People Can't Calm Down In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her Trauma Doesn't Make Her Special?
“I 16F have a sister 19F. We grew up in a toxic controlling environment, and I am still in it.
2 years ago she had some sort of episodes and became like a bomb, had to be danced around and if not treated perfectly, would explode. I was yelled at for months over just being in the living room before her and she wanted the TV.
When she went to college last year, almost all contact halted and I was left to fend for the toxic environment of school with an IEP and bad parents 100% alone.
My sister only texted me to ask for pictures of my dogs and nothing else.
If my parents were in a foul mood and criticizing my existence till I cried and then punished me for that, I texted her about it and she said do not text me stuff like this, it makes me sad. She clarified that she only tolerated my minimal contact because I looked up to her and didn’t complain.
Whenever she came to visit home, she would act like my controlling mother and snap at me. She would say things like “Your hair looks like poop, do you have any dignity?” Or “I can’t believe you have a 3.75 GPA, I mean you’re not even in APs, you’ll probably go to a community college unlike me, I go to IV school” and tons of smaller things.
She does it quietly, and so when I (severe ADHD and am sensitive) react by yelling/crying after enough jabs and slowly escalating attempts to make her quit it.
So here is where I might be the jerk. Recently we picked her up from her out-of-state job and she decided to make fun of me again and I snapped and said “your trauma doesn’t make you special, I went through the same darn thing and still, but the second things don’t go your way that doesn’t matter.
You can’t blame everything on our parents, who are still paying full for your college and expenses and have gotten you your fancy job. I am suffering too but when has that ever mattered to you? You think of me as your dumber younger sister, and you don’t hide it, so then from now on I won’t be your punching bag”
She called me a massive jerk for yelling at her when she was vulnerable, but I am vulnerable too and she digs at me so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Older sis is perpetuating the trauma she received on you. Break the cycle, snap her out of it.
This may have been something she needed to hear to make her think about what she’s doing. You OP I feel sorry for. Let down by everyone who should be caring for you and making you feel safe. Don’t let her make you her punching bag anymore.
And I wish you all the best for the future” Hakanese
Another User Comments:
“You both grew up in a horrible household. You seemed to have learned empathy and compassion, she has not. She should know that what you are going through is tough, and ideally be supportive and protective.
She is not. You called her out. She should get a dose of reality. But don’t expect her to change. She has shown her true colors. Everything is about her. NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249
24. AITJ For Banning My Partner's Friend From Our House Over Sexist Jokes?
“I (24f) live with my partner (28m) and we have a pretty open social life, so it’s not unusual for either one of our friends to pop in frequently to pick one of us up or hang out for a while, that’s contextual.
A week or so ago I met one of his work buddies at their house for drinks and s’mores and it was fun! We played games, told stories, exchanged numbers, but after a couple of hours, this friend suddenly switches up and starts honing in on the inappropriate jokes.
I’m not an extreme feminist, but I don’t appreciate being the punchline of a joke meant to make my partner laugh. One of the jokes he made was my partner decided he was done drinking and the friend said “oh did you and [me] switch bladders and your needs some attention?” Ten minutes later he attributed his own lack of desire to chop wood for the bonfire as “a womanly fault.” Then, as my partner decided he was done for the night and wanted to go home, the friend said “God, you sound like a woman.” On the way home he texted my partner saying “hope I didn’t upset the warden, you know how women are, can’t take criticism” mind you, he’s sober, so no amount of influence made him say those words, and the most I did was say I didn’t think his joke was funny.
I didn’t rage or argue, I just didn’t laugh at his jokes.
Yesterday, my partner told me twenty minutes beforehand that this same friend would be showing up at the house to hang out. I flat out say no, they can hang out together outside the house, but if he says any jokes in the house, I’m kicking him out.
My partner texts the friend that verbatim and the friend’s response was “children.”
I don’t say anything until he shows up, then I walk out with my partner to his car and tell the friend I like being called a child for not allowing inappropriate jokes in my house just as much as he likes being called lazy for having 3 days worth of trash on his lawn.
Now my partner is upset that I made their day out awkward. I asked my partner if he knew in his life any women that could be attributed to the jokes his friend was making, and he said no, so I said “neither do I, and I just don’t find jokes with no subject funny” but for an entire day I’ve been the bad guy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These guys are 28? They’re acting like they’re 12. At least we can laugh at how ironic that “children” text was. It almost seems like your partner’s friend really wants to have him all for himself…” Beneficial_Cloud6490
Another User Comments:
“Look with some friends we tend to mentally regress in age (it usually concerns childhood friends though) … I could somehow understand your partner hanging out and behaving ape-like with this guy.
But there’s a clear limit to that and that is insulting you to your face basically. Hence I believe the rule is hang out all you want, but don’t include me is more than fair on your part. Your partner can be all the ape he wants to be with this guy, but he needs to set boundaries, which is no insult to his partner, especially to her face.
And here I think he did not react enough. NTJ for you, small jerk for your partner and big jerk to his rude ape of a friend” MousingJoke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d make this an ex-partner. A partner who allows anyone to speak about you or women that way really isn’t worth keeping around.
Also, typing what you said verbatim was him blaming you and making you responsible for why he wasn’t allowed inside. By associating and socializing with someone who views women that way, your partner in a way also condones and views women that way. You can say he doesn’t but if he loved you or his mom or sister or cared about women in general, he’d tell him those comments are wholly inappropriate.
Instead of being upset for how his friend behaved and spoke, he’s upset with you? Get rid of your partner, which means you’d also be rid of his friend – two birds, one stone.” archetyping101
23. AITJ For Paying My Older Son To Babysit His Younger Brother?
“My husband (38M) and I (38F) don’t go out often. We are homebodies or we do tend to just take the kids. So we rarely need a sitter. Our youngest (6m) has huge separation anxiety.
Growing up has meant that he’s always had one of us with him at all times. Even with family and school, he can become so distraught he will cry and panic for hours. It’s distressing for him and those who are looking after him. We are working with a psychologist around this.
Last time my husband and I went out, our youngest became so distraught he threw up and was inconsolable. My in-laws were at a loss and overwhelmed with what to do. Our oldest (16m) ended up changing his plans for the night and took over.
He was able to calm his younger brother down, get him ready for bed and read to him until he fell asleep. My in-laws did not call us because they did not want to bother us, despite being asked to in this exact eventuality.
When we got home and found out what had happened, I was upset.
I said later to my husband that it’s probably much better to just ask our oldest, and offer to pay him, to babysit on occasion. Our oldest jumped at the chance, we agreed on a rate, ground rules, etc. He’s a really responsible kid who thrives off responsibility.
He is also saving up for a new gaming monitor, so is always looking for extra chores to do. And our youngest idolises his older brother, so him finding out that they were having a ‘boys night’ was the highlight of his week.
My in-laws have since found out, as the youngest told them all about it and are seething.
They have said my 16yo is too young to be home alone with his younger brother. That basically it’s parentification and I have family who should be doing this, not a teenager. They have been trying to tell my oldest that he needs to call them if we ask him again.
That our youngest just needs to learn to deal with his anxiety. My whole family is calling and texting us, calling us jerks for not asking them to babysit instead.
I am feeling really confused by the accusations, and see on here all the time people saying it’s not okay to ask your kids to babysit etc. But I thought offering to pay my oldest, and I certainly did not force him, was making sure that everyone was on board here.”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who actually was parentified, NTJ. He is a 16-year-old who is looking for a way to earn extra money. The classic way for teens to do so is babysitting. It benefits both of you as you can have date night without stressing and your son can earn some extra money.
It would only be a problem if you were forcing him against his will to do so and not compensating him.” Dependent_Lobster_18
Another User Comments:
“If this is not a regular occurrence and your son is consenting and you’re paying him, I don’t see the problem.
Parentification is if he’s basically become the au pair. As in every day his job is to do your jobs as the parent, make his sibling’s food, pick and drop offs, etc. If this is for date night, I don’t see the issue, you’re paying and you’ve asked him.
If it’s not interfering with his social life and he has lots of time to himself, then NTJ” sikonat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as you pay him! It’s also a great chance for brothers to spend time together before your oldest heads to college or wherever in a few years.
And 16 is not too young to babysit. What world do these people live in that teenagers don’t babysit?? Goodness. I feel like some grandparents forget what having kids/parenting was like or forget what is/was considered acceptable.” Agitated-Jaguar3012
22. AITJ For Feeling Relieved My Sister Didn't Have To Face More Pain After Her Death?
“It’s been some time now, but this issue still bothers me a lot. During that time, I (22F now), had to face the death of my sister (33F at the time), who passed away in the hospital. I was very, very close to my sister and was more than aware that she had problems since they began when I was just 2 yo and she was already 16.
I grew up in a house where receiving bad news regarding her was “normal”, yet she had a rebound and started to get a lot better when I was about 12. She was also my godmother, and took a lot of pride in that role: she invited me to stay at her place every week, she was never judging me when I talked about my stuff, and was rather a good advisor.
I even spent two months living with her when I was studying for my high school final exam because my parents’ house was under renovation.
She and I shared so much, also because our other two siblings (32M and 29F now) grew up much more aware of all my family endured because of her mental illness, while I was kind of oblivious because for me it was normal. She was someone who gave everything she had, donated all of her time to charities, and worked benevolently for my mother’s school, yet she never felt like she was enough; and this thought breaks my heart today.
During that period, her health got really bad and she had to go to the hospital, after spending one month with me and my parents in the same house. In April 2020, which makes it about three weeks after, I learned with my parents that she passed away there, where we weren’t able to go and see her.
She had so much trouble dealing with the idea of not being able to do anything for other people, that period was especially hard on her mental state. After this, the health measures like certificates, going-out authorization, and health obligation kept on for about 2 years in my country, and I was kinda relieved that after all, my sister wasn’t dealing with all of this because it would have caused her so much mental pain.
I tried expressing this to my mom, but she reacted like I said something monstrous and told me that she would rather have my sister here, even unhappy, than not at all.
AITJ then?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My closest cousin was severely immunocompromised due to organ transplants needed to address complications from having cancer as a child.
He unfortunately passed away in 2014 but I caught myself more than once during that period thinking I was glad he wasn’t around to have to deal with it. Of course it made me feel guilty to think these things because I would obviously rather he still be here than not.
It’s just how things are. I hope you find peace with your sister’s memory” xodevo
21. AITJ For Asking My Friend's Transgender Partner To Cover His Post-Surgery Scars?
“So I (26M) have a group of friends who get together pretty frequently to hang out. We’ve been hanging out outside lately, since the house we usually gather at has pretty poor air conditioning and it’s not really been a good place to get together.
However, this has ended up leading to an issue.
One of our friends, “Jenny” (24F), started seeing “Connor” about three months ago, and he’s been coming to the get-togethers. Connor is a transgender man, and got top surgery about a month ago. However, after this, whenever he comes to the meetups, he goes shirtless outside when we’re hanging out in my friend’s backyard.
This has led to an issue, since I am very, very squeamish and uncomfortable about seeing scarring and other bodily injuries or whatever you’d call it. Scars, stitches, all of it, I just can’t deal with it. It makes me want to puke.
I wasn’t sure how to approach this given it’s a sensitive subject, but after two weeks of me just keeping myself turned away from him and my nose in my phone (along with just leaving early), I had to bring it up.
I was as polite as possible, and tried to make it very clear I didn’t have any issue with him being transgender or getting surgery, I just really didn’t want to see his scars because it makes me uncomfortable.
I get that Connor is doing this because he’s happy and is probably trying to celebrate the step in his transition, but I just really can’t deal with it, I basically told Connor that if he doesn’t wear a shirt I’m going to have to stop coming to the hangouts (or at least until the weather gets colder) because I just can’t feel comfortable seeing his scars.
Connor took offense to this, and seems to feel I was targeting him because of his being trans and refused. It’s caused a lot of conflict among the friend group, with some people thinking Connor is being unreasonable, and others feeling he shouldn’t have to put on a shirt if he doesn’t want to and that I’m overly sensitive.
The issue’s gotten pretty contentious, and now Connor keeps bringing up stuff like how I like horror movies, or other interests I have, or jokes I made (that had nothing to do with trans people or anything else like that) to try and make me look bad.
AITJ? Should I have just stopped attending the get-togethers instead of asking him to cover up? Did I overstep? I’m just upset and don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t get to police other people’s bodies. This extends to scars, injuries, missing limbs, malformations, etc. I’m squeamish myself, but that’s a ME problem and not something I can put on the other person.
Learn to deal with it because your friend’s partner won’t be the only person with scars you will encounter in life, and it’s not their job to make you comfortable. YTJ” the_owl_syndicate
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It’s not right for you to police others’ bodies just because you’re uncomfortable around scars, malformations, burns, etc. Society as a whole needs to be more accepting of people who look different, and not turn their head the other way or refuse to be around them like they have a contagious disease or something.
Scars are marks of survival from one’s own journey through past trauma, and people should be able to wear them openly and not be judged or shamed for doing so. People shouldn’t have to hide who they truly are for others to be accepting of them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your aversion to scars is YOUR problem, not the people with scars’ issue to accommodate you because of. Good grief, how entitled! Don’t look, don’t attend, get therapy to get over your issue, whatever. But don’t put your issues on other people.
Scars are a mark of survival, and it’s great that people can wear them openly with pride. I would be so offended if you asked for a cover-up!” ParsimoniousSalad
20. AITJ For Not Working Or Studying Because I Care For My Disabled Sister?
“I (F20) live at home with my two sisters (F20, F15) and my brother (M20). Recently, my parents have been pressuring me and my brother to do something with our lives.
We’re unemployed and not studying. It’s bad, but let me explain. My other sister (F20) who I’ll call “Bee” is incredibly disabled. She will need 24/7 care the rest of her life. My mom and dad both work, and my little sister is still in high school, which leaves me and my brother at home.
When my parents bring up the fact we’re not doing anything with our lives, I get embarrassed and angry, since I can’t do anything with my life because I’m the one that has to watch over my sister.
My mom is technically her caretaker, she gets paid by the state for it.
She also works from home for another company, occasionally going out of the house for work. My dad works out of the house. However, I end up helping with Bee more often than not because my mom is more focused on her other job. Long story short, I end up taking care of her.
We have a respite worker come by to help relieve us, but they’re not reliable. We’ve had people not show up, turn up late, etc, where we had to watch over my sister almost all day. Because she’s a girl and because I’m the eldest daughter, the more intensive tasks of her care fall to me.
When the respite worker leaves, I supervise her again. I’m only relieved when my dad and mom get off work.
Being away from home working, or even studying, or WFH is impossible. I have to watch over my sister while my mom, who gets paid to be her caretaker, focuses on her other job.
Because my mom says I’m doing nothing though, she makes me help her write some of her emails for her other job and generally help her out. Even if I did work/study, everything I do would fall onto my little sister. And I absolutely REFUSE to have her go through this burden.
I want her to enjoy her youth.
To be fair, my parents have said they’ll accommodate their work to be able to take care of Bee. While that’s all fine and dandy, they haven’t kept these promises whenever we were studying online last year. My dad is supposed to WFH two times a week, but he hasn’t done that in years.
My mom is supposed to only be working part time, but she’s working overtime every week.
For added context, I couldn’t fit elsewhere: My mom took on the other job to help me and my brother pay for a car. However, she says the real reason she took this second job was because she wanted to feel “useful to society” and that she was actually doing something important.
AITJ for not working/studying? I feel like I do enough already. My parents aren’t making me pay rent or anything, but as much as I want to work/study, I really can’t, and they don’t understand that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, your parents are totally ungrateful for the sacrifices you’ve made.
When you say: To be fair, my parents have said they’ll accommodate their work to be able to take care of Bee. While that’s all fine and dandy, they haven’t kept these promises whenever we were studying online last year. My dad is supposed to WFH two times a week, but he hasn’t done that in years.
My mom is supposed to only be working part time, but she’s working overtime every week. It sounds like they keep trying to get work off your back but then load it back on. And then they blame you for their own failures? They’re being absurd.
I suggest malicious compliance. Go get a job. Move out. Do not care for your sister. See how much they enjoy doing the work they are legally required to do, and then ungratefully forced you to pick up the slack. P.S. – In-home caretakers get paid minimum about $25K/year.
Unless the space you’re occupying that house is worth more than $2K/month, you just got ripped off. I strongly suggest you go make something of yourself and let them take care of their own child, just like they think they want you to do.” beanfiddler
19. AITJ For Rejecting My Mom's Plan To Celebrate Thanksgiving And My Birthday In October?
“My family can never agree what to do for the holidays. My mother wants everyone to play happy family. My sister wants to be left alone.
I just don’t want to play tiebreaker. So a few years ago we struck a deal. Every year, responsibility for Thanksgiving rotates. Whoever’s turn it is gets to decide what we do (or don’t do). This year is my sister’s turn and we’re all but certain she’s just going to cancel it entirely.
We were all together this past weekend when my mother pulled me aside. She tells me “I have a great plan. Your sister is going to cancel Thanksgiving this year. So I thought we could all get together at the end of October to celebrate Thanksgiving and your birthday!” My birthday is the first week of September.
To be honest, I was confused but mostly angry.
Firstly, cancelling Thanksgiving means it’s cancelled. It doesn’t mean we reschedule it and do it anyway. This is also the very first year that it’s my sister’s turn. The first year that Thanksgiving might be cancelled. And she’s trying to circumvent that to get what she wants.
By putting me in the middle. Again. Secondly, this is not about my birthday at all given the fact that it’s going to be 2 months after my birthday. There are at least 3 other family birthdays around the end of October she could have said, but she chose mine.
My birthday, which is only weeks away, and she did nothing for me while I was already there. We don’t even really celebrate birthdays in my family.
I told her no. I told her that cancelled means cancelled so it wouldn’t be for Thanksgiving.
Then I said I don’t want to do anything for my birthday, which is nowhere close to when she was suggesting we get together in the first place. She immediately started crying, demanding to know why I won’t spend my birthday with her.
I tried to reiterate what I said above, but she just kept asking why she isn’t allowed to see me on my birthday. That she is my mother and it’s her right to want to spend my birthday with me. I feel I’m in the right here, both for sticking up for our pre-established agreement and for wanting to make my own plans for my birthday (when my birthday actually occurs).
But it’s clear she just wants to spend time as a family and I shot her down rather harshly rather than trying to get to the root of her logic.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family has an agreement which your mom is trying to circumvent.
And then trying to manipulate you about. She doesn’t have a ‘right’ to see you on your birthday. You aren’t likely to get her to change her mind or how she wants, so don’t waste your time trying, just stick to your guns and maybe have a ‘go to’ response – “We agree to rotate thanksgiving – I respected you and what you wanted when it was your year, and I’ll respect Sister and what she wants when it’s mine.
Equally, you get to choose what you want to do on your birthday, and I get to choose what I want to do on mine.” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ mostly because your mom is behaving so bizarrely by pretending that you’re saying no to an end of October hypothetical activity that isn’t actually related to your birthday at all.
If she wants family time, she can just throw a party or host a dinner or something on her own time.” hammocks_
18. AITJ For Wanting To Give My Friend A Reality Check About His Living Conditions?
“So I (22 M) have known my friend Andrew (23M) for about 10 years. We took slightly different paths out of high school, he ended up getting an Associate’s degree from a local community college while I ended up going to a private college, and graduating with my Bachelor’s back in May.
I’m actively looking for jobs in my field and looking to start my career. Andrew, however, took a slightly different path.
He’s always been really passionate about video games, retro gaming, and YouTube content creation. So, pretty much immediately out of high school he started a YouTube channel and has really seeded himself on making a career out of content creation.
As of this point, he’s created a channel with ~10k-11k subscribers and has worked a few part-time odd jobs over the years. Also immediately out of high school, he was very adamant and committed to moving out of his parents’ house. I don’t entirely know the circumstances surrounding it, but he ended up moving to a family-owned trailer a couple of years ago.
He’s over the moon at the ability to live alone and do what he enjoys.
In the last year or so, Andrew and I have started hanging out in person more, and this trailer looks absolutely miserable and in total disarray. Recently, I caved and cleaned out a portion of the kitchen for him.
Molded food, countless fast food bags, trash bags, and just plain junk. This place is seriously unlivable, and he has seemingly little problem with it, as he stopped me from cleaning the rest of the kitchen and/or his living room. He currently doesn’t have access to waste disposal. He’s cited “mental issues” every time I mention the state of things or offer to help him clean.
He seems to really spend all of his time as a recluse on Discord servers or working on little projects when he’s living in a dump. It’s not my place to tell someone how to live their life, but I’m concerned for health and physical/mental wellbeing.
It really just feels like what he’s doing is no way to live life, regardless of what you do. I’ve been so close to losing my cool with him and snapping at him for letting it get so out of hand, even when I and others (his family included) have offered to help.
WIBTJ if I gave him a hard reality check and expressed my concerns for his future, lifestyle, health, etc.?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t be surprised if he doesn’t take it well. People change when they’re ready and motivated to do so. It’s very hard to get people to listen if they’re not ready to listen.
You might have better results if you come at it from the angle that you’re concerned about him and want to know if there’s some way you can help support him. Also try to do it when you’re feeling calm as opposed to when you’re already irritated with him.
If he’s not willing to change and not ready to deal with his mental issues, there’s probably not much you can do other than to let it go until he is ready.” jennnjennjen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My two cents is it may be depression, I’m willing to bet it.
Second thought is substances or booze, which is usually a good sidekick to depression. Runner-up is mom and pop took a lot more care of you than you realized, including giving you your own personal space to stay, and now you gotta do your own darn laundry.
Try to have a bro to bro conversation with him privately, undistracted. Ease into the what’s on your mind part.” BeerLosiphor
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter's Friend Dye Her Hair Without Her Dad's Permission?
“This past weekend, Daughter (14/F) decided that she wanted to dye her hair blue, and she invited her friend (14/F) over to help her with it. After they finished, Friend decided that she really liked the look and that she also wanted blue hair. Since she’s only 14, I asked Friend to first call her dad and make sure it was okay with him.
Friend called her dad but he didn’t answer his phone. Friend then sent a text to her dad’s partner and asked her if it was okay to dye her hair blue. Friend showed me that her dad’s partner had texted back saying, “Sure, go for it!” I wasn’t aware that her dad even had a partner, much less one that was on stepmom level, so I asked her how long they’d been together.
Friend said since April. I asked if Friend if she lived with them and Friend said not technically, but she might as well.
I said I’d be a lot more comfortable if she waited until she got permission directly from her dad. Friend asked why her dad’s partner didn’t count, because it’s still an adult that’s responsible for her.
I said that a new partner who doesn’t live with you isn’t quite the same as a parent. Friend said that she didn’t have anyone else to ask and that it isn’t her fault that she doesn’t have a mom. I apologized and said that I didn’t mean it like that, and repeated that I’d rather we wait and see what her dad said.
Friend’s dad didn’t get back to us giving his permission until it was too late in the evening for the girls to dye Friend’s hair, so they ended up not doing it. Friend was very obviously disappointed and I felt bad, especially since it turned out that her dad’s partner and her dad did both give her the same answer so there wouldn’t have been any harm in taking her at her word.
The next morning, it was Friend’s dad’s partner who came to pick her up. This made me think even more that I was wrong for not taking the fact that she had given permission into account, since evidently she’s more involved in Friend’s life than I would’ve assumed after a few months of being in a relationship.
So AITJ? I was trying to be respectful of Friend’s dad as a fellow parent and not let his kid come home from my house with dyed hair without clearing it with him, but I’m not sure if as a result I was unfairly dismissive of his partner.
I also feel awful for making Friend feel badly about her mom not being around.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were right. Some partner you didn’t even know was in the picture gave the ok? Nope. You need the actual guardians OK. That’s like saying my friend said it was ok.
Curious how the dad reacted? Did he make it clear he agreed with you waiting, but it would have been ok, or did he actually try to pretend like you should have just known the partner is ok to make decisions?” Fastr77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, better safe then sorry. Can you imagine the havoc if you allowed it and Dad was upset? It’s a tiny issue in the grand scheme of things but for a teen this is the worst thing ever! So I’d get ahead of any teen drama by maybe having her over next weekend for her hair to get dyed.” LunaticBZ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was definitely a tricky situation but you handled it about as well as anyone could expect. Graduating from being in a relationship to step-parent/responsible guardian takes time and effort and needs to be done carefully and thoughtfully with regard to the child.
If the dad’s partner has only been in the picture since April, that’s only a few months, which is very little time for her to have any meaningful parenting role in the child’s life. So you were wise to seek out the dad’s input. And honestly, if I’d been in a relationship with someone with a kid for only a few months, and another parent contacted me to ask for my decision on something that impacts that child, I’d be deeply uncomfortable doing so and would instead refer them to the child’s parent/person I’m in a relationship with.
If anyone’s the jerk here, it’s the dad’s partner for maybe overstepping a bit and giving you the go-ahead with the dye job. Or, if the partner has cleared it with the dad first before responding to you, she should have spelled that out for you in her text message.
I think it’s just really important to establish clear boundaries regarding children when you’re newly in a relationship with someone with a child from another relationship. I get that your daughter’s friend feels unhappy right now with how the whole situation played out, but you were looking out for her by ensuring that you weren’t inadvertently causing something emotionally messy/damaging in her household to happen.” OverallCannonball
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Partner After Discovering Her Disturbing Secret Income Source?
“Me 22m and my partner 22f graduated university this year. We have been together for 2 years. She moved to an apartment, while I’m still living in the dorms since I’m pursuing a master’s degree. Recently she brought up the idea of moving in together. Honestly, financially it would be more expensive for me (Currently all my monthly bills add up to 230, except food, and if I move in with her just my part of the rent would be 400), but since we have been together for a while, it felt like the logical next move.
I suggested moving to a cheaper place but she still has 10 months on her lease. We have been talking about finances since she works part-time at a restaurant, her degree is kind of specific and doesn’t offer many jobs and even less well paid ones, and I’m getting a decent salary but I’m still on my 6 month probation so I’m not sure if they will keep me.
After doing the math, we will barely be able to get by. I was shocked that she moved to such an expensive apartment that she couldn’t afford.
My partner then told me that she has an extra source of income but asked me to keep it a secret.
She was trying to write a romance novel, but has been writing stories online, and people will tip her or pay her for commissions, since around 2021. It sounded great to me and I didn’t know why she wanted to keep it a secret. I figured it out after she showed me some of them.
I don’t think I can describe them here without being banned, but the least creepy one was with the biological mom and legal son. The other 2 were like from Criminal Minds. And all were supposed to be romantic.
I tried to give her a compliment on her writing, but I must have made a grimace because she looked hurt.
We have barely talked the last 3 days and I truthfully don’t know how to feel. These stories were horrific, and if she is into that sort of thing, we aren’t compatible, and if she is doing it just for the income, it’s still bad that she came up with these things, but she doesn’t condone them, maybe.
I’m really confused and I can’t talk to my friends or family about it, since if we stay together, they won’t look at her the same, but at this point I’m leaning towards not moving in together until her lease runs out.
WIBTJ for not moving in with her to help with the bills because of her stories even though I promised?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She shared something super personal and confidential with you. You are not obligated in any way to be ok with it, and it’s also perfectly ok that until now, you never thought about what you would do in a situation like this – who would??
now you know. If you can’t move forward, you should be honest with her, but also be willing and prepared to keep what she shared confidential.” Mobius_Stripping
Another User Comments:
“She has a career in the adult content world and that’s not for everyone, that’s okay if the relationship has run its course.
You do owe her some communication though. “If she is into that sort of thing, we aren’t compatible” how about you go ask her then? Talk to her about your concerns instead of coming to a place like this, like we will be able to magically solve your problems.” KartlindWitch
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Partner's Family Meals?
“I’ve been with my partner for 4 years now, and we occasionally see his family, consisting of his mother and sister. When we get together, we will sometimes go for a meal. Perhaps in the time we’ve been together we may have been for 10 meals out.
They will often choose posh places, and order in many starters, sides and drinks. I eat very minimally and typically have a main meal and tap water. His mother normally covers the bill, or my partner himself. I’m always grateful to her, and I ask my partner if I can get her a gift to say thank you but he just tells me she will absolutely refuse to accept anything and not to worry.
More recently, I’ve noticed his mother appears to be resenting me and hinting that I should pay for their family to go out for dinner. She has done this by asking my partner whether I actually know that she’s been paying for my dinner when we go out, and also by giving his young sister ‘her own money’ so she can ‘feel the joy of paying for everyone’ in front of me, so it appears that she’s paying for everyone’s dinner when my partner said his mother has simply given that money to his 18-year-old sister to publicly foot the bill.
His mother used to use men to feed her children, and when they invited her for a meal she’d bring them along and get the bill covered by her date. I’m wondering if she’s seeing me coming along and feels like I’m mooching off her in the same way she did with these men.
It’s starting to feel like she’s not taking my partner and I out for dinner to treat us and enjoy our company, actually she’s holding it against me and just waiting for me to treat her. It is not a gift freely given, it’s transactional.
I understand monetarily, spending €200 on his family going for dinner would likely equate what I have received from them in dinners over the past 4 years, but I cannot wrap my head around expecting me to pay for them. Perhaps my family operates differently, but when we go out with my partner, they would never let him pay for himself, let alone allow him to foot the bill for the family.
The thought is just so peculiar to me.
I have bought his mother coffee’s and treats over the years, but it seems she wants me to offer to splash out on taking their family out for an elaborate dinner to say thanks. Maybe it’s a difference in culture, a difference in upbringing or perhaps I’m being incredibly selfish.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d take them out to dinner and then go out with them again. Let your partner go alone. There’s no telling how often you are expected to know when to pay and when to let someone else pay.” Pauscha580
Another User Comments:
“I mean I kind of understand. Yes YTJ for not paying for them yet. But at the same time I get it. If she is insisting every time SHE pays. Then yes it’s frustrating because it sends mixed signals. Just forcefully insist you pay for everything.” Lovely_FISH_34
14. AITJ For Telling My Special Needs Neighbor Not To Mow My Lawn Again?
“I (F35) am back with another situation and who better than the wonderful folks of this platform to give me some honest feedback. So here’s what happened. I was outside mowing my front and back lawn earlier today, after I had finished and was helping to load my dad’s mower up as I’d borrowed it for the afternoon, the neighbors across the road came up to my driveway, we will call him Bill.
Bill is 30-ish years old and has some disabilities though I’m not sure exactly what they are. As Bill approached me, he seemed rather upset, so I asked him what was up the conversation wen as follows:
Me: Hey Bill, what’s up?
Bill: That yard doesn’t need mowing
Me: Well it did half an hour ago but it’s done now
Bill: You’re messing up my mowing job
Me: Excuse me?
Bill: YOU’RE MESSING UP MY MOWING JOB (yelling now)
Me: Bill, I’m the only one who mows the lawn around here so I guess I’m messing up my own mowing job lol
Bill: Forget you, Cody pays me to mow your yard
Me: Okay, well Cody didn’t tell me that and I’ve been asked by the landlord to do all the mowing so I don’t know what to tell you
Bill: It’s my job!
Me: Not anymore
Bill: Forget you, you do it wrong
Me: Okay, considering it’s my yard I don’t see how that concerns you
Bill: I MOW YOU YARD (YELLING)
Me: Wait, so was it you who moved the drain pipe from the eves and didn’t put it back?
**** Note I’ve had two major floods in my basement in a month due to my downstem being moved to point into my basement bedroom window flooding the basement and resulting in a ton of damage****
Bill: …. Yeah
Me: Well good, Bill, because you’ve caused two floods and a ton of property damage to my basement
Bill: I’m s…….
Me: Shut it! You’re never to mow my yard again
Bill: Forget you, it’s my job
Me: Bill, go away and go home. You’re never to be in my yard again. I don’t want you here now, go home.
Bill: FORGET YOU
Me: Bill, you get off my property and don’t ever come back.
Bill walks off cussing at me and calling me names
The reason I’m asking if I’m the jerk is because Bill is special needs, he is not super low functioning, he has a job, he understands basic stuff and has never done this before, but my mom thinks I was too harsh because Bill is special needs so, am I AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like your mom has gotten that etiquette training which insists that true lady always behaves so well that nobody can get upset at them. Since the world is full of odd people and situations, I think it’s impossible to demand.” Backgrounding-Cat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for making me read this unedited smash of a paragraph. And for cursing. So much eff you, clearly you’ve jumped the shark and moved straight to endless screaming profanities. Bill sucks too for flooding your place, but your question is whether you suck… And apparently Bill being special needs means you do?
Or don’t? Ugh.” Particular-Try5584
13. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Use Substances Outside For Our Health?
“I (f44) believe we all get to choose what we put in our own lungs, as much as one can anyway. Walking down the street, you can’t avoid it sometimes, and I’m not one of those people who make any comment, I would just try, for example, get ahead of a smoker so I don’t take in their smoke as I follow them.
I have a few friends who smoke and I just go in, no comments, when they light up outside. They respect my choice, I respect theirs.
In my own house, I think it’s fair to ask my partner (m50) to smoke outside if he wants to.
I am not asking him not to smoke as much as I would like him not to for his own health, but it’s his body, his choice.
My point is that if he smokes inside he’s not giving me or our two-year-old daughter a choice about the chemicals we breathe inside our house.
I’ve asked him to just take the four strides it would take from the sofa to the back door. He knows I really don’t like it but he does it anyway. I go to bed, he stays up and smokes in the lounge. He thinks I’m not looking, he sneaks a quick smoke.
I can’t stand being made to moan and be in a ‘catch him’ situation. I’m not a mean person, I’m a loving person, I want us all to be happy. If smoking makes him happy, fine, but please for my health, our daughters, and if there is respect and care between us, go outside.
I really don’t like breathing it. I should add that I had a long illness and smoke, paint fumes, etc, still irritate my lungs somewhat.
He says I’m dealing in absolutes and am unreasonable, but I think I’m just asking not to be forced to breathe a big cloud of smoke.
When he smokes inside, it makes me feel like he doesn’t care about us. I know it’s an addiction, but surely he can just go outside in the 3 seconds it takes to get to the door?
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- This is foul and I’m a smoker.
You know why people go outside to smoke? because it’s ventilated … And when you smoke in an unventilated space, not only does it leave residue on every surface, including furniture, floors, walls, ceilings, but it lingers in the air or gets into air conditioners or HVAC.
Like yes he’s carrying it in on his clothing in part but yeesh, inside he’s spraying it everywhere else too… Go ahead. Take a rag with some degreaser on it or even a disinfecting wipe and wipe a streak down the wall by that lounger of his.
Bet you’re in for a shock.” JetItTogether
12. AITJ For Cancelling My Visit Because My Mother Gave Money To My Sister?
I, 43(m), have been helping my mother, 70(f), since my father passed away last year. This includes getting her home supports, setting up appointments, managing her bill payments, etc. I also send her a modest stipend since inflation hit to offset living costs until we can figure out ways to better budget – she has very little in the way of savings, just a few thousand dollars and government stipends.
My father managed finances, and I told her I would help for a year until she had the hang of things. She’s slowly learning how to handle things on her own. She has access to her own money and accounts.
Important backstory: My younger sister has a habit of depending on our parents for money all her life.
My father used to handle her. My sister is unreliable and rarely repays money when she asks for loans. She still owes money to me and other siblings and still owing more than I can count to our parents. I don’t lend money anymore to her and we don’t talk to each other much.
Ok, back to the main story. I have a trip planned to visit my mother in two weeks – I live across the country, while my sister lives about a 20-minute drive from our mother. A big part of this trip was finalizing things not dealt with from my father’s passing, including burial (he was cremated and is in my mother’s possession) and some general home repairs my dad wouldn’t do.
Last year, after the funeral, my sister and older brother had a confrontation about how she owes everyone money and had conned several hundreds of dollars out of our nephew the day after our father died, saying it was for our mother to help with bills.
Our mother didn’t ask or need that, and none of that money ever made it to her. My sister kept it and never paid it back. I told my sister she would have nothing to do with our mother’s finances.
This month, I got banking alerts saying that an unusual amount of money was being transferred from my mother’s account: Several thousand dollars.
I contacted my mother, asking what was going on. She tells me my sister has money issues. My mother swears to me she won’t lend her anymore. That was last week.
Yesterday, I saw thousands of dollars being sent to my sister. Now my mother cannot afford to pay for the planned things.
I sent them messages saying that I won’t be coming to visit and am cancelling my flights. My mother is upset, saying how hurt she is that I’m unwilling to see her. My sister is ignoring me.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is being foolish.
If you’re going to continue helping her financially, I suggest you do it by contributing to bills directly (you log in and pay her cable or electric or whatever) instead of transferring money or writing a check.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the trip was intended to manage things like some general home repairs which your mother can now not afford.
As cold as this sounds: actions have consequences. Unfortunately, short of having your mom declared incompetent and asking the courts to grant you power of attorney over her accounts; I’m not sure there is anything else you can do.” Formerretailmom
Another User Comments:
“All jerks here.
Your mom is an adult, and she should have some ability and competency when it comes to finances. Your sister… well, she’s a thieving little jerk, that speaks for itself. You, knowing your mom is bad with money, are just throwing up your hands and saying “oh well.” I generally believe that children should not be responsible for their (competent) parents, but what is the point of having a support system if they can’t extend some grace during a vulnerable period like mourning?
Consider that you’re letting her drain money that might eventually be needed for her elder and end of life care. Also, you’re setting yourself up so that she’ll be ACTUALLY dependent on you instead of just needing advice and protection from your sister.” Radiant_Maize2315
11. AITJ For Taking In And Cleaning My Neighbor's Neglected Dog?
“I’m relatively new to my neighbourhood and haven’t met all of my neighbours or their pets yet.
This morning I was walking my dog and noticed a small white dog on its own in the road. I called to him and he came right over to me. I took a look around and didn’t see an owner. It was 7:30am and already 95 out so I didn’t want to leave him outside to get heat stroke or hit by a car.
I brought him inside and posted his picture to a neighbourhood group. On closer inspection, he was disgusting. Dirt caked everywhere, he had massive tear stains on his eyes, and he smelled. I assumed he had been outside for a while to get into this condition.
I volunteer with the humane society, so I contacted them to make a post about a found dog, and then went to work washing this very dirty dog. Took an hour just to get the dirt out, 30 mins to trim up his face so he could see, and then I was 45 mins into brushing him out when there was a very loud knock on my door.
It was a neighbour from 1 complex over demanding I give him his dog back. I asked for proof it was his dog (photos, ownership info etc.) and he went off on how he didn’t need to give me anything because it was his dog and I took it.
Another neighbour (whom I know) vouched for him that he did have a small white dog and the dog responded to the name he gave, so I went into my house and brought out his now fresh smelling bright white fluffy clean dog; and he was upset.
He said I had no right to take his dog and wash it and accused me of kidnapping him! I explained that I didn’t see a person around when I found him and he said his wife saw me take the dog from her truck.
Apparently she didn’t say anything to me because she was too busy, and didn’t want to get out of the truck, but I should have known she was there?
AITJ for taking the dog and giving him a bath? I get that I maybe did lightly kidnap his dog and give him a bath, but it wasn’t intentional!
I had never seen the dog before in the 10 months I’ve lived here and honestly he needed a bath and he was so happy after to be clean!! I don’t feel bad for washing the dog but I also don’t want to start a neighbourhood rivalry over a clean dog.
Should I go apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any caring, reasonable pet owner would be happy that someone cared enough to take their dog to a cool place and care for them. I would be grateful if you took my dog in at all and would be embarrassed if my dog was dirty.
Good job being a good human!” TheNewVoiceOfReason
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t bother apologizing. Instead, if you happen to have any photos about your neighbor’s dog before you gave him a bath, you should talk to an animal control officer and tell your neighbor clearly that he will be cited for animal cruelty and neglect.
Your neighbor was no doubt being neglectful, considering that the poor dog was extremely dirty, smelled, and had tear stains in his eyes.” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“Where was his alleged wife and truck? If you honestly did not see them you are so NTJ.
What you did was humane and the right thing to do for certain. To me, if people love their animals oh so much when they act like what you’re describing here, then greater care should have been taken, by him, his wife, whoever, to make sure he wasn’t wandering down a road by himself!
I’m glad there are people like you who care more about the welfare of the dog than being right like apparently this jerk does.” Starbucks_Lover13
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Brother's Wedding After He Ignored My Emotional Pain?
“I don’t want to go to my brother’s wedding that’s in 3 weeks!
This is due to a conflict back in January of this year. He and his partner were having a baby, all was going well, as they were going through all of the emotions and childbirth, etc, he was constantly contacting me. (By the way, I’m his sister) I loved the updates and was happy that everything was going great.
But unfortunately, I was losing my pregnancy. I was incredibly upset, sad, and trying to cope with the loss, and my partner and I were going through. I asked my brother to tone it down on the updates. I still wanted updates, just not as many, just so I can focus more on what I was going through emotionally and physically.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t listening. I then asked my other brother to talk to him. And explain what I was going through, and it was not to shut down what an incredible experience he is going through. Or any sort of happiness. And also not make it about me.
The first brother got extremely angry and offended that my 2nd brother would even dare try and tell him what to do (their past has always been off and on with their relationship, even when they were kids). The fight got so nasty and so serious that the first brother said some absolutely horrible things I can’t say on this post.
Fast forward to 4 days ago. I get a nice message from the first brother. I reply nicely back. Thinking that maybe we might be able to fix the broken bridge between us. I just want him to apologise for getting so upset and angry with the 2nd brother and me.
That’s it.
(I still haven’t met their baby yet, 7 months old)
The first brother’s partner messages me. Stating I have caused harm and sadness to them. I have made their wedding a negative thing and just goes nuts. Also saying what a horrible person I am etc. It was so left of field.
So I messaged the first brother asking if he knows that she messaged me.
He said yes. I asked if that’s also what he thought about me in the same way. Saying some nasty horrible things that, in my eyes, just aren’t true.
He agreed with her.
We haven’t spoken since. I don’t want to be the bigger person by attending their wedding, but I have been told by friends that I should be the bigger person and go. It feels like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.
What are your thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“Given your circumstances at the time, your request was a reasonable one. That bro 2 tried to intervene on your behalf when your very reasonable request was ignored and was made to be the bad guy by bro 1 and his partner, tells me these two are selfish and narcissistic.
Who wants to engage more than necessary with selfish narcissists? Both bro 1 and his partner have made it abundantly clear that they dislike you. Who would want to go to the wedding of people who dislike them??? But I bet they will still expect a gift. Heck, that maybe WHY they invited you.
NTJ” AffectionateOwl5824
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you are feeling better. Things will get easier and the little angel will always be in your heart. Your brother and partner are very inconsiderate and lack empathy. Especially now that they had their baby, how can they not put themselves in your shoes and understand your loss?
If you don’t feel comfortable going to the wedding, then don’t go. Unless they apologise! Words have meaning and actions have consequences. You’ve done nothing wrong! Good luck!” Ritocas3
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Pokémon Cards To My Younger Cousin?
“I’m 16 and the cousin is 7. I have a very slow laptop and I can’t even open a tab without waiting 1-5 minutes, it’s slow and terrible.
Even though I got it “fixed” all the company did was give me a new one and it was even slower. In my spare time, I play video games and dreamed about getting a monitor for gaming and streaming since I was his age, I can display my Nintendo Switch gameplay on my current computer but it’s glitchy, prone to freezing, and low quality.
I’ve talked to my mom about it and it seems that she will help pay for a cheap monitor or a new computer (around 300-500 for the monitor in this case) if I give her either half or all of the total cost for it.
So I’ve taken up doing chores and babysitting for money, and I’m currently looking for a job with no luck, so I’m planning on selling my Pokémon cards and old 3DS games (I have a little under 200 card,s last I counted, all mint condition).
I remember only collecting them and never playing with them as a kid because I didn’t know how to play, a teacher saw and told me some of my cards were worth around $20. And since I haven’t touched them in years I realized I could sell them at a pawn shop or EBay when I was 15 even though I don’t know how to sell it on the site but my mom said she’d set it up for me.
Fast forward a year and my cousin finds out I have Pokémon cards because someone in my family snitched, and he wants some of mine. I shut him down the first time, and he was mad and pouted about it, like how he normally does.
Later, when he found out I was trying to sell them, he begged me to at least give him the ones I had doubles, or 1 “Super rare one”. Here’s the thing, I don’t remember promising him anything but saying something to the effect of “No (Cousin) I’m trying to sell them for money but I’ll see what I can do”
And now my mom’s about to have surgery tomorrow and she invited my aunt and by default my cousin over so someone can help her/watch the baby while she recover, while I’m playing my game he asks me about the Pokémon card and says can he have some and that I promised, I told him I didn’t remember promising but I’ll think about it.
He doesn’t know I forgot to post them online because I was caught up in some other stuff so it slipped my mind, and when I tried the pawn shops in my area, they didn’t take Pokémon cards, so I forgot. But I’m planning on putting them online in the coming weeks because they could be valuable right now.
WIBTJ if I tell my cousin he can’t have the cards?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you did not make any promises and he has no right to your things. If you wanted to be generous and give him a card, that’s fine, but if he just is not mature enough to take care of things yet or doesn’t have appreciation for the cost and the value of items, then you should not feel obligated in any way.
Good luck!” User
Another User Comments:
“Tricky situation, but I’m going to say NTJ. At the end of the day, it’s still your property. If you want to sell it, then do so. You have no obligation to give stuff to your cousin. If you’re still feeling bad about it after, either tip off his parents that he wants Pokémon cards, so they can get him some, or maybe get him some at a later point for his birthday or Christmas when you’re able.
(I had a similar situation with my little cousin demanding a few old dolls I intended to sell. Except she was a brat and screamed the house down….I still sold them though)” RaeFaeBow3
8. AITJ For Wanting To Be Financially Stable, Against My Mother's Wishes?
“I (18M) have had a funky upbringing financially. My father’s (44M) side of the family has loads of money, my granddad being a multi-millionaire. However my mother’s (44F) side does not. When I was growing up, I had a good middle ground where my grandfather was paying for private school.
I’m very lucky to have that opportunity and I don’t take it for granted.
When my parents divorced, I lived with my mother, as she kept the house, while I visited my dad every other weekend or so. A couple of years ago, my mum got sick, to the point where she would be in pain almost constantly and stress only makes it worse.
Making her unable to work. She was on benefits and only recently got accepted for disability. My dad pays less than needed in child support, so we don’t have that much money at home. My mum sacrifices everything to make sure my sister and I eat (although I also limit myself so that my mum definitely eats as well).
And we struggle with bills.
Here’s where the conflict begins. I always talk about how I’m going to do what I can to help out money-wise. I’ve been looking around for jobs that I can do before I go off to uni, I lend her money whenever she needs it, and things like that.
I talk about the future saying things like ‘when I’m rich I’ll be able to help out more’ (which might be wishful thinking but one can only dream!) and I never say this to her but I don’t really want to be like the current situation we’re in where we’re constantly stressed about bills, food, and other expenses.
Whenever I bring up wanting to earn a good amount of money in the future, my mum ALWAYS calls me shallow and a jerk and compares me to my dad (which I hate, he is a jerk sometimes) saying that she needs to ‘snap me out of it’ and how rich people are never happy and all that matters is children (I don’t want kids!) and family.
Which is partly right, but I really don’t think I’m a jerk for wanting to earn more money than we’re currently living on in the future? Unless my perspective is completely in the wrong, in which case, I’d like some feedback.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have seen both sides – having money and not having money – and realize that life with money is generally easier (I know it doesn’t bring health or love, but does put food on the table). You are also ambitious, which can be a positive trait.
Contrary to what your mother is saying, you are not shallow. Pursue your goals.” No-To-Newspeak
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s great that you have aspirations of wanting to live a comfortable life. But if you’re constantly talking about how one day you will be rich and have money, your mom may be taking that as a dig at her attempts to provide for you.
Also, if you only talk about the goal of just being rich, it can come across as shallow. Do you talk about other goals, career goals, hobbies, or is it just money, money, money? Maybe tone down the rich talk and talk about career choices instead.” Crafty-Gardener
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but you need to cool it with the chatter. I get that you want a life where you don’t have to worry about money, but your mom worries about money every single day. Yes, she always makes sure you are fed, but you said yourself you limit what you eat, so she can eat, and you struggle with bills, so for you to say that you’ll be comfortable is like a slap in the face to her.
She’s doing her absolute best and you’re telling her it’s not enough while your dad isn’t even paying his share.” Throwaway51276
7. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Step-Brother's Art Project Because I'm Albino?
“I (16F) am albino. I got lucky in the sense that I didn’t get some of the bad side effects other than photosensitivity, but I’m whiter than white and have kind of blue-violet eyes.
It’s even weirder because I’m half Korean and take after my mom, so I have a really unusual look and people stare. A lot. And I hate it.
My mom passed from cancer when I was 10 and my dad remarried earlier this year.
I’m not a huge fan of my step-mother, but she makes my dad happy and doesn’t do anything to really mess up the vibe in the house. She has two sons (“Jim”, 21, and “Jake” 19) and that’s a whole different story. They’re both at college but are home for the summer and I can’t wait for them to go back.
This is Jim’s last year and he has to start working on his senior art show project. He does a lot of photography and stuff. You can probably guess where this is going. He wants to do a gallery on me for his project because I’m so “unique” and it would get him attention and be good for his portfolio and job stuff after school.
I hate the idea. I don’t like being gawked at, and this would just be like second-hand gawking. I said no, and he argued with me about it and wanted me to do him a solid. His mom joined in and said it would be fun and she would take me to get my hair done and pick out some nice outfits.
Maybe I could use the shots to get some modeling work later on. Jake said people are going to stare at me anyway and nobody at Jim’s college knows who I am, so I’m being a baby. I finally got mad and told them to find a different freak show to take pictures off and locked myself in my room.
My dad came in later and said that I don’t have to do the photo thing, but it would be a nice thing to do and it wouldn’t take anything but a little time and maybe make a real difference for Jim. Step-mom thinks it was rude to imply that Jim thinks I’m a freak and making him feel bad.
Jake DM’d me “literal snowflake lol”.
I feel bad now because I told my friend and she said getting a makeover and being a model even if it’s for my stupid step-brother’s school project sounds awesome. I don’t know if I’m being a jerk and it’s not a big deal, it seems like everyone else thinks so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your family needs to leave you alone. also, your friend wants to be a model, not you. You are not being a snowflake, you have boundaries. Forget Jim and forget the family that thinks your comfort means nothing if he can have a “cool person” to take pictures of.” TaratronHex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fine that he asked and it’s fine that you said no. It wasn’t fine that everyone tried to pressure you into it. You don’t owe him any photos. No one, your family and friends included, will understand what it’s like to live in your shoes and constantly be stared at.
Some people might like i,t thinking it would make them feel desirable, but that’s not it. I don’t think anyone would enjoy being gawked at all the time. Doesn’t matter if it’s people you don’t know and never will.
No one is entitled to using your appearance.” Blonde-Engineer-3
6. AITJ For Leaving Home When The HVAC Guy Arrived Without Prior Notice?
“So for once I THINK I’m actually 99% YTJ whether intentional or unintentional but I just want to make sure if it’s completely my fault or not. This is short and also JUST happened. Our AC has been broken for a couple of days and our landlord was digging her heels in on fixing it.
She refuses to hire a professional she just gets random handymen she knows. I will admit, most times they’re pretty decent but other times they’ve just made the problem worse.
Anyway, she had texted me this morning asking if I was gonna be home. I’ve done this song and dance with her 50 times of her asking me that and then the guys never showing up, so I thought nothing of taking something over to my mom’s house, who lives less than a mile away, less than a 2 minute drive.
Well here is where I think I may definitely be YTJ. Apparently the HVAC guy had parked slightly behind our trailer and while I was backing out to go to my mom’s, he had just gotten there when I left. I literally never saw him.
Understandably, he probably is thinking ‘what the jerk?’ So he calls my landlord to tell her and she calls me freaking out on me. I told her she never gave me a heads up that he would be there today, just asked whether or not I was home and pointed out that there’s been a few times where she asked me that same question and the repairmen didn’t show up for another week and I had to cancel plans or work.
She tells me it’s never okay to leave when they’re there because it’s their time not our time, which I agree with, but I never would have left had I seen him or gotten a heads up that he was actually coming.
I tried to apologize to her but she seemed quit flippant, maybe just irritated with me since so many things have been breaking in the trailer due to the recent storms that she’s been having to fix.
(We now are going 2 weeks without a light in the kitchen and bathroom, and also two leaks in both those areas as well.) I’m pretty sure I’m YTJ this time but I think she might be too for not communicating a single thing to me.
Repairman is completely innocent, IMO, he was probably wondering why the heck I just ditched him, but what do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“Landlord should give you a more precise time when the HVAC guy is coming so you can be there during that time.
Or give you that person’s direct phone number to sort it out. Asking if you’re going to be home or not is not communicating that there’s going to be a handyman there this morning, even if you could potentially infer that. Also, instead of chewing you out, why couldn’t the landlord have been like, communicate with him, and where are you?
You’d have been home in less than 5 minutes. That you didn’t see the person pull in doesn’t make you YTJ, they could have street parked and you’d have no idea who they were. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not a jerk for leaving when the HVAC guy came.
You had no way of knowing he was there or that he was coming that day. * Your landlord was the one who failed to communicate with you and give you a heads up. * She was also the one who refused to hire a professional and delayed fixing your AC.
* She has no right to freak out on you or blame you for her lack of planning and organization. You tried to apologize to her, but she was rude and dismissive.” Selena_Kardashian
5. AITJ For Asking My Subtenant To Pay Rent Despite Troublesome Living Conditions?
“So I’m a student that subletted their room for the summer since I’m at home now for the break from May to August. I subletted my room in a 5 bedroom apartment to a female student in her 20s, and the other rooms were subletted too by my roommates.
I subletted my room to my subtenant for $600 a month due on the first of each month. She has been late on the first 2 of 4 payments by about a week, but she still made sure she paid it. This month of July is almost ending and she has only paid me $200.
Each time I ask her for the remaining rent, she says she will have it ready on x day. When I check in with her on x day, she further extends and says it will be ready on another x day. This has been going for weeks.
Now usually you’d start taking action, however, it seems one male subtenant in the unit is crazy. We knew there were problems between our subtenants, but they were discrete and did not name names to us or tell us much. One male subtenant moved out without notice because he had enough of the subtenants, but he still didn’t name names.
Last night, another female subtenant sent us videos of the subtenant acting crazy, and now we finally knew who the predator was and the extent of their actions.
It is extremely scary and horrifying for anyone to live with someone like that, especially for the females, and I can’t imagine.
My subtenant has never mentioned anything about this whole problem, so I didn’t know what was her side of the experience. Now, I have a feeling she kept delaying her rent payment not because she was behind on money, but because of this whole dangerous experience.
Because if I were her, I definitely would not want to pay to live with a manic either. She knew how much money she had and how much she could make, so it was weird she kept giving me empty dates for when her payment would be ready.
I feel bad now knowing the whole situation, and feel bad my subtenant has to experience that. But I also never intended for this kind of insane person to live in our apartment. I’m a student doing my best to make my rent payments in too, and I’d be losing out on $1000 which is a lot to me if I gave up on requesting money from her.
But I feel she is in an even worse situation than I am.
I have asked her multiple times if her rent is ready, but now I don’t know if I should continue to pursue. So, WIBTJ if I asked her to pay the rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking for the money but YTJ for not doing anything about the “crazy tenant” You can’t withhold rent because you have a problem with another tenant. She should have alerted you, although I’d wager that’s not why she’s not paying you.
It seems she is either having money issues that you don’t know about, OR she is trying not to pay you because she plans on leaving like your other tenant, and she doesn’t want to pay if she is leaving. You should ask for the money and ask how things are, but also if you KNOW that the other tenant is causing problems for everyone, then you need to get him out of the house” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a grown person, if she had issues with this tenant she needed to voice them to you instead of withholding rent. I don’t believe this is actually the reason she’s always late since she never mentioned it, though, I think she’s just bad with money.
There’s a great saying, don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Get your rent or threaten to evict her and follow through.” copamarigold
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bills are due regardless of circumstances. Even if I don’t use Hulu all month, I still have to pay for it.
If I leave on vacation, I still have to pay my utilities while I’m gone. She lives there and hasn’t given you any notice that she’s moving, so she owes rent. Yes it sucks for her, but it’s how life works unfortunately.” katiereadsalot
4. AITJ For Taking Solo Trips And Buying A New Jeep While Our Funds Couldn't Afford A Cruise For My Wife?
“Recently, I celebrated my 50th birthday and the payment of my truck by planning a solo vacation. I sat down with my wife, explaining my intentions to take a week-long trip that I would fund independently. Although she initially desired a cruise, our financial situation didn’t permit it due to unexpected expenses.
I meticulously charted out my travel plans during the early part of the year and shared them with my wife. The plan was to leverage my accumulated airline miles for a first-class trip to Los Angeles, where I’d meet up with a long-lost cousin, attend a Dodgers game, and enjoy a casual stroll around LA.
From there, I’d board an Amtrak train to Chicago to spend some quality time with my mother and brother, sightsee, attend a Cubs game, spend a night, and then head back to Louisiana.
About a month before my trip, my boss informed me about an upcoming conference in Las Vegas set to occur a month post my vacation.
Being not much of a ‘Vegas person,’ I accepted it casually. Before embarking on my journey, I mentioned to my wife about my inclination towards buying a Jeep. The paid-off truck didn’t bring much joy, and I was contemplating a shift in attitude towards a more laid-back vehicle.
She supported the idea, and I eventually went on my trip. While exploring LA and Chicago, I made it a point to call her and our 12-year-old daughter every evening, share my day’s experiences, and discuss their day for about twenty minutes.
Upon my return, I exchanged my truck for the Jeep, financing it from my personal savings as we maintain separate bank accounts.
Contrary to our friends’, my daughter’s, and my fondness for the Jeep, my wife wasn’t thrilled about the vehicle’s open-top design. Ironically, she had been exploring Jeep options and sharing her preferred color choices with me before my trip.
The Las Vegas work trip followed shortly.
Apart from spending the day before the conference relaxing by the hotel pool, I mostly hung out with my mother and brother who joined me there, and treated myself to “Love” by Cirque du Soleil on the last night – all expenditures borne by me.
Despite being away, I continued the ritual of calling my wife and daughter daily.
However, upon returning from Vegas, my wife seemed distant, exhibiting signs of envy about my back-to-back trips. I assured her that if she wished to take a break, I’d be more than happy to look after our daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“Unless I’m missing something, you told your wife that you (collectively) couldn’t afford to take her on a cruise. Then, you took a vacation, bought a midlife crisis Jeep, went to Vegas, and when she complained you were all like “what’s wrong baby”?
Dude, I get that midlife crises are a thing but you need to think about the optics and show some empathy. YTJ” asbestoswasframed
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It sounds like you’re leaving some stuff out. Your joint funds couldn’t swing a cruise, but you could afford first class airfare to LA and a pretty long (how many days, exactly?) solo vacation.
And then you came home and bought yourself a new Jeep with your private funds, and you ignored any input from your wife on that purchase. What cruise was she interested in that costs more than a new car? Why didn’t you invite her to go to Vegas with you?
You seemed to have dropped a fair amount of money there as well. When’s the last time you vacationed with your wife? Why do you do the fun stuff without her? You mostly just sound like a selfish jerk.” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“YTJ going on vacations as if you were single (knowing wife and daughter want to go too), buying a jeep (but no money to take wife on holiday?).
And what’s with mom and sibling going to Vegas but not your own WIFE AND DAUGHTER??? Do you actually want to be a bachelor again? Coz this is where this is heading. You sound incredibly selfish. But hey, at least you called them every night and rubbed it in their faces.
What a chump.” hope_and_misery
3. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Get A Life And Stop Hogging The Game Room?
“For context, my father got my sister (13 F) and me (16 F) a Nintendo switch that was to always be hooked up to the TV in the game room and never moved. Fast forward a couple of years and I am in high school, have a job, in 2 honor societies, and 3 varsity classes.
On the weekends, I would love nothing more than to play TOTK but I can’t because my sister is using the switch all the time (before and after school, weekends, and holidays). I’m a little annoyed but start to save up for my switch.
When I finally got my switch, I could never play on the big TV screen (yeah, I know, stupid argument but it’s just better on the big screen ok). What’s even worse is that my sister started treating the game room like it’s her room: leaving her chargers, shoes, blankets, and even food in there.
She even started leaving trash in there!
I keep telling my mom that it’s not healthy or normal for a kid her age to be cooped up in a dingy room every second of every day and that she should be playing outside and stuf,f but her answer every time is “we let you do that when you were her age”.
No. She forced me into a sport at 12 that made me anxious, and depressed (I’m much better now so don’t worry lol). I understand that sports aren’t for everyone, but my sister used to be really athletic and loved running before we got the switch.
Also, my sister loves to verbally mistreat me by calling me lazy, stupid, a slob, and other hurtful things. Today, I finally snapped when my sister started berating me and yelled “You need to get a life! I’m so sick of you verbally abusing me when all you do is eat junk and play video games!” My mom pulled me into the kitchen while my sister cried and screamed my ears off about how “Everyone is different” and “To let her do the parenting”
I can’t stand this situation. My mother is enabling my sister’s behavior and mistreatment towards me and my father, fully supports me, but wouldn’t dare speak out against my mother. I hate seeing my sister cry, but I am just so annoyed at her for ruining something that should have been a nice gift. We never should have gotten that switch in the first place.
I’m also just really annoyed at the fact that our once beautiful game/music room is now a smelly cave for my sister. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“How old is your sister right now? Based on the info, I guess she is around 15-16, which is old enough to understand that her verbally insulting you will lead to damages and consequences.
You fought back, which seems hurtful, but it was your defence. I would say both NTJ and ESH. NTJ because you have the right to defend yourself. ESH because it is a sibling fight, and when insults are thrown out, you and she are both jerks for hurting each other.
P/S: your mom sucks at parenting. She should try to understand both sides instead of belittling you.” Astracy
Another User Comments:
“Gonna say NTJ, I love video games as well, I play a lot, but not being able to let someone else use the PC, TV, etc, looks like an addiction to me.
And your mother’s enabling it. But I guess you can’t help her by saying she doesn’t have a life or that she can’t play all the time. It’s your mother’s job to find her another hobby where she can be happy and spend her time.” RainbowPanda00
2. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Food For My Unemployed Brother?
“My (28F) mom asked me to buy my brother (29M) and I some food after I got off of work today and I refused. For some background – I know that our parents love us both, but it’s very obvious that my brother has always been coddled and favored by our parents and our grandmother because (in my opinion) he is the firstborn son.
Some examples: whenever he threw tantrums, I had to be good and just stay quiet to not add more tension; whenever I had leftovers and my brother didn’t, my parents or grandma would give him my leftovers the next day in the morning without asking me.
They only stopped after I yelled at them enough times, and even then, I caught them (mostly my grandma) trying to do it when I was sleeping or out of the house a couple of more times. They would always say that I shouldn’t be angry because they could just buy more food, but I never insisted because I felt guilty.
So my brother got his Master’s in Engineering last May and hasn’t found a job yet (another problem altogether). Even without a job, he has the time + money to hang out with his friends on most days, go to the gym, go on out of the country trips with his friends, etc. For some time now, whenever my parents or grandma see that I’ve brought food back home after getting it at or after work or from hanging out with my friends, they either ask me how come I didn’t get some for my brother or make comments about how he’s my LITTLE brother (he’s not) and that I should look out for him since he’s family.
When I DO get him something to eat (because I felt like it and not because they told me to), they always ask me how come I didn’t get something bigger for him. When I give him my leftovers (and it’s only leftovers from the previous day!), my mom tells me that I shouldn’t be giving my brother “contaminated” food – basically that I should’ve gotten him fresh and separate dishes.
Anyways, I keep telling them no now, but they keep asking me and they’ve never asked my brother to get me food either.
My mom texted me again to get some food today after work and I texted her back saying that I’m not hungry and that she should ask my brother to get some himself since he’s not doing anything anyways.
She’s stopped texting me and is now giving me the silent treatment so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if at all possible, I would get out of that house as soon as you can. It sounds like your reasonable boundaries are trampled all over and you are being put into a caretaker role for your brother.” ReiEvangel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like your parents are. Are they paying you back for the food you buy for your brother? Honestly, they’re jerks either way, but demanding that you feed your brother all the time with your own money is even worse.” MrsWeasley9
1. AITJ For Not Attending Family Holidays After Having A Newborn?
“Me (23f) and hubby (28m) are pregnant with our first successful baby, she is our rainbow baby and is due early November (she could come anytime from 29th of Oct to 10th of Nov) so she will be born during RSV/FLU season and for Thanksgiving I will be still healing and perhaps during Christmas too if an emergency C-section is in order.
We usually have 3 thanksgivings and 3 Christmases that we have to go to, My father’s, my mother’s and the in-laws which all live 11 to 18 minutes away from us, so there’s “no excuses” of us not going to their houses unless our car breaks down (Like last year’s Christmas) but this year we do have a few reasons, 1.
Don’t want baby exposed to any sicknesses in the first 2 months of life. 2. We are gonna be tired and 3. don’t want to deal with 23 people at my father’s, 6 people at my mother’s and 24 people at the in-laws.
Hubby says he’ll go get plates from each house if we want food but he’d like to spend as much time with his daughter since he is a carpenter and doesn’t get many days off, so for her first Thanksgiving and Christmas he doesn’t want anyone to pass our child around like a football.
So we told my father and he understands, he said he’s still gonna invite us and if we change our minds we are welcomed. We told my mother and she was upset and said “don’t keep the baby away from us” we had to explain so now she kind of understands and the in-laws are upset they say we “never come around” FIL says “family comes first son” and SIL already thinks I “stole her brother from her.” Now she thinks I’m holding the baby away from them ( when realistically, we do visit them and they ignore us, their house is a mess, they have roaches, they always smoke and never wash their hands.) As of right now, the in-laws are trying to guilt trip with every excuse in the book.
So, will we be jerks for not going to 3 separate families’ thanksgivings and Christmases?”
Another User Comments:
“Wtf? No, your new baby, you set the standards. There will be lots of group holidays in the years to come, this one around you’re sitting out the germ-fest. If seeing you guys for the holidays is so important, each couple can visit you (with a meal and an hour of cleaning) a week or so before they have the festivities if you feel up to it.
Aren’t most of these people parents? Do none of them remember what a 2 month baby is like? What mom and dad feel like on that sleep/eat/poop schedule?” FeistyMuttMom
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t matter if your family “understands”. They don’t *have* to “understand.
OP, you are a married adult and a parent. You can do what you want to, and what you are planning to do is to see to the health and safety of your newborn and yourself. *You* are the parent now. *You* make the rules.
*You* do not have to obey commands and demands of family. If you have never set your foot down before, well, this is the time. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“So, I think it’s time for your family (You, Hubs, and rainbow baby (congrats!!!!!)) to set your own holiday traditions.
Like staying in your own home (if that’s what you want) for the day. This year, you’ll have just had a baby. The 4th trimester is real. You need to expect that you and baby will come first in all family decisions for at least a few months after the birth, as you should!” MissingInAction01
