People Can't Succeed In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I (29F) and my Fiancé (31M) have known each other for 10 years, been together for 2, and recently got engaged. We both decided that we don't want to wait long, as we are both eager to buy a home and begin married life, so we picked a date 3 months from now that worked best for us. The date had to be very strategic, as I work in healthcare where vacation time is very limited, with most vacations requiring application months in advance. So we picked the only week that was available (when I didn't have my period – what a way to spend the honeymoon!). We found a venue that we loved that had a date available on such short notice. We put down a deposit and sent out invitations. Shortly after, my fiancé's best friend (35F) called upset, saying she and her husband will be away on vacation until the day after the wedding. She wants us to change the date so that they can attend. So here's WIBTJ. I absolutely do not want to change the date of my wedding. The date, venue, and location are all perfect and fit wonderfully into the only vacation week available to me. Instead, I suggested they end their trip a day early so they would be able to attend. I feel as though changing flight plans (they are vacationing domestically) would be easier and less expensive than losing a deposit and having to re-plan. She refuses and is claiming that I chose the date of the wedding specifically so that they could not attend, since she and I had a bit of bad blood at the start of my relationship with my fiancé. To clarify, this is 1,000% not the case. Of course I would want her to be there, as she is a very important person to my future husband. Her friends are now saying AITJ, whereas my friends say it is an unfortunate circumstance, but that it would be easier for her to change the flight than it would be for us to change the date. My Fiancé agrees and wants to keep the date. To clarify a bit about their friendship, they have been friends from a young age and have a big sister/little brother relationship. She has been happily married for 10+ years, and I have never suspected any type of romantic inklings between her and my fiancé in the decade that I've known them. When we first started being together, I did ask that they not spend time alone and I always thought it was weird, but since we weren't officially a couple, it wasn't really my problem. When we began being together, I brought it up and my fiancé agreed, since he enjoyed hanging out in group settings and wanted to respect my boundaries. She did not like it one bit and called me controlling and insecure. Call me conservative or whatever, but I don't see how it made any sense when I could just join them. It got a little nasty for a bit, but we have since worked it out and she and I are back on good terms, though I can't say whether or not that popped up in the back of my head when she started accusing me of planning this date on purpose. So AITJ?" Another User Comments: "NTJ. She's allowed to think what she may think about your motivations, but you and everyone else with a rational brain will know that that's not the case. You will also be correct in your rationale that rescheduling a return trip one day earlier is significantly less burdensome than rescheduling a wedding. Pay them no mind and continue planning for your exciting day!" pickledpinkk Another User Comments: "3 months' notice is not enough for a wedding. Especially when you plan it during the time when people start going on holidays. If you _actually_ wanted certain people to be able to attend, you would have either checked with them beforehand or picked a date further in the future. At best, you were careless about making sure people can attend and at worst, you deliberately did things this way hoping she wouldn't attend. Your wording seems to suggest that you knew about their vacation before planning the wedding. And that makes YTJ. Also: telling people that they cannot hang out one on one with their best friend is not a 'boundary,' it's you being controlling." Snow2D Another User Comments: "I was about to vote NTJ because her accusation of you being jealous of her and deliberately trying to exclude her from your fiancé's life seemed pretty over the top… until you made the clarification about how that's your exact pattern of behavior towards her. YTJ for being exactly as conservative and controlling as she says you are. He's happily marrying you, she's happily married, they've been friends since childhood and have what you admit is a sibling dynamic… but you refuse to let them spend any time together without a chaperone? Get over your insecurity, possessiveness, and Victorian-era mindset about gender and relationships. If you didn't want her to view your actions of 'coincidentally' picking a wedding date to exclude her (if it was actually a coincidence) and expecting her to again bend over backwards to accommodate you, rather than the other way around, you need to have earned that trust. You've been suspicious of her motives for years; turnabout is fair play." Brown_Sedai