People Change Their Tune In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Wanting To Cook In My Own Renovated Kitchen Instead Of My MIL?
“Our house flooded, so I gutted and completely renovated our kitchen myself. I love to cook and entertain and was really looking forward to our first holiday season when I could cook again.
My in-laws just moved back in with us after relocating from NY to FL, and my MIL has apparently already made arrangements with my husband (her son) to cook this year. This isn’t the first time she’s done this.
She insisted on cooking in our home the first year we bought it, and my husband backed her then – despite my feelings.
Now, I’m upset that she’s doing this again and he’s backing her again. I told him that she’s had decades to cook and have her traditions and now it’s my turn. He says I’m being difficult about it, but I can’t let it go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m sorry…but you may need to pull a few documents together, like your marriage certificate/house deed/a sheet of paper with the words “COMMON SENSE” written in the middle with glitter ink, & take your husband for a walk down memory lane.
Remind him that he’s married & no, he’s not married to his mom. Oh, just my own thing. When my MIL tries to pull this nonsense – like the time (I swear on Alvin & whatever those other 2 Chipmunks are named) she started redecorating my fully, fabulously decorated Xmas tree because “it was just all wrong” – I keep making comments about how weird it is.
This unnerves her. “Why would you do that Sandra, *insert awkward giggle*, you can’t just undo someone else’s Xmas tree decorations, that’s so weird. Who does that? Are you feeling ok? Something about this holiday making you upset?” She doesn’t know how to respond to this.
Has to factory reset. It’s hilarious to me. I give zero.” twoofheartsandspades
Another User Comments:
“Ah yes, I was wondering when I would get to a post about a momma’s boy. OP, you need to put your foot down, this is now what seems like the second (if not more) time this has happened. If you keep allowing this to happen, it will never change.
You’re not being unreasonable and your feelings are very valid. Your husband, on the other hand is being a momma’s boy, he chose to marry you so he should have your back. If they insist, then go visit some family or spend it with friends.
Do not concede to this as this is going to be more or less the dynamic if you don’t. NTJ.” MyFriendsCallMeEpic
Another User Comments:
“Info – When your in-laws moved in, did you know and agree to them staying through November? Or is this “arrangement with your husband” away for your spouse and/or MIL to sneak “in-laws are staying long enough to establish legal residency” into the conversation?
It seems really early for Thanksgiving plans to be up for discussion, let alone settled. Honestly, if your husband thinks he could meaningfully consent on your behalf (to any suggestion of his mother’s) without speaking to you, it is alarming. If you are all adults living in the same house its really easy to say “we should ask my wife about this before deciding ” or “let’s talk about Thanksgiving everybody is here” It kind of seems like your husband wants to play house with his parents indefinitely- are you willing to tolerate being excluded from holiday planning, as well as cooking, in your own home, indefinitely?
You have told your husband you are absolutely uncomfortable with this, and reminded him that it has caused issues in your marriage previously? You shouldn’t have to teach your husband how to treat you with basic manners, but it sounds like you have already tried. Your husband seems to believe his mother’s preferences are more important than yours- that sounds like a horrible situation to be in, let alone in a shared house.” AcceptableEcho0
20. AITJ For Telling My Sister Not To Visit Home Anymore?
“I am the youngest of 3 siblings. My sister, who is the oldest, finally moved out last summer.
For 2 years before she actually moved out, the whole family tried to encourage her to move out and go to university to study psychology, which had been her dream for a long time. But at first, she decided to just take a year and go work to save up some money.
After that, she went and actually tried to get into a university but she “didn’t get in” but that turned out to be a lie. She just didn’t take the spot because she was scared to live alone. But finally, she applied to a school this time to study engineering and got in and moved out.
After that, she started visiting home every other week, staying the weekends, whole weeks, etc.
The thing is, she has to sleep in my room during those times (we used to share a room also before she moved). So at some point, it started getting pretty frustrating because I wanted some peace but couldn’t because I always had to prep the room for her (I had to move heavy furniture so she would have a spot) and then last time she visited she got mad at me for not moving the furniture (I had hurt my back badly so I couldn’t) and also for not getting her a towel or a pillow/blanket.
She even went and complained to our mom about it. She complained about me the whole time she was visiting to everyone, including my brother’s partner, who she isn’t even close with.
So the day she left I told her that I don’t want her to visit anymore because of her behavior and also because I honestly just am frustrated at her for always coming to stay over.
My mom got mad at me for this, but my dad told me that how I reacted was valid because of her behavior.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s your parents’ house, so what do they say? You don’t actually get to decide whether your sister returns home or not.
Is she living in a permanent apartment or a dorm? If she’s living in a dorm, then she hasn’t truly “moved out” in the sense that she has another permanent residence. Dorms are for the school term only, so she would be expecting to return home at the very least between terms and on any holidays, and probably the entire summer as well.
So the answer to that question would play a role in determining whether or not you were the jerk.” LibraryMegan
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, yes YTJ. Sis obviously needs time and help transitioning to the next step, which is part of what a family is for.
Talk to your parents about wanting some privacy, see if there’s an alternative arrangement that can be made. If not, look forward to when it’s your turn to leave the nest.” Shimpy2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it sounds like your sister is struggling and might have, at the very least, some anxiety.
Instead of banishing her, perhaps consider how you can help her become more independent. Also, I noticed she got mad at you for not moving the furniture. Was that because you just hadn’t done it, so now she had to, or did she get mad because it was just different?
My neurodivergent senses made me think of riggitidy there – a common thing among neurodivergents, especially autistic individuals.” hulahupallacup
19. AITJ For Starting A Similar Business As My Brother After Unfair Treatment?
“Four years ago, I (37M) left my career to help my brother (38) and his wife build their business. I was promised raises that never materialized. I worked harder than either of them, and everyone understood it.
The business grew rapidly and as they did well my salary stagnated and I was seldom acknowledged. A lack of ethics was a constant problem that we disagreed over often.
It came to a head when I refused to lie for them to an important employee on my staff.
They had promised him something they had no intention of fulfilling. I was suspended and forced to resign so that I’d be entitled to no severance or unemployment. I didn’t fight this.
When I quit, my brother told me that I was allowed to go into any business other than the same type of business we were in together.
He said that if I started a similar business, this would violate the spirit of our fraternal bond and would be seen as a hostile act. He maintained that it’s inappropriate to compete against family members.
Our market is vast and there’s plenty of room for new companies.
I offered him a non-compete agreement protecting his geographical region and precluding me from using any of my existing contacts. I thought this seemed fair but he rejected it saying that any entry into the market on my part would not be acceptable.
Am I the jerk for starting a similar business?
Would I be the jerk for going directly after his clients now that he has rejected my offer?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. “I was suspended and forced to resign so that I’d be entitled to no severance or unemployment. I didn’t fight this.” Why?
You’re a jerk to yourself for this. “When I quit my brother told me that I was allowed to go into any business other than the same type of business we were in together. He said that if I started a similar business, this would violate the spirit of our fraternal bond and would be seen as a hostile act.” So what?
“I offered him a non-compete agreement protecting his geographical region and precluding myself from using any of my existing contacts.” Again, WHY? You owe him NOTHING!” DrTeethPhD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. your brother lost the moral high ground when he failed to maintain his promises to you.
Using his own words, that is a breach of the fraternal bond in the first place. Then forcing you to resign because you wouldn’t outright lie while making sure you don’t get anything from them is a further breach of that bond. OP…. stand up for yourself.
Your brother stopped treating you like such the moment he knew you’d make his company a success and he knew he could take advantage of you. Not only would I go into business in the same industry and market, I would tell him to his face that he lost any right to claim the fraternal bond between you the moment he lied to you about raises and the moment he fired you for lying.
It’s insane to allow him to act like he can control what you do after he fires you, especially because there is no non-compete. If his business fails, tell him you’d be happy to offer him a position at your company as your subordinate and you will make the same promises to him that he made to you and didn’t keep.
Don’t be a doormat for this man who has walked all over you. Put you first.” TheDarkHelmet1985
Another User Comments:
“I think what you’re doing is just called being in business. All businesses ideally want the competitor’s clients! If you do your job really well, your clients will remain loyal to you.
If you don’t…who knows? Sometimes, when employees are hired, there are noncompete clauses and such but not always. Doesn’t sound like you had one above and beyond the “spirit of your fraternal bond”. While your brother might not like that you have started a similar business, that’s his problem.
He could attempt to take you to court if he wanted to, I suppose, but I can’t imagine what the charges would be or that he’d win – he’d likely end up losing and paying your court costs on top of everything else.
With his lack of ethics, promise of never-delivered raises and lies to employees, I suspect he won’t be in business for long after you open. NTJ.” mumtaz2004
18. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Sudden Personality Change In Public?
“My friend (we can call him Milo) has recently gone through a major rebrand. Like, full personality shift overnight. One day he’s dressing like he always has, hoodies, sneakers, whatever, and the next.. he’s in head-to-toe “thrifted” (from Grailed) pieces, wireframe glasses (he has never worn glasses), and talking about how “fast fashion is killing individuality.”
Cool, whatever, people change… but it’s like he saw one looksmaxxing video and decided to become a tortured artist overnight. Last year, he was all about streetwear. The year before, he was deep in his e-boy era. And now, suddenly he’s dressing like a philosophy major who exclusively drinks espresso and journals about “the concept of time.”
I let him do his thing, no comments. But then we’re out with friends, and he starts talking about how he’s “always resonated with a minimalist, timeless aesthetic.” And I – without even thinking – laugh and go, “you literally had a sneaker wall six months ago…”
He goes dead silent. I quickly changed the subject, and we moved on, but I could feel the shift. Later, he texted me saying he felt embarrassed and that I made it seem like he was “fake” in front of everyone. I told him I wasn’t trying to call him out, I just genuinely thought it was funny how quickly he went all in on this new vibe.
He left me on read. I asked one of our mutual friends, and they were like, “Yeah, you kinda played him. Should’ve just let him live.” Like, I get it… but also I don’t get it lol.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s not uncommon that people search for their own identity and try different things.
This is especially true during teenage years and young adulthood. I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm when he said that he always resonated with a minimalist. He may have exaggerated but ultimately, I think he was trying to show his new identity and what he cares for at the moment.
Think of it this way: he’s like the “new vegan” that you called out for eating steak last year. While what you said to your friend is not incorrect, it wasn’t very nice either to call him out in front of others.” Zestyclose_Fox_9348
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Friends should be able to call friends on their nonsense. I can certainly understand that your friend is trying to find himself but he’s not doing himself any favors by not acknowledging who he’s been in the past. If this current persona is who he really is, he should be able to acknowledge who he was before and why this change was good/necessary.
If he can’t do that, he might need to keep looking. One of the great things about friendship is that your friends can help you figure out who you are and yes call you on your nonsense if necessary. That being said, I think you do owe him an apology for speaking thoughtlessly.” Mysterious_Clue_3500
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Exploring your identity is cool, and fashion can be more personal to some people than to others. As someone who only started feeling like myself once I started looking like an extra from Bram Stoker’s Dracula, to my friends, it looked like the most sudden thing ever.
One day, superhero t-shirts. The next, corsets and lace. But to the ones that knew me as a kid, I DID resonate with that aesthetic (all my Sims wore fabulous outfits). So, maybe your friend is just trying to reaffirm himself and is feeling sensitive about it.
Maybe what he said is actually true, but he’s changed so much, and no one actually followed how he saw the world way back when, that this makes him feel a bit alone, or “silly”. Being “the intense one” can be quite isolating in a group of level-headed friends lol But you weren’t a jerk either.
Making fun of friends is one of the joys of life, and banter is the best part of any conversation, in my humble opinion. If what you said was meant only as an observational joke, but not as mockery, there’s nothing wrong with it. He changes styles a lot: there might be a good reason for it, deep exploration, and all, but it’s still objectively funny.
My best friend once said I entered a cocoon and came out a bat. Talk to him. You guys will be fine.” Astlay
17. AITJ For Taking A Break From My Self-Centered Friend?
“This weekend, I invited my friend M (20F) to visit my sister with me for fun.
Just for context on things I have done for her, just last Monday, I drove two hours to pick her up from the airport. The whole ride back, she didn’t ask me a single thing about myself, even though I had just accepted a big job offer across the country.
She talked about how great her trip was but didn’t offer to pay for gas or dinner, which I let slide since I’ve done things like this for her before.
When we got to my sister’s, we went out to dinner with my hometown friends, and throughout the night, M kept jumping in with stories, mostly about her partner, as if she was trying to one-up everyone.
The next day, M and I both had homework, but my sister and I went to the store, got the chicken and fries M requested, and made her dinner. She didn’t offer to pay, but again, I didn’t bring it up.
Later, we went to a bar, but M and I went to a different one from my friends since she’s 20.
When I told her I was leaving to meet up with my other friends, which she was invited to come with me, she got upset and said, “Not everything is about you all the time.” Those words hurt deeply. I grabbed my inebriated sister, Ubered home, and cried. I asked my other friend (who is also M’s friend) if M could stay with her, because I was really hurt by M, especially given things she’s said to me in the past, like “You’re too quirky for him” or “He wouldn’t like you because he likes models.”
The next morning, M and I didn’t speak. On the way home, my friend texted M privately, asking if she was going to apologize. M eventually said, “Are we going to talk about last night?” I told her I was upset, but she immediately got defensive, saying, “You ruined my relationship with your friends.” She made it about how I’d made her look bad instead of taking responsibility for what she’d said.
After all that, I realized I needed space. I told her I couldn’t keep putting so much effort into a friendship where I didn’t feel appreciated. I’m taking time away from M now to process everything and figure out if this friendship is even worth continuing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like the phrase “main character syndrome” is so overdone, but M definitely has it. It’s not that she’s not thanking you for spending money on her, etc., she seriously just expects it. She didn’t want to go to the bar to meet up with your other friends because she knew that you would be the center of attention in that group rather than her.
I think you’re right to take a break from her, she sounds like too much work.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“The need to one-up everyone is simply a sign that she has some more growing up to do – but you also should start working on setting some boundaries.
20 is a great age to begin doing this. She treats you like that because you let her, so – if you don’t want to be treated like a doormat, don’t act like one. M is a mean girl who can’t pay her own way, be it food or transit.
It is not surprising that she tries to kick you down because once you grow a spine, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, for her to demand favors from you. Don’t waste your time and money on M anymore – you will be better off without this “friend” in your life.
Be honest with yourself. If someone treated your sister so bad and you knew about this, would you want them to “forgive and forget”? No, you would tell your sister to get the heck out of that friendship and lose their number after blocking them.
NTJ – congrats on realizing that your life would be better without M.” Mesapholis
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself this whole time with M. She has been treating you like a doormat. In addition to telling her you need some space away from her, send her a list of all the things you paid for on the trip and how much she needs to reimburse you for her expenses.
You’re not her parent nor her significant other, therefore, you shouldn’t have to be paying/subsidizing her lifestyle. If she complains, end the friendship and tell her she is the selfish self-centered one and needs to work on her social skills and be more thoughtful of others.” jackb6ii
16. AITJ For Hanging Up On My Partner After She Ignored My Boundary About Discussing Animal Deaths?
“I just hung up on my partner after she said “well that’s your opinion”.
We were having a casual conversation and she proceeded to bring up a friend of hers and said “her cat died last night.”
I did a FULL STOP on the conversation and said, “No I don’t want to hear about it”.
And she proceeds to say “well I don’t know how a cat gets stuck in an HVAC system..”
OH GREAT, so what this cat was cooked to death? This has ALWAYS been a hot-button subject, I love cats more than people (sorry) but most people probably feel the same when it comes to empathy and animals.
There have been several instances where a dead or dying cat has come up, and I’ve CLEARLY stated I don’t want to talk about it and change the subject.
2 big problems for me here were the boundary I set and she ignored and second when I tried to downgrade the hostility a bit by replying what just happened and WHY I’m upset, I feel like I’m being gaslit.
“I said I don’t want to talk about it, you ignored that and proceeded to tell me anyway; you shouldn’t have.”
All she had to say was, “well that’s your opinion.” I said dude just admit you’re wrong, Again was hit with “well that’s your opinion.”
So long story short she says “I want to be able to talk to you about anything, and if I can’t I’ll find someone I can talk to.”
I said, “OK GREAT, go find them then,” and hung up the phone.
She’s called 4 times, but answering the phone upset isn’t going to help at the moment, so I haven’t answered.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I find it difficult to imagine this is an actual thing that happened. But in the off chance it did… OP failed to recognize that the partner felt bad about someone’s pet dying and wanted a sympathetic ear…which OP failed to give while simultaneously making the partner’s friend’s loss somehow about OP.
Partner ignored OP’s entirely irrational boundary. And then claimed the fact that she did was an opinion. You’re both pretty deserving of the other’s foolishness.” cheekmo_52
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yes, if it really disturbs you to talk about this one thing, loved ones should be accommodating.
But, like, really? Your partner can’t come to you and tell you about a part of her day that she probably needs to talk out to process? You really can’t sit in discomfort for a little bit and hear her out? Your partner came to you about her friend suffering a tragedy and you shut her down and made it about yourself.” Heartinablender89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She sounds awful. I totally understand how you feel as I too prefer animals over humans, especially cats. My two tuxedo cats are my world and my hubby loves and adores them too. She’s your partner, so I assume she knows how much you love cats.
That alone makes it extremely fked up that she brought up this subject knowing it would be a trigger for you. What’s even more fked up is that she completely ignored the boundary you set, ignored your feelings over it, then threatened your relationship by saying she would find someone else if she can’t talk to you about anything.
That’s so disrespectful, cold, and uncaring. You deserve so much better, OP. These are not traits you want in someone who is supposed to be your partner. Your partner should love you and respect you, which includes any boundaries you set, and this topic is clearly a hard boundary for you, and that’s 100% understandable and acceptable.
Any loving partner would respect that and never cross it. It sounds like she’s done this to you multiple times and that she somehow turns it around on you like you did something wrong. You did NOTHING wrong. Don’t let her gaslight/manipulate you into believing that you did something wrong.
This is on her.
I hope that if she does this and ESPECIALLY if she disrespects and hurts you in other ways, you realize your worth and break things off. There are so many beautiful souls in this world with love, empathy, who are kind and caring towards others.
Those are the qualities/traits we should all look for in a relationship and the kind of person you deserve. Bonus points if they’re also a cat person! My husband never really had pets growing up but within just a few days of getting our first cat when he was 7 ½ weeks old, he was already a cat person lol.
He’s a great Cat Dad to our baby boy and girl Tuxies. I wish you all the best, OP. I’m so very sorry this girl is so cruel and disrespectful to you. I hope you find your perfect person.” I_PutTheFUNinFUNeral
15. AITJ For Wanting To Set Boundaries On Bridesmaid Costs?
“I (23F) am going to be a bridesmaid in my fiancé’s older sister’s wedding, which is set for October 2025.
While I’m excited to be part of her big day, I’ve been a bridesmaid before and know how expensive it can be.
The costs for this wedding are piling up quickly. I’ve already paid $300 for the bridesmaid dress, the required shoes, and $1,000 for the destination bachelorette trip.
Initially, we were told there was no pressure to attend, but her mom later said it was “lousy” that some bridesmaids were considering skipping due to the cost, so I felt pressured to go.
After we booked the trip, the maid of honor informed us that we would also be covering all of the bride’s costs during the trip—food, drinks, and anything else.
This was never discussed beforehand and added another unexpected expense on top of an already expensive trip.
My future MIL mentioned that, as a bridesmaid, I’m expected to help pay for the bridal shower. She said she Googled it and found that the bridesmaids are responsible for the costs, not her as the mother of the bride.
In all the weddings I’ve been part of, the bridal shower costs were primarily covered by family or a family friend who volunteered to host it at their home. The bridesmaids usually helped with smaller things like games and decorations.
I don’t mind contributing to the bridal shower, but it needs to be within reason.
With everything else I’ve already paid for, it’s becoming unmanageable—especially since I’m trying to save for my own wedding, which is planned for mid-2026. My future SIL is expecting a fully catered bridal shower with elaborate décor, which feels unrealistic for a group of bridesmaids to fund.
It also seems like she’s picking things that aren’t even within her budget and assuming others will cover the difference.
Am I the jerk for wanting to set boundaries around the bridal shower costs, especially when it feels like at every turn, an unexpected expense comes up without any discussion?
I know weddings are expensive (as I am currently planning one), but how much is too much to ask your bridesmaids to pay? In previous weddings I was a bridesmaid in, I would spend about $1,200 total! In this case, that’s not even covering the bachelorette trip.
I do want to make this whole thing special for her, but it’s just starting to get very costly and I know the other bridesmaids are feeling the pressure too. We are all young and just starting our careers.”
Another User Comments:
“It is in no manner traditional that bridesmaids are expected to pay for rubbish.
That is completely new (like, less than five years old), and was invented out of thin air by the wedding-industrial complex. Back in the day, the father of the bride was expected to pay for the wedding; brides were expected to have only one in their lifetime, and costs were limited to whatever daddy could afford.
These days, people often have several weddings, and the married couple usually covers most of the costs themselves. This was unsatisfactory to the WIC, because a young couple has much less wealth to spend, and so servicing weddings became a lot less lucrative. So the WIC and their wholly-owned subsidiary, the bridal magazines, completely invented a totally fake tradition that the wedding party had to pay for rubbish.
This spread the load around, and as it is MUCH more fun to spend other people’s money than it is your own, brides embraced the change. Yee-haw! But it’s false. This is nonsense. There is no such tradition, and that was not what you agreed to when you accepted her invite.
Tell the bride that you wish her the best, and while you are happy to honour her marriage, you are not paying for her wedding. If that’s what agreeing to be a bridesmaid entails, you’re out. She should have told you up front. And then try to cancel or refund whatever you can.
NTJ.” _s1m0n_s3z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like the lousy ones here are those trying to take advantage of the bridesmaids and even moral blackmailing them just to get things paid. “Saw it on Google.” Are you kidding me? No one should be forced to do things they can’t afford or don’t want to spend their money on.
No one should be shamed into spending money. And definitely NTJ for setting boundaries. Doesn’t matter the kind. Boundaries are needed in healthy relationships, all kinds of boundaries. The fact that they don’t respect those boundaries is very toxic and immature of them. I’d say it’s better to set your boundaries now than down the road.
Today, it’s the bridesmaids’ costs. In 10 years, it could be your house, a car, or God know what else.” DepthCertain6739
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who pay for the event are in charge of how it should be organized and how big the budget should be.
There’s no reason to overpay for the bridal shower. You might want to arrange a meeting of the bridesmaids and the bride to discuss the details and the budget of the shower. I find it weird that bridesmaids are being forced to contribute at all, and such outrageous amounts of money… But OK, it’s a custom in your country.
Anyway, that does not mean unlimited budget. Get together and think through what can be done, maybe some of the decor and/or catering could be home-made. Maybe some of you know good offers, and be honest with the bride about your financial situation. Also, you could ask her, shall she contribute thousands for YOUR wedding which is coming next?
She’s being greedy.” Constant-Goat-2463
14. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Shop More Frequently To Save Freezer Space?
“I’m 19F in college living with four other roommates and we all pretty much eat microwave food that goes in our freezer. We have a very small freezer, and for the first half of the year, it wasn’t that bad to fit stuff in it because our fourth roommate wasn’t really using it and we all shopped lightly.
Recently, I’ve noticed that our freezer is literally packed to the point that it won’t close. I’ve noticed that it’s food that they all keep in there for weeks without eating. I have exactly one thing in there and it barely takes up any room.
For perspective, said roommate just went out and bought food for the next two weeks and took up so much space.
I texted the group chat and asked them to reorganize and consider other people’s space when shopping for groceries or for them to eat them within the next week.
My roommate said, “I’ll eat half of my stuff in the next week,” and then brushed off my request and just said that it’ll be hard to fit stuff no matter what because it’s a small space for four people. That felt very dismissive and like she’s refusing to come up with a solution that was fair for everyone.
So I texted back and asked if she would shop for groceries for the next week instead of two weeks from now on. She sent back a pretty angry-sounding text saying that she shops when she wants to and doesn’t feel like going to the store every week.
I have no idea what to do! I really want space for the freezer. Talked to my pops about this and he said, “either you buy fresh food or put your foot down with them because they’re being selfish.” I’m going to try to buy fresh food to put elsewhere but it’s hard for me to eat them before they expire so quickly.
Being a college student, I really just want quick, easy meals. Did I push it too far? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why should you be expected to buy your own mini fridge/freezer? Stand up to the fridge hog after you’ve discussed the situation with the other roomies.
Just so you can present a united front. She gets 1/4th of the space and she can do with it what she will. Even if your space has bugger all in it. Dividers will make it apparent what she can fill. Plus I don’t think a weekly shop is THAT onerous if you have a smaller communal fridge.” Corfe-Castle
Another User Comments:
“Does she buy the same thing, meaning the same size item? You guys need to have a house meeting and say something like, “Look, the freezer only fits 20 frozen dinners. That means each of us has room for 5. I currently have one frozen dinner in there (because there is no room, I haven’t bought any more) while Ingrid has 12.
How is this fair? Ingrid, if you want to shop for a week at a time and just let them sit in the freezer, maybe you should buy a private freezer because you are really incredibly inconsiderate of your other three roommates.” NTJ.” wordsmythy
Another User Comments:
“I would do like your dad says, buy fresh food more often and buy dry goods, like canned food. As a college student, you could find a part-time job at an on-campus cafeteria or a restaurant and get some meals there. A bag of carrots keeps in the refrigerator a long time and doesn’t have to be frozen.
Eggs don’t go in the freezer, nor does bread. Pancake mix, butter, and syrup aren’t stored in the freezer. Salad ingredients aren’t usually stored in the freezer and making a salad isn’t hard to put together. Sometimes, it isn’t about making people comply to what you want but how can you adjust to a situation to make things work.
Sometimes it is necessary to push back, other times you find a different way. Oatmeal isn’t stored in the freezer, is a good food to eat, doesn’t cost a lot. I can see how you financially need roommates as you attend college but it isn’t going to last forever.
Frozen, premade meals are not all that healthy anyway. A bag of oranges, stored in the refrigerator will last a week or two and eating an orange/apple a day will keep you healthy. You are a college student so you should be intelligent enough to know that prepackaged food cost more and isn’t as healthy.
You being too busy to cook isn’t going to stop when you get out of college but it isn’t hard to prepare simple, quick meals.” 2015juniper
13. AITJ For Letting My Dog Bark In The Front Yard Late At Night?
“My partner and I get home from a night out and I let my dog out to go pee in the front yard at about 10:30 pm. Usually, I let him call the shots as to when to come in because he may have other business to attend to, and it’s cold, so he doesn’t usually stay out there.
Now, he’s about 30 pounds and can be a bit of a barker if a dog walks by the front yard while he’s in it. The volume of his bark doesn’t carry (my neighbors have told me they don’t hear it from inside their houses), but it can be startling to the person walking their dog, especially if their dog gets crazy as well (which they always do).
So I let him out and I’m waiting by the door on a couch for him to tap when he’s all done, but instead I hear him freak out barking, and there’s a couple walking by with a dog who is also freaking out and they are having a little trouble handling it.
I go out there and shout at my boy to come in, when I hear one of the walkers say something to the effect of “dude, that’s not cool. Come on. Think!”
In the moment I honestly thought he was talking to my dog because I had no concept that there was anything wrong with what I’m doing (we let him out like this almost every night, as the only grass on the property is the front yard), but yeah it appears this man thought it was inconsiderate of me to let my dog out in this way.
I’m sure the couple could not see my dog in the darkness and they and their dog were startled. It was no doubt a stressful experience. But also, it’s my house. Furthermore, it’s my dog’s house, and he has a right to pee and poop in his grass before we all go to bed so he doesn’t wake us up in the early morning or do it in the house.
I don’t know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your front yard is fenced? If it’s not fenced, that would make you the jerk even if your dog doesn’t leave the yard because it sets up a situation where the dogs might fight.
If these upsets happen regularly, even if your yard is fenced, you should probably be staying to watch your dog and not going back inside and sitting down so that you can intervene more promptly. Dogs fence-fighting can injure themselves against the fence or hurt each other on snouts and paws that get through the fence, not to mention the possibility of a large escaped or stray dog jumping the fence to attack your dog if you’ve got the typical relatively short front fences.
If you’ve got something like a wrought iron fence that has big enough spaces that a small dog could potentially slip through, your surprise front yard dog could turn into a badly injured or even dead small dog, and you’d definitely be the jerk if that’s a possibility.
I don’t think I’d call you the jerk over it, but it’s certainly behavior I wouldn’t do, and would be exasperated about in a neighbor. I’m shocked that your neighbors don’t hear it, but maybe they’ve got lousy hearing and/or have things like loud TVs going at that time of night.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“Dogs aggressively barking at me, or my dog, for having the audacity to walk past is one of my pet peeves. I absolutely tell them they are rude because I rarely have the opportunity to tell the actual owner they are rude not to train this kind of reactivity out of their dog.
By all means, tear my ears to shreds if I step ONTO the property, but dogs shouldn’t be permitted to go nuts if people are just walking past. Train your dog. YTJ.” alsotheabyss
Another User Comments:
“Let’s say YTJ-adjacent. While your actions appear above board, especially with a fenced yard, for us, when our dogs (3) are out, we are out.
Even with your fenced in yard, for everyone’s peace of mind and safety, including your dog’s (your presence in the yard can give it a sense of security that may reduce or prevent its outbursts at other passing dogs), just hang with your dog the few minutes it needs to do its stuff and bring it back in for the night.
That’s what we do. Mind you, our situation is a little bit different. We don’t have a fenced-in yard, and our small cul-de-sac is in the woods which are coyote-infested. However, we do have a neighbor whose dog is very aggressive, with an invisible fence, and barks like he’s about ready to attack right at his line, and has one incident of him actually jumping the fence and attacking another dog.
With that, I just feel all dog owners should accompany their dogs outside when they need to do their business.” CarlosTheSpicey
12. AITJ For Not Refunding My Cousin's Family After They Backed Out Of Our Non-Refundable Family Vacation?
“My family and I (27F) were planning to go on a family vacation to a villa in the Maldives because we usually do this every 5 years or so. However, this was our first time going overseas to a different country. We were all super excited and really looking forward to it, and everybody confirmed their availability months before.
That’s when all of a sudden, literally a week before we were leaving, my cousin’s family backed out. They said that their visa was declined. Firstly, I was super skeptical about this already because why were they the only ones who got their visa rejected?
Secondly, this wasn’t the first time they pulled a stunt like this.
But the thing is, the villa was already paid for by me just because they all confirmed that they would pay me back their share of the total cost, and now it’s non-refundable.
My cousin’s family is now demanding their money back because they say that they don’t need to pay if they’re not coming.
Now, nobody else is stepping up to split the total cost. When I asked my family about it, they started acting really dismissive and were hinting that I should cover it myself.
My aunt even explicitly told me that since everyone’s share was decided and confirmed weeks ago and everyone has already paid, nobody was gonna pay more than what they had agreed to.
One thing to note is that I am pretty fortunate and sort of more well-off than the others.
But why does that mean that I should cover this extra cost?? Plus, I was scared that if I give in once, I’d be expected to pay for all other family vacations we have.
AITJ, or should my family just pay up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should make a group chat, including those who cancelled last minute and those in the family still attending. Explain that the new cost for the family going has gone up from xx to xx due to these family members cancelling. Until everyone who is still going covers the extra costs, I cannot refund the family who cancelled. If those still attending do not wish to cover the extra expense on a non-refundable holiday, those that cancelled will not receive the refund.
This way, it’s not just left on you; it’s now on the shoulders of everyone. Let’s see how those family members feel being put on the spot when they have to cover an extra expense. Let them have the cancelling family chase them too.” Helpful-Cod-7128
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely inform your aunt the amounts agreed to were contingent on all who committed going, attending the holiday. IF any backed out even at the last minute, that would increase the base costs of everyone going. Since family xx backed out at the last minute, this means it’s now $__ more for the holiday.
As for the family that backed out, don’t return their money to them as the time for refunds is over. It doesn’t matter that they are no longer attending; their last-minute backout has caused the holiday costs to increase for the others, so no refunds are possible.
It’s okay for them to be outraged by the decision.” Longjumping_Win4291
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, there is no “good” outcome here. If you don’t give them their money it sounds like there could be a family breach. If you do, then that’s a bitter pill to swallow.
Only you can decide what’s “best” for you and your family given all the circumstances and family history – for example, is there a history of you having to cover costs when cousin’s family ‘flake out’ on events, or expectations that you pay for smaller stuff like meals out, etc?
In your shoes, I would just swallow the cost THIS TIME, and 100% absolutely decline to be responsible for booking any more family vacations: you will pay your share, just like everyone else does, someone else can be responsible for booking and collecting money from everyone – “because look at what happened with the Maldives when I ended up having to suck up costs for X, not doing that again.”” TeenySod
11. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Help Her Struggling Daughter?
“My (38f) sister (51f) (let’s call her Jenny) has 5 children who are now all adults: 31m, 30m, 28f, 27m, 24m. Three of those children (30m, 28f, 27m) have either very limited contact with their mother or refuse to have contact at all.
She thinks they are being selfish and ungrateful, but they all have valid reasons for not being in contact.
Her daughter (let’s call her Lily) now has a young child of her own and, thanks to her unwanted advances from her former housemate, she’s in emergency accommodation while she waits for social housing.
She has been in emergency accommodation since before Christmas.
My husband (42m) and I offered her and her child the use of our spare room until she gets on her feet, but she declined it because it would lower her chances of being provided her own place.
The problem is that she doesn’t have her own car. We have lent her my husband’s car and have promised her that we would help her get a car and that we would initially pay for it, but that she would have to work off her debt by doing some cleaning and maintenance for us, and she has happily agreed.
This whole time, her mother, Jenny, has shown little interest in her daughter. They don’t have the best relationship as it is, and Lily feels constantly let down by Jenny. With permission from Lily, I have been updating Jenny on the situation, which has led to Jenny complaining that she only hears about Lily’s situation from me.
Today, I asked her if she’d be willing to spend some of her savings (that she told me about) to help get Lily a car. She was angry with me for making that suggestion while not telling Lily that she had to start spending time with Jenny.
Jenny also said that she’d been asked to do this by another sister and that she was “looking for cars as we speak” despite not being aware of the requirements of a car. Apparently, she wants to tell Lily that if she wants money for a car, then Lily has to let Jenny have access to the grandchild.
Lily has not once asked Jenny for help, it is all coming from me.
I told Jenny that HER daughter was HER responsibility, not mine, and that she needed to reach out and help her.
Here’s where I might be the jerk, I was a little rude in our conversation, which was over text message.
I stand by what I wrote (that she had to step up and provide for her adult child), but I wasn’t very kind and I let my growing frustration bubble over and it showed in the texts.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk, except Lily and her daughter.
You for overstepping by trying to force Jenny into helping. Yes, parents should generally help their kids (and not just because they want access to grandkids), but honestly, some parents should not have access to their own kids and if that many of her kids are low/no contact, then it sounds like Jenny is one of those parents.
Jenny for being so wild that most of her kids are low, or no, contact with her. She’s also a jerk for only offering to help just for access to the kid. If you’re going to help Lily, then leave her mother out of it.
You’re only going to cause added stress and worry to her plate, and that’s not what she needs. Sounds like Lily didn’t go to her mother because she knew what the hoops would be and has decided that it’s not worth it.” SocksAndPi
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Jenny is an adult, even if they were on the best of terms, she still wouldn’t be her mother’s responsibility anymore. As it is, they aren’t on good terms, and regardless of why that has occurred, you need to respect that this is no longer a child-parent relationship; it’s now a situation between two adults.
If Jenny wants (and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t) help at 28 years old from her mother, then she – not you – can ask, and they can negotiate it between themselves. Stop inserting yourself into this relationship.” throwAWweddingwoe
Another User Comments:
“I might be off the mark here, but am I the only one thinking the daughter/niece is a huge problem here?
There are women and children in these shelters because of physical abuse and borderline torture. The niece is there because of unwanted advances by a roommate. Which is definitely a YUCK situation. The niece has an offer of a bedroom in a family member’s home, use of a car.
The promise to help purchase a car for her, that she has to pay back with domestic services. She can stay with the relatives until she gets back on her feet. The niece would rather stay in the shelter so the government or a charity will get her a place of her own.
She will take a home and benefits from a family that is truly in need and doesn’t have family to help. The aunt is finger pointing at the mother for not buying the niece a car. Why is she not asking the niece, “What The Actual F?” It sounds like mom may know her daughter is the type that doesn’t care about anyone other than herself.
The daughter has her own daughter in a shelter rather than in a relative’s home so that she can get a place of her own on someone else’s dime. As soon as the niece turned down a safe and clean environment for her and her child, I would have told her good luck and so long.” NuffSaid8
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Addict Brother As A Groomsman At My Wedding?
“My fiance has a close relationship with three of my brothers, but he has only met my fourth brother three times in the eight years that we have been together.
My brother has a substance abuse problem, so he doesn’t come around. However, my fiance felt obligated to include him as one of his groomsmen since my other three brothers are part of his wedding party. My fiance texted him to ask if he would be one of his groomsmen, but he never responded to him.
So my fiance took that as a no.
Well, my mom called me to let me know that my brother is so excited to be a part of our wedding, but six months had gone by with no response from him, so I informed her that we had already selected everyone for our wedding party and could not add anyone else.
She said that I am an evil, heartless person.
I also want to add that my brother had told my mom that if his partner wasn’t going to be one of my bridesmaids, then he would not attend our wedding at all. I told my mom that she was definitely not going to be one of my bridesmaids as she is always acting erratically, so I just assumed that my mom told him what I said, so he decided not to come at all.
I love my brother dearly and truly wish that he would get help, but I really don’t want him at my wedding. I’m worried that he’s going to ruin my special day. My mom made me feel horrible, so now my fiance and I don’t know what to do.
So AITJ if we decide to keep him out of the wedding party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Got some harsh news. Your brother doesn’t want to be part of your wedding. He never did. He’s been avoiding the situation for six months until your mom found out and pressured him.
He made up their demand that his partner be a bridesmaid knowing it would never happen. Your mother is dealing with two things. She’s looking for any port in the storm, anything she can hold on to that will convince her that her son is getting better or can get better.
She thinks him being in the wedding could be part of that. The other problem is she is concerned that people will talk if only three of your brothers are part of the wedding party and she doesn’t want to have to explain to people who don’t know the truth why he is not up there.
Sit Mom down and explain the situation. Your brother would be welcome at your wedding as long as he follows the rules, and the first rule is that he would have to be sober. No booze, no other substances. If he wants to bring his partner, she also has to be sober.
If either one of them shows up on any substances, then they will be forced to leave and if either one of them decides to drink or do anything they will be asked to leave. Outside of that the discussion is over and you move on with your life.” Dimgrund71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground. You can want the best for your brother without making yourself vulnerable to the whims of an addict. You also need to have a long talk with your fiancé. This brother does not get the same privileges as your other brothers.
Yes it’s sad, yes it may seem unfair, but addiction causes people to do things that non-addicts don’t do. Sadly, the prime thing is that you cannot trust anything they say. So once you are married, you will also need to put strong boundaries in place with him.
It may be useful for both of you to attend some support meetings. I’m sorry you are facing all this stress on your wedding. And I hope your brother decides to stay away and your mother decides to put your needs first this time.” LAC_NOS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and is your mother going to guarantee your brother and erratic partner’s behavior? Is she so desperate to have him around that she’s willing to risk your and your fiancé’s happiness on YOUR WEDDING DAY? Nice mom you’ve got there!
By any chance, is the brother with the substance problem the golden child or the baby? It feels like some favoritism is in play. I am so sorry you feel guilty but you really shouldn’t. Loving him has nothing to do with not wanting your day ruined by his selfishness.
NTJ babes and good luck!” imachillin
9. AITJ For Cancelling A Dentist Appointment My Husband Scheduled Without My Knowledge?
“I 28M and my husband 27M had an altercation that came up today and I honestly don’t know how to react to it.
My husband called the dentist a week or so ago without my knowledge to set up dental appointments for us both. Let me start by saying that I have a dentist already and prefer to go there but I haven’t seen them in a long time (maybe a year or so).
I’m also not a huge fan of the dentist so if I do go I would be far more comfortable being at my dentist than the one that was selected for me. The appointment was today, but I canceled it. I didn’t want to embarrass my spouse, so I called a few hours before my appointment.
After my spouse started to return home, they called me asked how my day was, then chatted for a bit. Afterward, they asked me how my dentist appointment was, and I told them I canceled. Honestly, I wouldn’t think it’s a big deal. Apparently, it was a big deal, however, as it started an argument where he called me ridiculous even though I had talked to him earlier about how I did not want to go and if I did would rather go to my own doctor.
I told him I didn’t want to fight, so he proceeded to hang up on me. He honestly has gotten frustrated in the past, so I let it lie and moved on (even though I hate being hung up on and he knows that).
Let me also say that this phone call took place while he was traveling on a dangerous highway in the middle of the night. He proceeded to block me on find my and Life 365 (which I only noticed because Life 365 sent me a message). Usually, he gets home a little before 8, so I was worried about him but he would not answer the phone or texts when I checked up on him.
When he got home, it was about 8:30, he stopped to get food, making him late. I tried to hug him or greet him at the door, to which he promptly rejected me and ignored me. He will not speak to me at all so I asked if he would like me to go to the other room, to which he agreed.
Am I the jerk? I may have not communicated my dislike for the dentist before now, but to me I shouldn’t have had to before now. I feel like he does things just to upset and get a rise out of me, when I don’t really feel like I had done anything wrong.
Honestly, I’m here because I don’t have anyone to talk to about this stuff in our relationship and I really need to know if I’m being the jerk so I can do better. To me, he kinda made a big deal out of nothing, but I want to hear everyone’s thoughts!
Thank you all!”
Another User Comments:
“I was with an abusive guy years ago. I changed from the contraceptive injection to the implant as I was having constant periods with it. He literally ignored me for a whole week because he said I should have asked him first. It was at that point that I realized he was abusive.
Silent treatment is a huge red flag. Does your husband regularly do this? If so, please consider that you are in a DV marriage. Male DV is becoming more widely talked about, and there are resources out there for male victims. If you think this could be a control issue, please reach out to trusted people.
I feel this is about more than a dentist appointment. Good luck NTJ.” Jumpy_Succotash_241
Another User Comments:
“What was the conversation like when he told you he made the appointment, and you said you’d prefer to go to your own dentist? Because that would have been a great time for a discussion about why he made the appointment/any specific concerns he had, and for you to cancel the appointment and communicate your discomfort with him making your appointments/dentists in general, and if warranted, schedule an appointment with your own dentist. Not saying you were responsible for initiating it!
Just that if you didn’t want to go, you would have been right to say so and cancel vs waiting and being worried about his embarrassment. You should really go at least once a year, if not the two recommended times, because catching stuff early helps minimize long-term discomfort and mitigates the need for the really gnarly dental work.
That said, his reaction was wildly unhinged, and if you are seeing a pattern of him doing things with the intent or cool side effect of provoking you, that’s a much deeper concern. I have my own dentist appointment tomorrow, so if I have cavities, I’ll edit this after eating my words and cursing the entire profession.” Acrobatic-Kiwi-1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he acted very poorly but I have to ask, has he been telling you you probably should make an appointment with your dentist and you just haven’t? My partner is a busy man and because of this, he tends to let health things go unchecked. He was supposed to get his wisdom teeth out 5 years ago, but then life happened and he didn’t.
I’ve been asking him to make an appointment for a year now because he complains about it hurting and shifting his teeth. I finally broke down and went through the hassle of finding him a new dentist (couldn’t go to the old one), calling around, and making him an appointment and if he canceled, I’d be annoyed. Would I react the way your husband did?
Of course not that’s crazy but I would be pretty darn peeved. If he has to take on the mental load of your health frequently (making you appointments, reminding you to go, listening to complaints after he’s urged you to get it checked out over and over), it can get VERY tiring.
Like I said, your husband is def the jerk for his reaction but I just wanted to maybe give some food for thought if this does possibly sound like your dynamic.” bemer33
8. AITJ For Confronting My New Neighbors About Their Loud Morning Worship Sessions?
“This morning, our new neighbors for the third day in a row have been hosting some sort of worship group with a piano and singing, starting at like 7 am and going until the evening, for more context… I finally went up there and rang bell.
Here is how the exchange went.
Me “Hello, can you guys please keep it down?”
Neighbor “Oh hello” …. creepily smiles at me, 0 self-awareness, literally on her front stoop in her undergarments.
I proceeded to say, “it’s shaking our walls and all our photos.. we live just below you.”
Guess I caught a bit of a tone with her because she said, “WELL IF YOU WANTED TO HAVE A NICE CONVERSATION…”
I INSTANTLY CUT HER OFF, “No it’s 8 am. I don’t care to chat, and plus, you’re outside in your undergarments.”
I started to walk away, and she kept calling after me.
“Can we talk about this?”
GIRL WHAT IS THERE TO CHAT ABOUT OH MY GOD. So I stupidly and hilariously replied, “this is me being nice, I came and rang your bell instead of calling the landlord who, by the way, is the grandfather of my child.
Yeah we KINDA OWN THIS HOUSE!!” LOL WHY DID I SAY THAT. UGH I feel bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think that the shock of seeing her in her undergarments when you think she is hosting a church service is enough to make just about anything fly out of your mouth.
That’s bonkers. And it was first thing in the morning. Ask grandpa what their references were and let him know to watch them carefully.” myselfasme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m petty and an atheist so I would’ve started off with some Slayer at high volume and then got more creative with band choices until they got the hint.
You’re welcome to believe your fairy tales as long as it doesn’t impact me.” holden4ever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but depending on local rules, you may not be able to expect noise to be controlled after 7 am. 8 am-10 pm is typical in the US, but I have gotten little love from my local PD if I complained after 7 am when my neighbor’s contractor woke us up with power tools.
I got told “they are making a living so suck it up” basically.” anonanon-do-do-do
7. AITJ For Not Choosing My Brother As My Realtor?
“A couple of years ago, my older brother showed me a house I was interested in, and when we got to the property, he told me that HE wanted it. I was really upset by this, then he offered to go half on the property.
Neither one of us ended up buying the property, and I regret not getting it. He has a house already, and I just rent. He is my older brother, and I’m 10 years younger sister to him.
Now, a couple of years later, I am trying to buy a house again, but I didn’t ask my brother to be my realtor, and he took offense.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He violated the realtor code of ethics, and you probably should have reported him. But you are definitely not in the wrong for refusing to use an unethical realtor – he made his bed, let him lie in it. If he was actually any good at his job, he wouldn’t care about one person unless he’s trying to screw you over again.
Don’t use anyone in his office either – use a firm that is not connected to him.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t use a sibling as a real estate agent because they get to see way too much of your private financial affairs.
A real estate agent ends up knowing everything about your finances and other needs and wants. Your brother has not shown himself to be reliable with what he did last time you were interested in a property and caused issues for it. It’s OK for you to live your own life.
Do not have to use your brother as a real estate agent. I think it would be awkward, especially negotiating with a real estate agent on their fees and everything.” sdgeycs
Another User Comments:
“Oof yeah to NOT mixing friends or family with realtors. My bestie was looking for a home, and a friend of hers who’s a realtor offered to help.
Not only did this woman show her houses that didn’t meet her requirements but also 1. tried to charge even higher commission than normal and 2. got angry at my friend for not choosing the homes she showed her (which again were not what my friend was looking for).
When my friend told me about this, she said she actually felt guilty about not choosing to buy any of the homes the realtor showed her and was wondering if she should just go with one she didn’t like to not upset the friend!!! Imho the now ex-friend realtor was just using my friend to try and offload some overpriced properties.
Fortunately, I made my friend see sense and she fired the realtor, ended the friendship and ended up finding the house of her dreams for a good price… working with a realtor she never met before.” EducationalSplit8876
6. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner About His Aunt's Comments At His Birthday Dinner?
“My partner’s aunt invited me to a dinner she was having for my partner’s birthday. When I arrived, everything was good, the vibe was nice. The aunt asked if I wanted any starters, and I declined, saying I just wanted the main. I looked through the menu and chose the least expensive option, which was a meal for about 25 pounds.
After we finished eating, the aunt asked if anyone wanted dessert, I politely said no. I just had the main, no drink, no starter, no dessert. I limited my order because I knew the aunt would be weird and funny. Now, here’s where it gets funny.
Both my partner and I are from the same tribe in Nigeria, but he doesn’t understand the language while I speak it fluently. For some reason, his family thinks I only understand bits and pieces of it.
So, when the bill arrived, the aunt’s guy friend took care of it.
I noticed Aunt glance over at the bill and apologize to the man, saying she didn’t realize it would be so expensive, and then she mentioned what I had ordered, implying that my meal was the reason for the high cost. My partner was completely clueless.
I then heard his aunt mention that I didn’t get her a birthday present, basically implying that what was the point of them paying for me if I didn’t get her anything for her birthday 7 months ago. That really rubbed me the wrong way because I had gotten her and her kids Christmas presents and even gotten her kids birthday presents.
I’m really confused and it’s been a month and I still haven’t told my partner about the conversation because I don’t want it to blow up. I want to have a good relationship with his family, but now I feel uncomfortable and want to take a step back from getting close to her.
I’m just not sure what her true intentions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But here’s the thing, taught to me by my sainted late mother: always, always offer to pay more than your fair share of the bill when you go to an event like this.
Grudgingly, allow them to force you to not pitch in. Kill them with kindness and leave them embarrassed thinking about your generosity. Eventually, you do need to discuss this with your partner. If his aunt is poisoning the well with her own companion, you can imagine what she’s doing with the rest of the family — under the assumption that neither you nor your partner can understand her.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would have chimed in and been passive aggressive with a “I didn’t realize you’d have an issue with the bill when you offered to pay, let me pay my share.” But since time has passed, keeping the language secret to yourself until you have another “gotcha” moment is your best bet.
Why in the world would you give her any gifts? My husband doesn’t even give his aunts gifts, I wouldn’t feel obligated to even ask his wife. No more gift-giving to her or her kids. Once married, it would be your husband’s responsibility to buy any gifts for his family.” Constant_Increase_17
5. AITJ For Sighing When My Mom Asked Me For A $1000 Loan?
“My mom (50F) asked me (23F) for a $1000 on Monday, saying she’ll pay me back when she sells her house. I’ve been trying to save up for my own apartment since rent around here is insane ($1,400 for a one-bedroom), and I only make $22 an hour.
I’d just dropped a pretty penny on anniversary gifts and celebrations with my partner the weekend before, and Christmas gifts. I’ve also been working less in December due to the holidays (I work at a private clinic, we were open for like 15 days max).
With that being said, when she asked me for the money, I let out a sigh and said, “ok”… I agree my tone wasn’t the best, as she started yelling, saying she doesn’t need my money and that she now knows that I’ll never help her with anything.
It was pretty hurtful, to be honest especially since I surprised her with some money on Christmas. She seemed so happy, and I was happy that she was happy. I tried to explain that I didn’t say no, and I’m more than happy to lend her the money, it’s just that I spent a lot the week prior and have not been working so my tone may have been off.
However, she’s still not speaking to me.
It’s been a week now, and living with her when she’s giving me the silent treatment is super awkward. She usually does this when she’s upset so this is nothing new. We finally talked today, but she was just yelling at me, saying she’s not going to do anything for me going forward and that I’ll be on my own soon.
I feel like she’s being super dramatic, but at the same time, I get why she’s hurt.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She said doesn’t need your money, ok, great! I’m about your mom’s age with adult kids, and asking them for money is the last thing I would ever do.
Parents are supposed to give to kids, not take from them! And the emotional manipulation is SO inappropriate. If she owns a home, she can get a credit card or home equity loan. Check your credit, because a parent like her would absolutely take out credit cards/loans in your name behind your back, and you won’t find out until you need credit and it’s wrecked. I’m sorry you have a parent like this.
Move out and don’t look back. Help that comes with a side of emotional blackmail is not help at all.” MissionReasonable327
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The next time she starts screaming, you say something like… ‘I am not sure what it is you want me to do.
You asked me for money at a time when I was low on money. The reaction was involuntary and came from a place of being scared of having no money. It wasn’t really meant to be directed at you. I have apologized and I really feel bad that I hurt you.
I did not mean it personally and I appreciate all you have done for me. What is it that will help you get past this? Then, you let her be how she is going to be. Until she tells you how to make it better, there is nothing more you can do.
On another note, she is being controlling and manipulating. She is setting up the groundwork for being able to ask you for money in the future and you not feeling like you can ever say no again. I believe that unless you had responded with an enthusiastic OF COURSE, she was ready to have this fight with you.
You are actually not responsible for her finances and you are perfectly within your right to say you don’t have it to give to her. Anytime you want to say no, you get to. She can freak out if she wants, but there should be no expectations of you going forward.
Giving help on a tight spot is one thing…slowly taking money over and over is not helping.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap. OP, you are NTJ. The way your mom reacted is absolutely disproportional to the input level. The stress she is under while she sells the house is no excuse for responding the way she did.
And an entire week of the silent treatment, what is she, twelve? (I’m of an age with your mom, so her age is no excuse either.) Here’s the thing, OP, yes she’s selling her house. You may or may not get the $1000 upon sale; that depends on whether she’s done this before and how reliable she is.
Second, no one gets to police your tone. She doesn’t get to come with her hands out and then snap at you because you aren’t a mind reader to spontaneously have easy access to your savings. And anyone over the age of 40 doesn’t necessarily know how darned expensive it is to move if you’re renting.
You’ve got to come up with first, last, and a damage deposit, which is usually another month’s rent, application fees, etc, boxes for moving and packing materials… So if you found a rental for $1500, that’s $4500 due immediately, $75 +/- for application fee at a minimum. Apartments like to tack on a bunch of fees, extra costs.
Plus, your mom won’t be able to pay you back until after you have to move. Don’t feel guilty, your mom is being a turd. Unless this is unusual behavior for her – which it doesn’t look like it is if I read the post correctly – if it’s unusual, have her looked at by a Dr. This is the kind of behavior my dad started doing which I know know was a series of heart attacks and tiny strokes over several months and his personality wasnt like night and day, he was always somewhat difficult but more like Seattle rain Houston rain…..” Dharmas_buttrope
4. AITJ For Leaving My Chronically Late Friend To Get Himself To The Airport?
“My friend asked me to give him a ride to the airport and I agreed to do so, but the background is this, he is NEVER ready on time and always late for social meets, anyway, he asked me for this favour and I said yes but laid down the law with him a week beforehand, to explain I would give him a ride, but I had something else to do on that day too and that he would HAVE to be ready for the time he asked me to pick him up outside his building, he promised he would be, but I took that promise lightly and planned an extra 15 minutes of waiting time because I knew he wouldn’t be on time… well that time came and past, as did the 15 minutes of extra time I gave him and still no sign of him, I rang him twice in the time I was waiting outside and he kept saying he would be 2 minutes, so when the 15 extra minutes was up I drove away and got on with the rest of my day,
He rang me 20 minutes AFTER I left to say he was outside and asked where I was, so I told him I had left and he’d have to make his own way to the airport now…
Am I the jerk for leaving him to sort himself out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would have, however, let him know you were leaving by a text saying 5-minute warning and then after 5 minutes text again that you’re leaving. But no, your friend is a clueless nut and deserves to wake up and smell the coffee.
They’re rude and entitled and maybe they have ADHD or something, but it’s not your rule to fix that or deal with it. You need better friends.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He did what he normally would do because there were no consequences previously and he didn’t think that you’d stand on what you said.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep anyone else warm. He had to learn at some point and to be honest, did he look at his behaviour and make a positive change? Time will tell.” MotherOfLochs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might have given him a heads-up – “You’ll be down in 2 minutes?
OK, that will be 2:07, and if you aren’t sitting in the car at 2:07, I’m leaving, and you will have to find your own way to the airport.” But that isn’t really necessary, ESPECIALLY for someone who asked you for a favour and who is chronically late.
You also told him he had to be on time when you agreed to do it. You allowed for him to be 15 minutes late, and he was, in total, 15 + 15 + 20 minutes late?? 50 minutes! That’s ridiculous. And saying all the time he’d just be another 2 minutes!” SavingsRhubarb8746
3. AITJ For Not Greeting My Mum's Partner When I Was Exhausted?
“My mum’s partner visits our house pretty frequently, pretty much every week. I (18M) don’t have a problem with him at all – he’s really nice and very respectful. I’ve always greeted him and made conversation when he visits.
On to the start of the problem: I had a really terrible day the other day and came home super exhausted and just out of it (To be honest, it wasn’t just that day, it’s been the past week.
I think I’m getting burned out from school, work, and commuting). I greeted my family half-heartedly and explained that I was really tired before going up to my room for the night. The next day, my mum’s partner arrived, but I was still sleeping. I remember repeatedly waking up with a headache but then falling back asleep for the rest of the day.
My mum came in a few times to ask me if I could hang out with them but I remember telling her ‘no, thank you.’ That evening, I only got up to submit an assignment I forgot about and then I went back to bed to fall asleep again.
The next morning, I felt a little better but still had a hard time getting out of bed. I only fully woke up at 12 pm. Went down to eat a snack and drink water, but my family and mum’s partner weren’t there. Went back upstairs to do some homework before falling asleep again.
When I finally got the energy to get out of bed to clean up and eat properly, it was already evening again and my family was back but my mum’s partner had already left. My mum scolded me for not coming down to greet him and is upset/ignoring me.
It really wasn’t my intention to be rude, I was just so out of it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So when did you become the official Guest Greeter? He’s your mom’s partner, not yours, and he’s not your dad. They’re not even married or living together.
Kindly explain to her that after a bad week, you were exhausted from school, job, commute and assignments, had a headache, and ask her why she seems to think that it’s so important for you to greet HER partner when you need your sleep.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no way you could possibly sleep that much without it being 100% necessary, which means it was actually very rude of her to interrupt your sleep at all. She should’ve been more worried and understanding because humans simply don’t sleep that much unless they severely need it.
For example, when you’re sick, when you’re too burnt out, if you have a medical condition causing it. Doesn’t matter why, you needed all the sleep you could get and that’s that. It’s not advisable to ignore your body’s needs too much, though I understand you have too many obligations to follow your body’s needs too much.” cclmcl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong. You were exhausted and needed sleep. Add the headache, and your mother is over reacting. You needed to take care of yourself. That meant sleeping until you felt human again. Tell mom that you were sick, and needed sleep.
Nothing against her or her partner. You just needed sleep. I get migraine headaches. During one of those, I am not getting out of bed to greet anyone. I am not answering the door or the phone. The phone is on do not disturb. When my kids were young, they knew the symptoms. Once they left for school, I went back to bed. They were quiet when they got home. Your mother needs to understand that sometimes you have to take care of yourself.
If young kids, age 5 and up can understand that, so can your mother. Take care of yourself. ” Fickle_Toe1724
2. AITJ For Only Giving A Graduation Gift To My Son And Not My Daughter-In-Law?
“I’m a 55F and my son who I raised as a single mother recently graduated from grad school.
His wife, my DIL, also graduated at the same time, and I gave a special gift of a bit of cash just to my son because I’m proud of him as his mother, and I feel a sense of pride since I raised him as a single mom.
I figured my DIL had her own parents to gift to her.
Well, my DIL texted me saying she was very hurt that I only acknowledged my son (her husband’s grad) and not hers, as she thought she was a part of the family as my DIL and they’ve been together for a while.
She said she didn’t expect the same amount of money of course but just a card or something. She said she felt like I overlooked all her hard work and only saw my son’s. However, I don’t feel like I need to apologize or justify my choice in wanting to reward my son individually.
I could be the jerk for overlooking my DIL’s accomplishment and only acknowledging my son’s.”
Another User Comments:
“My husband and I graduated college together. His mom came for the graduation, while mine couldn’t (too many other kids still at home, which was 600 miles away).
I didn’t think I’d mind until the day of graduation. Hubby got a lovely card and gift from his mom, and a big deal made over him, and I had… nothing. I didn’t think it would hurt, but it did. I’m the first in my family to graduate college, and there was nothing.
The celebration after graduation was all about my husband’s graduation, and I was just a tagalong. I didn’t even get a card from my MIL, not that I really expected one (I really didn’t), but it sure would have been nice. I knew she didn’t mean anything by it (we’d only been married a couple of years at this point and she barely knew me); she just honestly hadn’t thought about it.
But it still diminished the day for me. I never said anything about it to anyone until now. Over the years, I came to love my MIL and still mourn her passing.” Dobercatmom65
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I can understand your DIL’s feelings. Do you regard her as part of your family?
“She said she didn’t expect the same amount of money of course but just a card or something. She said she felt like I overlooked all her hard work and only saw my son’s.” Yeah, you did overlook her; you didn’t even acknowledge her achievement.
It doesn’t sound like she wanted much. Why wouldn’t you send a congratulations card/some chocolates or flowers at least? “However, I don’t feel like I need to apologize or justify my choice in wanting to reward my son individually.” That’s up to you.
Perhaps not the best way to be with your son’s wife as a long-term strategy, though. Did her parents give your son a card or gift?” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“My husband is about to graduate. I graduated 8 years ago. My FIL acknowledges just how much I support my husband as he focuses on his education.
My MIL told me, “you don’t do anything for him!” Guess what? We no longer speak to her. Your DIL and son BOTH have to support each other while they are in school. While one is studying for exams, the other has to pick up the slack and vice versa.
I don’t give a crap that you were a single mother. He’s a grown man who is being supported by his wife just as much as he is supporting her. Unless you are continuing to pay for his education, clean/cook for him, do his laundry, mop his floors, etc, then YOU are not his main supporter right now, she is.
By the way, it was your DUTY to take care of him, single or not. Both you and your son are the jerks here. Him because he took the money even though you didn’t acknowledge her and you for acting as if you are his one and only contributor.” Round-Salamander9226
1. AITJ For Refusing To Host Another Baby Shower For My Ungrateful Niece?
“I am the one in my family that hosts get-togethers – holidays, graduation parties, showers, etc. I am an event planner and own a small event hall, so it just makes sense, plus I genuinely enjoy it.
My side of the family is huge, lots of siblings and kids. I have always, ALWAYS offered up my event hall and planning for their use even though it comes at a cost for my business.
My niece (now 25f), we can call her Mary, has taken me up on that three times in the past – for her post-elopement party and two baby showers.
For each of those, she gave me no directions, just said, “do whatever you want.” So I did, trying to keep her in mind.
At her first baby shower, she turned up 30 minutes late in raggedy sweats, stayed long enough to eat and gather up the presents, then left. No thank-yous offered. My brother and SIL (her parents) made excuses, saying the pregnancy was very rough.
So we made allowances for that.
At her post-elopement dinner, she again showed up late, stayed on her phone the whole time, ate and left. Again, no thank yous. When my mother commented on that, my brother said she was going through some newlywed stress as an excuse.
Her second baby shower started the same way. When she asked me to gather up all the presents so she could leave, I suggested she stay and open them so everyone could enjoy seeing what was given. She scoffed and said, “I don’t want to stay at these little parties any longer than I have to.” So I gathered up the presents and decided not to offer my little parties to her in the future.
Fast forward to her sister’s wedding shower. We had a delightful time, even though Mary did the usual eat-then-leave without offering to help or just be there for her sister. My brother and I are loading up the presents when he mentions that Mary is expecting again and when can I host the shower.
I told him I wouldn’t be offering this time around and why. He was taken aback and said that he was surprised I was letting that comment get under my skin but whatever, my choice.
The next day, I get an irate call from Mary.
I remind her that she said she didn’t care for my parties so why does she want it anyway? It turns out she got rid of all her baby supplies and needed a shower to get the presents. I told her to post her registry online and I’m sure people would help her out.
She got angry and hung up.
Then my brother calls. He says I’m being childish. I told him that if he wants the shower he can pay for it, and gave him the standard quote for that event cost. He just sputtered and said they’d have someone else host.
The family is divided on this one. I still feel like I am not being unreasonable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shows ZERO appreciation for people (you) going to the trouble to arrange events, and basically uses you to gather people to give her stuff, with no effort or financial responsibility on her part.
Basically, she expects everything to be given to her, and her spoiled majesty is aghast you won’t keep up her status quo. Your brother, and others, are just enabling her. No one seems to register that it costs you time and money for someone who doesn’t appreciate it in the least.” Potential_Narwhal122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your niece is using you to get free gifts. She shows no appreciation whatsoever to the effort you have put into any of these events that you have planned for her, not to mention the time and money that you have put into them.
The fact that her father expects you to provide a free venue for the latest child is just ridiculous. Back in my day (and boy am I showing my age here), we passed around the big ticket items once we were done with them until the next little one came along (with the exception of the crib mattress for safety reasons).
I had purchased a small, portable bassinette that I’m pretty sure went through at LEAST 10 kids by the time we finally retired it. (friends, relatives, in-laws, and finally niece’s kids). Babies outgrew the clothes before they could be worn out, and when a new little one came along, we gifted the essentials – diapers/wipes, new onesies if the knees/toes had been worn through from crawling.
Your niece is being a complete mooch, in addition to being entitled and rude AF.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Offering your services is a big deal and all at your cost. Mary is selfish, rude and entitled. Stand your ground. You have been more than helpful in the past, and you are not required to do anything with your business that you don’t want to.
If Mary requires a shower, she can put forth the money and effort to have one. Great job standing up for yourself against unappreciative brats.” ChaoticCrashy
