People Ask Us To Examine Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Friend Borrow A Car I Don't Own?
“I am currently driving a car that belongs to a family member who can’t afford the payment and I am making the payments for them.
My roommate recently had his car repossessed under dubious circumstances (claims he made the payments, company sold the debt to another company that repossessed their newly purchased asset).
Anyway, my roommate is a professional Uber/Lyft driver and can now not earn anything.
He’s throwing a fit because I’m not using it at night when he typically drives and earns most of his income.
I’ve explained that while I am paying for the car, it’s not in my name and he’s not on the insurance and I’m not comfortable allowing him to drive it for commercial use (particularly as he’s currently starving himself in his room and demanding ‘I want to work’ like some toddler and I question the safety of a man who has been refusing to eat for almost 24 hours already being allowed to go drive strangers in the dark).
I’ve suggested he try and work through one of his employer’s companies for a car rental (as I hear they work with people on that), but AITJ for not letting him borrow a car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Uber and Lyft drivers put a lot of miles on their cars which quickly lowers their value. I don’t think they would approve a car that isn’t owned by the driver.
They also have a program where they will lease drivers a car by the week. He most likely knows this and could do it if he wanted to. Without rideshare insurance, if he gets in an accident while he has the app on but not doing a ride or heading to a pickup, the car insurance will not pay and Uber will not pay, the car is just gone but the payments are not.
His story of the repo sounds like a lie. None of this is your problem or responsibility.” Parrothead62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not your car. Not his name on the insurance.
Not your fault for the jerk that ended with his car being repossessed. So… why would it be your responsibility to make sure he has the tools he needs for his job?
That’s his responsibility as it’s his job that’s at risk, not yours.” Ahemera
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he had a personal loan on his car and uses it for commercial purposes, that’s technically breaking the terms of most loans (it’s easier than people realize for lenders to figure this out).
It also isn’t covered by your insurance which could cause even more issues with a claim.
Hide the keys.” Knittingfairy09113
22. AITJ For Spending New Year's With My Friends Instead Of My Partner?
“My partner of 3 years (36M) and I (29F) usually hang out on New Year’s.
In those 3 years, he’s only met one of my friends, and it was only for 10 minutes. We don’t live together, and anytime I’ve tried to get him to come over when I have my friends over (my friend group includes my BFF (29F), my brother, (27M), and 2 of his friends (27Mx2) who are both males) he always refuses and says he has no interest, or that they ‘make him uncomfortable’ despite never meeting them.
I have known my brother’s 2 male friends for over 7 years, and there has absolutely never been anything even close to romantic between any of us. My partner is my first and only relationship, and my brother’s 2 friends have been excited to meet him and want to include him in our hangouts (my brother is also always here for these.
I am not hanging out with the 2 friends on our own).
This year for New Year’s, my BFF asked if she could come over as her SO had to work.
My partner said that was fine and even agreed to have my brother over. On the day of NYE, my brother texted me and said he invited his 2 friends as well since they just found out they didn’t have work that night.
I texted my partner and told him of the change of plans, and even offered to uninvite the 2 friends as I know he ‘doesn’t like them.’ He responded and told me he would just stay home.
I begged him to come, as I wanted to spend the holiday with him, but it was like the damage was already done. I offered to uninvite everyone, and have it just be us two, but he still refused. He accused me of keeping the friends a secret until the last minute and asked why I always choose the friends over him and complained that he got ‘pushed out’ of our plans.
I ended up having everyone over without my partner, and we had fun, but I was incredibly upset all night. I feel like I’m the bad guy for wanting my partner and my friends to get along so I don’t have to choose.
Again, he has never met the 2 friends. This morning I woke up to him sending me an image that said ‘don’t make someone a priority when they make you an option.’
AITJ for wanting my partner and friends to get along? Should I have uninvited everyone and begged him to change his mind? What should I have done differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner sounds like a black hole of joy. You will spend all your time together trying to please him and it will all be in vain, as he will never run out of things to be upset about – especially if such things involve you hanging out with other people and having a good time instead of focusing on his whims. Also, what is up with the little passive-aggressive message on the next day?
You deserve someone who actually knows how to communicate, won’t resent you for having friends, and acts like a reasonable adult.” bitter_liquor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You repeatedly made suggestions of ways you two could spend the holiday together, and he refused. It’s not your fault he won’t meet your friends or tell you what he needs.
He chose to make it so he couldn’t go, and guilt trip you over it later. It’s not your job to beg him to spend time with you, he has to actively be making the decision to do so as well.” fieleamcknight
21. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Do Half Of The Chores?
“I (32f) asked my husband (32m) to do his half of the chores even though I’m a stay-at-home mom.
For context, we had our first child a year ago and I had been dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety.
Originally, we had agreed to both be stay-at-home parents (we live off of his disability comp) when we decided to have a child. Things became harder due to unexpected expenses & a global crisis.
One of us had to go back to work.
My husband works graveyards 3 days a week, 12-hour shifts. And those days I usually have a baby from 5 pm to 2 pm.
Here is where issues began…
I asked my husband if he could wash at least the bottles so I had some for the night while he was at work. He never did them but instead played video games & had his ‘me time.’ For 3 weeks he hasn’t touched the dishes or washed bottles.
I do the laundry, sweep, mop, dust, shop for groceries, cook and pay the bills (& the dishes when he doesn’t do them before work). I also run my small business.
The LEAST he could do is the dishes, throw the trash, help hang laundry & pick up after the dogs & cats for me so I don’t get overwhelmed. That’s half of the chores, right?
The night of our argument he told me he needs his me time & it would be nice to have a wife that didn’t need his help to do the dishes – he wants to come home to a clean house & doesn’t like when I nag him.
He told me that I should stop my small business because he didn’t like that I need time on his days off to complete orders from customers. I told him I need his help so my mental health doesn’t plummet and I can be a better parent when he was at work.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you aren’t his maid. You didn’t make that child alone and you shouldn’t have to do everything for that child alone. Just because he works doesn’t mean he gets out of his responsibilities.
Let’s just say he wasn’t married and lived by himself he would still have to wash dishes, do laundry, make himself meals, and so on. This whole nonsense of how he works and that gets him out of everything is nonsense.
Tell him he needs to help or he needs to pick up an extra shift to make enough money for a maid to come in once a week and help you out.” Selynia23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t ask him to do all the dishes you asked him to do the bottles which are part of caring for your child which is HALF HIS.
And he is fully capable of taking care of his own dirty dishes too.
The pets also need to be taken care of as they can’t do it for themselves.
Yet again something that is HALF HIS responsibility.
His view of a homemaker/stay-at-home mom/wife is not aligning with your views of what the role entails. You two need to sit down possibly with a therapist and get on the same page.” ohno-jojo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he gets to have ‘me’ time, then so do you. This means he needs to help with chores and with the baby so that YOU can have time off.
If you are doing all the chores, all the baby care, AND trying to run your business, with no support, that is not a fair division.
If he wants to come home to a clean house and a happy wife, he needs to contribute to BOTH of those things.” Padloq
20. AITJ For Walking Out After My Partner Mocked My Rough Day?
“So my partner, Kyle (26M) recently got a promotion to general manager at the restaurant he works at. I (22F) work full-time as a pediatric nurse and my hours are kinda all over the place right now.
Anyway, when he got home to tell me about his promotion I was ecstatic. He’s a hard worker and deserves it, 100%. But because it happened on a Tuesday, we decided we’ll go for a celebratory dinner with our mutual friends Saturday night.
I was scheduled to work Saturday, but I figured that as long as I was able to get home, shower, and change all is well. I’ll just sleep late on Sunday.
So fast forward to Saturday. I, unfortunately, lost a patient who had been fighting for her life since birth. I’ve been her nurse every time I was working in that department and she and her family were very important to me.
I was absolutely devastated.
When I got home the last thing on my mind was dinner. I told Kyle about what happened and he gave me a hug and said he was sorry to hear that.
About 10 minutes later he -softly- asked if I was going to go shower before we leave. I told him I really don’t feel like going out, but he insisted that I go since I promised and if he goes without me his friends will ask a lot of questions.
I didn’t want to, but I agreed since I did promise. While I tried to keep a smile on my face, it was obvious I was upset. One of our friends asked if I was okay, and before I could just say I had a rough day at work, Kyle said ‘She’s been complaining about a patient she lost at work today’ and scoffed.
I was flabbergasted. He’s never said anything like that before. I replied saying ‘That patient was 3 months old.’
He shrugged and said that it was not my own child and it shouldn’t bother me this much.
I was furious and embarrassed since this went down in front of our friends so I just put down enough money for my meal and went home. I put his stuff in a box (he wasn’t living with me but would stay with me 2-3 days a week).
When he came back he flipped out and I just said I need space.
That was 2 weeks ago. I have since changed the locks since he had a spare key.
He says I’m overreacting and that I’m a jerk for ruining his big night. That I, selfishly, made it all about me. He accused me of thinking higher of myself because I’m a nurse and he works at a restaurant (honestly I don’t know where that came from).
And he also said that he figured since it was a celebratory dinner for him, he thought I was going to pay and so walking out on him was very embarrassing cause he didn’t bring his wallet.
One of our mutual friends, Amy, called me and said that while what Kyle said was messed up that my leaving like that was unnecessary and it made the whole night awkward.
I feel bad for ruining the night for everyone else but I just couldn’t let him get away with that. I’m very proud to be a nurse and I don’t want anyone (especially my partner) to talk poorly about it.
So do you guys think I’m the jerk for walking out on dinner?
EDIT: I’ve lost a handful of patients since I became a nurse (and one whilst in nursing school) and while it definitely hurt me, I’ve never been THIS impacted by it.
It still hurts to think about and I’m sure it will for a long long time.
EDIT 2: So it’s 10:20 AM and I can happily say Kyle is completely out of my life.
His friend picked up the last of his stuff about an hour ago. I called Kyle and ‘officially’ (even though it was kinda obvious) broke up with him and his number is blocked!”
Another User Comments:
“First off, after the last two years, it’s a marvel to me that any healthcare worker can still get out of bed in the morning, let alone go to work.
It takes a level of courage I will never possess. It’s been one endless horror show, so thank you for doing what you do. I’m sure you were a great comfort to that child’s parents at such a terrible time.
Now. Your partner. So he’s sympathetic to your face, but then insists on your going out with them even though you don’t want to, and then he MOCKS you grieving your patient?
With witnesses? He mocks the death of a child? WHAT?
He let his mask slip. Now you know who he really is. Dump the guy. And I’m sorry, but you didn’t make their little party awkward, your jerk of a partner did.
Were you supposed to just sit there and smile through that? And then he expected you to pay for it all, with that ‘I didn’t bring my wallet’ excuse?
Oh nonononono. You are so NTJ and I’m just glad you found out who he really is before you became more enmeshed with him. And frankly, I’m none too impressed with his shallow little pals, either.” NoreastNorwest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He definitely could have been a lot more sensitive to your situation. You work an extremely tough job and you have to be on your game at all times.
Coming home is when you get to decompress. I get that the night was about him, and you tried to back out, but I feel like he pressured you into going.
You still went, and instead of even answering your friend’s question, he piped up with some really snarky answer instead of the more subtle answer you were going for. It seems he blamed you for a lot of things that weren’t your fault that night (who goes someplace without their wallet regardless if they’re paying or not?!) I think you were right about walking out.
Seems you got to see a truer, uglier side of your partner.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, him still trying to get you to go despite the fact you clearly weren’t up for it was the first red flag.
Things he could have done instead: Reschedule and stay home to comfort you. Go without you and just tell everyone you’re having a rough day. Invited the friends over to celebrate and help provide you with emotional support.
The whole thing started off trash and descended quickly into oh look! A whole trash mammal scurrying in a dumpster fire! He’s selfish for making you go, not even trying to dress it up as ‘being around loved ones might make you feel a lil better’, and even more selfish for not only assuming you pay but also having the audacity to say YOU embarrassed HIM.
He embarrassed himself cause it took less effort to keep his mouth shut, but he wanted to say some slick stuff and still assumed he was going to get a free meal.
But it seems real jerks struggle to keep their trashy opinions to themselves. Lose him and any friends who agree with him/think what you did was uncalled for. They’re just mad they didn’t get free food from the freeloader.” Interesting_Phrase83
19. AITJ For Not Visiting My Elderly Friend?
“I (25F) met ‘Sarah’ (F, 75) who volunteered at my work a few years ago. She ended up leaving however I managed to keep in contact. I used to see her practically every day.
When I didn’t have a car, my partner would drop me at her house every morning and I’d go to work later on in the day. She helped me through a lot and I’ve told her that many times.
I’ve also helped her & been her support person as she doesn’t have family around. They live 10 hours away.
I stopped seeing her because of multiple reasons: I had to work full time more often (covering my colleague’s shifts), started University so I can actually work towards having a career, had multiple losses in the family, and pretty much struggled to fit in everything.
I stopped seeing her for a while because things were getting hectic. I tried seeing her every day but as the weeks went on I eventually had no time. I went a few months without going to her house.
I messaged her a few times saying ‘Hi, hope you’re well and everything is okay’, those types of messages. I recently saw her as she had a birthday. I went over, gave her a present, and said I was sorry I hadn’t seen her and she explained that she was hurt I didn’t come over in a long time.
I tried to explain to her why but I don’t think she really wanted to listen.
The next time I went and saw her, which was a few days later, she seemed okay and was happy to talk to me but I still feel she resented me a little.
I don’t know how to make this any better. I haven’t seen her since because my Aunty passed away in mid-November and I’ve been so focused on that.
I feel like I’ve just neglected my friend. I put time and effort into it but it seems it wasn’t enough.
I bought my friend a really nice birthday present and when I visited her for the second time, I noticed she hadn’t opened it.
Even though she said she used it. This is making me feel sick. I also tried to wave her down one day in town to say hello. She was looking straight at me and ignored me.
She hates my guts I can tell. I don’t know how to make this better.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s hard when friendships break down, but it sounds like that’s what’s happened here.
Be civil, perhaps, a hi and a wave if you see each other, but leave the ball in her court for anything more. Sorry for the loss of your Aunty, too.” Left_Condition2044
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. I had a similar situation, and in this case, she was likely just lonely. To go from seeing someone daily, to not at all was really hard for her.
However, you’re in the middle of a crisis also, ya know? Life happens, don’t be hard on yourself. If you still want to maintain the friendship, let her know that and commit (to yourself) to see her, text her, call her or have some form of contact at a good day/time that you feel works for your schedule.” dadondada14
I know it hurts to feel rejected by someone you thought was a good friend. She might just be trying to inflict a bit of payback - but is cutting off her nose to spite her face!
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Meet Her Grandkids?
“I (32F) was a teen mom. My parents split shortly after they found out I was pregnant.
I am now mature enough to understand that they had a lot of issues and it wasn’t because of me, but at the time it was very traumatizing and stressful for me at an already traumatizing and stressful time of my life.
My mom and I always had a difficult relationship but she REALLY didn’t approve of my pregnancy and things completely fell apart from there. My older brother and I both lived with my dad after the divorce and didn’t even hear from my mom for a long time.
She reached out to my brother a few years later but still pretended I didn’t exist. Fast forward to a few years ago and she added me on social media and sent a message sort of apologizing.
I tentatively replied and now we speak on holidays and birthdays.
I now have 4 kids, and my mom has only ever seen pictures of them. My brother has 2 kids and she sees them on Christmas.
I have been spending Christmas with my husband’s family because I wasn’t ready to spend it with her. A couple of days ago my brother called and told me how upset she was that I won’t spend Christmas with them and still won’t let her meet the kids.
In no uncertain terms, I told him that she may never meet them and if that’s the case it will be her fault, not mine. Even though we are building a relationship I just don’t feel comfortable with her meeting them.
Especially my eldest, who she didn’t want to exist. But my brother still thinks I’m being harsh because she has been trying to make up for the past. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are consequences for her behavior. She is reaping those consequences. She gave you a ‘sort of’ apology. She is lucky that, without a sincere apology, you speak to her at all.
Tell your brother your relationship with your mom is your business to manage and you will not discuss it with him ever again. The fact she is complaining about you to your brother tells me she has some more work to do on herself before you trust her.” Flashy-Experience-25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She abandoned you and was terrible to you when you needed her support the most. She wished your firstborn didn’t exist. And she ignored your existence for a number of years, and that of your children.
Just because you let her back into your life, who’s to say she won’t exit it again? That will hurt not only you but your children too when they get attached to her and she’s gone.
If you don’t feel she’s trustworthy enough or hasn’t yet apologized or repented her prior actions towards you, then don’t let her in.” Master-Manipulation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to set these boundaries and she needs to respect them.
But have you actually sat down and talked to her about how hurt you were and why you won’t let her meet your children? I firmly believe that parents should be the bigger people and no matter our age our parents will always be our parents and should be the responsible ones in the relationship mainly.
But one day your brother’s kids and your kids will talk and they’ll wonder why they’ve never met grandma. Be prepared for the conversation to make sure they know it isn’t their fault and to be able to say that grandma knows why she doesn’t get the privilege of meeting them and she hasn’t apologized or made amends.
If you sit and have that conversation with your mother it takes away any potential power to spin that against you.” ausernamebyany_other
17. AITJ For Being Angry At My Cousins And Their Parents For Playing With My Wheelchair?
“I (F29) am ‘different’ for a number of reasons. I have a high IQ, I’m autistic, and in a wheelchair due to a very rare genetic disease that becomes more and more serious with time.
I have never been very accepted by my family. My mother had me at 16 and she’s the eldest of her siblings. So all my siblings and cousins are much younger than me.
I’m closer in age to my uncles and aunts… Nobody learned from my siblings/cousins to accept different people and when I was younger it was very difficult. I was bullied, and they kept my crutches (until 16 I was able to walk with crutches since I’m in a wheelchair) hidden when I was in a chair.
They tried to push the buttons of my autism… When I was 14, I asked to leave for a special boarding school (I’m VERY privileged because my country is very aware of the needs of disabled people).
Now (for 1 year only!) I have a Ph.D. in Biology (humane genetics) and I’m working as a young researcher around rare diseases… I have my life, I have care helpers every day at home, a flat where the furniture is made for disabled people, a special car, and friends… So everything is OK.
My mother has stage 4 cancer and I want to see her a little bit more. Many times, my cousins asked to play with my wheelchair, I refused and explained it was not a game, I need it to live.
I explained calmly 3/4 times but at the end, I said something that ‘it’s unacceptable to want to play with it, it was done for me with my precise needs’. They began to cry, and my uncles/aunts looked at me as a witch and cuddled their children saying ‘there are selfish people even in the family.’ I kept quiet for my mum.
Later I was on a sofa, talking lovely with my mum. I saw my wheelchair isn’t where I put it. I can’t make a move without it so I called everyone to help.
My stepdad found it in a bedroom… A wheel is broken, some materials were cut, and they vandalized it… And I broke down against them but also against their parents who never taught them respect.
Really I was very angry with everyone. One aunt said ‘if you had let them play a little with it, they wouldn’t have done that.’
Two uncles carried me into a room and my stepdad gave me my emergency wheelchair (it’s not anymore adapted to my needs but I’ll be able to survive until the other is repaired).
Now I’m alone in a room and I have texts from my family saying I broke down like a child, I’m unfair to them and I destroyed the last new year’s eve of my mother.
So AITJ for talking firmly against my little cousins and saying to the parents they are responsible? Really I’m in a deep hole because of my mother.”
Another User Comments:
“You are ABSOLUTELY NTJ! As a fellow wheelchair user, I firmly believe that my w/c is the equivalent of someone else’s legs. It’s NOT a toy. It’s NOT for fun.
It’s for my express use to move about in the world. If something happens to it, I can’t do the things I need to do: go to work, take care of myself and the house, and take care of my children.
I would have read these parents and these children the riot act. Touching my wheelchair, which is a violation of my personal space, it’s like touching a part of me without consent.
You have every right to be angry. Those parents should be paying for the repairs to be expedited and have a firm talk with their children about respecting others’ property.” TJMunk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your aunts and uncles are pathetic parents that clearly have not taught their children that a wheelchair isn’t for having fun in, nor is it acceptable to be cruel, it’s unacceptable even if you are a child and the ‘kids will be kids’ saying is nonsense here.
OP, try to discuss things with that side of the family, if they refuse to listen or act according – drop them, they aren’t worth it. B***d means little if they aren’t supportive or at least understanding of the situation, but I’m sorry you had to go through that, hopefully, best of luck in the future.” DuckVakarian
Another User Comments:
“Omg NTJ! What is wrong with those people? Having something fit you properly when you’re disabled is SO important, I wear a leg brace for a drop foot and it’s so uncomfortable when stuff doesn’t fit, plus it’s so expensive and the process is tiring.
Someone has to pay you back, it wasn’t an accident, and your property was vandalized as a threat. You’re young, you have a bright future ahead of you, and you will make your own family as you grow.
Get out of that environment and go share your magnificent self with people that appreciate you. Don’t look back, it’s not worth it.” ThatBFjax
16. AITJ For Wanting To Be The One To Buy Clothes For My Daughter?
“I (33f) am very lucky that my first child has had so many hand-me-downs so far that we haven’t had to buy a thing.
Now that she’s a bit older, I’ve been looking forward to getting her some special occasion outfits because she has tons of everyday clothes.
My SIL is constantly buying her these outfits right before events and making it so we feel obligated to only use what she buys.
She has 3 kids, one daughter, but she is a bit obsessed with mine. Constantly wanting her to spend the night with her, buying things, posting just about her, commenting on every picture that she’s her favorite, wanting to do mother-daughter things with her, etc. And for the most part, it’s annoying but it’s brushed off as obsessive but not harmful.
So WIBTJ if I asked her to not buy her these special outfit clothes this year as we’re excited to do that ourselves. (Husband even commented how he never gets to pick anything out for his daughter because they’ve already purchased everything.)
I think I’m the jerk because she’s just genuinely being nice and I was told that her mental health isn’t great so if I told her to stop I would make it worse for her, but I just want us to pick some stuff out for her from us (her parents).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But whether you say anything or not, just buy and dress your daughter in whatever you want. If you want her to wear whatever your SIL bought her, then have her wear that.
If you want her to wear something else, have her wear something else. Just because someone buys a gift doesn’t mean you have to use it when they tell you to.
When you want to let her take your daughter to do things with her, let her. When you don’t want her to, just say no.
Your SIL isn’t the parent, you are, so stop letting her walk all over you.
Your SIL may be overstepping, but you are allowing it. It is your job to decide what is best for your own kid.” 7thatsanope
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s trying to have all the fun parts of parenting your child without the responsibility.
And while that’s a part of being a fun aunty, she’s crossed the line repeatedly.
Just sit down and thank her for the clothes but explain that going forward you and your husband will be picking her party clothes as it’s something you’d like to do as a family.
Remind her that you appreciate her kindness and love for your daughter and maybe try to redirect the spending elsewhere. Maybe suggest she saves all the money she would’ve spent on party clothes to take all the kids out for the day, for example.
Also, mental health is no excuse for overstepping. Reassert your boundaries and if she can’t stick to them just don’t put your daughter in those clothes anymore. Give them back, reassert your boundaries and say that you’d be happy for her to exchange them for some day-to-day clothes for your daughter but you’ve already purchased an outfit for that occasion.” ausernamebyany_other
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because your SIL buys her something does not mean your daughter has to wear it. Tell your SIL you will be buying your daughter special occasion clothes.
If SIL buys these clothes, despite you and your husband telling her not to, tell her thank you and promptly donate the outfit(s) SIL bought. You are under no obligation to keep these clothes.
You need to dial back the time your SIL spends with your daughter. SIL is not being nice she is being controlling. Nice would be asking you if you wanted or needed something.
Respecting you when you say no. SIL just steamrolls over your requests and wants as your daughter’s parent. Your SIL’s mental health issues are not your problem. Your priority is protecting your daughter from someone who may not be mentally stable.” Flashy-Experience-25
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Replace My Mom's Plants?
“I am 17M and my parents are both divorced so I stay with each 50/50.
At my Dad’s house, there are little to no rules and I can pretty much do as I please as long as I do my chores around the house and get my schoolwork done.
At my Mom’s this is a different case. She and my stepdad can be nit-picky over small things such as where I take off my shoes and how I do my chores around the house.
This often makes it difficult for me when transitioning to her place with the rules changing from house to house.
She also has a habit of moving my things around while I’m at my Dad’s without asking me first. Just this week she put a huge plant in my room that now takes up an entire corner.
I have asked her nicely multiple times to not do this but she always shrugs it off and doesn’t see how this would annoy me.
She recently got a kitten around half a year ago.
I was against the idea because we already have a dog, but she wanted one nonetheless. At around this time, she started to decorate our house with air plants. I had no problem with this but I asked her to please not put them in our upstairs bathroom (the one that I primarily use) because I did not want to have to be responsible for them.
In response to this, she told me not to worry about them and that she would take care of them.
Now half a year later, our kitten has taken an interest in the plants.
She recently began to target the ones that are in the upstairs bathroom and eats/plays with them. Seeing this, she got angry with me and asked me to make sure to keep my bathroom door shut.
I’ve been trying my best to, but I sometimes forget. So I suggested that she put the plants in her bathroom, but she was against it because ‘they don’t belong there.’
Now she wants me to pay for her expensive air plants because the cat keeps getting to them.
AITJ for not wanting to replace them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you shouldn’t have to replace the plant.
It’s not unreasonable for your mom to ask you to keep the door shut, but you should not have to pay to replace the plant if you accidentally left it open.
It’s not your fault the cat got to it, you brought it to her attention many times.” Alarming_Vacation_37
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you spoke up about your concerns, she reassured you.
It’s her house and her responsibility because she told you it would be her responsibility. People make mistakes, and not closing a door is a pretty forgivable mistake.” Sh0ryuken_
14. AITJ For Not Liking The Design My Partner Picked?
“So my partner & I had a horrible 2021. We were off more than on.
I decided to give him another chance in November.
For a cute/diff gift idea for me – I suggested he go to a fabric store with me and pick out material he would think I would like – I would approve and he could make a blanket.
It was one of the no-tie fleece blankets.
We got in a huge fight in the fabric store because he picked out a fabric with horses, then deer! I am not an animal person and he should have known better.
I kept saying no and his choices got worse. I told him to forget it and we left the store.
On Xmas eve… he mentions he has a gift for me (strange because I bought him nothing).
I said ok show me. He went back to the fabric store and bought material on his own to make me a blanket. This is after I told him specifically to drop it and not do that.
Do I like what he bought for fabric? Yes, it’s a cute pattern and he did a good job… However, I am furious about the initial run to the fabric store and don’t want it.
After 9 years of being together, you should know I wouldn’t want a blanket with flipping horses on it or deer! Then I think of the other patterns he picked – horrifying.
His final selection was much better but I just can’t bring myself to want it. He is also 50 years old and has never been in a fabric store before (I don’t think).
Am I being a jerk for telling him to shove the blanket/surprise Christmas gift?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… you said, after 9 years he should know you don’t want a blanket with horses or deer, but after 9 years you thought suggesting a 50-year-old man who has never been to a fabric store make you a blanket?
And then get mad at his choice of fabric? And then when he goes out of his way to do it after you were a jerk at the fabric store and picks a better one, you ‘can’t bring yourself to want it.’ Give your head a shake, there is clearly an underlying issue here.
If you don’t wanna be with him, leave, but don’t treat someone like they’re a sub-par human bc you don’t wanna be with them.” FreshBueller416ix
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He reflected on the trip together and realized he wasn’t making the right choices. He went back on his own, probably even asked for assistance to pick the perfect fabric, and then figured out how to make the blanket and surprised you… while you admit that you didn’t get him a gift at all!!!
The man is trying. If you can’t cut him some slack when he’s putting in the effort, then maybe you need to cut him loose so that a woman who deserves him can appreciate his efforts.
Boohoo you don’t like animals. Get over it. How long do you plan to stay mad over a petty argument?” Flowerprincessmel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you are entitled, you started the fight over a blanket pattern, are you serious?
Lady, grow up and be thankful he went and bought you something after your atrocious behavior, you sound super exhausting, and honestly, if this is how you usually act, you’re the cause of the on-and-off-again nonsense.
If you can’t bring yourself to want the blanket, I have no idea how he can bring himself to want a spoiled, petty, entitled, brat like you, time to grow up princess.” User
13. AITJ For Declining My Grandparents' Christmas Present?
“I never had a good (if one at all) relationship with my grandparents, as they never showed interest in me or my sister.
As kids, we were just an annoying burden to them and they didn’t want to have anything to do with us. Now that we are grown up they expect a caring relationship with us.
Two or three years ago they tried to bribe my sister and me into a relationship by gifting each of us a huge amount of money, which we both didn’t want.
We couldn’t decline the gift though, as they handed it to our parents when they visited them. When my sister and I paid our grandparents a visit to handle this issue, they bad-mouthed both our parents and talked down on us while we were there.
We told them that we don’t want any presents from them.
The last time I spoke to them was about a year ago when I called them (I don’t remember why I called in the first place).
I talked to my grandma for (literally) a few seconds when all of a sudden she said, ‘I have to hang up, there is someone else on the line,’ and immediately hung up, or so she thought.
She didn’t hang up properly and I could hear her say to my grandpa: ‘It’s no use talking to him, he doesn’t say anything anyways.’ I was baffled. This just showed me again that she doesn’t care about me at all.
My parents were mad about this as well. I decided to cut contact with my grandparents for good.
Now we come to last Christmas. My parents paid them a visit on the 27th.
When they returned home, they had two envelopes for my sister and me from my grandparents. I didn’t even open it, threw it on the table, and said ‘I don’t want this.
Neither their money nor their attention’. My parents weren’t mad and even apologized for bringing the envelopes. They tried to deny them, but our grandparents insisted on giving them to us.
My sister called them the next day and thanked them for whatever was in that envelope, but I didn’t.
I’m not someone you can simply buy out with money when a closer relationship just happens to be convenient for someone.
The envelope is still on the table and probably won’t make its way back to my grandparents, as my parents won’t bring it back to them, and sending it by mail isn’t an option, as our post office often ‘loses’ birthday or Christmas cards.
So, am I the jerk for denying this present and not calling them? Would I be the jerk if I took whatever is inside the envelope?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Based on what you’ve said, your grandparents are being immature about their whole relationship with you. They’re trying to bribe you into having a relationship that you don’t want. Personally, I think you’re being very mature about the whole situation, especially since this isn’t just about you, and your grandparents have issues with your parents and sister.
That being said, I wouldn’t open the envelope. You’ve made your feelings clear to both your parents and grandparents. I would leave the envelope unopened, either send it back to your grandparents or get rid of it.
Cut ties completely. If you open it you’re obligated to thank them no matter what is inside (most likely money since it’s an envelope and you mentioned them gifting you money before) Just get rid of it.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – no you can’t buy people but you took the money last time and this time the envelope will ‘just sit there’ as the post office loses stuff.
Donate the money every time they gift it or pay for FedEx to deliver it back. If you want a relationship build one and make clear your boundaries.” PF7O
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – take the money, don’t call. With any luck, they’ll get annoyed and won’t try to gift you anything again. If it doesn’t work, they might continue with the gifts and you’ll still be reminded of them at least once a year, but on the other hand that gives you free funds to make up for it.” Fionsomnia
Ntj
12. AITJ For Getting Angry At My In-Laws For Gifting Us A Vacation We Didn't Want?
“My wife and I decided to not go on vacation this year and instead focus on growing our business. Usually, we would have booked a vacation by now but we haven’t due to the stated reason.
My in-laws don’t think that this is a good idea after talking to us about our plans for Christmas.
At our annual NYE dinner, they handed my wife an envelope that contained tickets for a flight to Africa and some further booking information.
We were confused and shocked since they once again didn’t respect our decision. We calmly explained to them that we don’t want to go on this vacation and that they should go instead since they paid for the very expensive 3-week trip to Africa.
They did not accept it and decided to cause a scene at the restaurant we were at. We even got kicked out since my mother-in-law started yelling and throwing stuff all over the place.
After getting kicked out, we all drove to my in-laws’ house and they decided to not say a single word. After getting there you could almost feel the tension get even bigger and then they started yelling again.
But this time my father-in-law wanted me to pay them back as compensation. I was so perplexed since we didn’t even want the vacation in the first place and now they want to make us pay for it.
I was not having it anymore since they already ruined our dinner, got us kicked out of the restaurant, and bought us a vacation we have no interest in. I started yelling at them and my wife couldn’t handle it anymore so she left the house.
I know that I should have gone with her but I couldn’t think clearly due to all the anger I felt at this moment. The fight lasted for like half an hour and then I just couldn’t take it anymore and left the house.
Now almost a day later I am still really mad at them but my wife is also kind of mad at me since I was yelling at her parents so much.
She hates when I do that and it only happened once before. My in-laws have done similar things before since they don’t actually like me and always try to set something up in the meantime when I am gone.
I wish I could just give them back the money but I can’t since we really need it for our business.
Maybe they genuinely thought it was a good idea to gift us a vacation but at the same time, they completely ignored our decision.
Am I the jerk for yelling at them and being extremely rude toward my in-laws during our argument?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were clear prior to the purchase about not wanting a vacation and they did it anyway.
Intentions don’t matter when they’re asking you to pay for an unwanted gift… If you don’t like the socks your nan buys for you she doesn’t demand the cost of the gift…
That’s not a gift then. The second it’s given to you, it’s up to you what you do with it.
Serious power play vibes off of your in-laws.” labama92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They started yelling at you and throwing things inside a restaurant to the point you were kicked out. That’s something a 5-year-old does and they are adults. After that, you still went to their house to spend the rest of the holiday with them and instead of letting it go, they decided to yell at you again.
Your wife needs to understand that you can’t just let people walk all over you and treat you like that, at some point you have to stand up for yourself.
And who buys someone else a vacation when they say they don’t wanna take a vacation, that’s just weird. They have no reason to be mad at you, they bought you a vacation you didn’t want and got mad because you’re not going to go.
Definitely don’t pay them back. I’d give the vacation away to someone else, who would want to go. I know I’d gladly take it.” Impressive-Water-709
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You clearly stated that you don’t want to take a vacation. You don’t have to accept an expensive gift that you won’t use and don’t want. Let your in-laws get a refund for that.
But you should apologize to your wife for your yelling: there should have been a better way to handle the situation.
I don’t like yelling. It upsets me even if the yelling is not directed at me.
Maybe your wife feels like that too.” the_storm_eye
11. AITJ For Joking About Being A Trophy Wife?
“This happened last night at the family NYE party, and I’m still getting crap for it today.
I (23F) am fortunate enough to be married to a wonderful, amazing woman, who for privacy we’ll call Hayley (50F).
I love her with all my heart, and she really cares about me too. But, I am her trophy wife.
I’m entirely happy with this. I’ve never been all that smart, so college… wasn’t working out for me.
When we met I was failing all my classes and uncertain of what to do. Hayley saved me. Now I get to live in security and focus on making art, and in return, I… do trophy wife things.
I love her, I genuinely, truly do, but I do know how it looks.
My mom has always hated Hayley and our relationship. I tried to be rational and understanding about it, showed her the prenup, and talked to her frankly about everything that was going on.
She wasn’t having it, and eventually, I gave up.
Well, at the party, my mom decided to drag it out again in front of me and my older sister (29F), while Hayley was talking about some business in another room with my dad and brother-in-law.
She decided to drag my nieces into it (both 8F) and asked how she was supposed to explain to them our relationship when they’re older.
I made a joke that technically, our relationship is progressive.
When my mom was born, women couldn’t acquire the kind of wealth and power Hayley has. And when I was born, a woman with that kind of power couldn’t reasonably use another woman as a status symbol.
This caused my sister to freak out on me, accusing me of internalized misogyny and ‘how dare I drag feminism into my defense’? And now I’m shook up because, well… my sister’s always been my friend and I thought she was okay with me, so to see her so angry at me has me all worried. Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – calling yourself a ‘trophy wife’ is NOT progressive. Even though I think your mom was way out of line involving 8-year-old children. As they get older they will figure out your relationship and it doesn’t need to be explained. I think calling yourself a ‘trophy wife’ sounds childish and entitled. There are PLENTY of beautiful, older and younger, successful women who don’t go around calling themselves trophy wives and if they did it would be embarrassing.
Also what makes you trophy worthy because you are 23 and hot? So are a lot of women. Are you trying to bring focus to your age gap… Maybe don’t refer to your SO as ‘saving you,’ I think that’s where a lot of predatory vibes come from.
In a partnership, you should be equal. Just focus on your art and your relationship and over time hopefully, mom can see the real love and she will change her mind.
Also unsure what ‘Trophy wife things are’ but sounds cringe. But I’m also hugely curious…” itsgivingemotional
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
OP, as someone who has a child with somebody who was literally twice my age when we met, I am not going to judge you for your age-gap relationship, or your sense of humor regarding the dynamics of your relationship.
Your mum was out of line bringing up the situation in a public (or semi-public?) place and bringing children into the argument. Tell her and your sister gently but firmly that while you appreciate their concern, you are an adult and happy in your relationship and therefore it is none of their business.
Any kids in the family can simply be told that you are married to a woman and that age does not matter. Trust me, they will likely accept that and move on – providing they have not been specifically conditioned into believing it is wrong.
All I will say is try to gain a little independence for yourself. Have hobbies outside of the relationship. See if there is a way you can earn your own money doing something you enjoy.
Everyone is good at something. You sound like a cool person, so go live your life, and don’t let anybody – not even your wife – put you down!” Flimsy_Kangaroo2395
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were shoved into the spotlight and held there and basically forced to give an answer. Maybe it wasn’t worded perfectly, but MAYBE if your sister cared enough she would have stepped in and told your mom to back off and that it’s not her place to corner you like that.
If you both love each other? That should be good enough. Yes, maybe your SO is older and has money and you’re young and gorgeous, but guys do it constantly and get the 20-year-old on their arm and people just shrug and let it go.
You do you. It’s your relationship, and as long as it works for both of you, keep doing it and trust that you’re doing what’s right for you. Ignore what your mom ‘has to tell your nieces’.
What she has to tell them is ‘fall in love with whoever you fall in love with and don’t let society tell you you can’t just because there’s an age difference.'” Lurkingentropy
10. AITJ For Asking My Cousin To Pick A Different Baby Name?
“I’m (28F) currently pregnant and due in March with my partner of almost a year. We are having a boy and decided on the name Alexander Lee. My cousin (27F), well actually my second cousin; is also pregnant but due in September with a girl, who she planned on naming Alexandra Lee and I told her she needed to change the names because they are too close together and she refuses.
She said the first name is a tribute to her late sister and the middle name is after her dad’s and her husband’s middle name, so she has refused. I have even asked my mom to get involved to talk to her mom to get them to change their kid’s name.
They have more time to figure out different names, but my cousin won’t change it because she said she’s naming the baby after her dead sister and she’s been with her husband for three years and married for a year and a half, unlike me who just got pregnant by some random guy, which was a RUDE comment and made me even madder.
Now, I have uninvited her and the rest of her family from my baby shower until she changes her baby’s name, especially because she is going to call it Alex like we are.
I told her it will be too confusing for the whole family and since I’m having my baby first, I should get to keep the names.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Children can have the same/similar names in a family.
You and your child are going to face a lot in life. Looking up at a family reunion when someone says ‘Alex’ is not going to be a big deal. Plus, a lot of times children get a nickname – or choose to go by another name.
If you are worried about the same name, you best also find out who is pregnant now and make sure they will not be called Alex. They will be together in school and can you imagine how confusing that might be?” crbryant1972
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you care about the names sounding similar then you can just name your baby something else. You don’t have the authority to demand that someone else change the name that they have picked for their baby.
Let alone your second cousin.
Also, how is it that you know you’re having a boy and she is having a girl or that you will have yours first when both babies have only just been conceived?
But your second cousin chose the name for sentimental value and you still want it changed? Yeah, to be honest, I would be glad to be uninvited if I were your second cousin because you sound very entitled. Grow up.” IHaveNoUsernameSorry
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s not even close. Stop acting like the only choice is your cousin’s. She gave you perfectly good explanations for why she chose it that realistically shouldn’t be necessary in the first place.
Uninviting her from your baby shower is hilariously petty – the funny/ironic part of it being that they were spared from dealing with how insufferable you’re acting” OutsideitCZ
What someone else makes their child, and it sounds like your second cousin has a good reason for picking the name they chose. Plus this is a child of a second cousin. It’s not even like those kids will be that close. Are you going to also start flagging down women at the OB-GYN and also telling them what they can and can not make their children? Get over yourself. It sounds like you have no links to the name besides liking it. If you are that worried about it choose something else yourself, but stop trying to bully and control other people. You are acting entitled and entirely ridiculous. She and her partner can make their child anything they want. Or if you are that worried, move somewhere else. Out of state even. Problem solved.
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Daughter's Engagement Party If Her Bio Dad Is There?
“My wife and I have 4 kids. All 4 (and my wife) are my whole world. My DNA wasn’t used to make my oldest but I have been a dad to her for the past 24 years.
She calls me dad, I will be walking her down the aisle, and will be a grandpa to her kids. She calls bio-dad by his first name.
She recently got engaged and invited her bio-dad and his wife to the party.
I dislike her bio-dad for many reasons but all are based on how he treated my wife and my daughter. He was harsh to them both. The last straw for me was when he took my daughter at 7 years old (he had custody for a bit and then ran with her).
We didn’t know where she was for 2 weeks and it was the worst moment of my wife’s and my life. We both struggled to let her out of our sight for years to follow and were in therapy because of the trauma.
Her bio-dad faced consequences.
She has recently connected with him and isn’t as traumatized by what happened since she was so young and barely remembers (she is 26 now). She wants to invite him to her engagement party and I told her I will not be around a man that hurt her.
I told her it’s the worst thing for a parent when someone hurts their child. She argued with me and said it’s been years and that I am her dad and should support her.
I told her I would not miss the wedding but do not want to be around her bio-dad and would not be at the engagement party if he was there.
My wife says that we can keep our distance and that I am overreacting since we have to be at our daughter’s engagement party.
AITJ for saying I won’t go if he is there?
Edit: I talked to my daughter and apologized. She wanted to know what it was like those two weeks since we have never told her and I shared my feelings.
She was devastated and apologized to me and I told her she never needs to apologize for it and that I will support her if she wants to reconnect. I told her I would be her dad and on her side no matter what.
She told me that she will never consider him to be her dad and that I will always. I told her that I appreciate that but that I want to be in her life in any way she wants and that she will always be my firstborn.
She told me she has always wondered what it would be like to have him in her life but knows to be cautious.”
Another User Comments:
“You seem to be a wonderful man, who is unfortunately the jerk in this case.
You’re taking a time of joy in your daughter’s life and potentially ruining it by putting her in a sucky position. It is up to her to choose who to invite to her engagement party.
YTJ by giving her an ultimatum.
With that being said, your trauma is real and valid. I’d recommend seeing a therapist before the event to come up with coping strategies.
If they don’t work, leave without making a scene. Speak to your daughter afterward to discuss how to handle the wedding. Any argument you make at that point will be more valid in her eyes because you tried to make co-existing at her party work.” Chunks_of_Funk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but OP. Love your daughter more than you hate the ex. Even your wife is willing to deal with this because she doesn’t want to miss out on your daughter’s engagement party.
The party is about your daughter, not about you and your wife’s ex. You guys are the real parents, don’t be missing from this celebration just because of him.
Tell your daughter that you absolutely despise this guy and that while she’s so young that she didn’t remember, you did go through a lot when she was taken by this man.” tmchd
Another User Comments:
“It’s not your fault that she wants to reconnect with the guy and hurt you and your wife by wanting to see him. The fact that she’s being selfish in her feelings says a lot.
It doesn’t matter how many years it’s been. You and your wife are just as much victims as she is. I don’t care how many years it’s been. Just seeing him could bring back the trauma he caused you.
But let bridezilla have her way I guess. Because her hurt feelings matter more than you or your wife’s. You don’t have to******* up. You told her you wouldn’t be comfortable being there and told her that you wouldn’t come but hey let her have her way.
When she’s disappointed I’d tell her that it was her fault for making everything about her and her wedding. She needs to choose and she doesn’t get to want everyone to get along.
Yeah, it’s her wedding but you’re not required to be anywhere near him. If she wants to make this her hill to die on, let her. Tell her that you supported her through everything but this is entitled her to think she’s going to get her way.
She’s not a child so I’d tell her everything and just send her a card or whatever for her engagement party. This is a her-problem, not a you-problem and guilt tripping you because you don’t want to relive what happened isn’t fair!
NTJ!” Obvious_Weakness_347
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You can hate her bio-dad as much as you want, but this isn’t about you. This is about your daughter and what she needs and wants.
Ideally, her wedding will be a once-in-a-lifetime thing and all of the wedding-related events are a part of that. It is important to her that her bio-dad be there at her engagement party.
It is also important to her that you be there. You need to******* up, show up, and be civil to her bio-dad. You don’t need to spend any quality time with him and you can keep your distance, but you need to show up and you need to be civil and not make her engagement party about you.
Part of being her dad is showing up for her even when it is uncomfortable for you to do so.” 7thatsanope
8. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Be More Focused When We're Talking On The Phone?
“So my (M21) partner (F20) and I are both home on winter break from school. We don’t live close to each other, so we FaceTime regularly as a way to keep in touch.
Recently, when we are in the middle of a one-on-one conversation, she has been leaving her room to work on a jigsaw puzzle with her parents without any warning. I get along with her parents very well and I don’t mind talking to them at all, but it is really hard to continue any kind of conversation while everyone is centered around a jigsaw puzzle I can’t even see.
I asked her tonight to at least let me know before she leaves to do this again, and, although she agreed, she got pretty upset about it and made me feel like it was a ridiculous thing to ask of her.
We are usually really good about communicating any issues we’re having, so I’m really confused as to what the disconnect is here. To me, it feels disrespectful to kind of place me on the sidelines like that when we are having a conversation, but AITJ or needy for wanting her to stay more focused on our conversation while we’re FaceTiming?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand why it can be awkward or just odd to try to FaceTime when the person is doing/talking to someone else in their real life.
I’m sure your partner didn’t mean for it to be difficult to converse, and just wanted to spend time with her family or just do a jigsaw puzzle, but I don’t think it’s wrong for you to feel a bit awkward about it and ask for it to be just them.
If you really don’t get to see each other due to distance, I’m sure these FaceTime calls mean a lot to you both, so it makes sense as to why you’d want there to be more alone time and room for the two of you.
I think you did a good job by communicating this to her so it’ll be less awkward, and I think she did well by agreeing, but I don’t think it’s right to say you’re being ridiculous.
Maybe she just doesn’t understand where you’re coming from, I’d suggest trying to explain your side to her so there isn’t any resentment or conflict again.
Communication is the key to any relationship!” logicalslimshady
Another User Comments:
“Maybe you two are trying to be on the phone (FaceTime) and have conversations a bit too much – too often or too long.
Maybe you don’t really have enough new and exciting things to talk about for every conversation to be engaging. And maybe she enjoys being able to spend time puzzling with her parents.
Why not try to cut back on ‘keeping in touch’ so you have more interesting things to say to each other, and can both be present in the conversation? I agree with you that it sounds awkward to be on the phone with her when she’s not even paying attention to your conversation.
NTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“She’s being unreasonable. You’re NTJ. Why on earth does she think you’re interested in watching/hearing her and her parents work on a jigsaw?
It’s not exactly something that’s super interesting to listen to/watch. I’d just hang up. Why are you staying on the phone when she doesn’t care if you’re there or not?
If she’s leaving you on FaceTime without warning, she doesn’t respect your time. Your communication isn’t as good as you think it is.” ladydekay
For her parents to hear and witness for themselves that you are the genuinely good and nice person that she loves. For them to get to know you, not just as an occasional blow in, but someone who has sat at their table, talked casually with them about the mundane things in life. Being long distance this is the only way they and you get to know each other for real. It is actually a pretty big honour your girlfriend has given you.
By all means insist on some time alone, but do also appreciate the gift you are being given.
7. AITJ For Not Accepting Responsibility For A Puppy Who Got Sick?
“I work as a dog warden and the dog in question was one picked up as a stray. He wasn’t chipped and didn’t have any other forms of identification so was taken to kennels for holding.
Something to bear in mind which becomes important later is that a dog I’d picked up the week prior, (and was still sitting in the kennels) had been taken to the vet for having b****y poop.
He was treated for giardia (a tiny parasite that causes a diarrheal disease) and after a round of antibiotics was absolutely fine.
The pup in this story was picked up on a Sunday and was seemingly in good health.
Energetic and happy when collected by the officer on call, (not myself) and fine in the kennels. At around 6.30 pm Tuesday the kennels sent me a message saying they think he needs the vet as he’d started having b****y poop.
Now I only work 9 – 5 weekdays so I didn’t see the message. However, we have an on-call service that runs until 9 pm which they could have utilized if they thought it was an emergency.
The next day they contacted me again about the vet, so I made a non-emergency appointment for later that afternoon. At this point, I didn’t realize it was an emergency and had wrongly assumed it was giardia like the previous dog.
Before my appointment, they called me saying they’d had to rush him to the emergency vet as he’d become unresponsive. It was here that he tested positive for parvo.
Once I realized the severity of his condition I jumped into action.
I managed to secure funding for his treatment and transported him to a 24/7 vet who could better meet his needs. Despite a day and a half of treatment, his heart sadly gave out and we lost him.
It was 11.30 pm when I got the call that he’d passed, so I didn’t think to contact the kennels as I thought it would be unprofessional. Having said that, I did update our social media page to inform everyone of his passing.
And really from there, things just went down. The kennels are blaming me saying that if I’d gotten him to a vet sooner he could have lived and that I wasn’t taking animal welfare into account.
I feel that’s unfair since they initially contacted me at a time I wasn’t working but did make an appointment the morning I was back. I don’t work at the kennels so am not around the dogs much and feel they’re just hitting out at me to blame someone.
It’s such a shame because I really considered them friends as well as colleagues but now there’s this black cloud hanging over the whole thing. They’re making catty, unnecessary comments to myself and the officers and really, the whole thing feels like a big powder keg.
I hit back when they told me I’d angered them saying they had a duty as well and could have contacted the on-call team but chose not to. In hindsight, I should have stayed cool as I feel that stirred the pot more, but I’m not willing to take the blame for something I truly don’t think is my fault.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like a process broke down here and you weren’t given the information you needed to act in the best interest of this dog.
Did he have an initial intake exam? Was he a puppy? I’ve volunteered in shelters and done a lot of rescues. If I had someone tell me ‘b****y diarrhea’ in a stray without telling me how much, my first thought would be worms or giardia if he looked healthy.
In a small puppy or dog that seemed unhealthy, I’d act immediately but otherwise, I’d think that could wait until the next day unless I heard otherwise. You’re NTJ here, but I think as a warden you have an opportunity to change your procedures so that this doesn’t happen again.
Parvo is a horrible disease and I’m so sorry you lost this pup like you did. It was not your fault.” aburke626
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Worked in an emergency veterinarian’s office.
Parvo on young puppies can go from 0-100 especially if you don’t know they already have it. The puppy came in for parvo and passed away literally 2 hours after being here.
It’s really unfortunate, but honestly, there was probably a 20% chance of the dog making it anyway considering it was a stray. You didn’t know it already had parvo, you didn’t know how long.
It could have been early when the puppy was brought in, but parvo acts quickly. Don’t blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. The puppy AT LEAST spent some quality time with you guys before he/she passed.” Theresinbeardie
Another User Comments:
“Okay, so I helped breed dogs. Parvo is terrible. If caught early, it’s still a low chance of survival. Even the vets will tell you it’s 50/50. The dog passes away from dehydration/no nutrients.
And it’s incredibly contagious. You won’t know a dog has parvo until it exhibits the signs, ie diarrhea, and vomiting. There is nothing you could have done. It takes a bit for symptoms to actually show, and by then they have had the sickness for a bit.
I’ve had a few pups die from this. I’ll tell you, look up Parvaid (a natural remedy made of peppermint, spearmint, chamomile, plantain, echinacea, and serval other herbs). It’s a lifesaver, and cheaper than the vet.
I’ve saved litters of puppies with this medicine since Parvo will live in the soil forever.
NTJ, as people who work with dogs should be more educated on some of the illnesses and how to spot them.
You can actually smell Parvo in feces before it shows symptoms that are super bad (b****y poop).” Vitalani89
6. AITJ For Not Welcoming My Half-Sibling To My House?
“My mother lives at my house and it is already a problem on its own.
My half-sibling has a long history of being a disrespectful and entitled person. He has a mental illness and a history of substance use and has been off illegal substances for about two years due to being in an involuntary program.
I don’t think that means all is forgiven.
He was a terror all through my life and I don’t want him near me or to know where I live. Mom tried to bring him over yesterday due to poor planning on her part and I became cold on the phone and questioned why my boundaries don’t merit respect.
It’s been a rule for many years.
My overbearing mom thinks I am overdramatic and unforgiving and awful. Also, I’m ruining the holidays because she cannot host. After all, he is not welcome.
AITJ? I think I’m setting fair boundaries.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your boundaries should be respected, especially within your own home. Being called ‘overdramatic, unforgiving, and awful’ simply for choosing your own peace of mind over someone else is stupid.
You don’t owe anyone forgiveness, especially if you’re being told to discard your boundaries for their comfort and not be ‘overdramatic.’ Also, she’s not the host, I don’t wanna overstep but her saying you’re ruining the holidays just shows that she didn’t really consider them that important and would’ve eventually overstepped them.
Your house, your boundaries, your rules, not hers or anyone else’s right to discard them.” Jimcaal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know you mentioned he was off illegal substances due to an involuntary program but has he tried to actually make amends for any of his actions?
You’re absolutely right. That doesn’t mean all is forgiven. He has to put in the work.
And to piggyback off some other comments, it’s not your mother’s house. It’s yours.
What you say goes concerning your house. If your mother doesn’t like it, she’s free to seek alternative accommodation. Besides, it’s not like you suddenly sprung up this boundary on her.
It’s been in place for years.” LoudSize7
Another User Comments:
“Not only your house, your rules, but your boundaries are the same. Sure, if she lived on her own you couldn’t stop her from having them there, but at your house on top of it?
Nope. NTJ for setting the boundaries and sticking to them. I love how the victims are constantly berated for pushing back against the aggressor to******* up. Never the other person being attacked for doing what they did.” Lurkingentropy
5. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister For Not Feeding My Cats?
“I have three cats, and I live near my sister.
My partner and I decided to go away for a week around Christmas/New Year. We organized someone to come check on the cats every 2nd day. My partner’s friend checked on them up until the 31st – gave them fresh water and food, and a big old cuddle for an hour.
I asked my sister to check on them on the 1st and 2nd. Last night I messaged her to check that she had been around to my house to check on the cats, she’d told me she’d forgotten, that she was too hungover and that she’d do it the next day.
I told her this was unacceptable and that if she was unable to check on them she should’ve told me because I would’ve asked someone else.
It’s not a small thing like watering my plants, these are real-life beings you can’t just decide you don’t feel like checking on them.
She proceeded to tell me I was an irresponsible pet owner, that I need to grow up and learn how to look after them, and that I shouldn’t go away because it’s my responsibility.
I told her that asking someone to check on them is being a responsible pet owner, I would never ever just leave them to fend for themselves. I love my cats so much, the oldest is a family pet, we’ve had him since I was 9, and he came to live with me 2 years ago because no one else could be bothered.
Am I the jerk for being so mad? She never apologized or anything and I just feel so so let down. But maybe I’m being irrational because it’s my pets and I love them so much.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But… you were being a responsible owner. You got people to check on them while you were away. You didn’t just waltz off and leave the cats to fend for themselves for days.
She sucks for neglecting the cats she agreed to check on. She forgot? She was hungover? What should have happened was her not drinking too much so she is alive and well the next day to check on your cats as she agreed. Not drink herself to a coma and forget.” NmlsFool
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister woke up, hungover, and decided not to go feed the cats as she couldn’t be bothered.
She didn’t forget, it’s just that to her the choice was between lying in bed or having to get up and feed the cats (and you wouldn’t know if she didn’t do it), and so she probably told herself ‘the cats will be fine for a day.’
But it’s this same attitude that led you to bring the family cat to live with you two years ago – so perhaps it’s not entirely surprising that your sister did this
Whilst she’s clearly the jerk for failing to do what she agreed, in the future it’s probably best not to rely on family, and instead pay a cat sitter or ask friends to help.” Valdeberen
Another User Comments:
“Leaning more towards ‘everyone sucks here’. I was actually on your sister’s side until she doubled down the psycho when you got mad.
From my understanding, you asked a week ago to get pet-sitting done.
It was probably something akin to ‘hey can you watch my cats on the 1st and 2nd?’ ‘Sure.’ ‘Thanks.’ Chore sorted.
My issue is that you’ve asked a favor from someone then didn’t check in until after it passed and you’re mad they forgot?
People forget to do stuff. I forget to do things for myself. She’s not on the ‘everyone sucks here’ hook for forgetting. Or even being hungover on a holiday notorious for heavy drinking (unless she’s like… a block down the road…) She’s the jerk for trying to spin her forgetting as you being irresponsible.
And she’s the jerk for not apologizing at all.
You’re the jerk for acting like the cats are the center of everyone’s world and they aren’t. Just because you asked and they agreed doesn’t mean they’re immune to forgetting.
Having screenshots of her accepting isn’t some magical armor that she obviously can’t forget about them. It’s irrelevant, and you’re a tiny bit of a jerk for thinking proving she accepted the task somehow changes anything.
If you really want to be sure a favor is getting done… remind people of it the day before. ESPECIALLY if it will mix with someone’s holiday plans.” chiknight
4. AITJ For Canceling NYE Plans With My Partner?
“I’m in a lesbian relationship of over 2 years, on and off with several breaks. We are both middle-aged. She’s older than I am. When things go well it’s great.
When they don’t it’s awful.
During the global crisis, I didn’t see my parents for 3 months, but I saw my partner every weekend, and my partner and I talk almost every night.
I talk to my parents often, but it is often strained though we love each other. My parents don’t like the fact I came out as a lesbian, amongst other things.
Anyway, I found since the crisis ended that I wanted to be around my parents more. Things improved between us a lot. Which is great.
I spent 1.5 weeks over Christmas with them, and the plan had been to spend 3 or 4 days with my partner.
She would stay over at my place. I would be pretty much entertaining her and organizing food etc. I just found the whole thing overwhelming and I wanted to stay with my parents longer.
I was enjoying our family Christmas. And I just felt mentally exhausted. Lots of reasons for my exhaustion. Work from home, dramas with relationships, some health dramas, just finished a huge work milestone.
I planned things with my partner 2 weeks before nye, but in hindsight, I was too tired and should have canceled earlier or not planned at all. I canceled with my partner the day before nye and told her I wanted to celebrate with her next week instead.
She was the one who suggested canceling over the past week when she saw how iffy I was. She is upset I eventually took her up on it though.
My partner feels I left her in the lurch.
She didn’t speak to me all day nye and only late at night on nyd. She told me the last couple of days that my priority should have been her.
That I ruined everything. I did offer to talk to her nye and nyd, even count down the year over the phone. But she just ignored my messages. I offered to bring in the new year with her next week but she declined.
In a way, I feel she made her NYE and new year’s day worse than they had to be, as she deliberately isolated herself. I also feel she hurt me by ignoring me.
I feel if the scripts were flipped, I would have been disappointed, but I would have understood how my partner felt, and how important family was to me at this time.
Edit: Ideally I should’ve spent NYE with my partner.
If I had to cancel, I should have given her more notice. The day before NYE didn’t give her enough time to plan something else.
My partner has a right to feel disappointed and express that as she will. There are better and worse ways to express disappointment, but this is hers.
I have already apologized to my partner.
I will be there for her in the aftermath of this, we will work through this as much as possible, I will try and make amends, and I will do better next time.
There are obviously some other things I and my partner need to work through – we will over time.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I get that your partner was hurt, but sulking and ignoring you doesn’t solve anything.
However, it was unfair of you to let her down at such short notice, especially when she’s likely not seen you much over the festive season. I don’t think you’re wrong in trying to build a new relationship with your parents, but maybe you need to find a way to balance the time you spend with them and the time you spend with your partner.
Also, just because you’d be understanding or react in a certain way, doesn’t mean someone else will. Your partner’s feelings are still real and it could be that your canceling to spend time with your parents validated her feelings or fears of being left out or no longer having an important place in your life.
Have you even spoken to her about her thoughts and feelings about the current change in your relationship with your parents? Maybe she’s got concerns and worries but hasn’t voiced them because she’s trying to be supportive.
I think you both need to communicate better and have some discussions about the present and future.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – she has every right to be upset that a commitment was broken.
Give her space. Also, this seems to be an unhealthy relationship, constant breaking up and getting back together, when it’s bad ‘it’s awful’. OP why are you with this person?
Lastly – people’s emotions toward your actions are not their fault, they can’t control how they feel, but you can control your actions. Do I think you’re a jerk?
Maybe a little for canceling before, but you knew the consequences, these are them. Live with it.” Independent_Big3345
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but mostly you in this case.
The silent treatment isn’t a great response, but she offered several times to change plans and you still waited until the last minute and bailed on her. It’s understandable that she would be unhappy.
Especially since the people you bailed on her for are prejudiced against your relationship. Overall, a constantly on-and-off relationship isn’t healthy, even less so considering your age. It’s likely best for both of you to call it quits and stick to that decision.” SpectacularTurtle
3. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Pay Me Back?
“My partner (28m) and I (25f) have been together for over two years and living together for over a year. We split bills 50/50. We are not interested in getting married or starting a family; definitely have no kids.
My partner used to be in school while running a small business, and that small business covered his expenses. But his business gradually went down and I ended up having to cover his part of the rent and some other expenses.
He paid me back some of them when he had income but borrowed more when he did not. His debt to me is now around 7.5k.
Now. We both just graduated from school this year and started making good money, with him making 20k more than I do annually.
I expect him to start paying me back monthly, but he also has medical debts due to a surgery he underwent, some high-interest debts that are related to that surgery as well, and student loans, about 50k in total. He is asking me if it’s possible to postpone paying me back so that he can clear his debts that have interests first.
I don’t have any debt myself (because of the family support that I used to have). I don’t have any urgent reason for collecting this debt from him.
I just don’t feel comfortable with him owing me that much (my savings is lower than what he owes me). I proposed that if he can pay me back to a point that he only owes me 3k, he can pay that 3k very slowly, but I do want him to pay me back soon till he hit that number.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, from the info you provided it sounds like you’re in a low-commitment relationship and were effectively living as roommates that happened to be together.
It might sound harsh to some but if I were you I’d try to collect that money as soon as possible. If the relationship goes south for whatever reason, including either of you simply choosing that you want something else, getting your money back is going to be total chaos.
The debt he’s carrying with traditional lenders is legally bound while the debt that he owes you is more casual and would be very difficult to get back if he decided he didn’t really owe you anything anymore.
It also just feels wrong to have substantial debt in a relationship where you’re not seeing a real ‘combined asset’ type of future with.
Now if you’re in a more serious, more long-term committed relationship than I think you’ve implied in your post, I’d say let him pay off the high interest first which would, in the long run, benefit both of you.” _teddybelle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You know of and have lived through the difficulty in his life, but expect him to pay you money he does not have all because you are ‘uncomfortable’ with him owing you money?
If you’re more worried about the money then I think it’s time to move on.” BranChan_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I really want to dub this YTJ, but at the end of the day, it is your money.
It seems like you don’t have a solid committed relationship, as in you’re not looking out for both of your best interests, just your own. Put yourself in his shoes, you have a ton of debt, your privileged partner doesn’t think it affects them, and they have no problem seeing you struggle.
Not to mention the fact that he would be losing more by paying you back first.” Interesting-Race4334
2. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Pay For My Laptop Her Dog Broke?
“The other day I (19f) was sitting in the living room working on my laptop. I put it down on the coffee table to go get something out of the kitchen.
I left it open because I wasn’t planning to be away from it for more than a couple of minutes.
While I was in the kitchen my roommate let her dog out of her room.
He started to run around excitedly and started running back and forth between the kitchen and the living room. After a minute I hear something fall and I go into the living room and my laptop is basically halfway across the living room and the screen is completely cracked.
My roommate’s dog had jumped from the couch onto the coffee table and flung it off and broken it. I wasn’t mad at the dog or anything. Things happen, you know?
Was I sad? Yes, it was $1200 and I have classes again soon.
I called my roommate out to show her and she was sympathetic but didn’t say anything else otherwise.
I asked if she was going to replace it since her dog was the one who broke it. She said no, because, yes while it sucks it broke, I should have known her dog would probably jump on the furniture and shouldn’t have left it there.
Yes, the dog does sometimes jump up on the couch but he doesn’t normally jump on everything, and the dog wasn’t out originally when I got up. I personally think it’s unfair that she isn’t taking any responsibility for it.
I can’t afford to replace it, I’ll have to get something way cheaper and so I told her she should at least meet the difference, which is $800.
She said she’d talk to her parents about it.
My parents agree with me. AITJ?
Edit: The screen isn’t just broken. It won’t turn back on. I got it 2 years ago, and it was still in great condition before this.
There was no other damage otherwise.
I’m planning to take the laptop to get assessed at a shop. I did send a photo to a friend who works at a tech repair place and he said it doesn’t look good due to what appears to be frame damage.
I looked up the depreciated cost of my laptop, and it is $1050. It’s roughly 2 years old, a little less.
If I have to move out over this, I will, I’m not close with my roommate, and her dog pees in the apartment so I’m not attached to either.
Her parents got back to her and have agreed to replace it but I’ll only ask for the depreciated cost, of course, and only after I have taken it into the shop to get assessed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your things should be safe in shared spaces for 5 mins while you grab a snack. Why is the dog jumping on the tables? Roommate ever heard of training?
Why was the dog released so hyper-unsupervised? Sounds like he was probably causing havoc in your roommate’s room and they preferred to just send it out than deal with it.
Your roommate should be buying you the same laptop that was destroyed or paying for this one to be repaired. But at the very least accepting your generous offer of a compromise.” Flowerprincessmel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people who refuse to take responsibility for damage caused by their pets/kids/property/etc are the absolute bane of society. Short of getting a lawyer involved I don’t think there’s any way you can force her to be a decent human being and pay for the damage that she is responsible for.” CopsaLau
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you lived in a shared space with a dog. This isn’t a surprise to you, you didn’t say it wasn’t allowed or something. You left delicate things in a common space.
She should also keep her dog in control. There is shared responsibility here. Whether it’s 50/50 or some other percentage is up for debate.
You also said the screen is cracked but don’t say anything else is broken.
You also don’t say how old it is. It is not worth 1200 to repair. Even if she is 100% liable, she would be liable for the repair or actual replacement value of the laptop at the time, not the cost of a new one.
Screen replacements are cheap. You can also use an external monitor/TV in the meantime.” nyetloki
1. AITJ For Serving My Guests Beef Tongue And Cheeks?
“I was at the butcher looking for some cheap meat to use for tacos at my housewarming party.
My wife got me an awesome new smoker and I wanted to try it out.
The butcher mentioned that he had some beef tongue and beef cheeks. I went weak in the knees.
I love those cuts of beef. So much flavor. And proper barbacoa is made from that.
So I picked it up. I prepared it the way I was taught by my grandfather.
It was awesome. Smoking it makes it so tender.
I made tortillas from scratch as well.
We had our party and everyone enjoyed the food. Until my wife’s brother’s partner asked for the recipe.
I declined because it was my family recipe and I don’t like to give away recipes. I have in the past and I end up getting crapped on because it doesn’t taste as good and I must have sabotaged them on purpose.
No Madison I didn’t sabotage you. You used cinnamon powder in your chili instead of a couple of cinnamon sticks like I said.
My wife told me to please play nice and share.
So I wrote out the recipe for the girl.
She immediately starts dry heaving like she is going to hurl. My brother-in-law comes over to see what’s going on. She screams that I served dog food for supper.
So everyone starts asking what she means and she starts waving the recipe around and saying that beef cheeks and tongues are what she buys for dog snacks.
No one else complains.
They all say she is being ridiculous and that the meal was great.
She is left there crying and being comforted by my brother-in-law.
Now she is flaming me on social media calling me names and saying that just because I ate peasant food growing up is no reason to feed it to others.
I feel kind of guilty because I thought I was doing a nice thing making authentic food. But I guess I might be a jerk for serving cuts of meat that Americans don’t think are fit for human consumption?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Repeat this until it takes hold: ‘I am not responsible for others’ lack of epicurean taste.’
Beef cheeks are literally a delicacy. Tongue, while not specifically a delicacy, has good flavor and a unique (but not gross) texture.
It isn’t like you fed them tripe. Thankfully, most of them acknowledged that it tasted amazing. You don’t need the one idiot in your life.
‘Peasant food’ makes me laugh.
I LOVE oxtail, but I can’t afford it anymore because the ‘foodies’ have discovered it.” AryaIsWaif
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can find Lengua tacos at just about any taco stand in my town.
You didn’t serve anything disgusting. She loved it until she found out what part of the cow she was eating. The only disgusting part of this story is the ungrateful guest who enjoyed your hospitality and then talked crap about your tasty food.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I have to say, I feel like this is similar to feeding a vegan meat and saying ‘see you liked it!’ Yes it is food, and yes they liked it, but it is not something they would have ever chosen to eat, and also not something they would have reasonably been expected to enquire about.
What she said is not okay.” saran1111
