People Get Busted In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Demanding Debt Repayment Instead Of Celebrating My Birthday?
“I (30F) have been best friends with Callie (29F) since 2016, and I consider her to be more like a sister.
Callie has always been bad at managing money. Any time we go on trips, I pay for everything, and she usually takes weeks, sometimes months, to pay me back for expenses. I’m usually fine with this because I trust her and know she would never not pay me back.
A few years ago, we both moved to bigger cities and assumed we were going to be making better money. We made a dumb decision to invest in something that basically ended up having no value. A few months afterward, Callie told me flat out she was not going to be able to keep up with the monthly payments.
I am actually making more money in my city and am good with finances. Since I can handle it better financially, we came to an agreement that she would pay the $2k yearly taxes and I would cover the monthly payments of $500. We decided we would split the initial down payment ($2k each) and then figure out the rest once everything was paid off.
All in all, she probably owes me upwards of $18-20k if you include interest.
This was in 2023, and needless to say, the whole thing has put a strain on our friendship. While she’s managed to keep up with the taxes each year, she did not start paying me back the $2k for the down payment until a couple of months ago.
I’ve been extremely patient with her, but I finally had to talk to her about a payment plan that was more concrete than just her saying she’ll “send me what she can when she can.”
The last time I visited was for another friend’s 30th birthday party, for which we were allowed a plus one, so I brought Callie.
She drank too much and got upset over nothing, completely out of the blue; I ended up having to babysit, and it snowballed into a huge fight between us. We resolved it, but the stress of it all is definitely causing us to have these rifts more often, and we don’t stay in touch as much as we used to.
This past weekend, I flew into her city for an event that we both attended. She started asking me about my birthday plans, since it’s coming up in a couple of weeks. I usually like to do a big party or trip, but I decided to keep it low-key this year and was telling her.
She started saying she still could fly in just to spend the day and do something, since she’s pretty much always been there for me, at which point I said that I would rather have her pay me back first than spend money coming to visit.
I honestly feel bad for feeling how I do, but it’s been so long that she owes me money, and while I don’t expect her to be a hermit and do nothing but be a slave to her job, it also sucks to know she is out spending money when she could be paying me back instead.
Personally, if I were in debt to a friend, I would be working and putting as much as I could toward that until it was entirely paid off, but I know everyone is different, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Perhaps no one told you… But there is no such thing as lending money to family or close friends.
You give them money that you’re okay with never receiving back. Money breaks relationships. ESH. You’re not wrong for wanting your money; however, this is your mistake. And honestly, you’re not a great friend but an enabler. You knew she was poor at managing her finances, yet still, you took her on trips and paid for her, only to want her to pay you back.
Why are you inviting her on trips she clearly can’t afford or manage with her poor financial decisions??? You even invested with her… Does that even make sense to you? I doubt you will get your money back. This relationship was doomed to crumble as soon as you started counting up receipts” Midsummer_nights
Another User Comments:
“Pretty soon, she’s going to pick a huge fight with you that will effectively end your friendship. That way, she doesn’t have to feel guilty about not paying you back, because you’re the bad guy. I’ve seen it happen time and again.
NTJ but you were pretty dumb. Consider this an expensive life lesson.” LissaBryan
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Honestly, if you knew she was bad with money, I’m shocked that you decided to go in on an investment like that with her. It also sounds like the investment was shady to begin with (not illegal, just financially risky), so… At this point, I think it’s time to simply cut your losses.
Stick to the payment plan you agreed on and that should be the end of the story.” Far_Quantity_6133
21. AITJ For Not Offering My Home To A Friend In Need?
“This just happened, and I’m suffering with a guilty conscience, so I would really use some outside input. I started uni about 2 weeks ago. There, I met this girl, let’s call her Lexie.
We hit it off and have been getting closer, as friends. She’s started to open up to me about her terrible parents: she’s gay, but closeted, due to her parents being extremely conservative and homophobic. She dates a partner, in secret, and told me that her mom has threatened to kick her out due to her style, hair, whatever it is that makes her look like a “boy” or just anything that her mom just doesn’t like.
So, yesterday, she cut her hair short. It’s not buzz cut short; it’s just a bit lower than shoulder length. This morning she came into uni crying, saying that the whole ride there her mom said that she was a disappointment, poisoned by the devil, and that she would stop paying for her tuition (in my country, it’s very rare to see freshmen paying for their tuition, since we usually start working at 18—which she and I are—and still, the pay is very low, not enough to afford a medium tuition).
So she would just have to stop going to uni. I tried to comfort her as best as I could.
Now, a few hours ago, she texted me saying that her mom kicked her out of the house because of her hair. She recorded a few audios of her mom blowing up in the car ride home, saying all kinds of stuff to Lexie: that she’s ruining her mom’s life, she’s making her mom suffer, that her mom hasn’t slept thinking about her daughter being consumed by the “devil”, that Lexie is associating with the lesbians, gays and a slur for trans people, etc. Lexie was understandably desperate, and I immediately began trying to help her.
She had nowhere to go. I didn’t offer my place, but at some point, she asked if she could come.
I said it wasn’t possible. First, I live with my mom and sister, but my mom is away and my sister would probably not allow it.
But I didn’t even try talking to my sister. Even though I sympathize and care for Lexie, I’ve only known her for two weeks. I was also worried that, if she came, she would just stay here for an indefinite amount of time, and that wouldn’t be possible, so I would be stuck in a terrible situation.
I googled some cheap hostels near her place, asked if she had money, and she said she did.
Thankfully, she managed to go to another friend’s place. However, I talked to a friend about this, and she said that was a jerk move to not even try to offer my place to her.
I’m feeling guilty, so I really could use some advice. Was I the jerk for not taking her in when she’s in this horrible situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I say this as a member of Lexie’s community, and what she’s going through is terrible.
I was lucky to have supportive parents, and so many didn’t and still don’t. But the reality is this: you’ve known her for two weeks and had no idea if she could possibly take advantage of you. Since I’ll be real here, why call you, then, a friend she’s known for longer?
She was living at home; she must have had friends close by whom she had known for years. Also, Lexie has a partner; why is she not with her? Have you even met her? And the reality is also: there is no room at the Inn, your mum wasn’t there to give any agreement, and your sister, who I can assume is in charge of the home in lieu of your mum, wouldn’t allow it, and that’s it.” AngelIslington
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, it’s not just your home. You’d be laying this on your mom and sister as well. Secondly, you’ve only known her for two weeks. Inviting her to stay with you based on such limited interaction would be one heck of a gamble.
And lastly, you are helping her, and she has other options. If your friend feels so strongly about this, she can take Lexie in.” ColdAndGrumpy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but guard your heart. Sometimes people who have horrible home lives like that have a hard time with drama-free friendships.
They can, perfectly understandably, be desperate for love and approval. And because it hasn’t been modeled, they overdo it with the ones who care about them. They need so much support that they demand almost total devotion. So either you’re “the only one” who can help, or you are just another person to reject her.
There’s very little middle ground. I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes back and forth between being all in with you or completely upset at you.” tinyahjumma
20. AITJ For Not Attending My Brother's Wedding Because His Fiancée Hates Me?
“I am (22 m) and I was recently invited to my brother’s (25 m) wedding. I responded no. For context, there is a very good reason for me not to go to this wedding. My brother and I haven’t always been best friends, but we were close, and over the years up to when I moved out in 2023, we were constantly hanging out and having good conversations.
So when I moved out with my ex at the time, I expected him to come by to see me or at least see my new place. I reached out to him from the beginning of July 2023 up to July 2024 to come by, and during that time, I scarcely received texts back or updates, which I understood, but I felt hurt over this.
Once I moved back in with my mother due to money circumstances, I was still reaching out to see him. Up until six months ago, I was hoping to see him, but he never made time like I did, so I just gave up. I will always care about him, but I think we’ve just been put in different places.
Anyways, back to the wedding. The bigger reason I don’t want to go to the wedding is due to his fiancée (25f). They have been together for five years, and I’ve known her since I was a kid (since they went to school together).
For the last five years, they’ve been in a relationship; however, she has despised me without me saying more than a word to her. I don’t know what I have done to make her hate me, as I’ve interacted with her maybe 10–15 times in total.
My brother explained in his invitation that he was going to make sure I was invited, despite knowing how much Lacey dislikes me. I don’t think that he should have to put in the extra effort and energy to invite me if I’m unwelcome, and I’m not very interested in going to begin with.
I am happy that he’s getting married, and I’m proud of him for how well he’s doing for himself, but I’m sure I can miss this event.
Now here’s why I might be the jerk: My mom has been nonstop bugging me about making up with him; I know she’s been bothering him too because she wants us to be close.
She was always close with her brother growing up. She says that I didn’t work hard enough at trying to see him during the time I moved out, and I know I was busy and didn’t stop by her house much, but it’s been two years since then, and I think he had plenty of time to reach out… Aitj?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I understand where you are coming from, it must be very hurtful that your brother has allowed your bond to deteriorate because of his fiancée’s hate for you. He may be doing this to keep the peace, although he seems to have put his foot down on the wedding invite.
You need to have a one-on-one talk with your brother and explain why you are not coming and tell him why you feel the way you do. He may not even know he has allowed your relationship to slip. You also need to make it clear to him that you need to know why his fiancée dislikes you.
It could be worth seeing if his fiancée has been distancing or cutting him off from his friends as well. This could be something more sinister. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide whether to go or not, but your brother needs to know why if you don’t.” Successful_Bath1200
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m confused. You should be the one trying to ‘make up with your brother’ when you’re the one who has been constantly reaching out to him while he’s been ignoring you because his fiancée is a jerk.
I would like to know her reasoning, though. Did you reject her when she was younger? Did she have a crush on you when she was younger and you didn’t even look in her direction? Is that what it is? I really want to know; honestly, I do.
I think your mum needs to re-evaluate the situation, in her opinion, because you’ve done nothing wrong here. Your brother sounds like he’s being controlled by his fiancée, and that’s the issue here, not you. Lacey is the issue. NTJ. You’ve done nothing wrong.
Don’t feel bad about it. Don’t send a gift either. She doesn’t deserve one. Send well wishes to your brother; send a card addressed only to your brother. Make sure you point out to your mum and show her the text messages that you’ve sent to your brother over the past two years so she knows that you have made an effort, and then she’ll get off your case and might get on your brother’s case.” ImACarebear1986
Another User Comments:
“I’m tempted to say ESH. Your brother is awful for allowing his partner’s dislike of you to ruin your bond, and you kind of are awful now for refusing to go to the wedding when his invitation is a clear symbol of him going against his partner and trying to reconnect with you.
Exactly what more do you want from him? Life is too short; I say take this olive branch.” Alarming_Snow9640
19. AITJ For Using My Car Wreck As An Excuse To Avoid Old School Friends?
“So I have got to give you two little backgrounds before I get to the question. In elementary and middle school, I was tormented. I went to a really small town school, and the queen bee decided she didn’t like me.
If I made a friend, she would do everything in her power to make them hate me. I was very isolated because of this and tried to hurt myself multiple times, which prompted my mom to switch me to a school a few towns over.
The second background is that 12 years ago, I was in a really bad rollover accident. I rolled my car five times down a highway while trying to avoid a log in the road. I underwent therapy and had multiple surgeries over the course of two years.
Aside from nerve damage and some scars, I’m 100% now. Thankfully, there was no brain damage or anything else.
Onto my AITJ question. A few years ago, I started getting friend requests or messages from people from that school. I want nothing to do with them!
If I did, I would have reached out on my own. Telling people that I have no interest in talking to them usually leads to the question of why. It’s annoying, and I don’t feel like I need to explain myself. So I started using my wreck and saying, “I’m sorry, but I was in a really bad car wreck a while back, and most of my childhood and teenage years are just a blur, so unfortunately, I don’t remember you.” It works, and people usually leave me alone after that.
Today, my daughter was out with my mom, and they ran into one of those girls. She naturally remembered my mom and started asking about me. My daughter messaged me asking if I remembered the girl. I told my daughter to just tell her I had a car wreck and don’t remember her.
My daughter asked why, and I explained it to her and why I do it.
She says I’m a jerk, and my partner thinks I’m being petty and that I should just suck it up and tell people I don’t want to talk to them.
I think I’m too old to answer people’s questions, and saying that saves me the headache because they leave me the heck alone. I’m saving my mental health! So, am I the jerk for using my car wreck as the reason I don’t remember people that I don’t want to have any involvement with?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just ignore them instead of pretending to be disabled with brain damage and memory issues. Honestly, lying and saying you don’t remember them/your childhood is more likely to make them pay more attention to you and attempt to rewrite history by pretending they were always nice and you were friends than if you just didn’t engage with them at all.” Odd_Prompt_6139
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s a convenient lie, but a lie nonetheless. You could say ‘none of your business’ or ‘I hated everything about middle school’ or ‘because of the way Queen Bee made my life heck.’ You don’t owe them an explanation, or a debate about who did what back in middle school.
But you don’t need to lie. Also, ‘No’ is a complete sentence. You could also realize that all middle schoolers are either trying frantically to fit in or just disappear. It’s part of growing up. These people aren’t your friends, but you’re wasting effort to hate them.
They aren’t those kids anymore.” 1962Michael
18. AITJ For Throwing Up On My Mom's Cooking Because I Can't Stand Cinnamon And Certain Textures?
“I (18F) have always been a “picky eater.” I don’t like most vegetables; I only like potatoes, spinach, peas, and some type of beans. I don’t like most seafood and fish; I only eat one type of fish prepared in a specific way. I will not drink milk if it’s not at room temperature without sugar.
I don’t eat lentils or eggplant, which are used in a lot of traditional dishes here. Mom usually makes these dishes and prepares something for me; for example, if she makes eggplant, she will make me some French fries (so it’s not like I don’t eat, dw).
The most irritating thing to me is cinnamon. I cannot describe to you how much I cannot stand it. I cannot stand its smell or taste. If the tiniest bit of cinnamon is put on food, I will know and I will throw up. Like one time, my mom bought a little jar of mixed spices, but she didn’t read the label.
She used it on rice. The moment I put the spoon in my mouth, I knew it had cinnamon, so I tried eating something else; however, she used the spices in everything—even the salad, for some reason. I told my mom, “Did you put cinnamon in the food?” She said, “No, there’s no cinnamon in it; it must be your imagination.” I tried eating anyway because I was hungry, but I couldn’t stand it and ran to the bathroom to throw up.
Throwing up is not a recurring thing, but it happens once every two months or so. It might be the food’s texture, or it might be too greasy, or it might be a different recipe (a change from something we usually make), or a completely new food.
Most new recipes or new foods do not sit right with me—even if they are actually good, I will throw up for some reason (mostly because of the texture or how heavy it is, making it hard to breathe). There is something she made recently that she prepared many times, and I don’t like it one bit; however, she seemed proud of it, and everyone liked it so much that I did not tell her.
Thankfully, I didn’t throw up after eating it, and she makes it less these days.
The problem and the cause of this post is that my other family members (mostly my elder sister) say that it is disrespectful that I throw up my mom’s food and that I should apologize to her.
My mom and I had our fair share of arguments growing up, mostly due to neglect (which did not stop, by the way) and comparing me to my elder sister a lot. Every time something happens, I should be the one apologizing even if I was not in the wrong (she never apologizes to me, ever).
But those, at least, I get—like, yeah, maybe I screamed and that was disrespectful, but is throwing up disrespectful even though I cannot control it? I try my best to eat the food even if I don’t like it, but I will throw up.”
Another User Comments:
“No disrespect: Have you ever been assessed for autism? What you are describing sounds close to what happens to me when someone says, “there’s no chunky vegetables in the sauce,” and then bites down into the gross, wet crunch of the largest hunk of onion you have ever met.” CruisingForDownVotes
Another User Comments:
“I would look into a diagnosis for autism or even ARFID. I mean NTJ because you’re not trying to be disrespectful. I would just learn to cook and make my own meals from now on. At least that way you can see what’s going on in it.
If it’s just “picky eating,” you can even expand your palate but on your own terms.” RB24_
Another User Comments:
“Since the question is asked multiple times, I will answer it here: ‘You’re an adult. Cook your own food!’ 1. By my country’s laws, I am not an adult.
2. I am not allowed to cook by my family because they think it’s wasteful. 3. I legally cannot work, so I can’t buy my own food either. 4. I cannot move out because that’s not a thing here (I might, without any exaggeration, be shot for it by my uncles).
5. I am not allowed to go anywhere unless it’s school, so even if I legally can, I won’t be able to work because my family forbids that.” throwaway-AITJ18
17. AITJ For Changing My Flight And Missing My Wife's Cousin's Wedding For A Family Hangout?
“My wife and I are on vacation in my native country.
I lived here until I was 18, when I moved to Canada. My wife was born Canadian, but her parents moved from the same country I did. We have a 1-year-old daughter too. My parents still live in my native country. My parents and her relatives live in different parts of the country.
So we landed at her relatives’ place. I spent a day there, said my goodbyes to my wife and daughter, and flew to my parents’ house. The plan was that I would spend two weeks at my parents’, then fly to my wife’s for three days to attend her cousin’s wedding with her.
We would all fly back to my parents’ for a few days so my parents could see my daughter, and then fly back to Canada.
A couple of days ago, my relatives decided to arrange a hangout for the entire family at the beach; huts were booked and all.
Some other relatives of mine who live in other countries are also here at the time, so it’s supposed to be a good family gathering. But it’s scheduled for the day of my wife’s cousin’s wedding. A couple of my uncles called me to ask me to change my plans so I could attend, and my parents want me to be there too.
I thought of changing my flight to later, so I’d be going after the wedding for just a day, and then coming back with my wife and daughter.
I told my wife about this, and I was pretty sure she’d be on board, because even though she’s very close to her cousin, I don’t know her at all.
However, she got really upset, saying that we had a plan, that she wanted me to be there at the wedding with her, and that she wanted good photos of our family. I tried to explain that it would mean a lot to my family if I could make it, that they rarely make plans like these, and that the wedding consists entirely of her relatives, many of whom don’t know me.
She got really upset, wouldn’t hear of it, and said I needed to be there. We ended the call.
WIBTJ if I extended my stay and missed her cousin’s wedding, whom I don’t know, because my relatives have planned a grand gathering and would like me to be there.”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, YWBTJ. You asked her input; she gave it. Yes, it would mean a lot to your relatives if you stayed, but apparently it would mean a lot to your wife if you came to the wedding. It may sound unfair, but ultimately, it’s more in your interest to make her happy than to make some relatives happy.
You did have a plan. Did you not inform your relatives ahead of time that you would be there, and when? It sounds like this all could have been planned better.” Ok-Position7403
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife has already been solo parenting for two weeks.
Now you want her to go to a wedding, toddler in tow, without your assistance so that you can further extend your vacation. When does your wife get a vacation without your child?” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You say she has family there to help.
But not a single person wants to help watch someone else’s kid while trying to enjoy a wedding. You and your wife had a plan; you talked about it, and you made that plan. But because of your family’s last-minute decision to plan a beach day, you’re going against your wife, who has watched both of your children for the past two weeks, so you don’t upset your family.
Your wife also wants someone there with whom she could spend time when other people are busy. Weddings are stressful with a baby. But by all your replies to everyone, it seems like you’ve already made your decision. It seems like you just thought we would agree with you.” NightWorldPoppy
16. AITJ For Choosing America Over A Lifelong Friendship?
“This happened last year, but my best friend has not talked to me in a year, and a few of our mutual friends are saying I’m a jerk.
So I(18f) have been planning this trip to Japan with my best friend (18f) since our first year of high school. We are both very determined people who have the mindset “set a plan and stick to the plan” so as soon as we talked to our parents about it, who said if we saved up for it by our senior year, they’d let us go, we’ve saved every possible penny we could.
We each had our own bank accounts registered with our individual goals. And in 2023, we realised we’d saved about 80% of the money needed with still one more year to go.
The drama started when I qualified for a study program in America. It was a program I’d always wanted to do, but I never thought I’d get to because the interviewers were infamous for being brutal, and the acceptance rate was very low.
However, I still took a stab at it and ended up qualifying. The issue was, my parents couldn’t afford a two-month-long stay in America, and though I’d told them about the program, I’d never told them I was applying (again, the acceptance rate is very, very low), so they felt blindsided. They also thought that a ‘vacation’ in America followed by a vacation in Japan sounded frivolous.
So my parents said I’d have to pay for America myself. I had to choose.
To be completely honest, as much as I wanted to go to Japan with my friend, I immediately knew that I was doing the program. When I told her my decision, she called me selfish and self-important.
She didn’t talk to me at all after that, and I went to America. When I came back, it was right at the start of exam season, so I barely saw her. And she decided to go on the trip without me after we graduated last year.
Now I’ve tried to ask my parents, but they are my parents, so they always say my future matters more, but I don’t know anymore. Should I have honored a pact my friend and I made six years ago? Was I a jerk for choosing to go for the program?
Did I truly abandon her and our friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand why you chose America, and I understand why she feels betrayed and abandoned. Your friendship is over, and that’s a consequence of the choice you made, even though that choice was understandable.
Though I don’t think you’re a jerk, I do think you have to own the consequences of your choice. You prioritised something else above your friendship, and as rational as that was, it’s gonna sting for her. She’s well within her rights to never talk to you again.” apragopolis
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You made your choice for your life at the cost of your friendship, which you were aware of. Now you have to live with it. I don’t see a reason to blame someone as the jerk here. Yes, you betrayed your friend, but you had a reason for it that you valued highly enough.
Sometimes you can’t have everything.” DozenBia
Another User Comments:
“To me, YTJ, but not a massive one: It’s super easy to not mess this situation up. “Hey, best friend, I’m applying for my dream program in America. If I got in, I wouldn’t be able to go on the Japan trip.” The reason I say this is, when you’re saving every penny to save up, you don’t buy expensive things, and you often lose opportunities like holidays to the coast and road trips because you can’t afford them.
Now, when you explain what happened, it feels like: “Yeah, I’m not gonna go on that trip because I got into a program that I value more than this trip.” And it’s a massive screw you to your friend. They’re missing out and blindsided. I would feel betrayed. I have a choice to go to Japan in its winter season next year for three months, but in the same season, I’m planning a trip to the UK with my best friend.
I said: “Hey, I’ve been offered a job in Japan for three months, but I don’t know if I’ll be going there or not, so maybe we should put this trip off until next year, or maybe the year after.” a-random-bird
15. AITJ For Not Telling My Best Friend He Was Being Investigated For Fraud?
“Several years ago, I moved to a new city for work. At my new job, I formed a close friendship with Ryan, who played a crucial role in helping me get accepted into the company. Although Ryan left the company a few months after I started, our friendship remained strong and even deepened over time.
Almost every weekend, we would go out together. During the week, we’d catch movies, go to fun places, and even take trips with our significant others and other friends. We were inseparable, always supporting each other. But then, things took an unexpected turn.
Years later, while I was still working at the company where we met, an internal investigation revealed that someone Ryan had hired was involved in a fraud scheme against the company.
Because of my position, I became involved in the investigation, which included looking into anyone who had direct ties to the suspect. Since Ryan had been the one to hire this person, despite no longer working there, he was also scrutinized, just like other employees who had connections to the suspect.
As part of my role in the investigation, I had to sign a confidentiality agreement that strictly prohibited me from discussing any details of the case. Even though Ryan was my best friend, I chose not to tell him. I was afraid that he might warn the suspect, as he had completely trusted this person.
Plus, since he no longer worked there, he didn’t have access to the evidence I had seen that confirmed this person’s guilt. I knew he would probably believe the suspect was innocent simply because of how much he had trusted them when they worked together.
It’s important to note that Ryan was cleared of any wrongdoing. In the end, I didn’t see the need to tell him, since the investigation continued and I was still bound by my confidentiality agreement.
Years after the investigation ended and my confidentiality agreement expired, I decided to tell Ryan everything (something I regret and always will).
His reaction was pure anger. He felt betrayed by my silence, and despite my attempts to explain that his investigation was just a routine part of the process and that he had been cleared from the beginning, he chose to cut off all contact with me.
Over time, I’ve tried multiple times to repair our friendship, but Ryan has remained distant. I miss him deeply, but I wonder—was I in the wrong, or did he never truly value our friendship the way I did? Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to stay close after this.
And through all of this, I’ve learned that losing a friend can hurt just as much—if not more—than a breakup. AITJ for not telling my best friend he was being investigated for fraud?”
Another User Comments:
“Did you decide to tell him to let him know about the other guy, or did you tell him to get rid of your guilt over investigating your friend?
You had no reason to tell anything. That is why the NDA was there. His trust in you was shattered, and he was hurt you didn’t tell him when it was happening; he wouldn’t care that you legally couldn’t. YTJ, you told him for your own selfish reason, and nothing else” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“It is perfectly normal for your friend to be hurt. However, you were under a legal obligation, so it wasn’t in your hands either. No jerks here, but stop contacting him. He doesn’t want to be a part of your life anymore.
The more you try to reach out, the more he feels hurt. Maybe give him some time and see if he comes back. Otherwise, you have to live with the fact that your best friend is gone.” Alarming_Energy_3059
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for not telling him—you would have significantly jeopardized your own career if you had… But, you are YTJ for being involved in the investigation at all.
As soon as it became clear that Ryan, someone you describe as your best friend, was being investigated, you should have recused yourself. What if he had done something wrong—would you have helped to get him in trouble, or would you have tried to protect him (putting yourself in the firing line)?
What if your employer later found out that you two were best friends—how would that have made you look?” vegemite_pretsel
14. AITJ For Wanting My Own Social Life When My Partner Is Away?
“I (27F) have been with my partner (42M) for almost 2 years. We live together, so we spend most of our time together (dinner, gym, weekend plans, etc.).
I’m very social and love spending time with family and friends, so when I say “solo time,” I really mean alone time with them.
Prior to us being together, I would have sleepovers with my sister and best friends all the time. My partner thinks that’s weird and that no one does that.
I think I was just in my mid-twenties, and it’s not that weird to do face masks and stay up all night talking and watching our true crime shows (maybe I’m stuck in my high school days or maybe it’s just the age gap???).
I also used to love going out and dancing at our local house music bars. My partner hates the music, so we spend all our weekends hanging out with his friends and frequenting places he enjoys.
So when he goes out of town, I hang out with my family and friends the entire time, go out and dance at my old favorite places (with my partners), and over the weekend I had my sister and partner over for the Super Bowl – we stayed up till 2 am and had some wine so I told them to just sleep in the guest room and leave in the morning.
My partner is mad because I came home at 4 am on Saturday. Why can’t I be “normal” and just go out for a few cocktails and come home? (Full disclosure: we checked out an after-hours that was next door and decided it was a little too grunge, so we called an Uber after 10 minutes, but it took 25 minutes to get there; plus, I live 20 minutes away, so that’s why I got home at 4.) Then he is mad I had my sister and her partner stay over and that it’s absolutely absurd that I was up at 2 am (which 90% of the time I am in bed with him by 9 pm so to me, who cares if I stayed up till 2 am or 7 am?
It’s not an all-the-time thing at all).
I apologized for having my sister and partner stay over because he said it’s weird that I had another man stay over while he was away. I can understand that. But he can go out and not talk to me until he gets home at 3 am all weekend, but God forbid I essentially do the same.
It just feels like such a double standard (one of his least favorite terms, by the way).
But seriously, AITJ for just wanting to get in all of the things I feel like I can’t normally do when he is home, when he is away?
Am I wrong for wanting to have sleepovers with friends or stay up late? Do I need to grow up, or is this a little controlling? In my opinion, who cares if I spend 3 hours or 3 days straight with family and friends, you aren’t even home!?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing you’re doing is weird or “not normal”. I’m in my 30s and sleep over at my sister’s all the time, along with girls’ nights with friends where we will crash at each other’s houses. Honestly, it’s concerning he is responding to you doing that in such a negative way.
And he’s not okay with your sister’s partner staying the night with her there as well? That’s ridiculous. This is giving red flag energy.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“You’re 27 years old and in bed by 9 pm most nights? Honey. Dump the old fart and go out and live your life!
Stay out until 4 am. Do face masks with your girls and watch true crime shows. Go out dancing till ungodly hours. Lose the dead weight! And this is coming from a 54F. NTJ in case it’s not obvious.” snark_maiden
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a terrible double standard at play here, and it’s a big red flag.
It’s strange that it’s becoming apparent to you (although I’m glad it is) only when you want to do things alone because it sounds like your life together is actually just his life: his timing, his schedule, his friends, his activities. You do not need to grow up.
Setting aside the idea that sleepovers are immature (they aren’t; if you and your friends enjoy them, that’s all that matters), the thing he objected to here is that your sister came to visit. That’s… so normal for literally any age that it is extremely weird that he would object to it.
You have nothing to apologize for. You may want to do some soul-searching and figure out whether a jealous man who belittles the way you engage with family and friends is really who you need in your life. Maybe he is, still, but that is going to require some direct conversation about how controlling he is and how he needs to back off.” rockology_adam
13. AITJ For Giving Detailed Explanations And Being Accused Of Mansplaining In Med School?
“I (18M) and my best friend (17F) are both in our first year of medical school in France (I’m saying this because this year is particularly hard and stressful, so we might be overreacting).
My friend and I have been friends for over three and a half years, and we started med school at the same time (at the same university) this year, so naturally we started working together. Even though we met in our former school, we were never in the same class together (we had the same subject, but we never had the same teacher), so it was our first time working together.
Both of us work at home and are pretty introverted people, so by working together, I mean that we send each other messages about our class, homework, or to make fun of the teacher; but we are rarely in the same room working together.
Now, getting to the actual conflict: When she asks me questions (still over text) about our classes, I always try to include many details in my answers to be as precise as possible, which generally results in an argument because, in her point of view, I am “mansplaining things to her.” I don’t think it is true; however, she keeps saying it, so I’m starting to wonder if maybe I am in the wrong here.
Our arguments follow the same structure, so here is how the one we had earlier went: She asked me if “A reaction is said to be Markovnikov when it’s on the carbon with more hydrogen, and anti-Markovnikov when it’s on the carbon with less hydrogen.” To which I answered “Markovnikov is when you add the hydrogen to the carbon with more hydrogen.” She asks me “hydrogen?” so I tell her hydrogen or the electrophilic atom depending on the reaction (an electrophilic atom that’s almost always a hydrogen).
We go back and forth, and then she asks me to just answer her first question with a yes or no.
I tell her that I can’t answer with a yes or no because those reactions involve two carbons, so her first statement is wrong.
A few texts later, I am again called a mansplainer.
In my point of view, I prefer to give long answers because that way I’m not going to tell her something stupid due to both of us not understanding each other. In her opinion, I’m either mansplaining the class or thinking she’s dumb (I swear I don’t).
All the things I said here are things we have already talked about together multiple times, and in our last argument—the one I described—I even tried to answer with as short a text as possible so she wouldn’t feel insulted, but it kept happening.
So am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think to avoid conflict in the future, you should talk about both your communication styles. Explain how this is how you communicate. If you both want to agree to be considerate of each other’s communication needs, you’d best set rules early on.
But this should be a mutual thing and not only one direction (e.g,. you going out of your way to communicate in a way she likes/needs). If you don’t find a way to communicate that’s good for both of you, maybe it would be better if she asked someone else these questions then.” oxytocinated
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you could have given her a chance to catch up. You could have just continued with the hydrogen example until it clicked in her brain, then gave the disclaimer that it doesn’t have to be hydrogen specifically; it’s whatever electrophilic atom is.
Trying to throw more information into the mix when she’s trying to understand what you have already said is just going to derail her thought process and frustrate her.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — I’m one of those people whose brains want to give three paragraphs to explain something when a sentence will do.
I don’t want to leave details out because I don’t want to be misunderstood! And then people get irritated with me for rambling… In the future, perhaps you could try starting with the simple answer, and then asking if she needs you to elaborate further?
If she says yes and then still accuses you of mansplaining, then it might be reflective of another problem she’s having that you simply aren’t aware of.” Rambling-Rooster0781
12. AITJ For Confronting My Grandmother Over Hurtful Weight And Knee Comments?
“I’m a pretty young female, and my sister and I live across the US from each other. This summer I went to visit her and my mom, whom I hadn’t seen in about 2 years.
I was supposed to stay there from the middle of June until the beginning of July.
Now, about 2-3 months prior, I had dislocated my knee and landed on said knee while falling. I also had to sit, screaming for help in that position for almost 30 minutes, and then had to wait an extra 15 for my dean to finally come to my room and get me to the hospital, where they told me I had fractured something.
I don’t really know what, but it was small enough to where it could heal on its own without surgery.
At my grandma’s, she has this huge case of stairs, which I’m scared to go down due to how unsafe they feel—since they have huge gaps and I’m scared of falling—but especially since I had just stopped using the cast I had on.
My knee sometimes hurts when put under pressure when walking down stairs, running, etc.
After about 3-4 weeks, I got homesick and decided I would go back early. I wasn’t really feeling any semblance of joy based on the past experiences with this side of my family, and it didn’t seem like they had changed at all.
So, about 4 days after that, I was driving with my grandparents and sister to the airport. I waved my sister and grandma goodbye (grandpa stayed in the car) and was on my merry way. However, while waiting for boarding time, my heart sank. My sister texted me a video, which I listened to—showing how my grandma was saying in explicit detail how much weight I had gained since they last saw me, and how all that weight must have been why my knee was hurting so much, even though I had stated many times that I had dislocated my knee.
I fully went up and texted her, going on a long rant about why she would say things like that behind my back and how she couldn’t be talking, seeing that she would constantly complain about how big she was. A few minutes later, she saw it—responding, basically blaming everything on my sister, and saying how she shouldn’t have told me lies and that she was trying to ruin the family by spouting a bunch of crap.
I told her that I saw video proof, where she again tried to blame my sister.
My sister texted me that my grandma was yelling at her, and honestly, I felt even worse. I failed to realize that this would probably affect her standing with our grandma.
However, we talked it out and she seemed not to care about it because she doesn’t want to be around someone who talks to me like that anyway. My mom also texted me, telling me about how I shouldn’t have said anything and should’ve let it go.
However, I don’t think I should’ve. My grandma has a history of talking to people like this, constantly belittling others and trying to make herself feel good. I thought it was time somebody told her off. AITJ for telling off my grandma when she told my sister the reason my knee hurt was because of all the extra weight I had on me?”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is a jerk for sending you the video and for filming your grandmother’s comments. Tell her to stop stirring the pot. You didn’t need to hear these comments as they were not useful; it’s obvious that your grandmother did not understand/did not care to understand that you were injured. NTJ for telling off your grandmother, but your sister should learn not to stir up conflict.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Sister, for telling you, grandma for saying it, you for replying that. That might sound harsh, but what your grandmother thinks of you is none of your business. She is totally allowed to think whatever she wants of you, even if you don’t like it.
Sharing it with other people is being a jerk, but old people are often known to lose their capacity to hold their thoughts, just like children. If she told you in your face, that’s another story. Your sister is a jerk for telling you, What good could’ve come out of it?
I mean, why? My grandmother is just like that, times 1000 since she’s now 90 years old and losing her memory; I don’t see ANY point in telling anyone what she can say in their back other than just hurt them.” MasterpieceEast6226
Another User Comments:
“You and your sister are both jerks.
Your grandmother is allowed to have opinions and to have noticed that you’ve put on weight. You didn’t contradict her in your story, so why are you mad at her? Because she dared to speak about something that everyone else can see too?
Your sister was “stirring the pot” and probably trying to hurt your feelings. YTJ for letting her, and for taking it out on your insecurities regarding your grandma.” KandyGirl477
11. AITJ For Putting My Roommate's Spoiled Food In His Room After Repeated Warnings?
“So for some context, I’m going into my 2nd semester in my 4-bedroom apartment. I had 4 roommates, but two moved out when the 2nd semester started, and one additional roommate moved in. It hasn’t been verified, but this guy is clearly autistic; however, so was the roommate he replaced, though we never had any issues with him.
Anyway, I deep-cleaned the main areas before he moved in, and within the week after, they were trashed. Milk was constantly being left out; he was taking dirty dishes out of the sink and spreading them across the counter spaces. On top of that, he refused to talk to or even look at us.
My other roommate and I got tired of this, and we warned him that if he kept leaving all his stuff out, we were just going to start putting his belongings in his room for him to deal with. For the most part, things got better, but he was still leaving stuff out a lot.
It was usually taken care of by the end of the day.
But one day, I noticed an open jar of mayo, an open pack of cheese, and an open pack of ham. We don’t share stuff like that, so I just shrugged it off because I was in a rush to go to my partner’s place.
I actually messaged him about it, and I said he needed to put it away, and if he didn’t, he was going to get sick. Well, going into the third day, it was still there. He wasn’t, and his door was wide open, so I closed the items, put them on his desk, and walked out.
Three days later, he came to me and said, “Did you go into my room and put this stuff here? My room is a barrier that I want to be respected?” This was the first time I’ve heard him say this, and I did feel bad for doing it, but to my knowledge, we were all on the same page.
One random story I have of him that’s kind of along the same lines: He half-cooked a chicken, turned off the pan, and went to class. He just left the chicken half-cooked; I don’t know, I thought that one was gross.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Are roommates chosen by random assignment? I am wondering how he ended up in your place. If room assignment is by the school or landlord, they need to be notified. Take pictures, save texts, email, or voice mail as evidence. Ask your other roommate to do the same.
Your home is going to be overrun by bugs, mice, and whatever nasty germs due to rotting food. If you and the other roommate chose this person, did you not get references, a background check, or have a written contract outlining expected behavior? Don’t go into his bedroom, but I do agree with bagging it up and putting it by his bedroom door.” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, lemme just say that I have an autistic spouse and stepson. My first thought was ADHD, which tends to be comorbid, but leaving it out for days after being notified goes beyond that. This guy jerks at life. And neurodiversity isn’t an excuse for making others miserable with one’s failure.
Some like to think it excuses being a jerk; it does not. David Byrne’s asperger’s doesn’t make it okay that he made the bass player re-audition for the band she was already in, or any of the litany of other interpersonal crimes he’s committed over the years, no matter what his fans say.
And your roommate would probably get better at life as he gets older, but it’s not your job to live with or coach him through it. As far as the room goes, I can see where he’s coming from, and it should be assumed that it’s his own space.
It should also be assumed by him that it’s his job to put his messes away and not create ruin and decay in shared spaces. Frankly, you’d have been within your rights to butter his bedding with that rancid mayonnaise after it sat out, darkening your doorstep for so long after the issue was raised. I say throw him out at the soonest opportunity.” Snarflebarf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You and the other roommate made your concerns known and told him what the consequences would be if he didn’t change his behavior. His (possible) neuro status is irrelevant; if they can’t handle the requirements of a roommate situation, they need to find different accommodations.
It isn’t on you to tolerate rotting food in public areas of your apartment.” wesmorgan1
10. AITJ For Sticking To Agreed Work Hours And Declining Extra Social Engagements?
“I’m an independent contractor in creative design and marketing, juggling multiple contracts. Recently, I took on a part-time marketing manager role at 24 hours a week, with in-office days on Tuesdays and Thursdays and a remote day on Mondays. It seemed like a good fit since I work my other contracts on Wednesdays and Fridays, and focus on art commissions and teaching on weekends.
Before accepting the role, I was clear with the hiring manager that I could only work during those specified hours because of my other commitments. The hiring manager agreed to these terms.
It’s important to note that this job pays significantly less than the typical salary for a marketing manager in my city, about a third of the standard rate.
I took it out of necessity at the time, but I was mindful about setting clear boundaries upfront.
Soon after starting, there were tasks that extended beyond the agreed-upon hours. They’d ask me to work outside of those hours, but I held firm to our arrangement.
Despite this, I started getting calls, emails, and texts on my non-work days, and I eventually stopped responding to reinforce my availability limits.
They’ve also invited me to social outings during work hours, which I had to decline due to my celiac disease—it’s tough for me to eat out safely.
I’ve also turned down invites to events outside of work hours due to other commitments. Lately, there have been more requests for me to attend holiday events, award ceremonies, and client gatherings outside of my work schedule. When I declined an invite to a Saturday event, my boss made a pointed comment: “It seems like you don’t want to hang out with us,” which felt like a jab given my previous refusals.
I feel stressed because it seems like they expect me to participate in these social events, even though it’s not part of our agreement and I genuinely don’t have the time or interest. I’ve decided to move on from this role at the end of the year and focus on remote contracts.
It feels like they’re looking for someone with the flexibility and commitment of a full-time employee, but I’m balancing four contracts to make a living and pursue my passion for art.
I can’t shake the feeling that I might be in the wrong here, but maybe I’m not.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You set the terms, they agreed to them, now they want full-time engagement for less than part-time pay. Don’t be drawn into commenting on wanting to socialize with them. Respond that you are only available during the set hours that were established from the outset.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it’s a marketing role, I think socialisation is the norm and work outside of fixed, daylight hours come in as well. How can you creatively provide marketing solutions if you don’t have a hands-on feel for all aspects of their brand?
I just don’t see how you can be amazing at your job—given the nature of it—if you don’t attend some of these things.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely not. I set firm work life boundaries. When I clock out I cut all ties.
I don’t read company emails or anything unless I’m getting paid. There needs to be a boundary and balance of work and life, but the US makes that really hard. I have no problem saying no to my company because they have made it clear I’m easily replaceable and if I’m unhappy they can easily fill my position.
Really supportive and encouraging, right? They never do anything nice or helpful for me so I don’t do anything extra for them. I refuse overtime as a personal policy and never pick up extra shifts. I know some people care more about the money, but it’s not worth the stress it causes me to do them favors while they treat me like crap.” graysie
9. AITJ For Giving Mia The Password That Let Her Delete Emily's Precious Memories?
“I (15F) have 2 sisters, Emily (17F) and Mia (16F). My sister Emily is a really sentimental person and basically has all kinds of things saved about us.
She has pictures, video recordings, and voice recordings that go back at least 5 years. She even starts bawling if she listens to songs from old cartoons we used to watch together. She’s not really dramatic or anything, and I only know because we share a room and sometimes at night I hear her crying and can see her phone screen.
But she also shows some of her pictures to our parents or grandparents from time to time.
It’s mainly because our sister Mia became more closed off and distant. My parents have taken her to a few therapists, but it just seems like her personality changed and that’s it.
We all still talk and hang out, but it’s not like before. Mia also has like 2 or 3 friends and is kind of rude to people, which makes it hard for others to like her. Nobody is perfect, but she has snapped at elderly people, kids, waiters, etc.
Anyway, what happened is that Mia hates taking pictures now, and so she would get really mad if she saw someone had a picture of her. She knew that Emily had a whole photo collection of photos, but she didn’t know how much of that stuff had her included (she never asked to see it and accidentally found out from mom).
I know that Emily uses the same password for everything, so when Mia asked me what it was (she had some stuff backed up and her photo album was locked), I told her what it was because I figured if she wasn’t comfortable with some pics, she could just delete those.
I also told her that, and she didn’t refuse.
Well, unfortunately, it seemed like she deleted every single picture with her in the frame, even if it was blurry or far away, plus even some where she wasn’t included. My sister found out and is now inconsolable.
She also told my parents, who think I’m in the wrong because Emily didn’t hurt anybody and is going away to college soon, so it makes it even worse. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and so is Mia. You guys had no right to go into Emily’s device and delete her photos.
You had no right to share her password. That said, I do think people should have a say in what is done with photographs of themselves, to an extent. Mia should have taken this up with Emily herself instead of you sneaking around behind her back.
It’s okay to ask Emily not to share photographs with Mia if she’s not comfortable with them. It’s not okay to go and delete them without permission.” idreaminwords
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, are you serious? You had no right to give Mia Emily’s phone password.
It’s not yours to give out to people. Mia also sucks along with you for deleting pictures off of someone else’s phone when it sounds like many of them had nothing to do with her. Both of you need to learn boundaries.” Embarrassed_Heron815
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! Years from now, you’ll complain that Emily still doesn’t trust you. She will be right. You are not a trustworthy person. I hope you learn from this, because if you get to adulthood still thinking it’s OK to break into someone’s personal property and destroy their stuff, you’re going to be very alone.
Go apologize to Emily right now for being a jerk and go be better. ETA: Also, stop doing things Mia suggests without really thinking about it first. She probably just talked you into ruining your relationship with Emily. She’s not a good sister or role model.” SpaceJesusIsHere
8. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Help With Housework And Prioritize Our Time Over Drinking And Partying?
“So my partner and I started living together about a month and a half ago now. We both work full-time jobs: I work at Waffle House as a server and cook, working all shifts, and my partner works as a concrete truck driver with 10–14 hour days.
I usually do all household chores such as cooking regular meals, cleaning, washing all the clothes, preparing lunches and breakfast at 3 a.m. for my partner most days, grocery shopping, paying my bills and trying to make sure that they pay their bills, and helping our landlord with yard work and with the farm animals.
I say all of that to show how we live.
So what I need help understanding is whether I am the jerk in these situations: I occasionally ask my partner to wash the dishes when I have worked a double shift, come home, cooked dinner, and then have to get up at 3 a.m. to cook breakfast for them and be at work by 5:45 a.m., which is an hour and a half drive from home.
But they say, “Leave them there until Saturday and you can wash them then.”
How about asking them, after a full day at work when they are covered in concrete dust and fibers, to please take a shower before getting into bed or lying on the couch so that it doesn’t get dirty or stick.
The last issue I have is that we very seldom have time off together, and when we do, it mostly consists of sleeping or just saying hi and bye in the morning. But for the last two weekends, they have decided to use the money that was supposed to be used for groceries to go out with their all-new, newfound work buddies who are younger than they are.
Last weekend, everyone went out on Friday and Saturday nights drinking, and this weekend, on Friday night they went out drinking, and today, Saturday, they were supposed to go to the lake. They won’t be home until late Sunday evening. When I asked why I couldn’t come or meet them at the lake, the answer was, “I don’t know how I will explain you to them.”
Am I a jerk for just expecting reality to set in and my partner to understand that what they are doing is not right?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honey, the reality has not set in for YOU! This person is never going to pull their weight with the household chores, stop drinking or partying, grow up, appreciate you, treat you fairly, or like anything other than a mommy/maid.
Get out while you are still young! Find a partner that gives as much as you give. Think of the woman or girl you love most in the world. Would you want her to be treated like this? Then it is not ok for you, either.
Find the guy that will treat you like that.” chart1961
Another User Comments:
“Are you asking for reality to set in for him or for you? He’s living his reality and you’re the one who isn’t getting it. Wake up, this is your future.
I mean, come on… His response to being asked to help with chores is, ‘Leave them until Saturday so YOU can do them?!’ It rarely gets better with attitudes like that. And the drinking and partying… geez. I hope you wake up soon. NTJ for now.” ickysticky1995
7. AITJ For Insisting My Divorced Parents Walk In Together Despite My Father's Fiancé's Ultimatum?
“I (29f) am getting married next month to my fiancé (34m). My parents divorced 26 years and 18 months ago, and my father was unfaithful to my mother and left her for another woman. This same woman he proposed to a week after I got engaged, and it’s coming up on a year.
My brother is also getting married in November.
Fast forward to yesterday, I’ve been contemplating how to have our parents recognized at our reception. In a perfect world, I’d like my parents to walk in together. My dad immediately said he wasn’t comfortable with that and thought of other solutions.
We agreed that he would walk in with my mom as long as my fiancé’s parents walk in at the same time.
I thought the problem was solved until he texted me that he and his fiancée got into a fight about it and that she felt so “disrespected” that she left their home and came back the next day when he wasn’t there to remove all of her belongings.
I was also told she had been pushing him to get married before my brother and me, so she could be announced at our weddings as Mr. and Mrs. This never would have happened because I only want my parents recognized.
My dad has always stuck up for her, and I’m elated he’s finally taking my side and helping me have the best wedding day possible.
Now she’s making it all about her, essentially giving an ultimatum: my wishes or a future with her. (This also isn’t the first time she’s threatened to leave when she hasn’t gotten her way.) Her reasoning is that she feels disrespected and doesn’t think it’s right that my parents walk in together because they’re not a couple.
(They won’t even be touching, and it’s only a 6-second walk into my reception.) They aren’t sitting next to each other at the wedding ceremony and are sitting across the room from each other at the reception.
I’ve done many things to make sure both of my parents are comfortable and enjoy the day with me as I start the next chapter in my life.
This is the only thing I’m asking for from both of my parents. So now my father’s relationship is potentially ruined, but am I the jerk for not considering changing my mind?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What’s disrespectful is that the woman was unfaithful to your dad when he was still married to your mom.
She has some nerve. Best wishes and congratulations on your wedding, OP!” fancythat012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — Your wedding is not about her; she’s your father’s fiancée, nothing more, nothing less, and as for your parents walking in together and her comment about them not being a couple???
What the heck, they are still your parents, and your worry about your dad’s relationship is between them and nothing to do with you. Enjoy your day and have a blast.” ShaneVis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your wedding day, after all, and they are your parents.
I can’t believe your father has the audacity to say he will feel uncomfortable walking down with your mother when he was the one who was unfaithful to her, and I can’t believe his fiancée has the audacity to feel disrespected when she’s the one with whom he was unfaithful.
She needs to know her place because she’s at least still getting to even go to the wedding.” ariiaphroditee
6. AITJ For Having My Husband Call Out My In-Laws For Taking Advantage Of A Car Seat Gift?
“My husband and I are on tentative terms with my fil and mil after a lot of stuff went down.
We have recently made an effort to be in their lives because my young son loves them, and we want them to have a healthy relationship. They live a few hours away, and in the winter, we bought a $200 car seat for mil to put in her car.
My son always wants to ride with her, and it’s a hassle to change the seats. In addition, we told them we might let him stay with them for a weekend.
Fast forward to this summer, I’m talking to my sister-in-law who lives 10 minutes from my in-laws.
They watch her child all the time, and she does not work. I was telling her about my son coming to visit, and she suddenly said, “Please don’t get upset with me, but I have something to tell you.” She then lets me know that, right after we gave the car seat to my mother-in-law, she gave it to my sister-in-law for them to use for her baby.
I was upset at first. My sister-in-law just sold her car for $10,000, and her husband makes good money. We were coming up that weekend for her son’s birthday, for which they had spent over $1,000, and yet she said she needed the car seat because they didn’t have the money to buy one.
I eventually said that as long as, when we are visiting, you bring it back for my son to use, I guess I don’t care. She promised she would.
Fast forward to the party, and my son wanted to ride with mil. Of course, she didn’t have the car seat.
We are seeing them again soon. Would I be the jerk if I asked my husband to tell them that what they are doing is taking advantage of our gift? My sister has always been treated better than my husband. They paid for her whole wedding ($15,000) and gave us $500.
We got married ten months apart. There are so many different examples. I feel like a gift shouldn’t be controlled, but honestly, now my son won’t be able to benefit from it because it doesn’t look like she’s going to be giving it back willingly, and that makes me feel angry and taken advantage of.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought it essentially for your own use, or for your MIL to use for your son. I agree it is fine if SIL uses it when your son is not there, but they need to give it back because that is the intended ~~purchases~~ purpose.
It was not something for MIL to give away. She has no right.” PropQues
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking for it to be returned for your use when you visit. That was its intended purpose, and the fact that she called and said, “don’t get mad,” means she knew it was wrong for her to use it.
(And kind of implied she didn’t intend to return it, as she could’ve done so and you’d be none the wiser!) That makes her a jerk. Now, that said, it wasn’t really a gift to your MIL. You keep referring to it as a gift and generosity.
But MIL didn’t need it. YOU did. For your convenience. And it sounds like you have seen them since winter? (Little confused on that point) but certainly not often. So it’s not something she uses often or needs to keep in her car.
Seems like it would make more sense to just bring an extra car seat when you visit a couple of times a year.” SoccerSundae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your beef isn’t with your SIL. The person who blew up the car seat debacle is your MIL.
Oh, and you are edging close to jerk-ville with the financial complaints. The bride’s family is expected traditionally to pay for the wedding, so holding her parents’ respective contributions to weddings is petty bean-counting. As for the “doesn’t work/just sold her car/spent $1k on a birthday party,” how is that any of your business?” Inner-Show-1172
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My MIL To See My Daughter Because Of Addicted Relatives?
“I find myself in a tough situation and need some advice. I’ve been facing a moral dilemma regarding my daughter’s safety and well-being, and I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable or justified in my actions.
Here’s the situation:
My husband (27M) and I (26F) have a beautiful daughter (3F) who means the world to us. We have always tried to create a safe and nurturing environment for her. My mother-in-law has been expressing her desire to spend more time with our daughter lately.
However, the problem lies with my BIL and SIL, who have been battling substance addiction for some time now. Unfortunately, they live with my MIL, and their lifestyle poses a significant concern for the safety and well-being of our child. The presence of substance addiction in my MIL’s household is a genuine cause for worry.
We fear that our daughter might be exposed to unsafe or harmful situations, even if unintentionally. Our priority is to protect her from any potential danger or negative influences. We have tried discussing our concerns with my MIL on multiple occasions. We understand that she loves our daughter and wants to be a part of her life, but she seems to be in denial about the severity of the situation.
She insists that she can keep an eye on our daughter and ensure her safety while they are around. Given the uncertainty and risks associated with the living situation at my MIL’s home, my husband and I have made the difficult decision not to allow her to see our daughter until a safer environment can be ensured. We believe that it is our responsibility as parents to make decisions in our child’s best interest, even if they may be emotionally difficult for other family members to accept.
Despite our reasoning, we can’t help but feel guilty about potentially keeping our daughter away from her grandmother. We don’t want to cause family rifts or hurt anyone’s feelings, but we are genuinely concerned about our child’s safety.
Are We the AITJs for this Decision?
As much as we feel justified in prioritizing our daughter’s well-being, we can’t help but wonder if we are being too harsh or unreasonable. We’d appreciate some honest opinions and advice on how to handle this sensitive situation while still keeping our daughter safe and maintaining family harmony as much as possible.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to shield and protect your daughter from toxic people/behaviors. My only question is why are you blocking access entirely? Surely your MIL can come visit in your home (without SIL or BIL), or meet up in a neutral space like a park?” OnlymyOP
Another User Comments:
“This answers my question: We tried to invite her countless times to stay with us, even offered that we would buy her the plane ticket, but she refused, claiming that she can’t just leave BIL and SIL alone. NTJ – 3 years is too young to be away from parents for too long, especially if there is a plane involved. MIL needs to grow a spine and kick SIL and BIL out or check them into rehab.” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… A thousand times over. That environment is not a place for anyone, much less a small child. Keeping her safe is your job, and if your MIL isn’t competent enough to see that, then how are you supposed to believe that she is capable of keeping her safe while in her care!
Your instincts are correct. MIL needs to see her at your house and under your supervision only until her living situation changes to the degree that you are comfortable with. Keep up the good work!” Chickentender0702
4. AITJ For Demanding Accountability From A Coach Who Didn't Pay?
“I’ll try to keep it short and sweet and jump to the point. My son (8M) played his first season of competitive coach pitch baseball. I served as team mom. In December, our head coach (divorced, 2 kiddos, 5M and 8M) approached the team about a tournament during June in Panama City.
Our team agreed, and the coach and I found housing that would run each family $2200 for the week. This payment was broken down into two payments… $800 in December to book and reserve the houses, and $1400 in May as the final payment. Another family and I put our credit cards down, with the understanding we would Venmo’d everyone’s payment.
The head coach came to me in December, explaining it was around the holidays and he was a single dad, and asked for an extension, which I gave.
In March, when I still had not seen payment from the head coach, I sent a Venmo request for the money.
He called soon after to explain his truck had broken down; he had to take his ex-wife to court, etc., etc., etc. He promised payment would be made by the second payment’s due date.
By the time the trip rolled around in June, no payment had been made.
I considered refusing him entry codes into the house, but his children would be punished. We spoke on the trip, and he once again promised he would put a repayment plan in writing. His truck was fixed during the process, even though he had his parents’ car for use.
This past weekend, there was an organization event. My husband and I approached the president of the organization and explained the above situation. The next day, fall tryouts were held. At tryouts, the president spoke to the coach and gave him an 8 PM deadline to make payment.
By 8 PM, he had Venmoed us $800. We communicated that to the organization. We later heard he had been fired. Today, I got a scathing text from his ex wife about how I screwed their child, and he no longer has a travel team to play on.
She came after me, and it’s making me feel this is my fault. Every other family paid. But now I’m doubting that I didn’t go about this in the right way. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s been giving you excuses for over six months; didn’t pay you until AFTER the trip, and only because you spoke with the president; got fired because of all that; and now his ex is blaming you?
Even though you extended the deadline by half a year? Yeah, he brought this on himself. NTJ.” AnActualMudpup
Another User Comments:
“Nobody punishes the children for financial irregularities by the parents. The Coach getting fired is totally unrelated to his children not making the team.
The only reason the Coach’s kids would be unable to play, in this scenario, would be that they were not qualified enough to make the team and the Coach was bending rules to favor his own children at the cost of other deserving kids. He tried to defraud you out of your money.
And he’s defrauding the team with his Nepo babies. You have nothing to feel guilty about.” ProfileElectronic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Coaches wear many hats as the leaders of their teams. Not only are they responsible for teaching their kids the game’s rules, skills, and sportsmanship, but they serve as role models of responsibility, follow-through, and sportsmanship.
That coach made an unspoken promise to his team that he’d be there for them, and he broke his commitment. He let his personal life get in the way of his promise to the OP, and his children paid the ultimate price. Responsibility for that falls squarely on his shoulders and not the OP’s.
That he still hasn’t paid her back and has blocked her ability to contact him speaks to his lack of integrity.” 1movieaddict
3. AITJ For Not Letting An Elderly Lady Cut In Line When My Phone Was Dying?
“Long story short, I was at Walmart because I had a gift card on my phone I wanted to use. I get to the checkout line and it’s packed, maybe 6-7 people deep in each lane.
I think, “whatever, I’ll just pop my headphones in and pass the time.” Around 15 minutes go by and I’m finally almost at the front when I decide to get the gift card ready on my phone, and sure enough, I notice my battery is at 2%.
Panicking, I turn my phone on airplane mode, but of course the couple in front of me decides to split their purchase into 3 separate transactions, taking way longer than it should.
As soon as I’m about to start scanning my stuff, a very elderly lady walks up to me with a single bag of chocolates asking if I could let her cut in front of me.
Normally, I would definitely say yes, but my phone was now on 1% and I still needed to scan the gift card plus use my phone for Walmart Pay on the remaining balance. I politely said, “I really would, but I need my phone to pay, and it’s on 1%, you’re more than welcome to go behind me though.” She looks at me like I’m speaking gibberish, not really grasping the concept of gift cards and digital payments, and the idea that my dying phone was the reason I denied her request seemed to have seriously offended her.
I didn’t think I had time to really react or take any further consideration, so I scanned all my stuff as quickly as possible and pulled my phone up to scan the code. The brightness was too low, and it wouldn’t scan, so I raised the brightness to the max, and right as I was scanning the gift card, the phone died. Somehow the gift card went through, but now I couldn’t use my phone to pay the remaining balance, so in the end I had to pull out my actual wallet, which only prompted even more confused/dirty looks from the old lady who just wanted some chocolate.
In the end, I don’t feel bad because if I had waited 30 seconds or a minute more, my phone probably wouldn’t have made it. And also, she was buying chocolates. It’s not like it was heart medication or adult diapers, definitely not an emergency.
But what does everyone think, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked, you answered. You were never obligated to give her your spot in line, especially since you had a legitimate reason preventing you from waiting any longer. Just because she’s old doesn’t mean younger people have to cave to her every whim.
She can wait in line like everybody else.” soog0704
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only did you have a legitimate reason for not being able to wait, but the simple fact of being older does not entitle someone to priority treatment. It’s one thing if they have a physical disability or impairment, but the fact that so many people think that the old adage of “respecting your elders” is some kind of blanket entitlement is just freaking bizarre to me.
Like, I’m sorry, but the fact that your birthdate precedes mine on the calendar doesn’t mean that you are entitled to my respect or deference.” Careless_League_9494
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not just because you didn’t have the time to wait any longer to make your purchase, nor to fully explain why you were short on time, but also because she wasn’t just asking to make you wait longer to make your purchase; she wanted to make everyone else in line behind you wait longer too.
I’m assuming everyone in line behind you would have been upset if you had said yes. Some of them may have even been older than her or also just had one item. Had she asked the people in front of you the same question and they had agreed, you wouldn’t have been able to use your gift card.
I think you would have been a jerk to everyone in line behind you if you had said yes, even if you thought you were being nice. I personally have back issues when I stand still for so long. So if I were in line behind you, I would have been mad at you and forced to stand and be in pain longer.” AngelV3687
2. AITJ For Prioritizing My Mother's Tradition Over My Partner's Requests?
“I (28M) have a partner(26 F) of two years. We are generally a happy couple, except her recent behavior is really annoying me. It started on Valentine’s Day this year when she found out that I sent my mother a Valentine’s Day gift. I explained to her that this is a family tradition for me.
When I was a kid, every year on Valentine’s Day, my father would buy her many presents. He would let my brothers and me give them to her. My elder brother would give her a stuffed bear or any cute toy in the morning. Later, I would give her a box of chocolates, and my youngest brother would give her flowers.
Later, my dad usually gives her jewelry or any thoughtful present and will take her out on an outing. We did that every year as kids. As we grew up, it became an unspoken tradition in our family. My mother is the kindest and most gracious woman, and my parents’ relationship is truly amazing.
We continued this tradition every year even after we moved out. Our father passed away three years ago. I only get to see my mother during holidays and family events every year, but I never miss our tradition.
My partner found it unnecessary and told me I don’t have to do that anymore.
I told her it’s not her business. It’s only a box of chocolates anyway. She was angry but eventually dropped it. Later this year, on Mother’s Day, I sent my mother flowers, a handwritten letter, and a gift card. My partner got upset when she found out.
When I asked her, she told me that I should’ve gotten her something as well. I don’t get why. We don’t have any kids and aren’t trying for one either. Then she got angry about my not getting her mother a present. I’ve met her mother once, and we are not very close.
Yesterday, things got worse when she blew up on me, saying that I forgot her mother’s birthday. The thing is, I am not close with her mother because she herself isn’t close with her. She’s being unreasonable, and I feel resentment towards her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s obsession with who in your family you give gifts to is bizarre and controlling. She is free to give gifts if she wants. Why she thinks she’s in control of your own gift-giving traditions is beyond me. And she absolutely doesn’t get a gift on Mother’s Day just because someone else, who is a mother, gets one.
Does she also demand gifts on everyone else’s birthday?” Illustrious-Shirt569
Another User Comments:
“OP, it sounds like your partner lacks emotional maturity. She is possibly jealous or resents the fact that she does not have a close relationship with her mother and she lacks the emotional maturity to identify that, so she is acting out because she feels yucky inside so it must be your fault.
NTJ. If she’s worth it to you, maybe try to bring this up to her and point out that her reaction is unreasonable and maybe offer to help talk her through how to understand why she might be feeling this way. But this definitely isn’t something you should breeze over.” Aromatic-Blueberry-4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is very immature and insecure. Frankly, showing your mother you love her any time is an indication of your thoughtfulness and respect for your mother. Expecting a gift for Mother’s Day when she’s not a mother is extremely strange.
Did she get you something for Father’s Day? Leave this person. Find someone who will nurture your relationship with your family, not compete with it.” Master_Post4665
1. AITJ For Scolding My Mom For Her Rude Vendor Comments?
“I (F19) was with my mom today (F44), and we both left the house to buy some fruit from one of the vendors here in the Philippines, the kind that sell on the streets. As we bought our fruit, and not even steps away, my mom immediately commented on how she hates it when vendors look at her face while we were buying.
And she said this in such a harsh voice too, and I am very sure that the vendors heard it. I immediately scolded her as we got away from the public and told her that her voice was too loud, and they definitely must have heard it, and it might have hurt their feelings.
Personally, I myself believe that her comment is rude and uncalled for because where the heck are vendors supposed to look while selling? What, the sky? The ground? The sides? Wouldn’t that even be rude? And I’m sure they were just doing their job and didn’t mean anything bad by it.
Really, where are they supposed to look if not the person buying from them? I was there too, and it didn’t even bother me. And she goes ahead and says some harsh things about innocent people.
After I told her off, she immediately got mad at me and is now giving me the cold shoulder, slamming doors, etc. She says that whenever she complains, I always scold her and never take her side, and now she’s going on about how everything is always made out to be her fault and started listing situations where I’ve scolded and “not supported” her.
I have to admit, whenever I scold her, I’m also not that nice with my words. The other day, I told her, “Mom, you’re judgmental. Too judgmental,” when I showed her a picture of me and my friends, and the first thing that came out of her mouth was, “What a fat girl,” to my friend, and I got upset and told her that, and she sulked that day too.
She said she wasn’t being “judgmental” and that all she was doing was being “honest and not filtering her words.” I’m just so upset because she’s sulking right now, and I’m starting to think that it’s my fault for always telling her off. She always makes it out that I’m “embarrassing” her in public and that I shouldn’t do that because she’s my mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds very emotionally immature and judgmental to me. Feeling bad for the vendor, though they were just doing their job. And also your mom seems to have some issues considering how she always says you never take her side and all.” Visual-Pomegranate40
Another User Comments:
“I think it is our responsibility as decent human beings to call out inappropriate behavior in others. If we don’t, we silently agree. You didn’t embarrass her; she embarrassed you! Your mother was rude and embarrassed both herself and you in public by talking that way.
You are not TA for telling her. Her actions aren’t just her own—other people are actually affected by them. In this case, obviously the vendors who heard the comments, and also you, who listened and involuntarily were pulled into her rudeness. Stick to your boundaries!
You wouldn’t even be the jerk if you called her out so the vendor and everybody else heard. Don’t be rude if you don’t want to be called out. (And I wonder where they are supposed to look too, and why your mom doesn’t want them to look at her…?
Does she think they are too far beneath her to look her in the eye or what?” Muted_Radish_9011
