People Spill Their Brutal Revenge Stories
47. Rude Cashier Refused To Do Her Job So I Got Her Fired
“In middle school, 7th grade I was put on the reduced lunch program so I got food for like $1 instead of $2.10 like everyone else. I always paid for my food in coins since it was always easy to find a dollar in coins throughout the day.
Every day I would give $1 in coins to the cashier lady and she would throw a fit. She would say to me, ‘it’s not my job to count your change.’ My reply was always ‘you’re a cashier. That’s your exact job description.’
Well, one day I show up with my coins and hand them to her and she goes ‘what are ya? Poor or something?’ I was enraged. The next day I came in with 100 pennies, made her count all of them, then went to the office to tell on her.
She was fired the next day. Oops.
Still think about it all the time and how I got a woman who probably had a family to care for fired.”
46. Mess With My Friends? I'll Be The Annoying Best Friend You Never Asked For
“Ok, so I have two stories. Both happened in the lunchroom, both in grade school.
First one: I am sitting at my table with my group of friends and the jerk table starts throwing pennies at us. I tell my friends don’t worry just pretend you don’t notice.
I calmly just pick them up (but wipe them off if they land in food), and put them in my pocket. Then dimes… Then quarters… I end up with like 7$. They want it back. I say no. They are gonna tell on me. The teacher comes to me and says she saw the whole thing.
As soon as she walks away I stand on my bench and say to my friends ‘These nice young men bought us all ice cream sandwiches!’ There is clapping and thank-yous…. and death glares from the table that lost the change.
Number two: My buddy at my table tells me he is getting picked on by some kid.
I tell him to point him out. I walk over to the kid, sit next to him and kindly ask him to stop messing with my buddy. He basically tells me there is nothing I can do. We share no classes, I say you will regret it if you do not do as I ask.
He asks what I will do. I respond ‘I will be your best friend.’ I kinda have a rep for being a bit annoying. He just looks at me like umm ok. I go back to my bud and tell him to watch out for the next day, but the problem will be solved. So they mess with my friend later that day.
The next day at the start of lunch, I am on this guy like glue. Talking to him loudly saying I love his mom’s cookies and how that game he has is soo cool, what are we doing later that day. I sit next to him and just pretend we hung out and were best buds and whenever he denies it I say ‘aww don’t be that way bro’ or ‘look I know you told me to keep it on the dl but come on who cares what your other friends think’ and ‘ok you just keep pretending I get it but really your mom cooks some really good food.’ I sit at his table and I am nice.
I pretend I hear nothing bad and just keep it up nonstop happy and annoying as ever. All the while when no one else can hear I’d go deadpan and say something like ‘you asked for this’ or ‘I can be your best bud for life.’ Some of his friends really thought he hung out with me, I mean how else would I know things?
I know it’s not like I could hear them from the table over all year or anything lol. It ends with him begging me ‘what can I do to make this stop?’ I respond ‘You and your buddies never mess with my friend again.’ He agrees.
My friend later reports that the bully avoids him like the plague and even punched one of his friends when they didn’t do the same.”
45. Sabotage My Grades? I'll Sabotage Yours
“In middle school, I wrote a huge paper (for the time) for a really long book. Was the kind of paper you write over months for a huge part of your grade.
I had a doctor’s appointment or something the day it was due but came to school for my last class (missing the one where the paper was due).
The next day a girl in my class (typical overachiever) tells the teacher she saw me in school and somehow it ended up being implied that I skipped the class on purpose to have an extra day to do the paper (not true at all).
The teacher left it up to the girl to decide if I could turn in my paper and she said she didn’t think it was fair that I got an extra day and said no (so I wasn’t allowed to turn in the paper).
Told my Mom and she tried to fight it but my teacher said that I should have turned in the paper if I was in school anyway. Mom ended up agreeing and grounded me (Also just to note, I was a really bad kid in middle school and the teachers did not like me and were always trying to ‘teach me a lesson’ with stuff like this so my Mom taking their side wasn’t completely unjustified).
Anyway, I was really really angry at the girl because I ended up having to do a ton of extra credit to not fail and my paper wasn’t even considered for any amount of credit (so I basically could have not done it at all).
We were required to write our locker combinations in our agendas (which we left unattended a lot) and we also were required to have a homework folder that contained all homework for every class (stuff that needed to be done on the left and stuff to turn in on the right).
I got her locker combination by looking in her agenda and proceeded to take out homework assignments for a few months during break times. She was a super overachiever and she would almost cry when she couldn’t find an assignment which I savored for the remainder of the year (I felt like James Bond sabotaging the enemy).
It really messed with her head especially when I would just remove small (but key) parts of assignments that were due the next day or I would remove middle pages out of homework packets that she had already completed.
The final thing I removed was a large (~50 pages front and back) biology packet that we had been doing all year that was like 25% of our grade.
She basically had a mental breakdown in class and actually started crying and hyperventilating. She was given about a week to find it (but couldn’t since I had it) so she ended up getting permission to redo it and spent all of the free time we had redoing the packet.
Also when I stole her homework I would usually copy the answers which adds an extra level of messed up I guess.”
44. If You Won't Return My Speakers, I'll Leave Your Band Hanging At The Show
“My high school gave me a set of speakers as a ‘thank you’ present for doing sound and lights for all of their music gigs. I brought them to my band’s garage so that we could use them as monitors. Shortly after that I crashed my mom’s car and had to spend the next few months working my butt off to pay for the repairs, and stopped everything altogether including playing in this (awful) band.
When I told my friend I wanted to pick up my drums and speakers from the garage he told me I could have my drums back but not my speakers. After a bunch of arguing he still wouldn’t give them up. A few weeks later he had started a new band and needed a singer.
I told him I would sing for his band and even practiced with them a few times, and then instead of going to the show I drove to his house and told his Mom that I was coming to pick up my speakers from him.
She let me in, I took my speakers back, and never spoke to that jerk ever again.”
43. My Sister Got Me In Trouble So I Put Dog Poop In Her Bed
“My sister was quite a jerk when we were kids. She pranked me all the time. She also would lie to get me in trouble and was too convincing at it so I was always grounded.
Christmas came and I got a sega genesis (I was a game addict). She got me grounded from it within the first few weeks. I was livid.
One day a friend of mine came over to hang out and we ended up doing chores before we could do anything fun.
My parents went uptown to get stuff for dinner and we were left with chores. As we got done I got this awesome idea to put dog poop under her bed. I grabbed a bucket and garden shovel and scooped up as much dog poop out of the yard as I could.
My friend told me he wanted nothing to do with it.
1 small bucket of dog poop later we went in the house, pulled up her mattress and my friend watched as I poured dog poop all over EVERYTHING under the bed.
We put everything back as normal, cleaned the bucket and shovel, and pretended like nothing happened. Nothing immediately happened until days later I heard her freak out crying her eyes out.
My mom came in with my sister having pulled a toy out from under it covered in dog poop. I was of course called in as the suspect and witnessed my mom pull up the mattress in one of the most magnificent and astonished and disappointed looks ever as she saw dog poop all over everything under my sister’s bed.
My sister cried even harder and freaked out knowing she had slept over poop and her toys were covered in it.
After my parents were out of the room I told her that’s what happens when she lies to get me grounded. She actually didn’t do it anymore either.
I was of course grounded big time. Worth it.
I told my wife this story when my sister was over visiting once, we sure do stupid stuff when we are kids.”
42. I Accidentally Made The Police Come To My House
“When I was about 6 I had a friend over. They found my box of toy cars and decided to start throwing them at me.
Of course, I did the reasonable thing and instead of asking him to stop or telling my parents, I called 911. I hung up immediately because I was scared of talking to the responders. Of course, this caused the police to show up 10 minutes later and I tried to hide in a kitchen cupboard and was found.
It was okay and he was cool about it but I really freaked myself out. Around a month later my kindergarten class did a meet and greet with the local sheriffs and of course, the guy who came to my house was there and I tried to hide in the classroom.”
41. My Jacket's Zipper Defended Me Against My Bullies
“When I was 5, this kid Jeff and his friends would bully and tease me while I walked home from kindergarten (it was the 80s).
One day they were posted up next to a drainage ditch next to the walking path, and as I walked up, they started talking loudly about throwing me in the ditch. Luckily there was another path that I could take, so I turned and started to walk away, but Jeff followed me and picked up a little rock and told me he had ‘rock power’ while looking like he was going to throw it at me.
I said ‘oh yeah?’ and threw my little windbreaker at him as hard as I could. This was very out of character for me, but I’d seriously had enough.
The zipper hit him in the eye.
He started crying, his friends started yelling at me, and I picked up my jacket and ran all the way home.
I felt bad about it for a long time that I’d hurt him, but as an adult, I feel pretty vindicated. I was a kindergarten girl up against four or five 1st and 2nd-grade boys who were threatening to throw me in a ditch and throw rocks at me and wouldn’t let me leave the situation.
They mostly left me alone after that.”
40. Left My Mean Roommates Several Unpleasant Surprises
“I was a freshman at a new college, and just started living in the dorms. I had registered sort of late, so the best dorm they could get me was a 3-person efficiency room – it was very cheap, but also very small and very skimpy on privacy.
It was basically an open room, with a tiny alcove for a kitchenette and a door off to the side that led to the bathroom. Three of the corners were reserved for the beds, and there were no doors dividing the area from the rest of the room.
Being someone with pretty terrible social anxiety, this living arrangement stressed me out so badly that I often woke up very early (5:30 to 6 am) because I couldn’t sleep feeling that other people were potentially looking at me. This apparently bothered my roommates, even though I went through every precaution to not disturb them (my alarm was a cellphone by my bed that buzzed, I did not turn on any lights in the room, I avoided blowdrying my hair or turning the tv on, and I did not eat or make breakfast until they were awake).
I tried my best to communicate with them, but they were bitter that they were ‘stuck’ with me, and not the friend they signed up to room with – who couldn’t make it for financial reasons. They never tried talking to me, and would frequently have other people over until late at night – something I never contended with or expressed any real dislike of.
However, apparently, that was not enough to make them at least accepting of my presence, and I found that they often complained about me on social media to their friends and parents. Again, this was not something I took heed of or brought up to them (my anxiety tends to make me a doormat), I just tried my best to keep my head up, stay out of their business, and be as courteous as I could.
Meanwhile, I was arranging to get out of that dorm and into a different one, which was a mandatory week-long process. During the final night I spent with those girls, I noticed they had complained (again) to their parents about my sleeping patterns. They apparently knew I had been waking up early, and since they had late afternoon classes and stayed up very late (often to my displeasure, as they never bothered to lower the volume of the TV or turn off the lights when I decided to go to bed) they didn’t appreciate the very minimal noise I made.
I went to bed, not mentioning any of it to them, and was woken up at 4 am by both of them rising at the same time, turning all of the lights on, turning the TV on, and making a very loud breakfast. They’d never woken up that early, so I knew it was being done as a direct stab at me, and being the nervous person that I was – I chose to ignore it, and pretend I was still sleeping.
They grew intensely aggravated by my unresponsiveness and left.
At that point, I packed up my belongings – horribly ashamed and upset at the utter cruelty of their behavior. I swiped both of their toothbrushes along the grime under the lip of the toilet seat, did the same with their deodorant sticks, poured clear dish soap into their jug of milk, mixed salt in with their sugar bowl (classic, I know), and splashed a fair amount of their perfume bottles beneath their beds – and many of their liquid cosmetics went down the toilet.
I raided their desks for their pencils and emptied all of the lead from them, crushed it, and swiped it into their cereal boxes. One of the girls was in a piano class, and had a flat electric keyboard in the room to practice with (a very expensive loan from the college, she had whined about once) – and my last act of revenge was to fill the sliders (volume, power, etc) with superglue, so they were permanently stuck in place.
I never heard a word from them after I moved out that day, or gave a single care about it.”
39. Won't Tow The Car That's Parked In My Spot? I'll Deal With It Myself
“I lived in a part of a city where parking is very limited. As a result, I leased assigned, off-street parking.
The lot was not gated, and we had an ongoing problem with unauthorized parking. The towing company that should have been dealing with the issue is unresponsive and incompetent. If they respond at all, they frequently tow the wrong vehicle. (Most of the time they never show up to remove an unauthorized vehicle.
On several occasions my car, and many other authorized cars, with parking passes clearly displayed, had been towed from their assigned space.) Management seemed unable or unwilling to remedy the issue.
Several days in a row, I had come home to find the same car parked in my space.
I left the standard note, stating this was a private lot, and called the towing company that never came. After several nights of working late, I was forced to drive around for up to a half-hour looking for parking, and walk another half hour home.
In the mornings, I had to leave an extra half hour early. Adding that time to my commute after already working 12-16 hour days was not helping my mood.
On the fourth day, I came home to the same vehicle parked there again, this time with the window opened slightly.
I grabbed rubber gloves from a first aid kit and wedged my arm in until I could unlock the door. I opened it and no alarm went off. At this point, I got a bit scared that I would get caught, and went to park my car.
I had a nice long walk back to look up revenge and plan what I would do.
In several small batches throughout the night:
Popped the hood, removed every fuse and relay threw them as far as I could.
Took everything from the glove compartment and threw it in a dumpster.
Removed windshield wipers.
Removed a door panel, filled it with random foods, and replaced it.
Deflated the spare tire, stabbed it, and put it back.
Jammed as many plastic bags as I could find into the gas tank.
Superglued the valve stem covers on.
Poured hydrogen peroxide on the carpets under the seats.
Poured milk on the seats.
Finally, I made sure everything looked normal. Took the parking break off, put it in neutral, and rolled it out of the spot, blocking the lane to be sure someone would call the police and it would be towed.
The cops rang my bell in the morning and asked if I knew how that car ended up like that. I lied, they could tell but didn’t care.
Never saw that car again. The problem didn’t stop, but I felt better.”
38. Take My Things? I'll Dump Glitter On Your Head
“Last day of school in the 8th grade, last period… just talking and waiting for the bell to ring and summer to begin.
The girl behind me (whom I’d had no previous issues with) decides it’s funny to start unloading my backpack quietly and passing around the contents to others in the class to hide.
After seeing a magazine of mine (I think it was DOS Resource Guide – yes, I’m that old and geeky) in the hands of the guy sitting next to me, I realize what was going on.
I stood up, turned around, and just stared at her. We weren’t friends, but I thought we were on ok terms. She just looked at me like ‘what are you going to do about it?’ She had been semi-normal but was kinda becoming a jerk… trying to impress other jerks in the back of the class.
I brushed it off and walked down the aisle to collect the things she had passed around. But on my way past her desk, noticed she had stolen some class art supplies. A jar of glitter was sitting on top of many other stolen things in her bag.
I had just zipped up my bag when the bell rang. I turned around to her, grabbed the glitter, opened it, dumped it on her head, and slammed down the empty glass like a shot on her desk. Stared at her for a moment thinking ‘that’s what, jerk’ and walked off.
I ran into her again in the 9th grade. I had completely forgotten about it. She said she worked on washing glitter out of her scalp all summer. Said it was horrible and itched like crazy.
I felt really bad and apologized. But secretly, felt a mild sense of satisfaction.
Then felt really petty for it being something so costly to her for something that only cost me a moment of slight embarrassment. In the end, I think it just taught me what karma was.”
37. You Messed With The Wrong Guys At The Bonfire
“Over a decade ago, when I was a teenager, we used to have bonfires out in a secret spot in the woods. One night we went out there and another group we didn’t know also came through. They seemed nice and were doing their own thing most of the night—it was a big open space, so our groups stayed mostly separate.
We brought two 30-racks for about 6 people, so we obviously didn’t end up finishing all of it. We got up and left at around 1 am, while the other group was still there.
We get out of the woods and into our car, only to immediately see three of the guys from the group emerge from the woods.
They blocked our car off and demanded we give them our drinks or they’ll ‘kick our butt.’ The driver laughs in the guy’s face, drops into gear, and peels out toward them. They jump out of the way, we get away laughing and yelling insults at the idiots.
Well, we’re teenagers with chips on our shoulders, and somebody has wronged us. So, we went back and smashed out every window and headlight on the main guy’s decked-out VW Jetta.
We later found out that he was friends with a few mutual acquaintances.
He told them about the incident at a party (conveniently leaving out the fact that they attempted to rob us) and said it cost them upwards of $2000 because they had no insurance.
Our revenge was definitely way out of proportion, but I still don’t really feel bad.
That guy was trash.”
Another User Comments:
“Did you pay?” Doubleplay17
Reply:
“Oh, no, they never even confronted us about it. We were nice people, but we definitely weren’t the type of dudes you mess with, and I think they figured that out.” djsedna
36. Steal My Textbook? I'll Get You Suspended
“In school, I had this ‘friend’, I’m calling him JH for Jerk Head. So JH and I for the most part were friends, copied homework from each other, and shared lunch.
About a month before our breaks for our exams a textbook of mine went missing. I looked everywhere for that book, and 3 weeks before I decided to get a photocopy of the lessons, I asked JH for his book. He wasn’t in class so I went through his bag, and found the book.
I was looking through it and realized a) His index was torn out and b) there was Tipp-Ex on the margins which covered writing, and c) the jerk had scribbled on my writing to write his name. I took the book and confronted JH.
The guy begged and pleaded to me to not tell our teacher because that would probably get him suspended or something, I was seething but I thought I got my book back, and he’s sorry about it so no harm was done. I told him I wouldn’t tell our teacher.
Back at home, I was thinking about the whole situation and realized that the jerk was going to let me fail. That enraged me and so I cooked up a plan. The next day, I took our class topper’s social studies notebook and snuck it inside JH’s bag before we left for the bus.
A few days before the break, during our lunch break, I see our class topper freaking out, so I ask her what’s wrong. She says she lost her notebook and I tell her what happened to me and that it’s probably with JH.
It was beautiful, she stormed to his bench, took his bag, and went through it before finding her copy, slapped him, and called him a bunch of creative names all in front of a full class.
This much I counted on happening, what I didn’t count on was the DI (disciplinary in charge) patrolling the halls and seeing the whole thing. He walks in just as the lunch break gets over, calls JH and our class topper, and they leave.
15 minutes later I get called to the principal’s office, I know why, I take my book and leave. In the principal’s office I see, our class teacher, the DI, the Principal, and Vice-principal. ‘Did JH take your book?’ the DI asked me, ‘yes sir’ I reply and show him the book.
‘He tore out my index page, wrote over my notes, and put Tipp-Ex on my book so I wouldn’t recognize it.’ ‘Why didn’t you tell anyone?’ ‘ Because I found it in his bag and he said he was sorry. I didn’t think he’d have taken someone else’s notebook too’.
They told me to leave with the CT and return to class.
The next day, I find out that JH has been suspended for the rest of the week and would not be able to take his exams. It gets worse, this was a term exam which counts towards the final grade, because he had to miss it, he ended up repeating the grade.”
35. Left My Ex Stranded Without A Trace
“Kind of messed up but I don’t care, my ex was human garbage.
She would continually beg for funds and do nothing but yell at me and smoke.
One day I just got sick of her nonsense. I came home from a very long day at work and noticed she had taken my civic (a very heavily modded 94 coupe) and had gone somewhere with her friends. She forgot that I had a Karr tracking system on the car and could locate it anywhere within a few meters.
I found my car in downtown Seattle and had my buddy drive me there. I had a spare key and alarm fob, so I threw her spare clothes and purse in the dirty parking lot, drove home, and blocked her number before she could even call me.
I even moved later that week (had been planning to for a while before this incident anyway) so I disappeared without a trace. I used to get threatening messages from her brother for about a month afterward.”
34. Fool Me More Than Once? I Won't Feel Shame When I Get Revenge
“I had a friend in college that I effectively ruined because he went too far in trying my patience. He was a shady dude but that didn’t stop me from being friends because I grew up around shady so I knew the game.
To understand why I exacted my revenge on him there are three stories to tell. This all took place around 2002 – 2004.
SO my buddy needs to borrow my motorcycle to head into town for some ‘supplies.’ I’m like sure man here are the keys.
After about three hours I become concerned as to what has happened to my buddy and my bike. He shows up soon thereafter and I ask him if everything was ok. He was like yeah man everything’s fine. So later that night I’m taking a joy ride on my bike, have a nice lady in the back seat holding tight, and a patrol cruiser tailing me.
I turn onto campus observing riding extra carefully when I see two cruisers barreling my way. The one coming from the opposite direction like a bat quickly blocks half the road as he comes screeching to a halt, while the second cruiser comes out of a side street to cover the lane I was in.
Meanwhile, the one tailing me somehow grew a spare car and they both boxed me in. Needless to say, I was a little shocked. So they tell me to get off the bike, sit on the curb, blah blah blah. I hear one cop telling the other it’s the same bike but the scripts don’t match.
At this point, I’m like…man, what did that jerk do? Long story short, he ran a red light and decided to play cat and mouse with the cops that tried to pull him over. Obviously, he got away, but it would have been nice to let me know he ran from the cops not 6 hours before so I wouldn’t be an idiot and take it out for a ride.
So I tell the cops what’s up, they come to his place and give him a million tickets and send us on our way.
Story #2: He and I were both really into this girl, the perfect girl next door during college. Half of our friends were all into her.
But in reality, the only two that stood a chance were me and apparently my buddy. So one day my buddy comes up and begs me to borrow my bike again. I had forgiven him so I was like sure man, what for? He responds with, I’ma take that ‘girl’ for a joy ride… Are you kidding me?
Really? The guts of this man, I mean… all’s fair in love and war, and for his brazen technique, I commend and ultimately respect him but… really bro? I laughed and told him there wasn’t a chance, walked over to her room, and took her on a ride on MY bike.
So we get back later that night and I head off to do some nocturnal science research stuff. Walking back to my dorm what do I see? I see my motorcycle NOT where I left it. So I go up to my buddy and ask him… did you take my bike out?
He was like nope! I went to our ‘girl’ and asked if she had fun with my buddy on his ride, she said yup. I tell him nothing.
Story #3: So at one point I was in dire straights and needed someone to take some of my stuff and store it because I didn’t have space for it in my new apartment.
My buddy, being the nice gentleman that he is offers his room for my stuff. I agree. Now at this point, it’s been nearly two years since stories 1 and 2. He’s transferred to the community college not too far from the university and I’ve cut down to part-time to incorporate some work into my schedule.
Now I leave him with two boxes and a suitcase of electronics, DVDs, video games, and camera equipment, along with some clothes. I bet you can already tell where this story is going can’t you? He starts telling me about how he’s in financially hard times at the moment.
How he’s afraid he won’t be able to renew his visa because he might fail the semester (oh did I forget to mention he was here on a student visa), and won’t be able to afford a summer semester to stay enrolled. He kept going on and on about how he needed to do better etc. I worked my connections and hooked him up with a good science job.
Things were looking up. Then one day I call him up and tell him, hey man I’m coming to pick up my stuff, I got a new place. I come over and lo and behold nearly all my stuff is gone! Gone! He then told me how people had broken into his apartment and stolen my stuff.
I looked around, all his stuff seemed to have been impervious to the thievery, and the carpet lining the entranceway appeared to have curiously fresh wooden shavings. I decided that you know what, it was fine. I’m going to let him slide on this and not even call him out.
I’m going to take the high road… until he pressed his luck two steps too far.
So apparently, he managed to steal some really expensive equipment from the lab I got him working for. I was furious, I went over to his place and talked to him about what was going on.
It was then that he told me that he was sick of all of it. He didn’t want to finish his degree, he didn’t want to work, he just wanted to vanish. He told me he was going to take the money and move up to the countryside and find work doing whatever he pleased. While I hated him for selling my stuff, stealing from a job I hooked him up with, and trying to constantly use my stuff for his personal gain, I could empathize with him.
The second straw that broke the camel’s back came later that week when I spoke to my best friend about what was going on. He was floored when he heard the true story. Because for the past 3 months he had been lending our mutual ‘buddy’ roughly $1,000 for rent every month.
Obviously, our buddy wasn’t paying his rent, he was stashing it away in his little fugitive fund. Now the guy who lent him the funds is my best friend like I would take a bullet for him best friend, this was it, man. So I exacted retribution.
I got on the phone and called a family member who just so happens to be a US Federal Marshal and told him about my buddy who was stealing and planning on evading his upcoming court date for residency status (essentially to determine whether or not you meet the credentials to have your visa extended or renewed, he was just going to skip it and disappear without a trace).
I spoke to him at length. I pull up my cell phone and call my buddy asking him what his plans are again as my best friend is on the other line recording the conversation. Download the conversation, email it to my uncle, and played some WoW.
48 hours later, my ‘buddy’ is in handcuffs and a short time later he’s on a plane headed halfway around the world.
Long Story Short, you test my patience and you’re out.”
33. I Caught My Partner Two-Timing...Little Did She Know I Was Going To Be Their Waiter
“I worked at a seafood restaurant as a busboy during my freshman year of college.
At the time, I was seeing a girl whom I had been with for a number of years. We never had a great relationship, things were rocky after about a year but we persevered, or so I thought. I always felt like she had two-timed in high school, but I could never get anyone to flat out tell me ‘dude she two-timed you with ___’.
Now, she didn’t know I worked at this specific restaurant, but I knew she liked seafood so I mentioned it to her casually one day. After some talking, we decided to go in a few weeks. Well, life got busy for me in those few short weeks and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to have time to make it that night, so she decided to cancel on me.
I ended up getting done with my homework with a few hours to spare and called to tell her we could still go, but she wasn’t responding to me.
It was a Wednesday night and I didn’t have much to do at this point.
No clubs were meeting, and all my friends were busy with schoolwork, so I called into work to see if I could fill in for someone, and I did. 2 hours later, I see her walk in with a guy that I had seen in high school, and my jaw completely dropped. I am absolutely heartbroken because even though I always had the feeling, I knew it was real now.
I had the unfortunate luck of them being seated in my area, and it was still early in the night so it was slow. After some talking with my server I reluctantly got her to do the things that I would normally do as a bus (bring water and bread, clear the extra settings and get a drink order).
After seeing them hold hands and kiss over the table for nearly 30 minutes their food was finally ready. I didn’t really do anything super special, I brought dinner out to them with a note on her plate saying ‘Caught you jerk’. She didn’t actually look up at me but she turned pale white when she read the note.
He did and his face was priceless when he realized it was me. I simultaneously see her face burst into tears while he scrambles as fast as he can out of the restaurant. The rest of the night is a blur, but I ended up getting off early and getting to enjoy the live music down by the bar and free drinks because I worked there.
The last I heard she was pregnant and he ended up in jail somehow, what a disaster that could have been. Since that day I’ve been having the best time of my life.”
32. You Better Watch What You Say About My Mom
“I got in an argument in middle school over a game with a friend of mine, which led to insults and eventually him saying all sorts of things about my mom. A classic middle school move taken to the extreme, really. I wasn’t really saying trash about his family because it never really bothered me when people talked trash about mine, especially if it was unfounded like in this case.
Eventually, I just looked at him and went ‘dude, your mom works for my mom.’ I felt so preppy and insufferable.
I should add she did, in fact, work for my mom’s workshop.”
31. Keep Stealing My Food? I'll Put Laxatives In These Brownies
“I had a roommate that stole food. So my two other roommates and I made brownies with chocolate Ex-Lax. I very clearly told her NOT to eat them. They were for something at school. Do NOT eat them. Four of them disappeared the night she and our other roommate had a midterm.
According to the other roommate, she was white as a sheet, barely made it through the exam, and didn’t come back for the second half of class.
I might have picked another night, had I known, and maybe not used the whole box of Ex-Lax.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve never understood people who steal other people’s food.” RegisterInSecondsMeh
Reply:
“Her parents paid for everything, she had more money than the other three of us combined (we all worked to pay our bills) and spent all her money on fast food.
She was too embarrassed to ask her parents for more, so she’d bounce checks for the rent and steal our food. It was very satisfying to throw her out.” gayeld
30. Start To Bully Me? I'll Light Your Schoolwork On Fire
“This kid who was one of my good friends since preschool decided that I was better for picking on than being friends with when we got to high school. He would say all sorts of vile things to try to get a reaction out of me, especially in front of people that he thought were ‘cool kids’.
He’d sneakily draw inappropriate things in my notebooks and then one day when I went to go flip the page for a fresh sheet of notebook paper, bam, lab partners or teachers see and give me weird looks. At some point, he said some terrible things about my mom, and another friend had to physically restrain me from beating him up in history class.
I calmed down and realized I was letting things get out of hand and if I wasn’t careful I was going to get myself in trouble. I needed a more nuanced and subversive approach to my problem.
Needless to say, this kid was not doing well in school.
He wasn’t a total idiot but he was too busy smoking and being a jerk to get his schoolwork done on time. Anyway, he’s failing a few classes and decides to make a concerted effort to pass. His hardest class is chemistry, which I happen to be in with him.
I see my chance. I offer to help this repugnant jerk study and take notes in chemistry for a big important upcoming project. In his eyes, I’m like a pathetic beta dog in his pack, desperate for the approval of my leader. Despite all the emotional torment he’s put me through, he doesn’t think twice about taking help from someone with seething, fiery hatred coursing through his veins being driven on by the thought of sweet revenge and the eventual subjugation of his enemy.
We fill his notebook up. I essentially do his project for him, encouraging him, feeding his ego, assuring him he’s gonna pass and maybe even with a fairly good grade…..
……and then the day before the project is due I steal that loathsome jerk’s notebook complete with his entire project inside and ceremonially burn it in my garbage can in the alley behind my house while pumping Led Zeppelin’s version of ‘How Many More Times’ on my uncle’s hand me down vinyl player as loud as my awful speakers would go.
Rarely in my life have I felt so much pleasure as I did watching him stammering to the chemistry teacher that he swears he had his notebook with his project yesterday and watching the teacher, basing his judgment on what a terrible and careless student this kid has been all year, basically tell him he thought he was full of it and that if he didn’t have the project he failed. He did fail and then not long after he dropped out and, subsequently, his life went down the proverbial ‘tubes’.
It’s a very good amount of time later and I’m still not sorry muahahahahahahahahahahaa!”
29. My Bully Was Scared Of The Dark So I Kept Him In A Dark Room
“When I was in 2nd grade, there was this jerk who would pick on me constantly. Just imagine a super entitled 2nd-grade bully. He was the wooooorst. Anyway, I wasn’t plotting revenge, but one day I went to the bathroom and as I was leaving this kid came in.
I ignored him and started to walk out, it was at that moment I decided to act. This bathroom was super old school and had no windows, so I flipped off the lights and proceeded to hold the door shut while this kid was crying and screaming because he was scared of the dark and apparently couldn’t find the light switch.
I don’t remember how long I held it for, but I remember my teacher coming out and sending me to the principal’s office. To this day, I have no regrets.”
28. Don't Throw Coins At Me If You Don't Want To Get Hit Back
“One day some jock dude decided it was fun to throw coins on the bus at random people.
Like 25cent coins which if thrown hard can be annoying and kinda hurt.
So me being me I had a slingshot in my backpack for messing around in class. He threw another coin and hit me on the head. At that moment I decided enough was enough and just pulled the slingshot out, loaded the coin, and just stretched it like to breaking point and aimed for his face… I hit him square in the middle of his eyes.
This guy just proceeded to sit down and didn’t say a word for the remaining 15-minute ride. I also got some thank you stares from the people who were by then pretty annoyed by this jerk.”
27. We Called Out Our Bad History Teacher In The Yearbook
“Our history class teacher in high school really sucked. Sometimes she rambled around reminiscing about the past and not really teaching us anything useful, while other times she would grill people with questions until they got something wrong.
Grading was somewhat arbitrary with two girls always getting good grades without doing anything, one guy getting constantly grilled and always receiving bad grades, and another dude whose German wasn’t as good as the others constantly getting corrected in a demeaning way. It got so bad that we had an arms race with history books.
Since it was the advanced history course we already had four books, but one student had recently transferred from another school that had THE perfect book. Perfect for surviving the grilling sessions. Everyone else also got the book to be able to answer her questions as quickly and accurately as the transfer student could as to not look unprepared in comparison.
Fed up with that kind of treatment we created the jerk card rewarded to the student that became her victim of the day. I created elaborate statistics for who got it when and how bad they got grilled and we always had a good laugh.
Come graduation and the final yearbook: TIME FOR REVENGE. The entire two pages for the advanced history course class of 2008 consisted of comedically mocking her bad teaching skills, the chaotic lessons, stupid things people said, and of course the detailed version of my jerk card statics, honoring the Ukrainian guy and the other dude for their insane collection of jerk cards.
After submitting our page my phone rings a week later and it’s the student layout editor for the book. The principal, which was also our advanced history teacher, wants the jerk card statics removed. She deemed them hurtful and disrespectful to the people getting the most cards.
I am furious, how can she not understand that they wanted that statistic because they felt so mistreated? In my anger, I just put a huge black box where the jerk card article would have been with a white text rambling about how we are being censored by the school and how authorities censoring the free speech of an advanced history class is spitting in the face of what teaching history in Germany is all about.
My class all sign off on the text, the Ukrainian dude even sharpens the wording and we send it back to the layout guy.
The next day the phone rings and it’s my teacher/principal on the line, in tears, crying. She said how stressful the last year was being announced as temporary principal, being one year away from retirement, and teaching history being her life, she was devastated by what she read and didn’t want her entire legacy tarnished by what we wrote.
I felt incredibly bad and broke the news to the rest of the class. We all agreed that while the course was a nightmare, we weren’t bad enough people to pull through with the whole thing. The article was changed and everyone was fine with the way we changed it.
I still have the original and censored version on my computer for old times’ sake. Jerk card champions your hardships will never be forgotten!”
26. I Stopped My Teammate From Stealing Drinks Thanks To My Sneaky Plan
“Had a teammate on my middle school football team that liked to take drinks left in the locker room. This was the summer between 7th and 8th grade, and he was the biggest, strongest player on our team. He was also the best player on our team by a long shot, so our coaches just turned a blind eye to his behavior.
After watching two of my friends confront him about stealing their drinks and watching him kick their butts, I decided that a different strategy was in order. So one day after practice I told my grandmother about the situation and that I didn’t want to have her or my parents get involved, and that I wanted to teach him a lesson.
This was the mid-90s when the small Gatorade still came in glass bottles, so she took me to the store and picked up a grape flavor, went home and emptied half of it, and replaced the space with part castor oil and part liquid ex-lax.
The next day I left the drink out in a vacant locker when we did the first round of conditioning drills, and he snatched it as soon as we came back. Fast forward 2 hours and we are finishing up the end of conditioning, which is 40 40-yard wind sprints on the practice field.
He was complaining about an upset stomach about 1/2 way into the sprints, and it hit him about 2 laps before the finish. The field was about 200 yards from the field house, and we all laughed while watching him r******p himself the entire way back.
From that day forward you could leave drinks anywhere and he would go out of his way to avoid them.”
25. Steal From Me? I'll Send Pregnant Roaches To Your Place
“I had a guy steal $300 bucks from me online via a freelancing site.
I paid him for work he never did. Long story short, I found out where he lived via a fake freelancing job and asked to ‘send a check because I’m old and don’t know the intarweb.’ I found his telephone number and called it.
A young lady answered and I asked for Scumbag Freelancer. She said he wasn’t home. Verified!
I found a company online that breeds cockroaches. I called and ordered 100. The operator asked if I wanted them pregnant or sterile. I said PREGNANT! My order was shipped, I opened the box and dumped the 100 prego roaches into a post office box, and sealed that thing quick.
Mailed it to Scumbag Freelancer so he could open that thing in his house…then I called him from a payphone and asked him how his roaches were. He began to cuss me out…I told him ‘don’t mess with a jerk’ and hung up.”
24. Bully Me? I'll Put Gum In Your Hair
“I went to a large high school, so they split the freshmen off into our own building. I assume to keep the upperclassmen from picking on us.
Anyway, all grades still rode the same bus home, big mistake. Being the ‘new’ girl people hated me. I didn’t mind, I had friends. This girl named Rachel (she was a junior) made my life awful. She’d call me fat and all the other typical high school insults.
One day I had enough, before I got on the bus I got a pack of big league chew, that awful gum. I sat behind her on the bus that morning and stuck a giant piece of gum in her hair, I rubbed it into her scalp as she was screaming and punching me.
She had to get her whole head shaved. I got suspended for 3 days but my mom didn’t care after the principal told her Rachel was one of the worst bullies in the school.”
23. Got Back At The Mean Girl By Messing With Her Drink
“This was actually the work of one of my best friends, but it’s payback for something someone did to me and another best friend.
When we were 16 we knew a girl (let’s call her Emily) who changed radically over the school holidays. She used to be really sweet and kind, but all of a sudden she started wearing really skimpy clothing and became really promiscuous.
Not that that is bad, but her attitude was. Emily became really mean, stole things from the girl’s locker room, and she would copy my artwork (we had art class together, but she would also steal my doodles) and claim it as her own.
One day she stole from one of my friends, and we decided that was enough. We cut off ties with her, but not before she sent a long, abusive message to the friend she stole from, calling her names and making fun of a disorder she has.
Upset, my friend deleted it and tried to forget about it, but my other best friend (let’s call her Alex) wasn’t so forgiving.
We had a lot of friends who would get together every Friday and have a party in the nearby field, and Emily would invite herself along to try and sleep with people there, not caring if they had partners.
One day, Alex invited her to hang out with them, but before Emily arrived, Alex got everyone (all the boys and girls there – about 30 people) to pee in an empty bottle of booze. Emily eventually turned up and Alex gave her the drink as a present.
Emily sipped it and instantly recoiled, saying it tasted like pee, before looking at everyone in horror. Alex said ‘What? Let me taste it’ and mimed sipping from it, pretending like nothing was wrong. A few more people pretended to drink from it and acted like it was just really boozy so it naturally would taste a little gross.
Eventually, Emily decided that it was okay, so she drank the whole bottle and acted like she was wasted, swaying and giggling and just being an idiot. After a while, Alex suddenly jumped up on a rock and screamed ‘EMILY DRANK OUR PEE’ and everyone started chanting it.
Emily’s face turns into the perfect picture of pure horror, and she magically sobered up and ran off. She left us alone after that.”
22. Got Revenge On My Teacher By Putting Sugar In His Gas Tank
“I had a really bad teacher in middle school. Like, he would skip over most of the lesson and then tell all of us how dumb we were for not having a clue how to complete the assignments.
He was unnecessarily mean, wouldn’t answer questions about what he was teaching, and also was really creepy around the girls.
I don’t really remember what the final straw was, but we decided to mess his truck up one day. We got a funnel and dumped a ton of sugar in his gas tank.
What we didn’t know was his wife was pregnant with their second child and the financial burden of buying a replacement vehicle on a teacher’s salary caused them to lose their home.”
Another User Comments:
“I had a teacher like this who tweeted wildly inappropriate things, and I compiled all of the tweets and turned them in to the school.
He no longer teaches here. While I didn’t cause his firing I did contribute to it.” ducknard
21. I Was Scared Of Her Mom So I Made Everyone Avoid Her
“When I was a kid there was a girl at my school who was really weird.
She never spoke above a whisper and had a super overprotective mom with these freaky giant long nails who she’d always rat people out to. If you crossed this girl in any way at all, her mom would be outside the fence at lunchtime and wave you over and tear you a new one.
It got to the point where even her friends were kind of terrified because if you so much as played hopscotch wrong (or whatever 7-year-old girls were playing at the time, I forget), there was the terrifying mom waiting for you.
Eventually, she threatened to tell her mom on me for something tiny.
I don’t even remember what, I avoided her as best I could. Must’ve been some insignificant interaction, like I took her coat hook or some nonsense. So I started telling everyone she was evil and to avoid her, and people actually did. This girl ended up with practically no friends except for one other girl.
Things kind of evened out but from then on everybody was even more on eggshells around this girl and most people chose not to interact with her at all for fear of her mom.
In hindsight, that mom was probably so overbearing that her kid never learned to interact for herself, but I don’t think I really changed anything so much as made people realize that yeah, the best way to avoid the mom was to avoid the daughter.
Last I heard, the girl was in university and had a reputation for being super quiet but seemed normal enough.”
20. Never Forget To Log Out Of Your Fantasy Football League Account
“I was involved in a fantasy football league with some friends. I would constantly be looking at it on the weekends and leave my laptop unattended in my living room.
My roommate at the time got ahold of my laptop when I was gone and decided to post something masquerading as me that was rather unflattering. All in good fun, no big deal.
About a week later I found he was still logged into his league on my laptop that he had used briefly.
In revenge, I posted a poll for his league buds to vote on some pretty inappropriate things.
Well, I found out shortly after by text from him that this league was with his coworkers including the president of the company. He had to meet with the president and had to explain himself as well to all his coworkers.
Needless to say, I felt like a horrible person and still feel guilt when it pops into my head.”
19. Pour Water On My Bed? I'll Cover You In Dirty Dish Residue
“In my second year at uni, we had a housemate that we all liked to pull pranks on (he was insanely tall and liked to act like the alpha male so we had to bring him down a peg or two).
One day he’s asleep and my housemate says he’s gonna go into his room and throw a cup of water on him. For once I felt bad for him so I said I wasn’t going to partake. 5 minutes later, my housemate runs back into his room giggling and locks the door, to which I say ‘I guarantee you he’s gonna think it was me and mess with my room instead.’ Lo and behold, 5 minutes later I hear the door to my room open and close, so I walk in there to find an entire bucket of water upturned on my bed. At this point, I’m pretty upset cause I had nothing to do with the initial prank.
So I go downstairs to the kitchen, find a huge dish bucket full of old dirty plates and cutlery, (swimming in chunks of mold where the plates had been sat festering in it for at least a month), carried it to his room, and threw it over his head, covering him not only in moldy water but also some cutlery that I had failed to remove.
As a result, I accidentally broke one of his ps4 controllers, he had to go take a long shower to wash the residue off himself, and the room smelt so bad that he had to sleep in the lounge for the next 2 weeks.”
Another User Comments:
“What did he say when he found out he put the water on the wrong person’s bed?” OvermindDL1
Reply:
“Not much and eventually an apology. The other guy locked himself back in his room so there was nothing he could do at that time.
Pretty sure the next day he hid a fish under the bed though.” jburch93
18. Got Back At The Cinema Worker By Buying Out The Whole Theatre
“During the summer of 2007, I was a truck driver. I was coming off 5 months of working, and I was going to party in style in S.
Lake Tahoe (lots of casinos).
Anyway, I ended up playing games and going on a nice hot streak. I won $2,500. Not bad when you started with $50.00. This money is key.
Anyways, we got back on that Sunday, and I wanted to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3, so my friend dropped me off at the mall.
It was a Century theater (Jerks inc.) So I got there just before the movie started, and waited in line to get my ticket.
When I got to the ticket booth 5 minutes later (and after the movie started) I asked for my ticket and she said, ‘I’m sorry sir, I can’t sell you a ticket to that movie.’
‘Why not?’ I asked.
‘I’m sorry, but I can’t allow you to walk in and compromise the integrity of the film.’ She answered.
‘But the previews haven’t ended, and I know friends that work at other Century theaters, and that isn’t policy.’ I countered.
‘I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to see a later showing.’ She finished.
I looked at the line forming for a Sunday matinee showing of a new release. I was angry. She was disregarding the fact that there was an open seat, The movie hadn’t technically started, but I knew I couldn’t flip out at her.
‘Ok, When’s the next showing?’ I said.
‘In 70 minutes, Sir. 1:30.’ She said.
I was wondering how I can ruin her day since her integrity threw my whole day out of schedule. ‘How many tickets are available?’ I asked.
’52.’ She replied.
‘Ok, then I’ll take 52 seats.’ I said with a smile.
‘All adults?’
‘Yes.’
She looked at me really weirdly, then said. ‘You want 52 seats to the next showing of pirates 3?’
‘Absolutely,’ I said. Then I paid her in crisp $50s and walked over to the front of the seating line, about 15 feet from her booth.
I then waited an hour, pretending to call and text all my friends as she had to turn away families and tell parents with screaming little boys with hooks and eye patches that they were sold out. The best part, I was close enough to hear her through the comm, so she couldn’t talk trash about me, (It worked for me that she didn’t involve the manager, but if she did I’d try to get her butt fired) and every time a family walked away, she would look at me like I was a monster, and I’d just smile and wink at her.
Once they moved the ropes and the people in line started filing in, I waited for the girl to look at me, then I lit the tickets on fire with my lighter and walked away. Jerk was livid.
Just because you have a little power, and a little passion doesn’t mean you should lord it over others, and if you do be prepared for jerks.”
17. Pee On My Bed? I'll Pee On Yours
“When I was 21, party at my house, roommate blacked out so instead of dragging him downstairs I dropped him off on the futon that I used as a couch. Wake up in the middle of the night he’s still blacked out and standing there peeing on my bed. Furious I kick him out of my room, I’ll deal with this tomorrow I thought.
The next morning I wake up furious, walk out and start yelling at him, instead of feeling bad he laughs and thinks it’s funny. I declare war, and walk downstairs, and let my bladder loose all over his bed, day after drinking, foul-smelling, full bladder of booze pee.
Still say we are even.”
16. Steal My Man? I'll Throw Water Balloons At You
“When I was a senior in high school at the end of the year my friends and I planned to bombard this girl with water balloons because she was the girl that my partner at the time would see when he wasn’t seeing me.
I blamed her for ‘stealing him’ from me because I had him first, but I later realized he was just a jerk who would switch back and forth between us when he got bored. Anyway, when she walked out to the parking lot at the end of the day, a group of about 5 of us threw a ton of water balloons at her full force in front of basically the whole school.
She of course cried and went straight to her car. I immediately regretted it and felt horrible. Still regret it years later especially because I realized she was just the victim of my awful ex just like I was.”
Another User Comments:
“Bruh I was one of the girls my ex liked to go back and forth on, sometimes not even breaking up with one of us.
And I tried so hard to be friends with this girl when I thought they had broken up (he was two-timing her and was using me to make her insecure. It was his tactic that worked well on us.)
Turns out she hated me and we had the same math class the next year.
I switched classes after she refused to talk to me when we were paired together.
But idk reading this made me feel everything I felt those years and I’m kinda having a panic attack.
Anyways, I’m super happy you realize it wasn’t mature and I hope you’re happy in life like you deserve to be.” maps_on_the_wall
15. Never Doubt The Kid With The Crutches
“When my sister and I were younger we were obsessed with the middle ages. One morning after a trip to the renaissance festival we were sparring with our newly acquired wooden swords and shields and decided it would be a great idea to wake our older brother (who was five years old than me) by hitting him with our swords.
He had recently injured himself and broken one of his legs so we figured we could get in and out quickly. We were wrong. Revenge came swiftly that day. As we proceeded to hit him and scatter away he awoke in a fury and focused on me and chased me into the downstairs family room on his crutches and with pure rage proceeded to beat my butt with those crutches.
My tiny sword and shield didn’t stand a chance. I can remember the fear as I raised up my shield right before the first hit from the crutch. When my parents asked me what happened and I told them the story they said I deserved it.
I definitely did lol.”
14. I Broke Her Heart As Revenge
“We were freshmen in HS in gym class. This girl, we’ll call her J (because I don’t actually remember her name), obviously had a crush on me and wouldn’t leave me alone. Some days it was fine, I would do something she wouldn’t do, like play basketball or whatever, but some days she’d go running around the track with me and the guys or hang out and read/do homework by the bleachers.
But gym class was the only time I really saw J.
One day J had just pushed me too far. She asked me a lot of personal questions and wanted to know what I was looking for in a girl. So I developed a story to tell her on the spot.
We walked over to the racquetball court, where nobody went for some reason, and began ‘pouring my heart out’ to her.
I told her about this girl I’ve been dreaming about, how I feel like I see her all the time, between classes, across the cafeteria at lunch, but how I always have very little time to talk to her.
I told her how beautiful this girl is and vaguely described her to the point where I knew J thought I was talking about her. I told her how I planned to ask this girl out, but I was too shy, too afraid of rejection.
She spoke for the first time during this encounter, asking if there was any way she could help and maybe the feeling was mutual. As I saw her confidence building, I knew I should end this charade. I said something to the effect of, nah you wouldn’t know her; besides she’s not at school today.
She pushed me away and took off crying. One of her friends came running to me asking what happened. I said how should I know? The next few days were weird. Groups of girls who knew J would stop and stare as I walked past. The few times I saw J she was with a group of her friends who would basically block her out of my view.
The few times we locked eyes, she looked terrible.
This all happened towards the end of the school year. Out of the last month, she maybe attended class 4 or 5 times, that I saw. Eventually, the year ended and I asked a mutual friend about J.
They told me she was really depressed and convinced her parents to move, and ended up going out of state.
That was over 10 years ago and I haven’t heard anything since. The times I’ve told the story, less so now, I just feel like a total jerk.”
13. Couple Goes To Extremes To Get Revenge On Each Other
“Not my revenge, but my uncle got my aunt back pretty good. They’d just had their first kid, and he was worried my aunt was dealing with postpartum depression.
So when he came home, she took a baby doll and catapulted it at the wall right in front of him. Naturally, he was freaked out, thinking she lost it. She had a good laugh, but 12 years later he got her back. He was slicing carrots and pretended to accidentally cut his fingers off.
She was dialing 911 only to see him in a long-overdue fit of laughter. He is a patient man.”
12. Pants Me? I'll Pour Tabasco Sauce Down Your Trumpet
“This happened during my freshman year in high school. I was in marching band and it was before the game even started. We were all standing around the stadium, about to enter the stands, (note: Most of us wore athletics shorts before we put on the uniform) when some jerk trumpet player (I was also a trumpeter) pants me.
TWICE. Needless to say, I was furious, not from being pants, however, but that this was one of the most idiotic of people in the fishy class. So, after our half-time show, I took the little jerk’s Tabasco sauce (he carried it with him everywhere) and poured the spicy liquid down his mouthpiece, in his valves, down the bell, down the tuning slide, and then laid the container so that it looked like it had spilled all over his horn.
Also, to top it off, it was a rental from the school that he took without permission.
Needless to say, he never messed with me again.”
11. You Want To Be Catty? Two Can Play At This Cat Fight
“This is stupid and juvenile, but I was once friends with a guy whose partner was incredibly insecure and deeply jealous, to the point of demanding that he not hang out with me and other people with whom he’d been friends for years, long before she was in the picture.
(Newsflash: you can like a guy and appreciate his sense of humor without wanting to get into his pants.)
Finally, I got fed up and started feeding her insecurities, flirting with her partner at parties, dropping hints that we’d been intimate in the past – really catty stuff.
It made her absolutely insane to the point that she wanted to control every move he made, know where he was at all times, and so on. He finally realized how miserable his life had become because of her control issues and broke it off.
Sadly, we kind of all drifted apart over time, but I still think I did him a favor.”
10. I Hid A Cup Of My Own Urine So Well That I Forgot Where I Hid It
“Once when I was wasted, I decided that I would hide a cup full of pee in my friend’s room. I had been joking for ages that I was going to do it… well very intoxicated me finally decided to do it.
It took him months to find the pee, as in the morning, I had forgotten that I had even done it!
It almost ruined our friendship.”
Another User Comments:
“In college, we played a joke on one of our roommates that was going to be gone all summer and everyone took a pee in this toilet and we just left it there for him to come back to.
Turns out that standing pee creates a terrible odor for the whole apartment, not just in his bathroom/bedroom, and we ended up flushing it. Kind of backfired.” maybe_it_was_me
Another User Comments:
“I have a similar story…
Back when I was a freshman at uni and living in the dorms, we all had these rooms that were like one-third of an en suite in the sense that we each had a sink and mirror tucked into one corner of the room.
Now, we were all pre-drinking at my friend’s place and I’d already bust the seal so I was peeing every 15 minutes and already pretty intoxicated. After a few rounds of drinking games I really, really was desperate to relieve the building pressure but a couple of the girls had hogged the bathroom which basically meant it was off-limits for a good half an hour.
Then it hit me! I’ll use Ricardo’s sink… He won’t mind, right? So, off I stumble down his room to use his sink. Mid-stream my other friend, we’ll call him Jaffa, comes into the room to do exactly what I’m doing only he sees his moment and seizes the opportunity.
He puts his hands on my shoulders and just spins me from left to right to left to right… Pee. Everywhere.
It’s all around this countertop, on his bed, his sheets, his dressing gown, dirty laundry pile, clean laundry pile, etc. After some initial laughter we realized this may have been too far, so what did we do?
The only logical thing.
We went out and told him as we were getting back when he was too angry to care. We did go back in the morning to help with the cleaning process and he laughs now but he was angry when he woke up aha.” Jampan94
9. Sit In My Spot? You Won't Be Sitting For Much Longer
“When I was in 5th grade, a kid sat in my spot in class and for some reason, it really ticked me off more than it should have. So while he was leaning over the desk to point something out on his friend’s classwork, I slid the chair out underneath him and he fell over and fell on his head.
It took me 2 seconds after he fell for me to realize how dumb I was for doing that lol, but luckily he was fine.”
8. I Threw A Bag At My Friend...Not Realizing What Was Inside
“One time a friend and I were walking down some railroad tracks and flinging random trash (like soda cans and plastic bottles) at each other.
Then I see a Ruffles bag, and there was some weight to it; so I assumed there were rocks in there, and I threw it at my friend.
Apparently, someone took a dump in the bag; and I threw it at my friend. Covering him in poop.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Sorry Dustin.”
7. Disrespect Me? Find Your Own Way Home
“I was seeing a guy for just over a month when I decided to have a small house party at my place (~20 people).
This was the first house party I had thrown so I was nervous about having that many people at my house at once. I invited a few of my friends and co-workers as well as him and a few of his friends.
Everything was fine for the first hour.
He was socializing with various people and myself being pretty friendly. He had taken a liking to the partner of my friend from work and was chatting and being flirtatious with her. I didn’t make much of it thinking he was just being friendly.
After that hour, his two friends leave the party. I’m assuming they came with him for moral support then ditched because it wasn’t the raging party they were expecting. This meant that they left him at my house with no car, no way of getting home, and across the city.
I realize now that this was his original plan – get wasted, have friends leave and have to ‘stay’ the night at my house. I was really not impressed with this as I didn’t know him that well and had no desire for him to invite himself over to stay the night.
He asked me if he stayed if I could drive him home in the morning before I went to work and feeling guilty I agreed.
Fast forward to the end of the night and he had disappeared for about an hour. I find him passed out on my bed drooling on my pillow.
I was really not impressed with the whole situation in the first place but this made me rage. I look around my room and the first thing I see is his trashy flip phone on my dresser, so I decide to look through it.
I find numerous text messages from tonight to and from another girl who lives in the country. They were fairly graphic text messages that included him trying to get her to pick him up from my house. The history showed he had been texting her while we were going out the week prior as well.
Rage level high activated.
I knew I had to get him back but it had to be stealthy. First, I took all the funds he had out of his wallet and drained his cell phone battery. I laid down next to him and tried to sleep for a few hours before I had to go to work.
After being unable to sleep anymore, I wake him up at 8 am and tell him I got called into work early and we need to leave in 20 minutes. I let him get ready and we get into the car, with him still thinking I am driving him home.
I drive for about 10 minutes to a rural bus stop and tell him to get out of the car, hand him a quarter and say ‘you’ll need this’ and drive away.
I heard it took him 4 hours to get home and he ended up having to beg for change from strangers.”
6. Got Back At My Bad Coach By Ruining His Son's Baseball Career
“My golf coach in high school was an absolute jerk. He was a terrible golfer, and no one (players or parents) could stand him, except for the kiss-ups he adored. For various reasons, he especially had it out for me. I thought I was done with him when I moved up to varsity, but it just so happened he was promoted to varsity coach at the same time.
Made my time on the team miserable, culminating with him cutting me (and only me) from the team senior year. I was actually pretty impressed that he was ballsy enough to do it since I shot in the top three each day of tryouts while his kiss-ups shot in the sixties.
That, added to the fact that he was a total jerk to me in his classes I somehow ended up in, made high school that much worse than it already was.
During college, I made money by umpiring little league baseball. I had already umped for several years before that, so I was one of the senior umpires and worked the competitive travel league games.
They were tough because the kids played excellent ball so we had to be spot on, and the coaches were all high-strung jerks, but the money was great and the games were usually quick.
One day while working a game, I happen to see the jerk himself on the sidelines.
The travel teams had the fancy jerseys with their names on the back, so I put two and two together and realized his kid was on the team. It never occurred to me that he would have a kid at this age since he was close to retirement, but remembered that he had infamously knocked up someone years back while he was a coach.
From that moment on, I made it my mission to make this kid’s baseball career miserable. When he was up to bat, his strike zone was a mile wide and struck out just about every at-bat. As luck would have it, he was a pitcher too, and a pretty good one at that.
Wouldn’t you know it though, he just could never find those corners. After several walks, he was forced to start throwing it right over the heart of the plate and would get smoked until the coach pulled him. It didn’t take long for his dad to realize it was me and what I was doing.
When he’d show up to the game and see me behind the plate, he’d turn and high tail it back to the parking lot, hoping that I wouldn’t know. But the damage was already done; this kid was marked. Being in a senior position, I managed to work it so that I did just about every game they had in town.
There is a good chance I ruined a fairly promising high-school (and maybe college) career. I watched in real-time as he started swinging at any bad pitches thrown at him, even when I wasn’t working. Throughout the years, he slipped further and further down the lineup, his confidence was just wrecked, and he was delegated to backup utility infielder.
To be fair, I could tell from the way he treated his teammates and coaches that he was just as much of a jerk as his old man, so I don’t feel too terrible.”
5. Lie About Being A Decent Person? I'll Mess With Your Bathroom
“So, I was living in a townhouse with three other dudes. None of us knew each other very well. We all became roommates via Craigslist. Everything was going fine and we all respected each other.
Then one guy moves out. I volunteered to find another roommate.
The guy I pick seems normal enough. I didn’t find out until after he moved in that he lied his butt off to me. He was kicked out of his last place for being a jerk to his roommates.
But in our house, he chose to merely be a jerk to me.
Here are a few of the things that he would do:
- smoke in the house after we told him that we didn’t want him to smoke.
- take all of my food out of the fridge in the morning after I left for work so that I would come home to all of my food rotting on the kitchen table.
- used my blender. To blend screws. The blender did not survive.
At the time, I was applying for several fire department jobs, which have stringent background checks. I didn’t want to do anything overt to get in trouble with the law.
We shared a bathroom.
Very early on, I wised up and took all of my possessions out and only took what I needed in the bathroom in a small bag. The jerk roommate left his body wash and shampoo in the shower. So I would alternate days. Some days I would pee a little in the body wash, some days I would in the shampoo.
Some days I would do both. I also used his toothbrush to scrub the dirty toilet. Without any cleaning product of course. I kept this up for months.
The day I moved out, I warned no one. Once all my stuff was out and no one was home, the first thing I did was remove the bathroom fan, place some salmon and shrimp above the fan, and reinstall the fan.
Then I glued all of his dresser drawers shut. Then I put a roll of toilet paper in the toilet and took a dump on top of it, forgetting to flush.
Then I left. And never saw any of them again.”
4. Messed With The Company That Towed My Car During Finals
“The towing company that is responsible for my college subdivision once towed my car during finals week.
I was not particularly happy about this and promised myself that someday, somehow, I would consider us even. The first way I got back at them was by driving all the way out to their place of business and covering all of the mirrors, windows, lights, and identifying information on one of their trucks with spray paint.
I decided that this did not quite even the score between us, however, and waited a few more months before stage two began. I then went out late one night and spray painted over every single sign they had put up in the area, effectively rendering them unable to tow anyone until they put new signs up, which was disappointingly fast. When they put the new signs up, I went around and just ripped them off of the posts they were on.
I’m not particularly strong, but I think a combination of boundless rage and poor-quality metal made this job much easier. After this happened, they started only replacing the sign at the entrance to the subdivision and also posting a security guard there on a regular basis.
So, of course, I waited until I saw the guard drive off one night then ran up and spray-painted the life out of that sign. The guard, however, was slightly craftier than I anticipated and came back right after I finished. He came barreling out of his car yelling for me to get on the ground, but as I was in no mood to be arrested I ran faster than I had ever thought possible and ended up having to hide from the police behind some trash cans for a while.
At this point, I thought that I was finished with them (I had called them and figured out that each of the roughly 15 signs I had destroyed cost them $15 to replace) but when I woke up the next morning they had replaced the sign from the previous night with a new one on the very top of a 10-foot pole.
So, obviously, I climbed the pole (they had attached two smaller posts together so I had bolts to use as footholds), spray painted over the sign, and then had to hide from the cops for about an hour and a half before I could make it back to my house.
They now have put up several signs about video surveillance and the security guard is there on an almost nightly basis. I think I have won.”
3. Ex Two-Timed Me With My Best Friend? I'll Ruin Their Social Lives
“My best friend for 10+ years and my partner for over a year slept together a few times while we were seeing each other.
She broke up with me after I took her out for lunch. Naturally, I did the only two things I could:
I didn’t pay for her lunch. She had no money.
I left her 6+ km away from home so she had to call someone for money AND a ride home.
Keep in mind, I hadn’t found out about the two-timing yet, so I was just angry. I just took her out for lunch and she randomly broke up with me.
So here’s when things got a little more heated. Fast-forward to a party, I’m upset and newly single, so I do what newly-single upset men do: DRINK MY FACE OFF.
Two of my best friends (and his), pull me aside and tell me what my best friend and my ex have been doing for weeks. Instant rage mode. I call him up, tell him to be outside in 5 minutes. I get driven over there by a few friends who want to see me kick his butt.
Keep in mind, I’m 5 foot 11, 155lbs. He’s 5 foot 8, 205lbs. I had adrenaline on my side though, which didn’t make a difference because I didn’t wanna get an assault charge. So while he’s all apologetic, holding his phone in his hand like one of those typical teenage girls, I smack it out of his hand.
It’s broken, and I figure I had better leave it at that and go back to the party.
Fast-forward a week later and my ex is now trying to rub it in my face over Twitter about the situation, and also messaging me too calling me a loser and stuff.
I’m just about finished the first semester of my victory lap, was planning on doing nothing for 2nd semester except sitting around at home, playing Halo, and working minimally…so while they’re both texting me telling me I’m a piece of trash, I vow to them that I’m going to come back for 2nd semester and ruin them socially.
Seems like a waste of time, but being in my situation, the feelings of betrayal…you wouldn’t be thinking rationally either.
I return with one or two football buddies of mine. We’re the party-goers, the ones who throw all the big parties, so I figure it wouldn’t be that difficult to ruin them.
Basically, I took every avenue I could to anger them, including a witty Happy Valentines Day comment to the both of them on that dreadful day.
I started seeing many girls, hooking up with a lot of them, and mostly her friends. Everyone knew of the situation that went down and sided with me.
My friends were the only ones who threw parties, so I made sure they were kicked out of every one of them, or not allowed in.
Skip ahead 2 or so months, they are each other’s only friends, and my former best friend and I eventually hash out the differences.
He apologizes, I apologize for irresponsible, immature behavior, and we become neutral.
I still get texts every few months from my ex when she’s really intoxicated. She apologizes for what happened, and my friends and I sit around my phone while drinking pitchers, passing the phone around, and just screwing with her really hard.
We had her admit she still has feelings for me, and other stuff like that, and I eventually tell her I’m just messing around with her, stop texting me, and I’m showing her partner these. The last thing that was said to her was ‘I win.'”
2. Covered My Bad Roomie's Undergarment With Icy Hot
“Went on a trip for something in high school and stayed in a hotel. My suitemate was a TOTAL JERK. Last day of the conference she popped off and was being particularly mean.
So I had some Icy Hot and I knew she had one more pair of clean undergarments. Icy Hot dries amazingly clear on white.
She had to walk around like a cowboy all day because her hoo-hah was feeling the burn. Screw you jerk, no I’m not sorry!”
1. Hacked Into My Mean Friend's Social Media Accounts And Made Him Look Like A Jerk
“Back when I was 15 or something I had a friend who was a complete jerk to me, and because I was socially awkward I wasn’t one to get into arguments or confrontations.
Well, one day I get the idea to try to mess with his social media. Turns out, he had the same e-mail and password for everything- ‘password1’ (G-mail, Myspace, Xbox live) so I decided to destroy his social media life. First, I changed his e-mail password and info so that he could not log in, and any attempts at retrieving a password would not be sent to him, but rather to a temporary G-mail account I had.
With phase one of my plan complete, I set to work changing every password on every social medium he had. Finally the fun part, I began reconciling with his exes and it was working. They all believed he was a good guy and wanted to either get back together and the ones who didn’t believe it were promptly given the standard inappropriate messages.
You know the ones you did/do when you’re on your buddy’s social media? Yeah, those ones. With his accounts changed to the point he couldn’t get them back, his exes all wanting to reconcile, and him none the wiser this was happening I simply sat back and let it all unfold.
First, his exes meet him, and after he naturally and cluelessly dismisses all of them (one even slapped him) he starts to wonder what’s up. Then he complains about his Xbox account being ‘hacked’ and he can’t do anything. All the while I’m sticking around him to watch and contain my joy, as I’m watching him squirm.
What happened next I will never forget. While eating lunch one day I hear people talking about him and laughing. They’re looking at his social media profile and the angry messages he has been receiving from his exes and people wondering why he’s being a jerk to them.
I’m quiet but I decided to let it slip that it was me, and people never would have guessed it was the quiet kid.
About a week later word gets out to my ex-friend and he gets mad, telling me he’s going to fight me if I don’t give him his accounts back.
I laugh and don’t budge, as I’ve got about a 5” advantage on him and know he’s never fought in his life. Every day he calls and texts, even telling a teacher once, but I lie my butt off and as always, no one suspects the quiet good student.
Finally, his mother calls me, says that my ex-friend is upset and crying that he can’t do anything. Still, I lie, ‘I have no idea what happened, sorry.’ After a month of this constant humiliation by the school, his parents getting mad at him for trying to blame me, no Xbox Live, and him begging me for his accounts back I relented. After deleting all evidence I was there (and all of his e-mails of course) I gave it all back, and after that little stunt, I never talked to him.
Just to clarify too this wasn’t unwarranted, his constant harassment finally made me do something to get revenge. Also lol Myspace.”
