People Get Catty Debating These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Refusing To Go On A Vacation And Upsetting My Mom?
“For background, I am 16F and an only child. My dad has been building a small vacation house in a town in the middle of nowhere for about 4/5 years now. I have many issues with it, mostly privacy issues (my parents have a bedroom and my bed is in the living room).
Not to mention we didn’t have internet or even electricity until 2 years ago.
My dad uses every vacation or long weekends to travel and work on his vacation house. Most of the time, my mom and I go with him. It’s upsetting to miss my friends’ hangouts and birthdays because of it.
This week and last week were winter vacation, we get those two weeks off of school, and my parents thought it would be great to go to the vacation house for the last five days of winter vacation. I would be missing hanging out with my friends, but I tried to compromise with a yes as long as we came back at least on Saturday, so I could have Sunday off to prepare for school.
They refused to come back a day earlier. Vacation was cancelled. I didn’t know my mom had already taken the days off of work, nobody told me (if I knew, I would have accepted so those days don’t go to waste.) My mom told me a day later, once it was too late for my dad to take days off.
Since then, my mom has been depressed. I’m not trying to diagnose her or anything, but she’s been lying in bed/couch, barely doing anything other than crying. I obviously got worried for her, and tried making her feel better—asking what she needed, or if I could do something to make her feel better.
I thought it was ridiculous of her to be so upset over not going on vacation ONCE, so I asked if something else had happened that I didn’t know of, but she refuses to communicate to anyone.
I seriously doubt it’s anything else other than not going on vacation.
I just think it’s really unreasonable to cry like that over not going on vacation. As far as I know, she has other ways of spending these days off work (she has friends, she can hang out with my dad, with me). I’m just very confused over the whole situation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You kinda leave out some details, but I’m assuming you never yelled or insulted anyone in these convos. It sounds like they asked your opinion and all you did was answer honestly. If they didn’t want your honest answer, they shouldn’t have asked. Also, you can’t “make” other people depressed. That’s not how depression works.
She clearly already has emotional and mental issues, and this is probably how she regularly handles things. You didn’t steal her power to communicate or process emotions.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not responsible for your parents’ feelings and even then, it’s very clear you attempted to compromise!
You’ve been very attentive to your mother, but it’s really your father’s responsibility to care for her while she’s feeling unwell. It was their decision to cancel the whole thing, not yours. This seems quite unreasonable to me and I hope your mother’s state gets sorted soon!” Unfair_Lake_1607
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Most parents (including me) wouldn’t even give their kid veto power over a vacation, since kids are too immature to use that power unselfishly and wisely. You are a good example of that. You trashed your parent’s hard-earned vacation by being a big baby about going away for five lousy days.
You already had 9 days of vacation with your friends. Yet you wanted a 10th day SO badly that you threw a roadblock to your parents using their precious time off from work (which pays for your roof and food, BTW). Now your parents are stuck at home while you get to go hang out with your friends.
You acted like a selfish brat and should be ashamed. Next time if you want to shorten a trip, present it as a *request –* which is solely up to them — not an ultimatum. Thwarting their vacation by refusing to go if your terms aren’t met isn’t a compromise, its being a jerk.” TheGoodDoc123
23. AITJ For Wanting My Dementia-Stricken Grandma To Move To A Care Home?
“Some context: my grandma (89) on my dad’s side has been living with us for about three years since she got too old to live alone.
My dad is a trained caretaker so we didn’t think there would be any issues. There’s always been some tension between her and him but recently it has gotten so much worse. Since she started having dementia, the two of them argue every single day and it always ends with one of them crying.
My dad is upset because seeing his mother like this is painful, and he doesn’t know what to do anymore, and my grandma is just generally always upset. It’s not easy to see them both like this all the time. My mom can’t help that much since there is a language barrier between her and my grandma, but she adds to the tension by randomly taking sides during fights.
There’s just always underlying tension at home.
I’m home from uni, so I’m home when my parents are at work to be there for grandma. Recently she’s been needing way more help with everything, like getting up from the couch, lying down and adjusting her clothes, making her food, reminding her to take her meds.
Doesn’t sound like much but I’m just so tired of always having to be available for her. When I even just take a shower, she starts calling me and getting upset that I am gone. When I take longer than a moment to help her lie down, she starts calling and telling me she’s waiting.
She’s gotten very demanding and complains all the time. (I’m sure that’s normal at her age and with multiple painful conditions but it’s just so draining). I’m also scared that one day when I’m with her she’ll fall or forget where she is (which keeps happening) and I just won’t know what to do.
I know she’s my grandma, but with how the mood is at home and how she’s bossing me around a lot…I just wish she could live in a care home.
I feel so bad for thinking this negatively about her and I know she wants to live at home, but her staying with us is not doing any good anymore.
My dad is overwhelmed, my mom is exhausted, my grandma is unhappy and I’m so tired of the responsibility. Maybe this makes me a bad grandchild but idk. I feel like the solution is obvious so I’m not sure why I’m posting this but I needed to talk about it.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Unfortunately, she is going to continue to forget more, and anger and frustration and impatience are not uncommon for people with dementia. This isn’t something she can control. As time goes on, she will continue to need more care that is likely more than you are able to provide.
You need to have a conversation with your parents about how you aren’t qualified to be taking care of her at this stage, and you are uncomfortable with it.” trxsxrms09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dementia is hard on everyone. I’m surprised that your dad, who is trained to be a caregiver, is arguing with his mom, although on second thought, these could very well be arguments that are unavoidable as he deals with issues regarding her health and safety.
It sounds like it’s time for your grandmother to be placed somewhere other than home. She may not be happy there, but she’s not happy at home, either. This isn’t her fault – it’s the dementia. But the rest of you are allowed to have lives, as well.
Please don’t feel like you are a bad grandchild for not wanting to deal with this 24 hours a day – you sound quite compassionate.” Owned_By_3_Kittehs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Caretaking is grueling, lonely, unforgiving work. Please be kind to yourself. You should hear what some of my friends that are new mothers say about how much they hate themselves and their babies when they’re deprived of sleep and exhausted. And they chose to be a caretaker of a helpless infant, you did not choose to be the caretaker of a helpless adult.
I practically had to raise my own brother because of the choices my mother made, and it impacted my life in a lot of ways. The biggest is that I do not want to have kids because I already raised one. By foisting your grandmother on you, your parents are putting you in a situation where your empathy will eventually run dry and you will not have any left for them when they get older.
Nobody is an endless font of selflessness. Especially when they do not choose the burdens placed upon them. Perhaps avoid going home as much as you can until she passes, and set up boundaries between you and your parents and your grandmother. It may be their decision not to put her in a home, but you had no say in that.” beanfiddler
22. AITJ For Having Meltdowns On A Trip Due To My Friends' Neglect Of My Needs?
“So I just got back from a trip to New York City and I felt it was a disaster. I went with a friend and his partner and during the whole trip all he ever wanted to do was do what she wanted to do.
I had so many things that I wanted to see and they wouldn’t let me see it. So I had a meltdown because of it. Then they wouldn’t let me eat when I want to eat. They kept on claiming that we’re not gonna eat out and they forced me to wait until we got back to the Airbnb to cook dinner.
I have bipolar disorder and I need to take my meds every 6 hours, otherwise, I will go crazy and have a meltdown. They wouldn’t let me eat and take my meds, and so I had a meltdown in the middle of the night, screaming at 4 am at the Airbnb apartment complex.
I also threatened to leave and fly home and it didn’t even work. I tried telling them that to get them to change, but they wouldn’t. Then they wouldn’t even let me have the keys to the Airbnb when I was the one who booked it.
I got super mad over that so the next day when they were going for a walk at Central Park, I just got up and left and took the subway to Times Square and filmed some videos and met up with them later.
At this point they claimed they had enough of me and his partner and him and this other mutual friend of ours named Andrew, sat down with us and had a talk.
Andrew claimed that I was being an inconsiderate jerk and says that I ruined their vacation by doing all of these things. Andrew claims that they are not taking a trip with me ever again because they claimed that I’m high maintenance and that they don’t have the patience to deal with me.
I told Andrew that it doesn’t matter and that I don’t want to take a trip with them anymore, either because they neglected me and my needs. My friend acted like I was invisible and he wouldn’t let me see and explore what I want to see and neglected me by making me starve and taking the Airbnb keys and locking me out.
I’m so upset because I feel like no one understands me. They keep on claiming that bipolar disorder is not an excuse to act like a jerk. Am I really the jerk here when they treated me so horribly ?? What is wrong with them?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I mean, they aren’t wrong “bipolar disorder isn’t an excuse to act like a jerk”. You need to learn to cope with your bipolar and not have meltdowns. Also, I don’t see why you couldn’t just eat a snack to take your meds.
Nowhere in this story do either of you remotely attempt to communicate or compromise. It also sounds like they brought in Andrew because they needed help talking to you in a way where you wouldn’t have a meltdown. I would be interested to hear their side of the story.” PurpleSquirrel_9920
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – You and your “friends” are different people with different wants/needs when you’re on holiday. Your friends are selfish and treated you badly, but how exactly did they stop you eating? Did they steal your money or lock you in a room with no food?
Asking you to wait isn’t really stopping you, you could’ve just said “No, I’m going to grab something now because I need to take my meds”. If you didn’t want to do the things that they were doing, you could’ve done your own thing and then just arranged to meet up with them.
I feel that you need to take a bit of responsibility for what happened because you could’ve done things that you wanted to do, eaten when you wanted to eat but you chose to just go along with your (selfish) friends and then had a tantrum about it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I just got back from a trip to NYC, and I feel like it was a disaster. I went with a friend and his partner, but the entire trip revolved around what she wanted to do. I had so many places I wanted to see, but they wouldn’t let me.
When I tried to bring it up, they dismissed me, and I eventually had a meltdown from the frustration. On top of that, they wouldn’t let me eat when I needed to. They insisted on cooking at the Airbnb instead of eating out, which meant I had to wait hours to eat.
I have bipolar disorder and need to take my meds every six hours—if I don’t, I spiral. Because they wouldn’t let me eat, I had a meltdown at 4 AM, screaming in the Airbnb. I also threatened to leave and fly home, hoping it would make them change their behavior, but they didn’t care.
To make things worse, they wouldn’t even let me have the Airbnb keys, even though I booked it. I got so mad that when they went for a walk in Central Park, I left and went to Times Square by myself. When I met up with them later, they said they were done with me.
Our mutual friend Andrew even sat me down and told me I ruined the trip. He called me high maintenance and said they’d never travel with me again. I told them I wouldn’t want to travel with them either because they neglected my needs.
Now they’re saying bipolar disorder isn’t an excuse for my behavior. But how is it fair when they treated me horribly? Am I really the jerk here? I just feel so misunderstood.” User
21. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Non-Contributing Mother-In-Law?
“I’m gonna try and keep this short, my mother-in-law has lived with us, me (25m) and my wife (24f) and our 3 kids, 2 of them on the spectrum for about 4 years now. When she came, she said she just wanted to save some money and find a cheap place.
Fine. We let her come stay. We’re a pretty low-class family I work full time, my wife works part time, and we scrape by. Some weeks better than others, but we manage. I’ll keep it short to the most recent issues.
In 4 years, we haven’t asked and she hasn’t offered to help with anything, even with barely any food in the house, or tell her we were close to getting the lights cut off, she never once offered help and I didn’t ask.
Well, I was late on the gas bill last week. It was paid, but I was supposed to call them to update the account after, and I forgot I was tired at work. My wife called the next day and said they cut it off.
We don’t own a microwave so we’d have no way to feed the kids. (Got it turned back on an hour later). Before my mother-in-law knew it was coming back on, she giggled and said she’d call her kids’ dad to get some money to get her and her son Chick FIL and left. Didn’t consider trying to help it get cut on or even say try and help feed her grandkids.
We let it go a couple weeks later after bills I have no gas to make it to work my wife asked her if she could give us 10 dollars so I could get to work her response (why is it my responsibility to put gas in your car you have a husband) my wife yelled and screamed about her not helping with anything the whole time she was there ( there is a lot built up I’m not gonna go in to maybe in another post) she cussed my wife out called her a jerk.
Told her shut the f up the whole nine yards. In the end, I think she’s right, it’s not her responsibility to help out where she stays at all, and it’s not my responsibility to provide her with a place to sleep my wife agrees, if what person… or parent would watch you struggle and not even try to help?
My wife agrees so WIBTJ for telling her she has a week to figure out where to go?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope most definitely YWNBTH!! MIL is a mooch, is who is taking advantage of your generosity with a free place to stay, while contributing absolutely nothing to the household and sits back and watches while the utilities are getting shut off or her own grandchildren may go hungry.
If it’s not her responsibility to help you or pay rent, then it’s definitely not your responsibility to give her a free place to stay! Tell her to kick rocks!!” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think a week is far too generous a deadline.
She’s been with you for four years without assisting at all–that’s reasonable for children, not adults. I’d have her out the door before nightfall. She’s had four years to do the adult thing and help with the household she’s living in. You’re never a jerk for booting nasty people out of your life.
You don’t have to justify it to anybody else.” Pladohs_Ghost
20. AITJ For Sharing My Friend's Situation With Her Ex-Husband?
“I’m writing this post with a heavy heart because I recently made a huge mistake that has caused me to lose a dear friend and feel immense guilt. I’d like to share my story here, not to seek validation, but to come to terms with my actions and learn from this experience.
A few months ago, I had a close friend who was going through a tough time battling heavy drinking. I tried my best to be there for her and offer support, but it seemed like every time I reached out, she was under the influence.
It became frustrating, and I started to feel helpless. In a moment of desperation, I decided to confide in her ex-husband about her struggles. My intentions were not to gossip or betray her trust; I genuinely believed he might be able to provide additional help or support for her.
However, I now realize that it was a massive breach of trust to discuss such sensitive information without her consent.
As it turns out, the information I shared with her ex-husband might have raised concerns about the well-being of their child. It’s possible that he felt it necessary to contact Child Protective Services (CPS) out of genuine concern for their safety.
While I did not expect or want this outcome, I acknowledge that my lack of judgment contributed to the situation. To make matters worse, I confided in a mutual friend about my actions, sharing far too many details. Regrettably, this friend used that information against me to end our friendship and seemingly threw me under the bus.
Now, I feel terrible about my actions and the consequences that followed. I should have respected my friend’s privacy and never gone behind her back. I recognize that my approach was misguided, and I should have continued trying to support her directly or, at the very least, encouraged her to seek professional help.
The friend who ended the relationship claims to be supportive during my own difficult times, and I acknowledge that I made a grave error in judgment by not discussing my concerns openly with her. I deeply regret my actions, and I’m committed to learning from this mistake.
I want to be a better friend and ally for anyone going through difficult times in the future. If anyone has any advice on how to cope with the guilt and learn from this experience, I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she was under the influence that much, it’s a good thing someone reached out to CPS.
At some point when someone’s that far gone in addiction, especially with a child, something needs to be done or the child could be in danger. So if she’s a danger to herself or others, someone needs to step in.” TeHNyboR
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can feel sad for your friend and her anger. However, please do not regret putting the safety of a child above your friend’s anger. If anything comes of the CPS report, it will be because the child is not being cared for properly.
You did the right thing.” Inconceivable44
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I don’t think you’re the jerk. You had concern for your friends well-being, enough to try to seek help for her through someone who was the closest to her at one point. But, obviously, with an ex, you never know the circumstances, as he could’ve used this against her, though there was no way for you to predict what he was going to do.
Plus, how are her children while she goes through this? If it’s bad enough to cause that much concern, then maybe it was for the best to call CPS. No child should be in the position of being alone with a parent who is struggling with heavy drinking, or any addiction.” goregrindgirly
19. AITJ For Being Upset At My Family's Disregard For My Severe Nut Allergy?
“I (29) am currently living with my parents while I try and figure out some worsening health problems. (My doctor thinks I have an autoimmune disorder but cannot pin it down yet). I have severe nut allergies: tree nuts & peanuts.
Walnuts specifically have caused me to have anaphylaxis in the past. In the last few weeks, my mother has decided to start improving her diet and is eating a lot of salads. (Wonderful, love to see it). The problem is that she is insisting on having walnuts in every salad she makes, so there are constantly walnuts in the house/around me.
My mom has some psychological conditions, which makes conversations difficult, and she isn’t always the most aware of what she’s doing and how it affects others. This presents itself in her not being very conscientious of how she is preparing the walnuts for her salad, how she eats her salad, etc. For example: she cut walnuts for her salad in front of me (possibly exposing me to walnut dust), didn’t wash her hands, and proceeded to touch a bunch of things immediately following, such as: bottles, other foods, counters, cabinets, handles, etc.
I stated my concern when this happened, about how everything she touched would need to be cleaned to be safe for me, which she responded very angrily. I was upset but doing my best to monitor my tone and inflection so I wouldn’t come across awfully.
My partner says I sounded fine but I was later confronted by my dad saying I was horrible. I have tried talking to my dad about it. He assured me that he “understands” how I must be feeling and stated he would do a lot of the cleaning.
He works full time and isn’t able to clean up immediately after her while he’s at work. (I also think that’s unreasonable).
I don’t feel comfortable cleaning up the messes myself, I tried and ended up with my skin burning due to contact with the allergen.
I feel like I cannot be in the kitchen or use the kitchen. I feel unsafe touching any surface/accessing anything. I am generally expected to cook for my family and I’m afraid to do so. They think the dishwasher is good enough to clean allergens off the dishes, which I’m unsure of since it doesn’t always actually get the dishes clean.Am I the jerk for being upset about this situation?
I feel like they are prioritizing my mother’s health above my health and safety, and I am being made to feel Ike I am in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to feel like you are being served an eviction notice because that is what is happening.
It is crazy making to you that your mother is so disrespectful and resentful of your having food allergies and sensitivities. Reminds me of National Geographic shorts on YouTube where the weak nestling is shoved out of the nest by the mama bird who can’t be bothered to feed it.
You’re not in the wrong but you are going to have to see to your own needs and safety. Your mother’s health would not be hurt if she didn’t add your worst allergen to her salad and spread the crumbs all over the kitchen.
Maybe you could set up a refrigerator and food prep area in your bedroom, but if you can’t do that, you’re going to have to find a food source away from your mother.” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Unfortunately, both you and your mother are having health issues.
**Your mother, in your own words is often not aware of what she is doing and how it affects others.** You state that she doesn’t follow good food allergen safety measures, likely because she cannot remember to. I understand that you *wish* to continue living at your parents’ house at the age of 29 because it is more convenient for you, but this is not a healthy situation for you due to your nut allergy and your mother’s limitations.
I would suggest that you look for another place to live as soon as possible.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your family obviously doesn’t love you enough to make sure you don’t risk dying from every meal. Your family doesn’t care about you nor would they ever care about being the jerks in this situation.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do if you are too poor to move out.” McXaven
18. AITJ For Suggesting My Financially Dependent Mother Move To Florida For Better Care?
“To start with some necessary context. My grandfather is slowly going blind but refuses to get any live-in aids, so the solution is to go to Florida where he has his son and two granddaughters to help care for him in addition to part-time aids, as opposed to here where it’s me and my mom who can barely walk.
So my mom is a financially codependent person, first my dad, then my grandparents, then me. I pay for the rent now. I have since my grandparents stopped years ago. Now I’m ready to move out with my partner, and nothing is stopping that.
However, when I mentioned the idea of moving to Florida with my grandfather as she would have great care there, she seemed fine with the idea and even listed all the benefits. Three hours later, all I heard was how I’m basically the devil and a horrible son who wants to just get rid of his mother.
“I wish I had a daughter because at least they take care of their mothers. You just want to get rid of me. I don’t even have a son.”
“Sure, I only paid the rent for years, have more than half my paycheck for years contributing to the house, and took care of my grandparents and you for years.”
That was met with a swift “f you” and many iterations of “you don’t give a darn about me, no matter what you say.” She told me how she felt beyond betrayed that I would just ship her off to Florida, but at the same time that she expected it from someone that’s less than a son.
I told her I never said anyone was shipping her off, I just said it’s a good idea since she has 0 savings and no plans at all. I even asked her again if she has any plans or any savings. She yelled, saying she has no income, how could she have savings?
For context here, she had a back injury in ‘99, refused to go to physical therapy, and never tried to work again. She relies on her disability and food stamps.
I told her it’s not like we’d never visit or call, but realistically it was an option to consider.
That I couldn’t afford to keep supporting her and my own life. It’s been very rocky since this conversation with her, switching between acting like it never happened, and giving my dirty looks and cursing at me under her breath. AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she’d have more familial support in Florida, and you deserve to be able to live your own life…not to mention that it sounds like her health could get better if she elects to get physical therapy. Don’t keep enabling your mother; move out to a new place with your partner!” Electrical_Treat_591
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she sounds like she has a personality disorder to flip on a dime like that. You just need to stay strong and move out; you’ve solved her problem whether she likes the solution or not. It sucks that she is treating you like that, but you need to live for yourself and your partner now.
I would go LC for a while.” User
17. AITJ For Refusing To Be A Groomsman At My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister and I have never been close. We grew up in a household where my parents pampered my sister and I were told to constantly give up things if she wanted them because I am a man.
For example, when I was 7, my mom had gotten me a Lego set the Christmas before. My sister (she was 5 at the time) became interested in my Legos. I was really stingy and didn’t want to give them to her, but she told my dad and he forced me to give them to her.
When I started crying about how unfair it was, he just kept telling me that as a man I shouldn’t be crying and I am supposed to be a gentleman. I love my sister, but I didn’t really like her when we were teens because she took advantage of the fact that my dad would give her her way up until I left for college.
My sister and I talk sometimes, we wish each other happy birthday, and maybe thrice a year we go out for dinner. Sometimes she complains about how controlling my dad can be, and I trash talk him too as well. The issue: my sister told me she was getting married a couple of weeks ago at a family gathering, and recently she told me that she talked to her husband and she wants me to be a groomsman.
I told her that I don’t think I wanted to be a groomsman and she got mad. She started telling me about how she literally had to beg her fiancée so that I could be a part of the wedding party, then she mentioned how I was a bridesmaid for my friend.
I was a bridesmaid for a female friend of mine. She was the first friend I made in college and we have a really tight bond. I’m also really close with her husband. She has been there for me at my lowest and I have seen her at some of her most vulnerable moments.
That’s why investing my time and money in her wedding wasn’t a big deal for me. But my sister and I, we can go 1 year without talking. I don’t feel like I care enough to put money and time towards being a groomsman, plus I have only met her fiancée twice.
She has been really upset and my parents have been blowing up my phone telling me how disappointed they are and I’m now starting to feel bad. Did I underestimate how close we were? Am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“She wants to have a pretend-close family at her wedding, and you not cooperating has made that impossible.
NTJ. The two of you aren’t close, and you’re not interested in pretending to be close. Which is fine. You’re not close, after all. It’s not like *you’d* be the one lying. These days, being a part of a wedding party is a demanding position, with what seems to be an ever-increasing list of expectations and expenses.
It’s perfectly rational to want to decline taking up that burden for someone you basically don’t care about.” south3y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and from the little you said it seems like it is your parents’ fault for breeding this rift between you and your sister by showing favoritism for her and not respecting your boundaries.
It was your Lego set, not your sister’s, it is up to your parents to try to encourage you to share, but in the end no means no and they should have let your sis know the Legos are yours. And I am willing to place a bet there are other things that happened that was unfair that fell to your sister.
Shoot, it’s unfair to your sister’s future husband to not pick his groomsman. Imagine how his married life with your sister is going to go. Wouldn’t be surprised if happily ever after doesn’t make it a year.” drownigfishy
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Ask My Grandmother To Buy My Family A House?
“A little back story: My (f21) husband (m22) and I lived in the house his parents built after they moved out two years ago.
Last year after our son was born, we moved into a duplex and rented it. My husband lost his job and his new employer doesn’t pay as much as his previous employer so we ended up moving back into the house his parents built.
His uncle, his mother’s brother, who has MS, and his partner and her two kids live in a trailer next to the house my husband’s parents built. There is nothing wrong with the house, his uncle just can no longer get around in it because he is using a walker and wheelchair.
We were supposed to move to Texas with my husband’s mother and younger sister and her partner, but I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my family to go be with his and live with his mother and sister and her partner while we have two kids ourselves.
If we moved to Texas, the house was going to go to the uncle. But since we decided not to move, we are still living in the house. My husband and his mother want me to ask my grandmother, who they know had money, to help us get a house.
My husband’s uncle has options, unlike us at the moment. He could move into an assisted living center or nursing home. I know you must be wondering what about his partner and her kids? The partner is only taking care of him because my husband’s mother is around.
Everyone, including my husband, has predicted that once my husband’s mother moves, the uncle’s partner will no longer take care of him. Why do we think that? My husband’s uncle was completely sober from booze and smokes before he met the partner.
Now, he smokes and drinks every day thanks to the partner giving it to him. He claims he doesn’t care that it’s killing him because he’s going to die anyway. Plus, she has two boys who are morbidly obese and I don’t say that to be mean.
She has a 5-year-old and a 6 or 7-year-old and they both weigh more than I, a 5’8 21-year-old female do. And she doesn’t even have them in school, and she does not homeschool them. If she cannot take care of her own kids, why would she take care of the uncle?
So, with all that being said, AMITJ for not wanting to ask my grandmother to buy my family a house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stay put and don’t ask grandma to help” Emotional_Bonus_934
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Admit A Girl Into My STEM Club?
“I (42M) am a retired software and electrical engineer. I worked for many years in the US and UK (where I also got my degree) before retiring back in a village in my home country.
I have set up a nonprofit academic club here, that helps students who want to enter STEM careers and gain admission and scholarships to international universities. This includes things like learning to code, advanced mathematics, international qualifications, but also sending some students to overseas hackathons when possible and community work like helping out in animal shelters.
The local circumstances here are different in the west. Schools are not co-ed and most students do not go to universities. The quality of girls’ schools is lower, and there are fewer schools for girls past elementary/middle school, as most women here either do not work and just help their husbands with farm work or work as maids.
The standard of living is alright though, there is electricity, adequate housing, and most people have their basic needs met, just no latest smartphones, no fast internet, etc.
I have a limited amount of students I can allow into the club due to time and funding constraints and for the past years, I have only had boys who were interested. I get more and more applications every year and while I can’t take everyone, I do still try to help non members where I can, like by sharing resources they can learn from and answering questions.
I got approached by a widow who works as a maid and was interested in enrolling her daughter and wants her to get a good education, I spoke to her daughter and she seemed like she had a good profile, she has self learned things from the internet including some coding and maths but the quality of the education at her school is quite bad for science and maths.
I am technically fully booked, but I could make an exception, however, I am a little worried of accepting the responsibility as I have never dealt with girls since I left the west. I don’t want to risk creating issues with the other students or if things don’t go well getting accused of being creepy.
WIBTJ if I refused her into the club for these reasons? My wife thinks I should allow her despite my reservations, but I am scared because of these concerns, and also wonder if she would be able to cope because of the poor quality of her school.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and very stereotypical and misogynistic. You’re making up scenarios in your head that there will be issues with a girl being there without any proof that there will be issues with the boys. Stop fueling the fire of excluding women from STEM, it’s 2023 for goodness sake” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YBTJ Who cares if you haven’t “dealt with a girl” since leaving the west. It’s no different. If she’s smart, knows quite a bit just from being self-taught, imagine how much better she’ll be with you teaching her. There are ways to not come off as creepy btw.
Don’t talk about anything outside of the club, don’t spend alone time with her, don’t favor her. There are ways if you’re worried about that. Just be a decent human being.” death_tries
Another User Comments:
“I can understand your concerns, but I don’t think you’d be the jerk for having reservations—you’re navigating complex cultural and logistical challenges.
That said, it sounds like you’re in a rare position to make a real difference in this girl’s life. If she’s already self-taught and motivated despite her circumstances, she might thrive with proper guidance. Your concerns about optics and potential issues with the other students are valid, but there may be ways to mitigate them.
For example, could you set up a separate learning track for girls. Or partner with female mentors, perhaps even your wife if she’s willing to be involved? It’s understandable to feel hesitant, but if the main barrier is fear of ‘looking bad,’ I’d encourage you to think about the impact you could have versus the potential downside.
If you take precautions and foster an inclusive environment, this could be a turning point not just for her, but for future girls in your community who might otherwise be excluded from these opportunities.” User
14. AITJ For Wanting Childish Gifts For My 25th Birthday?
“I turn 25 in a few days and I sent my parents a lot of things I would like, books based on a children’s movie I’ve been obsessed with recently, a paint by numbers I want to get based on the same thing, a couple of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles based objects, and shirts and hoodies that are fanfiction, creepypasta and or book related in someway.
I sent these screenshots to them about a month ago, so the start of July, since my birthday is at the end of the month. She said she wasn’t going to get them and recently, like very recently, told me that I should be asking for things I need instead of want, which is the opposite of what a birthday is for (my opinion).
I did tell her of some things I planned to buy myself that would be for my apartment (I moved out in February of this year), and she wanted me to send them pictures of that stuff instead. I have autism and am rather childish at heart anyway, and it makes me happy thinking that I can still get these things on my birthday regardless of age.
But that’s what a birthday is for to make someone happy on their day, knowing they get to open something that they’ll be excited to get instead of something that they can pay for themselves in the long run, clothes, or cleaning supplies or additions to living spaces.
I also want to add that my family used to visit another family for Christmas, and my mom took notice that I was the only child there who was the oldest that didn’t get any presents and the family we visited bought me toys, and I was happy to open things like that.
I never asked and neither did my mom at the time. Later on, as I got older, I started getting clothes. I pretended to be happy because I was receiving something out of the kindness of others and didn’t want to seem rude. I want to tell my mom to just forget my birthday instead, and that they didn’t have to get me anything (they mentioned getting me a couple of things already) and I just wanted to cry.
AITJ for wanting to be happy for getting children’s stuff on my birthday even though I’m going to be 25 this month?? Please tell me I’m not seeing the issue. Everyone deserves to be happy on their birthday regardless of what they ask for and what age they are.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your family should know better, it wouldn’t even matter to me if the person was autistic or not as you can be older and enjoy whatever you like whether it’s “meant for kids” or not. I think it’s fine, especially as they’re your parents, to let them know this is what makes you happy.
If they wanna make you happy, they shouldn’t mind getting you those gifts on your birthday!” fromdowntownn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it’s your birthday. You said your mom wanted to buy the stuff you needed for your birthday, stuff you were planning to buy yourself.
Okay, let her buy that stuff. Why can’t you buy yourself the fun things you’d like to have for your birthday? It is YOUR day, get yourself the fun things that make the day more festive for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
And I hope you have a great, fun, and blessed birthday. Enjoy!” Admirable_Scale_5075
13. AITJ For Wanting To Sell My Absentee Father's Coin Collection To Pay Bills?
“A few months ago, without warning, my (25M) biological father (60M) went on a “work trip”, blocked our entire family (mom (F57), sister (F28), and my brother (M27)) and started a new life 1000 miles away from us.
He’d been unfaithful to my mom throughout my childhood, and had been carrying on an affair behind her back for the last 4/5 years. I found out about the affair three years ago and told him that if he continued to disrespect my mom I’d cut him out of my life and tell my mom what was going on.
He begged me not to and promised he’d change.
I took that at face value until a year later he slipped up and got a text from her from a number saved as “mental health clinic”. I told him that I was telling my mom, and we had a blowout argument, nasty things were said/done by both of us.
I ended up leaving to live with my aunt for a little while because I couldn’t deal with the stress of covering up for him any more.
Long story short, our relationship never really recovered from that incident, so I feel like maybe I’m not being objective with the situation at hand.
When he left us, he also left behind all the debts which he and my mom were responsible for, so in response, we’ve all been helping as much as we can with bills around the house, but it never seems like enough.
When my brother and I were kids, my former dad introduced us to coin collecting, a passion of his since he’d been a kid.
Over the years, we built a collection worth maybe $1/$2K, which, in the grand scope of things, is not much. Most of the coins you could say are sentimental, including quite a few I bought him in college and after I got my first job.
I feel like selling the collection would be the prudent/pragmatic thing to do. Our car needs a repair that will cost about as much as we could get for the coins. Although I haven’t spoken to him in six months, I know that once upon a time he wouldn’t have approved of selling the collection, and I’m pretty sure he’d be upset/hurt if he found out.
My mom is softly opposed to the idea of selling them, my sister had no opinion and my brother is for selling them too. I know that legally I’m in the clear because he gave that collection to us to continue building, but morally, I feel conflicted. I can’t tell if I’m being realistic or just vindictive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Soooo, he up and left your family for his affair partner, and you feel guilty about selling his things? Imma put this in perspective. He didn’t care enough about you guys to actually change himself, so why should you care about his collection of material things?” pinklemonaid396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s what the coin collection is for. So hopefully it will be worth money someday for you to sell. You just happen to need money now. Selling it really isn’t that big of a deal. It’s not like he’s coming back for it.
He left you with all of the bills. Sell the coins & don’t think twice about it.” Embarrassed-Math-699
12. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Sister To And From School After She Insulted Me?
I (17f) usually drive my sister (15f) home to and from school. However, recently she started working at 4 pm, Vinnies on Wednesday afternoon.
Because our school finished at 3:20, it can be very rushed getting there.
Last Wednesday I got out later than usual on a Wednesday as the teacher was explaining something important to the class. However, I ran to catch up with her and caught her outside the school near the pedestrian crossing before she was anywhere near the car.
However, once I caught up with her, she started yelling at me and saying I was making her late on purpose and calling me lazy and other names. I asked her to stop but she only escalated once we got in the car. She continued yelling and swearing insults at me and at some point I started crying (I usually cry or laugh when people yell at me) so I told her if she kept on yelling and swearing I would no longer be driving her on Wednesdays.
She stopped yelling but continued to make passive-aggressive comments. When we got home she told my parents I made her late on purpose even though she wasn’t late and once I asked if one of them was able to drive her on Wednesday’s she started saying she didn’t want to get in the car with me because I was yelling and swearing at her.
Neither of them was able to pick her up so I agreed to give it another try.
All week she has been making passive-aggressive or aggressive comments and today was the second day I’d been able to pick her up since that Wednesday, and both times she was calling me names and swearing.
I have given her several warnings. I no longer want to drive with her in the car if she is going to behave like that, as it distracts my attention from driving and I really don’t want to crash, and it is just disrespectful behaviour that would not be tolerated elsewhere.
My parents usually let her get away with disrespectful behaviour at home, but do not allow swearing of any kind. However, they don’t seem to care about what happened in the car.
My Dad said he could pick her up this Wednesday but she doesn’t want him to as he is occasionally late and other than that she would have to walk home.
She is very angry I don’t want to drive her anymore despite saying it’s her that doesn’t want to get in the car with me.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is in the process of learning a vital life lesson: Don’t mistreat and insult someone who is doing you a favour out of the goodness of their heart.
Explain to your parents exactly what happened, and emphasize your safety concerns. Then sit back and enjoy not having to rush around to accommodate your sister’s schedule any more.” IntrovertedBookMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are doing your sister a favor by driving her to and from school, and she is being ungrateful and abusive.
She has no right to yell, swear, insult, or lie about you. She is putting your safety and hers at risk by distracting you while driving. * You have given her enough warnings and chances to stop, but she has not changed her behavior. * You are not obligated to drive her anymore, especially if she doesn’t appreciate it or respect you.
She can either accept your dad’s offer, walk home, or find another way to get to school.” DestinyCruz
11. AITJ For Cancelling My Cousin's Friend's Accommodation On Our Family Trip?
“I’m 28 F had been planning an overseas trip for my cousins and me. We all are first-generation Americans and we all graduated high school, and some of us have college.
We are between the ages of 32-18 years old, two years ago we all got together and made a plan that once my brother, who is the last of the kids to graduate high school, we should go on a nice overseas trip. We chose a week and a half in Italy and a week and a half in Switzerland.
We all collectively agreed it would be a cousins trip, and significant others, no kids. So we had plenty of time to look for child care. While finishing school, I worked as a private CNA for a family who was pretty well off. I took care of the matriarch of the family, who was the grandma.
When she passed her family and I have stayed in touch. In one of the conversations a while back, I had mentioned my trip and I asked what are the must-dos when in Italy, since they are Italian. They gave me a whole list of places to visit and go eat.
While they were also very proud of my family and offered their estate. They offered to have a driver drive us around so we didn’t have to pay for accommodations. We had the rooms all sorted out. Well, 2 months ago my cousin, let’s call him Joey, told us he wanted to bring his friend Mike with us.
We all agreed to the rules that no political conversations were to be brought up nor women. Two weeks before our trip, he made rude comments to me about being a single mom and how he will help me find an Italian mail order husband.
He refused to apologize saying he was being funny. I told my cousin he is not welcome to stay with us for the trip, and he said the ticket was non-refundable and was rude to cancel on him. I said fine if you’re so instant, you’re not welcome to stay in our Italy trip, you and him can find your way to a hotel.
He said I was being unreasonable since we have a whole estate. I was firm and not budging. He ended up canceling his part of his trip and missing out. Half of my family says I’m in the wrong. I’m starting to think I am the jerk because I should have let him come and just sucked it up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actions have consequences or as the internet says, FAFO. This seems to surprise many people. Hope you had a great trip, it sounds amazing!” me_version_2
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay More Rent For Living In The Basement?
“I (20F) have signed a lease with five other girls for the upcoming academic year. The house was advertised as six bedrooms, but one of the bedrooms is just the basement. Since I was the last person to sign the lease, I ended up getting stuck with the unfinished basement as my bedroom.
We moved in at the beginning of July, and so far it has been miserable. It is cold, the appliances are loud, and there are no windows. It’s generally a very sad place to be, but it is a place to live.
One of my roommates “Jessa” (21F) is very Type A and has commandeered absolutely everything.
All our utilities are under her name, she asks that all maintenance requests go through her, and she wrote a 20-page handbook on how things need to be cleaned and organized in the house. Prior to moving in, I was close with three of my roommates, but I didn’t know Jessa all that well.
I figured since she was friends with my friends we would get along fine.
Everything with Jessa has been tolerable up until this point. She called us all into the living room the other day to talk about rent. For the first month, we split the rent six ways, coming out to about $500 each, but Jessa suggested that instead of paying six ways even, we start splitting the cost based on the square footage of our bedrooms. This means that I would be paying over $700/month to live in a basement while my roommates are paying less than $500 to live in actual bedrooms. Jessa argues that it’s only fair that I pay more since my “bedroom” is much larger than everyone else’s, but this agreement puts a serious financial burden on me.
She had everyone anonymously vote on this arrangement. I was outvoted 1-5 because of course they want to be paying less than what they were before. Another problem I have is that Jessa sleeps in the master bedroom with an en suite bathroom and is not factoring that into her portion of the rent, even though I feel like that’s a way bigger benefit than extra basement space.
The other five of us have to share one bathroom.
I complained to my friends in the house about the idea, but they think I’m being selfish and unreasonable. They say that I am lucky to have so much more space than them, but I would rather have a window.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them that since they seem to think the basement is so much better and worth an extra $200 a month, you’ll be more than happy to switch with them, but you can’t afford an unplanned added expense that wasn’t previously discussed. Somehow, I doubt you’ll get many takers.
Honestly, I would just find another place to live. The house was falsely advertised and there’s no way it’s legal to count an unfinished basement as a bedroom. You should try to get yourself out of the lease on that basis. And your ‘friends’ are selfish jerks so not living with them would be a plus.” Outrageously_Penguin
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. Not at all. If anything, you should be paying less due to the fact you don’t have an actual room with windows. That’s a huge hazard FYI and depending where you are, that can’t legally be a bedroom. I lived in a house like this when I was in school and we did the rent based on bedroom size.
The guy in the basement paid the least amount as it was unfinished ( he at least had windows). The loft paid the most, then the master, then the two standard rooms paid the same. It’s not uncommon to do that, but there is a fair way to do it.
The way ” jessa” wants to do it is crap!” sikkn890
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a lease is a lease and a bunch of people hanging up and “voting” doesn’t change it. And, what everyone else said, the one with en suite bathroom ought to be paying a heck of a lot more, and if your room is so desirable, offer to switch.
See if anyone steps up. Don’t let them bully you and steal your money. Find somewhere else to live” jussigoosey
9. AITJ For Telling My Husband Not To Attend His Ex-Lover's Funeral?
“I signed up for Reddit just to ask this.
My (40/F) husband (41/M) and I have been together for almost 20 years and married for almost 18 years. We were raised very differently. I was raised in a loving family inside a gated community in the rich suburbs and always attended private schools. No trouble with the law and no illegal substances.
My husband was raised by heavy drinker parents in various trailer parks inside the city and attended horrible public schools. By the time he was 14, he was using and selling illegal substances. At 15, he was arrested for trying to sell illegal substances while possessing a stolen firearm.
He was turned over to juvenile services and was released to his grandparents on his 18th birthday. At this point he started working full time at a restaurant. While working there, he became friends with a 52-year-old female coworker who recently became a widow. She had an apartment but no car.
So she didn’t have to walk to work, my husband began giving her rides to and from work when they worked the same schedule. Eventually, this turned into an intimate and physical relationship.
Both felt they were in love despite he was 18 and she was 52.
When her grown children found out, they blamed my husband and said he seduced and manipulated a widow. She listened to her children, found a new job, and ceased contact with my husband. They never spoke again. My husband then turned his life around, went to college, met me, became a husband and father, and frankly an amazing story from a troubled youth.
Yesterday he was informed via social media from an old coworker at the restaurant that this much older woman (now 75) had passed away. My husband told me about it and said he wanted to at least attend the funeral as he did have feelings for her many years ago.
I told him not to as this woman was sick for having such feelings for someone so much younger. He told me I wouldn’t understand as she was the first person to ever show him affection and helped him get through a tough time in his life.
We had a big argument over it and he told me he wouldn’t go if it’s going to upset me. When he left for work this morning, I felt absolutely horrible for the way I reacted but at the same time I feel like this woman was not someone he needs to pay final respects to.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – just from your idiotic “gated community” and private school statements. It’s clear that you don’t respect him or his past…that you don’t truly understand where he’s coming from, and that your entitlement and privilege is clouding your judgement. You’re incredibly sheltered and shouldn’t assume you know much about the world.” mlmgurlboss
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you may not understand what happened all those years ago, but she was someone who was important to him. Yes, in a twisted and sick way, but important nonetheless. It sounds like that relationship is what caused him to turn his life around, and this might help him really close the door on that past. Honestly, it would be really nice if you went with him to support him while he pays his respects to a formerly important person who impacted his life.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But I do understand some of why you’re upset about this. You’re looking at this from outside, you need to try to look at this from his position. He may not realise this but it’s less about her, and more about him.
This is more than paying respect to someone who was a positive in his life at a time he needed it. Never mind it was messed up she was a positive for him. It’s about him as a person. It’s about his past, his struggles, the things that changed him, the things which, good or bad, helped him become the person he is now.
He needs to go for himself. To comfort the boy he was.” Stormschance
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pet Sit For My Cousin's Fiancé After She Stole From Me?
“I (22f) was asked by one of my favourite cousins(27F) to watch her and her fiancés(30F) pets. Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue because I’ve been pet sitting for them for YEARS. However, recently, the last time I dog sat, my cousin’s fiancé, we’ll call her Sarah, asked me to dog sit for her while she dog sat for her mom.
I said that was fine, but when I got there she was home the entire time. So, I basically went to watch her dogs while she was home? Anyways, fast forward, she went through my phone while I was sleeping (password protected), went through my money sending app and sent herself a good chunk of MY money.
I confronted her the same day. She said it was a glitch, then she texted my cousin to send me DOUBLE the amount she took, but lied to my cousin and said “ohhh she’s really broke and used her last dime for gas to get to our house send her money” when in reality it was to save her backside.
The weekend before, she peer pressured me into taking an illicit substance (we were out and she was my ride home and I declined at least 5 times before her and her friend were like just take it, it’s like an over the counter thing it’s not that big of a deal {it was a big deal})
I ended up telling my cousin, and my cousin stayed with her and ghosted me. This happened not even a month ago. Anyways, she asked me to watch her pets this weekend and I told her I don’t know, I’d have to think about it, mainly because I’m worried if I dog sit my cousin’s fiancé is going to find some way to say I did something or something and make it so my cousin can never invite me over.
And everyone in my family told me I need to get over it. If my cousin can forgive her fiancé for doing that to me, then I should forgive the fiancé and suck it up and watch the pets. But like I really don’t want to be put in a place where I’m accused of doing something bad solely because I was at the wrong place, wrong time (her fiancé is manipulative and has done this to another family member before).
I don’t know what to do because even my mom was like “you need to get over it”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… If cousin ghosted you after last time, but just spoke with you so you would pet sit, then cousin is using you. I wouldn’t trust either one if that’s how they behave.
Sometimes, you just have to walk away from the drama and establish your boundaries. It can upset the people who encroach upon those boundaries, but stay strong. You don’t have to give an explanation why you aren’t doing it. Just say no, but thanks for asking.” goingback67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not pet sit for her anymore, she is toxic and manipulative. I am worried about several things you have said. -How did she get into your PW protected phone? -Giving into peer pressure. I know it is difficult sometimes, but I hope you learned from this experience to never do something you don’t want to do.
-Letting your cousin think that you have financial problems because your fiance lied to your cousin about the money. You need to shut this down immediately – do not let her spread false accusations about your situation. You are right to stay far away from both of them.” No-To-Newspeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Let’s say hypothetically your cousin’s fiancé is a nice guy. You still don’t have to watch his pets. He can find someone else, I’m sure. Unfortunately, he isn’t a nice guy and an extreme jerk. You still don’t have to watch his animals and the fact that your mom is okay with him giving you “illicit substance” is incredibly concerning.
He also robbed you which is not okay. Even if you got your money back, he should have asked you first. The dude is a major jerk and you don’t need to do anything for him.” SockMaster9273
7. AITJ For Wanting To Split The Rent In Thirds With My Partner's Sister And Her Family?
“For background context, my partner(20) and I (24) moved from a high cost of living state to live with my parents rent free, in a low cost of living state in order to get not just back on our feet, but ahead. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out, so we were forced to find someone else to live with.
Luckily for us, my partner’s sister allowed us to move in with her halfway across the country. After moving in, her sister said we would discuss finances as far as rent and utilities another time, as we were exhausted from the drive. My partner’s sister(39) lives with her husband(35) and their two kids (6yo and 3mo).
I figured the fairest way to split the rent and utilities would be in thirds. That is, my partner and I pay 1 third, while they pay the remaining two. My reasoning for this was because it’s a 3 bedroom house and we take up 1 room while they take up the master and 1 other for the kids.
There’s 4 of them and only 2 of us, so I also figured they use more of the utilities around the house.
Well, when I initially asked how they felt about this, they seemed almost offended. I thought this was pretty fair, considering us moving in was a mutually beneficial relationship, as we needed a place to stay and they couldn’t afford the place on their own as it is.
They brushed it off and said we would talk about it later when we could all meet.
After months of pushing off the talk, despite our reminders and insistence that the sooner the better, they finally confronted us today about the situation. They said that the fairest move in their opinion would be to split the rent and utilities right down the middle.
Not even just moving forward, but retroactively for the months we’ve already been living here, putting us nearly $3000 in debt to them after we spent our savings just trying to get here. I had to fork over $1550 of it just today so we don’t get evicted, which was all the savings we managed to scrape up since we’ve been here.
My partner’s sister’s husband insisted this is fair because a 1 bedroom home would be more expensive than what we would pay here at half. However, I would argue that if we were to go rent a single room from a complete stranger, it would be cheaper than sticking around here and paying half.
So tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be particularly troubled by the way they pushed off talking about the rent – waiting until you owe several months’ rent kinda feels like a trap to me. I’d be looking to find a way to get out of that situation as fast as possible, because it feels like they’re taking advantage of you.
There is no measure by which you’re getting 50% of the value of that living space – you have less than 1/3 of the bedrooms (since one is a master and you don’t have it), and you’re 1/3 of the occupants.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry, but why on earth didn’t you discuss the financial side of things before you moved? That was incredibly dumb of absolutely everyone involved. Consider this a lesson learned. As you’re stuck there right now, I would recommend you find a middle ground, something between the 50/50 split and the 3rd split.
But I suggest you look to move asap and before you move make sure you know what’s going to be expected to be paid rent&bills.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s fair to split the rent 3 ways and they pay for the two room and you for one.
The utilities could be split 50/50 since the kids probably don’t take up that much extra, although you could push for 55/45. I think it is definitely unfair that they expect you to pay half the rent for only 1 of the 3 rooms, so I’m going to say NTJ.
If they seriously think that’s fair, start looking for a room somewhere else.” UnderArmAussie
6. AITJ For Needing Space From My Emotionally Exhausting Roommate?
“I (28F) rent a 2 bedroom house with a friend, let’s call her Sara, (32F) whom I have known for several years before we moved in together.
She has always been very open about her mental health issues, sees a therapist regularly, and is on medication, and I knew this before signing the lease with her, and thought it wouldn’t be a problem. I’ve lived with people across the mental health spectrum since college and go to therapy myself twice a month, and we both agreed that as long as we kept open lines of communication, we would be fine.
We are not fine. After several months of living together, I have found that I can’t stand her company. She constantly gossips about our mutual friends in a mean-spirited way, constantly complains about little inconveniences, and if I ever try to talk about something more positive, she responds with the most negative possible outlook on it.
Overall she is emotionally exhausting to be around. However, in addition to this, she is very clingy and wants to be around me all the time. She’ll come into my room without knocking to complain this or that, she’ll follow me around the house while I’m doing chores, and she’ll mock and laugh at whatever show I’m watching on TV in the common area, clearly thinking we are bonding.
I decided that for my own mental health, I needed to take a step back on the amount of time I spend with her. I explained to her that I needed some space in the home, making sure that I did not phrase it in a way that would blame or belittle her, and that I simply need more alone time when I’m home after work and on weekends.
Sara did not take this well. It has been several weeks and while she no longer is gossiping and complaining all day, instead she mopes around the house, looking like she’s on the verge or tears anytime she sees me, and if we ever cross paths in the common areas she will gasp, turn the other way, and slowly sulk away like she’s about to cry.
She has mentioned that she has abandonment issues and friends and family members have dumped her many times in the past, but it seems unfair to make her past trauma my responsibility to dance around. She was exhausting to be around before for her negative attitude, but now she is sad and mopey because I don’t want to hang out with her.
Did I approach this situation all wrong? Am I the jerk for triggering her abandonment issues?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have respectfully and openly tried to set appropriate boundaries. Her responses are manipulative and a giant red flag. Whether she’s doing that purposefully is up for debate, but for your own mental health purposes, I’d encourage you to consider moving on with a new roommate.” LookForTheHelpers123
Another User Comments:
“As somebody who has had friends and been in close relationships with people with mental health issues, you’re definitely NTJ. You treat her kindly and that’s all you can do. It’s fine to have boundaries, it’s fine to take breaks.
You’re not her waste basket that she can just dump her negativity into. It’s not about you ‘not being able to handle it’ or whatever some might guilt you into thinking. It’s crummy always having to be the positive one, and not having the space to consider your own mental health because whatever you feel is eclipsed by her needs.
Yes, she’s respecting your boundaries but making very sure you see exactly how much it costs her to do so. And whether she’s aware of it or not, that’s manipulative. Hold firm, OP. If I were you I’d start working on an exit plan.” oddity-on-holiday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obliged to put pressure on your mental health in order to cater to her unreasonable ‘needs.’ You haven’t abandoned her. You still live in the same house, and didn’t cut contact with her completely. If she genuinely can’t see that, then she needs to work through it with her therapist. As a layperson, you’re actually not *qualified* to help her in that way.” IntrovertedBookMan
5. AITJ For Removing The Boutique Owner's Signs About The Slamming Door?
“I work at a cafe that shares a space with a boutique.
The layout is as follows; at the far left of the cafe there is a door that leads into a hallway that we share with the boutique, and at the end of that hallway is the bathroom. Due to the lack of AC in the cafe we keep the door open, and the airflow often causes the hallway door to slam loudly if you don’t guide it into the frame.
The lady who owns the boutique is nuts. When the cafe was a vacant space, she took it over as an extension of her store. When my bosses rented the space out, she wanted to keep her stuff in the space, and combine the two shops?
Basically, she didn’t want to have to undo all the overstepping she’d already done. My bosses unknowingly made an enemy out of her when they wouldn’t let her do whatever she wanted in the space they were renting.
The door in question was meant to be installed so that she would have access to the hallway/bathroom, but we would close and lock it at the end of the day.
Well, this lady showed up the day the contractor installed the door and made him install it so that she would not only have access to the hallway, but that the lock was on HER side, essentially locking them out of part of the building they’re renting.
To keep the peace and avoid drama, they let her keep the door where she wanted it and let her turn the hallway to the bathroom into an “art gallery”.
So with all that backstory, here’s the conflict: she is relentless in harassing me and my coworkers about putting a sign up on our side of the door asking people not to slam it.
She has put her own signs up multiple times & I take them down every time. The way I see it, she made her bed, so she can lie in it. Plus, nobody is slamming the door on purpose, it’s the wind causing it.
A sign won’t make the wind stop blowing. However, I fully recognize how petty of a hill this is to die on, and I have my own reasons for vindictiveness (she tried to frame me for stealing from her) so I want to know what y’all think.
AITJ for dying on this hill? Should I just let her have her way over something so small?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ on the condition you provide regular updates” Walktothebrook
4. AITJ For Still Wanting To Go On A Family Holiday Without My Wife?
“I (29f) have been married to my wife Jan (30f) for 6 years, and we’ve been together for 11 years. We met on the first day of college and have been together pretty much ever since. I came out soon after and my whole family took it really really well.
There was no drama, no objections and nothing changed. My parents attended our wedding, cried, did all the normal loving parent things. They have never, ever said anything remotely homophobic either to me or behind my back to my siblings – I’m close to my siblings and I know for sure they would call my parents out and tell me if they had.
So recently my mother called me and said since my dad is turning 60 next month, the only thing he wished for was for all of his kids to be able to be in the same place at the same time, so they wanted to pay for us all to go on holiday together.
I said that was really generous and asked if partners are also invited so I could plan around it better and she said that Jan would have to pay for herself because they couldn’t afford it. I understood and said we’d pay for her part as soon as I had cleared it with her.
She agreed and so we transferred the very expensive full amount to my parents the next day. I called my sister and found out that my parents are actually paying for her, her husband, their 4 kids, my brother and his wife to come and that my parents mentioned to her that they could comfortably afford to pay for us all.
I was confused, and then later that week got another call from my mother asking why my siblings were outraged and calling them homophobic for excluding Jan.
I told them that it did seem homophobic but that I’d assumed that they could no longer afford to pay for everyone because they didn’t want to separate my sister from her kids.
They said that wasn’t the case and they were just worried about what people would think and that they didn’t want us to experience homophobia abroad. I said that was nonsense and a weak excuse. We argued and it culminated in them telling me things they had ‘learned’ at their new church.
I hung up. I told Jan and she said she was glad I’m not going anymore and I said I was but she didn’t have to. I feel I would be able to reason with them in person as they weren’t like this before.
All parties are mad at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for still going rather than standing up for your wife. If your parents are learning these ideas at a ‘new church‘, now is the time to make a firm stand. If you indulge them by attending without your partner, who’s to say their poor behaviour is going to stop there?” IntrovertedBookMan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – both you and your parents. Ignore their justification, it’s a lie. They sound like homophobes, and you and your siblings should not go. Your parents’ new church is hateful, and they need to hear that. And you, how could you abandon your wife while you go on a paid vacation with homophobes?” Owl_plantain
3. AITJ For Telling My Aunt To Stop Bullying Her Stepdaughter?
“One of my aunts have four kids, her and my uncle (her husband) both had a kid each when they met, then had two more together. These two new kids are both under 3, while my uncle’s daughter is 13 and my aunt’s son is 16.
Now the two younger ones are already (I apologize for the language) the most spoiled little brats ever, at three years old! Now I know that most parents like to spoil their babies, but this is crazy. I babysit them from time to time and I can’t even say the word no without them creating a whole chaos.
My uncle is trying his best to raise them to not be so spoiled, but any time he says no or just slightly scolds either of them, my aunt will step in and hug them and go “is daddy being mean? Well I’m here”, and scold him.
Now with the other kids, especially my uncle’s daughter, she’s a whole other person. She constantly tells my cousin that she’s doing stuff wrong, that she’s annoying, etc.. you get it. Something she definitely doesn’t need from her only mother-figure as her own mom isn’t able to take care of her.
A couple of weeks ago we were having a family dinner, including aunts, uncles, cousins, etc..
After we had eaten, we sat in the living room talking and just having fun. A usual family evening. My sister and I were telling our cousin about how fast she’s grown and that we couldn’t believe she was already going to middle school.
Our cousin told us about how her clothes suddenly were too small. She said that pretty much all her clothes were a size Small, and that she thought she should start buying size Medium, no big deal, right? Well that’s when our aunt decided to butt in.
“No, no, no you’re already a size Medium at least! We should start buying your clothes in Large”, she said out of nowhere. She wasn’t even included in the conversation! Our cousin insisted that she was a size Small, but our aunt kept nagging, saying things like “it’s not weird noting how much you eat”, stuff like that.
After a while I was fed up, I had defended my cousin the whole time, but she didn’t listen.
So seeing it as the only way to stop her from dragging down my little cousin’s confidence, I told her to shut up and that nobody was interested in listening to her annoying voice literally bullying her own stepdaughter.
Now am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You defended her, which is something that your uncle should be doing instead! It was a little rude but if she kept nagging and berating your cousin and putting down her self-image, then I think it’s only reasonable to tell her to shut up and mind her business.” strawberrysmiggles_
Another User Comments:
“Your aunt is a big bully. I am afraid she will bully the girl more when you are not around. Their parenting style sucks with double or triple standards. One day they should reap the consequences. Teach your cousin to be strong and to access support services if needed. NTJ according to me, although you could have approached it differently.” Pressnspeak
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Introduce My Friends To My Critical Stepmother And Sister?
“I’m (F22) a student. My parents are divorced since I was 5. My dad has been with my stepmother since I was 7 and my stepmother has a daughter, which became my older sister (F26).
Since I turned 18, my dad and stepmother started to complain that I don’t invite my friends over anymore. In fact, I don’t want to invite friends when they are here, nor talk in detail about my social life. I avoid this subject around them because I know it hurts them that I keep them out of this aspect of my life.
Yesterday they insisted, while being quite upset, to know why after I accidentally mentioned that some friends of mine will stay in my mom’s house. This time I couldn’t avoid the subject and told them examples of why I don’t invite friends over anymore :
– My BFF (F23), got a lot of criticism about the fact that she is « flabby » or « slow » (their word, I don’t know how to translate it in English). They keep saying that she’s not a dynamic person and it could bring me down. My stepmother and sister even call her « the flabby pudding » every time I mention her.
– A childhood friend, Sarah (F22), went with us on holiday one time, and now she literally HATES them. During the trip she kept telling me that they were horrible and that their behaviour was not normal. This led to conflict between my parents and I, they are convinced that I turned her against them.
Now she refuses to see them again.
– Another one of my close friends, Kyle (M23), had his share of criticism. My sister saw him sometimes intoxicated at some bar in my city, she told my stepmother and dad, they almost called him a « heavy drinker » (they did not know that he was in a bad mental state ).
This one really upset me because my stepmother and sister talked about it like some gossip.
When I mentioned those examples, they blew up at me saying that they always welcomed my friends, with hospitality and pleasure (it’s true). They claimed their right to tell me what they think of my friends and accused me of being immature for not accepting criticism from them.
My stepmother said some pretty awful things to me. I know she will always say what she’s thinking bluntly and it’s negative things most of the time.
Criticism comes 75% from my stepmother (and sister), but my dad says nothing about it, even defends it sometimes.
Yesterday, he tried to say constructive things, and reassured me saying he won’t mock or criticize unless it’s constructive. But, I’m still a little scared to introduce my current friends to them because their criticism affects me. Maybe only to my dad because he’s trying to make things better, but it’s probably my dad and stepmother or nothing.
AITJ for not wanting to make this effort to introduce my friends to them? I don’t know if it’s up to me to question myself because all parents have an opinion on their child’s friends and maybe I take criticism badly and am susceptible.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and since they obviously do not see a problem with their behavior, you should not subject your friends to this. Why do they need to see your friends anyway? You are a grown woman now. It is not necessary for them to meet your friends for any reason.” KittKatt7179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my parents criticised my friends mostly on things that could affect me. “This friend has an opinionated mom who will get annoyed if you do what your friend asked”. “Are you safe with this friend?” The way your parents verbally mistreat people doesn’t seem normal to me” Backgrounding-Cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have been introduced and they basically alienated all of your friends or said something derogatory. Your life isn’t some reality show that needs their color commentary. It might be a good idea to spend less time with your step mom, it doesn’t sound like it’s doing you any good.” cassowary32
1. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Rooms With My Young Niece?
“My mom is rooming with our 9-year-old niece, my aunt and uncle have a bedroom, and I have my own room (age 17). My mom can’t stand our niece because she’s a child and of course kids will be kids. She wants me to room with her and have our niece take my room.
I had to say okay because it’s not like I have an option (or at least I didn’t at the time of this idea). While we were just starting to move things, I couldn’t stand my niece’s behavior. She was treating this as a reward when it wasn’t.
We were switching because she needs discipline.
My aunt and uncle said they don’t mind switching room with my mom. They actually said they’d like to have more time with their child to discipline her and in the middle of the night, they wouldn’t have to get out of their room to check on her.
Then my mom would have her room, I’d have my room, and my aunt, uncle, and niece would have their room (the master bedroom).
Everyone else is okay with this idea except for my mom. She said I’m being selfish which I get, but it’s honestly, no teen wants to room with their mom and lose their room to a child who obviously isn’t ready for their own room if they constantly run back to their parents’ room in the middle of the night and wakes everyone up because of a bad dream.
My mom said it’s selfish to make 3 people share a room, but everyone else in the house disagrees.
How I view it, if it’s parents and a kid under 10, they can share a room. I didn’t get my own room until I was 11, because I wasn’t ready till I was 11.
I just think she can wait another year and take over my room. My aunt said when we were moving in, she thought that would be the original sleeping arrangement anyway, but it was my mom who insisted on rooming with their daughter. My aunt thought it’d be unfair for my mom and I to have 1 room and they have 2 rooms since my mom is paying most of the rent.
All the parents also agreed that I should have my own room until I move out for college.
AITJ for not wanting to switch rooms? I feel like I might be for being selfish, but I can’t tell if I am being selfish if that makes sense.
I just feel like I need my own space more than a younger child does. I feel bad, because my mom feels like she’s being ganged up on, but we’re not trying to make her feel that way. We just want her to look at another solution to this problem, but that solution seems unfair to her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is your mom, by any chance, scared of sleeping alone? My children had their own rooms from the age of 3. What is going on that the 9-year-old can’t sleep alone and your mom is pushing to sleep with you? There is some serious stuff that needs to be sorted there.
But all that aside, if the child has issues, then sleeping with her parents is the best idea. And maybe a bigger house?” KittKatt7179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was wondering why she wasn’t sleeping with her parents in the first place. I wonder if your mother is experiencing early empty nest syndrome knowing you will be moving out next year.
Maybe she was trying to use niece to “replace” you, but couldn’t stand her behavior, so she now wants to be able to treat you like a child while she still can. Still, none of this is in any way your problem.” MistressLiliana
