People Feel Ambushed In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Yelling At Family For Insisting I Eat Dinuguan?
“I’m from the Philippines. My religion is INC, or in English, Church of Christ. The relatives I have on my dad’s side are all INC, while my mom’s side were all Catholic (both of my parents are INC, by the way).
Being INC, it was forbidden to eat animal blood, since there are different dishes all around the world that use animal blood— all of which we cannot eat. In the Philippines, we have this street food called “Dinuguan,” and it’s made out of pig blood.
My mom’s side, who were Catholics, ate that a lot, and I didn’t really care since I wasn’t the one eating it.
When we were having a reunion party with all my mom’s relatives, my parents and I were the only ones who weren’t Catholic.
One of the dishes they had was dinuguan, while my cousins, aunt, and uncle were eating it (we were at the same table while my parents were chatting with other relatives). One of my cousins looked at me and said, “You should give this a try, it’s really tasty.” I refused, saying it wasn’t allowed for me, but she persisted and said, “It’s not like there’s any INC here, come on, no one will know.” However, I still refused and became irritated because she was persisting in making me eat it.
Things didn’t make it any better when my aunt and uncle seemed to encourage my cousin, saying things like, “She’s right, you should try it; it’s really tasty and no one will know.” They even decided to put one on my plate. That was the last straw.
I got angry and raised my voice, “I don’t want to eat it, okay? Why are you so persistent? I already told you this isn’t allowed for me.” I shouted at them.
My other relatives noticed the commotion, and so did my parents, so they came and asked me what happened. I explained to them what happened and asked if we could go home.
My parents looked furious, while my aunt and uncle said, “It was a joke! She’s taking it too seriously.” My cousin agreed. I couldn’t believe they thought joking around about things like that would be fine. Some of my relatives defended me, and some said I was overreacting.
After that, my parents and I went home. What made me even more irritated was that my mom said I could’ve just talked it out more calmly instead of shouting at them. I tried to explain to her that I did, but they didn’t listen; she just sighed and told me not to let that happen again.”
Another User Comments:
“The next time she wants you to be around the relatives who were just joking with you or thought you were overreacting, tell her you can’t/won’t. When she asks why, say it’s because you are doing as you were told. She told you not to let it happen again, and since you obviously can’t control any of them or what they’ll do—and in fact, can only control yourself—the only way you can avoid that is NTJ!
Problem solved.” TheBlueLady39
23. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister-In-Law's Insecure Diet Comments?
“I’m 29F and my sister-in-law (SIL) is 35F. She’s married to my husband’s older brother. Context is that she’s in an industry where looks matter. She’s a bit on the “chubby” side but not overweight by any means (BMI 25). As a result, she’s always talking about wanting to be thinner, prettier, younger, etc. The issue with it is that she will take any opportunity to drag other women.
She’s quite competitive as a person and has made snide remarks to me and my younger sister—we’re both considered conventionally attractive and smaller built.
She’s recently hired a personal trainer and has been on a severely restrictive diet for the past month or two.
We had dinner yesterday and she started commenting on how little I eat, even though I normally do eat quite a lot more than someone my size as I coach swim classes and am constantly active. I said I had food poisoning yesterday, so I was only having bland food, and she said, “Well, you normally eat like nothing anyway.” I reminded her that we had my husband’s birthday dinner a few weeks ago and I literally ate two servings of dessert after dinner, so that comment was untrue.
She said, “Well, that’s a one time thing, isn’t it?”
There was an awkward silence, and everyone looked confused. My husband and mother-in-law then stepped in to disagree, saying that it’s a running joke in the family that I snack so much, and that my nickname is basically the Cookie Monster.
That ticked her off, so she said that she bets I “snack in front of everyone, then go home and starve myself or secretly throw it up,” and that I am pretending to be the cool girl who snacks a lot and still stays thin.
That’s when I lost it and said that it isn’t my fault that she tries so hard to work out and diet but still considers herself fat, that it isn’t my fault her body isn’t naturally thin the way she wants it to be, and that she should stop picking me apart out of jealousy.
She stayed silent and the next day left the family chat. My husband thinks I shouldn’t apologize because I didn’t do anything wrong and she was out of pocket. But I feel bad because it clearly came from a place of insecurity—and I knew that—and it’s difficult to not be conventionally attractive as a woman.
I feel like it was justified for me to shut her down, but at the same time I feel like a jerk. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She was projecting her insecurities on you in an insulting and abusive manner and you called her on it.
If someone said something like that to me (or god forbid, my wife), I’d have been a freaking lot less gentle about how I responded.” namesaremptynoise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did you phrase it the way you said in your text or in your title?
Because in your text you say ‘it’s not your fault she considers herself fat’ and ‘doesn’t have the body she wants’, which is a very mature and appropriate response to someone putting you down over their own insecurities without insulting her. If you said it like that, there’s no reason to apologize; you just told her to knock it off and invited her to reflect on her issues.
‘It’s not my fault you think you’re fat’ is not an insult if she really behaves that way.” VolatileVanilla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As someone who’s always been ‘too thin’ and not by choice, it’s so hurtful when people make comments like that and suggest you must have an eating disorder.
You might’ve offended her, but I’m glad you did! Also—what if you did have an eating disorder? Or anyone else at the table did? That’s so offensive!” THROWRAhickory
22. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Disabled Siblings Visit During My Rare Off Time?
“I (28F) have an unusual job that keeps me posted out at a fly-in location for 8 months a year and then back home for 4 months.
I love it so much that I’m high on the fill-in list to fly out and take over in case someone has an emergency, even during my off months, but I usually have about 2 months of totally free time that I spend catching up on life stuff and taking a good, long vacation before I head out again.
So, my “home” time is limited and for most of the year I’m not all that available.
Other important background: I am the 2nd of four siblings and all three of my siblings (31M, 25F, 20M) have serious disabilities, mostly mental. 2 have autism and ADHD.
The other has autism and bipolar disorder, along with some other things I’m not sure about. Growing up with them was constant bedlam, and as the “normal” kid (I’m told that’s debatable, but I’ve never been diagnosed with anything), I kind of just raised myself while my parents were busy.
One of my teachers helped me make a plan for college, and I went low contact as soon as I could. I talk to my parents on the phone maybe twice a year, and email occasionally. I haven’t talked to my siblings since I left home.
My parents have been wanting me to visit for a while, but I’m not keen on spending my limited off time around my siblings. I just told them I have a lot to get done. They now want to come visit me instead for a week before I head back out next month.
I said, “OK, but it would have to be just the two of you.” That turned into an argument because they don’t want to leave my siblings alone and they all want to see me, too. I doubt my siblings even care or notice I’m not there, but let’s just assume they do, I guess.
I finally said that my life is better without my siblings in it, and I won’t be spending any time around them. Take it or leave it.
My mom called me a jerk for abandoning them. My dad says he understands that they didn’t do right by me as a kid, but my siblings do love me, and they can’t help how they are.
We’re still family. A few family members from my mom’s side have gotten involved and are telling me how upset my parents have been with me gone all the time and how I’m a jerk for not even trying to get along with my disabled siblings.
I’ve told my parents to just not come now, and the family thinks I’m punishing them for having to consider my siblings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are an adult. You have a demanding, busy life. Visit your family, but limit the visits to a week or a long weekend.
Family or not, you are not obligated to put up with bedlam during your time off work. Suggest that one parent visit you and the other stay home with your siblings. That way, you will have one-on-one time with each parent. Hugs and Good Luck” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The one thing I think I’ve learned recently is that just because you’re related to someone, doesn’t make them family. While it seems that you’ve reconciled yourself to the way you grew up overall, you’ve chosen to let go of your relatives to live a life that you are happy with.
Your parents are correct that your siblings couldn’t help the issues wrong with them, but they were your parents too, and owed you some of their time and attention. Their choice not to is what brought you to the point that you feel that your life is better without your siblings in it.
They can either accept that and interact with you the way you need now, or they can continue to receive your bi-annual calls/emails. I do have an issue with your mom trying to guilt you because she is acting as if you don’t have reasons to feel the way you do.
Block all the relatives trying to tell you what to do, because where were they as a support system for you to turn to in the face of the unfortunate neglect you experienced? OP, do what you need to do to make yourself happy.” moew4974
21. AITJ For Keeping My Toxic Mother Away From My Daughter?
“I (32M) have had a poor relationship with my mother for most of my life (assuming my infant/toddler years were okay). We are less mother and son, more akin to acquaintances. If enough people care, I will do another post explaining my childhood with her, but for now I’ll focus on leading up to my daughter’s birth.
So my wife and I wanted to have a baby. We tried the natural way for over a year, but eventually found we needed a little help getting things moving, and soon after that help my wife was pregnant! I was so happy and terrified. We told all our parents as soon as we could.
Now, as I said earlier, my mother and I aren’t close. Up to the point of my wife being pregnant, we would talk at family gatherings and exchange happy birthday texts, but that’s about it. She made my childhood a nightmare, so that’s about all I need from her.
But once we started going to doctor’s appointments, I made a family text chain so everyone would be caught up on the baby and my wife. I didn’t want her claiming I left her out of the loop. So I’m being civil.
But my mother decides to talk about me, my wife, and my daughter behind our backs to my sister.
After seeing the screenshots from my sister, I found that my mother essentially wrote off my daughter before she was even born, claiming she wasn’t going to waste her time if she was only going to see her twice a year. She will just wait for my sister to have kids, and those will be her grandchildren, completely disowning her first grandchild.
And making comments like “I hope your brother is a better father than a son.” And now she is asking me when she can come see her granddaughter? What the heck?!
I was already questioning letting her around my baby girl, but that was the last straw.
I protected my sister from her when we were kids, and I’ll protect my daughter from her now and always. My dad tells me I should be the bigger person and just let her comments and my anger go so I can have a happier life for my daughter’s sake, but I can’t.
This is how she has been my whole life. I don’t want to expose my daughter to her crap. AITJ for wanting to keep them apart or should my daughter be able to meet her grandmother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter doesn’t need to be around people who are spewing toxic things about her parents.
Your dad wants things to be more peaceful for HIM – it has nothing to do with what is best for you or your daughter. He’s trying to manipulate and guilt you – don’t let it work!” whatev88
Another User Comments:
“If what you say is true, then NTJ.
It sounds like it may end up being a toxic emotional rollercoaster for your daughter if that is her view on you. If she won’t view her as her ACTUAL granddaughter, then don’t let her be a grandmother. Your father needs to accept that there is no room in her life for someone who doesn’t want to see your daughter as family.” Lockie__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If your mother is that toxic you don’t want her around your daughter. You might consider letting them meet in a controlled setting when she’s older, but even that isn’t necessary. If she was bad enough you felt you had to protect your sister from her, and now she’s talking like you’re the problem… none of that is the attitude you want around your little girl.
Trust your instincts.” VixenNoire
20. AITJ For Sticking To My Discount Designer Clothes Despite Criticism From A Friend?
“I (26F) am not very big on fashion; to be honest, 80% of the time I’m at home wearing pajamas, but I do have a thing about a clothing brand known for its weird and unique designs (patchwork, vibrant colours and patterns, weird cuts sometimes, etc.).
I guess in some way it is considered a designer brand, and while it is more expensive than a normal store, it is really not a super duper high-quality brand. Owning quite a few of their items, I can actually say that I feel their quality is not as good as it should be for the price, but that’s okay for me, because I buy them because I like the style, take good care of my clothes so they last me long, and anyway, as I said, I’m mostly at home so I only wear them when I go out.
Recently I’ve been getting to know a friend of a friend (27F) who, I guess, has an issue with me wearing this brand. She is from a low-income neighbourhood and, I guess, has a very black-and-white view on class. The other day, a group of friends including her met up at someone’s house and somehow the issue of salaries came up in conversation.
Turns out that I had the lowest salary, which didn’t surprise me, as I am a PhD student. Well, this girl turned to me and told me that I was lying because I wouldn’t be able to afford “designer” clothes otherwise. I laughed, because what would I get by lying about it?
She then said how she hates poor people like me pretending to be richer by buying designer clothes and then complaining about not having money (which I didn’t do). I told her she was delusional and that that brand was not even that expensive, and anyway, I buy most of them in an outlet store nearby where they have clothes from a couple of seasons ago at a 30-70% discount.
I gave an example of a dress I had been eyeing for a long time, which was €150, but I waited months until it was on sale for €60, so I’m not really breaking the bank here, not even if I had bought it at full price.
She yelled that I was a pretentious jerk and left, which I didn’t mind, but then my friend said that she never had a lot of money growing up, so it’s a sore spot for her, and that I should have let it go, and perhaps I should wear more basic clothes whenever we meet up again because she is resentful and will keep bringing it up if I don’t.
So, AITJ when she attacked me for wearing “designer” clothes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your fault she was poor, or that she has let that upbringing fester into a blind resentment of anyone that she deems “rich”. Your friend is out of line as well, you were right to stand up for yourself and you shouldn’t change your attire to appease some emotionally stunted brat with a complex.
People are allowed to spend their money however they want. I knew people in uni that would own things I thought they had NO way of affording, until I asked and found out they’d been selling blood, or tutoring, or other random things for months, just to get a handbag or something else completely unnecessary.
Tell her to eat sand. We all spend our money the way we see fit, and if she can’t wrap her little mind around that, that is entirely her problem.” Gazpacho_Catapult
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like her problem. I don’t get why people like to make the victim submit to the person that just finished abusing them.
“To keep the peace?” That isn’t your job or responsibility. That sounds like a therapist’s job. Attacking people on your own notions is never a good thing. Envy is a sin for reasons like this. Ridiculous.” Successful-Can-8616
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I firmly believe that style can be a source of joy for some people.
Your clothing makes you happy and as long as you’re not rude about it or bragging a bunch, it’s completely fine. These are your clothes. Gosh, you even got them on a discount (which is something I would probably brag about, I love a good deal).
This is a problem she needs to fix within herself and you shouldn’t have to modify your life just to make her feel better.” Sensitive_Topic_2508
19. AITJ For Taking My Kids When My Ex Had A Stranger Sleep In Our Bed?
“After 10 years of marriage to my wife (mtf), I left her a little less than a month ago.
She was emotionally abusive to me for years. She broke my laptop and woke me up screaming because she couldn’t sleep. She called my work one time to get a hold of me because we had an argument, and I told her I would speak to her later and that I was working.
She even begged me to come home from a movie once, claiming that one of our children was in need. I did all the cooking, cleaning, etc., for a very long time. There is more, but I don’t feel like going into all of it.
She has also lied to me and gaslit me about many things. Recently, she said she wanted our kids to meet her friend. I asked if they were involved. I am fine with her being involved. I ended the marriage and knew she would be involved. I am not okay with her bringing our three kids into her relationship so soon after we split up.
She told me they were friends. She also told me she had known this person for a year (although I had never heard of her). Yesterday, my kids went over and met this person. Later that night, I found out they were, in fact, involved and that the new friend was spending the night at the house with the kids.
Our three-year-old sleeps in the bed with us. (They used to sleep together, but after the split, she still sleeps with either one of us depending on which house she is at.) I am not comfortable with my child sleeping in a bed with someone I do not know.
She says it is not my concern because she knows this person. However, I feel that it is too soon to have someone sleep over in front of our kids in the bed that we shared for ten years. I really feel it is extremely inappropriate to have someone in our bed with our three-year-old, whom I do not know and who just met the children that night.
So, I went to the house early this morning and collected the kids. I was not as calm as I should have been. I did find her and her friend with our youngest in the bed together. I do not know if this person had clothes on.
Am I the jerk for getting my kids and feeling it is inappropriate to have someone in the bed with our three-year-old?”
Another User Comments:
“N TJ. You need to speak to a solicitor right away and get a custody agreement. Bring up what has happened, and try to get as much in writing/messaging as possible.
Your ex is putting your child in danger by having them sleep in the same bed as a stranger, not to mention having a stranger sleep in the same house as the others. There is no way this is okay. Maybe they are doing it to spite or hurt you, and probably have no care for the child’s welfare other than using them to hurt you.
I would also try to be as calm as possible and document everything. Also, be careful of how your children are viewing all this; they might need some counselling support if they see their parents arguing and the other parent behaving so strangely.” Annabelle_Sugarsweet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I know it’s been said multiple times, but I’m going to go ahead and say LAWYER. IMMEDIATELY. The next time there is a lawyer’s office open, BE THERE. It’s the three-year-old in a bed with a stranger for me. She is possibly endangering your children.
If she lied about them being involved, why wouldn’t she lie about how long she has known this person?” Sour_yell
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Pregnant Cousin's Kids And Enforcing My Boundaries?
“I have a cousin and she has two kids (7&4) with a third on the way almost any day now. The older kid started going to school within walking distance from our house.
For the first couple of months of the school year, my cousin was okay with drop-offs and pick-ups.
I’m a very organized person, so when someone needs me to do something, I’d rather know ahead of time rather than a few hours prior.
My cousin started getting super lazy and asking me to go pick up her kid, sometimes 15 minutes before it was time. I didn’t mind because it wasn’t so frequent. Picking up her kid wasn’t only that; it was picking her up, helping her with homework, and feeding her, all while her mom was in the room sleeping.
She was not yet pregnant at this point. It started getting to a point where she would barely pick her own kid up, and I was missing class as well as being late to work for about two months. So I finally stopped answering her text messages.
I started pretending I didn’t see them and stayed in my room until she left to go get them herself.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I stopped going to pick up her kid and stopped answering her messages. I stopped making them food upon her request. I stopped doing things I felt she should be doing.
I stopped because I felt like she was just asking because she didn’t feel like it, but she was starting to interfere with my livelihood and not care about it. Basically, she was using me for my willingness to help. There were instances where she called me to ask me to pick them up while I was at work and, instead of accepting that I was at work, she would ask if I could leave and pick them up.
Today, she asked me to pick them up and I just ignored her. I was tired from being at work all day yesterday, and she asked me 30 minutes before it was time to go. She also got up and walked to my door to knock.
I felt bad because, yes, she is very pregnant; but at the same time, I’ve been doing so much for her kids—more than I should have to—and even when she wasn’t this pregnant, she was abusing my inability to say no. Note: None of us have cars.
I’m a broke college student who uses public transport.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already stepped up and extended yourself beyond a level that’s necessary. Those aren’t your kids, but you’ve been kind enough to treat them as such when your cousin needs help.
Now it’s reached a point where you’re being taken advantage of, which really isn’t cool of your cousin. Good on you for putting your foot down and defending your boundaries.” bordennium
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but TA for dancing around the issue.
Just be honest. And to be frank, I wouldn’t be doing those things even with the baby if it starts to affect my life in a negative way. It’s not suddenly going to get better for you with the baby if you don’t manage her expectations about what you’re willing to do.
It’s not your responsibility and it’s already beginning to foster resentment on your part.” littleteacup1976
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hear me out because what I’m going to say might sound strange. Pregnancy isn’t your sister’s problem; you are. By that I mean you’re making it too easy for her to slack off her responsibilities by being so helpful and agreeable.
As you said, she started this before she was pregnant. Some people are unable to receive an inch without expecting a mile.” NextElk6242
17. AITJ For Losing My Cool When My Sister Failed Her End Of The Deal?
“So my sister (24), her partner (24), and I (23) live with my parents, who are rarely home. We had an arrangement that the three of us would pay for all of the utilities on the house while my parents pay the mortgage.
My sister (let’s just call her Sis) got fired from her job two months ago, and she decided that I and her partner (let’s call him Ben, fake name obviously) would focus on our jobs to bring in money while she does all the housework duties.
I was fine with that arrangement; I’ve been extremely burnt out from work lately, and I don’t have a lot of energy when I get home. Plus, I know she’s burnt out from working herself, so I knew she needed a break.
Only, she doesn’t hold her end of the bargain. And when she does, she complains the entire time and goes into a stubborn rage about how she “does everything around the house” and “has to be the brains of the household.” Which, as a reminder, she volunteered to do herself instead of getting a job.
And the past couple of weeks she’s been even worse. Any tiny mistake or inconvenience throws her off the handle for the rest of the day. Which puts a lot more stress on me, but I’ve been keeping my mouth shut. It doesn’t help that I am the sole provider of income within the three of us.
I work full time in retail, and Ben is part time. Any time I try and bring up how stressed I am about being the main income, she always replies, “Well, Ben has a job too! Quit acting like you’re alone!” Thing is, Ben’s job has been cutting his hours severely, and he almost never gets his checks on time, so his job can barely be counted in the budget.
Then today, Ben wanted me to send him money so he could buy dinner and cat litter. I warned him that it takes a VERY long time to transfer, but he said it was fine. So I started the transfer. It’s been 10 hours since then, and I just now got the transfer through.
At hour 5, Sis started screaming at me over text and audio messages while I was at work about how I should have just given him my card and that I needed to “use my brain for once.”
As things heated up, I finally snapped. I went off about how she’s not holding up her end of the deal, about how much stress she ACTUALLY puts me through, all of it.
After I sent the explosion of a message, I went back to work. When I got off, I met up with Sis and Ben, and I could tell she was crying. I don’t know anymore. I doubt I handled this correctly. We’ve been avoiding the conflict, and it feels like the air between us is tense enough to play an orchestra with.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re not responsible for your sister or her partner. You need to get back to each of you laying 1/3 of the bills each. If your sister can’t pay, then either your parents or her partner pay for her.
As to you being tired of doing the house cleaning, maybe do a rota and you can pay a cleaner to do just your part (make sure there is no mistreatment from your sister/partner, as I would imagine they’ll try to make her do their house tasks too and get you to pay for it.).
It’s adulthood, time for your sister and her partner to grow up!” MajorAd2679
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This living situation isn’t sustainable. Start looking at rooms for rent in your area and see what it would take for you to get a room in a shared house.
Right now you have two nightmare roommates – they stiff you on expenses, scream at you over text, drop the ball on chores, and expect you to buy them dinner. That’s a nightmare. Tell your parents that you’re the only one working full time and you’re getting crushed.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call a house meeting and let them know that between the two of them they need to figure out how to cover their own bills. Tell them that you will not be loaning them any more money or helping them out.
They are adults, and it is ridiculous that they cannot cover their own bills between the two of them. Your sister’s outbursts are most likely due to the stress she is under. Be sympathetic, but you are not responsible for supporting the two of them.” _gadget_girl
16. AITJ For Refusing To Eat Breakfast Despite Family's Demands And Threats?
“Every morning I (19F) get up, and I feel bloated, so until 10 AM I don’t feel like eating anything. No matter what I’ve tried (eating a light dinner, sleeping early, avoiding caffeine), I still feel that way. So I just decided that I wouldn’t eat anything until I felt better, so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable throughout the day or during my classes.
I’ve been doing that for about 5 years now, and I feel okay. I don’t feel exhausted or have any medical conditions caused by it.
My mom has told me several times to eat something before I leave home (I leave for college between 8:30 AM and 9 AM), but I have also told her that I’m not comfortable eating.
She keeps insisting, so now and then, for her satisfaction I eat fruit like a banana before leaving; however, whenever I do that I feel full and uncomfortable for about an hour. So I’ve decided not to do that unless I’m starting to feel hungry.
My brother (32M) always starts a big argument about this (which is not new), and after each argument I try to eat something every morning, but I can’t keep up because I don’t feel good after doing so. Today he started another argument about this, and this time I decided to tell him that I don’t want to do so.
He started telling me how disrespectful I am and that I am making up excuses not to eat at home. My mom started to cry because he constantly argued about things with her, and she began telling me that I don’t care about her and that I don’t follow what he says.
I understand that he is concerned about me and my health and all, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to start doing that even when I don’t want to. I am not making up any stories, and I don’t care what he thinks; I’m not going to start doing something I don’t like just so that he doesn’t argue with my mom again.
She cannot win an argument with him, so she wants me to do what he says so that he will stop. I don’t even like the breakfast at my college.
He says he wouldn’t let me go to college if I don’t eat my breakfast tomorrow.
I have a final tomorrow, and he doesn’t care, lol. As if I’m going to let an argument like that stop me from attending my final, upon which my grades depend. If he doesn’t let me go tomorrow, I’m going to jump out of my window and go to college.
For some context: my brother and I don’t have a sibling relationship; it’s more like a guardian relationship, as he provides support for me and my mom. I’ve always respected him and understood when he’s mad, but I’m not going to let him force me to eat.
The “not letting me go to college” part might seem ridiculous; he has done that before, and I’m not risking missing my final.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are old enough to know what your body feels like. I am 28, and even I don’t eat anything until 12–1 PM.
Sometimes, older siblings have a tendency to act like a parent without having the skills or experience in child rearing; take it as an example of his inexperience. Call his bluff out. Simply say it’s your stomach, your body, and you are old enough to know what you feel.
I would have printed articles such as ‘Eat When You’re Hungry’ and ‘Breakfast Is Not Needed,’ slapped them on the table, and quietly left the house. Or if I felt petty, I would have dumped breakfast on his head and said, ‘Thank you for the forced meal; it was delicious.'” ThisWillAgeWell
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Father For Leaking My Baby News?
“So my wife got pregnant, and we only told our closest family and a few friends and asked them to keep it secret, as we needed to be sure we would keep the baby after a DNA test that excludes most diseases. The tests were supposed to be done around one month after we told them, so not that long.
What’s important is that I work at my father’s company. It was all good for a week and a half. When I came to work on Friday, a guy who sits in the same office as I do (let’s call him John) started telling some weird crap.
After a while, he told me that my father had told him about me having a baby. A few moments later, my dad came to our room and began speaking very loudly, saying that I had made a great joke about having a baby, in a way that clearly indicated that I was having a baby.
So the whole office could hear it, including some random guy who visits our company once a month or so. A few people from the office congratulated me, while others pretended they hadn’t heard it, as it was not their business. (About John: My dad and he have a very toxic relationship.
John is also a very toxic person, and for the whole week until Friday, my dad was calling him names like “moron,” “idiot,” “fraud,” etc.).
I got mad at him, but it was okay, until my father called me to the office and handed me a note that said, “I told him because he told me he’s having a son.” That was the moment I became furious.
I felt like my secret was not respected at all, but John’s secret was so important that he passed me a note about it so that no one else could hear it. I decided not to talk with my father about anything other than work at this point.
My whole family is mad at me because they think my wish to remain silent is unimportant. They’re all defending my father, saying things like: “He was just happy and just told it,” “He didn’t tell him that you’ll have a child; he just told him that he will also have a child in his family” (he only has 2 kids—me, 1 year after marriage, and my sister, who is divorced and has a 7-year-old child), “He did so much for the family, and you’re overreacting,” and crap like this.
My mother even went so far as to tell me that if I act like this, she isn’t happy anymore and is considering whether she wants to have anything in common with my child. I am extremely furious with my family for not respecting me at all, which has happened before.
So, Am I the Jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father did not tell John about your impending fatherhood because he was “happy” and just couldn’t hold it anymore. He did it to get one-upmanship out of John. He used you as a tool for his stupid competition with John.
It is very childish. Only you can decide whether it is worth going scorched earth over this. If it happened to me, I would probably get over it (in time). Either way, I would put the whole family on an information diet in the future.” Vvvvvhonestopinion
14. AITJ For Abandoning Brownies Because Of Micromanagement In The Kitchen?
“So let me start by saying that my partner was ill this morning; she woke up not feeling too good, with a sore throat and stomach discomfort. I spent most of the day giving her some space, letting her watch her show, making her coffee and tea, cooking her breakfast/lunch, and overall just making sure she was comfortable and happy.
Now comes the argument. I decided I’d make some chocolate brownies so she would have some to take to work and for me to munch on because I like brownies. As I was getting everything out, she came to the kitchen and started to tell me which mixing bowl to use, which I agreed with.
So I grabbed a small measuring cup to melt the butter. She asked why I didn’t just use the mixing bowl and pour the mixture (we bought premixed brownies) in after. Now, I have a certain way I like to do things; call me OCD or just weird, whatever.
I said I preferred to do it this way because I clean my own dishes afterward, so I continued using the small container. As I got the butter out, I was just going to use a spoon to roughly measure the butter that I needed (something like 5 tablespoons) when she then condescendingly said that there’s a measurement on the package of the stick of butter and asked, “Why don’t you just use that instead of making your life so hard?”
By this point, I got annoyed. So I said, “I don’t feel like cooking anymore because you have annoyed me and I’m now not in the mood.” I didn’t raise my voice; I just stated how I felt, packed everything away, and went onto my laptop while she went back to the bedroom.
About 15 minutes later, she came out of the room dressed and ready to go out. So I asked, “Are you going out?” and got a short “Yes” as a reply. She then proceeded to walk out the door without saying goodbye or anything. I did say in a bit of a smart voice, “Not even going to say goodbye?” The reply was what made me start thinking I had actually done something wrong, which was, “Not after acting like that,” before she closed the door and left. Now that she’s home, she has hardly spoken to me, giving me the cold shoulder, and I’m sitting in guilt, wondering if I’m in the wrong or not.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Do either of you know how to communicate? More importantly…. did you make the brownies after she left? Just have a conversation. ESH … your partner is sick so she’s cranky (gets a pass) but your reaction was just immature. ETA — just out of curiosity, why don’t you use the lines on the package to measure out butter?
It’s not a good plan to ‘rough measure’ when baking.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Nobody likes to be micromanaged in the kitchen. If somebody waltzes in and thinks it’s so important that something be done a certain way, then they can do it themselves.
And if they don’t want to do it themselves, then they can be quiet and let me do it in peace. Thank you very much! OP, I don’t blame you for abandoning the brownies. My mama was like your partner. I didn’t cook with her.
NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My wife is an amazing cook and baker. There are a handful of things that are my domain. And she never tells me how to cook, which pan to use, or gives any unsolicited advice. When someone does something nice for you, accept graciously and let them be.
It’s a box of brownie mix, for crap’s sake. Hard to screw it up. You tried all day to allow her to rest as she was ill, and instead of appreciation, you get condescension.” BlindUmpBob
13. AITJ For Calling My Ex A Liar When He Lied About Sleeping With Other Women?
“So my ex (30M) betrayed me during our relationship. This was, of course, a hard moment, and we had a long discussion about it.
I suggested that, if he wanted to, we could open up the relationship because, obviously, he wasn’t capable of being monogamous and I was willing to try (I had been thinking even before our relationship to see if open relationships were more my thing). But he said he wouldn’t be able to share me with somebody else.
I replied that I wanted a balanced relationship, and so if I wasn’t allowed, he also wouldn’t be.
The next thing I know, he says, “Well, I don’t want to make you sad, so I just won’t tell you anymore if I see other women.” To which I replied that this would be a dealbreaker for me, as honesty is very important, and I don’t like living in a lie.
If this were the case, he should just break up with me and get it over with. A few days went by, and he didn’t break up, so I assumed he had accepted my terms and conditions.
In the months after that, he regularly slept over at his “friends'” house, and even though I sometimes doubted it, I didn’t make an issue out of it because I also sometimes go out for a weekend or sleep at my friends’ places, and I value this kind of freedom in a relationship.
A few months later, it came out that he was still seeing other women and not really sleeping at his friends’ place but rather at some other women’s houses. To which, of course, I broke off the relationship because this was really unacceptable. In the course of the breakup, I repeatedly stated that the lying was the biggest issue and that he didn’t respect my boundaries at all.
On top of that, there is, of course, the trust that is broken, and I don’t think it can be mended anymore.
But he still thinks he wasn’t in the wrong because he told me he was just going to lie about it, and thus his “sleeping at friends’ places” cannot be considered a lie.
He thinks I am being a jerk for claiming he is a liar, for telling all our friends my side of the story, and for saying that he is a very “honest” guy always and that he has never lied to me. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your ex partner is a total jerk, and a professional gaslighter at that. He told me he was just going to lie about it and thus his ‘sleeping at friends’ places’ cannot be considered a lie. He thinks I am being a jerk for claiming he is a liar, for telling all our friends my side of the story, and for saying that he is a very ‘honest’ guy always and that he has never lied to me.
Huh?????? Keep moving away from him and don’t look back. You will find someone who wants to be with you and be faithful. Good luck.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“He willingly described himself as a liar and then got angry when you said the exact same thing?
NTJ OP, he is a betrayer who has the nerves to allow himself to do things he won’t let you do. You offered the opportunity of an open relationship, and he refused because he can’t ‘share you with anybody.’?? He is the entire circus.” JauneJauneJauneJaune
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is a liar. What he did is called lying by omission. He didn’t tell you he would betray you but made you think otherwise with his silence. Definitely a lie by omission. He told you he would sleep in a friend’s house but didn’t tell you he would betray you even though he knew it would upset you.
Another lie by omission. You shouldn’t have ignored all the red flags.” SuitableEpitaph
12. AITJ For Considering Moving Out Because My Partner's Dog Is Unsafe?
“I currently rent a townhome with my partner, his dog, and my two small dogs. The problem is that my two dogs and I are not safe. I have been bitten, jumped on, and lunged at by my partner’s 2-year-old GSD.
She has no manners, no training, and destroys everything. I’m at my wit’s end and keep myself and my two loving dogs upstairs, baby-gated off.
I have no issues with large dogs, but the problem is that this GSD gets no exercise and no proper training.
My partner works 10- to 13-hour shifts five days a week. I understand time constraints, but why have a dog if you cannot do anything with them? She gets maybe four hours out of the basement a day. I constantly hear him yelling at her for being rambunctious.
I don’t blame her.
She’s destroyed my couch and chewed holes in the walls of the area where she’s kept for 12 hours a day. I personally do not feel safe around this dog. Anytime I bring up getting her out for exercise, he becomes defensive.
I absolutely understand the bond you can have with dogs; my two are completely my world. But they’re trained, not reactive, not aggressive, and love everyone. I had to battle some reactivity with my oldest after she was lunged at by my partner’s dog.
I have previously brought up professional help, but his only excuse is, “What if she bites someone?” I work the same job as him, but fewer hours. I stick to 10-hour shifts. I meet my dogs’ needs every day, even on days I don’t feel like it.
I have my own two high-energy dogs (Shetland Sheepdogs) that need my attention. I have tried before to bond with this dog, but I genuinely can’t. It was great for the first two months; I gave at least half an hour to playing with her, but she isn’t stable.
Anything I even attempted to train or do with her was undone immediately. I do believe it was her upbringing and possibly not well-bred genetics. She has no off switch. (Which I wouldn’t either if I got no sunlight.)
I am genuinely frustrated as heck.
I can’t stand where I live, and I have an immense amount of anxiety thinking about just being around his dog. Our lease isn’t up until February, but my previous landlord has an opening in mid-November. I want to talk to him about me moving while continuing to pay for electric (it was my share of the expenses).
Is this a good idea, or am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is a bad dog parent, he doesn’t even come home and play with his dog, let alone the fact that a large dog is untrained. Your partner owes you for all repairs to anything that the dog ruined, and the dog needs training classes.
The landlord is going to be very upset when he sees all the damage. Hope he got a large deposit; it sounds like you guys won’t get any back.” demon803
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to think about where you want this relationship to go.
If you’re planning long term, you need to accept his dog like you would accept his children. That means if the dog needs exercise and training, and he is unable to do so, then you take over. The ultimate goal is to have a dog you can stand living with, so make her into that dog.
That your partner got a high-energy dog with more-than-average needs for intellectual stimulation, and that does not at all fit his lifestyle, is another matter. If you’re at the end of your tether regarding the relationship anyway, then move out and call the Humane Society on him for mistreatment, or for having a dangerous animal due to its aggression.” CrankyWife
Another User Comments:
“I understand your frustration with the situation. However, I am curious as to how this will impact your relationship with your partner going forward. Moving out would be a huge step back in the relationship. If you guys plan to proceed in the future, moving out of the house and removing yourself from the problem isn’t an option.
You guys need to find a solution to the issue together. Fleeing will not fix anything. The dog is only 2 years old and will likely be in your partner’s life for many more to come. Maybe consider getting the dog professional training and talk with your partner about how unsafe you are feeling in the space.
It does sound like your partner is neglecting the dog. If he devotes more time to her, it is likely the behavior can be repaired.” imtoorandom
11. AITJ For Prioritizing My Style Over Aisha's Cultural Modesty?
“My co-worker, Aisha (30F), is getting married next month, and she invited a bunch of us from the office to her wedding.
I’m really happy for her, but I had some issues about the dress code she’s requested. Aisha’s wedding is going to be a Muslim ceremony, and she has asked all guests to dress modestly and wear clothes that cover the shoulders, arms, and knees, and so on.
My issues are with the fact that I usually love wearing sleeveless dresses and knee-length skirts to weddings. It’s my personal style, and I feel confident in those outfits.
I reached out to Aisha to clarify the dress code and tried to see if she could make an exception, saying that it’s a bit out of my comfort zone to dress so modestly (specifically, the Arab dresses that I saw online; a lot of them I just wouldn’t like to wear) and that I look and feel my best wearing something as I’ve described. I even suggested that maybe I could wear a dress that’s a bit more conservative but still within my style.
She responded, telling me about the significance of modesty for her culture and how important it is for her wedding. She also iterated that I don’t have to come if the dress code will make me uncomfortable.
Then, back at the office a couple of days later, some of the colleagues plus Aisha were showing each other what they were all wearing for the wedding.
A lot of them bought new Middle Eastern clothing for the first time, and some are going to be wearing western clothing, but had it tailored to be a lot more modest. When I bought mine, I did a bit of research into Lebanese dresses, since Aisha is Lebanese, and I found this really pretty dress!
It was a bit revealing from the back, but I thought it would be fine since it was from the same country. But when I showed them, I could see the disapproval on Aisha’s face, and she asked to speak with me in private. In private, I tried to quickly clarify that I had looked up Lebanese dresses to get a sense of what to get.
She told me I was being rude for ignoring everything she’s told me up to that point, and said that not everyone in Lebanon is Muslim. She’s since gone shopping with me and helped me pick something out, but I honestly still don’t think I was being rude; I just tried to pick a dress from the same country.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It wouldn’t kill you to respect the dress code at someone’s wedding within reason. She is asking for you to dress to her standards of modesty. You won’t melt away if you wore sleeves and a long dress for a few hours one night.
If the issue is you don’t want to buy a new dress, then don’t go. Problem solved. “My issues are with the fact that I usually love wearing sleeveless dresses and knee-length skirts to weddings. It’s my personal style and I feel confident in those outfits.” It’s not your wedding and it’s not about you.
And if you will break down because you don’t feel confident in sleeves for one night, that’s a you problem and not an Aisha problem.” DisneyAddict2021
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you 5 or something? Why must you get your way? If you don’t want to dress a certain way, then don’t go, even the bride told you this.
Wearing one non-revealing outfit for one day won’t kill you, and if it will, then DO NOT GO. Also, you threw in a bit of racism with the “it’s a Lebanese dress” bit. I’m shocked she hasn’t gone to HR. Edit: added punctuation” blackgirlmagicplz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You don’t have to attend a wedding if you’re uncomfortable with the dress code, but often for big ceremonies like this, especially if it is happening at a religious site, you want to respect the cultural practices of those involved. Ex: When in middle school, my sister was invited to a friend’s Bat Mitzvah, the temple had a dress code, and she dressed in accordance with the dress code.
It’s GREAT that you are so confident about wearing what you love to wear, but it’s sort of a jerk move to ask someone to make a dress code exception for you at their wedding. If it bothers you so much, you don’t HAVE to go.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Asking My Mom Not To Bring Her Partner To My Race?
“My (17) parents split up when I was young, but I love them both a ton. I am super happy for them when they’re seeing someone; I just don’t feel incredibly comfortable around their partners. In general, I’m just awkward around adults because everyone I hang out with is my age.
I’m nice and respectful to whoever they’re seeing someone; I just don’t go on vacations with them or go to movies or whatever.
I also don’t like when people come to my basketball games or races to see me play because I feel added pressure and am in my head.
Now that I’m a senior and am relatively good at basketball and running, I am cooler with my mom coming (although it still makes me nervous). I’ve never told her not to; I’ve just said that it’s embarrassing for me when I’m a bench warmer.
So to this story, I’ve got the biggest race of my life Saturday and tons of college coaches will be there. My mom told me she and the current partner she is seeing are coming. I was upset because my mom knows it makes me anxious when people come to my games, and I had only just gotten comfortable with her coming.
I’ve told my mom I don’t like this specific guy because I think he’s a total jerk and that we just have way different values, while also telling her that if she’s happy, I’m happy and always being polite.
To be fair, I am sort of weird in that I live by a strict routine, and little things can throw me off.
I have anxiety and ADHD, so I know my reactions are not typical at times. But she knows how hard I’ve worked to get scholarship offers, and I’ve also communicated in the past, “Please don’t bring your friends to my games.” She’s always been fine with that too.
Then, for my most important race, she’s bringing him without even talking to me before inviting.
Also, a little added context: She keeps getting upset and wearing away at my boundaries with this guy. I’m always very respectful, but it went from “Please just have dinner with us once” (which I agreed to immediately) to then “Please have dinner with us once a week” to then “Please come spend some nights at his house.” And she’ll guilt me when I say no, and I often give in.
It would be weird if I wanted her to regularly spend time with my partner. I know it’s different, but I’m going to be at college soon; it’s not like I’m going to view this guy as a father figure at 17.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Good luck. And I agree that your sporting event isn’t a place to lose focus. That’s what you need to explain to your mom. Nothing about you being an athlete is about her seeing someone’s life. ‘Mom, I’m happy for you.
But, you’re really thirsty for my approval like we switched roles and *I’m* the parent. Can we not do that? High school is hard enough without me being a cheerleader for your seeing someone else’s life, or showing me off to people like I’m your kid trophy.
I’m anxious enough about performing well. This is not stress I can channel into a victory. C’mon.’ NTJ.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a very important race for you and it’s important you feel comfortable and at your best. Your mom should want that for you and be more understanding.
After this race, it might be advisable to start working on setting some boundaries with your mom. If you have to limit your contact with her for a bit to send the message home, that might be for the best. (The only reason I don’t advise doing that right now is in case she decides to be vindictive and ruin your race for you.) Wishing you lots of luck on your race, though!” CowardlyGhost99
Another User Comments:
“Seems to me that you are able to convey all your concerns, emotions, and requests to your mother in a mature, respectable manner… and as your mother, she should respond the same way and understand that you should come first, not her seeing someone life… NTJ.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Standing Up To My Abusive Mom After She Destroyed My Room?
“I (17F) currently live at home with my mom (40F) and my younger brother (10M). My mom and I have had issues for as long as I can remember, but things have been a lot worse as of late. I have been diagnosed with BPD and ADHD, and she refuses to allow me to be medicated. She also tends to use my mental health against me in arguments, which explains what type of person she is.
Yesterday morning, around 3 a.m., I jumped out of my bedroom window to go hang out with two friends (16M and 18M) before my partner (16M) picked me up to go to the mall downstate. The day before this, my mom told me that I had to finish cleaning my room before I did anything.
I had finished cleaning except for sweeping, and it was 3 a.m., and I didn’t want to wake her to ask where the dustpan was. I figured that I could just do it the next day when everyone was awake.
I got home last night, and I saw that my room was DESTROYED. All my posters, pictures, and tapestries were ripped up.
My clothes and shoes were all gone. Right now, I don’t even have a pillow on my bed. I have my bed, desk, and dresser, along with what I had on me at the time I got home. My mom sat me down and spent 20 minutes telling me about how I ruin everyone’s lives, how I’m disreputable, and how she’s kicking me out as soon as possible.
This morning, she texted me and attempted to continue the “argument” from the night prior. I responded by telling her that I’m fed up with her constantly changing her stories, treating me poorly for years, acting as though I owe her for doing what’s legally required, expecting me to bend over backwards for her, and that I hate how she thinks she’s so special because she popped out two kids who never asked to be born.
I also reminded her that BPD is a result of emotional/mental trauma as a young child and mentioned the time she kicked me out of the house in the middle of the night at the age of 12 for saying “jerk” while in the middle of a breakdown.
She left the house about an hour ago with my younger brother, and I’ve had family members texting me to ask why I’m being so terrible to my mom. I’ve told them about her behavior before, but nobody has ever listened. Basically, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She refused you meds to help control your condition. You should tell your family members that you need the meds. I strongly suspect your mom has mental health issues too — like tearing up your room and calling you names. So you might want to ask a family member or a school teacher for help on this.” sarpofun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can you have your friend’s parents come and witness the state your mother left your room in? Can you record this on your phone and save it to the cloud? Have a friend do this also. Please don’t focus on your family’s accusations or their lack of belief.
Your mother may have learned this behavior alongside them or she may have been selling really good lies over the years. This is a long-term problem to resolve with them… and right now your immediate safety is what counts. Try to talk to trusted people at school or work, as well as your friends’ parents.
Maybe your doctor. For me, my friend’s parents and some trusted teachers at school is how I finally got the help I needed with my mother. You aren’t alone, and you can get through this.” Old_Ship_1701
8. AITJ For Demanding My Brother Pay For My Destroyed Car Stickers?
“For context, my brother [18M] and I [20F] both drive cars that are technically the property of our parents (as do all my other siblings, my dad really likes buying cheap cars and fixing them for us.) Recently, the AC in my brother’s car went out, and as I was not actively using my car since I was out of state for the summer, I offered up mine so he wouldn’t have to drive to work in the sweltering KY summer heat.
He lives with my parents, so I didn’t think anything of him borrowing it, since I had it parked at their house anyway and it is technically their car.
Unfortunately, yesterday morning my brother ran off the road while driving my car and damaged some of its interior workings to the point that it cannot run and will be out for a few weeks.
This just so happened to also be the first day I returned to the state and would begin using it again. A little annoying that I won’t have a car for a week or two, but I got over that part pretty quickly.
What really bothers me is that today while inspecting the damage with my father, I noticed that most of my car stickers had been peeled off!
My family have never been fans of my stickers to begin with, as they were sometimes a little strange or embarrassing (ex: I had one that said “Daddy on Board”, which did not impress them like it had me LMAO) and had asked me several times over the years to take them off, however they cause absolutely no damage to the car and it really doesn’t affect them at all, so I kept them on.
Regardless, there were many that had significant sentimental value to me and honestly were kind of expensive! So not only did they remove things I truly loved and cherished, but they basically destroyed more than $60 worth of stickers that I really don’t have the money to try and replace.
When I expressed my upset with the blatant disregard for my feelings, I was met with no sympathy and basically was told that he did me a favor.
I want my brother to pay me back for the value of the stickers, but my parents are telling me I’m being dramatic.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Are you even sure it was your brother who removed the stickers? You keep saying “they” a lot when talking about how your family seems to dislike the stickers. It sounds like a pretty good chance that your parents could have removed them when it was being repaired.” _Smegma-0n-Demand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but to be clear about damage, if the stickers are on a painted surface for a long time, they can cause “damage.” It’s in quotes because technically, it’s protecting a spot from sun damage. The paint around the sticker will be more faded than the paint beneath.” User
7. AITJ For Disabling Our Alarms And Letting My Partner Sleep In?
“I (28M) live with my (26F) partner. I’ll spare the context because it’s not important and cut to the chase. My partner and I had a long talk last night (Saturday) about how work is stressful, there’s so much “adulting” going on, and overall we’re burnt out.
She went on about how her mental load is weighing on her, but she still believes that being progressive, going to the gym, meal prepping, and maintaining the cleaning of the house is a top priority.
We generally get 7-8 hours of sleep a night, work our regular 8-5 schedule, hit the gym for an hour, get home for dinner and a quick clean-up, and I’ll typically hop on my game while she preps for her day tomorrow.
She’s very on top of things and has a very “go, go, go” mentality. It’s no wonder she’s so tired; she never stops moving.
I suggested potentially sleeping in tomorrow (Sunday) and taking the day to rest. She says she would love to, but she had (insert list of household chores and errands) that had to be done.
I knew that sleeping in until noon would not disturb the entire day she had planned. She needed someone to let her sleep in so she wouldn’t be mentally exhausted.
This is where I think I’m the jerk. I disabled both of our alarms. Typically, she gets up at 8 a.m. on the weekends and starts her day.
She slept until 1 p.m. and never budged. I made sure to be extremely quiet around the house. I took the day to relax as well, played my game, and periodically checked in to make sure she was resting.
When she woke up a little after 1 p.m., she was freaking out.
She said she missed her Sams Club pick-up and she can’t believe she didn’t wake up. I told her I let her sleep in, and she absolutely lost it on me.
I feel I may partially be to blame because, as she stated before running out of the house to catch up on her Sunday errands, I could have at least checked some things off her to-do list since I was awake and playing games all morning.
She didn’t want to sleep in; it did not make her feel rested, and now she has to cram the rest of the day to make up for her shortcomings.
I agree that in hindsight I should have remembered to pick up the grocery order, or begun laundry, or prepared the meals for the week.
I think it’s unfair that I try to help her out and give her the morning to rest and relax, and now she’s angrier than ever. I had very good intentions; I just wanted her to be happy and less stressed.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You thought you’d override her plans even though she told you she had a bunch of errands and yet it never occurred to you to try and lift some of that burden by doing some of the tasks yourself instead of playing games???? YTJ. You are not a child to be so thoughtless.
What you did wasn’t considerate, because all you did was make the list of chores she had to do more stressful as she had less time to do them.” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, so instead of helping her during the week and on that Sunday when you so graciously let her sleep till noon, you just sat and played your game?
Like, seriously, it didn’t cross your mind that the reason she is so stressed and tired is because she does most of the chores? So you ruined her Sunday as she had to rush to complete the chores while you played and wonder why she’s angry?
I see why the topic of adulting came up, I see only one adult Edited for typo” ThrowRA_oddcat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A way to reduce stress is to do the chores, wake her with a cup of tea, and give her breakfast. 1 p.m. is 5 hours less day.
My full-time working day is only 7 hours, for goodness’ sake. A way to ruin someone’s week is to manipulate their day so that they have half the time, meaning even more stress with things spilling over, a messed-up body clock, whilst you doss around on your butt playing computer games.” evelynsmee
6. AITJ For Suggesting A Women’s Tech Group When My Partner Feels Excluded?
“I (32M) am a web developer and my partner (26F) is also in tech and works in embedded systems or something similar to that. She often complains about being a victim of sexism and exclusion. This happens at her job, where she claims they exclude her from meetings about design decisions and just take all the decisions and tell her to do things.
We work at different companies, so I am not sure about what happens exactly, but it is quite typical to wait for newcomers to get experience and not burden developers with meetings.
I have suggested getting another job in the past, but she claims that she feels this job is stable and that now is not a good time for her to risk switching jobs.
She joined the place 8 months ago but had similar issues with the old place. Personally, I have worked in tech for a little longer than her and have not really seen what she describes at the places I work. She, in fact, just finished a master’s while doing her job and these extra hobby things, and in the industry, such qualified people are highly sought after.
I have a degree in marketing and am self-taught / took a 6-month coding bootcamp, and have never faced any issues besides with getting interviews for my first job.
This is just some background info and not what she was complaining about now, however. She is in some hobbyist groups for tech and recently attended something where they have fun building stuff over the weekend.
She came back and was irate, and said that people were not including her and that she felt left out of the project. She claimed they misled her to work on something else, which they did not include in the final project, and said she was capable of doing the project while they failed to complete it properly.
She was confident she could have done a better job.
I tried to comfort her and told her she should join a tech group for women, as there are plenty of them and they are always looking for members. She got angry with me and said she “doesn’t want to be exiled into some generic women group and wants to participate in the regular groups” and claimed that my suggestion is part of the problem.
AITJ: Here, I was just trying to help, but she also said that most of those groups are for general programming things or machine learning and not what she likes.”
Another User Comments:
“Look dude, at best you’re naive and at worst you’re a misogynistic jerk who is part of the problem.
Plain and simple, you wouldn’t experience the sexism and exclusion your partner is claiming because you’re a man with automatic entry into the boys club that is the tech industry. Sure, you don’t know exactly what your partner is going through at work, if she’s embellishing the story, or if it’s actually happening, but what she is talking about is a real problem for many women in the industry, in most industries.
Women are excluded often just because they are women regardless of skill, education, experience, whatever. Apologize to her and do some studying to make sure you aren’t part of the problem.” Witch_wicked
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She shouldn’t have to join a women’s group to succeed in tech.
The tech world is particularly unfair for women. You don’t even have a degree, but just being male is enough to move up in the industry. She has a master’s and it’s not enough. Do you even recognize the unfairness of the situation?” Still7Superbaby7
5. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Sister For A Fake Lottery Ticket?
“It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago. My sister always buys people scratch tickets as gifts. It’s honestly kind of annoying. However, this year, when I got it, I did the standard procedure: scratch it off, look at it, and move on. But this time, I saw that I had “won.” Over $300k, to be exact.
Now, my financial situation is rough at the moment, to say the least, so I just froze. I’m pretty sure I went into shock, just staring at the ticket. At some point, I started crying. I know this is a lot of money for anyone, but this would have been life-changing for me, had it been real. I got up and hugged my sister, then sat back down, sobbing.
(Happy tears.) I would have time to find a better job without having to worry about rent. I could get my car fixed, or get a new one. I was going wild thinking of the possibilities and the financial wiggle room.
Then, I actually looked at my sister.
She looked… nervous… She saw me looking at her and looked down at the floor. Then, she informed me that the ticket wasn’t real. It turned out that it was one of those prank ones. I didn’t say anything. I just switched to angry, devastated tears, and left. (This was at my parents’ house.)
I’ve been furious for the past few weeks. My family is telling me that this was starting to get excessive and that I should let it go. Admittedly, I hadn’t told my family the extent of my struggles, but I still feel like this was cruel of her.
I knew that fake tickets existed, but I didn’t think of them because 1. Utter shock. 2. I always thought fake ones were multi-million winners, so it just didn’t click. So I don’t know. Am I in the wrong with this? I haven’t spoken to my sister since then, and I have ignored all her attempts to contact me.
My family, (mostly parents and other siblings), are telling me that she made a bad choice but she didn’t mean any actual harm, and that I should forgive, even if I can’t forget. The issue is, I don’t think I can forgive, and there’s no chance of me ever forgetting.
But am I in the wrong with this? Am I being too harsh, even if I’m not? I’m not going to go completely NC, but I am not talking to her at the moment. Even if we do start talking regularly again, I don’t know if we can recover from this.
I would appreciate some feedback.”
Another User Comments:
“I hate those things and I think the emotional roller-coaster a person goes through when they think they’ve won only to be completely dashed on the preverbal rocks is just horrible. You’re NTJ. Your sister is for knowing your situation and thinking “Yeah, let’s get her hopes all the way up and then crush her!
That’ll be hilarious!” I wish you peace and a real winning lottery ticket.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hold that grudge for the rest of your life if needed. Fake scratch offs are basically being told “Hey, your dream came true!!! You no longer have to be an indentured slave to life!!!!!” only to kick you in the nuts and call you a jerk for thinking anything lucky could happen to you.
I know it wasn’t nearly enough for that, but 300k can seriously make or break a life. Fake scratch offs should honestly be illegal.” McXaven
Another User Comments:
“You are the one who has been hurt. You are the one deciding when you are ready.
You aren’t too harsh refusing contact with someone you can’t forgive. By the way, what your family is asking is more to get over it quickly as this isn’t comfortable for them. You aren’t anywhere near forgiving and getting over it before being ready, or after some healing, or not at all; it is entirely up to you.
Edit NTJ” GrouchySteam
4. AITJ For Getting Mad At House Flippers For Taking My Tanks?
“Long story short, some house flippers. An older couple in their 60s bought the house across the street, and it is now for sale. Right before they put it on the market, they approached me and offered to have a landscaper tame my front lawn that was overgrown and helped me get rid of a bunch of junk I had on my front porch.
They claimed to want to help a single mom, but they were really trying to make crap look nice to help sell the house. The entire time, they kept making comments about how I could make things look better after they were done and expected me to do these things with a 3- and 6-year-old on top of working 55 hours a week.
I had a 40-gal breeder reptile tank with a lid, which I paid $175 for when it was new 5 years ago, and a 55-gal tall tank that I bought for $115 a few years back. I don’t need these tanks anymore, and I contacted a local wildlife rescue I use regularly and offered to donate them.
I’m known as the animal lady, so people bring me injured animals all the time. I know the lady of this rescue on a first-name basis. The rescue was ecstatic to have them and made room for them and everything.
The house flippers offered to deliver these for me after taking a small pile of junk to the junkyard, as they had room for it on the junk pile they were already taking.
They didn’t. They took them and gave them to a family member without asking or even telling me they were going to. The rescue contacted me a couple of weeks later asking about them, and when I asked, I was told they gave them away and considered it a fair swap.
I’m angry. I have their number, since they had me text them the address of the rescue. I messaged asking them to either (a) return the tanks to either me or the rescue, or (b) make a donation to the rescue, as it was technically them who stole these from me.
They now won’t return my messages, so I left a note on the house across the street saying “please contact me about the items you stole – Name”. They took it, and there is still no contact. Would I be the jerk if I made progressively larger and larger signs to leave at the house for them?
I don’t want to involve law enforcement yet, but that is my next step. Am I being overly petty?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DO IT! Thieves should be forced to pay. Though I don’t know about leaving it at their house, might get charged with trespassing, but nothing stops you from posting a sign saying “Neighbors at XXX, please return the stolen property” on YOUR lawn.” Sunny_Hill_1
3. AITJ For Prioritizing My Style Over My Friend’s Struggle To Find Fitting Jeans?
“So, a friend Emma (24F) and I (24F) went shopping the other day. She’s giving me a bit of grief over my purchase, and I want to know if this was a jerk move because I didn’t think this was a wrong thing to do.
For context, I’m normally a size 8/10 in jeans. Emma is a size 12/14. Admittedly, it’s easy for me to shop, and I’ve got a few pairs of jeans that fit me well. Emma finds it hard to find pairs that she feels fit well and make her look good.
We’ve got a party to go to in a couple of weeks, so we decided to go shopping. We looked in a few shops (H&M, Primark, etc.) and I didn’t really find any that I liked. The quality wasn’t great. I wanted an oversized pair of jeans because I don’t have any, and I bought this cute top the other week, which would look great with an oversized pair.
I was going for a little top, big pants vibe.
In the end, I saw a really nice pair that was a size 14. I wanted to buy them and have the waist taken in so that they would actually fit me. Coincidentally, Emma also liked them.
They were also the only pair she liked that day and wanted to buy. I bought them anyway when she was trying on other clothes because we were running late and didn’t have time to talk about it.
We live in the same flat (we have two other flatmates), and we did a little clothing haul to show off what we bought.
Emma was really surprised that I bought the jeans because I’m “skinny enough to buy literally any other pair.” I thought that was a bit weird of her to say, so I just put them back in the bag and cooked dinner.
Later, Emma tried to persuade me to share the jeans with her because we both wanted them and it wouldn’t be a hassle to swap them back and forth given we live together.
I said, “No, who does that?” I don’t share any of my clothes with any of my friends, and I told her that we could go back tomorrow and see if they had another pair. It turned out that they didn’t, and the pair I bought was the last in a size 14, but they had a size 12 and size 16 left.
Emma again tried to persuade me into letting her have the jeans, and she said that she would buy me a size 12. When I tried them on, they weren’t baggy enough for my liking (and the size 16 was too baggy), so I said that I was keeping the jeans I bought.
She’s now annoyed with me once again because I can find any pair of jeans that will look good on me, but I’m willingly choosing to buy a rare pair of jeans that she likes and will look good on her.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who exclusively wears oversized jeans, YTJ. YTJ so much, dude. I have one pair of jeans I wear pretty much all the time; they’re about three sizes too big, and I bought them online. I’m also midsize and understand the hassle of trying to buy things that fit and don’t look ugly as crap on me.
You are skinny. You have all of the options in the entire shop. You could’ve chosen any pair of jeans that were one size too big, and you decided on the only pair your bigger friend felt comfortable in? What the heck is wrong with you?” Wilted_beast
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for all the reasons others have listed, but especially for the Goldilocks nonsense of ‘the 12 wasn’t baggy enough and the 16 was too baggy.’ If you’re planning to have the jeans taken in anyway, buy the 16 and have them taken in all over.
YTJ also for suggesting that your friend is weird for asking to share the jeans. It’d be fine to say, ‘I’d rather not do that,’ but it’s not okay to gaslight her into thinking something normal is weird. My roommates and I shared clothes all the time when I lived with roommates.
It’d be weird to share a toothbrush. There’s literally a book/movie about friends sharing a pair of jeans.” cainframe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Did she have a strong claim to these jeans? No. Would you have likely found another pair that suited your needs?
Yeah, probably. Is it a jerk move to buy the jeans that would fit her and double down on keeping them even when you know she has long-term struggles with this? Yeah, it is. It’s not about who has a ‘right’ to the jeans. It’s about you putting a slightly different fit of jeans above doing something kind for a friend.
You don’t have to give up the jeans, but you do have to accept that you’re being a bit of a jerk to a friend when you could choose to be kind.” Fancy-Association
2. AITJ For Suggesting A Christmas Card With Only My Daughter?
“I (37) have recently asked my wife, Lydia(33), to consider taking a family picture without her kids this year. My wife and I got married 3 years ago after having our first child together, Alice(3). When we got together, she had already had two kids (14m & 9f.), both of whom are from different dads.
We were seeing each other for 5 years before getting married.
When I introduced Lydia to my family, they were very judgmental about her choices. They said she had a “colorful past” and was not a woman to settle down with. I clearly ignored this, but that was not the end of their banter.
Both of our families love Christmas. We start decorating just before Thanksgiving and completely go out from there. My mom has very special traditions surrounding this, including getting family photos taken for holiday cards, and I have wanted to keep them.
Our daughter’s birthday is also in December, on the fourth.
Lydia wanted to plan something special for Alice’s birthday, considering this would be her golden birthday. She was also thinking of so many fun family-themed cards to send to our families. I could tell this was incredibly important to her, so I had no idea how I would even bring this up to her.
Recently, Lydia and I discussed me adopting her kids. I told my family about this, and they weren’t very supportive (not unusual). They asked me “What would people think?” and it made me think as well. My family adores Alice but not so much the other two.
So I’ve avoided telling her this for over three weeks.
I suggested we talk about it later, so after Lydia put Alice down, I waited until she brought up Christmas again that night and straight up asked her: “How do you feel about just taking a Christmas card with Alice this year?”
Lydia paused and asked if I was joking. Once she realized I wasn’t, she got out of bed, leaving our room and storming down the upstairs hall. She started waking the kids up and telling them to get in the car. She wouldn’t speak to me as she was grabbing her keys.
When the door slammed, Alice was crying very loudly. The next morning, Lydia called me to say that she had gone to her brothers’ house and would come back in a few days. I know that Lydia will be back this week, and I’m freaking out about all of this, so I need to know how to explain it all to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The kindest thing I can possibly say to you is YTJ. How about you cut the umbilical cord from your judgmental family and grow up. You’re not doing Lydia a favor by “ignoring” your family’s opinions and then very clearly showing her that you didn’t fall far from the rotten tree.
God, I can only imagine how her heart broke thinking about allowing someone like you to adopt her children, and you turn around and try to pretend like her children don’t exist.” Consistent_Ad460
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve managed to blow up your marriage and haven’t even heard the explosion.
She now recognizes that you’re the evil stepfather that she doesn’t want to expose her kids to anymore. Yes, she’ll be back. Probably with her brother but not her kids. They will pack up her things and leave for good. I’m not optimistic that even a plea of temporary insanity will help at this point.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – How could you not be? You’re asking your wife to leave out 2/3 of her biological children because *your* family doesn’t like her “colorful past”. You let them influence you into thinking adopting them is a bad decision. Which, if this is how you act, it is.
Because you’re not even attempting to stand up for your would-be children. You need to put some distance between your family because they keep degrading your wife and you’re allowing it.” Ok_Job_9417
1. AITJ For Putting My Anxious Son In Therapy Against My Ex's Wishes?
“I (37F) have a son (10M) who is my everything. His father (M52) and I have been separated since my son turned three. The reason for our separation is not important to the story, but if anyone thinks it is, I’ll add it. For the past six to eight months, my son has been an anxious wreck about random things, and I’ve been unable to figure out the issue.
All three of my children have a weekly chore list. It all fits their age, and I think it teaches life skills. I allow them to complete them anytime throughout the week, and I offer to help/participate 80% of the time. He has a maximum of three chores a week, including emptying the dishwasher, cleaning his room, and helping me with laundry.
I don’t think chores are a big deal at all. He’s a kid and he forgets sometimes. I would never ever be mad at him for this; instead, I offer to do it with him. I believe all kids should learn basic life skills and that they deserve my respect.
I would never raise my voice; instead, we talk through whatever situation is happening.
However, he’s been getting extremely anxious over his chores. If he puts away a bowl that isn’t clean enough, forgets something on his floor when cleaning, or does anything similar, he will basically be shaking and apologizing.
I have tried for so long to figure out what is causing him to feel this way. I have never once yelled at him. Why would I ever be mad at a nine-year-old for not doing chores “perfectly” every time? It will always be fixable and a good teaching moment for my son to grow up patient and loving.
I talked to my ex about this and asked if he thinks we should put him into therapy. My ex said that he doesn’t think that’s necessary: he’s a kid and not a “shrink patient,” and we don’t need to make him feel crazy.
I asked if he exhibits the same anxious behavior at his house (my ex gives my son a lot more chores), and he said no. However, he also said that my son “doesn’t mess up” the way he “does with me” because my ex-husband “doesn’t allow it,” and that he won’t allow me to put my son into therapy.
I don’t know what to do. He and his mom (my son’s grandma) are both telling me I would be an awful mother for putting him in therapy, but I hate seeing my son so anxious for just being a kid. I’m worried my ex could be the reason for my son’s anxiety, but I have no proof, and my son, who normally tells me everything, won’t open up.
WIBTJ for putting my son in therapy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, big time. You noticed concerning behavior in your child, and you have no idea what the heck is happening. You are choosing to have a professional try to see what is going on and make sure that whatever is causing it gets identified and addressed. Your approach is 100% appropriate and far better than just ignoring your son’s issues, hoping that they sort themselves out.” Pesec1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get the kid to a therapist, stat. Your ex “doesn’t allow” him to mess up? To the point where the boy associates missing a detail with consequences so horrible that the mere thought of them leaves him shaking and apologizing? Of course, your ex and your ex-MIL don’t want him to open up about the way they may be treating him.
Go against the ex’s wishes, get the kid a therapist—or maybe go together to a family therapist, so he tells both you and the therapist what’s going on—and you might find yourself needing to revise the visitation rights.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — he needs a therapist. I have ADHD, and this sort of response I experienced as a kid from an aunt is literally the reason I do not speak to that aunt and never plan to again.
Your ex is likely afraid that it will get out that he is mistreating your son. Talk to a lawyer, as a bunch of internet strangers are not likely to be qualified legal counsel, and make certain your son knows he is safe with you.
But seriously, a lawyer will be able to help more than anyone on Reddit, as there may be a clause in the custody agreement between you and your ex that states he has a say in any treatment that could be considered elective. That includes mental health assistance such as a therapist.” Odd-Skirt6679
