People Keep Their Chin Up In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Sister's Wedding After Being Excluded?
“My little sister is 7 years younger than I am. She just got engaged to a guy none of the family really likes, but we accept that he’s who makes her happy.
Growing up, I practically helped raise my little sister because of the huge age gap, and because there was a lot of family stuff going on that made my mother preoccupied. She and I did everything together. I picked her up from school, took her to doctor appointments, went to after-school activities, and even shared a hobby with her that brought us really close.
I even took her to hang out with my friends when she was older because she didn’t have many of her own.
Fast forward, I got married and moved an hour away, still close enough to visit two or three times a month. During this time she just kept making horrible decisions and really falling into a lifestyle that we weren’t brought up in.
I tried to stay encouraging and in touch but it got to the point where my advice was falling on deaf ears. She was getting difficult to talk to because I couldn’t understand how she made these decisions and then complained about how horrible her life was (because of those decisions).
Nevertheless, I was always there when she needed me or called me.
She recently got engaged and I found out through a casual video call with her that I am not included in the wedding at all. Her reasoning was that she wanted to be able to party and assumed I wouldn’t let her and I probably couldn’t even do much for her because of my new baby (who will be 1 year old by the wedding).
As if that wasn’t a slap in the face enough, she keeps asking me questions about wedding planning and wants me to go pick out dresses with her even though she doesn’t want me a part of the wedding. I’m still very hurt and upset, and honestly don’t even want to go at this point.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like after you moved away your sister had a typical rebellious teenage life of a teen with what sounds like checked-out parents. The one stable person, you, went on with your adult life as you absolutely should have. Your parents should never have had you do their job, which was to raise their kids.
Because even though you were the older kid, you were still a kid! So you ended up having to become super duper responsible at a young age and not have time or space to make all of the fun and dumb teenage mistakes. Your sister lost her supervision when you left and had a very different teen life than you, as she didn’t have to raise a younger sibling.
Because you are more of a parent figure to her, she doesn’t see you as a fun older sister. She wants to fill her bridal party with her friends that won’t potentially be a stick in the mud, super responsible, new parent. She is involving you however by wanting you to go dress shopping with her and going to you for advice about wedding details….things that brides want their moms to do.
I think she loves you and wants you to share in her big day but sees you as a wise mom and sees you filling that very important role to her. I get that your feelings are hurt. Talk to her to clear the air, but seriously, I think you filled a much more important and influential role in her life than her party-loving bridesmaids.
And I think that’s the role she envisions for you to play in planning her wedding. I think YWBTJ if you don’t go to her wedding.” Ema630
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…. But only if you don’t go, which you will most likely regret and will damage the relationship in ways that could be hard to repair.
Once the wedding is over life will go on, they may or may not stay together forever, and she may grow up and change – or maybe not. But regardless you’ll always be sisters and even if you don’t fully agree with her choices she needs you to support her, for better or worse.
Her asking you to go dress shopping is something people normally ask a mother to do, she definitely still looks to you for guidance and that is the best thing you can give her right now- in a way that still gives her space as an adult to make her own choices and knowing you’ll love her regardless of who she marries.” Itwillbeworthlt
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s comprehensible you don’t want to go to your sister’s wedding because you felt left out of the ceremony. And that’s a feeling and a thought that you should try to understand and validate the reasons behind it. But I think that you may be the jerk if you really don’t go to it.
That’s why I choose no jerks here. No reason to blame yourself for feeling like you don’t want to go, but you have time to make a more reasonable decision. Other posters said she sees you like a parental figure, and I think that may be about right.
What kind of decisions did she make that were bad you’re talking about? Try talking to her about it with an open mind and without being judgmental about it, I think it can help to improve your relationship with her.” AmnesiacManiac
21. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother-In-Law's Homophobic Remarks?
“My brother-in-law has spent a good portion of his adult life in jail or prison. An unfortunate, in my opinion, side effect of this is he tends to get very religious every time he goes away.
Combine that with the substances he gets hooked back on every time he gets back out…usually a disaster. He develops delusions of grandeur. He currently believes he is being called to minister to the masses, but I digress.
He came over today and for some reason, the Lightyear movie came up.
Even though my kids were in the house and likely within earshot, he starts talking to his mom (my mother-in-law), saying he doesn’t like that “freaking crap,” that gay people are putting out “stumbling blocks” for kids and that the movie studios need to leave that (he said the slur at least three more times) stuff out and stop poisoning the kids.
His partner said he was being bigoted. He then decided to get his Bible and start talking about gay people not getting into the kingdom of Heaven. Finally having enough, I told him he just got out of prison four months ago, he’s introduced my kids to more “stumbling blocks” than gay people ever have, and that with him being an extreme sinner for as long as I’ve known him, he has no place to judge.
Well, that set him off. After he left, my mother-in-law said I shouldn’t have said anything, and that he had the right to his opinion. I responded that these are not the opinions I want my three kids exposed to and that if this is how he reads the Bible, I don’t want them involved with the church my in-laws attend.
He later came back and said I had no right disrespecting him that way. AITJ for calling out what I believed to be hypocrisy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, he doesn’t have the right to that opinion. Misquoting Scripture isn’t a matter of opinion. It is a deliberate misreading to justify bigotry.
Jesus never said one single word about homosexuality, but you know what he did say? To mind your own business, fix your own sins, & not judge other people. “You hypocrite! How can you point out the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye & ignore the plank in your own?” Matthew 7:3-5.
The fact that he so freely uses slurs in front of children is a no-go. I wouldn’t allow him around the kids for a VERY long time.” Evening_Produce1070
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – what many people tend to forget is that while they might have a right to their opinion, so does everyone else.
If he is allowed to spew hate and call it his opinion you are absolutely allowed to state your own opinion of ‘you are a hypocritical jerk’. And, the best thing about it is: your opinion is also right. Freedom of speech is not freedom of criticism.
That’s just not how any of that works. Even more, NTJ considering that he said these things in front of your children.” XDarksaphiraX
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be The Videographer At My Mom's Wedding?
“I (21f) have a rocky relationship with my mom (43f). She’d gone on a beach trip with her significant other and his kids for a week. Well, the significant other proposed and I was sent the pictures one morning.
I was at work when my mom texted me. She said she had a surprise for me and was going to stop by. She was with her new fiance and his daughter (15f). She stepped up to the counter and placed a bag in front of me.
Inside were two small squishmallows, which she knows I love. It was a nice gift and I thanked her for it.
She said she had something important to ask me. I figured she was about to ask me to be in the wedding, either a bridesmaid or a flower girl.
But nope – she asked me, “Would you be willing to be our videographer/photographer for the wedding?”
I was shocked, and it took me a moment to say anything. I told her I couldn’t because I didn’t have the gear for it. I have a camera, but it’s not meant to take videos like she wants.
She then asked since I’m going back to classes in the fall can’t I use the school’s?
Because it isn’t a project given by the teachers, but instead a personal project I can’t rent the gear out, they won’t allow it. So no I wouldn’t have access to any gear.
I told her about a friend that’s been taken under the wing of a high-end videographer who is well-known, and that I might be able to get her a good deal. The face she made told me that she didn’t want to pay anything and she wanted someone (me) to do it for free.
She then asked, “You’re at least going to be there right?” I told her, “I don’t know, I’d have to think about it.” She made another face before saying, “Alright, I see where I stand with you now.”
I bit my tongue, I had a lot to say to that, but I was at work.
I couldn’t make a scene. She hugged me tightly saying she loved me then left not 15 minutes after she got there.
I went outside to the back and sat down for 10 minutes thinking about what just happened before crying. I was upset, I couldn’t leave or do anything while there.
So 10 minutes later I went back to work with puffy eyes and a red nose.
She asked me to work at her wedding. Not be there as a daughter or part of the family. I wouldn’t be in the pictures because I’d be taking them.
I wouldn’t hang around and enjoy anything because I’d be working.
She called today asking to hang out later this week, go somewhere that is “neutral grounds” and talk because there was a “miscommunication” as she said. I’ve agreed, because after the last incident (That story is also posted if you wish to read it) We agreed to try and work on things between us.
I’m hurt that the first thing she saw me as was someone she could use. If I don’t go to the wedding, it’ll be the straw that breaks the camel’s back for us and our relationship
WIBTJ if I decide not to go to the wedding after all of this, after everything I’ve been through with her?
Feel free to read my other posts before deciding if you need or want to know more.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ..your mom sounds like a lot. I could see how that hurt you, asking for you to work the wedding and not be in it, as a mother I can’t imagine doing or asking my kid to work my wedding, even if he was a professional photographer.
I would just let her know you can’t go this time but you hope she enjoys her day and you hope this time is the one. I think giving yourself some space from her would do you some good.” Bayaura408
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In some ways, these sorts of relationships are worse than the big crazy explosive ones.
If she did one massive unforgivable thing, you could cut her off and it’d be done. But this is just a slow war of attrition, grinding down your happiness. It sucks, but I think you have to take a step back and evaluate if you want her in your life at all?
You sound so tired. I know the healthiest thing I ever did was walk away from two family members. It wasn’t about one issue, it was a slow grind until I finally woke up and realized how much they’d hurt me over the years and that I was tired of trying.
Cutting them off hurt like heck, but it’s been over ten years now, and I can finally look back on the good times. I wish them well, but we were not meant to be family. Reading through some of your other posts, I think you’re pretty close to this point.
It sucks, and it’ll feel like she died, but take a minute and picture your life without her drama. I think that’ll speak for itself. Good luck OP. Things get better.” An_Acetic_Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she says she wants to talk ..
then tell her exactly how you feel. If she denies it leave. Definitely don’t go to the wedding. She sounds manipulative. Honestly, she is toxic. Has she ever apologized for how she treats you? If not or if she does then does it again…cut her off.
She is fake and won’t ever be the mom you want.” SuccotashTimely9764
19. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Brother Unless My Dad Turns Off His Spy Cams?
“My dad got his (now ex) partner pregnant when I was 18. My brother is now 7. I enjoy watching him and he spends a lot of time at my place.
Last weekend, I was watching him at my dad’s and he refused to take a shower and had a fit.
I put him in timeout, got him to take a bath instead, and put him to bed.
My dad later texted me to “chill out” on the timeout next time. I thought my brother said something but he’s 7. He was on timeout for 30 minutes because he kept on getting up and after 23 minutes he finally did his timeout.
I asked him how did he know and he said he had cams in the house.
I asked him if he was watching me and he said yes. I told him that was messed up to spy on me while I was watching his kid.
I said the next time he wants me to watch him then he better have those cams off. He said I wasn’t the dad and the cams would be there even if I didn’t babysit him.
I said if he doesn’t trust his own SON to watch his SON then don’t ask me to babysit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so over parents who think it’s appropriate to put cameras in the house without telling the other people living there. It’s your home – how are you ever supposed to feel safe there now? My dad did this to me when I was a kid and gaslit me about how he knew what I was doing for years and it’s made me incredibly paranoid.
I’m glad yours at least told you. That said, now that you know, I would consider agreeing to babysit in the future. You shouldn’t need to have them off to do a decent job and they can also help protect you if something happens that wasn’t your fault.” Masta-Blasta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My aunt does this too, when she was giving birth to one of my cousins I was watching the older kid for them. I was having a hard time putting my cousin to sleep, he was scared because his mom had to go to the hospital and was in pain, when I finally did put him to sleep my aunt messaged me asking if everything was OK and if I needed help.
That’s when I found out they have cameras in all the bedrooms, the living room, etc. I couldn’t sleep the whole night because I felt like I was being constantly watched. From personal experience don’t be offended, this kind of parents are just “extra”, they are suspicious of everyone and everything and the cameras are just of way of keeping control.” One-Organization-283
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your father for not informing you about the cameras and not having any actual disciplinary practices with his second son, and you for thinking you can make demands regarding how he’s raising his kid. When you babysit it’s not your job to be a parent, all you need to do is keep the kid alive and the house intact.
My sister has cameras in her kitchen, living room, and the kids’ (4 yo and 6yo) bedroom. She’s not using the camera to watch me while she’s at work, she checks up on the kids. If it’s getting late she might text and ask why they aren’t in bed. If one of them is arguing with me, if she really feels the need she can speak directly to the kids through the camera remotely.
My sister’s home is very structured because her son requires it due to some mental disorders. The discipline and routine are very strict and her husband has guidelines typed up for anyone that may be watching the kids. Unless your father already has a set of rules in place that the kid understands then you dragging him back to timeout for 30 minutes until he completed a solid seven minutes does seem extreme and if your father said so it’s clearly not a system he uses and it’s not your place to implement disciplinary practices.
You can express this concern to your father but it’s still not up to you.
One day when I couldn’t watch the kids my sister had our father come over to her house to watch them. He COVERED ALL THE CAMERAS WITH TOWELS. That was an insane violation of trust and I don’t blame her for no longer allowing him to watch the kids.
He knows she checks in on them frequently, heck she uses the cameras when she’s home to keep an eye on the kids from her bedroom. My mom and stepdad also have cameras and I watch the dogs for them when they go out of town.
I don’t make them turn the camera off. I’m just feeding their dogs and letting them out. Maybe working or watching TV. Why would I have a problem with them knowing what I’m doing? This was the house I lived in until I moved out at 18 and I do somewhat consider it home still.
I show up unannounced and have a key. But that doesn’t give me the right to demand they shut off their cameras because I’m their daughter. So to reiterate, you have a right to be concerned about the cameras and why you weren’t informed about them, but you don’t have the expectation of privacy as a guest in someone else’s home (even family).
You should probably have a real conversation with your dad regarding this.” Dancingwithsomebody
18. AITJ For Being Angry When My Birthday Plans Were Changed Without My Consent?
“This happened on my 14th birthday, I’m 15 now.
Usually, my mom throws a party for my birthday but that year she asked what “I” wanted to do. It took some thinking and then I decided to just go to the beach. Fill up a cooler and play in the water.
She agreed and that’s what we were going to do.
Then 2 days before my birthday she told me that instead of going to the beach like I wanted we were going to Cedar Point.
I hate roller coasters. Actually, I hate anything that goes fast and doesn’t have doors.
I was angry of course but I didn’t say anything. That was my first mistake. While at Cedar Point I didn’t get on any of the rides and just walked around. My mom asked me what was wrong and that’s when I told her that I didn’t want to be there.
She says that I should have said something before but I couldn’t. You see when I made the plans to go to the beach I made it clear that I didn’t want to go anywhere else.
So there I am explaining why I don’t want to be there.
I give my mom a turn to speak and all she says is “Well nobody else wanted to go to the beach.”
That sentence immediately made me mad. It shouldn’t matter what everyone else wanted to do on my birthday. The one day that’s about me and me only.
I know I sound like a spoiled brat and all but the thing is that on a normal day, I’m constantly being ignored by my own family. So you could understand why I was angry at what she said.
Once again what I said was ignored.
By this time my whole family is standing around us. I stood up and yelled at all of them how they’re nothing but selfish jerks who only care about themselves. Of course, they all start yelling back at me. Even when we got home I was still angry, I didn’t speak to anyone and sat in my room all night.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But don‘t make yourself miserable – stand up for yourself. The time to tell your mom was the moment she said ‘we’re going to Cedar Point”. At that point, you should have said, “have fun, but I am not going.
That is not how I want to spend my birthday.”” YeeHawMiMaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, you should have said something before going to Cedar Point. I know you said, “You see when I made the plans to go to the beach I made it clear that I didn’t want to go anywhere else.” One more time of emphasizing this would not have hurt.
I completely agree with “It shouldn’t matter what everyone else wanted to do on my birthday. The one day that’s about me and me only.” I hope you have better birthdays!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were asked what you wanted to do for your birthday and then your mom changed that because the rest of the family wanted to do something else.
That kind of behavior in any parent is undeniably jerk territory and tends to destroy trust in the relationship between the parent and child. I would have stayed home rather than go somewhere I was going to be miserable even if it meant staying home by myself all day.” Grannywine
17. AITJ For Wanting To Enjoy My Food Before Giving It To My Brother?
“My mom (61F) and I (19F) fight over a lot. Recently, we’ve been fighting over this topic a lot.
I’m a tiny person. I wear XS clothes. I have a really fast metabolism and a small stomach. My brother (18M) is a 2XL. He’s larger than me by a lot. He eats more than me, and I know that. I’m fine with that.
Here’s what’s annoying. Recently, every place we go, my mom wants me to give him some of my food. I know I won’t eat the whole thing, but as soon as it’s set down, the first thing she says is, “Give some of that to your brother.” I recently snapped at her and said that I’d like to be able to eat my food that I ordered before being told to give it away.
I know I’m not going to eat all of it, but it’s annoying to not even have a bite taken yet and be asked to give it away. I snapped at her, telling her that I’d like to be able to enjoy my food before being asked to give it to my brother, when he doesn’t usually even want it to begin with, knowing I won’t eat it all, but even so, I’d like to be able to enjoy MY food in peace.
She got mad at me saying “he won’t want it now that it’s cold, he wanted it when it was fresh.” AITJ for being annoyed and wanting to enjoy my food before immediately being asked to give it away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
When I was younger I was tony and barely ate much, my dad wouldn’t constantly help himself to my plate while I was still eating. Then eventually my older sister started doing the same thing. This has given me massive food anxieties and issues, firstly I started to liberally salt my food because I realized they didn’t like it.
I am at around 30ish only just starting to feel comfortable enough to cut down and cut out the amount of salt I have in my meals, only because my fiancé has been worried about the effects it will have on my body. I also speed eat, which isn’t good and I don’t like sitting there when someone else is eating and I’m not.
Even if you’re not going to finish everything, your brother can learn to be patient and wait until you are done.” Kazvicious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m not recommending this for you, but my reaction would be to take my plate, put it on top of his plate (and all the food on it), and then just leave.
I think your mental health will improve if you just refuse to go with them, or if they go into a restaurant, you go into a different restaurant. You need to take some action here, this is borderline abusive behavior by your mother, with your brother enabling it.” VlaxDrek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for one thing, I think people have pointed out that leftovers can make you a lovely lunch or something the next day. For two, your mother is not treating either of you very well on this subject. Presumably, no matter how much food your brother has on his plate, he will only eat it at a certain rate, so some of the food will be “cold” by the time he eats it.
It may as well stay on your plate until you’re finished if your mother is ashamed to take food home from a restaurant. What’s your brother’s take on this? Is he caught in the middle and feeling like he HAS to finish extra servings or is he allowed to stop eating when he’s full?” Steamedfrog
16. AITJ For Bringing Coffee Only For My Coworker Friend?
“I (18m) work as a receptionist for a pool. We do swim lessons and whatnot so I have to check everyone in. I met Sabrina (17f) (fake name) about 4 months ago.
She’s a lead swim instructor and does the morning shift. She comes in earlier than everyone else to get everything set up and also does one-on-one lessons.
She comes over to the desk to warn me of any solo lessons since most people aren’t there for lessons yet.
We’d talk and joke around before she went in. Full disclosure, I do like her but I don’t have any plans on asking her out and I’m happy with the friendship we have going on. One morning she was super tired and joked about how she forgot to make coffee because she was so tired. I asked her what her favorite coffee order was and the next day I drove past Starbucks and got her one.
The next week she brought me cupcakes she made as payment. We’ve been doing this every week, exchanging a coffee for whatever she made that week.
Here comes the issue, two weeks ago the pool ended up assigning two people to the front desk in the morning and I’ve been working with Nicole (17f).
We are friendly with each other, but I haven’t really connected. She watches a lot of my and Sabrina’s exchanges and sits there while we chat for a minute. Yesterday after Sabrina left, Nicole got really huffy and said “You know, it’s not fair and incredibly mean of you to always bring her coffee but not me.” I apologized and told her that I was sorry she felt left out.
Later that day my manager called me and told me that I had a complaint about being rude to the other receptionists and that if I got another complaint I’d be written up. Considering I only work the morning shifts, I’m assuming Nicole made the report.
I’m at a loss here. On the one hand, I feel bad for making Nicole feel excluded, but on the other hand, I feel like we don’t have that type of relationship and it shouldn’t have been an issue. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nicole does not like what she’s seeing and has decided to go the punitive route.
I’d explain this situation to the manager, and tell them to change your shift to not coincide with Nicole’s if at all possible. If not possible, simply ignore her (listen to music or do something else when there aren’t any customers coming to the reception).
If Nicole comes to confront you, tell her to stop being nasty, and that she’s not entitled to being your friend just because you are coworkers. And then report her for being rude. See how she likes it.” ProfessionalHuman208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s just weird.
I completely understand being offended that someone is not inviting you with them. It’s like if everyone works together, if someone gets left out, then I understand why the person would feel hurt. With that in mind, I genuinely do not understand why the person would feel the need to go to the manager and report the incident.
That’s just incredibly weird and very immature. I suggest going up to the manager and discussing the situation with them. Tell them that the first incident should not be considered as you being rude. Your colleague isn’t entitled to your time. If you want to spend time with one of your colleagues, then it’s not your responsibility to make everyone feel included. This is a workplace, not a high school.
Maybe you can use complain too and turn this on Nicole. Do not let the manager assume the wrong things about you. One more thing, if you go talk to Nicole, make sure to record everything. I wish people record things more. This is an incredibly useful tool when you feel like someone at work is trying to get you fired or cause issues at the workplace.” gw2ismyjam
Another User Comments:
“”Later that day my manager called me and told me that I had a complaint about being rude to the other receptionists and that if I got another complaint I’d be written up.” NTJ, I’d go back to the manager to talk about this again.
Frame it as needing to know what you did so you can stop doing it. And then if she says the coffee thing fight back. It’s not rude to buy your friend a coffee, if you were buying coffee for a bunch of other people instead of her it would be rude, but you are not expected to buy coffee for everyone.
Unless she wants to make some kind of elementary school rule where if you bring something you have to bring enough for everyone in the office, this should not affect your record.” Sufficient_Cat
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister For Stealing A Ring In Front Of Our Parents?
“My (15f) family and I are currently on holiday in a small town.
My sister (13f) and I were looking around in some small stalls yesterday when we saw a jewelry shop that we really liked. It was really small and there weren’t many people around but we really liked the jewelry they had out. We each bought a £20 ring yesterday, and we went back today to have another look.
My sister pointed out a particular ring she really liked and brought it up a few times before I persuaded her to leave with me. At dinner tonight with my family, I noticed the ring on her finger. I asked her in front of our parents if she had taken it without paying to which she hurriedly replied that no, she had bought it.
I dropped the matter but immediately started texting her angrily about it telling her that I knew she took it without paying and demanding a reason.
She replied ‘cause I wanted it’. I was insanely mad and even though it didn’t really cost that much it was someone’s living.
I asked my dad if he would be mad and my mum caught on and started demanding an answer as well. My sister started screaming that she found it on the floor and then got up and left. Now we can’t find her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She’s a 13-year-old who took a ring because she wanted it? That’s insane that a young teen is already taking an expensive ring without paying. I’m in the US and that’s about $63 here, which is a lot for a ring.
I’m saying NTJ because that was very wrong of your sister to do, and rightfully so because your parents (at least your mom) got really mad too. If your sister is so upset at getting caught, that means she knew how bad it was to take the ring without paying.
That’s her own doing for taking a ring- or taking anything without paying. And what do you mean by you can’t find her? Like she just disappeared? I hope you can find her, even though she did something terrible I hope she’ll be safe and found.
But, she also can’t just run away every time she’s caught doing something she is aware she did something bad.” KingPiscesFish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your fault your sister ran away. The taking without paying and running away are both signs that your sister is struggling with a bigger issue.
You were right to be upset about her taking the ring especially since you were with her in the store and could be considered her accomplice if she were caught. She is obviously struggling and your parents need to know that your sister has this problem.
I hope you find her and are able to get her some help (therapy would be a good start).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Ehhhh…that wasn’t very sisterly of you. You could have totally called her on it in private, agreed to let this one go, and made her promise NEVER to take anything without paying again or you would tell on her.
To do this in front of your parents wasn’t cool. However, your sister knew she was wrong or she wouldn’t have run away. The good news is that she wasn’t very smart to have worn the ring to dinner, knowing that you’d be there, so she’s not exactly a professional thief just yet… YTJ for calling her on it in front of your parents but not for calling her on it at ALL.
I definitely would have confronted her privately, even if that meant forcing her to go to the bathroom with me.” Affectionate_Salt351
14. AITJ For Making A Contract Driver Complete His Pickup Despite The Rain?
“I’m a shift manager at a small grocery store, and yesterday we had a delivery/pickup from a contract truck driver. Usually, contract drivers are a bit more of a hassle to check in since they aren’t familiar with the store’s layout and the company they sent has a reputation for work-shy drivers, especially when it comes to pickups.
We have to have pickups a couple of times a week to return empty pallets and crates to the warehouse so they can be reused. When a pickup hasn’t been done properly or just over time, my salvage dock fills up fast with junk.
Yesterday was one of those days where we couldn’t get salvage out because a pickup wasn’t done properly the last time it was supposed to be done.
After a little while of the driver bringing off stuff to be delivered, he stops me and says that if it keeps raining outside, “that salvage out there will have to stay right where it is”, said it just like that.
He also mentioned he didn’t bring a jacket with him. I empathized, but ultimately he was getting paid to do a pickup and I wasn’t making his problem my problem. I told him he was contracted to do a pickup and if he refused, I wouldn’t sign his paperwork.
He then mumbled something under his breath loud enough to make it obvious he was getting the last word in, but not loud enough to where I could hear it.
So, I went back to the loading dock and took the paperwork off his clipboard, and locked it in the office.
I knew that if he left my store with no salvage and no paperwork, the warehouse would take him to task and the only way he was getting it back was to do his pickup. I also suspected he planned on leaving without the salvage and forging my name on the paperwork anyway.
Based on the response I got, I think I was right in thinking that.
He eventually discovered I took the paperwork and got upset. I told him he’d get it all back once the pickup was done. By this time, it had stopped raining.
I watched him try to slam open the salvage dock overhead door, but it was slammed back down by the counterweight and he had to open it properly. I also spotted him trying to get into the office before he was done, but it was locked and he had to finish up.
When he was done, I signed the paperwork and sent him on his way. I have never seen a driver leave my store so fast.
So I believe I was justified in keeping him there since he straight-up told me he would be leaving me high and dry because he came unprepared, but another manager said I was out of line.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your lack of preparation does not create urgency on my part. You’re here to do a job, rain or shine. If you’re a dock worker, you should probably check the weather daily so you can be prepared, extra water for hot days, bundled for cold, etc. Attempting to forge paperwork affects my reputation, I didn’t trust you based on your unwillingness to work and my suspicions were confirmed when you tried to break into my office.
NTJ.” educatedvegetable
Another User Comments:
“Just a quick thanks for: “He then mumbled something under his breath loud enough to make it obvious he was getting the last word in, but not loud enough to where I could hear it.” So THAT’S how one describes that thing!
Anyhow, seems like you were placed in a tough spot and made a call. I’m going with NTJ.” No-Expert5800
Another User Comments:
“INFO: You say “coworker.” Are you his supervisor? If he is truly your equal, I don’t think it’s your place to do any of that stuff.
If you are his supervisor because you hired him, or were hired to manage him, then I don’t see anything wrong here other than it reminding me of a teacher taking your toy until you have a better attitude.” Sherbet_Lemon_913
13. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Parents' Financial Favoritism Towards My Sister?
“My parents have been spending more money on my sister (48F) than they’ve spent on me (43F). Every time she needs anything, she gives them a call and they wire her money, buy her furniture, buy new appliances for her, and on and on.
At one point my mother told me they were leaving me significantly more money in their will because they knew they’d spent tens of thousands of dollars helping my sister and bailing her out of things.
I tried not to ask for anything from them my whole life.
Any time I had a huge medical bill or something, I struggled and did my best to pay it without their help.
When she needed help in school, they had money for a tutor. When I needed help in school, I was called useless and ungrateful.
My parents paid for all of my sister’s college at an expensive private university, but I had to take out loans for my 20k education. She got a car, an expensive party, and a trip to Mexico when she graduated college. I got a one-way plane ticket to their new house on the other side of the country.
My parents have expressed regret recently over how much more money my sister’s gotten over the years. They’ve said they’re leaving me more money in their will to make up for it. (Guess who has to explain that to an angry sibling when they’re gone.)
My partner and I are splitting up and I need to find a new place to live. I asked my parents for help with a down payment. I was told, “maybe”. Then I found out they’re buying their grandson a brand new car for $40,000.
Today they came back and told me, so sorry, they can only help me with 20k. They don’t have that much money, you see. And they spent $40k on their grandchild, so I can get half of that. Maybe.
I know it’s their money and they can do with it as they please, but I’m getting a very strong message that I’m worth less to them than my sister and my nephew.
And this has been a lifelong thing. So – am I the jerk for being mad about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being mad about favoritism. But do your best to not let it affect your mental health. They’re never going to change.
Get a copy of the will to make sure it’s clear with no surprises and read up on how wills are challenged in your area, to head off future issues. Kick them about designating beneficiaries clearly for every single life insurance policy, retirement portfolio, physical asset, and tiny $100 CD.
Try to get a medical power of attorney on them maybe? That is a rather shocking difference in treatment between same-gender siblings though. Any possibility you aren’t full siblings? Or maybe she nearly died of some health issue as a baby? She gave a parent half a liver?” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“”They’ve said they’re leaving me more money in their will to make up for it. (Guess who has to explain that to an angry sibling when they’re gone.)” You don’t have to explain anything. Their lawyer will need to explain it if they don’t have the guts to tell her before they die.
Also, if I were you I wouldn’t hold any hope that this will actually be true. With regards to the car – Are they paying $40k cash upfront for the car or is it being financed over 5 years with the grandson actually making the payments?
HUGE difference in financial outlay. NTJ for being upset. You do need to adjust your expectations though. You are 43 and don’t seem to have internalized the fact that this isn’t going to change.” facinationstreet
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re both fully grown adults. Your parents don’t owe you anything at this point.
The fact you talk about inheritance reeks of entitlement. Have you considered your parents give your sibling more money because they simply like her more? She got into a private university, you went to a cheap program. She stayed close, you went to the other side of the country.
She gave them a grandkid, you’re splitting up. Sounds like she has her life together and they’re rewarding her.” Joe-Arizona
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Best Friend Wants To Start An Airbnb In The Same Suburb As Mine?
“My best friend mentioned she wants to buy an investment property and turn it into an Airbnb. I think it’s a great idea because I started an Airbnb last year and it’s going really well. I was encouraging her and telling her how I would help her until…
She starts sending me links to properties in the same suburb as my Airbnb and the properties are the same price point, same size, etc.
I told her ok hey this is upsetting me that you’d literally do one the same and in the same suburb and this is obviously going to impact my business which right now is my sole source of income (due to going through some super tough personal times right now).
She doubled down and said she’s upset that I’m taking this as a “personal attack” and that I’d view her as competition and that she’s shocked and disappointed that I’m not supporting her and that the issue is that she had an “abundance mindset” while I have a “scarcity mindset which makes me want to guard my accomplishments and resources from others.”
I am 100% supportive of her doing this and I just have this one line which is please don’t do the same type of property in my suburb such that the same ppl would be choosing between our two properties.
Am I the jerk?
Note, I lost my job and I’m currently going through a breakup this week and this Airbnb business is all I have right now.
She knows this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’d effectively be ending your friendship because she is forcing you into competition with her. This is why I hate doing any paid work (as a freelancer) for my mom. Working with friends and family is hard enough.
Deliberately working AGAINST them is a recipe for disaster. She can do what she wants, but I’d just make her aware that your friendship is over and you will only be associating from a business standpoint if she goes through with this. FROM AN ETHICAL STANDPOINT: Some people are saying Airbnbs are bad, mostly because it’s disruptive to apartment complexes and all that.
But I looked back and your properties are suburban, so maybe you are renting out a house and then it’s a bit different? This is a whole other can of worms and the comments are getting a bit preachy when it’s not relevant. Just keep your neighborhood in mind when renting out properties to tourists.
Either way, you shouldn’t be labeled a jerk for how you get your bread. That wasn’t the question lol.” mps435
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Airbnbs destroy local communities by taking residential housing out of the market and driving up the rental price of the remainder due to the reduced supply vs.
demand. They also damage the short-term holiday market, because they aren’t properly regulated (local councils don’t have the tools needed to identify them easily), often lack consistent standards, and often skip checks and payments (fire safety, food hygiene if you offer food, commercial music/TV licensing, GDPR data license, etc.) that regulated establishments do.
If you want to get into this market, that’s fair. But do it properly. Buy a purpose-built B&B, register with the council, and get it properly regulated.” Emotional-Ebb8321
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say you’re the jerk, but definitely you’re to blame. Friends and business are 2 different things and you should be able to separate the two.
If your friend doesn’t buy one, someone else just may buy it and do the same thing. You can’t expect there to not be competition. If this suburb is such great business for you have you ever done an analysis to see how many people have not been able to book your place?
Perhaps there’s enough that another property in the suburb and you wouldn’t even notice. Maybe you should have thought about buying another property. In any case, you say you support your friend; support isn’t conditional. You either do or you don’t. Yeah, it sucks she’s bringing you competition, but that’s business.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out While My SIL Is Recovering From Surgery?
“I (25F) have moved country and have been living with my brother (44M) and SIL for the last 3 months till I can arrange my documentation and establish myself here.
I am helping around the house and washing my own clothes as well as making food for myself and my brother that he can take to eat during his working shifts. I am also paying for my part of house bills and groceries.
I am grateful that I can stay but there are always some things that my brother mentions to me that make me feel like I am a bad person.
Like why don’t I iron their clothes, the type of sausages I used for the food are not the right ones. He expects me to clean his dishes after him but will not do the same for me. He will not knock when entering the room I am staying in.
And from what I understood my SIL has done a “cleaning inspection” in my room to see how I keep it which I was hurt by since my personal space was invaded.
Now, my SIL is going to get knee surgery this week and will be recovering at home for the next half a year.
I am working from home and will be expected to do the chores as well. This feels like too much for me, as if I have no control over my choices and my anxiety is over the roof.
I found a place to stay and intend to move out this week because I do not want to be treated this way and have not yet told them.
AITJ if I move out now when I know they will expect me to take care of my SIL?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They let you stay with them which is great, you paid which is great, they expect you to be their servant which is not great.
They seem to be expecting you to be a personal helper for SIL while working from home while continuing to expect rent and not pay you for working for them. Yeah… NO. Get out, tell them you’re having anxiety issues and need to get out because you don’t want to do something that will harm SIL’s recovery.
Be prepared to go NC when they start harassing you though. Make sure to get any legal docs out and in a safe place and get your mail changed BEFORE you tell them.” Throwawayhater3343
Another User Comments:
“Leave now, NTJ, and what knee surgery takes 6 months to recover from?
I broke my femur in half, needed 3 surgeries, and couldn’t walk for 4 months but I was able to function on crutches after 3 weeks, and back to work in a couple of months. I’ve had relatives who had knee replacements and other knee work who were walking in days.
They’re probably playing semantics with you (“fully recovered” vs “surgical recovery time”) in order to get you to stay being their servant.” MissionRevolution306
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please please please move out. I would not tell them you were leaving until the absolute last second so they cannot steal any of your stuff and they can’t talk you into staying.
They want you to be the caregiver of your sister-in-law while she recovers from surgery. That’s a year, with recovery times and physical therapy learning how to walk again. And that’s time that you’ll never get back. What happens if you need surgery and can’t do everything you need to do?
Is one of them going to come and stay with you do all of your chores clean your house wash your dishes help you with everything that you need help with? I highly doubt it. So please don’t say anything to them about leaving until the very last second and then don’t take no for an answer if they try getting you to stay.
Make sure you keep all of your important documents on your person or somewhere you know they will never find them. It doesn’t cost much to get your birth certificate and Social Security card re-printed but it’s still a hassle and a half to get them all sent back out to you.” One_Condition_7001
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy My Unemployed Sister An IPad?
“Recently I won a decent amount and I asked my mum what she wants so I can buy it for her. She was really surprised and excited but said “I’ll think about it”. In the evening she said well “I discussed it with your sister and your sister wants an iPad for herself”.
I wasn’t exactly thrilled she discussed it with my sister because the gift was only meant to be for Mum.
A little background on my sister is that she’s single and 33. She is always at home, doesn’t have a lot of friends and doesn’t work at all.
She’s quite lazy and spoiled. She loves to gossip and stir up trouble with people around the house. Despite having 2 degrees, in her life she has only worked for a total of 3 months when she was 32 and then she resigned due to the job not being fun.
She doesn’t have a lot of interpersonal and intrapersonal skills and thus finds it very difficult to find a job. She was depressed (she wouldn’t tell us why) in the last few days but seems to be getting better. Mum thought it’d be good to get her an iPad.
I’ve been telling Mum that my sister needs to develop social and work skills and find a stable job, especially because she is a bit old and hasn’t developed the skills needed to be self-sufficient. I was telling Mum that “rewarding” my sister with an iPad is not a good idea because it further enables my sister to not be self-sufficient.
If we keep spoiling her with gifts in the long run it’s going to be detrimental to her because she’s not going to learn to work hard. I’m under the assumption that if she really wanted something she’d have to go and earn it and that gifting her something she wants is not going to help develop her skills in any way.
Short-term she’ll be happy but long-term she’s not going to grow.
I suggested to Mum that once she gets a job we’ll use the funds to buy her an iPad as a gift to show how proud of her we are but for now I do not want to spoil her like how my mum spoiled her throughout her entire life.
However, she’s of course still very dear to me and I do feel bad because she just recovered from her depression. I’m thinking I should get her a little gift to celebrate her recovery from depression but not get her the iPad because she hasn’t earned it.
AITJ for now wanting to buy my sister an iPad, especially now that she is no longer depressed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To my understanding, you offered to buy your mother a gift, not your sister. I don’t think it was your mother’s place to speak to your sister if, in that conversation, your offer was only meant for your mother.
You should have been able to speak to your sister privately or been left to surprise her with a smaller gift that wasn’t something ridiculous, like an iPad. Just because you have won some funds doesn’t mean you have to buy expensive things for your family.
You’re right that your sister is old enough to fend for herself, and if she has been spoiled, then she definitely needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet to support herself. She doesn’t need an iPad. If she wants an iPad, she can buy it for herself as she’s an adult.” eppydeservedbetter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You seem unreasonably judgemental towards your sister. It really doesn’t sound like you know the full reasons why she isn’t working, and it’s not your job to tell your mum how she should behave to your sister. You also have a very limited understanding of depression if you think it’s something you have for a few days and then recover from.
But on the issue of the iPad alone, it’s your funds, and you want to give your mum a gift. It’s entirely reasonable that you want her to get the gift. You don’t need any reason at all to reject her suggestion that you give a gift to your sister instead.” Dioptre_8
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for calling your sister spoiled and lazy and for stereotyping her with a whole bunch of things when you probably don’t know what her life is really like or why she has failed to get ahead. An iPad is more likely to help her to become self-sufficient than not.
You also don’t know that your sister couldn’t be self-sufficient. Maybe she has a health problem you don’t know about because it’s not any of your business?” FancyCocktailOlive
9. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Siblings Leading To State Custody?
“I’m the 3rd oldest of 9 kids.
My older siblings (m20, f19, and m23) all have the same dad, my brother and I (m15 and f16) have the same dad, and the rest of my siblings (f8, m6, f4, and f4) have the same dad.
My mom has struggled with substance addiction for a very long time and expects me to take care of her kids while she and her partner go out (which I don’t mind, they’re amazing and respectful kids) but my 8-year-old sister has diabetes and I have no idea how to take care of it.
A couple of months ago my mom left in the middle of the night while I was at a friend’s house after I had refused to watch my siblings.
My sister ended up passing out and hitting her head and my younger brother (m6) called 9-1-1.
Because they couldn’t get a hold of my mom or any relatives for my siblings, the state received custody of them and my brother and I were sent to our grandparents (who received temporary custody).
Yesterday my mom called me screaming at me about how it was my fault my siblings were “gone” and how much she hated me and if I wasn’t so selfish we could all still be a family.
My brother says it wasn’t either of our faults but I can’t help but feel like it was my fault.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your “mother” and her partner are the adults and the PARENTS. It is up to THEM to look after you and your siblings, not the other way around.
Your youngest siblings are gone because she is an irresponsible adult who can’t seem to have control of her life. She can’t blame you (a minor, who ALSO needs care) for her responsibilities. She is neglecting you and your siblings to the point where she put her daughter in great life danger.
She does not deserve custody of ANY of you unless she can deal with her addiction and take responsibility (starting with birth control).” Mariposa-2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is the parent even if she doesn’t act like it. You are not responsible for the other kids’ well-being.
While it is nice for older kids to help with their younger siblings they aren’t supposed to raise them. She expects too much from you and your brother. She failed her children and they are better off with someone else, an adult, not 16 & 15 yr old children.” murphy2345678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everything that happened is entirely your mom’s fault and you and your siblings are honestly better off away from her. If she puts in the effort to get her life together she can get all of you back. Everything that happened is her fault, and fixing it is her responsibility.
Not yours.” ProfPlumDidIt
8. AITJ For Not Giving More Info To A Man Accusing Me Of Damaging His Car Without Proof?
“In Australia, there is a provisional license that people can acquire when they are 17 and have met other requirements, and while driving you must display ‘P’ plates on the vehicle.
So earlier today, I had parallel parked into a spot to run some errands, shortly after I began what I needed to, a guy came into the store I was in and started accusing me of damaging his vehicle.
He also demanded that I hand him my license and other info so he could get it fixed by the insurance company.
As I went outside, and saw no damage to my car, or his I asked him “Where did I supposedly hit you?” And he pointed to a spot that had a different paint color than my car.
He continued to demand my license, and other info, as well as saying he had dashcam footage, so to get it over with quickly, I gave him an email and phone number he could contact me on. However, he is now refusing to give me a copy of any evidence I was at fault, such as dashcam footage.
AITJ for refusing to give him other details when he refused to show the dashcam that showed any tangible evidence?”
Another User Comments:
“You have no damage, there’s a different paint than your car’s color on the damage on his car, and he refuses to produce the evidence he claims to have.
The guy is trying to scam you, hoping that as a new/young driver, you’ll be easily intimidated. NTJ.” Signal-Television510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (I think, based on the laws where you live), but please make sure you know the legal minimum requirements for exchanging details in the event of an accident where you live.
I live in Australia, where we have P-plates for two years (in most cases ages 17-18) between a learner’s license and a full license. If you’re in a collision with another car, no matter how minor the accident or what license you have, you are legally required to provide the following details as a minimum: your name and address, the name and address of the car owner, and the numberplate of the car you were driving.
So if you live in Australia and were knowingly in a minor car accident, and only provided your phone number and email address, then you would be a jerk for not providing your name and address. You should know what to provide in the event of an accident before driving unsupervised. However, it sounds like you didn’t actually have anything to do with his car having a scratch mark in an entirely different paint color, so I think you can take the NTJ verdict here.” pyrrhaHA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: It sounds like he’s trying to scam you because you’re a new driver. Did you feel like you bumped his car? You should have. I wouldn’t have given him any information until he showed me the dash cam. I don’t know what the laws are where you are, but where I am it’s reasonable to call the cops to prove who caused the accident.
If he was scamming you he probably would have dropped it. Please do not give him any more information. Have him communicate directly with your parents.” debdnow
7. AITJ For Making My Pregnant Aunt Cry After Her Snide Comments?
“My auntie (dad’s brother’s wife) is pregnant and from my dad’s side, I’m also the youngest. My dad’s side adores me as I’m the youngest girl and always spoils me because my mum’s side doesn’t.
Recently my auntie has been making some weird comments about how I’m the youngest.
A few days ago it was just a little get-together where my auntie said to me ‘it’s your time to shine for now as soon as my baby is born they will take your spotlight’.
I was shocked but moved on. Just yesterday my auntie said to my cousin ‘I’m praying for a girl so my baby girl can take all the attention.’ As she said that she smirked and looked at me. I was just speechless. My dad got a little mad about this and he said ‘She will always be a princess in my eyes and in my brother’s and sister’s eyes.’
My auntie got up and rolled her eyes. But as she got up she mumbled something about how I don’t deserve everyone’s love and I’m bratty. I had enough and said ‘Well let’s hope your child doesn’t turn out like an arrogant person like you’.
She started crying and left. Half my family said I was wrong for that but my parents and my dad’s older sister said it was her fault for saying that stuff to me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems to me that your pregnant auntie is jealous of all the attention you’re receiving.
She makes these comments because she’s insecure and feels like she doesn’t get even half the attention, hence the beef with her niece. But you were kinda wrong to say that to your auntie even though she had it coming. And she’s actually creating a feud between you and her unborn child by trying to imprint lewd comments into your mind.
Even if it was a girl baby, your uncles won’t spoil you any less and they’ll love you both equally But your auntie sounds like an immature jerk.” TheShiningSoul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a mom of a youngest and only girl on my husband’s side, I know how little girls inspire devotees.
My nephews on my husband’s side are just the brightest stars, we adore them, but my daughter has her cousins, her aunties, and grandparents falling all over themselves. I can even understand why a pregnant woman would see your family doting on you and want that for her child.
But the bad thing, the unreasonable jerk thing, is to relish the idea that her child would dethrone you as if there is competition to be had between you and a new baby. Being charming, charismatic, and endearing is part of being the youngest in the family.
Her kid might not be all that. Maybe you’ll be the one her kid dazzles and your relationship with her kid will be the kid’s fondest childhood memories but she is ruining right on a future relationship because she is being petty and rude to someone she is jealous of.
My brother and I are the youngest two on my dad’s side by 18+ years. We were a two-pack of full-on charm offensive, it wasn’t a competition because he was the bold, daring, pure wild energy and I was sugar and spice. We were so popular with the aunties, there is plenty of room for both of you.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if for no other reason than that comment didn’t warrant tears to begin with?? I mean I get pregnancy hormones and all that, but being called arrogant shouldn’t make you cry regardless lol. I mean, she ran her mouth out of line and then cried when it was returned to her – in a much less snide way than how she ran her mouth to you at that.
I don’t know, it seems kind of weird to me that she would want to have a girl just so that you aren’t the baby anymore? Even if you are “bratty” like she said, those are still dirty remarks. Besides, no one who can openly admit they’ve been spoiled is also bratty- that’s kind of what being bratty is lol, not knowing how spoiled you are.
So I highly doubt you deserved those comments, and honestly, it sounds like she has some kind of jealousy for you for some reason. Maybe she’s jealous that her husband’s brother’s kid has been in the “spotlight”, instead of her own child? I don’t know, but it’s still weird to me.
Regardless, NTJ.” _AGirlADogAndAJeep_
6. AITJ For Accepting A Night Away From Family As A Gift?
“I’m a nanny and have recently started working for a new family. They are very kind and generous people. They surprised me with a 1-night stay in a 5-star hotel for my partner and me for Easter weekend.
They said it was a gift to help me destress and so I know how much they appreciate my work. There’s been a lot going on in my personal life with my family that’s been very stressful lately.
I still live with my mum even though I’m 31 due to her health struggles and I help out as much as I can.
When I told her about the gift she just said that’s very odd and that I should just say thank you but Easter is a time to spend with family. I however accepted the gift as they had already booked it and my partner and I hardly get any couple time.
My thinking is it’s just 1 night out of a whole 4 day weekend. There’s still plenty of time for me to “spend with family” aka run around after everyone and help them with various things because that’s what always happens.
Anyway just curious if it was a jerk move to accept the night away?
Because I now feel tension for doing so.”
Another User Comments:
“Bruh I had to check the username to make sure my wife didn’t post this. She’s 31 also and we live with her family and she takes care of her mom and grandma at home.
We are always at her family’s house I was thrilled we might get to stay in a hotel for Easter lol. But definitely, NTJ you need to take care of yourself, don’t let family guilt trip you. They will do that sometimes as sad as it may be.
You need to put yourself and your relationship first, then take care of others. As the saying goes you can’t take care of others if you don’t first take care of yourself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you deserve it, you work hard and your bosses recognize your hard work and want you to take care of yourself.
If people find it odd it’s only because they are jealous, they wish it could happen to them. Enjoy your night with your partner, switch off your phone, and take care of yourself.” celafolie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s jealous. Misery loves company. You need independence.
Go on the trip and have a great time. The family would not have offered it to you if they did not mean it. People never offer fully paid for vacations as a throwaway/pretend offer just to be nice or polite. They are rewarding you for your work and your place in their family.
At this point declining would be the very rude thing to do.” meiio
5. AITJ For Banning Bacon From The House Because The Smell Makes Me Sick While Pregnant?
“I’m a 28-year-old woman and 37 weeks pregnant with my first child, the smell of bacon makes me feel incredibly sick and nauseated, so much so that my appetite for the rest of the day is ruined if I smell it.
My husband who is 27 loves bacon and it’s his favorite breakfast, I’ve told him he can’t have it right now and that I don’t want bacon in the house for the time being.
He is upset with me over this and thinks I’m being overly dramatic and if he opens the windows to air the kitchen out while cooking it’d be “fine”.
I’ve told him it’s not fine as even then I feel sick as the smell lingers even when he claims he can’t smell it anymore. He is trying to put his foot down about this saying I can’t ban a food he loves as it’s his home too, I get that, and it’s not forever but is it that unreasonable for me to say that it can’t be here right now when it’s ruining my appetite?
Maybe it’s hormones but I’m incredibly upset over this as it’s just bacon surely the fact that it’s making me feel so sick should be more important? He can eat something else for breakfast after all. AITJ for this? He seems to think so, maybe I’m too upset right now to be clear-headed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – unfortunately your hubby is. You’re pregnant, so your sense of smell is heightened. Of course you can still smell it while he can’t. You literally can’t eat for the rest of the day, while he can do just fine if he goes without.
Or goes out to eat it. Every breakfast place does “to-go” orders. Like you said, it’s not forever. It’s not even a couple of months at this point. It’s a matter of a few weeks. Is going a little out of his way to make you comfortable for the next few weeks really too much for him?
“Maybe it’s hormones. He seems to think so.” So, so much the jerk. He’s putting his breakfast before his pregnant wife and he’s trying to play it off as you being hormonal when you’re justifiably upset with him. Tell him to go away and no bacon in the house.
Bad hubby. No. No bacon. No.” Tasty-Biscotti355
Another User Comments:
“NTJ don’t mess with pregnant ladies with respect to food and smells or suffer the wrath. My wife couldn’t stand BBQ sauce when pregnant and even though it’s my favorite I avoided it and only had it outside the house or when she wasn’t around.
It is common decency to treat the people you love with respect this is true even if they aren’t pregnant. I love rootbeer but can’t drink it around my wife as she hates the smell no matter what. Pregnancy hormones can really affect you and you can’t control that.” zoobernut
Another User Comments:
“Eggs and coffee. Two of my husband’s absolute favorite things turned me into a nauseated, upset pregnant woman. It wasn’t voluntary on my part but oh my goodness it was intense. After the second time it happened (I walked in and smelt it and immediately yelled what is that smell before crying), my husband said that he would stop bringing it into the house.
I suggested no eggs at all but asked that he take the coffee maker into the guest bathroom to make his coffee (it didn’t bother me once it was in his mug) this became a joke with his best friends that I made him sit in the bathroom to make his coffee.
Why did I share this anecdote about myself? To highlight that your reaction is normal. His reaction to a temporary situation out of your control is childish. Bacon is an absolutely amazing and fragrant treat, BUT you can smell it outside of your home when you make it and it lingers.
If he wants it that bad, he can go grab a bacon sandwich from somewhere. NTJ.” Miascircus
4. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In Bar Trivia After Work?
“I work Monday through Friday, on Fridays I like to stop at this bar/restaurant after work and have lunch and a beer. They have good food and they’re normally not very busy.
The first time I was there I noticed that a bunch of people were doing trivia.
Not like normal bar trivia with teams, just a guy “Ted” asking questions and maybe 5 people trying to guess the answer. Then he’d give a whole explanation of it.
Then the next week they were going to do it again. There was a group there at a table and they played the jukebox.
Ted told the bartender to turn off the jukebox or reject their music so he could do his trivia. The bartender told him no, people spent money on it. Ted said “Well then we can just buy them out they might play anyway.” The bartender said no because they’re probably not going to play since they’re at a table, if he wanted to do trivia he had to do it with the music on.
So a few weeks ago Ted tried making me play. It started with him doing his trivia and going around to people for their answers. Then I heard him say “Young man what do you think?” I looked and realized he meant me and said “oh I’m not playing “.
He said, “Well if you want to sit at the bar you have to play”. I said, “I just got off work, so no thanks”. The bartender told him to just give the answer and move on.
Then Friday I stopped there and had a burger and a beer.
I went out for a smoke and when I came back in Ted said “We were waiting on you to start.” I said “oh, I’m not playing sorry,” and went back on my phone.
He said (to someone else or the bartender I wasn’t looking) “I don’t understand why he insists on sitting at the bar when he’s not going to play.”
I sit at the bar because 1) I’m by myself and they have TVs behind the bar with sports on 2) If I sat at a table it’d be more work for the bartender because they’re serving too 3) I just want to. I don’t play trivia because you don’t win anything, after working 8 hours the last thing I want to do is to think of answers and listen to a whole explanation after he gives the answer.
I left after Ted and when I was paying my tab I asked the bartender if it was that big of a deal that I didn’t play. She said, “mmm, no but Ted is retired and he really gets into doing his trivia, it makes him feel important.
He probably just doesn’t see how someone wouldn’t want to partake in something he works hard on”.
I was telling my friend about a place I go to on Fridays and how Ted acts like it’s weird that I refuse to play. My friend said I’m being a jerk and it’s like I’m saying “haha I’m not playing and you can’t make me” to an old man, and I should either play along or sit at a table.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ted is a jerk. It’s not his bar & he has no right to harass you! He’s probably so into it because he looooooooves giving long answers to questions he, himself, came up with. He probably has a wife he bites to DEATH during the day, then relies on a captive audience at the bar at night.
That bartender shouldn’t have made it even kind of sound like you should consider Ted’s feelings.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “No thanks, I’m watching the game.” Screw Ted and his ego. My guess is that you found their regular and that he’s going to glom on and try to make you change your mind.
“I work a long day and my treat to myself is coming here and vegging out watching sports. I don’t really want to chat or play, and I would appreciate it if you’d respect that.” Done.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Tell your friend, to go to the bar and make an old man happy by playing trivia his way if he feels so sorry for the guy.
Tell the bartender, that it is his job to limit the harassment of the customers in the bar within reason. If it is more than the bartender can reasonably manage, then bar ownership needs to be brought in to talk to the guy. If the bartender won’t do it, then you will reach out to the owners.
When this guy approaches you, ask him if owns the bar. Is he a manager of the bar who has the authority to set bar policies? Nope? Is there a posted official bar policy that says the bar area is reserved only for patrons who are willing to humor this one random customer?
Nope? Then, Mr. Trivia, go enjoy the folks who are willing to play with you and leave the rest of us paying customers alone!” swillshop
3. AITJ For Refusing To Get My Pregnant Wife A Mother's Day Gift?
“My wife mentioned today that she wanted a Mother’s Day present this year, even though our baby isn’t due for almost a month later.
I told her that I was absolutely not going to get her a Mother’s Day present until next year when we actually have a baby.
Now I am getting all kinds of flak from my wife, and she’s declared that if I don’t get her a Mother’s Day present this year then she won’t get me a Father’s Day present until next year.
I think it’s absurd to expect a present for a holiday that you don’t qualify for. Where do you draw the line?! Would you expect a Mother’s Day gift if you were in a childless relationship but had pets? If people want to unexpectedly gift others for holidays they don’t technically fit in that’s fine, but to expect it seems unreasonable.
WIBTJ if I refused to get her a gift this year? At this point, it’s just the principle of it.”
Another User Comments:
“For goodness sake dude. Pregnancy is really tough on the human body. Joints loosen, ligaments stretch, the heart and lungs have to work harder, the kidneys and liver have more waste to deal with, and internal organs are squished. And that’s assuming it’s a normal, healthy pregnancy with no complications.
Your wife is putting a lot more work into this pregnancy than you are. She’s putting her physical and mental health on the line. She is literally doing the work of a mother right now. She’s doing something you can’t for the sake of both of you.
It’s a big sacrifice that could have lifetime effects on her health and well-being. Buy her all the presents YTJ.” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For gatekeeping motherhood as a guy. Yes, you really are mansplaining motherhood to a pregnant person. She is absolutely a mother.
She’s been holding her child 24/7 for the last 8 months while it presses on her bladder, kicks her wherever it wants to, and gives her acid reflux. And those are just a few of the things that she’s been putting up with already as a mother.
But hey, growing a whole human in the middle of your body for the better part of a year is definitely no justification for asking for a Whitman’s Sampler and a thimble-sized expression of respect and affection. OP, you’ve already given her the greatest gift of all: Clarity that the father of her child is a selfish jerk and that she’s on her own, emotionally.
With hemorrhoids probably.” Which_Ideal1867
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She is a mother already she is growing a baby. She has been a mother from the moment the cells divided. That baby is alive because its mother supports it with her body. The baby is a parasite leaching calcium from her bones and nutrients from her body and will come into the world through her pain and bodily trauma and her risking her life…and you want to play inaccurate semantics?
Seriously? You as a father are in practical terms irrelevant at this point your contribution has been a single cell……and if your wife is breastfeeding you will continue to be of very little practical relevance to your child in that initial time after birth.
Your role is to support your wife in caring for and growing your child both now and in the initial post-birth period. Buy her a present. She is already a mother…you, on the other hand, are not fulfilling your role as her support, and by the time Father’s Day comes around you will have done what in your role as father for your newborn that will be a week or two old…seriously what will you have done that will compare to what your wife has done by giving your child life…changed a nappy…..yet but you still expect recognition but don’t think she deserves any?” Whitestaunton
2. AITJ For Refusing To Cook And Clean For My Able-Bodied Father-In-Law?
“My FIL Paul has never cooked, cleaned, or done anything for himself. When his wife, who he married as a teen, died, he became helpless. It has been six months, and my other two SILs make him every meal and bring it to him. My husband and his father have a rocky relationship due to many things, but they were never close, so I was never close to Paul.
My SIL and his older daughter Lizzy have asked me to help with meal prep for her father because it has added stress to everyone. He has become ungrateful and complains about the food they offer or not helping him clean his house often enough.
The situation has stressed my husband, who called his father pathetic for yelling at him for not having us help out more.
Lizzy called me again, saying she is going on vacation and desperately needs me to help with the meal train for her father while she is gone.
I told her to buy him a cookbook and show him how to turn on the stove. Lizzy called me a mean person, saying Paul is a traditionalist and has never cooked for himself. I told Lizzy this would be an excellent time for Paul to learn to be a big boy.
My husband took the phone from my hand and hung up on his sister.
Lizzy took to social media (another family member showed me this) and complained about how awful some people treated their elders. She enlisted a church group to make Paul dinners and help him clean while Lizzy and her family vacation.
My husband and I think his father is ridiculous because, besides being in his 70s, Paul is not disabled in any way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a similar FIL. I don’t live in the same town as him, but I get to hear about all the coercion he’s tried on the one daughter who does.
Sky-high expectations about her cleaning and cooking for him, zero gratitude. He used to treat my MIL terribly too but still uses her passing for pity points. Similar to you, my FIL also enlists other family members in his mischief, so they’re desperately trying to solve all his problems while he sits back.
No doubt your FIL will put on just enough of a frail old dude act to fool the church group. Some people are just 100% rotten and learn nothing as they get older. Good for you and your husband for not buying into this.” skaev0la
Another User Comments:
“This 100% would have been my father if my mother would have passed away before he did. He would have complained about the food, acted like this was my job, and I should be grateful to cook and clean for him. NTJ. He’s in his 70s and he can learn to cook or subscribe to a meal service.
I’m actually surprised that church members would take this on because he’s not disabled. My church has a meal train thing and I’ve signed up a few times to bring meals to people, but it’s for people recovering from surgery, being suddenly disabled, and things like that.
Not just because someone was unwilling to care for themselves.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“I just made a 10-year-old make his own lunch. He wanted a grilled cheese but didn’t want to use the stovetop. He was told Grandpa was in the adjacent room for emergencies, but if he still wasn’t comfortable there were microwavable Mac and cheese cups in the pantry.
He made his choice and managed just fine. You’re NTJ here. If I were you I would tell your SIL that if she wants to enable her father’s incompetence that’s her choice, but that you have every right to make your own. He is capable of learning, he’s just choosing not to, and as a grown man that is his own problem.
If he’s that determined to never cook then he can pay the price everybody else has to when they don’t want to cook and order food from the many many many establishments that specialize in exactly that! They’re called restaurants and thanks to apps you can even get most of them delivered to you.
Can’t afford it? Oh, well. I guess he can’t afford to be so utterly incompetent. Sounds like a personal problem to me.” klutsykitten
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Park Her New Car In My Garage?
“I (m28) am in a two-year relationship with my partner (f27) and we haven’t got any big problems yet. We don’t live together but she spends a lot of time at my place because she has roommates.
I have a 1973 Dodge Dart Swinger, it’s kind of broken down and I bought it really cheap a few years ago.
The car is not that good but I honestly have a deep love for it and I spend a lot of money on it wherever I have some money left to spend. Recently my partner bought a 2017 Renault Kwid, the car is nice, it’s new too so it doesn’t even have a scratch.
The thing is my partner demanded that I leave my car outside when she sleeps over so she can leave her car in my garage. She said that since her car is new then it is more important to keep it safe. I obviously disagreed, my car might be cheaper but it still is my car and I think I deserve to keep it safe because it’s my only vehicle.
She stated that I’m being selfish because she had to work a lot to make enough money to buy the car so I tried to calm her down and told her that I could pick her up at her house when she wants to stay over (she’ll be able to leave the car in her home’s garage) to which she said no and that she had brought the car to be seen in a new car and not a broke down one.
Then she called me stupid and told me I was ruining our relationship for a car and I answered that she was doing the same. She left and hasn’t been answering my calls. Was I really wrong for this? Or should I stand on my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For starters, you two don’t even live together. The entitlement she has, expecting you to let her have YOUR garage because she has a “nicer, newer car”, is baffling. Secondly, when you offer a solution to her ridiculous request, she responds by calling you selfish, and insults your compromise.
Again, exhibiting her entitled behavior because “she can’t be seen in a ‘broken down car’ now that she has her new car.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Depending on where you live, your dart would be more desirable and easier to steal than a bone-stock non-luxury car.
Classic cars disappear all the time because they’re easier to part out. Newer cars have a lot more anti-theft doodads on them. I have a classic Chrysler and a new-ish German wagon and the classic car gets a lot more attention when I take it out.
If you really felt like compromising, you could get a cheap security camera and motion sensor light and point it at your driveway. But having to deal with pulling your classic out of the garage just so she can spend the night is too big an ask.” endymion2300
Another User Comments:
“This seems like it’s about something else. You offered a perfectly good compromise and she escalated things. She clearly resents you for some reason and is blowing this up as an example of “that.” My guess would be that she thinks you’re not ambitious enough (because her car means she’s moving up in the world) or that you not allowing her car in your garage means you’re not committed or it’s a play for the garage space if/when she does move in or she really hates your car and wants you to get rid of it.
Anyways. Ask her what’s really going on. NTJ.” of2minds2
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