AITJ For Ruining Thanksgiving After 3 Years Of Being Called The Wrong Name?

Let’s face it, sometimes we just need someone we trust to tell us if we’re acting like a jerk or not. But why ask one person “Am I the Jerk?” for their opinion when you can ask hundreds, if not thousands? Here’s a hilarious story from Throwawaygivings who needs our helpful judgment (…judgmental help?).

But first, a little bit of context:

Meet Jenny (30F). She’s been with her partner (30M) for 3 years. Enough time for his mom to get Jenny’s name right. Right? WRONG. Jenny’s tried to level with her mother-in-law, tried to make peace, and tried to stand up for herself on numerous occasions. Nada. Jenny was always met with avoidance or a block or even worse – nonchalance. Frustrated, seemingly alone on this one but with a partner who rarely has her back, Jenny pulls the most passive-aggressive, maliciously compliant revenge-y move ever… and it’s AMAZING (AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You’re the jerk):

AITJ For Ruining Thanksgiving? 

“I (30F) met my BF (30M) 3 years ago. Before me, he was together with his high school sweetheart. They fell out of love and broke up. A year later we started dating. His mom, however, was still heartbroken about it. I was very understanding and thought she needed time to get to know me. The ex basically grew up with them and they saw her as a part of the family.

It’s already hard to start seeing someone, but imagine right after a high school breakup! I mean, I sort of understand why his mom is upset, I’m sure she had high hopes and wished her son would be with someone she liked, but lady, that ain’t how life works! You’re not dating the new girl, he is! Happy son, happy life! Or something like that…

For the first year of my relationship, his mom would call me the ex’s name, until BF got angry once and told her to be nice. She laughed it off and said it was just a habit. After that, she started calling me the wrong name. (Janet instead of Jenny; fictional names just for the story). I corrected her a couple of times but she seemed to like hurting me so I ignored it later.

OMG, if I was frequently misnamed by my partner’s parents I would freaking lose it! Not only misnamed but the other girl’s name – no way! Super unacceptable after 3 years. And what’s up with the malicious intent behind it? Sounds really cruel. Where the dude at to come save the day?!

My BF has two sisters and a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, we were invited to bbq at the older sister’s house. I was in the kitchen with my bf’s mom, the sisters and one of their husbands. The older sister then talked about how my BF praised my cooking to her husband and the mom was listening. She then said, out loud, “SURE! Why don’t we let Janet make the turkey this year?” The sisters giggled and looked at each other and I said, “Thats’ a great idea!” I didn’t tell my BF what happened.

I can already see the rest of the story coming together beautifully! Jenny, Janet, whoever you are (it’s 2021, you can be anyone you want to be!) you are a petty queen mastermind!

On Thanksgiving, we went to his mom’s house with the usual wine and dessert. She was shocked. Everybody was shocked. I said, “What? I thought Janet is bringing the turkey!” There was yelling, crying and then we got kicked out. My BF is so angry with me, he hasn’t talked to me since. I think it’s over, to be honest. But I still don’t think I did anything wrong! Did I? AITJ?” Throwawaygivings

Seriously, how perfectly warranted and wretched is this epic move? I’m not saying she did the morally right thing, but I’m also not saying she did the wrong thing! After you’ve collected yourself from laughing, here’s what people are saying (Spoiler alert; She’s NTJ!):

People are basically accepting Jenny as the Queen (because, um yeah well, she undoubtedly is):

…Or are flat out putting her on a pedestal and calling her a hero (because she’s totally MY HERO at least!):

Some people are calling her “not the jerk” but Jenny is so special, she also gets the title of “favorite jerk” too:

And others are just darn right proud and in awe that a human could pull such a funny and clutch move like Jenny. But for real. Jenny for president (especially with such a bee of an itch mother):

Another User Comments:
“Petty, malicious compliance and hilarious all in one sentence. I’m here for this.” HunterDangerous1366

Another User Comments:
“How did not one of his family members call to confirm the turkey was being brought??? Even if the right name was used it feels like such a joking conversation that I don’t think I would have brought a turkey anyway! 100% NTA – you should have also asked when Janet was arriving with the turkey!” Allyson1286

Another User Comments:
“NTA. Your BFs mom is clearly trying to sabotage your relationship. Your BF needs to stand up for you and put a stop to it immediately. As for the turkey, again, that’s ridiculous and they knew exactly what they were doing causing that drama.” mojo4394

Another User Comments:
“NTA. this family sounds like absolute nightmare fuel. if my future partner’s mother tried to alienate me any chance she got I would have had the same reaction. there’s only so much hatefulness a person can take. I genuinely feel so sorry for you in having to go through that, it must hurt a lot. Your guy should have had a sit-down talk with her ages ago about boundaries and being kind to you, which shouldn’t even have to happen in a relationship. i’m glad you stuck up for yourself and made her feel like an idiot because she is one. Your guy should have stuck up for you anyhow considering it’s out of your hands to be respected.” puppiebite

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but there is no “Janet” in the family. They delegated the turkey to a fictional name that they made up to get under your skin. Turnabout is fair play. Had they respected you and called you by your given name I’m certain that they would have gotten their turkey.

They’re just mad because their pettiness came back to bite them on the ass. You said that you didn’t tell your bf what happened. Is he aware of the fact that his mother can’t get your name right? You’ve been together two years, and his mother *still* can’t get your name right? He allows this?

If so, then it may be time to rethink this relationship. You won’t get any respect from his family if he tolerates their disrespect, and, In turn, disrespects you because he refuses to confront the issue with his mom.” Pennsatucky2017

Even OP admits that it was really awkward and messy, and there was only one person who found it funny (even though we all found it funny….):

But wait, there’s more! Here’s an update from Jenny:

“Thank you for the NTJ.

Thanksgiving is usually held at MIL’s or the oldest daughter’s (F32) because they have the biggest dining rooms. It’s usually the same people bringing the same dishes and it has been like this for years. MIL is in charge of the turkey, my BF the dessert etc. I don’t know if they call each other to check up. I have been to one before with BF and we brought dessert.

MIL and I have no direct contact (If you see my text conversation with her it looks like I’m that creep who slides into your dms every now and then with a Hi except I send congratulations on bdays or Christmas/Easter greetings etc). She never talked to or about me, not even with bf, and even if I was in the same room as her she would talk about me in the third person.

To me, this is totally unacceptable. What kind of mother would treat her son’s partner like that? It sounds like very cruel and unusual punishment to me. And where’s the guy at? PAGING SPINLESS PARNTER! PAGING SPINELESS PARTNER!

At the bbq, her main issue was that SIL and her husband were discussing my cooking in a positive way saying that they wanted me to invite them to dinner sometime. MIL got triggered and that started what went down, so even if it sounded weird for many here, it wasn’t really if you know her.

At thanksgiving, only the ones knowing about “Janet” understood what was going on, the SIL’s, FIL etc, the rest were just confused and horrified. My partner was very confused and angry with his mom for wanting to kick me out and told her he was leaving too. I live a 5-minutes drive from MIL. that was all the time I had to explain. He got really angry,  so he dropped me off and drove away. I have no idea what he did afterward nor how the rest of his family celebrated. I ordered in and watched Wheel of Time. I texted him apologizing, both that same night and the next day and tried calling over the weekend without success.

Getting kicked out on Christmas after being called the wrong name for 3 years and expected to bring a turkey… this sounds like something out of a sitcom. Don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here eating popcorn out of a bag while this all goes down…

Yesterday I was at a party that both BF and I planned to go to. He showed up and he hugged and kissed me and we spent the evening together. He asked me if we could go to my place afterward to talk and I agreed. He told me that he wasn’t mad about what I did but about the fact that I didn’t tell him and that he looked like an idiot because of it. I apologized again. I told him that I don’t think that I could/wanted to make amends with MIL, ever, and that I was not sure if that’s what I want for my future. She’s a great grandmother to SILS’ children but will she be the same with ours when she obviously does not and will not like me?

Awwww man, this whole family seems a little stunned. Poor Jenny, I think you dodged a bullet!

I also told him that I can’t be with someone who would ghost me for 2-3 weeks when he’s angry with me. So we broke up. I am sad because I love him very very much but this is probably for the best in the long run. Many will say MIL won, but I was never in a competition with her. She can think she won because I don’t care and at least now she will start using my name when addressing bf’s next girl.” Throwawaygivings

Ghosted for 2-3 weeks? Another red flag! Still paging Mr. Spineless over here. I don’t think he’s ready for a real relationship. Maybe that’s why his high school crush worked out for as long as it did?

People are seriously showing her some love and giving relationship advice and kudos, though. Jenny you are not alone! WE LOVE YOU (and we’re still paging Mr. Spinless, wondering where the heck he is in all of this!):

Another User Comments:
“Thanks for the update! I know it’s hard, but here’s another who thinks you did the right thing. He buggers off and leaves you on the night and then doesn’t talk to you for two-plus weeks before waltzing back into your life with hugs and kisses like nothing happened. The audacity! At least now you don’t have to deal with his crappy mother, or him by the sounds of it. Good call on take out and Wheel of Time btw! Great stuff! I bet you had a much better time than them!” Iraelyth

Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry about your break up but it was for the best, he can’t just ghost you for 2-3 weeks because he’s angry like you said and then expect you to be okay like nothing happened. Honestly, I would do the same if my bf did that to me. If someone needs to change attitude here it’s his mother and himself. His mother acts like a literal child calling you the wrong name and him too ghosting you for what, two weeks since thanksgiving? He either needs to stand up to his mother and put her in her place or else she’s going to treat every woman he gets into a relationship with like she treated you and those future ladies don’t deserve that just like you didn’t. Until he matures and has a serious talk with his mother you shouldn’t take him back if he comes begging you to go back to him, unless he proves that he’s not willing to let her come between your relationship. For now, stay strong, I know it’s tough right now but maybe you’ll meet someone better in the future.” Ok_Pomegranate2764

…while also continuing to cheer her on and be on her side:

… and telling her that she basically dodged a bullet in the long run (totally what I said):

… and that sometimes TV shows are better than weird families and cowardly partners anyways:

As a final update, come Christmas time, Jenny shares this, with the caption:

“Made turkey for my Orphan’s Christmas party😅😇. I wish you all had a great holidays with your loved ones”

And people are still very much on team Jenny/Janet. Not only because she’s a wickedly clever human and a hot-blooded woman, but wow – look at that spread. That is one Thanksgiving meal that needs to be experienced.

Conclusion:
I can’t imagine being called the wrong name by my partner’s family FOR THREE YEARS! Poor girl had to deal with that garbage all alone because it seemed like no one gave a darn tootin’ about the way she felt. Even her man! He sounds kinda feeble and timid anyway. I think it’s so much better that they are apart, considering he couldn’t stand up to his family and his mom was just a consciously toxic person. Did all of Thanksgiving have to be ruined, no, but did it get the point across? Yes. Did it save Jenny from potentially marrying into a self-centered and inconsiderate family? Yes. Will Jenny go on and meet someone better and worthy of her love and attention and DANG GOOD LOOKING TURKEY, SWEET POTATOES AND SALAD? Holy canneloni yes! Clearly, Jenny is one heck of a chef!

Sometimes it’s obvious, other times it’s not! You be the judge. Sign up at www.metaspoon.com to upvote, downvote and cast your AITJ vote! Let us know what you think.
(Just a heads up – content and stories have been modified to be appropriate for our audience, and well, not offend anyone using crass language. We’re trying to keep it classy, people! How we doing so far?)