People Ask That We Step In Their Shoes With Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

"I (24M) play the saxophone to a very high level, not quite professionally but I've been in orchestras/ensembles since I was 14. When my sister got married 4 years ago she asked if I could perform a few songs at her wedding, and of course I said yes and refused to take any money from her and still got her and her husband a nice gift. I spent a significant amount of time and effort perfecting and memorizing her list of songs (which I had absolutely no issue with).

Because of how well it was received at my sister's wedding I have had family and friends ask if I could do it for them as well, I always said I would but it would be my gift to them and they wouldn't be receiving anything else from me.

I have had split reactions from informing the couples about that caveat. Some understand and take it well and others have claimed that I am cheap/selfish and that I should just do them the favour. I try to explain that it takes a substantial amount of time to learn, perfect, and memorize 5-10 new songs and that my time isn't free.

Some have even gone on to say because I played for my sister and got her a gift that they should get the same treatment.

At some point, I usually say something along the lines of "Here are your options: I perform for free but that's your gift OR if you want a gift and a performance it'll cost $100 a song."

AITJ for doing that?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. They want to devalue your time and talent, and they also want to turn you from a guest into a performer, and I'm glad you're standing up to them. Anyone who tells you that you should give them the same deal you gave your sister is delusional. I bet even $100 per song wouldn't adequately compensate you for the hours you put into each song." TemptingPenguin369

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. No, you're not the jerk for setting clear boundaries and expectations about your performance at weddings. It's understandable that you want to offer your talent as a gift, but also recognize the time and effort it takes to prepare for each event.

It's fair to inform couples upfront about your conditions, especially considering the effort you put into learning and perfecting songs. Offering the option for them to pay for additional songs is a reasonable compromise. Ultimately, it's your decision to make, and couples should respect your terms or seek alternative arrangements if they're not comfortable with them." nicoleddavis

Another User Comments:

"You are absolutely NTJ. I am a professional musician (harpist). I’ve made that same arrangement for friends in the past and for the same reasons. It sounds like your so-called “friends” do not understand the amount of time and effort it takes to perform at weddings.

Your time is not free. Your instrument was not free. What it took for you to learn your instrument - hours of practice, music lessons, etc. - was not free. I hate it when someone thinks musicians enjoy playing for free. No professional musician does that unless for very special reasons and your friends don’t deserve your talents if they’re that greedy." harpie84