People Are Fuming In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Husband For Calling Me Naughty In Front Of Our Son?
“On Tuesday, I woke up after 11, which is really late for me.
I woke up in a panic because we have a toddler and I thought I had just left him alone since 7 which is when he usually wakes up. I also couldn’t find him when I went to his room so I was freaking out until I went into my husband’s office and found them there.
I told my husband I was really sorry and I hadn’t meant to oversleep but I had been really tired because of the night before. He made a comment about it not mattering and how that’s what happens to naughty girls. Honestly, it wouldn’t have been a big deal if it was just the two of us but our son gets really upset by the word naughty.
Calling him naughty always makes him cry.
He overheard my husband calling me naughty and he got really upset and started crying and telling my husband not to call me naughty. It took me close to an hour to calm him down and I had to take him into another room because he wouldn’t calm down around my husband.
I got angry at my husband and banned him from calling me that again and made him apologise in front of our son. Now my husband is upset because he said he hadn’t realised our son could hear him and that it was an honest mistake and I had overreacted.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ what even? You oversleep by 4 hours then get upset when your husband accidentally makes a vocabulary mistake? I get that kids crying on and on is obnoxious but maybe take the time to teach your kid that the word “naughty” isn’t always a bad word.
Toddlers are SMART. If you teach them that a word is okay then they will pick up on that and learn…unless there’s some super traumatic reason that word freaks him out.” red4rm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He does something nice and takes care of the kid so you can sleep in.
I bet there are a ton of mothers who would absolutely LOVE that. And he jokingly called you a naughty girl and you lose your crap. Who wants to bet the next time you decide to sleep in, you get woken up by your kid at 7 instead of finding him with his father while he is working after you get a few more hours of sleep.
Personally, I wouldn’t be talking to you more than I absolutely needed to for a while. We’re talking “yes”, “no”, “I’m fine” and “get lost”. You need to go and apologize to your husband IN FRONT OF YOUR KID.” Forseti555666
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your husband was clearly joking around and didn’t mean for your toddler to hear it.
Toddlers have meltdowns all the time over inconsequential things. If your toddler has a meltdown because his cookie is broken in half, are you going to berate your husband for not being able to magically make the cookie whole again? I would also look into methods of calming yourself and your child.
Children are extremely reciprocal in terms of parental behavior. You honestly sounded overly stressed out just over sleeping in, so it doesn’t surprise me to learn that your child tends to overreact to things as well. Try some deep breathing techniques, read about redirecting your child’s focus during meltdowns, and don’t take it out on your husband when something like this happens.” justanerd__
21. AITJ For Using My Own Ball Ticket After The Girl I Offered It To Backed Out?
“I had planned to go to a big ball with my friends, but a day before, I was sick and unsure if I’d make it. So, I offered my ticket in a group chat, and a girl (M) said she’d take it. I agreed. (I didn’t know that girl)
The next day, I felt much better and realized I wanted to go after all. M hadn’t contacted me all day, so at 1 PM, I texted her saying I wouldn’t be home until 6 PM. She didn’t respond until 6, saying she had found another ticket closer to her and didn’t need mine anymore.
Since she had backed out, I decided to go myself. But 15 minutes later, she called in a panic—her other ticket had fallen through, and now she and her friend had no way to get in. She expected me to still give her my ticket, even though she wasn’t sure if she could even use it (it required a student ID, and she was in high school).
At that point, I had already made up my mind, so I went.
At the ball, I realized my friends had lied about not being there yet and ignored me all night. The next day, a friend texted me saying they thought it was unfair of me to back out of my promise.
I explained what happened, but they said I never really tried to be part of the group. (To be honest, I never felt like I was, that’s why I wanted to go to the ball so desperately to not miss another group activity since, I didn’t take part in them the last few months for personal reasons).
I ended up leaving the group chat because I didn’t feel welcome.
Now, I don’t have any university friends anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“It seems you and M both approached this casually enough to be willing to be unfair to the other person. However, in the end, M said she didn’t need your ticket anymore.
Calling back after that–you could have given it to someone else, reasonable, in that time. So NTJ for not letting M change her mind at least twice. The other issues with your university friends seem larger than this. Don’t spend your time moping about someone who’s ignoring you; talk to someone else, meet someone new, university is for making friends.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“The deal was off when she discovered another ticket, even though you had offered it in good faith. Holding a ticket indefinitely in case she needs it again is not your responsibility. Furthermore, it’s possible that she was unable to utilize it at all.
It’s awful that your “friends” don’t seem to care about you as much as they are upset about the ticket. Better companions who genuinely want you around, not just when it suits them, are what you deserve. I hope you locate a group that appreciates you.” Foxx-Glove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for using your own ticket after she said she didn’t need it, but I don’t think that’s the real issue here. Are your friends close with this other girl? Why would they care that you used your own ticket instead of giving it to her?
And they lied to you? And ignored you? I feel like something important is missing from this story. And maybe not something you’re not telling us, but something you don’t know.” FormSuccessful1122
20. AITJ For Postponing A Trip With My Mom To Support My Wife's Mental Health?
“I promised my mother (64f) that I (29m) would go with her to Tanzania. She’s always wanted to go, and talked about it for years but since she divorced my dad (over a decade ago), she hasn’t had anyone to go with.
My wife (27f) pointed out that once we have children, the chances of me going on a 3-week vacation alone will be pretty low and by the time our children grow up, my mother might be too old to travel long distances – so I told my mom I wanted to go with her.
She cried, she was so happy.
The trip was booked for March. My wife has been nothing but supportive.
Unfortunately, my wife and I have struggled to conceive. We have been trying for 2 years and moved country recently, away from my mother. I assured my mother the trip was still going ahead.
My wife and I recently had our first round of IVF and it failed. The doctors had been confident because my wife is still young but it didn’t. My wife and I took this news hard – especially my wife. I won’t go into the details but despite only being 27, my wife has some significant fertility issues.
We found out that we are probably never going to have a child, even with IVF. My wife’s mental health after the IVF failure declined and what made matters worse is the day we found out it failed, I had to go on a 2-week business trip.
My wife was left on her own, in a new foreign country, with no family or friends, starting a new job, grappling with this awful news on her own.
My wife lost weight and is now under supervision by a psychiatrist and psychologist and medicated daily.
When I came home I saw my wife was skeletally thin and struggling to get out of bed every day. Leaving her on her own is not an option for the foreseeable.
I called my mother and explained the situation. I told her I wanted to delay our trip by 10 weeks so that my wife could finish her treatment and come with us.
It was a win-win. My mother gets her trip, I’m still a good son but most importantly, I don’t abandon my wife. (Of course I offered to pay for all additional costs, including new flights so my mother wasn’t out of pocket).
My mother was initially supportive.
She said she understood and thought the compromise was sensible. She even offered to come see us in our new country in March to give us support.
A week later, my mother called me and said she’s disappointed about the trip being postponed and that we had let her down.
She said with my wife coming that the trip would be different to what she expected. She said she can’t handle the thought of it potentially being postponed again (we never said it would be) and no longer wanted to go on the trip at all.
She said she never wanted to speak about the trip either. She cancelled the flights and asked my wife and me to refund her for everything, which we did.
Once we paid her back, she stopped answering my texts. She hasn’t once reached out to my wife (whom she’s known for 10+ years and knew how much having children means to her) about the IVF, the trip – nothing.
Or me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom is hurt and disappointed. She was looking forward to spending time with you. She understands you have to be with your wife, but that doesn’t mean she still isn’t hurt. She could have just yelled and been mean, but she backed down, deleted the trip and doesn’t want to talk about it.
That’s her way of coping/grieving. Allow her to grieve. And she is correct, the dynamics of the entire trip changes if your wife comes along. When you are a parent, you will understand this. I’m sorry your wife is ill, but I feel for your mom.
I’d be crushed too, even if I knew you needed to be with your spouse. She spent years looking forward to this trip with you. Give her grace.” Oktodayithink
Another User Comments:
“The numbers of harsh comments toward the mom… I’m probably biased (but who isn’t), but for me, the mom is genuinely sad.
Like I have a dream destination, I spent my life taking care of others so now that I‘m divorced, I still struggle to put me first; my son tells me he wants to go there with me as a special mother-son trip since he moved abroad and I’m just so happy to be able to live my dream while bonding with my son for the last time before him having children.
And then life happens. She tried to be supportive of the cancellation but she has feelings and she chose to be an adult and be honest with her son. Yes, it’s normal for OP to be there for his wife. But yes, it’s normal for the mom to be disappointed by the «postponement» and by the fact that her son decided alone to invite his wife for the mom-son trip… She knows her dream no longer exists no matter what happens.
The wife is grieving her first failed IVF, the mom is grieving the relationship she had with OP. If not for him, she wouldn’t have the little thing to plan this trip and without him, she would rather forget everything. On the other hand, I suggest OP’s wife should focus on building a support system where she is now, because going alone through the IVF process while so many things change around you is putting struggle on struggle… No jerks here.” Turbulent_Guest402
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, this is a hard one. My husband and I went through heck trying to start our family. We did 6 fresh cycles of IVF, had multiple other fertility cycles and multiple losses. Each time we got over a fertility hurdle, another came up.
So I can sympathize with what you’re both going through. I also know that there are other ways to become parents, whether it be involving a surrogate or egg donor (depending on her issues). It’s very expensive, so I understand that cost could be a factor here.
I went through some really traumatic times, involving losing our first daughter at 20w2d due to an incompetent cervix. She was from our 5th fresh cycle. My husband had a trip planned, one that would take him away for a week, 6 months after our loss (and in between cycles).
I wanted him to go on it, I didn’t want him to stop living because I was struggling and depressed. It sounds like your mom is really disappointed and feels that with everything going on, this trip just isn’t going to happen. I don’t think either of you is wrong for your feelings.
As I said, this is a hard situation to be in. We ended up with a fairy tale ending, even against all odds. Yet, during the darkest days, I felt it would never happen for us, that I would never be able to birth a living child.
Your wife needs therapy. Unfortunately, I know first hand that there are not a lot out there that understand infertility and being childless not by choice. This is an area that is underrepresented, so I also understand therapy may not help (it didn’t for me at the time).
I will say, that when my husband talked about canceling his trip I told him not to. I asked him, what are you going to do? Sit here and just watch me be depressed? As things turned out, the unbelievable happened right before he left. That surprise miracle turned 7 last week.” cyclebreaker1977
19. AITJ For Lying To My Partner About Watching Movies I've Already Seen?
“My (24M) partner (25F) and I LOVE watching movies together. The issue is that I am kind of a cinephile and have watched tons of movies, especially ones considered classics. We’ve been together for almost 3 years now, and even before we were together, I was an avid movie watcher.
The problem is that she will straight up refuse to watch a movie with me that I have already seen, which is kind of annoying to me because she’s missing out on so many good movies simply because she wants to experience a movie with me and have us both oblivious to the events of said movie, which I mean, I can understand but she’s refusing to watch really great movies because I’ve already seen them.
I personally have no problem watching movies I’ve already seen, I mean, I do it all the time anyway.
So recently I have started to say “Hey I have a movie we can watch,” and when she asks if I’ve seen it I lie and say something along the lines of “no but I’ve heard good things,” or “no but my friend told me it’s really good.” Which I kinda feel bad for but then she ends up watching the movie and really enjoying it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to sit down with her and come up with a solution. Movie night needs to be split up into two categories, which you rotate between: 1. New Movies – ones neither of you have seen before. This is currently the only category your partner has.
2. Revisiting a classic – this can be a movie you’ve seen before or she’s seen before. One of you recommends a past favourite for the other to enjoy. You are going to need to explain to her that you’ve seen so many movies that this is becoming problematic.
Especially explain if you like rewatching movies (I sure do!). You shouldn’t need to lie to her about whether you’ve seen a movie before or not. Does she just never rewatch movies? Ick.” Expensive_Plant_9530
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your partner’s stance and being so rigid is a tad childish and oddly restrictive, but I don’t think the answer is to lie.
Beyond the initial fib, do you then go on to act surprised at how the movie unfolds? I think you’re setting yourself up for a bigger issue if this tactic comes to light. While a small lie, she will feel manipulated and deceived…. and she wouldn’t be wrong.
Instead, can you talk to her about her refusal to see movies you’ve already seen? Could you put it – sometimes – in terms of ‘I have a movie I want to show you’ ? You can tell her “I don’t want to lie to you but I’ve seen most movies, so rather than be restricted to the obscure ones we haven’t seen, can you be a bit more flexible and sometimes be willing to watch ones I’ve seen before?”” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“Not rendering a verdict, but there could be a lot of things going on here that you’re maybe not aware of or acknowledging to us. She prefers newer movies to older ones. She feels like, when you try to show her your curated favorites, you’re trying to educate her rather than it being a leisure activity.
She feels more pressure to like a movie you like or to respond in a way that will make you happy. She feels more like she’s being observed by you when you’ve already seen the movie than when it’s something new to both of you.
The upshot is that you’re trying to force her to watch movies the way that you want, even though she’s said she doesn’t enjoy it. Also, sometimes, cinephiles, especially film bros, have a more narrow range of preferences that they’re willing to admit, preferences that may not jibe with the person they’re trying to introduce to their favorites.
Why try to force her to get into STAR WARS, a movie film critic Jonathan Rosenbaum gave a rare Worthless rating to? It’s not a great movie on its own terms. It has a certain historical importance in the industry and a lot of people love it for personal reasons, which is fine.
But it’s not exactly THE HIDDEN FORTRESS.
A female friend of mine had a “cinephile” partner who kept making her watch Westerns and war movies. She had to come to our group of cinephiles to get recommended things like JOHNNY GUITAR and WESTWARD THE WOMEN.
So are you curating your repeats for her tastes or for yours? Couples can have different interests or even shared interests that they engage with in different ways. One person is obsessed with baseball and watches every game and memorizes every stat; the other just likes to go to a game occasionally and sit in the sun and chat.
And that’s fine. Don’t be that guy in DINER who forces his fiancee to take a football trivia test before he’ll marry her.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Only Paying Half Of My Partner's Mortgage And Not All Her Bills?
“I rent a house in another town 2 hours from my partner. I love the town I live in, and I’m about to get under contract to buy it. I work in the town my partner lives in, except that I travel for work about half the month and stay in hotels which my work pays for.
I stay with her a maximum of 14 days a month, usually less. 3 out of the last 6 months, I have been gone for work the entire work week and just stayed with her on the weekends to see her. When I am with her, I buy high-quality food, cook it for her, and do the dishes.
I pay half of her mortgage, which is $850.
She says I am a jerk for not paying half of ALL of her bills (gas/electric/internet, about $300/month).
I use a closet for clothes and have some tools in the garage.
I repair everything that breaks in the house.
So far I have patched her roof, installed a new dishwasher, replaced 2 toilets, serviced the AC and heater, and fixed 2 plumbing leaks.
Am I the jerk? I feel like she is kinda taking advantage of me. I can get an apartment for the same $850 with utilities included.”
Another User Comments:
“She’s using you. And she wants to bleed you dry. Nothing wrong with chipping in for food when you stay especially if you like nice ingredients. Nothing wrong with putting in a fair amount (for you) for utility costs) but the mortgage.
Why are you giving her one red cent? And you are paying half. And she wants you to pay half of all her bills. She’s using you. She’s got a handyman, a cook and someone who cleans up afterwards. You’re being a jerk to yourself.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Wow. She found herself a sucker. You’re contributing sweat equity, so I can definitely see paying something every month but you are hoping to buy a house 2 hours away from her in the near future. What then? Is she going to move to your place when that happens?
Will she then be paying half your mortgage or are you going to continue this longish-distance thing? Or will you keep paying half her mortgage AND all the bills for your own home? The way I see it, she has it made. She has her freedom when you’re not around and gets half her stuff paid for.
So you’re NTJ for what you are contributing but YTJ for agreeing to any of this.” Lidowoahohohoh
Another User Comments:
“Ummm, why are you paying any amount of her mortgage? Is this going to be the home you share after getting married if that’s the plan?
If your ultimate plan is to live in this home full time and rent out the one you are planning to buy, it makes a little more sense but you still should always be on the title to a home you pay half the expenses for.
You’re paying for her to gain equity in her separate property with 0 return on the investment. Honestly, I would only continue paying what you do now and maybe the other if she adds you to the title. It’s not fair that you are working toward paying off a house you have no ownership of currently and would have no interest in if you broke up.” Mythological-Chill36
17. AITJ For Rejecting My Fiancé's Niece As The Flower Girl?
“I (27F) am getting married this spring to my partner (26M). We have been planning our wedding for 2 years now and have been trying to get blessings from both sides of our families, but only my family was supportive of our decision to get married. While receiving racist remarks from my to-be in-laws, they disapproved of us getting married and wanted us to wait a while before settling down.
Since we weren’t receiving full support, we decided to plan the wedding ourselves and finalized the details like date, venue, catering, etc. We are not and have not asked for any financial support and they have not asked if we need help in any aspect of the planning.
I also asked a family friend’s daughter (4F) to be the flower girl after the engagement, and her mom agreed.
Fast forward about a year since the flower girl was confirmed: My partner’s older brother and his wife recently gave birth to a baby girl (let’s call her Amy) and they have been badgering us about allowing their baby (will be 11MO by the time of the wedding), my fiancé’s niece, be the flower girl.
My partner and I pointed out that Amy isn’t guaranteed to be able to walk by that time, and Amy’s father responded by saying that he could carry her down the aisle. When we initially said ‘no’ to that idea (as I think it’s weird giving the role of a flower girl to a child that won’t be physically able to do any of the normal flower girl duties and it would look ugly having a toddler walk down next to an adult holding a baby), Amy’s father and Amy’s grandmother kept on badgering us with the same questions:
“Can Amy be the flower girl?”
“What color theme is your wedding? We’ll buy a dress for Amy.”
“Since Amy is our first and only grandchild, it’s tradition for our family for her to be flower girl.”
AITJ to reject Amy as the flower girl???
Here is some context:
Amy’s father and my partner have two other siblings. Amy is currently 7MO and cannot crawl or sit up unassisted. Amy’s father and grandmother make racist comments about me behind my back.”
Another User Comments:
“Pretty sure you AND your husband should be no contact with anyone being racist. Is your husband going to allow that racism to be directed at any children you have?
Your fiance should be handling his racist family, they shouldn’t even be invited to your wedding. Why would you want a racist there or anyone who bows down to their demands?? That’s not even factoring in how dumb it would be to have a flower girl who can’t even walk yet.
Double dumb to have a flower girl be held by her racist father walking down the aisle on YOUR wedding day that you will have photos from. Oh dear husband, look at this photo of the man who is racist to me and his kid from our wedding, aweeeee.
It would taint the day for me personally. Your fiancé should be the one shutting this down and shutting it all down hard otherwise I’d rethink the marriage because why is your fiancé okay with his own family being racist to his soon-to-be wife???
NTJ.” Specialist_Point1980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How can it be a tradition if she’s the first? That’s some wild boomer mental gymnastics. Stick to your decisions. Fiance needs to be the one to shut his family down. Be prepared for some fallout.
Like them threatening not to come if she’s not flower girl. Be prepared for some antics on your wedding day. Have some of your family and friends ready to run interference on the day. Budget money to Photoshop dress colors or smiles onto faces.
Password-protect your vendors.” KingsRansom79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OK, first of all, the baby is not old enough to be a flower girl so everything that follows is irrelevant to the flower girl issue. It shouldn’t be up for discussion. The answer is no. I am awed by the number of people who try to bulldoze their way into a wedding party.
You and your fiance have to very forcefully tell them that the answer is no and it’s not going to change. You will not discuss it again. Be prepared for histrionics and threats. If hysteria doesn’t work they will threaten not to attend. Tell them you’re sorry they won’t be there to share your special day.
Tell them that you have no illusions that they support your marriage, but you would appreciate it if they could try to curb their racism. It would be helpful if they stop talking about you behind your back. Your fiance really needs to take control of things and put a stop to the nonsense.” uTop-Artichoke5020
16. AITJ For Not Calling My Dorm "Home" Like My Partner Does?
“I met my partner (f23) at the beginning of the semester, and we have been together for about 8 months.
We are both introverts with a low social battery and have the same major, so we spend a good part of the day together. We often want to spend time in our own place after the day, especially if one of us has work later in the day.
We don’t live together and have talked about not doing so until we can afford to move into our own place. Both of us live in university dorms, which is a lot cheaper than renting privately in my country.
We’ve had a few arguments recently about my apartment.
I call my apartment “my apartment” and not “home” since I consider my home to be my parents’ house. She calls her place “home” and her parents’ place “home home” which in my opinion is more confusing, especially when she talks really fast. Whenever I talk about my apartment, she tries to correct me by repeating my sentence again but replaces “my apartment ” with “my home” which is starting to get really annoying.
My friends know how I speak and understand the difference between the places I’m referring to. It seems like my partner is the only one who has a problem with it.
I have asked her why she feels the need to constantly correct and she never explains it properly.
She either says that it’s the correct way or changes the topic. I asked her if it was because when we move in together, I won’t be referring to the apartment as home. She has denied it several times but I can’t think of any other reason for it.
I’m not comfortable changing my vocabulary since this is how I’ve been saying things for as long as I can remember. She says it’s not a big deal but refuses to stop correcting me so I don’t know what to do.
Any thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“The only explanation I can really think of is she feels insecure about you not thinking of where you are now as “home” because that’s where she is and it makes her feel temporary, like the whole “uni wife” thing if you know what I mean by that.
I don’t necessarily see why it would be a huge deal to refer to it as home around her if it makes her more comfortable but at the end of the day, I’d say NTJ. There clearly must be a deeper thing here and you’ve tried to get to the bottom of it but she won’t get into it, so it leaves you a bit stuck.” confused_overthink3r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your girl sounds like a headcase. When I first read the title, I thought you had a swearing problem. But no. She wants to police how you talk about your apartment and refuses to give an explanation. Sounds like this is the tip of the iceberg for a mountain of issues to come in the future.
She lacks maturity, obviously thinks little of you due to her unwillingness to explain why she constantly corrects you and thinks she has the right to change how you talk.” Small-Advice161
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t worry too much about it because the chances of you two ever moving in together are very low.
This is (probably) the first crack in the relationship. There will be more, and it will (probably) crumble. Which is fine. Most relationships eventually do, especially in college. Your partner is acting like a jerk about this ultimately meaningless disagreement. It’s not even a disagreement, really, it’s a difference of opinion.
When someone can’t accept a difference of opinion and simply let it go but instead makes an issue out of it over and over… She won’t stop correcting you even after you’ve asked multiple times. That’s (probably) the red flag before the checkered flag. Race over.” the_greengrace
15. AITJ For Not Changing My Eating Habits To Support My Partner's New Year's Resolution?
“As a New Year’s resolution, my partner has decided to cut down on the amount of takeaways she eats, and she has decided to not drink booze at home. We don’t eat many takeaways anyway and only tend to drink at home a little bit on weekends but I’m supportive of her.
She’s doing this to try to be healthier as she’s slightly overweight.
We’re also exercising more and going for long walks on weekends, etc. I’m a healthy weight and stay in pretty good shape anyway. This week is going to be busy for me so I’m looking forward to a relaxing weekend.
I got a nice bottle of Rum for Christmas so was planning on having a couple of drinks and possibly ordering some food.
My partner asked about making plans on Saturday but I told her I’m likely to be pretty burnt out and just want to relax at home.
She asked if that was all I was going to do and asked about what we could do for food.
I told her I’m probably going to just order something so she can just get something for herself. She asked if I was serious and accused me of being unsupportive.
I told her I was supporting her but that doesn’t mean making the same choices she does. I said that I wasn’t expecting her to order food with me and that my food choices shouldn’t affect hers. She just said I was wrong for planning to do it and that I should be supporting her.
I said she can’t expect me to be forced to change my habits just because she wants to. I pointed out the Christmas present I got and asked if she expected me to just not drink it but she didn’t answer and repeated the point of me being unsupportive.
AITJ for ordering food and drinking booze at home?”
Another User Comments:
“My husband is significantly overweight and has recently made a lot of changes to address that. I support him by being okay with spending a bit more on groceries and being an emotional support.
Guess what he’s never asked me to do . . . change anything about my eating habits because he knows part of learning healthier habits is addressing how he reacts to triggers, not by expecting other people to remove them. NTJ. Additionally, I think your partner’s fixation on takeaway and booze being the problem is her grasping for obvious things.
Her reaction here suggests there are emotional issues around her consumption and her weight that she needs to address.” B3Gay_DoCr1mes
Another User Comments:
“Info/maybe advice: is her problem that you’re doing what she is intentionally depriving herself of, aka wanting to control you OR is it that you made full plans for yourself without any consideration or inclusion of her in them?
The only thing I can see being a problem is the mindset of ‘my choices shouldn’t affect your choices’… That’s not how relationships work. You making the choices you did is fine and valid, but absolutely impacts her because essentially you’re having a completely separate evening from her which might make her feel that it’s not you really being burnt out and more you not wanting to have anything to do with her.
The choices we make when factoring another person in are going to be different than when making a ‘selfish’ choice. Have you ever had a conversation about what would feel like a good way to communicate with each other when you’re wanting or needing to do your own thing for a night?
That might help avoid this conflict in the future.” Familiar_Season8438
Another User Comments:
“NTJ no way mate. Either she’s trying to control you in an unhealthy way or she’s weak and knows she will cave unless you join in and follow the rules she unilaterally imposed on herself.
Either way, it’s cobblers. If she can’t be around you when you drink or get take away because she has so little will power she needs to go out and visit friends or go cinema or something. The best solution is probably for her to join you in moderation and only drink a little and order healthier options because she obviously hasn’t the willpower to stop doing these things and she can’t impose her abstinence on you.” JolyonFolkett
14. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate's Partner To Pay Rent Or Leave?
“My roommate 23F and I 24F live together. Everything has been perfect up until she got this new partner. At first, I was so happy for her and excited that she now has someone in her life who makes her happy.
The problem is he started staying here without either of them telling me about it. I just casually mentioned one day that they had been attached at the hip, and she dropped the bomb that he’s like, living here. When I confronted her about not talking about it with me first, she said they also had not talked about it together yet either.
Great, so y’all also don’t communicate with each other, that makes me feel better. But at that point it had only been a number of days. By now, it has been over a month.
The story goes – the guy’s ex-partner is abusive and he is stuck on a lease with her and she will not leave.
From what I understand, she is not physically abusive, but she verbally berates him and makes him feel uncomfortable. He does have family he can stay with, they’re loving and supportive but they are out of state so he would have to commute to work which would suck.
If I’m completely honest, my first preference is that he is not here at all and stays with his family until the lease is up or until he can save up to break the lease. My second preference would be that he pays a third of the rent or at least a portion of the rent since he is moved in and living here.
He is not doing either one of those things.
He claims he is going to save his money to break the lease on his current apartment so he can get out and find his own place. I have no idea how much money he has saved up.
I have no idea how much he makes on a monthly basis or how long realistically this is going to take. He communicates nothing to me. He doesn’t talk to me. He doesn’t acknowledge me, like even when I come home, he doesn’t say hi or ask me how my day was.
He doesn’t have to do that, it just exacerbates how uncomfortable it is lol. I’m also saying that to illustrate that like, I do not know this man personally. Like we are not friends. My roommate also does not give me any updates when plans change.
Literally every time I figure out something new about his situation it’s because I have to go out of my way to ask. Like, for someone who is living here rent-free, you’d think they’d be more willing to explain why that has to be the case.
My breaking point was when my roommate told me he wants to save up for a car. A car. He’s living here rent-free and he wants to buy a new car. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, your roommate is being incredibly disrespectful by not communicating with you, not asking you if her partner could stay with at your place, just making decisions on her own with no regard for you as someone also living in the apartment.
Huge problem there. As for the partner, yes, he needs to GTFO. As others have mentioned, look at your lease. Often, they have limitations on how long overnight guests can stay. Unfortunately, there is a possibility your roommate moving him in could get you *all* evicted, depending on your landlord and where you live.
They should not be treating your apartment as a free place for him to save his money up to break his lease. If he is living there, he needs to be paying 1/3 of the bills. His situation sucks, but that doesn’t give him a pass to take advantage of you.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow – this is totally not acceptable at all. You agreed to live with one person, not two. The extra person increases all the utility bills, and that is aside from the rent – you are subsidising his life. And on top of all that, he is rude to you.
Talk to your landlord – your lease may not allow another person to just move in without being vetted first. The landlord can throw him out. I don’t believe the abusive ex story either.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“As others have said, you should definitely speak to your landlord immediately for a couple of reasons.
First, as has been mentioned, you could be guilty of a breach of contract if he’s not allowed to be there and you definitely want to be the one who informed your landlord so as not to be blamed and possibly evicted. Second, you should let your landlord know that you are not comfortable with him living there and ask for his help getting rid of him.
Even if there’s nothing specific in the lease about it. I had someone try to move in with me once until they had saved up and it was someone who was a fairly close friend but I had no room and we hadn’t seen each other in decades so I didn’t really know them any longer.
I spoke to my landlord, and he helped me out considerably.” PatieS13
13. AITJ For Planning A Solo Trip Despite My Friend's Expectations?
“I (25M) have been saving up for a 3-week trip to Japan for two years. My friend Nina (26F) found out about my plans through social media, where I was posting about my preparations. She immediately called me upset, saying she can’t believe I would plan this without her since we always talked about traveling together someday.
Here’s the thing – while we did casually mention traveling together, we never made concrete plans. I specifically saved up for a solo trip because I want to experience traveling alone at least once in my life. I also know Nina’s financial situation (she’s paying off student loans) and travel style (luxury hotels, structured tours) don’t match with what I planned (hostels, flexible schedule, budget travel).
Nina is now telling our friend group that I’m selfish and a terrible friend for ‘abandoning’ her and ‘breaking our promise.’ She says real friends would wait and go together or help pay for the other person. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong – I used my own money and time off for a personal goal.
AITJ for not changing my travel plans to include her?”
Another User Comments:
“I was reading this thinking Nina was just being silly and dramatic, until I got to the part where “She says real friends would wait and go together or help pay for the other person.” Now I think she’s trying to shame and manipulate OP into paying for her to take a trip.
NTJ either way; a casual conversation with someone about maybe someday taking a trip together does not constitute a binding promise that the next trip you take will be with that person. And double jerk for Nina if, as it seems to me, she’s not just being weird, but actively trying to manipulate and take advantage of you.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“You’re fine. When I decided after college to drive cross country and back by myself mostly (visiting some friends and family, driving from one city to another with my mom, driving from that city to another with my dad – but most of the 9,000+ mile trip was solo).
My mom sent me an email before I left with all the reasons I should take her, including, “I am going to go blind,” within a few years (she has yet to go blind 25 years later). I didn’t take her. I love her, but it was super empowering to do most of it on my own, making my choices.
You can do a trip with your friend some other time if you want. NTJ.” 3H3NK1SS
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Serial Dater Sister's Surprise Wedding?
“This morning I (26f) woke up to a really weird text from my sister (33f).
Sister: “Can you take off March 6th?”
Me: “For what?”
Sister: “I’m getting married.”
Me: “…”
Ever since birth, I’ve known my sister to be a serial dater; almost every time I see her, she has a new partner… she hasn’t introduced me to anyone recently so seeing this text is quite a shock.
Before New Year’s, she told me that she was seeing a guy in a different state, but they just broke up. So if she is getting married, I’m 90% sure that it is probably going to be with a complete stranger. Either way, I do not want to be a part of it at all.
I just started school, I’ve been working a lot, and I really don’t want to support my sister’s dumb decisions. Especially when I know that she hasn’t known this dude for long. At the end of the day, I am just scared of her getting hurt or used.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look, we get to make these judgements about our family members. You can even tell her how you feel about it. But we do have responsibilities to our families, whether people want to acknowledge them or not. She’s your sister. Go to the courthouse wedding.
Demonstrate that SHE has your support even if the marriage does not. Be available to celebrate if it succeeds or offer some consolation if it doesn’t. You don’t actually have to do much. This is the real deal about family obligations: you’re ok doing the minimum as long as you do it.
So, take off March 6th, get her a relatively cheap but useful gift and a card, show up, make snarky comments outside of her earshot to others who feel the same.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see both sides of it. She wants her sister to share in her happy day.
You’re concerned about her well-being marrying someone she’d only been seeing for a matter of weeks at the time of setting the wedding date. Honestly, if she’s as you say when it comes to relationships, by the time March 6th comes around, the relationship may have ended already.
If I were you, I’d probably take the day off to humor her and take the day for myself if the wedding ends up being off. If you’re in school, it could be a nice day to work on homework/projects. Not taking the day off could hurt your relationship with your sister.” ElectricHurricane321
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For most people, sibling relationships are the longest ones we’ll have in our lifetime. It’s gonna have its ups and downs, but it’ll also likely last 60+ years. For you, this isn’t about her intended or her prior questionable history.
It’s about Sis, whom you love, right? Go be there for her. TBH, celebrate that your involvement is just taking a day off classes (which your professors will be fine with if you communicate why in advance), and avoiding the thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of being a MOH can equate to.” BlackToastNtolerant
11. AITJ For Refusing To Lend Anything To My Gambling Sister While Unemployed?
“I have a pretty guilty conscience, and as much as I love supporting family in almost every way possible, I declined twice.
Firstly, my sister asked to borrow $12,000 for just 3 weeks so she could pay off her 401k loan to take out a bigger loan.
I was stunned by the amount, but I also knew she’s a slot machine gambler and lottery ticket connoisseur. I declined, and she was a little nippy.
Two weeks later (recently), she called crying hopelessly asking desperately for help. She gambled away her entire 2 week paycheck on online slots and another $900 on top of that, putting her bank account in the negative.
She wanted to borrow $3000 from me. I declined but offered help restructuring her debt.
I’m worried that I could be the jerk because, well, family. And she did let me stay at her house for 5 months a few years ago with low rent. I’m currently unemployed, my savings account is dwindling fast, and I watch every cent I spend on anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Only “lend” to friends/family that you really consider a gift and never think of again. Considering her risky behavior, however, teaching her that she can simply guilt you into paying for her mistakes will only hurt you both. I hate to sound so paranoid, but if she’s taking out loans and gambling everything away, you need to watch your personal information and credit like a hawk to make sure she doesn’t open anything in your name.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you say, you are out of work and have to watch your finances. That is enough of a reason to refuse to lend her anything. You can’t take the risk of not being paid back, and in a broader sense, you need to have the funds that you have available at all times in case you need to pay to move or something like that.
With 401(k) loans, she may be limited to being able to take $50,000 in loans per rolling 12-month period. She can also borrow at most 50% of her vested 401(k) balance. It is possible that she cannot borrow as much as she thinks. Different plans have different rules.
I believe that gambling is the worst addiction to have because there is no limit to how much you can gamble, subject to being able to get more funds. Even if you drink the best liquor that there is, there is only so much of it that you can consume daily.
There is a dedication on the back of Pete Townshend’s album “Empty Glass” where he thanks Remy Martin for saving his life because their cognac got so expensive. This story goes back about eight years. A woman in Texas spent $400K at online social casinos where it was impossible to win.
She was paying for points that are used only for playing the slots online.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“You’re unemployed. You do NOT have the luxury of lending funds (that you will 100% not get back) because you do not have an income. You’re unemployed, literally say, “Hey I wish I could help you but I don’t have a job and do not have access to the kind of income you need.” NTJ.” angelicak92
10. AITJ For Refusing To Compromise On The Heating Temperature With My Roommate?
“I (24F) share a flat with a housemate (28F), and I feel like I’ve been constantly compromising and accommodating her needs at the expense of my own boundaries. Recently, we’ve been discussing the heating, and I’m at my wit’s end. She insists on setting the thermostat to 21°C, which makes the flat unbearably hot for me.
I told her that I prefer 16-17°C because I feel physically sick when it’s too warm, but I suggested 18-19°C as a compromise. That’s still within the “safe zone” for indoor temperatures, but she outright refused. She even sent me a screenshot claiming 21°C is the UK standard but ignored that it also said 16°C is fine.
What makes this even more upsetting is how she always uses her autism as an excuse to guilt trip me and get her way. She often brings it up when I disagree with her, implying that I’m being unfair or insensitive for not fully accommodating her needs.
For instance, when I told her I found it invasive and disrespectful that she went into my room without permission to check my radiator, instead of acknowledging my feelings, she said she felt “attacked and vulnerable.” It’s like every time I try to express my side, she flips the narrative to make me feel guilty.
It’s not that I don’t agree with her on some points—it’s her constant bad attitude and the way she uses her autism to justify being rude and dismissive that really upsets me. For example, when I accidentally tore the shower curtain (which was already old and falling apart), I explained what happened, apologized, and said I thought it was still usable because the hole was small and near the top.
Her response? “No, please get a new one ASAP.” The tone felt dismissive and controlling, like she wasn’t interested in any discussion—just getting her way.
There have been smaller incidents too. Early on, she insisted on leaving the oven on standby because her dad (an electrician) said it was fine.
She also suggested a cleaning schedule but rarely sticks to it herself recently. I’ve been the one cleaning the stove most of the time, even though it was supposed to be shared.
I don’t usually work from home, so I’m not even benefiting from the heating during the day.
I’ve also told her I’ll be away for a month soon but will still have to pay half the heating bill during that time. Despite all this, she refuses to compromise and expects the temperature to stay at 21°C, dismissing how it makes me feel.
I’ve made a lot of effort to be understanding and accommodating, but I’ve reached my limit. I know autism comes with challenges, and I’ve always tried to be patient, but I also believe it’s not an excuse to constantly dismiss someone else’s feelings or boundaries.
I was open to slightly raising the thermostat on colder days, but her attitude throughout this whole situation makes me not want to budge anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. 16-17 degrees Celsius is 60.8 – 62.6 degrees F. That is crazy cold in any apartment. Is 21 a bit warm for me?
Yes. But even your “compromise” is cold for most people. Most people keep their heat at 68-72 during the day in the winter (20 – 22 C), maybe a little colder at night when you are sleeping under covers. so she is right in the middle. I truly doubt that 16 °C is also “fine.”” Mamamundy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should actually research safe thermostat temperatures beyond looking at legally allowed temps because studies have shown that thermostat settings below 65* Fahrenheit/18* Celsius have a negative impact on human health. The World Health Organization recommends a minimum of 64*F/17.7* C, by the way.
I wanted to lower my thermostat to 15*C to lower my heating bill, but once I read those studies about the health effects, I raised it back up. It’s cheaper to heat the house than it is to pay medical bills.” KimJongFunk
Another User Comments:
“INFO – you state that you don’t work from home, does she? But I’m definitely leaning toward YTJ. 60/16 degrees is not a comfortable temperature. It’s a “we can’t afford heating” temperature. The World Health Organization recommends a minimum of 64/ during winter, so you are starting your compromise from an unreasonable position.
If she wanted it to be 75 degrees and offered a compromise of 70, would you accept that? And it sounds like you are the intolerant one. You tear the shower curtain, and you’re upset she won’t discuss you not having to replace it. If she came in here, everyone would be telling her to say she expects it replaced and refuse to discuss it.
You break it, you replace it. Is this some expensive shower curtain? The plastic ones are usually under $10 and the first nice one I bought was $18. Were you home when she went to check the radiator? If so, she definitely should have checked. But if not, it would have been more polite, but that seems like a pretty petty thing to hold a grudge over.
Were you planning to tell her no, she can’t check common equipment? And yes, you still have to pay utilities when you aren’t there. If she was gone for a month, would you tell her she didn’t have to pay anything?” angelerulastiel
9. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Partner Gas Money?
“My 20(F) partner 23(M) and I have been in a serious relationship for about 6 months now. He lives about an hour away from me which was never a problem in the past when we drove to see each other.
Recently, he has been working a lot and has been asking if I could drive to his place more frequently because he is usually very exhausted as he works a very physically demanding job. I, wanting to be an understanding partner, have had zero problem with driving to see him, as he is truly my favorite person, and I love seeing him.
Side note, neither of us is financially unstable; we both have great paying jobs and both have willingly supportive families if we ever needed help.
I think I drive to his place far more often and I have never had a problem with the drive taking up all my gas, unless there is a massive amount of traffic that causes me to be driving for almost 3 hours on the way back home.
But even then, I’ll just buy gas myself as I have no problem with it being wasted on him.
Last week, I had a talk with him asking if he could possibly drive up to me this time as I had an incredibly busy few weeks ahead and would really appreciate it as we haven’t seen each other in a while, since I haven’t driven to see him in a minute.
He agreed in a very sullen tone, that kinda irked me but I remembered that he is very consistently exhausted from work, and brushed it off.
Until yesterday, the day we agreed for him to drive up comes, and on his way to me I get a call that consisted of him complaining about how this drive took up a lot of his gas, and he said quote,
“You need to pay me gas money for this trip, for here and back.” I, being confused, asked, “Is there a lot of traffic?” He responded, “No, just driving all this way has sucked up all my gas and I feel like it’s only fair for you to compensate me.” I reply, “I get that, but I’ve just never personally asked you for it before”.
He responds, “Well if you did, I would.”
I said that we would talk about it once he gets here, trying to avoid a disagreement, but instead he decides to hang up on me and I guess turns around. I check our shared Life360 about 30 minutes later when he was supposed to get to my house, and it shows him already almost back at his house.
I tried to call him multiple times, but he only texted me that I was being unfair and ridiculous. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Stop now. Stop calling him. He is not invested in this relationship. He is only out for what he can get. You come to him, you spend the money and time.
He gets the “benefit”. Shut that shared life crap off immediately. You are not sharing a life, you are his puppet. You do what he wants. You worry about him being happy. HE is not worried about your happiness, safety, security or anything about you.
I guarantee that if you don’t respond to him for a few days, he will start to berate you and tell you you are a horrible partner, you don’t care about him, blah, blah, blah, blah. He will engage in double-talk. It is YOUR fault that the two of you are having problems. YOU don’t put enough effort into the relationship.
Maybe we should break up if you can’t be more of a partner. If he beats you to the we are breaking up punch, then respond: You are correct. I think that breaking up is an excellent idea. I wish you well. Keep your lovely job.
Find a man who will treat you the way you deserve. Relationships are two-way streets. Sometimes one person gives more than the other, but at the end of the day there is balance, mutual respect and love.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are the one that drives more often to see him, then there is absolutely no reason for him to ask for gas money.
You can agree to it only if he agrees to pay for YOUR gas money too, which is ridiculous. If money is an issue and you want to handle it correctly between you two, then you need to decide how many times each one should visit the other.
balance it (like twice a week for each one) and any extra visits should be divided between you two (if you visit him one extra time, he benefits from it too, so each one pays half the trip).” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it already sounds exhausting.
I’d be doing a quick math puzzle with the amount of times you’ve been to his, then add on how much you’ve spent on gas. Send him a text to say “as you said you’d do it for me, here’s how much I’ve spent coming to see you…I’d appreciate it if you sent me the gas money over.
Then maybe we can talk about travel arrangements in the future.” And when he spits his dummy out and refuses, you’ll know he clearly doesn’t give a darn and is looking for a way that YOU will break up with him.” Redd1tmadesignup
8. AITJ For Leaving The Room Because Of My Partner's Smelly Feet?
“My partner (M31) came home from work after a long day, took off his boots, and the smell was awful.
I (F27) said, “I love you so much, but your feet stink” the first time I acknowledged it. He laughed a little but didn’t get up to wash them or do anything about it. I couldn’t even concentrate on the TV because it was driving me insane.
Again, I said “your feet smell really bad.” He still didn’t get up.
I stood up before the episode was finished and said I was going to bed. I didn’t want to smell it anymore and I shouldn’t have to beg him to go take a shower, he’s an adult man, so I just removed myself without a fuss.
When he eventually came to bed and saw that I was still awake, he jokingly said “you just didn’t want to be around me.” I said, “Yeah, your feet stink.” He looked crushed and I know that I hurt his feelings.
I feel like me telling him this didn’t need to be a serious conversation, but AITJ for what I said and leaving the room, instead of just dealing with it or telling him to go shower?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you could’ve communicated more clearly after he didn’t get it the first time. You could have said something like “The smell is overwhelming for me, could you wash your feet so we can both relax together?” That way it’s clear and you don’t have to passive-aggressively leave the situation cause that doesn’t help either of you. You’re not a jerk, imo, but the way you handled it isn’t very productive for working on communication issues in a relationship.
Another User Comments:
“You are concerned about hurting his feelings, but he was also ignoring you and hurting YOUR feelings by not listening to you when you were TRYING SO HARD to be tactful. If he couldn’t listen to you when you were being nice about the smell, him being offended when you told him directly about it… well, that is a bit ridiculous.
Especially since you mention his feelings were hurt, instead of a look of realization on his face that you were being serious. He either has a hard time reading the room, or he was purposefully not washing his feet as a joke and not understanding that it wasn’t funny to you.
Either scenario means that you two need to work on communication a bit, especially if this type of thing happens a lot. NTJ.” DigbyChickenZone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but rather than just say something that is fairly insulting, you should actively say what you want to happen.
Like “Hey, when you come back from work, your feet really smell. Do you mind taking a shower when you get back, so we can enjoy our time together?” Just saying “your feet stink” is basically just insulting rather than constructive. Oh also, buy him bamboo socks.
They don’t smell. Try to get 100% bamboo, or whatever the highest % you can find is. Total game-changer for foot odour.” briareus08
7. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Roommate's Unemployed Partner Move In?
“My roommate Anne (25F) and I (24F) share a two-bedroom flat. We’ve had a great time living together for two years.
This is our only home, and our lease makes that clear. We each pay our own share of the bills.
Anna’s partner Jake (27M) lost his job and couldn’t pay his rent. Anna asked if he could stay in our room for a short time while he gets his life back on track.
I told her I didn’t feel good about it because I wasn’t sure. Adding a third person would make our room even smaller than it is now. On top of that, Jake and I don’t get along very well. He’s sometimes rude, loud, and messy.
She told me it would only be a month or two, and she even offered to lower my rent while he was there. I still said no, though, because I like living alone and don’t want to deal with the trouble that might arise. She’s mad at me now and says I’m not being fair and that I need to learn more about Jake’s situation.
A lot of people agree with me that I can refuse. Some friends that we both know are on her side and think I should help her. I’m sorry I’m making things harder for Anna, but I also think I have the right to keep my home safe.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to be fair or learn more about his situation. He’s a guy your roommate dates. You are not obligated to do anything for him. Hope that helps! Just know that while sharing this lease, you can’t expect to ever have a partner of yours needing a place.
Once you draw the line, it’s drawn for you as well.” Constant_Increase_17
Another User Comments:
“In a lot of rental agreements, it is against policy to add a resident without adjusting the lease. This could mean an increase in rent, more of a security deposit and higher utilities.
It could also reduce your right to boot the jerk if it goes past “a month or two”. Does he have no family or other friends that could loan him a couch to sleep on? And he really shouldn’t get accustomed to sleeping with a partner if SHE was not interested in moving in with him to start with.
My advice is to let your roommate be mad about it. If she really wants to live with him, start looking for another roommate or a smaller apartment (for ONE). NTJ!” Greedy_Literature_54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Home is your safe space. What are the laws on evicting someone in your area?
If you agree that he can move in for a month or two, is that long enough to establish “residency”? (Squatters seem to be given far more rights than they should. Impossible to kick them out in some areas.) What does the lease say, in regard to an additional person, not on the lease, moving in?
Sometimes the lease will say that the landlord can kick everyone out if they have another person move in without notifying them. If that’s the case, use that clause.” Electronic-Lab-4419
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bond With My Step-Mother?
“My dad was unfaithful to my mom with my now stepmother, Virg, and it hurt my mother a lot. I have an older brother, but he was already gone for his studies by the time my parents separated, so he doesn’t live with us anymore and doesn’t really know how I feel, so he is no help.
Now, I (17f) live one week at my mom’s house, and one week at my dad’s house with my stepmother and her two kids (14m and 11f). I am already not really talkative, but since my dad has hurt my mother, and me in the same way, I don’t really go out of my way to spend time with them.
Today my father came to talk to my about spending more time with Virg, because it hurts her that I won’t be a part of their ”little family”, but I can’t just tell him that if I had the choice I wouldn’t even live with them, because it would hurt him.
The two kids are alright, I already knew them before, and they don’t go out of their way either to spend time with me, so that’s cool.
Now I’m wondering if I’m mean for not even trying to learn to appreciate her just because I view her as the person that made my mother cry all the time for about a whole year, or if my reaction is valid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whose feelings did your father care about when he was unfaithful and broke up your family? Not your mother’s and not yours either. You are giving him far more grace than he deserves. Virg is hurt? Did Virg care about hurting your mother and breaking up your family?
No, she didn’t. She also does not deserve your grace.” One-Low1033
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell dad that he didn’t just betray your mom; he betrayed you too. He conned you out of having a full-time father. He conned you out of a happy home.
With your mom crying all the time and him having the woman he was unfaithful with in his home, your happy home is gone. You have no reason to befriend the homewrecker or her children. He needs to be told the truth.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“If you’re close to 18, I would just stay full time with Mom. By the time he filed anything with court (if he even bothered) and got a court date, you would probably be an adult anyway and it’d be moot. If you don’t want to do that, I’d plan a ton of out-of-the-house stuff/friend sleepovers during his weeks.
I think that you should tell Dad that you’re not a part of his “new little family,” you don’t want a relationship with the woman who hurt your mom or her kids, and if he pushes it, you aren’t going to want a relationship with him either.
But he is also the main artist of your mom’s hurt and sadness, even if Virg knew he was married, FYI. Maybe a break from him would be a good idea. NTJ.” swishcandot
5. AITJ For Grabbing A Biscuit Without Using The Tongs At A Hotel Buffet?
“This morning I was at my hotel’s breakfast buffet, and I went over to grab a biscuit. There was this one biscuit sitting separate from the rest, so I just grabbed it with my hand. My hand didn’t touch any of the other biscuits, and I figured it was fine.
Then, out of nowhere, this older man comes up to me and practically shouts, “You have to use the tongs!” He just kept saying it, staring me down like I’d committed some crime. I calmly told him, “Take it easy, I didn’t touch the others.
I’ll use the tongs next time.”
But that wasn’t enough for him. He walked a few feet away, started talking to his wife and granddaughter, and kept shaking his head, muttering “Use the tongs” like I’d ruined his whole morning. I even said, “All right, I apologize.
I’ll use the tongs,” but he just kept glaring at me, shaking his head in disappointment.
I get that it’s better to use the tongs, and I’ll make sure to do that from now on. But honestly, I felt like his reaction was way over the top.
Am I the jerk for grabbing that one biscuit without using the tongs?”
Another User Comments:
“Social etiquette dictates using the tongs. In some settings/cultures more so than others. From a biological/epidemiological viewpoint, it’s better to just grab the biscuit/bread and touch only the biscuit/bread and nothing else, instead of touching the tong handles that people before and after you will also touch with their bare hands.
It’s a fomite, a microbe transferring object. Or you can use the tongs with your hands covered with a (paper) napkin or disposable gloves, if you want the best of both worlds; no contamination, and adhering to social norms. Since you didn’t touch anything other than your biscuit, and I think it’s a bit of a non-issue, I’ll go with NTJ.
But next time maybe invest the small bit of effort to use the tongs.” benbever
Another User Comments:
“If tongs are provided, then you should use them. This is an extension of good table manners. This is the part that no one thinks about. EVERYONE is using the same tongs without gloves.
So later when you pick up your biscuit to eat it, that’s when it gets contaminated. Of course this is only for foods you eat with your hands, but still…. It might just be healthier to stab it with a new/clean fork and put it on your plate.
If anyone gives you a weird look, just grunt like a caveman “Ugghhh, biscuit. Good.”” New_Standard_8609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tongs, if used incorrectly, washed improperly or infrequently replaced, are dirtier than sticking your fingers in the food. If you are going for something like a biscuit or a large item that you can reasonably get and not make a mess, no, tongs are not 100% necessary and oftentimes are just there for convenience.
For wet things, or messy foods like bacon or sausage that’s greasy, it can be much more helpful to use the tongs and keeps from getting grease and oil everywhere. IT’s food specific, but for just a biscuit? No, dude’s overreacting for real. Though I’d say something if you went elbow deep into the cheese bucket.” AnonAnontheAnony
4. AITJ For Lying To My Husband About Reheating Leftover Gravy?
“On New Year’s this year (two days ago), we had biscuits and gravy for breakfast. My husband was telling me he wanted me to be more firm with him about things he procrastinates about. Today, I made biscuits and pulled out the leftover gravy. He then got onto me about how I know he doesn’t like leftovers, and he’ll just make something else.
Then he proceeded to ask Alexa how long gravy is good for, and she says 2-3 days depending so he goes “see, even she says it’s bad!” So I tell him I’ll make new gravy but I didn’t, I reheated the old gravy.
So once finished, he dug through the trash to see if the gravy was in there and yelled at me for lying to him.
This is one of those things he procrastinates about, he says all the time that he needs to get better about eating leftovers. (I also work in food and am food safety certified at the manager level for my state, so I know proper storage, safety and definitely if food is good or not).
I realize I shouldn’t have lied, but then I’m wasting food and doing extra work and not doing what he asked me in the first place. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What is going on? If your husband doesn’t want the gravy, let him make his own.
Period. And he goes through the trash for a gotcha? I hope that you both have other aspects of your relationship that are kind and loving. This dynamic around food is not healthy and you need to work it out with mutual respect and understanding.” SpiritedAccount7239
Another User Comments:
“That’s not really procrastinating; that’s being a jerk. Now, he said HE would make something for himself instead and never did. That is procrastinating. When there is no food on the table, remind him how you do not like food waste with food that is not out of date so you will continue to use leftovers.
That’s on you. Then explain that you do not expect insults from him when you do it, if he does not want to eat it he does not have to, but that’s all your making – jeez it is like dealing with a toddler. Then stick to it and don’t try to trick him, because that would make YTJ.
Everyone’s a jerk here – just communicate to establish expectations.” lostinRC
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I see a lot of everyone’s a jerk here, which is fair but not my judgment. Yeah, your husband went through the trash, but from your story and way of justifying this, it kind of feels like you lie often and he had a reason to.
Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know, but that’s my impression. Anyway, this isn’t a procrastination issue. He’s not “procrastinating on eating more leftovers,” he just isn’t eating more leftovers. Which is fine, your post gives no reason why this is such a big deal as to have to lie to him.
Now, if you’re financially tight, sure, then he’s kind of a jerk. But it doesn’t excuse your behavior. You, a full-grown adult, lied to your husband, another full-grown adult, instead of talking it out. That makes you a jerk. Full stop. Two wrongs never make a right.” camelCaseCoffeeTable
3. AITJ For Asking My Unemployed Cousin To Control His Emotional Support Dog?
“My (23M) cousin (30M) and his partner (32F) recently had to move out of their place after his partner lost her job. My cousin has been unemployed for quite some time due to his mental health, which is a sore subject for him (this will be relevant later).
His partner has been job searching, but it’s a long process and they need somewhere to stay in the meantime, so they’ve been staying with me and my roommate (22M).
I didn’t love this arrangement in the first place since we have a two-bedroom apartment and I’ve needed to move into my roommate’s room to make space, but it’s family and my roommate says he doesn’t mind having me in his room for now (plus my aunt is paying us) so whatever.
The problem is that my cousin and his partner have insisted on bringing their emotional support dog with them (not a service dog). It’s technically fine in terms of our lease and I don’t mind dogs in general so at first I said OK, but this thing has been a nightmare.
It’s loud, pees on our floors, and it chewed up one of our couch pillows. My cousin and his partner think this behavior is hysterical and endearing, but every time my roommate and I tried to bring up that we’d rather they find somewhere else for their dog, they go on and on about how they can’t possibly part with their “fur baby” and just will not hear it.
This all kind of culminated last night because my roommate had an important presentation this morning so he tried to go to bed early last night, but the dog would not stop barking. My cousin and his partner were all like “awww she wants to play” but my roommate and I were pretty annoyed. I told my cousin that this arrangement was not working and that he needed to find somewhere else to put the dog.
He told me again that it’s their “fur baby”, and his partner started getting really upset and telling me we were making the dog feel unwelcome and it was like asking them to part with their child. I told them that the dog is not a baby and that they need to take responsibility for it or find somewhere else for the three of them to stay.
He reminded me that he needs the dog for emotional support and that his partner is trying to find a job and they have nowhere to go until then.
Partially out of anger, I told him that his emotional support needs weren’t my problem and that maybe he should try getting a job too.
I know he’s had a rough time with his mental health and how that impacts employment so I think those two statements put together cut a little deeper than I intended, and he hasn’t been talking to me today and his partner called me an ableist for what I said.
My aunt texted me this morning that my cousin and his partner plan on moving out this weekend with their dog and that I was way too harsh with him. I do understand why the comment had that effect on them and I feel bad for that, but it finally got the dog out of our place after we’ve been trying the gentler approach so I don’t really know what else I could’ve done.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If a human baby was peeing on the floor, I’d have the same sentiment. Screw everything else, having a creature just urinate in the home is inexcusable. If you need the dog for support, they care for it. Take it on walks, give it attention.
That they laugh when they think their dog is barking for attention is sad. Why isn’t the dog getting attention??? They are being cruel to that animal.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were not harsh at all. If anything, you were way too kind.
I know that ESAs are not service animals. A service dog would never. They are so well behaved and you barely even know they are there. This is a pet and one that they have not trained at that. Even if it WAS a child, you’d be within your rights.
They think the destruction of the home is cute. They should consider rehoming the dog. They are homeless, how can they afford a dog? Also why isn’t cousin on disability or working to get that? It can be very difficult, but it just sounds like he lazes at home every day and mooches off people.
I have multiple disabilities myself and don’t judge anyone who CANNOT work, but from this story I don’t get the vibe cousin tries to be a productive member of society.” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No matter what he wants to think about it and make other people think and feel about it, your cousin’s mental health needs are still his to manage.
Should we be supportive of people who have mental health needs? Should we help family as much as we can? Absolutely… as long as our (reasonable) boundaries are respected, and the behaviour of the dog is well beyond reason. His mental health issues are not a reason to have that dog behave like a menace in your space.
I’m amazed you put up with it for this long. The fact that he AND his partner consider the dog peeing inside and barking at all hours mean that no matter their claimed needs, they are not responsible enough to own a pet. Your aunt will probably be sore, but she hasn’t taken him or the dog in with her now, has she?
If he’s not able or willing to work, it doesn’t matter where he lives. Even if we take this down to just the words that you said, it is not jerk behaviour to call someone out on their nonsense when they obviously have no care about how it affects, and emotional overflow, once, isn’t jerk behaviour.
Does it warrant an apology? Depends on what kind of relationship you want with the cousin moving forward. I think it does. You know it was harsh. But don’t pull back on the eviction. Disrespectful roommates who can’t take care of their dog are not worth it.” rockology_adam
2. AITJ For Refusing To Remove My Sister's Ex-Friend From Our Carpool?
“I (18F) am a carpool driver because of my sister Maya (13F) and brother Joey (8M). The carpool also includes Jenny (13F) (all fake names), who Maya used to be friends with, but the friendship ended after an argument over a group outfit.
Since that happened, Maya has been saying that she wants Jenny out of the carpool.
Her explanation was that being around her ex-friend is giving her anxiety since she knows Jenny doesn’t like her anymore. I asked has Jenny been saying or doing anything to you? Maya said no, but she shouldn’t have to sit next to someone who doesn’t like her every day.
I need to back her up and stop driving Jenny in the carpool because I’m her sister and not Jenny’s
I explained that Jenny’s mom obviously won’t participate in the carpool if Jenny isn’t allowed, which means Maya and Joey won’t have an affordable way to school on Mondays and Fridays anymore.
I also told Maya that she can listen to her music or talk to our brother on the ride as a distraction.
Maya kept arguing though and I was out of patience. So I told Maya that the fact is that not everybody’s gonna like you and broken friendships are going to happen in life.
She needs to get over it and I better not hear about her trying to start any issues with Jenny or her mom over this.
I’m conflicted because of my parents. Dad feels bad because broken friendships at that age are still painful, and he said I was mean for not offering to work out something.
But Mom is out of patience as well because they’re already seated at opposite windows and Jenny isn’t saying or doing anything. She said she approved of what I told Maya because she’s not going to mess up the carpool and let them pay a ridiculous fee every semester just because she’s uncomfortable.
Is Dad still right that AITJ and should have tried to work something out with Maya?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you could have another conversation with Maya and help her express her feelings and validate them by listening to her, reflecting back what she’s said, etc, i.e. it’s tough to have to see Jenny when you’ve had a falling out, and it is normal to feel anxious when you see her and to think that she doesn’t like you.
Can you tell me more? Then assure her that you as her big sister love her and although you couldn’t agree to stop offering Jenny a ride, if Maya has any other ideas that might make sharing the car with Jenny more comfortable for her (Maya), you’d love to hear them and give her time to come up with them herself.
If she comes back with don’t pick up Jenny, say you’d be happy not to, provided that Maya has a suggestion for another affordable way for her and her brother to get to school on Mondays and Fridays, because you’ve come up blank. Do not agree to drive all the days on the basis that you have your own obligations, nor pay the transport fee, but mainly so that she learns that a solution has to work for everyone and asking someone else to do labour without compensation so as to avoid a feeling is not fair or healthy.” Two-Theories
Another User Comments:
“Tell Jenny that since she’s getting older, she will be put into adult situations more often. One of those situations is having to associate with people you don’t like (or who don’t like you). Reassure her that nobody likes it but it’s part of life.
Tell her that she doesn’t have to be friendly but she needs to be polite. Do commiserate with her and agree that the situation sucks. Thank her for helping you out. Then praise her for something she’s done lately. (Bonus points if you can reference that to how much she growing up and helping out) Bad news is best sandwiched between positives.
You are appealing to her need to be seen as one of the adults (important to tweens) and then ending with praise. NTJ.” ArkieRN
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And none of this should have been your final call, as you’re not the parent. Your mom and dad should be addressing the issue with Maya and her ex-friend/ex-friend’s mom, as well as being the ones making arrangements for covering the carpool extra if needed. As far as you’re concerned, you’re already doing the family a huge favour by contributing to the car pool as often as you do.
Anything else is outside of your agreement.” I_wanna_be_anemone
1. AITJ For Buying My Partner A Different Vanity Set For Her Birthday?
“My partner’s (26F) birthday was coming up and I wanted to get her something really nice. I’ve noticed throughout our whole relationship that she does her makeup on the floor in front of a mirror and it always looks so uncomfortable. She has complained of it several times, so I decided it would be a great idea to get her a vanity set.
I did some research and I found a couple she would like, but I knew she was picky and so I asked her if she was planning on buying a vanity set ever. She showed me the vanity set she wanted and I made sure to add that set to my Amazon list.
A few months went by and I was ready to buy the set but I came to find out that it was sold out. I desperately looked at other sites and the manufacturer, but the set would not come for over a month after her birthday (keep in mind that I decided to buy it a month before, so it was not last minute).
I still felt bad and so I decided to spend some more time researching what set to buy. I finally came across one that matched the style and color of other furniture that she had purchased and it was more expensive than the one she wanted so I bought it thinking she’d like it even if it was the one she didn’t ask for.
I WAS WRONG.
My partner’s birthday finally comes around and she goes off to her sister’s while I spend 2 hours building this set right after work. When she finally comes home and I show it to her, I could clearly tell something was wrong. She was quiet and didn’t seem too happy.
She then started bawling her eyes out saying that she hates it because it wasn’t the one she wanted. I explained to her that I couldn’t get the one she wanted yet but if she didn’t like it that much I could wait for it to come back and buy it and sell the one I just bought.
That only made her even madder and upset. She then went on a rant about how she hates birthdays and that I shouldn’t have gotten her anything. Again, this vanity set matches everything else she likes and it wasn’t some cheap set. She told me to simply sell the set and keep the money because she does not want anything from me on her birthday.
AITJ for getting her the wrong set?”
Another User Comments:
“Accidental jerk. If someone shows you a picture of what they want, GET EXACTLY THAT. How would you feel if you ask for an Xbox and receive a PlayStation instead? If we follow your logic, they’re both gaming consoles and the PlayStation is more expensive so you should be happy, right?
But it’s just not what you asked for. I bet she would have been happy with a card with a photo of the vanity saying it will arrive soon. Throw in a nice dinner, a massage, and you’ve got yourself a happy partner. ESH.” liliths_night
Another User Comments:
“I hate that the top comment is calling her ungrateful. My mum’s groups are full of women divorcing men because after 20 years they STILL don’t get what their wives actually asked for. They always have excuses for it, but at some point it just says “I don’t care that much about what you actually want”.
If you wanted a PlayStation and she bought you a Switch because the PlayStation wasn’t available, you would be disappointed right? If you couldn’t get the one she wanted, you should have told her and let her pick if she wanted to order it or pick another.
It’s possible this is connected to a deeper relationship issue hence the tears, but it is also possible that she is genuinely so disappointed and is crying and telling you not to worry and keep the money because women and girls are aggressively criticised for “seeming ungrateful”.
I think you have learnt a good lesson today. Explain that you made a mistake, say what you will do instead (without acting like the injured party), and check if this is about a deeper pattern in your relationship. I think it is a very soft YTJ.” chubby_hugger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and I have had this argument a few times over the decade we’ve been together. What you did was sweet but you learned something important about your partner, she’s particular. For something like this she picked exactly what she wanted which means she spent time researching and planning.
Your upgrade wasn’t an upgrade to her. I know when I spend time picking out a specific item that’s it. I don’t want any substitutions or changes, usually for some very specific reasons that my husband would never get. For us, this happened in the form of towels.
I hate mismatched towels with a passion. I wanted to replace all our towels with specific grey towels from Target that I liked the feel of. My husband spent hours researching the best towels and bought me light purple (one of my favorite colors). To me it was an absolute slap in the face because he disregarded the entire point of why I wanted new towels (all the same color and feel that matched how our master bathroom was decorated).
It turned into a whole thing. Now you know for next time that when she says she wants XYZ, it’s better to wait rather than try to find a substitute.” horsecrazycowgirl
