People Are Begging To Know If They Are The Jerks in These Stories
24. AITJ For Wanting To Take Over My Partner's Trailer Home Plans?
“I (20 F) and my partner (20 M, lets call him G) do not live together.
I am in college, and he is a carpenter. He is very much into the RC cars, which is how the following offer came about.
G’s RC buddy offered up a trailer home for free to G when at an RC meet up. The floors are rotten throughout the home, and its quite small, but its an amazing offer.
G said he would think about it, and left it at that with his RC buddy.
Shortly after, G calls me and tells me about the mobile home. He got the opportunity to see inside, test windows, and see the extent of the damage from a flood back in 2016. G said that he would think about picking up the trailer in a year or so when he had land to himself.
I immediately disagreed, and not-so-gently offered to take out a loan, fix it up, and rent it out for extra money for the two of us. Now, here’s where I feel like I may be a jerk. I have the tendency to get overexcited, and started verbalizing all the different options we could do with the mobile home, even going as far as to make plans about picking it up this week.
G stayed quite for most of it, but occasionally spoke up to agree with me or correct me or timing of some things (I’m really bad with double booking myself). I generally thought we were on the same page, and that he agreed with the plans.
Not even 20 minutes later, I call him back once I’m calm and apologized for getting over excited, but also told him how happy I was that he agreed with me about the renting.
He then broke it to me that he doesn’t agree much at all, and he was just going with it in the moment as to not hurt my feelings. He still wants to leave the trailer to rot on someone else’s lot for a year before even considering it. I explained to him again that if it was brought up to a random RC friend, there’s no way his family doesn’t know, and someone may undercut his offer with actual money.
It’s time sensitive, and G just is not picking up on that.
G is the type of person to shut down under pressure, and I am very much not. So, when confronted with the idea of a time sensitive offer, he shut down and just gave up on the idea entirely. AITJ for being disappointed in his decision making, and wanting to take over the plans for the trailer on my own?”
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ. He was just looking to bounce an idea off you and had his plan and didn’t sounds like it was too huge of a priority, more just a sweet idea to think about maybe doing, and you took over and started laying out how you thought it should go and everything and even started talking about bank loans lol You admit yourself you just get too excited sometimes, and I get it cause I do too haha!
But sometimes it comes off as too much for situations like that and it can be frustrating when a partner does that with something you were offered.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. G’s friend offered HIM a free trailer which HE has tentative plans to pick up when HE has land and is ready. NO ONE offered YOU anything which means you have no right making plans for a trailer that isn’t yours and wasn’t offered to you in any way by anyone.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. If you want to support someone in becoming more decisive, assertive, not fold under pressure, etc., pressuring them with a big financial decision (or shaming them) is a poor way to go about it.” 9okm
23. AITJ For Not Wanting A Big Wedding Celebration Like My Sister?
“So I (27f) and my wife (30f) have been together for 7 years and we recently got legally married. My sister (25f) also got married a few months before me, but she threw a big party and the celebration was in a church.
It was beautiful, she rented a beautiful hall with a garden and the party went on for like 8 hours.
I’m a very introverted person, I never had big birthdays or parties while growing up and had a difficult time with my extended family members since I started seeing my wife. We decided a big wedding was definitely not what we wanted, so instead I invited my parents, my sister, her husband and a few of our mutual friends to my wife’s parents house after we signed the papers to have some fun time.
I noticed my sister was silent and not interacting a lot, so I went to her and asked if everything was wrong. She didn’t say anything at first but I knew there was something bothering her so I asked again, and then she asked when were we going to get a “proper wedding”. I asked her what she meant and she said that this wasn’t a wedding, and that I should consider a bigger celebration and she could help me with the preparations.
I told her we didn’t want anything big and we would rather have that money for future plans. She went on about how magical it would be and that the day of her wedding she was the happiest woman in the world and my mom’s dream was to see both her daughters in the alter.
I told her not everyone wants the same things and her childhood dream of the perfect wedding was not mine.
She didn’t say anything more but after we went home I received a call from my mom saying that my sister talked to her and that she agrees that we should do something more remarkable than that.
I told her that we were not going to pay that much for something that didn’t matter to us.
We haven’t spoken about it since then but I know she mentioned with other family members and now I’m being called “cheap” and “the enemy of the fun”. I’m not sure if I’m being a jerk because I didn’t know that my mom actually cared that much, but maybe I’m being selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as far as I’m concerned you celebrated it the “proper way” which was exactly how you and your partner wanted to celebrate it. It was you and your partners day, so you decide how it plays out, and as long as you were happy that’s all that matters. Some people get hung up on what they think a wedding should be, and forget it’s not what a wedding has to be.” Phil_Achio
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your sister and your mom both need to learn to respect other peoples differences. You are not being selfish. *They* are being selfish for wanting to push what they want on you when it’s not even their wedding. Also it may come as news to them, but getting married isn’t about a big wedding bash.
It’s about a union between two people. They are being very very strange and rude about this whole situation. Can’t believe this tbh” 4678943865
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not like the olden days where the family of the bride pays for the wedding. Which in this case, which family would even be paying?
Weddings are not for the family. They are for the newlyweds. You should absolutely be selfish and do what you want. You and your wife are paying You can get your mom a painting/drawing of you and your wife at the altar if you’re inclined to make your mother’s dream come true” FlimsyConversation6
22. AITJ For Cancelling My Birthday Party After My Cousin Made Me Late?
“I, 16F, had my sixteenth birthday party not too long ago. My aunt insisted that me and my family have a birthday with a fancy party so that we can all celebrate my sixteenth birthday together. We thought this was an odd request, but decided to have a small, but lavish celebration anyways. I wore a beautiful cream coloured dress and my two older brothers showed up in suits.
The city we were holding my birthday party in is not anywhere near where we live (my aunt and her family insisted we do it in their city as the travel costs too much) and because we have other family there too, we agreed.
On the day, because it was not in the same city as me and my immediate family live in, we did not have a car or a place to stay and we booked a hotel.
My cousin (son of the aunt who insisted on the birthday party) was being PAID to drive me there, because I was helping set up and also wearing an expensive dress. The disturbance started when my cousin showed up an hour late to pick me up, and he wasn’t dressed for the party, so he drove me to his home and proceeded to take another hour to get dressed. My mum heard about the commotion and how I wasn’t at the venue and got very upset, calling up my cousin and aunt to ask what the problem was.
I ended up taking a taxi to the venue and by then I had already wasted two and a half hours and majority of the guests that had arrived had already left because of the fact I wasn’t there and it was getting late.
My aunt then calls my parents saying my cousin is upset about my mother yelling at him and will not come, and because he’s not coming neither is his sister.
And if their kids aren’t coming, my aunt and uncle aren’t. After breaking down in tears (we spent almost £500 on this birthday party, it was supposed to be my day) I asked my parents to cancel it and informed the guests of what had happened.
My aunt and uncle are now calling me a jerk for cancelling it and making them look bad and saying my actions were petty, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Okay your aunt and cousin were jerks. But you had a room full of people, your parents paid £500, people put time and effort into attending and because your aunt was a jerk you wasted the £500, the travelling, and everyone’s time when you could have you know, just had a party?” User
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight; Your aunt/uncle requested a birthday for the family, The party was their their hometown at their request, You paid their kid to drive you, he came late and because of this, your mother was (rightfully so) angry at your cousin, and let him know that. Your cousin, who you’ve paid to drive, and still made you grab a cab, was offended and didn’t want to show up anymore.
Your aunt and uncle, who were catered like royals with all the conditions you’ve met for YOUR birthday, decided to not go because of this. And you’re requesting if you’re in the wrong? Definitely NTJ” JoaC1989
21. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate Over His Lack Of Cleanliness And Neglecting My Cats?
“I 26 (M) live with my roomate 27 (M) in a small 2 bedroom apartment that I own.
We have been living with each other for roughly 1 year in order to save money.
We have been friends for a while now and initially I did not want to live with him. However, after I had gotten my apartment he asked to move in knowing I’d ask for cheaper rent, than the standard local market.
After explaining that he was going through a difficult time with family, finances and a recently ended relationship, I let him move in.
Since he has moved in he has not helped with any chores. He frequently leaves the house a disaster and never offers to help when I do deep cleaning on the weekends.
I am an extremely organized person and I cannot relax in my space unless it is relatively tidy.
This has been an ongoing issue. Every month we have a talk about how he needs to help more–every time he agrees and then will not make a mess for a day or two, but then will revert to his same habits.
This all came to breaking point after I left for 8 days on a work trip. I have 2 cats and he offered to take care of them while I was gone. I offered to have another friend come by and watch them, but he said it wasn’t a problem. I left a detailed list of what the cats needed as well as when garbage and recycling needed to be properly taken out.
8 days later when I returned the house was filled with flys. The garbage had sat in the open attracting maggots and ants. Additionally, my cats stunk from using a dirty litter box all week. They also had no food or water in their bowls.
Seeing this I exploded. I told him that if he would like to stay he would need to hire someone to clean the apartment every week or leave.
Since then he has been avoiding me and only saying that he will not be paying extra for a cleaning service. Instead I should be more clear about what his jobs should be.
Yesterday, I finally messaged him saying he must leave within the next 2 months. He cried saying he couldn’t afford to live anywhere else.
I am so angry I don’t care. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He needs to take responsibility for his own actions! You’ve talked to him multiple times and told him exactly what he needed to do in the home that you OWN and have been gracious enough to let him live in. And honestly, you shouldn’t even have to be so clear about what he needs to do, because these are BASIC things.
Also, forget him for treating your cats so badly!! That being said, do you have an official rental contract with him? Any paperwork or paper trail?” Ill_Wallaby_9121
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one at the age of 27 should need to be told to clean after themselves, put out rubbish, and feed animals. These things should be self-evident.
It never ceases to amaze me how many adults – particularly men – will assume someone else is happy to do all the cleaning up after them, unless it is their job and they are paid for it.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for putting up with two more months of him after what he did to your cats.
You had a friend who would look in on them, but he said he would do it…and you believed that? After the way he treats the apartment? And when the two months are up, he’ll beg and plead to stay. What will you do then?” RealbadtheBandit
20. AITJ For Refusing To Prioritize Paying Off My Debt Over Enjoyable Spending?
“My partner(28F) and I(29M) are a bit like oil and water financially.
We’ve been together for nearly 2 years and she refuses to do any kind of joint account even though we live together and just venmo each other the funds we need for rent and other stuff. She is very high and mighty about finances and gives me advice all the time about how to improve mine.
Now I’m not good with finances I’ll admit, I’m in credit card debt and have a guilty pleasure of a second hand BMW. And she does have her stuff together, her student loans are paid off, she bought a house I just moved into and she has savings but she’s expecting everyone to live like her and I’m ok not having as much savings.
I’m actually ok living on the edge a bit but I know it bothers her a lot.
She is very obnoxious with critiquing me for my car and how expensive the payments are. I don’t care haha I love my car and it’s fine it’s a bit expensive. She also points out all the funds I’m now saving because she cooks and so why don’t I pay off my credit cards?
I’m paying them off $500 a month at a time. But she nags me every time I go out that, hey there’s $60 you spent that could be going towards credit card payments! Or there’s a video game purchase when you have tons already so why don’t use return it and pay off the credit card?
She recently told me she doesn’t want to go any further with our relationship until I paid off my student loans, credit card and car. I was shocked because that could take years. She said she thinks it will take 2 years and started showing me calculations she’s made showing that if I stopped spending on anything enjoyable about life I could pay it off.
I told her she’ll just have to take me with my debt or not at all because it’s ridiculous how perfect she expects me to be and I don’t mind the debt so she shouldn’t either. She got mad and said I’m ok with constantly being in credit card debt shows I’m not serious about being an adult and she doesn’t want to marry someone who brings her down and needs helping.
I was shocked because she never helped me apart from giving me slightly lower than normal rent when I moved in.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you don’t need a “second hand BMW” even if you do like it. You can get it back when you can afford it. If I was her I would leave too.
Luckily my partner and I both have the same financial goals which is key in a relationship. You’re acting like a spoiled baby. Grow up.” No_Advice4720
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100%. Your partner does not want to be married to someone irresponsible. Of course, she doesn’t want a joint account, she’d be worried every day about you spending it.
It doesn’t sound like she’s asking for perfection; she just wants an adult relationship. Either grow up or give up on the relationship; if you don’t do either one, she’ll do it for you and rightly so.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re living beyond your means and I suspect you don’t realize how much your partner is actually subsidizing your lifestyle.
Does she pay for home maintenance/ repairs/ upgrades on the home you live in while you pay below average rent? Houses are incredibly expensive to upkeep. Do you benefit from her free labour while she cooks your food and cleans your home? Home cooked food saves a lot of funds, because that cost is made up for by the work of shopping/cooking/cleaning up meals.
Your partner prioritizes stability and planning a future together, by your own account you spend your funds on an extravagant car, and toys like video games. You are carrying consumer debt on a credit card, which by it’s very nature is high interest, so you can’t afford those splurges. You aren’t even arguing for spending extra on experiences like travel or making memories, just expensive toys, and you value those above the future of your relationship.
You will likely never see eye to eye on financial matters with your partner, so this relationship is probably not going to last.” MuppetJonBonJovi
19. AITJ For Feeling Overwhelmed By My Role As A Second Mother To My Baby Sister?
“I (19F) recently welcomed my new baby sister in my life, she was born in September of 2022.
She is my pride and joy in life and she brings me the light I never knew I needed. My family absolutely adores her. We’ll call her Rainbow, I still live with my mother and now with her. This is where it starts. Most of the time I’m taking care of the baby changing her diapers, making her lunches for daycare, giving her baths and so much more.
I’m basically her second mother. Her dad is in her life, but he doesn’t help. He’s there when I take care of her but it’s like he doesn’t care. When I go somewhere and leave Rainbow with her dad I don’t even feel like she’s safe. But onto the main point, I’ve expressed to my mother how I feel about taking care of her all the time.
She brushes it off and says “It’s your right as a sister to be able to take care of her”. Taking care of her would be watching her when my mom goes to the store or watching her when she does laundry. I feel like I’m basically Rainbow’s second mother because of how much I take care of her.
I don’t get to have opportunities or even leave the house because I’m taking care of Rainbow. It’s not a problem I just get super overwhelmed when I’m taking care of her for long periods of time. Recently, Rainbow has gotten her full set of teeth and has learned to bite.
A few days ago when I was watching her she ran over and bit me.
Me being exhausted and tired I crumpled down on the floor and started having a breakdown. What makes me upset is that both my mom and Rainbow’s stepdad could help me out but they both choose not to. It makes me upset because when I was younger my stepdad (AKA Rainbow’s dad) promised to give me the father I never had after my biological father left. He never became that father, nor Rainbow’s father.
He made a promise and he lied. I’ve been feeling different to my mom ever since Rainbow was born. I’ve even heard family members tell me that she thinks I resent her but that’s not true. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I want to say this clearly, no matter how close you are with your baby sister, you are not responsible for her care or upbringing.
You get to choose how much you want to be in her life. You did not have this child period. It’s not your responsibility.” EmbarrassedFrontal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, parenting is exhausting. If you don’t want to be a parent to your sister, which would be understandable, you’ll either need to either tell your mother this, or move out.
Both ideas have their problems but those are the choices as far as I can tell.” invisiblebyday
18. AITJ For Refusing To Lend Money To My Friend Because He Doesn't Pay Back?
“So a good friend of mine had his partner over at my place for a day.
She lives in another town which is a couple of hours away and he had to go to his job, so I did not mind it. He arrived in the evening to pick her up and… asks me to lend her some money for travel.
Now she’s a sweet girl and I’m on good terms with him so I wouldn’t have hesitated. But the key part here is this guy has a bad habit of lending money and takes ages to return it.
He actually borrowed money yesterday itself, (inspite of his claims he’ll return it next time he meets me [spoilers: he didn’t]) – so I decided to not give in this time around.
Both of them leave and he contacts me a short while later asking me why I didn’t give her some money. I told him that’s not my problem, plus I already lent him some amount yesterday which he has yet to return.
I added: “Until you start becoming responsible with lending money I’m not giving you a single penny” and cut the call over his excuses.
Because this is true. I have a record of his debts going back to last year and probably beyond that – most of which consists of helping him out in a pinch.
I don’t mind spending money on him when it comes to stuff like food, gifts etc or even pitching in when a group of friends is concerned – but that’s a whole different deal.
Now I’m sure y’all have questions:
1. Why does he have no money in this instance? – He says he’s not carrying cash (it’s in the bank and he doesn’t have his cards on him).
He contacted his sister for assistance but she turned him down (mad at him for some reason, I forgot). He has no one else to turn to basically.
2. What about his partner? – Honestly? I have no clue, I didn’t ask. But she has a job and earns so I have no reason to question that in the first place.
I should mention she never asked me for cash or anything else the whole time she was here. Instead, he is the one who approached me.
So AITJ? Because I feel bad for not helping her if she actually needed the money (which is admittedly not a big amount but in HIS case, It is those small amounts that accumulate over time).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you did the right thing. My kids would borrow from me. I warned them, the day you don’t pay me back is the day I stop lending to you!! The eldest two learned I was dead serious, the younger ones saw me take a stand, and they both pay me back each and every time.
It’s called being a responsible adult, and respect.” aint_dat_da_truth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel uncomfortable when people regularly ask me for money, don’t pay back which makes you chase them which is dumb. It makes me not want to associate with that person. If you don’t want to lend someone money, you don’t have to.
If it makes you feel bad, you’re a good person but they don’t feel bad for asking or taking ages to pay you back or even not.” kipkapow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This person already showed they don’t pay back well. Seems like he gave an excuse… his cards are at at home?
Really? If he needs cash, he can Venmo you and you give the amount of cash that he sent you. Otherwise, nope.” Algebralovr
17. AITJ For Telling My Coworker She Shouldn't Rely On Her Daughter To Care For Her Siblings?
“Up until recently I (19F) worked in a kitchen in a small restaurant with this one co-worker “Stacy” (23F) and maybe 5 others. We were a small team and we all worked pretty well together, but because Stacy has a young son (2) with down syndrome and a heart condition and a 9 month-old daughter she never attends any of our social gatherings after work, which means not many of us know a great deal about her except what she chooses to share with us whenever we’re not busy.
As a result, it was a big surprise to us all when she told us she had applied for maternity leave again as she is pregnant and will be having her third child next year. Regardless, everyone was pretty excited for her and we all congratulated her and my boss told her he hoped she would have another healthy baby.
Here’s when the AITJ part comes in. She got very snappy with him and told him it didn’t matter, and that she wasn’t going to let her family’s history of health conditions affect whether she’s going to have another baby, which is totally fine, so when she was back on the line with me I tried to sympathize with her and said that he shouldn’t have asked that.
We chatted about it for a bit until she mentioned that it doesn’t matter that most of her kids will probably be disabled anyway since her daughter is healthy and can love and look after them “As soon as she’s old enough.”
I must’ve given her a funny look because she said “What?” when she saw my face, and I told her (delicately) it wasn’t really fair to expect her daughter to be a caregiver, and that if she was going to have more children with a high risk of disability she should have something else in place.
She told me I was being ableist which, admittedly, annoyed me more than it should’ve and I told her with an attitude like her’s she shouldn’t have had kids in the first place. I said that her daughter wouldn’t live a good life if she constantly had to provide care for her siblings, and Stacy started crying and told me she was just doing what she could to have the family she wanted.
I apologized for the remark but stand by my point, and now our other co-workers aren’t speaking to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re absolutely right in what you said. Stacey is only thinking about what she wants right now rather than what’s best for her children! It’s definitely not fair to intend on parentifying one of her children to care for the others, whether they’re healthy or disabled!” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s planning on making her 9 month old daughter take care of her older and younger siblings as soon as she’s able to. Tell your coworkers that you fear for the lack of childhood the 9 month old will have because the Mom sees her as a caregiver instead of a daughter.” Dizzy_Emotion7381
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This woman is a horrible, selfish jerk of the nightmarish variety. I mean, she’s condemned her non disabled kid to a life of parentification and stealing her childhood *INTENTIONALLY* for starters. That first kid was a no-fault thing. Sometimes, these things happen, and it probably couldn’t have been predicted. But to keep going just because she wanted a specific number of kids past her ability to care for them… just massively horrible.
I think you were nicer than she deserved.” WayiiTM
16. AITJ For Cutting Off My Son's Allowance After He Misused It?
“My son (M20) is studying at Italian university, he doesn’t work and therefore my wife and I have always provided for him. Before he moved to Milan to study, I opened a checking account in his name, leaving him more than enough funds to cover his expenses (I pay the university tuition and rent, therefore they’re not one of these expenses).
Evidently it was a big mistake, because after a few months my son came to ask me for more funds because he had already drained his bank account, mainly for disco nights.
After a heated discussion with him, my wife and I decided to close the bank account and give him a prepaid card, in my name, reloaded up by us.
It went better for a few months, until, a few weeks ago, my son asked me for an extra reload to be able to visit his partner (a really lovely young woman) who lives in southern Italy and spend two weeks with her.
After he promised me that he would use the funds responsibly, I granted his request… too bad I got a call yesterday from his partner’s father, saying he’s really sorry that my son injured his arm and can’t go to spend the holidays with them in August. Obviously, my son didn’t injure a thing.
So I find out that the boy spent almost all the funds from the last recharge to buy Play Station 5. When I ask him about it, his only justification is that a new Spiderman game has to come out and he can’t play that with the old Playstation.
If my son had been honest with me, I would have bought that Playstation for him.
But I can’t accept being ridiculed in this way, which is why my wife and I have decided to also take away his prepaid card and give up from now on paying him anything other than his studies. My son started yelling at us, insulting us and threatening to leave the house which he actually did, only to come home for dinner.
He said it’s over and he doesn’t recognize me as a father anymore. He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and he’s angry with his mother too. He says his partner will leave him because of me.
I wonder first of all what I did wrong as a father and then if I really am the jerk in this story…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I wish that was clear to you. You are absolutely not the jerk here. Your son has verbally disowned and insulted you. He has a lot of nerve saying that to you when you bank roll his entire life. You and your wife should seriously consider discontinuing to pay for his studies.
He clearly has zero respect for you and your wife.” frannyfranfran5
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – From my perspective, the son’s behavior stems from the parents spoiling, cuddling, and enabling him. The son sounds like he has never worked for anything in his life with the parents paying for everything to buy love and affection.
This is the result of raising a brat.” BammerZ01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No offense, your son sounds like an ungrateful jerk. I despise ungrateful people because I’ve had to work for everything that I have since I was a child. I never got daddy’s funds to go off to college in another country.
I, instead, left for the army after high school in order to receive free education. He should be grateful for what he’s gotten from you and quit whining now that you’re not his free bank account while he’s off partying in Italy.” lexi_chae
15. AITJ For Sending My Penpal A Smaller Gift Due To Postal Issues?
“I (32M) have had an online penpal (28F) for the past three years. We never really wanted to do any calling or videochatting because of a language barrier (writing in a different language is a lot easier than speaking), so instead we regularly wrote really long messages to eachother (think 2-3 A4 size messages). We’d been sending eachother gifts regularly, such as snacks from our countries, souvenirs, and on birthdays bigger more special things.
Now the postal service in my country isn’t exactly what you’d call great, and it recently got even worse. When I sent my penpal a birthday package last time, it got returned to me several times by the postal service for no reason, and each time I had to pay to try to send it again.
Because it was costing me quite a lot of money in postal fees, I made a new package with just some local snacks, since it’d be smaller and lighter and thus cost a lot less if it got returned again. I sent my penpal a message, apologising that her birthday package will be late, and won’t have her gifts this time because of the postal service, but that I’d try to send it again later.
After that it was quiet. I eventually got a message from her saying how disappointed she was with her gift, and how much effort she made every time she sent me a gift to give me things I’d really enjoy. And that because of that, she’s not sure if we can be friends anymore.
This upset me a lot (I’m a really emotional person) and actually couldn’t sleep for a few days because it was pretty painful to hear.
I sent her a message again apologising once more and explaining again that the postal service kept returning the gifts I got for her, and that I’d definitely send it when it’s possible. I even showed her a picture of the (wrapped) gifts to make it clear I wasn’t making excuses.
After that, I only got a short message back saying she’s going to move soon so I don’t have to send gifts anymore.
And that was that. No new address, no more conversations.
It hurt me quite a bit because I feel like we had a bond, and I just can’t understand why someone would throw away a friendship over something that wasn’t anyone’s fault. I mean, I can understand being disappointed about not getting gifts on your birthday after spending a lot of effort to give someone else good gifts, but since it was something out of my control, I feel like we should be able to talk about it.
Communication is so important in any kind of bond so I really don’t understand.
AITJ for sending my penpal a smaller birthday gift when the postal service wouldn’t deliver the actual gift?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Unless you have a history of either neglecting your friendship or lying (and it doesn’t sound like you do), her reaction sucks.
You didn’t do anything wrong. International shipping sucks sometimes. Reasonable people know this everywhere. Sorry this has you so upset.” thefanciestcat
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Being penpals is about exchanging letters and messages; it’s about friendship. If she’s *that* materialistic, better you run while you still can. Sounds to me like she’s being a petty little princess.
I would definitely write her another message though, telling her how disappointed you are with her attitude.” BubblegumPinkSoda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you tried to send more and the actual gift and was unable to, you even spend a lot of postal cost to try and do so, she should have been grateful for anything.
It kinda sounds like she just wanted to be penpals for the gifts :/ Either way getting snacks from another country is already a cool thing to receive, and you can’t control the postal services.” Danidumbi
14. AITJ For Not Attending My Best Friend's Wedding?
” I am a freelance photographer it’s always been my dream to shoot festivals with the biggest goal to be Glastonbury, for the last two years I’ve have been hired by the BBC to cover a smaller stage.
Someone I consider to be my best friend who I hang out with every week if not multiple times a week was planning her wedding and when showed me the dates her venue had available for next year. I said the only one I couldn’t do would be June 29th because of Glastonbury and how important that job is to me in trying to maintain this relationship and hopefully get to one of the bigger stages in the future.
It also looks so good to other clients and pays a good amount of money and there are so many people waiting to take your spot if you ever turn it down. I basically replaced a girl who couldn’t do it one year and they hired me I stead of her the second year.
Now she is about to send out the invites and I’ve found out she has picked that date and she is upset I can’t come.
She could have picked another date but she chose that one.
I feel really heart broken because I love her and I thought she loved me and I have been there for her through the whole wedding thing and even told her I would offer her wedding dress maker a free photoshoot if it would help bring the price of the dress down.
But now I feel crap because she obviously didn’t care if I came or not if she picked the one day I couldn’t do without messing up a huge thing in my career.
I have abandonment issues as well because of my family and it has made me feel that feeling of not being wanted.
I know how stressful weddings are but I would never want a wedding without her there and now I feel so guilty that I can’t go and also doubting why she would pick the one day I couldn’t and she is upset and cried when I said I couldn’t come even though she knew all along I wouldn’t be able to without a huge blow to my career.
But she is really upset that I am picking work over her wedding and I can’t help but feel guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course you’re putting *your livlihood* over her wedding. Her wedding doesn’t pay your bills, but the gigs you might get definitely will. I don’t know why she had to choose *that weekend,* but the results of doing so are 100% on her.
Don’t let her guilt you into doing HER a favor.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It was N J H until your friend got upset when you said you couldn’t come. But I do think you need to work through your feelings more. You’ve written this as if she *specifically* chose the one date you couldn’t attend as some sort of friendship test, when I’m sure there’s another reason.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“I tend to comment from a “Momma” position because I’m old and feel very compelled to say: I am SO freaking proud of you!!! Look at what you’ve worked so hard for and accomplished!! I know it hurts what has transpired with your friend and her wedding – but you’ve gotta keep standing up for you.
This is so incredibly important- don’t you let anything stand in your way! You did all you could reasonably do to be there for her wedding, the rest is hers to deal with as she will. I do not like her trying to guilt you about it. This has to be a hardline for you.
Never light yourself on fire to keep anyone warm. You’re NTJ! And if the relationship matters to her, this guilt trip nonsense will be done with. Hopefully there’s a chance to communicate and talk this through, and if not, the season has ended and it’s ok to be grateful for what was.
I’m cheering you on!!!” Shay_Shay_FNH
13. AITJ For Ignoring My Crush After She Gave Me Mixed Signals?
“A couple months ago, she (F16) messaged me (M16) asking whether I wanted to video call.
As she was my crush, I joyfully accepted and we chatted for a couple hours. About 2 hrs in, we start talking about relationships, and she asks directly – ‘do you like me?’
I say yes after minutes of stressful hand-clenching. She then goes ‘me too’. Fireworks! Joy! I finally had a partner? Nope, no luck for me.
She invites me to go on a walk with her the next day at lunch, and I leave the call.
I wake up early next morning, almost buzzing, and head to school. However, she comes and finds me and tells me that she has coursework to do, and that she can’t make today. Thinking nothing of it, I tell her that’s fine and leave her to work.
I text her to tell her we can meet up whenever is best for her, just to talk about what happened and what to do next. She says ‘thanks, let’s talk on Monday’. So I leave it over the weekend, as not to bother her.
Monday morning, I text her to ask whether she wants to meet up, and there’s no response for a few hours, even though she’s read it (WhatsApp blue tick).
She then responds saying ‘want to meet up now?’, and I’m happy to oblige. However, we meet up and she tells me that she actually changed her mind, was leading me on (unintentionally apparently), and she wanted to be friends. I texted her later that day saying that was fine and I was happy being friends (even though I was quite upset).
I never got a response to that text.
Then, 2 months later, we go on a field trip residential for 2 days together (in a group of about 40), and she keeps sitting next to me on the bus, asking about my love life (nonexistent) and making jokes about relationships. I felt uncomfortable the whole time, but also some hope.
This all stopped when one of her friends made a comment about me and her being ‘together’, and she went stone cold and I haven’t spoken to her since except in passing.
After that, I decided that I wasn’t going to waste my time hoping or talking to her. I’ve been ignoring her in corridors, in my friend group etc, but I’m wondering whether I have a valid reason to do so as some of my friends think I shouldn’t be ignoring her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She clearly gave you mixed messages and that is on her. Because of this, you don’t trust her and rightfully so. Is there some problem she’s not telling you about or is she just enjoying jerking you around? I can’t answer that question but, if I were you, I’d probably be doing the same thing — keeping my distance from her.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This girl seems to have some issues and, as much as you like her I don’t think this will be resolved any time soon. If being friends with her is difficult for you then keep your distance. Let her know if you need to. You don’t need to pander to her behaviour though.” Professional-Entry31
12. AITJ For Cooking My Own Meals Despite My Friend's Strict Diet?
“My friend “Lauren” (31f) has a daughter “Sophie” (14f) who stays in her house for 5 days a week and lives with the father on the weekend.
Sophie was an unexpected child from a relationship Lauren had when she was a teenager which didn’t continue. I (31f) have known Lauren since we were teenagers and always been very close.
I needed a new home and Lauren gets paranoid living on her own so we agreed that I would move in with her.
I sleep in a guest room and am very low maintenance.
However, one dispute we’ve had is about meals. Lauren has always struggled with her weight and although she’s still young, Sophie looks to be the same. Because of this, Lauren tries to be very strict with food for the sake of her and Sophie.
When I moved in Lauren looked to be a healthy weight and Sophie was apparently very slightly overweight.
I always respected this but I had no intention on living on the restrictive diet they both had. Because of this, I told her I’d be making my own food because I don’t really care about my weight right now (fat and proud!).
Lauren thought this was fine and for the year I’ve been here she’s never complained about it. However, yesterday she burst into my room furious and told me I was making her gain weight with my eating habits (she’d just found out she couldn’t fit into a pair of jeans now).
I asked her how and she told me that because she’d been eating my food (I generally make enough for seconds if I want them and lunch the next day and will always ask them if they want any which they sometimes do). I told her I wasn’t forcing her to eat my food and she only had herself to blame for her lack of willpower.
She then told me that I would no longer be allowed to cook my own food and I had to either eat out or eat what she cooks because apparently “no one here can afford to get any fatter” (I’m very open that I know I’ll never be thin so I’ve stopped trying and she and her daughter aren’t unhealthily overweight or anything just a bit fluffy).
We ended up arguing back and forth for a while but I eventually accepted her rules because I figured I could just order something in most nights. AITJ for cooking my own meals?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She is looking to blame someone for her lack of self control because the alternative is admitting to herself she is the problem.
There is no situation where she can tell you that you cannot make yourself your own food in the place you live. It’s a pretty fundamental part of life. Just agree to not offer them any leftovers and maybe consider putting your stuff in a separate fridge. But if this goes on, find somewhere else to live.” seriousrikk
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ for allowing her to dictate what you can and can’t eat. You need to move out ASAP. Her blaming you for her weight and you rolling over and accepting it and her unreasonable demands is no way to live.” Mekla11
11. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Family Gatherings To Avoid Censoring My Speech For My Cousin's Daughter?
“My cousin is in town and she has a daughter that’s around 4-5 years old and she doesn’t like anybody cursing or using foul language around her kid. I’ve tried going to gatherings like dinner at our grandparents and every time that even the slightest curse leaves someone’s lips she acts as though we’re telling the most graphic inappropriate joke imaginable.
For context, I said darn whilst at the dinner table and she couldn’t drop it for almost 15 minutes and lost it when after I’d been fed up I rolled my eyes and groaned, “for fudge’s sake it’s a flipping word…” To her credit I can empathize with not wanting your kid to start repeating those words and can see why she doesn’t want people talking like that around her daughter.
But that’s a conversation she should be having with her kid and not expecting me to censor my entire way of speaking for her kid’s fragile ears.
Since then she’s openly said that she doesn’t want to come to any gatherings that I’m attending and, frankly, the feeling is mutual. My old man keeps trying to get me to come along and telling me that I should just watch what I say, but I really don’t want to go and I’ve made that transparently clear to him.
I have no attachment to her kid and am not too keen on spending time with her either. She’s only in town for about 3 weeks and for that duration I’ve been happily passing on Sunday dinner at our grandparents. Everyone keeps telling me that I should go because I can get to know the daughter, but I sincerely don’t care to.
Moreover the daughter doesn’t even know I exist. When I’m there she doesn’t even acknowledge my existence, and this feels more like my relatives want me there to make themselves feel better than for me to enjoy my time. They keep acting like I’m being childish, and to a degree part of it is childish, I won’t lie.
But I refuse to censor myself. I’ve spent 20+ years having to censor my speech when I lived with my parents being told, “when I get my own roof I can make my own rules” and I don’t intend on ever going back
AITJ for refusing to go to family gatherings if my cousin and her daughter are there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s putting up unreasonable requirements and then berating you when you don’t live up to them. Tell them you’re not going to be around someone who you feel like is policing your every word, and they can either defend you or stop bugging you to show.” Reasonable-Ad-3605
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
You admitted yourself that you’re being petty, and actually cursing after she complains doesn’t win you any points. That being said, she’s the bigger jerk. It’s near impossible for children to *not* hear cursing. And if she thinks ‘darn’ is bad, well…” bl00d_luster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t want to come if you’re there and you don’t want to come if she is.
Your cousin isn’t around all that often. You don’t have any interest in her daughter. Some family members want to stir the pot, but you can ignore them. You seem untroubled. If she wants to be faux or not outraged she can be. It seems to pretty much be a non issue.” Sea_Firefighter_4598
10. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Partner For Playing Games Instead Of Helping Me Clean?
“So yesterday was my (29) birthday, my partner (26) took me out to my favorite restaurant and the movie I wanted to see for a while. I was really happy and appreciative. He knew all of this.
Well we got home pretty late. Like around the time our baby and toddler were suppose to be going to bed. So while we were driving, me and my partner agreed to get the kids in bed and do our thing.
(He wanted to sleep. And I wanted to drink a beer and watch a few episodes of a show)
When we got home. I noticed all the bottles were dirty. Which annoyed me because I hate washing bottles. (Yes he knows this) and again. It was already really late. So it was just more to do when I wanted to relax.
My partner told me as I was getting ready to pick up the first bottle, that we had to clean up before we went to bed. I’m still a bit annoyed at the situation with the bottles because I wish I would of known all of them needed washing before we left. So yes.
I had a bit of frustration in my voice. So I responded with “I know. I’m about to wash the bottles now. I hate washing them so late” I then asked if we could hurry and get all the cleaning that needed to be done out the way so we could get relax.
He proceeded to sit on his phone and ply his game.
His games last 10-15 mins. And by then I could of gotten everything done. I eventually got annoyed at him because he was refusing to get up and just help me like we said we’d do in the car. “Give me a second” “why won’t you let me play just one game” so I just started grabbing trash in frustration, which got his attention and he started following me around asking me “why I’m being like” “why are you so upset.
I said I’d do it. Just let me finish this one game”
One thing led to another and he basically called me selfish for not letting him enjoy one game after he “did all this” for me after a hard day of work. So I gave him my parts of what he paid for.
Now he’s externally mad. And telling me I’m in the wrong and don’t appreciate him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m going to tell you what I used to say to my ex husband. “When there is something to be done and it is both of our responsibility, but I always have to be the responsible one and do it while I watch you sit on your backside.
If I’m going to feel alone, I will be alone. Period.”” JackedLilJill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ One thing that I’ve heard therapists say in these types of situations is that if he says he’s going to do it after the game, do what you need to do then leave the rest to him. Don’t touch it.
“But if I dont do it then no one else will” ok then dont do it. Let it sit and rot until he does his job. If you need bottles and he hasn’t cleaned them, clean a couple and keep them for your use. The more you coddle him, the more he knows he can get away with.” pinklemonaid396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you didn’t actually NEED to wash all the bottles or do the trash right then. Just enough bottles for that night and the next morning should have been fine. Trash could wait until the next day as well. The gaming was selfish and he could have waited a few minutes before getting into it – and I say that as an avid gamer.
Let him be mad and then next time you do something for his birthday, make an example of watching your show and let him handle things all by himself.” chocolate_chip_kirsy
9. AITJ For Advising My Son To Be More Discreet About His Partner's Interests?
“My youngest “Randy” 16M has been seeing a boy “Zach” 15M. I’m a friend of Zach’s mom from college and he and Randy have known each other for a while and we’ve had them over and I know Zach pretty well.
He’s a pretty sweet kid even has his own flower garden. Now even though Randy does play some sports he’s not super masculine or anything and well Zachs more on the more masculine side and takes sports more seriously. Though they bonded over Zachs more less than masculine interest.
Zach just recently came out to his parents and school like not but maybe a few months ago.
I know his dad is struggling a bit with it and we live out in the country and not all of Zach’s football teammates are being great about it. And I know other than his two bestfriend’s no one else knows how he likes flowers or any other things he likes that aren’t up to par here.
from what I heard from his mom I know he’s been getting crap from some of his friends/teammates about how Randy ” treats him like the girl” with Randy having a car so usually picking him up/driving him around or paying for stuff cause he has a job. Well last Saturday they were supposed to hangout after Zach got done with summer practice.
Randy decided to bring him some flowers he might like. Now Randy has brought him flowers before just not infront of his teammates or people that don’t know about his other interests. And apparently Zach got embarrassed about it and they had a huge argument about it and how he felt Randy was embarrassing him.
Me and Randy talked about it when I saw him upset and I wondered why he was home so early. I told him while what Zach said wasn’t necessarily fair that maybe he should be a bit more low key and chill some around Zach’s less than evolved friends. That Zach’s kinda having a hard time right now and doesnt need more stress.
He got this somber look on his face which I hated but , he understood. I talked it over with my wife and she thinks I was being a jerk basically telling Zach not to be himself and I should never try to tell him not to be loud and proud. I told I didn’t mean it that way but she’s still upset with me.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re being a good dad and giving your son the decent advice..nothing about your post sounds like you had ulterior motives in this, you’re helping your son by telling him what you think will make his relationship do better. Also, it would be amazing and honestly a true mark of progress if everyone on the football team and in his life was openly supportive of Zach but that’s not really how life goes at this time.
I think it’s more realistic and better for Randy if you teach him realistic expectations and reading a situation than teaching him it’s a good idea to push societal boundaries in unsafe situations…be it physically or emotionally.” Tyrionruineditall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was ready to go the opposite from the title, but Zach needs to live in his world.
Randy needs to have an honest talk with Zach and find out what Zach wants. He’s not wrong to bring Zach flowers, but there’s a time and place for everything, and in front of the high school football team could definitely be the wrong place. Sounds like Randy has very accepting friends and family, and just doesn’t understand the struggle that Zach is facing.” Owned_By_3_Kittehs
Another User Comments:
“Honestly even putting aside the teamates homophobia, the fact is that some people just don’t like public displays of affection, and that can very well include receiving flowers in front of others. If Zach has only received flowers in private from your son this could have very little to do with his struggles and more to do with Zach’s general preferences.
NTJ” Spiderwebwhisperer
8. AITJ For Suggesting My Partner Get Out Of Bed To Feel Better?
“So today my and my partner were in bed till quite late in the day, I had to go back home and as I was getting up I could tell she wasn’t doing great mentally and suggested that it might be a good idea to try getting up instead of staying in bed all day to help her feel better.
At first she said no so I said I really think it would be a good idea but she said “it’s my choice” and “you can’t tell me what to do” not in an overly harsh tone but it made me feel a bit uncomfortable and made me feel bad for just trying to suggest something.
I didn’t think I was being too annoying, only just suggesting a couple of times.
After this I stop suggesting and take a step back, pack my bags and say goodbye, apologizing for potentially being a bit much or saying things she already knew. On the way home she said sorry over messages and when I got home I sent a message saying it’s not a big deal and I know how it gets (I’ve experienced similar things and she’s helped me out with that in the past)
Then she apologizes again and I thought that it would be best to communicate how I was feeling because she was able to tell something upset me a bit before I let her house. I said it’s okay and I know how it gets but felt as though it was a little “arrogant” to say “it’s my choice and I can do what I want” to me for just trying to suggest something to help.
Then she got really upset saying that when I ever felt bad she would help me, which is true but I never would say things like to her and that I lack compassion. She’s still in bed now hours later and not feeling good about it still, I’ve apologized several times but not sure what to do as she is still upset.
I understand that the word arrogant is a bit harsh and have said to her that it wasn’t the right word in hindsight
Can anyone tell me if I’m the jerk or not?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the arrogant comment. Your advice was completely unsolicited and she didn’t say anything rude to you by saying “no” the first time.
When you continued to push, she seemed to feel a need to erect some boundaries, since you didn’t hear the word no the first time. When trying to help a partner through difficult times, learning to pick up on their communication style and verbal cues is essential. Apologize for making it all about you in the texting and remind her that the initial suggestion came from a place of love and, hopefully, move on.
Good luck.” Electronic_Fox_6383
Another User Comments:
“I’d say no jerks here if you raised an issue/suggestion and dropped it and she went off, but she wasn’t being arrogant in setting boundaries and you were definitely being pushy and inappropriate in suggesting it more than once. So yeah YTJ.” berrieh
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. Before I got treated for my mood disorders, I would often stay in bed. My dad thought he was helping me by saying it’s good to get out and do something. But instead, I felt ridiculed and humiliated. Part of me knew that laying in my room all day didn’t help, but another part of me knew that is what I needed to be better.
I’m not saying your partner has depression or anxiety. I’m saying that sometimes we think we are helping, when we actually aren’t. Going forward, suggest things if she asks. Otherwise, let her be capable and do it herself.” saratonin86
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Neighbor's Go-To For Help?
“If you’re able to help someone, does that mean if you don’t, you’re a jerk?
Does being someone’s neighbor mean that I have a responsibility to be their go to when something is wrong or they need something because I’m right next door?
I’m a 34F and I consider myself to be someone who helps people whenever I can, I’d do anything for family and friends. I have a hard time setting boundaries because I often care more about how the other person feels and thinks then myself, but that causes me to get frustrated and resentful and end up blowing up later on which is wrong.
I need to learn to be better at this stuff. I have also learned the hard way how much more stressful life can be if you don’t get along with your neighbors. So I try to keep my distance, always friendly, but don’t get close and personal. I also have children and a neighbor of mine does as well and they like to play together.
The mom and I get along well but I always want to keep it about the kids. When we started getting more familiar with each other, she’d start asking me for things. Mind you, not close, just familiar.
These things varied from my car (which I said no because I don’t just lend my car out to people I don’t even really know and it would be her friend driving as she doesn’t have a license) to food to money.
The money started to become weekly for a while. Aside from my car, everything else she asked for, besides a couple food items I didn’t have, I always gave. When it was money she did always pay it back. The thing is I’m a poor person myself with a lot of my own things going on.
I don’t mind helping someone when I can, if it’s someone close, always. Aside from not wanting to get close as I previously stated, I don’t want to be this person’s go to, every time she needs something. If it was a situation where I was the only one who could or it was an emergency or really important, absolutely.
I just don’t want to be the favor machine, but I feel really bad and guilty for feeling this way. I feel like if I can do it, I should do it and if I don’t, I’m a jerk. I’d really love some opinions and clarity on the matter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s great to have neighbors for emergencies – but that doesn’t mean people should take advantage of a neighbor relationship.
I wouldn’t ever think about asking a neighbor to lend me money nor their car. It may be difficult, but you do need to learn to just say no – and you don’t need an excuse on saying no. Just a no should suffice. You aren’t required to provide an excuse to anyone much less your neighbor for why you have to say no. After a number of these, hopefully she will move on.
Right now she sees you as an easy yes. She needs to see you as an “easy no”.” German-Nurse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Boundaries are hard but important. Try something like: “I’m sorry, I can’t help in that way anymore. I heard about a food pantry in town and I know x place is hiring.
Sharing is stretching my means too thin and I am suffering. I don’t have enough to provide for you too. “” HappyCamper82
6. AITJ For Not Eating Food Someone Made Me?
“Last year at College, my(18M) brother(21) met his partner (20), they’ve been going steady for about 7 months now. Despite them being serious, our parents and myself didn’t meet her until yesterday(Friday). My brother wanted her to meet us all, so my mom spent all day getting the house ready, and making food, and even brought her a gift. When dinner time came, my brother brought over his new partner.
She brought my family a dish of buttered chicken and my mom was instantly enthralled with her because of it. I thought it was super nice that she brought a dish as well. However, I don’t like many spices and some of the spices that she had told me were in the dish I hadn’t heard of before, so when dinner came and we were all eating, I stuck to my mom’s cooking because I knew what to expect.
My family however loved the buttered chicken, my mom even asked her for the recipe. As my brother was getting seconds of it, he asked “oh man, my bad did you want some?” I declined as nicely as I could, he then asked if I was sure(but with more of a “you better take some” look) and that sparked a question of why I didn’t want any from my mom.
I didn’t know how to say that I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t like the spices in it, and that the smell of the spices were already making me nauseous, so I just said “I just don’t want any” as politely as I could. And I was instantly met with daggers from my brother.
His partner apologized for it not being good, I told her that wasn’t it, but still I could see my brother was mad.
After they had left, my brother texted me that I was such a jerk to no even try it considering that it was a recipe left to her by her mom and it was really hard for her to make it, but she wanted to impress our family.
My mom agrees that I was being so rude and that the dish was delicious. I explained my reasoning to my mom and she said that I should’ve said that instead of looking like a “jerk” I feel as though telling her that the spices would make me nauseous would be even more rude than just declining.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not by much. I think you may get some jerks votes, but at the end of the day you are not required to eat what is served. Could you have handled it a bit better so you sucked a little less? Sure. Be honest, say you are a picky eater and that you would prefer not to try it.
Lie and say food with a lot of spices do not agree with you. Say any number of different options that would convey why you don’t want to try it. It may have gone over better.” Counterkiller29
Another User Comments:
“ESH For most people, it is impolite to not try food someone made for you.
No one should force you to eat, but to decline is very often emotionally or culturally equivalent with rejecting the person who made the food. A new person was making themselves vulnerable, to impress their loved one’s family. You should have had more empathy. But, your bad manners should have been forgiven in the situation.
Your family should have not made a spectacle of themselves pointing out your rudeness, if only to save everyone some embarrassment. If you care about the relationships you are straining, maybe next time you see her apologize. Explain it in whatever way you wish to make her aware you were not rejecting her. You came off as petulant and rude.” HermioneHam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like your family probably made the new partner way more uncomfortable than you did. All of them ganging up on you to try the food when you politely declined in my opinion made the partner way more uncomfortable than she would have been just noticing you hadn’t taken any.” Imaginary-Fall-7310
5. AITJ For Telling My Dad To Get A Job Instead Of Dreaming About Being A Rapper?
“I (14m) have lived with my grandmother for three years now. Before that I lived with my mother.
My dad has moved in and out with my grandmother on multiple occasions throughout the years. He just moved back in after his partner of 2 years broke up with him. He quit his job because of the “negative environment”.
He dreams of being a rapper and has little notes of affirmations about his rap career all throughout “his” room. The room used to be my room, until he moved in and took over.
Now onto the part where I may be in the wrong. He was giving one of many speeches about how people are too negative and how he’s going to go to this recording studio and make it big.
Now, my family and I were supportive of his dreams a while ago. We wanted to help him do whatever he was passionate about, but he just wouldn’t put in the work to make connections or record music.
He kept talking about his dreams and how he’ll make it big and get so much money.
I interjected and said he should dream getting a job and not living with his mother before dreaming about being a rapper.
He got mad at me and said he hears my grandmother in me, and that he’s my dad and I should respect him.
I told him I shouldn’t have to respect him because he hasn’t been a dad to me in almost ten years, and if I’m respecting anyone it’s his mother for taking care of me.
I told him how I haven’t lived with him in ten years and my grandmother was the only person who has gotten me help. I told him she was the person who registered me for school, she was the person who payed for all my expenses, and she was the person who didn’t let him live on the streets when every other person in his life gave up on trying to help him learn that he can’t become rich and famous by waiting for someone to walk up to him and give him every opportunity on a silver platter.
I continued and told him that he’s more of a brother to me than a dad because he hasn’t provided for me or taught me anything my entire life.
So, did I go too far? AITJ for what I said to him?”
Another User Comments:
” NTJ. You were simply letting your dad know that he needs to be more realistic and that it’s time for him to focus on the aspects of his life that he can actually control, like his job.
You offered a logical solution and were honest with him about how it’s been for you growing up without his consistent involvement. He should understand that and should not be mad at you for speaking the truth.” Significant_Rule_374
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His dream is more appropriate for someone your age, he should have accepted that his dreams aren’t really feasible a LONG time ago.
I’m sure at one point in life we’ve all had similar dreams of stardom and instant wealth. But then we grow up and realize that it’s almost akin to winning the lottery. Having a dream about fame riches doesn’t pay the bills or take care of kids. Especially when you’re not working.” Significant_Cat_3
4. AITJ For Asking My Sister Not To Discuss Uninvited Events In Front Of Me?
“My sister has introduced me to a bunch of really fun nerd stuff over the years, mostly role playing and trading card game stuff.
This has had the effect of helping me be a lot more social, though I have no idea if this was her intention. Because of this, and family dinners, we probably see each other 2-3 times in a week.
There have been a few occasions when my sister has been organizing gaming events at her house that she knows I would have an interest in and has not invited me.
And I know about these because she is discussing it with others while I am present. This happened tonight when she invited someone to play cards games with her on the weekend, while I was at the table. I asked her about it on our way out, and she very specifically did not invite me (I did not push this, just wished her a good weekend).
This isn’t the first time that this has happened, though it does not happen super often.
I don’t expect my sister to invite me to everything, and I get that she probably wants a break from me now and then. But it was actually really hurtful that she very obviously left me out. I have been on the receiving end of this at a previous work place, and it honestly sucks.
I feel like I would not do this to other people, if I did not want to invite them to something I would be specific not to mention it in front of them. But maybe this is not something that other people think about, or worry about.
I want to have a talk with my sister, and ask her to stop talking about these events in front of me.
It’s her own business if she organizes things that she doesn’t invite me to, and I don’t want to suggest that she has to invite me. I would just prefer not to be sitting there while she organizes these things with other people. Is that a fair thing to ask? Or do I just need to deal with my own FOMO, and I shouldn’t bother her with it.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Unless your sister starts insisting on talking about these things in front of you, then she is rubbing it in and that would make her a jerk. And if you start demanding she invite you, you would be the jerk. But currently, it just sounds like she may not be aware this is upsetting you, and telling her that it is a bit hurtful and you’d rather she didn’t discuss events you’re not invited to in front of you.
You’re allowed to tell her how you feel. If she does refuse to moderate her discussions, your only course is to remove yourself from spending as much time with her. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“I feel for you but I’m sorry you would be the jerk. Your sister shouldn’t have to pretend that she doesn’t have activities that you’re not invited to.
No one should have to censor their conversations around you for that reason. This does seem like a you problem and you just need to learn how to deal with it. I think you’d still feel bad if your sister was talking to someone and had to stop herself from inviting them and said something like “I’ll have to tell you later”.” keesouth
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You said I don’t expect my sister to invite me to everything, and I get that she probably wants a break from me now and then. But it was actually really hurtful that she very obviously left me out. I have been on the receiving end of this at a previous work place, and it honestly sucks.
Your sister has a right to her own life just like people you work with do. You also have a right to organize and invite people to things on your own instead of waiting to be invited and being hurt when you are not always included. And you may need to take a long deep look at yourself and see if there is something you are doing that causes people to not want to include you.
But it is not right of you to be upset when your sister doesnt include you every single time. She is nice to include you at all, not all sisters would do so.” Gladtobealive2020
3.
“I (63F) unfortunately lost my husband (64) in January. Before he passed, we had been trying to sell our house and we’d put most of our money and savings into fixing up little things that were wrong with it. Those little things add up, and in total, we’ve done almost 10k in repairs alone.
My husband had a fairly new car (2019) and it was his pride and joy. He absolutely loved driving and road trips, and would frequently take thousand mile road trips to different states with his son (24).
Unfortunately, he had told me something was wrong with the car near his passing but I couldn’t remember what.
That “something” actually ended up taking out the engine. It would cost a pretty penny to fix it, but I would’ve been willing to do it, had they not offered me $10k for it, in cash. His son desperately wants the car. He says that his father shared with him that he wanted him to have it, but my husband never told me that directly.
Unfortunately, he never wrote a will. His passing was incredibly sudden, he was given a prognosis of five years and passed in two months. I believe he thought he had more time. I’ve been struggling to make ends meet because of the cost of repairs to this house. However, I understand just how sentimental this car is to my stepson.
Him and his father have shared hours upon hours in it, I understand why he wants it, but I need the money. If this had been written in his will or if he’d shared with me that this is what he would have wanted, I wouldn’t even question it. My husband told me that he wanted me to give my stepson a car, not necessarily his car.
I told my stepson that when the house sells I will buy him a car, because I will have the money then. He told me that he would do anything to keep the car his father had. I really don’t know what to do. The engine would cost the same amount I’d be willing to put towards a new car, and while I can manage a way to afford that now, I still have to worry about repairing this house, taking care of my son (16M) and myself.
TL;DR: WIBTJ if I sold my late husband’s car despite my stepson’s sentimentality regarding it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would however offer to sell him the car for $10,000 dollars as is and explain your financial situation. After you sell the house you could gift him the $10,000 back as a nice gesture, but not if that will impact your ability to support your 16 yo son.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope you are able to figure the situation out and your step son understands the situation you are in.” Traditional_Line_656
Another User Comments:
“If you wouldn’t have questioned it if it was written in the will, then just give him the car. Don’t repair it first though—he’ll have to save up to do that.
He just lost his father. Make this happen for him. Slow down the pace of home repairs, etc. YTJ if you don’t give him the car.” T_G_A_H
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry for your loss, but I have to say very, very soft YTJ. You don’t say how long your were married, but clearly that “son” is not your son.
You must have some source of income, can you not just make the car payments until the house sells? Do you have NO other savings? Because your husband did not make a will, you will, by default, inherit as his next of kin. So, you will get anything he had, plus his SS. So, you’ll get the house, any possessions, his SS, any insurance, etc. You don’t think you could manage to give his only son a car he has a deep and special affection for, to the point he’d rather have that car than a brand new one?” dawgmama62
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Partner's Trip To Japan?
“For as long as I’ve been an adult, I always wanted to visit Japan (original, I know). However, through my whole adult life up until now, I haven’t always been presented with the opportunity to do so.
Throughout my entire twenties, I’ve had to deal with making too little money and being compelled to help close family members who routinely made bad decisions and couldn’t take care of themselves. I bided my time and remained patient. Time went on, and life became more prosperous for me. In 2019, I planned a trip in late 2020 that was postponed for years because of circumstances beyond my control and the fact that Japan was one of the very last countries to open their borders back up to the world.
Nevertheless, I remained patient.
In the midst of all this, I’ve met a girl that I’ve been with for nearly three years. Naturally, she always wants to do things together, and I set aside time and money for us to go out and see and do things. I told her about going to Japan and she became upset over the idea that I’ll be going by myself.
The fact of the matter is that, if I truly wanted to, I could throw down an extra US$2000 and have her go along with me, but I don’t want to. It’s not that I don’t want her to go, or that I don’t like her, but it’s that I don’t think it’s fair that I’ve had to work and be patient for nearly two decades for this opportunity and she would just get a free ride, the kind that no one was ever willing or able or should have given me.
Secondly, she doesn’t so much want to go to Japan as much as she wants to simply go with me. She has zero interest or drive to want to go there, she just simply wouldn’t mind going, which is in stark contrast to my attitude towards this trip.
If she decided to go and get herself a passport and the money and wanted to join along, then I’d have zero issues.
She can’t, however, as her expenses would drain her meager savings by half. She makes less than I do at her part time job and simply has no financial business to even think about such expenditures, just like I couldn’t about ten years ago.
I’ll let you be the judge. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’ve had this dream for over a decade. You’ve been working towards it, and despite setbacks (not being financially able first, then helping out family financially, circumstances beyond your control), you hold on to it. You’ve been with your partner for three years. She has known about this dream for a long time. She could have gotten a FT job or another part-time job to work for the trip like you have done for years, but she didn’t.
She doesn’t share the dream. She doesn’t care about going there. She just wants to tag along wherever you go. AND she wants you to pay for it. NTJ” DoIwantToKnow6417
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Saying as a woman who paid to take my man on vacation with me, because I enjoy being with him and sharing my experiences.
This idea of “oh she’ll get a free ride” is so petty. You just don’t love her, that’s ok, stop wasting her time:” sperans-ns
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Look I was totally not TJ until you said that you were basically jealous that she would get a free ride to Japan? Do you not like your partner, because this sounds super jealous and petty.
I don’t even think it’s a big deal that you don’t want to pay for her, but your reasoning is just very odd for somebody that you’re in a relationship with.” JHutchinson1324
If she had a passport and could afford it you would have no issues in her joining you.. but she doesn't so youndont want to fund her vacation... I presume you dint live together and have totally separate finances in which case that's fine you dint HAVE to pay for her trip
1. AITJ For Not Helping My Pregnant Sister Clean The Entire House Before Moving Out?
“A few years ago I(21F) moved in with my sister(19F) and her partner(21M). I had a chihuahua who was potty training and I did my best while I was home but I worked 24 hour shifts so I put out puppy pads for while I was at work.
He had accidents but I cleaned them up whenever I saw. I also kept him in my room whenever I wasn’t home so he wouldn’t pee anywhere in the house.
Her partner(let’s call him John) was unfaithful to her(sarah) and they split and he moved out. She later found out she was pregnant.
I was going to help out with the baby as much as possible.
A few months later they got back together. I warned her he was unfaithful and I thought it was a bad idea. John didn’t move back in but he was there everyday. He disliked me for trying to dissuade Sarah and made it known.
He would turn off the Wi-Fi and would hide the remote and dishes. I stayed in my room to avoid him. Sarah told me if I hated him so much then I wasn’t supporting her and I would not know my nephew. Sarah and I decided we weren’t going to renew the lease and I started apartment hunting, I couldn’t find anything and decided I was going to move in with my aunt for a short time and Sarah asked me to leave by the 18th so we could deep clean.
I told her I would but that once I left I wasn’t coming back to deep clean, that I would clean my areas and she and John could do hers. As where I was moving to was 2 hours away.
I moved out and got a message from my Step mom and Dad stating I was a jerk for letting Sarah do everything by herself and they were upset.
I was also informed that John had told them I thought they were terrible people because I didn’t go to Easter dinner one time because of work. They basically disowned me and only listened to Sarah’s POV and it ruined my relationship with them and Sarah.
I haven’t spoken to any of them even tho I was right about John (he was a jerk) they still don’t talk to me and I still haven’t met my Nephew.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did your duty of cleaning up after yourself. and she and her partner decided to throw you under the bus to make you out to be the bad guy, and if everyone disowned you over that. that means there was more to that then was told.
sounds like they put things onto you that they did to make it worse.” Sith_happens2021
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. They wanted you out, you’re out. The next time anyone brings this up to you, you should stop them in mid sentence and say *until you are willing to listen to my side of the story, I will not be hearing another word about this.* if they persist, hang up the phone.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
” YTJ when youre moving out, you shouldve helped clean the entire living space before you left, not just your room. Im sure you used the living room, bathroom, kitchen etc. Its a jerk move to just clean your own room then leave and leave the rest of the place to your pregnant sister.” hardworkingtoilet
