People Keep Bringing Up These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Letting A Child Play With My Marvel Action Figures?
“I (19M) have a bunch of Marvel action figures that I’ve been collecting for years. This past weekend, my brother (28M) came to visit for our father’s birthday (I still live at home), and he was with his current partner and her 5 y.o.
son.
Without my knowledge, my brother took it upon himself to take the kid to my room to show him my collection that’s on display on shelves. When I found them there, the boy was understandably eager to play, but of course he couldn’t reach the shelves by himself.
I told him those weren’t regular toys; they were quite expensive and weren’t for playing. Next thing you know, the little boy started to cry, and my brother got mad at me for not allowing him.
I told my brother that those are my possessions—I bought them, I decide what to do with them—and he shouldn’t have taken the child to my room without asking me first. This argument between us pretty much ruined our dad’s birthday, and he left (with the partner and the kid) pretty much after lunch.
Our mother also thinks I was being selfish and that I should call him to apologize.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who is a collector of figures, especially figures that are moveable, I wouldn’t let some kid touch my stuff. Your brother can huff and puff all he wants.
But the brother should’ve brought entertainment for his kid instead of using you and your stuff to babysit his responsibility. He should’ve planned better.” camo_boy67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And good lord, I am so unbelievably sick of seeing stories like this where the family sides with the person who is blatantly in the wrong.
Your BROTHER is the one who needs to apologize for entering rooms in your home without permission and thinking it’s okay to just give his son other people’s toys. That’s how you raise an entitled brat. He and his son are NOT right in this situation, and it cannot slide, or this child will forever think he can have whatever he wants just because he saw it.” AquaticStoner1996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m 33 and I honestly don’t want people touching any of my stuff. I don’t really have any sentimental toys (we do have little dinosaur figurines in our home; I don’t care if people touch them), but I do have a lot of unfinished artwork I cycle through working on and art supplies that are special to me that I can’t stand anyone touching without a degree of respect for my things.
I have had some people come over with their kids (my husband and I are child-free) who have been so upset I don’t share my ‘arts and crafts’ stuff with their kids. I don’t care if they are mad. Aside from being able to eat cake for breakfast if I choose, being able to say ‘no’ to people is one of the only amazing things about adulthood.
The rest is bills and nonsense. You are an adult. It’s your stuff. You get to make the rules, and it is up to children’s parents to teach them boundaries and that they are not entitled to everything. The kids who don’t learn that turn into the nightmare roommates, coworkers, neighbors, friends’ awful SO, etc., many of us have met in our lives.
Boundaries are our friend.” Lalalabambi
21. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Hard-Earned Money With My Stepdad?
“I 13F recently got a summer job at a little shop owned by my dad.
I got a job because I sometimes want to buy clothes, makeup, and stuff like that since I’m at that age where I wanna look my best. Before my job, I would ask my mom or my dad or my stepdad for money so I could buy things.
I always felt bad because it’s their money, and I knew we weren’t in the best place to spend things on that kind of stuff. Now that I work, I can buy my own things with MY own money and not feel bad.
Anyway, I’ve made nearly 300 dollars now and I’m very proud and I’m gonna save up. A few days ago, my stepdad found out how much money I earned, and he’s a very joking-around person, so he said, “Are you going to share with us?” To which I said, “No.”
Now, a few hours ago I came downstairs, and my stepdad had told me that my response to his joke caught him off guard because he expected me to say yes. I was confused, so I told him that I was really just only wanting to use the money on myself so I won’t feel bad for buying things.
He then called me selfish because I wouldn’t want to share at least 20-30 dollars with my mom, and I was confused because why would she need that from me? I said I would give her a minimum of 5 dollars because I never expected to have to share with my mom.
He said that we work as a team in the house and that he would like it if I shared. He went on a rant about how they work so hard, and on top of that, they had to pick me up from work (he sounded like I was the reason for all their problems, which made me upset).
We honestly are not poor; we live in a nice house, have 3 pets, and we haven’t struggled with money for a while. He seemed disappointed I wouldn’t want to share money (I honestly thought he was gonna cry at one point), so I felt bad for saying I didn’t wanna share money.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based mostly on age. You’re still completely dependent on your parents. Not like you’re 30 living in the basement and refusing to help out with rent, etc. Parents are responsible for clothing, feeding, and sheltering basics. You worked to earn extra so you didn’t have to ask them.
I think maybe your stepdad was more concerned about the attitude rather than actually wanting you to give money. Maybe he wanted you to be willing to help instead of saying no right away. Didn’t get the feeling that he wanted your money but wanted you to be willing to reciprocate.
Could be wrong. Still, NTJ. I worked since I was 12 doing babysitting. I saved half of what I made for college and was able to spend the other half however I wanted. It’s a good habit to start saving young. Congrats on your work ethic!” danigirl866
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, normally I see an age like yours and skip it because what kids want is unreasonable and likely not seen from a parent’s view. However, I was intrigued by your title. After reading it, I can tell you are very mature for your age.
You are responsible for your money and caring because if you didn’t, you would still ask for it and throw a hissy fit when you don’t get it, but you didn’t—you chose to work for what you want. Your stepdad is literally just gaslighting, getting upset over a ‘joke,’ and unless your mom had a heart-to-heart with you about her struggling for 20-30 for, say, gas, I would understand, but it’s literally a theory.
But you worked hard for your money, and I know if my kid had a job I wouldn’t expect a dime. I cover everything for my kids as long as they go to school; that’s their only job. If they want to go make money, that’s 100 percent theirs.
Keep it up; you’ll achieve great things!” Bubblegum389
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think he was poorly communicating a good lesson. I think what he was upset about was your apparent lack of willingness to pitch in and contribute (in his mind). I also come from a village culture.
Big family all in one house and my grandmother was the same way. She used to count the grapes in the fridge and get mad if any went missing. This lady grew up POOR. Sometimes she tried to teach me lessons, but in ways that seemed heartless.
She did it out of love, but she didn’t know how to communicate that love to me in a way that felt like love. It always came with bruised knuckles and a firm lesson. Not excusing how he was acting, but I think maybe he was just trying to teach a lesson about giving to the village.
Maybe sometime you could buy food and make everyone dinner? Could be something cheap like pasta, but then you could prove to him (and yourself) that you would pitch in for your family. And maybe talk to him about how this made you feel and where your intentions were.
Good on you for working so hard for yourself.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Declining A Beach Getaway When My Family Owes Me Money?
“My family is actively planning this little getaway for a week or two at the beach. It’ll cost them around $1000 for 6 people to go.
They want me and my husband to come, which usually is fine but I don’t agree with them planning this holiday.
In 2020, they got hit quite hard and are still recuperating, but during that time, I lent them $5000 to make ends meet.
They’ve paid $3500 back, which is great.
But a year on, I’m now struggling, and I need the $1500 back. I’ve mentioned I’m struggling on lots of occasions, and no comment from them.
They’re now actively organizing this holiday in front of me.
I have touched on the subject once, but my mom said that they’ve had lots of stress and problems over the year, and they really deserve it, and they’ll pay me back eventually.
And anytime I mention money, (particularly money owed or them spending money when they could be saving), my mom starts getting upset and angry.
But I don’t think they should be going on holiday if they owe someone money. If it were me, I would prioritize the debt first before anything else.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Bruh…. Your mom: You gave us money to ease our stresses; now we have the money to ease your stresses, but we’re not going to give it to you because we need the money (on top of the money you already gave us) to further ease our stresses.
Bruh, you gave them $5,000 and are now struggling, the least they can do is close the deal and give you the rest of the money. Too bad for them if they can’t get that holiday trip, just like how too bad for anything that you were planning on doing with that $5,000 you gave them.” JudgeJoker1234
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: I mean, the family shouldn’t go if they have money and don’t want to pay it to you now. But it’s also your fault for lending them money and not discussing with them the exact dates for them to pay you back.
Even worse, there is no paper signed by both of the parties so there is some kind of evidence that they need to pay in case you really want the money and decide to go through the legal path. For big amounts of money, you have to have some kind of agreement and excellent communication.
Please consider this the next time you lend someone so much money. What you have to do now is talk seriously with them you need the money. Try to get evidence like recordings or screenshots of them saying the amount or that they have to pay you but don’t want to so you can show it to your lawyer if crap gets rough.
You need to really insist that you need the money and don’t do stupid things to try to get it back.” anonymoussalmon1
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ I gently suggest that you’re being a jerk to yourself. Your parents borrowed money from you.
You need that money back now. You still help them out with $400 a month. Because you continue to engage with your folks in ways that don’t set firm boundaries, you are keeping yourself in dynamics that are not good for you. You can’t actually prevent someone from going on vacation.
That conversation will just loop itself in the same circles. Decline to go, and also firmly establish that you won’t be providing that $400 for the next 4 months because you really need the money. Everyone can consider that, as the remaining amount paid back. For the next 4 months, your mom and dad will need to be solely responsible for their own finances and managing them.
If they realize that they no longer have the resources to fund this vacation, they can make decisions that are appropriate for the resources they do have. When you do this, you are no longer asking them to pay you back at their convenience. You are simply utilizing your own funds for your own needs.
There is nothing wrong with this. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is crossing appropriate boundaries. You do not need permission to utilize your own money for your own needs.” Kawaiidumpling8
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Be Buried Next To Her Best Friend?
“My wife (48F) and I (51M) have been writing our wills, and we are including what we want to do with our bodies after we pass. I suggested that we should be buried together because we’re married. She agreed but seemed hesitant.
For the next few days, I noticed that she seemed kind of off and I asked her what was wrong.
She told me that when her childhood best friend (Delilah) had cancer and was going to die, she made a promise to Delilah that they would be buried next to each other. My wife has long referred to Delilah as “the most important person in her life” and the impact that it had on her when Delilah passed away.
After my wife told me about this promise, I got mad because I think her husband should be more important to her than her friend from 30 years ago. AITJ for wanting my wife to be buried next to me instead of her best friend?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you each have a valid point to make. What about half her ashes with her friend and half next to you? Funeral wishes shouldn’t be in wills though – wills aren’t probated ’til weeks after death. Funeral wishes should be made (and prepaid) and left with whoever is likely to be in charge of notifying the police or the funeral home, notifying relatives, etc. Also, these wishes aren’t really legally binding.” Unit-Healthy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Who cares what happens after you’re dead? If she wants to be buried next to her friend, let her. It’s like you’re going to notice it when you’re dead. Let her pay her respects to someone very important to her and stop competing with a dead person.
I understand why some people are saying no jerks here as you’re entitled to your own feelings. But from the moment you try to make your feelings more important than hers, then you’re a jerk.” ExcellentPatience298
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your approach to this and getting mad vs trying to find a solution.
It’s fair that you want to be buried by your wife, and it’s fair that she wants to honor a promise she made that’s important to her. Take a breath and think about how you can make this work. Is it even possible for her to be buried by Delilah?
Burial plots go quickly and are expensive. If Delilah died thirty years ago, it’s unlikely that spot is even available. If it is, could you and your wife both be buried there? There could be solutions to allow you both to have what you’d like, but you went straight to anger.
Your wife sounds like a sweet person who wants to honor an important person in her life. You frankly sound jealous.” gcot802
18. AITJ For Considering Reporting A Friend Who Used His Police Database To Find My Address?
“Recently, in my circle of friends, I had a falling out and haven’t been replying to anyone. I also recently moved out.
One of my friends, who is a local police officer (this is not the USA), came by my house one day and insisted we talk this out, but I hadn’t given anyone my address.
He looked up my name using his police database or something to find my address and come visit me (not while he’s on the clock, obviously).
WIBTJ if I report him? I didn’t give anyone my address for a reason, and I’m mad that everyone now knows where I live.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in the slightest. Safeguarding and abuse of power is taken very seriously by ‘the powers that be’ with obviously very good reason. I know you didn’t allude to any worry of being believed, but I know that here in the UK any access of records by a police officer or hospital staff member is easily checked on the system if necessary so the complaint can be easily proved or disapproved.” yorkspirate
Another User Comments:
“Has he told anyone else in your friend circle? I’d talk to him first, explain it was a jerk move to look up your name, and if he tells anyone else you’ll report him. Sounds like his heart might have been in the right place, but I don’t think you’ve given us enough info.
I mean, I don’t know why the falling out happened, how bad it was, or if they had reason to believe you might hurt yourself or worse… What would you have done in his stead?” Dairinn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I suggest talking to that person and saying that you will report him unless he gives you money to move.
As moving is something that is a good idea—people you don’t want to know your address now know. Not safe; they have endangered you in a way. (May not be the best advice, as this might count as blackmail, but I am not sure.)” Toxic_Pheonix_Wolf
17. AITJ For Demanding Basic Hygiene For Ten-Year-Old Boys?
“Summer vacation started yesterday and to celebrate, my 10-year-old son wanted to have a weekend sleepover with five of his friends.
Last night, I took them bowling, and today I took them to a water park, and tomorrow they’re going to a gymnastics place.
In between, they’re either playing video games or drop-kicking each other on the trampoline.
Their parents asked me if I needed anything, and I said yes. Please send your son with a toothbrush, deodorant, body/hair wash, pajamas, and clean clothes.
Some joked and asked if they should send a kitchen too because it seemed that I was asking for more than what was needed for a weekend sleepover.
I told them that I was being serious because their sons are all gross (mine included). I don’t want my house smelling like ripe 10yo boys with bad breath. As for the pajamas, I don’t want to see your son walking around my house in his boxers.
I think some of the parents took it personally when it’s the least personal thing to say. If this was another dad asking me for the same thing, then I totally understand it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ten-year-old boys reek. Also, it’s absolutely not too much to ask for children to have their basic hygiene instruments when they’re spending the night elsewhere, especially when they’re going to be active and sweaty.
Why are these parents offended at the idea of their children being clean, at someone else’s home no less.” ColoredGayngels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having been one, I can confirm that 10-year-old boys are indeed gross. When I was 10, I tried to see how many days I could go without taking a shower before the smell of myself got to me.” philosopherberzerer
Another User Comments:
“INFO: It’s all in the delivery. What’s your relationship with these people? What was your tone when you called their children gross? Also, as an aside – not all 10yo boys have started using deodorant yet and I’d expect the family bath soap to be shared.” nikokazini
16. AITJ For Making An Acquaintance Pay For My Prized Vase?
“Look, I wasn’t there so I’m not exactly sure what happened. Basically, an acquaintance of mine broke a rather expensive ($300) “vase”.
I only bought it 2 months ago and have used it almost every day since. Low key, my prized possession. Now it’s completely unusable.
They just knocked it over with their knee after using it. Classic accident. However, despite it being an accident, I feel like I should get something in return.
Also, I’m not sure where the acquaintance is financially, and I know they feel really bad about the whole situation.
I’ve asked them to pay me $150 upfront and I believe they plan to pay the rest off. Some of my friends have told me that I should just let it go and others are saying they need to pay me the full amount….
AITJ/WIBTJ if I made an acquaintance of mine pay me $300 for breaking my “vase”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You break it, you buy it. I’m a clutz, so I never used any of my friends’ expensive vases. I’ve broken my fair share of vases, and I’ve had friends break my vase and they immediately offered to get me a new one.
The fact that you had to ask automatically makes them the jerk. They shouldn’t be using something they can’t afford to replace.” External-Judgment-77
Another User Comments:
“Info. I think it depends. If you let me know which scenario more closely applies, I’ll edit my judgment.
If you can afford to buy something expensive in your home, you can’t expect others to afford to replace it. And if it’s something that is expected to be used by guests, you kind of take on the risk of it breaking, particularly if it breaks under normal use and it’s an accident.
If you store valuables safely away and guests interact with them, then they would be liable if something happens. But if things are not safely and securely stored, then you are liable. If folks were using it normally with you there and with your permission, then I think you need to ensure it is safe and you take on that risk of it breaking accidentally unless you agree otherwise.
If this is the case, YTJ for expecting payment. If they broke it when you weren’t there, they were using it without your permission, and you had stored it safely away, then everyone there who was using it at the time needs to share the cost to replace it as they shouldn’t use something they didn’t have permission to use.
If this is the case, then NTJ for expecting payment. It kind of sounds like in your case, you weren’t there but gave them permission to use it. So it becomes difficult to judge. That could be closer to lending something out in which case, since I was a kid, I’d tell people the replacement cost I expected if they broke something of mine while using it without me or while they were lending it, and folks would do the same to me.
Sometimes I wouldn’t use others’ things due to their replacement cost.” reidmrdotcom
Another User Comments:
“I had a similar situation with an old roommate. We ended up buying a piece together for the house, and she contributed the amount the broken vase cost. My fiancé and I kept it when she moved out.
It’s a little different since your situation included an acquaintance, but I think NTJ. As long as they pay the rest off, I think it’s fair. It was an honest mistake, and while half up front won’t replace it, if they can’t afford to pay $300 then they just can’t.
In the future, I would suggest not letting people use something so expensive.” WeAllHaveGuns
15. AITJ For Spending Mother's Day With My Brother Instead Of My Husband's Family?
“Both my parents have passed; my father in 2012 and my wonderful mum in 2018. Also, my eldest brother passed in 2020, leaving me and my autistic brother (who is 18 months older than me) as the total of my now small family.
My husband, who is lucky enough to still have his mum, was talking about us going to spend Mother’s Day with his family. As my brother wasn’t invited to Christmas, I asked if he would be invited to this Mother’s Day gathering. My husband said no. I said I would drop my husband off at his family’s for Mother’s Day, and I would go and have lunch with my brother to have a small Mother’s Day for just us.
My husband is now angry at me that I didn’t mention this sooner, and how is he going to explain to his family how he got there if I leave with the car? I told him if they had any questions, they could call me.
He didn’t like that answer.
I’ve told my husband this is something that he will only understand once his mum has passed; his response is to get mad at me.
AITJ for wanting to spend Mother’s Day with my brother and not my husband’s family??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How can he not see this coming? He really wants you to neglect your family for his family? So, is your brother not family for him? He was alone on X-Mas. To make separate plans sounds reasonable. And for the explanation: My wife wants to spend the day with her brother because he would be alone otherwise.
Why is he not invited?” Electronic-Health-47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… How can he not realize that this is basically what’s left of your family? And that being with your brother is important in events like this? Even if your mother isn’t alive anymore, doing these things really helps you and your family’s grief, as someone who does the same exact thing.
Why would your brother be not invited, rather than being alone for Mother’s Day? Or any holiday let alone — especially on Christmas when family is very important at that time of the year. For me, I’d seriously reconsider this marriage if your brother is being excluded like this.
I have an autistic brother (he’s younger) as well, and we lost our dad years ago. If my spouse ever reacted like this, I’d end it immediately. I hope this is situated still, and I hope you and your brother have a nice Mother’s Day with everything going on.” KingPiscesFish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother is the only immediate family you have left. He was already excluded from Christmas and you want to spend a holiday with him, honouring your mother. Your husband cannot expect you to choose his family over your own on these days.
Especially not when you and your brother have experienced great losses. Your husband needs to understand that your brother is the only immediate family left and that you shouldn’t have to pick his family over yours in any situation.” Apprehensive-Pen-531
14. AITJ For Blowing Up Over My Partner's Gross Hygiene And Snot Everywhere?
“My (22) partner (23M) of three years has always struggled with hygiene. I know it’s because he was never taught growing up and would go weeks, months without showering, led by the example of his mother who has now been without a shower going on 3 years (she’s like 500lbs and can’t get out of a chair).
He used to always pick his nose and wipe it on literally anything. In an auditorium? Go digging and wipe it on the seat in front of him. Live with roommates? Wipe it on their walls. I thought he had stopped, but today after I dropped him off at work, he forgot to roll his window up, so I had to lean over to roll it up (it’s a 2002 so it’s got the crank windows).
And there I saw close up in one of the crevices of the door a frick ton of globs of dried-up snot. I went home and went searching, and I found them hidden all under his desk (I guess that’s fine) and all over the bathroom wall behind the toilet paper rack.
I was absolutely livid.
Here’s where I may be a jerk. I went OFF on him over text. I told him it’s fricking disgusting, I told him I was going to go home and look for more spots and take pictures of everything, and I told him I’m not going to put up with someone who disrespects me by wiping snot all over my things.
He told me that my rage is unnecessary, that he understands me being upset but that the all-consuming rage is not needed, and that he does it “absentmindedly.” I said I don’t care if you don’t like the rage, how would you feel if I wiped my period blood on your sheets, and I’ll start leaving my tampons on the ground “absentmindedly.” I have never threatened him like that, so honestly I’m a little shocked I said it, but I can’t take it back now.
Now everything is a fricking nightmare. He’s threatening to not renew the lease because he apparently can’t live up to my “standards” and doesn’t want to “deal with this” anymore. I haven’t gotten that angry in close to a year, so it’s not like it’s a common occurrence for him to “deal” with.
But now I’m not sure because I know I have struggled with anger management for a good portion of my life, so maybe I really am the villain in all this and just can’t see it, and it’s to the point I need outside judgment.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Why do you want to renew a lease with someone this gross? I’m sorry, but at his grown age he should know better. The excuse that he wasn’t taught better is such nonsense because he is being taught better from you.
He doesn’t respect you or your possessions enough to stop being gross. Running and getting a tissue before you blow your nose is such a big inconvenience for him that he would rather not live with you than change his behavior. That’s concerning. You deserve a grown-up relationship, not one where you have to toe the line between partner and mommy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but — hygiene is basic?? And why didn’t his teachers in school talk about hygiene as well?? Am I the only one who went through at least 10 different “school workshops” on hygiene stuff when I was in junior school?? How to brush your hair, why you need to take a bath every day, what’s the right temperature for a bath, why you need to brush your teeth twice?
Oh my God– NTJ, OP. To heck with anger management, FINDING GLOBS OF DRIED SNOT ON YOUR WALLS AND IN YOUR CAR IS ABSOLUTELY WORTHY OF BEING LIVID. Don’t let this grown caveman tell you otherwise, OP. Absolutely disgusting. Break up with him, please. Let him “rEnEw ThE lEaSe”.
I’m sure you had an “I want a prince charming” phase or “frick this morally grey fictional character is my type” phase AND MEN FROM THOSE PHASES ARE NOT EVEN COMPARABLE TO THIS GUY.” arcane2610
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like having your home grossly disrespected was a huge trigger for an issue you’ve always struggled with.
You’re deeply apologetic, and that’s excellent and necessary, but it sounds like you didn’t really make a choice to go off the deep end, y’know? For some reason, being splashed in the face (like while swimming) sends me into a short-lived but pure, blind rage.
I don’t know what it is. It TICKS. ME. OFF. INSTANTLY. Like no thoughts, only hate. I can usually get a handle on it, and it’s the weirdest thing because I HATE confrontation and have CPTSD surrounding verbal violence. I’m gonna go with NTJ. Maybe check in with your therapist or start seeing one again to make sure you’ve still got a grip on things (for your sake, by the way, not anyone else’s).
But your partner is absolutely a jerk. I still pick my nose sometimes and I was up front with my partner about that. If a dry booger hurts, I’m getting it dealt with NOW. Screw a tissue. But to WIPE IT? ON ANYTHING BUT A TISSUE?
No, we’re adults here, cmon.” pinkhazy
13. AITJ For Declining A Baby Shower To Avoid Unwanted Attention?
“I enjoy attending baby showers but have zero interest in having one myself.
I didn’t with my older kids and don’t want to this time. My now husband feels that by not having one it’s going to make his family feel like I don’t want them around our child. I love his family and I want them around like crazy.
I definitely hit the jackpot on in-laws!! I love them!!
However, I have anxiety issues and hate being the center of attention. It makes me very nervous and sick to my stomach. I’m fine with everyone meeting the baby and being involved as much as they want.
I just do not want a baby shower with people fawning over me and touching my belly. Husband says it’s all part that goes along with being pregnant. I say they can wait and then fawn over the baby. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your body, your choice.
What more is there to say? If having a baby shower, or the thought of it, gives you anxiety, then it cannot be good for the baby. If your husband can’t respect your choice, then there are larger issues at hand. MAYBE a small get-together could be planned, but even then it could get out of control.” warlikeloki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all, this is your decision, but you say you love your in-laws and your husband says they feel left out without a baby shower… You might just have to have one to keep the peace. I agree you don’t have to and that this isn’t just a part of being pregnant.
If you have lots of nieces and nephews, maybe suggest a venue that will keep everyone distracted so the focus won’t be on you as much (like a trampoline park or something; the kids will be distracted and so will parents, they’ll get to throw you a baby shower, and for bonus points, you can get the kids goody bags).” Open-Possibility-723
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have anxiety issues and don’t want a big party, and that should certainly be respected. But marriage is definitely a balancing act, trying to merge not just two people, but two families. If his family is more into big events and it’s hard for them to see why you wouldn’t have one, that should be factored in, not seen as pressure.
Now, you shouldn’t feel like you have to have a baby shower that makes you uncomfortable, but you should talk with your husband and figure out some sort of compromise. First off, your husband should be the one to talk to his family about the anxiety and not wanting to have you stressed out right now, letting them know that you both really want them as a part of the child’s life.
Maybe he can throw something for his family to celebrate and give gifts if you two want without much-needed involvement from you. Or, if you’re comfortable with attention but just not in a big group, maybe schedule some one-on-one get-togethers with family members so it doesn’t feel like as much pressure and you have more say in how things go.
Make sure they know you definitely care about them and want them to see you and the baby, but don’t feel up for a big event. You both just need to juggle the fact that his family is different from you and your personalities are different, and find a way to accommodate that in a way where you are comfortable and everyone is as happy as they can be.” CultOfTheHelixFossil
12. AITJ For Hooking Up Loudly And Offending My Roommate?
“This past week was my partner (20M) and I’s (20F) 4th anniversary! We had plans Friday night to go out to dinner to celebrate and come back to my place and hang out. My roommate (21F) knew this, as we had talked about it early that week.
Friday night comes, and my partner and I come back and go to my room after saying hi to my roommate. After a little bit, we do the deed, and after, I check my phone to a text saying “Hey, I’m trying to sleep.” I immediately panic and am like, “Oh my god, I can’t believe she heard us.
I feel so bad.” I text her back and am like, “I am so sorry!” Due to the embarrassment, my partner and I leave for his place as I didn’t want to risk her even hearing us talking since I knew she wanted to sleep.
I thought that that would be the end of it, as I apologized and she never responded. However, I was wrong.
The next day, I’m doing dishes when she walks in and immediately says to me, “Hey, I just want to clear the air,” and I’m like, “Oh good, there won’t be any bad blood,” but oh, was I wrong.
She continues, “I thought it was common courtesy to hook up quietly if you know your roommate is home.” My face drops and I immediately start apologizing again, saying that I truly am sorry and I did not think we were being that loud, but I guess we were.
She then says that, oh, we definitely were and it was disgusting. This really caught me off guard because I have heard her hooking up multiple times and have never said anything. I just continued to apologize, and she walked away. I literally am tearing up because how did I not realize we were this loud to make her so mad at me because genuinely thinking back, I don’t think we were, but she wouldn’t just make this up so I guess we were?
A little time passes and I go back to my room, but as I’m about to enter, she comes out of hers and looks at me, saying, “Is that why you guys hang out here more now?” (Background: my partner and I tend to hang at his place, but he’s come over about twice a week the past three weeks due to personal issues) and I am just like, “What?” And she repeats herself, and I finally understand that she’s asking me if he and I hang out here because his roommates complained about our “loud hookups” too much.
I, again, am shocked because who asks that? I just say no, and go in my room. I feel honestly offended because why would you act like this?
This is the first time I have done anything remotely negative to her, yet she seems to be really upset.
I totally understand being annoyed, but I feel like she shouldn’t be treating me this way. Maybe I am just a jerk, but I apologized a million times, yet she kept saying disrespectful things to me instead of just being like, “Hey, I know we talked last night, but if you could just keep it down, I would have been like, ‘No worries, we definitely will.'” What do you guys think?
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and this has absolutely nothing to do with you and your partner. It’s a power play. Some people will do something as asinine as this to test how willing you are to bend over or back down so that they can exploit your perceived weakness down the road to their benefit as they see fit.
It is the beginning of a narcissistic abuse pattern.” cvl457
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Do you think you were genuinely trying to keep it down or is this more of a mental defense thing? Sounds rude when I put it like that, but I’m just trying to understand.
She could just be an outright hypocrite who labels any type of audible hookup as “loud disgusting” which is totally unfair, but I also am not sure if a couple on their 4th anniversary would actively be trying to be quiet when they haven’t encountered any problems with this before.
Sometimes in the moment things happen and you don’t realize it; regardless, her reaction is totally overblown here.” bojackfan123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if you were loud, there are mature ways to communicate and make sure issues don’t arise again. You left to make her comfortable, and have clearly been apologetic about it.
As adults, living with other people can come with challenges – but being able to communicate openly and respect each other to be adaptable is important. Her choice to belittle you and demean you makes her the jerk, especially if she is guilty of the same thing.
You did everything in your power to resolve the issue. Her choice to harbor a grudge and continue the conflict is a reflection of her own character, not yours. In the future, I would bring it up if you can hear her doing the deed. You can also ask reflective questions, like “how could I best resolve this?” Or “Is there something else I can do in the future to compromise?” – but be aware that you are entitled to live in your house!
Having your partner over twice is not egregious. I’d consider looking into a new roommate or housing situation if the poor communication and confrontational behavior continues since hostile roommates breed hostile living.” tinysadblueberry
11. AITJ For Refusing To Greet My Husband's Unannounced College Friends?
“My husband has some friends from college (20 years ago) who showed up inside our house unannounced. While he was close with them years ago, they haven’t lived in close proximity since college, so the friendship has been distant.
I have been with my husband for 10 years, so I’ve known them for a while but have never been close to them.
Two days ago, they texted my husband and said they would be driving through our area and were curious about what we were doing Saturday night.
We have a very busy weekend. My husband laid out our weekend plans in detail, and that’s the last we heard from them. Until today, while we were out with my family, he received a call from said friend who said they’re “getting close,” but then they lost reception.
My husband assured me there was no way they would show up at the house unannounced. Well, turns out they did. And not only did they show up unannounced, they WENT INSIDE OUR HOME WITHOUT A TEXT OR A CALL. I watched them on Ring, and my smart door lock tells me when it’s been opened. They have stayed with us in the past, so I’m sure we’ve given them the door code, but I didn’t realize they had written it down and kept it from over a year ago.
Anyway, I was mortified.
I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant, we have a resident cat and a sick foster kitten. So my home was not in the shape I’d like it to be to host people. I had just run out the door to our holiday events, so there are boxes in the living room, dirty dishes all over the kitchen, clothes on the bathroom floor, etc. Not to mention, there are no clean sheets for the spare bed, and they have a teenager who we don’t even have a bed for anymore (we used to have a second spare room but recently turned that into a nursery), but they wouldn’t know that because they never checked in with us.
And to top it all off, they recently adopted a dog and showed up with the dog inside our house. I watched in horror on Ring as they moved bags of stuff and the dog into my home, and I’m thinking of how unprepared I am to have guests.
Not to mention, I’m now worried about my cat being stressed out with a dog in her space, being unsupervised with the dog, etc. I was furious. Probably partially pregnancy hormones, and partially feeling upset and violated with someone in my home uninvited. I’m usually a very well-put-together host, so this is my nightmare.
They waited up until we got home from our other event so that they could hang out with my husband. I was (am) so upset by it that I walked right by them and didn’t even say hi. This is where I may have been the jerk.
I guess I could have at least said hi and put on a nice face. My husband is prompting me to come socialize and be “polite.” But I feel so disrespected by this whole thing. I’m sick, I’m pregnant, I have a sick foster kitten I’m nursing back to health, and I’m trying to balance all the holiday events.
The fact that they felt they could come in unannounced is so rude to me. They’ll now be here all night, and I don’t want to talk to them even in the morning. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All you had to say is they just showed up unannounced and let themselves into your house, and they are definitely the jerks.
Everything else you have going on makes it horrific. This is 100% on your husband for not settling clear boundaries and defending you from an invasion. I suggest you chill tonight, maybe take a bath or something, be super cool with them in the morning, and then make it exceedingly clear to your husband that this will NEVER happen again.
Change the code whenever you give it to anyone as soon as they leave.” Independent_Tie_4984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fudge THAT. Your husband wants you to be polite?! The sheer audacity. His friends came to your house unannounced, fully knowing about the fully booked weekend you had, and didn’t care.
They should be getting kicked out. They felt entitled enough to make you end your plans by coming to your house unannounced and basically breaking in. They forced you to cancel your plans. Your husband needs to wake up.” Briiiiiiyonce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes I really am astonished at the gall of some people.
Hide out in your bedroom until they leave. They are your husband’s problem (who by the way was partially responsible for that situation). If your husband protests that you need to be sociable, tell him you are seething at the disrespect both he and his friends showed for you, and staying away is the politest thing you can do right now.” MrsPomMummy
10. AITJ For Not Informing My Father-In-Law About My Dad's Suitcase Purchase?
“I (29M) and my wife (29F) are about to go on a road trip to go and see my grandparents.
Our daughter is 4 and didn’t have her own suitcase. So back in August, she found this Minnie Mouse suitcase that she really liked. My dad (her grandpa) said he would get her one for our road trip.
He finally ordered it just a couple of days ago and she absolutely loves it.
My daughter was facetiming my in-laws the other night and wanted to show them her new suitcase. Then a couple of hours later, my father-in-law texts my wife and says:
“We are very sad that you did not tell Other Grandpa that we were getting Daughter a suitcase for her trip.
We are not giving her the suitcase as she does not need two. We are sad about the outcome.”
No one told us they were actually getting her a suitcase. I did not know my dad actually ordered it until just a couple of days ago.
And my in-laws never told us that they were getting her a suitcase either.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes gifts get doubled up, that is why we keep receipts and also why we let people know if we’re worried about it. Just picture a world where you’re filling in every person in the family about what everyone else is thinking about getting for your kid.
For every occasion. It sounds exhausting. This is nothing to be sad about, this was nothing for you to pass on, FIL is being very dramatic about something anyone else would have quietly handled on their own, ie; exchange the gift for something else or just give the gift as intended and let the recipient decide whether to exchange it or not.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is why grandparents should clear big-ticket gift items with parents before purchasing. My mom always checks before buying anything big because she wants to make sure that 1. we want our kid to have this item and 2. someone else isn’t already getting it for him.
Something small that’s similar to something he already has she doesn’t necessarily check, but if it’s over $20 she asks first. Obviously it sounds like neither set of grandparents tried to clear this item with you, so you couldn’t warn either of them that they were trying to buy the same gift.” trewesterre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but family members should ask and communicate about what they are buying for grandkids, nieces and nephews, etc. Due to remarriages, my grandkids have three sets of grandparents plus an aunt who buys them Christmas gifts. There is no communication as to who is getting what.
It’s a pain in the butt and their parents don’t help. However, this is not a birthday or Christmas where you would expect the grandparents to buy your daughter gifts. Both sets of grandparents should be asking you if she needs a suitcase. Neither did.
They are obviously not jerks for buying your daughter a gift, but both were presumptuous and ran the risk of duplicate gift-giving. Your wife and you should talk to them about communicating going forward.” srdnss
9. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Demanding Inclusion Despite Her Absence?
“I’m more of an introvert and my friend is quite an extrovert, and sometimes in group settings, she talks over me and almost ignores my presence when we’re around other friends.
Recently, I participated in something without her (after she bailed on me) along with some mutual friends, and I also made new friends there as well.
After the event, we met up at a restaurant, and for some reason, she wanted to go too and invited herself. I would usually have no problem with this, but considering she bailed on me because she thought the event would be “boring” and now wanted to join us to celebrate it really ticked me off.
Then the other day she found out I was in a group chat with the friends who I did the event with, and she said, “Can you all make one with me? I feel excluded.” Again, normally this wouldn’t bother me, but she’s in so many group chats without me, and I’ve never asked her to join them.
I ended up telling her how I feel, and that it’s not fair she wants to be included in everything I do when she excludes me almost all the time. Now I kind of regret it, but I just feel like she tries to overshadow me sometimes, and I don’t know if I’m looking too deep into this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am in the same predicament right now. All my friends are her friends, but her friends are hers alone. She wants to be part of everything I do but doesn’t involve me in everything she does. She just opened a chat group with us and 2 friends of mine that I happened to invite for drinks with her without even checking with me because, according to her, we are all a big family.
I put my foot down this time. It is called being used.” TomDoniphona
Another User Comments:
“Oh yeah, the friend that wants to be the queen of everything all the time! I had a friend like this. My hubs and I hung out with her and her hubs a lot.
We had a big group and it was all fun. She and I had a lot of fun together and were great friends. Then she divorced her husband and things started to change. She wanted to hang out every weekend even when it was just couples.
And if my husband and I went out with another couple or couples without her, she would get mad at me. And it was only me she would get mad at, not anyone else in the group. So I tried to include her all of the time, at first cause I felt bad that she was alone and later cause I didn’t want her to be mad at me.
She was getting to be a lot to take and started acting obnoxious. My husband got pretty fed up with it cause she could suck the air out of a room, and it was getting worse. She always had to be the center of attention, and she was loud.
Lucky for me, everyone in the group was getting tired of her, and I was getting tired of her constant need for attention. It was exhausting! It was hard to do, but I had to move on from her, and it was so much better for me.
You might need to move on from yours too, OP.” CuteTangelo3137
Another User Comments:
“If this was one of the comics online, your friend would be the one who always inserts herself in everything and tries to make the main lead their sole friend to undermine them.
Your “friend” is like many people here say—a victim of either no self-awareness or has a big portion of main character syndrome. The comment that she feels “left out” waves massive red flags. Does she get mad if you say no and keep bothering you about it?
Be careful of this kind of manipulation. Just saying, I could be wrong, but be careful. NTJ.” Dandechii
8. AITJ For Boycotting A Family Road Trip After Being Called Names?
“When I was 9, my parents, my sister, my grandmas, and I went to my uncle’s house for Christmas break and decided to hit a road trip.
My parents, my grandma, and another uncle were in one car with the luggage, and my uncle, aunt, cousins, sister, aunt’s parents, and I were in another car. It started off great, and my cousins and I brought CDs to watch movies in the car.
We eventually stopped for dinner, and after dinner, I asked if I could sit in the middle row and not in the back because I felt a little sick. Keep in mind I had been sitting in the back since the beginning of the trip.
My cousin refused because he wanted to see the movie better. My cousin and I bickered for a while, and eventually, he did move to the back. I sat in the middle between my sister and cousin, and we finished the movie. All the kids slept.
I closed my eyes but was awake.
I heard my aunt’s parents call me a jerk and say I was torturing their grandson (my cousin). They said I was raised terribly, and that I couldn’t adjust for anything. My aunt agreed and said I made her son cry.
My uncle tried to change the topic, but they kept talking trash about me. Eventually we stopped at a gas station and my mom gave me some cotton balls to put in my ears because I don’t do well in elevation.
Later, I heard my aunt’s parents say my mom was the jerk for bumping into my cousin.
She didn’t, and then they said she only cared about me because she only gave me the cotton balls, and doesn’t like my cousins. She didn’t give my sister cotton balls either; she gave them to me because I requested them. Then they called her fat and overweight.
She is not obese; she is a bit chubby but definitely not obese. It really hurt, but I stayed quiet.
Then we went to the Airbnb, which was a barn house. My dad had booked it. When my uncle stepped out to make sure this was the one, my aunt started complaining.
She said this place was for animals because it’s a barn house. I wanted to yell, “Why don’t you book it next time?” but I stayed quiet. I eventually told my dad about the rude comments after he found me crying in my bed. He talked to my uncle and aunt privately.
Now we are going on another trip 8 years later. My aunt is nice now, but her parents are still the same. I refuse to go after the way my aunt’s parents behaved, but the rest of my family says I am dramatic and am ruining the Christmas vacation.
So AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, go and make them miserable. Sounds like you’re old enough to speak up for yourself now, so call them out on all their nonsense all week. In front of everyone. When they finally snap, tell them this is exactly why I didn’t want to spend my Christmas with them.
Or stand your ground and don’t go.” DangerousAd1986
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand not wanting to be around people who spoke so awfully about you and your parents. That said, is there a way to go and remain distant from your aunt’s parents?
If your whole family is going, it would be sad for your parents and sister not to have you with them for the holidays. It may be sad for you, too.” Fresh_Process6822
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no reason an adult should feel pressured to associate with a person or persons that they don’t like.
Your reason for not liking them does not need to be approved by anyone. It is your responsibility to be courteous when declining the event/trip, but you owe no explanation as to why. An adult stating, ‘Thank you, but I prefer not to attend,’ is a sufficient explanation, and in polite society, pressuring you to give a reason for approval is not acceptable.
This is how a reasonable, drama-free society operates, and we would save so much time and emotional energy if we reverted back to acting like mature adults. Be polite, mind your own business, and stay out of matters that do not need your input. That’s why we had enough time to do things like balance our checkbooks by hand.
We weren’t emulating a reality TV show.” SpockJenkinsTOS
7. AITJ For Sticking To The Trade Agreement When A Friend Tried To Rethink The Deal?
“I (21f) have a group of 6 friends.
2 months ago, a new girl (Jane-22f) was introduced to the group.
For context, one thing our friend group does is ‘trade’ services. For example, I’ll do one of my friend’s nails for free and she’ll do my hair for free when I need it done in the future.
We generally try to keep the trades within the same price range. For example, if my hair costs £60, I’ll trade doing nails for £60-£70. Anything over £10 is usually paid on top of the free service (if my hair costs £60 and the nails are £100, my friend will pay me £40).
To be clear, there is ZERO obligation to do these trades and, to my knowledge, no one has been pressured into one. It’s all about favors and doing nice things for your friends.
Anyways, Jane joined the group 2ish months ago and immediately started asking about my nails.
At one point, she says she can’t afford to get hers done right now, so I asked her if she wanted to do a trade. Jane makes her own t-shirts/clothing/accessories. The nails I ended up doing on her cost £160. When it was my turn to pick clothes/accessories, I ended up leaving with about £70 worth.
I told her not to worry about ‘paying’ me back with the £90. All in all, I thought it was a good experience and I got to talk to Jane one-on-one. It was fun.
Until Wednesday (the 11th of December), I get a text from Jane apologizing and saying she realized she can’t afford to just ‘give away’ £70 worth of her stuff and she needs me to pay her ASAP or she needs the stuff back.
At first, I’m really confused because I could not have been more clear about how the trades work and I never forced her into one. I apologized back to her but said I didn’t have some of the smaller items as I planned to gift them to my sister for her birthday.
Jane then kept telling me to just ‘pay her back.’ I said I would when I get paid from my job.
The issue then became her texting. She went to our group chat to complain about me not paying her for the clothes she gave me.
She ended up letting it slip it was a trade, and everyone told her she can’t back out of a deal weeks after it happened. She ended up taking to TikTok to complain about how I ‘stole’ from her and am refusing to pay her back.
In response, she was kicked out of the friend group.
However, now the group is split. Half say I should have just paid her as she does seem to be genuinely struggling, while the other half say I am under no obligation to pay her due to the agreed terms of the trade.
The first group thinks I’m kind of a jerk and Jane definitely thinks I am… so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From the beginning, you made the terms of the trade in your group clear. The girl agreed to it. It’s not your responsibility to anticipate that she would regret it or manage her finances.
In which case, shouldn’t you ask her for the money for the nails? You already let her off the hook for £90 worth of work. That’s not stealing; that’s you being kind. Instead of discussing her financial struggles in private like an adult or negotiating, she decided to take it to a group chat and her TikTok.
That’s manipulative. Your group works on mutual respect and trust for these trades. Her backtracking undermines that dynamic, which isn’t fair. That said, the kindest thing to do would have been to return her things once you realized she was struggling, but you’re not obligated to do it.
She enjoyed the benefits of the trade and only changed tune when it was convenient for her. Your friend siding with her probably feels bad for her, but that doesn’t make you wrong in any way. The kicking out of the group was because of the public meltdown rather than the trade.
She messed up by making a huge mess rather than addressing it the right way. You didn’t steal; you followed the agreed terms, and the girl caused her own problems trying to rewrite the rules after the fact.” Yupkook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she truly understood how the trades work, she asked you for a much more expensive favor but isn’t willing to reciprocate, which is by the definition of the deal, THEFT. She wants your expensive time and product but doesn’t want to pay for it in the currency of the trade.
You were even kind enough to take lesser value for your work. And not just content to try to stir up drama in your group, she goes public with her fiction? Heck no. I’d reply to her TikTok, just as publicly, reminding her how much she TOOK from you in the promise of trade, and that you will happily return the COST of the items you received when and ONLY when she returns the COST of your time and efforts and product, since just like in your case there is no way to return the actual items and time in mint condition.
Make sure that until she pays for what she received, you are in fact the one who could demand additional payment, but you generously ‘wrote off’ the remaining debt.
Those in your group who think you’re the jerk should be reminded that if you asked for something without expecting to provide the agreed upon ‘payment’, they would absolutely refuse the trade.
If Jane is such an exception to the trade rule, they are welcome to pay the outstanding portion of her debt that you were going to forgive—in cash—and you will happily use that cash to pay Jane. Otherwise, they are saying that it’s okay for someone in a lesser position to demand services for free after they’ve gotten them.
Tell them to go to your average Walmart and see how well that works for them. If Jane didn’t want to fulfill her responsibility, she shouldn’t have engaged in the agreement to begin with. If she tried to pull this crap at Walmart, she’d be calling the other members of the group for bail money, not a return of rightfully traded property.
If she’d pulled this at a real nail salon, she’d be on TikTok for a very different reason…” Ok_Public_1233
Another User Comments:
“Is it the trade part that makes OP and her friends not understand how money works? Let’s explain it like this. Jane comes to you and says, “I need to borrow $160.” OP gives Jane $160.
Then OP takes $70 back from Jane; Jane now owes OP $90. This is where it should end. However, Jane then has an apparent head injury and says OP now owes Jane $70. And OP apparently suffered the same head injury and says, “Yes, I will pay you back,” which leaves OP out the original $160 and now paying an additional $70, which equals OP out $230.
Now if we are talking money, it’s very clear how nonsense this all is. But in this “underground friend trade economy,” it’s normal to not only be robbed but you’re also the jerk for not paying the thief extra. Am I missing something here? Why would OP be the jerk here?
If I ain’t, then OP, have I got a deal for you: come do my nails, I will only charge you $40.” VeridianJudas
6. AITJ For Splitting Christmas Day Between My Family And My Partner?
“This is the first Christmas I (24f) would get to spend with my partner (27m) of 8 months. His family recently moved out of state, and he stayed here for Thanksgiving, so he really wants to go visit them for Christmas.
I have spent every Christmas of my life with my family. I even took off a 12-hour shift last year when I really needed the money just so I could spend Christmas with them.
To compromise, my partner had the idea that we could spend Christmas Eve morning with my family and take a flight that evening to go see his family and be together on Christmas.
I brought this idea up to my mother, and initially, she sounded a little disappointed but was understanding. This was until about an hour ago.
She called me, full of rage and on the verge of tears, telling me that I was choosing my partner over our family.
She said that if I only spent Christmas Eve with them, she would give me my gifts but nobody else would open gifts from each other, and we wouldn’t participate in any of our Christmas Day traditions. I told her that if it upset her that much, I would stay behind to spend Christmas with them.
She responded with, “Then you’re just going to be miserable on Christmas because you’re with us and not him.”
Then, she went on a 5-minute rant about how she feels that my partner doesn’t like her and my family (he has no reason not to like them whatsoever and they haven’t really had enough interactions with each other for him to feel that way anyway).
I must have reassured her at least 10 times that he has nothing against them; he just wants to spend Christmas with his family.
I’m at a loss. Of course I want to be with my family on Christmas Day, but I also want to spend the holiday with my partner.
I would hate to miss out on our first Christmas together. If it wasn’t such a pain in the butt to take a flight in the middle of Christmas Day, then I would attempt to do that. I feel like she’s being unreasonable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother had to expect that someday you would have a significant other and that you’d then want/need to split holidays between families (and further adjust that should you create your own family). She’s allowed to have disappointed feelings about your missing out on spending Christmas Day with you, but she should keep those to herself (beyond ‘we’ll miss you’ such things) and be excited for you to be included in your partner’s family Christmas plans.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The healthy response to a tantrum and a guilt trip is not to cave in and do what you are being pushed to do. The healthy response is to graciously reassure your mom that you love her and your family, and then set a boundary around being your own person, an adult, and having your own life.
Sometimes your plans and responsibilities to your other relationships will clash with what your mother wants, and it would behoove her to treat you with respect, as an adult, so you don’t lose all desire to be around her. You had to grow up someday and start living a life separate from your family.
She’ll have to deal with it. Parents who don’t learn to accept their adult children’s autonomy end up being pushed away. Most couples work out a compromise and an alternating holiday schedule so they get to see both their families during the holiday seasons.
Most families survive that. Your mom will survive, too, and you won’t have to absorb her tantrums anymore. Best of luck to you, and happy holidays!” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, your mom is being unreasonable, but give her a little grace.
This is a natural transitional stage and your mother is having a hard time with it. The Christmas Eve compromise is a common tactic and a very reasonable option. Even so, I’ll bet she feels like she’s “losing her little girl” to her partner.
You know that’s not logical and when she has time to process this very natural life change so will she (hopefully). Right now her reaction is very emotional, but over time she’ll realize that yearly compromise during the holidays is the way things are when your kids get into committed relationships.
I would recommend that you continue with your plans with your partner but maybe consider swapping the holidays, if possible, next year to show your mom that both you and your partner are not spurning Christmas with your family forever.” _iamstardust_
5. AITJ For Not Telling My Family About My New Car?
“Three years ago I bought my first car with my own money saved. I loved and cherished this car, but one day, while taking my mom home from work, I got in a car crash.
A car was speeding and crashed into my driver’s side door. It was so bad that the car was totaled. My mom and I went to the hospital. We were both fine.
While in the hospital, I called my sister to pick us up, and she NEVER came.
She said that she didn’t want to lose her parking spot, so my mom and I Ubered home.
Instead of calling me the next few days to check in and help me get a new car, both my mom and sister called all my family to let them know I totaled my car!
I was so upset they were gossiping about me, so anytime they brought up my car, I told them I don’t want to talk about it.
My whole family told me I bought my car too soon and were worried every time I drove. What really upset me was that they NEVER encouraged me or helped me with ANYTHING concerning the car.
My sister even mentioned that it was karma. I’m like, “wtf, what karma?!” I’m a good person and have even helped her many times.
After this situation, I stopped trusting my family with certain matters and stopped sharing aspects of my life. I don’t know, the whole situation was weird, and when I needed them the most, I felt like they were not there.
Fast forward, I bought my second car and never told them. I currently live in another state, so there is no way for them to know. I’ve had this car for almost two years and never said anything to them. Well, I told a family member I had a car and told them not to say anything; but, of course, they told my mom and sister.
I feel like this is such a stupid situation, but my mother and sister feel like it’s weird that I never said anything, especially because I talk to them frequently, so they feel like I’m untrustworthy for “lying” about it for years. I technically didn’t lie; I just never said I was driving and left them to assume I didn’t have a car.
They are both very upset and feel like it was strange of me to do.
To me, I don’t get why it matters. Me having a car has no impact on their lives. It’s my car, not theirs, so it shouldn’t concern them; this is a very dumb thing to be upset about, to be honest.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People get into accidents all around the world and some are unavoidable (while others are avoidable, i.e. intoxicated driving, texting while driving, etc). That said, your family using this accident as a source of gossip is horrible; especially when you mention you weren’t at fault.
OP, you got a car with your own money. Just because you got into an accident doesn’t mean you’re a danger on the road.” DJ_Too_Supreme_AITJ
Another User Comments:
“You’re untrustworthy because you made an adult decision that didn’t affect them and didn’t tell them?
That makes you a private person. Nothing wrong with that. You could just say you didn’t tell them because you didn’t think it mattered. Or you could say, you didn’t tell them because of the grief they gave you over the car accident that wasn’t even your fault.
I didn’t want to hear your opinion.” Whole-Razzmatazz4635
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From the information you give, your mom is the stupidest person here. She was with you at the time of the crash. She knew it wasn’t your fault that someone else was speeding and t-boned you.
Yet, she’s gossiping along with your stupid sister like it was your fault that you existed on the road. Your sister is also stupid, not just for gossiping, but for being more concerned about a parking spot than getting you and your mom home from the hospital. If your mom and sister are upset and you have the bandwidth, tell them why.
If you don’t, let them stew in their own misery.” Celanna192
4. AITJ For Telling My Mom's Coworkers To Drive Themselves To The Party?
“My (27F) mom (59F) and I are going to our work’s Christmas Party and I’m driving us there. (We both work in different departments but same company.)
5 days ago one of my mom’s coworkers, Becky (50+F), asked if we would take her to the party, and my mom, not wanting to be rude, said yes.
They planned that Becky would meet us at our work’s parking lot and I would drive her to the party location, a 5-minute drive away.
Yesterday, when my mom was leaving, a coworker told her it was really nice of her to be driving both Becky and Theresa.
My mom asked them who Theresa was and apparently, she is Becky’s friend who started working with them not too long ago.
Now I’m supposed to pick them up at 5 pm today and I really don’t want to take them, especially because I feel like they are taking advantage of the fact it will be awkward if we say no. So will I be the jerk if I tell them to drive themselves there?
MORE INFO: Becky has a car she is taking to the parking lot and leaving there while I take us to the party. She just claims not to know where the party is and that there is snow on the ground. I’m going out of my way to drive to work and pick her up instead of going to the location directly from home, which adds 15 minutes to the drive.
I also don’t know where the location is but I’m using the GPS. Also, Becky is not working today so she is going from home to the work parking lot to catch a ride to the party.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh ffs. Becky is in the wrong for not asking and the correct punishment is that you never do a favor for her again.
But turning this into some kind of issue is silly and will create more headache for you and your mom. It’s a short drive and (based on your comments), literally nothing has changed except you have one more person in your car. Get it over with and then never go out of your way for Becky again.
ESH.” MmeVulture
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Ya it’s universally understood it’s rude to offer someone a ride without asking the driver – but dude – she works for the same company, you’re picking them up in the same parking lot, you’re going to the same place and you’re dropping them off back in the same parking lot…just take her.
You’re making your life harder. If you were picking her up at a different location and then driving her home after, then ya sure stand your ground, but that’s not the case.” Plastic-Shallot8535
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should’ve told your mother to tell Becky no in the first place.
It’s ridiculous that this woman is driving her car to an office you don’t have to drive to, just to pick up her and her friend, because she can’t be bothered to look up directions beforehand. (Snow is no excuse, since she is already driving.) What are the odds that both of these people are going to be ready and willing to leave at the same time you are?
Since you don’t know them, how confident are you that they’ll be in driving shape at the time, and not ask you to drive them all home?” rutfilthygers
3. AITJ For Not Discussing My Son's Breakup With His Ex's Mom?
“My son Dylan was with “Melanie” since the 10th grade. They are now juniors. Dylan dumped her last week and Melanie took it hard.
I got a text yesterday from Melanie’s mom to call her. She wanted me to bring back Melanie’s sweater that she left at our house a couple of weeks ago. I said sure.
I told her she could pick it up. The mom came and said that I should talk to Dylan about how much he hurt Melanie.
Melanie was very attached to my son and my son broke up with her in the “wrong way.”
I told her I wasn’t talking to my son about anything. They’re high schoolers and stuff like this happens all the time and Melanie isn’t special. My son doesn’t owe you or Melanie an apology for not wanting to be with her anymore.
Dylan wasn’t mean about it. He just said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship because he wanted to spend more time with his friends. The mom said that was nonsense. I said I don’t care. He doesn’t need a reason. It’s none of your business.
She asked me if I cared about how my son treated his partners. I said, “Do you care how your daughter treats her partners?” She said it was different. I told her I had nothing left to say except I don’t care about her or her daughter.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ if I understand correctly. It sounds like the partner’s mom said that his reason (wishing to spend time with his friends) was nonsense. But if that is the reason he gave, then to me it sounds like he was kind and you are right; he doesn’t have to defend his reason.
Now if she was actually claiming that the nonsense was that he was intentionally cruel in some way, I’d give her a listen and get a fuller account and consider telling your son what she claimed and see how he reacted. Sometimes teenagers DO need to be reminded to be kind and treat people well.
But people have every right to break up with their partners, and at that age, it’s gonna happen. And from what you have said, it sounds like the partner and her mom need to learn that lesson.” Cakeliesx
Another User Comments:
“I’m torn between ESH and no jerks here.
Every parent does it differently, and as soon as you start offering unsolicited advice or criticisms you wander into jerk territory, like Melanie’s mom seems to have in your eyes. You can’t blame her for wanting the best for her daughter, just like you want for your son.
Doesn’t give her the right to tell you how to raise your kid. That being said, teenagers can be cruel and not completely honest with their parents. You don’t necessarily know the whole story; your son might have omitted details from you, or it’s possible Melanie exaggerated details with her mom out of hurt, or even vice versa.
You’re both acting off the info you have. If you do happen to know that Dylan wasn’t a great partner, or that he didn’t exactly treat her well in how he handled the breakup, it wouldn’t necessarily be wrong to kindly talk to him about it.
It might be an annoyance for him now, but his future relationships might benefit.” curiousr_nd_curiousr
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – but not because your son ended a high school relationship. It’s because you are obviously such a jerk. “I don’t care about you or your daughter?” Are you kidding me??
You were unconscionably rude to a woman who watched her daughter go through a big life event and was concerned enough about how it was handled by your son to ask to talk to you. “Melanie isn’t special.” What a piece of work you are to say that about the girl your son was involved with for so long.
She said your son did it in “the wrong way” – doesn’t that pique your interest? You are raising your son and that doesn’t stop at curfews and homework. It’s about teaching them how to practice healthy communication, how to be a good man in a storm, how to stand by the people in your life, and HOW TO HAVE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.
Regardless of whether your son wanted to end the relationship or not, after what sounds like a year of being involved with this girl, if he ends the relationship in a way that breaks her self-esteem or damages her self-image, that could cause her harm for years to come.
And it’s 100% on you to teach your son how to be a partner, and how to be a man. And if this is what you’re teaching him, how you talk to strangers is how you taught him to talk to his partner of a year?
Then you are a failure as a dad and a man, your son will eventually let more women down, and his ex is lightyears better off.” redlips_rosycheeks
2. AITJ For Telling My Partner Her Friend's Birthday Party Can't Be In Our Apartment?
“My partner (24F) and I (26M) live together. I’ll head home for Christmas and New Year’s while she’s staying at our place. She was planning this cute dinner party between the holidays for her best friend with like 10 people.
I completely encouraged her to do it at our place.
However, her best friend just informed her that instead of a nice calm dinner party, she would prefer a bigger house party for her birthday with a stronger focus on partying and booze. When my partner told me, I said that I don’t feel comfortable with 20+ people in our small two-room apartment (living room with kitchen and bedroom) having a big party with me gone and all my belongings there.
Especially since I do not know most of the people that will come. All my valuables are in the apartment, including some very expensive furniture that I got from my parents. So I told her I would prefer her best friend having her birthday party at her own place.
Now my partner is kinda upset since she wanted to throw the party somewhere else to avoid her best friend having to deal with all the organizing and planning. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds harsh but either your partner is not very bright or she’s being manipulated by her friend, maybe both.
I wouldn’t use my friend’s home as a party venue if I respected them. Common sense tells you that house parties are messy and things can get destroyed, and your partner’s bestie doesn’t care, as long as she has somewhere to throw a party guilt-free and doesn’t have to worry about HER stuff getting broken.
If I were you, I would move all of the valuables before you leave because chances are, your partner will have the party when you’re gone.” NoDrama4274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your request and reluctance for this not to happen are both very understandable. Also, it’s not just her apartment, it’s yours so something like that needs to be agreed upon by both of you.
Her friend can make a request but it doesn’t mean somebody can necessarily carry it out. Just because it wouldn’t be at your place doesn’t mean your partner can’t do all the organizing and planning and her friend would be stuck with it. Why couldn’t your partner do all the organizing and planning wherever it is that they would be having it?
Your partner should tell her friend that either it can be a small dinner party as they had planned at your place, or it could be at another venue where they could have as many people, including people she doesn’t know but her friend knows & wants to invite, and as much booze and craziness as the friend wants, and either way she’s happy to help to organize and plan everything so it’s not all on her friend.
However, if they are going to choose to go with a bigger party at another venue, your partner should make sure to have a conversation before planning and paying for anything with her friend. What is our budget and what is she able to spend?
A small dinner party for 10 people is going to be a lot less money than a big party with lots more people and lots more food and booze. Your partner should make sure she’s not getting sucked into something that she financially can’t afford or would not want to pay that much for it.
And if her friend throws a tantrum over it then that’s messed up, she should not be expected to just pay whatever it costs.” flynena-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would not want a party in my home either – especially when you have valuables that are just laying around.
Worse, you live in an apartment – I’m sure the neighbours won’t be too happy. If my Partner went ahead and threw a party when I wasn’t there, especially after I specifically said no, that would be the end of the relationship – I have to be able to trust the person I live with to respect me and my home.
Your Partner needs to book at a venue somewhere and have the party there – where people are paid to clean up and provide food/drink.” alien_overlord_1001
1. AITJ For Becoming A Mommy Figure To My Baby Sister?
“I’m 16F and my dad passed away last year. He and my mom had been divorced before that, and they used to split custody, and she’s been remarried to my stepdad for years.
My baby sister turned 1 a couple of days ago, and my mom is 5 months pregnant with a baby boy. I guess the problem started when my sister started teething? It was at the beginning of summer break, and Mom would just let her cry it out in her nursery alone, and my sister is LOUD.
Not only was it annoying, but also kind of sad because she’s just a baby and going through pain alone, so I used to grab her and try to soothe her. Being held and letting her chew on her fingers helped her some, and I saw a TikTok of a teething baby using a cucumber and tried that too, and it was like magic.
Anyway, I thought babies just teethe once and I was so wrong, so it became a routine of me taking care of her a lot? Mom didn’t care as long as she wasn’t crying, and I liked hanging out with her. It wasn’t 24/7, obviously—I had a part-time job and friends—but whenever I came home, she would practically leap out of Mom/Stepdad’s arms, wanting to come to me.
She also started fussing a lot whenever my mom would try to put her to sleep, like full-on baby kickboxing, but she doesn’t have that problem with me. She just kind of cuddles up to my chest and drifts off.
Anyway, I thought that was a baby being a baby, but my mom was fuming after my sister’s birthday party because she wouldn’t let my mom hold her in pictures or for the cake cutting, and my grandma made a comment about my sister and I being Siamese twins, but I just took it as we’re close?
I dunno. My mom was fuming like I said, and she said that I’m confusing my sister into thinking I’m her mom and that I need to take a step back and stop it.
What am I supposed to do—just ignore her whenever she cries or whenever she babbles for me?
It’s not like I push my mom out of the way to get to her; it’s just that she’d be napping or in the bathroom or something, and I don’t want my sister crying her little lungs out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister prefers you over your mother because your mother has failed her as a parent.
From the sounds of it, you are the only one who comforts her when she cries, shows her affection, gives her your time, and cares for her needs. Your mother is a bad parent. Who leaves a baby to scream cry and thinks that’s okay?
If she wants to throw a hissy fit over the fact her teenager is more of a concerned parent then let her, keep doing what you’re doing because this is helping your sister more than you know it.” WhyNotKaren
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bonded with your sister, where your mother didn’t, or at least not as well.
You’re in a darned if you do, darned if you don’t situation with your sister. If you take the step back that your mother wants, it’s very, very likely that your mother will be angry with you when your sister cries and you don’t soothe her.
She needs to learn how to do this because having two small children at once is at least three times the work of having only one, in my opinion, based solely on babysitting small children. It is common for the crying of one child to start the other child crying, in a kind of heckish harmony.
With your mother pregnant with yet another baby, you can look forward to more child care.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mom is. She is really angry because someone else does HER job, while she got pregnant again to neglect the next baby?
Do what you feel is best for you and your sister. It is absolutely nice that you are there for her. And yes, it is normal for babies to sometimes like a parental figure more than others for a while and go easier to sleep.
If you don’t want to make a fuss with your mom, tell her something like ‘Mom, I just wanted to make the situation easier for you because I know you have so much going on as being pregnant again. Of course baby sister loves you, but maybe she is a little confused about your changes’ (or some other nonsense to sweet-talk her so she will leave you in peace) or tell her directly, ‘If you would do your job and be there for baby sis, I wouldn’t have to step up as a motherly figure.
So either do your job or be happy that I’m there for sis and live with the consequences.'” Trevena_Ice
