them if you don’t like them, but your fiance should be the one to decide which of his family he wants at his wedding.” User
Another User Comments:
“You sound like a judgmental jerk and the morality police. Your future MIL’s relationship with her own father is none of your business. would you prefer that she drag him through the mud, ruin their relationship, and lose her income?!
YTJ for being a mean girl, and frankly, you should allow your fiancé to invite whomever of his relatives that he wants there. I am not sure that there are many people on this planet who are in favor of infidelity, but I am not sure who left and made you god and gave you the ability to attempt to crucify people for their mistakes.
Mind your business, and get a hobby that doesn’t require you to have your nose in other people’s business.” Apatheticforcredit
