People Get Caught Up In These “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
21. AITJ For Keeping A Sanitary Bin In My Room That My Brother Doesn't Approve Of?
“I am 18f and have two younger brothers (14 and 17) – I live in my parents’ house, I pay rent and I am full-time studying as well as working a casual job.
I have my own room and have recently purchased myself a sanitary bin – this is to keep my used period products separate from the family products out of respect for them.
There is no odor, the bin itself is hidden in a corner of my room and I do not share my room with any member of my household – my mother approved of this and said this was a good idea.
Enter, my 17yo brother who I’ll call L.
L recently has been disruptive, causing problems in the family dynamic and overall, he’s been a jerk. I have remained as civil as I can be.
I had no prior knowledge of L taking my room when I was not at home (I stay frequently at my partner’s house) which led to him discovering my bin.
L has started removing the bin from my room and complaining that it’s unacceptable for me to keep it in there as he uses my room, also.
My mother has disputed this and told him how entitled that sounds, to which he dramatically exclaimed that he will “be moving out if it continues.”
Now, I know my parents are on my side and disapprove of how he’s being, but AITJ?
I’m just so confused, I know he has some mental health issues and if it disgusts him, maybe I should move it?”
Another User Comments:
“He has his own room and now he wants yours too?
What is he doing in there? It’s irrelevant that it disgusts him when it’s in your room. Perhaps you should just return your used sanitary products to circulation in the general household garbage (what most people do and there’s nothing wrong with that either). I think he is just being a jerk because he’s getting a kick out of it.
NTJ.” Enough-Builder-2230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, you’re already being more than kind about this. My sister always put her used products in the bathroom bin, the understanding being that if it’s her week, she empties it. I couldn’t care less. Your brother sounds like he’s deep in the phase of thinking periods and such are horrific and disgusting, and he needs to get over it.” FeastForTheWorms
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so confused about why he’s in your room anyway. You deserve privacy and the fact that you decided to separate your sanitary items is already a step further than would be expected of you. And on top of that, he goes through your stuff, finds the bin, decides to REMOVE IT, and causes a ruckus over it.
Install a lock immediately and tell him to mind his own business.” mortoboe
20. AITJ For Deleting My Sibling's Unwanted Prom Photos From Our Mom's Phone?
“I refuse to let my mum take pictures of me, and recently after her taking a picture of me, it reminded me why. Let’s call my sibling Jen.
At the time, I was maybe 14, making my mum 45 years old.
My sibling is two years older than me and when prom rolled around they wanted to wear a suit. Unfortunately, both the school and our mother refused. She has two much older kids who weren’t in school when proms began happening in the UK, so she used that to say that Jen was her only chance at having one of her kids go to prom in a dress.
Jen hates wearing dresses or being feminine at all.
Jen accepted to wear a dress to prom, because they really wanted to hang out with their friends, but was miserable the whole night and truly hated the photographs of them in the dress. They got upset every time our mother would show people the photos, and even after asking her to stop she said “No these are my photos of my beautiful child.” Much to Jen’s dismay.
When mum next left her phone unattended I snuck over and deleted all the photos from her phone and removed the ones she had put up online too. She tried to show our grandparents the photos and was angry she couldn’t find them anymore. She accused Jen of deleting them so I stepped forward and admitted to doing it.
I got an earful about how I had no right to delete “her photos”. From that moment on I never let her take photos of me.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom should have listened the first time she was told these were not okay to share.
Basic stuff. Each time your mom shared these photos, she was effectively making them relive a night they were miserable and dysphoric. I bet they did not feel like themself the entire night. If your mom had kept these photos for herself only, you would be in the wrong.
Instead, you were protecting your sibling from being re-traumatized. NTJ.” NoIDontWantToSignIn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ one of the girls who identifies straight as a ruler and definitely as a woman, wore the most amazing tailored tux to my formal (year 12 dance). I remember thinking how jealous I was.
One of my other friends, who has come out as ace, wore a dress (to make her mother happy but did get to choose the look and style she liked, she also was very much a mum’s girl so wanted to to do that for her mum, vastly different scenario to your sibling) and she wore converse hightops under hers.
Everyone was happy. You can see it in the photos. Because they were happy. What you did for your sibling was so brave (considering what parents can be like). You’re exactly the kind of sibling we all need.” whitewitch1913
Another User Comments:
“You’re an awesome little sibling and years from now Jen will remember what you did for them.
There is a chance that your mom will show more resistance after what you did, and I would keep an eye on her social media in case she has posted any photos prior to you deleting them on her phone. Perhaps I am drawing wild conclusions, but exploring how I presented myself at 16 was a precursor to me finding out my sexuality.
I wore a suit to all school dance events. My older sister was extremely supportive of me, and I honestly don’t think I would have the courage to keep exploring if it weren’t for her support. Maybe it’s just how Jen likes to choose more masc clothes and it’s nothing deeper than that.
Maybe it’s something more. Either way, support from you right now and down the road would help them tremendously I wish I can give you a high-five or something, but the best I could do is tell you that you’re NTJ.” EstablishmentWhich61
19. AITJ For Refusing A Car Gift From My Father To Avoid Future Conflicts?
“For my (19) 18th birthday last year, my father offered to buy me a car. I refused point blank, I told him that I would much rather get nothing for my birthday than a car.
I don’t think my father thought much of it on that exact day, but a couple of days after when my sister was visiting, he asked me straight up why I refused when he bought cars for my older siblings. I was brutally honest and told him, “I would much rather walk everywhere I have to go than have you buy a car for me only for us to have an argument and you kick me out and take the car off me.”
My father sat there in stunned silence and my sister went pale because that is what happened to her.
Today solidified my resolve on the matter when my brother and father had an argument. My brother chose his partner over our father and my father went crazy and took the keys to my brother’s car that my father bought.
After my father calmed down he looked at me and said I guess you were right last year about the car, but just know that the offer is open to you.
I felt super bad about that remark, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving someone a gift doesn’t mean you can just take it back when the recipient does something you don’t approve of — you’re not a prisoner or indebted just because of a gift. Things get weird when you become an adult child, but I think you made a very wise choice.
Maybe you feel bad for the way you informed your father of the facts of the situation but don’t feel bad for your decisions or his poor parenting behaviors.” HungryFlu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s working on changing his behavior and becoming a better father, but you have to base your decisions on what you’ve seen.
If he’s sincere about buying you a car, it needs to be in your name alone – title AND registration. Insurance too, if you can afford that. That way he can’t use it as a means of control. If he’s willing to accept those terms, then you have a decision to make.
Also, stipulate he doesn’t get a spare key. He has no rights or access to the car. Period.” Donloco00
Another User Comments:
“As you get older your relationship with your parent/s ideally changes from child/adult(who knows all) to more of a respectful almost-equals.
This is the time when older children are finally able to articulate some of the issues that they couldn’t when they were younger. It’s a hard time with parents struggling to let go of control, and kids realizing that their parents are almost as clueless as they themselves are.
It’s good that your dad is trying to change, and it’s good that you’re trying to express yourself occasionally. NTJ.” RaysUnderwater
18. AITJ For Responding Heatedly To Tattoo Artist Who Cancelled Last Minute?
“My sister (20f) and I (18f) have been planning on getting tattoos with our aunt (40sf) for months. Aunt had gotten a tattoo with a tattoo artist we’ll call Jason, who she said was great, so we made an appointment about a month prior for the 3 of us to get tattoos with a $150 deposit.
Important to note, my sister and I live about 1 1/2hr away from the tattoo parlor so there was a lot of planning involved for when we could come since we both have jobs.
My sister took off work early and we drove the 1 1/2hr to get to our 5:30 appointment.
About 5min from the parlor, we get a call from my aunt who is extremely upset. She arrived before us and the doors were locked. She tried calling the business but no one answered. She then checked her email and lo and behold there were 2 from Jason.
The 1st was around 2:30 (literally 3 hrs before our appointment) with him saying he won’t be coming in for our tattoos as he is “too tired” from working the night before. He offered to reschedule in the next few days. The 2nd email was around 4 pm saying how he hopes she sees these emails as he won’t be doing our tattoos today.
We are all obviously crushed.
This is where I wonder if we enter into jerk territory. Aunt had already emailed him saying that she was disappointed and he responded by affirming he could reschedule us in the next few days. That night she wrote a long email about how upset she was and how unprofessional his behavior was.
Not only did he cancel our appointment 3 hrs before, but his excuse was that he was tired.
Emails have continued 2 days after the appointment, all getting more heated. He isn’t taking responsibility for canceling and is instead placing the blame on us. He told my aunt that he would’ve texted her but since she didn’t give a phone number for direct contact it’s her fault he only could email.
He is insisting that rescheduling happens often and that her “raging response” is ridiculous, but I don’t see it as rescheduling. Rescheduling is a mutual agreement that happens way prior to an appointment, not 3hrs before. This was just canceling. As my aunt put on the emails: “We have been planning and coordinating this for weeks since they 1 live an hour and a half away and, so no, we can’t just come back the next day or day after, etc. We have jobs and responsibilities.”
Aunt emailed the owner because of how upset she is with his behavior, including screenshots of every email exchange with Jason. From the owner’s response, she seems more apologetic than he ever did and is going to talk with him.
As emails have continued from Jason even after emailing the owner and no longer answering him, I have gotten angrier with him/his unprofessional responses…but have also started to 2nd guess our position.
If he is doubling down/getting more defensive, he must not see himself in the wrong. Maybe we are being “Karens” and not as understanding as we should be. Maybe this isn’t as big of a thing as we think it is. So, AITJ for how we responded?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—It is extremely unprofessional to cancel only three hours beforehand unless it’s an emergency situation. This is very inconsiderate of him to do this to you. And yes, I would not want a tired artist working on me, but I expect professionals to schedule their time accordingly and be sure they’re ready to fulfill their obligations.
Yeah, maybe he was unaware of the distance you had to travel and that it required taking time off work and so on, but he should’ve given notice well beforehand, not three hours. I’d ask for a refund of the deposit and look for an artist that is closer to travel to.
I’d also do a lot of research to be sure that I absolutely love their style after viewing numerous samples of their work. Be very picky about the details. After all, you’re going to be stuck with that tat for the rest of your life, so be very sure they are meticulous and extremely talented. Pay a little more for the highest quality because it’s your flesh that is being used as the canvas.” Petapotomus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Though I don’t see much benefit in continuing to argue with the tattoo artist at all, as clearly deflecting and blame shifting are tools in his communications arsenal. Although it is true that life happens, his excuse was that he did not plan according to the commitments he’d already set months in advance and would be unable to provide the service your family put a deposit down for.
I’m guessing he knew a lot longer than three hours before – in the process of “getting tired”- that he would likely not be capable of providing you with excellent work when necessary. He’s a jerk for “trying to reschedule” 3 hours before via email, at the very least that email should have also included notice that your deposit would be refunded ASAP with no additional inconvenience to you as an apology.
Work with the owner moving forward as they seem more capable of mature and productive communication, do not let this person place permanent ink on your body as he’s demonstrated already what his capacity for being held accountable is and whether he’ll follow through on the quality of service he “should” be providing.
Try to focus on the fact that you might have dodged a bullet and move on, taking it personally and holding onto it only continues to feed the negativity in your life because of this incident.” 3tzamani
Another User Comments:
“Uhhh this may get me downvotes to oblivion but ESH.
I do not see a tattoo artist canceling because they were tired from the night before as irresponsible, and they did not have a better way to communicate with you than email. This is a tattoo, permanent and expensive art on your skin. Do you know how hard it is to draw well on regular paper?
When you are not tired? That isn’t going to be on somebody’s BODY afterwards? I would rather have to reschedule even with your complicated circumstances than have a tired tattoo artist tattoo me. If they decided the day before that them tattooing would not be a good idea I think that is a responsible thing to do.
So that is why your initial reaction is very weird to me, BUT their following interactions do seem unprofessional to me. They should have explained and then left it, talked to their manager if they had to, and not kept sending you emails. As a result, giving you guys ESH.
Crap situation in general, but I find the desire for a tired tattoo artist to tattoo you anyway kinda weird.” TheLadyAmaranth
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Food With My Long-Distance Best Friend?
“I’m a teen girl, and my best friend since birth lives in Nebraska and I live in Canada.
We see each other about once or twice a year since our parents are really close as well. We have always had fun and got along until this year, we’ve both changed. I started to become popular and care more about my looks and friends, she cares more about books and her cat, etc. She’s kinda weird, to be honest. We’ll call her Claire.
We have always been close, but there needs to be some kind of boundaries. She stares at me constantly, and it gets creepy sometimes. She even tries to hold my hand in public and is always somehow touching me. It definitely gets on my nerves.
This time she came to Canada and stayed for 2 weeks. I told my mom she made me feel uncomfortable, and she thought Claire was weird this year too. This year Claire also was diagnosed with clinical anxiety, and it’s all she talks about. She also talks about how nobody wants her and how nobody flirts with her.
I constantly reassure her and
tell her that she just doesn’t notice it.
Claire is around 5’10 (which is taller than average for our age) and I’m 5ft, so she has a much bigger appetite than me, so she always eats off my plate. It hasn’t bothered me though since the last few days she was here.
I would order something and she would just take as much as she pleases before I even take a bite. It got so bad that I would still be hungry after I was finished with what I was left with, so I started ordering bigger portions so I could have a full meal.
It was working well until my dad said something like “stop ordering so much, only order what you think you’re gonna eat.” (I have a very bad body image and grew up chubby, so these comments from my parents hurt) I got so irritated that I told her she couldn’t eat off my plate anymore and my mom got mad at me.
Then it started this big fight and I left the restaurant and it spoiled the meal for everyone. They left just this morning, but I’m still mad about the entire thing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“For being uncomfortable about her touching or annoyed about the food thing NTJ.
Your parents suck for being willing to make you go hungry. However, I will say that your description before that does come across as quite judgemental of people with other interests than their looks. There’s nothing wrong with reading or liking cats more than makeup or fashion.
The unsettling behaviour has nothing to do with this at all so it was irrelevant to anything but showing you as judgemental. All you needed for this post is the frequency of visits and that you’ve both changed over the last year.” Vccccccccc
Another User Comments:
“This is weird. I never eat off someone else’s plate. Not sanitary. Anyway, she shouldn’t be doing it either. She should get as much food as she wants. I have no idea why she thinks she’s entitled to your food. On the touching thing. Could she be in love with you?
I never noticed it, because I don’t like being touched by anyone, but I complained to my friend about how my bf is constantly touching me and it’s bothering me a lot. So she said that’s something people in love do. So your remark made me remember that.” Izzystraveldiaries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m split. You’re a teen and teens grow apart. It is ok to let go of a friendship when you find that there is no common ground between the two of you anymore. Just do it kindly. Second, I think she might have feelings for you if she is trying to hold your hand.
When I was a teen I had a friend who did that with everyone. It was funny and quirky. However, if it would have been just me, I would have been uncomfortable. It is ok to ask you to stop. Third, if the food sharing was such an issue, sounds like you had plenty of opportunities to address it before that dinner.
You could have politely told her to stop taking food off your plate. That was your bad for not speaking up. Doesn’t sound like you have too much in common anymore. Express this to your parents and maybe they can go visit her parents without you next time.” Okwithme41
16. AITJ For Banning My Brother From My Apartment Due To His Bed Bug Infestation?
“I (20F) am going on vacation in August, nothing fancy just camping for a week. The original plans we made back in May were that my brother (27M) was going to catsit for me during my vacation. He doesn’t have to do much and he was free to hang out at my apartment and was welcome to stuff in the fridge.
However, he recently told me that he and my dad who live together in the same house have a bed bug problem, and I immediately told him that he was no longer allowed in my apartment until he and my dad got rid of the bed bugs.
My brother got mad at me and said that the bed bugs weren’t a big deal and it was fine sparking an argument between us. I have dealt with bed bugs before they are a nightmare and I don’t want to deal with them again and bed bugs are really good at making their way into other people’s homes and I’m not risking it.
I told him that and he started yelling at me saying that I’m being ridiculous and they’re “just bed bugs,” that him living in my apartment for a week isn’t going to bring bed bugs in. I started telling him that regardless I wasn’t risking it, he then left and has not talked to me since, but my dad has called me to yell at me for being stupid and a jerk.
Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A guy put his jacket down on the hotel bed, the bugs got on the jacket and when he got home he laid his jacket on the bedside chair. He washed everything in his suitcase, but it was already too late.
So yes, you are right, they spread incredibly easily and are hard to get rid of. I’ve dealt with cat fleas and that was a terrible, expensive nightmare. So no, you have every right not to invite parasites into your home. Just because he has low standards doesn’t mean you do.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bed bugs are so extremely contagious. It just takes 1 and your house is a war zone. It can cost tens of thousands of dollars to eradicate them, and they often survive the first round of treatment. Not to mention everyone who comes in contact with you will be at risk, as they can travel on clothes and in bags.
My sibling’s partner stayed in a hotel with a problem, and it took 40k to get them out of their home. (Multiple treatments, furniture and rug replacement, pet treatments, clothing treatments and replacement, car treatments, etc.) That’s more than some people make in a year.” TinyRascalSaurus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who removes the bed bugs for people nearly every day don’t let him stay in your apartment. There are steps he can take to make it unlikely he brings them over, but if he doesn’t consider them a big deal he won’t do them.
And most people don’t notice the bugs for a few months, by that point I doubt he will take responsibility. I’ve had people let someone crash on their couch for a week and then get heavily infested. I had a customer call me because their nephew stayed with them for 3 days, never slept on the bed, barely sat on the couch, and they found 10 scattered across 2 living rooms and 3 bedrooms, 2 of which he never entered, within a week.
I’ve had a kid sleep with a shared class stuffed animal for a night and that infested the house over months. A long-time customer brought home a chair from a thrift store and had activity in 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms, the finished basement, and all her furniture.
Bed bugs are expensive and a pain to get treated for. The risk of a $1k bill and weeks of work to get rid of all of them isn’t worth it. Bed bugs are heavily adapted to humans and are hitchhikers. My first question when a customer has or suspects bed bugs is what happened/changed recently.
A vacation, a piece of used furniture, a party, family coming over, etc. Don’t risk it, because people who do what I do don’t treat bed bugs cheap. For reference, we charge $1,500 for 2 bedrooms and a living room. Not worth it.” Baruu
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Window Seat To A Disabled Man?
“I (27F) was on a train, sitting by the window when a disabled man (let’s call him Jeff) got on the train. Another young man, who was sitting two seats away from me, got up and offered his seat. But Jeff refused because he preferred to sit by the window, which is my seat.
Now, I have bad motion sickness when traveling, so I always choose the window seat whenever possible, especially when I have been traveling for 40 minutes on the train.
So when Jeff asked for my seat, I declined politely and said that I had to sit by the window so I don’t feel nauseous because of my condition.
Also, considering that there was already someone who offered him a seat.
But Jeff argued that he could choose any seat he wanted, well simply because he was disabled.
I kept refusing to give my seat to him until someone got up and traded his seat.
I told this story to my friends and most of them said I’m a jerk.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m disabled as well. That does not give me entitlement to ANY seat, frankly, but courteousness would say people should offer up their seat for someone who is disabled. It does NOT, however, give me the right to choose the seat I sit in “just because I’m disabled”.
If you get motion sickness, that technically is a medical condition that causes your need to sit near the window. Long story short: you needed to sit near the window, he wanted to sit near the window. He should take the seat that was politely (and under no obligation) offered to him and shut up.
I imagine people thought you were making up your motion sickness just so you didn’t have to move, and I imagine some people will come up with that thought/question. I was thinking you may be a jerk if you were (and only you would really know that).
But, here’s the thing: it’s actually irrelevant. Jeff doesn’t get to get on a train, bus, whatever, and point to a seat and demand to unseat that person just because he’s disabled. I’m sure you looked like it to many on the train “fighting” with a disabled man, lol, but no, NTJ.” RainbowScissors
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but I’ve been reading through the comments and I’ve not seen anyone mention this. Are you telling me that in that entire compartment (or the entire train) there was not another free window seat?? Every single one was taken? I suffer from motion sickness when I’m not the one driving (passenger in another car, train, or boat).
Totally NTJ here OP but Jeff was taking the mickey from demanding your seat when there would have been another window seat free.” PrincessPetty8720
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A little story. I had bought tickets to reserve seats right behind the driver’s seat for me and two kids because I get motion sickness and so do my kids.
It was the best seat for people who get motion sickness easily. Come time to board the bus, this guy just sits across all 3 seats that I reserved and paid extra for. Refused to move. The company employees tried coaxing him to move to his assigned seat.
Another woman tried coaxing me to give the seats up. They were tag teaming on me to give up my extra paid reserved seat. I didn’t budge or talk to her. We just stood there staring at the guy, simply waiting for him to move.
If he didn’t move, the bus wouldn’t leave. We weren’t on a tight schedule, so whatever. Your move guy. He finally moved. And not long after the bus started I got a little sick and took out an oil that helps me curb my nausea, which was common there.
The woman still had the nerve to not stop talking about how I should’ve given up my seat. Once she saw my oil, she commented oh so you get motion sickness, etc. like it’s her business. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Fighting her would’ve made me more sick.” stickycat-inahole-45
14. AITJ For Wanting To Expose My Uncle's Secret Family To My Overbearing Grandma?
“My (32F) grandmother (80s) is all about family.
She has eight kids. She is obsessed with all of her kids being married and having families and basically adopted my aunt’s best friend, who was kicked out of his abusive home and is NC with his family. For longer than I’ve been alive, she’s been obsessed with everyone in the family “settling down.” She cried like a baby when my fourth uncle was able to marry his husband.
The problem lies with my third uncle (65). He’s been “single” all along, as far as we knew. No one other than Grandma really bothered him about it too much, because he lived over three hours away, and has a very demanding job. I recently discovered that he’s not actually single.
He’s been in a long-term, living-together relationship for longer than I’ve been alive.
I wouldn’t think about exposing him to the wrath of grandma, except for how I discovered it. That friend of my aunt that grandma took in? His eldest son, Alex, went to a college upstate, and he got a partner.
Riley. They’ve been together for five years now. He brought her to a few family get-togethers.
At the last one, which was on Mother’s Day, I overheard him comforting a crying Riley in the house over the fact that no one knew she was third uncle’s daughter.
I knocked and talked to them about it, and Riley explained that her parents never got married because Uncle didn’t want Grandma taking over the wedding and pressuring her mom into things like she did all of the others, and he hid his (3!) kids from her because he didn’t like how overbearing she could be over her grandkids.
I kept the secret, and I’ve been an ear for both of them since. I asked Alex if he was bringing Riley to the 4th of July party, and he said that he didn’t know yet. That they’ve been talking about marriage, but unlike Uncle, Riley wants a wedding, but doesn’t feel she can expose her dad’s lies of omission.
Alex admitted he really loves her, and he wants to tell everyone but is afraid Riley would never forgive him. He has a ring, but he knows she won’t say yes, when she feels like she can’t have her dad walk her down the aisle.
I really want to drop the bomb. While I really like Riley and would be sad if she hated me for it, I could deal with it, if it meant they could be together. Would I be the jerk? I hate the fact that both Riley and Alex feel trapped by his secrets.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not your secret to tell. Keep your mouth shut. If it comes out, you pull a Sergeant Schultz: You see nothing. You hear nothing. You know nothing, nothing! Look, you can talk to your uncle, maybe he can slowly let trusted members of the family know but let’s face blunt facts here: your grandma is in her 80s.
The most anyone will have to stay quiet is probably 10 years. And yes, I know that would suck and it hurts people. But the truth could stress her out so badly she could have a heart attack or stroke and that could kill her. And I don’t think anyone wants that.
Oh and OP, stop eavesdropping. You’re old enough to know better.” ScarlettSparrow
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. But the question is are you ready to be the jerk? You will definitely start chaos if you expose the secret. I can guess everyone except the uncle wants to come clean but doesn’t want to shoulder the fallout.
Riley wants to speak up, Alex wants to speak up, etc. Understand where your uncle comes from. Your grandma sounds overbearing. Still, the situation it created made him the villain of the story. Because of the decisions he made his daughter is unhappy, her partner is unhappy, he robbed his kids of years of memories with the rest of the family and made them question their own worth given that no one, up until recently, knew about their existence.” Lovrofwine
Another User Comments:
“I reread your post and think you absolutely have to confront your uncle. But please take the time to chart out the conversation. It won’t go as you plan, but it will help you to remember to ask all of your questions.
A few points to bring up: Is there some strain between your grandma and uncle over Riley’s mother? Their (uncle and his SO) relationship predates you. Is it possible that grandma disapproved of her and your uncle chose to keep the girl and take a LC/NC approach with your grandma?
Grandma accepts her gay son and his marriage. She might now accept her other son’s partnership. I understand why Riley feels that her father is ashamed of her, and a valid point to bring up with your uncle. He might respond that he was protecting her, but that doesn’t negate her feelings, and he needs to know that he has to make it right.
There’s the possibility that your uncle isn’t hiding his life from your grandma. Maybe his SO used to be the longtime partner of another uncle. There is some dynamic at play here. But for Riley and the other siblings, whatever it is, MORE than enough time has passed to let those 3 find their place in your family.
I trust you can answer the relevant questions. I am just suggesting you make a list of them so you don’t get off the phone and realize that you “forgot to ask or say.” And no doubt regardless of how the conversation goes, you will have new thoughts and questions.” WerewolfCalm5178
13. AITJ For Refusing To Use Our Personal Account For Payroll?
“My spouse worked as an accountant for nearly a decade for a small chain of orthopedic clinics in the USA. The chain was bought out by the local (75-100 bed) hospital last year. Spouse was transferred to the hospital’s accounting department but still spends half of their time working on closing up the old clinics’ stuff.
All of the clinics’ bank accounts have been closed. It turns out that there was one employee who was not transferred to the hospital and should have received one final paycheck this last period. Spouse’s boss’s suggestion was that my spouse write a personal check to the employee for the amount on one of the joint checking accounts spouse and I share.
It is not a heavily used account; we keep it for emergencies only and it does have more than enough to cover the amount owed. The hospital would then reimburse us.
I immediately said no. I don’t think a personal checking account should ever be used for payroll outside of maybe a mom-and-pop business which this is not.
I asked my spouse why their boss doesn’t use their personal checking account for it, but there was no answer.
I feel bad that this employee got shafted but I also feel like the hospital needs to fix this, not my spouse personally using our personal money.
But the hospital has been good about reimbursing my husband for other purchases (e.g., Clorox wipes) he’s made for the clinics in the past, and I wouldn’t even notice if they take their time paying us back. AITJ for not agreeing so that this employee can get the pay they earned quickly?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My concern, especially for a former employee, is that personal checks have their routing number and account numbers on the bottom. That kind of vital information can be used easily without your consent for a lot of things online. If the former employee is less than trustworthy, they can clean your bank account out quickly.
And while your bank likely has fraud insurance, that takes time as well, I wouldn’t risk it. Tell the boss to go buy a cashier’s check.” On-two-wheels-yarn
Another User Comments:
“This is how accountants end up with indictments. Cut a payroll check here, cook an account there.
There has to be something in GAAP stating NOT to do this. The boss knows it’s a gamble and would rather use your account than his own. I’m an accountant and work primarily in payroll. I’ve never seen or heard of such a suggestion. Who’s going to calculate the payroll liabilities and expenses and where, if the books are closed, will those liabilities be mapped?
Where will they be recorded? Who is going to make sure all SALT and fed taxes are deposited at the end of the quarter? This is a hard no but you already know that…strange that it’s not for the actual accountant!?!?!” TinySnort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your spouse does this it can and will trigger the Patriot Act, which one of the lesser known things it included was some mechanisms to crack down on money laundering. The Feds will freeze the payment and if you’re lucky they won’t freeze both bank accounts.
I had this happen to me when I was part of a startup where the money guy was very shady, mostly through incompetence. Instead of doing payroll correctly he would pay us out of his personal account and reimburse himself. The first paycheck each person received as we brought others on would trigger the Patriot Act and freeze the payment for two weeks.
A couple of unlucky ones even had their accounts frozen. Do not let them do this under any circumstances. It will cause so many more problems. The hospital is liable for this person’s paycheck and they should be issuing it. If they aren’t moving fast enough then that person needs to file a labor board complaint.
I’m guessing they’ve done that already and the boss is trying to make it go away quietly.” cppcrusader
12. AITJ For Making A Dark Humor Joke About My Deceased Sister?
“Almost 2 years ago my big sister (19 at the time), my little brother (14 at the time), and I (F, 17 at the time) were all involved in a serious car accident that caused my big sister to pass away, my brother to be paralyzed from the chest down, and me to lose my leg (don’t worry though because I now have a robotic ish prosthetic so I’m basically cyborg, I’m just waiting for Batman to call).
Earlier today, my brother and I were arguing over the last of the pastries that my grandmother dropped off a couple of days ago when my mom screamed from the dining room “let your brother have it” and I asked, “No fair, why does he get to have it?” To which my brother jokingly replied “because I’m in a wheelchair” and I jokingly responded, “if anyone is getting special treatment, it should be Hayley (my big sister) because she got the bad end of the stick.” I laughed, my brother laughed, and my dad even gave it a giggle, my mom gave us a knock-it-off look.
However, my aunt went ballistic and started telling me how that wasn’t funny and that I shouldn’t make jokes like that unless I was happy that Hayley had passed. At first, I didn’t see a problem with it because it took my brother and me a long time to accept our sister’s death, but I do understand that people grieve differently, so AITJ for making that joke in front of my aunt?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Are you kidding me? A twisted sense of humor is the only thing that ever got me through several deaths. Of course you wish your sister was there. Of course you grieve her loss, but you and your brother survived something horrible too and picked yourselves u p- and moved forward with your lives – while still living with that accident every day.
Your aunt is grieving, but she also doesn’t get it completely. Humor is what keeps you positive when circumstances REALLY REALLY suck.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. People handle grief in different ways. Dark humor might work for you but it really upset your aunt.
And I will say that as an aunt who never married or had kids, my niblings are everything to me and it would devastate me if one passed away. Your aunt loved Hayley and I doubt she got upset for no reason. I am also sure she loves you intently and feels bad for yelling, but she might not be ready, or ever be ready, to joke about your sister.
I hope you can smooth it over with her.” lionne6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone with a dead sister, I’m glad you’re at a place where you can find humor in some situations. That being said, different people handle grief differently. If you think your aunt was legit hurt because of your joke, I personally would take note and dial down the humor if I wanted to be nice.
But if you think she was projecting how she thinks you should be acting, then say forget it and joke away. Really you should just do what you want as long as you’re not hurting your immediate family’s feelings. It’s more on whether or not you feel like expressing your coping method is more appropriate or not in every situation.
Also I’m sorry for your loss.” endymion2300
11. AITJ For Refusing To Sell My Old Car To My SIL?
“I recently got a new car, and now I’m looking to sell my old one. It’s an 11-year-old VW Jetta – the most basic model, and it’s had and still has a ton of issues. Cracked bumper, cracked side mirror, cracked windshield, starting to rust, etc.
My SIL (17F) texted my husband (34M) asking if I had sold it yet and wants to buy it. We ended up having this conversation in front of his whole family (Mom, stepdad, and BIL) and they all agreed I should do it. Sister lives with the dad and step-mom, so they weren’t there.
I said hard no.
Hear me out, I personally think I’m doing her a favor by not selling it to her for the following reasons: It has so many issues and will cost her a few extra grand to get it in decent shape. She needs a car that’s good in winter (Canada) and I don’t believe this is a safe car for a new teenage driver who will frequent snowy country roads.
It doesn’t have any basic safety features or Bluetooth, it maybe has a few years left before it totally hits the dust.
I also will feel personally liable if this car breaks down or has issues, and will feel horrible if something were to happen to her while driving it.
I’ve been arguing with my husband about this and he thinks I’m selfish for not wanting to sell it to her, and I can’t understand why he would even feel comfortable with her driving it. I’ve suggested she gets a 5 to 7-year-old car with better technology.
I want to sell it to a complete stranger and have it out of my life forever.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As a former VW owner I loved my Golf but the parts were expensive and I definitely wouldn’t recommend one for a teen in the situation you described either but as long as they’re fully aware of this and your reason for the reluctance to sell it to her and they still wanna buy it, then I think you should be free and clear conscious wise because it’s not like they weren’t warned about it repeatedly and you were completely honest with them.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make em drink. No jerks here.” Punkinpry427
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d never sell a car in the condition you are describing to a 17-year-old. I’d call her up personally and explain all the issues and how much they’d cost and see if she still wants it.
If she absolutely insists you explain to her that you’re not going to be held responsible should any of this be an issue down the road. And maybe record a video session of you two acknowledging that you had the conversation and that despite your protests and you explaining the car’s issues, that she insisted and wants to proceed with the purchase so you’re going through with the sale but bear no responsibility thereafter.
Might be a good life lesson for her if she goes through with it but it breaks down later. Hoping that isn’t the case, but based on what you’re saying it sounds like it’s probably on its way there.” Broken-Nero
Another User Comments:
“I think I largely have to go with YTJ. Ultimately, you are substituting your judgment for theirs on whether or not they should buy this car. And I conspicuously note that you are not against selling this car that you deem to be a potential safety hazard, just selling it to a person you happen to know.
As if selling a car that is a safety hazard to a stranger completely absolves you of any responsibility for what happens after. If the car is in such bad shape that it is irredeemably unsafe, then you shouldn’t be selling it. If the car just needs some repairs to make it serviceable, then the expected cost of those repairs should be included in the sale price of the car (e.g. if a similar make and model car that’s running smoothly costs $10,000 and the car needs $2,000 in repairs, then the sale price should be $8,000) and the SIL and family should be able to make a decision about what they want to do.
Or, if you really want to be insistent and are concerned they won’t get the repairs, then pay for the repairs yourself and convey those expenses to the sale price of the car.
“I’ve suggested she gets a 5 to 7-year-old car with better technology.” You make it sound like this is a simple option.
Is this even a practical option for your SIL? Do you have any idea how expensive used cars are these days? Doing a quick search in my area has even a low-end sedan that’s 5-7 years old costing about $15k. Can they realistically afford that?
And bear in mind, that isn’t even for a car well-suited to bad weather, just a bare-bones vehicle to get from point A to point B. A sturdier car is going to come with a sturdier price tag. What would the expense be of buying the type of car that you think she should buy as compared to your asking price for your current car plus the cost of any potential repairs?
If the SIL would be saving a large amount of money by buying your car and getting the repairs done herself, then you’re definitely the jerk here. Your SIL and her parents should get to be able to make an informed decision about how to spend their money.
You shouldn’t get to make that decision for them.” sumg
10. AITJ For Asking My Unemployed Partner To Start Working?
“My partner Bridget has many wonderful qualities. She’s smart, sweet, beautiful, outgoing, and loving, but, I fear that, on the downside, maybe she’s lazy and pampered. Because both of her parents are so successful, they really never pushed her to ever do anything like a summer job or internship of any kind.
It was just go to school, then party. She’s 23, I’m 23. We both graduated last year from college and, since we’d been together since our freshman year of college, we both moved in together after graduation. I had a job so rent and bills and everything fell/is still, on me.
Bridget made herself the “apartment homemaker”, yet, I still find myself doing the many chores that mysteriously slip her mind on a daily basis.
I’ve truthfully, mainly because I guess I want to see her do something with her life or at the very least, start her life, been asking her to look for work.
The job she seems to be trying out for is unpaid storyteller because she likes to make stuff up. “Nobody is hiring” to “Well, I mean, they’re hiring, but the qualifications are too complex” to “the application wouldn’t load. Ok, well, it loaded, but, it was too long.” I explained to her a handful of nights ago, that while no, we don’t need the double income, it’d just be nice to see her do something besides wake up at noon and spend the day lounging in pajama bottoms.
She said that I was being a jerk, that I have no appreciation for the effort she’s giving, and said that because I’m “punishing her”, she was going to punish me too. Since we had this talk, I’ve gotten 0 good night kisses, no kiss or hug before leaving work, no “I love you”, and, I’ll just say, our nights are quiet and dead.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ dude but RUN AWAY! She is waiting on a ring so she can be a housewife and then a SAHM. Once you have kids she will need a nanny because OMG kids are so hard. She may seem like a lovely person but she isn’t.
Lovely people do not punish people they love by withholding affection. She is already deflecting all attempts to help her find a job so she is not suddenly going to wake up and be all ambitious to be an equal partner. She is looking to be taken care of and if you stay you will be on the hook for it.” DanyelN
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There is no reason at all that grown adults shouldn’t work and contribute to their own living expenses (unless agreed because you had kids or are between jobs etc). It’s not fair that you support you both, you could be saving and doing better things with the money if she was fairly contributing.
The bigger problem for you is that she thinks this is an ok way to behave. Not just unfairly leaning on you financially but the withdrawal of affection to punish you. That’s a problem with her mindset and outlook towards you. I also wouldn’t keep saying that you don’t need a double income and that you just want her to do something.
Nobody’s income is so good that the security of a second one is unnecessary, jobs get lost, people get made redundant, etc. The more you can save the better and you can do that much better than 2 incomes, not one.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is not a partnership and a good foundation for a long-term relationship. Well, I understand that at this time you might be contributing financially because of her inability to do so she should still be pulling her weight in other ways. There’s no valid excuse.
And she’s trying to guilt and shame you and manipulate you into letting her continue to be a princess. She is 23 and she needs to wake up before you break up with her and she ends up back at Mommy and Daddy’s. Unless this is her plan until she finds a partner who will just marry her and let her sit around at home all day which might very well be her plan.
You may want to sit down and have a deep deep discussion about the long-term plans and what she wants out of life to make sure y’all are on the same page. Because right now I see you two going on two different paths. And I highly recommend you do this before she gets pregnant and then she uses the I’m pregnant so I can’t work and then oh I have a baby so I can’t work and I can’t do chores because I have a baby.” MJSP88
9. AITJ For Screaming At A Stranger Using My Bathroom?
“My fiancé and I work at a horse farm. So we live in an apartment that is on top of the barn. Our door is on the first floor. In the 15 years the barn has been here, this has never happened before.
Last week I woke up at 8:30 and there was a stranger in my bathroom talking on his phone. I called my fiancé and confirmed that he was walking our dogs and it wasn’t him (and it didn’t sound like him) so I hopped up and confronted him.
I asked what he was doing in my house. He said “Jacob” the owner told him he could use this bathroom and was kind of indignant about it. I screamed at him to get out and basically chased him out of my house yelling half dressed.
There is a bathroom for workers to use in the barn, but he had to walk past that, go into my house, move my baby gate, walk past my fridge with my family photos on it, walk past the clothes on the ground, and ignore the dress hanging up to get to the toilet.
When he left I called the owner and he immediately apologized and fired the contractor. I told some of my friends the story and they told me I probably scared the intruder just as bad screaming at him and that it was probably an accident and he didn’t realize he was in someone’s house.
But we have so so many employees here and no one has ever done this and I was terrified. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In most states, landlords cannot enter your unit without your express permission, so they certainly shouldn’t be authorizing other people to enter without permission.
I don’t know if it was the worker’s fault since he was just doing as he was told, but your reaction sounds totally normal for what could be a scary situation – a strange man in your bathroom. Now, if you are not legal tenants and your landlord shares the house with you, it’s a little different because he would then be allowed to invite people in.
I still don’t think you’re the jerk. In this scenario, you probably need to talk to your landlord about a protocol for these types of situations.” Candid-Square-8889
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dude was in your bathroom and tried to fight you about it. The fact he didn’t immediately apologize and go “omg I’m so sorry” is really what makes him a jerk.
He could have been really dumb and just ignored all of his surroundings and didn’t realize the apartment was someone’s house. MASSIVE benefit of the doubt here. But the second he was confronted by a half-dressed person clearly saying “this is my house what are you doing here” and he had an attitude?
What the. But again, it should have been really weird for this guy to walk past the usable bathroom, all the way into your home, and move all your stuff around and not think “hm this is weird.”” The-Moocat
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It could have been an honest mistake. You said he was on the phone. He probably wasn’t paying attention and wasn’t familiar with where the bathroom was. You were startled to have a stranger in your house early in the morning especially when that hasn’t happened in 15 years.
Sounds like just one of those accidents. However, his attitude is where I would say that made him a bit of a jerk. He could have apologized when he realized he was in the wrong spot instead of getting annoyed with you. Glad the owner had your back.” PuzzleheadedTap4484
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Forgive My Sister's Husband Who Disrespected My Profession?
“Back in 2012, my sister had started seeing her now husband. He had just finished medical school and was about to start his residency.
He did not hide his disdain and looked down his nose at me because I’m an RPN. In his opinion, we are the lowest and he looked down his nose because I went to college and not university. We don’t have a relationship or see one another.
I tolerate my sister for the sake of my nephew and because my mom had a difficult time when my dad died so I’m civil with her in front of mom and my nephew.
My sister said her husband had a change of heart because an RPN rendered aid to his dad after a car accident.
The RPN was driving by or saw it and saved his dad. Now he has supposedly changed his opinion of us. To be honest I don’t care because he was so stuck up before and now it’s like I’m only worthy because of what happened with her dad.
My sister is pushing hard for me to forgive and forget and is using my nephew to try and guilt me into actually having a friendly relationship with her husband.
If it wasn’t for my nephew I wouldn’t even care but now I’m wondering if I’m being too harsh.
I have never said or acted negatively about my sister’s husband in front of my nephew but now she’s pushing hard for me to be friendly with him. She is a lawyer so she never gets the disrespect about her job that I got from him and I don’t think she understands but I don’t want this to hurt my nephew either.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did your sister’s husband ever apologize? Because unless he contacted you and gave a full honest apology, nothing has happened here where you need to do anything. Your sister is trying to broker this “apology” by feeling you out and then reporting to her husband the likelihood of you accepting it.
She’s negotiating with you like she’s bargaining for a full pardon for her husband. Tell her to stop talking to you about this. If her husband wants to apologize to you, let him make the effort to do so. I do not believe her husband is the person who wants this apology to happen.
I also don’t believe your sister’s convenient story about the RPN saving your BIL’s dad, either. If BIL shows up and gives a weak lame apology like “I’m sorry you felt that way” or “There was fault on both sides” tell him to go jump in a toilet.
And finally, it is your choice to forgive, but you should never forget.” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you should receive it in person (preferably with an audience). It’s only right after he treated you badly in person for years. If he’s sincere, he’ll do it.
Does he look down on NPs? RNs? Paramedics? Each has limitations. Does he disrespect the custodial staff? Reception? (I bet he doesn’t disrespect his own office manager, assuming he has a practice.) Providers all have a role, and fulfilling it and working well with the other roles is all anyone has to do.
He needs to suck up his Mr. Big Attitude and eat a humble pie apology.” nottheonlyone007
Another User Comments:
“LOL – he’s not much of a doctor if he looks down on nurses. Nurses keep the hospital working and patients alive. They also keep the doctors in line and can make or break a doctor.
I suspect his father’s accident had nothing to do with his change of heart, instead, some charge nurse had a “come to Jesus” talk with this arrogant jerk and he’s since seen the light. Note – I’d MUCH rather have a really competent but arrogant doctor than an incompetent nice guy.
Keep in mind we hire them to fix us up, not to be our friend. We all make mistakes – especially when young. It would be nice to have a relationship with your sister so, if you think he’s really changed and his apology for his prior behavior is sincere then why not give him a chance?
NTJ – good luck!” Unhappy-Ninja-7684
7. AITJ For Insulting A Girl Who Publicly Proclaims Her Crush On Me?
“Last year, one of my classmates told everyone that she had a crush on me. By February, the entire grade knew and everyone used to tease us mercilessly.
Fast forward to a few months later, she wrote my name in red ink on her arm and posted the picture on social media, which once again started the rumor mill. I messaged her saying that all this was making me uncomfortable, but she didn’t reply.
Someone then posted the picture of her arm on our school’s unofficial gossip social media page and everyone started talking about us. This was extremely embarrassing for me, but she didn’t seem to mind at all. I started avoiding her like the plague after that, desperately hoping we wouldn’t have to share the same class the next year.
Unfortunately, we had to, and she is still telling everyone that she fancies me. Yesterday, my friend jokingly mentioned her, and I got annoyed and said that she looked like a horse. To my horror, she was standing close by and heard us. She started crying as her friends consoled her.
I feel horrible, but I think she should have stopped telling everyone at some point after I told her it was very awkward and uncomfortable for me. She has never outright asked me out either, but some of my friends are telling me I was too hard on her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been in your place (I’m a woman, though), and it’s horrible. It happened to me when I was in school and the boy who told everyone he had a crush on me was very well-known throughout the school, so everyone knew about his crush.
Many people used to look at me and go, “Ugh, he has a crush on her?!” It was very, very bad for my self-esteem, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You made it clear that you don’t feel the same. She should have stopped. BUT, making fun of her physical appearance was mean of you.
I’d advise you to apologize to her and once again tell her, firmly, that you don’t feel the same way. If she persists, report her. She is harassing you.” fresh_pickled_toad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m gonna say she probably did that to push you to go out with her as everyone would talk about you both.
And she probably already created a fantasy in her head where you both are together, which in itself is fine. What’s not fine is conveying those thoughts on social media and making you uncomfortable with peer pressure. She didn’t care about your feelings and how it would make you uncomfortable.
Why would you be nice to someone like that? Even if she doesn’t realize the severity of her consequences at least she will now know to think before she acts.” purrpura
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here. You asked her to stop, but she ignored you.
Honestly, she sounds super creepy i.e. writing your name on your arm in red ink. I wonder if we switched the genders what would people say…hmm…I have a feeling people would find it creepy to borderline stalker/harassment. You didn’t mean to say that comment around her.
So in short, I don’t feel you’re too hard on her. She was acting super inappropriate and creepy. You’re both in Tenth Grade (from a comment of yours), she should know better. What I would do is tell your parents what’s going on and talk to the school.
They may not do something (unfortunately) but keep a record of what’s going on. As in a notebook log, look into recording laws in your state/country/hometown, screenshots if any, etc. Gather evidence. What she’s doing is not okay. Keep distance. Whenever someone, especially her, tries to talk to you or whatever, say you’re uncomfortable and to stop.
If you want, you can even apologize to her for calling her a horse, but tell her that this isn’t okay. Only if you feel comfortable.” alittleamgpie
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Estranged Sister-In-Law At My Daughters' Birthday Party?
“I found out I was pregnant. His sister found out she was too.
We were happy for her. This would be her third and my second.
She had a miscarriage about a month later, she stopped talking to us completely. We assumed it was because we had a healthy pregnancy and left it at that.
Well fast forward to May and we had our baby girl.
His sister has not once met that baby girl and she is about to be one year old.
Our other little girl is about to be 7, so we are going to have their party together since they are so close together. (The past 7 years of the oldest’s life she hasn’t come to one birthday party for her)
So last night I was talking to my husband about me planning the party and putting deposits down and guest lists. He had mentioned inviting his sister. And I said no, why do I want her there? She hasn’t been in any way active in our girls’ lives for 2 years now.
It started a whole fighting match of “That’s my sister” and “I need family in my life.”
She hasn’t talked to us in 2 years. This day for me is about celebrating our babies not trying to repair broken relationships.
I have to add, that two days ago she asked my husband if he wanted to come over for Easter, and he politely declined because we already have plans for Easter.
She did not invite us, she said he in her text to him.
So AITJ for not wanting my SIL at my daughter’s birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“Initially I was thinking it might be nice to extend the invitation just for the sake of it, whether her family accepts it or not But inviting just your husband to Easter and not the rest of you?
Or even reaching out at all? Even a hope you’re doing well text after the birth? Nah that’s all too explicit. NTJ purely because whatever reconciliation that happens here needs to be at a separate event than your daughter’s birthday party, there are too many bad/awkward vibes all around.
Also to just point this out. Fundamentally OP has just as much say over the guest list as her husband. It is not necessarily petty for her to not want to invite someone who seems to have a pattern of not caring much for her or her daughters, especially when it is her daughter’s birthday.
They have adult issues, let them sort it out at an adult function.” GyroThrowAway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she is inviting your husband to stuff and not you, that’s a problem that needs to be dealt with. She can’t just completely ignore you and your family for two years, not answer a single text message, and then want a relationship with your husband and not you.
If this has to do with her miscarriage, she shouldn’t just be isolating you and your children while being fine with your husband. Your husband, if he wants his family around, needs to talk to her and tell her that she needs to be able to interact with you and his children if she wants a relationship.
It seems that he and the rest of his family want to pretend like it is normal to pretend you and your children don’t exist, but that family is still important? No, a woman who has zero contact with you doesn’t get to come to your home or to an event celebrating your children when she won’t even acknowledge any of you exist. Your husband needs to deal with that problem if family is so important to him.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like this has nothing to do with the miscarriage and everything to do with the SIL’s feelings about OP and her family. SIL did not attend a single one of the daughter’s bday over the last 7 years. OP, you said this party has a people limit, so it makes sense not to waste time and money on someone you know will 100% NOT attend.
Especially, on someone who continues to stonewall you and your family for unknown reasons. If SIL cannot communicate her feelings, it’s your husband’s job to amend things (since apparently she would only contact and see him) or find out why SIL is disrespecting his family.
Save the 5 spots for someone who actually wants to celebrate with your daughter and your family.” heyyyng
5. AITJ For Being Upset About My Birthday Celebrations?
“It was my birthday a few days ago and my whole family is mad at me right now.
Now we’ve never been people who do big celebrations so I wasn’t expecting much. My mom and I had previously planned on her paying for my nails and that would be the present. Well, her partner decided to just give me some money to buy what I wanted. Normal right?
No. My mom then said that was from both her and her partner. Okay, I could accept that, but she also said that since I was so picky and rude last year I could just buy my own. This sent me off but I just shut my mouth and went to my room.
I came out a few hours later to get ready because my grandpa said we’d go out to eat. He calls me and tells me they’ve already eaten. My mom promised we’d go shopping but then disappeared with her partner all day only to get annoyed at me when I spent the money online shopping.
All of that isn’t even the worst part.
I’m a very picky eater and I try to not be so bad but some things I can not even touch or I’ll throw up. One of those things being wet cake. My mom knows this, she’s known this for years.
So what cake does she get me? A wet cake. I gagged and she yelled at me saying how ungrateful I am. I know I sound like a child complaining about stupid stuff but this happens every year and I need to know if I’m really the wrong one here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They really didn’t treat you all that nice on your birthday. Sure you were handed some money, but then you got the third degree for how you chose to spend it. And typically you get a cake that you know the birthday person will like.
Maybe not quite as much when they’re younger and can’t really express what they like but certainly when they’re older as you are. Also, you were told you’d be going out for dinner only to have that happen without you? On your birthday? And what party?
And why should you be grateful for a cake you don’t like but still tried to eat? Sorry your birthday turned out that way. I hope future ones are much better!” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get how others might see it as bratty, but there’s nothing wrong with being upset over a present that makes you feel like the person who got it, just doesn’t care, and it always sucks more when it’s someone like your mother because she is supposed to care.
Now I’m not going to pretend to know what a wet cake is, but if she knows you don’t like it, and then got it for you, for your cake, on your birthday and then acts surprised and offended when you gag that’s on her.
Also I don’t know what happened with your grandpa, but unless he like forgot about your agreed plans it’s a total jerk move (sorry). To be honest I’m really surprised at the people saying that ESH, because as far as I can tell is that you didn’t throw a hissy fit, you were upset (and your feelings are valid) and you went to your room to be alone.” melmonworthy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How old are you? Because your relationship with your mother specifically sounds really unhealthy. She got something she knew you wouldn’t like, she ghosted you on the day, and made a fuss about wanting to spend time together but got put off by every setback.
I don’t know if you’re a difficult person to get along with, but based on your telling your mother has put in a minimal effort to accommodate or celebrate you. That’s sad and disappointing.” Jjustingraham
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's New Partner To Join Our Family Vacation?
“I (16) have divorced parents. My mom has been in a relationship with my stepdad for 12 years and they have 2 kids who are both younger than me (12 and 3).
My dad got into a long-distance relationship about 9 months ago. His partner is nice but has only spoken to me once and that was just to say hello.
My dad asked me if I wanted his partner to join us on our vacation to Greece.
We’ll be visiting my grandparents who live there. I told him that I wasn’t sure but the longer I think about it the less I want her there.
My grandma’s house is a safe space for me but it’s already full when we visit and I already feel like I have no privacy there at all.
The door to my bedroom is broken so it has to stay open and the lounge area is basically visible from anywhere in the house. There’s almost always somebody home. To add to that my dad’s partner also has a daughter (5) who would have to go with us.
I have never met or spoken to her and I’m sure she’s not a bad child but I don’t have good experiences with kids that age. My brother and cousin have both broken my things multiple times when they were 5 but I ended up being the one getting scolded because they were just children.
But the worst thing is that I can’t even tell my dad any of this because he’s convinced himself that I’m jealous of the attention they would get. Every time I try to talk to him about them I start crying because I’m so frustrated and he uses this as confirmation of his ideas.
I think I would be the jerk since they’ve done nothing wrong and I shouldn’t stop them from meeting family just because I enjoy being alone and having as much privacy as possible. There’s also the issue of me having to be the translator for my dad’s partner since I’m the only one who knows English in my family.
My dad and she have been talking using a translator. My dad drives to meet her about twice a month, but I’m usually at school when that happens. She’s come to visit my dad twice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad, on the other hand, is leaning towards one.
I hate it when people ask a question and then make it clear that only the answer they want is acceptable to them. Why ask then? It’s completely reasonable that you want to enjoy your time with your grandparents. Traveling to another country, acting as a translator, and living in a different home will all put a bit of stress on you.
But it’s manageable stress and you’ll still get to enjoy your time. The addition of a new partner and her unknown child tips the balance over into “too much to enjoy the trip.” You aren’t saying you don’t want to get to know the partner and kid- just that you’d like that to happen in a less stressful way.
One that doesn’t involve airports, crowded housing, and translating! That’s very understandable.” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, but in what world does a max of 4 dates make it ok for a vacation? I’m sorry but regardless of how much I wanted to be with someone, still being in a newish relationship and them wanting to take me on vacation, nonetheless going overseas, would be a sweet idea but a bit of a red flag!!
Nonetheless with my child! Plus your dad gaslights the heck out of you!! For another child to break something of yours, but for you to be the one to get yelled at? And then when you explain that that’s why you don’t want to be around the kids, just for him to say you’re just jealous?
Excuse me… what?! That’s completely disregarding you, your boundaries, and your feelings!! Your dad is a piece of work!!!
Now the main problem, you need to stand your ground! You need to tell him that it’s not ok to bring his new partner and her kid on vacation with you!!!
You said it’s already full with you two going, she’ll stay with him in his room, but where will the 5-year-old sleep? Because it’s not gonna be in their room! Your grandma’s home is a safe place for you, the partner coming is going to take that away!
Also, the translator thing could be really inappropriate real fast and I’m not ok with it. You have a right to relax and have fun!!. Not be a translator and quite possibly a babysitter!! You’re allowed to have your own space too, which is probably going to be taken as well!!
Stand your ground and tell him you’re not ok with her going! And if she goes, then you may wanna stay home, or let him know that he’s going to choose you or her and both is not an option!! Your NTJ, but your dad absolutely is!!!
Good luck, stay safe, and please keep us updated!!!!!” Lil-Red-90963
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but tread carefully. It’s important to have a safe space and it’s absolutely lovely that your grandparents can provide it, but these trips won’t be the same forever. My family used to do something similar, and when I was 14, we had a major shift in the family dynamic which brought some new people in and forced others away.
Things felt pretty different from then on and tensions were higher, and the sense of consistency left our family trips, but we kept doing them anyway because it was how we all connected. No tradition is so rigid that it does not evolve. Whether or not it’s right for your father to bring his partner is another question, but it may be worth examining what parts of this vacation are essential for you and what parts are malleable.
Maybe the partner doesn’t come this year but you do some work and preparation so that there’s room next year (if they’re still together). It sounds like it’s not just *your* vacation, but your family’s, and while you should absolutely advocate for your needs and comforts, there has to be room for small compromises.
Could you plan an itinerary so that you and your father have scheduled time together? Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. Family is complicated.” Frymondius
3. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Leave Slot To A Colleague With Kids?
“I am not sure about other companies, but in the company I work for and in my department, when more than 2 people apply for the same leave slots, we decide who gets the slot by drawing lots.
So this year, I got the slot of my choice (HOORAY!). We do this at the start of every year.
The past 2 years have been really mentally and physically exhausting for me and I am looking forward to spending some quality time with my family and friends overseas in June when it is holiday season in my country.
The problem is that another colleague who chose the same leave slot as mine and did not get it has been possessively dropping hints that I should give up the slot as she has to spend time with her husband and 4 children. An example would be when we are having lunch, she would sit uncomfortably close to me and show me her children’s pictures and talk about how she wants to bring them overseas and blah blah blah.
Another time, she was in a foul mood for god knows what reason, looked at me, frowned, and started saying stuff like “you don’t even have any children, so why do you need that slot?”
Eventually, I had enough of being nice and told her that I won the ballot fair and square.
That if she feels unhappy about it, to go HR and complain about it, which she obviously won’t because it makes her look petty af. Now she is going around bad-mouthing me to all my other colleagues and still pestering me (it’s been 4 months already my god) which has taken my irritation to another level.
Was I really the jerk here? Should I write her up to HR for harassment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate how the only “valid” family to some people is spouse + kids, as if you hatched from an egg. Your need to spend time with your loved ones, as well as getting away from work to decompress, is every bit as valid as your colleague’s.
If you two share a supervisor, talk to the supervisor about what’s going on because this is ridiculous. If you don’t, talk to HR and loop in your supervisor so they’re aware too. Enjoy your vacation guilt-free, OP!” winnie_the_grizzly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m sorry did OP force her colleague to have 4 children? No? That was colleague’s idea to have 4 kids? And did OP force the company to have this ridiculous ballot system? No? That was the company’s idea? Got it. Tell her outright that if she keeps pestering you about this, and trying to get you to give up your time off that you got fair and square, you’re going to have to file a complaint with HR, who might not be too kind about the fact that you’re harassing coworkers for the past 4 months.
I seriously HATE people who think that because they had children they deserve certain things over someone else. No one cares about your kids, it was your life choice to have those kids and the responsibilities and consequences that come from it, deal with it and stop using your children as a guilt trip on others because news flash, it doesn’t work.
Ffs.” Triskelion24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We had a longevity gets priority policy where I used to work. One man put in for Christmas week off in January, and then in December it was revoked because someone with seniority wanted it. The first man has small children and wanted to spend time with them after Christmas enjoying playing with their gifts and politely asked if he could still have it considering it was approved in January.
The other man said, “oh well I have seniority and I’m taking the time.” THAT’S a jerk move. Within his rights? Sure. Jerk? Yup. In this case, you get priority and this woman knew for months you wanted the same leave. That’s her problem, not yours.
She very well could just change when they go on vacation. And if she booked things with the anticipation that you’d give in, it’s also on her. Call HR if you must.” Odd_Fondant_9155
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Wear My New Dress Before Me?
“I (17f) just got into a fight with my sister (21f) over my dress. I bought it only recently and have not worn it yet, since I haven’t had a good opportunity for it. It even still has the tag on. Well, my sister is going to an opera house with her partner (28m) this weekend and is searching around the house for a dress to wear.
Even though she owns plenty of fancier dresses she remembered mine and despite my clear annoyance tried it on. She really liked it and wanted to wear it. I told her no, since I personally have not worn it yet and it is the only fancy dress I own.
Because of my answer, she called me a brat and a jerk.
I feel like I could’ve been nicer and just lent her the dress, but still, I got very attached to it and would hate it if my sister had worn it before me, especially since I bought it with my own money.
She has a job and I do not, so I don’t have any reliable source of income.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have the only say in how your belongings are managed and handled. It doesn’t matter if you’ve worn the dress once or 100 times.
Her trying it on is a clear cross of boundaries. She is being manipulative in trying it on and seeing how far she can push these boundaries. My only advice would be to have a calm and clear conversation with her about how you are not okay with her wearing this dress, and how her trying it on was very upsetting.
You don’t need an explanation in regards to why she can’t wear it, the answer is “No”. If you see she doesn’t take this well, I would hide it to be honest.” Secret_Brief_1673
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to lend your sister your brand new dress based solely on the details provided here.
You don’t mention HOW you told her no or how the conversation went. It might be possible that, rather than being kind, but clear, you reacted strongly to her request to wear the dress. However, as I tell my toddler, just because you ask to borrow something from someone if they aren’t done with it or do not want to share, they don’t have to.
Regardless of how you told her no, she should have accepted your answer and moved on. One other factor to consider is whether she often lends you items to wear/use of hers and if she felt it wasn’t a big ask. I agree, that I would prefer to have the chance to wear something new before lending it to someone else.
I might let someone wear something new with tags if I had had it for a while and not had anything to wear it to, but whether that’s the case or not, you had every right to say no. If you were a bit curt or reactive to the request, maybe think about it and apologize for your reaction, while still denying the request to borrow it for this occasion, but tell her after you’ve worn it, you’d be happy to let her borrow it (if you want to) and move past it.
I am sure you will both get over this soon enough and maybe you can help her pick out her outfit and accessories to wear.” SomeoneSomewhereish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have a sister myself and many times when we were younger she’d take my clothes without even telling me first. She’d 90% of the time return the items ruined in a way which is why I don’t allow her to take anything anymore.
One of the items was a shirt I never got to wear so I understand you. Even if your sister takes great care of your items, it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to lend her things, especially if you haven’t used them yourself.
Don’t feel bad, they’re yours after all. It’s nice that she listens to you though even if she calls you a brat.” socialyawkwardpotate
1. AITJ For Not Telling My New Partner About My Child?
“I (F20) met my partner (M20) online. On the second meet-up, he asked me to be his partner. We went on roughly 6 dates over the course of 2-3 weeks. The thing is, I am too nervous to tell him about a kid I have previously in fear of losing him.
Every time past relationships are brought up in our conversations, I always switch the topic to relieve the pressure.
Today, my partner found out about my kid through my relative’s social media account. He broke up with me and is obviously hurt. I think he was hurt because this was the first real relationship he ever had and he expressed that to me multiple times.
He would always let me know how happy he was around me. Was I the jerk in waiting until the right time to tell him due to nervousness? Did I “lie” to him?
Edit: whenever past experiences were brought up, I would tease him about previously having a partner before.
When he asked if I had experience with a relationship, I said no jokingly, he took it literally and asked me why I said I had no experience when confronting me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Seriously? “I think he was hurt because this was the first real relationship he ever had.” No, he’s hurt because this is something you should’ve told him before you agreed to a commitment.
As it is, now he has no way of knowing what else you’re hiding. And frankly, you’re lucky if he’s just upset about the lie of omission – you say you didn’t tell him because you were afraid he wouldn’t want to be with you if he knew about your child, but what do you think it benefits you or your kid to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t open to being a parental figure?
“I said no jokingly, he took it literally.” How was he supposed to take it? Do you want him to need to pause and ask whether you’re being sincere before everything you say? C’mon. You’re (allegedly) a parent. Be more sensible than this.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I understand not bringing it up on the first meet-up, but once things started to get serious you should have said something. Your child needs to be the priority and you shouldn’t be ashamed of them. Also “asked to be his partner” on the second meet-up…is this how young people do it?
Genuinely curious as an old millennial. Back in my day, we’d go out with many people until we had the “exclusive” conversation, which usually wasn’t for several weeks. Seems a bit like a rushed high school relationship, but to each their own!” laylabites
Another User Comments:
“First of all, don’t fear losing a person you only just met. If you’re not fully yourself, you’re not even really together with that person. They are becoming interested in a false image. You don’t have to let the dude MEET the kid early on, which is a bad idea, but you should be honest about your life.
To save yourself time and disappointment, it really should be among the first things you say about yourself. It will shoo away all the people who can’t deal with it.
Secondly, a boy who “asks you to be his partner” on the second date is not mature in his adulthood and definitely should not be rewarded with acquiescence.
It’s far too early to become exclusive with a person, and it’s really not something a man would even specifically ask. Super awkward. YTJ. You definitely lied on purpose. You even said so in the above description, including your motivation, which was not protection of the child, but fear of losing the boy.” [deleted]
