People Feel Alienated In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
27. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Competing With My Cooking?
“I (27F) and my partner (29M) are staying with my parents just for a few weeks.
We already got approved for an apartment and are just waiting for the move-in date. We’ve been with my mom for 2 weeks so far, and we’ve both been helping with cleaning, with me cooking, and I do work a full-time job. I never mind cleaning or cooking if my mom doesn’t feel like it or is too tired that day.
The problem is, whenever I cook something, she always asks my dad, “Is it better than mine?” or “But does it taste like mine?” or even “Do you like hers more?” If I ever happen to make a traditional dish or something she showed me to make, I usually just ignore it.
Honestly, I don’t really care if it is or isn’t “better” than hers. Considering my mom is the person who taught me to cook, I don’t really know why it wouldn’t taste like hers. I don’t think it’s better; to be honest, I always love my mom’s cooking more than mine, but I will say I’ve been told I’m a good cook as well.
Finally, the other day I got frustrated when I made some plátanos fritos (fried plantain), and the first thing she said, before my dad even took a bite, was “Does it taste better than mine?” I finally snapped and said, “So what if it does?
You literally taught me how to cook! Shouldn’t you be happy or proud that my food tastes as good as yours? Do you want my cooking to be terrible? Do you want to just do all the cooking again so you don’t feel like it’s a competition?” She did apologize half-heartedly, but did say I can’t speak to her in her house like that, and that since she’s helping us I have to just sit there and accept her “advice.” The only compromise I can think of is making a bunch of dishes I taught myself to make, or dishes not from our country so she can’t ask if it’s better than hers since she’s never made them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s frustrating. But don’t bite the hand that feeds, ironically, or is giving you a place to live at the moment. And I feel bad for your dad; she is fishing for compliments and laying a trap for him. Making dishes that she isn’t competing with you at sounds like the best option.
And have you been helping, or not, with cleaning; the ‘noth’ is a bit confusing.” GamesDontStop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re going to keep hearing this as long as she needs validation from your father that she’s still a good cook (so weird). Yes, you should absolutely stop cooking what she would cook and just do your other specialties.” NGDGUnpunished
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I never understood parents that are jealous or compete with their children like what happened to them that makes this a thing?” BallComprehensive737
26. AITJ For Calling My Sister's New Partner A Gold Digger At My Dad's Birthday?
“My sister, my wife, my parents, and my sister’s new partner Mark go out for my dad’s birthday. It’s an upscale steakhouse and my wife and I are supposed to treat my dad.
My sister and Mark are supposed to pick up my mom’s side. Mom got a bottle of red wine for $140. My sister knows our parents’ taste before going in on this. My sister pulled me aside, asking if we could get my mom’s side because they were broke and she’d pay me back.
Mark had just lost his job.
There was this whiskey flight my dad got that was almost $200, but then Mark decided to get the same thing after my sister said she couldn’t afford Mom’s bill because Mark wasn’t working. I was silent on this, but I cornered Mark in the restroom about it.
I found out my sister was paying for him also because that guy just lost his job. I called Mark in front of the bathroom attendant a broke-ass jerk gold digger and yelled at him about his nonsense. He told me he “didn’t take my parents to raise.”
I’m angry. So say something when they bring out this cake for my dad and Mark helps himself to another piece of cake instead of letting my parents take the rest home. I told my family that for not “taking my parents to raise,” Mark seemed to be a greedy jerk.
I told my parents and sister what he said.
My dad asks him to leave the party and my sister was going to pay the bill. My dad took it from my sister, saying real men pay the bills and my dad would go without before his wife and children went without, and my sister needs to save her money and make better life choices.
Mark and my sister got in a huge fight and my sister blames me for it because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about Mark. I told my sister at least she could dump the gold digger now, and my sister blocked me.”
Another User Comments:
“Your dad chose an extravagant whisky flight and your mom an expensive wine when they knew their kids would be paying. Unless they knew you were both earning good money and were financially secure, that seems a bit of a jerk move. Your sister’s partner jumped on the bandwagon and ordered well beyond his means.
That makes him a jerk. Your sister trying to leverage you into covering more of the bill and keeping it secret is also a jerk move. You cornering someone in the toilet and cursing them is impolite and threatening, making you a jerk. So, ESH ” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ from now on his name is Goldie in your house. Keep telling your sister you love her, and that a person can’t always control who they get attracted to. But it’s her value and dignity that she’s throwing away on a man who’s using her, and you know her better than that.
She’ll be heartbroken for a while, but she needs to get rid of the guy because he’s taking up space and time she should be spending looking for a good man.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH. There’s a lot going on here that stinks.
Parents ordering obnoxiously expensive items, Mark ordering the whiskey flight without checking in with his partner, your sister not stopping Mark from ordering said flight, your sister agreeing beforehand to pay for half a dinner that she couldn’t afford – flight or no flight – and you for choosing a steakhouse, which is notorious for dinners costing hundreds of dollars.
I say the latter point because you described Mark as a new partner. Are you, and your father, under the impression that a new partner would take on the financial responsibility to help host his partner’s family party?” iheartwords
25. AITJ For Banning My Roommate's GF From Our Shared Space?
“Around 6 months ago, my roommate Brian (23M) and I (23M) met Amanda (25F) at a mutual friend’s housewarming. We found out Amanda lived across the street from us, and the three of us became friends. Within a month, Brian and Amanda were in a relationship.
Since they began their relationship, my opinion on Amanda has soured. She tries to be controlling, and she’s insanely insecure about Brian’s other female friends. I also find some of her quirks and habits annoying.
To elaborate on one of those, one thing I find super annoying is that she makes a mess every time she eats in our apartment.
She always leaves spills and crumbs on our tables and floor. These often go uncleaned for days until I nag Brian about it, which is annoying. She’s also pretty sloppy when she gets tipsy at ours. Maybe she’s just clumsy, right? Well, she’s neurotic in her own apartment.
She eats as delicately as if she’s at a Michelin restaurant. If someone spills even a drop, she gets the most obviously pained and upset look on her face.
I have more stories for both cases if y’all want. But my final straw was last weekend.
Brian and I had some friends over to drink. One night, Amanda spilled a full drink, dropped and broke a shot glass, and shattered a drinking glass when she accidentally pushed it off the table.
I told Brian I no longer wanted Amanda in our apartment, or at least in our shared space, since I’m tired of her messing up our clean apartment.
He pushed back a bit and promised he would make her clean up after herself, but I held firm because I didn’t trust her, and he eventually agreed. He let Amanda know, and she’s been sending me angry texts. Brian lives here too, and he has a right to bring guests to our shared space.
She didn’t know I hated her so much, and she’ll make sure I rarely have to interact with her. I told her she wasn’t allowed until she could respect our space as much as her own. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s dominating you both by deliberately being a sloppy pig in your space.
And she clearly has a booze issue. And the angry texts directed at you because of her poor behavior are typical of a top-flight narcissist. She’s a total jerk, and your roommate needs to dump her as soon as possible. For future reference, “don’t crap where you eat” also applies to hooking up with people you can’t escape because they live across the street.” Independent_Tie_4984
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like Miss Thing is trying to annoy you out of being her partner’s roommate. She obviously knows how to behave in her own space, so her bringing a constant mess and destruction to yours makes me suspicious. I’ve seen women do way worse to their guy’s female roommates.
They are so jealous they can’t see you as anything but competition – or they want you out so their own rent goes down 50% or to zero if they can move in when they’re rid of you. Have to watch out for the sneaky ones.
NTJ.” forgetregret1day
Another User Comments:
“I can see your roommate enjoying Amanda in his own room. But, I take no issue with her not being welcome in common areas because she has so greatly offended you. His room seems a reasonable compromise to me because she doesn’t actually live there and he can visit her across the street.
So, YWBTJ only if you can’t compromise about her being allowed in his room.” AndSoItGoes24
24. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Estranged Stepsister Stay With Me?
“My mom called me last week and told me that my stepsister (25f) was stranded with nowhere to go. I (25m) have not seen or spoken to her in 7 years and said no to her staying overnight with me. I told my mom the names of a couple of safe hotels, considering that as my effort to help.
My mom was irate. She asked me why I wasn’t willing to let her stay, and I said someone I had not spoken to or seen in 7 years was basically a stranger, and I didn’t want her in my place for that reason. Not to mention, I live with roommates, so it’s not like it’s my decision alone.
I have known my stepsister since we were 7, but we did not bond as siblings despite living in the same house, and we never cared enough about each other to stay in touch once we moved out for college. I don’t know if she still feels the same, but we used to consider ourselves only children, and I still consider myself an only child.
She’s in no way close to my mom. I’m okay with her dad, but I’m nowhere near as close to him as I am with my mom.
The news that we had not had any contact in 7 years was news to my mom, and she promptly dropped it.
But her husband and her MIL were furious that I would think of that as a good excuse to leave a young woman in a strange (to her) place without somewhere to go. They said we were family, and I didn’t even ask my roommates.
I just said no. They told me that I should be ashamed and disgusted with myself. He told me he would expect the same of her if she were in my shoes, and asked how I could not feel bad about leaving her with possibly nowhere safe to stay.
She couldn’t get a room anywhere, so I think she stayed overnight at the bus station and waited for a bus she could catch the next morning. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother and her husband can send her money for her to stay in a hotel if they care about her.
You don’t seem close and don’t contact each other for 7 years. I don’t know why your mother thinks you will accept her in your place. Don’t feel bad; she has other options that she doesn’t use and chooses to wait at a bus station.” Mysterious-Bag-5283
Another User Comments:
“Esh, I let an ex-friend stay over when she was stranded. Mom, for not knowing you haven’t spoken in 7 years. You for ignoring the fact that even though you aren’t siblings, you are civil, so one night wouldn’t have hurt.
She wasn’t asking you to take her in to live. Stepsister, because she should have asked herself. I don’t care for my cousin, but he needed a place to crash during his flight cancellation. He’s not rude; we just don’t get along.
I sent him my address; he came over, slept, and left the next morning. I offered him a ride to the airport; he gave me $50 even though I didn’t ask, and then left. He’s just someone I don’t click with, but I wouldn’t leave him stranded. It was like we were cordial strangers.
If I felt he was a threat, I would have never invited him. I don’t know—people just get further and further from being nice. I could understand if y’all had some type of war going on, but you admitted y’all don’t have that.
We just never clicked.” Far_Nefariousness773
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know, probably going to get downvoted, but it was pretty cold. I’d say yeah, YTJ for not even caring enough to ask your roommates. You literally just didn’t care if she was stranded, so I just hope that you never end up in the same position.
Everyone here is saying there were options and she’s a grown woman, blah blah blah, but it depends. Where I live, the hotels are always booked up; you can’t just walk in and get a room. There’s no Uber, and taxis don’t run all night; his stepsister could quite literally have been stranded all night.
I would have asked my roommates instead of being cold about it. You haven’t mentioned any reason why you dislike her—just simply, you don’t care because you haven’t spoken. Whatever happened to being kind and looking out for one another? No one technically has to do anything for anyone, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a jerk thing to do.
I just hope it was worth damaging your relationship with your family.” TheSuperAlly
23. AITJ For Celebrating Finnish Culture By Reading Moomins To My Son Despite My Husband's Homophobic Rants?
“So I (33F) and my husband (34M) had an argument about the book I read to our 7-year-old son. I’m using a throwaway account because I don’t like posting on my main.
The book I read to him is called “Moominland Midwinter.” It is a book by Finnish writer and illustrator, Tove Jansson. I was born and raised in Finland. I grew up with the Moomins, and I really want them to be part of my son’s life too.
But when my husband found out about it, he got really mad.
He said that “the illustrations were too scary for kids” and that he had done some research on Tove Jansson and found out she was queer. I asked him what was wrong with being queer, and he said “Nothing is wrong with being queer, but people should stop showing things made by queer people to kids.”
I got really mad at him for saying something like that; I felt that it was very homophobic of him to say. So I got mad at him and we had a big argument. I told him that I wanted our son to be more connected with the Finnish culture and heritage and that the Moomins are a big part of it.
He told me that he “doesn’t care” and that he would not allow it, since the Finnish culture would “turn him into a homosexual.” When he said that, I exploded and kicked him out of the apartment. I told him he’s not allowed to come back until I’ve sorted my feelings out and that he could stay with his parents in the meantime.
I feel so confused and angry at him. He has never said anything like that in the 11 years we’ve been together, and I’m starting to wonder if I married someone who has put on a fake personality of some sort. This all happened yesterday and I haven’t talked to him since.
I told one of my friends about it, and she said that I overreacted and it wasn’t that serious.
So now I’m here to ask, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So you just found out that your life partner is homophobic and also against you sharing your heritage with your child because he thinks it is unfit.
These conflicts of interest are not going to diminish because you kicked him out temporarily. He has now made his feelings known and it is up to you to decide if these facts about your life partner are deal-breakers for you. Clearly these are views he has kept to himself until now, and he doesn’t sound open to discussion.
This is who he is. The ball is in your court. I wish you luck and hope you make good decisions for both yourself and your child.” MercyForNone
Another User Comments:
“What the heck? This is way bigger than a book. Your husband is a homophobic jerk.
Has something happened recently that might have triggered this? I just looked up Moomin characters. They look delightful. You are never a jerk for sharing your culture like this. NTJ. Edit to add – I hope he isn’t into Harry Potter; be sure Dumbledore is supposedly gay.” Maximum-Ear1745
22. AITJ For Not Cooking On My PMS Days?
“My partner (30m) and I (25f) live together and have been together for 3 years. We both work from home, and we are both in charge of household stuff. I cook more than he does because I enjoy it sometimes. And we have a lady working at our place who helps us some days a week.
This is also important for context: I get horrible PMS symptoms, and I also suffer a lot when I’m ovulating, so I’m only feeling 100% myself/fine for 2 weeks a month. For the other 2 weeks, I’m suffering from PMS or ovulation.
I usually get nausea, stomach bloating, pain, and headaches.
It affects my mood; I get extremely anxious, and it’s debilitating. I’ve gone to the OBGYN. She always recommends the pill, which is stressful for me because it seems like they prescribe the pill for everything.
I don’t wish to take it, have never tried it, and would not want to because I’ve heard horror stories from friends.
Also, I’ve done my research and just would not want to go through that. I am also aware that there are girls out there who try them and have no issues. I just would rather not risk it.
Today, I’m ovulating, so I started to feel off in the afternoon.
I waited until I was done with work to rest in bed. I was dizzy, bloated, and just wanted to rest. Then, at around 8 p.m., my partner asks me what we’re going to eat. I told him I didn’t know, that I probably wouldn’t eat anything because I wasn’t feeling up to cooking or ordering delivery food.
I just didn’t feel like eating.
This brought up a conversation about how much I suffer each month due to my cycle, and how I should try taking the pill because when my partner needs me, I’m just going to be sick and lazy because I’m unwell.
He then said he wouldn’t eat anything, since it was late, and that he’d probably just have a protein shake or something. He couldn’t cook because he also had to work late today. I asked him if he was mad that I didn’t make dinner that night, and he said no, but his face showed otherwise.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Multiple things can be true at the same time. 1. This is not about cooking. 2. The reality is that you are living a life that is debilitating for more than half of your life. This is a struggle for you, but is also hard on your partner, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
3. Your body, your choice. You get to decide what goes into your body. Full stop. 4. Your decisions have consequences. Your partner could possibly decide that the burden of your condition is too much for him to handle, especially if you guys plan to have children in the future.
It’s a big burden to shift the household and child-rearing duties onto one partner for half of every month. He could decide that he isn’t able to live that life. There are no jerks here. But there are consequences for everyone.” Girl_with_no_Swag
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I know it’s hard because all the doctors want to do is throw pills at you, but you should consider getting checked for Endometriosis or POCS if you haven’t already. Endometriosis removal is via surgery and can really help, and there are new, not just birth control medications available.
ETA: soft YTJ. It’s your body and your choice, AND the choice you’re making not to seek treatment leaves you unable to be a full partner half of the time. That’s your choice, but it’s not a very considerate choice. (It’s not your choice to be sick, but it is your choice not to attempt any sort of treatment.)” malikyiaue
Another User Comments:
“I feel really mean for saying this but I think a soft YTJ. You may have debilitating PMS, but a doctor has literally recommended a solution to you and yet you’re choosing not to take it. Yes, it’s not fair that we have to put up with periods and it’s annoying, but you could make this so much easier for yourself and you’re choosing not to.
This is having an effect on both you and your partner. If this continued, I don’t think I’d want to be in a relationship with you, as you’re not helping yourself. I personally used to have incredibly painful periods, and I’ve fainted a few times in the past because of them.
I went to the doctor, was recommended to take the pill, started taking the pill, and I barely even notice my periods now; they’re just a minor inconvenience to me. I saw a solution and I took it, but you’re deliberately avoiding yours.
At the end of the day, it’s your choice whether or not to take the pill, but I personally just think you’re being kind of silly. You will have to live with the consequences of this decision. Also, aren’t there other options for taking the pill that would help improve your periods?
You just don’t seem to be helping yourself, not gonna lie.” Next_Craft5639
21. AITJ For Telling My Stepson He’d Spend Less Time With My Family?
“My partner has a 6-year-old son, who is here every other week. My partner and I are temporarily working more hours to build our savings. Often we are too tired to do many activities with his son. We also don’t have kids together, so we felt like he was a bit lonely.
My parents offered to have him sleep over at their house from Friday to Sunday, because my nieces and nephews are there every weekend. He seemed to really like this arrangement and it was all he talked about during the week. Now his mother is a pretty difficult person.
I don’t think she likes me, even though I haven’t done anything to her.
My partner couldn’t pick up his son yesterday, so I did. My partner’s ex angrily told me that the purpose of visitation is not to spend time with the partner’s family, but with his father.
I explained that he was pretty lonely and was happy to be with my sibling’s children. She answered that if it was difficult for me to follow what was agreed upon, she would contact her lawyer because she said that I assumed it was already something my partner had agreed to.
During the drive home, my stepson asked if he really couldn’t go to my parents’ home. I didn’t want to lie to him, so I just said that he would still see my parents, nieces, and nephews. He’ll just spend more time with his father.
He then asked if he’d no longer go to my parents’ home. I just said not every weekend, but that he’ll still see them.
After I said that, he just burst into tears and cried for the rest of the ride. He cried to his father after we got home.
My partner was pretty upset with me and told me I shouldn’t have said anything. His ex also didn’t discuss any of this with him. My parents said that I shouldn’t have assumed anything and should’ve just asked my partner. They also said that the ex doesn’t get to dictate what happens during my partner’s week.
My parents said that I was very wrong and needed to apologize to my stepson and partner, and also to treat my stepson so that he wouldn’t feel rejected by me.
Honestly, I don’t feel like what I said was too out of hand.
I also never said he’d never see them again. I feel like they’re overreacting a bit. Idk AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH Ex sucks for saying all of this in front of her son and for addressing it with you instead of your partner.
You suck for having a boundary conversation with a child that isn’t yours before speaking to your partner about it. And frankly, it’s pretty crappy that you and your partner are sending his son away to your parents’ house when you’ve already admitted that you’re too tired during the week to do any activities with him.
So you have the weekends off but you’re not spending time with him? That’s crappy parenting. Why don’t you and your partner spend the day with his son and then he can have 1 sleepover every other weekend? Anything would make more sense than your partner sending his son away during the times that he doesn’t have to work a lot.” PanicAtTheGaslight
Another User Comments:
“You and your partner are the jerk. The point of custody is to spend time with his father. Not you. Not your parents. His father. You should not be having any conversations with the bio mom or the son. You aren’t a step mom, you aren’t married. You’re a live-in partner.
Your partner is too tired to parent? Then he needs to figure it out, just like the bio mom has to during her custody. And yes, she can go back to court and re-negotiate custody if bio dad is farming out his son to people every weekend.
How incredibly lazy.” RubSpecialist3152
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your partner is. At the end of the day, it’s HIS kid. On one hand, it’s really not entirely okay that his son was left with your parents’ without him clearing it with the mother of his child first (that’s just good symbiotic parenting), and on the other hand, as someone else has pointed out, it’s not really the best thing for a good chunk of his little boy’s visitation being spent in the care of someone else.” swishystrawberry
20. AITJ For Replacing An Editor Who Went Silent And Then Claimed Financial Hardship?
“I’m going to try to keep things as anonymous as I can, but I am a content creator. It’s my full-time job, and I make enough off of it to make a living and pay editors to do the video editing on a lot of my content.
I hired a new editor recently, and although he initially seemed great on paper and was doing well at the start of my project, he then went completely silent for a week. I couldn’t get a hold of him; I had no idea where the project stood, so I had no choice but to believe that he left the project.
The work isn’t incredibly time-sensitive, but there is a deadline, and I was hoping to continue to work with this editor for future projects. After the period of radio silence, I was quick to replace him with a new editor who was the runner-up in my applications.
I’ve since heard back from the original editor and learned that he was away due to sudden medical work that had to be done and that he had not even started editing the project but would start soon. I apologized and told him not to start at all, as he had already been replaced. This has sparked some issues with this editor, who has told me that his payment for the project was going to help cover rent and that, with his medical costs, he’s not sure he’ll make rent this month.
I told him I couldn’t pay him as he hadn’t done any work for me. Not only do I have no way of verifying if his claims are even legit, but he would only get his full payment when the video was done, and in this timeframe, there’s no way he could do that.
He’s been making claims now that I don’t care about my workers when they’re sick and that I’d rather leave them than help them out, which is just not true. I’ve helped out my previous editor when I could, but my good nature has also caused me to get burned online in the past, so I don’t give money away.
It has been bothering me, though, because he’s worried he’s going to be homeless, but again, I have no way of knowing if this is true or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but he certainly is. The claim that you “don’t care about your workers” is downright laughable.
This guy was never employed by you. He confirmed he never started the project, and disappeared with zero communication. So he’s not done any work for you/can’t really be considered “employed”, eh? Honestly, this is so absurd it’s almost funny. Block and ignore” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is not your employee; he is a contractor who you hired to do a job. He wasn’t professional, he didn’t contact you to let you know what was happening or do any work for you. You owe him nothing. If he was a plumber you hired to fix a leak who ghosted you, you’d get a new plumber in there to do the job when you needed it done and be sure not to use the flaky one in the future.” Laines_Ecossaises
19. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister For Sharing My Pregnancy News?
“I’m (28f) currently 10 weeks pregnant with my first child.
My husband and I have been together for a long time; we are high school sweethearts, so this is a very exciting time for us. We’ve shared this news with only our close friends and family so far, and we are waiting until I’m a bit further along to share the news more widely.
This weekend, my sister (32f) informed me that she told her ex-partner that I am pregnant. I know at first that doesn’t sound like a big deal; however, she and her ex were together for many years and my husband and I are close with him.
He is like a brother to us. We had a plan to tell him the news over dinner in a few weeks when we were ready. My sister and her ex are no longer close and rarely talk.
When my sister told me this, I expressed how upset I was and how it is not her news to share.
I was upset, so I ended the conversation and called her the following day in the hopes we could make amends. However, things escalated, and my sister told me it doesn’t matter, it’s not a big deal, and she doesn’t understand why I care so much.
She said, “We’ve told lots of our other friends, so why does it matter?” I again explained to her that it is not her news to share and that we had planned to tell him in person. Even my mom called me and asked if she could tell her best friend before doing it.
The conversation eventually became very heated to the point where we were yelling at each other, and I called her selfish.
My sister and I are close, so I feel really disappointed that she betrayed my trust and went against my wishes. In addition, had she just said, “I’m sorry, I messed up, I shouldn’t have done that and it won’t happen again,” I would have been able to move on.
But her reaction and unwillingness to take accountability and empathize with what I’m going through is what is not sitting right with me.
So, AITJ for yelling at my sister over this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not her news to share. Also, 10 weeks is quite early on.
If you were further along, I could understand she might share it without asking. Also, darn, when I was pregnant I was super eager to share that news myself because I was so happy about it. If they were still married, of course she would share it, but you mention they hardly speak.” Sorry-Swan-5025
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm, this depends—when telling close family and friends, did you request they keep this news to themselves? If yes, then she is the jerk. If you didn’t, I’d go with No jerks here. We’ve read enough of these posts to know that typically, parents tend to specify keeping the news under wraps until told otherwise.” Reasonable-Bad-769
Another User Comments:
“I just don’t understand this whole take on everyone needing to know someone’s health status. My spouse just had exploratory surgery with many different options to be done once they saw the problem. After the surgery, I let those close know the surgery went well and that my spouse was resting comfortably.
I proceeded to be bombarded with questions. What did they do? Did they get it all? Did they have to… fill in the blank? I understand people’s concerns for family, but I feel that my spouse has a right to know what the doctors did before any other person.
So I just replied to those people with ‘see above comment’ and left them hanging. It was such a relief to tell my spouse that they got it all and he is going to get better in no time. It’s nobody else’s story to tell but yours.” liquidsky72
18. AITJ For Taking Away My Dad's Babysitting Privileges After He Put My Newborn In Danger?
“Context: My dad bi-weekly (sometimes weekly) watches my newborn. My fiancé and I don’t necessarily need him to watch him, but as a request for grandpa time we’ve indulged to give us more time as a couple.
Punishment: Until he apologizes, I am taking away this time from him.
He put my newborn in danger and refuses to accept that he made a mistake.
What Happened: On a trip with my dad and newborn, we stopped at a very busy gas station to get all the necessities done: gas, diaper change, food for us and baby, and a bathroom visit.
While I went inside to pay for gas, go to the bathroom, and make a bottle for my baby with warm water, he filled the car with gas. He had one job: to stay with my 2-month-old newborn until I returned to take over.
I exited the bathroom and found him in the gas station, while my newborn was alone in the car.
Not only was it a moderately hot day, but every door to the car was unlocked, the car was on with the keys in the ignition, and the gas station was packed with people both at the pumps and inside.
In disbelief, I asked: “Why didn’t you wait?” I truly felt like screaming in the middle of the gas station parking lot when he told me, “Well, they’re still in my peripheral vision (referring to the car and my baby) from here (inside the gas station in line to get help from the gas station clerk).”
I kept my composure and rushed out to care for my baby, and when he finally returned to the car, I told him my frustration politely. I wasn’t going to make a scene, but my tone made it quite clear that I was upset when I explained.
He hasn’t apologized and is just ignoring the whole confrontation. I don’t feel safe leaving him with my baby anymore.
AITJ for taking away his grandpa privileges after he put my newborn in danger, or am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this isn’t an apology situation.
You cannot trust your father to care for your child. This won’t change with an apology. It’s not about intention, it’s about awareness and capability. Your father is not capable of keeping your child safe. Your dad didn’t just have a lapse in judgment. He is incapable of understanding the world he is in.
He didn’t just leave your child in the car. He left the car unlocked and running. You are so lucky you still have your baby.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t matter if the car was in his line of sight. How’s that going to help if someone jumps in and drives off?
This was a very questionable decision from grandpa, made worse by the fact that he doesn’t seem willing to acknowledge that he was wrong.” IntrovertedBookMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I understand your worry and why grandpa babysitting duties are off the table right now.
But, I don’t think you can force nor expect an apology from him. He probably won’t. So, in the absence of an apology, you gotta decide if this is something you can move past – OR NOT, and what level of grandpa involvement you would like him to have with your child in the future, OR NOT.” KenKenIAm
17. AITJ For Demanding A Refund And Canceling A Mandatory Contact Lens Class?
“My daughter recently had an eye appointment.
She needed glasses or contacts, and she chose contacts since she had worn them before. The doctor asked if she had worn them before, and we told him yes. He said it was up to us whether we wanted to take the contact lens class as a refresher.
It cost extra.
I told him it wouldn’t hurt and spent the money at the front desk to sign her up. The doc had said I could make an appointment while there, but the front desk told me they’d call me.
On the phone with the front desk, they offered me a 12 PM appointment.
I told the lady that my daughter is in school and cannot make 12 PM appointments. They told me that was the only appointment time they had, each day at 12 PM. I told the lady on the phone that there was no way to make that since my daughter’s school is really strict about absences and she gets really behind.
They could not accommodate any other time and said it was because their computer system only has that available, and that’s the way they have always done things.
I simply asked them to remove her request to take the class and for a refund of that class.
They said they would send a check in the mail. I then asked when I could pick up her contacts, and they said she could not without the class.
I asked them why, and they said because she has to take the class as a first-time contact user.
I explained to them that she is not a first-time contact user and that we just opted into the class as a helpful tool, but did not need to take it. They argued with me that it is not what their system showed, and now they had to talk to the doctor.
This upset me incredibly because they were basically calling me a liar.
I went and pulled her old records, proving that she had worn contacts before, and emailed it to them. In the email I put “Here is your proof. I wouldn’t lie about something like this.”
I’m still so irritated with how it all went down. But now I’m second-guessing whether I should’ve written that email. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Technically, the person you talked to never called you a liar. The system showed that your kid was a first-time user.
The only person who was told this was not the case was the doctor, who is probably the one who messed up. Next time, take your anger out on the right person.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, the doctors are just doing what they can and have the slots they simply have available.
You should be able to let your daughter’s school know that she needs to be away for an hour or so for a medical appointment. But I don’t think sending the email was out of place, you were just frustrated with the system.” maquannas
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Only mildly, because your email isn’t overly nasty or anything. However, they didn’t “call you a liar.” They functioned based on their workplace rules and the information they had in their system. Sending them the proof was appropriate and resolved the situation. Your situation also doesn’t really have interpersonal conflict and is with a business.” LadyCass79
16. AITJ For Expecting My Fiancé To Use Do Not Disturb While Sleeping?
“My Fiancé, Jeff, does not turn his phone on silent when we go to sleep.
This is all fine and dandy because he sleeps like a rock and it never wakes him up. However, it wakes me up almost every time it goes off. It is mostly Snapchat and text messages. It doesn’t happen every night, but it happens often enough that I brought it up in the past. His response is always, “What if something happens to his parents or extended family?” (His family is large and close-knit.) My response is always, “You’d never know because you sleep right through it,” even though it always wakes me up, and it isn’t an emergency.
He always just brushes me off.
We’re coming to the end of an almost two-week vacation with his family, and it’s been great but exhausting. I was trying so hard to fall asleep last night, fighting restlessness in my body that was preventing me from actually drifting off.
When I finally started to drift off, a loud and sudden DING woke me up. I was abruptly awakened and just rolled my eyes because he was still snoring. I knew that in three minutes a secondary notification would sound since he hadn’t acknowledged the first one, so I braced myself and, sure enough, heard it again: DING!
I did finally get back to sleep—I’m not sure when—and this morning I tried to talk to him about it. He was annoyed and refused to turn the ringer off, saying he would just sleep in another room from now on so that his phone wouldn’t disturb me.
I said that I felt most people would just turn the darn phone on to vibrate when they’re asleep. Then he took the opportunity to ask his mom (who was near us while we were talking about it) if she turned her phone on silent when she slept, and she said no. He now thinks he’s proven some point or, at the very least, proven me wrong and has been distant with me all day.
To be honest, I’m still really annoyed by this whole thing too! Am I really AITJ for wanting to sleep through the night uninterrupted by my fiancé’s phone ringer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not vital or necessary that he receives Snap notifications at night.
He can set his phone to DND at night and set it so that only certain numbers, for emergencies, can come through. He is disturbing your sleep for no reason and he doesn’t even care. The fact that he’s not even attempting to see your POV and thinks his mother’s response is some kind of gotcha is concerning.” booksandmints
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sleeping on vacation is always hard so I empathize. Your SO is very inconsiderate of your feelings and sleep schedule. Since this issue is so easy to remedy on his part, I’m willing to bet you’re looking at him through rose-tinted glasses and this is only the tip of the iceberg.
What else is he inconsiderate about in your relationship?” ZestyGolf7654
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most phones have a ‘do not disturb’ function; you set it up and it comes on automatically at whatever time you set it for. You can also set exceptions so, for example, if his mother calls him it will go through.
I had the same issue with my partner, but I wasn’t nearly as kind as you are. Let your partner sleep in another room and make plans to move on to somebody who actually values your need for sleep.” International-Fee255
15. AITJ For Requesting A Fair Bill Split Instead Of Paying Equally?
“Recently, my friends and I decided to go out to eat at a fancy restaurant to celebrate a special occasion. They were all excited about the idea and insisted that I join them, even though I had mentioned that I didn’t have enough money to go out and eat at the moment.
Reluctantly, I agreed to join them, thinking that maybe I could order something affordable or just enjoy the atmosphere. However, when the bill arrived, my friends suggested that we split it evenly among everyone at the table.
At that moment, I felt a wave of panic wash over me.
I knew that splitting the bill evenly would be a significant financial burden for me, considering my current financial situation. I had already expressed my concerns about money, but my friends seemed to overlook it in their excitement.
Feeling trapped and unsure of what to do, I mustered up the courage to speak up.
I explained to my friends that I didn’t have enough money to contribute equally to the bill and suggested that we split it based on what each person ordered. I believed it would be a more fair and considerate approach, given the circumstances.
Unfortunately, my friends didn’t take my financial situation into account.
They insisted that we split the bill evenly, arguing that it was a common practice among friends and that I should have thought about the financial implications before agreeing to join them.
This response left me feeling even more frustrated and misunderstood. I tried to explain that it wasn’t about being cheap or trying to avoid paying my fair share.
It was simply a matter of not having the means to contribute equally at that particular moment.
Despite my attempts to clarify my position, my friends remained upset with me. They accused me of ruining the celebratory mood and making a big deal out of nothing.
This made me question whether I was in the wrong for voicing my concerns.
So AITJ for not wanting to split the bill evenly? Was I being unreasonable in suggesting a fairer way to divide the expenses based on what each person ordered, especially considering my financial situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only time you split a bill is if the food ordered was to be shared by everyone. My friends and I always split the bill because we don’t get personal orders. All dishes are to be shared. Except for drinks.
We each pay for the drink we ordered. That’s a pretty selfish friend group to completely ignore your financial situation especially when you already mentioned it beforehand.” Ayane_Redfield
Another User Comments:
“I’ve never heard of splitting a bill at a restaurant. Either everyone pays for what they ordered (dutch treat) or somebody takes the check.
Absolutely not should they expect you to pay for more than you ordered ESPECIALLY since you let them know about your financial situation beforehand.” hatnboots
Another User Comments:
“This splitting the bill thing is getting ridiculous. People are using it as an excuse to eat and drink like gulls without having to pay for it.
To be honest, they don’t seem like friends. You told them your financial situation at the moment, and they chose to ignore it and shame you into splitting their bill. Screw them. NTJ. Get nicer friends; they are horrible.” Proof-Butterscotch17
14. AITJ For Refusing To Leave My Apartment For Sunday Showings?
“My landlord and I are not on great terms – they really just shouldn’t be a landlord and have let a gorgeous vintage building in Chicago go to crap (mold, electrical issues, rodents – a lot I could report to the city, but I really just want to leave).
I have already signed a new lease somewhere else and given them notice. We agreed to a 24-hour notice to show and that I can refuse showings based on my work schedule, since I work at home.
Last week I was on a work trip and informed the landlord that the apartment would not be available to show (my partner and son would be there – my teenage son mostly alone during the day while my partner worked), and we agreed to a window today (Saturday) of 10 AM – 2 PM to show.
I got in from my trip late last night, then got up early today to make the apartment ready to show since I had been gone, and I left the unit per their request.
After they finished showing today, they said there would be more showings tomorrow, but that they would start later.
We had not discussed Sunday showings, and I had planned to spend the day unwinding from my long week before the new workweek starts. I agreed to allow showings tomorrow but let them know that I would not be leaving the apartment. We have now been going back and forth for a few hours because they are insisting that I cannot be there when the apartment is shown and that this potential new tenant can only come tomorrow.
Not for nothing – I also have a ton of trust issues with this landlord because of past situations, and my cats were incredibly agitated today when we came back after having strangers in the house without their safe humans. I really just don’t want to have to pick up and leave my apartment.
Am I the jerk for digging my heels in on staying home tomorrow for the showing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As long as you’re still renting it, it’s your space, first and foremost. I similarly demand to be present for any access to my unit, and require as much advanced notice as I can get away with while negotiating my lease.
Frankly, I find it distasteful that landlords think they have the right to go about preparing for the next tenant while the current one is still occupying the property. You want unencumbered access? Wait until your tenant is moved out to show it. I could not even begin to care about how that might impact a landlord’s income stream.” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One day of the weekend for showings (four hours of them!) is enough. I dunno… I’m in Australia, where leases include fairly nebulous but straightforward clauses like “The Real Estate Agent can show the unit a reasonable number of times.” They tend to have home opens where anyone can show up at the designated 15-30 minute slot and walk through unless you demand private viewings (registered viewers, toured and escorted by the REA for their whole time in the unit).
(A real issue with these cattle call viewings is that stuff goes missing, ugh!) How many hours does he intend to traipse people in and out of it tomorrow? One particular handpicked applicant, or loads? If it’s one, say “Buy me brunch so I am not there.” Lol.” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They want you to disappear so you don’t tell prospective tenants about the mold, etc. But I recommend legal advice. Ask around or Google for a local housing rights nonprofit. They can tell you your rights and responsibilities. Knowing the law (which your landlord doesn’t) may help prevent further shenanigans, like stealing your deposit or putting you on a landlord blacklist. Worst-case scenario, a tenant organization can refer you to a tenant lawyer.” km-messedup
13. AITJ For Ruining My Brother's Alone Time With His Partner?
“I (15F) am the youngest and only girl of seven children. Three of my brothers are playing in a church softball league with some friends. It’s mostly the players’ wives/partners who go to watch them during the games, but one of the players’ wives wanted me to go to one of their games, so I decided to ride along with one of my brothers and his friend.
My other brother (24M) was working and had to go to the game straight from work. He works with his partner, so she came with him to the game. I didn’t really get to talk to his partner while they were playing, and she really wanted to catch up since it had been a while since we had spoken, so she asked me if I wanted to ride with her and my brother back home.
I didn’t really want to ride with them because I knew my brother would rather have them be alone, but I said yes when she asked me for about the third time. My brother was there when she asked me, but he said he was fine if I rode with them.
On the way back, he was really quiet and didn’t really participate in the conversation unless we asked him questions. His partner asked if he was fine, and he said he would tell her later.
When we dropped her off at her house, she asked him what was wrong, and he told her and me that she had been upset because he had planned things that the two of them could do on the way back, but she had spent the whole time talking to me.
We both apologized for not trying harder to include him, but he said he felt like he couldn’t participate because we were being too “girly”.
He walked her to her door, where they stood talking for half an hour before he came back to the car.
When he came back, he began getting upset and told me that his partner had gotten upset with him for what he said, and that it was my fault for riding with them instead of my other brother.
We haven’t spoken about it since, but I still feel really bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It sounds like your brother is being a bit childish. If he wanted the private time with his partner on the drive back, he should have spoken up during the multiple times his partner was inviting you to ride with them.
He shouldn’t expect people to read his mind. He’s an adult and he should work on his communication skills. It was one car ride. Not that big of a deal. He’ll have more opportunities to have alone time with his partner. He’ll get over it and you should too.” 0eozoe0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother sounds like he has some growing up to do, and that’s why his partner was upset with him. It had nothing to do with your behavior.” wearehereorarewe
12. AITJ For Shutting Off My Roommate's Wifi For Breaking Program Guidelines?
“We are both adults and 19 years old, and we are in a program that is designed to teach young adults life skills and help us get jobs, etc. We share an apartment that is part of this program, and if you don’t follow the guidelines, you’ll get kicked out.
There are people called “staff” who are supposed to make sure the guidelines are followed and enforced.
I’ve had issues with my roommate. She moved in about a month ago, and since then she’s made my life a living heck. She doesn’t pay her share of the bills (makes me pay or tries to get the program to pay), leaves expired and unwrapped food in the fridge for weeks, doesn’t clean up after herself, leaves dishes in the sink for days (to the point where all the common space plates, bowls, and cups were missing or dirty (she hadn’t washed them)), leaves food sitting outside of the fridge, has left the door unlocked and open overnight, has taken a knife and ruined a non-stick pot of mine, leaves her garbage sitting in the kitchen for days, never mops (that’s literally one of her assigned tasks), has left food on the stove and in the microwave for days, smokes substances illegally (she’s underage in our state, and it also breaks the guidelines), and last but not least, I woke up this morning to find she had thrown out more than half of my food.
All of these things violate various guidelines that you’re supposed to follow to stay there. I’ve told staff a million times about all of this, and they keep saying, “Oh well, we will talk to her about all of this.” The answer is the same every single time.
I’ve had it with her—she threw out my food, and staff is radio silent about it. I’m going out of town for the weekend, and since I pay the WiFi bill (the entirety; she couldn’t afford the 5 bucks but spends hundreds on delivery), I have the ability to shut it off for her.
Some of my friends are saying I’m being too harsh, but I just literally can’t take it anymore. She violates nearly every guideline and gets away with it. Meanwhile, I get in trouble for having “too many” things out while cooking. None of this is fair, and I’ve had it.
So here I am, wondering if I’m really the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Who is paying for this program you’re in? Can you leave them a 1-star review with photos of the filth you’re forced to live in? Go over the staff’s head and you might get somewhere NTJ” MiserableExit_
11. AITJ For Showing Affection With My Wife While Taking In My Nephew?
“I am honestly confused by this entire situation. I will be using fake names obviously and I would love to hear your judgment. My brother Michael (35M), who is a single father to my nephew (David – 8M), was in our city for a business meeting.
We see each other for Christmas or big family events sometimes, but he’s quite a workaholic so we don’t really talk much. He dropped David off with us for a day since he had meetings the entire time.
I (33F) live with my wife (Caroline – 35F) and our twins (Harry 8M and Maeve 8F).
While David was with us, we tried to make the visit as fun as we could. We had a mini pool party together, threw a dance party, and played video games.
After Caroline was home, we went out to a restaurant all together and got David a few things as we did for our twins while we went shopping on the way back.
Overall, it was a great experience for cousins to bond, and David was a sweetheart. Michael picked him up and thanked us for everything.
The next week, Michael called us and was irate. He said we shouldn’t have taken David out for dinner without letting him know.
He also said he couldn’t believe we were inappropriate in front of his son. I had to think a lot about this because I honestly couldn’t find anything to be inappropriate in our household.
Michael explained it was me kissing my wife when she came home, hugging her every single second, and showing affection towards David.
He was also quite repulsed by the idea of all of us snuggling to watch a Disney movie. He was mad because he said that David was going to be a man and that his stay at our house had confused him.
I honestly was at a loss for words.
I told him I wouldn’t apologize for these things, but I said I think he is getting a lot of things wrong. He told me I would always act decent at Christmas with our families and he thought we would show his son the same respect.
It is true, but at the same time, it is a completely different scenario. Aitj here? Should I have asked about all these activities?”
Another User Comments:
“Is your brother perhaps homophobic and afraid that David will become gay if he’s shown signs of affection?
The comment about David ‘going to be a man’ is frightening me. Edit to add: obviously NTJ. Your brother is, though, saying that kissing your wife and snuggling together would ‘confuse’ his ‘future man'” MathematicianAny3777
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I’m a little confused. Is it that Michael thinks the things you did together aren’t ‘manly enough?’ Regardless, it sounds like you were very kind and David had a wonderful time with his cousins.
If there were any real boundaries broken, Michael sure didn’t make them clear. And if his boundaries are ‘no affection,’ then that’s just sad. NTJ. You sound awesome. Edit: Oh, re-reading, I realized you are two women. Yeah, I think Michael doesn’t want him to see gay people.
Well, that’s his problem if he wants to drop his son off with you. What a jerk.” errantwinds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother was kinda homophobic. I don’t know him well enough to assure you that he is, but the fact that you hugged and kissed your wife shouldn’t make him mad.
If his son had questions about it, it’s normal; he’s only eight, and it shouldn’t be a problem for him to explain that whenever two people love each other, they show affection no matter what gender or anything. Maybe he’s too caught up at work and didn’t want to deal with it, but being angry at you after taking care of his son and actually providing him a great day with his aunts and cousins, he should be very grateful.” FTKYM
10. AITJ For Being Angry That My Birthday Gift Was Given To My Brother?
“My (16F) birthday is coming soon, so my dad decided to surprise me with an early gift, and he asked me what I would want for my birthday.
I said I would like a new graphics card for my PC since my current one is trash. He rejected me, so I had to beg him, and I had to get my mother involved before he finally gave in. Since he was on a business trip, I told him to wait and come home so we could order it together (my PC is so complicated and outdated, and I had to make sure it would fit and all).
But, well, he didn’t wait for me and he ordered a very good GPU for me and a power supply for my brother since his PC had died.
When he came home with it, I knew it would not work. He tried putting it in, but of course, it didn’t go in.
So, my brother went down and talked to him while I was in my room, kind of upset about it, but well. Then my dad told me it was better to give my brother that GPU and that I should take his old one, which is slightly better than my old one.
I told them that it wasn’t fair, and that it was my present, and that he shouldn’t have ordered it without me. I also told him that I was the one who begged him for five years to upgrade my PC, and now my little brother is going to have MY present because, well, it doesn’t fit my PC.
This is where I might be a jerk. I started throwing a tantrum because this wasn’t the first time this had happened. Why couldn’t he just wait until he got home so that we could order it together when my brother was having my birthday present?
My brother doesn’t seem to care and will take my GPU anyway. My dad said I was selfish and that it was not okay for me not to give him that GPU because I couldn’t use it.
I will accept any judgment, and I’m desperate for it.
I need the answer because I want to change if I am in the wrong, and I don’t want to be a spoiled brat.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad could’ve exchanged it for one that would fit your PC. Sure you could’ve voiced your frustrations in a different tone, but you had every right to be upset, especially since this isn’t the first time.” phillyking10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad is playing favorites, and make sure you recognize this. Him not treating you equally is going to give you trauma later in life, so it’s important for you to validate your own experiences now. If you need to come go Reddit for validation, that’s okay too.
This is not fair to you and extremely inconsiderate on your father’s part. You deserve to have nice things, and you DESERVE to have someone think about you beforehand and not as an afterthought.” lilithofthelilim
Another User Comments:
“Ask your dad WHY he favors your brother over you?
Ask him what is so special about your brother other than the fact that he is a male? WHY should you be treated second best on YOUR BIRTHDAY? Ask him what does your brother have to do with a present for your birthday. NTJ” SuperHuckleberry125
9. AITJ For Accidentally Locking My Son In The Basement Overnight?
“So, our house is a bit unique in that the basement door locks from the outside. The purpose is that if anyone should break into the basement, they can’t access the rest of the house.
It was done a long time ago and has been that way since I bought the house 15 years ago, and to me the reasoning behind it makes sense, so I never changed it. Because of this, the only time the basement door is supposed to be locked is at night.
We’re going through a heatwave right now and the basement is the coolest place in the house, so my 16-year-old son Jeremie has been hanging out there quite a bit. Usually he’s back upstairs way before evening, so it hasn’t been much of a problem.
Yesterday, though, I guess he went down there without me noticing. When night fell, I opened the door; only one light by the stairs was on, so I turned it off without going all the way down and proceeded to lock up for the night.
I figured if anyone was there, they would have said something when I turned off the lights.
Well, the next morning when my wife and I came downstairs to start breakfast, we heard banging on the door, and it was Jeremie. He’s screaming and cursing; he can’t believe we locked him down there—he’s been down there all night, etc. Apparently, what happened is that he had fallen asleep and that’s why he didn’t react when I turned off the lights (and probably why he didn’t come upstairs earlier like he usually does).
I told him I was sorry, but honestly, it can’t have been that bad since he probably slept through most of it and we came down pretty early that morning. He rolled his eyes and acted upset the whole day.
AITJ? It was a mistake, not intentional, and we rectified it pretty quickly; no real harm was done.
It’s not like he was locked in there for days and I gave him a sincere apology.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the “honestly it can’t have been that bad comment”. How would you like to be locked somewhere with no way to get out overnight?
Did he have access to food, water, or a bathroom? It might not have been so bad if there had actually been a sincere apology and contrition on your part, but that certainly isn’t what you’re implying here.” entropynchaos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but I am surprised that a 16-year-old would not have a phone glued to his hand.
I recommend an exterior lock on the door and hiding a key in the basement where family knows where to find it.” survival-nut
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not necessarily for accidentally locking him in there, but for not knowing where your 16-year-old son was for a whole night.
If you had checked on him or wondered where he was, you probably would have found him in there and let him out much earlier.” CrabbiestAsp
8. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Over Ignoring My House Rules?
“I (22 F) am living on my own, and my sister likes to come over a lot. She’s spoiled rotten and doesn’t listen because my parents allow her to do whatever she wants; she is 17. I pay a water and light bill that’s not included in my rent, so I ask that my sister keep the lights off in rooms she isn’t in and, in the daytime, not have a light on where the sun shines in.
I have pretty big windows, so there’s a lot of sunlight. I also ask that she doesn’t take two-hour hot showers because that will run my bill up, and she also leaves faucets running.
I also have two other non-bill-paying rules: keep the back door closed, even if you’re stepping outside (because bugs will fly in and it’s annoying), and keep the noise to a minimum at night because often times I have to get up for work the next day.
My sister doesn’t listen, though, and she’s not used to people telling her what to do. I came home one day from work to find several lights on and unused, so I turned them off and reminded her. Later on that day, she took an extremely long shower, but I said nothing because it was a pretty hot day and maybe she was feeling sticky.
At 11, my sister is on the phone with her partner and listening to music a bit too loud, and I had just worked a very long, exhausting shift, so I asked her to quiet down. She immediately went into defense mode and called me an over-complaining old jerk, and slammed the door shut.
I called my mom to tell her what was going on, and she basically told me my sister is a night owl; she’s just doing her thing. So I went to tell my sister to pack up her things and go home. She asked why I told her she wasn’t welcome anymore and that she needed to find a ride, as I wanted her gone within an hour.
My mom’s upset and said I’m a terrible sister for kicking her out, but this is my space, and I won’t be disrespected or have my peace interrupted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wish my sister would have the audacity to say that to me in MY house.
And I wish my mom would defend it. She can go ahead and get bullied by a 17 year old all she wants but that wouldn’t be me.” Layla0204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she’s deliberately breaking all your rules because she can.
Hold her accountable for her actions. Tell her she’s not allowed back until she can be respectful of your home. Also, if she’s the sort to do it, be ready for some sort of “payback” from her. Either destroying your things, or vandalism.
(Honestly I don’t know why I’m giving this caution, it just occurred to me so I’m putting it down here).” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Demanding My Father Reimburse Money Stolen By His Partner?
“I (F18) received a bit over $500 in cash for graduating, which I intended to use to buy some college essentials (school, hygiene, and cleaning supplies). My father’s partner has stolen from me multiple times before, so I hid the money in my room where I keep my other important documents and things I do not want to lose.
The entire summer I left my money alone and did not spend any of it, except the other day I went to grab my ID from my hiding place and all of my money was gone. I was in shock, as all that was left was a single $20 bill and a check someone wrote me.
It might be a bit presumptuous of me, but I know that it was my dad’s partner who stole it. While it is not often, she is the only one who is typically ever alone in the house, not to mention that we do not get along at all.
She is the only logical suspect for who could have taken my money.
Whenever I have spoken to my dad about how his partner treats me, he insists that he “doesn’t want to be involved in drama,” even though in total she has stolen almost $1000 from me.
His partner does not work and so could not pay me back my money, nor is she admitting to stealing from me, so I told my father that I expect him to pay back every bit that she stole from me. He thinks that I am being unfair, but I’m having a hard time seeing it.
A friend recommended I go to the police, but there is a lack of physical evidence; however, my dad’s partner is a substance addict and I am certain she is still using, so I considered contacting her PO. I will admit that the lack of evidence does not work in my favor, and I have been disagreeable with my father over the subject.
My father has stated that he will be paying me the money (which honestly tells me that he also knows that his partner is the one who stole it) but has consistently ragged on me for anything and everything since and keeps telling me that this is my fault.
I have spoken to a few family members about the issue, and they have all agreed with me, but I could really use an unbiased opinion on the matter. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m petty, and since you can’t prove the money, report her to her PO for the substance use.
Your dad is a jerk though for not supporting you. A couple of things. She’s found your hiding place. Get that all out of there. Put freezes on your credit reports and get copies, just to make sure nothing has been opened in your name.
If it has, file police reports for stolen identity.” Tall1SF
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who steals money from their partner’s kid? Gross. Meanwhile, you’re 18 and old enough to get your own bank account. Don’t leave cash around anymore. Immediately deposit it in a bank account that has your name on it only.
If your partner makes a purchase using your debit card, then the bank can get involved and provide evidence. You would not be a jerk for going to the cops either; even without evidence, a report would be on file in case it happens again.” Constellation-88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is just as bad as his useless partner. Until you can get out of that house, don’t leave any cash or valuables there. Money goes straight into the bank. Perhaps you have a friend that could store any valuables you do not keep on you?” ghjkl098
6. AITJ For Declining To Host A Bachelor Party For My SIL's Fiance?
“My SIL and her fiancee have been in a relationship for a little over five years, and during most of that time, my SIL and her fiancee have more or less distanced themselves from the rest of the family.
However, in the past 8 or so months, my wife and I have gotten the opportunity to rekindle our relationship with the SIL, but her fiancee still hasn’t really participated with the rest of the family.
Most of what I know about the guy I’ve learned secondhand, either from my MIL, my other SIL, or from my wife’s conversations with the SIL who’s marrying him, and, to be honest, I have a LOT of red flags about them getting married based on that.
Couple that with the limited interactions I’ve had with him personally, which didn’t really paint him in the best light, I don’t personally have much of a good opinion of him, but since I don’t really know him, I can’t say I don’t like him.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, my wife puts on a bridal shower for my SIL, and after it was over, she and my wife were talking about her fiancee. Apparently, the guy doesn’t have a whole lot of friends, and so my SIL was worried that he wouldn’t have anyone to throw him a bachelor party.
My wife, being the overprotective big sister she is, volunteered me to host a bachelor party for him, without asking me first.
I was a little annoyed about being volunteered, but the more I thought about it, the more I really didn’t want to do it.
I’ve always had the idea that a bachelor party, or something like it, should be done by people that know you, care about you, and share your interests, and for better or worse, I didn’t feel like I fell into any of that criteria.
I ended up, after discussing it with my wife, texting my SIL and, respectfully, declined hosting a bachelor party for her fiancee.
She seemed to understand my reasoning and said it was okay, but my MIL was furious, insisting that I was a real jerk (putting it lightly) for not doing this for him.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t volunteer to do it or even agree to it in the first place.
Who wants to host and plan a bachelor party for someone they don’t even know? And for that matter, who wants someone they don’t know planning their bachelor party? MIL is tripping and so is your partner.” Penguin_Doctor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t even know this guy.
Who the heck would you invite? What would you do? You have no knowledge of his interests or friends so it makes it very unreasonable to ask you to host. You are NTJ. Your MIL has no reason to be furious. If it’s such a big deal to her, then she can plan it herself.
Why does it automatically fall on you?” Embarrassed-Math-699
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your wife really is a huge jerk. Probably easier for your MIL to yell at you than her jerk daughter. I guess we know why he wanted to distance himself from the family, haha.
A group full of people who volunteer each other for crap and harass each other.” O4243G
5. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Friend When She Revealed She Was A Lesbian?
“I (M23) have been living a strict Christian life for most of my entire life, and I regularly volunteer at my local church to help out as much as possible for those in need. My friend, who I’ll call Ava (F22), has been my best friend for four years now and also goes to the same church, I’d been working up the nerve to ask her out as I firmly believed she was the right one for me.
The timing has been simply inconvenient.
Recently, I’ve been interacting with a close friend of mine (M23) from high school who ended up homeless because of circumstances not his fault at all, I offered to let him stay with me for a few days so he has a stable place to stay while he looks for jobs.
I fear having a male influence live with me has been messing with my head because I feel very off when he’s around. He’s gay, but I’ve never had a problem with it and I didn’t think I would now.
A few days back, Ava spotted me in a store and came to me to say hi.
My friend, who I’ll call Mark, had been teasing me about not asking her out yet, so to prove him wrong I finally did. Her reaction… wasn’t ideal. She frowned and asked me to come with her outside, where she revealed she was actually a lesbian and recently got a partner.
I felt pretty betrayed. I blew up at her, calling her a liar and saying that we weren’t friends anymore, I immensely regret the words I said, but I feel as if I’ve been a lot more stressed lately and it escalated. Mark accused me of being in denial, but he won’t share what I’m in denial over, so I consulted my other friend (who’s not related to this incident at all) and he said I should try Reddit since he’s not sure if he can help much either.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Ava owed you NOTHING. Just because YOU had a fantasy built up in your head isn’t her problem. It’s yours. She had ZERO obligation to tell you her orientation. You owe her an apology for pretending to be her friend for years and for your behavior.
You were never her friend, you were just trying to keep your options open for when you decided you were ready” The_One_True_Imp
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You also have some massive internalized homophobia issues. And she never really lied to you. She just chose not to come out to you, probably because she knew you had a weird thing where you were absolutely set on courting her and thought she was The One for you and was afraid you’d react… exactly how you reacted.” Quiet-Fan1926
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, Young Friend, but you’re a HUGE jerk. Ava does not owe you her romantic affection. No one does. You had no right to “blow up” at her for rejecting your advances, nor to call her a liar when she offered you the ENORMOUS trust of coming out to you, given the culture the two of you are in.
Also, your “I’m not homophobic” trope falls flat if you “fear having a male influence in your life is messing with your head.” Because that reeks of being “worried he’s going to turn you gay.” You sound like a lot of things, with “Nice Guy,” performative Christian and bad friend being close to the top of that list. YTJ.
WWJD? He’d do better. You should, too” katsmeow44
4. AITJ For Telling My Disabled Friend Not To Visit Immediately Post C-Section?
“I have a friend and previous housemate (27f) who has numerous disabilities and chronic pain (this is only relevant because of the nature of the visit). I (25f) moved across the country to be with my now fiancé and am currently pregnant with our second child who is due very soon.
My friend has talked in the abstract about visiting for a bit over the last 2 years or so, but last week she told me she was going to come visit for a three-week period. The problem is she is planning to arrive less than 2 weeks after the baby is born (which will have to be by C-section, so I anticipate I will be in significant pain).
She says that she wants to come to help out, but due to her disabilities she could not practically hold a newborn for any period of time as her hands intermittently go numb due to spinal malformations. Walking up 3-5 steps can wind her. And she requires an assistance animal, which unusually is a large bird.
My apartment is in a very hilly area with a number of stairs around the complex with no ramp or elevator, so it is not exactly a great place for her to navigate to begin with. I also have a cat who I anticipate will not get on with the bird.
I tried to be subtle about saying there are a few issues, but due to her autistic traits she doesn’t pick up on those well, so I’ve had to be more blunt and sent her a long message saying that, as much as I value her friendship, I don’t think it’s a good idea to visit.
She immediately called me to tell me her bird can birdsit and that she’s fine being here for 3 weeks and is getting extra pain meds to come over with.
I had to cut the conversation because I didn’t want to say something wrong.
WIBTJ for saying “Please don’t come”?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNTBJ You need to make it very clear that she cannot come to visit. You will have just had a baby and do not want guests in your home at that time. As much as she may want to help, it is not about her, it is about you and your baby and wanting things to go as smooth as possible.” evilcj925
Another User Comments:
“I think that you have to very kindly but firmly tell her no once more, that having someone visit just after your C-section won’t work for you as you need the time to bond with your baby and to help your older child adjust. So as much as you appreciate her offer, the visit will have to be postponed until you see what it’s like to care for two small children.
(I can’t even imagine hosting a houseguest of any sort with a small child and an infant, so I don’t think that saying no can possibly be seen as a slight — at least not rationally.) I think you’re going to have to be very unequivocal here; this won’t work.
Don’t agree to this. It’s not a reasonable thing for you to do. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“If you just had a baby, the last thing you need is a friend who’s going to be more of a burden than help. If they’re a real friend they’ll understand if you tell them, “Hey, I know you’re excited to stay with me to help out with the newborn, but honestly I’ll be in recovery and I’m not sure how giving birth is going to affect me so I’m going to have to ask you to wait until I’m healed and ready for visitors.
I hope you understand and I look forward to seeing you once I’m feeling better.” If she still pushes, then you have to put your foot down and say, “Look, I know you say you’re bringing meds to help you feel better so you can help with the baby, but I don’t think this is a good idea.
I’ll have just given birth and the last thing I need is to have visitors and be stressed about that. I really only want my partner around for a while after giving birth, so please don’t come until I let you know I’m ready for visitors.”” Browniesrock23
3. AITJ For Asking My Vegan Friend Why She Didn’t Just Say She’s Vegan?
“I have a very close vegan friend whom I went to a restaurant with a few days ago. The restaurant wasn’t vegan (in fact, it had more of a meat-focused menu, except for a few options). The ingredients weren’t clearly stated in the menu.
My friend had a few ideas of what she could order, but she wasn’t sure. The place was crowded, and the waiters were really busy.
Here’s what happened: The waitress arrived and asked us what we would like to order. I let my friend speak first. She said to the waitress, “Okay, I wanted to ask you a few questions.
What’s in this dish? And what about the other one?”
I’d like to point out that she didn’t ask for the exact ingredients. The waitress listened for the first 5-10 seconds (with a somewhat interrogative expression on her face), answered the first question, and then said, “Excuse me, are you vegetarian/vegan?” When my friend said yes, the waitress provided her with specific information and guided her through her choice (e.g., she told her there was butter in the spinach, but they could prepare it without it).
My friend was eventually happy with her choices.
A few minutes later I politely asked her (out of curiosity), “Hey, can I ask you something? Why didn’t you tell her you were vegan in the first place?” She (vaguely) answered that some people don’t know what that means.
I told her that, on the other hand, the waiters might find those questions confusing, and it would be more time-saving for them if she got straight to the point. She said it didn’t make a difference to her, and we changed the topic.
I know my opinion on this matter wasn’t requested. Besides, we talk openly all the time about our stuff (even being vegan), and it felt okay to ask. A few days later, she told me that my face was kind of judgmental when I asked that question.
I must admit I found the initial situation at the restaurant a bit strange, but I didn’t think my question could have that impact. I know that it’s a delicate topic. Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but as a long-time vegetarian I’ve had countless conversations with other people who say things like “okay then, if you don’t eat meat, there’s a chicken dish!” That kind of confusion is probably why she didn’t bother asking if the dish was vegan.” takashula
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – you asked a question and she answered. That’s a normal interaction. If you can directly ask about vegan food strongly depends on the location. E.g. in Germany this will work fine, but in Vietnam it happens a lot that they happily tell you the dish is vegan, because it just has chicken in it.” j0s3f
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But please understand. Excuse me waiter I’m vegan: no meat, fish, dairy Guest: How do you know a vegan. You don’t have to— they’ll tell you. Har Har!!!! 2nd Guest: Stop pushing your dietary preferences on me. 3rd Guest: Vegans are so judgmental.” SergemstrovigusNova
2. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate Over Unannounced Overnight Guests?
“I recently moved into a new flat. It’s a 4-bedroom flat; 5 people are living there and a 6th is supposed to move in. It’s me (M22), my partner Charles (20M), Elizabeth (F26), Marry-Anne (F26), Victor (35M). All people moved in at the start of this month.
Victor is working full-time and most of the time he is not here. My partner and I are currently studying and working part-time. Elizabeth and Marry-Anne just graduated and they have jobs, but I don’t know more.
I recently had an argument with Elizabeth because she keeps bringing random people into our flat without asking or even warning us in advance.
She argued that they are not random people to her and that she is doing this so that they don’t have to pay for hotels while they travel through the city. So far she brought 2 people (her cousin (F) and her friend (M)). The issue I have is that rent is expensive in our city and there is not a big selection of affordable flats for my partner and me, and that these people come into our flat, they usurp our resources (electricity, water) and time (I can’t use the kitchen, toilet, bathroom).
It’s already hard enough for 5 people living there (with a 6th about to move in) to accommodate each other. And also, Elizabeth acts arrogant, like it’s her flat; she keeps the light on in the middle of the night, doesn’t clean after herself, uses our kitchen stuff… So I confronted her and told her that my partner and I don’t like it and would like her to stop.
So far, we haven’t talked about it in person, only through social media and in our group chat. Victor said he has no problem with it. Same for Marry-Anne (she is her friend, roommate, and colleague — people that Elizabeth brings stay in her bed). My partner and I see it as an issue.
And so far she brought: her cousin, who stayed for 3 nights last week; her friend, who came 2 days ago and stayed for 1 night; and yesterday, her cousin came again and she wrote us that she’ll be staying for 2 nights. My partner and I are currently out of the city.
So I would like to know if I am the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is truly one of those situations where you get to learn what sort of roommates you like and what you need to put in writing for your next roommate agreements.
I’m on OP’s side of no overnight guests, outside of partners. Some people bring over all sorts of friends and family.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I wouldn’t want overnight guests all the time either, but some people like it. You need to come up with a policy everyone agrees upon, if your rental agreement doesn’t already have one.
ETA: Either way, she should definitely be telling everyone beforehand when someone is coming to stay. It’s disrespectful not to.” champagneformyrealfr
Another User Comments:
“Why do you keep calling her family members random people, though? Lol, they’re not random people. How often will this be happening?
A few days here and there isn’t a huge deal, in my opinion. If everyone is fine with it except you and your partner, moving somewhere else with more privacy might be a better option for you? You won’t ever have friends or family visiting you?
If they use a lot of extra resources, just charge that roommate a few extra dollars that month.” isthisreallife_514
1. AITJ For Doing Housework Instead Of Letting My Husband Sleep?
“4 weeks ago, my husband and I became parents to our second baby boy. The first few days were very hard to adjust to due to the lack of sleep, a very active toddler, and just life in general with 2 under 2. After a week or so, we slowly found our pace and have been doing fairly well ever since.
Only the nights have been tough. I breastfeed our newborn, so I’m awake every night for an hour per feed. Most nights, there are 2 feeds, so I’m awake for at least 2 hours. My husband sleeps for most of the time while I feed the baby, but sometimes he helps out by changing the diaper or rocking the baby to sleep.
He’s become a real nuisance every time I ask for help, all because he’s tired. I’m also sleep-deprived, and my back hurts from breastfeeding. Sometimes, he lets me sleep in while he gets up with our toddler. He always puts the toddler in front of the TV because ‘it’s so early’.
Sometimes, I also get up with the toddler so my husband can sleep in. The baby had just woken up earlier than usual when I got up with our toddler, so my husband didn’t get much extra sleep. Today was a day when I got up with our toddler and fed him his breakfast before my husband got up with our baby.
He put the toddler in front of the TV while the baby slept in his arms, so I started doing some housework. After an hour of cleaning and cooking, I went to check on the boys, only to find my husband very angry.
I really can’t understand how he’s angry that I worked for too long, so he couldn’t sleep.
I didn’t know he wanted to sleep, and I thought doing the housework would create some peace of mind. I’m now angry with him because he reacted that way. Am I in the wrong? I’m also tired, but we knew that would be the case when we wanted 2 kids… And yes, my husband also does a lot in the house, but when he does, he’s always very proud and expects a ‘thank you’ (which I always say, but I expect the same in return, not anger).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like I tell my toddler, if he wants something he needs to use his words. Maybe time for a renegotiation around sleep. Maybe you could sleep in a separate room with the baby and handle all the night stuff – and in exchange he could get up with both kids every day and give you an extra two hours sleep after morning feed. But also see if you can’t have a friend or family member come over this weekend to watch both kids while you both take a long nap.
You both need some extra sleep. It’s hard being sleep deprived, but if you start to take it out on each other this family won’t hold together.” Music_withRocks_In
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you know it as well as I do, at this stage communication is key.
Yep, tired, grumpy parents need some time to recharge, and you two should try and plan out the “sleeping” times for you and him before you lose it. Remember, this is you and your husband against two kids. And kids have much more stamina.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You know sleep deprivation makes people angry, right? I think you need to let standards slide some more, get help, or both. He should also apologize, and maybe you two should try and figure out some counseling in there.” QuelinQT
