People Make Bold Choices In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Split My $500 Raffle Winnings For An Engagement Ring?
“My partner of 1.5 years (22F) and I (22M) are on vacation with my family and we go to a cornhole tournament with my cousin. At the event there are a few raffle boards where you can buy a square for $10 a square and the winners can get various prizes.
I bought 1 square on 3 different boards for $30 total, and I let my partner pick the spots where she would write down my name. Time goes on and somehow I end up winning the $500 board.
To give some background on our relationship, I pay for 80% of the expenses in our relationship, i.e., going out to dinner, activities, etc., and she then pays for the other 20%.
However, when she pays, she uses her parents’ credit card and not her own money because her parents can afford to do so and she is a college student.
Then after I go up to collect my winnings, my partner says “Oh, so we’re going to split that 50/50, right?” to which I respond “Umm, no, I don’t think so.” She then continues to ask me to buy her new shoes or new jeans with the funds that I won; then finally she says that I should put the winnings in an account for an engagement ring.
I again refuse to do any of those things and respond by telling her that I will pay for the drinks and food for the night, then take her out to dinner a different night.
I also have to add that almost every time that I “gamble”, i.e., buy 50/50 raffle tickets, play slots, sports bet, etc., she responds with something along the lines of “You shouldn’t be wasting your income on that; you should be saving up for a ring.” It seemed kind of cliché to me that when I win from “gambling” she wants 50% of it, but when I lose she says how I shouldn’t be wasting my income.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO – Is this a serious relationship, or do you consider this a casual fling? If this is just something casual, then consider ending it because you’ve already had a year and a half to decide whether you want to take this to the next level, and you’re just wasting each other’s time at this point.
If you want this relationship to be serious, then consider splitting your winnings 50/50 as a good-faith demonstration of your commitment to this relationship. Otherwise, be prepared to listen to the story of your stinginess for many years to come. This isn’t about $250 that she wants.
The hints are there, but you’re not taking them: “She says that I should put the winnings in an account for an engagement ring.” “You should be saving up for a ring.” You shouldn’t feel like you have to take this to the next level, but you also shouldn’t continue wasting her time if you’re not willing to live up to her expectations.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“ESH this whole thing just sounds weird. Do you even like her? Is getting a ring before a degree some sort of specific life goal for her? You’re already itemizing the relationship and sounds like you’re on completely different pages on financial matters – you need to have a lot of conversations before even thinking about getting married. Also, if she’s a college student (and it’s implied that you’re not and you have a job & make an income), then yeah it probably makes sense for you to pay for more stuff right now.
Equitable is not necessarily equal.” 2doublerats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but in the future don’t involve her in the process (selecting the spots). You have set up a situation where she is going to assume that you are gambling together (and she will benefit if you win, but not incur any losses if you don’t).
Did you pay for the vacation? I would tell her that the $ will go towards the cost of the vacation she is enjoying courtesy of your bank account. And if she mentions the engagement ring again, remind her that it’s easier to save up for large purchases when you have a partner contributing 50/50 to household expenses (and maybe once she graduates and can pay her own way, you can consider making that purchase).” PlantSufficient6531
21. AITJ For Demanding Fair Treatment Over My Brother's Excessive Privileges?
“I (18F) am the youngest out of three siblings. My oldest brother (22M) has autism. He doesn’t understand like everyone else does and is extremely smart in certain categories. Feelings are not one of them. He doesn’t understand when he does something wrong, and when he doesn’t get his way, things get out of hand.
My father has been on my side for most of this. My brother, who we’ll call Leo, always got his way. He has one cell iPhone, three iPads, a computer, a laptop, a PlayStation, Xbox, Wii, etc. I, on the other hand, have one iPhone and that’s it.
When he gets angry, he smashes and breaks his stuff. We have had to replace electronics more than I can count. I tell my mom not to give in, but she tells me off.
She always has the same excuse. “Your brother is autistic, he doesn’t understand!” or “When you grow up you can get a job and start a family, he can’t.” And yes, the family thing is true.
But she shouldn’t give in all the time. I tell her he’s not going to learn or that he doesn’t deserve it. I asked her for a monitor for my birthday, and instead, I got books. She made up the excuse that we didn’t have the money, but the same day she got him a new iPad, which was over $1500.
I realized that that’s the reason she said no, was so she could get him that on my birthday.
Recently, my family has yelled at me for being “inconsiderate” and “selfish” for expressing how I feel. I don’t know if I should stop trying to speak out and try to stop them from giving in to his behavior.
So, am I the jerk for wanting to be treated fairly?”
Another User Comments:
“Professional here: NTJ. Your brother understands more than you may think. One of those things being that he can destroy things and get them replaced. Your mother is reinforcing negative behaviors and it’s clearly working.
She needs to stop replacing things, painfully get through what we call an extinction burst, and then move along. Now if any of those devices are used for communication, obviously replace them but with stipulations. Your mother is not making excuses for your brother. She’s making excuses for herself, probably because it is overwhelming at times.
You are not selfish for expressing your feelings. Your feelings are valid. Also know, though, that you will never be treated equally. Having an intellectual and/or developmental disability or any disability sets someone up to be in a world not made for them. Your brother will always have things done differently because society still lacks the ability to adapt.
Again, though, NTJ. You can express yourself in constructive and kind ways, while also pointing out that you would like to be treated with more consideration as a human.” AssassinBeamish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Autistic afab person here – funny how Autistic women/afab people never get the “she doesn’t understand and that’s ok” pass.
This is more about gender than autism; your parents could have explained all these things to him, since it doesn’t sound like an intellectual disability is also an issue, and taught him how to be an independent adult. They are now harming his opportunities to live his best life.” idril1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is an enabler. Her behavior is extremely toxic and codependent. Op, you need to start moving out and get space, because as you get older and he becomes more and more useless, she is fully going to expect you to basically adopt this giant brat.
It’s going to be a lot easier to say no when you only have to turn your phone off versus a screaming match every day. She’s entirely in the wrong throughout all of this. She’s the reason he can’t function in the world.
You can’t control how they enable him, but you CAN stop letting them make you feel like less. What you should do is treat her the same way. On her birthday, get her some nonsense from a gas station, then buy yourself something really nice.
Do it every time. Call it a trauma tax. For every holiday and birthday they ruined, you put the same amount of energy into theirs while spoiling yourself. Then let them seethe.” EchoMountain158
20. AITJ For Not Forcing My Self-Sufficient Son To Move Out?
“I (40F) have been with my SO Joe (47M) for almost 12 years.
Our relationship has always been rocky. He’s always been one foot out the door. I have two kids of my own: 17F Susie and 20M Alex. Joe has one of his own, Molly (21F).
Molly is going to college and will be graduating this year with her bachelor’s in psychology.
She has been working between 10-20 hours a week while in school and during summer vacation. She hasn’t ever worked 40 hours.
Alex has been working 40 hours a week as a plumber’s apprentice since he graduated high school. He also has 10 hours of bookwork he’s required to do for his Journey men’s license.
Both kids are good, respectful kids. Alex still goes back and forth between his dad’s house and ours. He comes home on Sunday afternoon. Does some of his bookwork and goes to bed. Goes to work at 5:30 in the morning until about 4:30 in the afternoon.
Most days, he’s not even eating or making himself supper when he gets out of work. He stays at our place until Wednesday when he goes to work. Doesn’t even spend more than 36 hours total at our place. He buys all his own food. Makes all his own meals.
Never has friends over, never stays out late, and doesn’t do any of the normal young adult things (per his choice). No, he doesn’t pay us rent, but he does pay his own phone, insurance, and car payment. He doesn’t purchase any big toys or anything.
Molly comes to our place during vacations and the summer on Sunday through Wednesday. When she doesn’t work, she sleeps until 2 in the afternoon. Doesn’t buy her own food, doesn’t cook for herself, and doesn’t pay rent. Both kids help out about the same amount around the house, which is minimal.
Joe is currently at a motel because he is mad I won’t make my son get his own place. Right now, the cost of living is high, and Alex gets paid nicely, but definitely not enough to cover all expenses to live by himself. He does have a good chunk saved up.
He’s very responsible like that. Joe doesn’t have a specific reason for wanting him out, other than he’s an adult working and should be living on his own. He doesn’t see how unfair it is to expect my kid to move out, but not his own (I don’t even want or expect her to).
His logic is his kid is in school and needs the help. I feel like he is penalizing my kid because he chose a different career path and not going to college and putting himself into a ton of debt with student loans. Meanwhile, Molly gets a free ride in school because of her Native American heritage.
I’m happy for her, but she could be putting in hours to work and save up money since she doesn’t have student loans. Neither kid spends a significant time at home since they go from their other parent’s home to ours. So I don’t see the problem.
I know our relationship is over, but I just want to know if AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Our society does a poor job of preparing kids for adulthood. It sounds like your son is kicking butt. Once he finishes his apprenticeship, the world is his oyster.
It makes sense to support your kid until he starts his career, and if you don’t need him to contribute to the household and he’s not being spendthrift with his paychecks, there’s no reason to charge rent. “He’s always been one foot out the door.” So obviously you’re NTJ, but why have you put up with this for 12 years?
‘Babe I’ve got one foot out the door.’ ‘Keep it moving, cowboy, you’re letting all the heat out.'” ClackamasLivesMatter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve noticed many adults take the attitude of ‘it happened to me, so it should happen to everyone else.’ So they were kicked out at 18-20 and had to fend for themselves instead of getting the support young people sorely need. Now, your husband probably feels the same about your son.
It’s a stupid mentality. We should be breaking that cycle and helping out our kids and giving them that support like you are doing. My parents let me stay in their house and I was able to build up good savings which allowed me to get further as a young man, than I’d be if I had to leave and pay rent.
You keep supporting your son, he’s going to rock at life!!” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he’s jealous of your son, whether it’s that he’s doing well for himself or any attention you give him. I’m smelling resentment with his suspect reasoning.
That said, I don’t understand why for a dozen years you’ve stayed with a man who has ‘one foot out the door’ your entire relationship and then moves into a motel to pout because he doesn’t get his way.” Your_Daddy_1972
19. AITJ For Using Someone Else's Trash Can For My Dog's Poop?
“I was walking my dog this morning and he pooped. Of course I have pooper scooper bags with me, so I picked it up, threw it in the nearest trash can, and minded my own business when suddenly a woman calls to me.
She tells me, in a not-so-nice way, to take the poop bag home and throw it in my own trash can. Like she literally went out her gate, took the poop bag out of the trash can, and put it down on the pavement.
Now, I’m an avoidant, non-confrontational person, so I didn’t say anything and just took the baggie so I could throw it in the nearest trash can in the neighborhood.
And because I’m the avoidant type, I felt so embarrassed I almost cried.
Oh, and important note for first-world folks: the trash can wasn’t segregated!!! It’s not a big thing here in my country to segregate.
So AITJ here? I hope I’m not because if I am, I’ve been the jerk for years lol.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for two reasons: First, plain and simple, it is not a public trash can; it is HER trash can. If it’s ok for you to put a bag of “trash” (albeit a small bag), then it’s ok for someone else to put a somewhat larger bag in, and someone else to put an even larger bag in.
In my town, at least, we are limited to the number of bags of trash that will be picked up each week and can be charged if we leave out more than that. Second, you’re being the jerk to the trash collectors. They don’t pick up the trash can and empty it into the back of the truck; they lift out each individual bag and throw it in, which means they now have to manually pick up that small bag and throw it in.
That’s assuming, of course, they even do that. They might not notice the small bag when it ends up falling to the bottom of the can, leaving it behind.” Qierce
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely, YTJ. As someone who has been on the receiving end of this rudeness, I can tell you it is not as simple as the can being emptied at trash pickup time.
In my neighborhood, trash trucks have a mechanical arm that dumps the can into the truck. The angle it tilts is not sufficient to get the little poop bags that fall to the bottom of the can to fall out into the truck. MANY times, I have had to turn my can over to fish them out, and then I had to dispose of them properly so they did not sit stinking in my can for WEEKS (a can that my HOA requires me to store in my enclosed garage or be fined).
I have imagined many things I would like to do with the poop I fished out of my can if only I knew where the perpetrator lived.” alc2757
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go against public opinion here, and say NTJ. Why? You might all ask.
I dog-walk a couple of dogs around their neighborhood and am scrupulous about scooping their poop. Their human keeps me well supplied with fragranced poo bags (fancy!) I then pop the tied bag into the next bin I pass, whoever it belongs to. I put the individual bags into one, so they’re effectively double-bagged. Before you all start shouting at me, let me mention that it’s very common here to see poo bags tied neatly and HUNG ON BLOODY TREES, bushes, or fences, or even left on the ground for people to step on.
My rationale is that if someone walked their dog near my home and needed to dispose of a poo bag, I’d rather it go into my bin than be left on the ground or tied to a tree. It’s my neighborhood; I don’t want it messed up by lazy jerks who can’t be bothered to dispose of their poo bag in an appropriate receptacle, even if that receptacle happened to be mine.
I would hope people in the dogs’ neighborhood would feel the same way. OK. You can shout at me now.” The_Blonde1
18. AITJ For Exposing My High School Bully To His Daughter?
“I normally live in a country house, but this morning I was in the city because I had an appointment with my doctor.
I was sitting at the bus stop after coming out of the hospital when a guy from my high school years approached me, with a girl of around ten to twelve years old grabbing his hand.
We started talking, and I don’t know if he noticed how awkward I was feeling, but our conversation was cut when the girl asked, “Daddy, who is this mister?” and the guy answered, “He is a friend from my school days.”
A lot of memories passed through my head in a moment, and before I knew it, I answered, “Your father doesn’t understand that we have NEVER been friends. He was my bully in school. He mocked me and insulted me, he humiliated me, making the whole class laugh at me almost every day.
He got me to hate myself so much that I stopped caring for myself, to the point that I even neglected my personal hygiene, but he also used that against me, gifting me toothpaste and a bottle of shampoo for killing parasites in animals. He never gave the least importance to the emotional damage he caused me, because we met in a shop he owned ten years after he changed high schools and the first thing he did was to call another of my bullies and start remembering my most embarrassing moments in the middle of his shop, in front of a lot of strangers.”
He looked at me with his mouth wide open, while his daughter looked at him with a face that said, “How could you?” Before any of the two could recover from the impression, I excused myself and boarded the bus.
So, I told a small girl how her father made me suffer, maybe ruining the image of him she had.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t tell lies. Why is everybody swinging? You should have lied or played along. Screw him. The face he had when he did it again in the store years later—he didn’t change. Good enough for him.
You are a hero. You stood up to a bully and did a hard thing reliving the nonsense he put you through.” Competitive_Ease6991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Eh, kids will learn the truth sooner or later. Don’t see why the man should have kept his mouth shut, especially if the bully was calling him a “friend” now, which was a complete lie.
Time to face the consequences of your actions, bully.” etskaeimet
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I think the main issue here is with the age of the child, as you make her out to be very young. Some of the things you bring up are very delicate and confusing to a young child.
There’s a good chance this is her first time hearing a description of depression, and I don’t think this was a good way to introduce such a heavy subject to a young girl. The dad may have deserved to be called out, but that’s not the daughter’s fault.
You could have told her in much simpler terms that her dad was very mean to you and called you names which hurt you so much that you still remember it as an adult. You could have gotten the same message across without info dumping a pretty serious story on a young girl with no warning.
I get it was the heat of the moment and you had every reason to be angry, which is why I think this is ESH and not YTJ.” Charming-Barnacle-15
17. AITJ For Not Changing My Cursing Habit When Switching Houses?
“My mom and stepdad started seeing each other/got engaged before my parents’ divorce was finalized. However, they were already separated. Everyone feels like they totally rushed into it.
(Including myself.) For the first few years, he was a total jerk with really bad anger issues. He once called me and my sister downstairs just to yell at us because he was mad at our dad. Two years ago, he moved to Alaska because they were having money issues.
(It makes no sense but whatever.) A year later my mom joined him. His anger issues had gotten better, and he apologized for his past actions.
Because of the state we’re in, due to them moving out of state my dad now had full custody.
So we lived with him full-time for, well… a year. This previous December my mom abruptly moved back with one month’s notice, and my stepdad came too. Now here’s the thing, we see them every other weekend. Instead of moving back to the town my sister and I live in, my mom and stepdad moved across the state from us.
So, three times a month for two-day intervals. During the summer it’s every other two weeks or something like that.
My stepdad and I always headbutt about me not following his rules, but rather the ones I’d follow at my dad’s house. Specifically, when it comes to cursing.
I am a teenager, so it’s not like I’m a little kid going around cursing everyone out. I just occasionally use swear words to emphasize some things. It makes him MAD. I’ve tried to explain to my mom that he can’t just expect me to magically turn this habit on and off for their convenience because they both literally ditched me for a year.
I also make it a point NOT to swear around his kids. I talked to my dad about this, and he said it’s not my stepdad’s place to enforce his rules on me, and if I’d like, I can spend the time with him instead.
I’d also like to mention that my mom doesn’t have a problem with me cursing, only with me dropping F-bombs. This is just a stepdad thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should be able to curse if you want to, especially by your responses. Also NTJ for threatening that.
They up and left you with no reason. You don’t seem immature, and I’m sure you’re not just letting it fly out of your mouth just to say them. I curse when I feel like it. My fiancé does as well, and so do many other adults and teenagers around us.
Even with you being a teenager, I still wouldn’t agree with someone imposing rules on you when they up and leave your life. They don’t get to come back and dictate that. Their disregard for your feelings by leaving tells me that they didn’t have respect for you before, so I don’t see why you should change for them.” greenwick08
Another User Comments:
“Look, it straight up sucks having to be two different versions of yourself as you move between houses post-divorce. People here are making analogies to work or school, but a good home situation is one where you can be less on guard, more relaxed than at work or school, so to me those analogies don’t work that well.
I don’t think not cursing is a particularly egregious rule and refusing to go over there would probably damage your relationship with your mom more than you would like (so a soft YTJ), but I sympathize with you. This is just one of the crappy aspects of parents getting divorced. Lots of us have been there.” SedatedVole
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You say in one sentence that you can’t turn it off and on, but the next thing you say is that you don’t curse around his kids. I learned very early on that there are adults you can curse around and adults you can’t.
If you let this thing get out of control where you literally can’t turn it off, it might limit your job prospects in the future. One way or another, you have to learn that there are different rules in different places. You have different rules at work and at home, in public places and in private.
You are quiet in a Library and loud in a stadium. All places have rules and we adjust who we are when we are in those places. This is no different. Your dad can’t write the rules at someone else’s house and this isn’t even a remotely unreasonable rule.” silvermesh
16. AITJ For Assuming My Wife Would Do The Dishes After I Redid Our Backyard Fence?
“I (27m) have been with my wife (27f) for 9 years. Normally, when it comes to dinner, my wife would make the food and I would do the dishes after. No problem. However, this past weekend I spent the days redoing our backyard fence from wire to privacy.
I told her multiple times that I would spend my free time on this project and asked her if she could do the dishes to help. She refused and now we are fighting because I won’t do them either.
Her reasoning is that while I had to do more work around our house, it’s still on me to do the dishes because she still made the food.
I thought she would help me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“While I am all for divvying up the chores, this was out of the normal scope of the outdoor chores. She could have been lenient for the two nights and done the dishes. It’s all about compromise and helping your spouse out.
It’s not to say she’s going to do them every night. Unfortunately, this is a bigger issue that you’re going to need to sit down and have a bigger, deeper discussion about with your spouse because something triggered her, and until you talk it out, it’s going to build up to something far bigger and far worse than the line.
Keeping score will be at the detriment of your relationship.” MJSP88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is it so hard to just help a spouse out? Why does it become a breakdown of who does the most or the least, or if it’s equal? If your partner asks for help, why not help?
You’re a team, not? I’m going out on a limb and saying they both work. OP has already stated how they divvy up chores; sounds pretty equal. Without clarity, building a fence is probably a weekend project. So as OP stated, this was done in his free time, probably after normal chores were done.
So why is OP on the chopping block? OP is doing a large yard project alone and asked, not demanded, for one favor of help from his wife, and because it’s a normal chore, it’s his fault. Sorry, but wife sounds like an “I” team.
OP, buy paper plates!” Kqhbabies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it would be nice if the both of you could just go ahead and help one another out. This being an example, surely it’s not that much out of the way for your wife to wash the dishes after making the dinner while you worked all day outside.
Maybe there’s something else going on, like she feels she’s being taken advantage of or she will get stuck with doing the dishes for good. I just don’t get why it is so difficult to sort things out. You are both on the same team.
I guess you will have to go ahead and do the dishes to keep the peace, but this will be a sticking point for you. My husband and I do things together. I enjoy doing the housework, laundry and will do the lawn as well to help out.
Whenever I ask for help with anything, he will always do it without complaint. I also work 10 hours 4 days a week. He’s studying online. We have been married for 11 years and are in our mid to late 50s. Respect and communication helps.” Scarryfish
15. AITJ For Blowing Up On The Maintenance Guy Over My Missing Cat?
“I returned home from the gym to find both my front and back doors open with the maintenance guy working inside.
On my file with the complex, it states that I have an indoor cat. I’ve had her since childhood. Unfortunately, she was declawed by my dad (which I’m still angry at him about).
I could not find my kitty anywhere in the apartment and was convinced she had got outside.
In my distress, I absolutely blew up on the maintenance worker. I rarely get as angry as I did. I was screaming at this guy as I frantically searched for my cat. We looked everywhere in the house and couldn’t find her… She had no way to defend herself, so I was terrified.
Eventually, we found her inside, not sure where she was, and I’m so grateful to have found her (after the maintenance guy left).
I felt so unbelievably horrible about the way I treated this poor man and called the office to extend my apologies… And I plan to apologize to his face if I see him again.
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! We had pipes break over our bed and had contractors in and out for a while. My husband was gaming in his office; I was at choir practice. Came home and the doors were open. 2 indoor cats, and a forest with coyotes in it behind the house (I’ve seen them mating in the yard before).
Ripped them a new one. Dude muttered in Spanish, “Guy that did it doesn’t speak English, gringa,” so I continued in Argentinian-accented Spanish. But I am responsible for making sure these two much-beloved living beings, whom humans bred into existence, have full, healthy lives, and the cats killing a zillion birds before being eaten by coyotes does not help this process!!
HE needs to apologize to YOU. And all future maintenance needs to be scheduled with you there.” helen_pants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is exactly why my husband and I have started locking the gate to our yard. Because we have a dog and far too many maintenance people feel free to just come and go as they please and not bother to close the gate without even considering how their actions could affect others.
Both with people who showed up completely unannounced to check city utility meters, and people with services we hired where, yes, we had it on file that they needed to notify us when they arrived so we could make sure our dog wasn’t out. Maintenance people should be in the habit of asking permission to enter, to at least make their presence known, and to close the freaking doors regardless of what it says in your file.
Doing otherwise is just disrespectful.” Korrin
Another User Comments:
“This is why I refuse to let anyone in my apartment when I or my husband is not home and have made it very clear that no one is allowed in and that we will press charges if we aren’t at least notified. (We understand that emergencies happen.
I work less than 10 minutes from my apt and can easily swing by if one does account, my work is really forgiving, or I can have one of my trusted neighbors do it) due to the dire homeless population around my apt. My dogs have become super protective (They regularly try to break into the property in some way.
All the dogs in the complex are reactive to it now; we somewhat try to curb it, but it’s rather hard when it’s an outside violent source causing the issue).” Euphoric-Kitchen7912
14. AITJ For Not Hugging Coworkers On Mother's Day?
“I forgot today was Mother’s Day until 10 minutes ago, when my boss walked in with flowers for all the moms in the office and hugged all of them.
I watched everything from my desk. He saw me & asked me very loudly, in front of everyone, what I got them & if I had already wished them a Happy Mother’s Day.
I looked over & quickly wished them a happy day and got back to work.
Not even 2 minutes passed when he asked me to come to his office. He was very mad at my lack of effusiveness and said I’m being a jerk to everyone and that I should have gotten them at least a candy bar, and I needed to hug them because being a mother is super special. I was fuming since this had nothing to do with work.
So tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – WTF!?! It’s kind he did that for the mothers in his office… But is your boss a complete idiot or a masochist?!? Holy heck, this is a minefield for him to be walking through, and then to take you with him is 100% inappropriate.
And as a person who struggles with physical touch by people, I’d be in full-on panic mode if multiple coworkers had to hug me because I am a mother… Noooo, you are most definitely not the jerk… Your boss is.” No-Policy-4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
DO. NOT. TOUCH. YOUR. COWORKERS. That is literally a harassment lawsuit waiting to happen and he is absolutely disgusting for even suggesting it. You are not obligated to celebrate Mother’s Day. If he, as the boss, would like to on behalf of the company then that’s awesome, but you are not required to spend your own money to celebrate with people who are not your friends and family.
Your boss can suck it and you should probably report that hugging crap to HR.” What_Was_I_doi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and a talk with HR might be in the cards if your boss doesn’t drop this completely. Being asked to get physical with a coworker is creepy AF, and I would be backing away so fast from your boss (and you if you went down that path).
It is stomping a professional boundary to hug coworkers. And no, you don’t need to get women in the office a present on this stupid made-up holiday.” voluntold9276
13. AITJ For Accepting A Better Paying Job Over My Friend's Offer?
“I met my friend, D, when we started working for the same company. He’s a really great manager and I enjoyed working with him a lot. But I left the company because of other terrible managers.
A few months after I quit, D accepted a promotion, moved to a different location, and asked me if I wanted to come work for him. I was all for it and put in an application.
However, yesterday an old manager who I enjoyed working for, asked me if I wanted a position at his location.
He offered me a better position and a lot more money after I already applied to work with D.
I told D that I was gonna take that position even after he was trying to convince me to still work for him. I could be the jerk for backing out on my promise, but he also can’t match the money the other location is offering.
He said I could get promoted to salary within the first few months I’m there, but I’m not sure I want the responsibility of the salary position. The other position would also pay around the same as they would offer me for salary.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a hiring manager as part of my work duties. I’ll often refer people I know looking (I don’t do those interviews, don’t worry, no nepotism). I very specifically remember one friend who was almost all the way through the interview process when she heard back about something else she had applied for before us that was way more money and benefits.
You know what I said? I said girl, go get your bag. If your friend is upset you took a better opportunity, they ain’t your friend and they wanted to use you as an employee that they could depend on because of that friendship. NTJ.” iwastobeasloth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When it comes to your livelihood, you have to make the best choice for you. D isn’t offering you a salaried position, he’s saying he could in a few months which means he has no idea if it would be approved. Also, you already know the culture of the company and had trouble with other managers; I wonder how much cross-over there could be in the future.
It’s best to take the permanent salaried position and start fresh with a new company.” bunnyhopskip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Work Reform has taught us all nothing if not this, there is no such thing as loyalty from the company. Your friend D might really want to promote you, but if he is told by his management that he can’t do that, then you aren’t getting promoted. Everyone needs to look out for themselves.” voluntold9276
12. AITJ For Keeping My Therapy And Medication Details Private From My SO?
“I feel like my SO gets way too involved with my psych/therapy when I talk about it, and I’ve decided I don’t want to share any of it.
I feel a lot of judgment about the medications I’m prescribed, to the point where I stopped one abruptly, and it was really uncomfortable for a while.
SO thinks I swindled two therapists and a psychiatrist into getting pills because I shared the very real symptoms after having problems my entire life.
My parents and friends say they noticed a big improvement when I started the meds. Everyone but SO seems to agree I’m doing better. I just want to be the best I can be for my family, but I can’t help but feel like the jerk no matter what I choose to do here.”
Another User Comments:
“OP, gently, your SO isn’t much of a partner if they think you’ve “swindled” therapists/psychiatrists and shouldn’t receive treatment. This is not love. This is not caring, kind, or considerate. Even if your partner was a therapist or psychiatrist, it would be completely out of bounds for them to be recommending or rejecting treatment for you.
You are not their patient. They do not have all the info or all the training. They are in all ways wrong in this situation. You do not owe it to them to give in to their misguided notions (that’s the most polite thing I can think of to call it) and cause yourself harm by rejecting prescribed treatment that’s helping you.
I recommend mentioning all this to your therapist because they should be made aware that an important person in your life is actively trying to sabotage your treatment. I’m sure they will want to discuss how you feel about this. You are NTJ. Anyone who disparages you and rejects your need for active therapeutic treatment is a jerk.
I hope your family continues to support your treatment and is caring about your health and welfare.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one is entitled to your private medical information. You are not obligated to share any information with your SO about your health.
But real talk? Is this what you want out of a relationship? Can you feel fulfilled in a relationship where you have to hide things from your SO for fear of their judgment? And not just gross gym clothes or the fact you pick your nose.
I’m talking about health issues that have shaped who you are as a person because you’ve had to deal with them your entire life. Based on the question in the post, I don’t think so. But that’s up to you. I personally couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t take my medical issues seriously or even just me seriously.
Honestly, it shows a certain amount of disrespect and distrust of you that SO thinks you would trick a doctor. Do they show that in other instances too? Also, what happens if you need support for any of your issues? Would SO help you? Would they drive you to a dr apt or a hospital?
Or would they say it isn’t real? Obviously, you need to be vague about your personal health on the internet, but sometimes things go wrong. What’s the worst-case scenario with this? Do you trust your SO if that happens? Are they really your partner in that scenario?
Just food for thought. This would be a shape-up or ship-out scenario for me, no matter how big or small the health issue was. I can’t live with someone that doesn’t trust and respect me.” cdelia191
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, bud, you need a new SO.
Talking to your partner about what medications you’re on is super important, especially psych meds. They need to know what side effects could, like, for example, occur. I read every bottle my SO is prescribed, per their request, so if anything does come up (and has), we’re both ready to handle it.
If you don’t feel like you can trust them with even a basic rundown, and from the sounds of things you can’t, then it’s best for your mental health to call it. This whole situation sounds so stressful for you, on top of everything else.
I hope you get some closure, and I’m glad you have a good support system too.” Key-Dream-635
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Brothers And Their Partners Move In?
“I (24F) and my husband (24M) are newlyweds, and two of my brothers (19M) are recently homeless. It is basically of their own doings; they were allowed to stay at home, but they both decided to move out with their partners.
Neither one can hold down a job, and their partners won’t get one at all. They all like to do substances and aren’t really considerate of others. They both owe my parents a lot of money and really don’t have a way to pay anything back, let alone help with bills.
Our parents have offered to let them move back in, but the partners can’t come with. They won’t take my parents’ offer because they want to stay with their partners. Everyone is giving me crap, saying I should do it because they’re family. I know it’s probably stupid of me to not give them a chance because it would keep the couples together and give them a place to be, but I really just don’t want to share my space or become responsible for them.
AITJ for not letting one of the couples move into our spare room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not let them step one foot inside your house or you will never get them out again! So they’re losers and substance abusers and your parents think you should be responsible for them?
LOLOL, GTFO with that nonsense. They have made their choices and now they get to live with the consequences of their decisions. Do not let them drag you down and ruin your lives as well screw that ‘but they’re family’ nonsense. If the people saying that cared so much, then THEY can take them in, but they don’t want to deal with it either, which is why they’re trying to pawn them off on you.
Tell them all to go kick rocks and you will not be letting any of them in your home for any reason.” Etenial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’ve had many chances and an offer of a place to live off your parents; they don’t want it cause it’s not on their terms. They are not your responsibility.
Do you really want to be supporting 2-4 extra adults? Because if you move in one, by the same logic you have to offer the other, who can’t hold a job or even bother looking for one. Like, girl, no one wants to work, but you have to or you end up homeless and hungry.
And those calling you stupid are more than welcome to take them in and financially support them.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sucks being homeless, but they literally have an option to not be homeless. Beggars can’t be choosers. Letting them live with you is just going to lead to more issues for you before you inevitably have to kick them out.
They will be a massive burden on you while they’re there and could end up causing more in-family drama.” Asturias0
10. AITJ For Asking My Mother To Chew With Her Mouth Closed?
“I (17M) have a close relationship with my mother (42F) and we spend a decent amount of time around each other.
With that said, whenever we go out to eat, have dinner together, or when we hang out and eat snacks, I have to deal with her disgusting mouth noises as she loudly eats her food like she has no home training. For reference, I have misophonia, so this is obviously very annoying to me as I find chewing with your mouth open, and smacking food, to be extremely irritating to listen to and see along with it just being freaking disgusting in general.
This has been going on for as long as I can remember, and it sometimes gets so bad that I find excuses to leave the area while she eats, or I have to put on obnoxiously loud music in my AirPods to drown out the sound (which doesn’t even always help because I can still hear her at times).
I finally had enough and asked her kindly to close her mouth when she eats and to not chew so loudly, to which she then said “I can’t help that,” and then acted like she was upset while continuing to eat in a sloppy manner.
She most definitely can help chewing with her mouth wide open, and frequently speaking with food in her mouth. I’m starting to not want to be around her as much as it is very disgusting and irritating for me to listen to. I’m hoping that I’m not a messed up person for this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ maybe it could have been said nicer, but honestly it’s not hard to chew with your mouth shut. I do it, and my mouth doesn’t even properly close because of my teeth.” Genderthief
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had a similar experience.
I’ve had misophonia for 12+ years now and it took many years for my parents to finally understand. I’ve had to explain countless times what it does. My suggestion is to collect your thoughts and emotions. Write them down for yourself so you get everything you want to talk about.
Then try to open a conversation with her. Not focusing on what she does wrong but on what it does to you. Then hopefully she will be open to understanding it from your perspective. Afterward you can open the subject of improving the eating habits.
In the past 12 years, I have eaten at the dinner table maybe 10 times since it is so much more relaxing for the parties involved. Getting special earbuds really helped mitigate the sounds. I put them in when other people grab snacks for board game nights, etc. Really helps.
Something along the lines of loops or something they are called. A quick search will unveil this.
For people commenting on it being your problem, the misophonia is your problem yes, that’s technically true. But there are 2 parts to this. First of all, it’s just common dinner etiquette that your mother seems to lack (no insult intended) and in that regard you’re right, maybe you could have worded it better and picked a better moment but that’s honestly misophonia and you can’t really blame yourself for it, because that’s just the condition.
The second part is that in order to have a good relationship with anyone you kinda have to accept and accommodate each other. Why else remain friends or have strong bonds with family? I’ve lost many many people over the years because they just can’t grasp the illness we suffer from.
They think it’s a joke or not as serious as it is. Been called a liar for making it up so I wouldn’t have to hang out with some individuals even though I invited them because I wanted to hang out, etc. It’s an insane illness, and hopefully with more years and research it finally gets into the DSM5.
NTJ, your mom needs to put in some effort because chewing or speaking with an open mouth is just barbaric.” astarocy
Another User Comments:
“They have earbuds that help drown out noise but still hear conversation – you can’t stop people from making noise, but this could help with your misophonia – but chewing with mouth open and talking with food in their mouth is ALWAYS disgusting.
I’ve missed many team lunches at work in the past because I got so grossed out I wanted to be sick. You can’t help what makes you sick. You can remove yourself if you can’t get someone to change accommodate. I would say don’t tell other people this, but NTJ.
She doesn’t respect it coming from you because you’re her child. She would be humiliated if another adult said it and probably angrier.” Comeback_321
9. AITJ For Allowing My Daughters To Yell At Their Grandmother Over Holiday Plans?
“My kids’ (22F and 24F) maternal grandfather (my father) is declining rapidly with dementia.
Christmas is right around the corner, and making plans has been a last-minute thing due to figuring out whether maternal grandparents would be able to host Christmas. In the previous 25 years, we have worked around the schedule of the paternal grandparents and sister-in-law. This is the first year that we informed my mother-in-law that we would be going to my parents on Christmas Day.
In previous years, my mother-in-law dictated that we come over on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day to her house.
My husband called my mother-in-law on speakerphone. She proceeded to yell on the phone that they always had to plan the holidays around us, and that we are always an inconvenience.
My daughters overheard what my mother-in-law said and proceeded to get very upset. When my husband tried to explain to his mother that his father-in-law has limited time, his mother responded, “We’re all dying!”
This caused an immediate reaction from both my daughters, who yelled out hurtful things that my mother-in-law took offense to.
No, my in-laws did not have plans yet. In actuality, they have spent the last week moving into a new house. Now my oldest daughter wants to cut off her paternal grandparents. My husband thinks my children and I are overreacting for getting upset. My oldest daughter just wants her father to say, “Yes, what grandma said was wrong and your feelings are valid.” But of course, he did not say that.
Instead, he told her to shut the “F” up. This caused an even bigger fight within our immediate family.
Now my daughters and I aren’t speaking to my husband, and they do not want to spend Christmas with their paternal grandparents. And my husband says this is all my fault.
Yes, my husband triggered my adult daughter’s ADHD rage. If you don’t know what that is, look it up; it’s a real thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandpa has limited time left, of course you want to spend Christmas with him and that side of the family.
Shame on MIL for making everything about her with no regard for the difficult situation on your side of the family. She sounds like somebody who is used to controlling everyone and getting her way. The reality is you’ve spent past Christmases with her; your family should get a chance at that too.
Does your husband routinely side with his mom over you? If so, yikes; you’ve got a bigger problem on your hands. And for him to tell his own daughter to “shut the F up” is unacceptable behavior. Of course, he probably learned that kind of thing from his mom.
As for what your daughters said to MIL, what exactly was it they said? And how did MIL react?” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“I just lost my dad after a wreck a few months ago. He got into the wreck on a Tuesday and I lost him the following Tuesday.
I didn’t know it was the last week I would have. Three days in, my mom was telling me I was spending too much time there and needed to take care of myself. I thank God I went to see him every day. If you have the ability to be with a loved one you absolutely know is on limited time, you should make them a priority.
Anyone trying to compete for that attention instead of being understanding can kick rocks. Your daughters shouldn’t have yelled, but they are young and that comes with time. You should tell them that while their feelings are valid, there are better ways of going about disagreeing with someone.
Sometimes, a lack of reaction or a simple “I’m sorry you feel that way” goes a lot further than yelling and making a scene they can come back to for victim points, especially if they rely on yelling to make their points to begin with.
If the grandparents are willing to apologize for saying such an awful thing, I think your daughters should also apologize. But the grandparent should also be told, in no uncertain terms, that what they said was unacceptable and will not be tolerated again. If this is a deal breaker, then you move on.” throwitaway82721717
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – OP, I am so, so sorry about your dad. I just can’t imagine how hard it has been watching dementia take him. Of course, spend Christmas with him. I can’t believe this is even a discussion. When tempers cool, you and your husband need a very serious conversation.
It is not okay to drop the F-bomb on your children, adult or not, who are also processing the heartache of their grandfather slipping away. He and your MiL owe all of you an apology. Go to your parents with your girls, and he can come if he can lose the attitude and humble himself to apologize.
Try to get him to imagine the shoe on the other foot, if you always went to your family but his mom was dying. May you find peace in your heart during this holiday season. Hugs to you and your girls.” Skylaren
8. AITJ For Not Allowing My MIL To Watch My Kids While I Recover From Surgery?
“I am scheduled for surgery in the next couple of weeks. My mil was supposed to watch the kids while I was down and out, but she now has people staying with her that were not originally going to be there.
One of these is a child who has been through a lot of trauma in the past couple of years. We love that child, but the family is not getting them the help they need.
The last time that child and one of my children were together, they got into some trouble that ended up with a 6+ hour ER visit and a huge medical bill.
I informed my mil that we were not comfortable with our children being there while that child was there without us, and she got mad and hung up on us. I’m keeping things as vague as I can while hopefully still getting my point across.
So, AITJ for not wanting my kids there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The last thing you need right now is to have kid stress on top of your own medical stress. She can be as defensive as she wants to be – doesn’t change the fact that it has gone poorly in the past and you are not putting your kid at risk again, nor will you be in any sort of condition to deal with any fallout.
Hope all goes well!” MrsQute
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your job is to protect your kids. You have a MIL so where is your spouse in all this? They should be watching their kids or figuring out childcare so you can get through this medical event.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“Are you seriously asking if you’re in the wrong for prioritizing your children’s safety, health, and well-being? NTJ. Your own healing will be impacted by your stress levels. The best thing you can do for your kids AND yourself is put them in a situation that you’re comfortable and confident with.” opine704
7. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids See Their Grandparents For Christmas Break?
“My ex’s wife staged a religious intervention when my son decided he wanted to embrace Judaism and have a Bar Mitzvah.
My ex and I share three children: “Amy” (18), “Tom” (16), and “Ben” (15).
I met with a lawyer for a custody order, as we had just done our own thing. I now have full decision-making for our children’s religious upbringing and full custody. My ex has visitation every other weekend.
I have been incredibly flexible and let him take them pretty much whenever he or the kids want. On his weekend, I stay with my parents, and he stays in the house. The only rule I made was that the stepmother is not around them at all—ever.
My kids are very close with their paternal grandparents. Their grandparents know that the stepmother is not to be around them, but twice when I picked them up, she was there. The excuse was that she had just popped in quickly to drop off the baby.
I asked them to let me know when they were sitting, and we would plan a different day, but they said that it was a last-minute thing. OK, fine.
They want them to come for a five-day visit over Christmas break (not 24/25), and I cannot trust that this woman will not come over.
Ben still gets incredibly anxious with her (yes, he is in therapy). My in-laws refuse to tell her that she cannot come over because they say they do not want to “be put in the middle” and that it’s “making them choose between their grands.”
I reached out to my ex, who said that since she isn’t coming over for long, he’s not stopping it. He also said that there is nothing in the order that she can’t be around, and as his wife and mom of their sibling, there’s no reason that she should have to “tiptoe around.”
He was incredibly dismissive, and I went nuclear on him. I told him that I have been letting him see them whenever, despite only having two weekends a month, that he was married to a sociopathic zealot, and that if she continued to come around, I would go back to court and ask for supervised visits and a restraining order against her.
He hung up.
Then I asked the kids what they wanted. Come to find out, the woman has been coming around a lot. Amy said their grandparents asked them not to say anything to “not upset me.” I told my daughter that, as an adult, she can go but that her brothers would not be.
Ben’s look of relief broke my heart. Amy said and she felt weird when step-mom showed up. Tom said he’s with Ben.
Called my ex-mil—told her that the children will not be coming back until they choose to. I said they were welcome to come over to see them.
I said they were SO wrong to ask the kids to keep secrets. They called my ex, who berated me for “punishing his parents.” Stepmom sent me a text saying I was unfair.
I think I’m right, but everyone else thinks I’m the jerk. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have proven that they can’t be trusted to protect your minor children and as their custodial parent, you’re doing what you have to do to keep them safe. Period. This isn’t a punishment, it’s consequences—and people who are asking to spend time with children should absolutely know the difference.
Quite frankly, anyone who asks a child to keep a secret from their parents—especially a secret that involves explicitly going against the boundaries set forth by the parent—is someone who shouldn’t be spending time alone with that child.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Oh my gosh, no. I read your other post and it is utterly bonkers to me that your ex would put up with his wife treating your children that way. Your children are visibly impacted (re Ben’s look), and I’m so glad he’s in therapy.
“She’s not there for long” is just garbage from him. She traumatized his child! He should be trying to protect his child from being retraumatized! It is a big deal and it is awful that he’s refusing to understand that. It’s reprehensible that their grandparents asked them to lie to you.
Your children should not have to put up with this nonsense and neither should you. I’m glad you got the protections for your children on the first go-round with the order. Time for ex to move to stage two of Finding Out if he’s going to act like this.
Nothing specific in the order? Okay, well time to add some very specific terms to the order.” freerange_chicken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your children, especially Ben, shouldn’t be subjected to this woman ever. Their grandparents are being extremely foolish and, in the meantime, their foolishness has de facto chosen which grandchild(ren) they will support.
If your children do want to see their sibling then their father needs to bring her with him when he comes for a visit. Somehow, I doubt that the baby is really much on the teenager’s radar. Your ex is an idiot who isn’t thinking about what is truly best for the well-being and welfare of his children.
You keep doing everything that you need to do to protect your children! Thankfully you’re almost to the finish line with your youngest turning 18 in 3yrs. However, I do believe that they are going to continue to need their mom to protect them for a good long time past their 18th birthdays from their wackjob of a stepmother.
Best of luck to you!” Jolly_Membership_899
6. AITJ For Avoiding A Creepy, Persistent Classmate Who Won't Stop Staring At Me?
“There’s this guy in my uni who I went to High School with but never talked to.
He’s been staring at me for over 4 months now and my friend, who knows his dad, told me that he’s autistic. I looked up the stare. It’s really intense and doesn’t break when I look back. It’s been making me really uncomfortable and I want it to stop.
It kinda all started after having to be on the same bus as him for like a month. He kept staring at me. I knew he wanted to talk to me. After a month or so, he did. He asked me if I went to the same high school as him, etc. So after that, he started sitting next to me on the bus and train, and I’d try talking to him, but it’d be really awkward.
The first time I felt really uncomfortable was when we were on the train. He sat across from me and kept holding his phone up as if filming and taking pictures of me. He was putting his finger on the button where your camera usually would be as well.
He also kept staring at me.
Ever since that day, I started avoiding him. I’m not a huge extrovert. I can’t keep conversations with people who can’t give back a similar energy. During lectures, he continuously stares at me; when I move, he looks. When I looked back, he would just stare, while most people would look away.
However, it’s been around 3 months. I get that if it would’ve been shortly after I got distant, he would be confused or something; but he keeps staring and waits for me to leave so he can follow me. I feel like he just wants a friend and that it’s difficult for him due to his autism, but I can’t shake how uncomfortable I feel.
It’s not doable anymore.
During my exams, he would wait just outside the exam hall while I would talk to my friends. He’d stand behind me and stare at me as well. My friends noticed it too, and one of them dragged me to the girl’s restroom.
She finds him a “creep” for staring.
My ultimate question here is: AITJ for not wanting to be friends with him? Avoiding him and having an uncomfortable body language doesn’t deter him from what he’s doing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ …but consider being blunt with him.
One of two things will happen: 1. He stops the behavior, because you told him the staring makes you uncomfortable and you do not want to be his friend. 2. He continues the behavior KNOWING it is creepy, because you told him so in plain words. Obviously, scenario 1 is ideal, but number 2 means his creepiness is a CHOICE and not the result of an inability to read more subtle social cues.
Scenario number 2 means you treat him like you would any other man who won’t take “no” for an answer. He may genuinely not get the “hints”, so he may not be the jerk, but even if you aren’t blunt with him, you’re still NTJ for avoiding him and not wanting to be his friend.” AySea13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe anyone your time, or a relationship. If you are not interested, good citizenship is to be as clear about that as is consistent with your safety. When someone has autism and doesn’t readily pick up social cues, that may pose a challenge.
Because subtlety won’t do it. Maybe take him aside some time and say it directly. ‘I see you’ve been paying a lot of attention to me. I don’t know you, and I need to tell you that I am not looking for anyone new in my life.’ (Don’t add ‘right now’ or any other time element, because that can sound like you’re offering hope for the future.
You’re not.) ‘I hope you can understand, and respect this. Thank you.’ If he persists, be increasingly blunt.” _s1m0n_s3z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you shouldn’t be friends with someone because you feel sorry for them. The way I see it he is just trying to survive the only way he knows how; maybe most people give in to the “puppy eyes” after a while.
While I don’t think you are responsible, I do think you should rescue him after someone just through him in open water without a life jacket. His family should have been coordinating with the professors and guidance counselors. Take him to student services and counseling it should be free for you guys at the uni.
Tell them “my friend could use some help adjusting to the new environment and I think he may be eligible for some services.” But don’t say he has autism. If he does, they can figure that out and also it might be isolating to hear that all the time.
Help him feel comfortable with walking there, maybe sitting in the waiting room with him the first time. Tell him whether or not you’ll be out there when he’s done. I don’t think you need to stay but if he is super nervous it would be nice.
Like, hold his hand and pass it off to people who can actually help him thrive.” lunaintheskye
5. AITJ For Opting To Spend Thanksgiving With My Fiancé's Family Instead Of My Mom's?
“I (34F) often butt heads with my mom (54F). She’s high-strung, high-maintenance, and neurotic, while I’m the opposite.
In the two weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, my sister (35F) and I asked our mom about her plans for the day.
She said she wasn’t sure and would get back to us, but she never did. The conversation came up a few more times, and still, no plans were made. So, my fiancé (35M) and I decided to do Thanksgiving at his mom’s house instead.
We’ve been together almost 8 years, have 2 kids, and have done the last 2 Thanksgivings at his mom’s because my mom never made plans. About 4 days before Thanksgiving, she asked if we had plans, and we said no. I had given up on hoping for dinner with my mom.
My fiancé likes to cook turkey and offered to help his mom, so it worked out for everyone.
The evening before Thanksgiving, while I was on break at work, my mom called. She asked what we were doing for Thanksgiving, and I told her we were going to his mom’s house.
This set her off. She cried, made a scene on FaceTime, and accused us of not loving her, saying his mom was more important, and that this would be the third year in a row it was at her house. I tried to reassure her, reminding her that we had tried to make plans earlier, but she hung up on me.
I spent most of my lunch break trying to comfort her, telling her we loved her just as much and that if she’d made plans sooner, we would’ve gone there. I also said I’d still visit her with the kids, but we wouldn’t be hungry as we’d already eaten.
That upset her more, and she told me not to bother coming. She said she wasn’t doing anything now and didn’t want us there.
Thanksgiving came, and we had a great day with his family. I didn’t go to my mom’s or call her because she shuts off her phone when she’s mad.
The next day, I saw she posted on social media, saying she hoped everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and that nobody called or showed up, and she was hurt. Here’s where I may be the jerk. I showed the post to my sister, and we both got upset (her more than me).
I posted a screenshot of our conversation on the post, pointing out how she told me not to come and shouldn’t play the victim when it was her fault nobody came over. She deleted the post after realizing other family members were siding with us, and I haven’t heard from her since.
AITJ for “ruining” my mom’s Thanksgiving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for going elsewhere when your mom refused to commit. Also NTJ for ‘ruining’ her Thanksgiving when you did no such thing. However… “I spent most of my lunch break trying to comfort her, telling her we loved her just as much and that if she’d made plans sooner, we would’ve gone there…” You’re the jerk for coddling her later tantrum and dramatics and for you apologizing for her own actions (or inactions).
As for her woe-is-me post, she posted in public, you replied in public.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not ruin your mother’s holiday. SHE did, by being indecisive and waiting until the last moment to decide to talk with you about it.
Let her know that you aren’t a mind reader, and don’t like to leave plans for holidays up in the air until the last minute. Next year, talk with her early and when asking about plans for the holiday, set a time limit to when you need to hear confirmation from her.
Otherwise, you will go ahead and make other plans. Don’t let her negativity weigh upon your heart for the holidays. She brings about her own misery with no help from anyone else.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“Your mom pulled the narcissist’s classic D A R V O tactic on you for the Thanksgiving brouhaha.
You did not ruin Thanksgiving, she did, but used DARVO tactics to make you feel like you did, hence your asking ‘am I the jerk for RUINING Thanksgiving, when you didn’t.’ Emotionally manipulative and emotionally blackmailing moms are the worst. My own mother is a textbook case and the most unforgivable sin in their eyes is when you (a) do not do the song and dance to console them in their dramatics as they act the victim and/or (b) call them out on their fabrications and shine a light publicly on their undeserved self-aggrandizement or victimhood.
It causes them a narcissistic injury and the vitriol they are capable of responding with is otherworldly! You, kind human, are guilty of (b) in her eyes and she is waiting for you to apologize for ‘hurting her’ by telling the truth and removing the secrecy.
This is no longer about Thanksgiving. It is now about exposing her. She was betting on not being challenged publicly and she lost. The only reason she is not unleashing wrath on you is because she’s got you to at least meet requirement (a) so there is still a hook of power she feels she still has in you.
Don’t reach out. She will hold out for a bit and you will start hearing from the flying monkeys she will constantly complain to. Stay strong! And next time she tries the dramatics, remove yourself and immediately disengage.” throwaway_virtuoso71
4. AITJ For Reclaiming My Puppy When My Brother And Dad Neglected Their Responsibilities?
“My dogs are both purebred and had their one (and only) litter of 6 puppies 4 months ago. From the get-go, my adult M21 younger brother wanted one in particular, so I kept her on hold for him. I had, in retrospect, thought this would be a good responsibility for him.
It’s been over two weeks of him having the dog, with no adoption fee, I’ll add, and him having NO contact with me. I asked how the dog is settling in—nothing. I just blatantly have attempted calling over 10 times in these two weeks of having the gift puppy.
I hear today he’ll call me after going to a football game with our dad, and 10 p.m. rolls around. My dad has a full phone call with me but doesn’t mention my brother being with him still.
I drive down and, sure enough, my brother was next to my dad on the couch with the puppy in a kennel the whole time (side note – I don’t hate kennels).
They are both wasted and confused that I showed up after having my calls declined. I pick up my dog with the kennel, since I had given that to my brother as well, and say my buy-back policy is applicable, and since my brother literally never paid me, I’m taking the puppy back.
I feel guilty and also valid.
AITJ? My dad called and disowned me, saying he was “done with you jerk.” Side note – I was just trying to get the vet and registration paperwork to my brother in the first place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You know your brother wanted a puppy.
You had a puppy. You gave him a puppy. That was very kind of you. You expected him to handle all the things that are required regarding confirming ownership and care of the puppy. He didn’t, despite repeated attempts by you to communicate and organize it.
When you finally tracked him down after he had been ignoring you, you find him (and your dad) wasted and the puppy sitting in a kennel. You were well within your rights to reclaim the as-yet-unowned (by him) puppy. Your dad’s response here is also concerning… I would be questioning the status of my relationship with both of them if they both stick to an antagonistic attitude.
If you talk with your brother again and he apologizes, accept the apology but maybe hold off on giving him a puppy until he shows he has the maturity to handle ownership of an animal. Your dad needs a kick up the backside.” KybeRio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ethical breeders take back their dogs if the home doesn’t work out. This includes neglect. Your brother and father are clearly incapable of caring for a dog and, apparently, conducting conversations like adults. I would be concerned about the welfare of a dog in a home where the father disowns his child for taking a dog out of a potentially dangerous/neglectful situation.
Keep the puppy, lose the relatives.” akaredshasta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for that – As some involved in animal welfare and training, YTJ for putting a puppy in that position with someone who apparently has no respect or concept of responsibilities. Your brother has to grow up without a puppy to care for—if he can’t grow up by himself he has no place to grow up because of a puppy.
Do not feel guilty at all! You got the little guy back and now he can find a proper home and your brother and dad deserve a kick to a**. I will also mention that if he apologizes and begs—please don’t fall for it.
Tell him he has to show you that he has grown up before you gift him another puppy.” Zero_Patience1771
3. AITJ For Allowing My 11-Month-Old But Not A Guest’s 4-Year-Old At My Childfree Wedding?
“My husband (M29) and I (F27) just recently got married. We spend almost a year planning the perfect wedding, taking the right precautions, etc. One of our first rules that we decided was that it was a no-kid wedding.
We wanted an environment where we wouldn’t have to worry about children running around, getting into things, crying, etc. We made it very clear on our invitation that we didn’t want anyone to bring children under 14. We did, however, decide that we wanted to bring our daughter (11 months), and I wanted to hold her during the reception and photo taking, and then have a family friend drive her home and wait for the babysitter to get there before coming back.
Before we settled on that friend, we asked a few people. One of the people we asked was my husband’s close friend Darren’s wife Jessica (fake names). She declined because she didn’t want to drive, which worked out fine as we were able to find someone else.
So on the day of our wedding, after we told everyone several times about the no kids rule, she showed up with her 4-year-old. I was obviously taken aback, but I went to ask her about it. She told me that “since I was bringing my kid, it was okay if she took hers.” Honestly, I was furious.
I tried to stay calm and tell her that this is a child-free wedding and she can’t let her kid run around, but if she took her kid home she was welcome to come back. She started yelling at me about how, since I had a kid, it wasn’t fair that she couldn’t have hers.
Her son at this point was already climbing on things, as she just let him run free. I told her that this was her last chance or she’d need to leave. She rolled her eyes, sat down in a chair, and just watched her son run wild.
Eventually, her husband Darren convinced her to get her kid and leave, but it ruined the whole first part of my wedding.
It’s been a few weeks now and I’ve been thinking, maybe I am in the wrong? I said no kids at my wedding but brought my own.
A lot of people in my life are also saying it was hypocritical at the least. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reading the early part of your post, I figured that the baby would be there for at most an hour for picture-taking purposes.
It’s your wedding, so child-free me would be willing to cut you some slack on bringing the baby. An 11-month-old baby is a lot less active than a 4-year-old child who appears to have no discipline at all. That you put a condition of not having children under 14 on the invitation that your friends accepted should have protected you from Jessica bringing her child.
That’s the invitation that she accepted, and she shouldn’t have unilaterally decided to bring her child just because you were bringing your child to the wedding briefly for photos.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“Eh, NTJ/light ESH. You’re not wrong at all for not wanting an uninvited child at your child-free wedding, especially a young one who is going to be a handful.
But you guys are kind of jerks for asking her in the first place. Asking your good friend to do this favor is one thing, asking your friend’s spouse to do your personal errands or childcare like this is weird. It’s not wrong for a couple to have their kid, or even a select few kids, at their wedding without allowing all guests to bring kids.
But when a guest gets a sitter for their kid in order to attend your childfree wedding, expecting them to take on childcare duty for your kid is kind of rude and unfair.” GhostParty21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So hey, Jessica, a user who is NOT a teen here – so maybe you’ll listen to this.
It was your FRIEND’S Wedding – NOT YOURS. YOU & your husband “Darren” were invited, your child SPECIFICALLY was NOT. If the BRIDE wants her & her husband’s baby there for a short period of time that is HER prerogative, yes, might be a bit hypocritical, but that is up to HER, NOT YOU.
Her 11-month-old baby was not being “spoiled” by being there a short time and the parents now have photos of their special day with their child. HOWEVER your 4-year-old child running around and just “being a kid” at the wedding reception was TOTALLY inappropriate, that is exactly WHERE a kid should not be running around like a kid.
It’s not a playground FFS and I am assuming exactly WHY the bride and groom requested NO CHILDREN under 14 to attend. Your friend also probably posted this with fake names in an attempt to spare you any further embarrassment. Had she posted with your real names you still would have complained about that, I’m sure.
Grow the F up, take responsibility for your own actions, apologize to your friend and admit you are in the wrong and have the emotional maturity of a teen.” 1moreKnife2theheart
2. AITJ For Prioritizing My Education Over Babysitting My Niece?
“I work full-time and recently started taking evening classes to finish my degree. My schedule is packed, and I rely on my evenings to study or attend classes.
My sister Emily has a four-year-old daughter named Lila. I love my niece, and I’ve babysat her many times when she asks in advance.
Last week Emily called me about an hour before my class to ask if I could watch Lila for a few hours.
She said she and her husband both had work emergencies. I told her I had an important class that evening, which included a review session for an upcoming exam. I apologized but said I couldn’t miss it, and she would need to figure something else out.
Emily ended up calling our mom, who was able to go over and watch Lila. Now she is upset with me and says I was selfish for not helping when she really needed it. She said she would not have asked unless it was a real emergency.
My mom also mentioned that I could have made it work since Emily has a lot on her plate with her job and being a mom.
I feel bad for saying no, but I also feel like I had a valid reason. AITJ to stick to my plans instead of helping her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had plans already, you have your own life that doesn’t stop just because Emily needs a last-minute sitter. Besides, she obviously had at least one other person she could ask. Also, she and her husband BOTH had work emergencies at the same time?
Do they work together or something? And how big of a work emergency are we talking? Because I can understand dropping everything if a loved one was being rushed to the hospital or something. But if it’s a work emergency like a client will pull out of the deal unless you meet with them ASAP, then no, I’m not skipping a class for that.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister wasn’t a jerk for asking, but she is a jerk for making an issue of it when you said no. Your mom is a jerk for harping on it too— your niece isn’t your kid, and she’s not your responsibility, no matter how much you might love her.
You weren’t just hanging out at home doing nothing, you had plans. Important plans— that class included exam prep, and passing it is important for your degree. It’s a bummer that your sister had a work emergency, and that she needed a sitter, but your responsibilities to yourself aren’t less important than her responsibilities to her job or her family.
Your mom was able to babysit, so no harm, no foul.” TheMillennialDiaries
Another User Comments:
“Nice to know they think their schedules are more important than yours. Your response should be: While I’m happy to help when I can, it is unreasonable for you to expect me to drop everything or miss something important to me for you.
Frankly, I think it is pretty selfish of you to be angry that I said no—that somehow your work was more important than my school. Mom was available, so I’m unsure why you are complaining to me about this.
Mom: Yes, Emily is busy being a mom and working full time, millions of women are.
She is fortunate that both you and I are local and help when we can. That night I could not, you could, so it worked out. However, if you think that I am always going to drop my plans to help her, you have another thing coming.
If you don’t want to be available all the time, maybe she needs to think about hiring a nanny.” Tinkerpro
1. AITJ For Calling Out Someone For Trading Up At A White Elephant Gift Exchange?
“A social group that I’m a part of held a white elephant gift exchange last night. Participation was by absolutely no means mandatory or even expected. The event was divided up between two pricing tiers: under $25-$50 and $75-$100. The majority of members went with the less expensive tier for obvious reasons, and there’s absolutely no stigma within our circle for doing so.
In fact, only 9 out of our nearly 40 members chose the more expensive tier, myself included.
Well, I was picked to go 3rd and I selected a gift that was wrapped quite beautifully, thinking that was a good sign, but I was disappointed to discover the gift was a hot chocolate set that certainly wouldn’t have met the criteria of the lower range, let alone the one we were participating in.
I could tell the others in the group felt roughly the same just by the looks on their faces, and my focus was directed to one woman (Jen) who was looking away, clearly embarrassed. As you might imagine, no one took my gift.
Now, I know it’s petty not to be happy with what you’re given, but let’s be honest here in saying that Jen was throwing in the sort of thing you’d find on clearance at Walmart, knowing full well she’d walk away with something pricey in turn.
In this case, Jen wound up with a brand new Keurig.
I discreetly pulled our social group’s leader aside and mentioned my concern to her. She expressed she wasn’t happy with this herself and that she’d even tried to tell Jen not to participate in the more expensive tier because it was well known that Jen wasn’t doing great financially, but Jen had sworn up and down that it wouldn’t be an issue.
We didn’t want to disrupt events, so I was asked to put on a kind face and avoid talking about the gift for the remainder of the evening, which I accepted as people were trying to have fun.
This morning I received a long-winded text chain from Jen, expressing how frustrated she was that I’d demeaned her by complaining about her gift. She went on and on about how nice it must be that I can simply throw my money away while others, like her, are struggling and that her income shouldn’t mean she can’t have nice things.
Instead of fighting, I forwarded the texts to our group leader, and I’ve since received word that Jen would no longer be a member of our social group.
Now, if I’m being honest, I do genuinely feel bad because I know how happy being a member of this group made Jen.
She has had a lot of setbacks in her life. I do not hate her or hold any negative feelings for her at all. I simply felt she was knowingly taking advantage of the rest of us to basically trade up beyond her means.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this isn’t like typical friend/family gifting where the thought still counts for something, this sounds more like a club with rules for participation to ensure everyone benefits at roughly the same level and Jen broke the rules. Every piece of this was under her control – she could have not participated at all, she could have participated in the more affordable category.
She instead gambled on social politeness and people allowing her to snag an expensive item without it costing her. And in a purely social group of friends or a family gathering, it likely would have worked because people wouldn’t want to appear unkind or greedy by complaining.
For an annoying cousin, I’d have kept quiet. But if I buy a raffle ticket that guarantees a $100 value prize at my local community center? I’m absolutely going to complain if they gave me a box of hot chocolate in return.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“The amount of White Elephant gift crazy posts I’ve seen this year is definitely surprising me, although it probably shouldn’t. Makes me grateful that my family’s White Elephant exchange is standard and boring. But for this one, NTJ. It definitely feels like Jen was trying to game the system, and when she got called out for it, she got upset.
Yes, it sucks that she’s dealing with a lot of hardships, and that’s something I think most people will sympathize with, but it doesn’t excuse her actions and behavior. She should’ve chosen to stick with the cheaper end of the exchange or just sat out entirely.” SweetAshori
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Who the heck is a member of a social group with a ‘leader?’ Who actually gives a crap about a white elephant gift? The entire point is that they suck and it is fun. And who tries to trade up a gift at a white elephant party, other than trading one item of crap for a more interesting item of crap?
And who separates their friends into ‘classes’ by having different tiers for gifts? And who spends $75 on a white elephant gift and doesn’t expect to get hosed? If you want something nice, buy something nice. The whole thing screams wealthy white people suburb clique nonsense with a poor person that found their way into the mix.
Find something worthwhile to fume about.” awesomeness1234
