People Clash In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Bringing My Friend To A Family Dinner?
“I (31F) am a survivor of an abusive household. My bio-father (54M) is a heavy drinker and has been abusive in many, many ways, which only ended when I went NC about seven years ago when I moved to England.
There, I met this amazing guy (now 30M) with whom I grew very close over the span of two years. We just have this connection and consider each other brother and sister. We always know to call and reach out and be there for the other.
Considering that my father is dying, I agreed to my younger step-brother’s request (13M) to come to a dinner because he wanted to come out to the family. Being in the same room as my abuser is a massive source of pain for me, but I told him that because he wants me there, I will agree to come if I can also have a plus one.
He said yes, and said considering there will be some extended family for the holidays anyway, one more person will not make a difference. I obviously called that friend and explained the situation; he agreed to fly to my place for the weekend so we would go to that dinner together.
I introduced my friend to my baby brother, and after that, we went to find my father. This is truly the moment I was scared of. Things went politely, and my friend cut it short because I was shaking, and he gently pulled me on the balcony for some fresh air.
I thanked him for it, and he told me that’s what brothers are for. My father heard that, and he didn’t like it at all.
He started by claiming that I already had two brothers I didn’t care about and that if I wanted to be a sister to someone, I should start by having a conversation with them.
There were a lot of accusations thrown my way (ungrateful child, selfish, lazy, self-centered) to which I didn’t know how to respond. After that, the night was tense, but everyone became too busy with my brother’s coming out to worry about the argument.
Since then, I received tons of texts and voicemails from my family members claiming that it was selfish of me to bring a complete stranger to a party, only to hear him call himself my brother in front of my two brothers with whom I am LC.
They say I am my father’s biggest source of heartbreak and that I truly hurt my siblings. The reason for us to be LC is that they (13M, 19M) will allow my father to read our conversations, and I hate that, but they don’t respect my feelings towards this issue.
I wish we were closer, but not if it means my father is updated on my life.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m in agreement with the other users who say it’s time to upgrade to NC. You don’t owe your abuser anything, and you don’t owe your family anything.
Blood of the covenant (friendship) is thicker than the water of the womb (family). Your real family is the friend you brought.” ilestledisko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The situation with your legal brothers sucks, and hopefully, 13 wanting you there is a good sign and he’ll eventually be able to come talk to you on adult terms without your abuser’s influence (I doubt he has a huge amount of control over who reads his texts right now given his age), but you aren’t a bad person for finding what your bio family lacked somewhere else.
I’d shoot 13 a text basically saying that that door isn’t closed as far as you’re concerned, but you can’t be in his life while he’s reporting on you to your abuser and start shutting down more lines of contact.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have 3 heart sisters and said many times in front of bio mom and bio sister that they’re my sisters and family.
I ignored comments about it I grew up in an abusive home and my bio sis hates me. Family isn’t always blood-related… it’s the people who truly love you.” LopsidedRhino
21. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Id And Bank Card With A Potential Buyer?
“I 21f am trying to sell my old laptop online as I’m planning to upgrade my laptop. I get a message from someone who is interested in buying the laptop. At first, everything seemed fine until the potential buyer kept asking me to send pictures of my ID and bank card as they prepaid for the shipping (Auspost).
That was also the way I was going to get paid. I don’t know if there’s some kind of glitch because there is trouble trying to get the funds into my bank account.
I said no to showing my ID and bank cards to the potential buyer, and they seemed to get annoyed.
I’m starting to get suspicious because I offered for them to pay me in a different way, such as pay ID or cash, but they kept insisting that I show my ID and bank cards.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is a scam.
The same thing happened to a friend, but the scammer also threatened to call the cops. My friend told him to go ahead, and that was the last she heard from him.” The70thWeekIsComing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is a well-known scam. You were definitely right to follow your instincts and not show anyone your bank card and identification card.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No No No No. Scammer alert! Do not deal with this person. Never send anyone your ID or credit card info. Never. Period. Don’t do it.” dtalok7
20. AITJ For Cutting My Hair Even Though My Husband Loves Long Hair?
“I am in my mid-30s, married for a decade, and have almost always had the same long hairstyle my entire life. Genetics, kids, and age have my hair thinning horrifically, and I have zero talent or interest in actually learning to do different hairstyles, so I would always wear it up.
Until two months ago, I took the plunge and went to an actual salon and got a kind of pixie cut. Length on top; buzzed the rest. I love it; it is easy to manage, and my kids have adjusted to change. I will be the first to admit, I may not have the face shape for it, but truly didn’t care until my husband admitted his loathing for my hair.
I buzzed/trimmed it today, and kept the length on top, but the new growth was driving me insane. My husband came home and was almost angry. He hates it, hates that I have shorter hair than he does, hates that I buzzed it again.
He said he could not stand to look at me because of my hair, and he can’t wait until I grow it out again.
I know, my head and my hair, but if he truly hates it that much, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to conform to your husband’s aesthetic.
Which you said you are aware of. But you are making a choice to do something that he finds unattractive, and that can have natural consequences. His terrible attitude should not be one of those consequences. He can hate your haircut. He can find you less attractive.
He can wish you would grow your hair back out. He can even let you know these things in a polite way (as an FYI, in case you did want to take his opinion into account). But what he did was not a polite fyi.
It was just him being a jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband reacted the same way when, at 28, I chopped my hair to my shoulders because I had accidentally damaged it after getting highlights. He acted personally betrayed like he owned my head.
He had always said that he would break up with me if I ever cut my hair, but I didn’t think he was serious. Many men seem to actually believe that they own our bodies, that we’re toys for their disposal. It’s unfortunate because it sets them up for disappointment when they realize that we are actually humans, and sometimes we need to do things that are not for their visual pleasure.
I went through a phase where I had my hair super short, and now I’m growing it out again. It’s a very personal thing. Nobody should try and control that for you; it’s an expression of who you are and how you feel about yourself.
I hope you can get two more emotionally safe places in life, with or without this guy.” Secret-Mammoth7179
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Men are very tuned into certain ‘looks’ qualities in a woman. Preferences vary from man to man, of course. But there are some pretty universal preferences.
Like, long hair is feminine and hot (to most men) and short hair is masculine and repulsive (to most men). Married for a decade is the part of this story that has me leaning toward YTJ. In all that time, you never clued into the fact that hubby LOVES LONG HAIR?!?!?!
I guess in the highly unlikely event that he never mentioned this… Then you’d still be YTJ, a bit. How is it that you, yourself, never figured out that men love long hair? I mean, your hubby couldn’t have been your first and only romantic relationship.
RIGHT???? My partner has long hair down past the middle of her back. If she suddenly did a pixie or similar short haircut, I’d be tempted to dump her. Not because she cut her hair. It’s because she knows: 1) I love long hair. 2) I hate short hair.
3) I am personally repulsed by short hair, as it makes women look like men… And I’m not intimately attracted to men. Note she KNOWS all of those points. So if she made the decision to cut her hair short, that would be sending me (the partner) the message that she doesn’t give a crap if I’m intimately attracted to her anymore, or not.
Alrighty then, time to find a new girl…” DistrictEquivalent79
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Coworker's Creepy Tick Check Request?
“Last week I (19F) had a shoot in a forest for work.
There are lots of ticks in my country, so we were all warned to check for ticks when we got home. Well, I got home late at night, when my coworker (40ishM) texted me. He sent me a picture he took of me and I sent him one that I made of him back.
He responded with a heart emoji, which made me kind of alert, but I didn’t really read into it. Next, he asks me “Can you check me on ticks?” He’s always joking around, so again I did not read into it.
A couple of days later I thought back to it, and it doesn’t sit well with me.
So I texted him that he should be careful who he is talking to because even though I thought of it as a joke, it could make people really uncomfortable, because if you think about it: it is a full-grown man asking a teenage girl to search his body…
Well, he got really annoyed (and childish). He said that he texted that to multiple coworkers and that it was nothing personal. I guess he took it as if I was accusing him of something, even though I tried to make it clear to him that I was only warning him.
Today I saw him again for the first time afterward, and he made snarky comments like “Oh sorry, does that make you uncomfortable?” every time he came anywhere close to me. Now I don’t know, was I out of line for warning him? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow OP definitely NTJ! Your coworker is a creep. Ask your other coworkers, male and female, if he sent the same things to them, and if so, fine, he’s joking I guess, but it makes you feel grossed out. If he’s sent them only to the female coworkers, ew, that’s gross.
If he sent that ONLY TO YOU, file a report with HR if you can if he keeps doing this because 1: You don’t have to put up with that, and 2: That’s just plain creepy to be texting someone YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER like that.
You don’t have to just sit there and take it. If he makes you more uncomfortable or starts harassing you now that you’ve called him out, find trusted people around you. That man sounds really creepy.” dont_eat_my_ramen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think it’s really important to let coworkers know when you are uncomfortable and set boundaries.
Retaliation is also a form of harassment. If he continues to make snarky comments and make it a hostile workplace, you should elevate it to your supervisor. If someone told me I was making them uncomfortable, I would apologize and stop whatever behavior it was immediately as it wouldn’t be intentional. That’s what he should have done.
And if he truly didn’t mean anything by it then an apology and acting normal would have been easy.” NCC-1701-Fan-159
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. People on here will coddle you and tell you you did nothing wrong. The fact is you were uncomfortable with the ask (even if he was jokingly asking in a harmless way).
Then you tried to play it off like you were just warning him, when in reality you were telling him you were made uncomfortable but you didn’t have the decency to tell him to his face. Personally, if I were him I wouldn’t associate with you.
You just gave me clear indications of how you handle situations.” Western-Knee5975
18. AITJ For Removing My Ex From My Spotify Premium Account?
“I (34f) have been broken up with my ex (34m) (I’ll call him Jay) for 4ish years, and have been seeing my current partner (34m) Steven for over 2 years. Right before Steven and I started talking, Jay and I had a bit of a fling post-breakup.
(I know. It was dumb on my part) Jay and I were friends for a while before we saw each other, and other than being affectionate a couple of times, we remained friends. Steven and I were supposed to just be a FWB-type deal, but we ended up spending so much time together and developing feelings (and he has 2 kids now I adore).
Jay and I do not talk too often anymore, and I realized he is still on my Spotify family account. A few months ago I asked him about it, and he said he still uses it daily at work, but I’m realizing my options to add another person would be to either A.
Remove Jay as a member or B. Remove my sibling who also uses it. (I took over this Spotify account when my dad passed away, and Jay has been on it basically since I took it over in 2018.) Steven says I wouldn’t be a jerk since we broke up so long ago, but I dislike confrontation.
So WIBTJ if I removed my ex from my Spotify premium account?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is he even still on the account? “Confrontation?” Over a Spotify account? Honestly, this is super basic. If you can’t even handle this minimal boundary, then you should work on that for your own future and well-being.” Obvious-Might7469
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I consider myself a not-quite diplomatic person, so I would just remove him and not give explanations that he doesn’t particularly need/deserve, but for the sake of cordiality, you could give him a heads-up. If he reacts poorly, then he’s entitled.” NotAMuchTallerWoman
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. You don’t owe him a thing, he has been lucky you let him use the account this long. All you have to do is change the password, and it’s done.” Joannie-Sissy
17. AITJ For Not Lying To My Friend About His Paternity?
“The last name Thomas in my (26m) area is not common like how most people think. If you were born here and have that last name, there is a good chance your father is one of 3 people from a specific family. We don’t talk about it though and it’s generally nobody’s business to talk about except those involved.
My friend Micheal (28m) is one of those people, but his mom never told him and says his last name is a coincidence. Like I said, it’s nobody’s business to tell except those involved, and he never questioned his paternity; he just accepted that he grew up with a single mom.
However, the other day, my group of friends and I were playing basketball and ribbing each other. Well, Micheal joked too hard about one of the guys, and he lost his temper and said, “At least I ain’t stupid enough to not recognize my own daddy when he walks by me.” Everyone kinda stopped, and the one who said that walked away mad.
Michael looked at us and said, “What did he just say?” A few of us kept quiet, but others said to ignore him because you know he is just talking because he is mad. Michael walked up to me and got in my face. He asked me if I knew who his dad was.
I make it a point to not lie in any situation, and everyone knows that, but I didn’t want to say anything, so I said, “Go ask your mom.”
He left, and days later I’m getting called a jerk by everyone for not denying what the guy said like everyone else.
His mom has even messaged me on social media saying how I just ruined their relationship and her son’s life.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but their relationship was ruined when she chose to lie to him for all those years. Her mistake does not constitute keeping him in the dark.
If she is ashamed about something she did, whether it be an affair or a one-night stand, she has no right to keep the information about his father from him simply because she is ashamed. And nobody has the right to shame you because you actually have integrity and ethics and don’t want to lie.
You didn’t ask the man to question you. And again, they are disgusting for expecting you to lie. They don’t have to live with you every day like you have to live with yourself every day. They have no right to demand that you belittle your integrity.
Definitely NOT THE jerk!” suliasoul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, how did it become your fault that his mom has been lying to him his entire life? I grew up in a small town, I get the drama, but mom and birth dad need to own up to their past. Plus, why would mom give him the father’s last name and not expect everyone to figure that out?
Is she really that dumb? Or did she want everyone to know? Either way, this is all on her.” uffdamaynard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s perfectly reasonable to have him ask one parent who the other is. NGL, if I had disposable income I’d have been offering free 23 and Me kits to some kids around town and telling them to opt into the Relative Finder.” Meghanshadow
16. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her Friend Is Entitled And Disrespectful?
“I (15 F) have a younger sister who will be called A (10 F) for the sake of this post. My sister’s friend will be called C. C (10 F) is the most entitled little girl I know and treats me with little respect even after all the things I have to do with her and my sister.
Ex: I was cooking dinner for C and A. C repeatedly told me to “hurry up” when I was trying to cook everyone dinner. I repeatedly told her, “Calm down, I can’t magically make the water boil faster,” and she lost it, crying and screaming like a 5-year-old.
Another example is when C is over at my house, she eats all of our food and then proceeds to tell me that “I should watch what I eat” (I have many weight insecurities).
C’s father (40 M) never lets A borrow a towel after swimming, even though A never knows if they will even swim at C’s house.
Yesterday, my mother and I were talking while cooking dinner, and I told A and my mother that C was the “most entitled person I know.” A lost her mind, saying that “C is so nice I’ll tell her what you said about her.”
My sister thinks I’m the jerk, but my mother and I think what I said was true.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t say it in front of the girl’s face, so NTJ. If your mom agrees that she’s not the greatest, then well deserved, I think. You guys should focus on making sure A is growing up to be a well-behaved, kind, and loving young woman so she’s not like this to other parents.
She’ll eventually understand (middle school is just around the corner), even if she never apologizes. Kids are rude at ten and they just may not understand that they are. Or they may say that they’re nice and others just believe them without a second thought (think how many kids still believe Santa exists at 10 years old).” BSKDJewels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You shouldn’t have said it in front of your younger sister. She’s her friend. Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you should share your thoughts with your sister. If she said something similar about a friend of yours, you’d feel a bit annoyed as well… however, you have a right to your opinion, and living with siblings means you get to hear stuff like that.” Snoo-74562
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop doing nice things for C and A if they’re going to keep treating you like this. A needs to learn C’s bad behavior has consequences, as does her choosing to remain friends with someone like C. Hopefully your sister realizes the truth about C sooner rather than later.” BogwitchOfTheBog
15. AITJ For Buying My Niece New Shoes And Criticizing Her Mum's Holiday Spending?
“My brother and my niece’s mum aren’t together. My niece lives with her mum.
I picked my niece (8) up on Saturday and took her shopping so she could spend her birthday money. When I arrived, her mum excitedly told me she’d just booked for them to go to Disneyland Paris (she knew I’d be interested and jealous being a Disney fan myself).
While we were out, I asked my niece what she wanted to buy and she said she wanted new shoes, and told me the ones she had on were the only ones she could get on, and that they were tight and uncomfortable (I also noticed a hole in one of the soles when she took them off later).
I asked her why she hadn’t told her mum or dad (as they should be buying her new shoes when needed). She said she’d told her mum, but she told her she was skint (yet she had money to book a holiday?) and would have to wait until she got paid.
I didn’t ask about my brother, because I know all too well that my brother is also notorious for prioritizing luxuries over necessities.
I didn’t want to see my niece going without and didn’t want her to have to use her birthday money, so when she picked her shoes I paid for them myself.
When I dropped my niece off, I said nothing to her mum. It’s not my place to lecture her about her finances no matter how wrong I think she was. But it never occurred to me that I might be a jerk for buying her shoes because if I want to spend my money on something for her it’s my business.
Her mum noticed them after I’d left and asked about them. Then later I received a message:
HER: Why did you buy new shoes?????
ME: Because she told me her shoes were too tight, and there was a hole in one of them.
HER: They were fine; she could wait til I got paid.
She just whinging, I’m not payin’ you for them; they’re too expensive.
At this point, I was getting irate, so my next message is why I might be the jerk.
ME: I’m not asking you to pay for them, but it’s funny that you think a £10 pair of shoes is too expensive when you can drop hundreds of pounds on a holiday.
You obviously did have money when she asked for new shoes, but you clearly thought Disneyland was more important!
She never messaged me back, but she phoned my brother and told tales on me. My brother said I upset her. He did offer to pay me back for the shoes, but I told him not to worry about it.
So AITJ for buying my niece shoes and then criticizing her mother’s spending priorities?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… A gentle reminder to her mother that as her uncle, you have every right to buy her something and claim it as a “Birthday Gift” or “Christmas/Holiday Gift” if you so choose… Mom needs to get over herself and swallow some of that pride of hers.
You did a Mitzvah for your niece, that’s a good thing…” Nervous-Bonus-806
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The mom is an ungrateful jerk. My parents luckily could always afford what I needed, but I know my mom would still highly appreciate someone buying me new shoes if needed so she wouldn’t have to since she worked a lot.
That poor little girl was willing to spend her bday money on something her parents should be providing for her. Buying extra shoes for herself is one thing, but not even having a pair that fits is ridiculous.” lordofthebuns17
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You could have handled it better.
Obviously, there would have been value in pointing out to both parents that your niece was preparing to spend her birthday money on shoes. We get that you’ve given up on your brother being a responsible parent, but Niece’s Mum has to theoretically both compete with your brother and be a responsible parent.
And I imagine some of those luxuries that your brother buys are for your niece. That he’s a bit of a Disney dad. And that’s hard to compete with. But I sorta imagine if you had to do it all over again that you might handle it differently.” rak1882
14. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Stalking And Obsessing Over Women?
“I happen to know this dude we call “Jeremy.” When I (25f) met him he was 35.
We met at university. When we met, his long-term partner just broke up with him so I felt sympathy because he seemed really devastated. He constantly brought up his ex and since she used to work for a pretty common delivery service, every time he would see one of their couriers he had to check if it was her.
He also kinda seemed to “stalk” her and showed me stuff she posted online and I don’t know man I always felt (and told him) that he is interpreting too much into her posts and that this stuff has nothing to do with him. Like it really didn’t, it was posts of her wearing a dress she also wore when she was with him and stuff like that, and he really thought this was somehow a message to him or something.
I told him it’s unhealthy and he should stop.
A while later he seemed to do a lot better. He was socializing more and made a bunch of friends and I felt good for him until he met another girl, “Aubrey” (22f) at the Uni through him offering maths tutoring.
He quickly started to obsess over her and I told him that this girl just wants help with algebra and very likely isn’t romantically interested in him. He got really angry again and told me to stop sabotaging his efforts, and that I am a crap friend who doesn’t believe he deserves a partner.
By that time Jeremy also was 37. I talked to Aubrey a bunch of times, and she added me on socials. A few months later she called me crying because Jeremy blew up her phone with messages, some very threatening because she didn’t want to go out with him.
I called Jeremy immediately and met with him and told him that his behaviour was really not OK and he should get some freaking help like what the heck.
I kept my distance from him afterwards because that was just too much. We met again a few days ago by accident and just did a bit of small talk.
He told me how he met this girl on a trip to a different country. Apparently, she was his tour guide, in her 20s, really interested to learn his language because she has plans to move to the country we live in. He told me how he was helping her learn the language and how he was helping her with a bunch of other things, including money.
He seemed really invested, but then he told me that she also has a partner and a kid but she keeps telling him how she wants to leave the country with the child etc. I told Jeremy that this girl is catfishing him and just milking him for cash.
He really blew up and screamed at me and cursed me out saying “every time you do this, are you jealous? Why can’t you let me be happy?”
Did I overstep? I get that I gave unwarranted advice maybe too many times and I should not get into his affairs…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to warn your friend his behaviour towards women was a little off (scary imo) and you meant well but this man sounds like he needs help; it could be kind of dangerous due to his obsessions with women. Particularly young women it seems. You were a good friend for trying to help him when he’s obviously being catfished. He’s yelled at you a few times now for trying to help so I just wouldn’t anymore.
Doesn’t seem like a healthy person to be around especially if they try to use you as a scapegoat for why these things don’t work out.” Plus_External1459
Another User Comments:
“NTJ THANK YOU FOR TRYING TO TEACH HIM NOT TO BE CREEPY. For real, I cannot even tell you how much I appreciate that you try to teach him not to be a creepy stalker weirdo.
Maybe this girl is using him, but at least it will keep him from harassing people he can actually get to. And now you know you tried, just let it go. She will keep the local ladies safe by keeping his attention elsewhere. He really needs to try to be with women his own age though, 37 and 22 is pretty weird.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is not a stable or healthy person when it comes to relationships with women. You were not out of line to tell him to back the heck off when he started getting aggressive towards Aubrey or to try and break through his obsessive stalking behaviour with his first partner.
He’s showing warning signs of someone who could start to escalate and if he starts doing it again maybe have a quiet word to the latest object of his ‘affection’ and let her know that it might be a good idea to extricate herself before he starts believing she’s signalling her intentions to him via her handbag or scarf choice when all she wanted was to get through her classes.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Needs To Grow Up?
“My mom is 42 and has a history of being aggressive, yelling, and overall acting like a narcissist. My dad has told her to go to therapy many times, but when she did, she yelled at the therapist and was banned. Because of her behavior, my dad left.
Now to the story. Yesterday, my mom and her partner got into an argument…again. They were fighting, god knows for what, but it was something about last night and had to do with my stepbrother. That is all I got before my mom went into the master bedroom and locked the door.
I asked her partner (40) why they were fighting; he said that he didn’t know. My mom unlocked the door, and I asked what they were fighting about; she said the same thing, that she didn’t know. At this point, I was mad because I hated being around them when they had a petty argument like that.
I told her she was acting like a 10-year-old spoiled brat and that she needed to grow up. Now she isn’t talking to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will add your mom may be going through menopause and her hormones are messing her up, or she may even have a zinc deficiency (1 in 3 women do, and it causes mood problems), or she just learned this from her own mom.
You are not wrong to tell her. What kind of therapist bans somebody who obviously needs help??” exotics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this was the first time you’d said something to her about her actions, then it sounds like you spoke out of long-term frustration.
When your mom said she didn’t know why she was fighting, that stood out to me. If she reacts by shouting and locking the bedroom door, is this something she usually does? Is she receptive to hearing about different ways to react? Is she tired of this?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“They sound exhausting, and knowing what you know about your mom, I can’t imagine a single reason to insert yourself into their fights. Also, it seems like you were starting a fight for “god knows why” yourself by asking and getting angry at Mom for not knowing what she’s fighting for.
But what are you fighting for? It’s all just petty crap from where I’m standing. Be more careful, you might catch narcissistic fleas from your family.” SnooFoxes4362
12. AITJ For Decorating My Shared Bathroom In Vibrant Colors Against My Sister's Wishes?
“I (22f) am moving into a rented house with my sister (28f). She has the master bedroom which has an en suite. I am taking one of the other two rooms. These two rooms share a bathroom. Since it is just the two of us, this bathroom is mine.
We are both paying equal rent. We both have separate bathrooms, but hers is in her bedroom. Mine is separate from my bedroom.
I love bright colors and my sister is more of a neutral person. I want a bright purple rug and a flowery shower curtain.
She obviously doesn’t like this. She claims that since it is technically the “guest bathroom” and a “common area,” she should have a say in how I decorate it. I need my spaces to be bright and happy for the sake of my mental health.
So. Am I the jerk for telling her to screw off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your bathroom. Sure it’s one guests will use, but it’s yours. She got her own private bathroom, you got a shared one. At the very least you should be allowed to decorate it.
You guys are equal on rent and utilities and should be equal in the space you get in the apartment. Do you get to design her bathroom at all? No, so she shouldn’t be designing yours.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I actually had the same living situation with my best friend where she had the guest bathroom and I had the master bathroom connected to the bedroom.
She was a lot messier than I was and I didn’t agree with how she never cleaned the bathroom. Nonetheless, she paid half the rent and that’s HER bathroom. You are paying half the rent and that’s YOUR bathroom. If she’s so concerned about what her guests think they can use the master bathroom.
That’s what I told my guest and told them to use my master bathroom instead since they’re MY guest and I preferred my bathroom.” Alphakitty95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I (F) own my house and rent a room to a friend (M). Exact situation – my bathroom is off the master bedroom, and he has use of the main/guest bathroom.
He can decorate it how he pleases. It isn’t my taste, but it isn’t offensive. The only “rule” is that he has to keep it clean because that is the bathroom guests are most likely to use. I don’t care if my guests who are close friends use my bathroom, which is what I get them to do when they come over so they aren’t always using his.
If you are paying equal rent, you should each get a bedroom and a bathroom to decorate as you see fit. If she doesn’t like it, she can switch rooms as others have suggested, or you can pay less rent.” Additional_Bowl_1579
11. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Son's Dad Help With Booking Flights And Losing A Week Of Their Time?
“I live in a different country to the father of my son. I usually fly my son to see him 4x a year, and he’ll come here to see him in between those visits.
We agreed on a date, but then I had trouble getting a flight and ended up having to delay the trip by a week. That meant that instead of them having 3 weeks together, they would only have 2. He wanted to arrange something for us to get there sooner, but I refused to let him because I don’t trust him and the only reason this agreement works is because I make all of my own travel and accommodation plans.
Now he’s angry at me and thinks I’m doing this on purpose to keep our son away from him, which is making me not want to go at all. He keeps saying we’re going to have to rethink these living arrangements since he is no longer content with having his son live so far away from him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Based solely on the information you’ve provided here, YTJ. You reneged on the agreement that you had to send the son for three weeks, and your only excuse was difficulty arranging flights – something that you refused help with. The fact that you “don’t trust” the father to help with flights needs much more explanation to be a reasonable reason.
What could an untrustworthy person do here – except fail to arrange a flight that you’ve already failed to arrange?” Dioptre_8
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If the agreement was for your son and his father to have 3 weeks together, then you have to give them 3 weeks together.
I understand having issues getting flights on days that you planned. It has happened when scheduling travel for my step-daughter to see her mom. In those cases, I rearranged things and worked it out with her mom to stay extra on the tail end of the trip to make up almost all the time missed at the beginning.
One trip had to be cut short and couldn’t be rearranged, so we added an extra visit later to make up for it. Also, it sounds like you don’t really prioritize your son having this time with his dad, which, you realize, means you’re not caring about/prioritizing what is best for your son, right?” panickypossum
Another User Comments:
“Info: Is there a legitimate reason for you not trusting your son’s father to make travel arrangements? If there were no previous issues with him not returning your son on time, YTJ. When you choose to have a child with someone, you share that child with their other parent.
You don’t get to decide to change the custody agreement to what is more convenient for you. If he is good to your son, treats him well, and loves him, you can’t take that away from either of them. Your son deserves every second with his father that is allowed to him.
If you couldn’t get the flight as planned, he should have been given an extra week to make up for the time he would lose with his child. Make an effort for your son to have two present parents who love him and get to spend as much time with him as possible.” JanellaDubois
10. AITJ For Calling My Mom Paranoid For Accusing My Friend Of Gold-Digging?
“I (M 17) have a friend from the gym (F 15). We’ve known each other for about a year, but yet we get along very well.
I think about her as my young sister and she thinks about me as her elder brother. My family is not rich, but yet, thanks to my dad’s hard work, we have no worries about money. She, on the other side, is not poor but yet not as worry‐free as we are.
Now, yesterday I was on a call with her at 10:00 P.M., and my mom told me to hang up. Then she took my phone away and told me: “Split up with her.” Then she basically said that she was a “Fortune huntress” and that my friend was just searching for somebody to get her pregnant and take her out of the poorness.
Why does she believe this? Because being on a phone call at 10:00 P.M. means she has no supervision, and then she is a harpy who wants my money.
I didn’t answer anything then for several reasons, but I think she’s losing it.
So, WIBTJ if I tell her she’s paranoid for thinking that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother’s behavior is concerning. Even if you wanted to marry her, your mother should be supportive of you deciding on your happiness even if she’s not rich lol. That said, for this incident, tell her that you’re not interested in being romantically involved with her, and explain to her my previous point.” Simplyaperson4321
Another User Comments:
“Yes your mom is being paranoid and all that but you would be a total idiot to say it and it would completely blow up in your face. Kid, you need to learn when to be diplomatic. Ask yourself, what is she concerned about?
1. That you are seeing someone (not true) 2. That you are hooking up or plan on it soon (???) 3. That this friend is dirt poor and plans to baby trap you (not true). How do you allay those concerns? Talk to your mom. This may only end with your friend coming over for a family dinner and getting grilled by your mom.
YWBTJ if you say something as stupid as “you’re being paranoid.”” YanceyWoodchuck
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk. What planet does your mom live on to have that mindset?? 10:00 P.M.?? I have the most religious strict parents ever; sometimes they take my phone if I stay up too late, but your friend is on her phone at 10:00 P.M. and your mom thinks she isn’t being supervised?
Bruh, what is your mom judging her for though? Did she just decide your friend is a golddigger for no reason or has your friend done something that might have made your mom think that way? Either way, if you trust your friend I don’t see why your mom needs to interfere.
You are old enough to choose your own friends, so let her know that.” acool_username
9. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Google New Year's Day Restaurant Hours?
“I (35F) have a friend (40M) who lives 30 minutes away from SF. I live in SF, so he asked me what restaurants are open in the city on New Year’s Day. I asked him, “What are you looking for?” and his response was “food”.
I asked him if he tried googling restaurants, and his response was, “Well, if I did that, I wouldn’t have to ask you, right?
Okay, so the next time you ask me a question about something, I should just tell you to Google it. Is that a fair statement?”
There are so many restaurants in the city, and I don’t know their hours. If I wanted to go eat out today, I would either google/call to check the holiday hours.
Even if my friend told me he wanted to eat at a specific restaurant, I wouldn’t be sure if the place is open today unless I googled/called to confirm.
FWIW, I don’t think he was trying to make plans with me. So AITJ for even suggesting him to Google restaurants to see what’s open on New Year’s Day?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s the jerk for expecting you to do the work for him and getting an attitude when you asked a simple question many others would have asked. You aren’t Siri; he can easily look it up himself. I would have just answered “I don’t know.
You should probably look it up then.” to his snarky reply. Especially since it’s not like he was inviting you to pick a place for you both to eat at together.” SuchTutor6509
Another User Comments:
“He was probably trying to make conversation like he would have 10 years ago.
A lot of people don’t realize how annoying it is to get questions that can be solved with a simple Google search that takes less effort than the conversation being had. I’ve never been kayaking/rafting and I once had someone ask me what the rates were for renting a tube on the Colorado River at one of the resort towns.
I had no clue, so I googled it for them and they got mad at me, saying “if I wanted Google to tell me, I would have just used it.” That started a whole argument about expectations vs. reality, and now I no longer associate with them because of that argument and how derogatory and crap they decided to act over that.
Over something I had 0 experience in. NTJ.” The_CrookedMan
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. First off, most restaurants are open on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. If it is not a chain or more inclusive, anyone would know to check. The fact that he didn’t care where to go but just wanted food is beyond ridiculous to expect someone else to do the work for him.
This brings back a memory of when I was in high school and my grandparents were visiting on New Year’s Eve, and instead of being able to be out with friends, my mom made me go to dinner with the family. No reservations, no checking, just go out.
We went to Outback Steakhouse, and the wait was over an hour. Even my grandpa thought it was ridiculous to wait that long, and I heard him cuss for the first time, saying “This is freaking ridiculous. No one should ever wait for the last minute to go out or plan to eat on ANY HOLIDAY.
Your friend is an idiot and a jerk. Expecting someone else to do the work for you so you never have to put in any effort is ridiculous.”” InternationalOne79
8. AITJ For Not Putting My Husband's Name On Holiday Gifts?
“I (27f) have been married to my husband (29m) for 3 years and we’ve been together since we were 18 and 19.
The first 2 years we had been together, when we were still pretty young and our relationship was new, we bought Christmas gifts separately (except in some rare cases).
But when we got pretty serious, we started making gifts from the both of us to other people. Since then, he has not once helped me buy the gifts. That includes gifts for my family, our friends, and even gifts for his family.
Occasionally, he would give me some ideas as to what the person would want, but that was still pretty rare and the ideas he gave were most of the time very vague.
And even when he gave me ideas, I was the one who bought the gifts and went Christmas shopping alone. I was fine with it at the beginning as I really enjoyed gift-giving and finding the perfect ideas for everyone, but it’s been 8 years of this and it’s getting pretty exhausting.
I’ve also evolved in my career since we got together, and now have way less free time to spend buying gifts.
So last year I asked before the holiday season if he could help this year and we’d each buy some of the presents. Out of maybe 20 people we bought gifts for, he bought only one.
And he told me that he would “take care of it” until the very last minute, but eventually forgot, so I had to buy his sister and mother a present less than 24 hours before Christmas. After that, I told him that I now expected help because this could not happen again as it was mentally and physically exhausting for me.
So this year I bought half of the gifts and he was supposed to buy the other half. He didn’t. Yesterday I spent 7 hours at the mall trying to find the rest of the gifts and he was no help. I sometimes called him to ask if the person would like a gift, if they already had it, or what he thought, and he mostly said “I don’t know”, “maybe” and “whatever”.
I also have to add that I’m 6 months pregnant, so this was extremely exhausting. When I got home I was angry and tired, and while wrapping the presents I decided that since he didn’t help at all, I wouldn’t put his name on the presents.
Usually, we write something like “from Mary and John” (not our real names), but I just wrote, “from Mary”.
Today, as we were packing all the gifts in the car to go to his parents’ house, he noticed that his name wasn’t on it. I explained it to him and said that he didn’t help, so he didn’t get credit for what I bought.
He keeps saying that it’s unfair and that I’m gonna make him look bad, and asks that I change it. I don’t know if I should. Maybe this is petty, but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve asked for help many times and I’m just afraid he’s never going to change.
Should I put his name? Am I mean for this? How can I make him understand how much I need help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been carrying this responsibility for him for far too long and have gotten far too resentful for it to be healthy.
Next year, you will have the additional responsibility of a child, in addition to the one you married. From my perspective, the best solution is to stop wasting hours shopping at the mall and just give people a combo token gift/gift card combination. Examples: set of wine glasses and a bottle of wine, a box of movie snacks with DVDs or movie tickets, a baseball cap with tickets to a game, etc. Gift-giving should NOT be this stressful, expensive, or time-consuming.
If your husband has opted out, just make it easy on yourself by taking the approach I just suggested. As long as you choose things the person likes, it is a thoughtful gift. And it is enough.” MedicinalWalnuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he should be embarrassed. He’s your partner and you asked for help and he refused. Maybe it will take his family having just your name on the gifts to make him realize he needs to put some effort in.
We are similar here, except we’ve been married for 11 years. This year I flat out didn’t buy for anyone in his family (except my niece and nephew because they’re kids and it felt mean not to) and I told him he had to do it.
It’s Dec 22 and I know he bought nothing. So we will show up empty-handed, and if anyone says anything I’ll flat-out tell them it was my husband’s turn this year to buy gifts. It’s not even about actually giving a gift; it’s about how these men can’t seem to put effort into anyone or anything else that doesn’t interest them.
My husband has no problem spending time and effort doing things that benefit him but has no time to do things for others and I’m sick of it.” Maximum-Bobcat-6250
Another User Comments:
“I have a simple rule: I do my family; he does his family.
If he is not getting anything – well, sit down at the table, wait until the gift exchange starts, and when he is not able to provide anything, just drop the following line: ‘Honey, we agreed that you take care of your family and I take care of mine.
I didn’t buy anything.’ And don’t say SORRY (!) – he didn’t do his job, not you! Yes, it will be very uncomfortable – feel free to grab a card and write a few lines (for example: ‘Sorry that John didn’t buy you anything – I had a very bad feeling, but he really needs to understand that he has to take responsibility.
I would like to invite you to a nice brunch/lunch/coffee… just the two of us.’) and have that ready in your purse. Hand it over when you leave, in a way that John doesn’t see it. I’m VERY sure that a lot of females will start taking your side because a LOT of men behave this way!
One important side note here: I have the feeling that boys/men are always ‘excused’ of the gift thing, and it starts YOUNG! So they don’t get the ‘hints’ that people are dropping. I’m still ‘teaching’ my husband to read those, and he gets better… but this “if you don’t do it, I will stress myself and fix it for you” just enables John.” kleinmona
7. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit After My Sister Excluded My Partner At Family Gatherings?
“I 20M have been in a relationship with my partner, Ryan 22M, for about a year.
My sister, Amanda (28F), has a 4-year-old Jack. After a family BBQ last month, Amanda pulled me aside and said “Hey, just so you know, it might be better if you don’t bring Ryan to the next few family gatherings.”
I asked her why, and she got all awkward, saying “Jack’s been asking questions about you and Ryan, and I don’t think he’s old enough to understand all that yet.” I told her we weren’t exactly putting on a Pride parade in her yard.
We were literally just eating hot dogs and chatting with family. She replied “It’s just confusing for him. You know how kids are.”
I was mad but kept it together and said “If Ryan isn’t welcome, maybe I just won’t come either.” She sighed and said I was being “dramatic.”
Last week, Amanda called me, panicked, because her babysitter canceled. I told her I couldn’t because Ryan and I already had plans. She begged, saying she was desperate, and I finally snapped “Why do you want me babysitting Jack? What if I accidentally expose him to my terrifying gay lifestyle?
God forbid he sees me and Ryan together.”
Amanda blew up. She accused me of using Jack to “make a point” and said “This isn’t about Ryan. It’s about you being spiteful. You’re punishing Jack because you’re mad at me.”
She told my parents, and that’s when the real drama started. My mum called and said I was being selfish for letting a “small disagreement” ruin my relationship with Amanda.
I told her it wasn’t small and reminded her of Amanda’s comment about “confusing” Jack. Mum brushed it off, saying “She’s just doing what’s best for her child.”
I said “What about what’s best for me? Why do I have to hide part of my life to make her comfortable?”
My dad sided with me. He said Amanda was being narrow-minded and told her “Kids aren’t confused by love; they’re confused by people acting like it’s something to hide.”
Amanda then put the drama into the fam group chat. My uncle said “It’s not homophobic to want to protect your kid from topics they’re not ready for.
Why push it? This set off my cousin.” She said “If Jack’s old enough to understand that Amanda and Mike are married, then he’s old enough to understand Uncle (Me) has a partner.” She accused Amanda of being a hypocrite and called out my uncle too, saying “Let’s not make this about your own outdated beliefs.” She also called Amanda a “stuck-up jerk,” and my uncle called my cousin a “drama queen.” My aunt chimed in on the family chat, saying “I don’t agree with (Me) the lifestyle, but we should still support each other.” My grandmother replied, “Support doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect.”
Amanda’s husband Mike texted me, saying “Look, I don’t have an issue with you or Ryan, but this is getting out of hand. Amanda’s just trying to avoid awkward questions from Jack, not insult you.” I told him, “It’s already insulting. Would she say the same thing if I were in a relationship with a woman?” He left me on seen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Such a crap claim, we have plenty of kids (ages 1-10) in our family, and they perfectly understood the relationship between my SIL and her wife. No confusion, no awkwardness – they are the first to accept it with all their hearts once they felt the love between the two.
It’s all in your homophobic sister’s mind. Asking you to not attend family gatherings is very insulting, and I would expect your parents to put her in her place and insist that you both come. TBH, I would suggest coming over to babysit WITH Ryan and give her a chance to think about how she’s about to answer.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“Huge NTJ. It’s a very simple conversation ‘Why is Uncle always with his friend?’ ‘Well, some boys like girls, and some boys like boys. Everyone is different and that’s ok. The most important thing is to love each other and be nice.’ There I solved your sister’s problem.
Oh wait, that’s not the problem at all. Her problem is she is homophobic. Ya don’t talk to or do anything with or for sister or her family. It sucks for your nibbling, but you have to protect yourself. When your nephew asks why you aren’t around, be honest and say ‘Mommy doesn’t like that I have a partner and not a partner.
Also, tell him it’s ok to have either.’ Like for real, I don’t get this. You have a supportive, loving person who wants to be in your kid’s life and love them; why do you get in the way? All those saying sister is in the right are showing you who they are—believe them.
Also, I’m sorry you are going through this; it’s not ok. If you like youth sports, my son is always in the market for more supporters and honorary uncles. You AND your partner are welcome.” Educated-Danger07
Another User Comments:
“It’s so interesting how people use their kids to defend the fact that they are discriminatory and then turn it around and say you are the one using the kid to make a point when you guard your boundaries.
The only way the kid gets confused about this is if the adults around him act like there is something confusing going on, like they are doing now. Kids are sponges; they look to the adults around them to learn what is normal and what is not.
They are in no way harmed if they are around two consenting adults who love each other. Kids only see there is a difference between straight and gay couples if you tell them there is a difference. I know plenty of kids that grew up around gay people/couples (like me and my own kids) and some that are children of gay couples, and none were harmed in the process.
Your sister is not telling you Ryan is unwelcome; she’s telling you you are. That is insulting, and you have the right to let her know. I’m glad that at least your father and cousin seem to really be on your side. The rest of them can go kick dirt for wanting to keep the peace but still indirectly telling you that the way you love is wrong.
And people need to stop calling being gay a lifestyle. Gay couples can have any lifestyle a straight couple can have, except for the ones that others make difficult or impossible for them. NTJ and you do not have to let others diminish you and make you feel like there is something wrong with you to keep them happy or to keep the peace.” Informal-Reading-609
6. AITJ For Excluding My Flaky Friend From Secret Santa?
“I have a 4-person friend group at work, and there’s this one girl in it that (and I say this with all the love in my heart because I do love her) is completely unreliable. 90% of the time, she makes plans, she cancels last minute, sometimes so last minute that it’s an hour past when we were supposed to meet up and she then tells me she’s not coming.
We planned on doing Secret Santa through the website Giftster, and for that, she has to accept an email invite. She and I talked about it repeatedly. I told her multiple times we were just waiting on her to accept, and even when she had her phone in hand, while I said this and she was acting all excited, she still didn’t accept the invite.
So after a few days, I decided to do the Secret Santa assignments with our other two friends because she still hadn’t accepted the request. I don’t want whoever she picks to end up not getting a gift because she is so unreliable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t exclude her. She excluded herself by not accepting the invite. Though if I were you, I would have given her a deadline to accept the invitation by. But you tried. She FAFO.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I HATE Secret Santa for this reason.
At my last job, we did a gift exchange between the 4 of us girls who worked in the office. This included the “new girl” who was hired after the gift exchange the year before. Sweetest of sweet, a wonderful person. But she never followed through on any promises or projects we had planned and always left it to the other 3 of us in the office.
So, of course, she drew my name for the gift exchange. The day of our exchange, everyone had a gift but me. I had drawn her name and spent hours hand-making a tree ornament since that’s what I’d done for the other 2 ladies in previous years and didn’t want to be unfair.
It sucks being the only one without a gift at a Christmas party. She brushed it off and said “Oh I couldn’t get out to shop for you because I had to take care of my kids. I’ll make it up to you and get you some Starbucks.” (That never happened.) The party and exchange were planned almost 2 months in advance.
She also didn’t bring a side dish to the party because “kids.” Yes, she had two young kids at the time, but their father was home during the day, and they were at their grandparents’ house every weekend. If I were you, I wouldn’t do Secret Santa ever again.” daebaknae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would send a group text asking her if she wants to do the Secret Santa. She needs to accept the invite within x amount of time; if not, she will not be included in this year’s Secret Santa.” Upstairs-Dinner-6172
5. AITJ For Calling Out My Competitive Friend Over Her Unsupportive Behavior?
“I (17F) have a friend (18F) who we’ll call Layla. Layla and I get along pretty well and have been friends for 6 years. One thing with Layla is that she continuously makes one-sided competitions with me and often copies me. An example is when I first started JROTC 5 years ago and she said she would join (she didn’t) and that she’d be way better at it than me because she’s fitter (she thinks fit means the skinniest in the room), even though she couldn’t do a single push-up or plank for just a minute and I, at the time, could do 34 push-ups in 2 minutes and could plank for 4 minutes (she had this knowledge).
All of these competitions and belittling have made me a bit bitter at her. I’m not talking behind her back or anything. I even make sure to tell her if something has made me upset in a calm way, but she NEVER listens. So when my group of friends all got together to celebrate my friend, who ended up surprising us by telling us she not only got her dream job but was getting married to one of our other friends—which is amazing—as soon as she announced that, Layla started whispering behind her back, saying stuff like “I’m actually working towards something important” (my best friend decided to not go to college) and “My grade for my last course was an 85 percent, which is one of the highest grades; her fiancé should want someone smart like me.” All of us had been hearing about this grade for a week straight, and this was about my best friend, who had gotten really quiet after Layla started talking.
So I decided I had enough and snapped. I said, “No one cares about your stupid grade, this is not about you and if you were a true friend you’d be supportive.” Everyone went quiet, and Layla left in tears.
The next day, she spammed me, telling me how hurt she was and that I was a terrible friend because I was a hypocrite for not supporting her, and the rest of my friends said I was a little harsh.
I’m starting to doubt myself and would like an outsider’s opinion. AITJ? (any advice is welcome)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “My grade for my last course was an 85 percent, which is one of the highest grades, her fiancé should want someone smart like me”.
Maybe your school is different, but back when I was in high school, that was a B. Is Layla really making a big deal over getting a B? If she’s as smart as she claims she is, that’s not impressive when compared to marriage and dream jobs.
Would it have been more polite to tell her in private? Sure. But polite doesn’t always work.” buttercupgrump
Another User Comments:
“I feel like in this situation people probably were thinking that it would have been better to tell your friend in private to stop doing this and then let do whatever.
HOWEVER, you’re not wrong either. Your other friends getting married and getting a dream job are super important and your friend Layla just sounds insecure, which is something she’ll probably need to work on long term. You did mostly good; the key takeaway is next time maybe pull a person aside to give them constructive criticism.
Other than that, I see no real issues.” Sixpence90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, had to be said. It’s harsh but true. Maybe take the time to have a proper one-on-one conversation with Layla about how this behavior isn’t as cool as she thinks it is and it’s going to lose her all the real friends in her life.
She’s more than likely either dealing with self-esteem issues or, worst case, getting a kick out of putting others down. Whatever it is, as long as you communicate from a good place this non-constructive competitive behavior needs to change. Maybe you can offer to help better her even.
Some people seem to want to leave Layla to her own devices, but I think it’s worth trying to help her fix some character flaws; 6-year friendships aren’t all that common. That being said, if she’s not accepting of change or refuses to hear the message, don’t burden yourself with trying to help those who don’t want to be helped.” Cousin_Bilo
4. AITJ For Not Giving My Phone To A Stranger At Night?
“I (20f) was approached at 11:50 pm by an older male as I was walking to my car.
I’m not just casually walking to my car, I’m carrying a gigantic heavy bag full of stuff (going home for the holidays) that’s hitting the front of my legs as I walk (I’m pretty short only 5ft), carrying a ring light in one hand and my phone on facetime with my partner in the other.
The point being, anyone who looked at me could easily tell that I was super pre-occupied and struggling as is. As I’m walking to my car, a guy is kinda standing behind my car going for a walk, not abnormal since my neighborhood is pretty lit up at night and people do walk their animals late or just go for a stroll.
But, in order to avoid shimmying through the tight spot between my car and the car next to it & to avoid this guy behind my car, I go around to the front of my car and attempt to enter that way.
The man suddenly calls out to me asking me for help.
He starts walking towards me in the dark so I back up and he quickly understands that I am uncomfortable. He puts his arms up and asks if he can borrow my phone since he went for a walk and forgot both his keys AND his phone.
My immediate response is, “I’m sorry but no. I’m on the phone right now I cannot hang up to give my phone to you.” He doesn’t budge, he essentially pleads with me saying that he tried banging on the door but she didn’t wake up and that he lived in (insert random apartment number and building) and he just needed to borrow my phone to call his sleeping wife.
I once again told him, “I’m sorry but no. I cannot hang up the phone right now. You should try the main building and see if anyone can help you there” (We have a main building that is open 24/7). He said no one was there, and he asked again if he could just borrow it quickly to call his wife emphasizing that we were both adults and it’s a reasonable request (This stands out to me only because I frequently get told I look young/underage).
I told him a firm no once again and apologized. I waited until he walked away and put all my stuff in my car and drove away.
So, AITJ? I feel bad only because he was pleading with me for so long and my immediate reaction was to give him my phone, but it just didn’t sit right with me that he somehow forgot both his phone and keys before going on a walk super late at night.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s odd that he didn’t ask you to make a phone call for him instead of asking to borrow your phone, and it’s odd af that he thought approaching a person who was already on the phone and was struggling with a large bag was a helpful thing to do. When you factor in his size compared to yours, the fact that it was almost midnight, and the fact that he was walking around instead of waiting for someone to get back to the main building, there’s nothing very innocent about any of this.
Your safety is always more important than a stranger’s convenience.” Some_kunst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m a similar age, size, and build. I would not have given that man my phone. It’s unfortunate the society that we live in where we must question helping a stranger but what strikes me as odd is someone forgetting their phone and keys.
Let’s say he did forget them and he’s hoping to call someone inside to unlock the door, why doesn’t he simply ring the doorbell? Also, you were generally busy. Even if it were broad daylight and you were talking about another woman I’d understand if you denied— your hands were full!” If0nlyYuKnew
Another User Comments:
“Girly, NTJ! Safety first!! Unfortunately, being kind to a stranger could mean risking your life. It was late at night with no one else around, you’re a 20-year-old female (who looks younger), and hanging up the phone would mean there is no one else witnessing this encounter.
That man could’ve been tricking you, on substances, or bringing you into a situation you didn’t need to be a part of. NO is a complete sentence. Please carry protection (pepper spray, noise device) if you will be walking alone for any far distance (especially if your hands are full).
I’m in my late 20s and think I could handle myself….but even I won’t accept help from a stranger offering to carry my groceries into my building. Trust no one. Especially when they are pushy! He forgot his keys and phone, but he’s an adult and life will carry on….luckily with no harm done to you!
Maybe it was “rude” to not help another citizen, but I’d rather be rude than dead in a ditch somewhere. Always follow your instincts!” TipDisastrous111
3. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Pay For Her Extra Wedding Guests?
“I am planning my wedding with a budget for 200 people. At the beginning of the planning process, I told my parents that they could invite 20 guests each. If they wanted to invite more than 20 guests, they would have to cover the costs of any additional guests (roughly $150 per head).
My mom ended up inviting 50 guests (meaning I would cover the costs for 20 of her guests, but she would have to cover the costs for 30 of her guests).
The vendor payments are now due and she is refusing to cover her costs. She is playing the victim and has said the following things:
1. She can’t afford to pay as agreed.
2. She will ask each of her 30 extra guests to cover their own costs.
3. She does not think she will enjoy the wedding, so I should remove her and her guests from the guest list.
4. She is seeking a loan from the bank to pay for those costs.
5. I have killed all her excitement and spirit.
I am really at a loss here.
Our budget has already gone way over, and I can’t stretch myself to cover these unexpected costs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you told her clearly what the limits were.
She knowingly exceeded them. You’re on a budget, they either need to cover their costs, she does, or they’re just not invited. That simple. Honestly letting your PARENTS invite even 20 people is absurd to me. Who are these people, do you know them? If you did, why are your parents inviting them and not you?
It’s your wedding, not your parents. Maybe you’re just in a country where these big weddings are more important (India, maybe?), but around here you’d invite your parents and give them a +1 as a couple. YOU would invite the guests, and each set of guests could bring one other person (at most) without running it by you and getting your approval first. That mom is playing the “Oh, well I guess none of us will come then” card, I’m leaning on it NOT being someplace like India and she’s just trying to show off to all of her friends using your wedding, which is not cool.” Edymnion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since you said you offered to let your parents invite 20 guests each, I presume they are separated and there is no point suggesting she speak with your father. ‘I am sorry to hear that, but I cannot afford to cover the additional guests that you chose to invite.’
“2. She will ask each of her 30 extra guests to cover their own costs.” – ‘If you proceed with doing that, I expect you to be clear with them that requesting this is your decision and not mine. I gave you leeway to invite 20 people, and I am paying the $3,000 to cover their presence on my day, and you have been clear since before you even issued the invitations to those 50 people that you would have to cover any extra costs.
I don’t know if you got carried away or were counting invitations issued rather than the total number of guests invited, but I expect you to make clear to any guests you ask this of that I am not the one requiring your guests to cover costs, you are.’
“3. She does not think she will enjoy the wedding, so I should remove her and her guests from the guest list.” – ‘Well, I am sorry to hear that. I would love to have you there, but if you insist on my removing your guests from the guest lists I can do that.
Can we please clarify now, are you referring to all 50 of your guests or just the 30 additional ones? Because we need to establish for catering requirements which guests are being disinvited, and I’ll have to speak with my fiance(e) about whether we remove altogether those 20 extra seats I let you fill or invite a few extra guests of our own, since you’ve decided to disinvite your guests.’
“4. She is seeking a loan from the bank to pay for those costs.” – ‘Well, that is your choice but I need to know by date whether you will be paying the $4,500 for your 30 guests or if their places should be deleted from the guest list. Please make sure you are clear on the repayment terms, I wouldn’t want this to be an issue for you when you need to repay any loan they agree to give you.’
“5. I have killed all her excitement and spirit.” – ‘I am sorry to hear that. We are very excited for our wedding, and hopefully when you make the decision as to whether to disinvite your extra guests or how you will be covering the cost per head, you will start to feel that excitement again.'” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just saw another post about a mom going nuts because the bride didn’t want the mom’s partner walking her down the aisle. There are so many chances for drama to occur with events like this. What really really gets me though is the entitlement of the people who aren’t getting married. Those entitled jerks always turn the blame back on the engaged couple and abuse/manipulate the situation to get whatever they want.
They threaten to no-show. They threaten ongoing relationships. They make you feel bad for them not getting their way at YOUR wedding. Enforce your boundaries. You were clear, upfront, and honest. It seems incredibly clear that your mother never intended to pay you. She is taking advantage of you.
She is expecting you to incur another $5k in payments or debt so she can have an extra 30 people there. She is claiming she has lost her excitement??? Are you kidding me? You, her child, are getting married and she lost excitement about that because she isn’t getting her way?
She can’t have a good time with 20 of her friends/relatives there with dancing, drinking, food, and the wedding? OP, I think you need to sit your mother down and have a firm and potentially uncomfortable conversation about what is and is not acceptable. Your mother is a grown woman, not a child.
She needs to get over herself and support you, her daughter, with the decisions you need to make and which she agreed to in advance.” TheDarkHelmet1985
2. AITJ For Leaving My Birthday Because Of My SIL's Intrusive Vacation Slideshow And Surprise Pregnancy Reveal?
“I (31F) moved to my husband’s (31M) country 4 years ago. None of my family lives here, and his family is nearby.
I have a good relationship with my MIL & FIL, and my relationship with my husband’s siblings (F29 & M25) is usually good.
A few weeks ago, it was my 31st birthday. Last year, my BIL (25M) used my birthday gathering to plan his own birthday party.
To avoid a repeat, I decided not to make a big deal out of this year’s celebration. I didn’t want to spend money on a party, and I didn’t want the attention to be diverted again. We decided to celebrate at my in-laws’ house because they have more space.
We invited my husband’s siblings and their partners. They arrived late, around 4:30 PM, which is typical for this family and not a big deal. Since I live in a foreign country, English isn’t the primary language. I know the language but I find it hard to keep up with many fast conversations at once.
Everyone spoke in the local language throughout the evening, which made me feel disconnected & overstimulated. Eventually, I gave up trying to keep up and started scrolling on my phone.
The issue began when SIL (29F) asked if she could show her vacation pictures to everyone.
In my husband’s family, it’s common to share vacation photos at gatherings, but the way SIL asked caught me off guard. She asked for my permission in front of everyone, which made me feel obligated to say “yes.” I found it rude to show vacation pictures at someone else’s birthday celebration.
I briefly excused myself to get coffee. When I returned, BIL and his partner asked to see our wedding photos, which they hadn’t yet seen. SIL seemed disappointed, and she and MIL went to the kitchen, where they had a loud conversation that we could all hear from the living room.
After viewing the wedding photos, we had dinner, and SIL again pushed for us to look at her vacation pictures. She and her husband spent about an hour going through the pictures, explaining each one in detail. Again, it was in the local language, and I struggled to follow.
My husband noticed and told me to put my phone away, which frustrated me further. The last picture they showed was a sonogram and announced their pregnancy. They had many chances to announce this before or after that day, but they chose that moment. I faked a smile, congratulated them, and excused myself to the bathroom.
My husband and I left soon after, and he didn’t understand why I was upset. In his culture, it’s normal to announce major life milestones at others’ celebrations, but in my culture, it’s not. We argued about it for the rest of the night and the next day.
An hour later, SIL sent me a text justifying their timing and laughing it off. I responded, saying I was happy for them but hurt by the way they announced it. She later responded, claiming they were hurt by my reaction and that my response had “cast a dark shadow” over their happiness.
She didn’t apologize but continued to justify her actions. AITJ for not simply forgiving her and moving on?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, it sounds as if they’d have been much happier if you didn’t even show up. That way they could drink a toast to you as an acknowledgment and then get back to what’s really important; themselves.
They obviously didn’t even think of it as your birthday party, but just a gathering at which you unfortunately were at (like I say, I think they’d have preferred you not even be there). I can’t imagine boring people by taking an hour to show them my vacation photos; if I was subjected to that, my eyes would’ve glazed over within 15 minutes.
And announcing a pregnancy was another sign they didn’t think this was a party for you; it was simply a family gathering. Remember: as long as you stay with this man, you will always be dead last in his priorities.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
“The main issue in all this is that I communicated very clearly to SIL that I was upset by her actions, and rather than any kind of acknowledgment of my feelings, she doubled down, justified all her actions, and then flipped the whole situation around on me and told me how I upset them by casting a dark cloud over their happy news.” You gave her some Dutch “directness” and “authenticity” and she’s throwing a hissy fit in response.
I’m currently in stitches laughing as this is such a common experience for foreigners in NL (lived & worked there for several years myself.) So many of my friends have found that the “directness” can be extremely unidirectional – people are happy to dish it out, but much less happy to accept similar “directness” back from non-Dutchies.
Next time, maybe just get three or four personal friends rather than family and head out to a nice restaurant?” RazzmatazzNeat9865
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At first I thought it was a bit much to not want her to show her pictures at all, since at a birthday party that lasts a couple of hours it is quite normal (in my opinion) to talk about various topics, and I’d find it a bit much to police people’s conversations to that extent.
But the fact that she made all of you watch her pictures for an hour! Nope. Unless someone showed explicit interest in seeing so many, putting on a whole slideshow that everyone in the room has to watch is a jerk move. That’s not like showing them to one or two people you are talking to at that moment, and the topic of vacations comes up.
I’ve seen it quite a bit on here that people think other people are jerks for not wanting big life announcements such as pregnancies or engagements being made on their birthdays or other personal occasions, and I don’t understand how that is such an unreasonable request?
It’s one day a year. Not everyone cares about their birthdays, but some do and that’s ok? It sounds like husband’s family lives close to each other, so she has more opportunities to announce than your birthday. It’s not like they see each other once a year and that was her only opportunity with everyone together.
In fact, that makes me suspicious that she did it on purpose, having that whole slideshow prepared. I don’t understand your husband here. Is he like the ‘if it’s not a problem to me, it can’t be to anyone else’ type person? Honestly, next year, just spend the day however you want.
Go home and see your family if that’s an option, or take some friends out, or just have the day to yourself filled with things you enjoy. Also, about you casting a dark shadow on SIL’s pregnancy, that seems very dramatic. She texted you and you were honest with her, but guess that was not what she wanted to hear.” SweetNothings12
1. AITJ For Insisting On Flying Solo Instead Of Sitting With My Brother?
“I (29f) have 4 siblings, all adults. My dad (63) and my oldest brother Cole (35m) live in Asia, while the rest of the family lives in Germany. My grandmother, who also lives in Germany, recently passed away, so we all planned to go to the funeral immediately.
I’ve never been super close to Cole, but recently we started hanging out more, which I enjoyed. While buying the airplane tickets, I made it clear that I wanted to sit alone next to the window; my dad loves to sit in the aisle, and my brother Cole prefers a window seat.
I haven’t traveled with family since I was a teenager, and I like to travel (flights) alone. Cole, however, was furious. He saw it as a family trip and told me the family must sit together. I didn’t mind spending some quality time together; however, sitting in a limited space does not qualify as quality time for me, especially on a red-eye.
Fast forward to the arrival at the check-in counter: I asked for a separate window seat. Cole interrupted and told the airport employee that we’d sit together and that he’d take the middle seat. I caved in. On the plane, I put the tip of my elbow on the armrest, and he moved my arm, chuckled, and said, “According to the flight etiquette, the middle seat gets both armrests, haha.” Now he’s not an etiquette guy.
I felt slightly annoyed, but whatever. The flight itself wasn’t bad, but my flying experience with strangers next to me so far was better.
During our stay in Germany, we had a nice time together, had a beautiful funeral, and headed back home. This time I again told him that I’d like to sit alone.
My dad didn’t care about sitting together. Cole, again, pushed me to sit together. In front of the check-in counter, I stood my ground and asked for a separate seat. My brother and my dad were seated together and got middle and aisle seats.
Before boarding, he called me a traitor multiple times. I didn’t respond.
I had a lovely trip back home. The middle seat wasn’t occupied, so I was lucky. When we landed, we took a taxi home. I told Cole that I had a very nice flight.
He responded that he had an awful flight because the guy who got the window seat was irritating, loud, and, well, simply, big. He gave me a dirty look. I, again, said nothing and just wanted to let things go.
Later in the evening, he texted me that I didn’t appreciate his sacrifice to sit in the middle, and I value my comfort over personal relationships and the needs of other people.
Cole also texted that I rubbed in his face my nice experience while he had the worst flight of his life.
Now, I am upset and frustrated because apparently, he blames me for this. We both want to repair our relationship. But his neediness to sit with me and putting blame on me is pushing me away.
Does a family that travels together must sit together? Maybe I don’t see something objectively in this situation. AITJ for refusing to sit next to my brother on a plane?”
Another User Comments:
“I N F O: On what airline, in the year 2024, do you choose your seat by telling the employee at the check-in counter at the airport what you want?
Also, if Cole lives in Asia and you don’t, why is he flying with you to and from wherever it is that you live?
EDIT: Apparently the answer to question 1 is: Turkish Airlines has a system where you have to pay extra if you want to choose your seat in advance, otherwise they assign you a seat at the check-in counter.
(And Q2 was that OP apparently neglected to mention having recently moved to Asia herself?) Anyway, NTJ, as far as I can tell there was no reason OP’s taking a window forced Cole to have a middle in a different row.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“Typically, when people travel together, they sit together. Brother’s expectation of OP flying with him was not far off the typical norm. Especially if there were three seats to a row and there were three people in her party. OP had known brother also likes the window.
She should have seen her sitting with him was so important to him as he was willing to give that up for her. They also lost a family member. If relationships are good within a family, it is kind to be there for each other.
I do understand that people have their own way of grieving. But if OP was being forced to be in the same room (plane) as brother and prefers the company of strangers over her brother’s company, that is a little hurtful. It was also an added kick in the teeth that she did this last minute to where her brother not only lost his sister’s company but also lost his enjoyment of sitting by the window.
If OP intended to fly alone, she should have bought her own ticket. YTJ.” Automatic-Record7385
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously you’re not the jerk for choosing your own seat. I’m guessing you wouldn’t have an issue sitting next to him if he didn’t bother you during the flight.
But if your preference is strangers then he clearly wants to chat or play cribbage or something. You are allowed to want peace and quiet and not to interact with people—even when they are your family on a family trip. If sitting by strangers is the only way you can get quiet time to recharge, then it’s Cole’s fault that you are sitting away from the family.
He’s also a major jerk for escalating a disagreement about something as silly as airplane seats to you “value [your] comfort over personal relationships and the needs of other people.” Calm down, man. It’s an airplane ride, not a personal attack. Jeez Louise. Also, his “sacrifice” to sit in the middle is just dumb.
He chose to sit in the middle; you didn’t ask or want that. Why would you be expected to appreciate his stupid choice? He can’t be both the instigator and the martyr, that’s not how it works. PS, he is absolutely right about the middle seat getting both armrests though.
His other behavior is dumb, but he’s dead on about the armrests and I will die on that hill.” Reddit User
