People Ask If They're At Fault In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Wanting To Go To A Summer Research Internship Against My Mother's Wishes?
“I’m a 20-year-old Junior currently studying Molecular Cell biology. I’m planning on taking the MCAT in October and again during my senior year.
I recently got accepted to a paid research internship from May to August (it’s in another state). I’ve been working on this application since November and I got it. My mother is a single parent (my father died but they were separated after he lied to her). She’s always been a very controlling person but she justifies everything by saying that she knows what’s in my best interest. I didn’t tell her I was applying because it would be met with constant nagging and arguing.
Once I got accepted, she instantly dreaded the idea saying it’s stupid to be away from home for so long and that I’m not thinking about the effect it’d have on my family considering my grandparents would miss me and that would take a toll on their health. She says I’m still a minor since I’m not 21 and that I can’t go because she didn’t authorize me.
She thinks I’m too fiercely independent and that I can’t just do what I want. I said I was gonna put the internship money into an MCAT tutoring program but this was also met with arguments that I’m trying to pretend to be rich and prove that I’m independent. Am I the jerk for filling in the internship paperwork and getting everything ready to go regardless of her opinions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re over 18 she doesn’t have any authority there. This is an amazing opportunity! I have no idea who you are but I’m proud of you! Go! Live your life! The fact that they selected you is a big deal and I think it shows how much work you’ve put into your education.
It honestly sounds like she’s trying to control you, the more distance in-between the harder to control you get.
This is in your best interest, calling you a child and demanding you ask for permission is demeaning.
Go learn new things and meet new people! This is amazing! You’ve accomplished so much already and you’ve worked hard for this. It will be better in the long run to go. You’re an adult and adults can go off and have adventures.” Wizardinred
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is going through argument after argument to manipulate you into staying just so she can control you. You said yourself that she’s always been a controlling person who uses ‘your best interest’ to justify her toxic behavior.
How does she know what your grandparents want? I don’t know which country you’re from, but I’m pretty sure 20 isn’t a minor. Where did she get the idea that you’re pretending to be rich and proving your independence?!
I can already tell that you’re not the kind of person to pretend to have wealth, and you certainly don’t care about proving your independence since you’ve made it clear that you know what you’re doing with your life.
Maybe your mother can’t handle you having any independence because it threatens her control over you. I’m guessing the separation must’ve hit her hard psychologically, but even if that weren’t the case, she needs help.
I recommend taking this internship because you deserve a break from her.” KnockKnockItsKnuckle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a great opportunity for you and you 100% should go for it.
The petty part of me thinks you should tell your mom ‘treat it as a trial run for when I move out’ but that’s probably bad advice.
More realistically, YOU treat this as a trial run.
This is what your mom is going to be like when you take steps towards independence. Practice setting boundaries on your own terms and stepping away from her weaponized guilt.” DazzlingAssistant342
24. WIBTJ If I Went To My Prom Instead Of My Brother's Graduation?
“I (18F) want to go to my senior prom instead of my brother’s college graduation.
At the beginning of my senior year, I was bullied out of my school. The school did nothing, and it got so bad I ended up needing to transfer. The school I transferred to is completely online, so there are no school dances. Well, a few months after transferring I went to Homecoming at my previous school and had an amazing time. So, I decided to go to prom at my old school with a few of my friends and my partner (who attends my previous school).
I’ve always wanted to go to prom, wear a big poofy dress, and dance with my partner. I already ordered the dress, because I knew it would be in May. What I just found out though, is that Prom is being held on May 7th, and my brother’s graduation is happening on May 8th.
My brother is currently attending school a 6+ hour plane ride from my hometown, and there’s no way for me to get there in time for his graduation AND to go to prom.
I brought this up with my brother, and he told me to go to Prom because he always regretted not going to his. He’s assured me many times that he wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t go to his graduation, and that he’d support me no matter what choice I make. I worry, however, that he’s putting up a front and he actually would be upset if I don’t go.
My mom however has been very hostile to me since I brought up possibly going to Prom instead of his graduation. She tells me that I’m being super selfish and I should ‘think about someone other than myself for once’. I’ve never had a good relationship with my mom, and I can’t tell if this is one of those times she’s being mean just to hurt me, or she’s being mean because I’m making a bad choice.
WIBTJ if I go to my prom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should trust your brother when he says it’s okay for you to go to prom instead. College graduations are pretty boring and certainly not something you should prioritize over your own important life event. Imagine if you were in his shoes — you would want him to have fun and make good memories!
He clearly loves you and wants that for you. Go to prom! Ignore your mom, it’s not her graduation.” catanddogtor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Graduation ceremonies are long and boring and you don’t even have to go to graduate. I didn’t even go to my college graduation. Didn’t want to sit through an hour of speeches and reading of names. No one was bothered by my decision.
Your brother should be happy if you come and equally happy about you going to prom. It’s your life.” zinky30
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother doesn’t want you to have the same regret he has about not going. And I’m sure he’d love to hear all about it from you, just the same as you want to hear about how his graduation went.
He’s a supportive big brother, his is the only opinion that matters.
Your mom is being mean simply to just be mean, your brother most likely already told her he’s fine with it. But for some reason, she just wants to hurt you and drag you down.” dinkydish
23. AITJ For Inadvertently Causing An Accident?
“At the time I (currently 16F) was 14 years old.
We were on our way home from a two-week-long road trip and were passing through a village/town. You know, the sort of place where your mother and the grocer are on a first-name basis. Anyway, it had been a long drive with no breaks, so I’d put my feet up on the dash. I was wearing socks, and my jeans came up to my ankles.
I looked out the window and saw a man on a motorbike staring at yep, you guessed it – my feet. He saw me looking at him but continued to stare. A few meters ahead, a man had just got out of his car and left the door open – the door that was towards the road. The man on the motorbike simply crashed into the open car door, as well as the man to whom the car belonged. A few more people on motorbikes toppled over nearby, and that’s all I saw before they were out of sight.
A couple of my friends brought it up the other day, and I thought I’d post it here. For context, we were traveling through Europe, which is also where I live.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean keeping your legs on the dash is never a good idea, if the airbags blow up it’s ruining both your legs for sure.
As far as the crash is considered NTJ.
The person on the motorbike was clearly not paying attention to the road, which makes it entirely his fault.
But do keep it in mind, if the motorbike crashed into your car, and the airbag blew up, it would have caused you significant harm.” No_Sorbet_1266
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ – I am struggling to think of a non-creepy reason that an adult man would be so mesmerized by a 14yo girl’s feet.
I don’t even think it would register for me. He deserved what he got. You didn’t do anything wrong either. Don’t go down the road of blaming yourself for guys being creepy weirdos. Plus, even if Scarlett Johansson was walking down the street without clothes it’s still your responsibility to pay attention to your driving.” bravenewchurl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s the responsibility of someone opening a car door into the street to not have it impede traffic and it is the responsibility of other drivers to watch where they are going.” Ok-Raspberry7884
22. AITJ For Hating My Dad For Buying Nintendo Switch?
“My parents divorced a couple of years ago and are still figuring out holidays and stuff like that. My brother and I brother have the same birthday. So my parents decided they’d split our birthdays between the two of them. This year my mom did a birthday party for my brother. And I asked my dad to take us karting.
The thing is my dad is extremely irresponsible with his finances.
Which he makes up for by earning a lot. He got a bonus this year that he said he would use to make me go go-karting. But moving on to now my dad hasn’t taken me go-karting yet and he surprised everyone by getting a new Switch. The new white OLED one too. I was happy with this but I asked him if this meant I wouldn’t be able to do my birthday stuff.
And he said that we probably won’t because his bonus was smaller than he thought. I wouldn’t have been too angry about this but my dad has done this sort of thing with every single thing he’s promised. He promised he would fix up his old car so I could use it. He promised we’d go on vacation which never happened.
He’s broken every promise he’s ever made to us.
And it’s gotten so bad that my mom’s friend offered to fix up his go-kart for me to use weeks before the bonus game. And my mom said yesterday that if he wouldn’t take me that she would spend the last of her funds to go. I want to be happy about the switch but my dad keeps making irresponsible decisions that hurt everyone else.
So is my dad the jerk? Or could I be the jerk this time?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ.
Your only asked for go-karting for your birthday. Now are you a twin or just have the odd luck of sharing a birthday with a sibling? Now did he buy the switch for all of you to use at his place or can you take it to both houses?
Does the game with you?
Your Dad is the jerk? Maybe, it’s clear he has a lot of growing up to do and doesn’t want to. He’s on his own and must work hard and plays too hard. Is he seeing anyone? He should make your birthday important, but maybe you should just come up with other ideas. I know how you feel.
My dad was the same. Get the most expensive tv and satellite package, but then not have his rent budget. He bought me a waterbed for my room at my grandparents but then he would be gone for periods of time on his weekends with me. Don’t hate him, but accept that he is around.” TomD1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You feel bad right now, but it’s not because you’re wrong for how you feel.
It’s because you’re finally starting to really understand that your dad is unreliable and doesn’t keep his promises to you. That sucks to deal with.
In the future ask for things that he can fulfill immediately, or ask for moolah and save up for what you want to do yourself. Work with your mom to figure out ways to do fun things in a way that won’t break her bank.
Don’t ask your dad for anything big anymore, or if you do, plan on it never happening. Bear in mind that gifts like the switch are basically bribes to make up for the broken promises or so that you’ll see him as the fun parent. Just because he buys you guys that stuff doesn’t mean you’re obligated to like him, think he’s awesome, or stop being disappointed in his behavior.” toketsupuurin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is a child and selfish & a liar & you should stop pretending he is anything else. He is proving exactly why his mom gave him the boot. He is irresponsible & cares for no one’s feelings but his own, which he has proven time & again. I wouldn’t give him the chance to do it to me again.
I wouldn’t even see him one more drop than I absolutely had to. He sucks & I am so sorry Honey.” peoplearejerks69
21. AITJ For Wanting My Future Children To Have My Last Name?
“I (24F) have a rare b***d type RH- and so getting pregnant or staying pregnant is extremely hard for me.
I have been going out with this guy (21M) for almost 6 months now and absolutely love him and talking to his family daily on the phone considering we are both thousands of miles from both families because of our jobs. We discussed trying for a baby in a year since we want to get more financially stable. When talking about baby names, he always brings up his last name which is extremely common while mine is not and I always say our last names with hyphens.
Which he looks upset about but agrees to. I haven’t told him my wishes yet considering I don’t want to hurt his feelings and I just want to make everyone happy. So should I talk to him and AITJ for even wanting this?
Update: I asked him if he would be angry or upset if I wanted our future children to have my last name and he calmly went, “No not at all, but may I know why?” to which I explained to him I wanted my last name to live on for at least one generation and he said he was perfectly fine with that as long as if we have a boy he gets his last name which I’m perfectly ok with.
This helped me get the courage. Also he even jokingly said that he would take my last name added to his if I wanted him to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting this but I think you should both agree on it first. Also, here are some areas of concern for me:
You are 24 and he is 21. He is still barely out of his teens; I would hold off on having kids on GP, but that’s just me.
You guys are 6 months into this relationship. Love is love but a kid is not an accessory and they are an immediate responsibility. I would hold off on having kids for now (especially given your difficulty getting pregnant and staying pregnant) until you know that he is the kind of guy that will actually stick around to help raise a child. Also, you speak of how difficult it is to have a child; are you speaking based on what you’ve been told by a doctor before you have even tried, or, have you already tried and found out that it will be difficult due to your b***d type?
You are scared to tell him that you want your kids to have your last name only. If you cannot even broach the conversation, how do you plan to carry this out? I can empathize with your position given your struggles, but I still think this conversation needs to happen ASAP.
If he says no or offers heavy resistance, are you willing and prepared to leave him off of the child’s birth certificate (it can be added later) and just give the child your surname anyway, or add him on the birth certificate but use your last name for the child’s last name?
What makes you come off as the jerk though, is the fact that you are basically lying to him about such an important matter, which isn’t a good look, especially considering how in love with him you say you are.” CylintStep
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not being honest about what you want. He won’t be happier if you wait to tell him the truth.
He will be mad that you weren’t being honest.
You’re allowed to want to give the kid your last name. Just as he’s allowed to want to give the kid his last name. If you are a good match for each other, you will be able to find a compromise — whether that’s hyphenating, switching off, making up a new last name, or the person who doesn’t get the last name gets carte blanche on picking the other names.
But you can only have a productive conversation if you are HONEST.
Be honest.” CalamityClambake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting this.
I think you are moving too fast. You are super young. You have only been together for 6 months! He also doesn’t listen to what you want.
I think you want to skip steps because you think you’ll have a hard time getting pregnant.
This is just a road to disaster.” Coco_Dirichlet
20. AITJ For Freaking Out When My Uncle Threw My Books Away?
“So I am an avid reader. I have been reading fictional books since a very young age.
As an introvert, they helped me shape my personality and escape from the things that disturbed me. Since childhood, I had a habit of collecting books with the dream of having my own library someday. I cherished those books like a baby to me. Unfortunately, I had to move out of the country for my studies and due to luggage issues, I couldn’t carry all my books with me.
Now I live with my parents and in the same house, live with my uncle (my mother’s brother). He was never a fan of me reading fictional books and always taunted my mom asking me to read more religious books. Before moving away, I specifically told my mom not to throw my books away as I had some of them for years. My mom said okay and kept them safe under the bed.
After a year when I returned back, I found out my uncle has thrown all my books away because they were of no use and said I wouldn’t gain anything from reading ‘novels’. I was heartbroken and angry. So I lashed out. My mom called me a jerk for overreacting over ‘some silly old books’ when in reality I had bought each book with my own money and happiness.
Everyone in my family said I should focus on important things rather than stories that won’t benefit me. Nobody agreed with me except my friends.
Ps. This happened a year ago but my mom and I still get into arguments about this and I am clearly still heartbroken as those books were my childhood.
Edit: just wanted to add that whenever we argued, my mom justified throwing my books away as they would weigh a lot when I carry them back with me, therefore, costing extra at customs when traveling.
When in reality my mom stuffs my bag with gifts for relatives causing extra baggage and also the reason I had to leave my books behind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother needs to get a clue and learn to stop lying. Your uncle no nice words will be said about him. With full knowledge that these books helped you through depression is all that needed to be said.
They had no reason to pass judgment and no reason to toss your things. They owe you for your books. As someone suggested I’d go no contact with both of them. If you do choose to stay in contact with your mother you need to let her know the ground rules of respect and that you’re trying to do what is best for your health.
If she doesn’t have that in mind or doesn’t try then there’s no need to.
You are trying to get better. They are not going to help with your mental well-being. You moved out and that will release you from the ignorance that is your mom and uncle. Hopefully, will find other books to help you keep in good spirits and manage your depression and hopefully overcome it.
I wish you the best health!” Heffatim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is horrific. Not just because I also love books and am shocked at the notion of selling them, but mostly because this person know how much they meant to you and went out of his way to destroy your source of happiness and joy. Additionally, the whole ‘you should read more religious books’ paired with this controlling behavior is a massive red flag.
Personally, I would sue your uncle for the cost of the books, just to make him suffer then go no contact.
The bigger question is how do you deal with your mother – it seems she was a passive participant in that she allowed this to happen but did not actively advocate for this result. I think that relationship can be salvaged, but remember that she too knew how much those books meant to you, had explicit orders to not throw them away and yet allowed them to be tossed anyway.
Sit her down and explain how her actions destroyed a source of comfort and joy, and that her actions have severely harmed your trust and faith in her as a mother, and see how she reacts. If she gets defensive you may need to go Low Contact with her. If she gets aggressive you may need to go No Contact with her.
Remember that family is not just b***d – family is who you say it is, and I hope you find some people you can comfortably call family regardless of how this turns out.
GL!
-PS Good god, I can’t even handle page creases and they throw out books? Jesus…” horrifyingthought
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your uncle’s a jerk and your mom is even worse, cuz she’s your parent and she should have your back over her adult sibling. Basically what your mom is telling you is that she agrees with her brother and doesn’t care about your enjoyment of reading.
When you really need to hear in your whole family agreeing with them is that your whole family is full of jerks who don’t actually care about you as an individual member, they care about the idea of people being stuck together and calling it family, and also just that extra flavor of thrusting religion on people.
You should start making plans to separate from your family, cuz really this behavior isn’t going to stop” JCBashBash
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Get A Tattoo?
“My husband and I have been together 20 years. We never spent a lot of time with his dad because he was in and out of prison, halfway houses, and substance treatment. He lied constantly and made life very difficult for my husband. He wasn’t there for the big life events (or he was trashed), he stole from us for substances and booze, and was an all-around shady guy.
When he passed away a few years ago, he left a MESS for my husband and his siblings to sort through- illegal dealings, vehicles with no insurance, and he owed money everywhere.
My hubby remembers the good times when he was little and his dad was a sober and his hero. He was a veteran, and we’re all thankful for his service, but he was a horrible husband and a pretty deadbeat dad.
We’ve also found other children he left behind too with no compensation and unpaid child support over the years.
So, my husband wants a memorial tattoo for his dad. Am I awful for thinking this is a poor choice? Am I awful for legitimately NOT wanting to see this every day? This will be featured primarily on his body. (Note: a tattoo is NOT the issue.
It’s fine by me and his workplace. Also, hubby has a history of not thinking through his tats well.)
AITJ if I bring this up and suggest this isn’t a great idea or suggest a less prominent place for the tattoo?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Sounds like your husband had a complicated relationship with his father, but he chooses to focus on the positive and wants to memorialize that.
It’s his body to do with as he pleases. This is not about you it’s about your husband. You’re not the jerk for not wanting him to get the tattoo, but you would be if you mentioned it to him.” BDizzMcNizz
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but it is close. A lot of this comes down to how it is handled. You aren’t awful for not liking the idea.
You are allowed to have your opinion on the matter. If he were to ask you your opinion, you wouldn’t be the jerk for voicing it either, so long as you are delicate.
That said, you could very easily steer into jerk territory if you were to try to mandate that he not get the tattoo. At the end of the day, it is your husband’s body, and this was his dad.
Your husband’s opinion is the one that matters the most here, and trying to override that would make you the jerk.” GoatyMcGoatlord
Another User Comments:
“He wasn’t your father and parent/child relationship are very complicated. This is his way of dealing with his death and it is completely his choice. This doesn’t really affect you in any way so you should just be there to support him.
Maybe bring up the idea of a waiting period to see if he still wants the tat later. Right now ‘no jerks here; but if you still don’t support him later then you’re the jerk.” gnomeoandjulietstan
18. AITJ For Wanting To Explore A Different Religion?
“I (f33) want to explore a new religion and my husband (m35) thinks I’m being unreasonable. As background, we have been together for 15 years (in a relationship 10, married 5).
During this time, I’ve always been openly agnostic, but I did not follow an organized faith because I always felt like I didn’t fit into the communities and that the arbitrary rules were sniffling and nonsensical. My husband has been an agnostic Catholic who really only identifies with Catholicism because that’s how he was raised (as he puts it). 3 years ago we had our son, and I’ve found that trying to raise him without any religious community has been hard as a lot of the morals of our local community are not in line with what I would say are good mores (i.e. a child hitting a parent looked aside or a child-stealing with no consequence when caught).
Recently, I’ve had some really positive experiences with some friends who are Protestant and have opened my eyes to how the faith is much more open than I previously believed, and I’ve decided to start exploring the faith more. When I talked to my husband about it today, he said he doesn’t care what I do, but then kept bringing up how he doesn’t believe in all that, etc etc. At first, I thought it would be productive to try to talk through everything, but he just kept going back to his beliefs based on his faith rather than listening.
Eventually, I just said that I don’t care if he believes what I do, I’m just asking him to respect that I want to see if this is a path that I want to follow and that I may bring my son along the way once I know he will be accepted. He told me I just need to calm down and quit being unreasonable.
I haven’t talked to him since (a couple of hours).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have a right to influence your child. Nonetheless, PLEASE explore other ways to teach morals. There are so many more ways to teach morals than with religion, and it’s a failing of our current society to connect morality and religion. Rather than indoctrinate your kid into a belief system where they will inevitably be pressured into believing much more than just how to love their neighbor, look into teaching ethics using empathy.
A kid can understand that an action that hurts people is wrong because it hurts people. Sure, it’s easier to just send them off to Sunday school where they’ll be told that the Bible is a fact, and the Bible says stealing is wrong, but inevitably one day they will read a verse that will either shatter this irrational belief, or they’ll be compelled to believe something so much more damaging.
Ex a protestant here. I had my world turned upside down when I had to leave the church. My childhood best friends still think gay people are evil. Just please find another way, you have such an advantage as an agnostic.” dungsucker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go and see what the church is like, hear what they believe & how they help others in the community or whatever.
Make your judgment as to if you want to continue it & then introduce your son to it, if you indeed, do want to continue. I can tell you that many things are the same & many others are different between Protestants & Catholics. Judge for yourself what feels right to you. After we tried several different churches when I was a kid, we settled on Lutheran when I was 9.
As an adult, I tried a few more churches & found a new one about 6 months ago that feeds my soul. Personally, I need that Pastor, Minister, Priest, or Rabbi to touch my heart & engage my attention and belief in God’s word. Find the place that uplifts you with hope & works for you. Faith is between you & whoever you celebrate. It would be awesome for the hubby to agree, however, this is between you & your maker.
Outsiders do not matter. I go to church with my daughter & granddaughters. Neither hubbies will go. Sad for them.” peoplearejerks69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it’s much easier to be atheist. All the pointless pathetic bickering between branches of Christian religions is ridiculous & petty. They’re ALL Christian! Who cares what the tiny differences are. I grew up Catholic (due to private school) but my mom was Baptist. She never pushed religion on us.
She wanted us to be old enough to choose on our own. Turns out, both my sisters and I ended up atheists & we do not introduce religion to our kids. They’ll learn about it from friends anyways. Just be a good person and screw what anyone else thinks.” Holmes221bBSt
17. AITJ For Telling My Parents To Stop Talking Trash About My Sibling?
“I (18F) am not exactly close with my siblings. We get along decently well, but we just don’t have a lot in common and my half-siblings (7F, 5M) are a lot younger.
My full sibling is 15, and they (not sure of pronouns) are currently questioning their gender identity. I know we’re not close, but I still love my sibling and would defend them.
They have been questioning their identity for two years. They cut their hair short a year ago, and ever since have been getting backlash from our maternal family. They’ve also always been the “rebellious” ones in the family as well.
A lot of people on my mom’s side are closed-minded, and they don’t have a good opinion of my sibling.
They are biologically female and that’s how most relatives see them. They’re bothered by it but don’t show it too often. But my mom talks bad about them with her friends, parents, and siblings. She’s even told the younger kids in the family that they’re a liar for ‘faking her gender.’ She’ll tell my half-siblings and cousins, ‘(birth name) is pretending she’s a different gender than she actually is, she’s making it up.’ This happens when the kids will ask my sibling about it.
Earlier today we were at my grandma’s house. My mom and stepdad were telling my grandmother and aunt about my sibling, saying she was attention-seeking. I finally had enough of it and went up to them and told them to be quiet and quit talking trash. Both of them were shocked and angry and asked who I thought I was talking to. I said I was talking to two horrible parents and asked them if they wanted their children to cut them out of their life.
After that, my mom grounded me and even my stepbrother (16M) told me I’m a bad person for disrespecting my parents for no reason. And it really had nothing to do with me and wasn’t my place to intervene, and it was really just out of anger, so please tell me if I’m in the wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parents earn their respect just as everyone else does, you should always hold them to a standard too.
Tell them if they think you’re being disrespectful it’s because they earned it by being disrespectful about their own child. They won’t like it. Will probably act like flustered kids themselves. But that’s the rub, for some that behavior never stops just cause they reached adulthood.
With any luck, you’ll give them something to reflect on. Probably not. Either way, be there for your sibling.
They probably feel very alone. Firm NTJ.” jenvonlee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did well and you had a reason. They are bullying their own child. Is there any way you can go stay with your other parent? (If I’m reading the family tree correctly). It seems that your sibling might be safer away from your mom and stepdad(?). If I’m misunderstanding I’ll edit the comment later.
Your mom and stepbrother know you are in the right, they just don’t want to admit they’re bullies.” Wizardinred
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents are closed-minded jerks for sure, and your brother needs some perspective. I personally think you did the right thing, and there wasn’t a better way to do it, but sadly I don’t see this as playing out very well for you.
Good on you for defending your sibling.” dungsucker
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Made Plans With My Stepmom On My Birthday?
“I’m a 14-year-old female who lives with my mom but I try to visit my dad regularly. Normally, what happens on my birthday is I spend half the day with my mom. Then I go to his house and we go shopping and go out to eat for my birthday dinner. But this year, I wanted to spend the morning with him and have dinner with my mom.
So I went to his house 3 days before my birthday and we ended up having my birthday dinner during these 3 days. And the day before my birthday, he tells me that if I’m planning to stay for the morning I was going to be at the house alone. Because he had work and my stepmother was going to drop my siblings off at their aunt’s house to stay the night.
So I ended up just going back to my mom’s house and spending the day with her. And I didn’t see my dad until later that night when I went to dinner with my mom. We saw him at the restaurant with my stepmom. We said hi. But I just can’t stop thinking that out of all the days he could’ve dropped off the kids and spent the day with my stepmom he chose my birthday.
My sister said that I’m overthinking it and that it’s not like we didn’t get to celebrate at all and I should be grateful. And my mom said that it was probably just a coincidence that it was on my birthday. So am I the jerk for still being upset?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Although I think that’s too harsh of a judgment – it doesn’t sound like he didn’t want to spend time with you, but rather you wanted the morning with him and he couldn’t provide that.
You can’t always get off of work as an adult, it sounds like he tried making up for it the days before and still made an effort to see you on your birthday. You’re not wrong to have feelings, but it doesn’t sound like your dad could do much more.” LuluLucy-
Another User Comments:
“You did get to celebrate during those 3 days before your actual birthday.
That does count for something. Your dad made sure along with your stepmom that you got to have your birthday dinner. You are only seeing your side of things. You actually did switch up plans this year (breakfast with dada & dinner with mom), so they had a sitter lined up for the evening to go out themselves. You just happened to run into them while out.
Be happy for everybody all the way around. Your dad did no wrong. You clearly have many people who love you. You are at that age where you are in the ‘you’ mindset right now. You will understand later on and look back at this and be happy that everything worked out for everybody, and that your birthday was a good one.” Dry_Dragonfruit_4191
Another User Comments:
“Sorry honey, YTJ. He didn’t not spend it with you because he had other plans. YOU specifically said that you decided that you wanted to spend the morning with him and the evening with your mom. It doesn’t sound like you told him that ahead of time, but regardless, he had to work in the morning. I understand you felt ignored but it doesn’t seem like that was the case this time.
Because you had plans, he could have simply made plans with the stepmom after and you both ended up at the same restaurant.” WhenImOld
15. AITJ For Not Wanting People To Joke About My Dental Condition?
“I (22f) suffer from weak teeth and multiple dental infections, as a result, I often suffer from toothaches and can’t eat too many hard/solid objects without getting pains, I developed a sugar addiction as well in my teens and that hasn’t since helped my problems, As a result, I wear dentures on my four front teeth and sometimes joke about it with close family like my mom and sisters.
So me, my sister (39) and my nephew (15) were joking around and my nephew called me an old lady because I was chasing him around whilst limping, So I took off my dentures (four front teeth) and that got him rolling on the floor laughing. His mother starts lying about me having too many sweets as a child and that’s what caused my problems (probably to teach my nephew a lesson) and I didn’t want to be an example when my experience is different, so I told her so via text.
She tells me that she is probably mistaken and says she has vivid memories of me having sweets and candies as a child and even my mom disagreed with her, so I send her a message stating ‘Maybe you are, either way, it’s one thing for me to joke about my issues and for someone else to make a joke about them (You’d joke about your conditions to make yourself feel better but that doesn’t warrant anyone else doing the same, right?)’ to which she gets up and tells me she has no intention to read my long messages and I told her to agree to disagree, now she’s saying that she’s done with my insolence and that she needs a break from me, saying that I keep causing problems and that I’m the one causing problems when I question her authority,
WIBTJ for not being an example? Maybe I should have just let him joke about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have many missing teeth because I went decades without dental care while doing sweets, sodas, and not enough brushing. I can, & have, told inquisitive child (before partial dentures) that was the reason. If an adult made comment it would throw me into depression.” TheRealSkeeter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s perfectly okay to not want people lying about you. I’d be upset if someone did this too.” Horizon_Zero96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she owes you a big apology.” glittersparkles106
14. AITJ For Using My Shorter Sister's Head As An Armrest And A Headrest?
“My (m17) older sister (f19) came home recently from her college because she was on spring break this past week. I’ve grown quite a lot over the past few months, and have grown from like 5’11 or 6’0 to 6’2.
My older sister is about like 5’1 or so, so yes she’s a lot shorter (and yes, we have the same parents, a 6’0 dad, and a 5’0 mom). I thought it would be pretty funny to use her head as an armrest so that’s what I did. On occasion, I also rested my chin on her head which I do think was hilarious in hindsight.
My sister didn’t find it so funny. She called me into her room a few days ago, and she explained that she felt really small when I used her head as an armrest and headrest and that it felt weird that I, as her little brother, could do that. I told her I understood and I said that I wouldn’t do it again, and I haven’t done it since.
I do want to know whether I was the jerk in doing what I did?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ because you stopped. It really depends on relationship dynamics when joking with family or friends. But if she didn’t give consent for coming into contact with her, then you shouldn’t. That goes with anyone: buddies, family, friends, etc. however, if you normally have a fun relationship, I could see why you were taken aback to learn that you shouldn’t have done that.
My mom and dad always used to pretend I was an armrest growing up, and I didn’t like it. I never felt safe enough, however, to let them know that. So, It’s good that she was able to vocalize her discomfort to you. You obviously have trust in your relationship!” Wannabecritic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there’s a bit of nuance here — I sincerely doubt you meant anything rude by this gesture and I (5’2F) would’ve found it extremely adorable but sis did not.
Her reasons might not make sense but now that you know she’s sensitive about her height (which she should absolutely get over), you probably won’t do it again (if you do, YTJ).” SatanicSunflower
Another User Comments:
“This is my take on it from what you provided. You’re NTJ for being silly and trying to be playful with your sister. You weren’t being malicious, your intention was not to be mean.
She told you she didn’t like it and it made her feel bad and you immediately stopped and apologized. Sometimes in life, we accidentally hurt other people’s feelings.
My takeaway from your question wasn’t, ‘AITJ for having done this…’ I read it like you were asking if you should have ‘known better’ than to have done it in the first place. It’s fine to be silly and playful, generally acting like that would make her feel good and laugh.
You didn’t know it would make her feel bad and you responded appropriately when she told you how she felt.” TechnicallyAllergic
13. AITJ For Refusing To Take On Responsibility That's Not Mine?
“So I (17F) recently applied for my high school’s leadership team. I have worked for literally two and a half years to build trust with the student body so that I could be confident that I would have a place in student leadership… and then I was rejected.
I am now an alternate. But my friend, ‘Teresa’ (also 17F) was accepted and was sworn in as the leadership’s treasurer. That comes with a lot of responsibilities, including but not limited to, managing funds, writing down all transactions, and restocking our student store with candy, soda, etc. It has been 1-2 months since Teresa became treasurer. And she has yet to restock the student store once.
I have stocked it 5+ times.
I was mostly just doing this to help out because she said she was busy. But lately, it has started to tax me, as my responsibilities are becoming overwhelming. I just got my first job and I already lead a club in the school. It all came to a head a few days ago when our principal (who chaperones the leadership team) introduced me as the person who restocks the student store.
I immediately corrected her and told her that was Teresa’s job, as she is the treasurer.
I talked with a few other leadership members about it, and they said if I continue to have to take on this responsibility, I should request full leadership member status and also the title of treasurer.
Eventually, this unbalance of responsibility got around to the President and Vp of leadership, and a few days ago they sat down with Teresa to reiterate her responsibilities and request she not burden me with them.
She is really upset about it and I’m worried it will ruin our friendship, but I really can’t take on more responsibility right now. AITJ for not helping out?
Edit 1: I did tell her that it was her job to restock and I couldn’t do it forever before I talked with the other members. She just insisted she was busy. There were about three weeks when neither of us could do it so it didn’t get stocked. I finally gave in and stocked it because we really need funds for our formal.
Edit 2: The other leadership members I talked with were also my friends, and I did not talk to them maliciously, I genuinely just wanted to know what they thought of the situation (which is why I posted here as well.) Unfortunately, people talk and it got back to the execs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
OP, we all have a tendency to help out. I’ll do x because a person is busy with y.
And that is a good thing; people should be kind to each other. However, if a situation isn’t working, there is a point where you should let something fail or fall over and sooner rather than later. Because when you do, people can fix the problem. If you keep stepping in to ‘fix’ the issue or because if I don’t then things will go wrong, you just are not actually helping even though it looks like it.
In this case, Teresa is either lazy or snowed under. As a result, she is not doing something she is committed to. The solution is not to continue to do Teresa’s job. It is for the group and the leadership to discuss the matter. Maybe they decide that everyone helps Teresa, maybe they ask her to do her job, maybe they decide something else. The end result is that the problem, not the symptoms, gets fixed.
Also your first paragraph. I’m sorry, that must have been painful but, gently, people have the right to vote for who they want even if it is a mistake.” 8kijcj
Another User Comments:
“Yea don’t worry about her.
You are 17. Most of the people you know now will be very unimportant to you once you finish school. If she is really your friend then she should be supporting you.
If she just wants to take advantage of you she is your friend.
If you want to take on the role then do it. If she wanted it she should have done it properly. Or do other things that are important to you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t be doing her job for her. You aren’t obligated to help out. You mention applying for a position which means your friend should have known the responsibilities and what being chosen entails if she can’t handle them she shouldn’t be there.” casketbasketcase
12. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Dad And His Fiancée For Removing My Doorknobs?
“My dad’s fiancée removed my doorknobs from my (F17) room and her daughter’s (F11) room (we share a room). We get along for the most part, better than a lot of siblings do. She moved into the house about a year ago. She has her cat and I have mine, hers is a barn cat and mine is a house cat, the barn cat hates being locked up.
Sometimes we don’t notice he gets in the room while we sleep and he tears up the carpet to get out, this was when we had the cat stuff in our room, we no longer do, it’s all downstairs now. I cannot sleep with the door open, I never have been able to, so I always close it before going to bed. I worked from 4:30 pm-12:00 am.
He told me that he was wanting to remove my doorknobs because his fiancée doesn’t like it when I close my door, something I have been doing for almost my whole life now. I told him that if he ended up doing that then I will not come back to his house.
I get home and I leave the light off in the room because my stepsister is asleep, and I grab my PJs so I can go to sleep, I get changed in the bathroom because I can at least turn on the light there to change.
I head back into the bedroom and go to close the door. The doorknobs are already gone. I was upset that where I did not sleep at all. He and I got into a bad fight this evening about it because he said that his fiancée wanted to remove the door completely. AITJ for being upset about this? I’ve gotten mixed responses from family and friends I’ve told about this and from my dad, I just need to know if it’s just teenager hormones or an actual reason I can be upset about.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hope you have somewhere else to stay. I wouldn’t stay without a doorknob.
If you cannot go somewhere else to stay, use it. They clearly want more time with you. So insist on spending every second with them for a few days. Talk nonstop, pop and smack gum, do everything you know drives them nuts. Tell them that you will only stop when you have a doorknob again.
Until then, they can know everything!
Talk to your father, especially at the dinner table, about your periods. I know it isn’t a fun topic, but guys usually hate any period talk, esp during a meal. So ask him if he thinks you should change tampon sizes. Does he think you need pads with wings? Or without wings? Also, tell him that you need to know his opinions on bras and other stuff.
Should you wear thongs?
If he doesn’t want to talk about private stuff in public ways, he can talk to you in private after you have a doorknob. He took your doorknob, so clearly he wants every facet of your life to be shared!!!!! Especially the period stuff. And the lingerie stuff.” GrizeldaLovesCats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – having some control over your own space is important you made your feelings about it known made it clear that it was important to you and were ignored totally reasonable for you to be upset and also reasonable for you to decide how important this change is to you.
You’re almost an adult if this is something that is upsetting but ultimately something that you can cope with fine if it’s something that’s important enough to you that you feel like you need to stay with another family member that’s ok too. You can listen to other people’s thoughts on the situation but ultimately only you know how important it is to you.
Take a little time thinking about what specifically is upsetting to you is it how they were removed?
That sort of abrupt change without permission while you’re away can be pretty jarring and heighten our reactions. Is it the doorknob itself being gone? Is that something that really bothers you and makes you feel highly uncomfortable and something that you just aren’t prepared to live with?
Once you’ve decided how much of each it is have a conversation with your father and let him know what you have decided if that’s to stay with another family member that’s ok even if it upsets him you can point out that at least your telling him about the change your making not just letting him come home to find that you and your stuff are missing without a word, since he felt that was the appropriate way to do what he wanted.” ogre215
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is not a good man or a good example of a healthy relationship and just… I cannot articulate how disturbing it is that he would allow someone to remove your door handle, let alone have such a conscientious young person who is so aware of other people’s needs questioning if they are being reasonable over such a basic thing.
Please tell me you have adults in your life protecting and supporting you because raising someone so uncertain over such simple, basic, normal standards are setting them up to be exploited by others later on. I am worried about you, no one should ever make you doubt that you have a right to privacy/a right to not have your living situation changed drastically without accommodation for your needs/a right to place your needs above others’ capricious wants and comfort/etc.
You should be safe and have an adult you trust make doubt basic requirements being reasonable is not a safe adult for either you or the 11yo. Your father’s gf is beyond empathy but presumably, your father is not half as delusional so is facilitating someone he knows is absolutely coconuts mistreating his child and that is worse. Please look after yourself, he is a fully grown adult and you are in no way responsible for him or his comfort.” HannahAnthonia
11. AITJ For Trying To Have My Friend's Back?
“I have a best friend we’ll call D for privacy purposes. D started going out with this girl (P) last summer and I was super happy for him cuz he deserves to be happy and have love.
They have similar interests and some similar goals. One big inconsistency is that he wants kids and she doesn’t. Well, several months ago she starts being more and more cold and negligent towards him, breaking promises and ignoring him for her other (male) friends.
One time she told him that if she’d known he was so insecure she’d never have gone to visit him (he lives in Colombia, her in Peru) and now he spends 90% of his time depressed, crying, and in crisis.
She’s turned this wonderful man into a shell of himself… I’ve tried to help build up his self-esteem and strength so he can tell her what he needs, or even just walk away but he can’t do it. So the other day I messaged her and told her to either have mercy on him and end it or start acting like she actually cares… Now he’s cut me off entirely and won’t speak to me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From your information, it’s clear something needed to happen. Understand that you were toe-stepping a little but there comes a point where you just can’t watch anymore and you reached it. Having acknowledged the toe stepping though – I hate to say it – if he continues to choose his own misery then you’ll have to say that you tried and failed. Don’t nuke the situation.
I don’t know about your friends or family but pushing further is the sort of thing that’ll get you vilified by other people.” 24-Blue-Roses
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is similar to giving advice/criticism when it’s not needed or wanted. Although you had good intentions, you confronted your friend’s significant other behind his back. You didn’t have his permission, and he obviously wasn’t happy about it.
You overstepped a boundary.
You can tell your friend about your concerns, but at the end of the day, they’re going to make their own decisions. Sometimes really bad decisions that you don’t agree with. You can decide whether or not you want to support your friend, but you can’t fix his relationship. That’s between him and his partner.” catanddogtor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She seems manipulative and terrible.
Your friend is caught up in the lie, most likely. I’m sorry. Perhaps you shouldn’t have gotten involved, but then again it didn’t warrant your friend cutting you off. His overreaction clearly expresses that there is a problem. You may just have to be patient until he comes to his senses. It’s hard to see friends in crisis but sometimes we’ve done all we can do.” sleepyafri
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not your circus not your monkey. He is an adult and is allowed to make his own decisions. It feels like you were trying to save him by meddling when he never asked for your help. Whilst I understand you were trying to do the right thing and help a mate out I think you overstepped.” Even_Improvement_873
10. AITJ For Refusing To Name Our Child After My Wife's Grandma?
“My wife and I are expecting a baby girl this July.
My wife really wants to name the baby after her grandmother. My wife was close to her grandmother growing up and unfortunately, her grandmother passed away seven years ago. Let’s just say the grandmother’s name is ‘Julie’. Julie is also my wife’s middle name and out of the eight children and 20-something grandchildren and 10-something great children, none of them have Julie in their names.
But, seven years ago, a year before I met my wife, I dated a girl called Julie for six weeks. Julie never met my family or any of my friends but I have a blanket rule of never naming any of my kids after past relationships. It just feels too weird.
My wife is understandably upset and thinks I’m being unreasonable as the name means a lot to her and keeps mentioning that I’m named after my grandad but this is one thing I’m putting my foot down on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think the thing with naming a kid after an ex all depends on how the new partner feels. Yea, don’t name your kid after an ex if your wife hates the idea. But she has a legit reason why she wants to use this name and it has nothing to do with your ex so it’s not an offense.
Was the ex hurtful to you so it’s hard to be reminded of her? Then I think you can reasonably explain that to your wife. I would not want to name my son after an abusive relationship. But if you have no other reason against the name other than the principal, I think you can let it slide.
However, I will say the names should be picked equally and if a name is turned down, it should be reconsidered. There are other versions of ‘Julie’ that can still be used to honor the grandmom without being a direct name of the ex.
Just keep talking about it together.” Sweet_Charming82
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – How serious was this six-week relationship? Did something happen in the relationship that makes you really uncomfortable? If so, I would suggest talking to your wife about it.
I mean I get it. I wouldn’t want to name my kid the same name as one of my serious exes, but 6 weeks doesn’t seem like it was a serious relationship.
A short-term relationship more than half a decade ago doesn’t seem to be enough to me to invalidate your wife’s lifelong deep and endearing relationship with her grandmother.
I do think that your wife should at least try to understand and respect how you feel about the situation. Kids’ names should be come up with together. But given her deep relationship with her grandmother, I could see how she might feel like you’re being silly.
I’m inclined to say you’re the jerk here.
Regardless, I definitely think you both need to work together, communicate more and try to come up with a compromise. Maybe you could suggest a compromise and use Julie as a middle name and come up with an alternate first name together? That way you still honor the grandmother while not making it her first name.” Lendyman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for whatever reason OP doesn’t want the name Julie he has the right to like or dislike! They are both EQUAL PARENTS and both should have a say in their daughter’s name! My husband is half Greek from his father’s side and some might know Greeks have a tradition of calling their children kids grandparents (so it would be like Max’s great grandfather, grandfather Alex, father Max, son Alex, etc..)
When I got pregnant with a boy everybody on the Greek side of the family thought I ll call him FIL but I told my husband I respect tradition but did not really like the name. In my country too there is a tradition of getting names from grandparents but not so often anymore and not as in Greek culture (I m not of Greek nationality).
When my father found out I m pregnant he told me ‘Don’t feel obligated to give your kid a name by someone, he/she is human for himself and has his own destiny.’
My husband and I talked about it and decided to give my son a name we both will like! My son has 2 cultures and 2 citizenships from his father’s side and 3rd culture and 3rd citizenship from my side.
So we decided to give him the name that is in use in all 3 cultures and not related to any of the family names! If my FIL was alive for what I get he would put pressure on us to name our son by him, SIL (husband’s sister already gave her son name by grandfather but BIL put a foot down when FIL wanted his last name instead BIL’s).
I get where your wife comes from with naming your daughter by grandma but in this if you don’t agree with a name for whatever reason you need to find a compromise!
Maybe ‘Julie’ can be the middle name for your daughter and you together choose the first name for the baby! This way wife will get that grandma’s name to be in daughter’s and you call your daughter by the first name that you chose together!” CrazyMath2022
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Both of your feelings are valid but you both need to communicate better about them. Baby-names is a two yes one no issue. I personally think it’s a little weird that a six-week relationship still matters to you so much but if you feel that way about the name you just do. In the end, naming your kid a name you don’t like or that makes you uncomfortable it’s only going to create more problems between y‘all in the future.
Maybe suggest Juliet or something similar or make Julie the middle name.” lightgreenwings
9. AITJ When My Family Kicked Me Out Because Of A Puppy?
“In 2020 my mom (51) and sister (22) left me at my parents’ house without warning while my dad (53) lives out of state. They said they were visiting family, but they left for a year while I have a history of mental health issues and instability.
In 2021 my mom is wasted and attacks me (20) and my significant other (19).
Later in 2021 my mom and dad ask me to give them $40,000 to start a business, but I politely decline. Fast forward to 2022, I decided to rehome my service dog that I got in 2021, but he doesn’t enjoy service work. I have PTSD so I don’t need a pet. My sister begged me to let them say goodbye, and even though my mom and dad want him to move in with them meanwhile I already found a disabled woman to adopt him.
I decide to get a new puppy bred for service work and raise it at my SO’s house.
My mom returns home to visit. She refuses the puppy at their house. We rarely stop by to grab a few things.
My mom constantly talks down on me about the new puppy. She asks whether or not I found a home for my old dog even though I’ve said a few times that I already have.
We have to take him to the vet for one last checkup before he meets his new owner.
I’m doing what they wanted, letting them say goodbye, not keeping the puppy at their house, not causing drama. AITJ for getting a new puppy and allowing them to say goodbye to my old dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are finding a good home for your old dog and getting a new one that can help you.
You’re also doing the things they want you to, minus giving them the dog. I know you may not want to hear this, but your family is not good to you and I would get out of that situation if you haven’t already.” djgrier
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you need a service dog and want your old dog to be happy. I get it.” adorableexplosion
8. AITJ For Ruining Easter?
“This past Easter my wife’s family came over for Easter day we had a great time then toward the end it was time to do an egg hunt we decided to wait for my brother-in-law (17) to get off work because he wanted to hunt too. Most of this family was not participating I (31) and my wife (31) have two boys 3 and 1 they were the main hunters the rest of us wanted to help.
My mother-in-law hides the moolah and various other prizes in the eggs. My BIL was going to hunt and made his intentions clear he was going to search for only the coins and prizes. We tell him he needs to wait and so he did for all of 1 min while my boys went for random eggs. BIL asks if he can go to which he was told he could.
The family urged him to use a basket and he refused to say he’ll hold what he finds he points out he will only pick up the coins and prize ones.
Frustrated at this, I tell him to play normally and not just pick and choose. I may have come off a little strong and he got very offended saying I disrespected him. He proceeded to quit participating and sat down.
We all tried to tell him to still participate which I wasn’t against as long as he wasn’t trying to go for just money. He adamantly refused to play saying I’m being disrespectful to him over some coins. I am just looking to make sure it is fair to my kids who are only 3 and his only nephews. He storms off after a long silence.
Hours later he tells my wife he wants nothing to do with me ever again until I apologize. While I felt I did no actual wrong I apologized stating I could have handled it better but he refused to acknowledge he did anything wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 17-year-old who has his own job is mad because he can’t take advantage of toddlers?
The family waits for him not so he can watch, but so he can compete? I get the fun of finding coins-my mom hid eggs with coins when I was a poor college student, and she had as much fun as my brother and me during the hunt. I kept the tradition going through my own children’s college years. But taking candy from babies? You handled your apology well-you were right, you could have worded things better.
Your BIL, however, didn’t come around. You guys need a different system if you’re going to try to continue a mixed-age hunt, though.” Zorkanian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I think people are missing the point. His mom makes and hides the eggs. His mom puts prizes and money on the eggs. And this is likely the last Easter that he gets to be a kid and enjoy the Easter that his mom puts on.
You are your kids’ parent. If you wanted to do an egg hunt a certain way then you could have done it yourself. Buy eggs, make them, and hide them. But don’t be a jerk to a child who wants to take part in a tradition that his mom does for him (obviously seeing as she waited for him to come home).
We can talk about how he threw a fit etc. But at the end of the day, this was his last Easter as a child and you ruined it cuz you didn’t find it fair how he was playing.
He wasn’t even going to fill a basket, just going to take what he could carry.” MakinStuffDoinThangs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s 17, not 7. While his maturity level may have been age-appropriate for this egg hunt, it was obvious that he was going to go for an easy grab on grandma’s moolah at the expense of your children.
Bravo for not giving in to his tantrum, and keeping the hunt fun for your kids!
I really hope that your wife and her family acknowledge that he’s a piece of work.” S*************o
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
BIL sucks for being 17 and wanting to ‘compete’ in an egg hunt with toddlers. Talk about ruining the spirit of the party!
You suck for escalating this into a confrontation that made everyone uncomfortable. Even if BIL had snapped up the coin eggs, I imagine your kids would have been happier with the candy and toys anyway.
Whoever organized this sucks for not heading off the problem by giving everyone their own egg color.
Whoever told the 17-year-old he could ‘compete’ sucks for not thinking of how that would work with toddlers and/or for not telling the 17-year-old to behave appropriately.” CalamityClambake
7. AITJ For Unknowingly Helping Someone Become Unfaithful?
“I’m a 19-year-old girl who attends a university well known for partying. Out at the club one night, I met a guy who wasn’t my usual type. My friends said I was way out of his league but he seemed nice and I wanted to practice making the first move on guys. We danced, flirted a little, and then we made out.
(Also he was a horrible kisser) He told me he was single and was very much giving me energy, but I kissed him first. He then asked for my Snapchat after. When I went to his Instagram I saw a girl’s name in the bio. I immediately started stalking and found out it was his significant other. I felt guilty for a week and finally, DMed her about it.
She thinks I’m lying and keeps asking for proof. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The only jerk in this situation is the guy. You did the right thing by alerting his partner, even if she doesn’t believe you at the moment. Before you realized he had a partner, did you exchange any DMs or texts that could have alluded to his infidelity?
Not that it should be on you to dig up evidence for the girl, but if you have it already, it may be worth sending. Otherwise something like, ‘I don’t have anything tangible to convince you, but on X day at X time he was at X club. (if he was with any of his friends, describe them, too, if you can remember) He told me he was single.
You can choose to believe me or not, but I didn’t feel it was right to keep this information from you.’ You’ve done all you can do at that point.
Also, you didn’t ‘help someone become unfaithful’ – homeboy made that decision fully on his own. He could have said, ‘Wow, I’m really flattered, but I’m seeing someone’ and all of you could have avoided this.
Try not to feel guilty; you didn’t do anything wrong.” Apostrophe_T
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You aren’t responsible for information you weren’t given: You didn’t know he had a partner and the moment you caught wind of it you confirmed and dropped him. You’ve done it all right.
Admittedly I don’t blame her for wanting some sort of proof, thus the ‘no jerks here’.
Such a thing coming out of nowhere is probably hard to accept on a dime and trust of strangers, and be real- would you wanna hear that about your own partner out of nowhere? Would you accept it immediately?
The guy sucks but this story isn’t actually asking about him. It’s between you and the girl at this point.” 24-Blue-Roses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He told you he was single, so what were you supposed to think?
You don’t do background checks on people you’ve just met. You take what they say at face value. If he lied about his relationship status, then that’s on him.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, if anything you’ve tried to warn his partner about it and do the right thing. Kudos to you!” Cry_Original
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – but not for the reason that you think.
You meet a guy at a club and he clearly gave the ‘single vibe.’
Once you found out he was not single you should have ghosted him. Do not stalk his SO and then confront her about his infidelity. No one needs that. That’s what makes you the jerk.” t_a_degen
6. AITJ For Wanting Therapy?
“I (18f) am not very good with words. Mom (44f), dad (47m), and two siblings (17f and 12m).
I was 10 when we moved to another country where we didn’t have family, it didn’t affect me that bad. 2018: My mom and my sister were depressed in the same year, they went to therapy and got better.
2020: finally told my mother that I was not good, that I felt depressed, that I felt like I was not good enough and didn’t feel good in any way.
She screamed at me and told me that I was just lazy and just needed to get off my phone, my dad took our phones because of this. In June, I told her again and she told me she was going to make an appointment. This didn’t come true, I asked her a week after to see if she did make the appointment, and she complained to me that we always tell her to do everything.
Why couldn’t I do it and that my father and my siblings always relied on her for everything. I moved back to my home country to study, but I really suffer a lot because my depression got worse, I lost like 10 lbs because I just couldn’t get myself to eat. Got a little bit better, but still wasn’t studying but I was doing everything I can to get into a university.
2021: Within a month, my pet and my grandma passed away. Two days after she’s gone, I started university, it affected me.
2022: I may have ADHD since I correlate with a lot of symptoms, mom told me that I should stop studying because she doesn’t want to pay for something that I will leave in the middle.
Shared this with some friends and they all told me I’m a jerk of a daughter because they have tried to do everything for me, I wanted some outsider’s opinions on this because I don’t see it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there is an online therapist and I think you should distance yourself from your family since your mom is paying for your college don’t cut them off but keep a distance and find someone to talk to and find better friends! I know that is a lot but if you want to get your life together I’m 99% sure these are the steps to take!” Mari-021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re an 18-year-old adult and you don’t need your mom making appointments for you. Do it yourself. There are free things everywhere for therapy. Hop on a bus, talk to a shrink, and take control of your life.
Something tells me a big reason you’re depressed is because you don’t seem to type like someone who took the reins on their own life.” Kipzi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I see you’re really trying to put in the effort and even asking your mum. I actually do not understand why your mother would deny you therapy when she and your sister went for it.
Suggestion to ask for assistance from people in University. I think they can help you.” bigbruhmoments420
5. AITJ For Not Answering The Door When My Neighbor Knocks?
“I have a neighbor with whom I share a wall, and it’s always pretty clear if someone is home or not. But I do my utmost to avoid him and anyone else in my building because it really gives me the anxiety to interact. I want to feel safe and at peace in my own little home, and him or anyone knocking at my door really stresses me out.
Like, heart beating fast, holding my breath to not make a sound, inner monologue of ‘leave me alone, please go away’ over and over till he does leave. I’ll add that I think he’s probably harmless, but the one time I did meet him, he was weird. (But so was I, probably, because I was uncomfortable.)
The context for my weird behavior: I’m really struggling with anxiety and depression, and my therapist has also suggested that I might be on the spectrum.
It’s happened twice now that I’ve ignored his knocking and stayed quiet for hours afterward knowing he was just next door, then eventually being forced to reveal that I was home the whole time by running water or opening a creaky door. Another time I was really grateful to be legitimately not at home when he texted asking if I was home.
I know the rational, mature, polite thing to do is to talk to him, tell him I can’t deal, and ask him to leave me alone, but I’m not going to open my door to him or go to his.
I just can’t. I’ll just live in the awkwardness of him knowing I am home but not answering. So all that said, AITJ?
Edit 2: We exchanged numbers that one time we met. It was one of those situations where I felt like I’d be a weirdo for not just doing it. So it’s my own fault.
Edit 3: I don’t know why he knocks. He had texted to ask me over for a drink that one time, but the knocking?
I don’t actually know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but for your long-term peace of mind a simple text like ‘Hey, just letting you know I don’t answer the door to unexpected guests; if you need to contact me please send a text.’
If he texts you for anything irrelevant (relevant meaning something like him letting you know about a plumbing inspection, or asking if you’ve noticed a problem with the building), then you can ignore it unless he asks a direct question.
If he asks you out for a drink just say, ‘No thank you.’ Don’t give a reason, he can try to work around a reason. If he asks why just say, ‘Because I said no thank you.’
If he’s reasonable and just being friendly he will give up after a couple of those interactions. If he doesn’t, you have documentation of you plainly and clearly rejecting him.” DazzlingAssistant342
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – neighbors can be a community. I am from a rural area so when I first moved to a more populated & community-oriented space I felt similarly at first. This obviously isn’t quite the same, but I really do understand your perspective & you truly don’t have to open your door to anyone. I was a woman living alone next to several men.
It felt inherently scary at first.
However, sometimes neighbors are just… friendly. Or in need. Or have a question. It’s not inherently antagonistic and one day, you may need their help or have a question or a need. I don’t think he’s wrong for knocking & you’re not wrong for not answering, just something to consider. I would truly recommend just texting him next time, ‘Hey, I don’t really like it when people knock on my door unannounced. Could you just text me if you need anything?’ If he keeps doing it, then he becomes the jerk.” StandardFilm1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re not alone in feeling like this, but you are ‘letting’ your feelings ruin your life to the point where you’re not feeling safe even when locked inside your own home.
Look at it like self-administered therapy if you try to talk a little bit when the neighbors when you meet them outside. Pretend (if you have to) that you’re in a rush somewhere, or even busy on your phone, but give them a hi and a smile every now and then.
Perhaps that won’t make you comfortable enough to open the door when they knock, but perhaps it will. And perhaps they are only trying to connect with you because they are worried and care enough to want to make sure you’re ok/not lonely etc.’ tonysvanstrom
4. AITJ For Not Making My Friend A Groomsman?
“I have a friend that asked me to be a groomsman a year ago at his wedding, but now that mine is coming up, I chose other guys for that. He got upset with me and I am wondering if what I did was wrong?
For some context, he only has like 4 friends in his life so we were his only choice, meanwhile, I have my own personal circle. Don’t get me wrong, he is still a good friend and I want him at my wedding, but I don’t consider us close enough to make him a groomsman over my inner circle. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s your wedding and you don’t owe him anything but also recognize that it’s hurtful to discover someone doesn’t consider you a close friend when you thought otherwise.
The friendship probably feels like a bit of a lie and I mean this in the least-mean way possible but I hope he’s built an inner circle without you in it.” SatanicSunflower
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… just because your friends or family for that matter doesn’t mean you automatically are in the bridal party… I did readings in both my brothers’ weddings and I was an usher & did a reading in one of my best friends’ weddings, I was really close with the groom, not the bride, so she made sure I was still at the wedding party adjacent.
Just because you were in his does not guarantee a spot in yours… have him as an attendant, usher guests to their seats down the aisle, if you choose to have readings like ‘Love is Patient…’ he can do that. Just say I have so many friends, I can’t have everyone stand up with me.” Dragons_2706
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It is your own choice.
But don’t you think you gave a different impression when you accepted to be his groomsman? I hope you can at least understand where he comes from.
No need to fake anything, but at least talk to him and clarify. Just tell him you are sorry you gave him the impression you are closer friends than you really are.” ilja1995
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – whilst of course no one is obligated to pick groomsmen on a mutual basis, it does have a tad stale taste because it just gives the vibes of ‘Hey, I may be one of YOUR closest friends/the closest friends bc you don’t have many, but in my world, you aren’t that close.’ But if you have already told him, the damage is already done…” glitter_n_co
3. AITJ For Being Mean To My Brother Because He Smells?
“So I (17F) have a brother (10M) who stinks. He is always playing on his VR and moving around. We live in a single hotel room with my sister and mom so his stench that smells of like moldy cheese fills up the room and it’s thick and musty.
He is like shower phobic or something (like most ten-year-old boys, I’ll admit) because he will refuse to shower for like a week, and not change his clothes unless forced to.
When he does shower he’ll put back on his dirty clothes and we’ll have to make him put on clean ones. He also won’t wear deodorant.
We’ve tried being nice, asking politely, trying to explain the importance of basic hygiene, get him his own soaps, deodorants, and body spray, but he’s still refusing basic hygiene.
So now I’ve taken to just being blunt and mean.
‘Open the window, you freaking stink.’
‘Take a shower your stench is filling up the room.’
‘I’m not sharing a bed with you you take a shower, sleep on the couch.’
He’s recently been screaming at me that I’m a jerk and I do feel like trash over it but what else am I supposed to do? Nothing else works.
AITJ?
Edit: I’m aware he’s having some sort of mental health problem, and I know I’m definitely not helping. I’m just at the end of my rope with this child. Because of the small space, he usually ends up smacking me and my sister while playing VR. He will scream and cry if we ask him to get off of it.
Even before I was so awful to him he would yell at me that he hates me, that he wants me to be gone, he refuses to help clean and actually makes the room disgusting with his trash, food, and dirty clothes everywhere, that I have to clean up to keep the space liveable. He throws toddler-level tantrums with crying, screaming, and hair-pulling.
We’ve tried taking him to therapy, but were completely unresponsive to it and never wanted to go.
We’ve gotten CPS called because he told people at his school that he never had anything to eat when we had plenty just not a huge amount of snack foods. This kid is on my last nerve and I don’t even know what to do anymore. I just want to see outside perspectives on what I can do to be less of a jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to reside with him when he’s clean and not disgustingly unhygienic, especially in close quarters. Maybe a little bit bc of how you are telling him. I see tho you are at the end of your rope… but it isn’t your rope! The thing is you asked in this message what else are you supposed to do?
You aren’t the parent. Your MOTHER is wholly responsible for this. It’s not your job. It’s not your responsibility. But she isn’t doing hers. Easy to say hard to do and I’m sure she’s working a lot bc of y’all living situation but you gotta find time to sit her down and calmly say alone that you are trying to parent him and you don’t have the authority but he needs to learn how to properly clean himself and his things and she has to step up.
She may not handle it well. But she’s the parent. She chose to be a parent. She has to step up. I am so sorry you are dealing with the consequences of a parent not taking responsibility for her child’s welfare. That’s so frustrating.
If she won’t is there any other family or a friend’s parent of his that can help?
Cause this isn’t on you to fix.” TinyBlonde15
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your brother is 10, why is no one parenting him? Clearly, something is going on for him to not shower. Could be sensory problems, could also be abuse, could be emotional distress about something. Whatever it is, your response of insulting him will not make this situation better, it will only drive your brother away from you when he could be needing you.” The_Death_Flower
Another User Comments:
“This situation sounds rough so I’m not gonna say that your parents need to be doing more. Doing more about, the onset of puberty? Kinda outta their control and if you’re all safe and together in this hotel, I’m glad for it.
NTJ but neither is he. For Pete’s sake, he’s 10 and his body is changing — they get smelly and unreasonable; it’s just growing up.
I shudder to think what we were all like at 10 tbh.
Now, this isn’t to say ‘omg OP, so what if he smells like ram’s pee, hE’s FaMiLy’ but rather to shed a lil perspective. You’re perfectly within your rights to call him a stinky poop smear but what are you gaining from that aside from the momentary high of pettiness? If you want to see some results, you’ll have to get your parents’ help, try to trick him into doing it more often, or perhaps buy some Febreze/cologne.” SatanicSunflower
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Especially your parent for not forcing that child to bathe properly and regularly.
Yelling at him won’t work, obviously, but I can understand your frustration at the situation – but you still suck for yelling at him. He sucks for being gross and your mother sucks for not making him bathe.” User
2. WIBTJ For Publicly Confronting A Dad Who Trains With His Son At My Gym?
“There’s a dad who works out with his son (probably 16?) at my gym. He frequently raises his voice at his son while giving him training instructions. The dad also berates the son when the kid ‘messes’ something up.
His kid seems really nice and very eager to please his dad.
I feel intense levels of cringe when I’m working out next to them. I didn’t realize their age difference at first and thought maybe the dad was a really abrasive personal trainer or like a jerk older brother.
This morning, the dad was talking loudly about how bad his kid smelled, and he was complaining about how teenagers just have terrible body odor. He even roped another woman who was working out next to them, and the conversation lasted about 3-5 minutes.
The kid was laughing along with them. I feel like this dad likes showing off his control over his son in a public setting, and I worry about what kind of psychological damage he could be doing to this kid.
I really want to pull the dad aside and tell him to shut up, but I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or not. Maybe there’s something about being a parent that I don’t understand?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dad is a trash, and it’s sad for the son who has the right to unconditional love. He sounds as though he’s bullying him to look good himself.
I think you have to move away, not interfere, except you might comment to the father you’re moving because he’s a bully.” AffectionateMine2220
Another User Comments:
“I understand the impulse, but no, don’t do that.
A public confrontation is most likely to end with the dad feeling that the kid caused him to be humiliated and therefore taking more anger out on him. You can’t get the kid out of the situation or change the dad’s thinking with a confrontation, so you’ve got a 50/50 chance of just making it worse.
It can be good for kids to hear someone stand up to their jerk parents, but you want to be sure that you’re not going to exacerbate this situation. And as a random stranger, you don’t have the position to do or know that.
It would be better to compliment, boost, and support the kid rather than confront their dad. Give the kid the props his dad isn’t giving him.
If you get a chance without the dad around tell him not to feel bad about the things his dad is berating him for. If he doesn’t seem weirded out by a stranger talking to him, you could maybe tell him you think his dad is being a bit rough on him. That approach as a stranger is also unfortunately fraught but IMO, if you go carefully, better than antagonizing his dad.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think a better idea would be to talk to management about your concerns and see if they have any suggestions. They might since a fight could potentially break out if they don’t come up with something. Maybe they can observe and threaten to ban/suspend him if they think it’s bad enough.” Successful_Moment_91
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Unless you know these people personally then mind your business. Their gym relationship is maybe way different from their relationship at home. But you don’t know that because you don’t know them.” Empress_LC
You don't like how the dad interacts with his own child, even when you see the child laughing with his father and others at the gym and you somehow STILL think you're right and all of them are wrong? Relax, Karen. When you see REAL abuse happening, by all means, step in.
1. AITJ For Getting My Sister Grounded For Two Months?
“Today marks 2 years since my dog passed away. I (18M) have autism and wasn’t allowed to mourn his passing properly because of how quickly my family replaced him. I keep his collar on a stuffed animal that he used to sleep with when I’d be away from home and they both smelled like him every night I smell his collar to calm me down and help me sleep.
I got ready for bed and realized the stuffed animal didn’t have the collar and I tore apart my room looking for it thinking maybe it slipped off or something??
I ended up sobbing uncontrollably looking frantically around my room for it until my sister (16 f) came down telling me to shut up because she was trying to sleep, I ask her if she’s seen it and she goes ‘yeah I washed it, it’s been 2 years.
You need to get over your stupid dog being gone and grow up.’
I see red and start screaming at her causing my mom to come down I tell her what happened and she immediately blows up at my sister saying she had no right.
She grounds my sister for 2 months and my sister starts sobbing saying she had a concert to go to in May and my mom says, ‘Well you took away something your brother loves, now I’m taking away something you love.
Grow up and get over it.’
My sister turns to me and starts cursing me out calling me a jerk saying it’s my fault she can’t go.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This seems so vindictive. She knew how much the collar meant to you and it wasn’t hurting her. I lost my dog 4 1/2 years ago. His collar is hooked to a part of my bed. Honestly, I can’t imagine what I would do if someone did that.
You didn’t get your sister grounded. Your sister got herself grounded. Good on your mom for disciplining your sister.
I don’t know if it would help, or how expensive it is, but I know there is at least one company that can make a stuffed animal from a picture of a pet. That might be an option for something to hold to remember him. I wish there was some way to un-wash the collar for you.
The hug I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing my boy felt like I was losing my life too.” Vamp459
Another User Comments:
“God no, NTJ! Screw your sister for doing that, that was a major jerk thing to do. I’m autistic as well and get very sentimental, and my 3-year-old gerbil passed away late last year. He was about 3% the size of a dog and had a much shorter lifespan, but I’m still mourning him and missing him.
If someone told me to just get over it and destroyed one of the only things I had left of him, I would’ve started a physical fight with them… in fact, I commend you for not doing that, what incredible restraint you must have.
I think your sister has learned a very valuable lesson about karma, and I think not letting her go to a concert for this is a fitting punishment.” ElectricYV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your mom sure is. Your sister washed your old dog’s collar and said something callous to you; she didn’t hurt your firstborn. I get that the smell of the collar was an important sensory connection to your dog, and you’re completely justified in being upset. But two months of grounding? That’s a huge overreaction to what happened. Maybe I’m projecting based on the scant information you gave and my own experiences, but I’m guessing you have some issues that draw your mom’s attention and cause your sister to feel lost in the shuffle.
Don’t be surprised if she cuts off all contact as soon as she can.” CarterPike
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