People Want Us To Analyze Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Brother To Be In The Delivery Room?
“I’m currently 31 weeks with twins, a boy, and a girl.
My husband and I are both 21 and were trying for a baby for about a year before we fell pregnant. I’ve had a pretty rough pregnancy, and my brother-in-law is a medical student, so he’s taken quite a lot of interest in my pregnancy and future delivery.
We’ve always gotten on well. He’s 24. I’ve known my husband’s family since we were children so we’ve pretty much grown up together.
A few days ago, my husband told me that my BIL had expressed an interest in being there whilst I gave birth, mainly due to it being beneficial from an educational standpoint to see a natural multiple birth, which is what I’m planning for.
I know things can change on that front but hoping for that. Also so my husband can have support as I’ll have my mom. Worth mentioning that our hospital doesn’t have a restriction on the number of people who can be in the delivery room.
I said absolutely not, there is no way I am allowing that. I’m not even overly keen on allowing my husband to watch me go through that, let alone his brother. He said it’d be a good experience for him and his degree and I said that as much as I supported him, my experience of having a pleasant birth was my priority.
He got defensive and said he should be allowed to have a support person too, which I suppose I do understand, but I really just feel uncomfortable about it all. He said it was just as much his right as it was mine to have someone there to support him.
It basically turned into a huge argument, with his brother and mom being dragged into it too. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband is a raging jerk for offering up your body against your wishes and without your consent to his brother.
How creepy, gross, and disgusting. To be honest. I’d be ANGRY if I were you. I wouldn’t even TRUST him to be in the birth room after that.
I get the brother is a medical student and this is all probably clinical for him but ZERO women want their husband’s brother to stare into themselves while they birth a baby for 30 hours.
That is not a place for the extended family at all and ONLY your comfort matters. You are the patient, not your husband. You will be giving birth not your husband. You aren’t a medical experience for him to offer up on a platter and neither of these men has any respect for you as a human being.
Your BIL didn’t even ASK YOU. He asked your husband. Like it’s his decision to make. And your husband had the audacity to demand his brother gets to treat you like a test subject against your will.
Neither of these men cares at all about your comfort or how horrible that experience would be to you. They both think they have some kind of ownership over and entitlement to your body against your will.
You aren’t your husband’s property. His brother should NOT have asked him. He should have asked YOU. And you have the sole decision-making power over what men get to see.
Your husband needs to respect your no because your birth is not about him or his creepy brother who doesn’t even have the human decency to seek your approval for such an invasive and uncomfortable thing.
He’s not a doctor. And you aren’t a medical cadaver. You’re a human being, not a test dummy to be used.” variant123456
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your husband is there to be a support person for YOU (if you want him there), you the person who is BIRTHING TWO HUMAN BABIES.
To whine about him needing a support person is just him trying to weasel his brother in the room for some unfathomable reason.
He should be focusing on supporting YOU during this extremely intense experience that you’ll be going through and on this huge moment in your lives/marriage/family… this is not the time to let his brother third wheel just because he might find it cool or interesting or educational!
That’s what medical school is for, not the birth of your children!! For Pete’s sake. I’m floored that he would even ask, never mind make this the hill he’s willing to die on.
Please stand your ground and make it explicitly clear to ALL of the hospital staff you’ll be interacting with exactly who is (and who is not) allowed in your room for the delivery.” solidgoldnoodle
Another User Comments:
“Um, NTJ.
Your husband is supposed to be there as your support person. If he needs his own support, then he probably shouldn’t be there.
Does the brother not understand that once he is in clinical placement or internship, he’ll be able to experience all sorts of medical procedures?
Why would he need to see yours?
And this is a medical procedure, your husband seems to have forgotten that. If he wouldn’t want a random person watching his colonoscopy, why does he think you would want someone watching this.
Labour and Delivery are hard, and often take days. The only people who should be there, are people who can support you, the person giving birth, 100%.
If someone can’t do that, or they’re just there to watch, they shouldn’t be there.
Period.
Tell your OB ASAP who your support people will be, and ask them to make a note of it in your file. When you check in to triage when you go into labor, tell the nurses that your BIL is ‘not’ your support person, so if your husband tries to sneak him in, they can stop that at the door.
When the nurses change shifts, tell the new ones as well.” emilizabify
15. AITJ For Getting Mad When My Fiancé Overpaid For Tickets?
“I have been really into a certain artist lately, and I found out they were going to be in town the weekend after my birthday. My fiancée knows how much I like this artist, so she bought us two tickets as a surprise for my birthday.
Today, I looked at prices, and they were reasonable ($30/ea for General Admission, before fees), so I asked her if she wanted to go. This forced her to tell me she had already purchased some General Admission tickets.
She then proceeded to tell me she bought them for $60/ea, before fees.
This had me confused since I was seeing them for half price online. I asked her if there were any cheaper tickets when she bought them earlier.
She said there were, but she didn’t know if they would give you ‘less access’ at the show. This set me off, because to me, there is no reason to burn $60 extra on two tickets when there is no difference between them.
I know she meant well, but I’m honestly having trouble figuring out if I should have gotten mad at her for something I thought was a stupid decision. She didn’t want to get the wrong tickets and have a worse experience.
We have gone to many shows together, and I figured she would know how General Admission works by now… but I have always been the one to purchase the tickets.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If it’s a gift, the price is her business and you going out and pricing them after the fact is strange. I feel like if she doesn’t mind spending more than she could have spent, it shouldn’t matter much to you either.
Being ‘set off’ by this is strange. You made it clear she doesn’t buy tickets for shows and it was likely a mistake on her part. Why harp on about it and make her feel foolish?
If she can and wants to refund her tickets, great and she can buy the cheaper option you found. But if she’s fine with what she has, you need to drop the matter.
You’re making this birthday gift way more tedious than it should be. Be thankful she’s trying to take the lead, cause you sound a bit conceited/ungrateful in your post. Obviously, she assumed the higher ticket price meant there might include a perk.
Honestly, it’s a mistake others might make and you need to just enjoy the show with her.” Calm_Memories
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She was doing something nice! Honestly, if you were going to say something at all, it should’ve been waaaaay down the road to show her where she can find cheaper tickets since she didn’t know.
Why are you so irrationally angry about this? If you typically respond to someone doing nice things this way, I’d think through why. The only time I care about someone spending a lot on gifts for me is when I feel guilty like I’m putting them out.” blik37
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She bought tickets to something she knows you enjoy for you as a surprise for your birthday and instead of saying thank you and how much you appreciate her, you get mad over the cost. Not only that, she bought the more expensive tickets thinking it was for a better experience.
God, dude. Apologize.” PhoenixRosehere
14. AITJ For Unpacking My Partner's Towel?
“I (31M) and my significant other (25F) have been going out for about 2 years.
My girl has beautiful hair that seems a lot more low maintenance than most women I know. She doesn’t use a hundred different hair products, nor does she blow-dry it.
It honestly doesn’t take her long to style her hair or anything. However, she always insists on using this special towel to dry her hair.
She insists that she can’t use any regular towel for her hair.
She gets mad if I use her hair towel as a regular towel too. She says that the towel should only be used for hair. She even bought an extra one of these towels that she keeps in her drawer at my place.
She also takes the towel with her when she goes on vacation.
I usually don’t mind it, since the towel doesn’t take up much space, and it is better than listening to a hairdryer all the time.
But it’s a bit weird because I don’t know anyone else who has a towel just for their hair.
For Thanksgiving, we traveled to see my family. Before the trip, I asked my girl to leave her towel at home since we’ll be staying at my parents’ house.
I didn’t want my family to think she was weird or make fun of her.
Since we planned to leave early in the morning, my partner spent the night at my place.
I noticed that she packed the towel she kept at my place in her suitcase. When she was asleep, I took the towel out. She didn’t notice the towel was gone until after we got to my parent’s house.
I thought it was okay, and my partner didn’t seem mad at all during the whole trip. However, when we got back to my place, my partner got into her car and drove off without saying goodbye.
She texted me later saying she was mad at me because of that stupid towel and she needs some space. I keep calling and texting her, but she won’t respond.
My friends think she’s being overly dramatic, but my partner isn’t that type of person.
Now I’m wondering if I messed up. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s see. You invited your partner to your family’s home for a holiday (where there were certainly photos taken), then when she was sleeping, you stole her microfiber towel out of her bag.
And you’re wondering if you’re the jerk.
Wonder no more, my friend! YTJ. IF you were so concerned about the towel, you should have used your big boy voice, and explained your concerns using words.
If your family is truly as mean-spirited and petty as you make them sound, you should have told your partner that along with your concerns.
But you didn’t do that. Instead, you made a unilateral decision to treat your partner like a toddler by taking her belongings without prior knowledge or permission, AND keeping that act from her until it was too late.
Frankly, you’re lucky she stayed for thanksgiving. And if you legitimately cannot see how disrespectful you’ve been, then all I can say is better luck next time, because you won’t need to worry about being embarrassed by a towel by Christmas.” NotYourOklahomie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ dude. You keep trying to justify your choice, but the truth is that you could have just communicated to your partner. You could have said, ‘Hey, my family are jokers and they may talk trash about your towel’ or whatever your other worries were.
THEN, and this is key, you honor her decision after you present all the issues/factors for her. You DO NOT get to decide what things somebody wants to bring on a trip.
You DO NOT get to decide what she needs to keep her hair fabulous. That’s it. What you did is just unpleasant and controlling and it’s 100% reasonable that she’s upset.
You should probably apologize. Here’s an example of what you can say: ‘Hey, some people on the internet have helped me to realize that I didn’t handle that towel thing very well at all.
I’m sorry. I’ll try to do better next time.'” ReginaldSplat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It doesn’t matter what it is or if it is essential or not You. Do.
Not. Take. Something. Out. Of. Someone. Else’s. Bag. Plus, you don’t need to understand why something is important. If she says it is you need to respect it. It was already disrespectful that you used it against her wishes but you also took it out of her purse?
And what is it with you thinking your family would think she is weird?!?! They would be jerks if they thought that.
Lots of women have a special towel for their hair. In case you don’t know, regular towels can make the hair really static.
There are special towels that don’t do that. If her hair is low maintenance it’s because she takes good care of it. Your friends are also being jerks by calling her dramatic.
Honestly, she was anything BUT dramatic. If it were me I would go home the moment I found out my partner took something from my bag in secret.” CheesebreadP
13. AITJ For Not Knowing How To Run The House Like My Wife?
“My wife and I are 68, I retired about 3 years ago, and my wife is/was a nurse who went back to work for a ‘change of pace’.
So for the first time ever I’m out of work, and she’s working. This has created a bit of an awkward dynamic since I have 0 experience doing chores (we got married and moved in together when we were 18, and before that, I lived with my mom).
So I legitimately have never had to lift a finger at home till recently.
My wife packed my lunch and kissed me goodbye for 47 years. She was a bit shocked to discover I won’t be doing the same.
She’s had to teach me how to cook since I had very little experience doing it (none actually), now the only thing I can do well is clean. So that is not an issue.
But everything else that she used to do I’m just not capable of. She’s been less than understanding…
I feel that we should maybe split the chores.
We recently got into an argument because I haven’t been able to, ‘do what I (she) did for almost 50 years.’ Which she’s right, but like I said… I have no experience with any of this stuff.
I didn’t even want to retire since my dad and grandpa worked till the day they passed away, but she convinced me to. And now I’m stuck here. I’m doing my best.
Edit(s):
I was not expected to help in any way before this. She was always a very meticulous housekeeper, and even now she didn’t expect me to help, up until I showed a willingness to help her take care of the house.
To everyone saying she was working full time and doing everything: She was a SAHM/SAHW for a huge majority of our 50-year marriage, and a 55-year relationship. I’d say she worked (outside the home) for about 7 years total in that time.
She didn’t outright ask me to help with chores at first, I just felt awkward sitting there all day and leaving messes. So I cleaned them, and now all of a sudden she expects me to attempt to play housewife.
Honestly… it’s not as easy as she made it look. She still cleans, cooks, and grocery shops though when it’s needed. In fact, I still haven’t ever grocery shopped.
I have a newfound respect for housewives.
I always appreciated my wife and was impressed by the way she juggles everything. But now that I’m on the other end, it isn’t as easy as it seemed.”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is a nurse, which didn’t just suddenly happen after you retired. There must have been a point in time where your wife was working, and presumably, you also had children at some point that she cared for?
So, your wife was working and/or looking after children while also doing 100% of the cooking and cleaning. The fact that you felt it wasn’t your responsibility to cook or clean for your entire life doesn’t actually mean that was a fair arrangement.
You’re asking your wife to be understanding of your current situation, but perhaps she’d be a bit more empathetic if you had your own realization that you’ve been contributing very little for the past five decades.
You’ve been living in that house, but not doing anything to maintain it.
I understand that you’re somewhat a victim of gender role expectations of your generation here, but you’re the one that has been benefiting from that your entire life.
If I were your wife I’d be getting pretty annoyed at you complaining and playing the victim about it as well, to be honest.
A soft YTJ here. It is your fault that you never learned to cook or clean.
You weren’t forced to consider it women’s work. If you want understanding from your wife then try to see it from her perspective as well.” _Kenndrah_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Not because you are not perfect but because you expect her to have to share the chores with you when you didn’t share with her for almost 50 years.
For 50 years your wife took care of all the responsibilities and you didn’t lift a finger to help her. She’s done more than her fair share in your marriage.
Time to strap up big boy.
Learn some new life skills. You’re capable, stop making excuses. Old dogs can learn new tricks.
Read some cooking books. Watch some cooking shows. Look up cooking classes at the local college.
SAHM didn’t mean she had to do 100% of the work either. Her being a mother WAS her full-time job. The fact that she also did all the housework on top of being a SAHM means you’ve lived in a lapse of luxury all your life.
She’s done far too much and now she’s FINALLY chasing after something she wants. The least you can do is support her in that. It’s just the two of you now so the messes your children made don’t compare to the work you’re doing now.
Children are the worst messy creatures next to a freaking dog. They make a mess purely because it’s fun. So you cleaning up after two adults is a cakewalk. Only now you’re realizing the messes you’re responsible for because she’s not cleaning up after you.
And for Pete’s sake go to a grocery store.” Forsaken-Knowledge12
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but not primarily for not wanting to do chores. You are not obligated to be the same kind of house-husband as your wife was a housewife.
Just bc she packed your lunch doesn’t mean you have to pack hers. You simply need to work together to figure out what works for both of you.
But YTJ for playing the victim instead of standing up for what you really want and working with your wife to make things work for both of you.
You say you don’t pack her lunch because you don’t know how. That is utter nonsense. Children learn to pack lunches. The internet exists and with that, you can learn to do pretty much anything.
So quit pretending you are not making lunches because it’s so hard and you’re too inexperienced. You are not making lunches because you do not want to. Stop lying to yourself and your wife.
And you’re playing the victim on retirement as well. You say you didn’t want to retire but your wife convinced you and now you are stuck. Again I call nonsense. You’re a grown man.
Either take responsibility for your choice or make a new choice. You don’t get to blame her and whine about retirement because at some point you made the decision to retire and you acted on that decision.
Perhaps you made it under pressure but you still did it, so own it. Stop blaming your wife for your choices. And own the fact that you have to decide what to do now, make a choice and act on it.
Yes, you have a partner with whom you need to discuss these choices but at the end of the day, you have to own your choices. Work or stay retired. Contribute more to the household chores or don’t.
Learn to cook for your wife or don’t. Then own your choice and its consequences.” saurellia
12. AITJ For Refusing To Cook And Clean For Weeks?
“I do a majority of the housework, and I’m okay with this. I genuinely don’t mind it. My issue was not with wanting more help from him. It was just because I felt like he didn’t appreciate it.
I’m a nurse who’s been working shifts that are longer than usual (no biggie). So when I got home there were a lot of dishes in the sink since I just wanted to shower and sleep when I got home the past few days.
And my husband says, ‘I’m not sure if you’ve been waiting for those dishes to do themselves, but spoiler alert, they’re not going to’. I told him ‘no they aren’t, so you better get on them’.
He laughed and we moved on. I went to shower, came back, and did the dishes.
He then says there’s something he needs to talk to me about, and he looked really serious.
I thought he was gonna ask for a divorce or something.
But he said something along the lines of, ‘honey, I know you’ve been working late this past week, and I understand you’ve got a lot on your plate at work.
But I’ve had to eat a cup of noodles and hot pockets these last few nights’. So he basically told me I had been ‘slacking’ and he was ‘paying the price for it’.
I told him that he was perfectly capable of finding something else himself. And we argued a bit then made up.
But I decided to just stop doing chores or anything. And the house became a mess, he’s been whining about the TV dinners he’s been eating.
And since I haven’t been grocery shopping we’re also getting low on those. He finally broke and apologized for not being more appreciative. He’s since changed his tune.
But he told me that I was acting like a ‘witch for those few weeks’.
I feel it was the only way to get him to be more appreciative though.
We both work full-time.
He’s been helping out more lately.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband absolutely is.
Real talk: the second he called you a witch I would have gone back on ‘strike’ except instead of doing nothing I would only take care of my own things. Make dinner for me, clean the dishes I used, do my own laundry, and let him fend for himself.
You’re not his mother. You’re supposed to be his partner — what exactly is he bringing to your relationship?
Joking or not, him calling you a witch for not acting like his own personal maid for a few weeks is a huge red flag.
It’s not just that he’s lazy or whatever else — he genuinely considers the household responsibilities to be your job. It doesn’t sound like chipping in to do the dishes or making dinner himself ever even occurred to him.
And frankly, it kinda seems like it hardly occurred to you based on the fact that you both shared a laugh over the idea of him doing the dishes once and then you proceeded to do them anyway.
I’m always going to recommend open communication first. Have you sat him down to have a real conversation with him about how disrespectful this is and how it makes you feel? Has he been open/receptive to these sorts of conversations in the past?
But you also need to stop enabling him by taking on all the work yourself. The fact that you ‘don’t mind’ doing it really isn’t the point. He’s never going to appreciate how much work you do until he’s forced to do his share because if he actually appreciated you he would never let you keep carrying that burden alone, never mind having the audacity to suggest you’re not doing enough.” katsnplants
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and here’s why: You keep stating in the comments that you are very okay with the division of labor. As much as ppl are saying NTJ because of their own beliefs on an equal division of labor, they aren’t seeing THIS situation in which you are definitely the jerk.
You agreed to this division of labor. It’s a dumb one IMO but it’s literally your decision regardless of what I or anyone else here says. The agreement didn’t include gratitude.
You’re getting mad for things being the way they’ve always been and so you went on strike, knowing that your husband relies on you for food and cleanliness. What lesson did you teach him?
To be appreciative of your hard work, or to fake it so you keep doing everything for him? You didn’t teach him anything and you didn’t change anything in the dynamic, so there was no point and that’s why I think YTJ.” hurr4drama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, I would never allow anyone, especially my spouse, to call me a witch. Why does he think he can speak to you so disrespectfully?
Also, in what way does you going on strike make you a witch?
I would flat out ask him this question. Although you may not like his response. Because it’s your ‘job’ to do the housework, and you didn’t do it? Because you’re the woman in the relationship, and it’s the woman’s job?
Because you forced him to appreciate you and say thank you? None of these answers would reflect well on his character.
It does feel like this behavior is extremely intentional with your husband.
Which means he’s being manipulative. It’s weaponized incompetence. Pre-strike would have been ideal, but even one or two days into the strike, a good person would have seen what was going on and apologized to you for taking you for granted, and for not thinking of your needs.
He would have started to clean, maybe even cooked you a meal. He would have sat down with you and discussed what he could do to put the household chores more in balance, and what he could do to make you happier.
Unfortunately, that isn’t what happened.
You made a power play, and he made one right back, pouting for weeks, and still not lifting a finger. He acted helpless and unable in order to make you give in (weaponized incompetence), and when you still didn’t give in, he cried uncle.
However, usually, when people are forced to say uncle, they don’t have a newfound respect for the person that forced them. They usually resent them. I think this is partially why he called you what he did.
He probably also called you a witch to put you down and restore the ‘rightful’ (or at least normal) balance of power in the relationship. And it worked, you now doubt yourself and wonder if you did wrong by going on strike.
Again, super manipulative.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who tried to manipulate me and play games like this. Honesty and transparency are very important to me in marriage. However, it is possible that these events could be a good thing.
People can typically grow, learn, and change. You are starting to see that he hasn’t just been disrespectful and manipulative recently, but probably your entire relationship. And it’s not ok with you anymore.
It’s good for you to start valuing yourself.
It’s also good for him to wake up and be honest with you and treat you as an equal partner. When you call him out on his manipulation, there’s a good chance he’ll stop (in time) because he’ll see it doesn’t work anymore.
Hopefully, this will lead to him being a better and more self-sufficient person who doesn’t take advantage of others, especially his beloved wife.
However, it won’t be easy for a while. I know you said you don’t want to make an issue out of every little thing, but in this case, it’s necessary.
People who have been violating another person’s boundaries don’t like it when boundaries are suddenly put in place and enforced. He will test your boundaries over and over again (yep, just like a little kid.
His calling you a witch was also testing your boundaries). You’ll feel like a ‘bad guy’ for a while (probably at least six months, according to Melody Beattie’s book, Codependent No More), until he adjusts to the new boundaries, and realizes you aren’t budging.
This temporary strike is really a lifetime strike showing that you won’t accept disrespect anymore.
It would probably be best to go through this process with a therapist, or a mediator, while this adjustment happens.
It would take some of the pressure off of you as the ‘bad guy.’ It would help your husband to see that you really aren’t the bad guy, but that you’re expecting him to treat you better.
If both of you put the work in, this could be a really good thing, which could lead to a better and stronger marriage. I can’t see you going back to the way things were pre-strike, because you can’t unsee what you’ve been seeing in your relationship dynamic.
Or the relationship will end, and you’ll have the chance to find someone who values you. I hope you both choose option 1 (putting the work in). Good luck.” freeingthesoul
11. AITJ For Playing A Joke On My Partner?
“When my (m33) significant other (f29) and I met, she was just getting over a breakup.
Initially, she told me she wasn’t ready to go out with anyone, so I offered to hang out with her just as friends, which eventually led to a happy relationship after a few months.
Fast forward a year later. She happened to run into her ex at the grocery store, and she told me that he was very kind to her and that he looked good and happy.
I asked her if she missed him and she confessed that she did miss him sometimes, but told me not to worry, that she just wanted to be truthful with me when I asked.
This is when I thought it might be funny to play a little prank on her… when she left her phone unattended I replaced his contact info in her phone with my work phone number (that she never uses.)
Later that night, I texted her with my work phone so it would look like a text from him, saying that it was nice to see her and that I missed her. About 15 minutes after I sent the text, she texted me with a screenshot of the text from ‘her ex’ and asked how she should reply.
I was relieved and also thought it was hilarious! She ignored ‘ex’s’ text.
Here’s where I made the mistake. I texted again as the ex at like 12:00 am saying ‘don’t ignore me, just come over.’ She again didn’t reply to the ex but texted me and said that was incredibly strange because she heard he now had a live-in partner, and it just didn’t sound like anything he would say.
The next morning, she looked at his contact card and thought something looked odd, so she messaged him on social media and asked him if he had lost his phone, and told him about the messages she was getting from his phone.
He confirms the number on her phone was never his phone number.
That’s when she figured out it was me.
She was furious and accused me of so many things like trying to manipulate her and making her look like a pathetic idiot to her ex.
She said, ‘he would never believe that I wasn’t just making up a story just to talk to him since I just saw him at the store!’ She had told me she is considering ending our relationship because I betrayed her trust.
I really thought she would find it funny. I told her it was just a joke! I feel dumb now but it really would have been funny if I had a little more time to send some of the messages I had planned, but she caught on too quickly.
At this point, I feel like she is more concerned about her ex’s perception of her than she is about the state of our relationship, and it’s making me think my prank idea may have led us here for a reason.
Do you think I’m the jerk here or does she belong to the streets?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, that’s not a ‘prank’. That’s a massive display of distrust. It was never meant to be a joke.
You were trying to catch her doing something. You were trying to test her. (Hint: if you’re ‘testing’ your partner you aren’t mature enough to be in a serious relationship).
It was manipulative, emotionally distressing, and ultimately you violated her trust. How is she ever supposed to trust you knowing that you think it’s funny to go through her contacts so you can pretend to be someone you’re not?
Do you know how close you’re getting to the line of gaslighting? If you’re comfortable getting that close and you think it’s funny, you seriously need therapy.
By the way, absolutely disgusting how you did something wrong on purpose, and when you experienced a negative emotion because you did a trashy thing, you used it to try and imply that she secretly wanted back with her ex all along.
There is an honest partner here, and it’s not you.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Agree with everyone here that it was never a prank or a joke, it was a test. And now you are trying to gaslight her that it wasn’t.
And trying to recruit a bunch of strangers from the internet to help you with that.
Doing something hurtful and then calling it ‘just a joke’ when someone expresses their hurt says to that person ‘and therefore your emotional reaction is invalid.’ It’s abusive behavior 101.
So maybe you don’t want to be an abuser, in which case you need to seriously reconsider your approach to the world and relationships.
For the record, my initial reaction when I see any post with some version of ‘AITJ for playing a prank on (someone who is in a close relationship with OP)’ is that I’m 80% sure they are the jerk before I read any further.
If I see that they are over the age of 20 I’m 95% sure before I read anything else.
Pranks in general are stupid and usually a covert way of being mean to people and playing it off as a joke.
There are very few truly just-for-fun pranks especially when the other person hasn’t consensually chosen to be in the kind of relationship where there are constant pranks and attempts to one-up each other.
If everyone isn’t laughing at the end of a ‘prank’, then you are almost certainly the jerk. Period.” katchoo1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That was not a prank, that was an immature 33-year-old being jealous about an ex and being cruel, manipulative, and disrespectful to his partner in order to ‘test’ her and see if she would reply inappropriately to the ex.
And what makes it worse is she sent you a screenshot and asked you, her partner, how she should reply as she a. clearly wasn’t looking to respond to him in a way that would be inappropriate, and b.
was clearly a little uncomfortable or caught off-guard. And you couldn’t leave it there, you then had to keep toying with her because you’re insensitive and childish. Hope she dumps you.” Low-Aerie1917
10. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Husband?
“I spend a lot of time cooking, most things from scratch, and I try to make elaborate meals each day that take a lot of time and effort.
I enjoy cooking very much, but we’ve had this recurring issue where my husband tried to stretch as much time as he can before we sit down and eat, to the point where it becomes ridiculous.
(And no, it’s not because I’m a terrible cook and he’s avoiding my meals). For example, he comes home from work and then needs his unwinding time. This is understandable, he comes home at around 7 or 8 pm and supper is usually 2 hours after.
He sits around, has a few beers, does some catching up on his phone, sits around some more, plays video games, calls his parents sometimes, goes to take a very long shower, and finally is ready to be served his food.
We most of the time eat at 9 or 10 pm, sometimes even later than that.
There have been times that I am standing waiting, my things ready to be assembled/plated/final touches, and he’s taking his sweet time, at a certain point I wonder if I’m the crazy one and should just eat alone and let him figure out his own supper.
I do not really enjoy eating alone, and I don’t think it is unreasonable to want to eat together and have some quality time since it’s our only meal together.
We’ve had many arguments where I say we need to eat earlier, it’s not really healthy to have a big meal and basically go to bed right after.
Why not eat first and then do other things. It’s the same on the weekend, no matter what time I serve a meal, be it 2 pm or 5 or 7, he will arrange to either be on the phone or showering or doing something else.
It’s actually quite maddening. It has been going on for years that he just acts like he’s in a restaurant and I’m just expected to stand there like a butler and wait until his Royal Highness is ready to be served his food.
This Saturday I spent about 4 hours making a nice meal, setting an elaborate table, and the whole 9 yards. We sit down, and my husband is playing on his phone game. I wait a couple of minutes and then start eating.
At some stage, I realize I will be finished eating before he even starts since he is so absorbed with his phone game.
I simply decided I just can’t anymore, I feel like it is incredibly disrespectful regardless of who cooked or where the meal is at, and it makes me feel unappreciated. Here I am feeding him restaurant-quality food on a daily basis, and he’d rather play on his phone and take it for granted. I know there are people who would kill to be in his position and have my cooking 7 days a week.
I just finished my food, left, and haven’t spoken to him since (we’ve talked about how it makes me feel a thousand times, I’m just tired of repeating myself) and I now plan to make my own food when I need it and he can figure out when it’s convenient for him to eat on his own time and reheat leftovers when he feels ready.
But I am done trying to make suppers special for someone who clearly doesn’t give a crap. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband doesn’t appreciate your time or effort. If you want to continue cooking for him, strictly establish what time food is on the table.
If he’s not there on time, then he doesn’t get fed. If you’re not interested in playing the game any longer, cook for yourself. If he protests, then remind him it’s his own fault as he wasn’t ready to eat on time.
As a note, I’m sure your cooking is amazing, and doing it is something that gives you joy and the opportunity for you to feel closer to your husband by sharing something with him that’s important to you.
But is it possible that he just doesn’t care a lot about food? It may not be an indictment of your cooking, but is he the type who just prefers to eat cereal and pizza?
Does he feel uncomfortable eating because he assumes that you want constant feedback or praise? Does he just, not like to spend time eating a sit-down dinner? There’s something weird about his behavior that needs to be addressed.” Jjustingraham
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but a little bit the jerk because it sounds like your communication method is off despite having tried to talk about it, and now you’re giving the silent treatment which is designed to force him to escalate this so that you can still fight about it.
Here’s where I feel you may have gone awry in handling this (and I gave the teeny-tiny the jerk judgment for the silent treatment, not for this): ‘I say we need to eat earlier, it’s not really healthy to have a big meal and basically go to bed right after.
Why not eat first and then do other things.’
This is NOT why you are upset about the late meal times! Reread your post, it’s very clear what the real reason is: you put in a lot of effort, it’s important to you, and the way he treats that effort is disrespectful, unappreciative, and self-absorbed. But, by trying to say ‘it’s not healthy to eat so late,’ he’s able to very easily validate his actions by shrugging it off and saying ‘it’s not that big of a deal, we’ve been doing it this way for ages, and it doesn’t seem unhealthy to me.
Problem solved.’
You need to be able to express what your problem really is. He is 100% being a jerk and I do find it somewhat boggling that he has zero insight into this, but it is what it is, and once you manage to drive this all the way to the mega-fight that is brewing, be sure that you have your real reasons at the tip of your tongue so that he understands in no uncertain terms.” ginsengtea3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but a need for an important consideration. First, thank you for posting such a detailed message. I think it is very important to get to the root of the feelings that you are having!
I want to highlight a few things that I think a are salient in your post:
- You said you love to cook.
- You don’t like to eat alone.
- His actions and indifference to both your efforts of cooking the nice restaurant quality meal and accommodating mealtime in his schedule make you feel unappreciated.
I want to say that the feelings and sentiments you have expressed are reasonable. There are some important questions you should ask yourself to get to the root cause of your feelings if you really want clarity or improvement in this area of your life:
Are you posting on here to feel validated in your position and feelings and seeking a feeling of significance?
Ask yourself why to the three things I highlighted above and these others:
A) Why do you love to cook?
B) Why don’t you like to eat alone? C) Why is his indifference to your efforts making you feel unappreciated? D) (If not already understood) am I cooking for myself and the love of cooking, to have my culinary skills and efforts validated for significance, or to show love and appreciation to my husband?
I can tell that you love your husband and have been very considerate towards him throughout this process. But, making a hasty decision might only end up making you feel worse and create even more conflict between you and him.
After you answer these questions think if there are any others you can write down to help you better understand why you feel the way you do. After that then decided how you want to move forward in the future.” Mr_Sugar_6009
9. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Must Have No Self Respect To Marry My Dad?
“My (16F) high school has an annual fall dance. Not last year, for obvious reasons. But it’s back on this year with the restrictions, of course, and it’s been unseasonably warm this season (thanks to global warming?) so a lot of the dance will be taking place outside.
Anyway, the boys are supposed to ask the girls, and yesterday at lunch, a boy asked me and I agreed to go with him.
My dad has always been a traditional kind of guy when it comes to me and my younger sister (14F).
So last night at dinner, I mentioned that I got asked to the dance, and he made a crack about answering the door with his shotgun. The thing is, I’m pretty sure he would do it.
I told him that if he was going to be like that, I’d just meet up with our friend group at school. He then got very serious and told me in an angry tone that he didn’t want me sneaking around with some guy without his knowledge.
He asked me what I even knew about this guy. He then said he didn’t want me to turn into one of those ‘flirty girls’ who give it all away to the first guy they meet and who no self-respecting man would ever want to marry.
That’s when I flipped a switch. I like to think I’m a pretty good kid. I get good grades, I play volleyball, I help my sister with her homework and help drive her to her soccer practice, I’ve never been in a relationship.
So being talked to like I was some lovestruck idiot who was going to wind up pregnant because I’m choosing to go to a dance with a friend really annoyed me. Also, I know a bit about my dad’s history.
He was in a frat in college, and he’s told stories to my cousin (18M), who recently started college at a big state school where frat culture is a big thing.
So I told him that:
a) this guy is my friend and he seems nice, but if he turns out to be a jerk I’ll figure it out.
b) I only agreed to go to a dance. The last time I checked, going to a dance was not a binding contract.
And here’s where I may have crossed the line. I told him that I knew he was in a frat in college, and I know what goes on in those places. I also know the stories he’s told my cousin.
Then I looked at my mom and said ‘you must have had no self-respect to have married him.’
By the looks on their faces, I could tell what I said was hurtful.
And then, of course, I got yelled at and probably won’t be able to go to the dance at all. But I feel like it’s unfair for him to give me a lecture about ‘flirty’ behavior and self-worth when he’s recently been bragging to my male cousin about doing MUCH worse things when he was just a few years older than me.
But maybe I crossed the line trying to prove my point. AITJ?
UPDATE:
So I took the comments saying I need to apologize to my mom to heart, and I realized y’all were right – she didn’t deserve that.
I made her an omelet and a coffee and brought it to her in bed and sat down with her on the bed so we could talk about what happened. My dad was out of the house.
I just explained to her that I said what I did last night out of anger and that I was hurt that all these horrible accusations were being thrown at me when I feel like I’d given them no reason to doubt my judgment.
I apologized to her and told her how out of line it was for me to attack her when it wasn’t her who I was angry with. And that I feel like my dad doesn’t really see me as a valuable person because he believes that I’m not smart enough to make my own decisions seriously and that if I did make a mistake, I wouldn’t be worth anything to him or anyone.
I cried because it was hurtful. She understood and was starting to talk, but then my dad walked in.
Keep in mind, that I was still angry at him. And he walked into the whole scene and said something nasty.
He saw I was crying and said ‘oh, hormones, looks like someone’s pregnant already.’ The look on his face said it was a joke. But I hated it.
My mind went into mean girl overdrive.
Granted, what I did was not smart. But I was done. So I said, ‘Good news, I don’t think me sleeping with men and getting pregnant is something you’ll ever have to worry about.’
He looked at me.
I looked at him.
He looked at me.
I looked at him.
It clicked.
Now he’s out for a drive and the whole house has been quiet. I’m kind of hiding in my room.
Oops.
(To be clear, I wasn’t sure if I was into guys, but that’s kind of because I figured I should experiment with men out of obligation before deciding. But the more my dad talked about the whole pregnancy thing last night and the more I thought about it, I realized that it’s just so far out of the realm of interest. And I’ve had crushes on girls, although it’s hard to admit to myself.
It’s not super-duper ok in my family.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s impossible. You’re 16. 16-year-olds can be forgiven for emotional outbursts. Adult men cannot. That is not a dig at teenagers. Cognitively, biologically and hormonally, you’re still growing.
The fact that you can think on your feet so quickly to defend yourself is fabulous. All young women need guts like that.
I’m sure your mom was hurt, but you weren’t wrong, and, let’s face it, she already knows it.
Your dad is a first-class jerk. I had my own. He was gone young and I do not miss him at all.
Talk to your mom often. She may not be as strong as you wish, but she’ll support you.
When you no longer have to deal with your dad, you can decide whether having him in your life is a net positive or net negative. Then act accordingly. B***d doesn’t entitle you to be in someone’s life.
He still has to earn it with love and respect.
And be whoever you are! You’re the best. Keep being that. (Says a mom of two young adults who actually like me almost as much as I like them.
They’re kind and they’re hilarious. I adore them.)” Subjective-Suspect
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your dad most of all, but – you too, you don’t get to come away clean from this.
Do you realize that what you said was probably literally true? That your mother grew up in a time and place where people convinced her she was so worthless and women were such trash that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her man for talking to her that way, and treating her that way?
That her mother probably told her that SHE was acting like a flirt for stupid stuff like wearing a skirt cut above the knee or wearing red lipstick?
Like, yes. Your father has probably said terrible, horrible, trashy things to your mother, and she was raised not to have the self-respect to stand up to him.
You were fighting with your dad so you… whipped around and threw a verbal punch at your mom? Do you always lash out at her when the person you’re angry at is your father?
Do you think there’s a chance you might have learned HIS disrespect for her and be communicating it through your own actions? She sucks too to a certain extent for not standing up for you to him, so it truly is an ‘everyone sucks here’, but like… dude.
The only person in this situation whose behavior you can actually control is your own, and that was a SUCKY thing to do.” stephowl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I have to say I laughed way too hard at this interaction.
Woooo boy. It was funny, snarky, and honestly, needed. Your dad was being a jerk. I get the whole power and authority thing between parents, but if a parent is going to hold their authority and act all ‘holier than thou’ they need a wake-up call sometimes.
NTJ and congrats on coming out. I am super happy with the talk you had with your mom, that is some serious maturity and self-awareness for a young teen to have. Keep on being you.
I would say, your relationship with your dad is maybe fractured for a few reasons. As someone who has had an evolving relationship with both my parents over the years, it is super important to place yourself with a group of people, friends, mentors, or whatnot that can provide the support and enthusiasm your parents may not be able to provide.
Not to totally discredit your parents, but to rather ensure you have a solid and reliable group or set of people for support outside the family. You don’t choose your family, but you choose your friends.
Reading your account of your dad reminded me of my dad and his ‘humor’ where he can make all the nasty, borderline jokes, but god forbid you make a joke that pokes fun at him or undermines him, or if you don’t take him seriously… Sometimes you don’t need to poke the bear.
Swallow the pill and walk away, or end the conversation to move on and try to maintain a healthy relationship.” Cyberdyne-800
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner's Mother While I Was Driving?
“I was driving at exactly 60mph, my partner’s mom was sitting next to me in the passenger seat, and my partner and her brother were in the back seats. I was trying to pass another driver so I accelerated at around 65mph, in that moment of the overtaking another person changed lanes without using their turn signals and I had to accelerate at around 70mph so I could overtake on time.
My partner’s mom was watching something on her phone and she raised her head so she saw the car that changed lanes in front of us and that’s when she got scared and grabbed my arm so hard that her nails scratched me.
I couldn’t move my steering wheel because of that and I screamed at her ‘LET GO OF MY ARM’, and rapidly changed lanes. She was apologetic but I pulled over and made her change seats with my SO.
My SO later told me that it was kinda rude for me to scream at her mother, so I was wondering AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could apologize for yelling if you feel like it.
Depends exactly how loud you were and what words you used. A strong reaction was 100% warranted, but if you feel like you gave one that was overly strong, say sorry. You’re still NTJ because what she did is ridiculously dangerous.
If she doesn’t also apologize for grabbing your arm, you tell her no more rides in your vehicle, for public safety. If she does apologize, still she only gets back seat passenger side.” kamijinego
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, the mother was acting on a reflex. Reflexes can’t be controlled and happen naturally. You have every right to be mad about it because it could’ve led to something bad happening.
And while I don’t agree with your SO about you being rude, I can still understand her being a bit mad since it is her mother and a lot of people are protective of their parents.
Just don’t allow her to sit in the passenger side anymore.
To anyone who says that reflexes can be stopped, here’s the definition of reflex:
‘An action that is performed as a response to a stimulus and without conscious thought.’
As it states, it is a response to stimuli done WITHOUT conscious thought, meaning you won’t be able to stop it because it happens naturally without you thinking about it. Additionally, the brain’s response is all or nothing.
This principle is described as:
‘The principle that under given conditions the response of a nerve or muscle fiber to a stimulus at any strength above the threshold is the same: the muscle or nerve responds completely or not at all.’
In other words, if a response to stimuli is strong enough, the brain is going to either respond completely or not at all. If it chooses to respond, You. Cannot. Stop. It. Period.
I took anatomy and physiology twice, I am a nursing major studying to be a nurse, also a quick Google search tells you all you need to know about everything with reliable sources.” DibbyDill
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, no way. What you did was responsible, and the right thing to do, not just for yourself, your SO, and her mother, but for countless potentially hapless strangers passing by cars.
I’m not going to tell you not to drive her anywhere again – but putting her in the passenger side back seat is the only way to go from now on if you ever do decide to do so – and no one could blame you if you didn’t.” WarpedFirefly
7. AITJ For Being A Karen And Demanding My Seat?
“This happened in the Uk London. I booked a ticket for Sunday evening to go back to my apartment (Northampton). Due to an accident on the tracks, a lot of trains have been delayed or suspended indefinitely, I found this out at the station
A couple of hours before I was about to start making my way home my ticket to go home was canceled, refunded, and given the option to buy a new one which I did, it came with a seat but I didn’t pay too much attention to it.
When I got to the station it was packed, to say the least, trains were getting canceled and delayed left and right, my train got delayed multiple times but luckily it arrived.
Since the train station was so packed it was a rush to get on the train, made harder with the mini suitcase I was pulling along.
I was scanning my ticket and remembered it came with my designated seat, I relaxed a bit knowing that at least that was secure. The trouble was when I got to my seat someone was sitting in there.
I politely informed the woman that the seat she was sitting on was reserved for me and I have the ticket to prove it. She looked at me and said: ‘sorry I was here first you can find another seat’.
I said: ‘I get that but I paid for that seat and I should be able to sit in the seat I bought. If it was the other way round I’d get up because it’s the right thing to do.’
We went back and forth about it with her refusing to budge on the matter and me getting more and more annoying. I was annoyed and lost all my patience and simply said: ‘Look, we all paid for a ticket but mine came with that seat and I’d like to sit there as I paid for it so get up.’ At this point, you could hear the anger in my voice and people started to notice and take sides.
Some thought I was in the wrong and should screw off, some said it’s my seat as stated on the ticket so she should get up, one person though heard the commotion from another carriage and came to shame me for bullying her and refused to listen when someone was trying to explain.
She said I should be ashamed that: ‘someone like you shouldn’t harass an innocent lady like her.’ To clarify I’m a 6”3 black guy with a voice deep enough to make Darth Vader jealous so I could’ve been a misunderstanding.
After 10 minutes and another delay (the train was at the platform the whole time) she reluctantly got up and sat next to someone else, I apologized for the disturbance, I put my suitcase up in the overhead luggage storage, sat down, and put in my AirPods and calmed down with some music.
She got off at the stop before me (Wolverton) and gave me a dirty look through the window. In hindsight it was a chaotic situation, to say the least, but I still believe I was in the right.
I also think that I could’ve just let the situation go or handled it better so I come here for an unbiased opinion from strangers on the internet.
So AITJ for being a Karen and demanding my seat?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’, you didn’t pay any extra for that seat, most longer journeys give people seat reservation options and it’s free to request a specific seat.
But the lady was incorrectly in your seat.
Reservations mean it isn’t first come first served. She should have moved.
I’d personally only confront someone if there were no seats available, or someone was sitting in my requested seat that was ‘special’ in some way, table seat, quiet coach, etc.
If you had paid extra for the seat your firmness would be more understandable.” HisSilly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If this is what I think this is about, there was a huge tree that had fallen on the tracks today.
Our train was delayed by 2 hours and then eventually canceled and you can imagine how many people were standing around waiting. If I had a designated seat I would’ve made someone move for it too (especially for a long train journey).
It’s just common courtesy to get out of a seat that isn’t yours, to begin with. Anybody who is saying you’re wrong is the kind of people who refuse to follow seating rules too and, ergo, do not have opinions worth considering in this scenario because they’ll always argue that they have a right to sit in any seat they want, no matter if it’s been reserved for someone else or not.
They’re probably the kinds of people who argue that there are tables free in a busy restaurant when those tables are actually reserved for other people who had the idea to book in advance and just weren’t there yet.” cheezboorgir
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Idk if people understand that seats on UK trains aren’t really as strict as those on airplanes. Also, I’m fairly sure they don’t cost anything but you are just ‘assigned’ one if you book a ticket.
With that in mind, no one pays attention to the assigned seats.
Now, you did have a claim to the seat but it seems that there were other spare seats on the train (as the woman was able to sit somewhere else) and I think you should’ve just sat there rather than make a scene.
And really if so many trains were delayed it is pretty nonsense that you can just waltz in a take a seat when she had gotten there first.” Kakiston
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because you’re literally asking for something that you paid for.
However, I’m not understanding the seat part. When you buy a ticket for a train, doesn’t it always have an assigned seat number? As far as I know, space on a train is limited so only the number of seats equals the number of tickets sold (supposedly) so why would your seat be a topic of contention?
It’s not like it’s a situation where she was trying to sit with her family or friends or with kids, so unless this train was like a subway where you could stand, I’m not understanding how this could happen.” ThatBrownGuy120
6. AITJ For Choosing A Football Game Over A Wedding?
“So my wife’s friend has a wedding coming up this Sunday that is a few hours away from where we live. The bride is a close friend of my wife’s from college but I’ve only met her a handful of times and to be honest she kind of sucks.
When we RSVP’d a year ago I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be traveling three hours and spending hundreds of dollars for someone I don’t even really like.
The other thing is that when I RSVP’d a year ago the NFL schedule wasn’t out.
I know that sounds silly but for anyone who follows football, this is a special, special week in sports history because Tom Brady is returning to play the New England Patriots. (For the Brits/non-sportspeople: Tom Brady was the quarterback for the New England Patriots for 20 seasons and won 6 ‘championships’ with them.
He won a ‘championship’ last year in his first season with Tampa Bay and has yet to return to New England. Until this Sunday).
I won’t get further into the drama (GOAT vs rookie QB, the Brady/Belichick debate) but suffice to say this game is monumental and is going to be quite literally historical. A once in a lifetime game for any football fan and especially for a diehard Patriots fan like myself.
I can’t miss it.
To be honest I totally forgot about the wedding day until a few weeks ago and when I realize the date I was devastated but I didn’t know how to approach the wife.
I knew it would look bad so last week I reached out to her gay best friend Tito and asked if he had any plans for this Sunday. He didn’t and was actually thrilled at the idea of accompanying my wife as a plus one cause he loves dancing.
So I floated this to her. And she flipped out. She told me it was rude and disrespectful and also downplayed the importance of the game just like I knew she would. I told her Tito was happy to attend but she just gawked at me and then started crying.
I know I ‘look’ like the jerk here but am I? I’m not friends with the bride, my wife is, and watching Brady growing up has affected my life more than the bride ever has or ever will.
I also get that bailing on a wedding costs the bride and groom so to prevent that I went out of my way to find a replacement. I told my wife she could tell the bride I was sick and nobody’s gonna question that these days but she’s still livid.
So AITJ? Or am I falling victim to a belief system that simply views football as a stupid game and nothing more? Like I said, this game is literally once in a lifetime, something I’d tell my kids about.
edit: I’m not going to the game I’m watching on tv. And for those suggesting I tape it, I could but that’s not practical in the social media age. Also, I obviously care about my wife just not the bride.”
Another User Comments:
“If you are actually going to the game, like bought tickets, then I might give you a pass. MIGHT. And I say that as a huge fan and season ticket holder for another team and completely understand the fandom aspect.
But if you are just watching the game on TV then I have to go to YTJ. Because there are a million ways to still see the game, just not live. And it will literally have zero impact on your life whether you watch it live or on delay.
I’ve been to the ‘very important return of X’ games. They’re fun at the moment but they will literally have no impact on your life beyond three hours on your television. Even in person, that’s about the full extent of the impact.
What will have an impact on your life is making your wife feel like second fiddle to a football game on TV. This isn’t about the bride. This is about the woman you married. This is about her being able to spend a day showing off her husband to her college friends.
This is about being silly and romantic and dancing with your wife because you made a commitment to each other and if you can’t understand how that is more important than watching a football game on TV, well, it doesn’t say much for you, friend.
Be there for your wife.” amej117
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It’s not about you, or your relationship with the friend. It’s about your wife, and you’re going to support her/be the s/o she can show off to college buddies.
You should be in awe that you would ever be considered someone’s bragging point.
Tom Brady doesn’t share your bed. Who is more important to keep happy?
Lol is that really your reason?
Man…Pats are in full rebuild, and Bucs are SB favorites. It’s going to be a slaughter and you really won’t miss much. You’ll tell your kids about a regular-season game that was a one-sided slaughter?
You must not have kids, because very few would find that an interesting story. ‘So I’m sorry what was your role in this?’ ‘Oh, I was sitting on the couch brushing Doritos off my jersey as I yelled!’ ‘Cool story dad…’ I’ll note here that on your current trajectory, you won’t have to tell your kids anything because they most likely will never exist.
WHAT YEAR IS IT? Is there something preventing you from… idk… recording it? Or following the score live on B/R? Or even play YouTube TV on your phone at the wedding periodically?
There are just so many solutions here.
I’m a huge football fan. I get it, I’m excited to see the game too. But if my wife’s friend was having a marriage, no matter how much I didn’t like them, I’d go because it’s a statement action: my wife is more important than football.
If you can’t say the same, you don’t deserve a wife.” urbanworldbuilder
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – This is one of the most self-centered things I’ve ever heard. If you don’t care about it, it’s not important.
This includes your wife. Your wife, according to you, was livid and cried when you told her this game was more important to you than her. Did you really need to post this to figure out if you’re a jerk or not?
Really? I’m sure you are scrolling past the thousand YTJs and just looking for the NTJs. You know you’re a jerk, you’re just hoping you’ll luck out and find a more intelligent, more selfish, and more articulate grand poobah of jerks who will provide you with magic words to manipulate your wife with.
Some great speech to make your wife think your appalling selfishness is OK.
I also love that you are so self-absorbed that you just assume your kids are going to care about football as much as you do.
That they’ll have nothing better to do than listen to stories about football games you watched decades ago. If you do tell them about this game, tell them you made their mother cry to watch it because the game was more important to you than her.
Your children need to know how messed up your priorities are. They need to know that you can’t see far enough past your own nose to care about anyone else’s feelings.
Even if you go to the wedding, the damage is done.
Your wife just got smacked in the face with the reality of who you are. You just told her that hurting her and making her cry is worth it if you get to watch a football game.
On TV, no less. You’ll never unring this bell.” Ginny_Bean
5. AITJ For Constantly Mentioning My Crush To My Best Friend?
“Today at school our class went on a field trip to a local lake and outdoor center.
It was mostly just a boring walk around a lake and then we just went indoors and learned some boring lessons about animals and stuff like that. I was mostly just looking forward to the trip because I wanted to use it as an opportunity to finally ask out this girl that I’ve been crushing on since last year in the sixth grade.
Her name is Ally and I wanted to get a moment alone with her to ask her out.
I couldn’t really get my moment with her and I spent most of the field trip by the side of one of my best friends, Zeke.
I was mentioning Ally a lot to Zeke on the trip and I was just trying to get him to give me advice on how to ask her out. He was telling me that I needed to just ask her.
We reached a point when we were in the gift shop and I mentioned Ally again. That’s when Zeke just blew up and shouted at me ‘JUST ASK HER ALREADY! GOD!’ Then he stormed off and ignored me for the rest of the trip.
He wouldn’t sit by me on the bus and then when we got back to school, we were let loose on the playground for the rest of the day. I was chasing Zeke around trying to talk to him, but he kept avoiding me and was running away from me.
Another friend, Mark, intervened and tried to figure out what was going on. This forced me to reveal my crush on Ally to Mark, but he couldn’t really do much for me. All I know is Zeke is annoyed at me and I don’t know what I did wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Gently, YTJ. You need to take this as an opportunity to learn some social cues. Talking about the same subject without listening or accepting the advice of the friend you are talking to is key to failed relationships!
Your friend was clearly telling you what you needed to do and you kept talking over them. Not a good trait to establish. Luckily you are so young! Take this as a learning opportunity.
Best of luck with your crush!” iris393
Another User Comments:
“I mean he’s right just ask her man. lol. If she says no she says no. I find it hard to tell a kid that he’s a jerk because I remember what I was like as a kid.
No jerks here. Your friend is irritated because you keep bringing it up but you also like to have your friends to talk to and maybe have not developed the self-awareness/social cues to understand that you are perhaps being annoying.
Just shoot your shot and shut up about it hahaha. Hopefully, she says yes. If you don’t ask her then stop bringing it up. Take care buddy.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve been talking about this girl for at least 4 months.
I am sure Zeke is beyond sick of hearing about something you keep talking about but never actually having the nerve to do something about it. Either do something about it or forget about it.
Don’t be pathetic and do nothing.” Try_to
4. AITJ For Telling My Class That One Of My Students Has Special Needs?
“I got this kid in my 7th-grade classroom. He’s special needs. Probably autism, but the doctors aren’t completely sure yet because he’s a weird case.
As a result, he tends to have trouble getting along with other students and interrupts me in class all the time.
All year long, the other students noticed that I would ignore it whenever he would interrupt me, but whenever the other students would interrupt me, I shut them down and made them do consequences, like copying a paragraph out of a dictionary or detention or something like that.
As such, they accused me of showing favoritism to this special needs kid and treating them unfairly.
The problem is, this kid literally can’t stop himself from interrupting me, because of what’s going on in his brain, whereas all these other kids have no excuse; but the other students don’t know that because state law says I can’t share the special needs status of my students to anyone (at least, not without parental permission, which I don’t have because the mom doesn’t want her kid to be treated any differently than anyone else).
So now the other students in my class are copying his behavior, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Furthermore, they’re picking on him because he’s ‘weird’ and now they’re getting into fistfights with this kid on the playground because he doesn’t know how to resolve a disagreement and the other kids are too stubborn to back down.
Well, last week I snapped. On a day when this kid was homesick and I shut down one of these other students for the hundredth time, the kids said I was playing favorites, so I told them straight up that I don’t punish this kid because he’s autistic and he literally can’t interrupt me; and as for the rest of you, stop acting like an autistic kid, and treat kids with special needs nicely, your parents would be ashamed of you.
All of a sudden the class went silent as if a light went on in their heads.
The next day the kid shows up at school and everyone is nice to him for a change, and when he interrupts me in class the whole class ignores it.
They start acting nicely to him on the playground and they stop questioning my decisions. By the end of the week, he turns into a cult hero, because they start to see him for the struggles he’s going through, and they start to see that he’s not some regular kid misbehaving and that it’s actually difficult for him to do as well as he’s been doing in a regular classroom.
The problem for me is, that I broke state law to do this. This kid’s mom didn’t want me to reveal his special needs status to the class because she didn’t want the kids to treat him differently.
AITJ for breaking the law and revealing my student’s special needs status?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
For reference to my views, I’m a teacher who has spent 5 years as a special education teacher in an inclusion classroom.
Reasons why you are the jerk:
- You are letting a child use their disability as a crutch and excuse. Your job is to help them learn with accommodations, and that includes SEL (social-emotional learning).
This student CAN help to interrupt (at least decrease the number and types of outbursts), but only if you help teach coping mechanisms. You need to help them even when it is hard.
This student can work on conversations and social cues – believe in them and help them!
- You broke the law. You can have incredibly serious ramifications for this. And ethically this is really just shocking to read that another teacher would do this.
- You taught your students to see people with disabilities as different and basically as their label, rather than as complex and amazing humans!
Instead, you talk to the students who need to hear it and say, ‘We are all different and are in different places.
Just like some of us have glasses and some don’t, or some of us need more help in reading right now and some are reading chapter books, some of us need help with controlling our bodies and some of us feel more control.
I wouldn’t give student A student B’s glasses because student A doesn’t need them. That’s the same thing here. You can control yourself more often than KID so you get different help.
We all work on what we need to improve and all get help where we need it. I know you are strong enough and caring enough as people to understand.’
I have had similar situations in classrooms, which stopped almost immediately after starting because of classroom meetings where teachers explained not all people get the same help because they don’t all need it, but all people in the room are important and necessary for us to succeed. It sounds like your classroom community needs to be built and needs to feel like a safe and loving space, where kindness is valued.” Anxious_Runner_35
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, even if a well-intentioned one. Be prepared to have your job in jeopardy over this.
It is fortunate that the other kids are treating him better and being more tolerant, but if you hadn’t had such a good group the bullying could have ended up worse because ‘autistic’ is sadly also thrown around as an insult these days (and telling the other kids not to ‘act autistic’ is… not a good look for this reason).
The info was not for you to disclose and in fact, you were specifically told not to. Instead, you should have brought up that some people have different needs and struggles without disclosing the specifics.” VirgilThe2nd
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You lost control and divulged a legally protected piece of medical information about a student. You not only broke the law, but you clearly lack ethics and morals.
I work with the developmentally disabled, and your statements about how you just let him interrupt you because of his disability really irk me.
That’s not how that works. That’s really not how any of it works. Your job is to help teach legitimate coping and social skills to this student. He CAN help to interrupt, he just needs the right redirects and skills to decrease those interruptions.
Does he have an IEP? Many IEPs have ideas or proven ways of redirecting the individual.
You lost your cool and subsequently taught every one of your students to treat him differently because of a disability.
Society is working SO HARD on getting rid of that ‘Other’ culture and here you are, just full bore encouraging it. Shame on you.
For good measure, I’ll say it again. YTJ.” Anxious_Appy92
3. AITJ For Refusing To See A Movie After Tickets Were Paid For?
“A few years back I was out on vacation visiting my dad who was stationed in Hawaii (marine corps). So my dad asks me if I want to go see a movie and I ask him which one.
My stepmom suggests Sherlock Holmes 2 (which was in theaters at the time) and I tell them I don’t want to see it as I haven’t seen the first. The response basically amounts to ‘we’ll figure something out’ and I tell them before we leave that I absolutely do not want to see it as I have not seen the first movie so suggest that we rent the first one from Redbox and see the second at a later date.
They agree but suggest that we go see a movie at the theater anyways and just see what’s playing. Halfway there my stepmom changes her mind and says that we should go see it anyway because a friend told her it doesn’t ruin the first movie.
I tell them to not buy me a ticket for the movie because I do not want to ruin my experience with the first. We get to the theater and she tells my dad to buy the three tickets so I tell them not to buy one for me because if they do then I won’t go into the theater to see the movie.
They buy me a ticket anyway thinking that I’m bluffing so I sit outside for a good 15 minutes before they come back out and yell at me for ruining our night out saying that they were being generous to pay for my ticket and they paid for my plane ticket to fly out to Hawaii so I should go along with it.
Now I get that plane tickets to Hawaii are not cheap, especially considering that it was around Christmas time and I agreed to go out there but they do crap like this all the time trying to spend money on me that I tell them I don’t want them to spend before they actually spend it and say they won’t try to throw it in my face later only to turn around and throw it in my face later.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk, but in my opinion, you were being a little immature about it. You were making a big deal out of something pretty small. Your stepmom’s friend said it doesn’t ruin the first movie, so what’s the real problem?
To some extent, you should put up with your parents’ antics because they won’t be around forever. I know that sounds cliche, but they really just wanted to spend time with you. Yes, they could have handled it better.
You wanted to see a different movie and they didn’t respect your choice. But it’s just a movie, not some huge life-altering decision.” KeroTrip
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you have bigger problems with these people than just a movie.
If you resent them, or don’t like them, or have issues with them you should talk about it, not be inflexible over something so minor.
You’re being inflexible with people who were just trying to have fun on a family outing because for some reason you decided that seeing a movie in order was more important than getting along with the people involved.
If seeing two movies in a particular order is more important to you than being nice to a group of people, then you must have pretty low esteem for that group of people.” Subduction
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are the jerk on that.
It’s a movie, they were trying to be nice, quit being so self-absorbed, and realize they wanted to spend time with you. Yeah, they were jerks on the movie choice, but to act like a child and stomp your feet because they chose a movie you didn’t want to see makes you a jerk.
However, there sounds like there are deeper issues you should probably figure out.” Fudgms
2. AITJ For Refusing To Not Touch My Phone During A 7-Hour Drive?
“I figured out during a 7-hour road trip to go skiing that my sister is HARDCORE anti texting & driving.
I for one, do not sit on my phone nonstop while driving. But, I do occasionally respond to a text, check our progress on the GPS I’m running, and change the song on the playlist I’m playing.
The GPS and music I’m playing probably constitute 90% of my phone time when I drive.
Overall, I believe that I do not take advantage of the system here. My sister has a zero-tolerance policy.
She cried. I said that I refused to not check my phone for 7 hours. She said I’m not respecting her opinion.
I am a safe person when using this device at (what I consider to be) minimal usage.
Only when cruise control is set, plenty of following room, etc, etc. I believe me sneezing while at the wheel lends itself to greater risk than me changing the song on my Android.
Sister is a very straight edge girl, a total rule follower. I am an IDC-type person.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My initial reaction was to say no, you’re not a jerk for glancing at your phone every so often on a long drive.
There are not that many people who could sit in a car for seven hours and not glance at their phones at least once. Then after I thought about it for a little more, I came to the conclusion that you’re at least part jerk, but probably not for using the phone while you drive.
See, what I got out of your story was that after you were asked to not use your phone because it made your sister uncomfortable, you basically told her to quit crying. No one likes a complainer, and I’m the type of person to go out of my way to make someone complaining as uncomfortable as possible if they’re going to do that.
If you went out of your way to try and limit your phone usage to rest stops, gas stations, and the like; or you tried to find a compromise like if she helped you check your phone, and she was STILL complaining, then you’re in the clear.
On the other hand, if when she approached the topic you immediately dismissed it, then yes, you’re the jerk.” MrTrain127
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are the jerk. No matter how good of a driver you are endangering another person’s life.
Even if you are in the car by yourself you are still a jerk because you could potentially be endangering people in other cars as well. ‘I’m a good driver’ is not an excuse for this.
If you need to answer a text or talk on the phone then pull over somewhere and do it. If you want to listen to music then set it to shuffle. Pay attention to the road.” Spoon_Elemental
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think so. She’s partly to blame… If you can’t check your phone to use the GPS or change a song while driving that’s ridiculous. Especially if she makes you pull over to check anything.
Texting and driving is incredibly dangerous, I understand, and shouldn’t be done… But checking your phone for a GPS update or to hit next on your playlist is a completely different thing. If I was a passenger I wouldn’t mind if the driver checked the phone and said ‘Oh, we have 20 more minutes to get there.’ But if he/she said ‘haha.
That’s funny. Look at this message Jim sent me.’ Then I’d have a problem.” BraydenVinal
1. AITJ For Rubbing My Success In My Sister's Face?
“My (35M) sister (33F) and I are grown now.
We’re biological siblings, and we were adopted by the same family 3 years apart. We were taken from our mom when I was 3 and she was 1.
My ‘mom and dad’ adopted her very young, and me when I was 15.
They did it only because she was my biological sister, and I had been bouncing from 1 group home to the next for years prior. We were separated when I was very small because according to my social worker I had some ‘behavioral issues’, and required a different home.
I never did well at anything, graduated dead last in my class. Didn’t go to college or get a job for 3 years after. But at 21 I got kicked out after I refused to give my room to my sister.
Among other things. So I enlisted in the army. Did 4 and hit the door. Afterward, my now wife gave me the idea to get a real estate license. So I did. And after a few years of struggling in it, I’ve done pretty well.
My sister never hesitated to tell me how much better she was. I said I didn’t care. But I never let go of it. She got the better grades. She got into college.
And apparently went to law school while I was gone. But apparently, life as the lawyer she always wanted to be was, ‘stressful’. So she’s now a receptionist. Who has roommates.
At a get-together with the last family that kicked me out, I pointed it out to my sister when we were alone after everyone had gone inside and she was catching up with me.
And told her that karma is real. I know how her doing it to me made me feel, and I’ve been waiting 20 years to tell her that what goes around comes around.
I’m happy I finally got the chance. It’s like a weight off my chest. But I do feel kinda bad.
Most of my resentment admittedly stems from watching her succeed while I struggled.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Your sister did not and does not owe you anything. Sounds like you had a rough start in life and didn’t get the support you needed, AND that’s not your sister’s cross to bear for you!
She was not obligated to hide her successes to protect your feelings, she was not obligated to share her success with you in the form of handouts, and she certainly is not obligated to tolerate your behavior now.
You paint yourself as kind of a jerk here – behavioral problems as a kid consistently through to 14, then you are a moocher from 18-21 and still bemoan your adoptive parents for… not letting you be a hot mess longer on their dime?
Seek therapy to unpack how much you have fabricated this narrative of your sister being some golden child you think karma conspired against just for your delight, and start exploring how much of this was just her having her own childhood that was different from yours for lots of reasons outside of BOTH your controls.
Sounds like it’s easier to villainize your sister than deal with the very difficult grief of how the system failed you.” Satannista
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re clearly jealous and resentful of her.
You’re angry about what happened in your youth and you’re taking it out on her It’s not her fault that you flunked your classes; that’s on you. Your parents were the ones who kicked you out, not her.
And it sounds like they had reason to do that since you refused to work for three years and lived off their funds even though legally you were an adult. And even now that you’re doing better professionally, your personality hasn’t changed for the better at all.
You’re gloating about the fact that your sister is struggling. And you were never entitled to her money, BTW. She had the right to refuse to give you anything. She had the right to change her mind about helping you.
You are wrong to rub your success in her face. You need to grow up and stop stewing in your bitterness and jealousy.” ComprehensiveBand586
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in this situation and life in general.
You yourself have admitted in your replies that you’ve committed enough crimes to face 25 years to a lifetime in prison, implying that just because ‘you were dealt a bad hand’ that justifies you not being a good person and being bitter.
You also pretty much admitted that you are glad that she is in a bad situation so she will get a taste of your own struggles (most of them, it looks like you got into yourself).
You admitted that she didn’t even really rub her accomplishments in your face, it was just her wanting to talk to you, and that you were resentful anyways just by watching her success, thus happy watching her downfall.
Just shut up, accept your failures instead of blaming your circumstances (yeah, you couldn’t help some of it and that’s awful, but it seems that most of it was your own doing), apologize to your sister if you haven’t, and go to therapy.
I’m sorry that no one wanted to adopt you, probably for those ‘behavioral issues’ you mentioned and that you probably still carry, but it’s not an excuse to act like a jerk, especially to your sister who probably cares about you.
When you care for others, you don’t want them to suffer the way you did, especially when you have little siblings or kids. I also have a younger sister, and I also have the same bitter mentality you do that I try to keep in check, yet I would never wish for her to struggle.
On the contrary, I want her to be happy, to do better than me, to be a better person than me. So when I see her having the opportunities I didn’t have, being more likable and sociable than me, probably because she hasn’t gone through the things I have, I’m happy; just like my dad is happily providing us with the things and love he himself didn’t have due to a childhood full of poverty.
Maybe it’s because of his example of breaking the cycle as well as of pulling yourself up (yet, not the only example) that your bitterness towards your sister is that much more disgusting to me.
Do better, OP. That’s the nicest thing I have to say to you.” MintBae
