People Stay True To Themselves In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I (F18) have a sister (21). Four years ago, she started to have issues with her thyroid. I don't know the details, but I know that she often passed out in school as a result of her medical condition. She developed a deep depression, and even when her condition got better after surgery, her depression remained. Even when she got a therapist. She graduated in 2023 and has been at home ever since. She doesn't work and doesn't seek further education. She just sits in her bed all day. She also refuses to do any chores, except for feeding some of our pets. I graduated in July 2024. I am also still at home, but I work a part-time job and I am studying to get my driver's license. I plan on going to university in late spring. But even with my job, I spend more time at home than I used to. That's why I took over most of the chores. My father works full-time and doesn't come home before 7 pm. My mother used to work full-time but now reduced her hours to help out with my sister. I also have to take care of her. I have to get her to wake up (that sometimes takes 2-3 hours). I have to make sure that she eats properly, I try to motivate her to do at least some chores, and I have to check on her frequently. She also tries to get my attention for hours by stealing my things and running off, by jumping on my bed and refusing to leave, by smearing my door with soap and toothpaste, by waking up my hamster, etc. I normally react to all that calmly because I know how she really feels. But I started to get more angry with time because it's just incredibly childish, and I don't know how to stop her. She also doesn't leave the house alone. When she wants to go shopping, I have to go with her, and she constantly begs me to do things with her. Most of the time I give in. Her depression is very predictable. After a few weeks, everything goes great and then, after some time (mostly before doctors' appointments/meetings with her therapist), she has a breakdown. She was sent to two clinics for that, and when it happened again a week ago, she was sent to a third. Monday she got in, and Tuesday she was in tears, already demanding to leave. Not a week later, they are legally not allowed to keep her any longer. This has happened before. She shows everyone how bad she has it, and then everyone moves earth and sun for her to get proper help, and there she refuses to get any help and just demands to leave as soon as possible. My mom and I have to pick her up today from the last clinic. She called me earlier, telling me the news. And I told her that I don't support her decision and that her behavior is unfair to anyone who worries about her and tries to help her. She tells me that this time it won't be like the other times, but she promised that multiple times already, and the next time she won't get into a better clinic. We got into an argument, and a few minutes in, I got really angry and told her that I don't want to babysit her anymore. Now she's calling me a jerk. So AITJ?" Another User Comments: "NTJ…if your sister has the energy and determination to do the things to you that you described, she is using her condition, not managing it. If all those enabling her continue to do so, she will never be more or do more than what she does now. 2-3 hours to wake her up? Stop. She does not work. She does nothing. Why should you even bother to try and wake her up? Stop doing things for her/with her. If she wants to go shopping, she can beg until the moon comes up. Find ways to tune her out, leave the house, and put headphones on. Get a lock for your door. The smearing of things in your space? Oh no. There would be heck to pay. I know you probably cannot move out yet, so you have to set your boundaries and stick to them." Worth-Season3645 Another User Comments: "NTJ honestly, you should stop babysitting her. You should not be responsible for her at all. Before you go off to university, I would recommend trying to get more working hours. Like, if she has enough energy/will to be an annoyance—playing keep away, smearing toothpaste on doors, messing with your hamster, etc.—and only getting worse before professionals have a look at her … sounds a lot less like she has an issue and more that she had an issue, did get depressed, but liked being catered to and is now self-sabotaging/enfeebling herself. It can be easy to get into that rut and stay there rather than pull yourself out. Your parents can support her as much as they like, though they shouldn't, but you should pull away now. This is the opportunity to do so. Frankly, you need to plan long term to not be put into a position by her or by your parents to become her caretaker. This means you should figure out your finances—work as much as you can, when you can." similar_name4489 Another User Comments: "Sorry to hear that. Thyroid malfunction can become a nest for mental illnesses. When she's ill, she needs to increase hormonal intake to not crash. That being said, one in every 8 women have thyroid issues and don't act like jerks. My mom had her thyroid completely removed, and she was fine for over 15 years (with a highly stressful and demanding job). This year, she burned out due to taking care of grandma and then being sick. Thyroid hormones were low, she fell into a depression that progressed into psychosis and wouldn't talk to anyone. She blamed herself for everything, and things got so bad she was hospitalized for a few months. They got her on the right medications and therapy, and slowly she started feeling like herself again. Now she's back working and living, and I couldn't be more proud of her. In all that time, she never acted mean or spoiled towards anyone. So maybe your sister is just frustrated because she has to be "locked" at home or needs to have a babysitter. The toothpaste is a clear scream for attention. Or maybe bipolar is there. But set your boundaries." smoki_d_luffy