People Plead For Our Angle On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Getting Mad That My Neighbors Are Judging My Daughter?
“I (29m) had my daughter (13f) very young as a teenager. Her mom’s family decided last minute they didn’t want anything to do with a baby.
So I’ve been raising her with the help of my family.
Overall my daughter is a really good kid, athletic, smart, funny, and kind. We live in an apartment because it’s just the 2 of us (plus her cat) so we don’t need anything bigger.
We got new neighbors 2 months ago a couple (around my age) with a baby. Last week I notice my daughter would talk to them (she’s pretty social). So I decided to introduce myself as my daughter’s dad and they were shocked by how young I was.
When asked where her mom is I just said I’m single and it’s just me raising her. They were disgusted by us after. I overheard the wife talking to my daughter yesterday and asked if she wished she had a mom.
My daughter got really uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say.
So when she was at school I confronted her and said I don’t care if you judge me but don’t judge my daughter or make her uncomfortable. The husband said well she was asking a question and maybe it was awkward for your daughter to answer because she really wants a mom.
I told them both to just get lost and not talk to my daughter. I feel like that may have been too much so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I always thought people were insanely stupid for always asking me if I wanted brothers & sisters growing up.
Well and even to this day and I’m 41. This takes the cake. Neighbor volunteering to do a brother/husband situation or what?! That is an absolutely inappropriate question for anyone to ask except for you if it fits the context of your & your daughter’s conversation and then for some stranger to ask?
God, no.
I had a neighbor once that raised his daughter on his own. We weren’t neighbors for maybe a year or so when she was about 2 or 3 but the only things I commented on were when he was playing in leaves with her if he wanted me to take pictures because I happened to be outside and figured he probably doesn’t have a 3rd party around a lot to have candid shots.
And he would come to ask occasionally to have me show him how to french braid hair. That young lady is now a senior in high school and grew up to be a lovely young lady with a devoted dad.” SnooPeppers1641
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They are horrible people for acting that way towards your daughter (and you.) Not everyone does life the same way. If they don’t agree with how you’re ‘doing life’ then they should mind their own business and leave you and your daughter alone.
They do not know you guys at all.
If the wife thinks your daughter might want some maternal attention, then she should’ve just been kind and gotten to know her and invited her to do things. That is what a decent normal person would do.” GennyNels
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you’re protecting your kid.
They didn’t ask in front of you because they knew what they were doing was wrong.
They were literally bullying a child over something your daughter can’t even control. It isn’t up to her whether she has no parents or two parents or ten parents!
What if she said yes she wants a mom, what then? Will the neighbors go down to the Mom Store at the mall and buy her one out of the goodness of their hearts?? No, they obviously asked that simply to inflict emotional distress ON A CHILD.
They knew exactly what they were doing.
You had to let them know they cannot keep it up, which they absolutely would have tried to harass her further if they didn’t know you’d overheard them.
NTJ.” neeksknowsbest
22. AITJ For Being Mad That My Landlords Visited While I Wasn't Home?
“I (F20) am going to move soon and my landlords have been contacting me if I’m okay with people visiting my apartment next month even if I’m not there.
As I’m planning to be moving out by the end of this month, I said yes, because until then I would have all my stuff removed and cleaned the whole apartment.
I’ve been seeing a few other homes near a friend of mine and have been living with her all the time, so my apartment stood empty except for the stuff I haven’t taken with me already. It looks a bit messy (not dirty) because all the small things are in boxes everywhere, some other interior is just put together, instruments are everywhere, some art stuff is spread over the desk, etc. (For me to know that I have everything and not forgetting anything in a drawer or something)
Now they sent me a message that they used another key to get into my apartment to take photos – because I said I would be okay with people visiting without me being in it next month and it’s ‘almost next month’. They said they were ‘shocked’ by the mess.
I 100% said that I’m okay with it when I already moved and not when I’m still in the process of moving. I’m embarrassed because 1. now they think I’m a messy person (I’m the opposite), 2. I had some other sort of things clearly visible in there.
I also feel a bit violated because they kinda broke into my room.
Now they’re annoyed because they think they didn’t do anything wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No you’re not the jerk, and technically in most states, a landlord isn’t allowed to enter the place without at least 24 hours’ heads up AND permission.
But the problem is, as soon as you say ok things become muddy (stipulations of ‘after I move out’ don’t really matter), it’s usually legally an all or nothing thing, you either give blanket permission to enter or you make them ask and get specific permission every time.
You could take them to small claims court and win, but the cops will probably tell you they can’t do anything as it’s a civil matter, and the court process is probably more trouble than it’s worth if you’re moving out soon anyway.
Sorry, it sucks and you are not the jerk, but you’re kinda stuck until you leave.” Thisisthatguy99
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You gave them blanket permission to show your apartment when you weren’t here if I’m reading your post correctly. Taking photos is a good idea because they can skip unnecessary visits for some folks.
Basically, you are unhappy and embarrassed by the mess and their comments. Landlords have the right to come in and show the place as long as they provide notice. A simple note attached to your door is sufficient in most cases. A call is better.
Please realize that they very much need to have a new tenant in the place ASAP after you leave, or they lose out. They don’t want to embarrass you, although the comment about it being a mess was uncalled for and has made matters worse.
Nevertheless, you are leaving and if a bit of graciousness can earn you a future good reference from them it might be wise to overlook their clumsiness. It’s really in everyone’s best interest for things to go as smoothly as possible. I recommend you do what you can to facilitate the process.” grckalck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like there are a fair amount of exceptions in your case that led to the misunderstanding. Your landlord should give at least 24 hours unless an emergency. If you’re not staying at the apartment perhaps they thought you had fully or nearly fully moved. You may not be staying there but things were in a state of flux b/c it was part 2 of your packing (I think it sounds like some of your stuff had been moved).
You can say something like ‘I didn’t realize you wouldn’t give me notice as to when you wanted to take pics as I would’ve made sure the place was more presentable.’ You can add an I’m sorry (I always do to be less confrontational) but I don’t think you necessarily need to.
There’s no point in doing anything further than that based on the info you shared (in my opinion). Good luck!” Newauntie26
21. AITJ For Not Sympathizing?
“My (21M) friends Matt (21M), Casey (21F), Emma (21F), and I, (names changed) all live in a college apartment together. We have rather inconsiderate neighbors who are loud late into the night and flood our apartment with the smell of smoke on a weekly basis.
Matt is very uptight and very studious and is going out with Casey. Casey and Emma are both very sensitive and anxious people, and I am closer friends with them than with Matt.
Recently, Casey, Emma, and I, along with a few other close friends, decided to have a party in our apartment with drinks.
We let Matt know a week in advance, and he chose to leave the apartment for the evening as he dislikes drinking. I bought the drinks and the party went well; Matt returned and quickly went to bed at about 11 pm and we concluded the party at 12 (we were in a separate room so we wouldn’t keep him up).
I should note that this is the first and only party with drinking involved we’ve had.
The day after, Matt disappeared for the entire day, and wouldn’t answer calls or texts, which made my friends and me rather anxious, as it was quite unlike him.
Eventually, he returned to sleep but for the next week, he gave us all a severe and cold silent treatment – including his partner, Casey, who has past trauma regarding her family doing the same thing to her. Over the course of that week, Casey and Emma both had significant panic attacks because of this, through which I tried to help them as best as I could.
After about a week of silently avoiding us, Matt talked to us in a group and revealed to us that seeing us wasted and noisy at the party equated us, in his mind, to our inconsiderate neighbors, and that he thought ‘we weren’t the people he thought we were’, after over four years of friendship.
Casey and Emma were both quickly willing to forgive and forget for the sake of ending the conflict, but I must admit that I was less sympathetic, as the extremity of his response did not seem appropriate. I said that while it is 100% fine to have a panic attack for any reason, his lack of communication had hurt Casey and caused a lot of undue stress for everyone involved. He acknowledged this but stated he wasn’t likely to act differently in the future.
It’s been about a month since the initial incident, and the whole apartment has been walking on eggshells around Matt, who is still visibly upset and avoiding Emma and me. Recently, Emma informed me that Matt expects me to approach him and apologize for being harsh and unsympathetic.
To be honest, I am having a lot of trouble feeling sympathetic right now, as it seems to be very judgemental for Matt to equate us, his friends, to our inconsiderate neighbors after one party, and for him to cause a month’s worth of anxiety for both Casey and Emma over something so, as he admitted, irrational.
I feel bad for not feeling sympathetic, but I’m very, very tired of the drama. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – his approach is very immature and quite toxic (the whole cold shoulder attitude and silent treatment). The fact he didn’t acknowledge and maturely speak at the earliest opportunity to deal with what affected him speaks more volumes for him than you.
It’s fair enough that Matt does not like booze and you gave him notice of your intentions, he chose to come back when you were still having a party and that’s really on him because he could have left the apartment if he wanted to or remained in his room.
Did he actually tell you what compared your behavior to your neighbors, because both don’t really at all compare to how people act on either? If anything drinking can in a generally friendly environment make people bubblier and can be loud however unless you were doing this every night then it’s not really a massive deal, also booze doesn’t tend to leak into others’ rooms unless, of course, you dropped it outside his door.” Rubilly91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Matt belongs in a house away from other humans. He is controlling and manipulative. Casey should consider this a wake-up call and run now. Matt’s behavior would probably become abusive if they lived together without anyone else as he would isolate her, make her feel guilty, and give her silent treatment if she did socialize or do anything he did not like.
Matt should not be in a relationship until he gets his issues under control. It’s sad that he already has you all manipulated to tiptoe around him. Most people who had that sort of roommate would have said, ‘Anyone else notice how much more relaxing and fun it is when he isn’t here?'” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your friend Matt is tho for… a) being super weird over nothing. You guys having ONE party in 4 years where you warned him in advance so he could take space and getting kinda wasted and goofy is not bad or wrong, so his reaction is way bizarre… 2) The way he gave you and his partner and your friend the cold shoulder was rude and immature and childish… and, 3) he’s not gonna act any different in the future?
And he wants you to apologize to him for what exactly? This is bonkers.” tiannatorres
20. WIBTJ If I Don't Give My Art Piece To My Mom?
“I (20m) am in college, and an art major. This semester, after always doing painting and drawing, I picked up ceramics – and am good at it. I’ve been in a wheel-throwing class all semester, where I’ve learned how to throw bowls, plates, mugs, planters, and other things.
My mom (54f) has always been jealous that I’ve been able to pursue art as a major and a future career – she never had the chance to do so, as she had kids as a teen. So her life was put on hold, and she had to go for a career that would put food on the table.
However, to this day, she’s still very creative.
My school is three hours away from home, and it’s a small liberal arts college where everybody knows everybody. Starting my freshman year, she and I had a very close relationship – and at the time, my art professor invited her to the ceramics lab when the school came out of the restrictions.
Now, almost finishing my sophomore year, the school is back to normal. But my mom’s and my relationship is very strained. I’ve also discovered that I’m trans and go by a different name and pronouns on campus, which she doesn’t know about.
She has insisted on coming down here to ‘play’ with clay and has been pestering me about it non-stop. But I’m no longer comfortable with the idea of her being on-campus; it’s my safe space where I can be myself and not her daughter.
I don’t want to out myself.
So, she hasn’t come down here yet (although she’s threatened to come down multiple times). But the longer that she’s away from the clay, the more insistent she’s getting that I make her things since I won’t let HER make things.
She’s getting five planters for mother’s day, and she got a mug from me for her birthday. She’s also requested multiple other things, which I said I could get to next semester. I also already told her that I would be bringing home old assignments, and she could pick out some more things then.
The last straw has been my final assignment for my class. I ended up throwing a cylinder shape and turning it into a really pretty fairy house. I’m super proud of it, and I’m either going to keep it for myself or try and sell it since other people have taken interest in it.
I told my mom about the fairy house, and she asked to see a picture. I complied. Then she started insisting that I should give it to her – even though I had already stated that it wasn’t for her. I told her my plans with it, and she got really pouty that it wasn’t going to be for her.
I feel stuck. I don’t want her on campus so she can make her own things, and me making things for her has been the one thing keeping her quiet. But she’s already getting so much from me. I don’t like feeling guilty for not giving her something I know she wants, but I feel angry that she feels entitled to my art all the time.
WIBTJ if I didn’t give her the fairy house, even though she really wants it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is YOUR college and YOUR schoolwork. Your mother isn’t paying tuition, she isn’t a student, and your college is NOT her place.
How are you going to make a living off your art one day if she insists on having every piece?
Your mom is trying desperately to live vicariously through you. Set your boundaries and stay firm. You’re an adult now and have complete say in where your work ends up.
It sounds like you’ve been incredibly generous already.” 86_emeralds
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You need to set some boundaries and consider getting a therapist to figure out why you don’t want your mother to know that in fact, you are a man.
She seems very proud of you and actively wants to be a part of your life. Keeping these kinds of things from her will damage your relationship in the long run. Unless you know she will go total J.K. Rowling on you, you should share.
Living two lives will really damage yourself in the long run and she will worry and wonder what is wrong or if it is because of her.” Small_Salamander_247
Another User Comments:
“You would not be a jerk. You’re at the age where it is normal and healthy to start putting some distance emotionally from your parents as you strike out on your own terms. Starting to develop boundaries and enforcing them is key – don’t reward pouty behavior.
Say ‘No’ and if she doesn’t take NO for an answer, end the conversation.
Also, you might also point out to her when she wants to ‘play with clay’ that unless she lives in the middle of nowhere, there is undoubtedly business in her town where she could avail herself of the opportunity.” RNH213PDX
19. AITJ For Not Seeing The Issue In Using My Mom's Mirror?
“I (30enby) live with my elderly parents (both 63) and take care of them. In turn, I get to keep my dog since none of the apartments I can afford around here allow pets.
Anyway, mom complains about me showering or at least will make a face, so I tend to do it when she’s gone or before she wakes up in the morning. It’s just easier than her being upset with me. Because I’m non-binary my brain gets upset over me not having a beard pretty often.
I found a great solution though, I started shaving my face so I could tell myself that’s why I don’t have a beard, and not because I can’t grow one without hormones. I often do this in the shower and my mother has a mirror, a little round plastic one, that hangs on a hook just beside the shower so I started using it.
One day recently I accidentally left it in the shower instead of hanging it back on the hook outside it. She completely flipped out and accused me of stealing it, I calmly explained where it was and apologized multiple times, since both parents are transphobic I gave a reasonable excuse for using it, and I plan to buy my own soon.
But both she and my dad think I’m the jerk for using it, and they’re both controlling so normally I’d chalk it up to them being them, but I was telling a friend about it and he thinks I’m the jerk as well.
Are my feelings about my parents clouding my judgment? Am I in the wrong? It’s just a mirror with no sentimental or monetary value, I could buy one just like it at the dollar store, and it’s not like I broke it, just forgot to put it back on its hook.
But my friend insists it’s her property and I shouldn’t have used it. So I’m here asking y’all, AITJ?
Edit: my parents have a lot of health issues, they’re not just a little older, they physically and mentally can’t do a lot, also, I do pay rent because they need the help financially.
As far as them being transphobic, they don’t know, they think I’m cis, and I don’t plan to tell them unless I move out. It’s not worth listening to their opinions every day while I’m living here unless I change my mind about hormones.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here: Cause they are your parents doesn’t mean they absolutely have to accept your life decisions. It’s their home, are you paying any rent? You can’t force them to accept everything, no more than you can expect all of the world to accept you.
The world just isn’t ready yet. Rome in a day… ya know? Just saying, if you choose to leave, beware of burning bridges, it will only leave regret.” SarcasticBread
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this isn’t about a mirror, is it?
Your living situation is excruciating–you’re taking care of people who openly despise who you are, and you put up with it because you love your dog and this is the way to keep your pet–absorbing their transphobia like background radiation.
This just happened to be the thing your parents fixed on to criticize who you are–they don’t think you should need a mirror or to shave, so this is how they pick at you about it. In general, using someone’s mirror and putting it back wouldn’t be a problem–you’re not changing it or using it up, it’s not like borrowing a hairbrush.
But your parents want something to hang their dumps on, and this happened to be it.
Absolutely get your own mirror, but I doubt that this solves the problem. Long-term, you need to get out of there.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If you could buy your own mirror at the dollar store, do it.
Your parents are overreacting to a mirror, but you’re in their house. Get your own mirror and shave away.” Spank_Cakes
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go Through With My Agreement With The Dog Seller Anymore?
“So a month ago, I bought this dog, Coco. I was told he’s a Pomeranian (which he isn’t, but that’s a different story) and I bought him for 400€.
After his owner agreed to this, he asked if he could use my dog in one month to make puppies with his other dog Luna. I agreed because he had been used to breed before. None of this was written down, we just talked about it, which I thought was weird, but didn’t say anything.
When his former owner started harassing me to buy the dog asap, I decided to come to visit him two days later. He was dirty, really anxious, and immediately bonded with me, even though I was a total stranger to him. It took us a while to make sure he feels safe (he used to flinch at every movement, which made us think he had been hit before).
Now his former owner started texting and calling me, sending me several messages at once to get my attention, because he needs the dog, but the whole thing seems weird to me, which is why I said I won’t give him the dog. He then started insulting me and said he was gonna get a lawyer, but I don’t feel safe giving the dog to him for a couple of days.
Did I do the right thing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no contract. I would actually have your local dog warden give him a visit and make sure he is compliant with all local laws. He sounds like a puppy mill breeder. We also do not need to purposely breed mixed dogs.
We have way too many animals in shelters that need a home. Neuter him ASAP. If he was a true breeder he would have had a contract available that gave you certain guarantees like breed is pure, health, etc.” crazycatlady45325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing was written down on paper, it was a verbal agreement.
But hopefully, you took pictures of his condition and can have some proof to corroborate animal mistreatment if he makes an excuse on you. Get the dog neutered though cuz he might go missing if he still has some value to other parties.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This guy is running some kind of puppy mill and why would you let your dog go back to that? Or help him create more backyard puppies that won’t be treated right?
Block the guy. And legally, unless you signed something, he’s got nothing and I doubt he has the funds to get a lawyer involved anyway… and most intelligent attorneys would tell him to sling his hook.
He’s just bluffing.
Enjoy your dog and get on with your life.” NoreastNorwest
17. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Help Me Move?
“I (43 f) and my partner (42 m) have been planning on moving since November of 2021. My family and I were planning to move to Washington. We got quotes for everything! Flights, movers, packers, how much it’d cost to take our animals, and cars, and how much it’d cost to live there!
To say we were prepared to move this year is an understatement. We wanted to move there because my uncle had passed away from an accident, my other uncle has brain cancer, and my 98-year-old grandma was also diagnosed with cancer. We were going to live near them and help them out and basically spend as much time as possible with them as they had left. We were all on the same page until we weren’t…
My partner decided to go under my nose and accept a job in a state over (which is a six-hour drive away) and not tell anyone until he was about to have the interview, which he was sure he’d get. Well, the time comes and he got the job.
I was angry! I stayed calm and congratulated him, but was clearly upset! He was supposed to start on March 28 and the time he got his job was around the beginning of March. He kept spewing a bunch of nonsense plans on him leaving early to get settled into his job and having me pack our huge house, drive our RV to him and take our 5 animals, then take care of everything in our HUGE storage unit by myself WHILE I work a full-time job.
I told him that is a dumb plan and he got annoyed. He left and told me I could get lost and can be independent for once since I didn’t like any of his plans, and left around March 12 without saying goodbye.
Fast forward to recently, He has been talking to me like nothing happened. I’ve been busting my butt getting everything ready as my last day is April 29th, but I feel I am falling behind.
I texted and asked him if he could take 2 days off to help me pack and get everything situated and responded by calling me a witch that shouldn’t need help since I didn’t want to help when we were planning the very spontaneous move that he decided to make.
AITJ for asking for his help? Should I even move with him or should I say screw it and go with the rest of my family to Washington?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Put his things in storage and pay for one or two months.
Notify him of the storage address and the amount of time it’s paid for. That’s his problem now.
Pack up your stuff, your animals, etc. If the RV is in his name, leave it in a storage center (or use it to get to Washington and notify him that he can come to get it at a specific location there— whatever is easiest for YOU, not for him).
After you’re settled in your new home, resend the info regarding any of his stuff. Then block him. Go to Washington with the people who love you.” mamiesb2001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He kept secrets and made plans outside of you to get out of doing the work.
Those aren’t the actions of a partner. Him calling you a witch is unacceptable, no you shouldn’t move with him.
Start separating out your stuff and tell him that he’s going to have to fly back down and get his stuff when you’re in the position where you have most of your stuff packed up so if he comes quickly you won’t have to be there in a vulnerable position.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This jerk has shown himself to be self-centered and that he has no respect for you. Pack your own things. If you have time – unpack his. You go with your family. Washington is a lovely state and the people are very friendly.
Let him figure out how to get his things moved. Good luck!” TabithaBe
16. WIBTJ If I Only Paid For My Ticket?
“My s/o (M 20) and I (F 20) have planned a week’s vacation for the month of August.
Well, planning up to it I’ve booked the hotel and have also been looking into and booking activities for us to do while on vacation. Where we’re going the plane tickets aren’t the cheapest but we both know that. I’ve asked about the idea of buying our own plane tickets at the same time that way we could have seats next to each other and that way someone (possibly) won’t sit in between us.
My SO has asked about the off chance someone does get a seat in between us. I played devil’s advocate and stated that the person may be willing to switch seats with one of us otherwise we’d need to deal with it.
My SO then stated that we could save and put the money together and since I make more than he does I could pay any possible extra charges.
This didn’t sit right with me as he always says this whenever he doesn’t have a whole lot of money and I end up buying a lot of our dinners. So I told him that if he doesn’t have the funds for a ticket I’d go by myself.
Now he is mad that I’d even suggest that and has told me that we should buy them together rather than separate so we guarantee the seats next to each other.
Would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The tickets seem like a red herring.
If you don’t trust him to be able to save for his portion of this trip – you need a plan.
Whether it’s that he weekly transfers you $X now to help cover his portion of the trip with an agreement that you will keep track of both what you spend and what he has paid.
So that you both know if after the trip he still owes or is owed funds.
That way you are doing the saving for him.
However, that sounds exhausting for you. And not the best way to have a relationship.
You can’t trust him to plan to cover his own costs on a trip?
There is a reason that finances are a major cause of divorce.
The better choice may be to either go by yourself or invite a friend who you trust to cover their portion of the trip.
If he wants to be an adult and go on a grown-up vacation, he needs to be able to afford a grown-up vacation.” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Finances seem to be an issue in your relationship. As long as your holiday plans have been made with his budget in mind then there is no reason that he should be expecting you to pay.
As long as you continue to substitute his lifestyle he will continue to expect it and assume that your paycheck belongs to both of you.
If he has not saved up enough and has decided to spend his money on short-term impulses instead of the holiday – then he needs to start growing up and making better decisions and not expecting you to cover his shortfall.
The fact that he got mad with you and then tried to guilt you – I would not be surprised if he does not have that money and was expecting you to pay for it all.” MersWhaawhaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to send you the funds in advance if he wants you to book it yourself. Honestly, this doesn’t sound like an equal partnership. ‘You make more so you need to cover dinners/vacations’ is not a healthy thing to say.
I think you should break up with him. Not because he doesn’t make enough money but because he feels entitled to yours.” ConcentrateRegular79
15. AITJ For Disciplining My Brother?
“I (18f) reside with my dad (70M) and my little brother (13M).
My mother passed away four years ago making me the only female in my household so a lot of caretaking of the house is done by me. My brother has issues with helping around the house and taking care of himself, he doesn’t clean up after himself, he does not do any of his chores and when he does do them he does it completely half-done and leaves it worse than what it originally looked like.
He’ll come home from school, and lounge around in his uniform all day and video gaming then proceeds to say that he’s tired and can’t do any of his chores. This has left him a complete mess and any attempt to talk to him about his behavior results in him throwing tantrums and screaming about how we don’t care about him.
This morning it got completely out of hand when, after a 5 day-long weekend, he refused to go to school Tuesday morning, we dragged him out of bed to the bathroom only for him to stand idle in protest while screaming that he was tired as he was playing video games last night.
After hearing that in frustration, I took the console and hid it in my dad’s room and told him that until he takes care of himself he can’t use it, now he’s giving the silent treatment and my dad keeps telling me to give it back as it was unnecessary.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you are NOT a parent and this is NOT your responsibility. It is your father’s. If he is fine with his son not doing anything, then so be it. You do NOT need to do their laundry, fix their meals, clean the kitchen, etc. Either of them is perfectly capable of it and your father, at 70, should know how to deal with a brat.
If it was less than 4 years I’d say he was still having trouble adjusting to the loss, and regardless he does need some therapy. But for now? Back off from playing the parent.
You aren’t supposed to be expected to do that, ESPECIALLY for a grown adult and a TEENAGER.
Give him the console and let all discipline depend on your father. Not doing their clothes or fixing their meals or anything, claim you are too tired. I bet things change FAST.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is a jerk for not being a parent.
However, you and your sibling have only a five-year age gap and you’re both teenagers. So you’re way too close in age for you to take discipline into your own hands and it’s only going to cause resentment from your brother. You’re not the parent so maybe you need to discuss with your father that you’re sick of the tantrums and your brother’s outbursts but you shouldn’t be handing out punishments.
I don’t think you or your brother is the jerk in this situation but you need to stop trying to act like a mom. You’re only five years older than your brother. You need to back off or your brother is (rightfully so) going to start reminding you soon that you’re not a parent.” Flimsy-Dragonfly-178
Another User Comments:
“Hmm NTJ for giving him a consequence but you might have more success by approaching him with kindness and empathy (even if it’s hard). He might be facing bigger internal/external problems than you’re aware of. In my years as a parent, I’ve found more success in establishing an open line of communication with my kids.
Speak to him like an equal with age-appropriate words so that he is comfortable enough to open up to you. That way you won’t have to wonder or feel like you’re talking to a brick wall. I’m sorry you’re having to be the parent in this relationship.” pnb10
14. AITJ For Not Helping My Friend Move?
“My best friend Ashley (28f) and I (28f) are both moving out of our respective apartments next month. I’m moving in the middle of May and she is moving the last weekend in May. This is probably a pretty common opinion, but I absolutely hate moving and there are truly few things in this world that I dread more.
Last week I’m talking to Ashley on the phone and she’s talking about how her building doesn’t have a freight elevator, and how 1 (of 3) of the moving companies that she reached out to told her that they would not move her because her couch does not fit in the elevator, meaning they would have to carry it down 7 flights of stairs.
She was still waiting to hear back from the other moving companies. I asked her how they got the couch into her apartment and she told me that the delivery guys for the furniture company carried the couch up 7 flights of stairs to her apartment.
She says that perhaps she’ll ask 2 of our male friends to move the couch for her. Then, she asks if I would help her move the couch. I say no. She asks why not. I say that I’m also moving in May and that I already don’t want to have to move myself, nor anybody else.
I also say that I would never ask a friend to help me move for free, so I don’t think it’s wrong of me to set that boundary for myself. Not to mention that there is absolutely no way that the 2 of us could move a whole couch down 7 flights of stairs and I don’t want to be responsible for that.
I rarely say no to anything that she asks of me, and after being best friends with her for 12 years I know with absolute certainty that she would NEVER agree to help me move (which is fine, because again, moving is the absolute WORST.) She berates me over the phone and says that sometimes people have to make sacrifices, that I’m being lazy, and that I’m her only friend that’s never helped her move.
Honestly, sometimes it’s just not even worth it to fight with her, so I ask when she’s moving (I didn’t know at this point.) She tells me the last Saturday of May, to which I reply that it’s Memorial Day weekend and I’ll be out of town.
That should’ve been the end, but she says, ‘Let’s go back to your excuses from before…’ and continues to yell at me for saying that I don’t want to help her move and that it’s nonsense that I tried to turn it around on her by saying that I’d never ask that of her.
She then says she can’t talk about this anymore and hangs up on me.
Had she let me get a word in, I would have said that she hadn’t even heard back from the other moving companies OR our male friends and that if it was an emergency or I was her last resort, of course, I’d try to help.
My family and other friends are saying that I didn’t do anything wrong and that she is expecting too much of me, but Ashley hasn’t spoken to me in over a week, leading me to believe that I maybe I am a jerk for not just agreeing to help her move since she’s my best friend.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, moving sucks, and then helping someone else move like just a few weeks later is super sucky. But her going back to your previous excuses because she knew she could ridicule you for those is a jerk move on her end.
It might be easier to toss the couch out the window and hope for the best at this point.” lil-peanutbutter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell her to put that couch on her back & carry it down all the steps herself if she wants it moved so bad.
No is a complete sentence. You didn’t need to give her any reasoning behind why you said no. Especially if she wouldn’t help you move.” S************r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NO, IS A WHOLE SENTENCE!!! Your friend is the jerk and entitled to think that because you are friends you have to help her move.” ConcreteJungleRaised
13. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Impressing Her Father?
“My mom (37) has always sought her dad’s approval. I (18f) love her so much and it hurts to see that grandpa doesn’t love her like she does me. They’re from China and he lords it over her that he kept her even though she was a girl when they argue and it shuts her up.
My mom isn’t stupid! She got married, came to Vancouver, had me, and still became a doctor! An actual doctor! She’s a genius and my hero.
Seven years ago was mom’s thirtieth birthday and dad had a big party for her in a hall. All of our relatives came, even from China.
My mom’s cousin gave a speech, my dad did and then grandpa did. That was the only time I’ve heard him say nice things to her. He gave a glowing speech on how everyone wanted sons but he kept her cause he knew the moment he saw her nobody could compare, how she made him so proud becoming a doctor in Canada and was worth more than any son.
The month after mom was the happiest she’s ever been I swear.
Two years ago, grandpa came to stay with us cause he says he wanted to see me grow up (I think grandma just wanted him out). Mom’s been stretched trying for him but nothing she does is right.
To give examples: she’s a doctor and he says she earns too little. She makes time to make us dinner and he says she should make better food. Mom and dad were planning on having a baby but decided not to after he said to focus on work.
The worst is mom makes me show him my grades and stuff and he praises me and tells me how proud he is of me but if mom’s around instead of congratulating her on how she’s raising me, he tells her she should’ve been doing as good as I am when she was my age.
She says ‘yes, father ‘ and tries to do better for him. She’s gotten so much sadder since he came and I think it’s cause she cares too much about what he thinks.
Yesterday grandpa made another comment about mom’s cooking, then went on a walk and she started crying.
I got mad and told her she needed to stop trying to get his approval. Dad piped in and said I was right. She went off on us and said to dad she told him a million times not to disrespect her father and told me I was being selfish and ungrateful and never to bring it up again.
I don’t feel I did anything wrong, I want her to be happy.”
Another User Comments:
“God, this is a tough situation…
First and foremost, NTJ.
You are right in that she shouldn’t beat herself up so much. However, it sounds like some things need to happen before that stops.
It sounds like she’s been holding in a lot of her feelings, and that’s what led to her lashing out at you and dad. I’m sure deep down she knows the dynamic between her and her dad isn’t healthy for her. Oftentimes, though, when you’re brought up a certain way it can be difficult to recognize when certain dynamics aren’t right.
From what I gather it sounds like there are a lot of things she’s never unpacked, and until she does it might lead to her lashing out again when you and your dad try to speak up for her.
Ultimately it is up to her to try and break that cycle, but I would definitely do what I can to stay supportive of her.
Let her know that you and your dad have her back. I know it’s a lot easier said than done to separate yourself from a toxic relationship when it’s a family member, but only when your mom finds the courage to put her foot down will this end.
I will certainly be pulling for her.” Shadebear85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However you can’t change the way your mom has been abused (yes, abused). She has been fearful of his opinions for so long that she thinks he’s right.
You can, however, very respectfully be vocal about how proud you are of HER, how you love her very much, how you LOVE her cooking, and how she’s your hero.
No direct confrontation with grandpa, but having her back without him being able to argue. Every. Single. Time.
You can also double down on saying that grandpa must be SO proud, and how he did SUCH a good job of bringing her up. It’s reverse psychology, but it should work a treat.
Because at the end of the day, if he is so critical, he is criticizing HIMSELF, isn’t he?
She won’t stand up to him immediately. But hopefully, gradually, her self-esteem will increase and grandpa will get the very subtle message that he better not push his luck.” MamanBear79
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but you should follow the tips that everyone else is giving you regarding better ways to buttress your mom’s sense of self-worth.
Meanwhile, I’m going to give you some different avenues of attack, mostly focused on shutting gramps down whenever he goes off on another misogynistic tirade.
First off, a baby’s gender is determined by the father, therefore the fact that gramps had your mom was entirely his contribution, and if he feels disappointed about it, he should first look at himself. Bonus points for quoting Confucius at him, ‘In archery, we have something like the way of the superior man.
When the archer misses the center of the target, he turns round and seeks for the cause of his failure in himself.’
But moreover, you mention that your mom is 37. That means that she was born around 1985, 3 years after the Family Planning policy first came into effect.
So he’s known for 3 years that he’s only supposed to have one kid and that it’s entirely possible for it to be a girl, and known longer that you’re not supposed to abandon your kids… and he expects praise for not chucking your mom down a well simply because she was a girl?
And this isn’t even getting into how such patriarchal attitudes are antithetical to the socialist values that established the People’s Republic in the first place.
Women hold up half the sky, hadn’t he heard? Why is he spitting in the face of all the progress made by revolutionaries like Zhou Enlai, Deng Xiaoping, or Song Qingling?
Doesn’t he know that it’s only the backward rural villages that think this way, and that their thinking is the reason why human trafficking is such a persistent crime in China?
At the end of the day, this is meant to accomplish two things: 1. to have the cat grab his tongue by having his CBC granddaughter lecture him about traditionally Chinese things and 2.
to establish that his beliefs are not representative of his culture, but rather of a backward minority subsegment thereof.” GenghisQuan2571
12. WIBTJ If I Don't See My Sister-In-Law?
“My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and we attempt to have a good relationship with our families (Excluding certain family members who are toxic).
When we had my daughter, due to the chaotic mess of my in-laws, we decided to move closer to my family and stayed there until about 3 months ago when we found out his grandparent’s health was declining and they needed help with things. So, we moved back and we’ve been getting filled in on situations, drama, the normal circus that we’ve missed; and one of the sore subjects has been my husband’s sister.
My SIL has a lot of mental issues and refuses to take her meds. When she’s on them, she’s great -but- when she decides to stop taking them, that’s when she tends to fall into bad habits like drinking, illegal stuff, and essentially self-medicating. Before we left we had a falling out during what I call one of her ‘crazy moments’.
During this time she wasn’t happy about the fact that I was pregnant and even told me that she ‘hopes I have a miscarriage’, and also (Granted this part is probably odd) started saying she was pregnant as well and telling people about her pregnancy issues… which mirrored my own (I had a hole in my placenta, and actually was a high risk of a miscarriage), and even how she found out she was pregnant was literally word for word my story.
I bit my tongue because once again, I knew she had issues and it was easier to focus on my pregnancy instead of focusing on her stuff (Which no, she didn’t have a baby so… I’m not exactly sure what that situation was about).
It’s been about 8 years, and we moved back.
SIL sent me a message asking if she could come by and see us along with the kiddo. The family has given mixed stories about SIL, some are saying she’s just as chaotic, and others are saying that she’s finally on her meds. So, a part of me is saying to give her a chance and judge for myself -but- that other side, which might be petty and stubborn, is saying to keep her away and avoid her at all cost. The other factor is my husband’s grandparents where the grandma made the comment that she wants everyone in the family to get along before she’s gone.
This is also making me think that a meeting would be good to say: ‘We attempted, it didn’t work,’ and once again that another side of me is saying: ‘Avoid, avoid, avoid.’
WIBTJ if I ignored the fact that people are saying she’s better, and focus on the chaotic rumors?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But maybe you should meet her first at a neutral location just the two of you. Then decide whether or not you want her around your kid.” Maleficent-Frame3794
11. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Family Behind?
“My mother, brother and I have all been living in a motel paying 80 a night for the past six months after being evicted. I want to leave to do things my way and live my life but that would result in potentially leaving them to be homeless again.
To shed light on the situation, my mother and father have always been arguing and I as the oldest sibling would always be in the middle of it. My mother was a stay-at-home mom and my father worked. During my sophomore year of high school, they got into a bad argument and my father left. Soon after my mother got a job and has been working for only four years up until she stopped going to work in December 2020 as a result of a coworker passing away.
My parents never taught us how to be independent intentionally to keep us dependent, as there was always an excuse whenever I tried to learn to do things on my own like laundry or the like. When it came to a job I was also discouraged from getting one because both my parents claimed I wouldn’t want to go to college anymore even though I was home doing nothing and they had no funds to pay for my college.
At 20, I snuck out to get the job and my mother kicked me out for keeping it against her wishes but I came back after two days when I apologized for being ‘disobedient’. Two months into 2020, I was furloughed as ‘God’s punishment’ according to my parent.
Now, my brother and I found jobs six months ago, and my uncle helps us. I haven’t told him about the issues with my mother since I feel he’d flip at me. I feel alone here because I’m expected to be a man of the house and my uncle always talks about how I have to help my mother and take care of her now.
My mother isn’t working because she claims that she was the one working while my brother and I were ‘laying up’ but I feel like she is manipulating me here. Now, all she does is play the lotto, talking about her father coming back and bringing the ‘family’ together, and praying to God expecting things to change.
I feel like I am going crazy since she isn’t explicitly toxic and she’s ‘nice’ but only until I do something she doesn’t like. I turned 23 a month ago, but I secretly got another job and it’s way more pay from 10 to 15 an hour that starts next week but I’d have to leave them behind because I need to take care of my mental health and I feel like I am the bad guy.
It’s all so confusing. AITJ for wanting to leave and live my life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ever heard of that saying about crabs in a bucket? It’s the concept that crabs in a bucket will try to escape, but every time one tried to get out the others would pull them back in – effectively stopping each other from getting out of that situation/bettering themselves.
Do you want to be stuck in that bucket forever?
You gotta be able to actually get out if you ever want your life to change and maybe then you could help your family. Preferably from afar, and without putting your mental health and financial stability at risk.” shzan1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother is toxic. So is your uncle. Both are pressuring you to do everything but their only reason is they are family, but they only seem to act like it when it’s in their best interest. I’d say see if your brother wants to come as well as it seems that he is in the same place as you.
There is a chance that he will want to stay, so ask him at the last possible moment so your mother and uncle won’t have time to stop you. I also think you should try to take him because if you don’t you’d be the second father figure to leave him high and dry.
That could have some drastic mental issues.
Offer to take him the night before, if he says yes take him, if he says no then give him a way to contact you if he changes his mind that won’t let him find you without you wanting him to, like a P.O.
Box.” DrumRanger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, she’s a grown woman and fully capable of getting a job. She has chosen not to work: she can change her mind.
Second, you are also fully grown and are now responsible for yourself. That’s what is supposed to happen.
Her opposing this is just wrong.
Uncle is just worried that if you leave Mom will become his problem.
Start your life. Help your brother when you can.” czndra67
10. AITJ For Asking My Sister About My Missing Stuff?
“I (19F) live with my (18F) sister. My sister takes my clothes, jewelry, and skincare items often and usually doesn’t ask when doing so, I tend to try to avoid conflict with her because she can get very toxic quickly (I’m no angel either but in this situation, it’s completely different).
I usually find out about the things she’s taken when I need to use it which is pretty annoying but I try my best to ask her in a neutral tone (because she picks up attitude even when it’s not there).
Also in the past, she has either broken, lost, or ruined some of my possessions before.
Anyways after a while, my stuff just never made it back to my room. Well, today when I was vacuuming I came across one of the skincare items my sister had taken like 1-2 months ago (which I had already asked for back several times and never got a real answer), this one wasn’t mine bc it was empty so I asked her if she knew where mine was a bit loud because the vacuum was on.
When I tell you this girl snapped, she freaking snapped. She started talking to me in such a cold and defensive manner saying that the only time she’s home I’m either asking her where she is or passive-aggressively badgering her about where my stuff is.
She goes on to tell me she doesn’t care where my stuff is and I can go find it myself. I told her that she was invalidating and gaslighting me for asking where my stuff was. She then proceeds to tell me we have no relationship after I ask her why she’s treating me like this and if she really wants to ruin our relationship like this.
Note that all this is happening when she’s wearing my dress and jacket. I mean I could be the jerk bc she could have been having a bad day or bc I’ve asked about my stuff multiple times but then again she’s always taking my stuff without my knowledge so no wonder.
I just don’t get it bc literally before this all went down we were talking normally and were going to smoke. I really don’t know at this point AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like your sister expects you to be okay with her ‘borrowing’/flat-out stealing, which is typical in many sibling relationships, but not yours.
Have a chat with her (explain why you were yelling, a lot of sensitive people get upset really easily when people raise their voices at them), tell her it’s not okay, and buy a lock. Then go have some sister bonding before she moves out and you never see her again.
It’s worth it.” Quokkallou
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not locking up your stuff when you live with a thief. You are both adults. It’s time to accept your part in this.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your sister sounds psychotic. I wouldn’t try to have a rational conversation with her.
Look for your stuff when she’s out, put a lock on your door, and move out.” GlitteringMail4848
9. AITJ For Being Upset With My Parents?
“I’m NBY16 and I’m currently doing school online because I’m immunocompromised. Before 2020, I was a straight-A student who did band, mainly, and was first chair and a manager.
All of that exploded in my face and suddenly I failed math my freshman year. I had to do it online my freshman year, and it just wasn’t for me. I said it was, but truthfully, it wasn’t.
My band director also passed that year so I ended up leaving the band.
My sophomore year I do online again as my brother recently passed away and I got sick my first three days of school. I’ve gotten behind on my work and I now have many assignments due that I am currently doing.
Anyways, my parents are mad, which is fair.
I messed up, and I lied. I told them I was working on it when I was working on small pieces. I wasn’t doing enough each day to get back on track.
My dad confronted me with this and would not stop bothering me about it.
Eventually, I got tired of the days after days of me being called worthless and just said to him, ‘I get it! I suck. You don’t have to keep yelling at me.’ He then said that he doesn’t think that and if he thought I was stupid he would be okay with whatever.
My mom called me down to her room today to yell at me and say, ‘I’m doing this all on purpose to spite her.’ I told her that I wasn’t, because who does she think I am? I’m not Light Yagami looking at my grades like, ‘Hmm, yes.
I can use this to make my parents feel like trash!’
She then calls me a manipulator and that I’m the reason that my dad is mad at her now and I’m so tired.
What makes this worse is that I’ve gotten diagnosed with depression, bad anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and have even attempted. They don’t seem to wanna look at those as reasons for my failure at all.
Or the fact that my older brother was gone.
Anyways, everyone’s so mad at me rn and I wanna know, AITJ for being upset by all the yelling and being called a manipulator? I feel awful all around, so I probably am. But, I don’t know.
(I wrote this when this happened. It’s now been a couple of weeks. I’m just wondering if I’m still the jerk since I never got an apology or support, lol, just yelling. I know that I’m the jerk for not doing my work, by the way.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are clearly struggling with a lot, and instead of supporting you and getting you the help you need your parents are essentially harassing you for it (not physically, but emotionally and psychologically). They are not being good parents. It should not fall on you to fix as a minor, but I would recommend you reach out to an adult authority you trust (teacher, or counselor, or maybe someone else) to get support.” Romantic_AroAce
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You are all going through a hard time. You lost your older brother. They also lost their son.
They are worried about you. You have stated that you have gone through a lot mentally, including attempts. They don’t want to lose you like they lost your older brother, but also don’t know how to handle you right now and their own grief.
So they are lashing out slightly because it feels to them, that you aren’t trying.
You are hiding and lying about things to them. They know this. But they don’t know how to deal. Are you going to family counseling? This is probably what you need so you can recover from your loss and be a family again.” TragedyRose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone struggles in life. You don’t have to justify the circumstances. It can be even harder to pull yourself out of a hole when you don’t have a strong support system.
As I’ve become a parent, I’ve reflected a lot on my own upbringing as well as other peoples’ parenting styles.
There’s a lot that I’ve adopted from others and a lot that I’ve strayed from. One of the biggest things I’ve noticed is that sometimes parents feel frustrated or uncomfortable with something that their child is doing, and instead of exploring that further, they want their kid to stop.
I’ve seen it in parents who want to stop their kid from crying without actually looking into why their kid is crying. Same with whining. Or kids whose grades are dropping all of a sudden. I’m not sure why exactly they do that but it’s def not your fault that they think you’re somehow doing this to spite them.
I’m sorry you’re struggling, and that you have to face it alone. I hope you have a strong community outside of your parents that can help you and make you feel secure. Depression and mental health are no joke.” pnb10
8. AITJ For Being Mad When My Husband Calls Me Out Publicly?
“My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 9. We have two kids, one from my previous marriage and one together. Both kids are old enough to be left home alone together, or the youngest alone for an hour or so.
I have spent YEARS in therapy after having a bit of a messed-up childhood and also realized after my first marriage that I wanted to be better at communicating my needs and setting expectations.
I am also very ADHD and have high anxiety – both managed with CBT and meds.
In order for me to function and be a successful adult, I have to set expectations for myself and plans. Otherwise, my brain goes into overdrive and I have to overcompensate which causes me to be overwhelmed and blow up. I know all of these things.
I have worked VERY hard over the course of my marriage, including couples counseling and individual counseling, to understand that my husband and I need to set a relative plan prior to heading out, especially when it comes to having beers with friends. I go to bed early, I don’t like leaving the kids home all evening and I don’t think at 35 years old either of those things is unreasonable.
My husband does this thing – and it’s almost always after 3-4 beers, that INFURIATES me. When we are getting to leaving the house, I’ll say something along the lines of ‘OK let’s go grab a beer or two with the group, but we want to be at dinner by 5:30 so we need to leave by 5 to grab the kids and get there before happy hour is over’ and he’ll agree.
Once we’re in a group of people sitting around a table (our friend group is usually 5-8 people in a group) and he’s had 2-3 beers – he’ll loudly say to me, from across the table ‘Oh who cares, just get another beer, the kids are fine, it’s not a big deal’.
I can not even express in words how much this annoys me.
I hate that he says it in front of a group of people, after agreeing to a plan, and expects me to ALWAYS either be the bad guy and say no, or cave and say yes, and then I’m totally off-kilter for the rest of my day/evening.
Plus, to me, it’s a lack of respect when it comes to my time and the way we communicate time to others. If I tell my kids I’m going to be home between 5 and 5:30, no I do not think it’s appropriate to instead stay out, order them a pizza and not be home until 7.
I have no problem with heading out for a night without a plan – but I need there to not be a plan (hey, we have tickets to this art exhibit, kids we’ll be home when we’re home). He says I’m overreacting when I blow up, and I think he is the problem here by asking me to make a decision against what we’ve already decided AND doing it in a way that calls me out in front of a group of people.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When you have already agreed to a plan WITH YOUR KIDS, you stick to that plan.
Your husband is deliberately using the fact you feel uncomfortable arguing in front of others as a weapon to silence you. He knows what he is doing, and it is manipulative.
Your kids need to be able to rely on your word in order to trust you. By constantly breaking promises to them, your husband is teaching them that you are both unreliable and cannot be trusted to rely on your promises. This is extremely problematic as it will mean they won’t come to you if there are issues in the future that require trust or reliability.
In the future, don’t argue with him. If you have agreed that you will be back at a certain time get up and leave. Let him be the one to stay and make awkward small talk with his friends as to why he is prioritizing drinking over a promise to his kids.
Your husband is disrespectful towards you and you need to have a serious talk about why.
A partner is meant to enhance your life, not diminish it. Please remember that.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You insist on a plan, yet you say you can do times with no plan.
It is obvious he is tired of having to stick to a plan. Either you learn to deal with no plan and order the kids pizza if you stay later or you stick to the plan and leave him with the friends. It really is that simple.
If you are uncomfortable staying, by all means, leave. If you want to play dirty after he makes a remark like that, say, ‘I guess someone has to be responsible for taking care of the kids.’
Cue, friends groan laughing. Not really recommending that as you two should have figured this stuff out long ago since it’s really not that hard to either not plan or leave when you want or agree on x number of nights no plan, x number of nights plan, x number of nights do what you want.
After all, you two aren’t superglued together. Might want to talk to your therapist about your need to control others and your anger when you can’t.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband has this great game he can play in front of his friends–you’re the controlling ninny who (checks notes) wants you to not miss your dinner reservations or the admissions times to events you have tickets for, things that cost something and that presumably he wanted to do.
Here’s the thing–it’s demeaning and awful, and your friends play along with this. Stop planning any out-of-the-house activities that are drinks and some subsequent thing. Split it up. You’re going drinking OR you’re going straight to the movie/dinner reservation/whatever. And guess what, he’s the timekeeper!
You drop the rope on this try. Get comfortable with leaving by yourself — ‘hey, that’s enough for me, but all of you have fun! I’ll get the kids settled into bed and be happy to see you when you get home!’ and then you Uber yourself home.
Your husband enjoys having a punchline to his ball and chain joke (you) and you don’t have to play anymore.” Sea-Mud5386
7. AITJ For Not Accepting Gifts From My Mom?
“My mom (66) is retired, with no hobbies besides shopping. Every time she comes over, she brings me something she feels I (34F) need for my house. These items are trinkets, home decor & holiday decorations.
I have asked her multiple times to please stop buying things I don’t need or want. When I moved into my house, there were things she tried to give me, I told her no & then found them in my house anyway. This has happened several times.
My parents’ house isn’t hoarder material, but every surface is covered & all the dressers and closets are stuffed with items. I don’t want that for my house. I spend time with her when she is bored & visit frequently so I’m not a terrible daughter.
But when I turn gifts down, she calls me ungrateful. I’ve told her if she really wants to buy me things, I prefer useful things or things I need (toiletries, groceries & gas cards). I get an eye roll in response.
My brother told me I should accept the gifts and then try to resell or return them.
Am I an ungrateful jerk or should my mother start listening?
Update: it hasn’t stopped. I need new glasses and hearing aids. My mother sent glowing light saber chopsticks to the house. Just flaunting that Boomer disposable income.”
Another User Comments:
“This is a case where you wanna be the jerk.
That’s the only way to get through to her. I have a pet peeve of being given gifts that I won’t use. I hate it. So I tell people I don’t like getting gifts. Then they wanna bring up that it’s the thought that counts.
To which I respond if it’s the thought that counts next time you’re thinking about buying me something, buy a card instead and tell me what you think about me or what I mean to you. That will mean more to me than any gift I ever get.
However, they insist on buying me something and if I don’t like it I’ll tell them. I won’t say it in a jerk way but I’ll say that I appreciate the thought but I really have no use for GIFT. If I need something I’ll follow it up with what I really need is X and if you don’t mind could I return GIFT and either purchase X or put the money towards X?
Sometimes I get things and automatically think so-and-so would really like this and I regift it to them.
Still, every once in a while my mom will buy me something and I’m like I’m not gonna use that, you can return it. I know it’s a jerk move but I don’t need a bunch of junk that I’ll never use.” deathb4darkside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have made your position clear, but I guess she doesn’t believe you. I’d tell her if she buys any more unwanted stuff, it will be given away/sold/trashed. Then follow through. Assuming she can afford the shopping she does, it seems to make her happy to give you things.
But you don’t have to keep it. This seems to me like the best way to keep the peace. There’s a good chance that in time she will understand that you will not keep what she buys you and she will stop.” LeeAnne001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sit your mother down and make it clear that while you are very much grateful and appreciate her thinking about you, you have no interest in having your home decorated like hers and that she needs to stop. That anything she leaves at your home is going to be returned each and every time.” PommeDeSang
6. AITJ For Not Giving A Reason For My Sick Leave?
“I am an apprentice florist for nearly 2 years in a relatively small family business and I most likely suffer from social anxiety and severe depression for almost 4 years already. About 3 weeks ago I eventually cracked and nearly ended it. I was already talking about it with my doctor for a month and in a final discussion, he said that I can’t keep working in my current state and put me on sick leave.
I called my boss immediately and informed him but didn’t tell him why I am on sick leave (in the country I live in I have no obligation to tell him). He was quite curious and sounded a little concerned (most likely because I was crying on the phone) but I still didn’t want to tell him.
My colleagues and my bosses are kind of conservative about the topic of mental health. They are the kind of people that think these diseases are sort of controllable and that mentally ill people could do better by just wanting to do better if you understand what I mean.
He eventually gave in but it still made me feel bad. Because he seemed really disappointed.
Later he even tries to get my mother to talk. She brought him my sick note from the doctor. Skipping to today, where the notification ends. I visited my doctor today and because most of my appointments got delayed I didn’t get really further and felt terrible about the thought to call my boss to come back to work OR telling him that I will be sick for longer.
My doctor said again that I can’t work and I told him about my fear and the whole situation. He just said I don’t have to explain anything to him and that he has to accept that, which helped a little to nothing with my anxiety.
I eventually called work again when I was home to tell him that I will stand out for longer but our senior boss (his mother) got the call and she was really sweet and nice about it. I immediately felt a little better and was able to calm down a little.
An hour later I got a text from him stating that he received my notification but it would really help him and his (I quote) ‘sympathy for me’ if I tell him what was wrong. I feel extremely pressured by that but still don’t want to tell him but I need to answer that text.
I don’t know how. So… am I wrong for not wanting to tell him? Should I give in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and maybe your boss is simply nosy and the jerk but I would ask – does the ‘notification’ confirm the period of time that your doctor has signed you off for?
If it is open-ended I can see your boss gently asking for more info in order to properly cover the staff shortage for the correct period of time, but obviously, you have said that you won’t say and he has pushed it too far. I don’t think it is unreasonable for him to ask in the first place though.” SailorJerrry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your privacy is important and worth this anxious discomfort you are facing. To help you reframe this issue, you could talk over the real, practical consequences with your mother or another friend. (Talking to another person should prevent yourself from imagining the worst possible scenarios and making yourself feel worse.) What if you need to find a new job at the end of your healing?
Well, that’s stressful — what does it look like if you don’t find a job right away? Will your family and friends be able to support you and keep you safe?
The point of this conversation, or series of conversations, is to give you a concrete understanding of your options.
If your boss continues to make you uncomfortable, you should not feel trapped without choices. Leaving your job in order to heal is a valid choice, and your health is much more important than your boss’s opinion here. I hope that you and a friend can put this topic aside as unimportant and something with consequences that you can deal with if it comes to that.” lelied
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are under no obligation to tell your boss why you are on sick leave, and your boss is being a jerk by pushing it when you have made it clear that you don’t want to tell them. That it would help his ‘sympathy’ is complete nonsense.
No good can come from letting your boss know what is going on. Please, don’t give in to the pressure.” bamf1701
5. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé's Stepdad Not To Visit Our Apartment?
“My fiance and I recently moved into a new apartment. It is a second-floor apartment with very narrow hallways and a steep set of stairs.
The bathroom is also quite small and tight and can be hard to navigate for bigger or less mobile people.
I’m not complaining at all, we chose it for the location and the interior is perfectly workable for us. However, my fiance’s family wants to visit us and see the new place.
My parents already came over and my father who is a little bigger and less mobile than he used to be at 65 had a bit of a hard time getting up and down the stairs. He even asked us on the last day of the visit if we could go to them or meet at a park.
Clearly, it is not a friendly apartment for some, including any handicapped people.
So onto the problem. My fiance’s stepfather (my future SFIL) is a very large person with little mobility. He recently developed a leg condition (not sure what exactly, didn’t want to pry) that has left his lower legs extremely swollen.
They recently went on vacation to a major city and had to order him a scooter so he didn’t have to walk much. Additionally, on vacations, we’ve seen that he needs a ton of help (2 people) to navigate normal stairs.
With this, we thought it would be best to tell SFIL and MIL that maybe SFIL should not visit us at the apartment and should instead meet up at a restaurant or one of the more accessible parks in the area.
We were very polite and only really mentioned how terrible the stairs were and how there would probably be no way to help him up or down them. SFIL was extremely angry about this. He threatened to not see us at all. MIL was also fairly upset.
Both of them essentially called us jerks for commenting on SFIL’s condition and making assumptions about what he could or could not do. I talked to my parents about it (they have met and had experience with SFIL and were at the apartment) and they said I was NTJ because it was highly unrealistic that SFIL would be able to safely ascend or descend the stairs, let alone navigate the bathroom.
So AITJ for warning my future inlaws that step FIL would probably not be able to visit our new apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“Ehhh, no jerks here.
I get you have good intentions, but it can be really hard for people as they get older to accept what limitations they actually have.
I would have waited until they had asked to see the apartment to mention how terrible the stairs are and ask them if they would like to do a video chat instead to show off your new place cause I’m sure they’re just proud of you and want to see what you’ve accomplished and achieved. Calling them up and telling them they’re not welcome because of a disability or handicap kinda does come across rude even if the intentions are good.” BootsNblueEyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He probably feels insecure about his situation and he lashed out, but it’s no excuse. If he attempted to go up dangerous stairs and falls in the process he can harm himself or others who tried to hold him up as he went down or who were behind/lower than him on the stairs.
It’s a safety issue.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were being realistic and coming from a good place. They have a hard time accepting that he can’t do what he could previously.
I would apologize, though, and tell them you didn’t mean any offense and that they should come.
Try your best to help him while he visits without bringing the issue up. Once they leave, they’ll probably realize you were right and would likely take you up on your offer to visit a restaurant next time.” User
Another User Comments:
“You were emphatically NTJ for mentioning this.
But clearly, he doesn’t wish to see himself as impaired. Invite them for dinner in your apartment. Let them see it and see how they manage the stairs. After that, he can decide if he wants to come back again or meet elsewhere in the future.” TresWhat
4. AITJ For Thinking That My Friend Is Too Demanding?
“I have a friend. Although I do enjoy spending time with her, I find her too demanding.
She will message me saying when am I free to go for a meal… but the meal then turns into her wanting me to drive her about doing a million and 1 errands, like going food shopping with her or taking her to the dentist. Then having to carry all her shopping into her home.
I run my own business from home and don’t get that much free time as it is, I definitely don’t mind spending it going for food with her, but I’d like to leave it as that. Food then go home.
She moans at me that I need to realize her fella has left her and she can’t do things on her own as she doesn’t drive and taxis cost her too much.
To me, it feels like she’s just using me to take her places as I drive. I’ve told her why doesn’t she do online shopping, she said no, she’d prefer to do her shopping in person which is why she wants me to take her.
AITJ for thinking that is not my problem. She’s a grown woman.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – unless you work for Uber or Lyft, or you are some personal helper by profession, then no, you are not her personal driver/helper/errand taker. It seems like you need to have a clear and definitive conversation with this person and let them know that how you are being treated is nothing short of servitude and not as friends.
It may be ok to help her if she asks you in advance every once in a while, but in all honesty… it sounds like she can get an Uber or Lyft, and get back to being what she should be… your friend.
If the friend does not change, then it seems like you would need to give them space to allow you to enjoy your free time as you see fit.” True-Tomatillo-4720
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She’s using you as her own shuttle service. She’s a grown woman, time to put on her big adult pants and get to work. The easy solution is to agree to the meal and then head straight back. Just say ‘I’ve got work to do, it’s been good to see you but I’ve got to get back to work’.
Don’t enable her, if she calls you a jerk, well, then you know where the friendship stood.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a friend like this who wanted me to bring her food, take her shopping, take her to all of her appointments, etc. and it started getting really crazy (I remember once she asked me to bring ice cream to her house from cold stone creamery and got mad when I said no).
You need to tell your friend no and set boundaries. If she can’t handle that (like my friend couldn’t), then maybe you don’t need to be friends.” User
3. AITJ For Wanting To Bake Mac And Cheese With Beer?
“I am a Dad with full custody of all three of my kids (all boys).
I am due to be married to my beautiful fiancée next year who is the mother of my youngest (1-year-old). My other two boys (5 and 3) are with someone else but she isn’t in the picture. My fiancée is a wonderful person all around, treats all kids with kindness fairness, and respect.
Well, I was informed this morning that a PTA bake sale was coming up and a little about me, I absolutely love to cook. I was super excited and proceeded to say I wanted to make my gourmet beer cheese Mac and Cheese, which apparently was embarrassing and wrong of me.
So this whole argument about why it’s inappropriate to bring beer cheese to a PTA event was thrown at me. So after hours of bickering, I’ve stepped down from going to the bake sale and just let her have this one. Her point was that the word beer was in the name, so I said we could call it baked Mac and Cheese.
Still not okay. I truly don’t understand what the big deal was but maybe some PTA parents could give me some insight on if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ.
Not sure how long you’ve been doing this (considering your oldest is five, I’m gonna guess this is your first time), but bake sales are about baked desserts.
Cakes, pies, cookies, brownies, etc. It’s not about mac and cheese, pizzas, or anything else that happens to be cooked in an oven.
I feel like you should have known this, to begin with, but I won’t fault you too hard. My issues stem from the fact that instead of clarifying the rules, you kept doubling down on mac and cheese.
Not to mention, if a kid can’t walk into a store and buy it themselves, they can’t consume it at school. A ten-year-old can’t walk into a store and put an O’Doul’s on the counter and slap down a fiver, it’s still treated as booze and as such will not be allowed at a school event.
And even some non-boozy beer has a hint of booze in it which doesn’t cook out. There should have been a point where you realized, ‘Maybe I’m wrong,’ and stopped arguing, but instead this somehow went on for HOURS.
As some commenters have noted, yes, bake sales normally support charity, and I know that some people (myself included) would probably prefer some mac and cheese to a cookie, but that’s not really the SOP for these things.
Stick to baked desserts and you’ll be fine.” Guardian-Boy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. A PTA bake sale is generally held on school grounds and is usually for baked goods (like brownies, cookies, muffins, etc). A baked mac n cheese is not a great option for this type of event.
One with ‘beer’ in the name is also not a good choice, schools can be very strict on things like this. How will this be served? Are you providing all dishes too? Usually, these things are grab-and-go kinds of things (at least in my experience in 4 different states).
How will you keep the mac n cheese at a safe temp during the event?
Arguing about this for ages is inappropriate. Usually bake sale flyers have a list of some types of things that will be for sale to give you some more appropriate ideas.” EquivalentTwo1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that this is a skill you feel confident in, and the mac & cheese sounds nice and I might want the recipe, lol. However, PTAs can be super judgmental. I think it would be fine if you pick something ‘safe’ and you bake that yourself, but the fact that it’s a ‘weird’ choice and the fact that the dad baked it, could conspire to make your fiancée look bad here.
‘The dad made it. Bless his heart, he tried and probably didn’t know what to do, and his wife was apparently too busy to do it herself or even to explain to her husband.’ Not saying it’s right, but it happens. Or maybe she’s scared that your kids would be mocked for having brought in something a bit unconventional. Just bake something else you feel confident in and that’s a little more suitable.” VirieGinny
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Granted, PTA people can be controlling and jerky–my dad used to bake for bake sales in the 1980s in rural Idaho and various mean girls wanted to act weird about it. On the other hand, organizing this kind of thing sucks, and juggling all the people who want to do their own thing burns people out.
It’s likely that all the stuff for sale needs to label if it has peanuts or other common allergens, or if there’s stuff that would trip up religious rules for a lot of the families. Beer is just one more thing that complicates all of it.
Your PTA people said it was the ‘beer’ in beer cheese that was the issue, but I have to ask–my understanding of bake sales is that the stuff needs to be safe to have out on a table for a couple of hours at room temperature for people to buy.
Is this event more like a buffet? How do you keep mac and cheese safe to be purchased and transported home by the buyer?
Why not make something that doesn’t require either a fridge or a chafing dish/steam table?” Sea-Mud5386
2. AITJ For Referring My Brother To A Job?
“My brother was looking for work, In November, I decided to change my job because, in the previous one, we were lacking a driver/extra hands (construction site job, and we were a party more or less traveling Europe from construction site to a construction site), I didn’t have a chance to get a drivers license, therefore, I don’t have one yet.
And some people in my party have decided to quit. On top of that, I didn’t like the work much.
That being said, in November of this year, (due to reasons above) I found myself a decent tech support job. But, I was lacking a place to stay so I asked my brother.
In exchange for the place to stay, I helped him with chores and became more or less a babysitter for his son.
However, he asked me if my previous employer/boss is looking for any workers in the near future. Since I wasn’t sure, because I more or less stopped being in contact with the previous employer, I send him some offers (agencies) and contact for my former boss.
As luck may have it, my previous boss had a job for him.
So he accepted it, however, he needed someone who speaks German/English, sadly at the time. I was already hired (just started my training and moved to a different country). So I declined the offer from him, however, he found a random guy on social media (of all places) who was able to start with him.
So, they signed the contract, however, he was supposed to start on the 9th of December. Due to being under a previous contract (apparently) the last minute before he was supposed to go, asked my former boss if they can change the start date. She agreed however, due to going against the contract and him not speaking the language, he lost contact with her and now he blames me for giving him a ‘fake job’.
I tried contacting her (I needed some papers for my current job) but she didn’t reply, and the guy also didn’t respond apparently.
Am I the jerk here? I was thinking about this for some time now (It has been a couple of months now).
I partly gave him the job offers because he owed me some amount, however, I’m unsure how to feel about it now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He changed the date. It seems there was a language issue as well. She could have misunderstood something in the translation, etc.” crbryant1972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you just gave him some contacts and he did it all himself including being a dummy and lying about his abilities. It’s not your fault op.” MeadowMellow_
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tip My Barber?
“My barber used to charge £16 for a haircut and I would always give him a £20 note and told him to keep the change.
I only do this because it’s what a lot of people do there, and I’ve heard that barbers will see it as rude if someone never tips. Recently the guy has changed his prices to £20 for a haircut, and the last few times I’ve given £20 and left no tip.
I told my friend about this and he said I’m a cheapskate for not leaving a tip but I don’t see how I am because I’m paying the same as I always have. I always told him to keep the change, but just because he changed the price and only accepts cash why should I have to make sure I have extra change on me every time I go for a haircut?
AITJ?
Edit: To anyone calling me out for having weird logic, tipping in the UK is not required, it’s completely optional and many people don’t do it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s called inflation, costs go up so fees go up, your logic doesn’t do a thing here so people’s assessment of you is correct.
I think you should take a look at the world today and maybe read up on how businesses work with regard to costs and fees.
I’d look for a new barber if it bothers you so much (or do your own hair), also because his opinion of you has likely gone down.” Piper6728
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All the people pointing out the extra costs the barber is facing aren’t factoring that OP will be facing those same costs and wages in the UK aren’t rising at the same rate. Maybe OP can only budget £20 for his haircut and now the prices have gone up OP can’t afford to tip.
Tipping culture isn’t a massive thing in the UK. I tip in bars but it’s normally just the change from paying. Maybe it’s because we actually pay our service workers a wage!!” Useful_Tear1355
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are. Your Barber busts his butt to keep you looking your best. If you don’t want to tip him even the smallest amount to show gratitude then go elsewhere.
It’s that simple. I’m an American Barber and 99.9 of my people tip me. If someone doesn’t tip I wonder why they do it because it’s obviously seen as rude. It’s never the amount of tip that we want it’s the action of gratitude.
Want to do something nice but not necessarily pay more?
Bring your Barber water or maybe an apple or something. We are not slaves. We’re humans who give people a hand-crafted service that could never be done at home or elsewhere. If you keep disrespecting your Barber one day they may tell you to go elsewhere.
Don’t be surprised. Just my .02$” Mission_Ad7932
